100% Eat - Quiznos Cubano Sandwich

Episode Date: August 18, 2020

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Quiznos Cubano Sandwich so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about those weird little Quiznos monsters, an okay episode, and more. Sponsored by DoorDash. Get $5 off your first order and zero delivery fees for a month when you download the DoorDash app in the App Store and enter code Facejam. Also sponsored by HelloFresh. Go to http://hellofresh.com/facejam80 and use code facejam80 to get a total of $80 off, including free shipping on your first box! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it because you probably doggone do. Thanks to HelloFresh and DoorDash, two sponsors for making this show possible. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my faithful, trusty co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? I'm always here. You can always count on me. Dude, you know what? You've been here every episode. Every single one? Physically, yes.

Yeah. Sometimes checked out mentally. That's okay. Yeah. That's not in the contract. I show up and I do the work. Exactly. Mental acuity is not a requirement.

The time is allotted and I'm here for it. And that's what the contract says. The time's allotted and we bust right over that. We sure do especially when we go to taco bell we make a nice tight 30 to 40 minute podcast and then we celebrate how efficient it is and then we just go let's make it two minutes longer every episode and then oh it's an hour and 10 minutes this is it's a good demonstration of how your 401k works. Oh, yeah.

Just little by little, bit by bit. Just get those little compounding interest. Bit by bit. Those dividends. But like a 401k, when is this show going to crash? And then we go back to 25 minutes. Well, let's see. Uh-oh. Yeah.

Go back down. Oh, that's funny. We're in a recession right now. So slowly we'll just be shaving off two or three seconds every episode. And then six episodes from now we'll be like, yeah, we're in a recession. That's how those work. Yeah, you got me. I got depressed there just listening to you say it.

Sorry. Today we're reviewing Quizno's Cubano Sandwich. Oh, you got me depressed now. Or Cubano, however you want to pronounce it. I feel like the second one's wrong. Hey, let me get that Cubano. That's probably how they set it up in Round Rock, right? They didn't say anything. They looked at me and they threw my bag at me and I left because I ordered that online.

I took a trip. Took a trip into the country. If you're not from Austin, you don't know what we're talking about. It's just the name of the city. A city named for a round rock that they found. It's bullshit. It's bullshit. I have to I've been quiet

this whole thing and I have to say they named the city Round Rock and look up the rock that they named the fucking city after it's not fucking round whoa it's not it's actually flat they should have called it flat rock do you think the guy who named it had fucked up eyes i think i have a theory that uh i have a theory that the people that founded the town of round rock were fucking idiots to begin with. Well, what should we name this place? I'll get a load of this rock.

Whoa. Round. All right. That's it. Never seen a rock like this before. That's it. It's an Elven origin story. What a stupid ass city.

My options were Round Rock or Austin. And they were both about the same drive for me. But I thought Round Rock is going to be in the middle of fucking nowhere. And it's probably going to be in a shopping center. And Austin is going to be in the city and it's going to be hell. So I'm going to go to Round Rock. And that's exactly what it was. It was like a big old megalo parking lot

it was just like you know we don't want to build a mall but we'll get like six strip malls going we don't want to invest in one building not comfortable with that but we'll put a line here we'll put a line there and then right in the middle where the building would be just parking lots that way people can come and they can park and they can do their podcasts

here pretty sure that's what they said when they made it. It's 1998 and we don't know what a podcast is, but I think it's going to matter. It's perpetually 1998 in the city of Round Rock. Might as well be. They're pioneers. And that's the episode. I think it speaks to Quiznos' current state that when you try to put into Google Maps where the nearest Quiznos is to you, you get a lot of locations that pop up, but they're all permanently closed. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. There were so many options that were closer than the one I had to go to, but they were all shut down. And it's not, just so you know, it's not like a COVID recent thing. No, it's not like temporary road closed. It's like a 10-year coming kind of like, well, we're not looking that far down the road. It's like you ever go running and you don't look ahead of you. You're just looking at your feet and you're just going, well, this road's got to be endless. So I think that was kind of the Quiznos method. That's how Sonic runs. looking like at your feet and you're just going, well, this road's got to be endless. So that's pretty much,

I think that was kind of the Quiznos method. That's how Sonic runs. That's it. Got a restaurant or the hedgehog. He didn't say burger. I didn't say burger. Okay. Interesting.

The way Sonic burger runs is very interesting. How you can say burger and everyone will know what you're talking about. With their four ways to order. Yeah. Yeah. Nope. Ever since that day, people hit me up with the fourth way. I just, I know that there's other ways. We didn't have that option.

We couldn't go inside. We definitely couldn't. There's a difference between not having the option and not taking the option. But that's not, we didn't, there were no options. There was nothing to do inside. You would go inside and get kicked out. They would go, you don't fucking work here. And they would kick you out. You don't know that.

But there was no word of order. Could have walked in. And they were like, they were like, thank you. How many months ago? How many months ago was this? I think that was March. I think this is the last episode we did before. No. I think so. No, I think this is the last episode we did before the pandemic.

It had to be older than that. No, you're crazy man. Crazy man. Crazy man's silly sauce. Talk about a crazy man. So, Nick, you want to explain why you brought your mask into the Quiznos? You can see

this picture at FaceJamPod on Twitter twitter you have to see this picture that jordan sent us it's the funniest fucking thing how why how insane well what is he gonna do go back to his car to take a picture why would you what i don't what are you talking about you leave it in your car and you go get the food and then you come back to your car you put the fucking mask on you take a picture you walk in like don't worry about it i'm just i'm gonna take a picture with it so i was ordering and uh what i was about to pay nick shows up he comes up behind me and scares the shit out of me because the stranger is talking to me in a public space um but then i realized it's him and uh i seen his hand he has that's all i knew it was him he's wearing a mask and a hat and i was like i don't

know who this guy is but then i see the monkey helmet uh in his hand i go oh a friend um so he's like oh hey what's up i like that you brought the monkey mask in with you and he goes yeah i needed to take a picture it made sense to me so after he got his food we took a picture outside the quiznos together it's such a good picture it's such a good picture how far was your car from the quiznos a block yeah he he crossed the street when he right when he right in the cityithole city. That's why I didn't go there. You got to find the good parking. Parking is hell in Austin. It's hell, and I hate it.

I don't want to go anywhere now just because of parking. That's how I can tell how old I am. Oh, I mean, back when people went places, and you went and talked to people and were around people, they'd be like, want to go to this place? And I'd go, eh, no parking. That's a pass on me. Oh, you want to go down to 6th Street?

Where am I going to park, though? though well that's parking and no yeah hey do you want to uh come downtown with us and get in a fight yeah all right why not i'll watch hey they got two dollar drinks okay yep i'm good yep i'll pay full price i'll go to anywhere I'm going to go to anywhere else. I'm going to go to Walmart. I got free drinks at home. And pay full price for my ciders that I'm going to bring home and I'm going to sip and go, ooh, and then I'm going to drink one and get a little tipsy and fall asleep at 10 p.m. Fall asleep in your own home and go, glad I don't have to drive now. They gave you a discount because of how inconvenient it all is. So he didn't wear the mask inside. He inconvenient it all is. So he wore,

so he didn't wear the mask inside. He brought it. No, he was carrying it around like a weirdo, but no one seemed to question it. So here's my thing with all of that. He brought the mask in. Great.

