100% Eat - The Greasiest Burger Ever Made %% Hopdoddy Bierhaus Wagyu Burger

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

Sauce Monkey jr is learning consequences and Our Heroes are tackling an Austin favorite: Hopdoddy. Bring a towel because this is the greasiest thing we've ever eaten. Ever. Will this affect the final score? Yes. Grab your Apple Trio(?) and watch this! We'll be LIVE on Wednesday September 30 at 6pm CT for a SNACK ATTACK & our New York merch goes on sale! https://100percenteat.store for merch. Sign up on Patreon to get access and watch the Snack Attack LIVE on discord. Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Here we Well, come to 100% eat the show where we try every fast food restaurant to let you know if you need you probably do. I'm your host Michael Jones alongside my coach, Jordan Swirs. Jordan, how are you? Greasy. Okay, still. So greasy.

So we're leaving his false sartan for sure. 100%. You have to, yeah. He was very. There we go. wrong button. What button did you push? The wrong one, asshole! I push this button, but I meant to push this button. You understand now? Nope. Why did you ask?

Yeah. I wanted to know what button you pushed. What were you gonna get out of that? The wrong one, okay? Yeah. What else do you need to know? Guys, I have a bit of a cold. Oh no. Oh no. Usually that's a bad sign for me. Well, your kids are... I've been very flemmy. Your kids are back at school. Just touching things. Which just means that, yeah, they are... I don't know if you remember. That happened to couple weeks ago and then I got sick. Yeah, well, I'm telling you it's going to happen again. Oh, brother.

Has that happened for you yet? Oh, yeah. He had strep, dude. Oh, that's right. He had strep. Oh, damn, dude. Oh, God. Yeah.

That's crazy. Dude, I've never, I've never had strep. Thank God. Never? Knock on wood. I've never had either. You're going to have it now. When I was younger, I had

Scarlet fever because I had a strep-100? Yeah, what you were you born again? In 1903, they would stop. Apparently, they invented the polio vaccine. I said no.

I had strep throat. This is like when I was like a baby. I had strep throat. It went untreated. I got scarlet fever. Got it treated. So when I was a kid, I got strep throat.

And I thought, I thought people got strep throat twice a year. Until I was probably, until I was probably like 14. You've had enough strep throat for everyone. I had no immunity. Is it the kissing bug? Were you a kissing baby?

Look out Okay You would act that out That was him being you As a baby by the way That I Because I don't know if you could tell I really appreciate him selling it

He was looking up kissing As a baby being small Yeah He really sold it So I did Guys this is what it looked like Here we go Oh

So imagine if you just never took your kid in To get medicine and then he got scarlet fever and then he just had he had no strep of entities That seems to be what a lot of people are doing these days Yeah yeah yeah yeah but Nick is luckily

He is taking his kid in to get medicine And he's letting the child choose what kind of medicine he gets He didn't want to take the liquid one He didn't want to take the powdered one He didn't want to take the pill one Look he opted for shots I get it too because when you're a kid Yeah that's foul

It tastes like shit It's awful yeah you just don't know as a grown-up that like, hey, it's better than one being sick. Right. Two, getting a shot. Yeah. A series of shots. Yeah. And he got a shot, right? It was supposed to be one, but it was two a day for three days. Oh, oh, only two a day.

Oh, except for the third day where they had to do three shots. Hey, dad, hold him down. So after how many shots did... Your son learned to fuck around and find out. It's a valuable lesson. How many shots did he get before he was like, hey, I'm thinking maybe we go back to the medicine?

He got two. They offered another oral medication, which he declined because he said, this is better. Then on the way to the second set of shots, he said, hey, I want to change it. The two of three. That is a bitch. That is such a kid thing too. I can totally imagine being in that position, being like, on the way they're thinking about it, being like, I really don't want to do this. How do I bring this up? Is it too late?

Yep. It is. Way too late. So being in the car, it is too late. Yeah. Yeah. I took a lot of a oxyillin when I was a kid. It's good. It works. It works really well. And if you have leftovers, you always save it. It kills that strip of guacal off. You always save it. And don't throw it away, like they say. They say just even if you're not sticking more, just to take it, no way.

That's a waste. You save that medicine. It'll last probably. There's a sportsball episode where Tyler Coe said that he kept getting strep throat because he's eating ass. I make that up. Does that sound right? It sounds right, right? Well, no one can correct us. He's not here to defend himself.

Also, no one here listen to sportsball. It's okay. Hey, it's fine, man. No one out there listened to sports. I said you worked on it. I didn't say you listened to it. That chicken? Right.

That's we established in the right-off. There's the difference between engaging in the content and just working on it. Do you think I'm going to turn to Michael Lindblad and go, off-topic 153? Were you listening? Quiz time. He's like, I know you said a swear word. I think a lot of people, I don't know if this happens with like a lot of other editors, but I do know some of our editors were getting scarlet fever.

No, it doesn't happen. Now it happens so often. I think a lot of them got poisoned and started listening to podcasts at 1.5 or two times speed. Oh my God. Because for editing, that's how it works. And now I think like Peyton, who edited for us, I think that's like the only way he listens to podcasts.

See, I can't comprehend that because like it just sounds like shit. Yes. Like, it's not a speed thing. It's like, it's like, it's too noticeable. I can notice when I accidentally bump it up to like 1.25? You just go, it's as much. Right? The register is higher.

Exactly. Exactly. That's what it sounds stupid. It's the pitch. Like it fucks it up. The most I could ever do. Because I would like, it's like, I would like them to talk faster. Sure. I'm okay with that. It's that it changes the voice. And it's like, it's just like a robot person. Yep. So we should put out a version that's at 2X speed.

One pitched down so we sound normal. That'd be fine. Is that a doable thing? One point one. I can do. like 1.1 and that's it. Because it doesn't really change it. It's a little less perceptible. But beyond that, like, I would love to do that for audiobooks, but it's like,

especially when I listen to them, I listen to graphic audio. So the whole point is like, it's like, it's a movie and they have like all the sound effects or whatever. It's like, oh, blah, blah, blah. It's like, why would I listen? Why would I do that? Cabo! Right. It's blues. I think that when you're editing

off topic and sports ball and and Ruth's Heath Podcast and just all of them over and over again. When you got a lot to do in the day? don't care and then there's listening to. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's making sure that it's all there. I totally get. Who gives a fuck if it sounds like shit. But then I think it poisons your brain and you just go, and then you listen to regular stuff and you go, this is way too slow. I don't like how reliant I've become on the Eric, me neither. The 2x speed feature on some short form media platforms. Yeah. Where if I'm watching like something else and I go, I wish I could just beat this up a little bit. Like just for this part because it's getting kind of dull. Oh, you don't have it. And I don't have it.

Or I go to do it and I rewind it or something. No! And I'm just like, I need to stop. Yeah. But putting that feature in, I think, is kind of a mistake. Oh, imagine being a small child, right? Imagine growing up like that. My kid will show me something.

She'll be like, watch this video. And then she can't sit through the own video. She'll either be like, hang on. No, wait, I skipped it. I just got fun. She'll literally go back. And I'm like, it's 45 seconds. Just let it play.

Or she'll just hold it by the cat. And I'll be like, I'll be like, I'd be like, bro, I don't want to watch this, and I'm telling you, just let it play. Let it play, should, I have time, and I'm time! Right. I don't want to say whatever you're showing me, you're showing it to me faster and it's worse.

Terrible. It really has just fried brains in the way. Oh, dude, it's bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fried brain for sure. The thing I've been hearing is a lot of kids aren't like, there's like no typing. It's, it's talking into the phone for searching and for texting.

They still type at least. That's good. They don't really use that. The, uh, the, the, The speech to text stuff is like crazy. Because we were kind of worried about like handwriting falling off a cliff. Fuck handwriting.

Now it's can you can you read and write. Right. Like can you now I'm hoping people can type. Yeah. It's Garrett from Mega 64 syndrome where I go, I don't think this is good for you man. And he goes, no, no, it's faster. Where are you? Question mark.

I am coming. Period. And then it's wrong. Right. It's like, cool. Yeah. I get a lot of. I only use it when I'm driving.

Same way. I feel like it takes way. I agree. Like to use it at home is assonite. Yeah. But I will say I fully entered old man where like I just I swear to God I'm tight on my phone and it's like I just can't hit the right buttons anymore.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just like I swear to God this didn't use to happen. No, it's not just you. We're like one thousand. I type it on a computer and it's like I'm not great at typing but it'll be like one let type a whole sentence, two set, whatever. It's like one letter.

