100% Eat - Subway Sidekicks

Episode Date: February 13, 2024

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Subway Sidekicks so you know if they’re worth eating. They also talk about the stoned employees burning themselves, cupcake icing, gremlin behavior, and more. Sponsored by ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/facejam , Factor http://factormeals.com/facejam50 code facejam50 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, Nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at TNVacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it. We sure needed it this week, and you probably do too. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers.

Michael, Michael, let me stop you right there. We don't have time to waste on this crap. Oh, this garbage he wrote five years ago? What are you doing?! You know what, we're throwing the script out. No! There's too much stuff to talk about. The fiasco, as Michael keeps calling it.

That we just went through. What are you talking about? To get these... Go ahead. Subway sidekicks? That's what they're called? Listen. What are you talking about? To get these... Go ahead. Subway sidekicks? That's what they're called? Listen. Yeah.

What the fuck? No! I'm in a fucking tornado! Why? I was told it would be off when we started. Also, it is worth pointing out that the prank... What do we even call it? A prank?

The fast one that Michael pulled on Eric by taking a picture of the sheet. Then he was reading off his phone. It wasn't so much a prank as I knew it would annoy him. He wasn't paying attention so I had to point it at him. You guys were in on it together. In cahoots, if you will. I just knew what was happening and I knew what needed to happen.

We were in passive cahoots. We didn't even plan it. I just saw him doing it and I was like, we can make this more complicated. I could take the picture and send needed to happen. We were in passive cahoots. We didn't even plan it. No, yeah. I just saw him doing it, and I was like, we can make this more complicated. I could take the picture and send it to you. Anyway, we went to Subway's. Yep. Subway's. Plural.

Because it took two to get everything. We're going to review the Subway sidekicks. That's what they're called. Sounds like a superhero. Subway yeah Hang on give her time. She's eating icing off a cupcake that she doesn't want she Well I already looked at once I had to go in Kill I was I can do put it back. Let's throw it away. I don't know when I'm done

But you're just eating the icing Looking at the icing off the cupcake. She'll throw it away. I don't guess. Well, I will when I'm done. But you're just eating the icing. When she's done licking the icing off the cupcake, she'll throw it away. There's no way she could have known it was red velvet. She didn't know it was red velvet. How could she have known? The red cake was no indicator. I didn't freaking see it. Right.

But that's why you look at things before you pick them up and eat them and start licking them. But people don't want you to touch them and then put them back. You don't need to touch it to look. It was sitting in a box where you could not see anything but the icing. Wrong. I just want to say I was over there and I looked. You can see. I'd also like to point out she went for this cupcake after we've eaten.

We got all the sidekicks. She got two pretzels, a foot-long churro, and two foot-long pretzels. I didn't have a sub. She sat down and Nick was like, there's cupcakes. And she fucking took off to get a cupcake. That's also worth pointing out that also Nick got a cupcake. Of course he got it. Right, right.

But wisely, see, and he would have been just fine. If he would have stayed quiet and in the corner, no stray bullets over to Nick. It would have been fine. We would have just been focused on Gracie, but he had to go, Well, if Nick didn't speak up, I wouldn't have this. Well, okay. I wouldn't have known they were there.

I don't even know who's getting blamed for what. Who's in trouble? I don't know. I don't. Well, without Nick, well. They really are just. The siblings are fighting. It's like the Google Home and the Alexa talking to each other sometimes. I will say, I think you pointed it out when we got back here in the cupcake fiasco part of the entire fiasco.

Word of the day fiasco. And you just said, it used to be that the gremlins were on the outside of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, now the gremlins are in the show. And while not a majority in numbers, I would say they're the vocal majority of the show. The show is now run by gremlins.

The inmates are running the asylum. It's like, we win until society breaks down. And then they realize why gremlins aren't in charge. We haven't reached that yet. It's coming. It's going to Subway and ordering five of each

of the things and then one of the gremlins going, six, six, six. And then not realizing that the guy is saying they don't have the pretzels. And then Michael going, no, Gracie, they don't have the pretzels. I still reign victorious. She still reigns victorious. It's a whole fuckings victorious Remember when the thing

When it was the four of us Early on I would be like everyone has to get one That's crazy Now we need more than us Now we're ordering more than the number Some people need two So let's rewind this all the way

She's still licking the icing and biting the icing Like a little chipmunk There's so much icing So let's rewind this all the way. She's still licking the icing and biting the icing like a little chipmunk. There's so much icing. I'll be done, but you have to look at it. The idea of you eating just the icing is insane. Well, I would be eating the cupcake if it was a flavor I wanted. You had a churro.

Just don't think about it being churro. And a cookie. And you are now chipmunking away at this icing. Like it's a cookie. And you are now chipmunking away at this icing. Like it's a nut. Now, let's rewind this whole thing. Because what I thought the thing was going to be that we talked about the most on this episode that was goofy was Michael rode his one wheel to the subway. But I didn't ride goofy. No.

No, you did a great job. What is it? It's a standard? I do left foot forward, which I guess is standard if you're right-handed. We saw him on the street. So we all got here, and then Michael went, I'm pretty tempted to just ride my one-wheel over the subway. Because it's so close. It's very close.

Yeah. And then he did it, and I anticipated that being the funny Goofy thing that would be like, oh, okay, we'll get this food, and then whatever, whatever. It is something that we almost don't even need to talk about. Yeah. I was going to one wheel back. Because of all the things that happened. And I was going to film it.

And then it was like, got to go to another subway. So I just threw it in your trunk. So we went to a subway. By the way, Michael beat us there. Oh, yeah. I did. Yeah, you're quick. We saw you on the corner of.

Berkman. Berkman, yeah. And we could see you like waiting for the light to change. We saw you on the corner of... Berkman? Berkman, yeah. And I saw... We could see you, like, waiting for the light to change. And you were like, no, this is going to take too long. So you just kept going. And I was like, oh, he's going to go down. Yeah, you keep going and then you wait.

Down to the neighborhood streets. And then you just jaywalk. Yeah. Dude, it's like... This thing is great. It's like walking... Like, there are no rules. You just go faster than walking.

You're not a vehicle. You're not a pedestrian. You're not beholden to like a bike or like shit. That's like, it gets me there fast, but I can't do stuff. You're like a super powered. It's kind of,

you are, you're a super powered walking person when you have a one wheel. And so you just like stop signs. They're more, you slow down and then you go through them. It's the science. When, when we passed you,

when we saw you like go down the street and I was like, okay, well he's just going to go a long way. I thought for sure we were going to beat you. But it turns out the fact that you can keep going a steady 14 to 18 miles an hour, that's the average speed for a 30-mile-an-hour area. But there's lots of stops. It kind of evens out. It does even out, yeah.

Did you have to run way through The CC's fence Or one wheel Through the fence I mean I don't think you went that way The CC's gate No I mean I went through

Like the ramp Where the cars drive In the back Or like I think around Where your small wife Got blown up Yes

Is where I went through Yeah you were right around there Yeah And what happened And one of the reasons We took so long Is it was This one This one one spinning up the other one going, you want to go to CeCe's?

You want to go to CeCe's? You want to go to CeCe's? Okay, that was all happening while the car was still moving. Oh, look at the gate. Oh, look at the gate. No, it slowed me down. It definitely slowed me down. I'll say this.

