100% Eat - We, You, God - Jimmy John's Ride Along

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

Our Heroes are on their way back to the house after getting all the free smells they can handle. Throw this one up on the TV and contemplate our roster of characters. 100 texts later, its bed time. Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every Friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Here we go. Someone's already claiming this is our year. Someone else said that last year too. A round of Jameson, Ginger, and Lime arrives at a table. Smooth enough for kickoff, smooth enough for extra time. New friends pulling up a stool. Debates about whether that was a handball.

Cheers rising like a roar around the room. Because match days are about the shared moments. How did Jameson to your match day line up? Jameson, it's what you bring. Please enjoy our products responsibly. my TV. Right. But so many people saying they watch the show on the TV crazy. That one dude in the hotel. That's not surprising. I know. Yeah. I could not. I could not believe that. There were, there's a topic. It's not that much effort. No, the hotel. Oh, okay. Well, I mean, usually you just

like hit the thing of your phone and it goes right up there. We don't really like use the subreddit or whatever 100% eat has, but there was a, there was a post for people like, I watched the show on on TV and then a bunch of people posting me too. Here I am watching it on the TV. And it's like, That's wild to me. I just never thought about watching a podcast on the television. It's interesting because you guys see yourselves, like, as your screen on the TV. Yeah, that's what I said at the time. It's a good point.

But, I mean, I don't see it, so I forget. So me having the opinion that Eric has right now. But you also have the same view as the TV. Right. So, like, Nick, you're good. He's fucking stupid. It's what you're saying. I mean, that's what you're saying.

I mean, that's what you're saying. You guys, you guys look at the TV. So like Eric's fucking stupid. I'm back in the corner not looking at a TV. So you can understand how I wouldn't think of it, but he should be thinking of it. Dumb, dumb, person. You put words about that.

Classic background guy. The classic background guy. No, no, no, no, no. This is all in the background. For us, it's the foreground. For me, it's the, you know. I don't know what. No, I don't cast on TV unite.

I knew, I knew audience. I knew you watch podcasts on TV. Yeah. You get it. I can believe it. I mean, if it's on YouTube, YouTube has an app. watch it on YouTube, right?

Right. Yeah. But sometimes it's easier, right? Even that you have YouTube on your TV. But sometimes it's even easier. I just have YouTube on my phone, but I just cast it to my TV. You just push a button and it throws it up there.

Yeah. Huh. I just never thought about doing that with podcasts, I guess. Never. I was like there are some shows or like podcasts that like I will watch the video version of. Get Rogan. On TV. Yeah.

There are other ones that like will offer videos. that I just only listen. Yeah, of course. Podcast style. Yeah, I looked that up. Wow. Wow. On the TV.

Like, there's a soccer podcast I listened to, and they just stopped putting out video, and then I guess they found the password to their YouTube channel. Alex. And so they uploaded again to their YouTube channel video, and I'm just like, I don't want to look at these guys. Yeah.

Like, and I don't blame people who don't want to. want to look at us. I don't want to look at me. I, a Spotify offers video, right? Yeah. I forgot. Spotify and like Apple does now too. I forgot the Brett. I forgot the Brett food. I'll bring it tomorrow. Oh, okay. Also, I had to test so. Oh, yeah. I had a feeling that might happen. See, I was there. They're good. I ended up with like the one I was least interested in. I got, well, there's no risk of me eating these. I got a box of mountain dues. Yeah. Oh, and they're all gone. There's a couple pieces gone. Let me say. They are good. Yeah. Brett was there and gave us our live show at Homebrew happened.

And bro was there. We saw a lot of fans and friends and everything. Evan was there. Evan was there. So cool. Yep. Yep. So cool to see him.

He was, it was very nice to see him. Like a regular guy. Yeah. So normal. So normal. But then he was like, he was talking about how like, I jokingly was like, are you telling everyone that you're the guy?

You're the cuck chair guy? And he was like, people are recognizing me. Look, our like, our roster isn't that big. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like the 100% lore roster, Evan's high up on it. That's true. And even like, even like all the freaks, pay to pay to play. Big play. Even all the freaks, you know, like, like Bertie and Spencer, you don't see them.