It's like whatever. I type my phone, I Google something and I know where they are and I'm talking. I look and I'm like, what the fuck? It's an entirely different message. But here's the problem. I hit enter, because it still works. Yeah. And I'm like, it just,

how the fuck. How did you know what I meant? It's just like four E's next to each other. You type of, did you mean, where is the nearest Applebee's? Yeah. Um,

but like that, that alarms me more and more every year where I'm like, my fingers haven't gotten bigger. I feel like, the phones have gotten bigger. Yeah. How am I missing more than ever? It's some sort of touchscreen algorithm thing.

I think that they've adjusted that like really... It used to be perfect. It did. I got my first iPhone. It was half this size. I used to be able to type on my phone faster than I could on a keyboard. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just because it's smaller and stuff. But like with the accuracy, I feel like if I'm typing on a keyboard, I know I'm hitting the wrong key. And I'm like, I don't even have to look up. I'll be like, that was wrong. Right. Like, you just have a feel for it.

You don't have that the same thing. Right. And it's also, usually, if I'm Googling, I don't give a fuck. But if I'm texting, I have to fix it all. Yeah. Because it's like, I'm talking to someone who looked like a fucking idiot.

And I'm just like, this is fucking taken forever, dude. I want to know. It's almost why I got the duo. I was like, I was thinking, I was like, magic. And it's true old man. If I'm like, no, I can type.

Yeah. They made me think we were talking not too long ago about the Xbox chat pad. Oh yeah, that's right. Man, if I could just take my phone out and send a text message. The G1 full keyboard on that phone. Yeah.

I want to know when your kids are at the age where they're like writing papers for school. if they are at a computer or if it is typed on their phone. I mean at a certain point like... I think typed on your phone is going to be way more prevalent than we consider.

Because for us and our age... What Iris was using in third grade, it was like iPads. Oh yeah? They had iPads. There you got. Like a... Would they just type it on the screen or... Just like whatever they're doing is like... Like, they do homework, but like they don't like write shit. Yeah. Right? Like besides like

writing, you know, like what I'm English. Whatever the fuck. That's a bit of class. They don't write anything in any other class. It's like, you know, they've work forms, worksheets, or it's like they're doing work on an iPad, but like, shit. Dude, she hasn't done a single, like, book report yet. Wow, really? Which is good.

What is that, like... But I'm just like, just like, phased it out. I remember writing papers in, like, third grade. I know, that's what I'm saying. I remember not doing it. That's what I'm talking about, baby. And I'm just like, you don't got nothing? Yeah. Crazy.

There's like, for us, we were... up in this like transition thing where like iPhones were prevalent and like nobody was using their iPhone for everything. So there's still some tasks you use a computer for. That's how I feel. And I feel like if I were to write a paper, I would do that on the computer. I would not write a paper on my phone. I like I hate, again, just for a way. I hate typing on the phone. And I hate writing. Put me in front of a computer, please. But I feel like your kids or something would be much more comfortable writing something out like long form on an iPad or a phone. See, I feel like they'd be more comfortable on an iPad, but I don't think

they would not be comfortable long form. They don't understand what that is. Yeah, which is fine. The classic five-paragraph essay is going. Get rid of it. I hated it. That's great if they don't have to. You got to have your intro. Yeah. You got to have your three paragraphs of supporting points. CDComcom, dude. And then your

conclusion. And then, yeah, come on. It's you build it in reverse. Save that shit for college. You want to go to college, you can write papers. Saving it for college, I think, is a bad idea. Yeah, I've seen some papers going around in college lately. I've just eaten the wheel, right. Uh-oh. Uh, but,

Michael, what we eat today? Uh, dude, I don't even know. What? It's right here. We were just there. We were just there and we ate it. Remember? Oh, we ate there.

Javier? Yeah, that's me. Hey. That was weird. That was weird, right? Which of us looks like a Javier? Not even that, but like, we're sitting there. Order.

We are eating hamburgers. Yeah, we had our food in her hand. And a guy comes up with a go-way. Yeah, you guys order this? Yeah. He just had Javier and we went, no. No. And he stood for a second. Like, surprised.

Like, are you sure? We're eating our food. And then the guy, it's the guy next to us who is at a different table sitting there without food. Oh. Then he just walks all the way around. How many papers do that? That guy's written. That's how they walked.

There was the other guy. It's how they went to the other way to walk. That came over. You know, is your classic, like, can I get you anything? You know, how you doing, whatever. He did a lot, but also the most. Low energy, motherfuckers. Yeah.

Yeah. What's up? And I'm like, no, we're good. What's, what's up? Dude, a guy walking over to your table saying, what's up? It was like, that would make me nuts. I was like, this guy does not want to be. I mean, he was doing his job.

I didn't eat anything. But I was just like, I had the thought. I was like, what's up? Poor bastard. Yep. So what we get? What we ate today. Uh-huh.

Where we sat down at the restaurant. which I asked Eric and he told me like a fucking idiot we eat in here we sit down we're like the food is in front of us I went the food out of here and I was going Are we eating here? And he goes

Yeah It was like it was an instant reaction And I went He got mad He got mad It was it was very reminiscent of like Oh is this our food? Yeah That's what it was

We went to Hop Dottie where we ate there And we had the beer house Wagyu Burger and beer house is spelled stupid. Yeah, spelled like German. Beer house. It's like they're ripping off fun house. It's like they're ripping off fun house. Wow, fucked up. We should have gotten a beer.

Yeah. I mean, I asked if there's anything else that you wanted and then you said thank you for asking. I did say thank you. It was 11. Yeah, come on. Nick, I'm not drinking yet. What do you mean? Come on. It's past 10. Yeah. 10 is your start. 10 is when you go for it. 10 is your start? No, no, no. 11.

Jesus Christ, guy. Football kicks at 11. What is he saying? football kicks in 11. He just rattled off. On Saturday at 11 it's okay. Yeah. Here we go. Oh!

So what's your start time? 10 or 11? 11. You said 10. Well, I mean, it's after 10. 11 is after 10, stupid. Yeah, dip shit. 1002 is after 10. Yeah.

So it's 11. Drinking time. It's still a little early. It's still a little early. You said the number. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't want to judge anyone.

But no one encouraged him. I don't want to judge it. He doesn't want to offend any of you. is you drink a 10. Here's the other thing, too. If I'm going to drink at 10, it ain't going to be beer. Okay. That's like, gave me a cocktail.

Yeah, that's like, I mean, yeah, I know that. That's not what you're talking about, though. We could have got both. You just said beer. Yeah. B-I-E-R. I didn't have a cocktail with my drink, my beer. If I'm drinking in 10, it's, I probably haven't stopped drinking.

What if it's past 10? If I'm drinking 10, it's probably brunch. Yeah. Yep. It could have been brunch. Well, did it feel like brunch? Yeah. Did this food feel like brunch?

Also, brunch is on the weekend only. You don't have brunch in the middle of the week on a work day. Tuesday, Tuesday brunch is pretty cool. There's no such thing as brunch. Hey, it's the only time you can probably get a reservation. Unless you're unemployed. Yeah.

I don't care if you're like what time you're eating. You're eating breakfast or lunch. There's no such thing as brunch. But we could have gone to, we could have done Tuesday work brunch and then Nick could have spiked his phone and then bought a new phone from the company. You guys are buying me a duo. I'm telling it. I'm saying it.

I'm doing it. Did you break your old phone? Yeah, two years ago. Yeah, it's been broken. Where have you been? We've fucked up. Dude, I've been living in the caseless life for so long with iPhones. This is the first one that has ever cracked on.

Oh, how'd you do that? I mean, I dropped it, but I dropped my phone all the time and it's fine. All right, guys, chip in. He didn't drop it here. This was a while ago. I feel like this is the aluminum one, and I feel like it sucks more. Yeah. I feel like mine would be great if it didn't get run over by a car.

Yeah. You know, I didn't drop it. Like it dropped and it was fine and then a car ran it over. You know what I mean? It's still pretty good. It's pretty comical though. No, it's very comical. It's a funny story.

No, but it's also like, oh, cracked your phone. Did you drop it? And I'm like, no. No, a moving vehicle ran over. I went, no, I saw it. I fell. The phone's works. And I went, oh, thank God it's okay.

No. The car drove by. It was even better, Jordan. It was even better, Jordan. I fell. Was in the middle of the road. So I scrambled to get out of the road. Pick up my one wheel.

Get out of the road. hop back on, no, no, started riding, was listening to music. All of a sudden, the music went, don't, don't. I went, oh, fuck, that's how I knew my phone was back at the intersection. Because my music disconnected. And went, ah! I turned around, saw my phone as I was heading back towards it. And I watched a car run it over.