I drove in front of the subway before I parked, and I didn't see Michael there. No. So that could have been the difference. It could have been. I pulled up and assumed you guys were inside. Nope. We got there right, I think, right when you did and then got out of the car. I took forever to cross the first street

right outside the office. So that was all before we got to the subway. Yeah. That all means nothing. Then we walked in and everything changed. Walked up. There were a couple people in line. Not a lot of people there for like a lunch rush. Three guys who were high working at the subway.

And then there was the main character. Oh, man. The boss. You're talking about the boss? I'm talking about the boss. The boss is the man. He's not quite big boss yet. No.

But he could be. So said, hey. Sort of a venom snake, I think. The guy was ready to take my order. He's certainly not punished. And I said, let me get five of the churrosros five of the pretzels, five of the cookies and the boss arrives. Bro.

Out of it. Like we got the churro and that's it. Oh, really? Yeah. Gracie meanwhile was screaming in delight about the pretzels not hearing this. Nope. Gracie in the background, six pretzels. Nick and I are talking through what sauce is this?

We were talking about what sauces, not that they offer, that Nick might have in his backpack. That's a real conversation that was happening. He's going, turn off the door. I was like, let's go to the next one. Let's go to the next one. And then the boss started wheeling and dealing with us. He's like, we got the churros,

and I'm like, alright, if that's all you got, we'll find another one. It's here's the thing. And I'm like, all right, hey, man, if that's all you got, we'll find another one. It's not a big deal. And he went, I don't know if you will. No one's going to have it. And we went, what? And he said, these things came in like three days ago. We got extras, and we're like out.

There are people who are coming here just getting these and nothing else. They're like not getting sandwiches. Gracie's. There's Gracie's coming for us. They are just Gracie's. Coming in and getting 50 pretzels and leaving. And then it was like, well, fuck, man.

At least, okay, let's get the churro and then we'll figure out the cookie. And free lunch. Yeah, we'll do it. And also sandwiches. Yeah. And then we'll figure out the rest. And then, so they start kind of like

working on the churros and we're going to get sandwiches and then the boss comes back. The boss also pointed out that this is how it works. They get you in and then they start buying sandwiches. And that's exactly what we did. It was really the nicest way to tell us we were suckers. Yeah.

Yeah, but to be fair, I wanted them before I even we left this building. That's true. So it's not tricked in any way. So the boss comes back and he goes, here's what I can do. He put his hands up on the counter And was like Look

And there was a long pause And I'm like We're about to get pitched So So they have Sharks So they have the cookies But

They're the last box And they're frozen They would have to thaw out In order to cook them In order to sell them And he said How do you feel if they're a little They would have to thaw out in order to cook them in order to sell them. And he said, how do you feel if they're a little charred on the outside? And Michael went, whatever you can do to get us a jank cookie, we'll take it.

Michael was delighted by what was happening. It's great for the show. It's amazing. He's coming over going like, okay. It went from we don't have it to like, we have it and it might be fucked up. We're not supposed to do this. Best I can do is fucked up cookie. That's the thing usually we'll

ask for. We're not supposed to do that. This guy, through no question, no pressure, nothing. Nothing. Silence. He just walks over and goes, hey, how about this? Yep. This guy wanted to do this. He's been waiting to try it. Nick pointed out that he had Tony Stark glasses. He did. He had like these like Dior style, like big Tony Stark fucking glasses.

It was really cool. And a shirt that says the boss. It was so cool. Granted, it was a subway shirt. It was awesome. And it was probably in reference to a sandwich called the boss. 100%. Because it also said, Nick's saying, it said number six next to the boss.

But he was the boss nonetheless. He was the boss. Yeah, he was the leader of all the stone gentlemen who were working at that subway. Because the other guys were going, how are we going to cookie the thought? And he went, I watched him walk it through. He's like, you throw one cookie in, you hit cookie, and then you scroll up, and you hit additional 10 seconds hot timer. And the guys were like, whoa, one at a time? And were like whoa one at a time and he went one at a time so while all this is happening by the way as we're explaining this it's about real time

to us being there yeah we were there a while we were there for about 30 or 40 minutes uh there's like no real line that's forming or whatever until suddenly there is oh it exploded and it's like oh we need to get this done yeah so people with real jobs can order we need to get out of the way yeah they cooked our cookies they made your sandwiches and fuck them up i guess yeah one of the stone guys one of the stone guys picked mine up and was asking Michael what he wanted on it. And then Michael told him. And then I looked down and I was like... Because people were like, hey, he's asking you what you want in your order.

Because I was looking at the boss. Yeah. And I got distracted. Yeah. Well, it turns out it wasn't my order. I looked down after he wrapped it up and was like, that's not my sandwich. My sandwich is in there. Yeah.

The boss kept telling us to go next door to the Dollar Tree and get vanilla ice cream. Also, that same guy that fucked up your sandwich who was a stoner was like, when the boss was talking about the cookie. Yeah. And he's like, we're going to burn the shit out of the outside because we've got to make sure we cook the inside. You don't want a cold cookie. And that same stoner guy was like, I don't know, man.

I like eating cookie dough. I like eating cold cookie dough. So, anyway, let me put your peppers on your magic sandwich. Anyway, you wanted onion and peppers, right? As the sandwiches are getting made, one cookie is done and the boss brings it over and he goes, here. And he hands me like a fork and he goes, I need you cut in the middle of that because I need you to make sure that it's hot in the middle so that way it's not cold.

Oh, this isn't his first rodeo. You walk out of here cussing my name. And I just went, okay. And I scooped in the middle so that way it's not cold. Oh, this isn't his first rodeo. You walk out of here cussing my name. And I just went, okay. And I scooped in the middle and I went, piping hot. And he went, all right. And started putting the rest of them in there. Piping hot.

Those cookies stayed fucking hot. Yeah, they did. They were. And melty. So here's what happened. We got churros and cookies, but no pretzels And one of us was the most upset

Naturally We were also a little deterred By the boss's He seemed to know what was going on He was the most knowledgeable person In that subway Honestly, the most helpful restaurant Worker I think we've ever dealt with Of any place we've ever gone to Nick was upset Honestly, the most helpful restaurant worker

I think we've ever dealt with Of any place we've ever gone to Nick was upset Don't disgrace Hopin Hopin was hot He gave us the food He just kind of riffed with us So, as we're leaving

Gracie has already called one subway She's called two subways And then she's called the second. I told her she could call. She immediately got on it. Yep. I go, I'm going to call another one. I go, oh, they didn't have it.

She goes, they didn't answer. No subways were answering their phone. Very impressed with how fast you got on the phone call, too. I think other people. She didn't even have to psych herself up. No. I would have been talking about that phone call for 30 minutes before I did. I went, you should call.

And she went, I'll be right back. Immediately. So we left, threw everything in the car, even Michael in the one wheel. In the frunk. And then we threw all the food in the frunk. And that was smart because that one wheel rolls around if you don't wedge it or put it on like a stand. And it would have crushed the fuck out of everything. It would have found a way.

It was hitting me in the back of the seat, which I didn't think was a thing that could happen, but it was rolling into exactly where I was sitting. Every time you stopped. You can watch this on Ride Along, which will come out tomorrow. Yeah. It was supposed to be a short episode.

It was. But we went ahead and- A lot more. Yeah. Because we ended up going to another Subway. Just to see. I feel like we... Yeah.

