100% Eat - Schlotzsky's Calzones

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Schlotzsky's Calzones so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about how Schlotzsky's is technically an Austin restaurant, substitutesky’s, a man yelling about catering, and Nick wants Cinnabon. Head to http://www.store.roosterteeth.com to grab some new Face Jam merch like the Grumpy Monkey mug & Sneaky Monkey sign. Butterfly forks & spoons on sale Thursday March 2nd! We probably said a different date then it changed. Sponsored by: Hello Fresh http://hellofresh.com/facejam21 and use code facejam21 DoorDash (download DoorDash app + FACEJAM2023), and Shady Rays http://shadyrays.com and use code FACEJAM. Download the public audio version https://link.chtbl.com/facejampod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it. You probably do, I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host Jordan Smears. Jordan, how are you? Oh my god. Didn't even get to hear the music. Did you see that one coming? Dude.

Uh, fuckin, Michael was... You're already kaleidoscoping. Michael was watching your hand just as soon as the timer starts. It was even faster, Jordan. I had my eyes closed and I was listening. The music? I was listening for the hand slap. God.

There you go. I stumbled out the gate. I was so excited to start. I think I heard one note. Oh, yeah. Boy. That was like off to the races. That was crazy.

Just trying to get somebody out of that rut. Yeah. Yeah, bring the energy. Let's do it. Yeah. Ooh, doggy. Hey, today we're reviewing Schlotzky's Calzones. That's what it says, yeah.

Yeah. No need to get into what they are, I guess. We'll do that later. Yeah, that's what the show is. Well, what they are is they're not calzones, but that's what they're calling them. Yeah. They're sandwiches. It felt like a papadilla situation where it was like, at least they didn't call it a calzone.

They made up their own word for it. But it was clearly a pizza that they folded in half. Yeah, but these were at least double dia's. Like, these were huge. Like, these were thick as fuck. Yeah, it's like if they took... But that's their bread, you know? Yeah, the bread was thick.

The Schlotzky's bread is, like, pretty thick. The bread was thick. Is that their thing? Is that Schlotzky's thing? But so twas the meats and fillings were thick. Everything was thick. It was a thick... it's a thick thing. And we're only a minute and a half in, so let's not talk about the food too much.

Well, maybe, you know, hey, you want to off to the races? You take too long to start. Now we'll be looking for that two minutes later. You want to review the food and then get on with the episode? We should get to it for the people that are waiting. Oh, yeah, that's right. I just want to point out, just because Eric wrote it, today we're reviewing Schlotzky's

Calzones. As I said, past experience with the restaurant, Schlotzpinions. Schlotzpinions. Have you seen any Schlotzpinions? Didn't they have like a bunch of different catchphrases that played on like lots? Yeah, we will be going over that later in the fact section.

Okay. Don't talk about, don't talk about the restaurant too much. You could be in the fact. I'm simply letting you know. I may have never heard of Schlotzky's until I moved here. And it just is a word I heard a lot. People talking about a lot and sandwiches.

Which is weird. It's not like, just because it's from Austin, it doesn't like, it's not big here. It's not big anywhere. because it's from Austin, it doesn't, like, it's not big here. It's not big anywhere. I don't understand where it would be big. I've had it twice back home as a kid.

That's about it. I think I remember the bread. I think I did too. I knew where one was growing up and we would never go there except it was like at a mall. And then you would go like, I mean, I guess we'll eat lunch at Schlotzky's. And I think we did that two times. Ever. The reason I get Quiznos and Schlotzky's mixed up is because when I go, Quiznos has the better advertising.

Absolutely. The singing rats. Yeah, hell yeah. The catchy. And baby, we love them. We love the subs! They're awesome. The catchy slogans.

Like, we love the subs. And big positive in the long run no jared yes that was very they were always like subway cousins it's like it's subway heat stuff but quiznos it's like that was a good move on their part whether you like it or not to not also get a a jared or even the same jared right because i mean he was a free he was a free agent. I had to have thought about if they did. He switched like the T-Mobile. Like the fucking Verizon guy. The Verizon guy, yeah. Holy shit.

I don't think it'd be that clean. No. I don't think he could make the switch that clean. Well, no, not now, but at the time, do you think he could have? Not even now,

but we're talking about now. Imagine he goes to Quiznos. That's what I'm saying. You're saying that what should happen... I'm not saying that's what should happen. I'm saying that's what I'm saying. You're saying that what should happen. I'm not saying that's what should happen. I'm saying that's what I thought you were asking. And I was going, I'll be honest, Eric,

I don't know if Quiznos wants to touch this guy when he gets out. I don't think they're going to want to use him. I don't think he's going to get a Michael Vick-style redemption. He's going to get out. I don't think Quiznos should be waiting to give him a chance. I don't think he deserves it. I disagree with you. Do you think that what I was positing was that while in prison, Jared should endorse Quiznos?

No, no, no. You're positing Quiznos should endorse Jared. I would just, no, I'm not positing anything. I just thought you were floating the idea. I was not floating the idea. I want to be very clear. To be very clear, you can talk about murdering someone. That's not illegal. It's when you start planning it.

I just thought you were talking about Quiznos using J.R. Or in some cases when you start Google searching it. Yeah, you can start Googling it and then that really recriminates you if you do do it. But if you don't do it though, it's fine. There's nothing illegal about it.

You're just looking. It's information. It's the same as searching what's the world's tallest dog. Because it's just information you might want to know. Let's get away from Jared and Google searches real quick. Where do you want to go? Away from this. Why did you have to

say it in the same sentence? Because no one had done it until you did just now. So he wouldn't have gone to Quiznos. You don't think in 2007 he would have gone to Quiznos? Right. I don't think they could have afforded it. Subway got money. How long was he with Subway?

Was he still a Subway spokesperson when he got bought? I think he was. So now I bet Quiznos could afford him. Yeah. I was just thinking it'd be really funny

if he brought down two sub companies and then Schlotzky's like, ah, He's going to get out of prison and there's going to be a vape shop that's like, you should do our advertising.

Woof. In like some Massachusetts town, like wherever he is going to end up living, it's going to be like some local commercial from a vape shop and it's going to be like, hey, I'm Jared from Subway. Like living, it's going to be like some local commercial from a vape shop. And it's going to be like, hey, I'm Jared from Subway. Like that's what's going to happen.

You think? I mean, he could just go right wing politics. He could. Right. Open arms. Welcoming with open arms. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Our brother.

You made it. Come on, Jared. Get in here. We're going to take down the pedophiles. We're going to fight the deep state with Jared. Get him from the inside, Jared. Yep. Oh, Jared. Get in here. We're going to take down the pedophiles. We're going to fight the deep state with Jared. Get him from the inside, Jared. Oh, man. And that's Schlotzky's.

I think those are my Schlotz opinions. So you confuse Quiznos with Schlotzky's? What I was getting at before we went down that path was... But now, almost seven minutes. That's true. A lot of time.

I always wanted like Schlotzkies, but my brain associates Quiznos as Schlotzkies because they're better at advertising. And I've never in my life have seen a Schlotzkies commercial. Why would you ever associate Quiznos with Schlotzkies?

