100% Eat - Spittin Silly - The Story

Episode Date: January 10, 2023

Settle in, open your ears, and prepare for The Story. This Story is sponsored by ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/facejam, DoorDash Download the DoorDash and enter code FACEJAM23, and Shady Rays http://shadyrays.com and use code FACEJAM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At Mila, our partner is the planet. Until June 30th, every Mila dishwasher purchased supports the planting and preservation of Canadian forests through the Mila Forest Initiative. Join us in making an impact today for a better tomorrow. Visit mila.ca to learn more. This is a Rooster Teeth production. There it is. Welcome to Spittin' Silly, the Fortnite podcast where anything can happen, and it probably does.

I'm your host, Jordan Swears, alongside my co-host, the Speaker of the House, Michael Jones. Michael, how are you? I got the votes. Yeah, that's right. We all voted for you, unanimous. Okay. We are a united front. Every time we take a vote, get one more and mccarthy loses one more hey what an idiot take that who could have seen this coming besides everyone

yeah everyone i like that then now at the point where people are just like like republicans are just publicly being like and I want this or else. And he's going, stop it. You guys are supposed to like me. But this is truly like what they want, right? Like just

shut down one part of like an arm of the government for as long as they can. At this point, I don't think they care who they do it to. It used to be just obstruct Democrats, but now it's just obstruct government. Just obstruct. It's fine. It's fine. I'm for big

obstruction government. I'm for big obstruction. I want the government out of my business, but obstructing. That's the smallest of all governments. Yeah, I don't know what, I don't know where that puts me. That's, yeah, that's tough.

You're not on, you're not on like a political spectrum. You're like flying above it. Wow. Incredible. Oh, Nick did a cool, you were looking down, Eric. Nick did a cool plane thing. He did it again so you could see. Oh, now he won't stop.

What are you doing? Are you playing with a Snoopy? I can't see. No, I'm reporting a... I'm reporting a car accident. Oh. Are you about to cause one? Rear...

Hang on. Rear... Rear passenger... Speaking... Now, here's the thing. If I'm on... Shut up. If I'm... rear, hang on, rear, rear passenger side. Now, here's the thing. If I'm on, shut up. If I'm, if the back right of my bumper is, is like scratched, like.

Like a cat attacked it, okay. Yeah, scratched up. What would you put that as? Would you say rear passenger side, or would you just simply put rear? I would say rear passenger side. Yeah. You think so? I would think so.

Rear passenger side. It's near the rear passenger wheel. I guess rear passenger side would be it. You could also say rear bumper right side. Yeah. I would. Okay. That's okay.

Here's the thing. Do you have to know, but then they're going to be obtuse. Yes. Somebody's going to be. You got to speak. It's like speaking boat talk. Yeah they're going to be obtuse. Somebody's going to be. It's like speaking boat talk. You got to talk car talk. Is that the stern or is that the boat side?

The front left. For fuck's sake. We got it now. Whose car did you scratch like a cat? Nothing. A cat scratched my car. I thought you were doing a self-report. You're like, hey, it's me. I went out.

This guy's rear passenger side bumper scratched the hell out of it. Yep. But that's not how to handle your damage. Well, I don't have to do anything because a cat scratched it. So it's really not that much that I really have to do. Before we get into the rest of the episode, which we had an idea for what we were going to do here. I'm perfectly fine where we're at now.

Yeah, we're doing it. And speaking of accidents, I do want to apologize to Jeremy Renner for what we did to him. Look, I refuse. That was not us. If anything, we were talking him up, getting good vibes going because he was going to need it.

Okay? I feel it's more like, thank God they were talking about Jeremy Renner when he had his terrible accident. He had some sort of accident on like a snow plow or something, right? He got ran over by his snow plow? Holy shit. Yeah, my understanding is that he was trying to plow and then like it ran over his leg so there was uh he was driving down the road and there was a neighbor who was stuck in the snow and he pulled over to get out and help them and the snowplow just kept going after he got out and ran him over oh god this is in uh is he doing better because

it said he was in critical but he just. He just posted a picture the other day. Oh, okay. He's beat up to hell. It looks like he looks like Hawkeye after he got in a fight. Oh, okay. Probably filmed something quick. But he's, in fact, a 51-year-old human man and not a superhero. Also, we now know not Mr. Plow.