Okay. That's fine. He drove to Quiznos and he had the mask. He took it with him. Great. That's, you know what? He did that.

He was going to get a picture. That's cool. The hero. I know that before that he was up North. He took it with him. Great. That's, you know what? He did that. He was going to get a picture. That's cool. The hero. I know that before that, he was up north with his wife and made her drive around. And he had the mask in the car knowing full well what was going to be happening. And his wife was going to take the picture while he wore the monkey mask. And I just wonder, did she think she think what is this what's going on this is my husband the conversation of like okay we're gonna go up and uh we're gonna go do some

stuff i gotta bring my mask yeah that way that way we can just get a picture with me in it in front of the quiznos on the way back. It'll be great. Huh? Did she at any point ask you if you were a bank robber? She's like, hang on. Is this where you work? Is this where the money comes from? The monkey bandit strikes again.

That's you? Wow. It just robs all their sauce. There are great pictures at Face Jam Pod on Twitter. You can see Jordan and Nick It's you. Wow. It just robs all their sauce. Oh, man. So there are great pictures at Face Jam Pod on Twitter. You can see Jordan and Nick in a monkey mask outside of a Quiznos that does not look like it should be a Quiznos. That Quiznos does not look like it should exist. It's weird.

And soon it probably won't. No. No, I can't imagine that it will. Frankly, I'm surprised it's the only one still standing. Mm-hmm. Then we all have to go to Round rock uh nick sent us a message she said jordan looked like he was going to rob the place and i was going to murder everyone in there wow that's way more intense than what i said i i like your wife a lot

i think she's cool as shit the crazy part was she was like i'll drive she didn't wait for the answer she's she's assessing the situation going someone's gonna have to drive and i guess it's gotta be me oh fuck oh my god oh what an insane thing to do at a Quiznos. It's no more insane than eating there. Yeah, really? So, past history with Quiznos. Thin. Very thin.

I can't remember the last time I went to a Quiznos sub. I know their commercials go, mm-mm-mm-mm-mm, toasty. That's it. Do they? When was the last time you saw a Quiznos commercial? That came back to me. When was that parking lot built in Round Rock? That then.

Jordan, what are you doing with your hair? You won't stop. I'm playing with it. He's just like playing with one little strand. And I was waiting for him to finish. It's so distracting. I'm thinking. He just keeps going. Let me go.

No, I just thought you were going somewhere with it. And then you didn't. I thought you were straightening part out or something and you just kept this part is like it's just so long i can't stop touching my hair i feel i have that too i have i have one long piece in the back that i touched stop touching your head when my camera's off i didn't it just threw me off it threw me off that's all sorry go ahead back Nick's over here like, hair, huh? We're all showing each other our cool hair. You guys can't see it. Sorry.

That won't be on Face Jam Pod. Welcome back. I mean, Michael, you grew up around... Jesus Christ. Yeah. You grew up around, like, good sandwiches, so I imagine it's like a Subway thing where it's kind of like...

Yeah. You just didn't get this, right? It's like a Subway thing, but even, like, yeah, you just didn't get this. It's like a subway thing. But even like worse, because I mean, I remember I don't know when Quiznos came out, but it was it was I'm pretty sure invented in John Quiz childhood. It's not like an old chain. Right. I think we'll find out more about that in the fact. Oh, if it's an older chain, I'd never heard of it.

And it was one of those deals of we got a Quiz nose in our neighborhood and it was the first time i'd ever heard of it what's old for you like 1998 is that like if i'm if i'm growing up in the 90s i mean like i did i'd never heard of it before so old is like before before my time like every restaurant i'd ever go to existed before i was born you know all the chain restaurants anyway i can't think of like a new chain restaurant um at least growing up i don't even start on that but anyway i've been eating a tony hawk burrito there's a new sandwich place and but they make them hot they make them toasty which again kind of like a national chain if you're looking at subway is i mean you could do it i don't know if that i don't know the order there i don't know if they lit a fire under subway

and then someone went oh my god we gotta buy a microwave too and then they got one but again being from jersey most sandwich places you either go to a deli which it's probably going to be a cold sandwich or it's like a pizza place makes sandwiches and they're all they have a fucking giant oven so the whole thing of like a toasty sandwich was not a new concept at all it was just fast food new so I had it

a couple times and it was kind of like this is okay and then there was no reason to go there but there was like two locations near me so you would really be like you know i would get subway we talked about that it wasn't good but if you're like it's close whatever i'm here now and they were all over but quiznos was always i i'm with jordan i way more know of quiznos just from the commercials yeah i think quiznos had the thing of toasting the subs and

that was their thing and then so and you're right what happened is that subway went what's their thing they just make them hot okay we'll do that and then quiznos went oh shit yeah they don't but we are oh no they don't even give you the option to make it cold so it's like if you want a cold sandwich just don't go to quiznos yeah it there there were at one point there were quite a few Quiznos and now there are not. Now there are a lot of closed ones on Google Maps. Yeah.

It is a very odd thing to look at now that, you know, again, the whole thing is hot sandwich and they're like, we don't even ask you and anywhere else is goes,

I don't know, you pick. But that's, but Quiznos is going, yeah, that's our thing. And then you say, why? What if I don't want it hot but that's but Quiznos is going yeah that's our thing and then you say why what if I don't want it hot

fuck off at one point there were I think over 5,000 Quiznos locations there are less than 800 now I wonder what would have happened if they put it all together in front of you and then they immediately just

put it in the toasty thing and it comes out the other end and then you pay like what if when the when the person is going to do that you're like no no no i don't i want it i want it cold like would they like i think they would have kicked you out and made you go to subway yeah i don't know like call their manager over do that here there's no protocol for this get the fuck out of here they probably were like i'm gonna toast it and you can just put it in your fridge at home yeah that's right yeah i think i think we all have similar experience in the past with quiznos it's just a thing that was there that nobody ever went to because there were way more subways and who who's going i love quiznos i gotta go to go to Quiznos. Up until like yesterday, I was thinking,

yeah, Quiznos. I've had Quiznos. And then I remembered, no, I'm confusing it with Schlotzkies. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. So I don't remember when

the last time I had Quiznos was. Neither does Michael. Michael really thought about it. That long silence that Nick is keeping in. No, the long silence. It was me thinking about, I was thinking about Quiznos. Jordan was pulling his hair. Nick's animal in? No, the long silence. It was me thinking about, I was thinking about Quiznos. Jordan was pulling his hair.

Nick's animal was running around in the background. Animal child, whatever it is. I don't know what it is. I just said something moved behind him. Really likes that corner of the wall. Is he in timeout? I wanted to just point out before we get into it yeah that you eric yeah uh provided us with a suggested tip yes for the sandwich which was what uh the suggested tip is to uh have the sandwich with

is a pro tip try this sandwich with a side of our signature honey mustard sauce for incredible flavor so the pro tip was from them. Yes, it was. Okay, I thought you just heard it from somebody. No. And I was wondering who. No. Who the fuck?