Oh, my God. I was like, no. Fuck, it's the word. I love that you got there in time to see that. Yes. Yeah. Oh, dude. I turned around.

I was like, there is. There it is. Not anymore. I would, if I knew. but the music was still playing the whole time. I ate shit. The music was playing. I was like,

I had the fuck out of the road and it just didn't think anything of it because it was in my pocket. And you're like, or no, maybe it was holding in my hand, but I was just scrambled. Right.

Literally just going, got out of there. Oh shit! And then I literally turned around. No! So, you know, it's not that good story out of it. I know.

And I survived. I made it. I made it two and a half years without getting it fixed. because I just bought a new phone. Boom, baby. I'm glad that the duo couldn't pre-order it yet

because I might have. Yeah. I was like, no, I should just get the phone. It's like $2,000. Yeah, it's not just that it's $2,000. It's also like, it's not as good in any way,

shape, or form as the 18. I don't want that. And it's generation one, so it's gonna be a bunch of shit. Yeah, yeah. Who thinks they want, like, the hamburger fold? I do.

You don't want, or the hot dog, the hot dog is this way, hamburger, way? I want like this. That fold like that. I just want to... Oh no, no. See, no, because I just...

Something that goes the long way. Oh, no, no. See, I want exactly what it is. I want a clam show. Because I would just... I just watch so many videos on my phone. Ah. I see. I saw watching. I see. And for phone calls. I want to open it to make a phone call. I want to be able to hang up.

I absolutely do. Hang on! You want a flip phone. Hold on. And then you hang up on them by going like that. No. I'm totally down for the shape. Close the book. But I'm totally down for the shape. But I'm. I was like 100% I knew that's what I wanted.

I was like, I could watch video so hard on that thing. Yeah. Oh, it's what it's all about. And then I'm like, let me, let me check. You could also have an iPad. Yep. I have iPads. But I can't put an iPad in my pocket, Jordan.

Tough. Can you put this in you? Yes. Kind of. It's a thing. You've seen my gene pockets. Look at his. Look at his jeans pockets.

Oh my God. I've never seen pockets that big. You can fit two phones in there. I could. Perfect. The duo. Yeah. Give me your phone.

No. Gluom together. Give me your phone. Here. My phone. No problem. Okay, wait, hang on. All right, hang on.

Whoa, the trio. The Apple trio. The Apple trio? Hang on. Does it... Oh! Does it... Does it, like,

Huawei have, like, the trifle, like, phone thing? Like, it starts like this, and then you can go, like... Like a suntan? Mini tablet. Yeah, yeah. It is.

It is, like, it's like... It's like, it's like... Poly walnuts. That's the shit. Um... And it also does that because it's reflected. But anyway, it was three o'clock in the morning. I woke up.

I woke up from a muscle relaxer. So I was like, and I was like, I should buy a phone. Hell yeah. But then I was like, let me check the specs. Everything I checked was like, wow, how I get this. Nope. It's like, it does less. It's more expensive.

It's going to break. We don't know how it's going to work. Right. There's no crease. There's a crease. There's a crease. There's a crease. In Toronto, every arrival is a statement.

And nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm. across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system. This city demands agility and optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary.

Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at Cadillac Canada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. Visit BetMDM casino and check out the newest exclusive.

The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDMDM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you,

please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. You guys hop-dottie, guys? When's the last time you went to a hot-dottie? I don't know. Did we go? Have we been there before?

We have not for the show now. No. then a long. I think I've got it one time. I don't think of I can't go anywhere with him. Okay. I stopped going places

with Jack in 2013. Okay, I got it. Got it over with quick. Isn't that when it opened? The last place I went to with Jack was Twin Peaks. Right. And it rest my case.

Exactly. They closed the bomb shells that's up north and I know he went out there and got to one knee and raised a fist. Letting it go. Sorry, man. Vavavoo.

Hopdotti, Austin. Staple? Austin restaurant. So it was, it was this thing. I remember when they opened. Yeah. And they were the hot thing. They opened on South Congress and it was the new hot restaurant that everyone lined up for.

Yep. And it's like, whoa, it has to be good if people are lining up for it. And then finally went and it was like, whoa, this burgers, okay. Yep. You know, it's not Casino El Camino by any means, but it was pretty cool. They had like monthly burgers and stuff that they would change over. That's their thing. They did the month to 10 burgers.

It was fun to go to every now and then. They even had, they were, they were, they were the, they were the ones. They were the first place that I remember having the Impossible Burger. Yeah. And for my wife, who was vegan, big deal. Got to check it out. So we did that, and they had it for so long. And it was like, well, you want a burger?

Hopdotty was tried and true. You could always count on them. And then one day, one day it disappeared. They got rid of it? Yep. Why? You talked about this before. Don't you listen to him?

Yeah. No one was serving the Impossible Burger. Two times speed. And then Holly reached out on the Instagram to see what was up. And they were like. They gave a very like pre-man. Hey fucker. Yeah, it was basically like, oh, you like that food? Yeah.

You're a freak-o. Yeah. You're not serving this freak food anymore. And Hollywood was just like, okay. I remember you telling the story. I remember. I remember. But anyway, I think they called it Franken food.

Yeah. Pretty cool. You can just say no, man. Right. Like, you didn't think for a second the person asking about it wanted the food. So I haven't been there since Okay, well speaking of, we should probably learn about HopDotty because you guys don't know anything about it.

And they don't know anything about it. I need another five or six minutes. You got any other old man diseases you want to talk about? I'd shingles. Okay. Yeah, that was pretty recent. That was pretty recent. Yeah. Yeah, so old man disease. Yeah. That is an old man. If Gus had it, then it's an old man disease. That's what I text?

He's like, what are your remedies? And he said, here's my list. Thank you, of course. Eric thinks you get it twice. ear. You know, we all get shingles all the time? Gus keeps texting me about Digger, the movie. For some reason,

World Cup's over, but he still texting me about Digger. He's. I sent him a picture of the special popcorn bucket they have. Which is just a boot. It's just a boot. That's good. And he was like, oh, I need to get two, so I have a pair. I remember the other day, because I put it

way up high. I don't know why in my house, but the other day, I still have that cup. The soccer cup. You were like, the one with sun on it. And I was like, yeah, and I was like, I'll keep it in the rapper. Nice. And so I was like, what is that up there? Oh, shit.

Yeah. You never know. Come and take it. Yeah. You run into guys and be like, hold on. All right, we can go on in the facts now. Okay. Go ahead.

That's you. I think you read that, Michael. Yeah. We're doing the facts here? Yeah. Okay. This sucks. We grill every patty to order,

searing with precision to lock in the juices. Locked in, huh? Never pre-cooked. Never. Never held. Every burger hits the tray at the peak of its flavor Fact taken from hopdottie.com So when they say hell they mean like

Just holding it for like the food runner or something No one never touches it Right I don't understand A man will never pick up your hamburger Don't fear not Your masculinity still in order I want as many men as possible touching my hamburger I wish someone had touched this burger before me

To know how fucking greasy and wet it was Are you caught up with lanterns? No, we were talking, no, I talked about it earlier, sorry. Sorry. It's like, you grill for another man? You know what I'm saying? Look that smile. I think maybe you should, do you think, do you think Eric's an artist?

Oh, oh, I have seen that episode. Do you think he can draw? I've seen that episode. What's your medium? Charcoal? Get me out of here. Get this man some charcoal. Give us time. It's robe.

Hobdoddy was founded on South Congress in Austin by four friends. friends. Wow. Almost like us. In 2010 and was acquired by Private Equity Group L. Catterton in 2014. Wow. For all years. Wow. Really? Creating a new company called High Bar Hospitality Group L. Cater. That might be the end of the sentence. Okay. Hang on. Are you just throw up? I'm reading this. Creating a new company called Highbar Hospitality Group, period. L. Catterton has their money spread all over the place from Japanese fishing. brand megabast to Naomi Watts's Menopause wellness brand stripes.

Finally, we're getting a company that cares about the food so much that it invested $15 billion in this along with Austin-based flash parking and Snap Kitchen covering all the bases just not well. I hate Snatch Kitchen. Jesus Christ, I hated reading. They have invested so much money in so many different things. I didn't know they got bought out so early

because I just heard about them. Best friends. They just got acquired by another company. It's pretty crazy, Michael. Next fact. Don't worry. L. Catterton doesn't own HopDottie anymore. It was sold to Founders Table Restaurant Group in June of this year.

