100% Eat - They're Called Flatzzas %% Pizza Hut Flatzz

Episode Date: September 16, 2025

Flatzz. This is gremlin food. Flatzz. It's like they ran over a pizza the long way. Flatzz. Someone let air out of the pizza. Flatzz. K-Pop Demon Hunter. Flatzz. Why did they make these? Flatzz. SWITCHFORKS COME OUT TONIGHT! 6pm CT we're streaming LIVE with Graysie on Youtube! Grab a hat, a hoodie, and a switchfork then https://100percenteat.store Also grab an autograph from Our Heroes https://streamily.com/100-percent-eat Sponsored by ExpressVPN. Get up to four extra months FREE at ExpressVPN.com/percent Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Are you ready? Yeah, that was close. Hey, good catch. That was close. Here we go. Are you ready? It's not usually the order that goes in, but he did it. I'm very thoughtful.

Okay. All right. All right. All right. Hey, thanks for the intro from thoughtful Nick. Welcome to 100% Eat the show where we try every fast food restaurant to let you know if you need it.

You probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host. Very well-fed. Jordan Swears. Jordan, how are you? I picked the wrong episode to be hungry for. I said that yesterday. You did.

I straight up said it. Except you might want to eat before this one. I've also been going through, let's call it a rigmarole in order to get my migraine medication. Oh, I know, medication game. I was telling Eric earlier, it's exactly like what you go through

when you try to get your shots. Yeah, but what is it for? Soriasis. Sorriasis. You can't tell, because I have it. You can't tell. Well, it's pretty similar. Yeah.

People roll all those together. What's the other one? Acne. No, not acne. That's pretty different. Cerosis. No. I'm pretty sure.

I have psoriasis of the liver. I can't think of it. Emphysema. Yes. Oh, emphysema. Eczema. Eczema. Emphysema, I think,'s a lung thing.

Oh, yeah. Well, it's like cirrhosis. I was like, yeah. My skin's all fucked up. I'm cirrhosis. I'm working on it. I've got cirrhosis of my skin and eczema of my lungs.

I'm working on it. Yeah, oh, what are you sucking on? I'm sucking on some blue. Yeah, blue. Black cherry. It's pretty good. But it's blue.

It's dark. It gets black. Well, he's trying to get, he's trying to get filled up. It's Pisces, bitch. He's trying to get filled up because the food didn't do it. Yeah.

So he's filling himself up with smokes. I don't need to get filled up. What did we eat today? You were smart. Pizza Hut, how do you pronounce this? It depends on who you ask. If you ask me, it's flats. As you've been saying over and over again.

Right, in random hours of the day. Eric's just been having flats. He would just slack. He would just slack us and just say flat. You know what's so funny? The last one when he did it yesterday, I'd already ordered it. Yeah.

That's why I went, should I get one? I'd already ordered it at that point. I've been saying flats and calling the flats. Nick has been calling them flatsasas. Which I think makes more sense. It does make more sense. Because it is... It's two Z's.

It's not for sleeping. Nope. No, that's not enough Z's for sleeping. Except TZ's Thursdays starts to get sleepy. I'm like, I think it's three. He's like, two and up. I think it's three. I think the threshold is really scripting the line of...

Two is what are you going for? Yeah. Yeah. We go through all this in the ride-along where we tease Gracie, eat cinnamon rolls, and drive through Rat Town. A lot happens in the ride-along. It's very good this week.

but these flats I was so tickled by what FLATZZ you really were you were like check these out and then it's been like the last like 48 hours any and any question like his new vocal stim is just flat early on when we had questions

any answer was they're flats then he just started saying flats I think that's how the conversation went there's going to be so many messages to scroll Oh yeah just go back up yeah because Michael was like I got flats There's a lot of updates

But I wouldn't You wouldn't show it I sent the picture of the box And I went I'm not even gonna show you What it looks like You're gonna be surprised tomorrow We might want to eat first

A rare Sunday afternoon Slack message of just the picture of the flats Like the marketing picture Yeah yeah So it actually looks Like something It looks like something

It's still not a great something I'll read all my parts Okay go ahead So it's the picture Of the flats And I simply say Flats And then I say

What Flats Tuesday Flats Tuesday the day before as Wednesday It was pretty good LOL and then Michael says What the fuck? Flats And then eight hours later Flats right and then Nick says

Oh no do you smell toast Yeah Nick was pretty concerned Why are you messaging at 847 PM Just the word flat and then it turned into Michael saying What if I get flats now? And I said late night flats You had already ordered the flats and then the flats The flats had occurred, and I got to give Michael credit. He only sent the box, said, will not send what this looks like.

He showed me the picture today. As we got in the car, I walked around to your side. And you rolled down your window and I said, I don't want Georgian to see. And I just showed you. And then I knew what we were in for. Like, I knew what it was. Right. But in real life, it's different.

Exactly. Well, even in the picture, it's like kind of like what? Oh, yeah. It's like, it's not enticing in the marketing photo at all. So Flats is a small pizza. it's like a personal pizza Right, but but run over by a car But it's stretched the long way

And it's oval, yes Yeah These pizza chains are continuing this trend of Pizza's like, we know pizza's good What if pizza was different? Yeah, what if we fold pizza in half? Right, but different, what they mean when they mean different is

What if pizza was like worse? Yeah, exactly, yeah, it's all pizza's already great Pizza have decided that about 20 years. Yeah, they're already not doing it great but then they're like, hold on, we can make this worse. We can. No, it really is. Just run it over with your car.

They can and they did. It really is. You got a flats, but you also got a pizza. Yeah. Like last night, you got pizza. I got the flats because I really wanted to see it. Yeah. But in my head, I was like, but I'll throw it at the children

because it is like a personal pizza. That is, it's great gremlin food. It's gremlin food. They're not going to care. They'll pick at it. Disgusting and horror. No, they don't care. They eat garbage pizza in general.

They're children. They don't know what good is yet. No. They know what good is. they don't know what bad is. No, that's a great way to put it. They like good stuff, but they also like shit. They should, yeah, yeah.

And so I knew it wouldn't be a problem. I would never, yeah. I would never give this to another human. Human person. Not even another child. Yeah, your own. Yeah, your children. Like, yeah, that's.

They're going to, like, drop it on the floor and eat it anyway or whatever. It's not going to matter. That's sort of kind of what pizza had already did with these, I think. Right. It's also what Michael did. Especially we got it back. It was all fucking sideways and upside down. Yeah, one of them was facing the wrong way.

crazy it's they not as bad as they are and as disgusting as is and run over it doesn't even look like it was one pizza it looks like

you call it Frankenstein pizzas and you were talking about the pizza you got last night so I also ordered like a regular pizza at pizza standard like crust first of all

it's so much thinner than dominoes and not like thin crust just like their crust is also like just so like dry it's dry and it's just not

airy at all no there's no like denseness to it. It's not like, like sometimes it's like too much crust. This is like, can I get a little crust? It's a slog to get through. It's like people who hate crust

probably hate it because of pizza. It's flat like a New York pizza, but not good flat like a New York pizza. It's like someone just let the air out of a domino's pizza. Like it's like it's yeah. Like it's a car tire. What it looks like. Out of that so they put the air in the other tire

and one over the flat. So I, I opened the box and we've seen many, many times on the show where the pizza isn't cut all the way. You got to like rip it and then it's like the cheese starts pulling. Yeah, you're pulling the cheese off the other pizza, yeah. It was a moment where I wished for that because it's still like too much cheese, not cut enough. I opened the box of a full medium pizza and the pieces were just like scattered. Like it wasn't whole.

It looked like it was like they were, they were until. you saw them that they were like toy story coming to life yeah they run away and they're like oh maybe it's about to open

it was just like dude it was just like it was like dude you don't want to open a slice and the pizza's not fully it's not a circle it's like what the fuck happened

it was just so pathetic it was so pathetic I think the sad part is it's not Frankenstein pizza it's just that that's just like that would be a somewhat That's what I did to Nick's box out there.

