100% Eat - Whataburger Hatch Green Chile Bacon Burger & Chocolate Mint Shake

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

In this episode, Michael Jones and Jordan Cwierz eat and review Whataburger Hatch Green Chile Bacon Burger & Chocolate Mint Shake so you know if it's worth eating. They also talk about being on the Voodoo Ranger/Face Jam Road Trip to Fort Collins, Colorado, the worst person at a bar, how the monkey is holding up on the road, and more. Sponsored by DoorDash (download DoorDash app + FACEJAM2021) and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/facejam14 and use code facejam14) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hey, what's up all you Jessica Chodebots out there? Welcome to Face Jam, the show where we try every new fast food creation to let you know if you need it. You probably do. Thanks to DoorDash and HelloFresh for making this show possible. I'm your host, licking the most controllers and PSPs and shit, Michael Jones, alongside my co-host, Jordan Sweers. Jordan, how are you?

That's a deep cut, man. Is it a cut? Epic for the win. That's what she did, right? She licked something? Yeah, yeah. Did you spill something? I looked over at Nick's pipe and I'm like, what?

Nick took a drink. You guys didn't like my first intro. No, no, I liked it. That's why I was vlogging. Because I started laughing and going, I wonder if he's going to say smexy again. I couldn't do it again. He called the listeners sexy motherfuckers.

Is that what it means? And then, oh, I think it does. I literally said smexy and you went, what does that mean? And then you just said it and then surprised yourself okay you were you were asking what it meant right and then you said I don't know but then you just said what it meant and then I said is that

what it meant and you went oh I just said what you said you said smexy motherfuckers this is my favorite oh I thought you were saying smexy meant sexy motherfuckers no but I think I think together hey so right now together Michael it's really cool when you can just when you can see both sides of the conversation and you go i wonder where this is going dude

see this yeah today we're reviewing the whataburger hat screen chili burger and chocolate mint shake but we ate that like two days ago no yeah well according to some people not people in this room it was today let me blast your nips right off. Make sure you're in a spot where you can pick them back up. Hopefully you're not facing a cliff. Dude, Nick's nips gone. We are in the midst,

almost darn in the middle of the Face Jam road trip. Much talked about the Face Jam Voodoo Ranger road trip heading to St. Fort Collins, Colorado. No. Yes. Street in Fort Collins.

We're doing St. Street, Fort Collins, Colorado. They call it Doobie Town. And we are going to deliver the face jam van the face jam van in spirit the face jam van a piece the heart

and in fact I've already done it when you're listening to this because this is true yes it happened already we are doing

a road trip and we are filming some extra vodcasts along the way dude shout out to voodoo ranger they're just like bro awesome and we're slurping them down right now oh yeah um and yeah we just plan to do this regular episode while we were doing it because it just it just worked out that way we are in a uh hyatt in amarillo texas Yeah, we are about seven and a half hours from where we started.

Almost like exactly halfway. Yeah, I would say right around halfway then. Still in Texas though. It's big and boring. The first day of the drive was like five hours and it did not feel bad. Today was two and a half and it was like running on a treadmill you guys were kind of getting angry at the at texas everything was flat and i kept going you kept going like i can't believe it it was like but why you can't it was just miserable

how can how can um the earth have the same geography for so long dude copy paste copy paste well that's what we were saying. We were saying like, if you live out here in the Midwest, then you definitely, like it makes sense why you think that the earth is flat. Yeah.

So today- Because I see the horizon right there. Yeah, that's the edge. Today was the hell of a day. We started off, right? We left our hotel. We ate the Whataburger. We're reviewing now.

First for breakfast because like we had to plan out our food then did like uh vodcast stuff all day like for the road trip

then ate the food for the road trip thing then got to our hotel like we just we just shot that we've been here I was gonna say got to our hotel

and now we're doing this today's been a day. I think we had maybe 20 minutes of downtime, if you call it downtime, before we started recording this episode. Yeah. It really was like, come in here, and Nick was setting up, and it's like, time to go. Time that we have to record.

This is the hump, though. This is the hump day where we get over this, and then it's easy. I think doing the podcast is the hump as well, because then we have nights to ourselves finally. Yeah. It's true the hump as well because then we have nights to ourselves finally. Yeah, it's true. I mean, granted, we had nights to ourselves yesterday when Eric said, let's do the podcast. And I said, I don't think so.

And then you said, well, maybe when we're a little bit closer. And then an hour later, you were like, oh, fuck that. I'm not doing that. We got to our hotel at like 10 o'clock last night. Yeah, we got to the hotel. What the fuck are you doing? I'm taking a picture.

I looked over. I was like fucking little creepy spy guy over there taking pictures. This guy lost his mind. The general sentiment about the podcast today, though, was like it could be a short one. I kept saying how would you feel about a 17 minute podcast? Don't worry if you're looking at the time

going, it's an hour we got the ass yeah yeah it's all good we can make up the diff um i don't know and this is this is something that's a weird energy dude yeah this is something we've talked about on this road we'll probably be talking about this road trip here and there we'll try to spoil anything whatever the thing that we've noticed today is that nick as the monkey is becoming, he's learning. He's becoming smarter. He's growing articulate. And I'm good with it.

See, now normally it'd be like a, hey, you can't do that. Yes. Hey, tone it down. But I feel like we've reached a stage where the monkey is evolving. Yes. You described it as he's reached adolescence. He's starting to, which is funny because I never thought he was a baby, but now I understand. Yeah.

Now he definitely was. He, he started doing like, like two word sentences. Yeah. And I feel like we should start to allow it because he's very expressive. He's very excited. You know what helped?

You know what helped? What's that? The glasses. You got them. Oh dude. I bought, so I bought for this road trip in particular. I bought, they're trip in particular. I bought

the stupid goof prop giant sunglasses. If you're a clown at a kid's birthday party, it's the kind of sunglasses you would put on. Or something you'd wear to the New Year's Eve party. They're big, but they fit around your head.

I thought, oh, it'd be funny if the monkey wore them, but they're still way too small for the monkey head giant and we never i bought them like a month ago but we never tested them we got like to the start of the trip and i went oh i brought the glasses we got to the point where he put them on and they're still so small you have to like squish his head like the the monkey head and just have like the fat of the head hold the lenses and he just looks like a fucking nerd he just looks like he looks like he looks like a point he looks like he gets good we all thought it'd be like whoa this is a cool sunglasses yeah we thought it'd be like we thought it'd be like get him a leather jacket

yes like awesome yeah instead he needs a lab coat yeah a beaker and go, yeah, Eureka. Like he puts them on and the head's still so big. The eyes are still coming out the side like fish. He looks like a fish. But you're right. Maybe it accelerated his monkey brain. I think so. Because it's also like he's finally, you know, usually he's kind of like he's been bred in captivity.