Who the fuck? The Quiznos insider. Who the fuck would have that kind of authority where I'd be like, guys, I heard it from this guy. Here's the thing. That's the first thought. My second thought is, who the fuck eric telling what we're gonna go eat this is this is sacred i don't tell nobody true you can't be like what are you eating and i laugh at her yeah and i go go back to watching your kids my wife asked me on the as i like leave the

leave the house is like okay i'm gonna go get face jam food and she's like what are you eating and i'll just give her a fake restaurant. Oh, that's good. That's smart. Yeah. Do you have any examples of fake restaurants that you've given her, Jordan? Chicken Shack.

Whoa. McFishens. I feel like she might be on to you immediately. You're going where? McFishens! Yeah. Well, I'm already way out the door, so there's no time to think.

Your car's already driving you there. Does she ever think like, I could go for some McFish. She's thinking she's going online and looking up vegan options at McFish. And for some reason, it's returning four results. None of them for McFish. So how many of you took the pro tip and got the honey mustard? Not me. Zero.

Not even Nick. Not even Nick. Nope. Isn't that crazy? how many of you took the pro tip and got the honey mustard not me zero not even nick not even nick nope isn't that crazy he kind of he yelled in pain i forgot he was withering away he was turning to dust as he said it he had the mask and everything because let me tell you i got extra i got i got extra honey mustard they gave me a lot give me a lot of honey mustard whoa you're just holding up something that's coated in honey mustard you can take a picture i could definitely take a picture you know how sometimes michael does silly things uh-huh sometimes i tell eric sometimes i don't i don't know how i don't know how to do the reveal because it's just not really there's no way for it to come up naturally so i'll do we'll just have to post a picture on Face Jam Pod.

I got honey mustard, but I got this. What the fuck? What the? No! Oh my god. It all worked out. I got, oh man, I got such a picture of it pouring out. So, so.

Did you, did you raid like the stock stock kitchen so here's what happened here's what happened right so i was like i gotta get this honey mustard but i but i hang on but i ordered online i just use the tools that are that are there for me okay i ordered online and there was nowhere that i could just put like side of honey mustard i couldn't add it anywhere they had a description box and i was like, I'm not going to write it like an animal. Then I thought I could just ask when I get there. It's already prepaid. They got my sandwiches.

I want to walk in. I want to walk out. It could be 50 cents more that you need. It could be 50 cents more. I found, I just typed honey mustard in the search box. First result was some honey mustard chicken sandwich or something under that was honey mustard $7.99 what and i thought and i thought hang on hang on and i

thought whoa they're just gonna give me a whole bottle of honey mustard that's crazy that's so funny i'll do that my first thought was like premium honey must I'm gonna buy a bottle of well it said 24 ounces so I knew what it was there you go and I thought this is really funny my bit will be I bought a bottle of honey mustard and then I'll say you know Eric gave me the pro tip I got there and it's a fucking bag it's like their stock bag that they would like. It's like an industrial bag. It's like a giant. It looks like a snake full of honey mustard. I got it and went, oh, this is great.

I love this. This is even better than a bottle. This is so much better than a bottle. Nick's applauding you. I think not so much because of the hilariousness of the bag, but more so because you just got a lot of sauce, bro. Not only that, I can't save it because it's in a bag. I'm going to have to throw it away.

There's no way to reseal it. Put it in some Tupperware. No, so I'm just, hang on, I'm just going to town. Look at my sandwich. It's fucking slathered in it. Hang on, Eric, take a picture of this sandwich. Okay. Oh, my sandwich. It's fucking slathered in it. Take a picture of this sandwich, okay? Oh my god, frankly the most surprising thing pro tip Stomach hurts now. It's burning my lips

My stomach hurts now. Now it's hitting me. It's burning my lips. It's burning my lips up. I'm getting all burnt up. Oh my God. Oh, fuck. This is not how I thought the Quiznos episode was going to go. Did I do good?

Yeah, you did great, bud. You got enough honey mustard for all of us. I really do. I really do. Oh my God. I really do. I really do. Oh, my God. Holy fucking shit. If you don't look at the picture, which you should go to Face Jam Potter, look at the picture. But if you don't, the bag was almost as long as the footlong sandwich.

Why is it so long? Fuck if I know. It's not like a sack. I guess somebody figured out that was the best way to ship bags of condiments. I have no idea. I couldn't possibly tell you. Just long bags. I couldn't possibly tell you, but I loved it. It reminds me of like, you know how Canadians have bagged milk? Yeah.

It looks like that. It just doesn't look right. Yep. Looks fucked up. The sauce. You are. You're a little messy baby. A little sauce grumlin. I remember when I showed you my belly before we started. You're a little messy baby. A little sauce grumlin. Goo goo. Remember when I showed you my belly before we started? I didn't know it was going to be a belly full of honey mustard.

Yeah, that's why it was so big. It was already full. You didn't even know. I was testing you. I'm just always amazed that you can do this dumb shit through the app or like why is it an option you ordered eight dollars of honey mustard came in a like a sack oh it's like they punished me for it they punished me they're like you can't use this i literally thought this is a funny bit and then i'll put it in my refrigerator and then i looked at it went no i won't nope i gotta imagine it's like a coding error or something that like somebody left up

there by mistake and then they get the order and they're like why is eight right where I would give them a sack of it could you imagine could you imagine working at the Quiznos and just going like, yeah, he ordered the Cuban sandwich footlong and 24 ounces of honey. Yup. Sir, that's all of our honey mustard for the day. No, it's all of my honey mustard now. Dude, you know what you do? You go outside and set up a little stand and be like, honey mustard, $2. If Nick came home with this bag and that mask, his wife would be like, honey mustard, two dollars. If Nick came home with this bag

and that mask, his wife would be like, you didn't. Where did you steal that? We're bringing this back right now. I used three napkins and I'm still covered

in honey mustard. Do you want to go wash your hands real quick? Yes, please. Go wash your hands. Okay. Go wash your hands. Welcome back. Everyone's hands are clean.

I'm clean and shiny. Oh, boy. Let's get into the facts. Yeah, we're about halfway through this episode. Let's get into the facts. You think we're halfway through. Don't forget, we started about eight minutes. Right, don't forget we have two ads that we have to do. That's fine, dude.

We're filled. Don't even get started on the ads. We're rich with ads. This is a fucking ad-happy episode. Hey, listen to this Quizno fact. The first Quiznos was open in Denver, colorado i just want to get your attention hey listen listen up the first quiz notes was opened in denver colorado in 1981 by two professional chefs who were already successful restaurant owners this flagship location is still

in operation to this day wow so it is a restaurant that's a little before your time. To this today, which doesn't make sense. Fuck. Now that was the joke part. That was the funny joke. That's the waka waka. I think I originally wrote, you could still go to it today,

and then changed my left brain, right brain. Proofread. Yeah. I like a computer. I fixed it as I read it. Proofread, I want you guys to know I woke up at six this morning and I went,

ah, fuck. I gotta do this fact sheet. Two weeks already? I'm not joking. I've been up since like six this morning. I believe you. He was asleep for two weeks. I've been up since six this morning

and I went, I gotta do the fact sheet shit. Quiznos has faced more lawsuits than most fast food chains, including a 2010 class action lawsuit by their own franchisees alleging that Quiznos was forcing them to buy supplies at inflated rates. Oh, man. The franchisees won $206 million,

but not before one franchise owner committed suicide in a Quiznos bathroom. That's a Quiz-o-nose. Jesus Christ. I was reading it going, is the suicide the joke that Eric made? Nope, it's not. That's the fact. That's the fact.

