100% Eat - Sauce Monkey Says Not Enough %% Zaxby's Giant Wraps & Banana Pudding Shake

Episode Date: May 5, 2026

Sauce Monkey Says Not Enough %% Zaxby's Giant Wraps & Banana Pudding ShakeDesc: He's sorry, but he's really not. The Sauce Monkey's dark passenger is loose and he's mad about Pfluggerville, the milkshake, and this small small pig. Our Heroes brave the Zaxby's to see if their $70 is worth it. It's... not. They're big but where's the chicken? No one's here. If you become a 100% Fan at ANY POINT in May, you may win the chance to be a cuck! Sign up now at Patreon.com/100percenteat Shouts out HoodAnchorYe https://www.instagram.com/hoodanchorye/New beanie, new magnet, & NEW SHIRT this FRIDAY! https://100percenteat.store Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ready? Yeah, well you asked, I never said yes, but then you just yelled, here we go. I thought you were going. I was following your lead. No, I'm waiting for you. Well, you yelled, here we go. Yeah, then I stopped, we go. I realized my mistake.

No, go. Okay, here we go. That was good. Nick wants to go. Here we go. Here we go. I need the show where we try every fast food restaurant to let you know if you need it, you probably do.

I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Swears. Jordan, how are you? What if his name was Alan going? Where's he going? Yeah. I mean, that's kind of going. Yeah. That's where he's coming.

Yeah, I don't know. Where's he coming, Nick? He looked at me. I'm the traitor. He looked at me nuts style. Oh, he's just putting his nuts on the dashboard. Here we go. Are you ready?

Put your nuts on the engine? Nick really wanted to go. Here we go. So we were going. We were going and stopping. Well, before the audio dies again. Oh, that's rule her up quick Just fire off this hour and five minute podcast

We gotta get it off ready real quick Nick hated the shame It was bad, it was okay He hated it Do you say it was bad? It was okay He did, he said it It was bad, it was okay

It was okay, he hated it was fine You just said it was bad It was bad I didn't say bad He said it was bad I mean just now What you just said a word? Yeah, you said it was bad

It was okay That's just now unless you were saying another word and just stopped. I don't even know. Doing the fastest podcast just reminded me. What is like a Guinness World Record that like the four of us could feasibly attain? Like what's low-hanging fruit for us? Something no one's ever done before.

There's a lot of dumb shit in that book though. Yeah, but dumb shit, like you look at dumb shit and you realize like it might be easy, but it's just like, oh, that person has nothing to do with their life. Do you think we, like, has still a commitment? Has there been a podcast with four white guys? before? Do you think that could be in the record books? Well, is it okay? I think we're pretty late. Also,

does it need to be like 100% because we're talking about it. That's our whole thing. 100% Not white. Piggy. Okay. Whoa. Okay. Now that's like that seems like a race-based thing. It's not but it doesn't make any sense.

Watch the ride along. I don't know. Nick might be on something. You're not white. You're a pig? Yeah, he's half-com. What? What? What? What?

Dude. We're two minutes in. What just happened? I was trying to get a sleigh back on track. We were all making regular human noises. He called you a piggy. You stored it. Yeah.

Well, in Nick's defense, I called you a little piggy in ride along, and he's not said... That's just what he's calling you now. I can't stop saying. You know. begging you to watch the ride along for a dog. Where Nick, where Nick wants to dog pile on me so bad

but when it becomes about the food, he can't do it. That's not even what I was doing. It wasn't my usual dog pile on Eric. It was just Jordan had mentioned to me you're like shake, shake. I don't really like it that much and I went, oh, I actually kind of I enjoyed it. And then you were like, I like it.

And then I heard Nick go that wasn't great. So I was just like, Wow. Wow. So we're joking in the ride-along. This is a conversation. I'm like, whoa, this thing is so bad. You love it.

Nick, and he's like, I liked it. Yeah. No, he said it was bad. It was fine. He did it again. He did it again. What? He did it again.

He said it was bad. I said, he said, Matt. I don't think you hear what I say sometimes. But I will say, if you just say, me me and fine, they give me similar. But he went, meh, it was fine. Yeah. That's such a, like, a nicer comment. The way you went, it's me.

That's closer to Eric than it is to me. Right. When you go, meh, and it's fine. Yeah. No, I think it's in the middle. It's definitely closer to good. Michael, what we eat today? Today we're reviewing Zaxby's giant chicken finger wraps and banana pudding shake.

That was giant. That was a giant chicken finger wrap. Are you kidding me? That's what they're called. Where are the rest of the chicken fingers? They cut it up. Yeah, it wasn't a chicken finger. They were like one and each.

Also, at Xaxis of all places, you're not even going to call it a tender? Nope. Why you call it a chicken finger? I think that's the thing. I think we had this discussion last time. Is it? I probably said the exact same thing. Yeah.

But yeah. I think calling it a chicken finger is weird. It's very weird. It's very weird. Also, you don't have to call it. It's chopped up. Just like chicken. Yeah, it's a chicken wrap.

It's a chicken wrap. Giant. I also don't want a giant chicken finger. Also, it wasn't. Nope. Is the chicken finger? supposed to be giant? No, that's the thing.

The rap was like. I was gonna say, so what is the giant part of this? I think it's supposed to be the wrap. It's not a giant chicken finger. I mean, I mean, it was like a giant chicken finger wrap. It was like, okay, I guess I would say if you're going to wrap, it's giant, it's like a burrito size. It was burritos.

Maybe. Yeah. I'm just saying it as a food item, I would not call a giant thing. No. But a wrap, yes, it was a giant wrap. Maybe for small people. Maybe who ever made it was pretty small. I think maybe.

Like a pig! Small little pig! Small little pig! Now he's doing it. You have to do it that time. Yeah, well that's gonna do-do-d-dun-d-do-d-d-w. I think that this is supposed to be... I think this is supposed to be competing with...

Sorry, I touched your shoe. That's okay, I'll let it slide. I'm getting one-wheel shoes soon. Oh, cool. They made some of skate shoes. Like, for riding on the one-wheel. To like grip I guess.

Yeah. Like they make skate shoes for skateboards. I'm assuming this is similar technology. Huh. Similar technology. Yeah. This is one wheel technology.

Shoonology. Yeah. Anyway, when I was smashing into your feet, your little pig hoofs, you made me think of it. They have to be small. They must. I think that this is supposed to compete with the snack wrap.

But they're supposed to be like, we're bigger. It's not snack size. I think maybe that. It's not like, you can't hold it. I think I agree that Eric thinks it's committing with the snack wrap because there was a point we're eating it, he just kept saying, this is snack wrap, that's what it is.

I cracked the code, I cracked the code. It hit me about halfway through. Yeah, halfway through, so I'm not surprised to hear you say it. It was one of his wingspiracies, he kept saying. Yeah, I have a lot of wingspiracies and I'm about to go in sown. In so on. Got it done. I mean, we're gonna have honey mustard.

What did you get done? What'd you get done? Go next. What a time to be alive. Nobody. Nobody at the Zaxby's. Nobody had the fucking Zaxby's. It was pre-lunch, but also, I doubt

that had anything to do with it, to be honest. Even the drive-thru was pretty tame. Yeah, I did look over there, there was like one car when we got there and then no cars when we left. It's a very nice young man working there, though. Yeah, guy was cool a little, wouldn't call my guy. Did call him a little boy? Okay. Did they

a little boy man? Should he be in school? Yeah. I'm just saying, he was a young kid. Yeah, he could be Michael Jones and it. He doesn't have to go. That's true. That's true, but he's not at home. He's not Michael Jones. He's not going to school, but he's working. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, they're not going to call him homeschool Jones. We're going to call him Zaxby's work Jones. Little did I know I was training for my career. Yeah. Yeah. Thank God. But everyone was very nice at the Zaxby's. Did they shout the orders last time we were there?

I don't remember that. I don't, maybe. Maybe. What was funny about it is that he didn't wait and until we were done order. No, it was just, here's, here's a thing. Hey, you did this. Oh, yeah.

Oh, that. Yeah. And then just turn back and it's like, what else? Okay. All right. It's like, it was going to like Rudy's. Yeah, they do. It was very, yeah, yeah.

Half pound moist. But like they're actually chopping it. Yeah. It's not what the computers for? Right. Yeah. What's the point of typing it? Yeah.

