100% Eat - Spittin Silly - Food Court 5

Episode Date: March 7, 2023

Order in the court, the Face Jam Food Court. Honorable judges Michael & Jordan bring you new cases like double mac & cheese from a doctor, eating a whole lemon, paste soup, and more. Check out www.store.roosterteeth.com for a monkey rug and more. Gavel coming soon? Maybe. Sponsored by Hellofresh http://hellofresh.com/facejam60 and use code facejam60 ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/facejam and Honey http://joinhoney.com/facejam. Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. He jumped right in. Yeah. No, I was ready. I could tell he was ready that time. That wasn't a jump in. I was done. The question was posed, are you guys ready? And Michael shrugged and said he could jump in. I said, I'm not ready at present, but if you started, I can jump in. But I finished and was ready before you were done. Now he's jumping. No, I didn't. He didn't even need to jump in.

He walked right over. I put my phone down. I closed that. I deleted that last email. He's over here jumping around. He's jumping around. I put my phone down. I closed that. I deleted that last email. He's over here jumping around. He's jumping around. He's hopping, skipping, jumping. And I said, yeah, buddy. See, it sounded like he jumped there.

Right. He walked up. Well, right now, I jumped back to that moment where I had walked. That was a jump. Now, we finally had our first single jump. Yeah. After you've been yelling aliens for so long, one finally showed up.

It doesn't make you right all those times before. All the balloons. All of them. Yeah, exactly. Every single one. Every other jump, still a non-jump. They are, those balloons are from another country. They're foreign villains or amateur weather balloon.

Or aliens. Or aliens. Think of either way, $15 million dollars to shoot it down let's fucking go god bless america nick is giving two thumbs up mission accomplished he keeps saluting joe biden on an aircraft carrier with a mission accomplished banner behind him i guess the thing is when you say it's a million dollars a missile or half a million or whatever it is. Don't forget one missed. No, no, no. It's just going around the world.

They did waste one on a balloon. The thing is... I didn't know you could miss. Right? Maybe the balloon dropped like flares. Yeah, I just never... Have you ever seen Top Gun?

Have you ever seen the movie? They weren't using 5th generation fighter jets. The thing is it's easy to be like, $3 million, 4x. I can't believe it. It's always that much. That's how much they cost. The question is, couldn't you pop the cockpit and just

shoot a gun? Have another guy take out a pistol and just like, phew. I'm you just gun? You know what I mean? Like have another guy like take out a pistol and just like from the ground. I'm just saying. Did we need jets? A helicopter? How much did it cost? It's like,

well, this guy, well, Pete brought his gun in and he shot it while he hung out the side of the window. You don't need to shoot a $1 million missile. One helicopter

and a guy with a BB gun. Yeah, really. You could have gotten a pellet gun or a.22 and just like pulled up and gone. Couldn't someone take a laser pen and point it at the pilot of the balloon

and it'll go, ah! That cost nothing. They'll find that guy. They'll find him and thank him. Say, thank you. You saved us from China. Smart. Thank you for lasering the eye. Or from an alien or from a guy who's just a fan of balloons. Depends what altitude. Yeah. Because they all stay in their own lane.

Smart. China likes to cruise at 60K. Oh! You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, it's up there. That's why you can tell. They go between the levels. Those other balloon enthusiasts that were chilling around 35,000 feet, they had to be

tooken out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get them. Maybe this was like a real 4D chess move from China just to stick it to these other enthusiasts. We just keep wasting their money. Do you think they're done adjusting the radar? Yeah. They're just dialing it in.

Too much, too much. They're just dialing it in. Hey, did you hear what happened? Yeah, Steve cranked it to the right. $10 million in missiles. Fucking idiot. I think it makes sense. Oh, my God. Birds. Hang on. Hang on. They're birds. Bird strike. Hang on. Hang on. fucking idiot I think it makes sense oh my god

birds hang on hang on they're birds bird strike hang on hang on boy

that's what you get when you got rooster in the cockpit there you go well that brings us to another food court you didn't ask

you didn't ask me for the timer what you didn't ask for the timer I forgot about it I have a timer I have a timer gone

I know but then why do you ever ask it's just an old conundrum because you're the one that likes it. Also, we can't see it. You're the one that likes it. Yeah. And then you're like, I don't care. It's no problem.