We owed it at least one more shot. To Gracie. Yeah, we owed it to Gracie. After everything she's been doing. I think we owed it to the show to try to get the pretzel. On the way there, and we were hammering Gracie for this. Ordering the pretzels on the phone app., putting in all your info and we're going, we're going to get there and they're going to go, we don't have those.

We're out. We're going to have to refund you. We had to go. Nick and Gracie wanted some optimism. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no, no optimism in that car. So we go all the way to another subway. We walk in and the guy is like finishing the pretzels, puts it down in like the to-go online orders area.

Six pretzels. Gracie ordered an extra pretzel for herself as a reward. Hell yeah, I did. And we got everything on the fucking Subway sidekicks menu. And it made me go, do you think the boss was wrong? Look, the boss knows what's going on in his backyard.

I think somebody's getting pretzels that fell off the back of the truck. We got the pretzels. We didn't get sauces with the pretzels, unfortunately. And even worse, Nick didn't have his Sonic cheese sauce. I was really relying on him. You didn't have his Sonic cheese sauce I know I was really relying on him yeah me too

fuck you didn't have mustard either no dude his he wrote fucked up as he was screaming so what good is your sauce bag if you don't have any sauce in it

oh no time to restock dude I bet you're letting down your own like image yeah this is crazy your brand

your brand so that was the harrowing tale of trying to get the fucking food from Subway image. This is crazy. Your brand. So, that was the harrowing tale of trying to get the fucking food from Subway. Get all that, got back. Cookie still hot. From the first Subway. Amazingly. Piping hot. Churro not so much. Watching these dudes

work, I turned to you at one point and I was like, they just keep fucking burning themselves. Oh yeah! Every time they touch the cookie tray, they use their bare hands. Yeah, go fuck, fuck, shit. Like, they're just going fuck.

And they just kept doing it. When will it stop? It was never like an accident. They were going, I don't give a fuck, and I'm just going to grab it and go fuck and throw it on the table. Again. Fucking awesome.

That's like eating home-style. It was awesome. I know it's hot, but I gotta eat it. It happened so many times. It happened with the churros, which they did two batches of, and then it happened with five cookies. Every cookie.

Fuck. But it happened with all your sandwiches too, which were toasted. They just kept going, fuck, oh shit. That rules. These guys rule.

They fucking rule, dude. That's the best Subway. It was so fun. Whatever score I'm gonna give, like bonus 10 points just for these guys. So everyone else in the store got fucked. Yeah. People in front of us, people behind us. Dude, it was like.

Right. It was like. He stopped everything. It's like they all worked there and their five best friends just came in. They did. They were like, whoa, you want fucking pretzels? We don't got them. Hang on, hang on, hang on.

When you're a teenager and your friend works at the yogurt place. That's exactly what it was. It was like that. And they just stop everything and start talking to you. There was eight of us in there. Three people working. Five of us just kind of standing there. And it was just like a fucking cafeteria.

No one was working. One guy waiting for his order to be finished. One woman behind us came in to get one churro. And she waited through all of that for a single churro. So we ordered all of it. We brought it back. Those guys

rocked. We tipped them on the card. And then Michael gave them another 20 bucks because those guys ruled. Then we found a dollar on the floor. Put that in there too. Put that in the tip jar. Jordan, it's the first time

I've seen Jordan hungry where we were waiting for the rest of the food. He sat down and just started eating his sandwich. I assume you took a photo. The pile of shit on that table. There's you took a photo. I didn't know how long these cookies were going to take. The pile of shit on that table. There's legitimately like 12 bags. Yep. It's fucked up.

And that wasn't even everything. No. No, we just started stacking. It was awesome. Dude. It's kind of a thing where like the process that we went through, usually that's the customer being like, is there any way you could do this? And they gotta bend over backwards and it's like, I'm not supposed you could do this thing? And they got to bend over backwards.

And it's like, I'm not supposed to do that. This guy wanted to. It was all them doing that. It was his idea. And us just going, yeah. And he's like, I like you guys. There was one. I like you guys.

The next person behind us saw us getting the cookies. And she was like, do you got one more? Like, could I get one? And then the boss like yells into the back. Pops. Was it Pops? Yeah, it was Pops. He just yells, Pops, you got one more? Like, could I get one? And then the boss like yells into the back. Pops. Was it Pops? Yeah, it was Pops. Okay, yeah.

He just yells, oh, Pops, you got one more cookie out? Yo, Pops, you took that cookie out like I told you? Yeah, you took that one out, right? Dude, again, going back to the one churro. Because everything was in a state of flux. Yeah. Not just do they have it. It's like, are they ready to be made and sold?

Yeah, right. And the cookies weren't for us, but you know, you just burnt the shit out of them. So like, even then, you'd think after they made the churros, they got it. I watched one of the other guys come up to him holding a single churro and be like, what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? He really asked him, holding it in his hand. Holding it in his hand with a glove.

What do I do? He had a glove holding it, and he's like, all right, here's what you do. They just made five for us. And he's like, how do I make just one churro? And the guy's like, no problem. I got you. This is what you do. They just made five for us. And he's like, how do I make this one churro? And the guy's like, no problem. I got you. This is what you do. I'm the boss. The boss is on top of it. I think I like Subway now. I don't know what to say.

If those guys... The second Subway was way shittier and it smelled worse. Yeah. It smelled way more like Subway than the other one. They were scared. As we were leaving, like we were grabbing everything or whatever. Hi, Shane. The guy was saying, hey, man, thanks for getting that.

Now our place is going to smell like cookies the whole time. If those guys worked at every fast food place, I'd eat way more fast food. I would. They rock. I'd like to know if they all decide to move as a unit. What place they're going to. The boss gets transferred to a different location. The boss has his minions. I got He's like I gotta take my place

I gotta bring Pops and the crew with me I don't know that Pops was a real person I don't think Pops is there I think the boss is just having a good time Oh man Jordan do you have a haiku? I do Oh this is fun

Well pale in comparison to everything we've talked about But here it goes Elongated treats Stretched to the limits of space. Every inch counts. Whoa. That's pretty good. The way I've been referring to all these foods

just with like people, I'm like, oh yeah, we're eating like the long food from Subway. Everyone's going like a foot long. I'm like, I mean, these are foot long. Stretched out food.

Uh-huh. The churro, normal churro style. The cookie, long cookie. Pret like, these are foot long. Stretched out food. Uh-huh. The churro, normal churro style. The cookie, long cookie. Pretzel, long pretzel. Long rectangular. They should have made the churro and the pretzel thick like the cookie. I agree.

I think... Just use that tray for all three. Can you imagine that? We definitely didn't need five cookies. Holy shit. The cookies, insane. It's so thick. Is that going to be gremlin food? This is all going to be gremlin food, right? I mean, what's left? We have so much left over. There's like three cookies and half a pretzel left.

Why is there half a pretzel left? Eric didn't finish this. Oh, okay. You both didn't finish it? Nick, you traitor. I didn't finish either. You hear this? Well, you fight through it thank you if there's no sauce

you fight through it if it's red velvet you just lick the icing yeah and then make Michael look at it do you know who you're talking to you think that bothers me what was great was she came back with it and she's like was she making she came back with it And she's like

Was she making a face out of it And I don't know if she said it was red Or you go it was red velvet Because she was eating around the chocolate chips In the cookie The whole cake is sitting there Completely intact untouched And she goes I didn't know it was red velvet

And then you go I'm sure you can put it back I licked it I immediately licked it i licked it i just thought about the double dipping incident i was like this makes perfect sense there's no more like we all just decided there's no more room for comedy it's just reciting facts here are incidents that have occurred i was gut as you were saying i'm sure you could put it back i was gonna make a double dipping check. I licked it. And then us talking about it has just caused her to pick it back up. She's licking it and eating it again right now.