But. Cheese, cheese, not cheese cards. But I can't lock the system because we got that food. Yeah. So fast. Oh my God, white cheddar bites. It was crazy. Like, in general, I would say,

it wasn't like, well, mind-blowing. In general, though, it was pretty quick. Compared to, we just went to Taco Bell. 25 minutes inside of a Taco Bell. It was like, oh, ha, like, I blinked. I couldn't believe it. Yeah.

We didn't even get to, like, joke around at the table. Barely. Barely. We didn't even complain once about how long the food was taken. So I'm kind of mad. Yeah.

Shakes came first. Shakespeare came first. And he kept bringing it out to us. And he came over to ask, he's like, You guys want everything on it. You want like the whipped cream and like the cookies and the cherry and everything. Some people are particular about that stuff on shakes.

And then Nick, a handful of times, kept talking about how he doesn't like how they crumbled up the cookie in the shake. It's a little way for you. You got to have the whole thing. He's right about that, though. It's a banana pudding thing. It's got to be a whole cookie. See, so he is on Jordan's. Uh-huh.

Yeah. You know what? I am. It sounds like you. It felt like he was to say, do I'm not. Watch. You're the last one to realize. And I was like, watch, you're watching this already.

And then watch the ride along. And come back and watch this again. And see if you can make a sense of it. Okay? Because I can't. Watching a different browser, please. Imagine being in the middle of it. You were in the front.

Dips shing. Dup shit. Dump pig. Dump pig. Boy, it feels like him in the middle of it. And then you missed a turn. Oh, he did. He got it.

He just, he just looked up around and went down. Yeah, I made the storm. Yeah. We went to the, had to go to the typhoon. King Typhoon. We had to see who's crown king typhoon. We say every third week. Jordan shows up.

He's his board shorts, ready to be crowned. I mean, you're the only one there. You automatically win. You would think. You would think. We got to be inside the park. You keep yelling from the gate outside. No deal.

Yeah. He keeps saying no deal. Sir, they, let me in. I'm shaking. Sir. Just buy a ticket. No! Not my typhoon!

Kings don't pay! Sir, you're not the king. When I win, I will be. I challenge you to a battle of champions. You have 10 days to find your competitor. It's a laser team, but faster. Oh. Well, when I become king, I can talk to the animals.

The sea animals. Inside of typhoon saloon or whatever? I hope there are some there. Otherwise, it's a huge waste of time. Anyway, we drove by a water park. Is anything about a water park appealing? Yeah. Like, would you...

That doesn't surprise me. Like, Lazy River. Would you want to... Lazy River isn't a water park? Yeah. It's a lazy river. You don't have to go to a water park for that. No, if I'm on Lazy River, you gotta go to a river.

Yeah. You could do that without being in everyone's piss. Yeah. I mean, water park, for me, the only thing would be like big cool slides. Cool slides, yeah. Not big cool slides, guys. Yeah. I mean, I'm...

Do you ever go to action park? No, I didn't. Oh, damn. I knew people went. Did they live? Yeah. Yeah, most people live. The dying wasn't the problem.

It was the crushing. No, I've never had an inclination beyond being a child. Like, I want to get a water bottle. But like, for my kids, obviously, it would be like, well, do they have slide? Well, otherwise, why the fuck am I going? Yeah. Yeah. I remember going as a kid.

I think there was like one in San Diego we'd go to. And then Snoopy had one at like Knott's Berry Farm. There is one at Knott's Berry Farm. but it's always like a thing that is tacked on. It's like, hey, we have this theme park. Also, we have water park. Would you like a free ticket to go? It's like Disney World has a separate and across the street.

You have to cross like, boom. Like it's so, it's like here's ball road. It's seven lanes. And you have to go across it. They didn't even construct a bridge. No, no, they don't give a shit. I was thinking about there's one in Sandemis called Raging Waters. And apparently it's the biggest water park in,

the West Coast or something is how they bill it and I went there once as a kid and I have like a memory of going on one of those like it's not a slide it's a ride where like everyone's on the raft

and you're like going up and around the slope and stuff it's the only memory I have of it and I was like I would not go back for that in Jersey

at Great Adventure that's the Six Flags there they built Hurricane Harbor that's like their oh yeah that's like that's sounds familiar.

I never once in my life went. Yeah. Because also, like, if I was going to six flags, like, as a kid, I was going to six flags. Going to six flags. Exactly. It's not a thing you do both in a day. Yeah. It's like, bro, that's the day.

But, like, that's the day. It's like, you want to hit all the rides, you know, back in the day. The lines are long, you know, so it's like, you're waiting or whatever. It's not just like, hey, want to peel off for four hours and go over to the water park. It's why they always try to tack it on because nobody plans to go. No one goes to both. Yeah. You just get on the water ride if you want.

Get on the log ride or whatever. Like at six flags, oh, I get wet or you get on the bridge and you get splashed. Even working there in Fiesta, Texas, they had four areas, they were all assigned, and then the water park was a separate thing completely. Right. Was that, who the fuck would ever do? Is that different than Schlitterbond? Yeah.

Okay. This is the six flags. There's a water park six flags like San Antonio or whatever? There's a water park in there. Do you have strong opinions on Schlitterbun? I like it. It's fun. Like when they kill people and stuff?

They kill people there? Do they? Didn't somebody like get like their head taken off? Somebody did. Yeah. But it was no action park. We just talked about Action Park. It's just like it was a freak accident.

Oh, okay. Yeah. There's a swim up bar. Not like, Action Park. They were trying to kill it. There's a swim up bar at the Six Flags water park. Oh,

it's Schlitterbond. Yeah. With the name Schlitterbond, it should, it should definitely have a swim up bar. Yeah. Yeah. It feels like.

It's slated last night. Yeah. Yeah. Is that like its whole thing is that it's German? Yeah. It's in New Bromphals. New Bromphillardville. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, heavily German settled area. Unlike Flugerville. Yeah, I got Schlit-Faise. And Frigertzburg. Yeah. Schlit-faced.

To Schlitterbond. And you will be soon, pig. Ever see a short, drunk pig? Now, you ever seen him on the Lazy River? Lazy River, like, as an adult, I haven't gone in years, but, like, I would do that over a water park. Yeah. That sounds much more.

It's it and cooking. Lazy river on the actual river, not at a water park. I disagree. Don's Fish Camp. That's where I was going. Don's. Some guy named Don. Yeah.

That's also a new. Yeah. It's like one of the best lazy rivers. Oh. I thought this was in New Jersey. Me too. I'm like, you're a Warren Perkel? He dug it out in his best yard.

Exactly. Yeah. It's a new Bronfell. It's like the best. It's the best. That's the one that takes you on the in the bus. Yes. And it's the best set up because it's,

because some takes you to the bus back. This takes you to the bus there. Yeah. So, like, you park, get your boat, your tube to do. You float the river. Then they drive, or no, no, you get all your shit. They drive you away. Then you float the river.

So when you get off, you're back where you started. You're just, and then you're just, and then you don't, I, some of them, it's like, you get off. It's like, and then you got to wait for your bus and go back wherever. It's just like, oh, fuck, I'm back where it started. Yeah. And then you just eat some, like, food truck food. Yeah.

because there's like tacos and shit. Yeah, that was fun as hell. We used to do that a ton back in the early days. I think floating the river used to eat. I'm sure it's still a thing. I don't... First thing I ever did. I don't think it's as much of a thing as it used to be.

I think that... And that's not just like the circles that were in. I just don't think it's as big as it used to be. Well, they did a lot of drinking stuff there. Oh, is that what happened? Oh. They had like a can ban and a bunch of other stuff. That's crazy.

It wasn't a drinking thing. It was like a littering thing. Yes. But it heavily fucked the drinking. I mean, that's the whole reason to do that. It was like they, which to be fair kind of was necessary. Because people just littered and trash everywhere. But yes, there was some sort of like shit you, like you have to abide by now.

So I think people like, fuck you. I want to litter. I liked it. Well, I just don't know why they don't outlaw the littering and not so much the drinking. The bringing in the stuff. No deal. just heavily enforced the no littering policy. I'm floating the river.

Sir, you need a tube. No! You know, it's a common misconception that people don't know that the don't mess with Texas slogan. It's about littering. It's about littering. Yep. It's about don't throw your fucking beer cans out of your truck, dip shit. Yeah.

That's all it was. You're messing with Texas. Hey, people here don't care. No. I mean, tell you how much trash I find on the front lawn? Yep. And I was like, where does it come from? Yeah.

