100% Eat - Whataburger Breakfast Bowl

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Whataburger Breakfast Bowl so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about Michael's car, coffee lawsuits, a deep fried rat, and ...more. Sponsored by Hello Fresh http://hellofresh.com/facejam18 and use code facejam18 Uncommon Goods http://uncommongoods.com/facejam and The Rooster Teeth Store https://bit.ly/3RMqq7p Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 At Mila, our partner is the planet. Until June 30th, every Mila dishwasher purchased supports the planting and preservation of Canadian forests through the Mila Forest Initiative. Join us in making an impact today for a better tomorrow. Visit mila.ca to learn more. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Yeah. No, no, we're going, I guess. Even you weren't. We'll be right back. Did you speed up the theme song to make us go faster? I think it's just you. He accidentally put it on 1.5. It was 7% faster at best.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation, every single one. Don't question us. To let you know if you need it, you probably do. I'm your host, who's eaten every single fast food creation, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, who's also eaten every single fast food creation, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you? I've eaten them all and regretted most of them, yes.
Starting point is 00:01:08 Did you eat it all? Yeah. Okay, cool. Wait, I'm sorry. Did you say, did I eat it all or did I eat at all? Did you eat it all? No, I did not eat it all, but I did eat it. At all? Yeah, I ate at all. Yeah, I had a bit of a predicament this morning, so you guys
Starting point is 00:01:23 I said, go on without me i'll catch up it's true and i did catch up when you came and picked me up and we kind of caught up to you i even i even had my my ex texting me checking in damn and i said don't worry face jam saved me yeah and then they said you were in a jam we broke the news to them actually you did well because look face jam was more important after my quite an awkward situation for us to be in
Starting point is 00:01:55 and I just went oh no I'm gonna be late when you let us know and then you guys let my ex know that I was alive well when you say something and then we all go, is he serious? And then the next message is not joking. Right, because I knew. 100%. Because I knew.
Starting point is 00:02:15 This seems like a thing he would say to say to Frank and then he'd walk in and be like, ah. I was literally typing out, haha, good one. And then you followed up. When I typed, when you were all waiting for me to get there, and I'm like, on my way, be there soon. And the next message is, I just got into a major accident.
Starting point is 00:02:32 I knew I immediately had to follow up, not kidding. But it's fine. We're here. You ate the food. I ate it a little bit later. Yep. 55 minutes on a phone call, my my insurance and we've started the process so that's good and now we started the podcast i think i have a new car now oh so yeah it's weird you hung
Starting point is 00:02:52 up the phone and you said got a new car and we said where and you said isn't that how it works and right isn't it outside now like you you filed the claim uh-huh and they say you win and then i go outside and they say, move that bus. And then the new car is there with the bow on it. Oh, okay. And Ty Pennington is in the sidecar on the car. Because we should put them on cars now. Why are they only a thing on motorcycles?
Starting point is 00:03:16 Sidecars on cars? Yeah. That's kind of what passenger seats are for, aren't they? No, but outside the passenger seat. Sure. On either side. They got a sidecar. They got a side car. They got a back side car.
Starting point is 00:03:27 Making the car wider and more dangerous and just putting people directly into the danger. Well, not if roads were built for them. Right. Hey, get out of the side car lane. That's true. They're for people dangling outside the vehicle. That's what we should be doing.
Starting point is 00:03:41 Fixing all the roads. What if we did a backside car like a trailer, like a small, you know what I mean? It's like a little pod. I think if we did the backside of the car was a ramp, then I wouldn't have had a problem. Oh, that's true. Yeah, you would have. Okay. That would have been cool.
Starting point is 00:03:54 But I got here faster. Yep, it's true. It's true. Literally. So I didn't go to Whataburger with you guys. No. Not much happened, to be honest. But you did pick me up from the parking lot in which on
Starting point is 00:04:06 the phone with my insurance company, a security guard from the strip mall attempted to tell me that I was loitering and then I told him that the police had dropped me off there to get me out of traffic and he kept saying, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Did he say he's not going to call the police?
Starting point is 00:04:21 He's like, I'm not going to call the cops on you because I thought I guess he thought I said, ah, don't call the cops because I just said the cops just put me here. He's like, hey, sir, you can't be here. I went, hey, your boss just dropped me off. That's what I was thinking. You know what you're cosplaying? They put me here. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:37 He was just like, he was like, you want to get out of the middle of the road? And I said, seems like an offer I shouldn't turn down. And then this other guy was like, hey, sir, get back in the middle of the road and I said, seems like an offer I shouldn't turn down. And then this other guy was like, hey, sir. Get back in the middle of the road. Hey, get away from that tree in the middle of this parking lot. You seem to not be bothering anyone. Let me go bother you. Oh, right on. Thank you so much.
Starting point is 00:04:55 I'm looking for something to do. And then you guys got to hear my end of the phone call because I, also, by the way, I was on that phone call for about 35 minutes until I went oh wait a minute my earbuds are in my pocket oh I should put these in my ear oh man and so then I put them in so then you guys heard me talking and a lot of questions there's a lot of information a lot of numbers um and then uh the my favorite part was reading the name of the towing company.
Starting point is 00:05:25 Oh, yeah. That made the whole car laugh. Because when the tow truck got there, I saw the name of it. And I thought, that's a weird name. But I'm a weird person. So, you know, it was, huh, and then whatever. Now cut to me giving it to this person working at a call center over the phone. And they're like, and what's the name of the towing company?
Starting point is 00:05:43 And I look at Nick and I shrug and i just go finger towing and i'm just trying not to laugh so hard because i have again i have like like airpod pros in yeah and you can just hear me laughing and you're all laughing and i'm going f-i-n-g-e-r The delivery was so good. It was like, you were like, finger towing. I knew my audience. It really made us realize you can name a towing company whatever you want. It's very funny later. Yeah, I said
Starting point is 00:06:16 it gave me the idea. I want to start a towing company that's called Yum Yum Towing. Just to think about when the insurance company goes, what's the name of the towing company? Yum Yum? It's Y-U-M. Dash Y-U-M. Oh, man. But, you know, I'm good.
Starting point is 00:06:33 Your belts and your bags are cool. Yeah. And the other person's fine. Good. What are we eating today? Well, we ate the Whataburger Breakfast Bowl. Oh. There's no information. It was supposed to be breakfast. Yeah. Anyway. You got the Whataburger breakfast bowl. There's no information.
Starting point is 00:06:45 It was supposed to be breakfast. You got the Whataburger lunch bowl. I got the brunch. Very nice. I feel like it was about the same as what you got. I think you're probably right. Ours was a little hotter. Like sexier or warmer?
Starting point is 00:07:02 Yeah, no, it was wearing like negligee. Yeah, it, it was wearing like negligee. Yeah, it looked good. He said both. Just to show you now. You just pointed at him and didn't finish what you were saying and then he looked at me and went, what's up? What's up is we're doing the podcast. He just gets like that.
Starting point is 00:07:23 He does. He's not even he's not even he's not even gray looking yet he's he's too close to the action it's true
Starting point is 00:07:30 go sit on that couch go go in the go in the other room we're in I'll put him on the other side of the glass we're we're in
Starting point is 00:07:36 a different recording space today yeah we're lounging sure sounds good we're hanging out and um Nick is very in on the action today and that's
Starting point is 00:07:44 usually there's like a there's about 15 feet the action today. Usually there's about 15 feet in a table separating us. There's usually some space. That's why I was like, I must get there today. It's Face Jam Day. Nothing was going to stop him. We got all day.
