100% Eat - Spittin Silly - Food Court: Split Decision

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

A Food Court in crisis, this week's Spittin Silly has Our Hero Judges finally able to rule on some food conundrums that have been weighing heavy on the court. Join the Honorable Michael & Jordan as they dip chicken strips in ice cream and tackle what makes mac & cheese really mac & cheese or is it 'bo's and shreds? ORDER IN THE COURT! A new Face Jam Food Court gavel coming soon that bestows honorary judge powers on you? MAYBE. Sponsored by HelloFresh http://hellofresh.com/facejam60 + code facejam60, Sunday http://getsunday.com/facejam, and Rooster Teeth's 20th Anniversary www.roosterteeth.com. Already a FIRST Member and need your Private RSS feed for this show? Go here: http://bit.ly/FIRSTRSS. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. up, dog. Michael, how are you? I'm good. I got fry mouth. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we got a... Fries in my mouth. We got some baskets with us. Look, you know, spitting silly, eating during the show. Anything can happen. Yep. Like eating during the show. Right. It'll never happen. Has never. Will never happen on FaceJam.

If you think you can prove it, fuck you. We don't care. It's never happened. Take your evidence and shove it up your ass. That's the beauty of this shit. You'll end up like Fox, sued for billions. Take your made-up shit. You should see the text between Jordan and Eric behind the scenes. He's going, fuck, keep pushing the narrative.

We can't lose the Jammers. We know ghosts aren't listeners. Tell them anyway. Keep selling ghost shirts. I would never deny ghost listeners. So, we sucking down? We are.

We are. We are. The food of the nation. This is a little follow-up to a food court. We had a split decision, sort of, on a food court. Or like a pending decision.

I suppose so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I wouldn't call it an appeal because this isn't an appeal. Right. This is us getting to the bottom and we don't care who's at the top. This is us. As long as it's us. Well, we're definitely at the top.

This is us finding out if this is something that you should have or not. Here's the issue. Or if it's weird or not. It's definitely, I mean. Should we reread this letter? Yeah. So the thing is, when you email facejampod at roosterteeth.com, you can send in your food conundrums.

This was from James. He said, myself, James, and my roommate, Hardy, often go to Dairy Queen for food because there's one across the street from where we live. Our go-to meal is the chicken strip basket, and sometimes we also get blizzards for dessert. Today, we've gotten chicken strip baskets, and we've gotten blizzards for dessert.

You ordered four pieces, but I count five in my basket. Wow! You got extra piece. I got five also. That's exciting. I can't remember how many I've eaten. Awesome. One day while eating, I noticed my roommate dip a

dry chicken tender into his chocolate chip cookie dough blizzard before then taking a bite. I immediately called him out, but he compared this to me dipping my vanilla, uh, dipping a fry into my vanilla M&M Blizzard. So our whole thing here that we landed on is that Michael is not a dipper at all.

Michael doesn't dip fries. He doesn't dip any. It's just not something he's doing. I mean, I certainly don't dip into ice cream, right? Like I'll eat ketchup if it's there. But yeah, I won't even bother. I didn't today. Ketchup's there.

Don't care. I'm just going to eat it. But I get it. I get it. So that's where I stand. But now what we're doing, dry chicken strip into blizzard. Because, Jordan, I'm with you. Dip a fry.

Sure. But dry chicken strip into blizzard. Jordan, do you want to go first? All right. I'm going to go first. I'm going to do fry first. Oh, that's good. Oh, this is new territory

for Michael. I will say I've kind of outgrown this behavior. What do you think about it Michael? You know it tastes like you're eating a french fry and the blizzard at the same time. It's not bad. I don't need

both at once. I got a feeling this is gonna be somewhat similar so let's see uh i have a reese's blizzard right um so hopefully that doesn't like i don't know like contaminate the data right there you go okay now take a bite here we go that was a crunchy one oh okay what do you think michael there's a lot of again i don't it's i think i think the fry is better it's not again to me it's not that different from the fry i feel like i'm basically still where i was at of going that seems the same ish to me but i'll say i think the fry is better because it takes longer to eat the chicken and And so with the fry, at least,

you get hit with the ice cream and the fry kind of at the same time, if not, bam, bam. With the chicken, it's like you hit with the ice cream, then it's just, well, that's gone, and it's chicken, and it's chicken, it's chicken. The best part about the ice cream and the chicken is this mix of temperatures. And that's the smallest part.