But you're the one that asks for it. So I'm just curious. Is it better or you don't really care? It's better when the timer's here for a longer time. I see. And then we can all read on paper. We are only doing one episode today. It's a half an hour or so.

Yeah, we're not doing two more or so. Yeah, we're not doing two more after this. Oh, we're not? He's lying. I'm just poking holes in his logic immediately. Like he's a balloon. He's a balloon. I don't know, he's deflating. He got me and it cost two million dollars.

Worth it. He missed the first segment directly. Yeah, but it safely killed some fish. Hooray! It's in like Huron. Hey, this food court email is from the back of an episode where Michael read it. Let's get to the bottom of this one. This is from Jared, who runs CheapAssGamer on Twitter.

And you go check out CheapAssGamer, and I think on Instagram too. I know of it because of you. This is a great way to buzz market yeah your website yeah we're buzz marketing cheapassgamer I think it's worth it he's also buzz marketing our friend Dr. Ryan who's just he's just fucking getting you've also have you not

just like had them post relevant things to this in which they know nothing about oh no Jared will listen to this. It feeds both ways. Yeah. He just will post shit. And then because he's like, he gets engaged.

You'll go. People just go. We'll go check out this. That's a guy who runs a company right now. It's like, what does it have to do with us? Yeah. It's nothing, but it's like genius. It's fucking genius. Yeah.

He's so smart. FaceTime could learn a thing or two from. FaceTime doesn't learn. Posting it all on social media. Yeah. We, we get learned. That's true. WeTime could learn a thing or two from you. FaceTime doesn't learn. Posting it all on social media. Yeah, we we get learned. That's true. We don't learn.

We get learned. Mm hmm. Hey, this is from Jared. My friend, Dr. Ryan, likes to buy two boxes of mac and cheese.

He then puts the two packets of cheese powder on one box's worth of mac and and then tosses the rest of the unused mac. So he's using two packets on one thing of macaroni cheese, throwing out the rest of the macaroni.

Incredibly wasteful. Yep. Do you have any ideas so Ryan doesn't waste food? Thanks. Also, yes, I showed him you can just buy extra cheese powder, but he said no. I do have some advice. Okay.

Just use one cheese packet on your macaroni I agree with Jordan that'll save, all of a sudden you got two boxes get this, two boxes I agree, because you're buying it's powdered cheese

I get the I want it cheesier just put real cheese in it there you go. You could have it. You can just have a box. You can have a bag of shredded cheese. Nick says add shredded cheese while still hot.

Right. So you make it like normal. So and then just go and then that cheese will just melt and you get more cheese. I don't understand. Why the fuck does it have to be powder? Powder shit. Yeah. Why do you want to double the cheese?

I understand not being such an animal of buying extra powdered cheese. That also is weird. why the fuck does it have to be powder powder shit yeah why do you want double the i understand not being such an animal of buying extra powdered cheese that also is weird right just have regular cheese the way jared kind of added i don't understand that like he doesn't even it doesn't seem like there's a big desire to have double the cheese right it's just what he's doing right yeah i which i also don't really get. Like, again, maybe he just likes it like a cheesier thickness or something. I'm just saying, throw a little scoop of actual shredded cheese. You're done.

I am familiar with Dr. Ryan. I do not know him personally. Okay. You know of him? No, my reputation. I can tell you all about him. Reputation is right. Don't need to.

Yeah, I will say. Actually, don't. He doesn't want you to. This does line up with his characteristics. It absolutely does. We do have some evidence, a defense from Dr. Ryan. Do you have that? I do.

I do have it here. Go ahead. Ryan, on our Wiener Schnitzel episode on the subreddit, r slash face jam pod, he is the underscore reflection on uh reddit he has posted look i don't want to buy a fucking industrial size bag of cheese dust and have it sitting around what if it spills what if it goes stale what if it attracts bugs that part i agree with i only eat mac and cheese like once a month as a treat. And it's just easier to buy two boxes, take the pre-measured, in all caps,

pack it out of one, throw the other away. They only cost like a dollar a piece. Jared won't stop hassling me about this. I don't want a bunch of cheese dust just sitting in my house, all capitals. Stop! This man is a doctor. He is a doctor. He's throwing away the macaroni.