Yeah. But now he's out. He's exploring the world. People are seeing him. He's seeing people. People are seeing him. We are in bumfuck enough Texas where it's someone's like, you guys are weird. Whatever you're doing is weird. If anyone sees a camera. Yes. They're like, they wander over. And if anyone sees a camera, yes, they're like, they wander over.

And what is this? What is this? Yeah. But when people see Nick, they either like, you can tell they they're becoming irate and they might attack him or they're like, this is the craziest thing I've seen in my life.

Can I have a picture? It makes the Fazoli's lady make way more sense. Yes. Yeah. No, he has taken pictures with people now that have just said can i have a picture with that guy because he has a mascot i'm sure it'll be i'm sure it'll be featured in the videos but these these two old ladies just really like the look of the monkey and wanted pictures it is and i was like trying to figure

out and i feel like it's the same connection between old people and minions. Yes. Yeah you said that. They see him as like a minion character and they're like ooh this is kind of kooky. But here's the part that makes me go hmm is before they asked. We went to a place where there was like there's tourists and stuff. We're on a road trip so we're stopping doing you know it's like tourist attractions and stuff

and there were people there and he got some looks as a monkey and you know we have like a we got like a camera crew and stuff and uh we're setting up and i overheard uh someone talking to one of the camera guys and she walks away and i was like what was going on and he goes she was asking if there was like if this was a bachelor party and we're like in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road and it's just a guy with them. I know it's like,

what, like, what do you think? Like what, what bachelor party would be? And then I also felt like, wait, are you,

but, but my only assumption from that point was like, wait, are you implying you thought that the guy with the monkey mask is going to get naked? Or like, like, like I don't,

is he the stripper? Right. Like, I don't know what you wanted and so the bachelor so i was just like oh weird i just thought like weird maybe she thought like something crazy's going on whatever yep we do the whole thing there we're leaving we're in the car about to leave and nick's in the car again we're all loaded up in the van somebody comes over like one of the camera guys and it's like, they want to take pictures with you.

And it's a couple people, including one of the same ladies. And I was like, yo, she's saucy. She's like, I want a picture with that young man in a mask. And we all just started going, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. Nick said that one of the ladies, when taking the picture, put her arm around his waist and said, ooh, you got a skinny waist and i was like dude these ladies were thirsting for you uh i think all hip i think

the best part of the picture taking was the pictures were being taken on a giant ipad by the woman's husband these were old people and And he was like, I love it. Did Nick technically cuck that guy? Yeah, 100%. Nah, he loved it, though. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he loved it. Totally. Yeah.

I think the other thing that has opened, and we talked about this a little bit, the other thing that's opened up Nick as the monkey is the Voodoo Ranger that we've been drinking. Oh, it's definitely opened him up a little bit. It's like a lifeblood for him i'll say i'll say this at this point so far uh you and i have avoided driving i first of all i'm not allowed to yes that's true so so we have we have two rental vans we're in one you on

the other where i'm in one we're in one uh sorry the face jam van we need to talk about this one okay and the cruise in the other one. No need to talk about it. Face jam van. Basically, we all have to give our licenses so like, you know, legally. You're cleared to drive, yeah. Insurance purposes, you're allowed to drive. For some reason, all of you can drive the van we're in. I can drive the van I'm not in.

So every time we stop and do a thing where it's like, oh, hey, we'll stop. We'll have some voodoos I just keep going well I have to I can't drive so I'll carry this weight it's my cross to bear I'll drink the voodoo everyone stand back get behind me I'll open it and it's usually

Jordan going well I guess I'll drive and Nick going or Jordan going I'm having a drink and Nick's like I guess I'll drive you know Eric can drive too look I can

he's just not volunteered yet kind of smartly you guys don't understand little does he know I'm going to get drunk tomorrow morning there's a lot of business talk happening in the back You guys don't understand. Little does he know, I'm going to get drunk tomorrow morning. That's fine. Nice. There's a lot of business talk happening in the back.

I wouldn't even bore you with it. You don't understand it. We're making moves. We're making moves. Numbers. There's rankings. There's so many rankings. This has been such a fun trip. It's been so fun.

But today, of all things, the turn i saw was nick where i'm like what is happening to him and it settled in where i'm like this is maybe a little more than midway not the end but like what three quarters through the second day yeah as in started on tuesday nearing the end of day wednesday yeah this has been so much fun, but I instantly got concerned going, this is going till Saturday. Yeah. This is like, when is it going to tip to?

I said this at one point. I said to Eric coming here, I was like, bro, on Friday, someone's going to go, I think I'm just going to go, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I will fucking kill you.

Shut your mouth. It's going to be like, bro, this is so much fun to us getting back to Austin and then just leaving without saying anything. I'm not talking. Especially because we're recording this episode now. Yep.

It's going to be like, I'll fucking kill you. Don't talk to me for two weeks. I don't know when it's going to happen. Hasn't happened yet. No, it's been good so far. I'll be curious to know what the incident was and we should talk about it.

Yeah. When it does happen, we have to make sure that we can keep a level head afterwards and go, okay, remember this thing because we were talking about it on the show. That or, which I honestly think is more likely, it's just going to be the crew. Yes. Not liking us. Yeah. I'll be honest.

The crew is big. It's Drew. Yeah. Drew. He is a powder keg in human form. Drew will hate. Why Drew hate? We don't know. Why Drew hate? Why Drew hate? We don't know.

Why Drew hate? Drew, long short of it, Drew, he's running the deal, right? Who's Drew? He's in charge. He's also the one who produced our Selena and Chef video. Right. It was his kitchen. You may have seen Drew's kitchen when he comes in and goes, uh-oh, that's not cooked. That's true.

Also the guy who provided no soy sauce whatsoever. Or many of the other ingredients. It has been so much fun. It has been. And then we ate Whataburger. I was like, whatever. Yeah, exactly. This feels like-

Honestly, the day with the Whataburger at the start was like, meh. And then everything else was like, ooh. Yeah, exactly. This feels like- Honestly, the day with the Whataburger at the start was like meh, and then everything else was like, ooh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It really was. This feels like the prototype for like, if we were to ever try to take the show on the road and do live episodes of this in small bursts, it's like, okay, are we going to kill each other? It's like, well, we've already made two days.

We can just do this. Yeah. As long as it's not longer than two days. The thing about this too is, and as far like i can i can guarantee you this is gonna be like a different episode boom oh that was weird that was different is they're all weird and different when we did they are all weird and different but i think i think this one will stand out in a sense that um uh you know we did a bunch of face jam stuff for rtx and i remember us saying like wow this is crazy we're doing like two face jam things in a week you know it was like wednesday and friday or something it was

too much face this is five days in a row right and so you're catching this is the end of the second day so this is like unprecedented yes it's it's we have not only what we've already done but we are mentally like prepared and living what will happen so we were just like this episode is gonna be fucking weird yeah it's like when goku does kaio-ken times 10 like i hope my body yeah we just turn red like alex jones we're gonna get red and i hope my body can take it yeah it's like sorry my hat assaulted you yeah also earlier he was like you i don't know he's like you dicked me or what when you hit somebody in the oh yeah he's like you sack tap me hat assaulted you. Also, earlier, he was like, you, I don't know, he was like, you dicked me. When you hit somebody in the dick. Oh, yeah.