No. Evan got to be in an episode. We got to meet someone who was on food court, Bose and Shreds. Oh yeah, Bose and Shreds was there. Which also, I don't know, bows and shreds gave me a thing that I have in my house like 10 years ago. That's so cool. It's like a piece of art that they made. Oh, we used to get like gifts a lot, like achievement on her and shit. Then she's like, I made you this thing.

I'm like, you're, that's Bose and Treads. I've had a Bose and Treads. So cool. For like over a decade. She was thrilled when you told her that. When you told her like where it was in your house, she's like, what? No, wait, what? It was like a, I think it was like a Cloudberry thing.

Uh-huh. Oh yeah. And it was like one of those delightful like crocheted things. Like cross stitch. Cross stitch that looks nice and like grandma, whatever. And it said like fuck me, me, my fucking fuckhole fuck. I was like, that's a pose and shreds.

I had no idea. It's the value and through the roof when she told me that. The picture she showed of her giving it to you was a picture of her, her, you, Lindsay, and me? Yeah. From a convention. And I was like, I don't even remember when this was. Like, I couldn't place where we were.

But it was cool to, I was there for that moment. Yeah. And it was cool. It was funny for her because she was telling us, she was like, I remember when I got this picture, I was like, she was like, Michael and Jordan, what a random with like two red yeah what a random hair yeah what are they doing together for the podcast and uh jordan looks a lot more similar than i do yeah oh you you had mike glasses yeah yeah yeah it was way back when yeah why did you get lacing 20 19 20 18 20 19 something like that

yeah they're fading i was going to say do you feel like that that tends to happen right for sure oh bummer would you do it again if i could I don't know if I can, but yeah, because they, like, I don't know if there's enough eyeball left. Right. Oh, I'd absolutely do it again. It's still far better. Scoot it out from the back.

Doesn't there like a LASIC alternative that is like a little less invasive? I don't know. Shut the fuck up. That's literally on your eyeball. That's like dumbass. That's the definition. Like this case about fucking podcast on TV.

Yeah, right. Trying to have a real conversation. It's been two weeks since we all been together. Yeah. No. No, it's been three weeks. It's been two days for you guys. And also he said that, he said that on the live show.

And then it's like, well, Jordan hung out the other day. Yeah, that's true. Like, what the fuck? We talked about Chris's bad haircut. It was fun. There's a bad haircut. But this is the first time we've had actual sauce monkeys. This is true, the four of us.

Yeah. We had a sauce monkey replacement where what if the mask wasn't a big, funny mascot head, but it just fit him normal style. Dude, Armando wore that like a hat. He did. It looked great. It looked like, it was like, it was even more appropriate. I was thinking about it.

And I said at the time, like an astronaut's helmet because it fit his head. No, he wore like a ski mask. Yeah, yeah. And it like pulled it down over like his head. It was form fitted. Very, very balloclava-esque where it was just, you pull that over and commit a crime.

Yep. And people go, an actual ape was here. Yeah. Yeah, dude. He looked good in it. He looked awesome in it. He looks scary. Yeah.

The pictures you sent it looked fantastic. Yeah. I sent the video of everyone saying, happy birthday to Gracie to our group chat. And there's a guy wearing a sauce monkey mask in the video in the background. Yeah, like I replied before Gracie. Yeah, right.

And he just said, who is that? It was a very Gracie-esque question. I was gonna say, like, I was expecting Gracie to say that. Right, right, right. Who is that? Where is this? Where could I watch this? We all guessed at what Gracie would say when we sent her a birthday video

and we all kind of landed on, who are these people? Yeah. Instead, we got it from Nick. Yeah. Is this at the office? She did keep saying, what was, what is the? Yeah. But where can I watch it? You know what? Can I say? It's a great pleasure, great pleasure.

In having that SpongeBob conversation. I was going to say, and I was saying 100 text messages at 13 the morning and I was like, and I'm doing it. I woke up and I'm like, I wonder if I have any text and I look one on the dot, 100. Yeah. Honestly. It felt coordinated. It did.

It did. Let me tell you this. It was coordinated, but just by me. Yeah, exactly. Because I coordinated it for a great. without talking to her. Oh my God. Because I knew it worked.

Well, it was like, let me send individual messages that are just my SpongeBob stickers. Yeah. One, two, three, Yep, four, five, five, six. And every time she set one, my smiled grew bigger, like the grade.