Yeah. I made him a little care package. I took all the... You did? Yes. It was shit everywhere. It was shit everywhere. He had a sauce cup that he had just destroyed like an animal.

There was like bits of food in it and he just left it. And he just left it on the counter. I went, I think I'll throw that away. There was one... No, it wasn't. For me. You know the stuff you want to get out of your teeth? That was in the cup.

That was what was in the cup. Then there was a ranch that was half full. That was acceptable. I saved that for you. throw that away. The other one I went, even if this guy says I'm not finished, he's finished and I threw it away. And then I took all the disgusting

flats pieces and piled them in the one sink twisted box and sit it aside for Nick. The joker of pizzas. Yeah. Yeah. They're flat as shit dude. He doesn't want them to be all like crammed up when they come to life. Yeah, he doesn't the box is closed. Well he doesn't want them to

co-mingle. He doesn't want the cheese to touch the, what were some of the other ones? Ranch one. There's a chicken, hot chicken one. Oh, my favorite one is a pepperoni duo, which is just each slice gets two pepperoni. Oh, my favorite one was the one where they just fling a tomato on the top.

They don't fling it. They're like, they clearly very carefully placed one tomato on each slice. But if you were like this, it falls off. Yes, nothing is melted in, nothing is cooked in. Anyway, it's probably going to get a good score. Yeah, everything about the flats is daintily prepared. so none of it stays together. It's just like if the pizza was like,

okay, here's the pizza, here's the cheese. We already cooked it. The sausage. Here's the, there. That's how you eat it. That's how it's pile. Imagine that but flat.

If you're listening, you've missed the amazing thing. It is, the chicken ones just have a piece of chicken. That was also very strange. It looks like finger food. It looks like finger food. From a weird wedding.

Yeah! Like, oh, we did pizza slices, and there's like a chicken nugget on each one. You can put a toothpick to all of them. Am I at a gamer wedding? The thing is like, we just ordered it. And it looks and tastes like the texture like food from two days ago.

Yes. It's so flat that it is stale out of the oven. And it's not crispy. No, like, it's not stale. It's like stale, overcooked, crunchy, but like the worst. Like overcooked crunchy You took a bite and you went

This is so mouth pokey It's mouth pokey. It's very pokey. It's like what we were talking about I don't know a couple episodes ago about something might be mouth pokey and it wasn't Oh it was the chicken Yeah yeah yeah It was that mouth pokey

It's just like dude it's just like the crust is so hard It's like jabbing the side of my mouth It's not fun Because it's like doesn't taste good Yeah and or does it The cheese one in particular looks like you know The cheese one's the worst one. The bad texture from a mid-2000s game.

I think we looked at it and you were like, this looks like Half-Life 2. It's Half-Live 2. You just went like, oh yeah, I'm at this place in Half-Life 2 and there's a pizza that they rendered and you go, all right, well, I guess this is it. Gordon, would you like some pizza? Yeah, but you know, there's like a community mom

that looks bad now. Can we get them from pizza? Yeah, please. They desperately need some Gary's mod. We need some guy to walk in. Like, can I show you how to cook the pizza? dude. Well, don't worry. The Pizza Hut, as we got there, was so slammed. I was so glad to walk in first. It was that weird Pizza Hut location we went to last time with Gracie.

They have to go through Rat Town. Yeah, you have to drive through the furniture store. Yeah. So fucking weird. It's just in the middle of nowhere. And also maybe across the street from another Pizza Hut that is closed. We looked at it. I think that there was another Pizza Hut up the road that's just boarded up and graffiti. Yeah. And then they're like, move down the street, idiot. make it smaller I think I prefer if they just stayed in the bordered up graffiti pizza At least then you know what you're getting

There's some kind of like vibe to it Yeah there's like a flavor that you're expecting We got there So to the person in front of us So to the person behind us So do the person behind them And everyone was parking at the same time I didn't wait for you guys

Just kept saying they're flat flats flats I got out of the car I had already ordered the food I got out of the car and I just went I'm not waiting for whatever the fucking bullshit This is gonna turn into So I just walked in and said I'll online over for Eric.

And then it was like, here it is, here it is, there it is. When they hand you... Was your name on it? Yes. When they hand you something out of... They have... Very funny. At Little Caesars, everything is like the individual kind of like places to put them.

Pizza Hut, it's a big thing that looks like a refrigerator where all of your orders are kept. And when they hand you something out of there and it's hot, it's a weird thing that happens with your brain where you go, oh ha and it does it you're expecting cold it's not cold it's hot and it's supposed to be hot and then you think why did i think this was going to be cold and it really just fucks you up the guy behind the counter's like sir you can go yeah and then as that's happening a man is walking in and out of the pizza hut over and over again and a woman wants seven individual pizzas that was yeah the personal pizzas because it's two dollar tuesday it was two dollar yeah personal pizza Tuesday and like it was really funny as we were getting in the car the lady was

next to park next to us so I was getting in first Michael was waiting for me because it was kind of a type of thing and I look up and I asked Michael

do you got him like are you good you don't need any help and he goes oh I got him yeah I was like holding books and he's holding

like they're pretty like thick looking boxes yeah of these flats and then behind behind him is this lady by herself

with like she's kind of holding them all in one yeah she was but they're like seven they were six or seven it was crazy

it's uh she was very polite she's like i'm sorry you go i was like no you go yeah and i was like thanks for not backing into your parking spot yeah god yeah that guy was so crazy so we go to sent nick off a cliff it was so weird he was like yelling at the guy with the windows up what the fuck are you doing what are you doing who the fuck do you think you were back in a pizza hut first it just seemed like he was one driving on the wrong side of the yeah it seemed like he was driving the wrong side of the road and wanting to get out and walking Yeah, he wanted to get out first. He went, oh my God, he's backing up.

Yeah, yeah. He did, yeah, he did the wave, and then he did the stop. Yep. And then I was like, I was like, okay, so you're just going to go in front of us and leave. And then he stopped. And I go, what is this power play? Yep. And then he started backing up.

Backing in. He had to back into the spot so he could get all his pizzas. I guess because he walked in and walked out and walked out. Also, point out, even if there isn't, I don't understand backing in a spot, period. But like. like if there only was a one spot I still don't understand it there was like seven open parts

there's so there were so it was an empty part there was no reason he could just turn around I don't we had to turn in to get to the spots what he did to back in by far took longer than what it

would have taken for him to back out if he was facing straight I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it and it's like we were like what are you doing

when you see a car backing out and you have to wait in the parking lot you don't go what are you do You go, oh, he's backing out of the spot and then I assume he's gonna drive off. That's, I know what's going on here.

He was parked and now he's not. He's un-parking. It was crazy. It was nuts, but the Pizza Hut has done it again with flats. They've done it again. And they've done it again with Cinebond. Yeah, yeah.

Thank you for the Cerman. But you mentioned early on about tormenting Gracie. I've had about in the right-al-line. There's only three left. Whoa! I had one. I had one.

There was 10? So there was. There's nine, ten? Was there nine or ten? There are three left, yeah, there's ten. There's ten. There were ten. There should be 12.

So how many of you? Shut up. I've had one. You've had one. You've had one. You've had one. You can. There was an opening.

If I've had five and there's two left and there's three left, then they've had two. How many of you had? There should be 12. There should be 12. There should be 12 cinnamon rolls. Yeah. I've had one. I'm taking the rest.

Okay. So you had one? Yes. For now. I had zero. Yep. Well, you know, they're not for you. They're not for me.

We were making... I'm sure they taste very good. They're making Donna Gracie saying, oh, Jordan's going to eat them all, going to eat them all. I had one and I went, I could eat all of these. It doesn't register as food.

