100% Eat - Wife Pizza Crimes, Bilk, and More in the Food Court

Episode Date: July 6, 2024

Our Heroes held their first livestream Food Court for Patrons and this is just part one of the proceedings. Join Our Hero Judges as they go through the cases of 100%er Chris's wife's pizza crime and a guy we just call Nutdog. Plus mustard ramen, sugary eggies, and whatever bilk is. BILK! Bilk Origins. Terrible. A genuinely wild start to a new format. From the Food Court Livestream on 6/19. Be there live for our next one by signing up on Patreon at any tier, sending in your case, and awaiting your summons. Support us directly https://www.patreon.com/100percenteat where you can join the discord with other 100 Percenters, stay up to date on everything, and get The Michael, Jordan Podcast every friday. Follow us on IG & Twitter: @100percenteat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summer is like a cocktail. It has to be mixed just right. Start with a handful of great friends. Now add your favorite music. And then, finally, add Bacardi Rum. And there you have it, the perfect summer mix. Bacardi. Do what moves you. Live passionately, drink responsibly. Copyright 2024. Bacardi. It's trade dress and the bat divisor.

Trademarks of Bacardi and Company Limited. Rum 40% alcohol by volume. It's just a litany of people. Let's see. I see him. I see him here. But why can't... There we go. That was Nick.

Nick did that. No. What happened? Uh-huh. See, let me tell you why it especially doesn't make sense. Bar judge! Nick did that. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No was like an auto block or something. Auto judge. Eric's wrong. We're keeping all of that in because I was yelling in my recording. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yes, yes. Okay. Yes. Yes. Okay, well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the food court, honorable judges Michael and Jordan Prasayden. God damn you.

Bale. Prasayden. Bailiff Sauce Monkey. Whoa, hang on. It looks like open H264 is disabled. Let's fix that. Do you think I should click that button? No. What? No.

It's a red bar, Eric. It's a red bar. It seems important. Do you think maybe you'd kill the other half of the power to your house? Oh God. Don't make him angry. When I tell you that more than half the shit...

No, I want to make him angry now. ...is not plugged in. Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the food court. This is where we will judge you for your food crimes that you've committed. This is a Patreon exclusive event. Thank you so much for joining us. Yeah, I'm Fordo. I'm dressed as Fordo.

Fordo! Where's the wrong? For dough and spam I'm Sam I'm Sam don't for dough. There's for dough spam knives and hummy Nostrad I'm gay went on the quest Makes them laugh every time amy Again, gimme and legoland Every time you can get me and Lego land We were so sad I'm not doing this cuz Eric's house broke and then it fixed I was like nice Oh, and then I forgot you know we were still doing it until like this morning Well, I'm glad you found your robes your judge

Yeah, I'm glad we have everyone. It wasn't the one I was looking for, but it's one I found. You know, and that's just fine because you found your way to the food court where honorable judges will be judging you and your food crime summons have been sent out, but that doesn't prevent us from dragging you to the mercy of the court to defend yourself as the number of submissions was overwhelming.

Over thank you to everyone. Oh dude, it was. You had more than three? Dude, there were so many and a lot of them crazy. And then some of them didn't seem to understand the premise of what we were doing. Which was also a quality. There's one here, there's one here from Eden that just says,

Mustard on watermelon? That's the whole message. I mean, I feel like they understand perfect mustard on watermelon. Execute them. Whoa, are we gonna have this music playing the whole time? This is cool. I just unmuted it. There's an elevator.

There shouldn't be any music. Is there music? Yeah, there's elevator music playing. That just unmuted it. There's an elevator. There shouldn't be any music. Is there music? Yeah, there's elevator music playing. That's just for me? Everyone turn off the music. Yeah. Sorry, enjoy it though. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for joining us.

We will, summons have been sent and we are going to call Chris Castellano first and foremost to the socket. So Chris, if you can please join us on the stage and go ahead. Chris, welcome. This is a 100 percenter. Chris Castleman, he's a 100 percenter fan. Now we will show favoritism.

Yes. Well, now here's the thing. We won't be refusing ourselves because he has paid us. Yes, absolutely. And we have partially heard what Chris has to say as the first 100% fan shout out was from Chris. Chris, we know that this has something to do with your wife and the way that they eat pizza. Can you elaborate?

Oh God, we're still, man, this is a sword and tail. So, yes. So I submitted that my wife eats pizza like a psycho. I want to preface this by saying that my wife is from New Jersey and has lived here her whole life and has no excuses. So she has written a statement to, I guess, defend herself. Oh, OK. You have a defense?

To read out for the court. So are you her lawyer or her accuser? He's the defense and the prosecution Yeah, that sounds about right Cool, Chris. Go ahead Honorable food court judges, please know that this rhetoric letter is not written in contrition because I have no shame in my pizza game It is both to clarify my actual pizza eating process and advocate for a world in which we all, in which all weird yums are not yucked.