Eating around the chocolate chips reminded me. Gracie, can you enlighten us what your roommate does when she cooks chocolate chip cookies for everyone? Shout out Alyssa. Hi. Shout out Alyssa. That's worth something. Give us $20. A big baker

and she has this special chocolate chip cookie recipe and every time she makes a batch, she makes one cookie with no chocolate chips for me. What a chocolate chip cookie. Well, it's a cookie. But it's not quite a sugar cookie.

Why isn't it a sugar cookie? Because there's like a I'm not technical in baking terms But she like browns the butter And does all these other things that are specific To a chocolate chip cookie dough It's a different type of dough But also Gracie thinks sugar cookies are bad

Sugar cookies are amazing They're not as good as non chocolate chip cookies They're so simple yet effective And then you put cinnamon sugar on it, and you got a snickerdoodle. Or you go... That I like. I just want to make that noise. I should know that I don't like them.

They're just like, I'm never going to go pick one up. You think they're inferior. But you pick up a red velvet cake, and you don't like that. Well, I didn't know, Michael. I only saw the icing. Only saw the icing. Licked it. Here's what you do.

Put all of the chocolate chips on the bottom. She'll never see it coming. Oh, she will. She checks. She checks? She didn't know what cake she was eating. Nick wants to know. Nick just helps us.

How's the icing? It's good. It's cream cheese frosting. It's so thick. You just had a cookie. I didn't have much of the cookie. I just had two pretzels. What about the frosting on the cookie?

No, she has to eat around the chocolate chips. I don't think people want my tongue Jesus Christ. He's saying put your icing on your cookie. I got it now. And then you can have cookie icing. Just a little bit. He's yelling it from back there. He's living vicariously through you. No he's not he's gonna ask for one next He's gonna go now give me mine. Can you rub some of your icing on my cookie, please? Don't think he wants that icing. Oh my god, that was a big ol' bite. Okay, you got it. He said

the other side. Yeah, if you just take off the top and... I told you he was fine with it, and he's agreeing with me. What? I said maybe. He said maybe, but probably. Was that worth it, Gracie? Is it better than red velvet okay good Thank You Nicholas can we learn about subway that's me okay you want me

to send it to you thanks man now I get little cookie bits in my... Wow, everyone, look. Everyone, look at what she gets. Dude, are you a fucking idiot? What? Me? Our previous Applebee's episode was released August 4th, 2020, where we ate the barbecue rib sandwich and received an average score of 14.

That's crazy. We ate that at Applebee's. Fucking hell, dude. It must have been like something happened with like the letters, I guess. You know, A-P-P-L-E-B. No, Gracie, I wasn't talking to you. They're all right next to the Subway keys. Well, what happened is I was typing Subway and it like auto-corrected, I think.

Did you mean Applebee's? Yeah. Oh, you went to Applebee's last time. You must mean Applebee's again. Oh, man. Oh, Google Word or whatever. Okay. I feel like we've been to Applebee's

much more recently than August 4th, 2020. Now, here's the thing. The last time we went to Subway, and we talked about this on the way, it was a spit and silly episode. That's true. We did do that. We had the pepperoni.

The horrible marinara salad. Yes. The pizza salad. I can still taste it. That was terrible. Just like I can hear Gracie scream. But that was a lot more joyous. But the last time we ate for the show was 2020.

Yeah, that's crazy. That's three and a half years ago. Not so. And 14? That sounds right. It was definitely right. Yeah, that's crazy. That's three and a half years ago. Not so. And 14? That sounds right. It was definitely right. Damn, dude. Although they were spotted in mid-2023, the sidekick menu items haven't been available widely until January because they

spent a year, quote, perfecting the recipe. Yeah, that's what I would say, too. Well, so when you take a bite out of that churro you got from the subway in the gas station, know that people who make more money than you put their heart and soul into making sure the person who works at the gas station subway microwaves it for the right amount of time. God bless.

And also that they burn the fuck out of their hands over and over and over again. It really is something when it's just three guys going, fuck, out, shit. Did you see when it was more than one of them at the thing and they were doing it And they were just burning their hands You grabbed that and said, fuck, this guy's hot too, fuck They do it hundreds of times a day Oh man, it's so good In 2017, a woman sued Subway because

Their tuna contained non-tuna elements But the soup was thrown out last year after being DNA tested and found there was At least some tuna in the tuna. Congratulations, Subway, on having some tuna in your tuna. This is truly a victory for the little guy. God bless. It's gonna be a theme.

Another quick fact here. Jared Fogle's still in jail. Sorry, Sauce Monkey. God bless. And the final fact. Wow, we're just flying through the facts. Dude, I want to stop talking. The non-tuna tuna is a thing that went back from 2017 till the middle of last year.

They finally resolved it? Back and forth and back and forth. They had different DNA experts. They sent it away to these people and they went, well, there's no tuna. This is all pork and forth. They had different DNA experts. They sent it away to these people and they went, well, there's no tuna. This is all pork and beef. And then Subway was like, no, we'll send it to our people. And they went back and

forth and back and forth. And then finally it was thrown out. The woman said that she didn't want to do it anymore because she got pregnant. And then she was like, I feel like I can't be a plaintiff in this thing. I have morning sickness. I have pregnancy stuff I have to deal with. Everyone's talking about food constantly have morning sickness. I have like, I have like pregnancy stuff. Everyone's talking about food constantly.

And Subway is going like, no, we have to be vindicated. Yep. And so I finally got thrown out. The story reminds me real quick of how I believe it's in Ireland that Subway's bread is no longer considered bread because it does not meet the threshold of their definition of it. It has like too much sugar. It has too much sugar in it. because it does not meet the threshold of their definition

of it. It has like too much sugar in it. It has too much sugar in it and it's not qualified. It's like a dessert. Yes. And that's just their bread. Their bread is a dessert in Ireland. And that is so get non-tuna tuna melt on

dessert bread. Yep. On a sweet roll. And then just lick some icing off a cupcake you don't want. As of 2023, Subway is the largest single-brand restaurant chain and has the second most stores in the world, coming in just behind McDonald's. But ahead of Starbucks, although second place is tough, Subway remains the destination for people who are hungry while working a booth at a convention

but can't spare losing more than one person at a time. So one guy has to go get six sandwiches and then the booth smells like Subway all day. Sorry if we signed your poster and your room smelled like Subway forever after that. We should have washed our hands, dude. God bless. PAX?

Yeah, where's the nearest Subway to the San Diego convention center? Oh, just a couple blocks up. Is it just over the railroad tracks? Yeah, you get on the other side of the railroad tracks. It's there. At PAX, it's upstairs where the Convention Center is. Oh, that's almost too convenient. That really was the convention food, and it was, man, being like 23.

Who draws the short straw to have to go into the subway and order six sandwiches for people? Garrett, because he would order the fish one and none of us wanted to fucking smell it. It's not even fish. That's what we're saying. It's not even bread. It's not even bread. Welcome to BMO ETFs. Where do you get your insights?