The macaroni. Because that's confusing. He's keeping the cheese. I agree. He keeps saying, I don't want cheese. That's lying around. So it sounds like he's throwing out the cheese. No, no, no.

He doesn't want to buy the extra cheese that Jared is saying. Right. But he is. Exactly. He is. He's invalidating his argument. He's just buying it over and over and over again little by little by month yes yeah so he's gonna have it sitting thing in his house

the thing that makes my fucking head spin here is that he's so take the pre-measured packet out of one of them you're doubling it right it does not matter you're already at this point your pre-measured is there's two each yeah right there's two macaronis and there's two cheese macarons. What are you talking about? The pre-measured is literally out the window because you're ruining. You've unmeasured. But again, they've already done the science.

Now imagine this. Again, you have it once a month. You buy two. You have one. And then shredded cheese. Yeah. But here's... It doesn't spill.

So bugs don't come after it? They don't creep and crawl from the night? I didn't even buy the bugs argument. You just buy a small bag, like a couple ounce, an eight ounce bag of like a sort of either cheddar, like a sharp cheddar or a Mexican cheese. It's your mac and cheese. What? You keep it in your fridge.

It's safer. And again, now if someone were to say, imagine this was our suggestion, hey, you should go buy this thing in magazines. I can see someone going, no, no, no, whatever your suggestion is, that's too much work. It's way less than what you're already doing, which is insane and weird. And like you said, I'm not hoarding it. Yes, you are. You're holding onto it

forever, then you're eating all of it, then immediately buying more of it that you don't want or need, so you're just eating it? I don't know, man. I'm not trying. I would say the crime of food waste is a bigger issue here than the dollar or whatever it costs to buy an extra one. The crime you're committing. Yeah. So.

Now, here's the thing. We will get the real authorities involved. I don't want to. I don't want to invalidate what you guys are saying about adding the cheese. However, I need to ask this. It's piggybacking off one of our other food conundrums. Does this make it into mac and cheese and shreds?

No, because the shreds is going to melt. But is that not what she's doing? I don't know. No, no, no. The shreds didn't melt. Oh, it was like, look, it's fucking shredded cheese. Like you're saying, if it's hot and you only add a little bit, the shreds will melt into the sauce. You're right.

And that's why you're the judges here. I'm simply asking the questions. You may disagree with our opinions, but there's logic behind them. And they're always right. Obviously, they're right. You can disagree, i.e. be wrong. It depends on what side of the truth you want to be on. So what's your ruling in the ruling of Dr. Ryan versus Jared here?

Well, I mean, the whole thing is just quite nonsense. Right. So he just wants more cheese. Yes. So just put more cheese on it from another source instead of buying another box and throwing out the macaroni. It's also, again, unless, which I don't think is specifically stated anywhere, unless it's, I gotta have this powdered cheese I go nuts for It doesn't seem like he cares that much.

It seems to just be an amount of cheese thing, a texture thing, a flavor thing. I don't know. Again, yeah, just like whenever I make little cups of mac and cheese, usually for my kids, I usually do it because it makes it cool faster, but you do what you're supposed to. You do the water, the line, all that you pour in the powder. Yeah.

Mix it. Then the day we were done, just do a little splash of milk. Yeah. Yes. It makes it creamier, but also it just cools it. So it doesn't burn their little mouth. Yeah. Those kids can get in there.

I don't know. I'm not going to buy milk. Yeah. Just for mac and cheese. You know, it's just the thing I already have in my house I don't go, I'm not going, I'm not going to buy milk! Just for mac and cheese! You know, it's just a thing I already have in my house, and I take it and I go, I feel like you could do that with a bag of cheese. And then after you do the little... You're not even buying it for this. Well, after you do the little splash of milk, you throw it away, right?

I pour it on the grass so the earth can drink it up. That's actually not that wasteful. No. I give it back. I give it back from where it came, the ground. I mean, I'm pretty sure the. That's actually not that wasteful. No. I give it back. Good citizen. I give it back from where it came, the ground. I mean, I'm pretty sure the way he's doing it violates his Hippocratic Oath of doing no harm. Well, I will say that Ryan, Dr. Ryan is a food monster to begin with.