There's always like plastic container shit, probably. I think it's probably I probably I think it's like I think it's just drunk kids at that school by the Taco Bell those drunk kids are just it's the people that inch to you

they're inching towards you oh yes got it yeah I wasn't sure what he was getting you yeah but I was trying to figure out how no what's the get here well they were getting you

yeah the people inching towards and then you got me that got you were doing their own podcast and look I'm gonna keep creeping on this guy and make it so he can't exit his driveway

well look they should help both of us I'll get really close. Yeah. I'm gonna push this guy into that car. With my mind. Yep.

And it worked. Zaxbys. Oh yeah. Have you guys been since the last time we went? No. Why? It's so far away. No.

Yeah. It's far away. The closest one is the same one we went to last time with Gracie. It's in Fluggerville. It's by that water park that we drove by. It's far. It is far. It's far.

It's not easy to get to. It's not like right off the freeway. They like they built it and they went, this should feed this should feed somebody. And then nobody goes. It seems like nobody goes. It's still on the edge of civilization as well. Like anything behind it is just grass. You're talking about it.

You can see the rest of the state. Eventually the city will catch up with whatever's going on like in that area. Yeah. I mean, that's what happened with Maynard. Right, yeah. It took years and years and then it happened. Further out. Yep.

But people were like so pushed out of Austin that they congregated there faster. It's also at least a straight shot. Yeah. People went out east before they went north. Yeah. But North goes like this. Yeah. It's, yeah, it's loopy to get out there.

And then you get out there and you go, no, everything out here is new. Yeah. Nothing is nice. They were building, like, new. They were building downtown. What was that? Okay, Nick, what was that? They're building a new downtown area.

I don't, but hang on. What? In downtown of what? Flugerville. That was downtown Pflugerville. Flugerville downtown is two or three blocks west of where we were driving in that area. And so they're expanding their downtown commerce areas to this spot. That two lane four-way intersection?

Downtown, baby, bustling. Across from the oldest H-E-B I've ever seen. Oh, yeah. It is like, that's an old H-E-B. And then they were building like- founded by Howard. It was just like these are parking structures and these are huge buildings. It was, these things were huge.

And Nick just kept going, yeah, they're building downtown. The new downtown. The new downtown. I couldn't tell you about anything about the old downtown. Why the fuck is you know anything about downtown Fulgerville? Crazy. I don't know. I don't want to know anything.

That's what I'm saying. Like, driving by it and then going, this is the downtown is like, this is the downtown? I don't know anything about Lugers. Yeah, dude. Crazy. Just flugs. Well, we saw, don't give them the respect. We saw like a Jiffy Loob type place called Fast Loob, but it was spelled PF.

That's pretty clever. That's pretty clever. That was fun. There's also a street called Fending, you know, but it's also spelled with a PF. With a PF, yeah. That's fun. They like doing that. Yeah.

That's Fugreville. That's it. Wow. Not much else to do. A lot of personality out there. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. They love the letter P.

They have, they have a lot of fun out there, building their downtown next to an H-EB that's been there since the 60s. Anyway, Zaxby's is like, it used to be in a desert of like chicken finger restaurants. Yeah. Chicken finger. Like before raising canes, Zaxby's was probably the best you could do. Then they built a raising can. And then raising canes.

And then a hundred other thing. Yeah. And it's like, well, Zaxby sucks by comparison. Well, I mean, it's right. They put it next to in Arby's. Like, Zaxby's and Arby's were just next to each other. For each other, I would say. Yeah, they cancel each other out.

Yeah, I, yes, if no one goes to either. I truly believe that what you just said is 100% right. It is just like, do you want to go to Arby's? I don't know. Well, there's a Zaxby's right there. There's a McDonald's down the street. Let's just go to McDonald's. It's that.

You're already in your car. Nobody's walking to either of these places. 100%. You can make so many options. You can make any decision anywhere else. In Austin and Flugerville being the greater Austin area. Once you're in your car, you're driving five minutes, anywhere, right?

It's just like, okay, I'm in my car, I've gotten out of my neighborhood, I'm on the highway or wherever, it's five minutes to get to Zaxby's or like 10 minutes to get to any other chicken place in Austin. It's like, why would you go? And that applies to like everything.

Yeah, right? Same thing with like, I was gonna say. So they just opened up, especially up in like that area, they just started building shit like fucking crazy. Yeah, new down town.

Yeah. And then on the other side of the highway, they have, here's a tumble 22 and all the shit. Like, dude, all kinds of shit. Oh yeah, the kura. I went to that Nira. It's over by the Costco. It's a very small Kura.

They like, oh, because the other one's pretty small. I would say, yeah, it's, I would say the one on airport is like massive compared to the other one. Okay, that's tiny then. But it's crazy and what you're saying is right. You're already in your car. Why would you just go,

hey guys, I'm doing saxby. You're right. And it's not even like a, like, a, like, like a shitting on the going to Zachsy's part. It's just like, why wouldn't you go to the best one? Yeah. Like the one you, you know, there's like no reason to, to settle. No. Yeah.

No. And it wasn't cheap. We got four of the wraps. Like a meal at it. We got four of the wraps, a cheese curd that was served to us on a plate. Just like loose curds on a plate. And just like the antithesis is like, you know, like, and here's your cheese. It was real sub in the tub in a tub.

Yeah, it was. And then we got. And then we got four small banana. pudding shakes. No, we didn't. They were so big. They were... They were bigger than that. That's probably a big chunk of cost when he charged was for four large shakes. Yeah, for sure. Small? All right,

large. Four large shakes. Oh, yeah. So, okay. For the four bozos? So is the... Oh, the three bozos and one pig, sorry. The small, small pig. Piggy bozo. These three bozos have one small, small pig with them? Four large shakes. This four of those sandwiches or the wrap.

the cheese and the shakes and it was like 70 bucks 70 flat or like 75 or so there were three wraps and we only got two of them because we would have got like the other the other rap was the Asian something whatever but that wasn't new

they had had that previous and then these were the brand new ones and I wouldn't expect it's 70 bucks to be you know six wraps not four yeah I agree yeah and he asked like do you want to make these meals and we went no no no we're just going to do this thing this way. That'll be cheaper, we thought.

Jesus Christ. So like, why go to Zs? Like, what Zaxby's doing? We're gonna make chicken, fingers, and suck him. Well, if we want to learn more about that, let's, uh, let's learn some Zaxby's Faxby's. Oh, Faxby's. Oh, funny. Faxby funny.

Ooh. Um, hum, hum, hum, Hum, hum, hum, hum. Umbrage. Hem, him, him. Yeah. And here's where we, uh, we figure out what we had last time and, uh, how it, how it scored.

Our last Zaxby's episode was in August 5th, 2025, where we ate Zaxby's lemon pepper wings with Gracie. It received an average rating of seven. So that tasted like cleaning supply. Yes, it did. Yeah, they had just gone too much. Yeah, it was pine slosh. It was just, yeah, that's what I meant to say.

If you go back and rewatch that episode, we were all talking about, we were about to give the score. We were talking, yes. And then talking about how it tasted like cleaning supply chemical, whatever. And then Jordan pulled out like, like cleaning,

what chlorox wipes? The lemon ones and then they went Gracie smell this and she smelled this and she said that's how it's how it's and she was sucking on those earlier

she was like she's getting all the flavor it was that in a tide pod yeah she was set they mix they mix they mix really well

seven seven is it was like I was like I can't eat this yeah it was so overwhelming it was also and I don't like

lemon pepper to begin with that was also the episode shit where we got bread with the food, you ate it, and then you went, I'm done, and then you put your bread in my dream. That doesn't sound like me.

He would never do that. That sounds really funny. That was something Nick. I don't remember that. That's really funny. I'm going to go look for that after this now. Zaxmeese has opened its transfer portal loyalty program where Zaxby's fans can get a 100,000 point signing bonus

for transferring loyalty programs to Zaxby's. Funny. The chain has recruited Duke University men's basketball players Cameron Boozer, Caden Boozer, and Nick Kamenia for the promotion, but we truly don't know how loyal they are until tested. This is why we're proposing sauce hazing

or sauce monkey can finally relive his glory days of binge drinking by challenging the boozers to live up to their fucking names for once in their lives and test if they have the sack, which they don't, end quote. We pledge Kappa Sigma Monkey. That's what I'm saying.

Toga. Toga. Toga. I knew binge drinking and hazing feels like it's right up the sauce monkey's alley. Hold on. And boosers? Yeah. Think about you. Well, you can't be named Boozer and getting out drunk by the sauce monkey. Booser? Kaden. C-A-Y-D-E-N.