The company that also owns chopped creative salad company and something called Field Trip. The Founders tape. Don't, well, hey, let's go there next. The Founders Table Platform now spans over 200 restaurants across 18 states with system-wide revenue. approaching $500 million. Oh, dollars. If that excited you,

jump out a window and do a flip, money, bitch. Insane. System-wide revenue. Tell me more. Insane that it was just like, it was around for four years

and then immediately bought by private equity. That's crazy. Expanded so much. It was up to like 47 restaurants, I think. Mostly in Texas, I assume? Has it gone out of the state?

Yes, there are. There are some, there are like two or three in California. California. There's like one or two in Arizona. They're all kind of spread out. This seems like such an Arizona thing. Doesn't it? Like I don't know. I don't know how to explain it. Yeah. But whenever I go to like Phoenix or like a suburb like Glendale or something outside of Phoenix, it's like you find a restaurant like this. Yeah. I think that this was in, like the Newport Galleria, uh, in Newport Beach. Yeah. And this is something at the Irvine spectrum. Yeah. And then it closed. And so I think that's sort of been where.

where it is, where it's like, it got to like that over 40 restaurant mark and it's trying to expand and couldn't fucking figure it out. And so they sold it and went, we're going to stick with mega bass and Naomi Watts. Let me, I'm also impressed that since 2014, this was owned by one private equity group and like wasn't traded around during COVID or post-coran. But hey, but check it out. Now it is. Now it will be. Yep. Here's what I'll say too.

Uh-huh. You're going to start a business. It's like four friends started a business. usually any of that's like private equity that's down the line 20 years right or whatever and then it goes to you build it up four years I'll be honest get in get out I would

dude I would have sold yeah right I was like quick turnaround selling YouTube to Google yeah right it's just like you could make that's awesome especially at that point like it's so early

it's not even like I can't believe it my life's work if private equity comes in and scoops up this podcast absolutely yeah oh my god 2014 30 years They have, what, like two locations?

Holy shit. If that. That's crazy. Because the one in Mueller just opened. There's the one on Anderson. Yeah, those were all post-2014. Yeah. Like the triangle.

The triangle? That one was like, oh my God, they got a second location kind of thing, you know, and everyone freaked out. They had the original for a long time. Yeah, it was just the one place. Yep.

So, I don't know, they're in a weird expansion, but I wonder where they go from here. Why is it weird? Because it feels like it kind of clattered against the ceiling. It couldn't keep going. Yeah, but I could see if they're a bigger company. Glass ceiling, buddy. Break through.

What part of system-wide revenue approaching $500 million, didn't you hear? Yeah, you know what? Sorry I got stoked about that point. Yeah, hell, yeah, dude. They're soon going to be acquired by futuristic electrics. Yeah. I hear they're going, they're going AI. Brand company. And the final, next fact.

The final fact. No, no. The final one. I'm reading the final fact. Nope. In 2018, two armed men robbed around. Oh, I'm messing with his system. Yeah, there's an order because this last one has the other does to do the other one.

There's a story to be told. There is. So check it out. Check it out. Let him spin his narrative. With the move to Founders table, Hopdottie CEO, Jeff Chandler, was named the new True Food Kitchen CEO.

Is that a title you win? Quote, you're about to find out. True Food Kitchen has an extraordinary foundation, a powerful mission, and a unique authority in health and wellness dining. Chandler said. Is that what we did? We did health and wellness dining today.

Love a wellness hamburger with a powerful mission. Way better than a, a regular burger with no political skin in the game. You go, white man, CEO. Say whatever. May the investors be ever in your favor. Yeah. Huh? Is this the reason I can't

get the impossible burger anymore? Absolutely. Yes, but if you ask him, he is not complicit. Just because he doesn't speak. His opinion is he's speaking, though. Yeah. Just because he doesn't say anything doesn't mean he doesn't care. It just means he cares about other things more. That's right.

Don't judge him by his non-words. Yeah. Judge him by his yes actions. What about today's meal felt like it was part of a wellness brand? Absolutely nothing. Well, do you think it was the queso we dipped our fries in? Well, I was rubbing it on my face too, so I'm going to see how that works. There might have been avocado in it. The bright green case out.

I don't think it was avocado. Nope. It was the greenish. It was greenish, but it was no avocado because I hate avocado. Everything was wet. Yeah. Wet doesn't describe it. The driest thing I had was my soda.

Yeah. I'm okay with wet. It's sticky and greasy. And it was that. Yep. Finally, we've arrived to the end of our tail. In 2018, two armed men robbed around Rock Hopdottie, making off with money from the safe,

and police baffled, seemingly leading to no arrests. Did these burglars even consider the impact on investors here? Luckily, it didn't influence any major money deals. Otherwise, the police would actually have investigated this. Or called Monkey Burger. He's always looking to punish. Monkey Burger's ready. He's kind of like a Batman.

He's always on the lap post. Sometimes, because he's also the harbinger of good. He is the harbinger of good. I bring good and punishment. Good tidings and good punishments. To those who deserve it. Good punishment to you, sir. He is a, I've always said he's like a Santa Claus figure.

He shows up and he goes, here we go. Oh! Wee. Why did they not solve the burglary of? the Rone Rock Hop Dog. There's a video of it. I watch the video. And they're still out there to this day.

It's two guys with masks on. They go in through the back door. What were they armed with? Guns. They walked right into the office. They put a woman in a headlock and held a gun to her. Other employees saw this happening. It went, what the fuck?

And like ran away. The safe was already open. So they just did that. One guy went and then just grabbed all the money from the safe. And they were gone. It all happens in less than a minute. Wow. And it was like,

They didn't go in through the front. They didn't do all like the shit. It was just backdoor, room, safe, gone. Damn. No arrest, no. I would, like. I would like. I would like,

who robs the hop-doddy, you know? They were waiting for the safe. I guess they, I feel like they knew it was like, a hundred-striking time. Also, 2018, they were like, cash is going the way of the do-do. We got to act now.

2018 is before, like, all the tap-lis and everything. Yeah, they're like, we're a year away from COVID. Yeah. That's what they knew. That's what they were saying. That's why they were wearing masks. Well, we were, I don't want to get that, make. A year away from rumblings.

Right. Two years away from ignoring it for a while. Two and a half years from, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Two and a half years from us going home and going, we'll be back by July. Yeah. We'll be back to two weeks. Two weeks.

It's because everyone told her two weeks. There you go. Two weeks fine. So everyone was not two weeks. Only experts. That was right. It was not two weeks. That was like the last thing we did was the 100% eat, or the face.

The face jam, the face jam snack attack live. That's the first time we did anything like that. Yeah. And it was like, we did that. And then it was like, go home. That's crazy. That's so funny. You had to fight to be there.

I did. Yeah. Yep. We were fighting to keep you out. I don't know if you remember that. That's Nick wore a gust mask with ketchup's taped all over. Yeah. And we had to distance from each other.

Yep. Like you had to be over there. It was very weird. Me and Michael hadn't traveled so we were kind of allowed to be close to each other. It was very strange. What a weird time. But those are the hop-dottie facts. I miss it.

You miss it? Yeah. You want to be in the cars again? No, just COVID. I miss it. Miss having it. Yeah. Yeah.

You can still get it. The uncertainty, the no vaccines. I miss when vaccines came out. Everybody racing to get them. Yeah. Clicking. Oh, yeah. Trying to get in a reservation.

Yep. You know. I got the Johnson and Johnson. Driving an hour to go get it. Oh, you got the shitty one? Yeah. It sucks to be you. Yeah.

He got Johnson and Johnson. I'm super powered. That's why I bring good. He's never, he's never been the same, honestly. That's honestly. Oh no. Oh, my God. They were like here.

Oh my God. Take this needle and eat this talcum powder. This is, this is talcum power. I wasn't supposed to do that. No, you were. Oh, okay. That's what they told you. And you listened.

There you go. Do you think, do you think Jeff Chandler's related to Kyle Chandler? Star of the Green Lantern? Come. Oh. This is his mission. The oath he took was for, powerful mission

and in the in in blackest. Sounds like something Sinestra would say. Yeah. My God. Political skin in the game. You ever read Green Lantern?

Like pinkish political skin. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's, you know, he's just rare. Yeah. It's different. You ever watch Green Lantern?

You ever read that? I'm familiar. I mean, about the color yellow. You're making me nervous. You're scared? Don't even get me started on the parallax virus.

You guys don't even know what the fuck is coming. Yes, I do. What? I like the pink lanterns. They are, it's very cool. That's all spread from the Kyle Rainer split from all of the different emotions.