I started scrolling and I was like, what is happening? And I was just like, fuck them. I don't give a fuck. I was on the West Coast, so I was still awake. So you were just, you were just like, what the fuck is, yes. Well, I thought you had spotty sell service.

Oh yeah. That's why you didn't wish Gracie a happy birthday. Only on her birthday. birthday. Only our birthday. That was the day it was in support. They don't have cell service there. Happy related birthday for both of us.

Equally, equally. Yeah. The present we got you, that's from all of us. Gracie started setting pictures. I guess she was watching like a minion movie. I don't know what that was. And I was in bed I just bought SpongeBob Battle for Bikini Bottom Rehydrated.

And so I was like, oh, wake and I got the Gracie message because I had my alerts back on. I hadn't turned it off yet. It's always I always like turning them off. Which is why I missed her birthday messages. And so I sent a picture of me playing Splendrop knowing it was going to get a reaction. And then the flood gates open. She's like, what is that game? What is that? Can I have that? Can I have that game? And I was just like, she's like, I have a Wii and I'm like, actually this is the original GameCube game which you can play on the Wii. And she's like,

tell me more. Tell me? So I just started seven-year-old Like all the links of like what you needed to be like, can I use this and it's like a pink controller? Yeah. Oh, she wanted to be sure also that it was the right Wii, so she sent you a picture of what the Wii looks like. Yes, which I have to double back on. I didn't realize this later, later version of Wii's

weren't backwards compatible. Really? I gotta find out. Was that? Of the Wii specifically? Yeah. The Wii? No, we.

What? I guess like on the back end, they started making whiz that weren't backwards compatible. What? That's crazy. Did they still have the game control? Some in my chat said this yesterday and they wouldn't answer that goddamn question. And I kept saying, but so surely, if there's no controller port, it doesn't work. But if there is, it must. Right.

Oh, yeah. But I also. The memory card slots, which are useless for the we. Right. She was like, are you fucking kidding me? And I was like, unfortunately, yes. But then I sent her to links and she was like, oh, this isn't expensive as I thought. And also she did, I did absolutely pick a pink controller for it. She was like, e, it's pink. Which, as going back to what Jordan said, he's like, I feel this was a, was a planned. conversation. Oh, it was. Just on your part. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It went until like one o'clock in the morning, which is two o'clock in the morning for her. Yeah. Yeah, that's what always gets right about this. She like, I guess I guess it's her like, uh, late night, like decompressing before bed. Yeah. She'll just start texting, but it's like 1 a.m. for her. Crazy. Just a hundred text messages scrolling, going like, what happened here? Yeah, that was not. Yeah. What happened here? And also, what are they talking? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the last thing we had talked about was, Gracie had a birthday party, was like a joint party where it was all glee themed. Oh, that was, yeah. And it's like, I'm like, I didn't know that she like glee that much. I didn't either. She's a bleak.

Yeah, that was like, that was crazy. I guess maybe she was just like the right age for it when glee was happening. And I guess so, what would have she been like 10? Yeah. Yes. Probably. Fuck.

Dude, probably younger. Yeah, honestly. Oh, God, stop. Maybe around 10ish. Stop, we're already dead. What the fuck? You're already dead. What the fuck?

Oh, cool. But the American flag out the back is pretty cool. Well, he's a dignitary. Happy 250, that was built then. Yeah. This is a horse powered, though. We saw an old looking little. It's a little like roadster.

Yeah, like how they, the top down. Fucking Vanilla ice still couldn't perform. Oh, yeah, it's pretty awesome. The guy the whole time, he just kept going like, I'm going to do it no matter what. And then they canceled it to inclement weather, even though there was like nothing. Sunshine?

And they were just like, kind of saying, like, they just didn't want to have it because nobody showed up. Yeah. Now they're having the fair? Dude, I don't know. They had their one ride is the Ferris wheel that kept breaking down. Yep. I heard about that. Ooh.

So somebody posted you're like, I thought this was like the thing that you knew how to do was the fair. Like, this feels like your wheelhouse and it's fucked up. What law do they ruin? Hours. Yeah. America is the one I pay for. Well, America's front lawn. Dude, that and just the comedy of, like, so much time and effort and $15 million

on the goddamn pool. Yeah. And it's like, didn't even make it. It's like, there's vandals in the night. People are coming and slapping the water. Who send you to jail? We're putting offense around. The National Guard will be guarding the water.