You could spell that name. Engel. I've seen that name spell like 50 different ways. That's crazy. They are the twin brothers of Carlos. Carlos Boozer. I remember Carlos Boozer. I hate that I'm old enough now that like the players I remember as a kid.

Yeah. And he thinks he's old. Yeah. LeBron James just... 40 soon. 40. 40. 40 alert.

Just threw an alley-up to his son in the playoffs. And it was like, it was a thing that I watched and went, that's fucking cool. And then I turned to dust. I remember growing up, you don't have like these like, like locked memories of just like a set of your house of like, like my dad's like his bedroom, like his desk and his work desk and like your friend like it never changes. It's like that. I remember growing up always seeing his, he had this happy 40th birthday card that he held on to. Oh wow. So I was like, you know, a couple years old.

So by the time I remembering it, he still only had to be maybe like 45 or something. I'm thinking about that now and I'm like I'm next I'm gonna buy you that card yeah goddamn right we're gonna have a set and then

when I grow up I'll remember it and then in a few years I'll tell I'll tell him what's up for you I ain't living that long yeah right you ain't gonna catch me sleeping it's a race

that's okay actually I think I think what I'll do is I'll go back just just for like just for like the insult to the to just like the common man where like my genetics just defy logic. Yeah.

I think I'm gonna go back like tonal nuts for my 40th birthday. Are you really? Leading up to it. You're gonna get like crazy. I just want people to live till like 130. I want people to be like, hey, you're 40.

I feel bad about myself. Yeah, yeah. He's 40? Yeah. Look at me. That's what I like to do. So you have to get back on steroids or what? His steroid is calm.

I just stopped. I just stopped working out. Smart. Smart. I don't want the, well, you got to keep the cycle. Because it's a cycle and I didn't want to. So I just been doing it.

Oh, that's good. I was like, I asked, I was just like, if you, if you have to stop one, should it be the steroids are working out? And it's like, if you got to stop one, never stop taking steroids. Yeah. I talk to my doctor. It's like a GOP one. You got to take it for the rest of your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's okay. I'm taking that too. Yeah. I'm taking GOP ones. I'm taking GLPs. I'm taking experimental GM2s. Oh, twos? I put it all in the 42 gram core power.

Oh, that's hell. Hell you. Pull over with the microplastic. Yeah. The microplastics, the GOV won the steroids. They taste like shit. Like the elite vanilla can only do so much for that steroid taste. And I'm so ziggily.

No, that's what you've got to do chocolate. Oh, smart, smart. I've been doing banana. Oh, man. Anyway, everyone, he's joking. He doesn't actually drink. Turn 40. Oh.

That's Jordan. As of April 10th, police are investigating a shooting that left an individual in critical condition at an Atlanta shopping center Zaxby's. For more on the story, we go to Hood Anchor Yee. All right, Nick, I'll send you this video so you can put it in the episode. Here, a little bit of Yon point out right here outside the Zaxpiz

on South Fulton. Somebody didn't got down got shot at the motherfuckin Zaxbush. God damn. But he expected to be okay. He had the hospital avoid the area. They got the whole Zaxmonds can't even cut of Zaxbiz. If you can't go to Zaxpiz. What the fuck? What the fuck? Fuck y'all got going on in Southwood because I didn't been out here

a lot in the pad got down a couple weeks. Y'all got too much going on. But avoid the area, I'm going to say to the predator. Everybody that's involved on foot with me one time, man, who don't get you? He lost me at the very end. And then,

and then some B-roll. Yeah. That I found that guy. The hardest cut I've ever seen to B-Row. He friends with Sookie Stackhouse? Dude, I found that guy yesterday and I was thrilled. He's right, though.

If you can't go to the Zachson. Where can you go? What can you go? What the fuck is the point? Yeah. What is this world coming to? His news reporting has been featured on the Atlanta news. People are like, Hoodinger,

A, they love this guy. And it's like, damn, he's like, he's boots on the ground. Boots on the Grand Journalism. That's a journalist right there. Well, hang on. Let's listen to him. I want to know if it's, you want to make sure it's right. Okay.

Let's listen to it one more time. Sounds like it's EA. Okay. Okay. It's yay. Okay. Hood Anchor Ye. All right, that's good.

Now we learned a lot. Keep that in our pop. Yeah. The whole, I mean, there's just a cop car behind him. He's got a professional

looking microphone. Yeah. And his hat. His hat was kind of like this. It's got the square on it. Pretty cool. It said press. Yeah.

And I like that he just kept going, what have you guys been doing down here? I keep having to come out here. Why do I have to keep coming out here? That's what is nice here from the news reporter? What are you guys doing out here? Yeah. Stop.

I'm ragging my ass out of bed. Can't even go to Zach's because you're shooting it up. Every time I come to Zach's just to report on a shooting. Can you imagine if we had to drive all the way out to Zaxbiz and we couldn't even eat? Nuh. We should talk about how far it is. We're so lucky. Yeah, man.

The, he liked the milkshake. I don't remember. I thought he was male on it. No, it's fine. Oh, it's fine. You liked it. So anyway, there's no more information.

about that shooting, that's all the information I can find about it. All we know is that a shooting happening. Yeah, there, all of the information was... No, like suspect number of... Nope, no, nothing. Nope, nothing. Nope, well, we know that the Zach, the whole Zachs piece is closed. Yep, we know that much.

All of it. Not just happened. All of it's closed. The drive-through? All of it. They're not doing anything there. Yep. That's, see, someone went to Zaxbiz and went to the drive-by window. Pretty good.

Thanks, Kevin. He brought this you He tried to go to a drive-through He should be fired He should be fired Jay, you're crazy It's what thing Buh-p-p-p-bomb-bong

Oh, I fell down a hill That's what happened Yeah The mopses come and get me Wow, it looks like You need my garage Wow, it sure looks like you got punched in the eye, Jay Leno.

What? What? Look, that fall down the hill all the time. Look, we saw that kid in X and 8

get his weird injury. Anything's possible. That was weird. It's possible. I just don't think Jay Leno owes anybody money.

He's doing all right for himself. He doesn't touch his tonight show money. Oh, he doesn't? Do you not know about that? Should he think about it eventually,

though? This was the thing that he would always say when he was doing the Tonight show. Which was a couple more years than you would have originally thought.

Yeah. So many years. And then he stopped. And then that's what exactly. Like when he retired. So he said that when he was doing the tonight show, he would what?

Do you think him and Conan or friends? Yeah, I think they hang out all the time. That's why he's been on Conan's podcast, right? Right? Jay Leno would always talk about how he would go touring all the time because he never touched his Tonight Show money. He's like in his 70s. Touch your fucking money.

And he's no kids, right? Yes. He does not have kids. They also do not touch it because they don't have kids. That's right. So use your money. Use your tonight show money to pay off these guys. Well, I mean, where's it you get all a car money then?

He's like a million cars. It's true. Well, he owns the touring money to buy the cars and he can't touch the tonight's show money. He can't touch the night show money. So he takes out predatory loans. I think he, I bet he got a lot more tonight show money than touring money. Uh-huh.

I agree. I would think. I just, I agree. He should consider touching the money. Some of it. Touching. Or maybe he'll build like a sarcophagus tomb thing.

and they'll put all his money in there. But like in your head you go, oh, they're pouring all of like the coins and the jewels, but really they just write a check. Just his Bank of America and then it's his number and then they put it in there with his body. There is all the money. That's already just his garage, right?

Just seal it up. Yeah, just seal it up. Just put him in the trunk of one of his cars, like the nicest car. And then... He doesn't get to be in the seat. He doesn't get to be in the seat of one of his cars. Put him in the trunk.

Yeah, it's like a casket. You don't bury a guy open to the sky. Well, you put him in the windows. trunk and then you bury the car. Well, I'm saying, you just bury the whole garage. You sealed up like a fucking, like a pyramid. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's all right in there.

Just like dump his shit. They open like the roof and just slide all his shit in. Jay Leno dies. We try to- Hey, ho! What are you doing? We try to stuff him in the back of a Model T. He doesn't quite fit.

We have to break his legs backwards style so they bend like a dog. He ain't using them. Yeah. So all the cars he has, he's going to go in the Model T. It's the old of the car. It's the first one. They don't have the old car. The trunk space is not great at that.

No, no. So we have to fold them up accordion style. We shove them in the back of that. And then we close the garage. We put like sealant around everything. We cut a hole in the roof. We fill it with concrete. Does seal it go inside him too?

It can just in case. Seal every hole. Yeah, yeah. Well, we got to see. What we should do is seal the back of the model T so that way he can't get out in case there's like a zombie thing. Yeah.