I've had Schlotzkies like once or twice and I like their bread. And I'd be like, ooh, I want that. What is that? And I go, oh, it's Quiznos. Because I see it all over the place. Those rats are screaming about love in the sun. So you just think it's like Quiznos in disguise. I see.

Like Transformers. Right. Quiznos in disguise. It's a classic Transformers situation. Schlotzkies is just, it's weird that it's still in business i feel i agree uh i thought they were long gone yeah um did not even know where one was in this city where it was founded um seemed a little far that actually seemed like too good of a location yes for schlotzky the next close the next closest one is way up 35. I believe that.

I'm just saying for as how many, like there's not many nearby. No. There aren't a lot of, I don't think there are like a ton of Schlotzky's locations, but also- I'm surprised they made it for the pandemic. Hard to say, too, for some people.

I've been struggling. I'm struggling. Schlotzky's. We should just start calling it Quiznos. I don't think anybody else is making the association man I think it's just you I would love

to be on board with this I think it's good and I know why because this is almost another this is just a sonic burger situation and you're a sonic burger guy now yeah okay and even he sees how outlandish this is there's no mirror here he'll never see his own outlandishness but he can see it all over you right now. This is like why he ordered three of each.

Oh, out of just pure hate. Four of each because he didn't want to get, he said, I don't want to hear about it. I just didn't want to hear about it. And I said, when's the last time you heard about it? Right, but I hadn't heard about it because I fucking just do it because I don't want to hear about it. But here's my point. If that even is the case, you've been doing it nowhere near as angry as

you were today. Today you were almost unhinged. Completely unrelated to the show. Not to mention you haven't been prodded about it in so long. Right, it's just when I go, I had to cut the bullshit! What about the last four times you went overboard and I didn't see anything?

It was great. I got a lot going on. You got other shows happening. I'm all aware of them. Well, Eric just kept saying, you know what? It's because you won. It's because you won, Michael. Yeah, and he did, and he won, and it's true. He won the battle years ago.

And you know why? You know who really won? Larry. Yeah, no fucking kidding. Ashley. Tyler. The Noid? The Noid himself?

They all won. I was trying to avoid that guy. Oh, just don't come in with pizza. Larry's mad because he said they started doing their own research and could not believe how they're being advertised like they look so much better. Okay. Anyway, so usually we dump off food. We dump off our food afterwards.

But we had so much of it. It was so sectioned so let's describe it quickly it's uh it's like a calzone type thing right and so we each got three yeah but they're all already cut in half so technically technically we had like six pieces and i don't think any of us ate both halves no no so we took some of us ate half which is and also some of us played with our food disassembled it but the point is we had maybe 10 to 12 extra untouched pieces yeah and so normally we bring over the food after we're done but since it was still warm and we hadn't started yet we're like we'll bring them the food so they are they're noshing on it now and apparently are

just like feasting on it and you're getting messages from behind enemy lines. Yeah, and to be fair, it's not just them. We also saw Pastapine. We did, which was so serendipitous. He was dressed like an airplane pilot. Like an old one, though. Yeah. Like a brown leather jacket. He put the cap and the goggles on.

I don't know which one he was, but he was dressed like a Wright brother. Yeah, he was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we said, hey, if you want calzones, they're in this room back here. Well, hold on. What we said was he was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we said, hey, if you want calzones, they're in this room back here. Well, hold on. What we said was he was just getting some water and he was walking away.

And you said, if you're hungry and no reaction, we have some calzones. And he perks up at the word calzone. There are some in the AH post team room. And he's like, how long? How long will they be there? Yes. And we were like, we just dropped them off.

They're probably eating them now. I don't know, however long it takes people to eat food. He had a full glass of water, a full pint of water and then ran as fast as he could while holding a pint. Delicately running.

Yes. It was like. Right. It looked like a real. It looked like an exercise run, you know, where he had real good posture. Right. Yeah. It's like he was imagining there was a glass of water on his head.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And also there was one in his hand. But then he also couldn't figure out which room it was in. We had to tell him. We're yelling down the hall. Like, stop.

Yeah. You know. Knock on that door. That door. He like. which room it was in. We had to tell him we're yelling down the hall like stop. Yeah. Knock on that door. That door. He like points to the door. He looked like he was running where like you said you have water on your head but if you were to do

a one of those like princess bride like femme training. Right. This is how royalty acts. It's like he had that but then in a comedic scene he had to like go pee.

He was like I gotta go to the bathroom and then he kind of ran off as fast as he could. He was doing that looking for Schlotzky and just knocking on doors. And then eventually a door opened for him and we can only assume that he went in Gremlin style with these other Gremlins. He probably had to fight his way in. The door opened

and Chris, while not a stranger certainly I don't think is a great friend of anyone. Not a crossover. had to fight his way in, you know? The door opened, and Chris, while not a stranger, right? Certainly, I don't think a great friend of anyone. Not a crossover you see a lot. Not like someone went, ah, my old friend Chris, welcome in. It was probably more like, oh, do you need something? Yeah. And so I also, when the door opened, I yelled down the hallway, please feed him.

Yeah. And he went in. So he probably found something. He probably got a calzone. These are all, how big do you think these things were? About the size of a calzone. Okay.

Which apparently is that size. Oh, yeah, they're like that big. You've got three in there. I would say they're probably, I shoved them in. They're probably about 12, right? Somewhere 10 to 12, somewhere like in that area.

Yeah, yeah. And they are so thick. Inches folded over. Yeah. they're probably about 12 right somewhere 10 to 12 somewhere like in that area yeah um and they are so thick inches folded over yeah and they are so thick they're so thick their bread is so thick and then they load them full of uh all the ingredients yeah and it's so much bread yeah there's for a calzone it's not quite what i was imagining i figured it would be thinner bread and then you just kind of like pack it, and who cares? They don't give a fuck. Maybe they were hoping for that, too, and they're like, boy, this bread got big.

Jesus Christ. It's so much. It's so much bread, but it's also not to take away where it's, you know, oh, it's mostly bread and not meat. There's still a fuck ton of meat, too. There's just even more of our bread. Yes. That meatball one. It's huge. That meatball one is huge.

The chicken bacon ranch is fucking packed. Take a big sandwich, put a normal amount of bread on it, then put more bread on it. And they're inconsistent, too. One I had was like, oh, man, this is pretty thick. And then I had another one that was like, the top of this is thick. The bottom is thinner. It's very weird. Way thicker.

It's very strange. It's way thicker. It's very strange. It's so weird. For a sandwich place, I guess, whatever. You know what I mean? Right. Like a Papadilla at Papa John's is a calzone. But, yeah. Deschlotsky's, like, they advertise as, like, we're a pizza place, too.

You get pizzas here. We'll learn more about that in the facts section. Oh, really? You get pizzas there? You'll find more about that in the facts section. Can that be after You get pizzas there? You'll find more about that in the facts section. Can that be after the haiku? Should we get to it? Yeah, let's do it.

Did you have AI write the haiku or is it you again? Yeah, I only did that once. I'm just asking. I'll let you know. I'm simply asking. I'm not accusing. There's nothing accusing here. If I could have an AI do this,

I would have an AI do this. I think we'd be able to tell because there'd be less errors. No. There's no way an AI would write Schlotz pinions. Exactly. Which is how we would know. Hey, wait a second.