Starting point is 00:08:00 Take your time, do your thing and then the food will be here when you want it don't tell anyone to do that thing though if someone's like i just want to do this real quick don't say do your thing right right just probably avoid it okay uh we used online ordering again but it actually worked out for us and there were no problems well there was one there was one little hiccup it wasn't a thing where a carousel of people were coming out and asking us questions one person i rolled eric's window down so that was a signal to give it to him yeah that's absolutely jordan went and this is so they know to hand you the food and uh and uh we were
Starting point is 00:08:36 like three or four spaces down from the front door and somebody just like opens the door and peeks their head out and yells at er. What's the name of the order? Yep. And Eric shouts back, Eric. And they go, okay. And they go back in. There's a real long pause after I said my name, like she was processing, like I had said something really weird. And then to their credit, next time we saw them, they had the food.
Starting point is 00:09:00 Although it took about three trips. They took three trips to bring us all of the food. Which is very weird. How many bags? Okay, so there was a bag with all the bowls. There was a bag which are sealed and covered with lids. And then there's their own bag, so they put it in a plastic bag.
Starting point is 00:09:18 Yes, and then there's a bag for the cinnamon rolls. And then there was a bag for the coffee. and then a separate bag for the creamer the bag for the coffee was very confusing they put all the coffee in the like you know like the paper cardboard like tray thing little tray yeah and then put that in a bag uh-huh i've never had them okay so here's what I've had recently. Uh-huh. Okay. There are now, like, at, I think McDonald's does it, and some other fast food place does it.
Starting point is 00:09:58 They're starting to put, you know, like if you get an Amazon delivery, and you get something heavy or cold, they put that thick piece of cardboard at the bottom of the paper bag for stability. Uh-huh. a cardboard at the bottom of the paper bag for stability. So they now have like inserts for fast food bags. That's a cardboard bottom, but a cup base. And so it's like designed to be put into, it's like a cup holder. That's designed to be put into a bag, but like the bottom's flat to sit in the bag properly. And it's genius and it works. What you're describing sounds like they just threw the cup holder in the bag.
Starting point is 00:10:27 That does not work. I was going to say, your idea sounds very cool. It's not an idea. It's a thing that works. I'm glad it's happening. I feel like they saw someone else do it and said, we're going to do it too. A hundred percent. And they just threw it in.
Starting point is 00:10:38 Well, that's Whataburger. And that is crazy because it's just going to fall the fuck over. Eric was doing a real balancing act in the car. Oh, boy. Holding the bag from the top closed closed but also with my hand underneath it to make sure everything was balancing perfectly on these incredibly full hot cups of coffee i was trying inside of a bag that would melt if any of them spilled i was uh yeah i was trying not to take any corners too quickly yeah jordan did a great job driving us there. We got there and then we got the food
Starting point is 00:11:05 within a couple of minutes. No problems. It was totally fine. Yeah, totally fine. So now we know why I had to have such an adventure this morning. Because you guys had no story. Oh, that is true. Great.
Starting point is 00:11:19 No, mine happened first. The fate's new. Check the threads. It really was perfect timing because I was just pulling up and going to get out of my car and be like, here we go. Time for Face Jam. We've got a busy day ahead of us because we were doing other stuff.
Starting point is 00:11:33 And then see the message and I go, I'll sit in the car a little bit longer. There's any rush. Me and Nick were hanging out, talking about other stuff, having a cup of coffee, and Jordan went, Michael said he was in a major accident not joking oh okay
Starting point is 00:11:51 and then that's when we saw your ex walk by and we go have you talked to Michael they were next it was really like you talked to Michael today yeah no I mean like now like recent like do you know what happened to Michael? Today? Yeah. No, I mean like, like, now, like recent,
Starting point is 00:12:06 like, do you know what happened to Michael? And they went, no. Oh, okay. Well, we have some news. We have some bad news.
Starting point is 00:12:14 He didn't, he didn't make it. Oh my God, to work. Right. Yeah. Pay attention. What did you think I said?
Starting point is 00:12:24 Uh, I gotta be honest. Car went perfectly straight. That's great. No swerving. What did you think I said? I got to be honest. Car went perfectly straight. That's great. No swerving. Airbags flying in directions that I didn't even know I had them. Great. I didn't know that they were in the side doors.
Starting point is 00:12:36 It's a great car. I've never been in a car before when airbags have been deployed. Yeah, me neither. Boy, they went in every direction. They're all around you. I've almost felt like robbed. Yeah, you were... Of an experience of a car accident. You wanted to hit your head on the steering wheel?
Starting point is 00:12:51 No, I didn't want it, Jordan, but I went, this baby's so safe today. Yep. You know, I said kids these days. Right. People... I immediately sat there in my wrecked car and said, you know, people are too soft. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:03 As the airbags slowly deflated around me. No, they didn't. They stayed. And then I sat and went, how do I get out of my car? Do they just stay inflated? They stayed inflated. Oh, wow. That's why they recommend you have scissors or something
Starting point is 00:13:17 within arm's reach to cut them if you're in an accident. Yeah. It was cool what Jordan just did because he made a motion to cut with scissors while simultaneously turning his wrist to check his watch. He went, I look very cool. I got a text. He was stabbing. He got a text. He's like, and then yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:33 What's going on? Oh yeah. I heard about it. Yeah, I heard the I heard about it. He's here on the podcast. Was it Gus? That was the text. No, it was. It's our friend Laura. Oh, cool. The U.S. men's national team are about to play. Yeah, we're getting excited for some football. F-U-T-O-B-O-L.
Starting point is 00:13:50 Hang on. Who are we telling? How'd you screw that up? Who are we fucking off? You should have just stopped at F-U. Who are we effing you? It's called soccer. We tied those fucks.
Starting point is 00:14:00 It's coming home, boys. There is Whataburger involved. Yes. I noticed no one started a timer. It's right here. Oh, God. Eric is the only one in control of the timer. It's a tiny little baby thing.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Where's a big old chong? I know. It's on my desk. If only somebody felt like somebody involved. I don't know. You had to get interrupted how many times before we could start this to get a picture for a thing you already promoted? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:14:22 How many times did I get interrupted? At least twice. So many. So many. We lost count. I don't know why How many times did I get interrupted? At least twice. So many. I don't know why you were letting people in here. We reserved the room. I wasn't letting anybody in here. I walked in. Did those doors lock?
Starting point is 00:14:32 Can we lock those doors? Yeah, but they know the code. Yeah. I walked in and people were in here and I was like, excuse me? And so I thought you'd clear them. Nope. No, I would never.
Starting point is 00:14:42 No. These are the only people that are clear. Well, they were in here with you, so anyway. This is a podcast about food, I guess. Yes. And Whataburger is what we ate. Should we find out about Whataburger? We should, but first, we should learn poetry about Whataburger with Jordan's haiku.
Starting point is 00:15:02 Can you tell how ready I was? I was looking at Eric, and I had no idea what Jordan was doing because he's behind me. And I just thought he was looking somewhere else. I'm next to you. You could open your body up to be a little more. I literally can't see both of you at the same time. It's very closed off. I like it.
Starting point is 00:15:17 I mean, I can see them or you. There's no choice. I get why you want to keep an eye on that one. Yeah, Nick's over here. It's all fucked up. Well, you want to keep an eye on that one. Yeah, Nick's over here. It's all fucked up. Well, I want to keep on what he's doing to him. Yes, absolutely. I don't get to sit over there
Starting point is 00:15:31 and look at you with the whole gang. You get to see everybody. You and him. Okay, he's making a strangulation device. He's making a garrotte, actually, out of an XLR cable. Oh, the BTK monkey. Got it. He learned that in the Boy Scouts. How to make a garrot, actually, out of an XLR cable. Oh, the BTK monkey. Got it. He learned that in the Boy Scouts.
