100% Eat - We're in a CORNER and we're STUFFED %% Panera Bread Salad Stuffers

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

Our Heroes head to Panera to get absolutely stuffed... with salad. The Sauce Monkey is backed into a corner and he's lashing OUT. Don't get scratched or bit or shrieked at. Panera wasn't exactly wacky but there are specialized mice who are ready to fix our teeth. What? Support us and grab a shirt my boy https://100percenteat.storeIf you become a 100% Fan at ANY POINT in May, you may win the chance to be a cuck! Sign up now at Patreon.com/100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm ready. Yay! Shit, fuck, balls. We're not going. All that's it. Nope. All of that's in. Don't you look at me.

I'm in a corner. It's your own corner. Welcome to shit fuck balls, the show where we try every fast food restaurant to let you know if you need to you. You probably do. I'm your host, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan, how are you?

Whatever. Whatever bit I may have had playing. Doesn't matter anymore after that start. Whatever. Whatever. Whatever. I'll carry it. Okay.

Put it on me. We can't compete with Nick. I don't need. We can. In fact, Nick is relief for any, any, like,

weight you might have. It's like, oh, man, what are we going to do? And then you just let Nick talk. Well, I feel like sometimes, even if you don't want it relieved,

he just takes it. Sometimes you want to talk about the water burger. You can't. Right. Or the water machine. Or sometimes you, Or sometimes you want to stop talking about the water machine.

I wanted to. Nick v. Water Machine, but also Nick and Water Machine v. Eric? I can't even do anything. Oh, man. I didn't even do anything. Yeah, we pushed the button. I didn't press the button. Oh, yeah. You didn't do shit.

You couldn't get it to charge. I don't know why I'm lashing out. He's like laying on you about the credit card thing. After this guy's been to McDonald's, how many hundreds of times? That's McDonald's fault. I don't know. Okay. Okay, so that...

Oh, wait. Hold on. How can this apply? Wait, this would never apply to me. I'm perfect. We got water. Yeah. It was the whole thing. It's in the ride-along.

The ride-along is a side quest adventure of getting water. Nick gets us through a whole situation. Tells me that I'm driving the wrong way constantly. And then, uh, our, our Panera adventure was pretty uneventful. There were so many people with the Panera bread. There were a lot of people there. But like, people like to camp out at the Panera. We found out.

last time we went. Yeah. So that wasn't too surprising. And there was nothing wacky that happened really. Soda machine existed. I guess that was pretty funny. Uh-huh. So on the ride-along,

there was nothing wacky at all. No. The ride-along was really just like what was happening then in the car. Not only was nothing wacky happening, but like I feel like the inside of Panera is like a library. Yeah.

I felt like I was sitting in like a Barnes and Nobles. Yeah. Which I guess is a bookstore in a library, but it's close enough. Who goes to the library? I don't buy the books. I just read them at it. Are they even, are they even like, does Texas have libraries?

Are you allowed to have any in there? Well, they banned all the books. There it is. There's the book. There it is. It's over there. I know what people are saying. They're calling me out right now.

Yeah. I didn't get my haircut. Oh. Many in the comments. You guys can get in the comments. I know. I didn't really. Dude, probably already.

She rescheduled. Yeah. Tomorrow. Wow. Tomorrow. Supposed to be Saturday. She got busy. Yeah.

It happens. Are you, I allowed it. Are you hating the length of the hair? Yeah. Yeah. You want to be short hair, Michael? Because it gets curled.

Weren't you talking about the haircut Friday when we recorded? Yeah. The Michael Dorn podcast that comes out this Friday? Oh, did we stick? We've talked around that one already, did that one come out? That one hasn't. Wait, no. No, that one came out.

That one is out. Yeah. Yeah, no, we were all caught up. We're all good. We're all good. Oh, that's great. See, I don't even think about it. Because one has to come out this Friday, and that's the one we did last Friday.

Right. Are we not caught up then? No, we're caught up. Yeah. It all makes sense. We're good. It all makes sense. This is why we can't do time travel.

This is why we have to stay on our schedule because we get, you really, we're making it and we get lost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You really backed yourself into a corner there and lashed out. Weird how I'm not like attacking, attacking Eric for an hour. Get him. That's what I would be doing. Get him. But I pointed out because my hair is that it's too long of a length right now to do hat.

Not what I would have done. No, I said, you should do it. But I'm doing a hat anyway. That's not what he said. Nope. So this is why I had to wear that. hat. Yeah. So you guys got so me so many. After Eric botched it

last week. They don't open until later than you think they should. An hour later in fact. Yeah, but turns out it was only about 15 minutes. Yeah. Because we did a lot of walking around and then we just had for me and George. Honestly, we could have gone in way earlier. People were walking in at like 1150. Yeah, and we let it slide. Yeah. We were like, we're not going to be those people. We waited

to like 12-02. Yeah. Damn. And then you guys got it. What did Tyiaki styles? Yeah. We did a two-fer. I got custard. I got Nutella. Damn. Yeah. The Nitellum was good.

They were good. Jordan might have burned himself. Yeah, dude. They give it to you hot. He went in quick. He gave it to you hot. His first bite was a big bite and it reminded me of taking my kids. That was like, that was a big bite.

And he was like, I might regret it. I have that same problem at home slice. I know every time it's going to burn you. But I want it now. I get that. That happened me over the weekend. I had some friends in town suddenly. And then it was like, oh, where are we going to go?

and I went, oh, it's got a home slice. And they got, burn ourselves. That is handed the slice and like from the guy because we were just like, oh, pick up a slice and go. So like they just put it in the oven real quick and give it to you. Just grabbing it going, all right. It's like, is this your first day on earth?

This is, but not new. This isn't new technology. This is pizza. And then it was just, I guess, gosh, yeah. What happened? Why is this so hot? You just spit it out. Yeah.

No, no, you just got to. No, you get cool. You can leave it in your mouth and cool it down in your mouth. Yeah, you dancing around in your tongue, your tongue, wow, wow, wow, wow. Man, I got the, uh, the Sicilian slice, like the thicker one again. Sicilian's so underrated.

Fuck, it's so good. I mean, everything at home slice is so good. Yeah. Like, I went a couple weeks ago and was like, we could get a whole pizza. Also, we could just get slices and get a sandwich. Yeah. And I did that, I did slice of pepperoni mushroom

and the turkey sandwich. Yeah. How are their sandwiches? Sandwiches are incredible. Never had their sandwich. Oh, it's worth it. Look, I struggled a long time for, with going to homeslice and not getting pizza. It's hard.

Yep. But it's worth it. Like, tomorrow? No. Why not? We have work to do. We have to film all day tomorrow. Yeah.

Why wants to go there to film? Yeah. What are you saying? Hey, everyone, welcome to retro reads. We read the menu. We're eating a sandwich. We retro read today. MJ podcast tomorrow.

That's what, why do you think we start early on Tuesdays? And it's already late. Oh, it is late. Oh, you're right. I know. Can Archie pick him up? My kids. I think he might be busy.

He's on lockdown. Oh, shit. Still? It's been lifting it, dude. Nick told him that he can, we have to go on lockdown. I'm going to go sheltering outside. Yeah.

Okay, not lockdown. Oh, my. Yeah. Shelter's different. Right, but he understands the turn. Lockdown is what we're going to be in a few weeks. The hontavirus takes over. We, Austin, I had a shelter in place thing very suddenly on like

was it Sunday? Sunday like midday like afternoon. The loudest alerts on everyone's phone at like the same time. To be like, there's a lot. I'm always ready to ignore those alerts too because there's so many. That was the time not to ignore it. Yeah, it really was.

And then all it was just like shelter in place between these areas. No further information. Absolutely. And it was like, dude. And then I got a, I got a, I was on TikTok. Oh, dude. I got a follow up.