Oh, well, that's not his name. Right. I'm just saying if there was any confusion. Well, that's nice. It's nice when someone gets run over and they're alive. He seems fine. He tweeted or posted on Instagram and he's like, I'm really out of it, but

thanks. You should see the other guy. That's what I was going to say. At least he didn't post that. The other guy,'s what i was gonna say at least the other guy the snowplow it's fine yeah look accidents they're happening you know they're sneaking up on us who's to say whose fault it may be you know could be someone else could be me could be eric scratching like a cat i'm not scratching like a cat i need to be really clear about that i did not scratch like a cat did you scratch your car so you could get a new car i'm getting some vibes that you scratched i definitely did not dude i sent out hopefully today the last

document to for my car really like i'm still doing it it's like the trickle down you know what i mean like these these fucking forms just keep coming in and i keep and i keep saying i don't know what that is like i know you know what the one and same identity form is which literally is a form that just says i am me and also this is me i promise like these two people they're both me like that's the form you have to sign but But when you say it with such bravado, like, I know what the fuck you're talking about. I'm just going,

can you just say, fill this out? People in the claims, they're like, okay, get this form. Here's how you go find it in our website. And I'm like, you're already there. Can you just give it to me? Yeah, just send it to me. Just give it. Just download it. Just give me a link.

Just use my email. Give me a picture. I'm getting plenty of emails. That's why we need big obstructionist government. Well, again, I feel like the problem is there's not enough obstruction. They're letting the insurance company do whatever they want. If the government was obstructing them, they would have fewer options and they would have to work

with me. I have to agree with Michael. The government should obstruct insurance companies. Right. Now they're not obstructing me. They're obstructing the insurance company, which will cause me less obstruction. Yep. Okay. It's obstructed our economics. Yeah. Okay. You obstruct at the top and it frees up at the bottom.

Yep. I agree with Michael. He's got it figured out. This is why he's the Speaker of the House. It's true. We're a couple like $5 words away from having, like, a platform in a political party. But we're having a platform. That's maybe the last thing Face Jam should have is a platform. But it would be something no political party has and we could come out

swinging look we may be small but here's what we think and i guess this is what we're gonna do if we get the job i guess that's how this should work and then people start going yeah yeah well there's that job i reckon i'll do it how's that but who do you hate i will say who are you hating what what you've done like if we were to run on this platform we could definitely be in the house of representatives in like arizona dude if oh yeah like we put some real green okay If Magic the Gathering can do it. Yep. Literally, we could do it. And even if, and I'm not just saying being normal, just say enough insane things to get

the insane people. Yeah. Then get in and do what no one does and go, gotcha. Yep. I tricked you. That's what I would do. Gotcha. I would do it immediately.

Like that other guy who lied about his resume and stuff. But that's not fun because that's stolen valor. And also, he didn't gotcha. He got found out. I'd walk in and go, ha ha, and reveal the mask. But it would just be my face under it because my face looks the same. But I would say, gotcha. I don't believe in those alien conspiracies.

And then they would say, but we're your constituents. Oh. And I would say, constituent this. Whoa! Yeah. And then I'd leave a mean note on Magic the Gathering's door. Yeah. Because that's what people do in Congress.

I don't even know. They run around and they move flags. They hang signs and shit in the hallway. I don't know know. They run around and they move flags. They put signs up. Yeah, they hang signs and shit in the hallway. I don't know, man. It's wild. All right. Yeah. DQ presents

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variety of pools, world-class spa, and unlimited a la carte dining to ensure unforgettable memories book now and transform your family holiday into the adventure of a lifetime let's get into uh the meat this episode which was we're in the meat baby michael has a story to tell oh that, that's right. Michael, the story. The story. Capital T, capital S, the story. You told us you had a story to tell about two months ago. Yep. Oh, it's longer than that. We didn't bust it out in one of our last spit and sillies

because you didn't have the energy to do it because you were feeling under the weather. Right, because I find out now that I had RSV. Oh, neat. Of course. And let me tell you, when you're on medication that compromises your immune system, specifically your respiratory system, it'll really kick your ass. But, yes.

So here's the thing. This was, I don't know, at least like four or five months ago, probably this happened. Cause like I might've mentioned it to you guys like two months ago. It happened. It's possible. Probably sometime in the summer. And so I'll be honest. It's good.