He's like, you sack tapped me. Because I moved my arm, and I was like, it was my, it was the back brim. Not even brim. It was the soft back part of my hat. And he was like, oh, yeah, but you got me. And I was like, it was my hat. He's wearing the monkey mask at that point, so he doesn't know what's happening. But still.

But still. Okay. What the fuck? Does that mean retribution? I'm just lucky I didn't get shoved into a fucking canyon. Watch your sack. Watch your back. Watch your sack. Yabba dabba doo.

That's the secret word. Did I wait long enough? It was really good. I forgot. We were in the car on the way here. And at one point enough? It was really good. I forgot. We were in the car on the way here, and at one point, I just went, yabba-dabba-doo. And I got big laughs, and I immediately went, fuck, I should have saved that for the podcast. Now I'm mad. It's okay.

I forgot about it. Everyone said, yeah, you should have. Let me tell you, the second we started, the whole time I've been thinking, should I say yabba-dabba-doo yet? No, I should wait. And then I thought, it's been long enough. Let me say it. Unleash the yabba dabba do yet no i should wait and i thought it's been long enough let me say it at least is our whistle wet let's uh well let's see some facts excuse me some facts there's oh yeah there's

other shit yeah there's something there's something before facts, Jordan, and it's a haiku from high U. We were waiting for like an hour before our food. Past experience with Whataburger, though. Oh, that's true. We've been here before. We've ate it. It's Texas. I've been there a lot.

Orange. It's pretty good. Orange and white. It's their thing. They have the grimace. Stupid big drinks. Very large. Nerds who live here like to play with the stupid number thing.

And they go, it's a game. And I just don't get it. Nope. Haiku. I wrote this while we were waiting for our food. So not a flyku. Not a flyku. Okay.

I didn't have a lot of faith in myself today. I understand. Okay. Orange stripes shine bright. Beacon on a yellow hill. Flat as a pancake. This is pretty good. I like that. That's a very good haiku, Jordan. I like that

a lot. That's beautiful. Kind of incorporated the fact that we're in Amarillo. I won't clap, but I'll nod. We're holding for the nod to end. It's over. You don't have to keep nodding. Relax. Stop nodding. Jesus. Okay, we get it. You liked it. Okay.

Alright, this is out of control. Okay, that's enough. I don't have to do anything because I know no one likes it. Why don't you go ahead and laugh more, idiot? You dumb piece of shit. I didn't say that. I didn't say that all day. Literally can't listen to the show dude let me tell you usually even when we're

together it's for like i'll hang out for an hour getting the food whatever we get silly we're in a car for eight hours we've been together i mean besides sleeping since yesterday morning shit has come and been hammered and. Jokes have been running to the ground. It's insane. Resurrected. Moved on all over the place. Wait until yesterday when we were saying torqued. Wait until you get to the torqued saga.

You're going to see. I haven't let go of yet. Birdnick has some miles on it. You are going to watch some FaceTime stuff, and you're going to say, they're saying torqued a lot. I'm going to start saying torqued. By the time you're saying torqued, we i'm going to start saying torqued by the time you're saying torqued we're way over not only that not only that we

have forgotten about it we are confused as to why you're saying oh man people are going to go where did that come from nowhere there'll be many things where i go why do they keep saying that thing because it happened in the span of 14 hours yeah and they kept giggling about it and they were in the car for five hours and so then someone would wait about six minutes and then just long enough to say it people would laugh and then you wait another six or seven minutes the microcosm of like the universe the birth and the death of a joke it's also usually it's just us but like now we have uh we have like a walkie-talkie with the crew and so there was a beautiful moment so like like like we have rare opportunities for you know face jam in general

where we can attack other people and then we rarely are all four of four of us united at something unless it's a shitty restaurant right now it it's other people. And it's either someone drew like being upset and hating it or another crew member, like not getting it because they don't, they don't, they don't understand. I'll throw something out. And then those be like,

Oh, that's crazy. And I go, Oh, nevermind. Yeah. Don't, don't worry about that.

I'll say something absurd. Fucking like, like I said, something to drew again, it's like 16 hours, right? Where he's like, Oh, we got to do that. Just being an asshole. I go, 16 hours, right? Where he's like, Oh,

we got to do that. Just being an asshole. I go, what do you mean? And he goes, well, and he starts explaining it to it. And I'm just staring at him and going,

Oh wow. And he's like, well, fuck you. And then I'm just laughing for 30 seconds. We were, we were driving today and we're following drew in, in the,

in the other van. And he radios to us. Hey, it looks like a, one of your headlights is out. And we're like, Oh shit. van and he radios to us, hey, it looks like one of your headlights is out and we're like, oh shit, okay, we'll have to figure that out. Have a whole conversation about it. I was like trying to troubleshoot it. I was like, maybe it's one of the daylight runners.

I'm thinking like, fuck, we're going to have to get that fixed. Yeah, we can't go that far with that. We can't go that many days. Three minutes later. Yeah. Three minutes later, he just goes, oh, nevermind mind i think it's

one of your blinker lights i just had your blinker on to be fair he goes i'm an idiot yeah it was the blinker we all laugh uncontrollably yeah we go next turn we get half a mile down the road and drew is pulling up to his stop sign and he puts on his right blinker and i this second it comes up i go tell him his lights out. Nick grabs Zoraide and he goes there's something wrong with your light. And Drew just comes back and goes

and we laugh for like three minutes and he goes and it's so fucking funny. It's so fucking funny. It's so good. It's so much funnier that it's just not even in the same car as us. The second that light turned on, I started laughing. Tell him his light's out.

Tell him his light's out. Get this motherfucker. Yeah, shit. It was so funny. Fuck. Oh, fuck, dude. this motherfucker yeah shit it was so funny fuck oh fuck dude i love it it's like this is like the face jam expanded universe yeah it's a pretty good one this has been awesome i can't wait to see the turn yeah i can't wait to look back on this and go you idiot people are gonna show up on saturday and be like man the energy was weird. It felt like they hated each other. These guys fucking hated

each other. It was weird that they all stood like back to back and never looked at each other. Hey, can I get a picture with all of you? Absolutely not. Which is weird because just today Nick suggested we all pee towards each other. Yeah, what is that? He said, let's all get in the van, face each other, and urinate.

And I thought that was very weird. Nick is shaking his head, which I assume means yes. We were out on the side of the road at one point, and I just kept going, like, doing something. And I go, fuck, I got to piss. And he goes, you get one of the piss bags, which is a Ziploc bag I've designated as a piss bag.