From like the city that was like that usually does like thunderstorm warnings and stuff or it's like, hey, we set you alert more information we found on social media. It was like that's even less helpful. That's not how you should do it at all. I immediately went to like the Austin subreddit. I went to X, the everything site. And I went to TikTok. I went everywhere just going like you hung around on X for a long time. Yeah, yeah.

Well, a lot of good ideas. I've been there in a minute. And there are just a lot of guys. What are your thoughts about Odyssey? Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Good. Why would they do that to Homer? He's rolling over in his grave. Yeah, the real story that definitely happened. Don't! Why you little? Christopher Nolan? But then it was like, hey, so some people stole some guns and some cars

and they're just shooting indiscriminately. They're just shooting and driving and shooting and driving. And then those people was children. They're just shooting at homes. Oh, hey, we caught two of the things. three, one is 15 and one is 16. What? What's happened? Don't worry. Here's the 17 year old. Here's his full name. Oh, okay. Holy shit. Did you be doing that? Oh my God. Isn't 17 still a minor? Yeah. It's like, it's like, no, this is Texas. Fuck. Yeah. They're halfway to the electric chair.

Yeah, dude, no kidding. So, well, uh, firing squad. Yeah, now it's the firing squad. Well, it's the irony, you know? Yeah. There was a bunch of guys in car. Eye for an eye. Importez. Apparently nobody died, but it was just shooting indiscriminately into like 12 homes and like a fire station. Two fire stations. Crazy. Crazy.

They shot up everywhere in Austin and then drove to Mainer. Yep. They're like, we got to get out here. They'll never catch us here. They almost made it outside of Austin. It's like, where are you going to go Bastrop? Like, what's the plan? And they were going to Elgin. They're going to Southside Market.

We got to just fucking sausage. Oh, we're looking. Oh, man. I've been hearing good things about these ribs. Tomorrow. Like, uh-oh. Tomorrow after homeslis. He's talking about the food part of that story, right?

Yes. Only that. Right. Not all the other activities. If we don't go get this food, the other activities might occur. Uh-oh. I see. Welcome to America.

Right. But that's a crazy text to get. You would think the game that lets you do that stuff, you know, GTA, you could just play that. Yeah. That would kind of. you get it out that way, but it's not. Sometimes the real thing is what it takes.

Guns are just so loud. Like, so are helicopters. Yeah. A lot of helicopters everywhere. All over the place. It was pretty crazy. It reminded me being back home and lost it. Yeah, it really was.

Or like a helicopter flies over and you're just like, you don't even think about it. Here, I'm like, a helicopter. Yeah. For me, I used to get helicopters all the time, but it was two things. It was one, someone escaped from Raleway Prison. Hell yeah.

Because I live real nearby. And there was like this like field like swamp area nearby my house that they like run away into. Into the swamps. Yeah. Into the weeds. It was either prisoners or North Star, like emergency helicopter. Oh yeah. Right.

Yeah. It was like constantly over my house. Yeah. Very rarely hear that here. Yeah. Right. I grew up. Here they just let you die.

I don't ever see like a medical helicopter. I've seen a couple. It's true. I actually went over to there's a shopping center. I knew the name of it. It's called North Star. name of the helicopter. Crazy.

I saw a helicopter like taking off. Oh wow, really? Yeah. Job well done. Yeah. Out of here. Or they're on their way. They were fleeing.

Job not well done. Better get out of here. Uh-oh. They're coming with us. Please. You're 15. I grew up in a city in Santee. Congratulations.

Thank you. That was also the... Oh, this is the right word for Santee. It was also the women's... This is where the women's prison was. Like the San Diego, like, correctional, like, women's prison, Los Kalinas. And the only time you ever saw,

and it was like all anybody talked about, like in high school or whatever, is there's one episode of Real World in San Diego where two of the people get arrested. The guy gets taken downtown, and the girl gets taken to Los Kalinas and Santee. And it is a 25-minute drive. And I just can't imagine being like 21 years old

in the real world house and going, all right, I'm going to call a cab. Right. Because it's 2002. And I have to go to... I hope they have MapQuest. San T. To go to this fucking sucks.

You get dropped off there. You're like, where am I? Where the fuck is... But tell the car. Keep the meter running. I, we're not staying. Nick's mom was in that. A women's prison.

Working on beaks. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. His dad was at Sea World. She was teaching the math. Yeah. But she... No.

They were struggling with the math. No, she wasn't teaching. She was tutoring. she was enlightening she was fixing yeah yeah fixing the broken math brains yeah I don't think they started broken

yeah probably public school taught them broken I got one of them broken math brains let you tell you oh I hear that man Panera no what what do we eat today oh yeah I guess we can talk about Panera now nothing happened there

literally was completely uneventable compared to the weekend to today yeah right it wasn't even funny ordering the food off the iPad. Hoham, Panera. They had stuff. We ordered it and we ate it. Ho-hum, dumb. No cars got stolen. Yep. The vibes in Panera are different, similar to what you were saying about it.

Feeling like a bookstore or a library. It is very quiet. It's quiet. Everything's so muted. I feel like it used to be... There's no screaming beeps. Yeah. And now no one works. I was going to say behind the counter, it used to be like activity. Yeah.

But now it's just like... People pulling things out of a refrigerator and stuffing it into bread. Basically, that's what it is. They have a nice new pastry display I noticed that remind me of the pastries at like Starbucks. Yeah. They looked pretty good. Whoever they sourced it from.

I got to say, I gotta give it up for Nick. I gotta give it up for Nick. I gotta give it up for Eric though to give it up to Nick. Yeah, because he had walked away for like the fifth time. Yep. From the ordering. Dude, I found a seat and like looked back and was like, you guys are still ordering.

Yeah, well, we finished up. I put my last drink in. Yep. Because I changed it because I saw they had it. I see. And then Eric was, like, we want, we can get something for Nick? We're gonna get Nick something. And Nick goes, no.

As he's saying no, Eric Scrolls. He goes, oh, cookies. Oh, cookie. So for that cookie. Yeah, for all of us. Dude, he saw that cookie. No, not for Nick, for Nick. We were over by the pastries and he saw her tell of the cookie. They also had muffin tops. He liked the chocolate chip muffin tops. They look good. They look real solid. A lot of the pastries look good. I got it. I'll back about that.

The cookies were a good choice. The, uh, I got to give it up. They were pretty great. Giving it up again. Thank you. But what was the main event? But not at the water station. No. No.

No. No. No. Some shit. I'm giving it down. Panera bread salad stuffers. It sounds so stupid. Check out the cool image that you're more.

The image is so suspect on these things. Hot dog fingers wrapped around. The whole hands are hot dog. If those, if that image isn't AI, somebody airbrushed those hands. Yeah. Nick is, Nick is doing. Nick is doing the, uh. Yeah.

wish. Panera's Labyrinth? Panera's Labyrinth. Panera's Labyrinth. Panthers Labyrinth. Give me the brand. Eat this salad sandwich, bitch. Yeah.

That's what he says. I remember that from the film. Yep. Yeah. Blink, blink. These are... What is a bread salad stuffer? What is a bread salad stuffer?

It really, it really gets the mind working, doesn't it? Stuff my brain with some insight. So, Talk to me like I went to Texas schools. Talk to him like... You know how... Talk to him like Nick's mom helped him with that.

So, you know how you get a salad and you say, boy, that was so good. And I love the little piece of bread on the side when they don't give me chips when I say I want bread. Yeah. Fucker. What if we take this salad hollow out the bread? hollow out the bread and then just shove it the fuck in there. You don't shove it, you stuff it.

Boy am I stuffed. It's a salad shover. It's so, it sounds, salad stuffer sounds like a, like a derogatory sexual term. It sounds like a deviant art sub like search. I have those tags blocked.