Yeah. See? That way his guts can't come out. Yeah. You got to keep him locked in. You have to keep the soul in or something. We crush him accordion style and then we put so much sealant in him. We see if we can unfil.

Oh. So he goes straight again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he fills that whole trunk. Like a looney tune. My boss used to say if he ever wanted to kill and torture someone, he would just put spray foam up their ass. Yeah.

And it would be like the slowest most painful earlier. Why would Jeff say that? It wouldn't be that complicated. You know that that's, if you ever want to sabotage, say, a fast food restaurant and you just want to put them out of business, it's not that expensive to get spray foam. Oh, it's real cheap. And it's like, and it's like squishy, like concrete. And to shoot it down, you flush a toilet. Wasn't somebody doing that?

Vigilante style was going around doing that? I don't know. Oh, interesting. I hadn't heard. I heard the, real deep thing to do. Orange County. health, like, department puts out, like, places that have been closed down for, like, various health code violations.

They closed down a concession stand at Angel Stadium due to a rat. Oh, yeah, do you know about the rat infestation in Angel Stadium? It's awesome. But they have, like, a billion rats. Just one concession stand, though. It's like one section, one section of the stadium. Huh. You can't, like, it's just a big circle.

You can't go through one section of the stadium due to rat. But the stadium still open? Oh. Well, yeah, the stadium. Yeah. Yeah. How are the angels going to play? Get rid of rat.

Kill rats. Kill rats. Honestly, I'd go watch the rats. Send in the pig to get the rats. Call up Jeff. Pig rat. Oh, boy. Should I keep doing this?

Yeah. All right. Zaxby's announced the appointment of Michael Dixon as its new chief financial officer and will be a key member of Zaxby's executive leadership team. That's great. Dixon, previous to this,

led financials for Pinkberry and Cheesecake Factor In December 2014, Pinkberry filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy liquidation, and in January 2026, Grand Lux Cafe, the upscale casual dining concept created by the founders of the Cheesecake Factory also filed for bankruptcy as well. So, happy trails to Zaxby's. We'll always remember your cleaning chemical chicken. Why do they hire losers? Because you did the job one time. But they didn't. They all failed.

No, no. Right, but he did it. Once. It wasn't his fault. He kept track of the financials. Yeah, he put them all on that paper. Or he didn't. He had somebody else do it.

Yeah, he led the department. Fail up. That's all you have to do. That's how it goes. If you're a white guy and you have a C-suite title, you can just keep moving up. Yeah, you could do anything. That's why we should all be C-suite stuff.

What does that mean? How do we be C-suite stuff? Thinking about getting on a board. Yeah. We just have to be on a board. How do I get a chair? How do you get a chair? Yeah, you put the chair on the board.

Oh, okay. did that. We did that once. We put we put a like a lawn chair on one wheel. I was riding around the I remember that. Oh, that's right. So you had a chair on a board. That was cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. He's the chairman of the board. And then the company

went under. Oh. But that's, hey. Hey. Hey, I swear my promotion. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah. So now they're like, ah, we've seen, we're seeing good things. Yeah. I'll say anything. Thank you. If you want, if you want to like update your resume, you can just put that you were like CMO of this company. Well, I thought you were going to tell

like, because we're hiring, right? You want people to send applications? Yeah, send them right to Nick. No? All right. That's, I feel like, before I get into this last fact, I feel like, you know, two years in now, almost. Yeah.

This company. I feel like we haven't reached the critical mass where everyone tells us they want to work here. That's true. And we're missing out on that. Yeah, that's true. I think that's probably just fine. I think the problem with our fan base is,

they don't constantly tell us that they want to work here. You think that's the problem? Yeah. It's like, what, you're just watching it? Don't you watch and want to be here? Tell me about it.

Tell me about it all the time. Don't you put this on, on a TV, and then pull up your chair next to it, sit next to me or Jordan, and go, right. Well, no, that was that.

That's crazy. That was Evan. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Right. But he was quiet. That's true. Yeah.

Until he got thirsty. And then we were mean. Yeah, get him. The final fact, the month ago, one month ago, human time. Yep. Bizjournals.com wrote an article titled, Why Austin is primed for the next wave of Zaxby's growth? I doubt that.

This AI-written article, which is sponsored content by Zaxby's, says that, quote, Austin's restaurant market is becoming increasingly, competitive, particularly in the chicken category. Yeah. So happy trails to Zaks, who will open a restaurant in the Arboretum, which will close within a year, then open four across Round Rock and Manor and claim victory in Austin. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Oh, the Arboretum. Yeah. You can see how that's going to go. They will open one in Austin. It will close within two years. And then it will be like... They're not wrong that it's primed for competition.

You have to be, you You have to be competitive. Not you. Anyway, guys, I'm, the NFL I hear is very competitive. Yeah. So I'm gonna join in. I'm gonna, you know what?

I'm gonna see. I'm taking the fight to them. We should write an article at bizgeralds.com. Wow. Yeah, all of us. How much could it really cost? Just tell me what you want Chatsy P.D.

Jep, the Ptt to write for you. And we'll just put it out there about how we're going to join the NFL. Yeah. The NFL is prime for 100. percent eat. A podcast where guys I want to write a rebuttal article. I got to get back in shape. I'll get in shape for 40. And then we'll see if we can get the baseball thing going.

Oh, again, if I just hit the home run. Then I can just be rich. I'll give you guys some money. Oh, wow. Like if I got paid like millions in the, what's it called? Draft. No, MLB. Yeah, okay.

I didn't know that that was the thing you're searching for. Yeah, yeah. You know, I wanted to say, I wanted to say N, but I knew that was hockey. Yes. Oh, NH. It was hiding. NPB is Japanese baseball. I'm swimming.

No, you're hitting. Not yet, but I will be. Our article will be titled Why Austin isn't Prime for the next play. It'll just be an article directly in the face of Saxby's. Saxbyes greatly overestimates their ability to compete with. We've been going that long already. Yeah, dude.

We're still in the fast. We're flying. Not flying. What? Oh, you're swimming. We're crawling. You're swimming. Well, those are the facts.

You guys learn a lot? I learned a lot about Jay Leno, which happens a lot on the show for some reason. I like talking about Jay Leno. It is so exciting. I used to watch it all the time. It's not, like these are just simply for us where doing a Jay Leno voice is still fun and funny to me. It's funny to me. It's great.

It doesn't have to be good. It's funny. Yeah, you do that and then you do the Kevin Eubanks was there. Yep. Bo. I think he was a bass player, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So he would, the only reason I know, he'd make a sound. Yep. Bump, boom, boom. It was, uh... I liked Max Weinberg. Oh, yeah. Max Weinberg was cool. The Max Weinberg said.

They would always do that, they'd do that bit where, like, they do a little back and forth, and then they'd start laughing, and then it would just cut to Max. Very Gus-like. Yeah. He did, yeah. But he was always so good at not breaking. Yeah. Which is, like, the guy's not a comedian.

He's a drummer for Bruce Springsteen. But he would always just like be able to spike the camera. Yeah. You're drawing for Conan. No, no, no. He, no. This guy. He'd think Conan is Bruce Bringsstein.

That's a different guy. He was born in the USA. Conan. Bruce coming. Yeah. Where's he going? All over you. Not me.

Very defensive. Not me. It felt very accusatory. Well, that's not what the sauce monkey. inside Tomadochi life is saying. Oh, a stinky sock. Oh my. A bowl of spicy ketchup.

Whoa, Alan Cumming is here. Saw Spocky's best friend, Alan Cumming? I am invincible. I love talking about I am invincible. Spy kids. The Great Gazoo. Josie and the Pussycat. He was in that, yeah.

X-Men. Yeah. He was a night crawler. He wasn't in that crawler. Give me a fax about the food. That was a good movie. Weird. The night crawler with the...

Jake Gyllenhawn. Where he doesn't blink? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was good. I liked it a lot. All right, here's the new chicken bacon ranch.

It's new. And it says, three hand-bredded chicken fingers topped with shredded cheddar jack. Strips of hard wood, smoked bacon. Sliced cute. and tomato for some reason. Finished with a smooth ranch drizzle. A smooth ranch drizzle.

Smooth drizzle. None. He also got the new buffalo blue. Okay. Three hand-bredded chicken fingers tossed with buffalo garlic blaze. Crumbled blue cheese and diced tomato balanced by a light ranch drizzle. What? For cooling contrast.