James Goode doesn't like Kyle Rainer. Nobody likes Kyle Rainer. Well, nobody likes a guy gardener. Right, yeah. Yeah. Hey, do you want to learn about the food? How many episodes have you watched? Any?

Have you started it yet? No, no. It's bits and, it's bits and pieces. We've been talking about it. Big fan over here. Yeah. Oh, it's bits and pieces on TikTok. I've seen so much of it on TikTok. Watch the show.

Watch it. Watch it. It's good. Did you finish Widows Bay? No, I'm waiting for that. It won 14 Emmys last thing. I heard fucking fucking... Steven Root.

That's crazy. Stephen Root won. Best supporting actor. They did. They did. South Park won. Again? Yeah.

Emmy. Yeah, it did. South Park won an Emmy. And they're like, trolled Trump. They're like, finally got your Emmy. Because he was always maddy. He didn't get an Emmy for the apprentice. For a shitty show?

That's awesome. Yeah. And so like, they just did nothing but Trump for two seasons. So they did the whole anime. This is all you, man. They were like, you got it, buddy. That's fucking funny. Um, there's a part where he's talking to John Stewart and he's just like, I don't know, he's just

bullshitting he's talking about. And he's like, you talk to the other lanterns? He's like, no. I don't talk to the other lanterns? He's like, none of them are like me. One's a fucking squirrel. That's true. One of them is a squirrel.

And I looked it up and his name, his name, his name, Chip. Yep. It's like C. He's very cool. I just looked it up. I'm getting into it. I like watching the show and then I Google things. Do you know about the evil red lantern cat?

Oh, I do. No. When they did the new 52. I thought that was going to be my, like, entry point. Yeah. And I bought, I bought, like, for the first, like, couple of, like, issues, I was getting some and then narrowing it down. The ones I really enjoyed was the Green Lantern Core ones.

Green Lantern Cor was so good. I was collecting Green Lantern. I was such a big fan. I really like this. And they had other ones, too, with, like, the other lanterns. And I was really enjoying that stuff. Not enough for me to keep going. But, yeah, there's an evil red lantern guy.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah. That one is anger or hatred, right? Yeah, yeah. It's anger. Yeah, he's pissed. Mad, it's madness. Mad, madness.

It's a very angry cat. He's got blood going everywhere. Angry red lantern cat. He's nuts. He's pretty cool. Do you think Nick's a white lantern? No. What do they do?

No. Why not? You sure? Yeah. I feel like he thinks he is. He does think he is. What do they do? If they do everything.

Yeah, you're not. Yeah, why do? Well, you are. So, you know, he was talking about this really funny video, the coach of UT Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was, I walked in, he was laughing. He was watching. He was like, watch his AI video.

Boom, pop, right to the moon. Don't you love it? Oh, man. Pretty good, he said. I'm Arch Manning. Oh, you know, idiot. I'm the press corps. Oh, Arch.

Coach sucked, no. Arch, you're so funny. We love you, we love you. Hey, let's start about the da after him. Yep, absolutely. Nope. Don't start that shit. I'm white.

Wait. Hey. Cut that. That was such a good example, too, of Nick learning, like, the impulse of, like, stopping his first thought. Visit BetMDMDM casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and Game Sense remind you. To play responsibly, 19 plus to wager.

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Oh, yeah. Let's see. Hop-doddy beer house Wagyu burger. One half-pound Wagyu Patty. the house-made beer cheese, Sam Adams, grilled onions, Bavarian mustard and mustard aoli pretzel bun. Is that why large hands Jordan had large-hand,

large-hand, large-hastard hands? Big, big, big mustard hands. There was a lot of, that was a mustardy burger. Oh, yeah, the two mustard. It's just, it was, it was, it was a lot. It was a lot. What makes the grilled onions Sam Adams? I think, they grilled it with Sam Adams beer.

I think they grill it, that gets close, and then to release all the fawn and everything, you put the same Adams in it. I'll say this, though, Maybe I didn't think it was that much. I mean, like I like mustard. I mean, yeah, it was a lot. Did you see the hot dogs I ate in New York?

No, that was insane. They were not messing around. That's a lot. You, uh, your hands were covered in mustard. Yeah, but you know what? I'm okay with mustard. I mean, like, you know, I saw it to clean myself. But, like, mustard's not sticky.

No, this was slimy. It's just mustard, I wipe it. This was something else. They were a little light on the beer cheese, I felt. I agree. It was all of mustard, really, on this thing. Yeah, they were. I should have, I don't know.

know why I didn't pour any from the table on my burger. Probably because I was greasy and messy enough. Yeah. Yeah, I really don't want to touch anything at all. And I was like, it was like annoyed the entire time because it was too far from the paper towels. Terrible. CEO Jeff Chandler admits hop-dotty isn't

trying to be first in line. He's admitting it. We're in the business of being best, he says. Be best. Which is exactly the kind of thing a confident burger baron should say before handing you a plate of thin, crispy beef discs dressed like they're heading to prom. I copied and pasted that.

I did not write that. That is from a press release. What? Huh? Which is exactly the kind of thing a confident Burger Barron should say before handing you a plate of thin, crispy beef discs dressed like they're heading to prom.

What the fuck? What the fuck does that mean? Can I get any more context for this? No. Why did you write that? I didn't copy and paste it. That bird? That seems like something Eric right.

See? I'm getting ahead of it because I knew that it would be a thing of like, oh, it seemed like you wrote this. I didn't copy and pasted it from a press release from their website. feel like nuts. Here's my, here's my

yeah, go ahead. Theory. We've been chat GBT scraped, obviously. And somebody typed in and was like, give me a humorous fast food quip about a quote. And it just sounds like Eric, because that's what the model is trained

on. Right. Unfortunately. Here's the other thing that's weird about it. Not just that phrase. The press material is quoting someone and then that's no one. It's just like, who's saying this? I don't know. Whoever wrote it? But it's a press release It's attributed to no one

It's a very strange thing to say anyway And also it's just like words floating in the air Yep There's more outside the quote Yeah Than there is of the quote So CEOs said this And then we quipped for the more

What the fuck does that mean? On top of that Whoever said it I gotta say Points on confusing the shit out of us Confident burger barren We've been in a weird rut where like they all sound the same.

I've never read anything like this. You don't like when your burger's dressed like it's heading to prom? This is unhinged in a unique way. Very different. But speaking of unhinged in a unique way, we have our review of HopDod. Do we need to hear from Unis segment.

We call you review. Holy shit. Who wants to read the first two? I'll read the third one. Unless you want to. Are you mulling it over? Not really. Okay.

I'll take my chance with these first two. It's long. Yep, okay. Weird. Dahl bit. Dorian R. Sigh. I was so excited to see they put the hot chicken sandwich back on.

So I ordered it for pick up. Let me be clear. The F-O-H is still doing a great job. B-O-H and or corporate needs some work. This is not Hoss's hot chicken. It's the worst, driest, most flavorless, version possible. Jesus, all you had to do was what you did last time you had this sandwich.

And yet, here we are. Where are we? Hey, find out in the next sentence. I think I'm finally done with this abusive relationship. I'm just going to leave this one last update. You can read about the downfall of this company in more detail from the last update. But things have not gotten any better. I have no idea.

Well, I mean, did he come back later? Look, we're all plugged into his Yelp reviews, so like, we know what's going on. Uh-huh. In fact, if anything, they're worse than ever. This is no longer a locally owned chain. I don't think it has been since 2014. Has it hasn't been since 2014. It's been outsourced to some California.

It's actually New York. Company. And it shows the constant updating of menus with fewer and fewer of the things that made this restaurant so popular in the first place. The last few times I've been here, it's been curbside. And each time there have been issues. Lost items. bizarre packaging choices, more lost items, and questionable tasting chicken patties.

I was hoping with the time given for making this new service style smooth and my once-beloved hot chicken sandwich. Stop saying that. Next good man. Coming back. And we could make amends. Sadly, not the case. I can't wait for the last update the next update. Well, the next update is?

Uh-huh. He was killed. No! He got fire. Well, I meant from the abusive relationship. What an insane thing to put in the middle of that review? I think I'm finally done with this abusive relationship. You're talking about a chicken sandwich.

You said sandwich so many. I'm calling it sandwich or he missed me off. I bet that's him. Yeah. My Samies. Yeah. It's that. My Sammy Whamys.

Well, I think you can tell that it's him because he started the review by saying, sigh. Le sigh. Like sigh. Um, I mean, he's probably not wrong, though. Like from the last time I went, it's getting more and more like. It feels really, it feels like a yard house. It feels super corporate.