It's going to be a little spotty, but the reason I didn't tell this story, I'm not worried about that. You can kind of, maybe you can help me remember what happened. We'll choose as we go. The only reason I didn't tell this story immediately because I, it was on like a weekend.

It was either, it had to be a Saturday. It was a Friday or a Saturday. And so that's prime off topic material, some other piece of shit podcast minus food. And, uh, I think Lindsay that week was like,

Oh, we should, we should tell that story and I was like absolutely not I'm like so annoyed about it still like I'm so pissed off you had to get distance I don't want to tell it because it's still it actually annoys the shit out of me

and then it just became like okay now I'm not annoyed but it's such a god damn tale to tell when and where am I going to do it and so we decided with a spit and silly and I was just like I don't feel good I shouldn't but basically it was a harrowing night that

heroin night? harrowing oh I'm sorry not a heroin I was thinking about earlier I'm sorry no no no that's fine DM me later anyway okay so Lizzie and I, we take the kids to

Six Flags in San Antonio. It's like 90 minutes away-ish on a good day, right? If there's no traffic. It's a far drive and it's on enough major roads where there is traffic. So,

it'll be 90 minutes, hour 45, something like that. So, we took them to Six Flags one day. And, I will say, after this trip, I don't know if you've seen them we got one of

those those big ass wagons you know that people like cart their stuff around in but it's one of like the real douchey primo ones not the not the canvas ones that fold up but like no no it is it is it does fold up but and it's nice So that's how you know it's expensive. They're like the big rectangular wagons, right? Not like the little red wagons. Right, right, right. And it's got like a canopy because in San Antonio in the summer,

your children will just bake to death in the heat. And so it's actually kind of nice. I feel better with them in it, as opposed to a stroller, which is just like, I'm fucking lazy and I just want to sit here. This is more like quick hide. Plus, it just gives us tons of space to put shit in. We can put our bags in.

It's got a side pack for a cooler. You can put all your drinks in it and shit. My point is, we've been taking them to Six Flags for a while and we have a membership and it's fun, but boy, is it fucking frustrating taking two children, you know,

young aged to a theme park. And this thing has exponentially made every trip easier. Like it's fantastic. They want to jump in it when we're leaving at the end of the day. They're like, they're like, they're tired. They'll lay down.

We can push them all the way out of the park, like to the parking lot. Fantastic. Does six flags have like a lenient policy on strollers and wagons like that oh yeah no it's everybody's got them there you're you're a fool not to have it yeah you'll like stay longer at disneyland they get they get pretty uh you know strict yeah strict about like the size and oh there's also and there's also the the dreaded disney adults who will judge you for having kids at disneyland oh that's true that's true we'll

just stay away from jack um so like the honestly i i only bought it from going to six flags it was probably honestly it was probably this i bring it up because we didn't have this fucking thing and my point is okay it's about 500 times more stressful until I got this thing. And, you know, every week your kid gets a little bit older and you're like, oh, thank God you listen a little bit more. And so it does get easier. But like six months ago, we're in it thick. Okay. So we're at Six Flags. You know, children who listen are still like their children. They don't listen. And so, you know, it's fine. It's a stressful day at Six Flags. You know, you want your kids to have fun, but you also don't want to let them run around like assholes and like bumping other people and shit.

So that's going about whatever. We stay till the end of the day. So, you know, it's night, it's dark. I don't remember exactly what time we were leaving, but probably around nine-ish, eight or nine o'clock or something like that. Because I know it was the weekend, they're open later on the weekend.

And, you know, we didn't have work or didn't have school the next day. So we get out, everybody's tired, fucking exhausted. You know, it's a 90 minute drive home. There's, the later you leave, you know, you can hit massive traffic trying to leave. If you leave like an hour before closing, it's 10 minutes. If you leave at closing, we've been there over an hour to get out of the parking lot.

And so we don't really hit that traffic. But we're loading the kids in the car, putting everything in the car, the set, whatever. We get in. Lindsey's going to drive home. So I get in the passenger seat. And Lindsey starts driving. And we're just like going through the parking lot. We're making the routes.

And we get like a couple minutes away from the park. And I hear. And I'm like. I think I may have left the keys on the roof of the car. I think the keys just flew off the roof of the car. Because our car is like a key fob. You know what I mean? It's not like you don't put the key in the ignition.