We haven't used yet. And he goes, we can use one of the piss bags. And I looked at him and I went, yeah, or I could just piss on the ground. And he went, oh, that'll work too. And then he went, he said something like or we could, and I went, go back to the van, I'll face each other and piss. That's weird. Why would you say that?

Why would, I feel like I finished your sentence and I don't understand why you were gonna say that. And then I just kept telling everyone I would walk up to everyone and go, hey, you're never gonna believe what Nick just said. He said we should all look at each other and piss in the van. I thought it was really weird.

Why does he keep saying that? I also, at one point, we had a cooler. We did, you did an instagram live thing from the achievement hunter account and it was like when we it was when we left yesterday and that's when i came up with the piss bag i started pulling shit out i'm like oh you have piss bags and so then after that i decided to test the uh efficacy of the bag and so we had a we had a cooler with a bunch of ice that was already melting and so i took the bag i opened it and i shoved it in i pulled out see if it was hold it would hold water and it did and i was like boom we got this ready in case we see a goldfish

on the side of the road we can throw it right in there and nick was like man we have to act fast like dude if someone throws one out and we see it we're good to go that was it whatever we get to the fucking hotel last night get in the hotel everything i think it was this morning this morning this morning we're settling the bag and it was drew's like yeah let's go ahead and like dump dump the water from the cooler back and i go hey save the fish bag and he goes what and i go i got a fish bag in there in case we find a fish on the side of the road and he goes no fucking way and he picks up and he looks at it. And I was like, yeah, what's up? And he goes, oh, I thought you said you found a fish.

And I was like, what? No, in case we do. He's like, I thought you said you did find a fish. And he's like holding up the zip lock bag. The bag that's empty. Plugging into it going, where's the fish? No way, you did? It was incredible.

So that's how the road trip's been so far. So we ate Whataburger. My wrapper was yellow because it had cheese. Yep. All right, let's get into these facts. Whataburger facts, here we go. Let's just fire through these real quick. Our previous Whataburger episode was released april 14th 2020 where

we ate the barbecue bacon burger also known as the bbq bb michael ate five and dr pepper shake it received an average score of 74 adequate very good is that good there's a good barbecue all five of them easy burger uh what a burger is not better than In-N-Out. I don't know where that came from. It has to stop. That's the fact. I don't even understand that. I wouldn't even compare the two.

I agree. I don't think one's better than the other. I just think you shouldn't compare them. No, no. I agree with you. So stop comparing them. Who is? I hear that from everyone.

Where is everyone? Name names. What? You're pointing this at Nick, and he is acting credulous. Uh-huh. I hear this from everyone in Austin. Okay, beyond this guy.

Who else? Oh, it's everyone at work. It's everyone who grew up in Texas. Yes. Versus everyone who moved here from California. Exactly. Again, I like to think that I have a little bit of a unbiased opinion. Yeah, I agree.

You being from the East Coast, I couldn't even comprehend it. One's a big old flat burger and one's like a fucking pepper burger. Dude, In-N-Out and P. Terry's, now those are fucking similar. Those are the same place. Those are like, man, they put a lot of shit on this burger. Like spices and shit. What do you got? Here's a message in a work Slack channel.

170 members. This morning's meeting inadvertently began an In-N-Out versus Whataburger debate. I vote we run an experiment for research. Who's game? And then people, it has 36 replies that I am not going to read. Let me tell you the debate is ongoing. Let me tell you a scenario.

Imagine a scenario where I was in that channel. Let the debate begin. Michael has left the channel. It's about right. Yep. What? Yep. But I think the comparison has to stop.

Pizza Hut or DiGiorno? Yeah. What? What the fuck? You want Viet 313 or a tombstone? Man, I want Red Baron. Not weird. In 1950, Whataburger pioneered the Quarter Pounder Burger,

which is weird because the burger is the worst thing you can get at Whataburger. I might have written this fact before, but I stand by it. What else do you get? The chicken is better. It's fine. The chicken but I stand by it. What else do you get? The chicken is better. It's fine. The chicken tender barbecue singing with. I need you to understand what just happened. Go ahead.

You read that fact, and he was furious. And then I said the chicken, and he went, oh, yeah. What else is there? There's the burger and chicken. It's the chicken. Yeah. And the chicken's better than the burger. But, okay, back it up.

If you're mad, then the chicken satisfies you. What else did you think? Oh, he thought that the burger was the best thing there, and then he heard the chicken. He's going to list some other stuff. But I'm asking you what else is there besides the burger and the chicken? Breakfast, dessert, other shit. He's talking more.

Those were all sentences. I know. you see what happens well they were one word sentences cause he would start he got dessert period fries

period everything period uh the burgers are good I yeah I like the burgers honestly

I think the burgers are fine I think the chicken is superior I always get the burgers I don't get the chicken yeah I think that I think that the chicken there is very good

my only go toto like of of like the big three for me in texas is mcdonald's uh wendy's and whataburger as far as burgers right of like there's a million of them right um wendy's is my chicken joint when i go to wendy's i would never get anything else. No, I agree. If I want chicken, I go to Wendy's. If I want Whataburger, and then again, it's like, do I want a McDonald's burger

or a Whataburger burger? Because they're different. Chicken, I go to Wendy's. However, though, I hate them now and they can burn in hell. Yeah, right, exactly.

I kid you not, haven't been there since. I haven't either. The last time I've been there was for the episode. The big cheddar fucking piece of shit fucking fuck you burger. I think they called it the pub killer.

I mean, that's what I called it. Yep. Because I'll sit there and go, should I go to Wendy's? What the fuck is the point? Exactly. But I'll have you know up to like yesterday, people go, hey, did you hear? Yep. They don't have it.

It's constant. So it has to be a slow thing i don't know what you're talking about what happened what happened to my pub burger hey i heard they're getting rid of it yep also al gore didn't win damn you hanging chad oh man i got bad news in about like three elections yep oh it's gonna be rough uh the thing that i would compare what a burger to is more like Jack in the Box than I would in and of where.

Yes, that is much. Those are much more comparable as far as their burgers. But to be fair, Jack in the Box sucks compared to Whataburger. I don't know anything that I would compare

to like Whataburger of equal caliber. I think Jack in the Box tries to be Whataburger. I think Jack in the Box sucks. Fuck you, you weird ice cream cone freak it's also still banned on this show it's banned this shit and it can burn in hell okay i guess we're stuck with

whataburger i mean again i love it yeah i i get people from texas hating other people from texas who love it because they're like it's bad and you should feel bad because you were taught it right and you don't think that it's not your own brain it's like australians who hate vegemite right they have a legitimate yeah steak i have no problem telling people i like it because i came in i ate it and went oh i like that and that's it same thing my mother she loves it she can't get what a burger and i don't don't look at me and And then I get her Whataburger. Oh. Hey. You can customize your Whataburger order nearly four, zero, comma, zero, zero, zero ways.