It feels like you order at the front, but none of it feels. Atmospheric TV. Oh, that's right. They had, we sat down and Jordan went, is this chive TV? And then it wasn't, it was atmosphere TV, but there was a hop-dottie logo. And like the bottom left corner so you wouldn't forget that you're at-hot. I was like, is this a special hop-dottie channel? You gotta know where you're at, baby.

Sometimes you might, what if you were kidnapped and you woke up there in abusive relationship? You're just eating the sandwich. And you're like, where am I? Oh, no. Oh, no. He got me back. I don't know how that place is going to do in Mueller. Like, on the weekends it'll be packed.

Yeah, I'm not so sure, but like, I feel like as more and more of these, like, kind of more, like, mainline, like, popular restaurants pop up that are everywhere else in town. Yeah. Like, it kind of ruins Mueller a little bit because it used to just just. be like mom and pop small places. But this is always the plan for what Mueller was going to be. At no point was it ever going to remain the small thing with the fields right there. They were just waiting for

more money so they could ram jam up a bunch of mixed use office work buildings. Kirby Lane popping up I thought was acceptable. When they put the chewies in, I was like this might be over. Yeah. And then it's just been they added the ramen shop, they added sweet green. $5 dips.

Between three and six weekdays. Could be worth it. We go back. Could be worth rooting my neighborhood. What do you mean? It was never your neighbor. You are on loaner. That's where they put that cheeky nandoes and all the other stuff. I think the nando's.

The nandoz is unique. Where else is there a nandoz? Exactly. That's cool. I've actually been there a few times since we went. And they got the Matthew McConaughey theater. And go to the mat. The man.

Start calling it that. I just went back to Bojangles. Did you really? Yeah. Did you get a boobberry biscuit? Didn't. Did you get what stand orders? I've never had the chicken sandwich.

No, I got the chicken sandwich. I got the chicken sandwich. I got large fries, and I shouldn't have. I forgot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I got the mac and cheese because I forgot what it had to taste like. And it was terrible. Yeah.

Macon cheese sucks ass. But the chicken sandwich was great, and the bow sauce was good. Oh, we should do bojangles again, maybe. No, I just had it. I think they have some limited stuff soon. I mean, it doesn't have to be limited. We could just get the stand order. Oh, that's true.

And correct our mistake. never had the chicken sandwich. Why? I only get the one thing. God damn. Okay, so here's what I'm going to say too about this review, even if it's like... The food part, shut the fuck about everything else. Just shut the fuck up. Everything you're saying, shut the fuck up.

I wanted the chicken sandwich and it's not good. Fine. If you want to sit, shut the fuck off about everything else. I just, I hate you. No one wants to read this. Even if you truly think you're doing a public service, it's...

How's the food? Yep. The one thing that... All this shit is, is unnecessary. Nobody fucking cares. I don't give a fuck about the last time and this time and this and like, I mean, I'm staring down the barrel this fucking novel. Talk about

a fucking, like, essay. Yeah. But hang on, because we have to get through, uh, I know, I'm just saying. We got to get to gauge W. Just fucking say, I wanted the hot chicken sandwich and it wasn't good. Yeah. Okay, but how about Gage W? Uh, he's gonna keep it short and sweet. Okay. Gage W says,

this place is the absolute worst. They wouldn't serve me a drink because of my Ohio accent. Shut the fuck off. You fucking idiot. Hey, what is that? sound like? I don't know. Donkey dick motherfucker. What's the

what's a, does it does it sound like uh, I don't know. Dan Aykroyd in Tommy Boy? I don't know. Because he's in Chicago, I guess. So no. What's in Ohio? But they wouldn't serve him because of it. This place is the

absolute worst. They wouldn't serve me a drink because of my Ohio accent. Wanted a drink when I was sober and they denied me. Never go here. Food is terrible and service is awful. If I could give it a zero out of five all day, every day. And that's it.

And not, I would. I'm sorry. Oh, if I could, I would. Just so you know, if I could, I would give it. If I could, I would give it zero out of five all day, every day day day. Oh, yeah. Every day day. You're right.

You're right. So he's complaining. It's an Ohio accent. I guess what he's saying is they thought he was drunk. Yep. Probably was drunk. Probably was already drunk. I'm not drunk.

I'm not drunk. It's my Ohio accent. Also, the food's bad. I have to start saying that when I'm drunk. I'm sorry. It's my Ohio accent. I'm from Ohio. This is what we all sound like.

The pole jumped out in front of me and my car wrapped itself around it. Oh, man. I just don't know what an Ohio accent. Cheap-ass gamer Jared is going to have something to say about Ohio. He's an Ohio guy. So he's going to be very interesting. Yeah, he's got, hey, man, I don't even know. Like, I keep using a voice for him, that's not how he sounds.

Do you get denied service? Yeah. Oh, Jared. Tough. Let us know. Yeah. Is it because of your Ohio accent? Nick would deny you, but only because he hates you.

Oh, tough for Jared. I love Jared. I don't know why I'm doing that. Very strange one-way rivalry. Right? No. Yes. No.

I told Jared about, like, how Nick does this stuff and he just goes, weird. Oh, you know, I like him. I do like him. I do like him. He's got funny tweets. Informative tweets. We're having fun with each other, I think. I'm having fun at him and he's listening.

Yeah. He's commenting. He is commenting. He's part of it. It's a two-way street. He said you had a nick pick last week. Oh, man. Cool.

All right, well, fuck me. I agree. Here we go. Yeah, I would say. He's white. I still don't even understand what he's editing out. I'm not. It's the round of applause.

I can't let people know. Hobby Air? Oh, man. All right. Don I has a lot to say. Yeah, here we go. Could be. I hope not.

An old racist radio guy? Oh yeah. I don't know. It just sounds like it, right? Funny how that works. This is great right off the rip. I've traveled all over the world, and this is one of the worst hamburger places I have ever been to.

So many things to say, and he's going to say it. I was there yesterday with my wife, mother-in-law, who is a disabled vet and my 11-year-old son. The restaurant was blaring music. a couple with a newborn left because the music was so loud. Also, they were done with their food. No. My mother-in-law and myself, both disabled, were told we had to wait on loan to order,

and there were no exceptions. Okay. So we had to wait online while our table remained greasy, unwiped, and empty. What? My mother-in-law was in pain. Okay. Sorry, what does that have to do with the restaurants? And leaned on the railing and was nudged by one of the...

employees who told us we are in the way. My wife, who has crones, also was on the line. Whoa, everyone's getting sicker. Jesus, Christ, man. Dude, by the end, is someone... I'm going to die of cancer. I'm sorry. What does the kid have?

We're going to find out, Nick. When orders were placed, we were told that fries would be first and burgers to follow. We made our way to the able, still greasy. The fries were late, and the burgers came. My wife and mother-in-law's well-done burgers were rare and medium rare The fries came five minutes after burgers Also the burger was said to be an Angus burger But beside my vet mother-in-law's burger being rare

It was dripping with grease I did not understand Why an Angus burger was greasy Also my mother-in-law lives in Antana and was I on Austin visiting my wife and her grandson for only four hours. This is where we came and won't a disappointment. I asked the server for another burger for my mother-in-law. They said they would bring it to the table.

They never did. I had to go to kitchen area to ask for burger. By that time, we just took it to go. There was no time left to eat burger. wait staff was anything but professional BTW when we arrived A employee was beeping at me in the parking lore Because I was taking too long to park at disabled parking

Also another employee parked up front In spaces for customers Other people also complained And a waiter said that there was a problem With the cook in the kitchen Here is how a Angus beef should be cooked She's got a problem We don't know what it is

How to cook Angus beef Since Angus beef is a specific breed of cattle And not a specific type of beef You cook it the same way you would cook any other meat Okay If you purchase ground Angus beef You need to cook it until there is no longer any pink showing That's not true

If you are making a roast or grilling a steak You should cook it until it reaches your preferred doneness Yes Because Angus beef is generally more expensive than other beef Make sure you don't overcook the coffee But you wanted it well done! This restaurant ruined a part of my son's grandmother and my wife's mom's visit and ignored me telling them she is a disabled vet who cannot stand long.

Please have table ready. Only four hours. They just dropped the ball in every way. Did he copy paste instructions from like an LLM in the middle of that? No, he wrote himself. Like, it just seemed like How many people were there? My mother-in-law?

Well, it's his son's grandmother and his wife's mom. They're the same person. Stop! We don't care! She's a disabled vet who doesn't have long. Just to be in town. Wow, that's not it.