So that's the- Where was the ranch? Exactly. I don't know. They substituted ranch for more blue cheese, which I was a fan. It is the blue cheesiest thing I've ever eaten

It was like red Yeah and then yes It was the or they're tossed in like the In the buffalo garlic whatever Like that sauce Yeah Reading that description and just mentioning Crumbled Blue Cheese does not do it justice

No No we haven't talked about how blue cheesy It is mostly blue cheese It's the blue cheesiest food I've ever eaten In about a week ago I just kept eating blue cheese on crackers Going pretty good Dude like that fucking chunks

Yeah Oh yeah Sometimes I'll just pick out chunks and then just go eat the chunk. Yep. Oh, it's so, it's crazy. So I wanted to compare it to the one that we didn't get, the Asian sensation. The old Asian sensation. Three hand-bredded chicken fingers with crunchy wanton strips, shredded Asian-style slaw, and a sweet, savory terriaki drizzle. That's not worth us eating.

Yeah, I could all. Nothing about that sounds like the other stuff. Good. It had crunchy strips and then. Slaw and terri-a-kri-k. I can imagine. what that tasted like. Yes.

Especially when they didn't put enough you know they didn't put enough terriaki like their sauce. They didn't put any ranch on the ranch. So it's just gonna be sloth. There were not three chicken fingers in these. I agree. They certainly weren't giant. Well I also feel like

maybe I just got different cuts because we did just get two of each and we cut a half. But like I feel like the blue cheese when I had had way more chicken in it. Yes. It did. Yeah. So like, I don't know if maybe just like I got the short end of that ranch half or they was just, no, it felt like there was more chicken. There was way more chicken in the Buffalo one.

Still not enough. Yeah, way more like flavor. Driving that home. He said it every time Jordan mentioned it every time. Wasn't it enough? That's not three fingers. I'm fucking writing it down. We got it.

How about the banana pudding milkshake? Not enough chicken fingers. It's mad. It's a hand spun. Treat, blended with banana pudding flavor and vanilla wafer pieces. Nella. Topped. Sorry.

With whipped cream and a cherry. He's saying sorry because it feels like that's the social norm. It's not a thing that he feels. He's like Dexter. He doesn't feel these things, but he's practiced. I mean, we've talked about his dark passenger. He is dark passenger. Yeah.

When we come here to do the show, we have to set up a bunch of like plastic. Yeah. Just like, well, it's for when he's eating I get sauce everywhere. Bay Harbor Eater, oh my God. The ice truck Muncher. Were you a Dexter watcher?

Yeah. The first couple seasons. I love Dexter's lap. When his sister fell in love with him, I was out. Season four was so good. Is that what happened in the show? Yeah. Well, they're not actually, like, related.

It's an adoptive brother. But I mean, it's still weird. I didn't watch Dexter. So like, I didn't know that. I just said she says fuck. At that point. It's hot. At that point, in real life, the actors.

They were going through a divorce, weren't they? They were already divorced. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. What? So they had met on the show, playing brother and sister, got married. What? In real life.

In real life. Didn't marry in the show. And then got divorced. Show's still going. Then they had the characters fall in love with each other. Well, the one, falling in love with him. Yeah. She was like, I didn't get in.

much further into that. Season four was... Season four was John Liscoe. Okay, it was so good. I've seen a lot of TikTok clips of that. That was the best season of the show. And then it just slowly went downhill. So, oh, Jimmy Smith's is the bad guy.

I think I watched season five and that was it. Yeah. Did they do like another season or something? They brought it back two times? They brought it two times or had two seasons. No, they brought it back two separate occasions. They really? So they did like a renewal.

Does he like go to Alaska or some shit? I think so. They do it a renewal. I don't know. They ended it. They didn't like the way it ended. They brought it back again, I think. Or they're going to.

That's too much. Just let it die. I simply watch it on TikTok. It really like overstayed. It's welcome. Yeah. The writing really just kind of just like fell apart. Yeah.

But they just kept making it. Yeah. I felt that way about Homeland as well. Like they had like a... Which one was Homeland? That was the one with Claire Bain. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That one was good for like two seasons. That's still what's so goddamn good about Breaking Bad. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it was watching a whole way through. And it was like, that deserved to exist. There are moments in Better Call Saul where I was like, is this better than Breaking Bad? Like, I think that is just a executive producer, like a creator that went like, we're doing this many seasons.

And then the station just going like, but what if we did more? What if we did more? And he goes, no. And that's it. It's, that's it. But Jordan, Presbyterian. Oh, yeah. We're still doing the show.

We're not doing Dexter Talk. Well, we did Dexter. talk, it's over now. You idiot. That was more, that was more rent. I'm a dial in for monkey guy. All right, Jordan, press material. Ha, ha, ha.

Chief marketing officer at Saxis, Patrick Schwing, said, we listen when our fans say they want more, more flavor, more value, and more to actually fill them up. Not true. That's exactly what we're delivering with our giant chicken wraps. Let's just say I know a thing

or two about bananas. Okay. Said Jackson Olson, a fan favorite on and off the field. What field do you think he's on? I don't know. A banana field? Okay. I don't know.

I wanted to bring this up because if, see, if you guys knew who he was, I assume he's a Savannah banana. Yeah. So teaming up with Zach's to bring back their iconic banana pudding milkshake just made sense. It's creamy, nostalgic, and the perfect sweet finish to a bold, saucy meal, or well-earned reward after long. day of shenanigans and baseball.

Shenanagan. So he's got to be... Savanagan. Maxby's is also Georgia based. Let's just say... He's dating Pat Sejack's daughter. I know a thing or two about bananas. Weird. Now, is Pat Sejax's daughter

hot, Nick? Or is she conservative? Both. They are probably both conservative. They are doing a thing with Zaxbis. He's on the Savannah bananas. That's as crazy as he gets. I just know Pat Sejerk is also...

This guy does... this guy goes to church Oh, I see that guy a lot. Pat Seidac is what? Finish it. He's what? Oh, he's like ultra-Republic. Oh, really? Who is that? Is that Will Fortune guy?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, not anymore. Well, now it's replaced with a guy who's even more conservative. Ryan Sechrest. Well, we have our reviews of Zaxby's, but we need to hear from you

in a segment we call you review. Whatever or do you guys want to do. Looks like we have some bangers. I'm just going in. All right. Bobby J said, I had been looking forward to trying the new sensation salad.

I'm over that now. It would be great, but for an egg roll that could have been from a gas station and had been on the roller grill for a few days. I took it to the counter and showed them expecting maybe a manager would come out or they would bring me a new one

that wasn't burnt. Nope. I spoke to another employee that brought out food to a nearby table and shows her quote, yeah, they look burnt but on the inside they're good. I tried it. She was wrong. I asked for a manager on my way out.

Then saw he was about 17 and half and figured he wouldn't understand. Yeah, 17.1.5. 17.1 slash 2 half and figured he wouldn't understand or care any more than the other employees I spoke to. So I just moved on. No, this is fair. My wife's chicken and fries were both also way overcooked. They must be using nuclear power for the friar. Why is that always the deal? Her toast, however, was a different story.

Half of it was toasted perfectly. The other half, nothing but warmed with butter. How do you even do that? I won't be back. I tried it. She was wrong. What a fucking moron. Yes.

My food's burnt. Try it. I mean. Well, the fast food lady said try it. Yeah. That's... She shouldn't be doing that. He shouldn't be taking your advice.

Oh, I don't like it. Can I even... Well, you already ate it. Gotcha, bitch. Oh, no. Are you a dumb little pig? Everyone's pretty dumb. Let me talk to your 17-1-half-half manager.

Yeah. What the fuck? I think him putting that together and going, it's not even worth it. I think that's the smartest thing he did. Well, I also, like, he went from the first manager to, I bothered some other table. I saw a lady go in another table and I pounce.

What egg roll is there's an egg roll at Zaxby's and he's excited about the Zaxby's egg roll? Yeah, and the and the sensation salad. Zalid. I'm over that now. What is that? I don't even mean. He didn't elaborate.

What does that mean? Why are you over it? I've been looking forward to trying it. I'm over that now. Did you just, did you try it? Did you try it and not like it? I don't understand. I really like, his misspellings are infrequent, but they're all bangers.

where it is the egg roll that could have HAV space space E splash space Ben from the gas station I I take my food to a near diet table and shows her

I shows her I shows her and then I says to her I says it's fine It's bird It's buoyed it's point It's point on the inside It's good on the inside

I tried it She was wrong She was wrong This guy's an idiot It's awesome All right next one The next one from Ray A.