Why do you say it that way? 40,000 ways. So many ways. Terrible navigation app. Hardly any of them good, but all of them incredibly salty and probably wrong. This guy doesn't like Whataburger. It's a fine place where everyone goes, if you go there one time and you order something

and you go, I didn't really like that, everyone who likes it goes, well, you ordered the wrong thing. I don't know what to tell you. I ordered Whataburger. I don't. There's 40,000 ways you could do it wrong. And that's what I've done. Still looking for the good one.

Here's my biggest problem. Look, you can go to Whataburger and say you hate it, which you do, which at the In-N-Out thing of him going, it's not better than In-N-Out. I took that as In-N-Out's better. Right. But according to him. Yes. But then he said, stop comparing them.

And I thought, okay, maybe this is an attack on Whataburger. And then I read all the other facts. And then every other fact is an attack. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

Die, die, die, die, die. But look. To your point. He's not saying In-N-Out's better. He's saying the water burger's bad. Also to my point, I don't give a fuck. He doesn't eat it.

Doesn't bother me at all. I like it. What pisses me off, and I'm with you here, is people defending their food going, you're wrong. Eat it. I don't give a fuck what you eat. Fuck off. Just go, oh, you don't like it? Oh, you're wrong. Yeah. Eat it. I don't give a fuck what you eat. Like, just go. Just go. Oh, you don't like it?

Cool. Oh, cool. Whatever. It's going to be a lot of people mad in the comments. And that's it. Yeah. Because someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong. Every time you eat Whataburger, I get paid.

Okay, cool. I'm Mike Whataburger. There's plenty of people that like fucking eating garbage, like Arby's, and getting their dicks melted. Yeah. Okay? And going to Fazoli's. Dude, fucking, you know, live strong, melt on.

What do you want me to tell you, dude? Arby's, we have the dick melts. You know, Arby's, don't like your dick? We'll take care of it. It's fine with me. People get too defensive about too many things. It's okay for someone not to like the thing you like. I just, who cares?

Who gives a shit? You're not eating it. You're not eating it, and it's making me angry. Whataburger ketchup has a conspiracy around it stating that the number on the bottom corresponds to a flavor profile. The company denies the rumors, but I, Eric,

assume Nick confirms them and has favorite ketchup numbers probably. What's your favorite ketchup number? 69. That's what he whispered to that woman when she took a picture with him. You got a skinny waist. 69.

Let me just tell you, if you're in for Nick Mead or Weirdo Freak and condiments, the odds are for you. You are going to love these. Big time. And those are the very hateful biased facts, Eric. Normally, they're more factual. Those were very opinionated.

Maybe somebody wrote these in the car today because it was the time. I don't understand how that makes them opinionated. Yeah. No, it's because you just said- Oh, they'd be less opinionated if they were from yesterday. They wrote these in the car yesterday. I feel like maybe somebody wrote them

right after eating Whataburger. I think what happened is someone wrote them right after Drew said, do whatever. And he flew off the handle and wrote these facts. He's grimacing now. He's turned into the Whataburger mascot, which is ironic. Are you a taste bud or are you a milkshake? Hey, what are we doing?

Figure it out. You got it. Wait. Come back. I've gone too far. Yep. What have you done? Damn.

And now we're spitting silly. Oh, hell yeah. We got any sills left to spit yeah dude always i i don't even think i don't even think anymore do we because the second we say that they just start spewing yeah you know what i mean we uh we're in our second spring we're in our second of four hotels yep yeah oh yeah that's right Yeah. And I'll be honest, the first one, crazy nice. For what this trip is of like most of the drive,

most of the drive is like, look, there's a shed. Yeah. Yeah. The first one was like a real hotel and it was very nice and we were like,

wow, this is so nice and Eric went, yeah. And it only gets worse. Don't get used to it. This one is also nice. i am floored by how nice it's like 95 as nice as yeah you can tell this one is built for people who go to hotels a lot because they have places very specific uh features for people who like don't like to unpack too much so like nick is sitting on like this little uh shelf that's just for your bag to go

yeah you don't have to unpack. And then they have extra space on the sink in the bathroom for you to put all of your shit, your toiletries that you bring that never fit on the sink. Yep. Very smart. I was just expecting, honestly, motels the entire way. Side of the road. Maybe slightly above that.

Side of the road, brown sheet. Open the door. Here's your room. There's a bug in here. Two hotels in a row. It's like nice hotel, nice rooms. We're in like a living room space right now. And we all have our own rooms.

That's been a really shocking. Drew's getting in trouble, but. Yeah, definitely. Definitely he's getting in trouble. This is why we still like him yeah yeah he does it for us so he goes to bat for us like he goes to bat so like a bird can do whatever it wants with my dick yeah no one else make sure make sure we edit out all these compliments though he can't know that we actually like it's fine he doesn't listen i gotta go and i go can

you take care of this in here and like all of a sudden it's up. Something's lifting it. Just wish someone else I know could make that noise. It's fucked up. I can't do it. I wish I could do that. We found out that when we were at the bar, we found out that Drew and Michael don't follow each other on Twitter.

That's not true. Except that we found out later that Michael. It was an arbitrary conversation. Yes. And I brought it up. And he went, I don't think you follow each other. And I went, oh, that makes sense. Yep.

And so then that night I went to go follow him and realized I do follow him. And he doesn't follow me. And I couldn't have been happier. Of all the ways for that to play out yeah perfect yeah yeah so michael then i sat on it yeah because he's like i could send a text but i feel like that's going to be read the wrong way so i have to tell him in person right he needs to see the facial expression he needs to see the song and dance involved the nuances of it yes and so it was like smack dab in the middle of the day yeah the middle is shooting and i go oh hey by the way following that conversation last night uh i do follow you but

you don't follow me interesting and he was just kind of like uh oh oh uh, he, he had no way in or out or there was nothing. He has 24 hours. Yeah. I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump into the, uh, the press stuff because for the getting the food, there's some stuff we need to jump. Don't walk. Yep.

Okay. I'm jumping, not walking. Yep. Hatch green chili. He follows me by the way. Yeah. I just checked. Ladies and gentlemen, I just got him. walking. Yep. Hatch Green Chili Burger. Guys, he follows me, by the way. Whoa. I just checked. Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.

I just checked. Hey, sweetie, we got him. I thought it'd be really funny. Yep. He probably amended that as I walked. Yep. He went, oh, fuck, follow me, and then muted me. Are you going to unfollow him now?

No, I'm going to text him right now. Thanks for the follow. Always nice to meet a fan. Fucking awesome. All right. Hatch Green Chili Burger. What do you get when you combine the smoky heat of Hatch Green Chilies and crispy bacon with two fresh 100% beef patties? The new Hatch Green Chili Bacon Burger.