There's the joke. That's the fact. Sometimes, you know how you start, sometimes you'll start at like the punchline and work your way backwards to the setup. He had Quiznos and was like, how do I set this up?

Now here's the thing. The setup's real. They really won $206 million but a franchise owner really committed suicide in a Quiznos bathroom that he owned. That is real. Was this related? I don't know. Was he one of the franchisees? Yeah, he was a franchisee.

He owned a franchise of goodness. So was this every franchisee or like specific? It's class action, so it would apply to those franchise owners. But they would have to say, yes, I want to be in this lawsuit. I get those, but it's usually about like a cream or something. Yeah, and you get like $2.12 or something. You get like $2.15. And then everyone gets rich and I about like a like a cream or something yeah and you get you get like 212 or something you get like two dollars and then everyone gets rich and i look like a sucker yeah rich so rich because nobody else opts in i actually got one recently that uh for um uh

what's it called zantac and i go oh yeah the cancer i was taking for years. Awesome. I didn't answer it. Oh, cool. You missed out on a cool 56 bucks. He doesn't know if he has cancer yet. He doesn't want to. Yeah. If I say yes, I get cancer. That's how it works.

That's tough. In 2012, Quizno's CEO, Stuart Mathis, said he does not like the McRib. McDonald's fired back by continuing business as usual because I can't imagine they care about what the CEO of a near bankrupt sandwich shop has to say, especially after he made that guy kill himself in the bathroom. Jesus Christ.

This does continue the theme of people taking shots at McDonald's and McDonald's going, huh? What do they care? What are they going to do? Who who's looking up at McDonald's going fight me. And they think McDonald's is going to turn around and spar with them. It's like, uh,

it's like an Indiana Jones when the guy has the cool sword and he's like, shing, shing, shing, shing, shing, shing. And then he just pulls out a gun and shoots him.

It's just like that. It's just like that. Except in this case, we don't know that the CEO wasn't the guy that had the gun and shot the franchisee owner in the bathroom. I'm saying I don't know. I don't have all of the facts. I just have the facts that Eric gave me.

We're just saying that sometimes suicides are made to look like suicides. That's exactly correct. That's exactly correct. And if somebody's trying to send a message to a bunch of people who are in a class action lawsuit, might be a way to scare them. Yeah, it didn't work. Anyway, his name's Stuart Mathis again. Quiznos got in on the viral video

craze before it was ever a craze with the Sponge Monkeys, two photoshopped creatures. That's what they're called? Apparently. Two photoshopped creatures who sang about toasted subs all the way back in 2004. They only appeared in two Quiznos commercials before one of the sponge monkeys went into a Quiznos bathroom

and something happened. Jesus Christ. Eric. So Eric found one fact. He really held on to it. I'm going to be truthful here. I looked at the last fact. I just looked at the last sentence and the word bathroom is in it

so don't spoil it don't spoil the fact yeah and this fact is a paragraph is a fat fact that i bet it's gonna go around and around and around and end in the bathroom without ever really going there going anywhere it's gonna be swirling like water in the toilet bowl. It has nothing to do with bathrooms, but rest assured, we will end up in one. Is that true that there were only two of those commercials? Because I feel like I've seen that commercial or I've seen it enough times that there were a hundred of them. There were two distinct ads, but one of them where they sing about the toasted subs or whatever, they would use that and be like,

it's our new Santa Fe chicken one. It's the new this one. It's the new this one. It was like the same commercial. They would just change what sandwich the little sponge rats are promoting. They're called sponge monkeys. Grow up. What did I say?

You said sponge rats. Sponge bobs? That's our thing. Don't give our rats away. And the final fact. Quizno started a website called Toasty.TV where they made super funny parody videos of popular shows like Mad X-Men and Real Housewives Meet the Lobsters of New Jersey.

When you go to the URL now, nothing comes up, and unfortunately, they haven't put anything on their YouTube channel in over a year. I heard whoever was running it was last seen entering a Quiznos bathroom. That was kind of hard to read because you're laughing, but it does end with a dot, dot, dot, question mark. Yeah. So it's like entering a Quiznos bathroom. It's like theolved Mysteries. What happened?

What happened to Toasty TV? The world may never know. They had one that was Game of Thrones and House of Cards, and it was just a guy doing... Did they have anything to do with sandwiches? Yeah, Kevin Spacey. Shut up. Kevin Spacey impression, but he was talking about owning a dragon.

What? That was the whole video so it's weird that they haven't done anything else well it's like funny or die if if they just went like well we really like the dive part That was a joke about the channel no longer existing, not a bathroom joke. Yeah, not that Eric would ever make a joke like that. I want to remind you, Eric writes the facts. We just read the facts. Who can say? Who knows who wrote this one? We do.

You just told us you woke up at 6 a.m. this morning and you wrote it that was also impressive you took me on a trip I laughed from you telling Jordan to shut up all the way to the end to the just die it was one solid laugh into the second one

like a rocket taking off and those are the facts can you know those are the and those are the facts can you believe those sponge monkeys aren't still around I think they were great who had sea monkeys Wow why would you have those it seems like something that you hear about and you're like I'm gonna get that and then you go I don't want this there's a bunch of little dodges yeah just wash them down the toilet what the hell am I doing with of this what am I doing with those bathroom and they'll everything I'll get sorted out a bag of dots i got this bag of dot ma i got this bag of dots

that's it put it in put it in water look you got a pet are they monkeys you could trick you could trick your dumb your dumb kid by just putting some coffee grounds into a sack of water and be like look sea monkeys if your kid wants sea monkeys, you already have a dumb kid. You don't need to trick them. They just want sea monkeys. If your kid comes to you and doesn't go like, I want a dog, I want sea monkeys. That's when you're just like, oh man, my kid's dumb.

Oh no. Oh shit. Parenting tip for you, Nick. Stay out of the Quiznos bathroom. Stay out of the Friday's bathroom as well. I mean, the Friday's bathroom sounds better than the Quiznos bathroom if you have to choose one. Ranking the the friday's bathroom as well i mean the friday's bathroom sounds better than the quiznos bathroom if you have to choose one ranking the bathrooms there's also the arby's where oh that melted that guy's dick dude this is perfect careful by the way we're done with the facts which means we're getting to our favorite segment spitting silly i don't like

i put it in there because everybody yelled at me last time fuck around for a little bit if you want this is the perfect time to do that because we want you just found like a video of someone experiencing that somewhere in the wild it's we can only assume it's an arby's restroom right so in the arby's episode one of the facts uh was that they got sued because one of the one of the urinals in the bathroom when you flush it it like fired out uh hot steam and like burned a guy's dick off yep so someone posted a video of that we don't know if it's related to arby's could be the very same one and they didn't learn their lesson could be a quiznos bathroom too back to their old tricks

again but it's it's like i couldn't imagine what, when we talked about it, I thought, whoa, blasting this guy's dick off. It's like a. It's insane. It's like a fire extinguisher or like a fire hose of steam. I mean, it's like. It's like a magic trick. Like the steam just comes up and like. Right.