Yeah, warm and cold. It's the shortest part. And then you're just eating ice cream covered chicken. And that's not fun. It's not better than the sum of the parts. And I think you're right that the part that might be better, it's too short for it overall to outweigh the negatives. Not worth it.

Not worth it. So again, I don't care either way, but I do think the fry, just structurally, just size-wise, I think it makes more sense. Get a load of this. All right, I'm loading.

This wasn't, this isn't ice cream. It's gravy, right? It came with the basket. I'm going to try dipping the chicken in this and see what happens. Into the gravy?

Into the gravy that it came with? Is that weird? Hey, am I a freak? Wait a minute. You're using the supplied gravy to dump the chicken? Well, that's amazing. Wait, let me try this. Hang on.

You might be onto something here. Okay. It's like, I mean, it's a fine gravy. It's all right. But it is like you're eating the gravy and the chicken at the same time. Like if you wanted to dunk it in something, you could use this. Right. The thing it comes with.

I'm just an option. I would say I'm probably not going to spoon this gravy into my mouth on its own. And so since it's there, I'll use the chicken. So you'll... So you're going to use the gravy from the chicken basket with the chicken. Not with a spoon.

But then, weirdly, you will separate the spoon and just use that for the blizzard and eat it by itself. Right. The blizzard on its own. With the spoon. Am I a freak with two E's? Do we have anyone

we can write to? is there a higher authority? God? I'm having a I'm having an issue. What's your issue? you love it? what a weirdo. I think I really really like you. Hey go back to the Dairy Queen where you belong you know what? I'm totally okay with this

that's why from day one he's not a judge not a judge! and that needs to be made perfectly clear. He's got problems dude dude with you dude i don't know nick oh no you don't get it are we in tgi friday dipping the chicken into the ice cream what do you say 100 it's delicious so no it dude i never thought i would be this person it's so good it's so fucking good i don't know i can't him i believe i believe nick you i don't buy for a second you're you're doing this you're doing this for a bit i'm not doing it he would I, like, I'm legitimately all about this. Okay.

He went for another one. What kind of blizzard did you get? Cookie dough. Maybe it's the cookie. Maybe we did it wrong. Oh, he got the dry one. No. No.

No. Whoa! Shit. Hang on. I got Oreo. I got Reese's. Maybe we got the wrong blizzards for this. I'm...

Well, here's the problem. Uh-huh. I'm... It's not that I don't believe him. I just don't give a shit anyway. It's true, yeah. You know what I mean? Right.

But he agrees. That's why he took himself out of judging shit. He knows he's a gremlin man. At the beginning. But I think we still need to know. We need to know. Are we still undecided? No, I don't think we do need to know.

I'm not going to do this again, Michael. I'm not going back to that Dairy Queen with those people. I know you're not. But you know what? Looks like we got another split decision. What? You guys are the only judges. Right.

So he's saying no, and I'm saying we have to go back. So you're saying we have to go back. So you're saying we have to eat this again? I'm not ready. If you're over there saying it's the best thing you've ever had, you said, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. Well, now I need to try it with the cookie dough. Maybe there's some, maybe there's crack in the cookie dough.

I want yours, though. You've been slobbering all over that thing. Why would I want yours? Like you would go to Nick and go, no, this one's fine. Look, there's still no reason to do this. Here's the thing. I don't care how good you think that one is the difference in the ice cream

cannot be and i was so stark that it makes the difference for me and michael michael i don't think you're gonna eat this and go no i more just wanted to make him do it again so we could go back to dairy queen because it was terrible you just want to make him sit inside that that's it of course i don't give a shit that you of course i don't care i keep saying i don't care i don't care about the french fries i don't care about the ice saying I don't care. I don't care about the french fries. I don't care about the ice cream. I won't care now. I won't care next time.

But Jordan does not want to go back to the Dairy Queen. Michael wants to go back to the Dairy Queen, order food, so that the weird lady in the high-visibility beanie can go, why did they get their food first? Where is my food? Look, maybe I just forgot what the real world was like, and I just want a little taste through the looking glass. Right.

Okay. Alice misses Wonderland sometimes. I just want to go back there and see the sights and smell the smells. I don't want either. And watch Jordan. Dude, we walked out, and I just went, I couldn't even come up with the exact words. I said, it was like a beacon to the center of an evil place was activated.

It just draws them. These are the people that came. And it wasn't even like a demographic or whatever. It was just like every person was just some sort of husk of soulless. I'm like the Dairy Queen was like hell on earth. You described them as monsters, which I think is so apt. It was like, again, just every person was unique in its own way.

It's true. And I said that literally, I was like, this is the real world. This is outside of all the bubbles people live in. Yeah, you know how... Of your internet bubble, or your Austin bubble, or your LA bubble, when you go into the real world, that's what this Dairy Queen was. And I just sat there going like, that's America. You know how cartoon characters are drawn and they're like some are

like tall and skinny and some are like short and and wide and like there's all types of cartoon characters they're not memorable but they're all shapes they're all they're definitely shapes uh you also described it as the waiting room in beetlejuice yeah. Yeah. It was, what's the name of that show? Super Jail? Everybody looked like that. Some real Amarillo stuff going on. Hey, what number are you, bud? Beetlejuice. Dairy Queen at 2 p.m. on a Friday?

It was packed, too! I think the way we all talked about it, and we were going round and round about what it was really like, is it's saying that america is great but not understanding and then all the people inside there are the ones saying i said yeah everyone in there would be the person that says america's the greatest country on earth and use that place as an example while everyone in there absolutely fucking hates the person standing next to them they all hate each other everyone hates each other but it's like this weird unreal like invented patriotism of like and this is what makes it great it's like wait you were just yelling because

our food came out first even you ordered after us and even though taking our food away doesn't make your food ready even if if it was like, all right, ma'am, I'll take the food away. Right, but she was willing to take our food away. She was just going, why are they getting their food? That's like beyond a grown woman. Yes. Right? And I'm just not like a grown up lady.

Yeah. Just going, hey, why are they getting their fucking food? Fuck them. It's not what she said exactly, but that's what she was. It was the spirit in which she was putting it out. She called over the woman who gave us our food and basically

questioned her why her food was not ready and ours was, damn it. Also, one person working at this Dairy Queen doing the best she can. She was doing a great job serving hell. Yeah. And then we got back.

People who live in hell patronizing this Dairy Queen. Oh, and then we got back and somebody went, oh, did you go to that Dairy Queen? Yeah, this Mayfield. This is a good one. I mean, look, the Dairy Queen was fine. It's my favorite Dairy Queen. I go there all the time. The woman working there was fantastic.

Uh-huh. I'm just saying, this person being a client, somebody who goes there all the time like these people, suspect well here's the thing too it was kind of a realization walking out because you said I think we were the most normal people in there and we're not normal

that was meant as an insult to us it was not at all like can you believe it it was like exactly, it was more like the state of the world uh yeah i might have to retract oh no your tummy hurt what are you talking about are you talking because you finished no that's not allowed oh did you try it with the gravy i tried it with the gravy instead oh how's that oh that's way better oh i i will say with the gravy Nick's mad. That's a meal.

Right. This is a weird treat that I enjoyed and then I did the gravy and I went What were our litigants names again? James and I want to say Bodie.

Hardy. I was close. I don't think it was Bodie. But somehow you were closer than I thought you were going to be. I was like, Bodie, what the fuck? Oh, that's not far. Well, the ruling is try the gravy. Right.

You might be surprised. It's fucking good. That's way better than dipping it an ice cream fry fry is okay the chicken it's a it's a bridge too far too much right anyway i feel like don't do it don't do it i don't know what i know what we were sitting out here to do today but i feel like none of our opinions changed except eric's but then changed again right because then I did the other thing. Okay. Man, it's really good with the gravy.

Well, at least we have a decision finally. We're no longer split. I think Michael wants to do it one more time. No, I'm good. Okay. I'm sated. We have another food we're going to try. Now, here's the thing.

Yo. This was just one that we also got. So let's put it together and come right back okay we're back with a um special additional food you said we're gonna get it and then nothing happened no no we got it no it was i just remember being quiet for like a half second and second yeah it was quiet you your eyes rolled back and now we're here um but wait why do you have a bowl of pasta wait boiled pasta impossible that's what you think no that's what you said over and over again no no actually had a point of being like a little bit annoyed i don't know like michael had to explain that there wasn't an actual confusion on his end.

It was the fact that Michael was convinced he could boil water in this building. I was like, no, I know there's no stove. I bet there's a way. You fool! So we have a whole thing of elbow macaroni. Large elbow macaroni. Large elbows. We didn't need two bags.