Starting point is 00:15:47 How to make a garrot? Plates cannot contain breakfast tossed into a trough. Suck it down, piggy. Oink, oink. That's what it really feels like. What is the purpose of putting it into a bowl?
Starting point is 00:16:02 Why not a sandwich? Why was what we ate not a sandwich? 15 years behind KFC? Exactly. And they just said, we're doing it. People like bowls. It's this illusion of convenience to be like, oh, I got mine in a bowl. That means I can go anywhere.
Starting point is 00:16:18 Everything that we had was a deconstructed sandwich. There's nothing convenient about that. I don't understand why that's the way you would prefer to eat that. It really makes no sense. You also don't even need to buy that. You can just buyed sandwich. There's nothing convenient about that. I don't understand why that's the way you would prefer to eat that. It really makes no sense. You also don't even need to buy that. You can just buy the sandwich. People think they can just come in here.
Starting point is 00:16:34 People just can buy a sandwich and then fuck it up if they want. You don't need to buy this thing. Yeah, you could bring your own bowl. Don't sit down. You'll get hurt. You could bring your own bowl and make your own Whataburger bowl. Disappeared. Well, they didn't disappear. They went back in the other room. There was a guy who came in here and it was
Starting point is 00:16:53 all fucked up. Yeah, but you know what? They left because I didn't clear them. Not cleared. Thank you. Yeah, well, then why didn't he clear the other one that was in here? I told you I would never clear anyone that's not us. He cleared her. No. Somebody cleared her. Yeah, and, then why didn't he clear the other one that was in here? I told you I would never clear anyone that's not us. He cleared her. No.
Starting point is 00:17:07 Somebody cleared her. Yeah, and then I heard him saying, yeah, take more pictures. Anyway. We need them. Beautiful high Q. Thank you. Let's learn about the food. I have a high, high Q.
Starting point is 00:17:26 Our previous What a Burger episode was released August 21st, 2022. What? It said August 1st. What's up? Oh, no. It's his brain. August? You said August 21st.
Starting point is 00:17:39 August 21st. Get the smelly salt. Stop falling asleep. Stop falling asleep. Stop falling asleep. My nose wet. My brain. You guys hear that? God, turn that whistle off.
Starting point is 00:17:58 Our previous Whataburger episode was released August 1, 2022. That whistle's going to be in the episode the whole time, guys. No one's going to listen to this. Guys, why does it sound like burnt toast? Where we ate the Whataburger bacon blue cheese burger and fake banana pudding cake. Very fake. It received an average score of 55. I know I liked it, and Eric liked it, who does not get a score,
Starting point is 00:18:20 and Jordan didn't. Somebody didn't like it based on that score. Who knows who it could have been? Well, there's only two people that get scores. I also remember I think he didn't like blue cheese and was mad about the fake banana pudding shake. For some reason you didn't want it to go above a score of 64. That was
Starting point is 00:18:37 the important thing to you. And we achieved our goal. We definitely fucking nailed it. Collectively as Face Jam all on the same page. Next fact. Nick is here for this episode. He's here for almost every episode. It has been over two years since we have eaten
Starting point is 00:18:54 Whataburger with him. He must be thrilled, Nick. But road trip. Yeah, I was gonna say like a year ago. Now he's longer. It's literally October of 2021 that we had Whataburger on the road. No. We ate it.
Starting point is 00:19:09 No. We ate it in... Nah. Oh, no. Big Spring, Texas. I wish you guys could see this. He's melting like... He recorded it in Amarillo. There's a clack goo coming down the front of his face. Hang on, I'm thinking. He hears the whistle now. No, that's not right. Hang on. This is where he, saved by the bell style,
Starting point is 00:19:28 turns to the camera and stops the episode. He's like, hang on a minute, everybody. I need a couple minutes to come up with something. Why don't you enjoy this commercial break? Zach, don't play this. In October of this year, I'll just move past it. In October of this year a soldier at Fort Hood, Texas
Starting point is 00:19:48 filed a $1 million suit against Whataburger when a hot coffee was put in a cold drink cup then spilled into his lap causing second degree burns. Whataburger does not respect the troops and is actively waging war on them. Is this our 9-11? Question mark? Said Eric
Starting point is 00:20:04 That's the McMillian scene. Oh waging war on them. Is this our 9-11? Question mark, said Eric. That's the McMillian's thing. Oh. Yeah, that thing really took a backseat to the McMillian's stuff. So what does that mean when you put it in a cold drink cup? Like, you see how it's in like a hot coffee cup? You know how you just get like a Dr. Pepper
Starting point is 00:20:20 or whatever there? So it's more like the plastic one. Yeah, it's the regular plastic cup, and they gave it to them like that. Imagine filling up a regular soda, like a Big Gulp with the hottest coffee. But I'm confused. This is what regular cups are at Whataburger. This is what soda goes in.
Starting point is 00:20:36 So when they say a cold drink cup, it's all styrofoam. Then I have no idea. The fuck does that mean? That's fucking crazy. The only thing that tells me this is coffee is the lid. This is, then you know what?
Starting point is 00:20:47 Then it goes even deeper than we thought. Then this is government propaganda. If they're saying, oh, it's a cold drink cup, yes, technically, they're all cold drink cups. To me, what it sounds like is,
Starting point is 00:20:58 they don't do plastic cups. To me, what it sounds like, they're inside jobs. Well, clearly. What it sounds like to me is that it was much more of an active hit job. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:11 This is the only cups we have? I don't know. I need to find one that's going to scald him. Jordan, I need to go outside of the realm of Whataburger cups. They just gave it a big gulp and they just filled it up? You're assuming there was a hit at all, Jordan. I feel like we may have just discovered the true conspiracies
Starting point is 00:21:26 that there was no spilled hot coffee to begin with. Hey, I'll be honest. There might not even be a soldier. What? Oh. Stolen valor. I don't even think Fort Hood is a real place.
Starting point is 00:21:36 No, it definitely is. So here's the thing. One million dollar lawsuit for second degree burns from the coffee, that's less than the McDonald's woman from like the early 90s. Remember that? This is chump change. This economy?
Starting point is 00:21:51 Buy him another cup of coffee. I mean, Whataburger versus McDonald's, he knows who he's working with. He's like, I'm not going to ask for more than a million. I don't want to burden them. He's playing the game that he can win. Yes, exactly. It's like you hear those suits where it's like you hear those suits
Starting point is 00:22:06 where it's like, in your favor for $500 million. It's like, great, the guy has no money. Who gives a shit? Whataburger's like, okay, they can float a million. That's like if you sued Dickie's Barbecue, you're like, well, just ask for a handshake. Right, right, right. Whataburger can call
Starting point is 00:22:22 two other Whataburgers and pool to get like, guys, I need like 200 grand. We got to pay off this dick burn. Everyone kick in 50 bucks. Every Whataburger. We got to get rid of this dick burn guy.
Starting point is 00:22:35 Hush money. In early 2020, Whataburger was sued for wrongful death. That's harsh. When an employee in Alamo City was having chest pain, so the manager told him to sit in the lobby where he proceeded to die
Starting point is 00:22:50 after not being checked on for four hours. While this death is tragic, we're comforted by the rumors that his last words were, quote, well, at least it's not Jack in the Box. End quote. Jesus Christ. That's terrible. That's only two years ago. Okay,. That's terrible.