It tastes like going to the mall. It is just... It's like their whole purpose is for you to chew them and swallow them immediately. Right, and I said I get that, that's any end. Yes, totally understand that. I still prefer the pretzel over the nuggets.

Yeah. I just get a more satisfying feeling. Oh, yeah. And it also feels like... You get some bigger tears. And I also just feel less of like a fucking slob. Like, it's like, how many pretzels is this? Yeah.

Like, if you get a large nugget cup, that's got to be more than a pretzel. A whole cup of them is crazy. It's huge. I want one pretzel so I can stop myself. I mean, that's how Cinebond makes me feel when I would get it when I was like 12 years old or 13 years old at like the mall. You get a whole sinabond and you're like, I don't need to eat this whole thing. I feel like a big, ugly fat pig eating this thing. And then you keep taking a bite and you go, like that feeling.

Oh my God, I can't stop this. And then Jordan described it as it seems like, these things were only created with the desire for you to eat them. Their only existence and their only want is for you to just put you, they want to go in your mouth. They want to make it as easy as possible to be chewed and then swallowed it. It is the sweetest, softest, and I'm putting this in hard quotes, food you can possibly eat.

It wants to slide down your throat before you are done chewing. It is how when Homer eats the ribwich and his eyes dilate and his blood starts flow, it's like, oh, it's so good. I love it. I'll have three more. They're so good. I'll have five more. I want to say I don't think I could eat a whole synobon now

because it would make me feel sick. But it, boy, do I want to eat a whole synobon? I could, but I definitely would. Well, there's three more out there. I don't know. A real sinneubon. Do you think that whole 10 pack is equal to like 12? Equal to one.

I think it's probably more than one. Yeah, it's probably right around there. It's probably close. Yeah. It's probably close. I think maybe like, of those? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'd probably say eight is probably a good number. So Nick's point that there should be 12 is because the way they're placed five and five in the tray,

there's like a tiny bit of room. He's like pointing and screaming. Right, and so it's like, well, I'm pretty sure they like decide. I'm pretty sure how many they sell. It's not some guy back there going with how many you can fit. Yeah.

I think it's just decided it's 10 for this price and they probably bought the trays the whole 10. He's like, that's bullshit. They're space. They're should be 12. Yeah. But then I'm, Immediately kind of, like, told him a story of what he's saying where a guy gave me a free donut yesterday.

Yeah. I ordered, I ordered six, but I only got three jellies, but there was only four jellies left and they were closing soon. So he just threw the one in. He's like, we got to get rid of this. Yeah. And he's like, and his room in the box. Yeah. Yeah.

Monkey room? Don't know. Bunkie room. Flats room. Oh, damn. Dude, donuts. Twice, twice, the two of them went. Oh, in the car.

Wow. That was pretty crazy. That was pretty crazy. I want to, before you get too far away from it. When you were starting and then asked me if we could start, were you recording already? Okay, I want to make sure that goes in the episode. That needs to be the beginning.

Because I don't have to explain it. Yeah. The other thing I was thinking of when you were like, when you were like, it looks like it should be cold, but it's warm. You go, ah. Yeah. I saw a video yesterday.

Which I guess this is like a true phenomenon. But like a guy has like, there's like a table and there's like a little wall here. He puts his hand over there. And then the guy that's like, he's dressed like a doctor. I'm sure he's not a doctor. puts like a fake just like flops a fake hand right here so it looks like his hands are here

and he can't see his other hand and he hits it with a hammer and he's like and apparently that's like real yeah it is I think that that is part of therapy that's what I thought of for phantom limb paint

yeah I was gonna bring up that's like kind of feeling like related well I don't know that that's therapy when you have both hands I feel like you're causing phantom limb you're like I feel the pain of my third arm you don't have a third arm

that's what you think why don't I But also, I think we should totally do that. I want to hit someone's fake hand with a hammer and see what happens. That's a fun idea. Can we trick Eric's brain to thinking he's falling down the stairs?

How do we simulate that? Put me in a dryer, turn it on low. Can you like give you like VR goggles and throw the camera down the stairs? We'll film like a POV like down the stairs. I definitely. It's like people on like the roller coaster VR who are just like and then like they moved the chair

and they freak out. Well, it's definitely not pain but I 100% experienced that in VR when I was doing like my nice VR I have at home. Oh yeah. Like stomach. The same thing.

Oh, yeah. You feel the sensation. The sensation of like you're going to fall or like, it's not like it's just that gut feeling. We're like, I'm falling. Yeah.

You can put me in a laundry basket and then I can wear a VR headset and then you guys can have a camera that's going down the stairs and then you can go, uh-oh, here we go.

What we don't tell him is once he puts the headset on we just put him in the tire. Just fucking turn it on It's all right It feels hot It must be all the adrenaline The mind is a powerful thing man

Dude the most I ever got that was with Half Live Alex Oh yeah That shit was dope VR Yeah that's a cool one It's such a fucking hassle to set up though Right Unless you have a house where you can

Set up VR and leave it forever And not like take it apart Or put it away because of children or space I would use it all the time but it's always like my kid will come in and be like, I want to play baby hands

this baby game where you crawl around it's actually an awesome game and it's like 90s base so it's very Rugrats coded oh cool like Rugrats

like you literally get out with the screwdriver no you don't see anything it's just you no but you get out with the screwdriver it's all like 90 shit you can put shit in the BCR

it's awesome but you'd be like can we play it I'm like oh such a pain it's like 40 minutes it's pain in the ass yep

but you do it because you love your kids every now man and then you feed them pizza hut yeah but then I take him to K-pop demon hunters. Oh, hell yeah. I took the four of us

Wednesday and then we took the kids we went the other day because it was like very limited showings. Which by the way did you see that they made more money than weapons? Yep, yep. It's the highest grossing movie of the weekend. Are you serious? Specifically the sing-along version of K-pop Demon Hunters. I told Iris we were going to the sing-along we got there and she's like, wait, it's the whole

movie? She thought it was just the songs. Oh, that's, hey, that's got to be a really cool feeling that was a kid. That's awesome. Michael was texting me the whole thing. I think I was doing something else and like you texted me so I didn't see it right away but then I was like

I thought it was something you were going to later and then I saw like the time stamp on the movie ticket you sent me and I was oh he's there now you were like Jordan was like I hope you know all the words to soda pop which is great because it's a sing-along so the words like anyway and literally within minutes it came on and because it's like a sing

along you're like you're not allowed to talk but you can sing you're like but still no phones It's a little round here. I filmed a little bit just for Jordan. Yeah, it's fine. And I saw Abby. Yeah, he put Abby hearts.

Abby hard eyes. Abby dies. Spoilers. Sorry, Nick. Sorry, it's been out two months. You saw it? Yeah. Not the single long.

That's okay. It's the same thing. I'm glad that like, it's the movie with subtitles. I didn't think you saw it. I don't think anybody thought you saw the sing-along. Why not? Well, no, the sing-along is on Netflix now.

Yeah. It's a separate, it's a separate, watch it, I don't know. Let's all watch it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna watch along. It's a sing-along.

I don't know anything about it. Well, good, you're gonna sing, baby. There's like, you watch the crow. There's like a cat with eyes that go like this, right? Yeah, my character. And then there's like a bird on his hat. Yeah, it's like a bird that doesn't have like three heads or some shit. It's got like three eyes.

Yeah, three eyes. Let's go squirt. Three-eyed crow. I don't like. He keeps calling Eric's squirt. These guy's weird. I gave one that one. I just, I have to stop helping him out of the car, I think, is what's happening.

You do. No, it's so helpful. It's so helpful. You're such a helpful helper. And then look at what I get. Helpful little guy. Thanks, champ. So look at what I get.

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Hey, do you guys want to learn about a pizza hut? I guess. Yay! Our last Pizza Hut episode was on April 22, 2025, where we ate the Cheesy Bites Pizza and Ranch Lovers Flight. It received an average rating of 49.5.