Yeah, like, oh, I'm 100% I'm blocking salad stuffer. Do not, that, Do not eat egg. Salad stuff. Salad stuff. Do not interact with the dog. I have salad stuff or an east egg permalink

to anything I search. No! Get your salad stuff. It's just like, it would just be like fetish content with that name and it's gross. And to eat it.

The image is like fetish content. It did. It's just a bunch of, it's just round ass hot dog finger in. And the bread and it's like piling out. Yeah. And it's like perfectly like, it's out of the wrong.

or the baguette, but it's still perfectly like fine, like the big old pieces of chicken or like holding themselves up somehow. Like that's not realistic. No, and it's like, they're like a decent size because it's just like half a baguette.

It's like they are hollowed out and fucking stuff. You get the stag. Like handfuls of just like and like putting it in. I got extra gorgue, dude. Yeah. Didn't need it.

Didn't need it. Didn't need it. I thought they would go light on the cheese. I thought they would do. They did not. See, I customized it. Nick tried to. Well, Nick was the third one to order.

So. Nick would be honest. I mean, we got different things. He's got to get it. Jordan ordered and just hit Ad Decart. Whatever. Michael ordered and he went, I got customized it and hit the thing to go in on like the venue.

I wanted to make sure there was nothing yucky in it. Yeah, there was a rugula. And then Jordan went, I was like, whoa. Jordan went, oh, I need to do mine. I'm like, you can do it. You can do, you can like customize it next. And Nick is standing there and everything.

And then I'm like, all right, you go out and order yours. Nick just goes over and he just adds the cart and then he goes, wait! And it was like, he went, oh no. And then

nobody got Panera points. And then he went, he went and was like, he looked at everything, he looked at the side, he could change it out, he goes, no, I'm going to stick with chips, all this stuff. And then he went to hit save it.

And it wasn't highlighted. He goes, why want it? Oh, I didn't change anything. He just wanted to see the options. You saw them when I did it, though. I couldn't read. tiny press. But okay, well, you saw and pretended you could because you went,

ooh! Oh, because I heard what you said. Did you get frizzled onions? Frizzled onions. Yeah, I don't know what those were. They went on the magic spoilers. No, no, I know, yeah. I'm just saying, I know, at no point was they eating it and went,

frizzled onions. I was going to be the frizzled onions I'm tasting. It was in there, whatever it was. It's a frizzled onion situation. Frizzled onions. Dude, I should have started home today. You're talking about salad stuff or frizzled onion, it's the craziest thing.

Maybe it's brubs and fry. I also thought that they were at first glance when you sent the picture of the food. I thought they were wraps. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, wait, this is Brett. And then even that looked like it was AI generally. It doesn't look like bread at all. It doesn't look like bread at the end because it was open, like not like a baguette.

Like it had a swirl like it was a cinnamon roll. Yeah. Yeah. The image is just wacky as shit. Yeah. Well, it's all just AI'd and just like, oh, who cares? Whatever. Frizzled onion salad stuffer sounds like a sub.

Like this is like... You sound stuffer? Yeah. You do frizzled onion? I can't do. Guys, guys, salad stuffing is not getting it done for me anymore. I'm actually into frizzle onions now. I'm gonna need you to frizzle my onions.

People are like, oh, fuck. It sounds like an old-timey like mumble grumble of frizzled onion salad stuffer. It's what the kid from a Christmas story is saying when he's beating up Scott Farkas, frizzled onion salad stuffer. Like Panera, it just... I get what they're going for. What are they going for? This is to get... Explain it to me!

Yeah, I'm not sure. This is too high concept for me. This is to get people in... Explain it like AI would. Huh. Great question. M-Dash. It's just three eggs.

Oh, that was weird. It was like electronic Eric. It was very strange. I think that they're trying to get people who don't normally go to Panera, but they have people in their life who go all the... time. And so this is like the, well, you can have a salad. I'm not eating a salad.

Oh, it's actually inside of a big baguette. It's like, oh, I'll try that. It's like a sandwich. Like that is, I think what it's trying to like, maybe check off. It's not that. I was kind of surprised they only did salads for these. I know they're called salad stuff. Same. Same. That's the one thing I said. I was expecting like more hearty options. Well, because there was like 20 options. Yeah. And so I went, I went to pick the steak one. And so I was like salad. I looked, everyone in the row of salad. I'm like, these are all salad? You're like, yep.

And I was like, that's strange. Salad stuffers. You're right, they're already there. You'd think they'd offer one that's less salad based. Maybe the stuffing options will expand. Uh-huh. They get another. Maybe you get frizzled onions.

Whoa. I want a frizzled entree. Frizzled the whole thing. Now, I have the frizzled onions in this. Can you frizzle everything? Like, just all of it? Frizzle it. That's like torches, like make it trashy.

Yeah. Make it a Monte Cristo. Can you make it frizzled? I'm going to Panera and I say frizzle it. Frizzle me. Yeah, frizzle me. All aboard. Boy, am I stuffed.

Well, do you guys want to learn about Panera? I'm sure there's plenty of fun facts we can learn. Yeah. Facts, hit the music. Bop! Oh, shit, fuck, shit. Boles, balls, balls.

What is he saying? He's been saying like Christmas or something. Like, he's like saying what's, he's not cursing. He's like saying Jiminy Christmas. Do I say that? No, you're like saying something. Oh, God bless it. God bless it.

That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Strange. Because then he says fuck shit balls. Yeah, where's that act? Because that's, yeah. Yeah. When are you not cursing? I curse all the time.

Right, I don't know what he's talking about. Just trying out to do that to GDP. That's all. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. I just haven't heard that. I've yet to hear what God bless this.

Oh, no, he said God bless it earlier. In the kitchen. Yeah. Oh, I missed it. Yeah. Is that when you stepped on your glasses? Yes, it is. I don't track it with the constant swears alongside of it.

So that's why it doesn't stand out to me. You guys only hear them on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. That's what we're saying. I hear them all the rest of the week. Well, we couldn't put up with that. Sure you could. I could. I did far worse.

For a long time. And I don't even mean someone specific. Right. Take your piss. Sort of pick from like the whole swath. Pick anyone. It's really a quilt and you can pick any patch. No shade.

Just fat. Yeah. Oh, man. I'd kill for Nick. Ooh, you want to? Yeah. Okay. Talk you after the show.

You call your dad. He fixed my teeth in the back of Chris's backyard. And then you give me a name. Okay, you got to. You gotta go in his shave shed. You know how mice do teeth? Rats do murder. Yeah.

And crows. Rat for hire. And crows. And crow. A murder, you say? Our last Panera Brad episode was on February 25th, 2005 where we ate the Asiago bagel stacks. They received an average rating of 81.5. Holy moly, I don't remember this at all. I don't remember it, but it sounds like it was hearty.

I remember it was going. I remember it's going to Panera. Uh-huh. I don't remember the Asiago bagel stack. They were just the thinnest bagels. I remember thin bagels so you can stack them. Uh-huh. And then it was just stuff in it and it was like eating it going, yummy. Oh, you know what it was. It must have tasted good. We were on a row. of like bad food. Really bad Eric decision. We had like six in a row that were like 30 at the top. Like 30 at the top.

Some like bad, bad, bad stuff. And so I think this is the rubber banding effect. So like... It's not crap. It's 81. I found the greatest way to toast a bagel that I never had before. Oh yeah? Oh, hot bagel tip.

Go to recommendation. I never use a toast oven again. You take it before you slice it. Even if you get like Thomas bagels, you still have to pull them apart so you just don't pull them apart yet. Do you know by English muffin? No, no, just bagels.

Okay. I'm just saying even like the pre-had bagels, you know, they're like scored, we still got to pull. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So even if, because if you don't have a fresh bagel, but you still, it still works, just don't pull them apart.

You just wet it a little bit, like running under the faucet. Whoa. Like seven minutes, 350 degrees in a deep, an air fryer. Air fry. Oh.