Yep, yep, yep. But the further away you get from those keys. Yeah, and I'm going, I'm like, and so I'm going to Lindsey, right? I'm like, do you have your keys on you? And Lindsey's like, no, I didn't bring my keys. So I only had one set of keys. And so I'm like, pull over, pull over, pull over,

so I can get it. We pull over, right? I'm like, dude, it's in the middle of the highway. It's like pitch black now. And I'm just like, like we pull off. There's, there's an off ramp pull off, like right to the side or whatever. And, and so Lindsay pulls in the parking lot. Right.

I'm just like, I don't, can we, can we keep driving home? Like without the keys? I don't like, I don't know how that works. You know what I mean? We pull off fucking Lindsay puts it in park. Can't take it out of park. don't know how that works you know what i mean we pull off fucking lindsey puts it in park can't take it out of park oh no you can drive the car without keys until you put it in park so now theoretically you could have kept going we could have just drove home but you never would have been

able to get going again but i also we also didn't know that like we couldn't even get gas if we needed gas right oh but but when you get home l, Lindsay's keys are there so you can use the car again. Right. So both kids are in the car now. It's like 9, 9.30, something like that at night. It's pitch black out. We're like 10 minutes, five minutes or something. I don't know.

It's five, 10 minutes outside of Six Flags. And we're in the car. It's on for now, but now it's going to turn off, you know, because it's got just like an auto, like an auto shut off. Yeah. And we can't, we can't pull it out of park. And so I'm just like, what the fuck do we, what do we do? I have no idea what to do. And so I'm like, I'm just going to go check the road real quick.

I'm just going to check the road real quick. Dude, real quick was like, by the time it was like, what happened? Was that the keys? This, that pullover? It was like by the time it was like what happened was that the keys this that pull over it was like i had to jog it was like 10 15 minutes and you know it's like the side of a highway and and there's you know there's like hotels and shit but it's all like i'm going up hills and i'm like walking it's all uncomfortable and you're going up and down and up and down i'm sweating my ass off it's not made for people to be walking along. Right, right.

And cars are just flying by at 70 miles an hour. And I just have my fucking phone out and I'm just like shining it into the street back and forth for maybe 20 minutes to try and find it, right? I can't find it. I give up. I come back, right?

Because I'm like, I gotta go check on them. And also keep coming back to make sure like, tell my family i didn't get run over and so so i come back to the car and i was like i can't fucking find it i'm like we're gonna have to call somebody and so first first i call my insurance company like my auto insurance yeah and i'm just like because they have roadside assistance and you know it's one of those things where you can do it like through the app but it's kind of like do you want this, this or this? I was like none of that

I want none of that and so basically it's just like it was all like toe heavy, like I don't need toe is there a way for someone to come turn my car on it's a computer I don't know how it works I don't, and also i'll tell you this right now as i have now set up on my newer car and set up on my older car there is a thing

where you can turn it on with your phone which obviously i didn't have set up oh even even like non teslas have shit like that now like apparently it's just apps i don't know about like oh you sign up for all this shit and you can do do tons of remote start shit from your car. And you can edit text messages. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And so basically, I get a hold of my insurance, and they're like my auto insurance, and they're in the roadside assistance.

And they're just like, we can tow you, is basically. And I'm just like, we do one thing and one thing only, and that's towing. I don't want to tow the car. There's nothing wrong with it. And I'm also just like, I didn one thing and one thing only. And that's towing. I don't want to tow the car. Like there's, there's nothing wrong with it. And I'm also just like, I didn't know what to do with my kids. Like, like we got four people that have to get in a car. We need my car seats is a whole fucking thing.

We put them in the wagon and tie them to the back. Yeah. You know, like home alone or toy story style. I mean, they fly in the back of a moving truck or something. I don't know. But so I'm just like, I don't know what the fuck to do. And so then I go, okay, wait, let me call Ford because we have like, oh, it's like a Ford service. You know what I mean?

And like, maybe they'll have like the fucking key or something. And so, same thing. I file a thing. It's online or whatever. And again, it's kind of like I'm locked out of my car is what I pick. But then there's a comment section and I explain it. I'm like, I got a key fob. We drove.