He's won like four of the last five Mega64 Christmas cast food ops. And Hanukkah cast. Oh, and Hanukkah cast. What? I think he lost finally, but he's a food monster. So congratulations, Ryan, and it sounds like we're ruling against you. Well, here's the other thing, though.

But we do encourage Dr. Ryan, because I'm sure there are others that he has, to submit more. Here's the other thing, which I think is a little unfair. Okay. I think there's a little and I stand with like I feel like

my opinion's in line with everyone's here but I feel like there's just a little bit of bias from the both of you oh it's 100% yeah yeah

at least with your closing speech let's figure this out and then ended with this man is a fucking psychopath nothing he says should ever be listened to

and I feel like it was against some sort of oath that you should have taken where you should have passed on airing right the letter of a madman yeah no you know what i mean like oh no i'll save this one and you know like a good doctor tell all my friends internally all these really cool medical stories like you know they do the real story publicly i'll say i cannot. Right. This is in good faith. I can't read this on air. Jordan, do you see this?

The real story. The real story is a friend desperate. Yes. For help. Yeah, it's true. And so really we're doing this for Jared. Jared. Jared just wants to help his friend who refuses by attacking him.

Yeah. I don't think that's going to help. Well, but getting the proper authorities involved. Yeah. There you go. So, yeah. Stop wasting the macaroni, Dr. Ryan, please. We're begging you.

We're commanding you. Yeah. Or just like buy one pack. Yeah. If you want. Buy two one packs? I don't. Like, I don't. Stop throwing out macaroni. I don't like, I don't

Stop throwing out macaroni! I don't know. Yeah, that's where I draw the line. Yeah, right, I'm just saying like again, it doesn't even, I don't even it doesn't seem like you need it that much to just buy one, like he's like I feel like he's using both cheeses because he has two but if he just maybe tried to have

one, he'd go, I guess I don't need that other one. That's what I'm saying. Probably not. It's fucking powder. It's a double powder. Twice as much sand is so much better than one amount of sand. Your macaroni and cheese might start tasting better.

What are you doing? It's so mushy. It's just thick and the weirdest orange. It's fucking orange, dude. It's so orange. It's turning me orange. All right. Terrible.

Terrible news. Michael, did you have one you wanted to throw at us? Yeah, I just took a stab here. And this one actually is real. I think this is maybe the most recent one. Oh, okay. Because I went to dig back at some of my flag flag ones and realized we kind of went through a bunch of them we have they're quite a bit so we have so many more too i just like the subject line here

it says food court whole raw and unpeeled got it um do you want me to read this or would you like to present it no sure you can do it okay i mean otherwise what's he gonna do no i mean i just also don't work i'm just saying he can i don't need to no i wasn't attacking you i can read uh this is from connor dear honorable justices of the face jam food court and other presumably less honorable officers that's pretty i mean that's not you and nick we're not less in case whatever it was unclear today i present a case that seems a little different in format than ones you have previously ruled on. Before I begin, I'd like to make it clear that I know that myself and the other person I mention are both weird little freaks, and this is not normal behavior. Again, this is—

Hang on. No, here's my problem, though. Here's my problem. If they said that and moved on, it'd be fine. Here's the next part. Okay, go ahead. But given that— No, but. No, here's my problem. My problem. If they said that and moved on and be fine. Here's the next part. Okay, go ahead. But given that. No, but stop sending messages.

I admit it. I admit it. I'm a fucking freak. Boy, that's not how that works. But given that for a little context, I attended a high school that required all students to live on campus. For two years, I lived with a roommate who eventually became a dear friend. However, which is the same as butt.

When we first moved in together, we were basically strangers. For obvious reasons, the first month or two we lived together was a little awkward since we both had to get to know each other as well as learn to live together. During that awkward phase i noticed that once a week or so boy i would come into the room and my roommate would be eating a whole

raw and unpeeled lemon taking bites out of it as if it were an apple i don't think there's a fruit that could have been said that's weirder than that. He stopped doing this after we got to know each other. Oh, God. We stopped doing this after we got to know each other better. And while I never asked him directly about it, I always had the impression that he was doing it to intimidate me or show dominance. In the next few months, I will be starting a new job

for the first time in a while, which brings me to the crux of this case. Is a lemon the best food to eat whole, raw and unpeeled in order to display dominance over my new coworkers? If not, I would appreciate any advice or suggestions on what I should eat.