Fucking crispiest shit on the outside, soft on the inside, like an actual bagel shop. Whoa. It's amazing. I've been doing it. Is that how Nervous Charlie's does it? Yeah, yeah.

They wish. I bet they do in the oven for sure. Can I give you my recommendation? Dude, it's awesome. Real quick, you should try that with like a super pretzel next time. Oh, that's a great idea. See if it does the same thing and gets it that, uh, that Coco's style. Yep.

I smell a video. What I, can we do it tomorrow? What I've been doing. We need content. I don't really wet it. I just take it out and then I don't take it apart. I put it in the microwave for just three seconds at a time.

Oh, yeah. How many times? About 15, 15, 16 times. Yeah, yeah. You take it out and you go, not yet. It's the best bagel I've ever had at home. I do it every morning now. Damn. That's a great idea. Where'd you figure that out? You just try it, the moment of inspiration. I'm going to make this bagel what?

Yeah. My toaster wasn't working. Okay. And so I was like, I'm sorry I use an air fryer. Yeah. And I went into it thinking like, smart, can I do it with an air fryer? Came out going, oh my God, it's so much better. There are other settings on air fryers.

Like mine's like a, like the open it up like with trades kind of deal, not the shake it. But it has like a toast option and stuff. Never touched. I don't ever, yeah. Like air frying it specifically. Yeah. So air frying it specifically. Yeah.

I think it's 350. Okay. And that's about as much work. I took a picture. It's so much better, dude. It's so like a toaster's probably, you know, the way I like a bagel, like 90 seconds. Yeah. Two minutes.

I've never had to get a perfectly toasted out of a toast. It's fucking. Great. Yeah. You said seven minutes? About seven minutes. I think it was like five to eight, which is a huge range.

Yeah. I was just like, put it for like five to eight minutes. And I was like, Jesus Christ. Like you're setting, you're gonna, it's gonna be like,

you're setting in temperature. I'm gonna start with three seconds at a time. That's smart. I mean, this is about as much work as they do, add panera bread to make your food.

It's probably more. Yeah. You might be right. Yeah. You might be right. But you don't try it. Although that fucker is hot. Okay.

When you cut it open. You gotta get like an oven mid or something. You can take it by right away. I try. I try it. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. I inject the Intel in it in it. Yeah. Good. Wow. Wow. Wow. But moving on.

Back to Panera, the library bookstore. The takeout, a food lifestyle website, ranked Panera as its worst fast casual chain in America, citing its lack of freshness and quality. Fair. The takeout says that Panera's mid meals are not living up to customer expectations. And then it peaked 20 years ago. Peak 20 years ago. The sauce monkey is going to go eight for this place.

Do you think it probably used to actually be so good like Gatties? Go drink the lemonade that kills you. They didn't have it. I'll talk to you about gist. You're putting him in the fucking corner again. We told Nick, we told Dick we're going to give him the lemonade that kills them. He went, oh, no. I don't want to die.

I went up there. You said it, and that's I started looking for it. You said it's time to order to drinks. I was like, do that lemonade that kills you? Yep. Nope. They don't do it anymore. Because it killed two people.

I think because of the dead people. Somebody, well, too many people ordered the lemonade and they started getting a shelter in place. Yeah, that. Too many super caffeinated people on the street exploded. You need to get inside. Stealing cars. Yeah, damn. Shooting guns. Shooting indiscriminately. Bang, bang, bang.

After revamping their menu in 2024, Panera Bread raised prices across the board with some items doubling in price while slashing quality. Hell yeah. Shockingly, Panera was bought by private equity from JAB Holdings in 2017 which saw them serve Cherry Tomatoes Hole instead of have to cut labor costs

and add a whole leaf iceberg lettuce to salads. This is not what grandmas across these United States want. They want small leaves and diced vegetables and they want to speak to the manager because the girl who took their order as a nose ring and that's disrespectful and she would be a handsome gal if she just took it out.

A handsome gal. It seems like a grocery store complaint. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. It's like something like my grandma wouldn't like complain about that to them, but she would... Why do they assume to get home? But I'd have to hear about it later.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she just had... Her hair was dyed jet black, and she had a nose ring, and she was just the prettiest gal if she would... Why would she do that to herself? Why would she do that?

Her poor mother. Am I try... Is it tracking me? All I'll say is, thank God there were no magnets around. Yeah, is... Where, leader around like a farm animal with that thing in her nose. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Thanks, Grandma. So, okay, did you have fun at Panera? People are going to think she's a salad stopper. Oh, grandma, don't talk like that. Grandma, no. Your grandma talks a lot about salad stuff. She's old.

She has dementia. She thinks it's 1950 still. Oh, hello. Salad stuff in time, I see. No, no. Grandma, no. The whole cherry tomatoes instead of having them. Save on labor gods.

Isn't that crazy? How much is that really safe? But like, come on. That's the thing. But they do it. That's what they do. It's been. They're like, how do we got it.

Not being math, Jordan. It's probably enough math on paper to let them fire a bunch of people. Yes. That's how. Look what they're doing to Elimo. Yeah. Yeah. That's, I don't even slice the cherry tomatoes.

I was waiting for an Alamo reference in here. Exactly. Yeah. Just, Jordan, they want you back. Yeah. Oh, that's true. forgot about that. They want you back.

Come back. Come back. Come back. Come on. Come on. Please, you can use your phone. It's like, it's time to come back to Alamo season pass. And get your second month free.

Yeah. If you sign up, it was like, I send it to the group. Get railroaded now. Yeah. I said, sad, desperate, pathetic. Yeah. Come on. You can play on your phone during the movie.

People are saying if enough people sign back up to Alamo, the straight of home is might open. Muz. It's going to be. And that's what we want. want for it to go back to the way that it was. But better, but better is what I mean. Right. Who remembers how we got in this situation? How come we don't

see any? I think it was always closing. How come we don't see any I did that stickers on the gas pumps now? That's pretty crazy. It's more expensive than ever. It's weird because I see a lot of them scratched off, which is real strange. It was not that much when those stickers were going up. I want the one. I want the ones of Eric asking the question. I did that. I have some in my house. I can I can peel one off.

Nice. Yeah. I have that in my office. I have all the stickers of us. I look just like this. Eric's hair is just the same color. I'm wearing a hat. Covers your whole head? Panera's bread latest menu... Panera Bread's latest menu item is drawing backlash online

as employees of the chain are claiming the new item leads to perfectly good bread and extra salad dressing being tossed in the trash. A Panera worker wrote on Reddit, quote, The core of the bread is thrown out and a good chunk of the salad gets tossed in the trash. trash too. With another responding, my manager went to a meeting about menu changes and was told

these scraps cannot be given to customers or fed to birds. Okay, fine, whatever. But what about hungry little monkeys? Can they have some extra bread if they're good? They won't feed it to any birds. They promise. And also, if the answer is no, then fuck you. Little restaurant, bitch. You fucking put Nick in the corner when those scraps. God bless him. I'm not swinging. Ah! Has that from another show? Is he just been saying that today? I'm coming out swinging. Oh, no, that's just today. That's here. That's for us. That's for you.

It's been levied several times. Yeah. Well, he's ready to come out swinging. I saw a bunch of pictures online of people working at Panera who are like, here's the amount of bread that we throw out. Nick, they hollow the bread. And they just chuck that shit. And they chuck it. For everyone.

Wouldn't the JAB holdings hate this? I don't think that they've thought that far ahead. I think they went, here's a new idea. Right off the bat, I can make them into croutons. and I'm sure they do. Who's going to do that? Which I'm sure they would. Exactly.

If they made anything, yes. What's an oven? Open AI. Open AI, making the croutons. How to croutons? How are you wasting salad? Yeah. You pull the salad out of the pre-measured container.

Probably. You put it in the bread. No, and now you can't put it, that container scrap. It's still there. Make another one. It's probably a one-time use, Jordan. Use that one. You just keep going until. No.