You expect the urinal to be gone because it's totally covered. If it like hit your dick it would burn your entire body it would burn like from your from your wee wee to your neck would just be cooked it was an explosion of steam i found i love that video it's a shame no one was peeing in it when they recorded it because it would have been even more wild it's so insane we'll have to we'll post it on, at Face Jam Pod. But like. Oh, we're posting videos now?

Are we? Well, yeah, I mean, at least links to videos. No, I know, that's fine. I'm just saying. Yeah, I'm just saying, though. Oh my God. It's so much steam. I don't think they've done that.

It's so much steam. It would straight up melt your dick and balls. Look, Nick is fucked up about it. Yeah, is this the first time you've seen it? Yeah. It's crazy. Why doesn't Nick look at the videos you post in the Slack channel? I don't know, it's fucked up.

He's a busy guy. That's fucked up, dude. He's busy carrying his monkey mask around and his wife driving him around. Oh, man. Oh, man. Dude, you gotta just pop it on and be like, hang on, hang on, hang on. Just roll down the window and just start waving to people and shit. He leans over to his wife and he's like, beep, beep the horn.

Beep the horn. Okay. When we were, when we were taking his mask on over his headphones, he didn't have time to take them off. They were like people walking by and cars waiting at red lights who were looking at us, like holding up bags of food in front of the quiz nose,

this dude in a monkey mask with his hat on top of the the mask oh it felt uh it felt not great yeah yeah but you're lucky though because you're doing it in austin that's true probably people walking by going i got that same mask oh i got the i got the rhino keeping it weird and they're also wear it when I go to fast food places. Yeah. How relatable. Somebody passed by and they're like, oh, I love Beastars too. Go furries.

You ever see one? You ever want to see a wolf fuck a rabbit? Check out Netflix. Did you watch Zootopia and be like, man, I wish they would just fuck. Just do it already. I wish this was me. You know? And Beastars went be like, man, I wish they would just fuck. Just do it already. You know, and Beastars went, oh, okay, hang on. They saw Zootopia and felt that.

They're like, we'll do it ourselves. Yeah. Gotta take matters into my own paws. Time to write a fanfic. Oh my God. Oh shit. I want to give a shout out to IWBTS who tagged me in that dick melting Steam video. Oh nice.

So thank you very much. While we're spitting silly, do we want to talk a segue into the van talk? There's nothing to talk about. Yeah, let me ask you. Wait, wait. Okay, here. You didn't label that as a segment. You put spitting silly. How is the van still

not a segment? Why would it be a segment? It's not a thing. We try to make segments. It's been a thing for so long. The only thing that- It's been two episodes, and I keep telling you it's a segment. Okay, here's the van update. And you don't put it in.

We got two people who sent us toy car vans to our- Really? In packages. Yeah. Did they send a shrink ray? No, they just only sent the vans. No shrink Yeah. Did they send a shrink ray? No. They just only sent the van. No shrink ray?

Did they send a grow ray? They unfortunately did not send a grow ray. Smart. Either one's fine. Michael's idea was to shrink us. Jordan's idea was to grow the van. Yeah, either way. Shrink us, we'll fit in the van.

As long as we get in the van, man. As long as we get in the van. I don't care what size it or we are. People have sent us vans. Please stop sending us vans. As long as we get in the van, man. As long as we get in the van. I don't care what size it or we are. People have sent us vans. Please stop sending us vans. Please don't do that. What about, hang on, you're leaving something out.

What about the hot tip that you got? About what? From Face Jam Pod. You got a hot tip. I saw you got a hot tip. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I got fucking tagged. Yeah, do you know what happened? Do you know what the hot tip is don't get tagged in a face jam pod tweet or your whole fucking mentions all day are gonna be people going yeah yeah you should get the van yeah

you should get it all fucking day all fucking day sounds like you're not happy with the face jam social team oh yeah thank you so much social team i had to purposely avoid twitter because every time i opened it it would just be that i'll give i'll throw in ten dollars three hundred and fifty thousand dollar van i'll give you five not just not just van. It's Sylvester Stallone's van. He's getting rid of it. I don't care whose van it is. It's a van. We'll make even more money.

We'll make so much money from that van. It's just an investment, you know? It's just an investment. The thing will pay for itself in a year somehow. Somehow. Somehow. He might even, we might take the van. We'll blow up. He might buy it back for a profit. He might even, we might take the van. We'll blow up.

He might buy it back for a profit. He's like, you have a million now. Then we fucking take that 150. Then we buy the other one we originally were going to get. Wow. There's no van update. Just moving money around like the pros do. Just moving money.

Okay. There's no van update. Okay. Thus concludes talking about vans. Okay. But put it on the schedule next time. No. I know.

I'm trying to shoehorn it in here because it's not on the format. Nick, are you taking minutes? Nick, delete the minutes. Nick, delete this episode. Don't you dare. I think he's deleting it now. All right. That's a lot of typing.

He's typing in delete episode like Eric said. A lot of button pushing going on over there. All right. Let's get on to this little sandwich. The nitty gritty of this sandwich. The Cubano sandwich is in fact an oven roasted turkey, ham, melted Swiss cheese with pickles and yellow mustard on toasted and pressed Cuban style white bread and with double meat and cheese.

Yeah, that double meat really is present. That is a thick sandwich. It's a big sandwich. It's substantial. It's especially for like a Cuban sandwich. That thing's fucking substantial. Especially if you get 12 inches because you have to because it's offered. No, everyone else got eight. It's a Cuban sandwich. That thing's fucking substantial. Especially if you get 12 inches because you have to because it's offered.

No, everyone else got eight. It's too much sandwich. I mean, for a sandwich I don't want, that's too much sandwich. Press material is as follows. Quote, fresh food meets more than just high quality ingredients. I said meat instead of means. Yeah, we were going to let that one slide a bit. Yeah.

Rewind it. It was a setup. setup all right and we're back we should we definitely need to edit out that 10 seconds quote fresh food means more than just high quality ingredients it means innovation providing unique twists on our classic sandwich offerings says chef mike chef mike different chef mike uh chef mike giesemann griesemann giesemann director of culinary and innovation for rego restaurant group which owns quiznos so this guy doesn't even work for quiznos he just works at like like some Megacorp. Yeah. Rego Corp. Rego, Rego, Oregano. The Cubano sandwich

meets, in quotes, this is a joke here, meets this description in every way. Piled high with savory meats and Swiss cheese. The sandwich hits on current flavor trends our consumers expect from Quiznos and provides a great value with a half pound of meat on an 8-inch sub.

I wonder how much on a 12-inch. Pro tip. Try this sandwich with a side of our signature honey mustard sauce for incredible flavor. Oh, I did. That's where the pro tip came from. I did. Told you. I tried it.