Starting point is 00:23:06 That's only two years ago. How did we not hear about this? Also, how did who sits anywhere for four hours and doesn't move? I don't know what that means. He's having chest pains the whole time. Go back to work or go to the hospital, but who just sits
Starting point is 00:23:21 in a... I don't even understand that. When I have a medical situation I'm sitting that. When I have a medical situation... When I have a medical situation, I typically go to a Whataburger and ask a night manager like, hey, so what do I do now? And then he says, have a seat. I got this. How many people are working at a Whataburger
Starting point is 00:23:38 where one guy can sit in the lobby for four hours and nobody... That probably happens every day. It must. You think people have chest pains? No, not the chest pain part. four hours and nobody that probably happens every day it must because again i think no no no no there's people sitting there for four hours every day sitting motionless for four hours i think the shocking because otherwise the shocking part is that he died at the end right the the it must happen because i think i think i agree with you that someone must go. I don't need to see a person in any sort of duress. It's more like that person hasn't moved for X amount of hours.
Starting point is 00:24:12 I should investigate like at all. And then you see what happens. But especially someone going, I'm having chest pains. I'm going to go sit down and then they don't move is insane. Yes. How did a customer not call an ambulance? That's unbelievable. I just don't know.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Like, yeah, my chest hurts really bad. Yeah, you should just have a seat where people eat hamburgers. Don't bench so much. Don't bench so much. And then to die. Imagine dying during your shift at Whataburger. What? No, I don't want to.
Starting point is 00:24:46 That sucks. That fucking sucks. That's terrible. They're only suing for like a million dollars. Yeah, well. That's not enough money. It's not enough money, but it's all they have. They know with the other guy suing for a million, it's the cap.
Starting point is 00:24:59 They need to pull together and like, you know, do a class action thing or something because they're just hurting each other's cases. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the final fact. At a Whataburger in Bastrop, a customer filmed a rat running and diving into the deep fryer. The video went viral and the restaurant was shut down. Fortunately, the rat was only there because he was experiencing chest pains.
Starting point is 00:25:30 That rat cooked himself? Fuck. I want to have a seat in the deep fryer. Did he just start screaming when he jumped in? The imagery of him diving in, it just makes me think of a cartoon character. He dives off the handle like it's a springboard, and there's a swan dive into the oil. There's a real oil up.
Starting point is 00:25:49 He goes down, but he comes up, and he looks like french fries. He spits some oil out in a little fountain. The backstroke. Yeah. The rat was really excited because he heard Camilla was coming. Quiz mice. Quiz mice. There's a video of this.
Starting point is 00:26:04 The guy films it, and he goes, there's a damn rat at the Whatab Quiz mice. There's a video of this. The guy films it and he goes, there's a damn rat at the Whataburger and it's running across the counter and it whoosh, splash into the fryer. A woman starts screaming, are you selling us fried
Starting point is 00:26:20 rat? That's awesome. Was the follow-up? I'll take it. Because I want it. Give me my fried rat. It reminds me when in Trucked Up when Chris told us
Starting point is 00:26:38 they used the potatoes on the ground and immediately we were like, excuse me? The potato was on the floor. After we'd eaten it. After we ate it. Fried rat just makes me think poplars. Oh, poplars, yeah. I'm going to take a bite of that.
Starting point is 00:26:53 Dude, if they taste good, who cares? Bastrop is not far from here. No, it isn't. But also, if there was a place for that to happen, it'd be Bastrop. Bastrop. Amarillo, close second. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Amarillo's doing that in. Bastrop. Amarillo, close second. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:05 Well, Amarillo's doing that in service. Amarillo's probably not even reporting on it. No, no, no. Amarillo's like getting the rats, frying them up. People are buying them. The rats are working there. They got their own rat economy. The rats are working there, but it ain't Ratatouille.
Starting point is 00:27:18 They're like the shitty, lazy rats. The rats are wearing hats with humans in them, controlling them. They're all... Well, then when one of them has chest pains, he says, go sit. Oh, they're all having chest pains. Yeah. Go sit in the deep fryer, Amarillo style. And then you have to eat the rat?
Starting point is 00:27:34 Oh, no. And that's. Get to eat the rat. Oh. Get to. You get to buy and eat the rat. There's a damn rat at the water burger. Get on down here.
Starting point is 00:27:46 That's incredible. Are you, like, rat at the Whataburger. Get on down here. That's incredible. I like the idea of selling. It wasn't like you're feeding us. It's, are you selling us fried rat? That's awesome, man. Selling us? Like, your concern was the money exchange? Bro, where
Starting point is 00:28:02 else are you going to find a deep fried rat? Good luck. Yeah, you could probably go to maybe Jack Jack in the Box of Kangaroo Long John Silver Long John Silver seems like a place You gotta look around I feel like Long John Silver would have That's me when I leave the building today
Starting point is 00:28:19 This is me This is great There's a commercial Slow down It is you me. This is great. There's a commercial on. Wow. Oh, slow down. No. Slow down. It is you. There's a commercial where an old man is going crazy driving a car. Well, he walked out
Starting point is 00:28:34 for Christmas. He walked outside and there was a car with a bow on it. Yeah. Because I think he just got off the phone with insurance. The commercial implied. That's the part they don't show. We have a TV on on mute because you guys wanted to watch a soccer game or something like that. Originally, we were going to be done with the episode by now. 90% of this is just commercials.
Starting point is 00:28:51 It's so much commercials going on. They cram them now because they don't run commercials during the game. That's fine. I'm just saying that you guys laughed at me because you thought that a car wouldn't appear. I feel like we just saw it happen. I tell you, there's got to be an easier way to get a new car. Yeah. I don't know why
Starting point is 00:29:09 you have to get in an accident and call somebody and then they bring it to you with a bow on it. There's got to be a better way. Oh. I hadn't thought about that yet. But it's tradition. It's true. Your insurance guy gets a bow on your car. That's how Henry Ford did it. I'm going through just the steps.
Starting point is 00:29:27 Do you want to be robbed of the experience of calling the tow company and say, Hi, it's so-and-so. I'm calling to let you know that you can release my car to the insurance company when they call. And they say, no problem. Sir, sorry. You called toes towing. You need to call finger towing. You need to call finger towing.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Well, it's toes fingering. Right, right. Sir, you called suck on him towing. You meant to call finger towing. Sniffs up. How can I help you? I think you have my car. No, we don't do that here.
Starting point is 00:29:58 No, we don't. That's definitely. We'll do stuff in a car, but we don't have one. No, we're toe tow guys not tow guys We're tow guys You'd be surprised This happens a lot People are getting us confused
Starting point is 00:30:17 I saw a Lamborghini My insurance should cover it Get a two door something quick How much do you think they're going to give me? Like a million? Yeah, like a million. Well, I mean, how much should this guy... A million.
Starting point is 00:30:31 Okay. Whataburger Stylies. What if I mentioned also in the accident report, just kind of in addition, I'll just say, and also there was coffee, and I'm not sure what kind of cup it was in. Yeah, it could have been from any of these places. We should sue them all.
Starting point is 00:30:44 I think it was in a cold cup. It was in a cup made for cold drinks in. Yeah, it could have been from any of these places. We should sue them all. I think it was in a cold cup. It was in a cup made for cold drinks, if that helps. Could have been a factor, is all I'm saying. I'm not saying, I'm just saying. And now you have a cool car and you're a millionaire. Yeah. That's exciting for you.
Starting point is 00:30:59 Do you think the guy who filmed the deep fried rat is rich? No. You can't make money on that? It's not all ridiculous. No, dude. You know what's dumb? I bet you can make money on it, but it's never the person who films it. Somebody like 20 people away is making
Starting point is 00:31:12 money on it. They just throw it up on social media for free, and it's so dumb. You need to take that to the newspaper. You have to have newspaper run your viral videos. You gotta have contacts. You gotta have a source. You gotta have someone who you. You've got to have a source. Right.