It fell off. At this point, is there any way to come start my car? Just turn it on. It's all I need. In the middle of this second attempt, how much time has passed since you pulled over? Great question. I would say after running around sweating my ass off,

like again, it probably took me 15 minutes to get over there, ran around, came out. That was probably close to an hour, like 45 minutes to an hour, I would say.

It was not fast at all. Then I went through like the insurance, then I'm dealing with Ford. Maybe that's another 40 minutes, 45 minutes or something. And so, and so Ford finally gets back to me and they're like, yep, we can send a guy your way. And I'm like, oh my God, awesome.

That's awesome. And so like I text, it's like the supervisor or whoever. And like I text that and he's like, oh, here's your number, this, that, whatever. And I'm like, okay, cool. And he's like like he'll communicate with you directly i was like great and so then i go to that guy and i text him i'm like hey i was giving your number you know you're coming to help me out and he was just like yeah you're locked out right and i'm like no no i'm like no i no i wrote in there like i'm not locked out i can't i don't

have my key fob i need a key key. And he's just like, oh, I can't do that. He's like, I can just... So they thought you were asking for a locksmith. It was the other guy. He just ignored the whole thing that I typed saying, hey, I don't need a locksmith. It was just like we can send a locksmith, basically. And I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm gonna have to just like take an Uber or something and go home. Like one of i'm gonna have to just like take an uber or something and go home like like one of us is gonna have to go and one of us is gonna have to stay with the kids and at least it was in again it was in like a well-lit area it was like right next to a major road it was in like the parking lot of a hotel it wasn't like the middle of no it's the middle of nowhere from where the fuck we were going but not like but not like a crazy you know like no one around this is like tons of foot traffic and shit yeah it's just like thankfully my kids were crazy, you know, like no one around. This is like tons of foot traffic and shit.

It's just like, thankfully my kids were like sleepy, you know, and mostly sleeping. And we had food and drinks and shit in the car. And so I'm just like, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to have to fucking get an Uber or whatever. And so basically I'm talking to the guy that was going to come to let me in my car. And he's like, oh, I can't do that.

And then he goes, well, like, what's the situation? And basically I tell him, and he's like, well, I'm like working for the whatever, his job that he was going to come do for me. He's like, well, I'm just finishing up, and this was going to be my last call.

I could drive you. Like, I could just drive you. And I'm like, uh, yeah And I'm like, I appreciate it. That's all the way to Austin. And he's just like, yeah. Yeah, he either... Is he charging Ford for this anyway? No, I think he...

Oh, let me tell you. I'll get to that. And I was like, are you sure? And he's just like, yeah, yeah. Let me just finish up and blah, blah, blah. And let me just go. He was like, are you sure? And he's just like, yeah, yeah. Let me just finish up and blah, blah, blah, blah. And let me just go. He's like, I'll go back home and drop this stuff off or whatever and change. And then I'll come pick you up and I'll, I'll, I'll drive you to your house.

And I'm just like, ah, okay. I'm going to, let me interject real quick. Yeah. This sounds like a mistake. Well, here's the thing. I I'm the other way i think that this guy is looking for something else but i think this is the right way to go i think i think i disagree i would be wary of this man now now here's where i say yes you can think like jordan here's the

problem i'm gonna turn down this guy who is going to come help me through a paid service to let me into my car because that's weird and then call Uber to have somebody pick me up and drive me all to my house. It makes no difference at all. It literally makes no difference. Except I've already been talking to this guy and I know where he works. He can't murder me and get

away. So my thought is like, honestly, this guy is probably my best bet. You have more background information on this guy than you would your Uber like like and he's you have more background information on this guy than you would your i also don't have to have like an uber driver that picks me up begrudgingly that doesn't want to drive 90 minutes and is like pissed the whole time this guy's telling me over and over again no problem and i'm like uh okay happy to do it but he's like i'll i'm i won't be there for like an hour or something something like that and so i

was just like okay i tell I tell Lindsey all this. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to go. Like, again, it's a matter of like staying with the kids, but also now going with this guy. It's like, all right, I'll go with this guy. Because it's just going to be me and him in this car. I'll go. But before he gets here, I'm going to go look for those keys again.