He says with a side, not a whole 24 ounces. So I'm not sure he did it right. It's true. He didn't. He could have meant 24 ounces, and that not sure he did it right it's true he didn't he could have meant 24 ounces and that was the right way to do it instructions unclear have bought 24 ounces rip the bag it's not even the top it's like down the middle like a like a ketchup packet so just sitting here it's slowly draining out of the bag and it's encompassing the wrapper of the sandwich soon it will spill off the wrapper and start dripping onto my table.

Man, sounds like your ex-girlfriend's going to have a lot of mess to clean up. Yeah, no kidding. Yeah. Cool, so that's what Chef Mike has to say. No, stop! It looks green in your lighting. It's just so much.

No! Stop it. Stop it. It's good. It's okay. It's just so much. No! Stop it. Stop it. It's good. It's, I mean, it's okay. It's Honey Monster. I'm not surprised that Quiznos doesn't even have a guy who actually works for Quiznos coming up with these ideas.

And what the fuck are, like, flavor trends that consumers expect from Quiznos? I don't understand director of culinary and innovation. What? I'm the director of culinary and innovation what yeah i'm the director of culinary it it says it says in front of his name he's a chef but like i'm pretty sure he's a business guy who like changed his like first name to chef he's like i can make a grilled cheese to make it work that's jordan that's such a good fucking idea i can't legally be called a chef so i'm changing my name to chef mike like that's like if i change my name I can't legally be called a chef, so I'm changing my name to Chef Mike. That's like if I changed my name to Doctor.

And then everyone would be like, he's a doctor. I'd be like, I am Doctor, yes. Yes, hi, I'm Doctor. Are you my doctor? Yes, I'm Doctor. Hello, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor. That's good. That's a good idea.

Also, I don't know what was the innovative part about the sandwich? You put cheese on it? The trains? Mm-hmm. Just don't know what, what was the innovative part about the sandwich? You put meat and cheese on it? The trends. Just don't use the word innovation. Just say, you know, we decided we'll put a sandwich with more shit on it on the menu. You're a fucking Quiznos. You make sandwiches. That's what you do.

You already sell everything that's on this sandwich. Exactly. You didn't buy anything new. You just bought twice as much. Someone went, well, we put that shit with that shit. And they said, okay, chef. Innovation. We're really innovating as they put it all together.

Yeah, this meets the current fucking culture trend. Sure. I see what you did there with the meats joke again. Yeah, no, I was just saying it. I meant with two E's. It wasn't written, so I couldn't tell. Yeah, I understand how you would think that i see it me and i just think meats weird that you do that uh all right that's all i got to say

about that done here what was the restaurant like did anything happen out of the ordinary jesus christ nothing was there a story story revolving around to get the food? I heard, it's not the one that I was at, but I heard there was a Quiznos with a monkey man in it. That sounds like a funny story. Yeah. He went to the bathroom, though, and didn't come back. Man, I'm glad I didn't go to the bathroom. He was monkeying around.

They said enough's enough. I found that the Quiznos restaurant, at least the one I went to did not smell like a subway which i appreciated oh that's great no yeah it had it had a smell but it wasn't a subway smell no i think it had its own unique quiz nose smell yeah or it just smelled like downtown i don't know really hard to tell yeah not super high on the uh quiz nose smell Also very dark. Very dark in there. And the whole building didn't look like it should have been a Quiznos at all. What did it look like? It was like, it's on like this corner.

It's downtown. It seemed like it should have been like a business that was not a Quiznos. Oh, wow. Now it makes perfect sense. Yep. It looked like it should have been a bookstore. Yeah. That's crazy because I was going to ask, did it looked like it should have been a bookstore yeah or like crazy because i okay i was gonna i was gonna ask did it look like a library it looked like it was supposed

to be a bookstore and then you said bookstore i made fun of your description because you didn't describe anything but i still got it and then what i got it yeah oh my god okay all right i'll never question it again he led you right where he wanted you to be yep so let's review the food let's review the food well if you insist it was better than the subway thing we had the lowest score we've ever had on this show yeah eight and a half all i heard was people going yeah i mean the way they were talking about it i figured it would be low but i didn't think jordan was going to give it a single digit number and then eight sometimes it just happens yeah it happened i don't really have a lot to say

about the sandwich i was i was confused by them not having the bread that was supposed to come with like i guess it doesn't does it mention the flatbread? Yeah, it did. It did. I definitely did. All right. Cuban pressed white bread.

You know, um, you just turn off when you read it. I get it. They, they didn't have it at the Quiznos I went to. Eric, did you get it on yours?

On the Cuban style flatbread? Yeah. Yeah. So you, you went to the same one we went to. So they, so they did have it. He's saying they didn't have it.

Yeah. He's lying. They asked me what bread I wanted on after they asked me, you want it the way it comes. So then when they start telling me, yeah, this is different than Subway. This isn't like. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

It comes a certain way and they knew what that way was. That's unheard of at a restaurant. They surely did. Yeah. That's unheard of. I know. was that's unheard of in a restaurant they surely did yeah that's unheard of I know I'm so used

I'm so used to going to like sit down restaurants where I go out in the back of the kitchen be like here's how I want what I'm ordering and I tell them as most restaurants operate that's just how it operates what do you expect them to do so that right there was like cool hands

off we're on rails you just go ahead you make the sandwich the way it comes. And then they throw a curveball at me going, what kind of bread you want? And then I start looking around. Bread, bread. Whoa, why were you looking up? That might be where the bread is. Just in case.

Bread grows on trees, right? And the guy points to like, here's the four breads we have. None of them are the white flatbread. So what bread did you get? So I'm like, this one seems to align with the flavors and could add to it. Jalapeno cheddar bread. So I threw it on that. I don't know if it would have made a difference what bread it came on.

I'm pretty sure it would have been mediocre middle of the road sandwich no matter what it was toasty the bread was better than the subway stuff but again that was an eight so it's like it's like the same bar for innovation at these restaurants it's like we've made a sandwich so good it's better than me we've innovated a sandwich. It has more meat. But like the pickles and the mustard and the additional meats, like the meats didn't have any flavor. It could have been fucking chicken for all I care. I thought you were going to say dog food. It could have been dog food.

It could have been cat food. Because some of it's not so bad. Dog food? Yeah, if you get the nice stuff. Like the good dog food? Like Okanuba? That's expensive. Michael, do you have dogs? What. Like the good dog food? Like Okanuba. That's expensive. Michael, do you have dogs?

What? I used to. And they used to have food. I used to feed them. That's as far as I'm going with that lightning question. Okanuba? Some dog treats are just like Slim Jims. Do a taste test.