Starting point is 00:31:25 You've got to know, you know, you've got to have someone who you can, like, give a lead to. And then maybe they can, like, stop the presses. You know, like, this is going on tonight. It's like they've been stopped for two years. I want to film a viral video so good that they stop the presses. Yeah, and it's like, we've already printed half the papers for the morning. It's like, start printing them again. There's a rat at the water.
Starting point is 00:31:46 We got to put this rat video inside the newspaper. I need pictures of rat. I need moving pictures inside paper. I don't know. They should start running viral videos inside the newspaper. I don't know how. Sirius Black did it. They should do it.
Starting point is 00:32:01 That's Harry Potter style. Do viral videos of a rat in a deep fryer. Are you selling us deep fryer rat? Peter Pettigrew. What was the rat's name? Fucking Scabbers? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:16 The Scabbers. But yeah, he really was Peter Pettigrew. Scabbers would go to a Bastrop Whataburger. That's for sure. Are you selling us fried Peter Pettigrew? It's a man rat form man form i ain't touching this guy in the form of a rat he jumped in as a rat and it transformed back into a man but halfway because he'd stopped and so he was a rat man and that's that rat who's washing himself that's that other viral video yeah we can sing that on the show that's fine we just did i was just doing some himself. That's that other viral video. He's the rat man. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Starting point is 00:32:46 Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Starting point is 00:32:46 Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Starting point is 00:32:46 Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Starting point is 00:32:50 Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. You like the blue guys? Yeah, we're going for the blue guys.
Starting point is 00:33:18 Listen closely as a master painter carefully brushes Benjamin Moore Regal Select down the seam of the wall. It's like poetry in motion. Benjamin Moore, see the love. DQ presents how to officially start your summer. Step one, head to the perfect spot to kick off the season. DQ! Step two, try the new Summer Blizzard menu. I mean, summer is right there in the name.
Starting point is 00:33:36 And step three, dig into flavors like new peanut butter cookie dough party, new picnic peach cobbler, and more. Because with treats like these, every bite feels like you're starting summer off right. But don't wait. These flavors are only around as long as summer is. Make the season official with the new Summer Blizzard menu. Only at DQ. Happy tastes good.
Starting point is 00:33:57 What the hell do we eat, Jordan? Jordan, teach us about the food. Whataburger breakfast bowl. What is it? It's a fresh baked biscuit, creamy Whataburger gravy, scrambled eggs, two crispy hash browns, and fancy shredded cheddar jack cheese. All of those letters capitalized except cheese with your choice of sausage or bacon.
Starting point is 00:34:17 Wait, hang on. Wait, why is that? What the fuck? Yeah, that's weird. Fancy shredded cheddar jack is. It's all capitalized. Why is that all capitalized? None of the other foods are capitalized. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:34:30 What the fuck? It sounds like it's a brand or something. Nick, is that their brand of cheese? Sure. Okay. They have fancy ketchup. He didn't want you to know. Oh, they do have fancy ketchup.
Starting point is 00:34:39 Maybe they just fancify stuff every now and then. Did it? I mean, you guys looked at this, saw it, whatever. Did any of that jump out at you like, yeah, this belongs in a bowl? No. No. Again, no. Absolutely not.
Starting point is 00:34:54 They described a sandwich that they dropped on the ground. Exactly. They dropped it on the ground and they looked, what's on the ground? It's a fresh baked biscuit creamy whataburger gravy scrambled eggs why did they do i don't i still don't understand here's my thing uh-huh so i said i said like i don't understand why you have to invent this because you could literally just like take apart a sandwich yes right like if you really wanted to i like maybe there's a little bit more to it, and I do mean more just in volume, not, like, ingredients.
Starting point is 00:35:28 Like, it seems bigger because it's a bowl. Right? Yeah, it's, there's a lot of eggs. There's way more eggs than that would be on a sandwich. So, but it's still just,
Starting point is 00:35:36 like, the ingredients of a sandwich with extra shit. He kicked that way too high. Yeah, we're not good at that. So, I guess my thing is, like, I immediately think of the KFC bowl Yes
Starting point is 00:35:47 Exactly what I meant They loaded those things up They started with Hey you lazy piece of shit Yeah You wanna mush this up and eat it in a bowl And while it also is kind of a grotesque Just like true American fashion
Starting point is 00:36:03 Just way of eating It works for KFC because you do get all that shit like mashed potatoes are mashed potatoes are great for picking shit up corn and like it's globular okay yeah it's great if you have like a flat spoon
Starting point is 00:36:19 the chicken bites we don't have any more flat spoons flat spoon would be great if you you know someone, take theirs. Yep. Steal it. It's fine. But like all that shit makes sense together because that to me is kind of the, you know, when you have all those ingredients on a plate, they end up touching anyway.
Starting point is 00:36:37 Right. And they're all going to the same place. They're all going. And you're eating like the chicken with your hands maybe and you're eating the sides with the utensil and it puts all of it together and it looks like a sloppy disgusting mess but it still tastes good and you truly can eat it easily and conveniently with a fork yes this is not that at all no this is way more convenient as a sandwich a hundred a hundred percent and all you've done is taken the sandwich apart turn it into a fucking mess, giving me a fork,
Starting point is 00:37:06 and the fork isn't good enough. No. No, it isn't. Because it's a biscuit. It's sausage. It's not mush. The KFC works because it's food mush. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:37:14 It's all mush food already, and yeah, the mush here, I guess, is the scrambled eggs. It's the scrambled eggs and it's the fucked on a sauce. Whatever that sauce is. The difference is, it's what you're saying.
Starting point is 00:37:24 You need a knife or a very firm fork to cut through what we ate. It might as well be on a plate. KFC, everything is baby bite size. It's baby bite, and it's also baby firmness.
Starting point is 00:37:39 I'm not using my gnashers at all. You can use your soft teeth. You don't have to rip it. You just kind of mush it in your mouth until you can swallow it. And this is just a real sandwich put into a bowl, but it still has to be eaten like you're a human being. Let me ask you. So I don't understand the point.
Starting point is 00:37:57 I didn't think of this until right now. It said biscuit. Did we get the top part of a biscuit on the top? Is there a bottom part of the biscuit on the bottom? There is a bottom part. There was a bottom part underneath the eggs. So it was kind of like a sandwich in a bowl. So it's exactly like, it's just a breakfast sandwich they put in a bowl.
Starting point is 00:38:12 Yes. It's a breakfast sandwich they put in a bowl and then just added a fuck ton more eggs and maybe some other. It's a weird like ginormo breakfast sandwich. It is, yeah. That is just a sloppy mess that you could never hold. The bowl is so greasy as well. Jordan grabbed the bowl
Starting point is 00:38:30 and was going like, no, what happened? All over him. No, all over him. It makes me want to go get a KFC bowl. Oh, interesting. Because that's what a bowl should be. You can just straight up eat that. And then one little plastic spork.
Starting point is 00:38:46 You can eat everything in there. The world's your oyster. It really is. And nothing gets soggy. They do a good job of mostly everything's dry. Yeah. I'm surprised KFC's never done, like, a little turn for Thanksgiving and done a Thanksgiving-style bowl.
Starting point is 00:39:01 Because it's kind of the same thing. Everything in Thanksgiving on the plate is all in and up together. Jordan, cut that from the episode, and you got to pitch that. We got to sell it to them. You got to sell it to them. Don't give that away. That feels like a thing Boston Market would do. Boston Market is all in on, hey, it's Thanksgiving.
Starting point is 00:39:17 Hey, we just created a bit more. Don't forget we exist. Did we just drive up the price? I think it just went up a cool mill. Here's the thing about Boston Market. I even in my head still think, oh man, Boston Market. But then I have to remember the last six times I've went there. I've been disappointed.