No. Yeah. One per one. that's it. It doesn't matter. Stop coming up with solution. They're using the salad like the fucking water was dispensing into the jug. Yeah, it's true. They're recycling it.

Well, when the salad gets thrown in the trash, it recycles. Look, when Panera, it goes back into your sandwich tomorrow. Hungry little monkeys get in there. Later this year when Panera has to file chapter. Yeah. 11 bakerops. They will cite menu options that were like inefficient or something. Rising, rising food costs and inefficiency in the kitchen.

I'm sure it wouldn't matter. matter anyway. But damn, there were a lot of people in there today though. There were a lot. Talk about file chapter 11. A lot of people going to be disappointed in Austin apparently. And and they must be making a killing because it's fucking expensive. Those were like 12 bucks each, right? We spent $75. Jesus. Uh, I don't know. Probably about the same, probably nine. I think they were 90 bucks. Whoa. Yeah. Just say it. You heard it on a podcast. Yeah. I heard how, Jeremy said. I actually heard Alfredo said that Jeremy heard that Matt said it. He just texted dream. Yeah.

But I think they said it from Minecraft. It was like in one of the Minecraft. I don't remember which one. It was in between episode one to 500. I could be wrong. That doesn't come up until you're proven wrong. It's actually factually certain until it comes up. Oh, I guess I forgot.

It's not even I'm wrong. I guess I misremembered. That was about to say that. Ah, I guess I misremembered. Yeah. Never wrong. Anyway, I'll just say shit. Yeah.

I'll say shit factually. Dare you to go find it. But it's not even find it. Prove it can't be found. And then... I thought so. Yeah. Huh.

Huh. That's weird. Anyway. Anyway, I'll take Nick. Yeah. I'll take Nick. Seeking to combat losses, Panera's laying off almost 400 workers and permanently closing locations all over the U.S. And a strategy they call Panera Rise.

What? You die so they may rise. So they can quote, reclaim industry leadership and drive growth. The Rise stands for refreshing the menu, igniting value through a variety. of price points, serving guests with excellence and expanding network. What does that mean? What does that last one mean? Their big move is to no longer bake bread in store and ship already baked breads to restaurants.

This place is done for. Pack it in. It was already over for Panera, but now they're toast. Bread joke. They're not toast. Rise. Panera rise. Like east.

I'm such a big fan of a guy having to make a PowerPoint for like, here's what the acronym is. The first one, refreshing the menu. That makes sense. igniting value. Oh, okay. Through a variety of price points. All the price points. The variety is they're all high.

Right. The variety is some are 849, summer 1299. Dude. The cookies are $90. Yeah, you know what? Fucking dominoes that, that always like national deal. Fucking $7.90, well, that's even delivery. $7.99 pickup for one topping large pizza.

It's fucking cheap, dude. Like, don't even wrong. Home slice is amazing. Be even that. Of what is it? Like $24? Yeah, exactly. For a pizza, something like that.

I went to, I went to Domino's the other day. I got, I got a whole ass pizza and it was like, nine dollars. Yeah. Like with tax. I was like, Jesus Christ. Mm-hmm. Domino's in Subway are holding it down. They are.

I'll tell you. Subway's still like, it's crazy cheap shit. And dude, if you use the app on Subway, first of all, they're not in that expensive anyway. If you get a footlong, it's like, I think steak's more expensive because I usually get the steak. Yeah. But I think it, like a, like a meat footlong, like a cold cut. something like eight,

nine bucks. But they're all buy one, get one free. That's crazy. For like 10 bucks, you get like two foot long, now it's subway. Yeah,

okay, I'm not saying it's amazing. But when you talk about fast food prices, though, like somebody's doing it. Somebody's making an affordable shit. It's crazy, though. So what we ate today

be $75 fucking dollars and we could have got a large pizza from Domino's for under $10 is insane. That is insane. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty crazy. And it's like,

yeah, there's like a quality in food like difference. but from nine to 75. Four dominoes also. Nine to 75 is not like what the like the quality leap is. I think Panera is bentoninos is good pizza. Yeah, it's fine. It's the best like of delivery fast food pizza.

I think they're banging on their, the core like loyal customer. Yeah. Not realizing that they're cutting corners. Yeah, they got about, they got about. They got about three more years until those people have all the lead paint catch up to them and they can't go eat anymore.

Like I think that's about it. Yeah. That or they're like Panera. is Wendy's. Yeah. They're just like, what happened? We talked about

how many people were inside this panera. Yes. So old. Yeah. So old. And like just people needing a place

to write an email or like work on their on their paper. A lot of laptops. But like fat laptops. Yep. Oh yeah. You know.

Like construction worker laptops. Uh-huh. One that'll survive a fall at the construction site. Well, no, because those are like construction laptops. These are just fucking old laptops.

that look like construction laptop, like size. Get my acer going and it's just fucking br-br-br-h. And crank. It's crank fan. Oh, this fan's really loud. Yeah. Back when that, back when a normal size laptop was like 24 inches. Yeah.

Yeah. Yep. Dude, I used to have one of those on a plane. It was crazy. Like, I got a laptop right when I moved here. Yeah. I never had a laptop before. And it was like, I'm not bringing my PC.

Like, when I first moved, I didn't bring all my stuff. It's like, I'll get a convenient laptop. And I remember sitting on a plane. Huge. It was like this big. Didn't even fit on the tray. Dude, to dwarf the tray.

But it's like, it's portable. And that's what it was at the Panera, the oldest people, the people in laptops like that. And then I just assume you're there and you just like

refill your coffee or your tea or what or your... Yeah, you just hang out. Yeah, you just like... That's why they hide the soda machine. That's what, yeah, it's in the back. It's in the back back.

It's like back where you think you're not allowed to go. Right. It's way back there. It's way back there. You're allowed to go. go to the bathroom. Well, you're not, but

he is because he did. At least once. At least once. We don't know where you went the second time. I wasn't sure if he went twice. I said at least once. I helped him with the food. Okay.

I mean, again, I didn't say he did it. We can talk about this. I forgot about this. Oh, funny thing happened. Eric, order for here. Great. Nick. I'll help.

Nick comes over to help. Great. I need an extra set of hands. All of the sandwiches are on their own trays. So there are four sandwich trays. and then there's a tray for cookies and then there's four drinks. Okay, so we're like, oh, hey, let's grab each of these.

We bring the sandwiches over. And then Nick just begins doing this. Begins doing nothing? So I'm like, did I miss that part? I'm like, there's more that we have to get, okay. So then I go back over. I grab another drink and I grab another tray. Uh-huh.

And then I come back and Nick still. I went to get napkins. No. You continued to stand there. Then I went back to get drinks. I grabbed them all. And then you went, I'll get napkins. And then I had made three trips. And I didn't know.

What the hell was I? I missed all this. No, you guys were sitting there, but I don't know what you were. All I saw. You were standing over it, but you were trying to figure out which sandwich was which. Oh, yeah. I was trying to read the thing. It was reading the label.

Because mine said the label was written. Your said steak. He said steak. Mine did not say steak. Yeah, it said steak. It said strike or crook. It had another word after steak. I think it was supposed to say steak.

Uh-huh. But it was gibberish. We were trying to figure it out. The reason I didn't come back to help you is because when you left the first time and I took, I took the second. Trace. They said, oh, this person right here is available. They're going to come help you. And it's okay, perfect.

So I walked back over the table and waiting. You didn't get any more help from? They said the one of the workers that this worker is going to, gonna come around and help you. Help us what? Carry the fucking food. Carry the food. What are you talking about?

Nobody came in. Right. That's what he's saying. They didn't actually do it. He said they told him. That's why I didn't come back. So he didn't help. I didn't understand.

Yeah, I understood. I was getting mad at you. Someone said they will help. So he trusted them. I thought he was saying that a worker's going to come over and help him read the label on his sandwich. And I'm like, it couldn't be that fucked up.