What are you talking about? I think at one point he called the algae criminal algae? Yeah. The criminal algae. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Well, they're not allowed in there, Nick. Dude. Okay.

They're trespassing. Get them out then. Yeah. These algae is a bunch of immigrants. Why don't you arrest them? Why stop there? The birthright citizenship got held up by a five to four margin. I don't like the fact that it wasn't 9-0.

Yeah. It's insane. Jeez. Drats. We'll get them next time. Yeah. They will. They'll try next year probably.

Yeah. Yes. That's the plan. Oh, we're going to take this all the way to the Supreme Court. We're going to fight Trump at the Supreme Court. We're going to fight Trump at the Supreme Court. Supreme Court the thing he wants yeah that sounds right the thing that's rigged in his favor yeah pretty crazy that has no accountability yeah clarence thomas just

hopping around like the house on like the republican side you gotta stop using the word hopping because some people can't all right okay that was at the meet and greet i was i was waiting for the show to bust this out this sucks well i guess you can save it or you can save it or maybe you can just forget it because nick or maybe forget about it all together yeah nick is like the audience Well, the audience knows now because by the time this comes up, we've railed Eric for it. Yeah. Shit. Oh, wait.

Shit. You put your foot in your mouth, big fella? Yeah. Yeah, he was self-sucking toes. Mm-hmm. Okay. Would you like to have seen that? No.

The noise. The noise. Dude. I saw on the Discord, too, and I think it was from some people that might have been there. Cool. That's very quick. But you know how... Hold on my car.

No, he's got it. What the fuck? What the fuck? Car troubles. That was awesome. God damn. Jesus. All right.

Go ahead. I think it was some people who were at homebrew, but you know how we mentioned before? People were talking about meetups and I was like, oh yeah. Somebody called it a feed-up. No. Somebody was having feed-ups?

Yeah, there were some feed-ups happening. It was like people wearing... There are two people with soft-smokey mask. that they brought it and they posted a picture in the Discord. It was like, whoa, feed up. Yeah. What happened? Did that come out of a bird? What now, dude?

Ew, gross. Dick bird. Pick it up. Somebody touch it. Something wrong with all these birds. Pick it up and treat it like a dirty, dirty grape. Squeeze the side. Let's suck the seeds out. What do you get a door stop? I think.

These doors, like, they line up just well enough. So close. Oh, yeah. but also the one that leads in the garage is so much heavier than the one that leads in the house that it does nothing. Nick is walking sideways. Yeah. He likes walking backwards so that he can film us coming up the stairs behind him.

And also that so that we can't look at his butt. What? Girl, when I told him. Is that what I'm worried about? All right. You want to see something funny? Yeah. They almost.

They're not in a bag. They handed them to me like this. I don't know who you saw. They just went, oh, your sandwiches. And they just went like that. And I just kind of stood there and I went. And she went, oh, do you want a bag? And I went, yeah, I mean, it's funnier this way, but yeah, let's take a bag.

Oh, see, I heard that. And I just in context, I was getting more water. And I kept saying, bags are funny. It was just like, it was like, what happened? Why would you not give me a bag? Nothing funny about this. Dude, it's been weeks without Tooby. Yeah.

Alien versus Predator. That movie might be too good. All right, here you go. Dude, while we were away, Tube got acquired by Cox. Oh, it's a wrap. That's right. They didn't cut it.

They did not cut it? What? Did you want a bag? Did you want to cut? Like, here what is your mind? What do you want? Yeah. For real, dude.

Dude, just tell yourself up by your bootstraps, man. It just seems strange, doesn't it? Yeah, for sure. It's just a tortilla. It's just a tortilla. Dude, open it up. Don't break it. I didn't break it.

Don't leave it extended. Showed off. Open it up. Yeah, let's take a look. Take a bite. Yeah, right in the middle. Hey, kids, this is not that regulation show. Wow, that's it.

Wow, where's the buffalo? All right, anyway, I'll go get a knife. Go get some buffalo sauce too, would you? I don't like the way he said that. I know. What? Hey, little fucker. Yeah.

Um, we'll find out if we like this. Here's the middle. helpful a transition put it on here on his phone touch it they're dead nice yeah it was great