The burger has everything Whataburger fans love. Double meat meat double cheese and crispy bacon plus the smooth roasted heat of hatch green chilies and he's into it but let me just tell you this make sure you bite the right part because all those ingredients they're not in every bite yep if he's if you take a bite from and you'll be able to see you'll be able to see what we're talking about when we post pictures from this episode, because we have the picture.

That weird, that weird mushroom shaped hamburger. That's Nick. Jordan's driving. Nick's in the passenger seat. Eric and I are in the back. We're eating the burgers. I look up and just go,

what the fuck? And I see Nick holding the burger and there's bites. Just like, there's two very distinct bites. Nowhere near each other. Haphazard. And I just go, bro, bites. Just like, there's two very distinct bites, nowhere near each other. Haphazard. And I just go, bro,

I said something like, bro, you're what the fuck are you doing? You're eating your food like a two year old. Why are you biting two different spots? And he made the mistake of saying, well, I took the first bike and it didn't have any,

I don't even know exactly what he said, but it was like, it didn't have all the, it didn't have all the stuff. It didn't have anything. And then that was it. The next four hours, we're like, what the fuck are you talking about? He's like, there was no stuff there.

And so then like I'm watching Jordan open his burger and I'm going, hey, make sure you look where you bite first. Make sure you're getting the stuff. You don't want to bite into the nothing. You might just get bun and burger and cheese. And he's like, it didn't have the bacon. And I'm pointing it cheese and he's like it didn't it didn't have the bait and i'm pointing it out and he's like no there wasn't it and then nick he opens and goes

oh there's the bacon oh it was right there i guess it was there yeah just like an idea of a man going i don't have the time to bite and then continue on this path like you're not gonna eat the whole thing anyway right like like the amount of food is the amount of food. The amount of food is the amount of food. No matter how and when you eat it, you will eat it. Him biting, going, nah, this is, nope, I chose wrong. Let me turn around and try another side. There it is.

Since we're on the topic. What the fuck are you talking about? Since we're on the- You took a picture from the back seat of his burger bites it's so good it's since we're on the topic of nick eating the burger we've talked about in the past how he has no self-control and we'll just eat everything yes he he was adamant about not eating the whole thing yes time and he was like i'm not gonna do it i do it. I'm not going to do it. He ate about half of it. And then he like rolled it back up in the,

in the packaging and like set it aside. And he's like, there, now I can't do it. And then I forgot about it. And even that he, he made me to go watch this. Yeah.

And it was like, I could still grab it to which I said, and now are you going to chop your hands off? Yeah. No, no, no, I'm going to sit on them.

I'm going to sit on them until they go numb. And then immediately we're like, so that someone else can feed them to you when you pick it up. He's like, oh, it's a stranger. Sit on his hands until they go numb. And he goes, oh, someone's feeding me. I don't know who it is. Who's feeding me? Oh, I have no choice.

Some stranger is putting food in my mouth. I don't know who it is. Who's feeding me? Oh, I have no choice. Some stranger is putting food in my mouth. I guess I have to eat it. So many. We've been together for so long. So many things have happened. That was this morning. They were just giggling for 40 minutes. Oh, who's feeding me?

I have no choice. I don't want to eat it, but I have to. I don't want to be rude. I'm going to sit on my end. Oh, stop I have to. I don't want to be rude. I'm going to sit on my end. Stop. Please stop. I don't want to. You don't have to go towards these legs.

Oh, fuck, dude. This rules, dude. All right, here's the chocolate mint shake. Yes. Which, I don't know why I'm reading. We didn't eat it. The new Whataburger chocolate mint shake. Yes. Which I don't know why I'm reading. We didn't eat it. The new Whataburger chocolate mint shake is the perfect combination of the classic chocolate flavor that customers have grown to love from us with the addition of mint. Wow.

What a description. Well, I mean, maybe we did everything until it hits that comma. Yeah, right there at the addition of mint. That comma should maybe be a period. Yeah, that'd be great. You guys are tripping. Michael was convinced the chocolate shakes we had was a mint chocolate shake.

Let's get to the press material. Hit the press and fucking bury this. Whoa. Take me to the dog bar. I'm ready to dig. Roasted hatch chilies are a fall favorite that bring a different kind of spice to our hatch green chili bacon burger and now water burger hatch green chili chicken sandwiches why didn't we get one of those i don't know i said rich scheffler i've heard of this guy before uh he's the water burger senior vice president Marketing Officer. The flavor combination

with the smoky bacon and cheeses creates unique offerings that make these limited time offers must taste experiences. I don't know about taste, but they definitely smelled. Yeah, but ignoring Eric. Getting the food. Hey, we're back at the IHOP

that gets robbed of wine. Eric. Dude, I was looking at it smiling, not looking at him, and I heard under his breath him go, uh-oh. Uh-oh, I'm about to get it. Oh, shit. That was a Whataburger. Guys, what's that behind you?

Edit, edit, edit. Holy shit. Damn, bro. Oh my god. Well, getting the food. I feel like we've been over that. We got it at 10am. We, um... There was a bump in the road. It was a pretty humorous

bump. Drew said we were, it was 10 in the road. It was a pretty humorous bump. Drew said it was 10 in the morning when we were eating this burger. And I'll say we were at the hotel. This is where my vast knowledge comes in handy. We're at the hotel. We were planning on eating this Whataburger thing in general. And we were trying to figure out along the trip. And you had the good idea of going like, I think if we just do it first thing in the morning.

Eat it. Do the whole day. And uh oh it's gonna feed you oh he starts feeding you and then we can do it at the end of the day yeah now we can get it done and you were like uh i think they have like a breakfast thing whatever and i was like hang on what a burger 24 hour burgers yep trust me they've saved me in a pinch. So we can still go eat the burger if nobody gives a shit. And so we were like, oh, cool. Jordan comes out.

We said that. And he's like, yeah, OK. He's like, my thing was you had the same kind of idea. I was thinking lunch, not breakfast. You were like, we can do it. Sure. It's a plan. We'll do it.

So we found a Whataburger right down the street from our hotel when we left. We pulled in to the drive-thru, and then Drew and the crew pulled into behind us. The Drew crew. The Drew crew pulled in right behind us, and we ordered the Hatch Chili Burger combo. And she said, what drinks? said jordan said mint chocolate shake and she laughed at us it was 10 in the morning sir it's 10 a.m she she went you just heard over the thing and then that was it and then she came back and she went you you want mint you want you chocolate shakes yep okay four of them yes yep all of them yes yep and they were larges okay um did not ask

for a size nope nope did not it was implied so gotcha so we rolled up and we are uh waiting there's a car in front of us and another car in front of them and drew over the walkie-talkie he's like hey see if they will um let them know that we'll pay let that let them know the van behind you is is gonna pay and behind yes and we just went okay uh my immediate reaction was i'm not doing that yeah because your reaction was i'm not doing that you walk in and went yeah sure yep and we were like yeah you know you have the thing where sometimes people at like a window they go to pay and they say you know what i'll get there i'll pay for the guy behind me but this is

this was drew going back tell the person i'm not paying ask the guy behind me to pay yep that's paying it backward um right so that's called stealing the food and leaving so so here's the here's the reason that I thought. I knew maybe they could do it because the lady. Walked out of like her little vestibule kiosk thing and walked out to the car that was in front of us. And took a payment. Yes. And we went, oh, maybe they'll actually do it.