Volatility has continued to be a hot topic. I think the Fed does have other cards to play. Are these mega cap tech companies here to stay? Never before has there been a better time to be an ETF investor. BMO ETFs presents Views from the Desk, a show all about markets and investing with ETFs. New episodes every Thursday morning. What's your regular Subway order? I don't think I have a regular one. I ordered, I just went with turkey.

They have like the ones listed, and I don't know why it's all football themed. The turkey titan was on there. But I just told them, I want turkey on wheat bread, please. And then I just put some stuff on it. Actually, I put some stuff on it. Yeah, and then I put the stuff I wanted on it.

The guy unwrapped it. He was about to pick the stuff off. He was about to, but he was staring at it going, oh my God. And Jordan goes, I want to make your life easier. You can leave that stuff on. He literally said that. Yeah, verbatim.

I'm just going to put stuff. I didn't want that stuff, but I'll take care of it. You know. What's your regular Subway order, Michael? So my favorite cold cut is salami and cheese. I was just fed that as a baby, and it's like, that's my comfort. But Subway is not good, so I don't usually get that there. I like that from like a real deli.

So I'll just usually get either cheesesteak or tuna fish. Yeah. Which are both surprisingly fine. either cheesesteak or tuna fish. Yeah. Which are both surprisingly fine. Mm-hmm. I don't run to Subway,

but my Subway thing is like, if I'm at Walmart, if I'm shopping, it's that. Sure, yeah. And then you go, oh, I just spent fucking $250 on food. Let me buy some food on the way out. Yep.

We were about to take off and go get this stuff for the episode, and we ran into Barbara Dunkelman, and she's like, what are you guys eating? And we said, oh, Subway. And she went, oh. Bee dunks? I love Subway. And we went, Dunkelman and she's like, what are you guys eating? And we said, oh, Subway. And she went, oh. Bee Dunks? I love Subway. And we went, oh really?

She's like, yeah, I haven't been there in six years. And you guys went, you might not love Subway. I don't think you love it then. It gets the job done. It does. There's something about Subway that's nice if you don't just want like a greasy burger. Subway's great for road trips too. Exactly.

If you don't want to feel like a disgusting animal, like burping like Nick after he ate the churro, which makes no sense. Did we get that on tape? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. It was in the ride-along. It was so loud.

Okay, great. And then it was so much churro so fast, I guess. But that's usually when I subway. It's like I'm driving somewhere or it's at a place I'm already at. Yeah. And it's not good, but it's inoffensive it seems like it's just a place where everyone can get the thing very specifically

what they want and you get out and stretch your legs because it's not a fucking drive through but you have to go inside the 76 gas station or whatever and that's fine we're dunking on the monkey he's still learning it's this like you know we dunked Quiznos recently and everything Yeah. We're dunking on the monkey. He's still learning. It's this, like, you know, we've done Quiznos recently and everything,

and it's this or Quiznos, and Quiznos just is not. I don't think there's no winning when you have to go to a fast food sandwich chain. Yeah. Your best bet is a local place. There's no winning, Nick. Oh, I like Jersey Mike's. I got six. Jersey Mike's was 10 years ago. Yeah, that's your thing from a decade ago.

I'll give them a shot if they ever come up with something limited. Give them a shot. Come on, Danny DeVito. You want to teach us about the food? I guess. Don't look at me. I'm not teaching you shit. He's done reading.

I'm not taking a picture of you. He's taking pictures of himself. Yeah. I'm not teaching you shit. He's done reading. I'm not taking a picture of you. He's taking pictures of himself. Yeah. I'm taking pictures of myself. He thinks he looks really good right now. I did take a picture of myself. I've never taken a picture of you. I took a picture of Gracie on the monitor eating a pretzel.

Yeah, that was very funny. And a picture of Gracie holding the cupcake up with little fingers. As she was just talking. She was talking to Nick for an extended period of time. Wait, when? Holding the cupcake in your hand. Can I see it? Earlier, yes.

You were holding it like a chalice. Yeah. You were holding it with very small fingers. Dainty fingers. You're just holding it like this while you're talking to Nick. For so long that I got Eric pointed at you. We acknowledged it. Sat some more.

And then I started taking pictures. Send me that. You have to post it. All right. Teach me about the food. The footlong churro, a new Cinnabon footlong churro for $2 is baked to perfection, served warm and topped with Cinnabon's world famous macara cinnamon and sugar. Asterisk.

Isn't that what you like? Prices and participation may vary. What the fuck is macara? You know, Macara. World famous. Registered trademark. Yeah. As well.

It must just be what Cinnabon's thing is. Have you ever heard that ever? Never in my life. No. World famous? Can you Google it? They should be ashamed of themselves. You know, you look up Macara.

What do you think it is, if you had to guess? I'm going to guess it's something like McCormick. It's just a brand that does spices. I refuse to participate in these reindeer games. A water monster of Hindu religious myth. He's in there? That is... He's in there.

Every bite. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. How'd they fit him in there? In the churro Dude Just quick after all that sugar That's why Gracie feels so powerful

After eating that churro Right And then Nick just burped him up She's licked about a third of that icing She's ready to go Yeah I'm feeling revved up Penguin of doom.

Alright, hit me with the next one. Footlong pretzel. The one Gracie wanted. The Auntie Anne's footlong pretzel for $3 reimagines Auntie Anne's buttery and salty classic. That sounds... Yeah.

Serve her the side of Subway's honey mustard that takes each bite to another level. Or not. I was not taken to another level because they didn't give us any. Did you even ask, though? I didn't think you had to. I assumed it was in the massive sack of pretzels. I assume that

they do give it to you, but when they don't, that's when you go, oh, we didn't get it in your ass. Well, the sack of pretzels felt pretty heavy. It's just crazy. We went all that way. You went through all that trouble and you didn't go, can I have the sauce? I didn't even speak to a person. It was just there. Here's what happened.

Too excited too soon. Too excited. Nick's drew a frowny face. Too excited too soon about getting all the... Grac about getting so mad I'm mad I was promised sonic cheese I said maybe

this is a real conversation you're right the gremlins are in here I know we're being quiet for some reason to let them squabble she has the real microphone he's got the fake one and we're saying nothing. And it's not,

they're not even jokes anymore. This is, this is a real conversation of them going back going, you said you had the saw. I thought I had the saw. I thought I had the saw. This is going to be such,

such an obscure reference, but you know what it really reminds me of? The old Homestar Runner. Little click and talk things they used to have where you could have a character and they just go, duh, duh. It's just,

it's just them talking to each other like that. Perfect. They're just making noises and we're going, yeah, great work. Uh, strong bad is on point. Okay.

That's it. Okay. Michael's rubbing his face off his face. Yeah, I'm peeling it off, actually. For a new face. Also, did you think that pretzel was buttery and salty? No. Salty? No.

Not buttery. But for $3, participation and prices may vary. It's true. What do you expect? Footlong cookie. Here we go. No brand association with this one, but the footlong cookie for $5 is back nationwide and better than ever after popping up in select restaurants on National Cookie Day in 2022 and 2023.

It's thick, gooey, and packed with chocolate chips. It says it right there. You guys see the Drake thing? Yep. The thing? What thing? You can just say, did you see Drake? You don't need any more words after that.

I don't know why, but I just thought of that. What's this? Press material. Let's do it. The introduction of sidekicks, with a capital S, builds on six decades of equity and expertise. What are you talking about? There were three stoned guys burning their hands.