Starting point is 00:39:33 And either they've gone downhill or it was just never that good and it's just a weird thing as a kid where you thought it was cool. Or thought it was fancy. It's fine, but it's not. It's not like this is so much better than other. It's just like, oh, this is like medieval times food.
Starting point is 00:39:48 Why is that? Why is there a perception of Boston market being elevated? I don't know, but there is. There is, and I have to remind myself. It's not typical fast food fare. Yeah, I guess you're right. It's like, oh, I can get, but it is something you would get out of it.
Starting point is 00:40:00 I'm getting a whole roast chicken. It's something you would get out of fare. Or the medieval fair. But the thing is, at first glance, it's not fast food. But if you look, it is. It absolutely is. It's the same thing as KFC, except that they have the whole chickens instead of a guy frying the chicken and a rat in the back. It just looks better.
Starting point is 00:40:22 It's the fact that it's not all like super deep fried and they're using like nice ingredients and they're just using more appeasing like plates and shit like it's it's still all plastic
Starting point is 00:40:33 it's all set dressing but like it's all black smoke and air it really is it just looks fancier and then you eat it and you go and it's fine
Starting point is 00:40:39 but it's not like oh Boston Market's the shit like the old trope the old joke of like oh you're having Thanksgiving like buy Boston Market's the shit. Like the old trope, the old joke of like, oh, you're having Thanksgiving? Like buy Boston Market and then put it on all the good plates and your family will never know. It'd be like, yo, this is Boston Market. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:52 It's not delivery. It's Boston Market. It's fine, but it's. I think Boston Market's great if you and your significant other don't want to cook and you feel like having a Thanksgiving dinner. I feel like it's also Boston Market just has to be convenient for you. It's got to be near you. It's not good enough to go get. They're not near us.
Starting point is 00:41:11 They're not near us at all. I don't doubt that I would go to Boston Market somewhat regularly if it was along the way somewhere. Apparently P.F. Chang's isn't near you and you eat it all the time. Yeah, but I order it. But also I would eat more P.F. Chang's than Boston Market, for sure. I think their food is
Starting point is 00:41:27 better. I mean, based on last fortnight's episode, 100%. Jordan, how about some press material so we can learn about this? I'm hoping they admit to the fact that you might be expecting a sandwich. You think they're going to, okay, yeah, here they go. They're going to admit to them. There's no way they dress this up as
Starting point is 00:41:43 some sort of elevated innovation or anything. Don't worry, you're going to admit to them. There's no way they dress this up as some sort of elevated innovation or anything. Don't worry. I mean, it's so much nothing. Go for it. The Whataburger Breakfast Bowl is a savory and satisfying serving that delivers the quality and freshness guests have come to expect from us, said Rich Scheffler, Whataburger Executive Vice President and Chief Marketing Officer. That guy's got two very big jobs. For those truly on the go, Whataburger's convenient app includes order ahead options, so this convenient bowl is ready to roll
Starting point is 00:42:11 when you are. Okay. God, there's nothing to do with this. Here's the thing that gets me. He pivoted into an ad for the app. Here's the thing that gets me about this. The way he's presenting it, it's ready to roll when you are. It definitely wasn't. This, no. This food is meant to be eaten on the go? it, it's ready to roll when you are. It definitely wasn't. No. This food is meant to be eaten on the go?
Starting point is 00:42:28 Yeah, it's not. It's less mobile than a fucking sandwich. It's 100% less mobile. Fact. There's no question. It's huge. It's way bigger. And again, you basically just...
Starting point is 00:42:39 And if you're holding the bowl or whatever, let's assume you just have one hand. Yep. You're doing it where you're chopping it up with the side of the fork, which doesn't work well. There are levels to convenience of eating food. I can eat it with one hand. It's like a
Starting point is 00:42:54 sandwich. It's a wrap. I would argue even easier like french fry, where it's not even a sandwich. That's the easiest. Grab, boom, sandwich. You gotta have a little bit of a grip, but right, you can hold it. Before on-the-go meal eating, sandwich or wrap is tier one. Most convenient, most mobile. Tier two is like two hands.
Starting point is 00:43:13 I'm imagining I'm riding a bike with no hands. I don't need a table, but I can make this work. Probably a KFC bowl. This reaches the least level of convenient, which is I need a table in order to eat this because I need to cut things and I can't do that without a service below me. You need concentration on it.
Starting point is 00:43:33 The way you have to cut into this thing is specific because it's all going to slop around. That's a good point. You can't just kind of stab in there and pull food out. You can do that with the KFC bowl. You can just blindfold yourself and get food. You'll get like a whole sausage.
Starting point is 00:43:49 You're going to slam your fork in there and you're going to be like, let's see what I get. This is a whole hash brown that doesn't fit in my mouth. The thing about this is we keep comparing it to the KFC bowl and I think it's fair to do that even though this is breakfast and KFC is like a different thing.
Starting point is 00:44:05 You put bowl in the name. Yeah. I think that you have a lot. Breakfast or otherwise. You have a lot to live up to when you have something like a KFC Bowl. You're going to enter the bowl sphere. Yeah. You're also going to come to play in the bowl. You better you better bring your A game. You better be bringing something that makes KFC
Starting point is 00:44:21 worried when they see you in the Thunderdome. It's true and also also, not only... Can we start over? We can start over. We've said the whole podcast. Not only are you putting yourself in bowl territory, but both KFC and Whataburger, you're also bowling a food you already sell. Yes. It's not even a new thing.
Starting point is 00:44:45 It's not like, like there are some bowls I wouldn't compare it to if it's like a Taco Bell, whatever bowl. It's like, okay, that's like a different thing though. Right. You literally just said,
Starting point is 00:44:53 right. You just said, Hey, this fucking sandwich. Uh, now it's in a bowl. We dropped it in a bowl. So,
Starting point is 00:44:59 and it's like, and that was what KFC did. KFC was like, Hey, you know, all this shit that's separate, we're going to put it in a bowl for you to eat it. And even that makes a little bit more sense than the sandwich.
Starting point is 00:45:08 It's already a sandwich. I don't understand it. This would be such a better sandwich. You take half the eggs out because the best part of it was the biscuit. Yeah. I do agree with that. It tastes so good. I guess that's my point.
Starting point is 00:45:19 If you're going to do a bowl, just change it so it's not a sandwich, but then maybe it wouldn't taste as good. Yeah. Because my first thing I was going to say was, get rid of the biscuit. Just as far as, like, making it more bowl. Right, as far as making more bowl. How to make it a better bowl, but then the biscuit is delicious. So then you would just hate the food.
Starting point is 00:45:35 Exactly. Like, some sort of egg bowl would make sense, but then that's just eating eggs out of a bowl. Yes. So, look, the point is, I understand I'm not giving good suggestions, but I didn't make it and sell it. That is true. What a burger. I am just judging it. Somebody's meeting a quota where it's like, we need a new food menu item to like for
Starting point is 00:45:53 Q4 2022. And it's like, what if we just take the sandwich, the thing we already make, the thing that's already made. Yeah. And we have them unwrap it from the wrapper and dump it in a bowl and we sell it as something new. That's all it comes across as. I mean, that's kind of what they do with like, they have like a chili cheeseburger and then they have like a Frito pie thing. And then they have like, they do stuff kind of close to that where everything's sort of in like the same vein.
Starting point is 00:46:14 But it's just like, did you have to do this with breakfast? Like, why didn't they just have like a burrito? Why didn't they do something like put all that in a burrito? Yeah, that'd be great. At least there's something like that. I just don't get what the point of this is. The problem with the bowl, too, is it's served hot, and they put a lid on it. It was so hot, and it was so greasy.