Maybe she'll walk out and go, hey, they said you were paying. We pull up to the front. And then maybe Drew's plan was like, go, ha ha, no way. I think Drew's plan was to pay. And so we pull up and she's like, it's 40, whatever. And Jordan goes, hey, yeah. So the van behind us said they're going to pay. And the woman went, no.

She looked at them and went, no. She said it twice, slowly. And then shut the window. And then turn 90 degrees back to her computer. And then started just doing other stuff. Just like we weren't there. And then Jordan- There was no food prep involved in what she was doing.

Jordan picks up the walkie talkie and he goes, yeah, we tried. They're not doing it. Yeah, I told Drew, you're in trouble. And then Drew replied, I assume thinking we were joking. It was like, oh, you fail. You didn't do it.

And you're like, give me the microphone. Or give me the walkie talkie. And then Eric, I assume thinking we were joking was like, oh, you fail. You didn't do it. And you're like, give me the microphone. Or give me the walkie talkie. And then, Eric, you get on it. And you're like, no, no. Jordan said the people behind us are going to pay. She said, no, no. Close the window. And now I don't know if we're getting our food.

And like a full minute went by. At least. And then she opened the window and it was like the first part never happened. It was like. Again, it was just like $40. She just went, I'm going to let you try that one more time. I immediately just handed her the card. And he went, here you go.

And we left. No. No. Close window. So we got... I'll be honest. I couldn't believe he did it. No, I was...

I was very proud. If I hadn't seen that lady come out and take a painting, I wouldn't have done it. It came out... One, knowing Jordan in general. Two, Drew going, you should do this.

Yeah. I was suspicious of that. Him going, yep. Oh, yeah. For sure. And then suspicious of that. Him going, yep. Oh yeah, for sure. So we were, and then he did it.

Couldn't believe it. So then we paid for ours. We didn't pay for Drew's. I don't care. Paid. Severely. And they, they gave us our bags

and our drinks and then we all took a drink of our shakes and went, no mint in this. These are chocolate, not chocolate mint. They're very chocolatey.

They were the most chocolatey shakes I think I've ever had. It are chocolate, not chocolate mint. They're very chocolatey. They were the most chocolatey shakes I think I've ever had. It was the best mint chocolate shake I'd ever had because mint chocolate sucks. Michael is still convinced

that maybe there was some mint in there somewhere. Well, I mean, also to be fair, again, I kept going, wait, wait.

I don't know what you're talking about. No, no i would go oh dude there's definitely mint in mine and then i get nick on really let me try it again and i just look at you and shake my head it was so funny and nick was like is it in there rooting around and i'm going bro there's there's mint. Oh no, that was chocolate. Like a truffle pig. I confused what chocolate was with mint. Oh my god. Oh, this is very chocolatey. Yeah, I thought this was very minty. It's very chocolatey, is what I meant to say.

So we ate it on the road at 10 in the morning. I don't remember what it tasted like. Well, why would you admit it? Yeah, sorry. Failure. would you admit it? Sorry. Failure. Yep. Let's get into rating it.

I will strip you of your credentials. Yep. Let's get into rating it. What do you think, Jordan? Go ahead. What did you think that you can't remember? Well, my first bite was actually jam-packed with ingredients. Right.

I'll tell you that. I remember you screaming, it's all here. Yeah, it's all here, and it's spicy. It was a little bit spicy. Yeah. It was like a smoky spice, though, like you get with the's all here. Yeah, it's all here, and it's spicy. It was a little bit spicy. It was like a smoky spice, though, like you get with the hatch green chili. Right, like our man. Like Denny's in 1993. Yep.

Yep. But yeah, it was all there. It wasn't too flavorful besides that. It was mostly just the hatch green chilies and then some of the bacon texture. What are you doing? I'm amazed at what you're saying. You're talking about all the things you don't remember. You're doing something silly.

I'm just doing this. It looks really silly. Put your fucking shoes on. Eric also took his shoes off. But I can't see his feet. I just see this guy fl took his shoes off. But I can't see his feet. It's your minor hand. I just see this guy flailing his fucking socks. I don't give a fuck. This is the fucking business center right now, you sick fuck.

That's right. This is your business center. Your room is not the business center. Put your shoes on. 24-7 business center. I'm sorry, sir. Okay. Damn, full sentence and everything.

Yeah, right? Sorry. You loved it, Smokey. You loved it. Well, that was about it. I ate about half of it. Oh, you mean it was like a Whataburger burger with bacon on it and a jalapeno? Yep.

Exactly. That's all it was. I don't find their burgers particularly tasty. Yep. I don't know that you can rate it a 1 million though is that allowed oh man i i think this time i'm just gonna have to like average it out and go with a 65 okay bro you have lost your own narrative let me tell you this guy jordan it's all about in episode one would have rated it a four yep okay now he going, I don't remember what it tasted like.

There was no mint. 65. At this point. It's so generous. Oh, I forgot about the shake. No shit. You forgot what the food tasted like. I'll let you change your score.

What the fuck? Yeah. Bro, once you move the piece, if you let go, you're done. I don't feel like it was. You didn't give a score. I don't feel like. I feel like. You didn't give a score it was. You didn't give a score. I don't feel like. I feel like. You didn't give a score.

No, you didn't give a score. I feel like he can change his right now. I feel like I want to just choke you. But to be fair, I keep threatening to kill you. Yeah, it's happening a lot. I keep saying you're going to die. It's definitely on film. You're going to die.

It's definitely on film. And I know you watch. I know you listen to like a lot of Dateline. So you know the ins and outs of how you're getting caught. I know so much. How much touch do is on you? If anything that pissed me off in this trip is me excitedly talking

about, whenever I describe what I listen to, it's like, yeah, I'm into people getting their heads ripped off. And Eric goes, I can't do it. And I was like, I don't like you anymore. I have been listening to hundreds of hours without exaggeration. And he's going, I can't do it. And I'm just going, I will chop you up and bury you.

But I've learned about touch DNA, so I'm safe. Yeah. All right. So what do you think? If I'm getting, if I'm getting a second chance, do it.

My Michael is right. I have to stay true to my values. It is about the food. 60, one, 64 and a half. No, I'm going to bump it down. I'm going to bump it down to a 53.