Fuck shit. Equity and expertise. Hang on. Six decades of equity and expertise in what? In all... In all things footlong. Oh, God.

Said with a straight face, Douglas Frye, president of Subway North America. This whole new category of our menu offers Subway fans something they can't get anywhere else and kicks off a year of culinary innovation and delicious

new menu items. 2024 may be the most exciting chapter yet in our growth story. I don't like the way he's doing it on purpose he's doing it on purpose i feel like the subtext here is like are you mad reading this because you should be thick gooey footlong cookie is part of our growth story in 2024 unwrap a churro. I'm sure Subway thinks that. We're excited to team up with Subway to bring guests the fun and flavor of two of our iconic brands, Cinnabon and Auntie Anne's. Oh, I thought that was the end of the quote.

I'm sorry. I misread this. And flavor of our two iconic brands, Cinnabon and Auntie Anne's said David Makita, president of international and retail channels at Focus Brands. These fan favorite snacks will delight guests in new craveable ways. They're owned by the same company? Yeah. Okay, I guess that makes sense.

I mean, it's mole food. Why couldn't they get a Mrs. Fields for the cookie? A cookie one? You said mole food. I thought you said mole food. Yeah, it's food for moles also. I mean, it might as well be. That's a category of food You said mall food. I thought you said mole food. Yeah, it's food for moles also. That's a category of food I may have missed. Tell me more about moles.

Is this like gremlin food? Have you been to a mall lately? Maybe we were misidentifying moles as gremlins the whole time. Have you thought, if you have a pet mole, feed him this footlong cookie and send us a video. Gremlins love mole food. See if moles eat around the chocolate chip tonight. And lick the icing off the cupcake. They might.

What did he say? Where's Auntie Anne's cheese? Oh my god, dude. I agree. Yeah, why did Subway have to provide the honey mustard? They didn't even provide it. Wow. Now here's the thing.

You should have asked. I don't care. What the fuck? She's getting spicy. Now you have asked. I don't care. What the fuck? She's getting spicy. Now, you have to look at my cupcake. Okay. Stop licking the icing. Gracie just wants to fight.

Michael's like, what is it? I shattered my body last week. Fucking flying down a hill. Do you want me to look at a cupcake? What the shit? Look at it! Now, imagine we got the dipping sauce For the pretzel

I'm closing my eyes Yes there it is Gracie's screaming They're not sharing No obviously not The fuzz and does are coming hard and fast You could have taken it whenever you wanted it It was just near me not facing you

And I was quadruple dipping But you could have had it whenever you wanted Right You have to make yourself known in the space. Jesus Christ. Do you think it would have done anything for the pretzel? Yeah.

Regular humans, do you think it would have done anything for the pretzel? I think it would have made it wet. Which honestly, it desperately needed. But I don't think the flavor was going to be improved. I don't think it would have helped. We're just getting into it right yeah Pretzel fucking sucked pretzel was terrible was the worst part bottom to your piece shit pretzel

Yeah, not enough salt now very done Not enough butter also too thick too dense it came in like little like sections that just tore apart, like the Titanic, as you said. Right, that's where Gracie held hers up and it ripped. Why was that nice? You almost dropped it. Yeah. Right, but it just gave you little white patches. What I don't like is that it looks they make it look like it's a twisty pretzel thing. Yes, I know I was

deceived. And then, it's not. They were all deceived. For another pretzel. That's right. Where's that pretzel at? I want that one. That's what Grazy's looking for. My pretzel.

The cookies were cooked in the lavas of Mordor. And it's just hot on the outside. Disappointing pretzel. The pretzel at Sonic's better than that. It was, yeah. I agree with that. It was kind of burnt. It wasn't that good. Kind of burnt tasting on the outside. Disappointing pretzel. The pretzel at Sonic's better than that. It was, yeah. I agree with that. And Sonic pretzel ain't that good. Kind of burnt tasting on the outside.

Would we go back? What'd you say? I thought you meant to Subway. No. I don't even know. Let them try again. I'm sorry. I don't even know where she jumped into the conversation.

We were just talking about how bad the pretzel was, and she said, let's go back. No, but then you said Sonic's was better. I mean, yeah. I also said it's not good, but it's better. There you have it. I mean,

Sonic is the best you can do. Let's go. All right. Don't listen to either of them. They're not running the show here. I have a car and the company card. Let's go, Nick.

The world is my oyster. No kidding. We're going to have to turn it off. Jesus Christ. This is going back to, you know, when society collapses and they're like, I have a credit card. I can do whatever I want. And they're like, oh, it stopped working. I also manage Eric's. He can't turn it off.

It's true. She does. You know what? Then do whatever you want. Why is Eric spending so much money on fucking pretzels? This company sunk! The pretzel itself didn't, I feel, didn't taste like the pretzel itself didn't I feel

didn't taste like a pretzel nope it tasted like whack bread yeah it was just bread it was it wasn't like that kind of like

crunchy maybe the boss was doing us a favor and he was just like don't even dude he probably had so many pretzels back there

that like Pops was like throwing away yeah Pops is dead just a corpse they wheel around they're bad. Pops was like thrown away. Yeah, Pops is dead. She's a corpse they wheel around. Oh no, it's Pops. Say hello to Pops. Psycho style.

The churro was I would say cold by the time we got to it but even when it was hot I don't anticipate I ate it right away. So mine was warm.

How was it warm? It was fine. Yeah. I would say it was a decent churro. Was it chewy? No, it wasn't. This was almost gummy How was it warm? It was fine. Yeah. I would say it was a decent churro. Was it chewy? No, it wasn't. This was almost gummy.

It wasn't chewy. I think it's all a product of it being too cold. And it wasn't like theme park churro. Uh-huh. No, it was not. That's pretty up there. Yes. But for like a walk-in, you're at a shithole subway, it was fine.

Like, it's what the pretzel should have been. Yes. Okay, I can see that. It was fine. The pretzel was not fine. It was like a stadium churro. I think it was worse than a stadium churro. I think it probably was.

I haven't gone to that many stadiums, but they're up there with theme parks, I think. Yeah, I mean it's decent. This didn't have a crisp to it. We did have to wait to go to the other subway before coming back to eat it. But you did. You didn't have to. You didn't have to. So we

did that and it was it was like gummy, right? You take a bite and it was very chewy. It was definitely a mistake. It was way chewy and a little mushy on the inside. Gracie pointed out that unevenly seasoned. Oh, that's right. She had middle. She was reviewing it already.

The seasoning in the middle was fine, but the ends. The ends were not seasoned enough. No, no, no, no. They were not. I dropped mine on the ground and stepped on it. Oh, maybe that's what made it so gummy. I had gum on my shoe. It tastes like Big Red. His shoes do have gum soles,

so that's probably why. So, then the cookie. Crazy. You're already so far ahead ahead Just go non-verbal Oh okay So finished you got the gold medal You're running back onto the track She starts laughing at the other kids

That was happening She was going non-verbal at the first subway By the way we should say As they said, we don't have these things. Gracie did not want to participate. No, I went nonverbal and sat in a chair. Yes. Nick was like,

oh my god, Gracie's speechless and I think Michael went, it's called nonverbal. It's called nonverbal. It's such a good term. Yeah. So what did, okay, so those are the first two. The cookie. The cookie was the best. Also, we. Because he was the best. Also, we didn't need to get five of them because, ugh, so big.