Starting point is 00:46:34 It just cooks everything or gets all the moisture in there. And so the hash browns were awful. Yes. It was so soggy. So that's the thing. Yeah. Dude, every fast food place hasn't figured that out yet like you can't just cover hot shit yeah oh no you cannot um the hash browns that we
Starting point is 00:46:52 had that were outside of it because we got the meal it came with a side of hash browns as well we like michael when those hash browns are fucking hot jordan even said like this might rival mcdonald's they are so fucking really good They're really good. Those little hash brown sticks. They're crispy. Whoa. Oh, Whataburger? Yeah. Oh, I've had them. Dude, they are fucking.
Starting point is 00:47:09 I've had like a million of them. I've never had them before. They're fucking good. You only get four per bag. It's a little disappointing. Give me 100 extras. Fuck. Yeah, you got to eat those immediately.
Starting point is 00:47:18 Yeah, immediately. Wendy's, not to get off on a tangent, their breakfast things are pretty good too. They're like potato wedges. Yeah. They're like crisps. Oh, I haven't done Wendy's breakfast. Almost did Wendy's for not to get off on a tangent, their breakfast things are pretty good too. They're like potato wedges. They're like crisps. I haven't done Wendy's breakfast. Almost did Wendy's for this episode.
Starting point is 00:47:28 Despite Rick and Morty's best efforts. They have French toast sticks. If we did Wendy's, I'd still have a car. I don't think. I do think, absolutely. Everything would have changed. We would go back to the fates with their threads and they're like, oh, Wendy's super cool story at Wendy's.
Starting point is 00:47:45 This car's fine. Well, I went and talked to the Fates and they laughed at me. Tried to undo the Fates. That's Star Wars. Okay. So let's get into the review. I think we've kind of like laid it all out there.
Starting point is 00:48:01 Right, yeah. But we got to assign a number here. So we have... So yeah, we... Sorry, I was looking at the. Right. Yeah. But we got it. We got to sign it over here. So we have, so yeah, we, sorry, I was looking at the soccer game. I wanted someone to score a hundred.
Starting point is 00:48:10 I want someone to score at all. I'm hoping we get another exciting zero. We got a cross in. Damn it. Go ahead, Jordan. You have to give a score. Right.
Starting point is 00:48:18 So I said everything, the biscuits, the best part, the rest of it is so greasy and wet and um while i ate it all it's like not like how's the whole fucking meal that that doesn't mean i like liked it um again it's for what it's going for it's it is not good in this medium you got to use the medium to its full effect and that's not what they did here. For that, I'm giving it a 44.
Starting point is 00:48:47 44. But the hash browns, like outside of the bowl, those are really good. Hash browns are good. That's like an 80. The hash browns at Whataburger are good. They're tiny baby ones. Also, the cinnamon rolls suck. Oh, you know what? The cinnamon rolls, we're not judging it technically. I didn't even eat one. Why do they suck?
Starting point is 00:49:04 They're very cold, and they taste like they came from Costco, like the kind that has raisins in them. Oh, excellent. They taste exactly like they would have raisins in them, and they do not. It's very weird. Oh, fascinating. But we can feed the gremlins that stuff, too.
Starting point is 00:49:16 Okay, we'll all have one. Yeah, I mean, there's just no point to make this a bowl. To me, it's less convenient. And even in the sales pitch there to say like, are you on the go? My immediate thought was, this would be easier to eat as a sandwich. I won't be on the go if I'm eating this.
Starting point is 00:49:31 You can take a small sandwich. Like if you get a double cheeseburger from Whataburger, you're not holding that with one hand unless you're a giant, right? That's fucking huge. But if you get like just a single breakfast sandwich, you know, egg and a meat, that's a sandwich you can squeeze and compact
Starting point is 00:49:48 and hold with one hand where it doesn't fly everywhere and juice doesn't fly everywhere. And yeah, it might be like pick up, bite, put down, use a napkin or whatever. That's why McGriddles are like the best road trip food. McGriddles are great. McGriddles are great and they're sticky,
Starting point is 00:50:02 but you can easily eat one with one hand as you kind of clean yourself up and shit. This bowl is not that at all. It's just work. It's work. I had to walk around to find a fork just to eat it. That's true. He had to do so much work.
Starting point is 00:50:15 Terrible. So much work. It would be great if Weston would shoot that ball. So I'm going to say stick with the biscuit. 35. Wow. Michael gave it a lower score. Yeah. They fucked up. The bowl's stupid.
Starting point is 00:50:29 39.5. And I love the KFC bowl. Mine was 44 because of the biscuit. Yeah. I just like... I love KFC because I'm a savage. I got excited. This isn't for a savage. You can't really sink your teeth into it. This is not for a savage. This is for someone who's like cosplaying a savage? I don't know. your teeth into this. This is not for a savage. This is for someone who's like, cosplaying a savage?
Starting point is 00:50:46 I don't know. Who knows? This is the security guard version. I mean, like, here's the thing. 39.5 as a bowl, I think, is totally on the money. Yeah, no. If it was just the sandwich, I think it would get a much higher score.
Starting point is 00:51:00 Yeah, because it would taste good. Yeah, it would. That's a good sandwich. It's a very good sandwich. But I'm not getting everything in every bite. It's true. With that. It's true. So it didn't taste as good. Yeah, again. Also greasy as shit. When you have a bowl. I don't think the sandwich would be that greasy. When you have a
Starting point is 00:51:14 bowl to me, that means, I'm not asking for the exact same ingredients every time I'm diving in, but I want some sort of consistency. Right. You can't have a bowl of food and then just an entire sausage patty. Exactly. You know what I mean? Exactly. And it's just like. It's a lot of sausage and then just an entire sausage patty exactly you know what i mean and it's just like it's a lot of sausage well here's the other thing like fuck even if you cut it up it would still be chunks like you need a blend you need goo yeah it's like
Starting point is 00:51:35 that's the gravy the gravy wasn't goo enough yeah other option if you don't want sausage it's bacon yeah and how the fuck are you cutting that up yeah no it's just you're not you're picking it up you taking a bite. You're taking it out of the bowl and eating it with your hand. Thus, what is the point? Yep.
Starting point is 00:51:51 Well, 39.5 I think is, that's all right, but now it's time for Snack Attack. This is from Paige. After being a long time listener, I figured I would send something
Starting point is 00:52:03 for you to try. After perusing the local Korean grocer, i found these chips not bug flavored but hopefully adventurous enough for y'all um enjoy that we're only gonna try we'll try one of these lay's mexican chicken tomato flavor okay because the other one is fried crab but then we also have Jeju mandarin jelly treats. So we can try these. Let's see. That is crab. I'm kicking for some chicken. This is Mexican chicken
Starting point is 00:52:36 tomato. I love the logo on it. It's Lay's and then it's written in Korean. I was going to guess Korean. That's crab. That's crab. No, I don't want any crab. It's not like ham. No.
Starting point is 00:52:53 No, what is this? Tomato and what? Tomato chicken. Okay. No, I'm good. Thank you. Nobody wants any of this. No one wants that.
Starting point is 00:53:01 Get out of here. I'm definitely getting tomato. Yeah, same. It tastes like the ketchup chips from Canada. No one wants that. Get out of here. I'm definitely getting tomato. Yeah, same. It tastes like the ketchup chips from Canada. I'll say this. It reminds me of the ketchup chips, but those are fucking disgusting, so I'm not going to say it tastes like the ketchup chips.
Starting point is 00:53:14 These ones are a little lighter. It's much lighter. The ketchup chips are red. These are not red. Ketchup chips are gross. Okay. Stop that. Canada's weird. They put milk in a bag and they put ketchup on chips. Yeah, I'm not getting chicken.