I remember the ranches, yeah. That was a Gracie episode. Yeah. Because of the... That was where she said she could eat all the cinnamon rolls. And I said no, and she wanted to kill me. Yeah.

She indeed did. You got to watch it ride along. We really hammered her. Yeah. Oh, like, in real time, to her directly. Yeah. said, is this in real time? Is this right now?

She got mad. I think she was like hoping it wasn't. Oh, she wanted it to be like, no, we did this yesterday. Yeah. Nope, sorry. In a confusing move, Pizza Hut is marketing these flat ass pancake ass pizza the long way things for adults only. So you can redefine your pizza moment. Hell yeah, this is how grownups eat.

Pay your mortgage. Eat a flat's pizza and buy a gun. What to do with that gun is up to you. You're a big boy. It's time to make a big boy decision. You're eating flats. It's time to decide. So did I send that to the group of Luna told me yesterday?

I think I did. She's sitting there and she goes, I have a spear and a gun. And I know how to use them. Again, one of the weird things your kids say. And I texted you that and I went, I'm not sure if she's talking about a game or not. I'm hoping she's playing 99 nights.

Yeah. Which is another Roblox game. It's a new hotness on Roblox. Oh, okay. I was playing with Iris and I was playing with Iris later and I was like, let me ask, because Iris had a spear. I'm like, let me ask a question.

Is there a gun in this game? She's like, yeah, there's a gun. I'm like, okay, thank God. Collecting info. She's like, there's a revolver. And then there's a rifle. And the rifle does more damage. I'm like, okay, that's fine.

That's enough. Yeah. Listen, I don't care. I have a spear and a gun. Well, I do care because I have to play it today after work. Oh. We only got the night 14 last night. There's 99 of them.

I think there's more than that. Too many. That's the goal. Anyway, the deer kills you. The owl comes. The deer's afraid of the owl. In a confusing movie. Oh, man.

Don't worry about that. Pizza Hut is also changing its logo. Pizza has also changed his logo to a more simple red and white logo with echoes of an older design originally introduced in the 1970s. They are doing this as Cracker Barrel is under fire for changing their logo and killing the old man from their logo or something. we still don't really get it steak and shake is mad about it but steak and shake fucking sucks

so who cares what do they have to say they lost half their locations but probably due to woke both sides that's right that old man is dead that little wheel's dead I mean it's not even that different what is it now

yeah it's not it's not even that different what it is now no who cares also also all the people all the people complaining about Cracker Barrow first of all I don't give a fuck at all but especially

how much these fuckers don't go. Do you think Trump Don Jr. goes to the Cracker Barrow? He's like leading the charge. When's the time you went to Cracker Barrow? Shut the fuck up. Like that's the thing. I think they think they go to, like he goes to Crack. Oh, he's going to Cracker Barrel. They ruined my Cracker Barrel. Oh, do you see the newest thing too? They like changed the wording on the little peg game. Which I didn't know as a

thing. And people were like, it's a staple of cracker barrel. It's like where you jump over the pegs. Yeah. Yeah. The old school one which never changed is basically like if you get one, you're good. If you get two, you know, if you get three, you're pretty dumb. And now it's like not insulting your intelligence. What the hell? Yeah. They're like being made fun of it by the game.

Cry babies can't handle this triangular piece of wood. I never got more than three. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How am I supposed to make fun of my grandkids now? I don't think anyone's really complaining about it. But I mean, you know, I'm okay. Not that I've been to Cracker Barrow or am going to Cracker Barrow. I'm okay with my kid not playing a little game in a store that doesn't go fucking idiot.

I don't. This is out. I'm, I, a 60-year-old man wouldn't be offended by this. Yep, yep. Okay. Yep. But I am offended that it's not here. But that's different.

But don't get me started on Newsome. Both sides. Grusome. New scum. Oh. Both sides. But I need that shirt. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's really fucking crazy. It's him in a chair. Hulk Hogan is an angel with his arm on his shoulder. Kid Rock and Tucker. Carlson. I can't say Carlson. Tucker Carlson. Fucking nuts. I like just saying Carl Tuckerson. Yep.

It's easier to say. Carl Tuckerson's a way better name. It's so much easier to say. Carl Tuckerson's a better name. I need that sure. Yeah. Yeah. You can have the Bible. Oh, yes. The Gavin Newsom Bible. What's the regular Bible? Well, the sign one sold out. Yeah. Damn. Mm-hmm. The famous question mark. Pizza Hut in Glasgow on Argyle Street has closed.

The location, which was called Four Corners because of its close proximity to KFC McDonald's and Tim Horns. The hub. It's part of a dying mall that will also have the world's tallest cinema complex, question mark. Closing later this month.

If you're from Scotland, it's time to take back your culture. Demand a fine Scottish restaurant, take the Pizza Hut's place. Maybe a tilted kilt. Sauce monkey said he'd go and investigate, but he needs the company card? Yeah.

Yeah, Nick, you can go to tilted kilt? I've been. I'll go. Did they hang on? Bin, I'll go. Did they hang dong? It sounds like they would. It's just, it's the same as bombshells and all that stuff.

I think Tilted Kilt should be like a dude's version of a hooter. Yeah, that's what it sounds like to be. Yeah. Where they kill, the Kilt rides real high. They've got some strategically placed fans. Walking up. Harold Monroe style. Oh.

Tilted Kilt is a place where we would do like radio station activations. Like that's the only reason I would. I just saw him come alive. Yeah. For like, for a brief mom. I saw what Nick used to be. You're like, yeah! Yeah, I love it. Anyway, podcast.

I can't see what you look like because the microphones I know, dude. He always wants it here. This is perfect for Nick. This is what he wants. Yeah, sounds good. Do you see how that works? Yeah. We need the people to see who are watching, they need to be able to see Michael. Yeah. Okay. We do. Yeah. See all of me.

So anyway, Nick's gonna tilt it. Oh, the Twisted Kiltz. The Twisted Kiltz. Twisted. can be the guy. Tilt and kilted kilt exists. We could do twisted kilt. Oh, no, my kilt got a little twisted and now it's shorter. And then you just see like, you see throat.

You know what I mean. I too know what you mean. It's what you call it. Just the middle, the middle third. Do some batwings? A former pizza hut in Vancouver. This is a final fact, by the way. Is being turned into a Vegas themed donut shop

complete with slot machines and a colorful van parked out front. The donuts, I don't know, which range from $3 to $5, are served by a regular guy in a T-shirt. Honestly, that's a swing and a miss. Consider taking notes from a certain former Reno Schnitzel where the drinks are hot, but the ladies are hotter and Drew does not want to play

and we'll walk away and hide from you during a shoot. Also, Hot Chikolotta is closed now. It is, yeah. Very nice. A lot of people reached out when that happened. Yeah, yeah. The owner of Hot Chick-a-Latte. Why would you want to go-fund me for Cheer of Charleys and not them? That's, so they, the

owner of Hot Chicalate was like, we are losing this location, but the spirit of hot Chicalate lives on, and we will reopen elsewhere. As a tilted kill. That was three years ago, nothing has reopened. Give them time.

Yeah. Any day now. Well, maybe they did like a, like a backroom style. Oh. Like backroom gambling kind of deal. Could be thriving. A lot of those in Austin.

A lot of backroom gambling halls in Austin. Yeah. What was the one that you owe money to? I know. Green Dragon. It's not which. I know people that used to work at those. What?

I know someone used to work at those. Really? Mm-hmm. That's cool. What'd they do? They were dealer. Really? Yeah.

Whoa. Were they good at it? Probably not. Oh, no. I don't know. Only places like that are going for, you know, that's the best. I feel like those are the kind of places that I,

there's a part of me that wants to go to. They might have been. They might have been. They might have been good. Who knows? Who knows? Very good. I want to.