This is written too well. Wait. The thing is, the reason I can't do it with the haiku is that they installed some anti-haiku pirate detection thing. Yeah, so like

we can't upload it if it detects that it's pirated. First they're going after AI art and now haikus. And my five paragraph essays. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. Found yeah. Anyway. Founded in Austin. Good bread but no singing rats.

What else can you say? I tried to think of anything else about Schlotzky's and came up with nothing. I really do think that sums up Schlotzky's so well. Here's a fact about Schlotzky's. Here's a fact about another place that is not Schlotzky's. I've run out of things to say about Schlotzky's. Here's a fact about another place that is not Schlotzky's.

I've run out of things to say about Schlotzky's. Exactly. How it went. And that's how this place feels. Yes. Very fucking weird. Yep. Super bizarre little sandwich place, I guess. Michael, you want to learn more about it? Sure. I feel like I get to

teach and learn. Whoa. He learns as he goes. It. Whoa. He learns as he goes. It's true. He learns as he teaches. Just like life. Started in 1971 by Don and Dolores Disman, the original Schlotzky's location was on South Congress in Austin, Texas. This location eventually became an Amy's Ice Cream.

Oh, fun fact. I didn't know that. And that Amy's is still there, right? Took me a while to figure out. Smells like meat. You keep searching Schlotzky's, Austin, South Congress, original location, cross streets, South Congress, where? Where is the original Schlotzky's? Tell me, you fuckers.

It will not give you cross streets. And then eventually I found an article that was just like, oh yeah, it's Amy's ice cream now. And it's like, oh, this was very casual. Why didn't you just tell me that?

Very weird. I just assumed you demolished everything about it. Yeah. So the thing about it. I like that Amy's though. That's a good thought. The thing about it being from Austin. And I don't know if you guys noticed when we were leaving,

it says. That shoot catering. Hold on. Hold on. It says Schlotzky's Austin eatery. I did see that. And it's written in a very weird font. So that Schlotzky's,

I don't know about the other ones is a, like, I don't know if the, like the term would be like concept restaurant, but it's like an elevated Schlotzky's. It was a concept. The one that we went through? It's like an elevated Schlotzky's.

Is that like the packaging? Is this elevated? No, I think that's regular. I mean, this is pretty elevated. Yeah. I like that there's a keyboard on it. I don't understand that part. I don't either.

I don't want to look into it though. I bet it makes sense somewhere on the box. But like there was like Austin stuff, I think inside of it. And it was trying to be like a local thing. when i but when i think of like local austin eateries especially like in that square like on that block right it's you're down the street from like top notch and it's like yeah we're gonna go to schlotzky's austin eatery you want a giant fucking sandwich yeah right it didn't feel like a Austin based place not at all there because one you walk in and immediately there's a Cinnabon like this Cinnabon I

was this close to buying them they had many one was like this club you can handle a man I had i had cash in my pocket i almost i if that guy if that guy hadn't told me about the catering one more time yeah i probably would have bought him but he was the guy i was gonna have to talk to yeah yep yep yep it's true it's true it's true oh yeah it just doesn't feel you were saying it earlier doesn't feel like an austin place nope at all at all okay i guess i'll read the next fact yeah that's your okay yeah i got it i got it after entering the stock market under buns with bunz yep in 1995 and peaking in 2001 schlotzky's began to post losses and filed for bankruptcy in 2004 they

are now owned by Focus Brands, who also own Cinnabon and Auntie Anne's, creating a trifecta of places you could eat at in the mall in 2003, but I didn't because you spent all your money at EB Games. God bless. It's true. Nick on the way there said, I lost all my money on buns.

You see, I did save some for Annie Ann's. Nick said that he's been married so long that when he told his wife about where he was going to eat, she went, oh, they're owned by Cinnabon. You're going to get a Cinnabon? And then Nick really started protesting hard about how he would not get a Cinnabon.

He's not going to say we should get a Cinnabon. And how he wouldn't even bring up he said that we should get a Cinnabon. He said. And how he wouldn't even bring it up. He said that we should. What's fun? That's crazy, right? You want to know something funny I just heard? And he goes, I'm not getting you a Cinnabon. I don't want one.

And then he's going, I don't, good, you're not getting one. I'm not getting, I'm not buying. I spent $180 fucking dollars. And I just go, no one asked you. $180 on this. I'm not buying you a Cinnabon. We walked in and it really. It was like you're in a Cinnabon.

It was like not walking into a Cinnabon store. It was like walking into a Cinnabon. It's like walking into the fucking kitchen. And then a bald man screams at you about catering over and over again when you're there to pick up an order which i assumed he thought was to cater 12 people yep uh-huh and it's not or 24 i guess because there were 24 cut pieces of food and then i think we left and george like this fucking guy what do you think we need catering for four people. You bought 12 sandwiches.

Let me get out of here. These are for us, the four people who are here. We got our dozen sandwiches. Let me out. Lunch! This is lunch! I can see how he's confused, actually. Eric, catering. We got catering.

You do catering. And you're like, yeah, man, next time. Yeah, we'll do it's confused, actually. He's like, Eric, catering. We got catering. You do catering. And you're like, yeah, man, next time. Yeah, we'll do it. Okay, cool. And then he got it. He's like, you know, don't forget about that catering. I gave you the food. And then he gave you a cookie.

He handed me a cookie that I just immediately gave to Nick. Yeah. Well, he gave it to you because. I was the one who came up and asked. And you were carrying the, what was a pretty heavy bag. The 20 pounds of food? well it was oh man it was he's a real laughing to have this guy he's uh first thing he does is oh let me guess you have an online order uh and then uh he kind of shimmies his way to the back of the behind the counter he

goes okay it's for eric huh and it's a small order huh and then he pulls out the comic because it was big do you get it yeah and then he goes oh it's so small he's walking it over and it's really it like he's pretending like oh it's so heavy and then he puts it down and i pick it up and it's so pretending? You didn't have to joke about it being heavy. You could have gone, hey, this is so heavy. Be careful. It was crazy because the boxes, it's kind of, I will say this, their packaging is genius. Yeah.

Because they have these little rectangular boxes. Yeah, that you fit the sandwiches in and they're stackable and they're just uniform, you know, and they fit a bag perfectly. Yep. And so they were stacked to the nine. And when I heard Chris like, hold this bag, it was heavy, but it was also insane how filled it was. Yeah. Where I'm like, this-

It's so square and so full. This bag has about 95% mass. Yep. And 5% air in it. It's just so perfectly fit in here it was it was like a solid cube it was it was it was very cubic at face jam pod on on twitter and on instagram you can look at these pictures it's it doesn't look crazy it's so deceptive it is too, like when Michael's saying 95%, it, I mean, it is fucking packed, packed. And sealed for our protection.

That was just a sticker on the side. Here you go, dipshit. Sealed. Ain't nothing sealed here. You get tampered with all this shit. Man. The gripe I have with the guy is that he doesn't know that you're the guy who picks up the food. So he should have given a cookie to everyone.