And so then I ran back out to killing time, ran around some more. Didn't find anything. Sweat, sweat, sweat. Then the guy got there and Lindsay's like the guy's here can you come back I'm like sure 25 minutes later I'm back it was not it was maybe

midnight 1230 by the time we left so I get in the car with this guy and I'm just like oh here we go and we start driving 90 minutes. It was around 1 a.m. It was definitely after 1 a.m. at some point in the drive. I don't remember

exactly what time. Are the kids just sleeping in the car at this point? Yeah, they're just napping away. And he's just chatting and basically, right off the bat, he was just like, oh yeah, I live in San Antonio, but my girlfriend lives in Austin, so I drive there all the time and i'm just like oh that makes immediate sense like immediately

him going i don't give a fuck and he's just and i was just like but are you are you staying in austin now though he's like nah i gotta come back later but he's like i stopped by her house he's like i'll drop you off and i'll stop by her house and say hi and you know blah blah blah and i'll go home and she'll be dropping at 2 a.m yeah I mean yeah I mean the guy was you know in his 40s I think he was probably fine I'm here yeah I'm here I'm in your house yo let me in can I tell you it was like the most pleasant fucking drive ever really the guy was like super chill and he was like yeah no problem man you know he's like ah you know he's like telling me about

his kids and shit like Like his kids are like, are like five years younger than me. Cause he's like, I was like, I was like, holy shit. I was like, uh, is that math? And he's like, yeah, I was 16 when I had my first son. I was just like, I was like, oh my God. And it was just like super chill, 90 minutes. Literally it's like, well, my friend,

I'm sorry the ride's over. He's dropping me off at my house. It's like two, 2.30 in the morning. I he's dropping me off at my house it's like 2 2 30 in the morning i don't know it's around 2 in the morning okay and i run inside and i don't remember and i remember talking to him and he's just like he he said ahead of time like you can give me whatever you want like like obviously it's like i'm not gonna do it for free but like yeah i don't know just give me something and i'll do it i don't remember what it was feel it was like i mean basically it was like It was like, I mean, basically,

it was like, I gave him like $300 or $400. Wow! I mean, that's what it would have cost. An Uber would have been $250, $300, and then would not have been nice. I'm just saying, this guy was super nice, and I didn't have to like, put up with anything.

I don't know, I was just like, I just think that's very generous of you I think that's a great amount it was a thousand dollars actually it was one thousand dollars and he was just like yeah man and then literally like I already had his number because we were texting he's like hey man he's like

put me in your address book you never ever need anything man let me know you know hit me up you ever need anything I was like what a nice guy like this is crazy and he's like hey man you know you never i've never met him before and he's like cool and i was like i walked in my house i'm like wow what a crazy story oh wait now i have to drive back to san antonio so then i drove all the way back fucking in the other car because we have a second car at home right the one that i just wrecked fucking in the other car because we have a second car at home.

The one that I just wrecked. And I grabbed the extra set of keys, drove all the way back, gave Lindsay the keys, and then had to drive back home again. And it was, I don't know, again, if it was like 2-ish, I'd probably get back there around 3.30,

got home at like 5 or 6 in the morning. So we went to Six Flags and got home at like 6 a.m. Fuck. It was fucking insane. It was like, I was just like, I cannot fucking believe that like night was one continuous night. As soon as you pull up, the sun's like, just barely like coming up and the kids wake up

and they're like, oh, what a refreshing night's sleep. Time to get our Sunday started. Well, thankfully my kids stay up usually till 2 a.m. So they'll sleep till 11. So I don't have to worry about that. That's good. Jordan, the fucking pain in my heart when I got to my house knowing I had to drive all the way back and turn right around. It's like minimum three hours of more driving until I'm in my bed.

After all that, you finally get home and you're like, finally. Sanctuary. It's 2 a.m. I'm so relieved. And then, oh, oh i gotta go back the only upsigned was that i was not even remotely tired like from the like drive you know driving right like oh you haven't slept on it's 5 a.m i mean i was like drinking a bunch of coffee and shit but like the entire experience was um eye-opening quite quite literally. So that was the story.

I hate that that happened. It sucked ass, dude. I'm mad. It sucked so hard. Did you ever find the keys? If you lose your key fob, don't park your car! Don't park the car. Set up your goddamn car app now!