I want to. Got it I want to go in there But I feel like they would Turn and see me as I walk in the door It would be the thing where you walk in the music There's no record playing But a record would scratch

It happens and everyone stops and looks at you Then they would say get out Or they would let me play And then I would win And then I'd go, I'm here to cash out And they would take all the chips and say Cash out what? And then you go all my chips

And they go, what chips? What chips score? score. Did you know about that? And then they pull their mask off and it's Nick. No! And then Nick pulls his mask off and the monkey's under monkey. Whoa.

My true face. Dude, monkey dealer would be awesome. That would be pretty cool. Monkey dealer. Yeah, that would be a cool gimmick. Oh, it sure does. But still, him,

him with a little visor. For like an underground kind of place where no one can reveal their identity. Everyone should be wearing those masks. Remember how well he did tarot cards? Yeah. He could deal like, yeah.

He's doing blackjack. He goes, And I'll kill you. In the mask? Yeah, he's doing this in the mask. I can do that. Yeah, you can't determine where they go. But he's doing it.

He's doing it, though. I can do this. He's throwing the cards, though. And he's like, I'm nailing this. The tables that way. He's throwing the cards on the ground. I can do it by feel. He's just throwing him at the pit boss.

I can do it by feel. Do you want to hit or stand? Do you have like a 25? I'll stand. Okay. What do I have? What's this card? we gotta do that for like you know like the virtual machines where it's like the woman who like stands there

and then you come and you do like the virtual betting it like blackjack right it's like some lady in russia yeah yeah yeah and you just we just film him doing that and then you can deal the cards and then we don't even have to do because they have to like do like voiceover where they go 22 you bust we don't even have to do we don't have to like make him we just have canned lines i mean what we what we do is just fake it being live stream yeah film like two hours of niggas or two hours of Nick Dealing. Whenever you... And then you tune in and you're like, oh, I'm dealt in.

What if we film this and we put it on YouTube as an ASMR thing? Asmour Monkey Casino. Yeah, the casino ASMR. That's good. It's quiet. It's quiet casino noises or whatever. And then Nick Dealing. And then occasionally, like, you walk over and you go everything good over here.

Like, yeah, boss style. Dude, just get, just get like some green felt to put over this table right here. Yeah. No, totally. You could. Dude, this is a good idea. We start, Jordan will be pit boss, I'll be security. The beginning of the video is like a gorgeous woman sitting here and Nick like taps her.

And then people, people keep skipping through to see if like the lady comes back. We have her come back, sit down and then Nick comes back and he leaves. She's about to deal and he goes, no, no, no, no. Let me. Whenever you win, he goes, I'll kill you. Exactly. You get blackjack, goes, I'll kill you. And like, gives you another card.

Oh, dude. This is not a bad idea. at Monkey Casino is fun. Anything, any, any time spent on this episode not talking about pizza. Good idea. We got to the facts at like 26 minutes. That's true.

That's true. Now we're at 36 and, and it's time to learn about it. I blew the facts in five minutes because it seems so fast without Gracie's here. It was like, wow, here, we're done. Was that the last one we did? Oh my God.

Yeah. Beaver dream. Yes. Beaver dream. That was. Which was Gracie aside, man, a fall from Grace. from going from that sandwich

to this pizza. Yeah. We were humbled. And also, not pizza. These are flats. It's a separate thing. Yeah, it's flats. And if it were pizza, they'd call it that.

That's right. They call them flats. And, oh, Tuesday's like pizza. Oh, that's what it's supposed to be? No, it's like, two Z's like z. Well, no, if it was supposed to be two Zs like pizza, they'd call it flat. Whoa, can we get a don't poke the bear yard sign?

Are you still on the Gavin Newsom site? It's not the Gavin Newsom's website. It's not the Gavin News. side. It's campaign for democracy. Oh, excuse me. It's different. It's different. I didn't name my fantasy football team the California retaliatory gerrymanders. That's what brought

me on this subject. You said that and that reminded me. Then Nick's nifty team. Hey, we should learn about pizza flat. Solid. That's your play. Yeah, yeah. Could you draft Nick? I can where the Newsom was right about everything. Nick's draft was great. No, I've, I'm great

except for, you know, at the quarterback position. Yeah. Isn't that an important one? Yeah. Yeah, sometime. What was it you did? You drafted, you drafted, you drafted, uh, God, we almost talked about pizza. Who did I get, uh, okay, so like in the first round, first or second round, it was Derek Henry in Brian Thomas Jr.

Derek Dieter, who was a very good wide receiver. Uh-huh. And you picked Derek Henry and I was picking right after you. And then after you picked Derek Henry, you go, is this a PPR league? Uh-huh. And I go, you know it. And I pick Brian Thomas Jr. And you go, I may have made a mistake.

And I go, I think you did. Nice. Who's your quarterback? Awesome. Richard drafted three quarterbacks. Yeah, it's fine. We should learn about the flats. All right, all right.

I want to talk about my fantasy football team. Nobody cares. Nashville hot chicken, spicy, crispy, and drizzled in pickle ranch. This recipe brings the heat with fiery Nashville hot seasoning, fresh onions, melting mozzarella, and a punchy pickle flavor ranch sauce. Was that the one? I guess that was the one with all the stuff on it. That was pickle flavor ranch sauce?

apparently. I didn't get that at all. There was some sort of white sauce on two of them. Yeah. Bo Nicks. But that sucks. I think. Oh, it's a football. Okay. Not Arch Manny.

No, no, no. He's in college. Yeah. For now. The National Hot Chicken was the first one I had with the chicken on it. Yeah. Which was like the first one that kind of had flavor. Yeah. Because you had the red, red one. Yeah. Yeah, you had red.

That was the difference. This one wasn't really spicy, but it was red. No, it was red. It was red. I did not get pickle anything. No, no. At no point when I was when I was poking the shit out of the inside of my mouth. I saw what looked like some prickle.

Dill on it. I just assumed it was like the oregano seasoning bullshit that are on all these slices. The potpourri. Yeah, it's yeah, because there's no pickles. It's just pickle flavor. Yeah. Very strange. Uh, chicken bacon ranch because some combos just get it right.

This one layers crispy. Crisp. This guy over here. This one. one layers, crispy chicken, smoky apple would bake, ultimate ranch sauce and mozzarella with parmesan oregano seasoning. Okay, so that one had the oregano on it.

Yeah, which looked like the... I can't even... I can't possibly articulate to the audience here. When we read these things, it's like, I don't know if I got that flavor on the thing. Reading this and comparing to what we ate is not, like, it's not even close to reality.

It's all, it's all... Hard, hard, hard, crunchy, crunchy, run over pizza with some shit thrown on. Let me say this. The fact that everyone's like,

the one, this layer is crisp, shut the fuck up. Shut up. White sauce. Red, red chicken nugget, not red chicken nugget.

Pepperoni, no pepperoni, tomato on top. That's, that's what we ate. This is insane. The chicken bacon range one was the most flavorful

because it had the most stuff on it. Yeah, it had. But even that is not, like a positive remark on. Look at the pictures

that Eric took. I think there's one. Pause this episode. Listen to Jordan read this while looking at the pictures of the food. This is downright dubious. It's fucking,

this downright dubious. Eric wanted a picture of me eating the food and it was just me like putting it up to my mouth totally closed. Being like, hmm.

His eyes are also going two different directions like a chameleon. It's fucking crazy. I think I can do it. I can do it. I can do that. I can do it.

Oh, my God. Look at me. Look at me. Ah! I was looking at you, and you were looking at Eric at the same time. Show me. I don't like it. It's like Scars Guard.

It's like pro. That's not giving me the cry. McGoon. Give me the goon jacket. Give him the goon jacket. Dude, if I wear that Newsom Dezier with the goon jacket, come on. Game over. People be like, which side is he on? Gooning for Newsom.

Yeah. Goonsome? Gavin Goonsum. Goon and Newsom. Dude, I had so much fun. At least he's doing something, you know. I had so much fun on that stream with a horrible or movie.