I think it's called knocking it down. 53. Bump it up. Is it higher or lower? If that number goes, like, is that better or worse? Yeah, is that a better ranking? Worse. Say you're on, like, a platform.

Well, you're giving it a rating, not a ranking. That's true. A rating that's lower, a ranking that's better. You want to be ranked low, rated high. If you're ranked low, get out of town. You better curl up into a ball and cry

in a coffee shop if you're ranked low. I heard part two get out of town is is the ratings well that part whoa part two is the rating is you sit on your hands and then a stranger cuts your dick off whoa whoa the true stranger stranger stranger danger yeah oh man all right what do you rate it that was a wild one that Nick just said he told me to say it he was fucking crazy he whispered it

in your fucking ears nuts he didn't whisper he mimed it he kept making scissor motions and whispering bird bird bird

um uh so here's the thing it's water burger burger uh with uh bacon

I think jalapeno and then and then I think an extra slice of cheese, right? I think there was another reason. I think it was regular American or cheddar, whatever. I think it's American.

Is there normal? And then a white cheese, like a Monterey Jack, was it? It was something like that, yeah. I completely blacked out and didn't give a shit when we were reading this. I read it and I don't remember. Right, you don't give a shit.

And it was like, oh, so they added another piece of cheese and a jalapeno that said I like Whataburger the chocolate mint shake no mint at all but here's the positive mint sucks but I loved it you took a sip and you looked at me and you said

this is going to be the best mint shake you've ever had and I looked at you and I said it's just chocolate and then you went and then you kind of you made like a grinch smile like you smiled but then it curled inwards and i was like whoa and then he turned into uh christian slater which was very weird um so jordan's negative is my positive oh nice I'm gonna give Whataburger big thumbs up from Mikey

chocolate shake good not so good when you're on the no food diet that I'm on at 10 o'clock in the morning yeah I'm it was good though I'm gonna say 75 good

64 average score 64 pretty fair I don't think it could have been higher than the BBQ BB 75. Okay. Good. Good. 64. Average score. 64. Pretty fair. I don't think it could have been higher than the BBQ BB. No, it wasn't as good. It was not as good. I agree. Fair. We are just once again. I will not eat this four more times. No. Here's the thing about the rest of the episode.

We don't have a snack for Snack Attack and also I don't want to keep eating. Yeah, also we've been going for an hour. I'm glad you don't want to keep eating because we don't have food. I feel like Attack, and also, I don't want to keep eating. Yeah, also, we've been going for an hour, so. I'm glad you don't want to keep eating because we don't have food. Yeah. So, I feel like you didn't even need to say that part. No. You said we don't have a snack, and also, I don't want to eat.

I don't want to eat. But we don't have anything to eat. Yeah, and I don't want to eat. It was irrelevant. He wants another drink. He keeps pointing at Voodoo Ranger. Ah. I mean, fuck.

Just wait. Just wait until we're ending it and then speak. Yeah. It's true. Segment, snag attack, totally blank. Yeah,

totally blank. Yeah. Segment, check out all the fucking cool VODs that aren't out yet, certainly, but will be coming soon. Yes. Yeah.

This very trip. We did do an impromptu snack attack in the face jam van face jam one uh on achievement hunters instagram oh that's right yeah yeah check that out yeah that's what you're calling it you're calling that a snack attack no i'm just saying we did one right in the van so that is are you saying one that we haven't done yet yeah we we did no i'm just saying watch it if you really want to see a snack attack but But I'm asking you. What are you asking me? Are you talking about a thing that's already happened? Yes.

Or you're saying... And we did it on a live stream. Yeah. Right. I'm just saying you're calling that piece of crap a snack attack. That's what I'm asking you. I'm calling it something you can go watch. No, the one part of it.

You're talking about the piss bag video. Yes. Yeah. Right. Where you... You're smirching the name of snack attack. No, no. That's just...

I'm not calling it a snack attack. I'm saying it's a thing where snack attack happened in the middle of it. Not a whole... It wasn't a whole ass snack attack. Because you guys ate eat banana chips. You're smirching the name of snack attack. No, no. I'm not calling it a snack attack. I'm saying it's a thing where snack attack happened in the middle of it. Not a whole. It wasn't a whole ass snack attack. I'm just saying. Let me clarify. What Jordan is saying. Go watch the piss bag Instagram.

Yes. Right. And in there, we will eat a snack. Yes. But I wouldn't call it a snack attack live stream. I didn't call it that. I don't think that's what he said. I didn't imply it.

I didn't call it that. Definitely. I don't know if you called it, but you implied it. No, I'm with you. I don't think you implied it. I don't think that's what he said I didn't imply it I didn't call it that I don't know if you called it but you implied it no I'm with you I don't think you implied it I don't give a fuck who you're with you're gonna be dead

before the end of the strip see that's what I'm saying and now we have recorded this in a year too now we have the audio now I'm safe I don't understand how that makes you safe

that makes you dead and me guilty that doesn't make you safe I'm safe Michael keeps telling me to rub my doesn't make you safe. I'm safe. Michael keeps telling me to rub my hands all over you so my Touch DNA is on you instead. Keep touching Eric.

Get your Touch DNA on him. Oh, man. Well, we'll be back into the studio really soon. You can send us snacks if you want to. Send them the Face Jam care of Eric Badour, 1901 East 51st street, Austin, Texas, 78723. You can follow us at face jam pod on Instagram and on Twitter. Uh, you have all of our information when what's coming out when, and all that stuff.

Uh, that's what we're working on. Face jam secret menu is out now. If you want to watch that on rooster teeth on YouTube, go check it out. Um, we're on the road trip. The van is good. Everything is working and everyone's happy. Yeah, we are, but we're not when you listen to this. Right. It's over. Yeah. We're done. No, and we're done. Eric is dead. Yeah.

No, I'm alive. Brr, brr, brr. Brr, brr, brr. You can go to store.roosterteeth.com. Gone, but not forgiven. Oh, I forgot about that we've been talking about eric being hypothetically dead a lot we already have his epitaph just funny but not but not forgiven oh my god he won't be the one to end you but he's still coming up with

things to say yep i like it so you go to store.roosterteeth.com for all your face jam needs. 100% eat ass stickers and shirts on sale now. Also, the tarot card shirt that I'm wearing right now. Very cool. Because it feels good. Your stomach has nothing to do with the shirt. Stop touching and pinching yourself. He's trying to get his touch DNA on.

I'm trying to prove that I killed myself. Oh, no. We don't know anything except he kept touching himself. A lot. He's safe. I'm trying to prove that I killed myself Oh no he didn't We don't know anything except he kept touching himself A lot But we can tell his hands were numb He kept touching himself but he didn't know it We gotta end this thing

It's never gonna end Rate and subscribe and tell everyone right about the show where we eat food and rate the food. That was a whole ass hour. We were like, bro, 15 minute episode. Oh, fuck. Goodbye. Let's fucking drink. Yeah!