Ray A. Not a great experience. Ordered four kicking chicken combos. Got four drinks, three sandwiches. Four drinks and a carrier. Don't try it. Hey, hey, what do you think happens? Either the carrier is jacked up or the

drink cups were too tall. One fell out as they were handing it to me. The replacement felt out in my car when I tried to get out of car at home. Maybe if this COVID-19 turns down. I'll try again in the in-restrant

dining area, but the drive-thru gets bad review. Trying to split up the food that actually made it home between the people here. Just don't want to go back out. What are you talking about? He spilled this guy. Yo, their drink calorie was jacked up.

What does that mean? Four? Can you imagine? Don't try it. Don't even try. You mean the way they've always existed? In a carrier of four? What the fuck are you talking about? Try it with three and hold it on the side of that's empty. Could you imagine being a kid at home and your mom has trusted your dad to go get the Zaxby's?

He brings it home and he's soaked. Where's all the food? Some of it's wet, but here's three of four sandwiches. God damn it's three of four sandwiches. I'm telling you, it's the COVID thing. That children will go hungry. Two of four sodas. When this COVID turns down.

When this COVID-19 turns down, it's going to be different. We'll go to the restaurant, it'll be fine. Trust me. Maybe if this COVID-19 thing turns down, I'll try again in the in-restor. I'm in-restorown area. Four drinks and a carrier? Don't try it. Sounds like they're jacked up.

They tried it when they give us the shakes. Fuck, dude. I try it all the time. Yeah. I'm pushing the limit. Sounds like user error. All the time. Well, there's one more review.

Who wants to jump on it? I'll do it. Okay. Jump on this grenade. Raziel, I think. Mm-hmm. But it's when an ass is not a Z. Raziel G.

Buware! Uh-oh. Which isn't usually what you say about food. No. Buyer pulled up to the window. I assume the cashier is mute and doesn't speak. Okay. As she didn't say a single word to me during the transaction.

While waiting for my order, I reviewed the receipt. Everything seemed correct, but something told me to hold on to it. I was informed. that there wasn't enough wings, so they substituted some tenders. Okay, I left and come to work to find out they didn't pack the dip. I only eat wings with dip, ranch. I now have hot wings and no dip. I did order it as it was noted on the ticket.

So, I called the place to ask, what do they do in a case like this? Considering I dropped over $40 for wings and fries, the manager claims there isn't that much she can do. She offered 10% of my next meal. I can get 10% pretty much anywhere when I show my veteran status. So this doesn't do anything for me but deter me from coming here again. Sad! So, to avoid this, I advise all to check their bags to ensure the order is 100% correct.

Too bad if it clogs the drive-thru or avoid leaving the window to park while they take your order to you. You will not get what you paid for and management won't be able to do much for you. She had a feeling and didn't check in the fucking... I really like, is she fucking stupid? All that said, what do you do? I mean, go back and get you. You just go back and you go, hey, I didn't get the ranch. Okay, yeah, that's all.

What did, what did it? It's also weird that they kept calling it dip. Yes, very strange. Diff is a dip. Like they, that they do like tobacco. Well, they like pack a lipper ranch. No, dip is for chips. Yeah.

Right. I agree with you. Yeah. The ranch isn't dip. No, ranch is not dip. Had to slide in. What are we going to do about this? Yeah.

So now what? Well, do you want to come back and get the sauce? Or do you want to just like go buy a bottle of sauce? Right. How far away? You know what I mean? What do you mean? Yeah.

What are we going to do to make this right? What are you calling them for? Veteran. That's slipping in. By the way, I'm a veteran into the middle of it to just get like, that's right. Everyone's going to feel bad for me. I don't feel fucking shit for you. You're out of your mind.

You're not even a teacher. My veteran intuition told me to hang on to this receipt. Yes. Zaxpies is a battlefield. And even veteran status aside, 10% is to say like, yeah, it's not that big a deal. You got all your food. They give you 10%.

They over 10% for not giving you sauce? Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong. That's huge. Yeah. Right? Well, no, I'm just saying like missing your sauce is huge for your wings. I agree with that.

But check or go get it. Yeah. But like, what are they going to, you know what I wouldn't call? Because no matter what they tell me, I'm not going to get the ranch on the fucking drone. They're not going to send it through the phone. Who has someone to you? Calling a Zaxby's.

Just go back. Old people. Yes. Yeah. They love... I better pick up the phone. Call that Zaxby's. World War II veteran.

Pearl Harbor, I was there. Sad! I wonder who they voted for. Real question mark. The way they write. Real interesting. Well... I don't understand the question.

Those are... I'm not asking a question. Those are your reviews of Zaxby's. But we have our reviews of Zaxby's giant chicken finger wraps and banana pudding shake. Jordan what did you think? Let's start

with you. It was a real contrast between these two because the buffalo one with the blue cheese, that was nothing but blue cheese flavor. And it was coating your tongue packing a punch like just

thick blue cheese. And I'm not a blue cheese guy. I usually get get ranch with wings and stuff. I'll say I didn't mind this, but boy, was it a lot. Yeah, it was, it was, it was very potent. Yeah, it was, it was, the overwhelming taste. I didn't taste the chicken in that one at all.

Yeah, there was no other flavor. I would, like, saying that it's buffalo was, it was just chicken. I would have loved some buffalo with it. It was a, more blue. It was a meat substance. Yeah. With the blue cheese. It had some chew that blue cheese doesn't have.

Correct. That's the only reason it was food. More buffalo would have been nice. What's impressive. about it is that they managed so much flavor. Yeah. It wasn't a balance or necessarily the flavor I wanted, but like it was

it wasn't too much like the lemon cleaner. No, it was like an edible. Yeah, it was overwhelming, but it was an overwhelming food taste. Yeah. It's an overwhelming food that I enjoy too. Like, I really like blue cheese and that was a boom, blue cheese. And then the

the chicken bacon ranch did not have enough ranch on it. No, it was like nothing. So dry. It was so dry. It was so dry. But did it have enough chicken? It also didn't have enough chicken. But it had plenty of lettuce and cucumber. You called it.

It was like a salad. Yeah. It was like a chicken salad with two people. It was a sensational salad. So, yeah, it was a good salad. When you got a bite with the bacon,

it was like kind of smoky or whatever, but that's just the bacon. Like, yeah, the whole thing, again, is in balance. It just, it tasted, it did not taste different.

It tasted like, like a less flavor version of the blue cheese. Yeah. It's like, I feel like they just took out blue cheese and then it was that. Yeah. Similar to last time.

It was just lettuce. When I asked, is this a Zaxby's problem? Or is it a this Zaxby's problem? I don't know. I just... I have a feeling it's a Zaxby's problem. It might be. I'm kind of shocked, though.

This one was a little more normal, thankfully. I'm kind of shocked though, but it'd be in all places, in fast food and in Texas, putting ranch in the title and not just caking it in ranch. Yeah. Put the ranch in. Like, no one goes light on ranch. None of these ranch things, it's like, just put a little bit. It's like, overwork.

We had a ranch container and I poured some on it. It was way better with ranch on it, turns out. And then the banana shake was just like, it's, they crumbled the cookie, first of all. Nick knows all about that. You need solid. And then it's not real banana flavor. It's just like, they didn't use real bananas. It's artificial banana flavoring.

Yeah, there's a plate on bananas. No, that already happened. Oh, right. I agree with that. I'd agree with that. That said, I like that artificial banana flavor. I don't like it that much. Like, no, I feel you.

That's a big difference. Like, when we go to Rudy's and we get the banana pudding, like that's real banana and that's real good. This. I eat real bananas all the time. This is why Nick liked it the whole ride along. It's fine. That's good.

That's good. He liked it. It's good. It's mad. It's bad. Yeah. It's fine. It's fine.

I'm on Jordan's side. But Jordan's saying it's not fine. I'm saying it's bad. Right. Oh. I told you I was in the middle I'm on Jordan side No

I didn't even remember at the beginning of the episode when I said watch this watch ride-along come back boom it's gonna it's even crazier I'm just saying it's drinkable you just watch these two things

and you're listening to this on the day it comes out make sure you come back and watch it again watch this episode watch the ride-along only listen to Nick Talk. Don't even ignore anything anyone else ever says. And you'll still walk away confused.

Yep. He said he would like it. He didn't like it. No, it was good. It was good. It was good. It was good. They have a pig in the car.

Fine. It's not good. Good is good. And there's a pig in here, huh? Fine is fine. Yeah, squeal again. Piggy. Fine is not ma'am.