Damn. It's not just that Eric deserved it. Nick ate the cookie, by the way. I know. Nick ate the cookie. And my favorite part about that is you dismissing the cookie going, this fucking guy gives me a cookie. I handed it to Nick. Whatever.

And just before he goes, he's like, it was good. It was good. Chocolate chip. He was just like, positively. And that's when I got mad. See? He's mad. We're halfway through the facts. That's actually not true. We're two out of five.

Schlotzky's current slogan, it's a mouthful. Great i thought that was i thought that was denny's started in 2021 sounds like the worst slogan you could go with but their former slogans are all worse quote all round lots better does not make sense lots better this is half the previous slogan oh there's a that lots better better just by itself was a slogan? Yep. Okay. Okay, so we've got, hang on.

This is one. We've got one. Quote, all around, lots better. Okay. Two, lots better. Got it. Three, every bite, lots better. This is the first two, but different.

No substitute skis. Never mind, this one is good. I thought this was going to be, I made one of these up. Guess which one? I didn't have to when I got to no substitute skis. And I went, oh, we're good. Between that and Schlotz pinions,

you might have a future with this company. What are your Schlotz pinions on substitute skis? Sir, can you speak English? I'm speaking the Zlot's skis. I walk into the hospital going, Zlot's pinions substitute skis. Zlot's better. Start swallowing my own tongue. It's a mouthful.

Quick, stick a calzone in his mouth. It's too thick! Here, bite down on this. Quick, peel out the insides like the way Nick ate his sandwich. Jesus Christ. Nick said, okay. Right. It wasn't the first one, Dad.

We had it. It wasn't the first one, normal. We were like, I don't even think I ate half of the, like, oh, we'll pack this all up for Larry and the Gremlins. And we're like, I ate half, whatever. Nick's like, I ate half. And we went, Michael went, good job, bud. And we're like, I ate half, whatever. Nick's like, I ate half.

And we went, Michael went, good job, bud. And I said, hang on. When you say you ate half, do you mean you ate one of the halves? You ate half of what you have. And then he said nothing but held up half-eaten bread that was empty but had sauce all over it. And he said, I ate the insides. And it was right as we, I ate the insides. And it was right as we were walking out with the food, he just sort of like,

kind of like picked it up like this and like a bunch of, you can see it was like the skeleton left and he kind of cleaned it out. I just threw my hands in the air as I walked by. I'm a vulture. I'm a Schlotzky's vulture. It was so, he's picking them bones.

Oh, fuck, man. It was really crazy. You a bone picker? It was just that. Huh? You bone picking? It was just the craziest way that that could have happened. New shirt, bone picker.

Yeah. Oh, we bone picking. Let's keep learning about Schlotzky's. I'm learning so much. In 2017, Schlotzky's received the Guinness World Record for most contributions to a painting by numbers with 2000. Hang on with 2643 Austinites.

Jordan could have been one of them. Contributing to a truly ugly painting of a sandwich and the Austin skyline. The city of Austin desperate for attention, proclaimed October 6th to be, quote, Schlossky's Day, and hopefully this drives South by Southwest

to San Antonio. Oh, please. For the love of God. How did we... Where were we sleeping on this in 2017? I know. How did we not know about it? Why didn't you tell us? Two years before this podcast.

You definitely didn't. Why didn't you tell us? Two years before this podcast started. And also every October 6th has been wasted thereafter. I had no idea. Could be celebrating Schlotzky's Day. Who was doing who a favor with Schlotzky's Day? Does this continue to this day?

What's that? Does this continue? Did we have a Schlotzky's Day? I'm sure it this day? What's that? Does this continue? Did we have a Schlotzky's Day option? I'm sure it's probably not. I'm sure it was just that day in 2017. They were like, it's Schlotzky's Day. And it's like, that's sad. That's fucking sad.

I'm surprised they were able to get 2,643 Austrians to do this. They probably were like, hey, meet up here. Don't ask why. Because if they knew it was for Schlotzky's they wouldn't have come probably a lot of grandparents what am I signing don't worry about it oh you got it Schlotzky employ your family

Schlotzky's owns their Schlotzky's owns their 401k now but they got a cool painting out of it by the way I want to see that painting we should have a link to that or something the last fact by the way i want to see that painting we should have a link to that or something uh the last fact in what we can only describe as a subway move schlotzky's also makes pizzas and flatbreads which can make you a little pizza freak when your friends want

to get a sandwich but you surprise them with a pizza move uh, so they do little secret Subway pizza pizzas, not pizza pizza pizzas. I think it is this dough, and then they just go, yeah, it's fine. Thick pizza. Well, see...

If it's not folded over. That makes sense. If this is like pizza dough and you folded it. Yeah. That's thick. Yeah. Well then it is just a Papadilla. Yeah.

Uh, I will post the picture just so you know, I will post the picture of the mural. This is it. All right. That's the world record. Wow. What was the word you used?

Truly ugly. Yeah. Yeah. it's a shitty looking sandwich nothing about the austin skyline and it says austin original no nothing about that is this sucks at all yeah it is it's in austin just like schlotzky's there you go. It's more Austin than you'll ever be, Jordan. Schlotzky's has what you can never have. Be founded here. Yeah. I mean, just... And not headquartered in Austin, by the way. No! Headquartered in Atlanta. Yeah. Yeah, I also

had to look up some facts to try to write a haiku. But you gave up. Man, I bet they thrive in Atlanta. I think it's probably like, I bet through the South. It's probably like how everyone's like, has a corporate headquarters in Delaware. Yeah.

It's just for tax purposes. I do think that this is probably a place that's like, it does well through like Mobile, Alabama. And you go like, oh, there's like seven Schlotzkis here. I just have a feeling it's like that. It just does not feel like a place that is. Somebody somewhere is going to Schlotzkis. Yeah.

Just not in this town. Yeah. Crazy if that's your, I guess if it's your sandwich of choice, what do you get, Subway, Quiznos, like whatever, Schlotzkis just feels like, man, that's like really what you picked, huh? I'm trying to think of what my sandwich of choice is. Making it at home? Yeah.

The thing about like. Where do I go for a sandwich? Thundercloud? Because it's the thing like on the. Avenue B? On the East Coast, like, oh baby. Delis are everywhere. Yes.

Like way, way more so. And so even, yes, like I always think of like pizza restaurants. Right. Make sandwiches. And they're usually hot because it's like a pizzeria and they got the oven. Yeah, Homestay. That makes sense. Great sandwiches. That makes sense in like a pizzeria and they've got the oven. Yeah, that makes sense. Great sandwiches.

That makes sense in like a pizzeria. But every other place, I'm like, I don't understand the obsession with fucking hot sandwiches. No idea.

Maybe a cold goddamn sandwich. Like a sub sandwich, it's called cold cuts. They're cold cuts. Hot cuts. You know what I mean? Like you can heat them up, that's fine.

But like, I feel every sandwich place is always like, you want to heat it? And I always got to say no, and it's fine. But I'm like, that's just crazy to me that you would ask as, like, the default for, like, a cold cut sandwich. You heat the cheesesteak, and it's like, I can see people wanting it toasted. You toast anything. I'm going to go to Subway, order a cold cut combo, and say, can you toast that? Yeah, can you toast that cold cut?

I want these to be room temperature cuts. I mean, yeah, they're not called that, but that's what the Italian is at Subway. It's a cold cut combo, and they will assume you want it heated, because most people eat it like that, and that just blows my mind. Quiznos really came in and put the nail on the coffin, where it's

borderline, like, you can't get it cold. Yeah. Yeah. It's hot with you. You have to get it. Yeah. Because otherwise, the subs.

Yeah. Otherwise, those rats would be lying. Can you untoast them? Can you eat them? No, we can't. Can you,

can you like, maybe just toast it like a, like if you have to, by law, can you put it in for less time than the other people? No, we cannot. I'll put it on one. Now eat feel like I'm getting answers and that's why they're still around

that's it that rule to get your sandwich you need to answer the riddles three oh man what temperature will that sandwich be oh fuck To get your sandwich, you need to answer the riddles three. Oh, man. What temperature will that sandwich be? Oh, fuck.

I just like them cold. That's all. Yep. I like a good cold sandwich. I like certain sandwiches hot. I agree. A pastrami sandwich, I need the hot. Pastrami on rye?

Oh, yeah. That's how you do it. Jersey Mike's. That's where I'll go if I'm going to get a sandwich. Yeah. Jersey Mike's is on the list of'll go if I'm going to get a sandwich. Yeah. Jersey Mike's is on the list of places I went to once that made me sick and I don't go back. Jersey Mike's is like when I eat Panda Express where I eat it and then an hour

later I go, I'm so fucking hungry. It's like I didn't eat. It's a good place on Guadalupe and this is for only the people in this room. New World Deli is very good. Oh yeah? Okay. That was my go-to place when I lived in Hyde Park. Oh, okay.

Never been. Check it out. Check it out. If you live in Austin and you're listening, check it out. Yeah. If you're not living in Austin

and you're listening, you can check it out too if you want. Yeah. You can also check out Tasty Subs in New Jersey. Oh, that's a good idea. Oh, yeah.

Somebody will probably be there. If you're in Cerritos, check out... I don't remember. If you're in Edison. Check out TJ Subs. Oh, cool. On Pioneer, I think. TJ Miller?

Yeah. No. If you're in El Cajon near the Parkway Plaza, check out Aunt Nellie's. Nick, you got anything for San Antonio? No. Cool. Oh, Lenny's.

Lenny's. Go to Lenny's in San Antonio. It is Edison. Edison, New Jersey. See, there you go. Tasty sub shop. It's great. There you go.

We need to have a new segment where we just recommend our hometown places. We start with hometown, but I'll be honest. If we blast enough, someone will be able to go. Now I want, if anyone is capable to go to any of those places, let us know. We're going to get a post on the Face Jam subreddit that's like, went to Lenny's. Do you guys know about Torpasta? What the hell did you just say? I don't know if this is just the specific place in San Diego.

It was a. I didn't answer, by the way. I know it's an audio podcast, but I squinted at you when you said that. It is a footlong hero roll, like what you would get for a sandwich, footlong. They cut off the end. They hollow out the bread, pull it all out, but don't cut off the other end.

So it's just like this hollow thing, like a cigar. And then they fill it with pasta. And that is... Nick's screaming back there....tour pasta. They have fill it with pasta. And that is tour pasta. They have different kinds of pasta. It's just like eating pasta and Italian bread but it's KFC style.

But now it's KFC style. But now you can do it while walking I guess. That's awesome. It's like Go-Gurt. It's the Go-Gurt of sandwiches. Squeeze the bread out. Everybody's awesome. It's like Go-Gurt. It's like Go-Gurt. It's the Go-Gurt of sandwiches. Whoa. Squeeze the bread out. Everybody's doing it in Italy. You can eat the bread if you want or you can

just squeeze it from the bottom Go-Gurt style. They're skateboarding. They're on their scooters. Yep. You can check it out. Rollerblading around like Fat Man. Yeah. Oh shit. I'm about to laugh and grow fat around here I'm on the wrong stride I don't have the key card I hate Metal Gear Solid 3

Which one has Fat Man? Look at this little shithole Fat Man best character But that's the best kind of place I know it is Is this your place? But that's but that's the best kind of place i know it is i know this is this is your place but that's that's what jordan brought up uh avenue b in austin yeah i just found out about this it's just like a little house uh in hyde park and if you and and you have to order the right way or you get like go read the yelp reviews on avenue b

it is people going best fucking sandwich in austin This place rules. Know what you're doing. It's very good. Or somebody writes, we went to order. The man said, don't grab a drink before we order. Definitely don't drink it before we order. I grabbed a drink and I opened it and he looked at me and he said, just going to open it, huh?

The sandwich was good. This man was terrible. And it was like, that's awesome. It is a place where you need someone who's gone through it. Yep. To make sure you don't screw it up. And for me, that was also Gus.

Yeah. Gus and Jeff have been telling me about it. Here's what you do. Yep. You need to identify what drink you want before you open the door into the fridge. Otherwise, if you're just looking at it, he's going to say, close that door. Yeah. It is.

Avenue B sounds scary. He's like the soup Nazi. Yes. It's exactly what it was described to me as. Which is a thing from Seinfeld. That's true. It's a show from the 90s. Your kids probably watched it.

And those are the facts. Jesus Christ. Yep. Is that where we were? Yep. Jordan, will you tell us about the food? We just never ended the fact section. No, I know. So it just seemed like it was a very long one

yeah uh Schlossky's meatball calzone packed with marinara mozzarella parmesan and the star of the show meatballs no one can see with marinara, mozzarella, parmesan, and the star of the show, meatballs. No one can see.

Michael looked to the heavens and did jazz hands. LeBron James, if you will. Give me time. LeBron Jones. Schlotzky's Chicken Bacon Ranch Calzone. Stuffed with ranch, mozzarella, chicken, bacon, and red onion. End of description. Yes. Yep. Yes. Let me, before we bacon, and red onion. End of description. Yes.

Yep. Yes. Let me, before we, I had this thought here recently. You know what's a really cool thing when people call other people, they do it a lot in like politics and shit like that. They say, they say, so-and-so, you're a firebrand. Oh, okay. And I went, and I went, but you can't call yourself a firebrand. Okay.

You gotta be called a firebrand. And I was thinking, like, what are you gonna do? Mm-hmm. How do you become a firebrand? I mean, you become a firebrand by someone calling you one. Right. That's it. But what do you do?

How do you get them? What did those people do to get called that? Just something I, you said something I can't even articulate now why I'm saying this, but something similar popped in my head. I'm not sure what jogged the firebrand. Something did, though, and I wanted to spit it out. I'm just saying, like...

I'm just saying, firebrand talks out there. You know what I mean? So-and-so? They're real firebrands. I think we should start calling people firebrands. Well, here's what you can do if you want to. Let's go off the record real quick. Okay.

Just ask me to do it, and I'll just drop it in, like go off the record real quick. Just ask me to do it and I'll just drop it in at some point. Maybe even in a couple weeks or something. You're not even thinking about it. We're going to cut this part out. Yeah, we're off the record.