Help us carry the stuff. Oh. Yeah. No, nobody did. That didn't happen. Well, Well, that's still a neck. I didn't hear any of that, but I was getting mad with you.

What are you talking about? You can't read steak? That's very Nicklergan. But no one helped. Yeah. And then he went and got napkins. Then I went and got napkins. Then the mice fixed my teeth.

There's specialized mice. Was any of that in the Rinalong? Yes. Okay. I couldn't remember. Specialized mice is all the Rinalogue. I couldn't remember because we started talking before the Rinalong. I don't know.

We're big fans of the specialized mice. in the ride-along. And I think, you know what? And I think if a rat wants to do it too, like follow your dreams. Yeah. It's like, don't let the mice box you out. That's like a Zootopia situation.

Like, I think, I think Hops can be, that. Hops can be a cop. You should want to be. That part isn't in the ride-along. That's right before we started recording where you said that should be a movie where a bunch of mice are telling a rat

that he can't do the job that they're doing. Because he's a rat. Because he wants to be a dentist. You're a rat. You're too big. You can't fit in their mouths. The plot of Zootopia happens because of profiling.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Which is, which makes it good. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, Zootopia's good copaganda. Yeah, it is. And I'm on deviant art. I'm searching frizzled onions.

I'm searching salad stuffers. I'm searching Judy Hopps. Sometimes all three. Slash Nick Wild. Who, which one's that? Oh, the Fox? The Fox. I haven't seen the movie.

It's Jason Bateman. Oh, really? Who's the rabbit? Jennifer Goodwin. Jennifer Goodwin. Who's Jennifer Goodwin? She was in Big Love. if you ever watched that show.

She had like brown hair? Yeah. She was snow white and once a pot of time. I know exactly who that is. Do you have to watch that show? Nope, I just know that. Hey Jordan, teach us about the show. Now when he's on DVD and already goes,

so that's what she sounds like. I'm sick of listening to this AI voice. Tell me I'm good. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. MGM and Game Sense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only.

Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGEMGELMAN operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. He didn't write all 17, did you? Okay. Don't worry, I got you.

Steakhouse salad stuffer. crisp romaine and arugula tossed in panera's new farmhouse ranch dressing made with buttermilk with tender marinated slice steak i thought there was more to the soft uh marinated with sliced steak applewood smoked bacon gorgonzola pickled red onions grape tomato and crispy frizzled onions all in our soft italian stuffer roll that's also bullshit there's arugula in there because i got it removed yeah you're right you're right It's that right here, right at the top. Oh, it's at the top. Romaine and Arugula. Damn. Santa Fe salad stuffer. This is the one I got.

Crisp, romaine, tossed in ranch dressing with grilled chicken, bold taco seeding, roasted corn, feta, zesty, sweet peppers, pickled red onion, fresh cilantro and blue corn tortilla chips. All in our soft Italian stuffer roll. Stop making me say that. Next, there are 15 other salad stuffers. Strawberry poppy seed chicken. Green goddess chicken cob.

Fuji apple chicken. They all end with salad stuffers, so I'm just not reading that part. Southwest chicken ranch. Asian sesame chicken salad. Caesar. Caesar with chicken. Mediterranean chicken greens with grains.

Oh, Mediterranean greens with grains. No chicken. Ranch Parm. BLT. What even is that? Greek. with chicken. Greek. No chicken.

Balsamic chicken greens with grains. Balsamic greens with grains. We're just covering every possible combo. Imagine if Gracie were here. Strawberry, poppy seed. Those are all the salad stuffers. So many of those didn't need to be their own salad stuffers. And it could have just been clicked one and then an option.

That could have been like, there could have been like five or six. Yep. From what you just read. No, 17. We're rising up! I don't want it without grain. And then on top of that, Michael got one of the new refreshers. Was it the dragon fruit?

Yeah. I got a cherry lime something? So this is a limited time one. This is a dragon fruit sunset energy refresher. Whoa. A refreshing blend of pineapple and tropical dragon fruit flavors infused with dragon fruit pieces with caffeine. That's how much caffeine? I didn't get the caffeine one.

Did you get the larger of the small? Large. 42 milligrams. Oh, that's not a lot at all. Nope. Okay. Like a couple of coffees, like 60. Yes.

That's bullshit. That's kind of why I got it too. I was like, oh, I could use the caffeine. Two of these. And that's probably like 500. Yeah. This is my third of the day. Yeah.

Taking it easy today. This weekend, I went, I started feeling sick because I'm like, oh man, I was, is it an E-Much today, whatever? And I said, no, I ate fine. You didn't have enough coffee? I had, I had eight cups of coffee. Yeah!

It's one or the other. You need more or you need less? I need a lot less. Oh my God. I just kept, we would like, I got to eat. You know, we talk about my fruity babes a while. I mentioned you're killing yourself with coffee. I'm trying, trying to go out on top.

Hey, Jordan. How about that press material? I can't wait to hear this explanation. Yep. We are thrilled to bring this innovative menu category nationwide. Our guests who tested salad stuffers couldn't get enough of their sales. I'm a salad stuff

test subject and I'm not afraid to admit it. I've been doing weird salad stuffer experiments in my garage and I can't get enough of it. I signed an NDA rule. I cannot confirm or deny if I'm a salad stuffer. You go home to your wife, you can't tell her about salad stuffers, but you're like looking up up online and it becomes your whole thing. You're different.

What's going on? What's going on at work? I'm just no longer satisfied with a regular salad or regular sandwich. Or regular Judy Hopps. Now that I know I can get... Now that I know I can get Judy hops frizzled. Crapp.

Going through the cabinets? Barbara, Barbara, where do we keep our frizzled onions? Hello? Help. Anyone. Okay. I got two lines in here. Our guest who tested salad stuffers

couldn't get enough of our new Italian stuffer roll paired with new bold salad flavors said Mark Shambura, chief marketing officer of Panera bread. Just like soup in our bread bowl is the perfect match. Salad stuffers bring salad and bread together

in a way that is sure to be the next icon on the Panera menu. Damn, did it feel like we ate something iconic today? I think I ate something confusing. We ate something very confusing today. I was eating it and going I don't know what

what compelled them. Salad in your hand. Yeah. I mean, that's what it is. It's a salad in your hand. You could have done, you just go two-handed,

uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. You could have done this with, uh, a wrap of some kind, a pita pocket. Yes.

A pita. All of this makes a wrap in a pita makes more sense, especially with Panera. So the definite, definite AI picture. Whole out. It looks more like one of those things.

Yes. And bread. Yeah. It doesn't look at all like what you get. Uh-huh. Well, it would be impossible. to get what's on that poster

because again, about half the items are hanging out of the same. Nothing's impossible with AI. That's right. Well, look at Eric. It's a possibility good. And I love the way you're saying that. It's not just this. It's also this.

That is how these are written. The Presbyterian is like so AI written. But we have our review of Panera bread, but we need to hear from you in a second. We call you review. None of these are particularly long. I don't know that any. even particularly zany, but I did

like them. I felt like these are real... These are real Panera fans. No, he should. They're all good. Tell me if I'm going to be let down. I disagree. They're all good because you picked them. I would say that and if you disagree. It's not my fault. He picked them. Yeah, he picked them. He picked them. Jordan and I, we went

to Somi, so many. Yeah. You didn't. Okay, we got Mert. Fucking, fucking Gavin. It really was. Oh, dude, the text messages afterward were really funny. It was in the middle of our recording. Yeah. Well, it was, I love that Nick kept texting.

Yeah, we were done actually. We were recorded a heist. We recorded a heist and it just kept going and it was so many. You went super smooth? No, it was just so many fucking cutscenes. It's just so. The, uh, what's on the island? The island one?

I remember. Yeah. Is that like the, the DLC heist shit? It must be. Oh, okay. I remember that one. Yeah. So it's that. The first we just like texted a bunch of photos of our delicious, our delicious food.

Which we should put in the MJ podcast that came out already. Yeah. Yeah. Send him Nick. And so. Well, we did. So we did that. Nick, Nick texted back very quickly.

You guys do delivery? Yeah. I said only for our friend Gavin. Yeah. And then Nick said he asked for three. He texted that and then he showed me. Like it didn't also text my phone. But you wanted to make sure.

Yeah. It's fun. It was good. Michael and I had a sensible chuckle at the Soie, so we saw me. Yeah, we did. And then I sent one as, Dord and I left. Yeah. We got in our cars separately.

We're sorry. We're experiencing a high delivery volume at this time and are unable to process your order. Nick, operator, please. And then I was driving. Yeah. And that's in the middle of all these fucking cut scenes in this goddamn heist. Fuck. Oh my God.

It's like a two-hour recording that's gonna cut down to a okay 45 minutes. It wasn't great either like that heist. It doesn't feel like it's a great one. It doesn't feel like it's a great one. It doesn't feel like it's a great one.

No, uh, we've only done like the first mission. It was just like, goddamn. It's like short, right? Yeah, I think so. I think we'll probably beat it this week. But we need to get these year reviews. So Jordan, why don't you read the first one?

We gotta get to them. Let's get to them. Go for it. They're all so good. Mm-hmm. This is from M-B. Those are just letters, not like EM. M-B.

Absolutely. service, and it starts with management. I agree. I use the drive-thru a couple times a week and get an attitude from the staff when I ask them, capital T, to enter my phone number for rewards. How about you ask up front when I placed my order? I finally got tired of the attitude, so I went in and spoke to a manager. This was not much better, dot, dot, dot. He acted as if he's too busy to talk to a paying customer.

He, capital T, for no reason, means me. He team me, he's going to have a talk with his staff and assures me that it will change. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Two weeks later, guess what? What? Same attitude. If you don't like your job, find something else to do. What the fuck is she talking about?

What is the attitude? All of this. It's so subjective. All of this is about putting in your phone number four rewards. Yeah, I guess. But then they go. But, oh. But she's not.

that they're not doing it. She would just appreciate a little less attitude. They're giving attitude when she asks. Maybe if they would take up their nose ring. But she's... And dialed down the tude a little bit. But again, the whole thing is... She wants to be asked for her phone number

at a different time in the order. But it's not that it's not happening. Yeah. They're like rude about it. She just doesn't want the attitude. But we don't know specifically how. It's just... Also, does any place use phone number?

Because usually if... No idea. It's like scan. Panera probably still does. I mean, it wouldn't surprise me. Yeah. That's what I'm asking. It's not like she has the app or whatever, right?

She just has a number. He tee me, he's going to have a talk. Yeah. He tee. He's too busy to talk to a paying customer. He's too busy. He's phone home. Can't too busy. All right, next one.

Deborah S. Improvement Everything. Mm-hmm. Didn't get a receipt. So when I asked for one, they said I had to ask for one. when the change is what I was questioning. Never did get one.

Restaurant was filthy. No tables were clean and seats were sticky. We'll never come back. Good room 30 minutes, so finally asked for a refund and left. I got all that right. I was exactly as written. Good room 30 minutes, so finally asked for a refund and left. Now, do you think when you good room for 30 minutes,

you're just standing there? Improvement everything. It's like Dennis Reynolds. It's like the thing Charlie wrote. So do. That's how it reads. Improvement everything. Didn't get a receipt.

So when I asked for one, they said I had to ask for one. When the change is what I was questioning. Never did get one. Never did get one. Restaurant was filthy. No tables were clean and seats were sticky. We'll never come pack.

Good room 30 minutes. So finally asked for a refund and left. What do you think that's supposed to say? Good room 30 minutes. Dude, no idea. Is that her waiting 30 minutes? Is it food? It's a 30 minute wait.

Is it food? But then what's room? Good room. Good food? No. 30 minutes. She's definitely complaining about waiting for 30 minutes. Food took?

Good room. Good room. It could be food took 30 minutes. That's exactly what it's supposed to be, huh? There we go. Dude, I hate, you know, you type food, talk. You get good room. Good room.

Good room instead. you. Good, good room 30 minutes. Oh yeah, and T is next to, yeah. There you go.

The M and the case, but to beat improvement everything. Improving. Improves. Improvement everything. Yeah, they are, but they're still next week.

Who needs to prove read? Yeah. All right. Joan Clarese S. I like this one. Darling? Yeah. Those lambs.

They're so loud still. Yeah. Such a beast. smile. Can I get the lamb with friseled onions? Maybe that'll shut him up. And a nice kianti. That a nice can't.

Having a friend for dinner. And a nice lemon refresher. Oh my God. He killed him by making him drink the refresher charger. And then he ate his heart. And had a little extra caffeine in it. Joan Clarese S.

Unbelievable. So many exclamation marks. I ordered my usual broccoli chadar soup and chicken avocado BLT for today's Sunday brunch instead of another salad. Anyways, I ordered cookies on the side as well and I wanted to get

the fresh cookies on the display, not the ones on the plastic. Yep. I insisted I want the freshly baked cookies, not the old cookies on the plastic display. I'm just checking to see if that next sentence is different. There were plenty of cookies on the display. And I just

wanted to buy one of them. Yet for whatever reason she'd keep forcing me to get one. That is old. I am beyond disappointed how this specific cashier wanted me to settle for their

old cookies. Man, what happened? I feel like Colin Joe's Rudy and Michael Chayro. Shit. Man, what happened to customer service is what happened to customers always right.

And also, why can't she just give me the cookies I originally printed out? Man! Benera bread wanted to get rid of their old cookies first and does not give their customers the right to choose their pastries on display. This is beyond unprofessional and employees needs to get some training not to force their customers to eat old cookies. Holy shit, man. I am never coming back to this Benair bread again. this is above and beyond disrespectful.

Dude, that was such a long single paragraph of just the same thing over and over and over and over. I'm confused. What did she want? And also, do you think the ones on display were fresh? Right. What are you basing that off of? They're probably older than the ones in the wrapper. I'm looking at them and they look fresh.

Man. Man. Are they even real cookies? Are they even real? Do you keep forcing me to get the old cookies? I don't want the... I can't believe. I want the ones I originally print it out.

Man, man. Hamburger. That one felt... That one was like one of the first ones that I found and I was just like, well, that's going to be my end here. Of course that lady's username is three names. I, like, the whole. I just realized the S. Starling, you know.

So he said. Yeah. But, well, Claire Reese, but not the... Oh, dude, no, you're right. Hell yeah. That's okay. I'm good. Here, hit me.

He's trying to leak my hand up. No, you're trying to punch my tongue. Man. Well, those are your reviews of Panera bread. The best one was him reading what he wrote about Scarlett Johansson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like, then it would cut to Scarlett Johansson standing in the back backstage. Yeah, I was like, what?

Well, we have You had your review of Panera Bread, but we have our review of Panera Bread salad Stuffers. Jordan, you about to get frizzled to this? What are you thinking? I didn't have any frizzles, unfortunately, but maybe next time.

It's a weird concept. It's, I don't know if they're geniuses or if they're just running out of ideas. But one... Geniuses with no ideas. It wasn't as bad as I thought, taste-wise. Two, it wasn't... It was actually like pretty easy to eat.

I thought the bread was going to be like kind of like really crusty baguette. Me too. Very soft. It was so soft. Broll. And with it being hauled out, it was light, you know? I think I mentioned it was 90% air. It felt like.