I got home and I decided to pop in the discord and I said Jordan was in there. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, maybe third time's charm, we watch it again. And like, people were ready to attack me. But I realized it was me. Right, yeah.

It's like a bunch of people. It's like, yo, I was about to. and then it was just I just kept typing crow things and I when I finally left the Discord it's like all right I'm going to crow myself all the bridge and then someone went like Shelley

that was such a good dream horrible movie yeah amazing great incredible stream chat made it it's probably been out for a couple weeks by yeah but for us it's very recent watch it any time that was like four days ago

somebody else watched the old crow, the 90s crow, and was like, time to crow in this version, 15 minutes. Yeah. Oh, he becomes the, crows the first thing. He crows immediately. Yes. Also, like, it's time to crow in the crow. It's also...

It's also... I haven't seen that movie like 20 years. I don't really remember it. But isn't it also like... His girlfriend's murdered and that's it. Yeah. Yes. She's murdered. I'm crow. I'm going to get revenge and that's all movie. And then he is the spirit of vengeance that is the movie. Right, right. This is like a back and forth.

Like, he keeps not understanding what he's doing or what is happening. He goes to the crunder world, like, five times. And then he becomes the crow. After he's wasted his life. He gets gently shoved into a puddle like three times. It's crazy. And it gets his ass kicked. Oh, like, three other times.

Somebody, we were talking about kings and bugs in the brief moment I was in there. And they were like, someone posed like, can we ever hammer the kings? Like, can we bring that? And I was like, and I replied, only kings may hammer kings. Like, we have to govern ourselves. Yeah. And someone was like, we hold each other accountable. And someone was like, we don't need the magna coda.

And I was like, Magna Croda. Yeah. I was in my bed like, shit. Cropos. Yeah. And then I was like, I'm going to bed. Oh, my God. We got to keep more about flats.

Oh, we haven't even got to. You know it's Margot and halfway through the frats. We haven't even gotten to the ultimate. Yeah. This one's pepperoni, Italian sausage. Carmelized onions. You know they were. there roasted peppers and tomatoes

on sweet. Where was all of this on a pizza this big? Why did I only see the one tomato placed on each slice? They were stacked all stacked on top of each other. They don't put that part. No. Interestingly, this one is upsetting. Three cheese. Get ready. Get ready for

more. The three cheese. A gooey grown-up take on a classic with sweet marinara, mozzarella, Parmesan. Romano and Oregon. Take. Did you like it? Did you like how grown up it was?

I felt so adults. Adults. Yeah. Yeah. I am grown up. Yeah. I'm going chroma. Nice.

Oh, he's all crone up. That's awesome. That's cool. Last one. Pepparoni duo. Duo Maxwell. Classic and cup and crisp. Piperoni come together over

mozzarella and sweet marinera topped with a savory cheese blend seasoning. How many? See, that one did have sweet mariner. Yeah, like three of these. Hmm. Interesting. They are, the sweet marinero is really something.

Michael kept pointing out was, you know, he's like, I think this one has sweet. Let me show you what all that looks for. Okay, okay, okay. Oh my, oh my God. You get all that? Oh, my. You get all that? Look at what that is.

What the? It looks so bad. They're only all the skews. because they were moving around just a second ago. Oh, there's the tomato. You're touching next dinner. Stop, be careful, the caramelized onion. Read it again, Jordan.

Read it again. Which one's the Nashville hot. That one was spicy, crispy, and drizzled in pickle ranch. This recipe brings the heat with fiery Nashville hot seasoning. Fresh onions, melty mozzarella, and a punchy pickle-flavored ranch sauce. Do you see it? Do you see the ranch sauce?

Do you think this is going to get a good score? I think so. This is the box I made for you. They all fit. Move over spicy pretzels. There's a new 90 in town. Oh, man. During the Volvo Fall Experience event,

discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures. And see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute. This September, lease a 2026 X-E-90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com.

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If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact ConX Ontario at 1-866 531-2,000 to speak to an advisor free of charge. And there's press? Oh, fuck. Okay, 40-6. Okay, we can do this. I'm just closing the box, so I want to make sure it stays fresh. Yeah, got to make sure.

Okay, this says here. Crafted flats. Flats represent... Wait, that's the plural? Yeah. I guess so. It wouldn't be Flats, huh? Crafted Flats represent an unprecedented moment for Pizza Hut.

As we bring our largest simultaneous global menu innovation to pizza fans around the world. They're going global. Set Aaron Powell, CEO of Pizza Hut. They busted him out. It's a sticker or tattoo? I think he's a tattoo. That's cool. It's on the floor.

No matter where you live, everyone deserves big flavor. at a great price and sometimes a moment to enjoy it all to yourself as a pizza icon and innovator, we're proud to launch crafted flats. Are you? Globally, as an unapologetic celebration

of me time as well as me time. I wanted to apologize. You cranking off with this pizza? What do you think that range last? I don't really feel one way or another about globalization but I might be against it now. Terrifices pizza. I think maybe. I know that

I know that there's been a lot of concern about the mail coming into the U.S. from other countries due to tariffs and all that stuff. We should be worried about our ideas coming out of our country. We need to stop ideas like pizza huts, flats from going out and permeating other nations. Nobody out pizzas them. This isn't pizza. Yeah. Nobody out flats either. Stop the spread.

Nobody. That's good. No matter, this sounds like a threat. No matter where you live, everyone deserves business. big flavor. Yeah. No matter where you are. We'll fucking find you. Yeah, we'll get pizza. We'll hunt you down. And we'll flatten you. Well, that's, uh, that's what we have to say from the press material. But before we get to our review, we need to hear from you in a segment we call you

review. All right. We got two short ones and one long one. I, I don't care who reads the long one. It is so good that I'm excited for it no matter what. That, that's what do you want I'll do the long one. Okay. You've been taking the long ones recently. Jamie M. I'm dog sitting and was starving. Although I read the terrible reviews,

I decided to still give pizza on a chance. I'm sorry that I did. I ordered ranch and it was not delivered. The pizza was literally soggy and not cooked. That's just how it comes. I did get the mini cinnamon rolls. They were cooked beyond perfection. I'm writing this as I cook my delivered pizza in the oven.

Gracie? All right. I'm fully behind Jamie on this one. Honestly, this might be the first one. This is a very reasonable review. I indoors wholeheartedly. The only bald-headed move here is like I read the reviews and they were terrible, but I ordered anyway.

I'm a really big fan of this is dog shit. This is dog shit. I did get the mini cinnamon rolls. They were cooked beyond perfection. What does that mean cooked too much? No. No. It just means what we were saying.

Perfection isn't a good enough word for that. It's just what we're saying. early, man. It's like they were made for this. I love it. I love it. I ordered ranch and it was not delivered as great. Okay. Okay. Joseph G. Short and sweet. When my pizza was delivered, this is how I got it. The pizza

and wins were dropped. Was promised a new dinner box. Oh, you have a picture? Hey, that's what Michael showed us. That is the same picture that Michael showed. It is a very large box. I assume

that's like... it's a very long rectangular box but they are all they are all flipped over and on one side of the box that's kind of how one of our flats came when we opened it did Nick was like can you send that to me he's going to send him to his wife and go want

pizza tonight my treat it's like it's crazy because it's all on one side I believe it too it's so fucked looking and this guy has no he's just like I don't I just

don't know, like, what did I happen? Like, what did I expect? Like, was promised to do dinner boss? Was his car tilted at a 45 degree angle the whole time? Come on! So fucked up. And again, like, the first one, read the reviews, knew what the fuck I was getting into, and it's still fucked. You just never prepared.

It's Pizza Hut. You know exactly what it's going to be. Hey, I feel I did it yesterday. Now. Now. Now. But again, I never went, I'll give him a chance. I went, this is a mistake.