Look, if you want to say... She's some Montana. If you want to say, hey, the table wasn't ready. She's disabled. She's disabled. Did he's the set? Do you use the word disabled vet? 47 times in this.

Holy shit. Don't forget, the wife has crones. How can I forget? That kid, I'm sorry, does not have longer. I can't imagine what that kid has. Like, the gene pool's not looking at it. Oh, man. The way it's written is it's so long and it's nothing.

It's nothing. It really is nothing. He's talking about how mildly it can be. He says my wife and mother-in-law's well-done burgers were rare, and then later talks about Don't overcook it. What the fuck are you talking about? Which literally you'd believe that he just blindly copied something.

Yes, right? There's a problem with the cook in the kitchen. Only four hours and you went to hop-dye. If you're making, now if you're making a roast. That's not really. Hop-doddy's fault. How do you cook if you're making a rose? Your mom from Antana is a only better-for.

Well, they thought it'd be fast. It's brunch, man. Holy shit. I don't even know, like, what was the I don't complain. Besides, like, we didn't get to sit down fast enough. I feel like the main thing is that, yeah, they felt like, because I don't, you didn't know what you, I like, you complained about getting the burger one way, but then you said you wanted it that way. Well, he had to get, he had to go to kitchen area to get burger. I guess. I just don't understand how the solution isn't, hey, my mother-in-law can't stand very long.

Can she just get a table and then we'll meet her at the, I don't know why everyone had to wait in line together. Right. Seems like they're just not solving their own problems. Kind of seems like they just wanted to have problems. No. And no solutions. That doesn't sound right. Based on everything I read here, I don't think that's right. I don't know a lot of like poor means.

Well, I also don't really understand because he kept saying we had to wait in line while our table remained greasy, unwiped, and empty. So how is it your table? I don't understand. Right. How does that mean? And if you're saying like, well, they didn't clean it yet. Okay, but sit the fuck down. Yeah.

And understand that they'll get to it. You can't sit down. She's get stand. Your table's over there. Clean it. We won't sit until it. I don't know. But like, he's,

is specifically saying if they have a problem with the table being greasy while they're not at it. Either way, there was no time left to eat burger. They ran out of time. They were there for four hours. Well, it's because they took too long parking in the disabled parking. Beep, beep. I don't believe that. I also, they also believe anything that was parked.

How do you know? They have HopDottie stickers on their car? I work at hot. Follow me to HopDotty, the place I work. Yeah. Well, we all have those sticks. Yeah, I have it on the TV, so maybe they have it on their cars. It's true.

That's a hot-ddy car. Those are your reviews of hop-doddy, but we have our review of the hop-doddy beer wagging burger. I can't imagine people complaining about a restaurant and yelp. I just, I'll never get it. But I'm at the point now we're like, that part, just complain about the fucking food and move on with your life. Like every other problem you have. Dude, this is almost this entire sheet of paper. It's like, whatever your complaint is, just fucking spin it out.

No, you have to spin a narrative yarn where you're the victim. Holy shit. You can be the victim in shorter words. Yeah, but I won't feel a sorry for you. Oh my God, dude. Yeah, but my wife has Crohn's disease. You know that story? What you get at Vermont, Donnie?

For sale, baby shoes never worn. I don't care. It's so short. Boring, who has Crohn's disease? Yeah. What's your, what's your wife's son's mom, grandmother's problem? How was the burger?

He also kept describing, like, the illness, the illness, the illness, and then, and she doesn't have long, Next end. In town. In town. Jesus Christ. Jordan, what did you think of the beerhouse waggue burger from Hopdotti?

In a lot of ways, I can see how Hopdottie has changed and, like, maybe gotten a little worse. But the burger itself was filled with Crohn's disease. It was good. It was well-seasoned, cooked to how I wanted it. I don't know if you ordered it well done, and that's what we got. But good job. because it was medium rare Did you order it in any way?

Nope. Okay, you know what? I didn't even think about it. Yeah, I mean, it was good. It was slightly pink. Do they make them to order? I don't know. For Wagyu, I bet they don't.

Probably not. Because this is Wagyu and I'm sure they don't want you saying. It's not like Angus where you can just cook it however. What if it's a roast? Oh, you don't want to do that. Oh, then cook to your desired doneness. Yeah. But if it's Angus, don't overcook it.

I think I'd cook to my desired doneness no matter what I'm cooking. Right. Interesting. Is that how you want it? No, but I have to. What do you think of like the flavor and stuff of what we have? Yeah, the patty is like super good. The, like, just a good burger.

And if it was just a burger, I would probably like it a whole lot. I was not the biggest fan of what was going on on this one in particular. I do think the mustard and the beer cheese kind of didn't go well together and like was just like there was too much mustard. Like the double mustard I thought was, was, I didn't really dig it. Uh-huh. Um, and I don't know if older burgers are like this, but it's just so wet. Wet. It was the wet.

You can't even, you can't even touch it. It was sticky wet. It's not like a thing where you pick it up and then you bite into it. And oh, man, here's the grease. It was already soft. Here's the problem with it, too. It's, I don't know if it's how they cook it or how they place it after it. Yeah.

It wasn't the burger. It was the bottom fucking bun. Yeah. Because the top wasn't like that. The bottom, it's like, and it wasn't like the burger was wet and it soaked through. Something greased the fuck out of the bottom of the bun. Like, I don't know if they like put it

on the grill or something pulling in grease, but it's like it was untouchable. And that's like, it would have bothered me less if the top was like that. Yeah. But it's like every time you touched it, it was the greasiest fucking thing in the world. Like it had been soaked in it. Not again, not like the bun absorbed the grease from the burger. I think it was

completely unrelated from the burger. And it just kind of made... And all of them were like that. So it's like, that's their process is insane. The whole experience of eating the burger was like ruined because of... Yes, I agree. I cut mine in half and then

I ate the first half and was like, okay, that was awful for my hands. And I was like, I could go for one more bite. I tried to pick it up. It just, I couldn't get the box. So I just like went Patty and like left the bottom button. It just took them.

It was actually easier to eat. I like legitimately didn't want to pick it up every time I put it down. Yeah, yeah. Because it's just like 50 napkins like every time. I mean like the whole thing was caked. It was crazy how greasy it was. Eric perfectly described it. He literally went.

It was like when we knew or done we were finishing whatever. He was like, I really enjoyed that the flavor. Yeah. I hated eating that. I completely agree. It was terrible. The process of eating it was terrible. It was absolutely horrible.

Like actively like actively like. disliked it. Like, and not just like, like, it pissed me off the whole time. Every time I had to pick it up, I would go, like, it's like, and it's not just like,

if they fucked up one burger, but whatever. But I agree with it. And like, that should not be how that burger is made and you were serving to every person that came in there. That's the thing where you can just get it in like a lettuce bowl. Uh-huh.

You know? I would just, in some ways, that would probably be a better way to eat. I would like to be like, can you just hand me the buns? like from the bag. Right.

Whatever you're doing to them. Don't do that. Stop it. Stop it. Truly, it must be something. Like, they must cook the bun.

Like, they put bun in grease somewhere along the way. It really. It ruins it. It ruins. Not the flavor, but the eating experience.

Yep. I would say, similar to what you said about like good flavor, didn't like eating it. It's how I feel about the movie, The Lobster.

Yeah. Good movie. Never. I did not like watching it. We'll never watch it. No, totally get it. Totally get it. Absolutely.

I want it. eat it with a fork. Yeah. Yeah, that would have, that would have, like... I was actually looking around for a fork halfway through it. They gave you a knife. Yep.

Yeah, they gave you a knife, but no fork. So, anyway, it kind of undone. Patty aside, I wasn't a big fan of everything else. I don't give it a 54. 54? Michael? I really liked it. I thought the flavor was great.

I legitimately, like, hated eating it. Yeah. The whole, like, the whole time, like, it sucked. It sucked ass. And I was sitting on the end, and so it was fine. from the paper towels. So that also, and I didn't want to ask

for paper towels like 150 times. So I was just reusing the same ones. I watched my hands like four times. Yeah. Oh yeah. We all had to go to the rest of the range. Like I think this, like it might truly take the cake of like the,

the greasiest, like most inconvenient like burger I've ever, I've ever eaten. Crazy for how long we've done this show and the places that we go to. And like the burgers that I've eaten in my life. I mean, this is the greasiest, and I feel like saving grace is that it wasn't sticky.

Right. It wasn't sticky. But I feel like, again, it's usually when it's greasy and sloppy, whatever, it's because it's spilling out. Yeah, yeah. Or it's soaking into the bundleware. No, this is made this way.