Yeah. So it was really easy to eat. And you had the Caesar salad one? Yeah, with the chicken. With chicken. Weird concept, but I don't really have any complaints about how it tasted or how it handled or like It handled well

It was I mean for eating a salad with my hands I did say it's the fastest I think I've ever eaten a salad Yeah Not stabbing at like three pieces of lettuce at a time Yeah I mean you eat it fast

The croton I don't have to like stab the crouton And then it breaks He was mad at you about croutons Yeah Well he was like I missed the croutons I was like I got croutons I should have first of onions Should have customized and add it

Yeah Well you were in there Looking at it Yeah Guess we're having for dinner Hi we're getting croutons for dinner Just crude. What's salad stuff

Are you want? You want frescent onions? I'm calling 911. Somebody help. Michael, come pick up Archie. I have to take Nick to the hospital. I got no real complaints with this. Like if the quality is dropping at Panera,

I didn't notice it with this. I'm gonna get in 83. 83, Michael. I also have no complaints. And I said this eating it. if it were billed as like a sandwich sandwich It would be woefully short on meat Because I had steak and bacon

And every now and then you could see it But I couldn't taste it One because it wasn't that much I think that's how they get away with it charging you $11 for us Because it is a salad with it added And it's not a whole salad And it was not at all Bumpin with Gorgonzola

That said It's still a salad and I just can't it's got to be the best goddamn salad of my life to me to give like a salad a high number. You know what I mean? Like it is what it is and it's good but like I wouldn't it's a salad

like it's a side. Like I'm not like dude it was really good. No, the chips were the side. Yeah. I asked for bread but I guess they were like there's too much bread. You're not getting any more bread. We threw that bread away.

You don't want that. Yeah. Yeah, we could give you the stuffing. Could I have the hollowed out bread? This guy's gonna make his own sandwich. We can tell. You can get stuffed. 70 is as high as I can go

70? Yeah, which still seems high to me But like it is exactly what it says It's weird as shit But if you want a quick salad and grab it as a sandwich It was good I liked it But it's mostly salad Not steak

Yep, right? So it's like there's meat in there But 76.5 Panera is a weird restaurant it seems for us We're like crazy expensive though I don't understand their food or their appeal But we go there and we go there and we eat it and they rate pretty good. Yeah, they do well.

I don't know that anything is like, hell yeah, this is so good. I'm glad we got it. The lemonade that kills you there. The thing is even that, though, I don't know where I would go and say that about a salad. Yeah, no, that's true.

I went there and just got the salad. The salad. You got to get the salad. But everything was good. And you know what? For the bread being soft, yeah. Sometimes the tradeoff there, though,

is like, it doesn't feel like baked enough. It didn't have that issue. No, no, no, no. It was like good. Yeah. It was exactly how what this weird fucking thing they made with AI hands, both in the picture and probably in the kitchen. Yeah.

It was good. And I don't feel like shit after eating it. Yeah. Which is most food we eat. I ate that whole cookie and I thought I was going to undo all the goodwill. I'll rate a food like a 90 and then go throw up later. Yeah. This not so much.

I don't feel like dropping dead right now. This was a thing where I don't know any other restaurant that would do this. And also before we ate this, this isn't a thing where I would have said, yeah, Panera could put a bunch of salad inside of some bread. Like, I don't know another restaurant that would try this. Yeah. Like they, like, just sort of like what they made. They do put stuff in bread, though. Uh-huh. Their bread bowl soup stuff is like a whole thing. But then, but then salad inside of this is going to be the next icon. This is it's iconic. Uh, I'm going to eat a sandwich salad. Just we're going to sound like food. Salad sandwich. Yeah, for sure.

Either way. When we're all locked down from Hanta virus. That's right. And the only thing you can get is, these salad stuffers, people are going to be loving it. Here's the thing, though. When we all get locked down for Hanta virus, though, it's just us.

We should still just come in and get it. Like, with the four of us. Just quick. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Like, don't let people keep you down. Don't let Eric tell us we can't go in the building again.

Well, John Mace told me we couldn't go in the building. Right. John Mace told you. Yeah. You told us. Yeah. So what I said stands. Well, we wouldn't have the John Mace thing.

Don't have just go in the building. Don't have Eric tell me we can't go in. That's what happened to me, so that's what I said. I didn't live your life. I wasn't part of the Eric and John Mace adventure. And I know you guys had fun all the time without us. He never invited us. I loved hearing about it.

When I put the water jugs in Nick's car, not only did they not spill. John Mace doesn't tell me anything. That's true. That's two things. Yeah, and they probably didn't break my spine. Check out the ride-along. Well, I will say, with 70s point out of time,

just rolling at you. Yep. I can say proudly that I'm a stuffer. Yeah. I'm glad that you can say that. Yeah, a Judy Hopps stiffer. Yeah, Judy Hobbs frizzle. Frizzle my onions. Frizzle my onions. I'm a stuffer, Judy Hopps. Frizzle 34? You're definitely going to get something else.

Frizzle 34. Well, hey. Oh no. You can go to Patreon.com slash 100% eat now. Sign up. Check out the Michael Jordan podcast. Nice toss. Every other episode of the Michael Jordan podcast, You signed up with that $10 tier, become a grackle, why not? And all through the month of May,

hurry up. If you become a 100% fan, you can win the cuck chair experience. You could be, you could be, maybe win. The big part of a 100% fan is you also get a shout out that we read on the show. Jordan, what are you looking at? We're positively swimming in them. This one's, dude, that was right at you.

He just threw that at you. That was fucked up. I don't know what it was. The thing is rat poop. Okay, this is from Joe Butler. He's taking a floor. Jay Butler? Jay Butler?

Jay Butler. Be quiet and getting more cardboard threat. Jay Butler says I owe my life to Eric. I got in a horrible car crash the year I turned 18. And I was in a six-month coma. My mother told the nurse to put on a Twitch stream. As she knew, that's always what I've watched. The nurse turned on Eric Bador's stream.

I awoke from my coma and muted that shit. What the fuck? Happy two years going solo. God damn it. If this guy wins, I got a problem. He's going to win. God damn it. I've decided.

Jay has their pronouns listed as she, her. So careful. If this girl wins. Put you back into a coma. Our next one is from Ryan. Ryan, I think, misunderstood the assignment, but it says, my birthday is in May and I am turning 42. Dealers' choice surprise me. What?

What does that mean? Look, well, hang on. Hang on. We're giving a gift. What do we do? How do we surprise it? Right? We've never, we've never like, nobody's ever done this where it's just like say whatever you want to me?

Usually you say whatever you want to say to us or do someone else. Now it's on us. What? Look, you hit 40 technology. It doesn't make any sense anymore. Send. Send email. Surprise me.

I paid 100 bucks for this. It's surprise. Grandson, people on my phone are saying I could sign up for something. If I spend 100 bucks and I could get something called cucked? Yeah. Is this a scam? And frizzled. All right, we're going to send you

We're going to salad stuff for you too By the way, this is my phone Yeah So you can read it Yeah But you got to put on your readers first We're going to do is we're going to send you We're going to direct message you

A picture of Judy Hopps in the Discord Surprise You're going to be surprised when you see it Absolutely She's going to be salad stuff I'm going to draw it with my own two hands Well, one hand And that's how you can become

A 100% fan patreon.com slash 100% eat Check out this week's Michael Jordan podcast every other episode. You also go to 100% eat dot store for merch. Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, Blue Sky at 100% Eat, and if you want to send something in, the sale is over. Never mind.

Yep. And you can send something in a 100% treat or just us. P.O. Box 1432.41, Austin, Texas, 8,714. P.O. Box 143-2401. Austin, Texas, 787-1-4. The sale is over. So buy stuff now at full price. Help us out. Do we post that video? Yes.

Okay. Rate subscribe, tell a friend about the show where eat food and rate the food. Oh, you had it. Oh, so close. Watch this. Easy. Well, damn. Didn't go in. Just like when? It's too good. All right. We'll see you next time. Thanks for having a funny anniversary with us. Bye. You're welcome.

Yeah.