But I kind of want to see what the flats looks like. That's mostly why I ordered it. Were the breadsticks good? Breadsticks were pretty good. I mean, for what they are. They're not great, but they're better than fake, not real breadsticks. Of the places that offer breadsticks, like Pizza Hut is one of the few that do. Yes.

But they still suck. They're not great. Right. They're no olive garden. They're not even as good as Little Caesars. No. I would say Little Caesars is pretty good. I should have just ordered Little Caesars because they better pizza, too.

But again, they don't got flats. Yeah, you got to get the flats. Well, we got one more review. All right. There's Maria M. All right. Simply the worst of the worst. There's no zero star because they deserve none.

Pizza never arrived. We got a phone call two hours later from the delivery person. Oh, form the delivery person, Alex, saying he eat the pizza and it was so good. And he was stalking us outside our house until we left. He was watching us from outside. while eating our pizza. We filed a harassment complaint with the corporate office and corporate office send our complaint to the mainer location and the manager shared our complaint with the employee

and now the employee is harassing us at our business page. Pizza Hut has violated our privacy rights. Do not file a complaint with the corporate office because they will forward your complaint to the manager location. I know. you just explained it. The mainer location and the manager at the mainer location will show all the report and all your personal information

to the employee you will be filing the complaint. Zero professionalism with customer care. I hope they fire the manager, the employee, and they shut this location completely and indefinitely. I'm so glad you read that. I just got to experience it. What the fuck is with Alex? Hey, how come our pizza never showed up?

I ate, I eat your pizza. Ooh, I eat your pizza. It's so good. It was so good. That's how you know right away that this is, uh... What the hell? Alex, where are you? I am outside your house.

I'm sucking you. I'm waiting for you to leave so I can eat, eat you pizza. So if you order from the main location, do it pick up. Yeah, do it pick up. Or they just give you an empty box and go, I eat your pizza. Now I follow you home. I will say, how did Alex not get fired? Why would they go, Alex, look at this.

Dude, bro, bro, bro, bro. Look at what they fucking said about you. Did you do this? You know it. You know I did. He's eating pizza. Yeah. I eat their pizza.

And then the manager just goes, nice. We received a complaint about you. They wrote the word complain. They never used, like, nine times. They never used the word complaint. Although this is like the least egregious part. It's also insane. Shut the location completely.

It's also so insane how casually they said this. Right. Yeah. Saying he eat the pizza and it was. so good. And he was stalking us outside our house until we left. He was watching us from outside while

eating our pizza. We filed a complaint. What the fuck? It seems like Google or Yelp should be the last place you're like leaving this complaint. Next time this happens. You should be talking to a lawyer. Next time this happens, you

call me. I know somebody that's got a spear and a gun and they know how to use them. Yeah. They've taken down at least. 17 nights. Oh, well, the cultists come out too at some point. Iris was telling me about cultists. I was like, there's cultists in this game.

She goes, do you even know what cultists are? Idiot. Incredible. Incredible. Look around you, kid. We're about to be someone. I get my don't poke the bear flat. Well, when I started at my house.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, man. That was awesome. He ate the pizza and it was so good. That's an old-timer. That's, I was saying he ate the pizza and it was so good and he was talking us outside our house until we left. He was watching us from outside while eating her pizza. Turns out the call was coming from inside the house.

That one's nuts. That's the best thing about today. Yeah. That was worth it. That was worth it. Oh, man. I read that one last night to my wife

and we lost for like 10 minutes we were laughing at it and she went I wish our one star reviews on Clutch My Pearls she's like I wish our one star reviews

were anywhere near this good that is crazy Unfortunately this type of person eats at Pizza Hut they do not leave book reviews that's what I told her I'm like

I'm like you get people who are like oh too disgusting and will not read it or people who think they're going to be like the next book blog and it's I'm like

those are the ones we get too Nick, on me, thanks, I will not be going here. Go to burgergottlet.com. I don't know if you heard Nick. He said, we should be ours. We don't have any. That's right. Don't look.

They assume we don't. They mean one-star reviews of the books that they read. Oh. Anyway, that's your review. Fuck these guys. Pizza, it's awesome. I'll die for pizza. I love Alex.

I support what he's doing. Next time we need someone to help stock this family. I'm there. Five stars. I help he eat pizza. I'm already outside. we're eating the pizza and shifts. It is good.

It's so good. That's your review of Pizza Hut, but this is our review of Pizza Hut flats. Jordan, not the cinnamon rolls. Pizza flats. Cinnamon rolls are not part of this. Yeah. Just the flats. Why they keep doing this to pizza?

Here's the thing too. Look how they mangled our beloved pizza. I'm going to just get ahead of you on this one. Wow. Go ahead. Say everything I'm thinking. I'm not going to review it. I'm just going to say, I don't know if you were considering it or not.

It's not even worth effort. No. Take out. Here's what I thought with it. It fucking sucks. Did you see the pizza when I showed it to you? The flat, sorry. It's fucking horrible.

It's dry. It's sad. Uh-huh. That was what I said. It's uninspired. The lack of effort is pathetic. When you look at it and then when you eat it also. Sometimes we eat slop food.

Sometimes we eat food that isn't good. It's not even, it's not good and doesn't taste good. It's just pathetic. I want to pick this. You guys kept calling it pathetic. If I'm in eighth grade and I'm in the cafeteria and it's like, you know, it's like, oh my God, you can get pizza at the cafeteria.

I feel like a grown-up. And I saw this. I'll just get the chicken sandwich. Yeah, I'll get something else. I wouldn't take this pizza for free. If someone went, I have free pizza, full, not a leftover. Someone said, hey, I have an extra flats. It's fresh.

Do you want it? No. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Because even if it's fresh, I know it's not going to be like. Fucking sucks. So, last week, hit him with the 90. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It went crazy. I think I got to flip it and reverse it. Uh-oh. Oh, 9. Oh, wow. That's totally, honestly, completely fair. Yeah. Completely fair.

Doesn't deserve couple digits. I'm going to give it a 7. Oh, that's an average score. It fucking sucks. It's an average score. of eight, bro, bro. The last thing we hit, got a 49.5. We just gave this in. We're 48. I think at this point, we're just fucking sick of pizza. Yeah. I'm sick of that. Yeah, they're, they're getting close to like dominoes all the time at home. It's good every time. I got out a couple

days ago. It was delicious. They're getting close to the, uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was good. You got the Michael killer. Yeah. And I ate like three of them. Yeah. Yeah. No, I took my lactate. Yeah. I took his leg. I've been good. I've been working out again. I've been working out too. It helps. Nice. It just makes my body more normal. There's some sort of science between even beings exercising. We need to punish pizza. Yeah. We really do. Maybe we put them in detention. We really do need to punish people. Like until

they come up with something like actually worth having I don't think it's possible. If they do flats too like flat or than ever. We're not getting that. All right. Well, we'll put them in detention with the teachers. I'm grounding them. Scareing them with dirt bikes. I'm going to call their parents. Oh! Don't call my mom next. I was going to ask you guys. like earlier because we have the rundown of all five

to rank them. I don't think it's possible. It's not worth it either. I don't, like that's even what I agree. It's not worth it. The bacon ranch is the good one. The best one. Yeah. I would call it the good one. If you were to rank that one on its own, it's like 30. And I still maybe it was a 20, 25. But the rest are bad. But like it's a smorgish board of shit. There's one and then a chasm. Yeah. And everything else on the bottom. It's all shifted over like that guy's

Wings. Like, honestly, if I, like, had my mind now, but I have a child and my parents brought us home, I would be like, what the fuck is this? Yeah. Like, it looks old, shitty. It tastes like it's pathetic. It's pathetic. Imagine, imagine working at like Best Buy and it's, and it's like, you're on your lunch at Best Buy and you go, oh, this thing's only five bucks. No. I'm going to get this thing. It's five bucks. Those things are five dollars a piece. They're cheap. They're five bucks. Yeah. I thought they were more than that. But before 5 p.m. they're 5 bucks. Oh, okay. And so imagine

getting that and then sitting in your car and eating it and just going like, what am I doing, man? I mean, I guess for $5, that's a real, that's all you have scenarios. That's fair. Fair. That's it. That's it. It's heinous. It's not even worth it's not even worth like any thought. I don't like which one was good or what flavor.