We're off the record. Don't take it. You call him one. No, I would never. I pronounced it wrong. Off the record. I feel like you can't have two firebrands in a him one. No, I would never. Because then. Oh, I pronounced it wrong. Off the record. I feel like you can't have two firebrands in like a. No, that would be too fire. I feel like FaceTime itself is a firebrand, but nobody's called it that yet. As a brand.

That's true. As a brand, it is. It's just fire. Yeah. It's straight up. That's what the kids say. Yeah. Oh, it's litty.

And it's doing the gritty. I'm glad this part's getting cut out. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't be saying the stuff that was being recorded. Can you imagine? Watch. He's clapping. He loves it. He'm glad this part's getting cut out I wouldn't be saying the stuff if it was being recorded Can you imagine? Watch He's clapping, he loves it It's the worst clap I've ever heard It's like when you miss a high five

But he tried to high five himself It was like he clapped With two acoustic tiles That was real Alright, let's get back on the record And we're back Back on the record That was real. Alright, let's get back on the record. And we're back. Back on the record.

Here's the press... Oh yeah. Being kind of how this one's been going. We're almost there. Why change it now? Very on the rails podcast. Italian sausage and red peppers garnished with garlic spread mozzarella, banana peppers, and red onion garnished with garlic spread mozzarella, banana peppers, and red onion.

It's a description of the food. Who saw this coming? It's all in there. It is. Presbyterial quote. The iconic end zone celebration is a highlight of games for fans. And we're here to make the playoffs even more thrilling with the Cal zone end zone giveaway said William Armstrong, Schlotzky's chief brand officer,

delicious food and football go hand in hand. So we're excited to expand our cal zone menu. They have other ones and provide a variety of options for a game day. Watch parties. Did you know we cater? Yeah. No, cause he didn't say that's true.

He did not. When people say things like delicious food and football go hand in hand. Yeah. I mean, food goes with anything. Correct. I'm a human being. I'll do anything with food. I mean, like getting the shit kicked out of you and food goes hand in hand.

Yeah. Because I guess after I get the shit kicked out of me, I'd like to eat. I was going to say, because I'm licking a big lollipop, and then a bunch of school bullies can be me. Because they want it, or because you wouldn't share, or because they're jealous of you. I think it's just sort of me. Right, his look. Yeah, there's just something about me.

Oh, it's because they're walking down the street. This kid's walking down the street licking a lollipop, and he's 14 years old and has gray hair. Let's kick the shit out of him. And then they just beat me up. Hey, you with the lollipop. Why does your hair look like that? Hey, old man.

Oh, sorry, teenage boy. So yeah, food kind of goes with everything, you know? Yeah. Can't think of anything that food doesn't go with. So their end zone celebration giveaway thing or whatever is that- Is it over? By the time this episode comes out, it is. away thing or whatever is that is it over when a it by the time this episode comes out it is uh if a team in the playoffs scores a touchdown and does an end zone celebration the next day

wow if there's a snap of the football in the football game it's so like why whatever uh the next day the first 57 rewards members at schlotzky's get a free calzone. Whoa! So we gotta get signed up for this rewards thing. Yeah, I gotta eat more of these calzones. No, no, you're looking at it the wrong way. We gotta start rigging the games

but not to get rich from sports betting, to get free calzones. Yeah, dude. I had a similar thing going with Taco Bell and stealing a base, but it did not work out for me in the World Series. Oh, damn, dude. Yeah. See, at least stealing a base, that's a part of baseball that rarely happens anymore.

Yeah. Like, if they had done, like, a free Calzone for every time there's a missed extra point, we would have had five from the Cowboys alone. It would have been great nick said he's moaning yeah yeah i don't know what for i thought he was a uh texans fan yeah i don't know man go birds go well that's the food yeah now nick's mad yeah um i like the giants yeah uh baseball so we went to this we went to the schlotzkies dude we were there for 35 seconds it was fast and we got all that guy there was just a lot everything that guy had he gave to us and and michael was saying a good thing it was about 35 seconds because my filter for my patience was going to run out in about 20 with this guy.

I had about 45 seconds. So it was fine. It was just relentless. Yeah. As soon as we walked in. His first comment about, let me guess, you got an online order is so like, nobody eats in restaurants anymore. If I do it because he came from the dining area which was empty. It is nice when you walk into a restaurant that

you, not me, but you've just paid $180 to and the guy goes not eating here? Thanks a lot. We cater! $180? We cater, you know. Thanks, this is for a podcast, man. You could have catered this table. Yeah, no shit.

You're here, put it here. When are your friends getting here? What? What? What do you mean? Get out. What are these mics for? Get out. There were other workers there.

They were moving silently in the background as this man yelled at us. I bet that guy talks enough for everyone. Oh, my God. He's the King of Schlotzky's on Anderson, man. Yeah. Fuck. But like, as a restaurant, it's very big. It was huge.

There were people in the drive-thru. Yeah. It was fucking huge on the inside. Do you think when he gives them the food through the window, he's like, let me guess, it's a drive-thru. Oh, you're going to drive and eat this? Here's a cookie. To go?

You're going to park and eat in the restaurant now, right? Just a weird kind, like, Schlotzky's felt like it would be a much smaller thing. Like, you know, Subway is, like, small mostly. Yeah, they do a thing where they can cover a lot of ground by being small. Schlotzky's is big as fuck, and they don't give a shit. Fuck who's gonna sit in a huge it was huge i don't know uh jordan what'd you think of the food they're wasting a lot of real estate yeah that could be two other schlotzky's inside

of it could be well what if what if it's not other schlotzky's but it is schlotzky you know re uh you know reorganizing or like reusing the space what do they do how do they make that like what would be your suggestion for them to utilize the building in half i don't know right but do what with like just just get rid of half of it yeah destroy make like a fun like schlotzky pit or something oh there should be a little place for adults yeah and it's filled with cinnabon, and we could just leave Nick there for a while while we eat. Okay. Let's go back and tell that guy we've got some good ideas.

And give him Nick. Yeah, that's a fair trade. Here's your prototype. Yeah. If this guy's enjoying it, you know you're on the right track. Here's what we do. We just give you this guy. Just think of him like a little, like a...

He's your one-stop focus group. He's like a little Megan robot. Oh, my God. He is like a little like uh he's your one-stop focus like a little megan robot oh my god he is like a little megan robot not the murder treat him treat him like you know he does the little dance he does tiktok dances and he does auto-tune he might do a kill he's doing robot moves and execution right now yeah yep but Yep. But then, yeah, if you make him happy, if you get five stars on the mission from Nick, then that's like, that's a focus group. Yeah. He's your one.

I'm just saying, use that space. I don't know. You could do like a, we do have an affordable housing crisis in this city as well. But that's true. But have you ever been into a meatball pit? Oh,

I'm just saying, why play in a kid meatball pit? Oh, baby. I'm just saying. Why play in a kid's ball pit when you go, hey, I've been in the meatball pit. You know how Lego realized that some grownups like doing Lego still and they came out with the art and stuff and they blow all their money on it. Right. Because it's like 200 bucks. And they have money because they're adults. Right.