No. What did that cost? 17 more cents? It's not eggs. We also got a bag of shreds wait a minute just something that you could keep in the refrigerator maybe for some extra we bought two bags of macaroni so we could throw one out the dr ryan method so now i'm gonna divvy up this macaroni and then everyone can add slightly

cooled. Yeah, it is. It's not boiling hot. It is slightly cooled and it's dry. It like it's been drained. Oh yes. It's been drained and everyone can add their own shreds and then we can get,

now we can finally see Jordan. So it's if warm bows and shreds is really macaroni and cheese. So yeah, we're not, the question here isn't, is this good? No, no, no, no. Is this macaroni and cheese? Mm-hmm. It's already looking like a hard no, and I haven't put the cheese in yet. Right, I will say.

It looks like cooked macaroni. Even more so, it's just plain pasta that we're going to put cheese on top of. So we're going to do that. But remember, you have to mix it in. You have to let it sit for a second then mix it in. You have to. Here it comes. Two seconds ago. Why did you make that noise?

Okay. Tell me when I can start mixing it. We've got to give it a minute. That's why I'm asking. Yeah, that's plenty. They look like little carrot sticks. What is the minute going to do? It's not going to melt. I don't understand why we're waiting.

We let it cool. It's not melting. What are we waiting for? And now? Jordan, stop! I'm just redistributing. Yeah, but that's one wrong redistribute is a mix. And now? We mix. Oh, no, now that Eric sat back down.

Yeah, because we're all... So we're all ready together. Yeah, but ours settled and yours didn't. Please take a picture of this. This looks fucking stupid. It looks like I have carrot sticks in my pasta. It looks like some fucking dumbass

tried to make macaroni and cheese. That's literally what it looks like. It looks like your child who went to college and you visited them a year later and they're like, what the fuck is this? And they go, mac and cheese. Just like you used to make.

I've been making this for a year. Is this not how you make it? Okay. I was wondering why it didn't turn out how you made it. This is so fucking stupid. Are you going to take a bite? I think if you were to show this to anyone and say, is this mac and cheese? You would get a hundred percent response rate.

No. It looks like something a three-year-old would make. And then go, I made this for you. It also tastes bad. It tastes like macaroni. This is stupid and it sucks. And it tastes like cheese. I was so glad we made this.

Right? This is stupid and it sucks. In a lot of ways. I'm happy that it's this bad because I feel vindicated. Right. And how upset I remember being. This is a million times worse than macaroni and cheese. Why would you make this? I was worried we were being too hard

on the idea of elbows in cheese. But now, having tried it, I can say unequivocally that this is a bad idea. I keep eating it because I love cheese. You know I'm a cheese fiend. But again, Jordan,

I know that, and I'm telling you I have a problem, and that's why I'm still eating it. And I know how fucking bad it is. That should say something. I'm not defending it. I just can't stop. It's fucking terrible. I can't throw away shredded cheese. When we dipped the chicken into the ice cream and you said it tastes like eating chicken and eating ice cream at the same time.

These are two. This tastes like macaroni and it tastes like cheese. It does not taste like mac and cheese. I will say this. This is a much stronger version of what I had said. This is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Even me saying it's ice cream and

chicken, that initial bite, it was both. It immediately just, this is 100% the entire way. This thing and this thing, it's not good together. They don't mesh. It's honestly blowing my mind how bad it is without it being macaroni and cheese. Yeah, like it really hammers home the point of like cooking and how important that is.

Yes, because you would think same ingredients in my mouth, same thing. Terrible. Awful. So much worse. There's a chemical reaction that has not taken place that is lost on the tongue. To point this out too, it's like, oh, maybe they just don't like pasta. I love buttered noodles. If you would just put a little bit of butter on this macaroni,

totally delicious. It's the cheese making it bad. Because I was, in my head, I was like, certainly nobody eats plain pasta. And then I saw the bowl and I was like, oh yeah, there's no butter on this. In my head, I was like, I'm looking forward's no butter on this. In my head, I was like,

I'm looking forward to some buttered noodles and cheese. I don't even think butter would save this, so it's kind of a moot point, but I like a buttered noodle. Yeah. This cheesed noodle? I'm just saying, I don't want buttered noodle people coming out

and going, they just hate buttered noodles. It still sucks. Do you think if we had, as soon as you drain the pasta, if you mix cheese and butter in, there's probably at least something that happens where everything sort of marries. This never gets a chance.

This never fucking stands a chance. It's not going to get a chance. It's by design. You must let it cool! In the instructions, we were explicitly told. What if it happens just naturally? No! You must stop it.