No. It was me going, hey, us talking about it, even just thinking about it is putting more thought. It really is. It really is. Hey, what if pizza but flat? Yep. What if terrible pizza but flat, but worse than the terrible pizza already? But wait, we also curse the entire globe with it. Oh, yeah.

We infect it. I must infect the world. Well, that's our review of pizza up flats. Maybe skip this one. But you know what you don't want to skip is later today at 100% eat dot store. The switchforks will be back. That's right on the 16th, the day this episode comes out. That will be streaming.

In the evening. So today. Yes. Holy shit. We're releasing a podcast on the stream on the same day. Uh-huh. I'm gonna be tired. Yeah, we're giving the people what they want, baby.

I'm gonna wear the same outfit. Yeah, it's a great idea. Like you just got out of the episode, we just ate pizza. Maybe we should save the boxes. Yeah. Well, September 16th, it'll be in the evening later today. I think probably, I think 6 p.m. is what we were landing on.

Whatever grace is. Yeah. What day is this? The 16th, Tuesday, September 16th. Oh, okay. That's good. I lucked out. You can get the sauce.

You can get the sauce. industry shirt, the monkey hookup shirt, and the switchforks will be resupplied, so get Breddy. Shut up. You get it? All right. Thanks. I don't know.

It makes the only one. Well, let us know what other shirts we should get back in stock. Also go to streamly.com slash 100-percent-eat for signed prints. And sign up for the Michael Jordan podcast at patreon.com slash 100% eat at the $10 tier. Get the Michael Jordan podcast. At the $5 tier, you get this podcast ad free. You also get the Discord. And I'll just tell you, worth it alone for when we show you.

the movie for free. Incredible. You're saving money. We lucked out on the 16th. I might go to L.A. on the 14th. Oh, we did luck out. Oh, yeah. Good timing. Woof. That's okay. But you'll be back. If I go, yeah. I'll be back in the 15th.

Good. Very good. The Discord is great. People have been joining. Stop. Don't make Jordan Bald. And I'm not being sarcastic. He doesn't like that. This guy, yes. This guy? Absolutely not.

What the fuck? It hurts my feelings. Come on, he likes it. We had, do you remember, do you remember their name? They joined the other day and went to introduce themselves and said that, oh, yeah, you texted us. Yeah, part of their recovery from a motorcycle accident. Yeah, part of a motorcycle accident. And they said that listening to Face Jammer 100% eat was a cool way for them to sort of like,

put like a tough day away. This was Jack. Yeah. And it was, it was very cool. But then me and Jordan, I think both agreed like, hey, just so you know on your long road to recovery, we only made you worse. You're a different person. we actually

probably undid some of the progress that you made just so you're aware. You, you, you, his words, became a human again. Right.

Despite us. Yeah. Because of us. He ever gave, well, he's really just a testament to your willpower. He saw how humans act

and he saw how monkeys act and he said, I have to become better than the monkey. And you guys were like, we think we might have made you worse. And what did I say? What did you say?

I remember what he said, but I want to make sure I get it right. this is for you Jack I said I don't know maybe we fucked him up more as he recovered Eric without a doubt he did

Michael we fixed him that's why I knocked him off his bike to begin with I'm sorry I thought you needed help this guy needs to get fixed I'm gonna help him he also said the accident was in 2018

so Michael was really thinking ahead yeah well I was in a year when we start this podcast they're gonna love this it's like butterfly effect yeah I just like to do things and it might help mankind later. Also, that's why I'm getting that shirt.

Also on the Patreon. Thank you very much, Jack. But on the Patreon, $5, you get that stuff, $10 Michael Jordan podcast, 100% fan. You get a shout out like this from Jordan. Get a load of this one. This one's from Shane. Okay. In the box where it says, like, what kind of message is it?

They wrote other. Michael said it was okay. I did. I said that on the episode. What is it? Because it says, hello, venerated. bug judges. Michael said it was totally cool to do a shameless self-promotion as long

as you pay money. Yeah! As such, I'd like to let the bugs and grackles know about a fun for the whole family activity. The Hunt Showdown Bulk Challenge. Check it out on YouTube at Peter Boo-ya. It's B-O-O-O-Y-A-H.

My only regret was I didn't get me puking on camera. Thanks, T-Ros and Eric or whatever I guess. What? Thank you. what that's awesome i have no idea you're gonna spend a hundred bucks you can't fucking do whatever you want i have no idea what we just i'm sorry do you want to get insulted again

is advertised you were god did it just did my only regret is not filming me puking is crazy worth i like the immediate michael said i could yeah that had to be on one of the ones that just came out it's pretty good one it's pretty good yeah this was submitted on

august 13 well there you go hey and you can have your own shameless self-promotion Patreon.com slash 100% eat sign up for the 100% fan tier there you go

we'll have a 100% treat soon too we got a bunch of stuff we're back baby so we're back we're about we're about

no no no it's the day this comes out my water is like half but the day we are in now in real time mode

how when are we recording again when are we are we coming back for the stream is that it yeah yeah that's the 16th

the next time we're back a lot of Tuesdays Wednesday is the scream yep Hey, if you want to come here and do that. Hang on. Neighborhood alert. Lost power for a few for a few seconds.

Did this happen to anyone else? Great. Cool. Hey, if you want to send something into 100% treat or anyone here or Gracie's gifts, I guess, you can send them to PO Box 143241 Austin, Texas, 78714. That's PO Box 143-3-4-1 Austin, Texas, 7-8-7-1. Like, even if you have to know,

go knock on your neighbor's door, just ask them. Hey, I just lost power. Did you? No, I better take this to the internet. But also it says for a few seconds. Right. Well, I just need to know. Don't worry about it.

I just need to know. Is it just me? Are they messing with me? Are they out to get me? What the fuck was that? I'll get it. I'm gonna get it in Eric's pocket. That's where Michael's dad is.

Have you seen all the comments about that episode? No, I bet they were all great. Well, how was it? You did it. You got a company, dad. It is all, I can't believe Risha Keith made Michael work through that. But intersarcastic. Oh, okay.

Like, they get it. Thank you. That was like my one thing. made clear. Everyone there was like, go home. I was like, I really don't want to. There you go. That's just going to be so much.

The guy's already dead. Yep. He's already dead. There you have it. What do I need to go home for my mother? Yeah. All right, Jordan, take us out. Michael, it's not funny.

He just died. I was re-listening to that episode. Yeah. I was doing yard work this morning. A podcast I was listening. You ended. And then ours started and I was like, oh, fuck, I don't want to listen to this.

Because I never listened to the show. But then I was like, this is pretty good. Pretty good podcast. Every now and then you get, tricked into listening to it. Might be pretty funny. It's pretty good sometimes. You're a little biased, but

all those bits like when we when we started doing egg dad and you go, guys, please. Yeah. Just died. Okay. I'm glad they reacted that way because then I was thinking,

would it be too much if I brought him and put him in your pocket what people really upset about? That was crazy. But now that you've told me people are into it. You never know. Can you get us out of here, Jordan? The fans love Michael's dead.

I'm going to come. I love him too. I like the morning was alive, but I'm going to put the back back on the table every time and you're going to wonder, is he going to pull his dad out? Could be. Could be.

About one pound of them. I remember. Yeah. It's mostly egg. He was thin before he died. He lost a lot of weight when he got sick. Tell your friends. Tell your friends before they're gone about this show

where we eat food and rate the food. Goodbye. Wow. He's a shell of his former cell. An egg show. Thank you.