Starting point is 00:53:32 No chicken. No chicken at all. But as an alternative to ketchup chips, it's good. Here's what I recommend. In a Boston market style fashion, you go to your in-laws who love ketchup chips and you hate them. You take all their ketchup chips, you dump them out,
Starting point is 00:53:49 and you replace them with these. Ah. And then you tell them. They're like, ooh, they're like elevated. They just don't really know. They're like, something's different about these ketchup chips. And you're like, oh, it must be a new recipe.
Starting point is 00:54:00 But then you don't have to eat ketchup chips. They're so sweet. They are very sweet. They're pretty sweet, yeah. They're incredibly sweet. Chicken, usually not that sweet. Yeah, there's nothing chicken about that. No.
Starting point is 00:54:10 That's just a little ketchup-y. Yep. I don't really know how to rate it as a result of that. Before you rate, it's a joint effort. Oh, okay. Here are these. This will help. Mandarin jellies.
Starting point is 00:54:22 Ilk wing. Are you going whole hog? Are you doing the whole thing? I just did a bite. I did the whole wing. Are you going whole hog? Are you doing the whole thing? I just did a bite. I did the whole thing. You're going to regret that. I'm hogging up.
Starting point is 00:54:32 I regret nothing. Not that good. It doesn't taste enough like anything. Yeah, that's right. You just get the texture of the outside of it, and it's not the greatest. It's like... It's a thick gummy. It's a little sweet for a second,
Starting point is 00:54:46 and then it's, I'm just gel. It tastes like you had a mandarin orange half an hour ago, and then you know how it makes your hands smell? That's how it tastes, but not enough to be like, wow, what an overwhelming flavor. It's not even a whelming flavor. It's very underwhelming.
Starting point is 00:55:06 Huh. I'm whelmed. It's just a thick little rectangular brick. I think this is the definition of mid. Oh! Like in the middle or mid, as in bad. We're getting lit up. Did you see any of that stuff?
Starting point is 00:55:22 Yeah, I did. There are people going like, wow, these guys are so fucking dumb. Can't believe they thought mid means bad. And then it's other people going, mid means bad. I mean, mid means bad. No,
Starting point is 00:55:32 it means middle. And it's like, right, right. Colloquially, it means bad. And they're like, no,
Starting point is 00:55:38 middle, middle, mid means middle. Right. Like you understand it means bad. Right. That's just, it's slang.
Starting point is 00:55:43 It's slang for bad. Mid is an insult it's absolutely an insult no I didn't see that were these bugs? the dirty little the dung beetles the dung bugs
Starting point is 00:55:58 rolling around in the dirt and poop they were arguing about it doesn't matter we were right so it doesn't matter also it doesn't matter, we were right, so it doesn't matter. Damn, dude. Also, it doesn't matter even if we were wrong. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:09 Correct. That's the important thing to keep in mind. Yeah. Because now, we have a vocabulary on this show specifically, and that's what mid means.
Starting point is 00:56:20 Take that. Mid is where the guy's standing right now with the ball. Correct. And zero is the score. The longer I get away from that jelly thing, the weirder it is. Yeah, I agree with that. I'm hating it more and more.
Starting point is 00:56:32 I don't know. I don't have a problem with it, but it's too thick. I'm going to give it a score now before it gets any lower. I'm going 33. Okay. Yeah, I'm going doubles today. I'm going to go 40. It's fine.
Starting point is 00:56:42 It was too thick and not enough flavor. 36.5. It's fine. It was too thick and not enough flavor. 36.5. It wasn't bad, though. No, just definitely wasn't good. This was worse than the chips. I would not grab these. No. I would grab neither one.
Starting point is 00:56:55 No. Thank you, Paige, for your snacks. And if you want to send us snacks, you can. You can send them to Face Jam Care of Eric Bedour, 1901 East 51st Street. Me. Austin, Texas, 78723. We'll grab your snack and then it might be featured on the show. Might be featured on
Starting point is 00:57:09 Spit and Silly for a snack attack. Who knows? I think we have an abundance of snacks, but we got time. We're fine. Hey, just so you guys know, a little bit of business. Pumpkin Spice Rat shirt and crew neck are on sale now and both almost sold out. Get your hands on them. The crew neck is the sweatshirt.
Starting point is 00:57:25 Yes. Yes. The crew neck sweatshirt is the best. And it's so cozy. It's embroidered. It's so nice. Grab that while it's there. Yeah, because it's as nice as shit.
Starting point is 00:57:33 I don't think we'll probably make it again. I would think that this will be the one and only time we do a run of this. Right, until next week. And you... Until we come up with something else for the rat to do. Until jam's giving. Yeah. So who knows?
Starting point is 00:57:44 Whenever we want, yeah. The menagerie shirt is rat to do. Until jam's giving. Yeah. Whenever we want. The menagerie shirt is on sale now. Looks like the zoo. Love that shirt. It is the blue shirt that has all of the animals of Face Jam on it. There's a donkey. There's a monkey. There's grackle bugs.
Starting point is 00:58:01 The rats at the bottom. I love the donkey's ass facing you. It's very funny. I showed it to Kayla, our friend Kayla. The rats at the bottom. I love the donkey's ass facing you. It's very funny. I showed it to Kayla, our friend Kayla. She doesn't go here. She said, this looks like zoo books. And I went, oh, it does look like zoo books. It's very cool.
Starting point is 00:58:16 It looks like the zoo. We should do zoo pals. Remember those? Oh, yeah. Little monkey, little grackle. Hey, I don't know if you guys have seen. Face Jam decals are out now. We have a couple of Face Jam decals that are on the shop.
Starting point is 00:58:30 Where do they go? What? Where do you put them? Where do you want to put them? I don't know. Give me a suggestion. Ray's fridge. Oh, big Ray?
Starting point is 00:58:38 Yep. But they're not that big. They're not that big. Okay. No. They shrunk them down. They shrunk them down, but you can also mimic Ray's face. Can I put some on my new car?
Starting point is 00:58:46 You can. That's cool. You probably shouldn't. Why? Everyone's going to know that you're one of my heroes. Everyone's going to know that I'm a loyal jammer. That's all I can think is if you have a face jam sticker on your car,
Starting point is 00:59:00 then you must be Michael. Also, if your license plate is wham, bam, thank you, Jim. That's a lot of characters. Well, I took out the vowels. Yeah. It just says, whoosh, whoosh. If you want to stay up to date
Starting point is 00:59:17 with everything, you can at Face Jam Pod on Instagram and on Twitter, and Spittin' Silly is out next week. You can email Face Jam Pod at roosterteeth.com with your food conundrums for Food Court. We had so many food conundrums come in. The day that we're recording this
Starting point is 00:59:32 is when Food Court comes out. And boy, people have a lot to say. Dude, I look away for a second and I've got 20 new emails. It's true. These freaks. I thought you unsubscribed from it. I lied.
Starting point is 00:59:44 Oh, man. He was just trying to impress you. And it worked. Oh, man, and it worked. It worked. It's true. These freaks. I thought you unsubscribed from it. I lied. Oh, man. He was just trying to impress you. And it worked. Oh, man, and it worked. It worked. It worked. Hey, did you see this? When this happened, Jordan went, oh, I definitely saw.
Starting point is 00:59:54 But then he sat back down. Yep. Jordan, anything else? Just want to score a goal. Okay, we're not going to do that. Yeah, and you're also not even playing. Yeah. He's wearing the jersey though
Starting point is 01:00:05 I could be down there Yeah Go ahead and give us the outro Oosa Oosa Boosa One two three sa Rate and subscribe and tell a friend sa About this show where we eat food and rate the food
Starting point is 01:00:17 What Go USA Goodbye Goodbye.

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