It is. So much. It's thick like brownie. It is. Yeah. It's so much cookie. It's not just, it's not like a churro and the pretzel that are like, you just take a bite. It's like, it's so much wider as well. No, it's the only time Nick shows actual concern

is when I get too far from the microphone. And it makes him straighten up and get serious. He's like miming, like, what are you doing? It's the one time it's not a bit. The cookie's really rich. It's very rich. It's very rich, dude. It was still hot.

It was still piping hot. Piping hot. Look, I don't know. Melted chocolate chips. I say we go back and say that's a viable way to cook it. Yes. Yeah, that might be the best way. We should let them know that that's the move.

We got to let the boss know. Because then they don't have to waste time thawing it out. Yeah, I agree. Just cook it at 800 degrees. It doesn't really matter if it looks a little toasty. I think it was cooked very well. It did look burnt a little bit. And it did not taste burnt, though.

No, not at all. It was a decent cookie. Paradoxically, the pretzel looked like a pretzel but tasted burnt i agree i thought it tasted burnt also yeah i don't know what was up with that i don't know i think it's because there was nothing else to flavor it so it just tastes like burnt ass bread maybe they needed to thaw more yep uh so overall as the sidekicks menu goes uh because this is like this is their big offering the boss was telling us how it was bringing people in subway and bringing people together they podcast hosts making friends with the workers who feed them yeah and making a lot of people wait in line forever for a subway yeah the he was saying that so many people are coming in just for

this shit specifically. So like they really hit on something. It's, it's kooky enough to get people into subway. Uh, people are already coming to subway. So it works even better for some reason. Yeah. A lot of people on road trips. I just can't imagine getting, I'm just, I don't know that these things exist.

I go and I go, it's a foot long cook. I don't need a foot of cookie. It also even like, we talk about all the time We go to restaurants like Applebee's or whatever It's dead, people coming and going In that subway, right? It's just like a shithole subway It wasn't packed, but it wasn't empty People eat that shit

I can't fathom just stopping And going to a subway that I'm not It's the blood vein of America Whether we like it or not People are moving through. Yep. What do you think, Jordan? So I think on the whole... You don't like the tornado?

The cookie being the best. It kind of like... I'm trying to add up these scores and then average it out. The three in my head. You got like the cookie and then you got the churro and then you got the pretzel. Wow, the cookie at an 80-ish. That's interesting. That's a great dessert.

I wish with some ice cream. That we should have listened to the boss. Solid general. And if you're sharing it with like four other people, great time. That's the Valentine's Day? Footlong cookie.

Yeah. It's not a bad idea. I think the pretzel was like a 25. You guys know what to get, Nick and Gracie for Valentine's Day. And then I think the gummy churro was something like a 35

40. So I think that averages out to 150 divided by 3 is 50 plus 10 extra points for the boss. Hell yeah. You're gonna do this plus 10 at the end. I like it. Wow, that's generous. I'm going 60. 60? Whoa! Definitely does not deserve a 60 60 I like it

Hopefully you get the boss and his friends man Yeah dude Hopefully you get the boss and some jank cookies Cause that's the way to do it I did I'll also throw in some bonus points for the free sandwich that I got Oh yeah Yeah the sandwich that

I just wanted to eat I just wanted to eat a sandwich Yeah yeah Nick's happy about that too I'm pretty much in line with Jordan. I would say I probably like the churro more than he did. The cookie a little bit less. Just because it's so rich.

But it was a good cookie. But his math, it adds up. The math is mathing. Math is mathing so hard right now. I'm going to hit it with a boss number 6-0. Wow. 60. Dude, the average score on this is a 60. with a boss number 6-0. Wow! Dude, the average score on this is a 60 and that's, like,

it's pretty generous for this, but also I had a 60 time. I had more than a 60 time. But I had to be a little bit reasonable. Man, that was... I even got to ride my one wheel there. You did, that was pretty cool. We thought that was going to be the main event.

You gotta go watch Ride Along where you see all this happening right after it's happened to us ride my one wheel there. You did. That was pretty cool. We thought that was going to be the main event. Pretty cool. You gotta go watch Ride Along where you see all this happening right after it's happened to us and it's like we're shell shocked. We're in a car going, what are we doing? In Ride Along, Nick starts filming once we leave the second subway. Nick decided that

we're going to film different today. Sorry. The first subway and he was holding it. He was holding it the whole time. So then we decided to stop filming going into the second Subway. Because it's like we don't usually film like in a restaurant or whatever. I secretly filmed. You did. Whether we could use it or not just to see Gracie's reaction

upon getting pretzels or not getting pretzels. And so I had that to like give to you so we can put part of that into the video. But then they kept going and I just started playing it. And so Nick filmed me playing it back on my phone. Yes. So he's filming in widescreen, recording my phone in vertical.

So you don't even have to insert it. You don't even have to insert it. And then it gets to the point though where I walk out and he's filming my phone filming outside which he already filmed in the video you're going to be watching and so he's still filming and he's

going oh I filmed this part is this inception? there's a part where I point my phone at Nick and see him filming you're watching that same video take place it's a time loop. We're down two or three levels and you need to wake up.

In camera editing. So that, Gracie has her slack stands on. So that is, that's Subway. 60. 60 time. 60 time. We're entering a new era where maybe the scores don't reflect all of the food

and maybe some biases get in there and just the time we had, but I'm happy with a 60. So that's what we ate from Subway, but it's time for a snack attack. No, I don't want a snack, dude. Can it be salty? Oh, no. You know what it is. Gracie, you already know what it is.

Oreo space dunk. Gracie, you already know what it is. Oreo Space Dunk. Gracie saw this earlier. I did. And she was like, what is it? I'm so tired. I can't have more sugar. Yeah, you can. You can have an Oreo Space Dunk.

I told you I was going to get that loud noise. Yep, you did. Every time we test, he demands you get as loud as possible. Right. Okay, so these are Oreo Space Dunk, five galactic designs, and Cosmic Cream. Where's the milk?

With popping candy. Where's the fucking milk I bought? Oh, it's got Pop Rocks in it. Nick, you're closest. He's painting, but not moving. He's making running sounds without running. Mine has a telescope on it. God, I've been painting, but not moving. He made running sounds without running. Mine has a telescope on it. God, I've been like, ha, ha, ha.

And he walked. He had to do the sounds for the microphone, and then he left. What a fucking turd he is. Oh, my God, what? Mine's a rocket ship coming. It is. Oh, they got, like, the hole in the middle. Yeah, I was about to say, what is this nub?

There you go. So, I don't know. It's an Oreo that's about. He's going to see if there's milk It's about double stuff size I'm gonna wait And It's blue and pink icing

Gracie is upset by it I smushed mine Oh there is milk Yeah I bought it For the cereal I thought we ate it all No dude Drank it all

No dude Are you drinking milk When you eat it with cereal Or are you eating At the end you are You're eating it Until you're drinking milk when you eat it with cereal? Or are you eating? At the end you are. You're eating it until you're drinking it. I definitely drank it. No. Michael? Yes, of course. It was my idea.

Yeah, gotta dunk. I would be insane if I didn't want any. I gotta dunk my space dunk. I said scream and get the milk. Mm, mm, mm, mm. I smushed mine a little bit because there was a hole in it. I got the icing out in one piece. Why? That's here. Look at what she's doing, Eric. Take a picture of it. Put it on the cookie. Look at what she's doing. What the fuck? Put it on the cookie, Gracie.