This was contained. It was so bizarre. They brought them out on, like, the tray. And, like, you, like, picking it off the tray. It was like a huge grease. It was already there. And you're just like, oh, they're all like this. Like, again, their process is fucked.

If that's how they serve every one of those burgers, that's insane. Like, that's absolutely insane. I don't know if that affects the score or not I like truly because if it does I hate it I fucking hate it the flavor I loved it

It was a great burger I would swab out the buns Just give me a dry bun Take that burger and put it on it I like the bristle It's the pretzel bun It should be sturdy Yeah

It's thicker bread Again it's like I I think like it's nothing can be that sturdy Because it's a process It's like I don't care If you take it and dunking in a vat of grease It's going to be greasy.

And like that's, I assume what they must have done. I don't know. I don't know how it got so greasy. Something's wrong with the Coke. I don't know. Something's wrong with him. I don't know how it got so greasy. I'm just gonna, I'm gonna ignore that part.

Okay. I fucking love the mustard. I love mustard. I really like the burger. Burger was an 80. 80. I'm giving it an 80 and I'm ignoring the bun. Okay.

Like, I liked it all. The onions did it all. The onions did get to drink. You did get to drink. Yeah. You were Sam Adams' onions. average score is 67. Do it Jordan.

Yeah, show them, yeah. And then Nick with talcum powder. Again again. I think 67, for me, it's what Michael's saying. I hated eating it. I hated it. It's so good. I can't stop thinking about how it felt picking it up

and it made me go every time. Like truly, it lessened the experience. Sometimes I would just hold it and not put it down so I wouldn't have to keep white. The picking it up is the worst. Yeah. It's like you can't set it back down. There was no plan of attack that worked on that thing.

Really? It was fucked. Yeah. But it tasted good. I think it was pretty mustard forward and it didn't eat to be. 100%. If you're like on mustard, it's very mustardful. Yeah.

But again, you saw the hot dogs I ate and I love it. Yeah. But for a like a, you know, October festeat eat kind of burger or whatever. Yeah. If it had more cheese and like some dipping cheese, I think that would be better. But you can just get the green. the green hatch chili queso and like are all their birds that fucking greasy?

I don't know. I don't remember them being like that. I mean, that's insane. I almost like need to get a regular burger right again because I just like a cheeseburger. That blows my mind if that's just like how they serve every single burger coming out of that place. I can't imagine. Because that's that's insanity. It's absolute insanity.

It was the greasiest I've ever held in my life. Their fries were good. The fries were as good as I remember. Look at the picture of the burger. Yeah. Look at the, look at it. Look at the pool. Look at how greasy this fucking thing is. And that's not even doing it justice. It's so.

I'll post that. It's so greasy. A ladle, spread it on the plate, and then just like smush the bun in it. I don't. It's just in a pool. It's in a fucking pool of grease. It's already done for. Like the bottom is done.

God. Oh my God. Oh, my God. It's like phantom pain. Like I can still feel it on my hands. Yeah. I wash my hands so much. But the grease is embedded in my skin.

It's still. But we're still here. I can't believe how good it was and how much I hated it. It was very good. On the 30th, which is a Wednesday at 6 p.m. central time, we're going to be live in our Discord, which you can get access to at patreon.com slash 100% eat at just the $5 tier.

You can join us for a live snack attack. We have a backlog of snacks that we need to get through. So we're going to do that. And that's also when we're going to put up the merch for sale that's left over from our live show, in New York. We got a handful of the shirts. That includes the shirts.

Nice shot. It includes the poster in New York. And I think we have some signed... Yes. We have some of them. So you can get some of those. We'll be putting those on there. You can lie to everyone.

I'll say you were there. Give it away. Oh, we'll get them. Unfortunately, they're all signed. They are all signed. I don't want to sign one. Gracie signed some of them. Who knows if there's any left that Gracie signed?

But we'll be putting that. on sale. Nice, put his lid on. We'll be putting those on sale the 30th, Wednesday the 30th at 6 p.m. Central time when we go live and for a snack attack in our discord, patreon.com slash 100% eat is where you can sign up for that. And you can sign up for the Michael Jordan podcast at the $10 tier.

You can also go to 100%. 100%. 100 is where the merch will be on sale. If you sign up at patreon.com Nick got caught up in his mouse If you sign up at patreon.com slash 100% eat for the 100% fan tier You get a shout out like this It's a very loud

Yeah, you suck in that thing down It's got like the hole in it to let air out So when you suck It whistles You're over here, dude So I got a couple that popped up Post live show that's interesting Yeah, cool

People who signed up after the show and we got some of our stuff back. Yeah, we got some really cool stuff. Signed Hellboy figure. Yeah. From the creator of Hellboy. And we got this 3D printed statue of monkey. Yep.

It's the grease. Yeah. And we have a message from Tom Simmons who says, at the time of writing, it was my pleasure to purchase drinks for the crew at the Bell House show. Good hair, Tom. It wasn't just cool. It was like, it was good. It was perfectly quaffed.

Way to go, Tom. Tom, good looking guy. I got to chat up and joke with Eric, a genuine dream come true. Oh, he haze up. Sounds like a nightmare. Have more dreams. Have a different, better dream. Cheers with Michael.

Another dream over a decade in the making. That makes sense. That's cool. And watch Nick, appreciate the dream. And watch Nick walk away without any acknowledgement whatsoever. What? That's not true at all! I said, thank you.

That's awesome. That's all awesome. I wasn't there. No, you were in the back as when we were getting drinks. And we didn't tell him the second we walked away, I looked to you and away. Yeah, great hair. Dude, yep. Please don't mistake this for bitterness.

I can't imagine a more Nick interaction than that. It's perfect. It's perfect. You got the best. Ignoring the fans? Oh, no. Thank you. Briefly spotted Jordan as well,

Crypted style. Best I could hope for. Yeah, that's fine. Much love and best wishes, and please let Nick have it. If not for this, then whatever he's done lately. Yeah.

I do remember we got the drinks, and then Eric went to drink, and I made him cheers. Yeah. I was like, what are you doing? Yep. Cheers him. He did step into

because Eric was about to pay and he was like, Swoop. Yeah. Yeah, and Eric was like, he's like, let me buy him,

let me buy him. And it was like, we don't have to, and he's like, come on, please. And it's like, hurry. Yeah.

And I remember I looked at Eric and said, it's his dream coach, man. Hair like that. You're gonna turn to a drink? Cool dude. Thank you very much.

And I said, fuck you. You said fuck you. I remember that. You went, fuck that guy. Goodbye. Uh, next one is from Ethan

who says, thank you, Michael, Jordan, Nick Gracie, and I guess Eric. For such an awesome life show at the Bell House in New York City. I just wanted to give a shout out to Hannah, Riley, Sydney, David, Luis, and the many other incredible bugs I got to meet there. Oh, hell yeah, that's awesome. I can't wait to get sauced on sauce monkey sludge with you all again. Sauce monkey sludge was good.

It was really good. They made those, like, custom drinks for the show that, like, without any input for us. They just thought it was so good. It was like, sauce monkey sludge was so fucking smart. God damn. That's what he's drinking while. he's ripping schools in half like 30 bite.

Your humble and oil bug Ethan, aka Mix Master Merlin on the discipline. Hell yeah, thank you, Ethan. All right.

Our next and final one is from Traxian who writes a U-Review that says, if I could give zero stars I would, customer service, customer service good.

I signed up for a boss podcast to Gert reviews about fast food, but they threatened to cuck me. How can they they stay in business when they treat customers that

pay $100 dollars like that. They even had a monkey work there. Disgusting. One out of five stars. That's, dude, that's fucking, that's very funny. That's very good. Very creative. And they have Crohn's disease. They're no longer with us.

His wife's mother's son's grandmother is a disabled veteran. My wife's mother, my mother-in-law, grandmother to my son's grandmother. Jesus. Christ, how many times you have to explain the same woman? I don't understand. Patreon.com slash 100% eat is where you can sign up for that, and you can get Discord access.

You can go to Twitter screen, Blue Sky at 100% eat as where you can follow us. And the PO boxes, P.O. Box 143241, Austin, Texas, 781714. If you want to send stuff to 100% treat, check that. At today, we got... P.O. Box 143241, Austin, Texas, 7-8-7-1-4. We got a couple things in the box. Hell yeah. When I went to check it.

Rate, subscribe and tell us. front of a show where eat food and rate the food. Go for it, Nick. He's trying to go for Michael now. Well, his cup's uncovered. Goodbye. Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad?

I get it. I'm Siyaya and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem.