100% Eat - Spittin Silly - Frozen Pizza Challenge

Episode Date: October 3, 2023

Our hero judges are accompanied by Rooster Teeth’s own, Armando Torres, in eating frozen frozen pizzas as suggested by the Sauce Monkey. Will the Sauce Monkey reign superior or should the frozen pizzas hit the oven? Listen along for the ruling. Sponsored by HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/50facejam Use code 50facejam), Uncommon Goods http://uncommongoods.com/facejam), and DoorDash  (Download the DoorDash app and enter code JAMMERSFALL) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Spittin' Silly, the Fortnite podcast where anything can happen, and it probably does. I am your host, Jordan Sweers, alongside my co-host, Michael Jones, and alongside him is Armando. Yay! Like Beyonce, just one name. Hello, I held a microphone against a laptop speaker. Yeah, you did. So that you could get that intro music in there. He's a director level at against a laptop speaker. Yeah, you did. So that you could get that intro music in there. He's a director level at this company.

I'm just letting you know. The monkey's taking its toll. Yeah. Did you know that they hired me because my laugh is similar enough to yours and I'm the contingency for when you die? Smart. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Now, which monkey was that? Let us know.

Can you do Seth Rogen? Whoa. That sounded like grimace after a fucking head injury. That's what happens after you drink the shake. Oh, no. I've seen the videos. My kid tells me all the time, she goes,

if you drink the grimace shake, you die Yeah. My kid tells me all the time, she goes, if you drink the grooming shake, you die. Your kid tells you that all the time? Did you tell her you did? You did drink it? Yeah. That's what she was asking if I was going to die. Oh. Oh, that's good.

Well, I mean, maybe in like 50 years. 100 years? Really? Maybe. You think you're one of those people that's going to live past 100? Past 100? Easily. We were talking about this. We're talking past 150. We're talking 130.

We were saying in 100 years, I'll be 137. Yeah, you'll be dead. No, I'll be 137. He'll be saying like, hey, remember when we did this thing 100 years ago? Do you remember 100 years ago, that episode of Face Jam that we did where the guy flushed food down the toilet? That was a bit silly.

Remember 113 years ago when Tron Legacy came out? Dude, I was in that. Now we're talking. That's not today. We have stuff to get to. This is a very interesting one. This isn't my hat.

This is an interesting one. This is based on something that happened in the wild. This is insane. Because you were telling me this, and I was like, where did we hear this from? Did we read this? Because I thought it was a food court. It wasn't. Nick's like, no.

We heard somebody say this in Chicago, and we've been talking about doing it forever. So we're doing it. Like you overheard it? Yeah. We were at a Lou Malnati's in Chicago and somebody said uh I like pizza's good yeah I prefer eating like you know frozen pizzas like frozen like I don't cook them frozen pizzas frozen like unthawed out frozen pizza so what we're doing here today is Gracie has picked a smattering of pepperoni pizzas from the freezer section and we're going to taste test

frozen pizzas. Frozen. Frozen pizzas. Well, they probably thought a little bit. They're in a bag. Yeah, but for like a minute. They thought a minute. It's also very cold in this room. Yeah, they're frozen pizzas.

Yeah, they're frozen pizzas. I'm not sure what you don't understand. And you ran in here to eat them. Yeah, because you said we were going to eat frozen pizzas. Yeah, we're going to eat frozen pizzas. Yeah, frozen pizzas. He told you exactly what we were doing. I don't know what you're complaining about.

Adjective, frozen. Noun, pizza. Frozen pizza. I feel a little bad that you suckered him into it, because we knew we were going to eat frozen pizza. You can leave now if you want. Frozen pizza. It's not too late.

No, he's not leaving. He's eating frozen pizza. I took four fucking lactates for this. I mean, there's still dairy. Yeah, the dairy's still there. In fact, it's probably even more dairy because it's so cold. That's what I'm saying, is that I have to eat it now. Otherwise, the enzymes are just eating my stomach.

All right. Then, okay, Gracie. This is what four weeks ago he said he's going to save room for. Yes. Yeah. When he didn't eat the other half of that burrito. That's right. For the frozen uncooked pizza.

It's still on his head. If you're still hungry, there's half a Chick-fil-A breakfast burrito. That is cooked. Okay. He's going to eat that right now. No, that's Nick's. Oh, okay. No, no, it's yours.

Nick can eat it. Okay, Gracie went out. Again, Gracie has produced these. She has picked four frozen pizzas. They're all pepperoni. Five. Okay, Gracie, what is this? Jordan, hold the microphone up to her.

What's this first one? We have DiGiorno Ultimate Pepperoni Rising Crust. Okay. But the crust will not be risen. No, it will in your fucking stomach. That's an expensive pizza. Okay. That's a pricey pizza.

And now, Gracie's using her nails to open this. Very good job. That's what they're for. Yep. That's right. With the nails. You're going to cut it with the nails. Okay.

So. How are we going to bite? So, we're going to need a fucking sledgehammer. I'm beginning to see a flaw in the thing. That's a butter knife! Well, she didn't need to open it. There's a corner. Oh, my God.

Moving. It's fine. It's fine. She's going to stab me. With a butter knife? Okay, so that's the first... So, how do we... Okay, so maybe... I think. So how do we? Okay, so maybe.

I think you all gather around. What? What are you talking about? She's talking about a lady in the train. Yeah, we're not going to lady in the train. I got an idea. I got a meat in the middle. It's not what I was thinking.

I was just thinking something worse. Oh. Okay. Everyone gather around this pizza in a circle. Oh, God. He broke it over his knee. Eric broke the pizza in half over his knee. Eric broke the pizza in a half over his knee. The cheese is down.

Now do it again. Not that any room would be good for this, but this is just Shane's office. Oh, you've been playing some WrestleQuest, huh? I don't even say, I say you don't vacuum. I say you leave this room for, who's in here? Cameron? Shane? Shane?

Shane. All right. Okay. What the fuck? Nick goes first. You're so strong. My favorite part of this is as soon as... When you get it, you can see where it's going to rise.

You can see the fucking layers of crust. Jesus. What a dumb idea. Oh, my God. Here's some pepperoni for you. Yeah, please. This is like an $8 pizza. Yeah.

It's very difficult to hold because my fingers are so cold. It's almost like it's frozen. Yeah, here we go. All right. Attempting a bite. Oh, yeah yeah that works Oh Jesus Yo that guy's

Fucking insane I don't want to chew it It's in my mouth And I don't I don't want to chew it You guys are pussies This is like a This is like an extra cold

Lunchable Cool Oh he's like a lunchable Hang on He's convinced him The sauce is so bad. It's so fucking cold. Oh, don't eat the pepperoni.

A cold pepperoni for some reason just tastes like a regular hot dog. Whatever he's saying. I don't know why. I don't agree with you. It makes me want to gag. Yes. Something about the sauce being so frozen but but still so packed with its like... I took a second bite.

He keeps eating it. I'm on my fucking third. Fight, fight, fight. The crust is like eating an ice cube. Dude. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. It's crunchy like an ice cube. All cold and no enjoyment. The sauce

is- The sauce is there, man. I gotta take a bite of the crust itself. Oh god, okay. But if you explode, that's not on us. Okay. When the monkey is taking a bite and going, it's not good. It's so cold.

It's so cold. But when you let it, like it kind of sit in your mouth, it kind of thaws it a little bit and made the sauce more liquidy and easier to eat. Gracie, what's the next one? It's like it's cooking in your mouth. I don't want to do that again. Oh, red.

We have Red Baron Classic Crust Pepperoni Pizza. Why are we doing this? What do you mean? They said this was the way to do it. Now that is a cheap pizza. After you take it out of the box, don't open the packaging. I'm going to break it over my knee, and then it'll be ready. No, you've got to slam this one over my head.

All right, here, film this. Let me put my foot up here. What? Yeah, get it right up in the crotch. Ready? Yep. Wow! You said you were going to slam it. get it right up in the crotch ready you said you were going to slam it hold it up does this one have the cardboard underneath it

this is how I cut pizza at home this is so surprisingly easy you're strong look at that it's all right there is there cardboard under it? I think there is. No, there isn't.

There's not. Yo, I'm feeling sick already. Yeah, it does not feel good. I just feel actually sick. I can feel the pizza traveling down my fucking digestive tract. It's like as soon as I took a bite, my brain was like, that's not how you're supposed to do it. And it was just sending every warning sign to my mouth saying, spit it out. Here you go, Jordan.

This is penis. Oh, great, another one. Yeah, and there's like seven more. Dude, there's so much sauce on this one, too. Oh, my God. Is it against the rules if I go? I don't think so. You have to take a bite and then do that.

I don't think there's really rules here. You got to cook it in your mouth. I'm not sure what you looked at here and thought, what are the that. I don't think there's really rules here. You gotta cook it in your mouth. I'm not sure what you looked at here and thought, what are the rules? I don't like this crust. This crust looks like fucking drywall. Oh my god. It's a little sheet rocky. It's hurting my teeth. It's so cold.

Oh, this one's bad. Oh, this one's bad. I wish this was good like the other one. All right, I want to sob. Here's what makes it a little bit okay, and it's not eating it. But if I put it in my mouth, you hold it for a little bit, and then you just kind of do like a baby suck, like on a cracker, and scrape some cheese.

This motherfucker's dipping pizza. Then at least there's something. Do you think it would be better if we dipped it in water? Oh, my God. Give me a cup of water, please. Let me show you the suck. Let me show you the suck. Okay.

Hang on. You take a bite. It's no good. You want to get the sucky. This, more than any other episode we've ever done, needs a video component. That's pretty good. This is, you can go to at Face Jam Pod on Instagram and on Twitter where we're going to post this. Here's what you do.

I'm pretty sure. You make it? Oh, he's packing a lip of cheese. It's so fucking cold. Now you want to talk about construction work a bunch. That's it. Well, that'll last him a couple hours. He said it looks like drywall.

That's what he's hanging, and then he's packing a lip of cheese. I'm not going to make it out of here. What if Nick made this guy up, and this is what Nick does? There's no way to tell. Every time I brush my leg more cheese comes out of crevices I didn't know existed. I'm going to give us a chance to pivot

and not eat three more and just fill the time. What do you mean? Okay, Michael says let's keep doing it. That's not what I said. I said, what do you mean? What are you guys doing with all this pizza after? Yeah, because I was going to say can I live a block away? It's all yours, bud.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll take it home and put it in the oven. You and Gracie can fight for the scraps. Hey, let me throw this out here. Let me give a face jam suggestion. Okay. We go do the other two food courts we didn't do. We pulled them back up.

We got 18 minutes to get through those other two. But I do want to say, one of the ones I got is a thin crust. And it might be your best. All right, try the thin crust. You're sending mixed signals here. You got to try the thin crust. I disagree. Oh, HEB.

Oh, it does. Quality. Okay. I like their Midtown pizza that they- Oh, it's got- Oh, you got one? I think I had it, and then I switched it for whoever this is. That's fine.

Oh, the Screamin' Sicilian? Thin crust. All right, so this is... Your last name is Schwartz. H-E-B thin crust. This is... This is going to make me sick for sure. That's the thin crust.

Break it over my leg. Break it over my head. I'm begging for it. Nobody's filming this? That one was nice. He brought the pizza over his head three or four times. Did you open that with a butter knife?

This is an episode. I don't know why I didn't ask for the unopened ones. I asked for the ones we got our hands all over. I was thinking you were thinking of these ones. Oh, okay, good. Yeah, you can have those ones, I'm sure. I think you're just going to steal these. You got the good ones?

That's your payment for the episode. Okay, thin crust, Jordan. That's our apology. Okay. Thin crust, Jordan. Because we got to try it. Oh, man. No pepperoni? They all fell off? Dang.

No. No. Oh, thanks, man. Hey, leave some for Shane. This is the only crust that we've eaten that's going to be the right amount of crispy. Yeah. This is going to be a weird one. Here you go.

Okay. Honestly, the pepperoni frozen is the only good part. No, look at these pepperonis. They got frost crystals on them. It's the only part that as soon as it's in my mouth, my gag reflex doesn't kick in. Right. It's pretty close to a pepperoni, how it should be eaten. The pizza's not.

My brain can... Yo, this not. My brain can like... Yo, this one tastes like Play-Doh. Oh boy. Yeah. Ew, yuck. I'm getting intense Play-Doh off that one. I don't know that I've eaten enough Play-Doh to know. I'm not getting Play-Doh, but I'm not

getting good. Oh, that's terrible. It's really salty. It's really the worst pizza I can tell, even though none of them have been cooked. Yuck. Jesus. What the fuck? What the fuck are you doing, Howard? This one was good.

Yo, this place is fucked up. You fucked up his office. Look what you did. Look at this place. This is absolutely the worst I've ever seen it in here. Welcome to Spitting Silly. We're doing food court now. Oh my god. Who said this?

Some woman said that she liked eating frozen pizza. This woman that I made up. She had two arms. Nick. Nicole. Were you at a pizza place? Yeah, we were all there.

So you were at a pizza place and this woman ate presumably some like deep dish Chicago style pizza and went I like the frozen one and it's still frozen. Yeah, and Nick insisted. Maybe she like Armando thought that he would infer

that it was cooked. Maybe she's like, I like frozen pizza and only Nick went, frozen pizza? Like uncooked frozen pizza? Armando thought that he would infer that it was cooked. Yeah. You know what I mean? Maybe she's like, I like frozen pizza. And only Nick went, frozen pizza? Like, uncooked frozen pizza? What? Nick says, what if I fucked up? What if I fucked up? Dude.

I think you did, bud. I think you just fucked me up. I took no lactates. So what would you rank, though? Oh, my God. What's number one, number two, and number three? Number one is weirdly the DiGiorno Rising Crust. I think the Rising Crust might be the best one.

I mean, it's not surprising. It's probably the best pizza. Yeah, like cooked. That one had so much sauce that it really messed with me. So I think I like that one the least, honestly. Do you like number one the least? Yeah. You thought the third one was better than the first one? The third one I also liked the least honestly do you like number one the least yeah you you thought the

third one was better than the first one the third one i also like the least so i'm putting i'm putting that one at the bottom all right but what about the second one that one honestly honestly i also like that one the least yeah so that's going right there at the bottom too i want to see the fucking the olympic podium where they're all fighting for the thing. No, it's a podium that's empty, and they're standing next to it. It's a podium, and they're all sitting on the ground. They're in timeout. That's, yeah, I mean, it seems the segment's insane.

It seems somehow less than to even rate them at all, to give them the privilege of getting rated. You're not good enough. It's probably one, two, three, but in what scale? In which I'd vomit and shit my pants the least? Exactly, yeah. These suck. Why would you?

I have a headache. Yeah, it sucks. I'm falling apart. I ate so much that first pizza. The thing is, if you... I saved room for this. I know, you can't go back to the burrito. That's terrible.

I could see if you left these out, especially the rising crust, if you left it out to thaw, I could see it being okay. Like a Lunchable. That was the closest one to an actual Lunchable. But the frozen sauce really fucks it up. I will say, if you're gonna leave it out to thaw, you should

put it in the oven at a temperature. That's pretty good. Like quick thaw. Like really intense thaw. I need to thaw this at about 425 for 16 to 18 minutes. Or for 25 minutes if you want a thicker crust

these are these make me not want to eat this kind of pizza yeah and i mean that makes sense we just ate uncooked pizza yeah why why did we do it because Because of Nick. Right. I think we should stop taking Nick's ideas. I'm just saying, I was like, oh, some crazy spitzily, yeah, whatever. Oh, he overheard this? Oh, that's weird, whatever. Oh, it might not have happened? Yeah. Great.

We all just ate uncooked beef. Right. Nick was telling me the other day about this lady at a taco shop who said she ate enriched uranium. Whoa. No, she kept calling it yellow cake. It tastes good. Oh, my God.

I don't know where to go from here except the hospital. Well, this next one's from Jarvis J. Presenting to the court, I love mushy bread. Many of my favorite foods involve wet, mushy, or otherwise soaked bread products. I am going to throw up now. To name a few. French onion soup. Bread pudding. Okay. A French dip and a nice

au jus. A really greasy cheeseburger really is capital. Any hot dog smothered in capital. Well, that's just how you win the competition. In relish and sauerkraut. A grilled cheese that is undercooked and soaked in capital. Well, that's just how you win the competition. In relish and sauerkraut. A grilled cheese that is undercooked and soaked in butter. No.

No, dip it. You can dip it in fucking tomato juice. Now, what I will say is what you should do is undercook the grilled cheese, dip it in tomato sauce, and then put it in the freezer, and then take it out. Oh. And eat it fucking frozen. Yeah, make sure that sauce is good. Frozen pizza style.

Good and frozen. I want to Oh! And eat it fucking frozen. Yeah, make sure that sauce is good and frozen. Frozen pizza style. Good and frozen. I want to see fucking crystals on it. My girlfriend is downright insulted at this pleasure of mine. She insists that bread should be crispy or at least firm, and any moist bread is an insult to both bread and the baking community. I will go... Baking community. I will go as far...

This is where it really loses me. He's going far. I will go as far as to where it really loses me I will go as far as to boil hot dogs white trash and then douse the buns in hot dog water that they were boiled in because I love the consistency

of moist bread If I'm making a grilled cheese, I will either put a spritz I will either spritz the bread with water or cook it in so much butter that it basically becomes soupy, mushy, only eat with a spoon consistency. What the fuck? I find crispy bread dry, hard to eat, and lacking flavor. Okay. Lacking flavor? This bitch ain't got no teeth.

I know I might be taking it a bit far. You might! Might! But what is the court's opinion on wet or soaked bread? Is it blasphemy? Or is there a time and a place? Does liking bread wet make me a psychopath? This is from Jake J. The progression of the things

he listed were so reasonable at first. Right. Yeah. Bread pudding. Yeah, bread pudding. That's fine. I get it. French onion soup.

If I'm eating a hot dog. A sandwich with the oju. If I'm eating a hot dog, I'm not trying to get the bun wet, but if that's what happens, whatever. Sure. And then he's talking about dipping hot dog water. Yeah, that's. Hot dog water is the only thing you should be throwing in the toilet. That's two weeks ago.

I will boil my hot dogs all goddamn day. Yeah, but you always said white trash. Yeah, it's white trash. I know. You look at you. Yeah. I've been to New York. Yeah, that's how I do it too because my dad's from Salinas.

I have a question. Here on Food Court, have we ever called for the death penalty? Not yet. Not yet. The last two might be dead from the food toilet. Oh, that's right. Yeah, from flushing their food. They might die.

But that was like a fume situation. That's incidental. The thing where he's spritzing the bread with water when he makes a grilled cheese or cooking it in so much butter it becomes soupy is like so fucking insane. That's not good. It's like he's trying to eat bread pudding all the time. Yeah. You're just turning every food into like one food.

Yeah. Right? You're just like, oh, I'm going to have this. And then you end up with a blob. Yeah. You're just turning every food into like one food. Right? You're just like, oh, I'm gonna have this. And then you end up with a blob. This guy's gonna fucking shit himself when he finds out about oatmeal. It's what? It's pretty much bread? I can drink it?

Yeah, it's hard for me to ever say like, is it okay to have wet or moist bread? Because it feels like it's an intentional like i don't think of a hamburger that's greasy as wet wet moist yeah i think of it as something that took too long to get delivered you have to make it wet and that's where when you're going out of your thing a way to make things wet yeah That's too far. Either it's wet by design, like in a bread pudding. Wet by design.

Yeah. In which case, it's just food. Yeah. Or by, you know, coagulation. But when you're going out of your way, it's like, I got to pre-wet it. Otherwise, it don't taste right. That's the other thing, too. You have a problem.

That's the other thing, too. He's talking about not just the consistency, but the flavor changes. Yeah. Not sure I agree with that i i don't is he trying to get it wet so that way he can flush it later or like i just don't i don't know that's that's also that's out there in insult to the baking community i really like that i really like that yeah that was that was pretty good imagine it's accurate this guy wets his bread! And they go, ah! Get out of my bakery. They roll them with one of those dough rollers

right out of the building. They chase them out. Does your mouth taste bad? Yes. My tummy tastes bad. My stomach tastes bad. My mouth tastes like the way cooking a pizza smells. Yeah, and it gets worse every time I breathe in it.

Yeah, it's because it cooked in our mouths. I'm kind of with you. I have such a headache right now. I'm getting like a headache in the front of my brain. I don't feel good. I think we might be the first people to get brain freeze from pizza. Oh, no. That's what it was like taking a bite of the first one.

Dude, it was so bad It was like getting the chip witch When I was in high school And it would come out of that freezer And it would thaw for just a second And you take that bite and it's resistance Resistance resistance there it goes And then you bite in and you go oh

Ice cream that's how the pizza was But then it never turned into ice cream No it remained pizza Resistance resistance resistance oh my god this is what it tastes like yeah why isn't it changing it's not changing why didn't it make that woman it made it the like i hate to use this fucking term but like the mouthfeel on that shit was crazy insane right it's the only time i've ever chewed something and felt it go yeah and then was squishy on the inside it's what we we have to rule on the food court and everything but i want to talk about the pizza more what um okay i they all look the same yep i can't tell

any of them apart either except for the thin crust yeah that always disgusting the unrisen crust they are this is the weirdest thing I think we've ever done on Face Jam or Face Jam Related. I'm looking forward to that. Oh, my God. It's thawed so much in the time we've been talking about. Take a bite.

No, it's not going to be better. It's definitely better. It's better, look. You might be surprised to know this, but it's actually the same as it was a couple minutes ago If not worse Oh, it's chewy now Is that better or worse?

It's like gum It's kind of like wet bread Oh no, I get it It's like when I dip my hot dog in the hot dog water I'm going to have the Oreo root beer now Let's get your thoughts on this real quick. There's a guy who, when he was making cookies and milk, he was pouring a glass of milk for his brother,

and his brother was like, no, I got water, it's fine. And he dipped his cookies in water. That led us to a point where Gracie said, we should dip vanilla Oreos in root beer. Vanilla Oreos? You know the white Oreo? Yeah. In root beer. Well, vanilla Oreos are a beer. Vanilla Oreos? You know the white Oreo? Yeah. In root beer.

Well, vanilla Oreos are a fucking crime to begin with. They should not exist. Okay. And dipping them in root beer, I guess you're making like- This has been what everyone's done. You can kind of see it working. Jordan went, ew, we got to try that. More than water, though.

Water thing is fucked up. That's like people who tell me that they put water in their fucking cereal. I hate that. Yeah, no. I feel the same way about any of that. Soy milk? That's just water. You're just pouring murky water. This water's like opaque.

You're pouring fucking Detroit water in your fucking cereal. I don't like that. How about hot dog water? Hold on. You're pouring fucking Detroit water in your fucking cereal. I don't like that. How about hot dog water? Hold on. That's good. That actually rocks. Some of that in my tricks? Oh, God.

Now I'm going to throw up. Okay, so what's the ruling on wet mushy bread guy? I feel weird about it because like we've all said they started off with such a clear and concise argument they said I like wet mushy bread and we went fuck you and then they said french onion soup okay

bread pudding french dip with au jus french dip with au jus greasy burger that's where it started to get me off smothered hot dog grilled cheese undercooked hot dog, grilled cheese undercooked, and you go, grilled cheese undercooked is really, dude, that's a person. If it's soft, you put it back in there. 100%.

You want it crispy, but you need it not soft. He's perfectly describing the timeline of how he got to where he is now. It's like becoming a killer. It's his progression. It's his escalation. Wings off of a fly, cat in the backyard. It's like progression. His escalation. It was an accident. Wings off of a fly. They got his bird.

It's like the cover of an Animorphs book. You can see it. You can see his transformation. It's a man slowly becoming wet bread. Oh my god. He dropped a glass of water on a slice of pizza once and went mmm. It happened and the camera just

reverse shot to him looking over it and it zoomed out and pushed in at the same time. Yeah. I did one of those, those, those jaws shot. Yeah. He's doing the fucking Kubrick stare.

Yeah. That shit's, I don't, I don't like it. I don't like it. And I would go so far as to bring the death penalty down to the point where if I found out any of my friends did this, I don't think we're friends anymore.

Yeah. I think that if I found out my friends did this, I would definitely not talk to them as much. He just needs to stop. Yeah, absolutely. Doing the pre-wedding. It's easier said than done. Yeah.

The pre-wedding stuff. Yeah. Pre-wedding? Although, I guess he's just going to put his food in situations where it just gets wet now. Oh, no. I accidentally ran the sandwich under the seat. Yeah, I dropped my hot dog

in the seat. He said I could have pre-wet it. Whoopsie. I was trying to do the dishes. My hamburger. No. Dude, I can get you a new hot dog if you want a new one.

No, no, no, no. I got it. No, I'll eat it. I don't want to waste food. Oh, I don't. Dude, we have so many hot dogs. No, no, no, no. I'll just.

I don't want to be a burger. No, no, no, no. It's fine. It's fine. Don't worry about this. Oh, I don't want to waste a burger. No, no, no, no. It's fine. It's fine. Don't worry about... Oh, I don't want to waste food. Eric, I'm glad that you're not wasting food, but this is the fifth time you've done this today.

I made this right, and I'm just... This is why... I'm a klutz. From now on, he's like, no more wet food, but I only eat in the pool. This guy's close to eating, like, cat food. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's eating, like...

He's almost wet. He's almost eating, like... Hey, Jarvis. Jake. Jake J., have you tried- His name was Jarvis. I thought you were Iron Man for a second. Have you tried opening a can of cat food and taking a bite? Jarvis, where my hot dog was?

Sir, I don't recommend it. Right away, sir. There's something wrong with Iron Man. I'm vision now. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm vision now. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm going to crash on the wall. He's got a feeding tube of wet fucking bread.

All right. What's the ruling? No. No. I don't think we should put him to death. No, we shouldn't. I think we fucking kill him. There is a line and he crossed it and he needs to find a medium.

I want to put a wet bullet in his fucking brain. People like you are like when people go, I hate the word moist. There's nothing wrong with the word moist. And then you show up. Moist? Let me wet my buns. Now I hate the word moist. You're bastardizing a beautiful

delicious term. Oh, that food was so moist. Yeah, I ran it under the sink. Oh, man. There's moist, that food was so moist. Yeah, I ran it under the sink. Oh, man. There's moist and then there's softening. Yeah. I definitely think you shouldn't be allowed to do this ever again. Yeah. Thanks for coming on and eating some pizza, Armando.

Yeah, thanks for being- You want to plug anything while you're sick from the pizza? I want to plug my fucking ass. Oh, we're out of time. Check out the RT podcast. Yeah, go listen to the RT podcast. It's a real fun show I make with my best friends every week. Oh, that's great.

We're not on it. Well, Eric's actually on it today. I'm about to be. We're going to be late. Whoa. Yeah, Michael's been on it, too. Yeah, I was on it with Michael. Oh, that's weird.

Yeah, we were on it together. It was a FaceTime thing, actually. Wait, you called it FaceTime, and it was Eric and Michael? Yeah. Jordan, it was all happening so fast, but don't think I didn't raise my eye when I thought, I'm not the host. I'm not the host. Right, yeah.

Oh, it's me and Michael from Face Jam. Eric, the not host. I don't know why you're saying it happened so fast. We asked them two weeks out. No, no, no, it was pretty quick. Anyway, we have an outro we have to get to. Oh, sorry. Thanks for listening to Spitting Silly. Don't forget to listen to a new episode of Face Gem next week.

That's right, next week. We're not eating Wendy's. Tell a friend about the show, but we do whatever we want. Goodbye. I mean, I was available. I feel sick. Редактор субтитров А.Семкин Корректор А.Егорова