Mazz worse. 38. 38. Michael? Damn. I really like the blue cheese. But, yeah, The other one just had no fucking flavor.

It was just the not blue cheese flavor. Garden salad. And there was definitely less chicken. It was just eating a salad, 100%. It was just like, I'm eating lettuce. I'm a rabbit. That's what it tasted like. I thought the banana shake was fine.

But I'm my huge shake guy. 53. Okay. It's an average rating of 45.5. It's better than a 7. That's a big step up from a 7th. Definitely. I wouldn't say they're redeemed, but they didn't like feed us cleaner this time.

Yeah. If I had just got one of like the whole blue cheese thing could have been like a 75 for me. Yeah, I can see that. Like if I didn't have the shake and didn't have the ranch, like that was pretty decent. Like because the blue cheese is really good, which I didn't even know it's like giving them credit.

They probably just the container. Like they probably make the blue cheese. Yeah. The blue cheese was the best part. 45.5 is a lot higher than a seven. Nothing tasted like cleaning chemical. Everyone was nice. I will say that.

Everyone, like, I have no complaints about, like, the restaurant. It was expensive. The food came out very fast. It was expensive. It was fucking expensive. But that's just what it is to eat out now. Not enough chicken. I agree with that.

Stop calling them fingers. Yeah. The cheese curds on a plate is a very interesting choice. I mean, you could have put in a little, like, container. You know, even like a styrofoam thing or something. But it's just like a paper plate. I felt like a child being fed. Yeah, it was very like.

It's not. Not even child. As a child, like, your family would have presented that better. Yeah. I feel like, I imagine if I went, I didn't. What it would be like to feed yourself in college. Yeah. So just like plate and just like,

yeah, you just put the stuff on it and you just go whatever. It was just like simply a vessel. Just like, oh, they're just kind of rolling around on there. They were rolling. You know, like it's just, it doesn't, it doesn't make it look like it fills out the, the plate it's on. It's just not, it's not an appeasing design.

It's just like, I don't fucking throw it on the plate, I guess. There you go. But they weren't terrible. No. No. Probably the best thing we are. Yeah, I agree. Well, guys, the anniversary is coming up.

At the time that this episode comes out, we're about a week away. And on that week, we're going to have a lot of videos. I know. We have a lot of videos coming out. We should film them. Excuse me for swearing. Some of them we filmed. Some of them have yet to be filmed.

Listen, it is what it is. We have a lot of time, though, right? Plenty. So, go to patreon.com slash 100% eat. Become a member. You can check out the Michael Jordan podcast and everything. if you're at that $10 tier. Alan be coming.

Alan be coming. A member. And if we can get Alan coming to be a member, that'd be great. We will announce it if. Well, it's already been announced in a video that I assume has come out at this point. At any point in May. If at any point in May, you are a 100% eat member. Nick, edit this.

No, don't edit. If in any point in May, you're a 100% eat fan. Nick, edit that. Nick, if you go to patreon.com slash, 100% eat and you become a 100% fan. And any time in May. For the highest tier. Yeah.

This is all explained in the video, Jordan, just made up. 100% fan anytime in May, you are eligible to receive the Cuck Chair experience. Witness an episode live. We will reach out to you. But you are eligible in that time. You become a 100% fan. If you are in... Eligible to be selected.

Eligible to be selected. You're going to get it. You're going to get it. You will be drawn at random. Anytime in May. So if you cite, say you were, say it was April 15th and you became a 100% fan. Mm-hmm. It is part of May, you will be eligible.

So don't worry about it. You can even do it all the way up until the very last day of May. Yeah. You could wait till May 31st. But if you wait until June 1st, you missed it. Yeah. That's sorry. So you are eligible.

to receive the 100% Cuck chair experience. This is real. One lucky member will be drawn at random and we will fly you out. Yep. Or even drive you out if you're close by. This is a real thing.

This is a real thing. It's a steep, steep discount. It's a steep discount. We had the Evan experience. Yes. And it was such a good time for us and we told it was for him too. We kept telling him this is such a thing.

You like this. You like this. We should do this again. Yeah. people don't be having $10,000 cuck chair money. No. What if they especially don't have 15 or 20?

Hey, we're 100%. What if we just, this is the 1%? For a second anniversary, this is our blowout. For 1% you have the chance of the cuck chair experience. Yep. And maybe we'll make a million dollars. That was my second thought.

There you got. I said, we can make $1 million. If we just get like 20,000 people to sign up. That's all you got to do if you're one of the 20,000. You are entered in that. And hey, here's a 99% discount, by the way. Yeah. I had to double that.

That's why I said 1%. Yeah. And so here's the other thing too, right? Now, you may be listening going, fuck that. I don't give a fuck. I'm not paying $100. It's $100 to tell you right now. Yeah.

Just for a month though, right? Yeah. It's just the one time. You're probably not going to win because, but you might. But here's the thing. If it falls flat on our face and 10 people sign up, boy, or your chances are good. Chances are great. We're following through no matter how many people.

There's no threshold here. It might be one. Yeah. So if there's only a couple. And you're one of them, you don't want other people to do it. Just saying, if people start dropping off. Yep. So, this is an only win scenario for you.

Either we'll get a fuck ton of people or we won't. Either way, your experience will be the same. So there's just a lot of stuff. A little bit of a chip on our shoulder. Yeah. There's going to be a lot of stuff on the anniversary. Check it all out at patreon.com. I'm excited for all that stuff.

I'm excited for Campa Trail. I'm really excited for people to watch Campa Trail. It's really fucking funny, dude. It's so... Oh, you watched it? Dude, doing that with Chris is so funny. I mean, I lived it. Oh, but also watching it.

Have you seen? Well, I've lived the show. Then I lived the show that we made about the show. Yeah. Then I also started watching it. I've watched like the first two episodes. That's the level I mean.

Yeah, yeah. No, it was fun to watch like, not the show part, the Michael part. It was fun to watch with you guys. And then watching me watch it was also fun. So I think it'll be a good piece of content for people. I'm really excited.

It's going to be all of it. If you've seen it. seeing the show, then you'll get lots of little like inside little things that we've been talking about forever on way back when we were Face Jam. Yep. But if you haven't seen the show, it's pretty fun watch.

It's still, it's a really, it's a really well like put together completed production. You know, unlike Grudge Night. Whereas like that didn't exist when I were going out of the end. Yeah, yeah, no, it's fun to watch. So there you have it. Patreon.com slash 100% eat the anniversary, May 11th. That'll be our two-year anniversary.

Doing this for two years. That's crazy. That is crazy. Thank you for letting us. Yeah, really appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. Please pay $100. 100% eat. store for merch, streaming.com

slash 100% eat for signed prints. Check out the Michael Jordan podcast this week and every other week that you've ever missed over the last two years. You sign up for one month at the $10 tier. You get everything. Yeah. You get every Michael Jordan podcast.

That's just a binge one where you play the Great Mouse Detective. This is all. I'll say it in the background. I'll say to the other, The idea I had behind this, too, for the, for the 100% cuck chair experience is also being serious. Like, thank you for supporting us. We've been able to do this for two years. Last year, like, when we started, overwhelming amount of support.

And when we had our one year anniversary last year, people, like, really were, like, generous with, like, signing up for a year and gifting subs. And it's like, yeah, gifting to a friend is always really good to do it. You guys, like, gave so much during the anniversary of last year. it's like my my thoughts is like hey if you are gonna do that this year right let's incentivize it let's just throw it out there also

like like to make it worth your while it's just kind of like if people are already supporting us like there were people that signed up for 100% fans just for the month for the anniversary and so it's like that's why we're deciding to do it during the anniversary it's like I don't expect anyone to continue a membership more than one month

but like hey if you want to show your appreciation really appreciate it for like going for two years and if you want to maybe get something out of it You might get a Evan Coucher experience. Yeah. It's right there. He's got a mask on it right now too. You can follow us out 100% eat on Twitter, Instagram,

and Blue Sky. And if you want to send something, 100% treat, or to us, PO Box 1432, 41, Austin, Texas, 781414. That's P.O. Box 143-3-2-4-1, Austin, Texas, 7-8-7-1-4. Wow. My penis. Go ahead.

Try to do it again. You can ruin my water. Oh, thank God. Hey, rate subscribe. Tell a friend about the show where you eat food and rate the food and give out chairs at steep discounts. Yay. Enjoy your chair.

Yeah. You can use a chair for one hour. Don't say you can use it. Yeah, you can do anything you want. Using a chair sitting. Alan coming? What the? Alan's sitting.

Goodbye.