Yeah. Chuck E. Cheese needs to do that all over again. Chuck E. Cheese for adults instead of ball pit is the meatball pit. Yeah. That's true. Maybe we should do a Schlotzky's Chuck E. Cheese combo. Like Schlotzky's cheese? Whoa. Schlotky

cheese. You going to Schlotky's later? Yeah. That's pretty good. schlocky's entertainment cheese they keep the weird fucking rat and the guy who yells at you about catering finally somewhere for grimace to live yeah yeah finally he finds a place dude if we ever do a face jam concept restaurant like a little pop-up or something it's gotta have like a ball pit or something yeah yeah yeah it's gotta have a play place it's good thinking it's good thinking um on to the food though yeah what do you think uh so we mentioned a couple times about how thick these guys are so

thick the one problem that arises from that is that it's fucking dry okay some dry bites uh the sausage and peppers one which was the most most sparsely loaded one for me, ended up just being mostly bread as a result and just so dry. And I like that one the least. I did like the bacon chicken onion one. I'm taking that one home for later. That's the one I saved.

He tapped the box, by the way. That's the one. This baby is going to get some mileage he also looked at me while he said it like I was going to be happy that he's doing it he was showing off like he got a PS5 hey secured the bag those are hard to find

get a load of this it's got a bite taken out of it proof of delivery. So, and the marinara meatball one was kind of like, it gave me the old cafeteria food vibe. Yeah. It's just not what I want out of Schlotzky's. If I'm going to go to Schlotzky's, I'm going to get a sandwich. I'm not going to get their weird calzones or pizza things.

Not even really a calzone, technically. Just a folded over papadilla. So I'm going to give it a 59. Okay. Okay, pretty good. A 59. These are about 12 bucks each. They're big.

That's, it is a lot of food. I think 12 bucks is a little steep. I do think 12 bucks is a little, I do agree with you. Because you also don't. The meatball one is more expensive. It is. It's like the other ones are like 11.50 and the meatball one's like 13, I think $12 is a little... I do agree with you. Because you also don't... The meatball one is more expensive. It is. It's like the other ones are like $11.50 and the meatball one's like $13, I think.

So they're all like right around $12. You also don't get like any sides with them. No. They do give you sauce. They do come with two sauces. Right. Which is as far as like a meal. It's not like a combo meal.

It's just straight up the sandwich. There's no drink. There's no chips. There's no salad. You'll be lucky. There are Cinnabons. You gotta buy them. Or you can be nice and get a cookie. If you order 12 of

these things, you'll get a cookie. No. No. No. You got it. You gave it to Nick. That's true. You got it. And I ate it. You also got the free drink at Torchy's. Some of us don't think you deserve the cookie. Remember the free drink you got at Torchy's? it. You also got the free drink at Torchy's. Some of us don't think you deserve the cookie. Remember the free drink you got at Torchy's?

Yep. I do remember the free drink you got at Torchy's. Yeah. It's because you made it. Right. Which again, the guy doesn't understand. He's paying for a reason. Jordan's so mad at these men that don't understand.

These men out there don't understand the hierarchy. I'm screaming at these men. I'm so sick. When will men get it? Okay. So. Is that what mansplaining is? Oh, man.

All right. What do you think? These are fine. Yeah. It's, I think Schlotzky's already is kind of a restaurant that I'm not really going to go to. Because, like you said, I'm going to go elsewhere. If I want cold cuts, if i want a sandwich i'm probably gonna go to jersey mike's i'll go to tasty subs first i mean you know i mean first

yeah if you're in the area i recommend no i will go out of my way all right but it's it's an offshoot from that so it's even like yeah you know if you like schlotzky sandwich you like their sandwich it's not even their sandwich it's like like yeah you know if you like schlotzky sandwich you like their sandwich it's not even their sandwich it's like well here's their sandwich pizza thing yeah you know so it's like two or three things removed it really tastes like that and you kind of and you kind of said it where it fear it some of it is kind of that cafeteria food yeah we're not none of it's bad but the bread is too much in just that the food's so big already i just don't need to be filled that much from the bread it's also not like amazing bread right i'm not going there's too much bread but it's amazing it's fine but it just there's just so much it's a lot better when it's

a sandwich i just felt like that was most of the food was it's fine and all like i not it really comes down to preference right i think i think the ingredients on there are probably more or less pretty similar and it's going to come down to whether you right? I think the ingredients on there are probably more or less pretty similar. And it's going to come down to whether you like the meatballs more than the chicken. I don't think it's like, the chicken's incredible. It's just a bunch of sauced meat sandwiches. 45. Wow, a lower score than Jordan.

I was shocked he gave it a 59. 52. But I feel like I have more cold cut appreciation. That's true. You're coming from a sandwich point of view. You're talking a little Sopranos. Yeah. Sucking down meats in the dim light of the refrigerator at 2 a.m.

Okay. That time with the gabagool. 52's the average score. That's the perfect score for this. I think so, too. I think these are really 52's. Yeah. I gotta stop Michael from undercutting my scores I'm spoiled just give everything a one see if you can go below that I don't look I don't take

pleasure in I don't like being lower than you I don't like giving a lower score than you but uh okay well that was so crinkly the score doesn't lie you know the average score always finds a way to be true yep we can be can be a little off, but the average always works out. That's the beauty of it. Teamwork. Yeah. What's up? Snack attack.

Crunch. Dear Face Jam Podcast, I love you guys so much. Aw. Thank you. The show's amazing. I look forward to listening every fortnight. Here's some Filipino snacks I thought you'd want to try. I'm not from the Philippines.

Just a little havesy from California. I don't know if I'm not from the Philippines. Just a little halfsy from California. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that. But here we go. Also, I met Eric back in 2011 at San Diego Comic-Con when he was part of a group called Mega64. I'm sad I didn't get a picture with him. But my brother actually did. And here he is with the group.

And Eric is feeding him Cheez-Its. Loyal face jammer, Andrea R. This was definitely taken in 2011. You got Brian, you got Sean, you got Rocco in the bag. How do you know his friends? That doesn't make sense. I know these guys too. This is one year before I met Eric

myself, and look how baby he is. Not only is he baby, he's almost a little chunky. Uh-oh. Well, I mean, more than now where it's like he's becoming old. Let me put it this way. You got baby chunk. You're trying to get rid of the gut now.

Right. You're in the midlife gut. But now I just keep getting big. Well, now you're getting huge, yeah. But you have the skeletal, I look like I'm dying face. Yes, that is true. And this is like a face of life. He, that is true. And that's, this is like a face of life. He's full of life.

That is vim and vigor. And life is like fat. Life is fat. Fat in your cheeks means you're alive. The snatch job that just took place. He wouldn't fucking reach and hand it to me. I couldn't understand what was just happening. Jordan was handing the picture back and something upset Eric and it was snatched

from his paws. Apparently I didn't do it right. He didn't fucking reach all the way. He just fucking stopped. This is what Eric means when he says he doesn't want to hear about it. He doesn't want to do anything wrong to hear about it. And apparently I did it wrong. You just don't want to hear about it.

You don't want to hear about it. I did it wrong and I'm hearing about it. He had rosy cheeks. He had red rosy cheeks. Okay. They're gone now. He had red rosy cheeks. Okay. They're gone now. They're gray like ash. These are boy-bowang cracker nuts.