Thank you. Sincerely, Connor. What a question. That's fantastic. It's great. It's such a good question, and I love that the question isn't about what you think it'd be about. No, no, no, no. Doesn't question his friend at all or what is it? Nothing. Going, anyway,

now I'm going to do it. What's your advice? I don't know to this day whether it worked. And here's the thing. Clearly, it did work. It left an impression. Otherwise, they wouldn't be. If it was like, that didn't work, you would not be doing it.

Yes. Exactly. So lemon's a good one. Lemon is a great one. Mostly because there are lots of fruits that have a hard rind or skin or whatever. That's like, ew, why are you doing it like that? But most of them are quite pleasant once you get through that a lemon is probably the one fruit you're not going to eat on its own yeah like in any manner so like to just eat it in that fashion adds another layer to it that i don't know can be topped by any other fruit now

i don't know if that layer is dominance, but it's certainly something. Yes. You've established something chowing down on that whole lemon. At the very least, it's generating intrigue. You know, when I read it, I guessed banana. I was wrong. I was going to think it was a banana, too. I was delightfully surprised.

And I did the same thing. I thought if I was like, lemon's worse. Yes. I will say, going back to Christmas cast one year, our friend Brian ate a whole raw potato, a banana with its peel, a whole grapefruit through the rind, and the lemon through the rind.

And he said grapefruit was the hardest one to get through because the rind is so thick. I bet, yeah. Trying to bite. Those are thick. He's like not peeling it. He's biting it. Right, right, right.

Apple style. Now here's the problem there now. First of all, that's more like a strong man. Yes, I agree. First of all, if you're struggling, dominance is not what you're going to be inspired. They're going to go this way. Because if they don't know the scale,

if you've got another dominant spider, they'll be like, no, no, no, grapefruit's the hardest fruit. But if you don't have that audience, they'll think it's an apple and you just look like an idiot. Here's the other thing to consider. I feel like off the top of my head that I can't think of a better fruit than a lemon. But

just, I think, maybe as effective and also doable, right? Where you're not going to, you're not going to struggle beyond. Don't hurt yourself. Right. Don't hurt your teeth.

Don't hurt your draw. Whole onion. Oh, we've seen it. Yeah. And it tore a man apart. He did. He took,

he took the bite and he went, I'm telling you like a big, strong man, a man who could take many blows was immediately... Brought to his knees. I'm just saying, you got to get through that. If you get through that, again, I'm not saying dominance. Something's going to be said about it.

Yo, did you see so-and-so? They ate a fucking onion. He just ate it. Just ate it. You're going to cry and shit your pants while you're doing it, but if you get through it, you just got and walk away. I think this segues into another angle to consider. What is the message you want to be sending?

That's true. Your roommate sounds like dominance. Well, let's not. Their words. Would you see a man eating a lemon and go, this man is trying to assert his dominance over me? Or intimidate. In a situation.

In the situation of walking in on your stranger roommate, be like, what's he trying to assert his dominance over or intimidate situation in the situation of walking in on your stranger roommate yeah be like what's he trying to pull here now if you're walking into the break room at your office and you're to the new guy you don't want people like if you're eating a whole lemon people aren't gonna go this guy's trying to like intimidate us they're gonna go new guy's fucking weird because i i don't think that's the message you want to send. I think you want to generate intrigue and have a conversation opener. In which case, an interesting fruit would be something more exotic. Like, have you ever

seen a horned melon? It's the one that kind of looks like one of the spaceships from Dragon Ball Z. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly what it looks like. It's orange and very spiky. Now, I'm not saying hurt yourself. Bite into that.

Right. I'm saying maybe. I'm saying show that off. Just show off what? The lemon. It's very, the melon. It's very interesting looking. No, I'm just saying it is interesting.

It's a conversation starter. But. You don't have to hurt yourself to be interesting. Here's the problem though. Okay. I agree with what you're saying. That's not what they asked. Yeah.

They basically asked, what should I bite? Yeah. And you're trying to take the food out of their mouth. I'm trying to maybe talk them. That's not what they asked. Yeah. They basically asked, what should I bite? Yeah. And you're trying to take the food out of their mouth. I'm trying to maybe talk them off the ledge. I understand that. I think that's just a different conversation. It's a bell that can't be unrung. It's a fruit that can't be unbit.

Let me pose this. Let me pose this. Go ahead. Because this is something that I've also seen Brian do, the man who ate all of that stuff. And this is something he does regularly. And I don't think it's for intimidation. However,

I was intimidated by it. When he eats an apple, he eats the whole thing. Like the core and the stem. He eats the whole, there's a way to do that. All the way. And when you see,

here's the thing, here's the thing. When you get down to like the rind and then you see only half a rind left, that's a pretty strong, like, what's going on here? What kind of man is this? Especially because an apple's a freebie. You can just throw that shit. You're outside.

No one's going to be like, oh, man, apple cores. Some dumbass would. And rip their head off. Someone would be like, are you a fucking moron? It'd be Johnny Appleseed because you didn't plant it. You threw an apple in the park. You threw an apple near that tree.

That's delightful when you go, and I'll just throw it on the ground. I do think a lemon is the most intimidating fruit to eat. Especially if you're able to do it with a straight face. Right.

But here's the thing. It's not just the right. Like biting like an apple is fucking crazy. But if I just saw a guy with a peeled lemon eating lemon slices. That in itself would be weird. That's fucking wild. That's a lot. Yeah.

I think a lemon just is a lot of like, well, this guy's really, you know what I think you could do too, just, just to mix it up, but keep it in the realm. You order like a tea or a water with lemon, and then you just eat all the lemons that come. Like if you're at lunch with your coworkers and then you don't,

you take it out of the drink. You just start grabbing it. Move the water aside. You push it aside and you just eat the lemon. And then you look to everyone else. You go, you can eat that. That's how you do it. This is why I grabbing it. Move the water aside. You push it aside and you just eat the lemon and then you look to everyone else and you go, you gonna eat that? That's how you do it.

This is why I ordered it. That's how you do it. And then everyone just sits there in silence as you take every lemon from the... Oh, I ordered lemon waters for everyone. Oh, thank you. And then you just go, can we get 13 lemon waters for the table, please? Ah, one whole lemon now.

This is how I get them so what what's your i also want to say this strikes me as very similar to the guy who's like i'm drinking a quart of milk every day because i need a thing that's how this reads to me right and i didn't recommend he the milk guy do that either but but right if this is what he's asking, this is what we discuss. Let's get into it. This person's clearly not asking for help. No.

They're not ready for help yet. If you want to take some of my other advice into account, go ahead. It's unofficial. But if you need an answer, I can't think of a better one than a lemon. Yeah, lemon's good. I mean, you could try biting into a whole lemon,

but that would be more of a risk. I would say just keep your options open for the lemon. There's some things you could do with lemons. You could be eating a whole lemon, and the next day you could get really small limes and then eat them like they're chicken nuggets. You know what I mean? Or like sit down with a lemon and put a straw in it and just suck it. Oh, like a coconut?

Yeah, yeah. Like a coconut. So, so the ruling here would be that lemon is. I think lemon's a good one. Lemon's the go-to one. I think lemon's a good one. But they're expensive. That's true, and people fucking love them.

Well, as long as you just keep biting, and they're like, what are you doing? I go, it's lemons. I hope nobody out there's got an egg thing, because it's still wild out there in the egg world. Eggs might be lemons now. Eggs might be forever lemons. They might just start calling eggs lemons and lemons eggs.

There's like a press release. Guys, we've swapped them now. Eggs is lemons and lemons is eggs. When you're buying lemons, you get these hard things that break. When you buy an egg, you get this yellow thing covered in zest. We're solving inflation and people's problems. What the fuck is wrong with all these lemons? Are they in here?

Sick cracked lemons. Every time. Great. you want some lemons and bacon oh god I think from now on the way I've been telling people about food court for spit and silly is imposing the milk thing to people going like this is what people have emailed us

and they go what the fuck I think I'm also going to show them lemons I like that even internally and with the other you know mutants This is what people have emailed us. They go, what the fuck? I think I'm also going to show them lemons. I like that even internally and with the other mutants we got to interact with outside these hollowed walls. No one really understands what Face Jam is. They definitely don't know what

Spit and Silly is. People know what Food Court is and not Spit and Silly. First of all, dumbest name ever. Second of all, dumbest name ever. Yeah. Second of all, we never call it the spit and silly podcast.

So people don't even know what it is. I was like, I do spit and silly. And they go, what? Yeah. It's like our second podcast. Like you have another podcast.

It's every other week. And then it's like, well, yeah, what's it about? Well, we do food court. Oh, so why isn't it called that?

Well, also we don't do that. It's just, it makes absolutely no fucking sense. Anything else? Listen, we'll figure it out. I mean, the thing is, I feel like we have figured it out. No one else has. Exactly.

And that's their problem. Everyone else will catch up. Or they won't. Very quick one because we're almost out of time. This is from Kyle. I'm often made fun of for my choice in soup. Well, it's more of a paste i take lipton noodle soup with extra noodle it has to be extra noodle and i add as many saltine crackers as it takes to

make it a paste i've been doing this since i was a child and is like a comfort food all of my wife's family calls it poor man's soup and i think and thinks i'm crazy for liking it i don't think it's that crazy right guys okay so if we want to go ahead and just quickly it. I don't think it's that crazy. Right, guys? Okay. So if we want to go ahead and just quickly rule on... Why don't we just hammer him? First of all, what's the name of the soup? It is Lipton Noodle Soup with extra noodle. Is it like Lipton Iced Tea?

They make noodles? They make noodles? Yeah, it's like Campbell's. Like they make soup. It's not like Campbell's. It's like Campbell's. Because Campbell's doesn't also make iced tea. Lipton's is iced tea.

Lipton's. Okay, that's exactly what I'm saying. Lipton noodle soup is. I just think of an iced tea noodle. It's the same. Yeah. All right. It's this.

It's poor man's soup. I mean, it definitely. Weird. First of all, I didn't even know they made Lipton's soup. Yeah, I did not either. I was pretty much Campbell's or Progresso. Progresso. Right.

I'm progressive. That's insurance progressive progressive soup yeah extra noodles you get the chick arena or like i think it's called italian wedding oh yeah yeah yeah wedding soup yeah good soup um so he's talking about basically a standard noodle soup not even chicken right no chicken with extra noodle noodle and broth noodle and broth extra noodle uh-huh okay I get the saltine thing is he buying two cans and just throwing out the broth

no no no I get especially this is going to resonate I can say because I know it doesn't with people in Texas depending on where you live soup is a big fucking deal especially in colder places I say on the east coast

it's literally like it's fucking cold to eat soup now you can eat soup when it's not cold but it if that's like a luxury people eat soup to not die right just like you come in as your fucking freak just like i just want i need a soup that's why there's such cool robust soups filled with actual meats and shit noodle soup is like i want soup you know what i mean mean? It's just like I might have that here. I get that. I get the hot soup with a saltine or whatever.

You dunk it in. You let it start to get soggy. Let it start. Almost like burning a marshmallow. You leave it in the fire a little bit. You take it out and right as it's starting to get soggy, you bite it and it falls apart into your mouth. It breaks off and you get all the soupy goodness.

If you put salt and pepper or whatever in there, you get that in there. You don't add all the crackers to the soup. This man is making something else. You're trying to create that in your mouth in the bowl. And things in your mouth shouldn't be out of your mouth. Once they go in, it's like you saying someone, hey, try this food that is basically like I made it in my mouth. Want it? I don't understand.

Just dip the cracker and eat it. That is exactly what he's doing. It's like dipping a chocolate chip cookie in milk and eating it or putting a bunch of cookies in a bucket of milk. Until all the milk is absorbed and you just have a pasty cookie. And then you fucking suck it down like a monster. Yes.

I'll tell you this, Kyle. It doesn't sound good. Just evil. I'm sorry. And look, we will never say don't eat it. Yeah. But we will say you get what you deserve. Like, you're going to eat something weird and your wife's family is going to hammer you for it.

You probably deserve it. But again, the craziest part about it is, again, like in my head. You made this bed. In my head, that's what it is. You're doing the cracker absorbing the soup. It's like a bread absorbing sauce. Get that. You can't go too far.

Right. Otherwise, it's not good. To me, this sounds crazy. It sounds so dry. You're making baby food. Yeah. It sounds so's making you're making baby food yeah it sounds it is baby food it is baby food like like it's breaded noodles without it being fried or something like it just doesn't sound like it's got texture or anything i get the texture sounds insane because again the nice thing about it is even sometimes you you fucked it up you dip the cracker in too

long and you probably go i put that one in too long guess what everything isn't ruined the next cracker don't do it as long you fix your mistake once you've crackered the soup and it's like we've gone too far and this guy crackers the whole soup

you can't cracker the soup live in your filth so what's the ruling here I think the answer to his question right right, guys, is in fact wrong. What was he asking was right? He said it's not that crazy, right? I mean, again, you've taken a not only already invented method, but a well-loved and very effective method,

and you've bastardized it, thinking you've made something new. Correct. It's not like you've recreated dunking your crackers and you've destroyed it. You've killed it. You've taken it too close to the sun. Just try a cracker.

Just try dunking it. Maybe he still scratches that itch. You know the only time what they're saying is acceptable in a little degree if you buy the mini oyster cookie ones. You dump them in, but they're like

smaller than cereal. And you're just munching them before they... Again, you're talking about... It sounds like he's talking about glass in the whole bowl of soup. Oh yeah. He's probably taking a whole roll Yeah. A whole, like, world. Well, yeah, all the cracker rockets are like...

And it's like, glass the target. And then the soup is like... Well, they missed the first one, but the second one hits the soup. $2 million down the drain. Yeah, $2 million of crackers wasted. But the second one... Soup slugged successfully.

So the ruling is that it is crazy. Don't do it. It's crazy. That's no way to eat soup. Soup already sucks and you're making it worse. Well, that's known soupator. There you go.

There's food court. You can email us your food conundrums. No, I was spitting silly, right? Face jam. Should we rename spitting silly food court? Should we rename spitting silly food court? Even if we don't do it every time. We should rename. No, just to trick people into't do it every time? We should rename the-

No, just to trick people into listening to it every episode. Oh, that's a good idea. We should rename- Food Court, I love it. We won't do it. We should rename the episodes that are Food Court, Food Court. Yeah. They're Food Court.

So then Spit and Silly becomes every three weeks. Oh, jeez. But every other three weeks. When are we starting our Thursday show? Every other week for three other weeks. Can we do a Thursday show every 17 days? Guys, Food Court might be an every 17-day show on Thursday. Sit tight.

You can email us. We got to wait for the Thursdays to line up. Facejampod at roosterteeth.com. Send us in your food conundrums. Dunk on a friend, I guess. Dunk on yourself, really, is what we're looking at here. Boy, these are some crazy ones. And don't forget, we'll have some split decision stuff coming up.

I think the next thing we're going to be doing is going back, finding some split decision stuff and seeing what we can make a real ruling on. Okay. For Face Jam Food Court. So that we can have spoken. Yeah, I can has spoken. Yeah. He liked that.

Honorable judges, Michael and Jordan. That's a ShopRite can-can sale. Nice. Can-can. They're like, they were like 20 cents for can. Oh, wow. Think of how much. Get them while they're hot.

Think of how much soup sludge you can make. Not just soup. Tomatoes. Genius. Whatever. Comes in a can. Lemons? You want to do the outro?

No. I don't know where it is. Did you send it to him? He probably did. Usually we have a paper. We usually do have a paper. I'm not going to say. Of course he did send it to me, but I clearly wasn't ready.

You had that email you were looking at to get ready for? Is it from Griffin West? Is it in that? No. Oh. It might be from Eric. Yeah, I think it's from me.? Is it in that? No. Oh. It might be from Eric. Yeah, I think it's from me. Just me?

Just you? I mean, no, it's probably to both of you. Oh. Where it says outro, and it's from the... Well, just hand me your phone, please. Oh, well, that's way easier. Oh, no, I was handing... Oh, okay.

I was like, you didn't want me to touch it. No, no, no, you're good. I don't want to get my... This is a great way to end the episode. Yeah. Thanks for listening to Spittin' Silly or Food Court. Don't forget to listen to a new episode of Face Jam next week. That's right.

Next week. Tell a friend or a new enemy that you made because you dunked on them hardcore in Food Court about the show where we do whatever we want. Intimidate the shit out of them with this lemon trick. You won't believe it. Goodbye. Dr. Ryan's hate with this lemon trick You won't believe it Goodbye Dr. Ryan's hate this one lemon trick For intimidation