I dare you. What I'm getting at is that it's just very whatever it's it's an okay sandwich it provides sustenance it is it was eaten and swallowed and later it will leave me give it leaving behind only the nutrients

few though they may be what give me a score I'm looking at this fucking calculator just going well my phone keeps turning off you can set you can turn that off so that it never goes away anyway i save the battery it's perfectly middle of the road so it's a 50 oh okay i mean middle of the road being you know the road of one to 100 or i guess zero to 100 that's a hell of a lot better than an 8 yeah I mean I'm just saying you're talking about a 42 point

increase you didn't really I didn't really feel like yeah there was a 40 from you saying it I was expecting like a 20 or something you're like yeah it's better 42 points more the subway sandwich did wrong to lose those 42 points no I mean it was shit you're not wrong

that was fucking terrible that McRib sandwich wasn't called a McRib but that's what it was it was bad yeah it was fine I did get the Cuban pressed white bread and I'm sure it made no difference at all it's all just kind of toasted bread

I don't know anyone that goes wow wow you gotta try this bread no you gotta try this bread dude it's only good on this bread it's just a container that holds the shit the innovation container they call it um but it was fucking heavy if you want to if you want a heavy ass thick sandwich you get this it was fine I'm not a huge fan of Swiss but I actually didn't mind it but like that kind of stands to Jordan's point of like

I couldn't even tell it was just a bunch of meat and cheese flavor I forgot there was cheese in it it was just like yeah there was so much in there there was so much going on it was just mush it was just a bunch of mush mouth i remember watching the guy make the sandwich and he did not struggle separating the cheese at all already i

was like interesting points for quiznos uh but yeah i'm gonna agree i was i actually was thinking know fine i ate it i liked it 45 45 yeah jordan went higher than i thought that's shocking yeah really 47 and a half i couldn't think of anything i'd like to take away from it because i don't i ate it yeah i'm full i ate it about an hour and 15 minutes ago. I forgot what it tasted like. Yep. I get that. I get it. 47.5 is a, I feel like a competent score, right? We're competent, Michael. No, I mean like it's pretty much

We're awesome. It's pretty much what you expect from Quiznos if you went to Quiznos. You'd be like, yep. Can we rate their commercials with the sponge monkeys? Yeah, what do you give it? I'd have to rewatch it. I don't remember it. We love these subs! Remember that? 85.

What a special price. I give it an 85. I give sponge monkeys 100. Wow. I'll never give anything a 100, but that's a 99.9 for sure. You'll never give anything a 100? Because that implies something.9 for sure you'll never give anything a 100 because that implies something is flawless and we're all flawed individuals that's not true that's not true

at all i feel like that you just like you're untrustworthy so our rating score needs to be adjusted if you can only go up to 99.9 yeah okay so we'll start rating things on a scale of 1 to 99.9, in which case I give the Quiznos commercial 99.8 because nothing can be better. Remember when we started and I was the silly one that made no sense? Jordan would sit atop his tower saying, this is silly. You're a silly man. You're right and now look at me coming coming back with 24 ounces of bagged honey mustard look who's silly now jordan sponge

monkeys 100 fantastic i say this i say this i say this about the rating system now so that when I do give something a 100. Wow. That'd be interesting. I say backpedaling. No, certainly not. Think about running for office. I think Jordan thought about that and he goes, I don't want the top to be 99.9. It'll just bother me too much. Yep.

100 degrees. Well, that's that mess. Oh It'll just bother me too much. 100 degrees. Well, that's that mess. Oh, it's a mess, too. Serp sides. The only mess here is Michael. Serp sides. That's fine. Serp sides. What did you guys get for your side?

Other than 24 ounces of honey barbecue sauce. Well, I'm waiting for Michael to pull out like a roast chicken or something. Barbecue. How'd you see that? Yeah, I got the barbecue Michael to pull out like a roast chicken or something. Barbecue? How did you see that? Yeah, I got the barbecue roast chicken. I don't remember exactly what it was called. I got the tater tots with jalapenos. Nice.

I wanted to get those, but they did not have them in stock. The one you went to sucks. They had a big old sorry on top of it. Are you sure they didn't just have it like the bread that they had and was in stock that eric got i didn't okay i didn't i didn't i didn't push the issue we really have it we just put the out of stock sign up to trick people this white guy came in and we said no way the other white guy he was. It has nothing to do with race. We just liked his monkey hat.

So what did you get for a syrup side, Jordan? I got another chocolate chip cookie so I could compare to Subway's. Oh, okay. This one came in a bag. Did you already eat it? Yeah, I already ate it. It's a cookie. I'm not going to like... What?

You were shocked that Michael didn't eat his last episode. Am I supposed to eat it or not? I mean, well, it's a one bite review. Yeah, the snacks, snack attack, we eat at the end of the episode. So I assume Serp Si would be the same. You just eat it at the end of the episode. There's no assumption. We've talked about it.

It's explicit. But I think the difference there is if it's hot because snacks we get sent they're in bags they're made to just eat whenever if you get a hot side what if you get a serve side that's a fucking soup okay i'm not gonna wait an hour and a half to eat it soup side that's fine i still want to eat the fucking hot soup side okay i just want to say go back but go go back and play the tape of last week and Eric going, you didn't already eat it? To Michael.

Michael was eating a pizza last time. You didn't know that. I was eating a pizza last time. You did know that. But also, you got some kind of brain worm or something.

I don't know. I like that. I want us to pump the brakes and everything where Eric went, you already ate it and Jordan said, yeah, it's a cookie. I don't understand what that has to do with anything.

Why that means you had to eat it. I'm not going to have that sitting on my desk and not eat it. A cookie. Can you imagine you need a cookie an hour after you got it? It'd be rancid. Especially this one. It's just cooked, and then they put it in the bag. Anyway, it wasn't as good.

So it's like a uh it's like a 68 oh it wasn't as good as a subway that okay yeah it's not as good as a subway i'm really confused how are how are your tachos or whatever it's very weird so i kind of thought it would be almost like a popper when it when i because there's no pictures when i ordered it but it's just like little discs of potato that are super soft. I mean, like too soft. They're not crispy.

You don't get any of the crunch. And then there's just like a bunch of sliced up jalapenos in it. And then there's just like random cheese. Sounds like they gave you a bag of refuse. Yeah, they just threw a bunch of shit in here. I just spilled it all out by accident. That looks insane.

Have you tried it with honey mustard? It's not great. No, don't try it with honey mustard. Ugh. Better or worse? About the same. That's more surprising. I can only really taste

honey mustard at this point. I'm assuming you guys didn't just smell it the entire episode. Not a huge fan of it. And they didn't give me a fork. This is like, you got to eat this with a fork. It doesn't sound good. Where's my fork? I don't get how he didn't get a fork.

I'm going to give it a 20. Wow. Yeah. I mean, look at the fucking potato. Look how undercooked it is. I mean, it makes sense. Look at this. Look at it. What is the cheese on there

I don't like it Eric look at it it's really a lot why did the camera go black and white there for a second that was weird because I went back in time I'm blue now it's all fucked up holy shit

well if you want to send us snacks you can send them to Face Jam Eric Boudoir Ugh. Holy shit. Well, if you want to send us snacks, you can. Send them to Face Jam, courtesy or care of. Eric Boudoir, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. We currently have too many snacks, so please don't send more. You don't have to. Why are we ordering syrup sides if we've got too many snacks?

Where are they? Because we're not getting together because there's a pandemic. Jordan was just hanging out with Nick in a monkey mask. It's true. We're having a good time. The hell are you talking about? They met up like old friends meeting at a Little Caesars pizza. Well, the next one we can go, we can do in a parking lot. On the format, it says this segment is called Send Out Snacks in parentheses SOS.