Wang me, boy. With real garlic chips. Now tastier and crunchier. Okay. Dude, can I say thank you for waiting to send us the tastier and crunchier ones. Yeah. Not the inferior less tasty and less crunchy ones. Remember that one snack attack we did where we got like the Filipino corn snack?

Oh, yeah. Little corn balls. And that I still think is the worst thing I've ever had on the show. Yeah. I'm, okay. I was concerned because these were round that they were going to be the same thing.

But these are totally different. They look like little chickpeas. They're not. They're definitely crunchier. Yeah. It kind of is like peanut butter. It's a little peanut. It's a peanut. It's like a little weird peanut. Interesting. This is like

what you get at the Mercado. And it's the little, the crunchy peanut, but usually like hot. It's like somebody put like De La Rosa on it as well. This is not for me, but this is a real peanut lovers. Oh, yeah. Jimmy Carter, all about it.

Is he still alive? Yeah, he's still building houses. He is still building houses. He can rub it on his gums. He could. He could gum these. Dude, this might kill him. Too crunchy.

Very crunchy. He can handle the less crunchy ones. He has to get the old ones. So what do you think? The old ones. Yeah, they're crunchy. I agree. I'm with Michael.

Not for me. But I can see somebody liking this. I'm going to give it... I'm going to give it a 67. I can see it's... I can see it's positives here. Yeah, it's practical applications. I'll give it a 65.

Okay. Average score is 66. It's good. I like this kind of snack. I like this crunch with the peanut. It's quick. It's clean. Yeah.

It's not messy. I'd like a little less powdery, filmy thing and more seasoning. Usually what you get when you get these is they're covered in tahini. Mm-hmm. And that's- That would be good. I'm fucking all about those. Give me some of that. Yeah, they're so good. Guys, can I have some for once? Can I get something like tahini and that's that would be good that they're i'm fucking all about me some of that yeah they're so guys can i have some for once can i get something without tahini on it please that's do you let me eat this please boy boy whine i know but i'm

getting my border and you just want me not you can take that back home and we'll eat the tahini ones you can have the tahini ones you can have them well thank you uh andrea for uh sending in that snack if you want to send snacks you can send a face jam care of eric bedore 1901 east 51st street austin texas all right 78723 whatever happened to those mega 64 guys i think they're still around i think they're a t-shirt company now huh yeah i don't i don't watch their new stuff. AKA the t-shirts. Not since they went woke. That's right. Dude, Rocco's so woke.

That's what happened. Grumpy. It was just a real pool of guys trying not to laugh. Grumpy monkey mug and sneaky monkeyirt and Sign are out now. I love when you say those things. Yeah, that's good. Face Jam 1. Can you say it again?

Grumpy Monkey Mug and Sneaky Monkey Shirt and Sign on sale now. You know what else is on sale now? What is? Face Jam 100% Sweet Hat and Shirt.

It's so sweet, I'm angry. It doesn't come wrinkled. It doesn't. But you can make it that way. That's what happens when the merch team goes, hey, can you shoot some photos real quick? And you go, yep. Just throw this one on Nick.

Let me open it out of this package. Hey, ready for an announcement? I'm ready for it. I seem to you asking about it. February 28th. That's the last day of February ever. Butterfly. Butterfly fork and spoon. Butterfly. What? Redo. Butterfly fork and spoon combo will go on sale.

Oh, this is good. Shove it down their throats. We have unveiled. Get them both. Yeah, no choice. We unveiled them recently on a Mario Party stream. Yeah, I look really cool. I was showing off some tricks.

Dude, you know how to do tricks? Can you teach me? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Can you also teach me how to be good at Mario Party? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, you pick third player and Yoshi. Does it have to be

in the third controller port? Is that important? Well, I mean, it's on a Switch, so there's no ports, but yeah. I think that might have been the issue. Yeah. Is that why we didn't use it? Oh, did Eric not win? Yep. Did you get the good friendship star, though? No, I got the star for landing on the most bad spaces. Hey, you know what else is on sale?

February 28th. We just saw this recently, too. What is it? The monkey rug. That's right. Hang on. That's impossible. Rug, rug, rug, rug.

Rug? There is a rug. I also forgot to take mine. Can I have it today? Yeah, we can go grab it after this. There's a rug. You got one? With the monkey's face.

It's about... You don't know about this? No! About two feet. Yeah, it's like your dumb face. It's about an inch. I would say probably like an inch, almost an inch thick. Because we talked about it.

Oh, plush. Nice. I'm so excited. What I said was I want to put it in the bathroom, in the toilet, and that way my piss can dribble on your face. I said I want to put it... Is that too extreme? I said I want to put it on my shower.

There's going to be this creepy dribble. It's going to be my shower mat when I step out and I go, I say, hey, get a load of this. Yeah, so anyone can do that to your face. February 28th. I'm going to put it next to my cat's litter box so they can wipe their little paws on it. It looks cute.

Yeah, it's awesome. It's really, really good. And it has many uses. Some of which we just demonstrated. So butterfly, fork, and spoon, they are in a set. Those are together. So you have to buy them together. You can't screw it up.

No, you cannot screw it up. You can screw it up. I'm sure people will screw it up. Right, but people don't have to add both to their cart. You will just be buying two. Yeah, maybe we'll just buy two just to be sure. If you can figure out a way to separate them,

I endorse you to do it. Yeah, you can try. If the store fucked up and made them separatable, that's on their Yeah, that's on that. And let's be honest, that could happen. Maybe we'll do a stream? We should do it. That'd be fun. We're due for another stream anyway. Yeah, we should do something, right? Maybe we do, like, we haven't done a live uh on camera snack attack that's what that stream is

yeah what well live and stream that's like on camera we'll do a live on camera stream of snack attack right right i wasn't saying let's do a live thing we haven't done that in a while we haven't done the snack attack live thing in a while. I mean, we haven't done any live thing in a while. I'm in agreeance. Both are true. I feel like, I feel like we haven't done any live thing and snack attack simultaneously. You're both right.

What is the truth? The truth is. Who can find it? Eric said we're low on snacks though. We're getting a little low. If people want to send some snacks in, would be the time What if we do a stream Like we do Face Jam Monkey Mash

I'll figure out what it is We just say it and we figure out what it is In Mega64 we would call the Beatles method Where we'd come up with the title of something And then work backwards to figure out what that thing is We could play Beatles Rock Band. I don't think they're going to let us do that. I don't think we have it.

Put it on stream mode. It'll sound like the music. If you want to send us snacks, please do. If we're going to do a snack attack, we definitely use them. We have enough for a snack attack. I just think more is always good. You can also follow us at FaceJam Pod on Twitter and on Instagram to stay up to date with everything.

See the pictures from this episode and previous. Don't forget, Spittin' Silly is next week. Email facejampod at roosterteeth.com with your food conundrums as we take you to court. The Face Jam Food Court. Yep, we're doing that a lot. Yeah. Write and subscribe and tell a friend about the show Where we Eat the food And also rate the food

We do both We do both We did both today We'll do it again Not next week No but in two weeks That's right Get out of here

Goodbye Oh boy Oh Nick's doing it too Oh no no He's the rat.