Ew. Why you do? Put it on your cupcake. That's fucking crazy. That's like her eating the icing off the cupcake. So much is happening. Stop eating sweets like that. I don't want the chocolate. Oh, weird.

The length she has to go. Kind of weird because you're not want the chocolate. Oh weird. The length she has to go is a voice chopper. Kind of weird because you're not eating the cookie. No, it's weird because there's pop rocks in an Oreo. Okay. No, that's not why it's weird. It's a bit why it's weird. I still contest it's weird because of the way she's doing it. What she's doing is weird. The cookie is also a little weird.

Y'all never knew people that ate the icing out of Oreos? No. Really? I if they... I wouldn't associate with those people. Now I have to want it? No, I have to. Because we're coworkers. We're not friends.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Okay. Oh, okay. I think I just lost my birthday invite. You invited me on a bender one time. I invite everyone on benders because I'm a nice person.

And you didn't come. You texted me from an unknown number at like one in the morning. No, that wasn't an invite to the Bender. That was about ambulance. And that there was a massive bank robbery downtown ATX. Don't confuse the two. I definitely texted you at midnight. You were invited to the bank robbery.

I texted you at midnight. Oh, I forgot. This is where I am. Right. And that was a slack. I take you to midnight. Oh, I forgot. This is where I am. Right. And that was from, that was a slack. That was a known slack. Okay, well, you don't have to slack me anymore. We're not friends.

Okay. Guys, stop fighting. I don't slacker now. So what do you think of a slam dunk, space dunk Oreos? Slam dunk Oreos. I don't like it. Oh, you don't say. They're good.

They're Oreos. They are good. I mean, they don't need the pop rocks. They're Dunk Oreos. I don't like it. Oh, you don't say. They're good. They're Oreos. They are good. I mean, they don't need the Pop Rocks. They're still popping in my brain. I would say they pop more when you're done. Yeah, they do. Yeah. Hold on.

Listen. Can you hear that? Yeah, a little. I hear Michaels. Oh. Whoa, that one was loud. That was real loud. Gracie's doing it too, so don't know Who's pop you're getting

Yeah they're just going That's weird It's all of us They're like They're like in my brain Holding their mic Their mouths open Anyone who walks by

We're all like Yep That would lower my score With how it's in my brain I don't like that Yeah it's hanging around A little too long I'm off mic

I feel sick I don't know 46 It's hanging around a little too long. I'm off mic. I feel sick. I don't know. 46. Okay. Michael? Pop Rock aside, it's fine. 70.

It tastes... Just eat a regular Oreo. I think it tastes almost like birthday cake, and then it becomes Pop Rocky. Yeah, I mean, eat a regular oreo that's always what the answer is it's an average score of 58 which is i mean these are you know a limited time weird thing that i got from uh jared who runs cheap ass gamer uh he's like hey man check these out and then he got me these and said these can be for your show so very nice thank you jared um if you want to send us a snack you you can. You can send them to Face Jam.

Care of Eric Bedour, 1901 East 51st Street, Austin, Texas, 78723. Don't forget to sign up and support the show at facejampod.com slash first. Check out the YouTube channel. We're putting up more stuff than ever now. Yeah, we've gone from like shooting all this like stuff that we're just putting behind first to being like this is a youtube video yeah yeah yeah it's a nice mix of like we're getting even more stuff like no we're getting even we're getting even uh we're losing her we're losing her crazy's gone um i'm crashing so you can check out that stuff the uh the whole sin of twist saga is on our youtube channel and what a saga it is.

That one felt like a 31 minute video. Yes, that felt like a YouTube video where it's just like, this is absurd. It was a lot of fun.

You can hear Gracie scream when we bring the fortune cookie cereal around. It's very good. February 23rd. You sure? Jams giving. Woo.

Yes. It's that time of year by which we mean We've decided We'll see I'm just gonna say Yeah Eric's been

Sticking his neck out A lot on this But The last time I slacked Gracie Which was to go downtown Not from an unknown number That was December 9th It's

It's We're halfway through February I guess it's only the 7th Might as well be halfway Short month We didn't start conversing in person It's fine it's, we're halfway through February. I guess it's only the seventh. Um. Might as well be halfway. Short month. We do most of our conversing in person. That's fine.

What's up? I said we do most of our conversing in person. I'm just saying you said don't message me anymore. And I'm saying it's been three months. Okay, well I'm not helping you with your backflip. Okay. February 23rd, Jamsgiving, where we get and you give to us. It will be free to everyone because.

Oh. And I hope I can say this now. Kato's Coffee is sponsoring this. What? Yeah. So we're going to eat all we want. Come watch. We're going to eat coffee?

We will have coffee and have tea. I'll eat coffee beans. And then I don't. Hey, you know what? Dude, what was that? What was that you just did? What the hell? Okay, we got to get a video that you just did? What the hell? We gotta get a video of you eating coffee beans like that.

So, here's what I'll say. For Jamesgiving, last time we did it, it was ordering all this food and everything. I'm gonna leave it up to Gracie to make the picks. Gracegiving.

So Nick can help you make some choices. Oh, I won't. Gracie, last... Okay, don't need Nick's help. See if you can deputize Larry and we'll just go full gremlin. Yeah, no kidding. I don't know if we want to do that. I can't wait. Last time we did Jams Giving, it was just a festival of food where we had pizza, wings,

burgers. It was like all the food. From fast food or from regular restaurants? No, no, no. From fast food. We hit fast food places and it was a lot of fun. So Kato's Coffee will be sponsoring that. Thank you very much. K-A-T-O-S. Kato's. In case you didn't know. Yeah, I'll drink it. Yeah, we'll have their coffee and tea also

which I'm pretty pumped on and it's what I drink anyway. But Jamsgiving. I can't wait to Jamsget. That's for us to get. Yeah, they give, we get. You'll be able to watch it on our YouTube channel. That's the giving in Jamsgiving. I can't wait to Jamsget. That's for us to get. Yeah. They give, we get. You'll be able to watch it on our YouTube channel. Whatever we want. Yeah, us.

That's the giving in Jamsgiving is they give us things. It's just giving. It's your part of that. You get got. You get. You don't get got. You get. You get.

You got to get. Yeah. And that'll be, you can watch it on RoosterTeeth.com, the app, and then our YouTube channel. Nice. So that's where we'll be for that stuff. And also, the little vinyl monkey toy. Still out there. Blind bag.

Yeah. Blind box. I've seen people like collecting all three, which I think is very cool. I've seen people trading. Seen people swapping, making monkey swaps. My babies. My babies.

They're out there swapping my babies. They're all getting adopted. There's a whole economy. We have... When the world collapses, that'll be money. Monkeys eating sauce. So you can go to

facejampod.com slash first. Sign up for first. Support us. And then get jams got. Get jams got, you piece of shit. Thanks a lot. I think that's what we got. That's what we Jams got. Yeah, at Face Jam Pod, Instagram, and Twitter. Anything else? Yeah, make sure you rate and

subscribe. That's actually very important. And tell a friend about the show where we eat food and rate the food. And we rate the employees at the restaurant. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, we rate the food and also add bonus points for good employees. Thank you, the boss. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. We rate the food and also add bonus points for good employees. Thank you, the boss.

Thanks, boss.