It's like, you're like a shark. Just don't stop moving or you'll die. That was worth the wait i like if you if we had been closer to the time when it happened when you told that story i think it would have just been like a boiling point it would have been just got hotter i was real mad dude it was it was so mad it was i was also so mad because it was my fault it was all my fault because i never in my life have started i've put things on top of my car until you get kids because you have to you're just always fucking holding shit it's not like a me thing it's in a it's a parent thing it's always like okay you and then this up there and then you and there and whatever and fucking like they've ruined it they've ruined my system of like i have this this and this i'm clear because now there's 85

things totally understand that's why i was so mad too that guy that you have in your address book hero that guy is your guy you could it can be eight years from now right you could hit him up and he will help you 100%. He's the guy I'm calling if I need to get rid of a body, because he also knows the least about me. You have to know. You have to have. I think this is really important. I don't even remember what his name is, but I know he's in my contact list.

I could scroll through and find him and go, there he is. Yep. You have to have. I think this is really important and really crucial and people don't have this anymore okay you have to have people that are tenuously sort of hangers on in like your sphere right people on the edge of the periphery yes i mean again but like imagine how many spheres that guy's in. Oh, yeah.

Imagine how many T-Mobile 5s he's in. Hey, Jordan, this is my friend Andrew, who is my mechanic barber masseuse. Right. But for me,

he is a close confidant. For most people, he's this guy. He is a guy who drove them somewhere one time and also could take them to a shop to get their car to pass an inspection when it probably shouldn't.

Right. You know what I mean? Like, you have to have those. Yes, you have to have those people. You have to have fixers. This guy is such a fixer. He walked into my life. He barged into my life. he insisted on coming oh i'm just coming to incredible pop your lock i don't need

that want a ride uh what yeah i gotta go home and change but you want a ride okay yeah i mean again literally i'm sitting there and it's like again jordan your instinct is like say no it's like but i'm gonna call someone else for a ride. I need a ride. I've exhausted my options. Have you contacted this guy since then? I haven't spoke to him since. Did you text him when you got home? No, don't need to. I bet, I mean, here's the thing.

Even if I text him, he's like, who's this? I go, remember the guy that was stranded outside Six Flags? And he might be like, which one? Exactly. Can you narrow it down? I gave you $1,000. Wink, wink. six slags and he might be like which one exactly yeah can you narrow it down i give you one thousand dollars wink wink uh this is the kind of guy who gets so much done in a day it would blow your fucking mind well when you're working 24 hours a day yes his day starts at 6 a.m and ends at 2 a.m and he's constantly he's like a shark.

He is moving the whole time. That's that kind of guy. I love that kind of guy. That's good shit, Michael. That's a great story. Oh, thank you. I was, you know, I didn't want to hype it up, but I thought it would live up. The biggest twist of all, I have Michael's keys.

Whoa! I had them the whole time. Dude. Wow. That's, I'll be honest, I wouldn't even be mad. Damn. Just try to get content however we can. Man, I have too many people in my contact list that I will never speak

to again. Oh, I have that too. I never delete anybody. I'll be honest, that makes no sense. What? It makes no sense to delete somebody. Oh, i might i might speak to them 12 years from now and if they text me i don't have to go who the fuck is this i have so many friends from high school who i haven't talked to since 2007 i'm just telling you he's in here somewhere yep and when you need him he will arise i have a guy whose name on my phone is Rodrigo Cleaning Service.

That's cool. Oh. I know what he does. I know his name. That's a weird last name. I know what he does. Hyphenated. There you go.

Hey, this was a great spit and silly. Yeah, this is a fun one. I'm glad we got to talk about the speakership a little bit. Yeah, finally. Congratulations, by the way. Yeah, and congratulations., by the way. The thing I'm worried about this, though, thank you, is it might date the podcast,

but if people aren't up to date with history, they might think this came out in 1923, which is the last time that the vote came back for the speaker. It's perfect. It's perfect. Okay, you want to do the outro? Are you still looking at your contact list yeah she's still scrolling there's too many in here oh do you think it's it could be yvonne sacratan yeah yeah that's yeah yeah it sounds right i think that might have been

him why don't you shoot a text real quick hey thanks for listening to spit and silly don't forget to listen to a new episode of Face Jam next week. That's right, next week, because this is the show that goes in between the other show. You always get something stupid. Tell a friend about the show where we do whatever we want. Goodbye. Bye.