Yeah, I thought of that name this morning. We need snacks and vans. SOS. Don't send us snacks, please. No, don't send us snacks. You don't have to. Send us Stallone's van. Okay, the next one we'll do in the parking lot and we can have a snack.

Or you could just drive around and deliver them. Yeah, it sounds like shit. I'm not doing that. So you can follow us on social media. You can talk him into it. It was leeway in his voice. Need to get an intern. Social media. Follow us at Face jam pod you can see up to date on everything that we're doing and see the pictures of all the food that we ate and all

the honey mustard that happened and it's like you're here if you look at the pictures while you listen to the episode it's a whole thing if you need something to look at look at those pictures exactly merch update all shirt variants are currently in stock except for the 100% Eat McJam variant. It's so out. Not surprised. Big red. It's a good one. It's a good one.

I know a lot of people who have that shirt. A lot of people talking about how good the shirt is. A lot of people saying it's an incredible shirt. It's an amazing shirt. A lot of people are saying it. So something to consider. I heard that the 100% king shirt uh said some mean things about the mcjam shirt and the mcjam shirt went huh people are talking right it was like i'm

too busy being worn yeah i'm too busy being sold out i don't know what's going on back at the factory 100 eat hat is also in stock and so is, that was supposed to say PopSocket but it just says Hat twice. 100% Eat PopSocket also in stock now. Hey, guess what? Spice Rat shirt coming soon. Yeah. We announced it a couple episodes ago. It's taking time, but it should be here soon.

It's going to be a high quality shirt. At Face Jam Pod. It's got a Spice Rat on it and you check it out. So that's the merch update neat this this one wasn't great what what i said it wasn't great this episode yeah it wasn't great you want to start over no i'm just i'm just letting the audience know you know if they think if they walk away from this going like it's usually funnier than that. I agree. It was okay. You know? Why are you laughing?

You can't hit a home run. You should start doing this at the end. What do you want me to tell you? You should start doing this at the end of all the productions that you're in. Every video. I mean, I usually do.

The other people just cut it out. Oh. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, Nick won't. I'm just saying. Like, we can't set a bar every single week, and this week, we went way over that bar. We're not going to knock it out of the park every time. I'll be honest. Like, we can't set a bar every single week, and this week we will.

Yeah, we're not going to knock it out of the park every time. I'll be honest. I think the facts did a great job. I think the facts really do a lot of work. Dude, take this one out to a Quiznos bathroom, right? Damn, dude. You take it into a bathroom, not out to a bathroom. Going out back means feeding people.

Wasn't that what I said last week? I don't remember. Take it out back and deal with it take care of it no yeah yeah I was taking it out back and eat a pizza that's what it was it's all coming together now that one that was a great one the Olive Garden really good this

one it's okay people aren't gonna re-listen to this one as much yeah instead of listening to this one and we can put this at the front go listen to another one see I saved it for the end because we already got them. You know? Yeah. Like, gotcha.

You already listened to it. If it was at the front, they might turn it off. It's also one of our longest episodes. And if you're a Rooster Teeth first member, you don't have to listen to the ads. If you are listening to this on a podcast platform or on roosterteeth.com but without the first membership you're about to listen to a lot of ads that we're going to record as soon as this is over and it's really going to be something well they've already listened to the ads yeah yeah but they're they're gonna listen again because of this conversation you know what i

think i think the ads could save this episode wow so i think it might be too early okay say one way or the other whether you think we should do a post-mortem after the ad reads yeah maybe yeah and then we might have to we can add this you know add that into this spot and if if you're the really particular person that goes hey i'm a first member and i didn't get the ads just sign out yeah and listen to the episode and then you can get slammed with all the ads. You'll have a great time. You can't get enough of the ads for some reason. It's good content. Jordan, do the closing. This was not great.

Jordan, do the closing. I'm going to save it right here. Rate and subscribe and tell a friend about this show where we eat food and rate the food. Goodbye. I would rate this one three and a half. Just this particular episode. Out of a hundred? Out of five. We don't rate

things out of five! Well, how you do on the app, what are you talking about? I'd give this one a 100. They don't rate it a hundred on the fucking app store. I'd give it a hundred. Who, why are we talking about? There, I did it. There we are. He just said rate and subscribe. Rate and subscribe 100.

You can't apply our rating to their rating, okay? This is just for us. If you have one out of 100, give it a 75. I'm going to stop rolling. I'm going to keep rolling. I'm going to keep rolling. Nick, you keep this in. Nick, my audio is still going.

You keep this in. It was okay, everybody. It wasn't great. Their audio is gone now. They don't care about you. I'm going to keep going. Nick, you keep this in. Nick, my audio is still going. You keep this in. It was okay, everybody. It wasn't great. Their audio is gone now. They don't care about you. I'm still here. I'll always be here. Jordan, he's here physically.

You heard him. He doesn't care. It's okay. And that's all right. We'll do better next time. We'll do better next time. Go get him, Nick. Go get him, champ.

We're science. Hey, guys. Can I make a a confession what's up um you didn't record it nick are you still recording yeah okay uh i didn't go to quiznos and get the food today oh really yeah why i had meetings so uh i figured this would be a good way to end our recording. So I just didn't have time to go to Quiznos and get the food. Unbelievable. Yeah. So everything that I said about getting the bread to make Jordan look like a fool. That worked, though. That was really funny.

You know what's funny? I've thought about doing that before. Just for laughs. Just rating it. And I may have done it what where'd you get the mustard no not today which i'm just saying in the history of face jam i thought would this be funny did you do it i don't know is this funny well i'll wait and see i guess we'll have to ask the fans you made a bold claim by like telling me it took you 20 minutes to get to the

quiz nose yeah when you said that i looked it up on my phone on google maps and it said like 21 minutes and i went yeah it was like 20 ish wow only to get there not to come back i expected this from me yeah i didn't i agree but here we are in a world where i did it so now what do you think of the episode it improved slightly which which episode do you think I didn't eat the food, audience? I don't think you actually ate all those BBQ BBs. No, he did. I had the receipts. I had the receipts to prove it.

That's the worst one to suggest. The worst one to suggest. He was telling me every time he got it, and he's like, another one, and it was like, no, no, no. He definitely, he did that. I don't know. I was being facetious.

You are Mr. Facetious. That's me. All right. That's me-cious. I'm glad we're going to have Nick carve this episode so we just add another 12 minutes at the end of it. Yeah, I don't know what this is going to be now. This is a mess.

This went back to, okay. Yeah. I'm out of here. The ads made it a little bit better, and then Eric's confession just threw a wrench into it. Yeah, I mean, I like the confession. I just don't like where it took us. It took us to a dark place.

It did. That's the DoorDash app, and enter code FACEJAM to get $5 off your first order and zero delivery fees for a month when you download the DoorDash app. I was just going to say, too, that you took us to a dark place, and I was going to say it was a Quiznos bathroom. first order and zero delivery fees for a month when you download the DoorDash app. I was just going to say, too, that you took us to a dark place, and I was going to say it was a Quiznos bathroom.