Halt any chemical reaction from taking place. Do not let it change states. This is so bizarre. You know what's even crazier when we've talked about this? Now we've talked about how it's still worse from a macaroni level. It's also still worse than just standing at a refrigerator eating cheese out of the bag. It's still better than this. I would rather do that than this.

It's fucking terrible. I would rather eat handfuls of shredded cheese. Blah. Blah. Why would you ever make this? You can't even count this as making. you can't even count this as making you boil the water but then you really just

it's like you tried to marry people by pushing them together and going like I just keep pushing them both long enough they'll just be together and it'll be good I think you really summed it up when you said this is stupid and sucks that's really it

yeah I'm sorry that uh there's like an extra hammering going on i can't believe that this had such a bigger reaction than the other than the chicken and yeah that was the main thing we were gonna do yeah yeah this is just yeah this is insane this is you're doing so much work to like boil the pot like it takes time to boil the water it would be easier to make mac and cheese than to make this yes why are you doing bows and shreds what are you doing why why are you doing those are us why are you doing bows why are you doing bows and shreds tell me this is um lunacy yeah and the longer it sits

the more it's just two things it's great it's crazy it's crazy any food ever you put together at some point will start to merge in some way this is only it's like it's like when you put what is it you put like uh some kind of liquid on your finger and put it in like a like oh yeah hydrophobic yeah with like uh water pepper or something and it all shoots around like that's somehow happening to the food it's getting further apart they don't want to be together sitting there in this state i think i think i just saw my macaroni spring legs and run away. The problem is, I'm like Michael where

these are just things and it's in front of me, so I will continue to eat it. I had a couple extra bites, but it's just... I gotta stop. I really like pasta, dude. I like pasta. Here's the thing. I like pasta and I like cheese.

I fucking hate pasta. I know, but it's still two things I like. I keep doing it. I keep going. Maybe that's what's going on here. Maybe that's what's going on. It must be something. People who actually eat this, maybe that's what's going on in their head.

The problem is, though, either they're missing something or we have something that other people don't. And that I can both sit here and go, I know I like cheese. I know I like macaroni. I can't stop eating this. And I know I like cheese. I know I like macaroni. I can't stop eating this and I know it's bad and I don't like it. It's good. It's good. Parsley tastes like soap or cilantro.

It tastes like soap. There should be just, you got to just know when you're eating shit that's terrible. This is insane. This is insane. It sucks. I'm just glad we didn't eat

the cracker uh saltine laden soup christ i can only imagine how bad that is so what's the ruling it's definitely not macaroni and cheese cannot call it that don't ever call it that how dare you way more insight in that it sucks and it's not good and you shouldn't make it. Yeah. Because I feel like I wasn't nearly as hard on it just as a food. Right. As I now am going to be because I've eaten it. Right. And it's terrible.

I am definitely never going to eat this again. And judge people who do. And will actively campaign against it. Right. But. This is not something I go, eh, whatever. You go, stop. Make mac and cheese instead.

Seek help. Stop what you're doing. Fuck, if you still still it's like ah but i'm obsessed with sprinkling bake it it's you can still sprinkle the cheese sprinkle you can you can cook the macaroni pour it in a dish sprinkle on the cheese bake it you don't even need i'm not even gonna tell you you have to add and a bonus point better bonus point it'll taste good i mean you get a good meal out of it. There you go. Bows and treads.

So I came up with a little idea. I just figured like maybe it's the fact that they're like, they hate the mixing and the boiling and they just want to spread. Just do baked mac and cheese. Yeah. Do that. You still get the sprinkle. And then like Jordan said, also it's good.

Yep. A little extra thing. Well, if you want to get hammered this hard, go ahead and email us. Facejamppod at roosterteeth.com send in your food conundrums for food court and then we can uh we'll hammer you and let you know if this is good or not a hammer of justice yeah so far not good yeah you guys aren't doing well yeah there you go and some of you are doing worse than you were before. Yep. So there you have it. Michael, you want to do the outro?

He's kind of panting like he had a fire to put out. Hey, do you want to do the outro? Do you want to hand it to me? Yep, right here. I don't know why the fuck you kept asking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't have it yet. Hey.

You think we'd learn in like two weeks. Thanks for listening to Spit and Silly. Don't forget to listen to a new episode of Face Jam next week. That's right. Next week. Because this will be two weeks tell a friend about the show where we do whatever we want like eat your terrible food suggestions make you feel bad i think we should stop doing that they're just more separate no there's got to be one of these has to be good i don't want to eat more food like this. Goodbye.