As a small child, my family would take me to a pizza chain called Benny Tadino's in Hoboken, New Jersey. Their pizzas are very large, so my brother and I came up with ways to eat the pizza that did not involve the old pick up and fold that is popular here in the pizza belt. This is how you too can eat pizza like a small child who can't pick a slice up. The psycho method is first you eat the cheese by taking a fork and swirling it like pasta,

pulling it off and making sure that the maximum amount of sauce comes off of the cheese and back on to the bottom. You eat it then like a in bites like a single off the fork without anything else. So you just eat the cheese. Then you separate the crust from the rest of the pizza with your hands. So the crust part from the bottom part, and I'm reading this word for word,

roll it up like a pizza taquito, squeezing a small amount of sauce out for the next step. Eat the pizza roll up with joy and gusto afforded by youth. Separate the hard bottom part of the crust from the top softer part and you then dip the little bits of soft upper crust in the squeezed out sauce from the taquito. Then you discard the bottom crust or quote give it to your garbage disposal little brother. I admit it is strange. I no longer eat pizza like this, which is semi a lie.

She did it earlier this year. Because I eventually discovered that it all tastes better altogether. Almost like that was the point of the setup in the first place. I might be a food criminal in your eyes, but I am reformed, which is also somewhat of a lie. Now, Chris, thank you for reading the prepared statement

from your fucking psychopath wife. Now, you have said in your statement that you sent to us, she claims that this is totally normal because the pizza spot she grew up with had novelty large slices, and this is totally the way to eat pizza. Now, you also said she does this in public. Yeah, 100%. Like in front of people, if you ask any of her friends,

they will all talk about how they eat pizza with her once a week. We literally had this discussion at our local red lobster, which we're trying to save, um, where we all agree that she is a food criminal and all of her friends said, no, you're wrong. And they're going to hammer you for this. How long have you been married? Uh, we've been married coming up on six years we've been together about ten. I don't think you can get that an old anymore. I'm not sure what the window is but I think it passed. I think six years is definitely the max.

In my vows in fact that I was willing to put up with this so yes this was a fact. Oh man and that's binding. Yeah, that's legally binding, unfortunately. When you said- You're stuck. When you said your wife eats pizza like a psycho, I don't think anyone could have possibly comprehended what you just said.

Yeah. In fact, she's invented a way that I've never heard anyone. Eat anything. I thought it was gonna be a never heard anyone. Eat anything. I thought it was gonna be a whole silly knife and fork situation. The deconstructing of it and eating it as if it were other foods. Hey, I've been taking guesses.

It's almost creative. In the 100% fans channel and every time I'd keep going, no, you're wrong, weirder than that. It involves a fork and no one came close. Here's my thing too, right? When you started off with small child big pizza. She had a fork. You cut the pizza with a fork and a knife, and then you eat it.

All things intact and not deconstructed. That's how you do it. Right, the deconstructing. First you cut the little tip, it's a little triangle, then you eat that. Then you cut again, you know, like you cut, I tip to a little triangle and you eat that then you cut again You know like you cut I don't know any food And then you eat piece by piece then when you grow big You eat it like a regular person

I feel like this honestly is a This is a fault of her parents for letting this happen. Oh This is a fault of her parents for letting this happen. Oh, wow. That's unchecked. Wild behavior. Who looks at this and says, yeah, do whatever? Yeah. Yeah.

Control your kids, right? Why bother with making a pizza? Correct. I don't, what? Well, first I eat all the cheese. Okay, well the rest sucks now. For the record, by the way, I've been to this place multiple times and I folded the slice no problem.

It's a large slice. Of course. It's like a 12 to 14 inch long slice. Like it's like two thirds of a pizza or whatever, but it's totally foldable. Jesus Christ. Now you also said as part of her statement that she eats it all together now. Yes. And it's better that way

Yes Whoa fool one, but also said don't yuck on my yum. This is not a young we're yucking on your shit Nothing. Yeah, I mean you admit when you admit that eating it the correct way is better. That's uh-huh. Yeah, I Mean, it's not yucking a young bit. It's pointing. Yeah, it is it is Psycho behavior have it's yuck on yuck. It's just it's just Confused have your this person is someone doing this you help them. Okay, have I done this? No, yeah, I'm not I'm not from New Jersey, but my family is, so I feel like I would be strung up if I did this.

Okay. When you say that your wife did this earlier, yeah, when she did this earlier this year, was it the same pizza place from Hoboken or was it a random place? Same pizza place. Did she only do it with this place? No. She started with this place No

She she started in this place, but for the first five or six years we were together This would happen 50 60 percent of the time where I would just look over and she'd be twirling up cheese with a fork and I was every time look over and just Mean in New Jersey most pizza places have pasta just eat spaghetti. I don't understand yeah order order the spaghetti yeah Order spaghetti and tell her you deconstructed the pizza already for her and see if she notices the difference because she might not This is the best Like worse, where's the taquito?

Mozzarella and you're good. That's it. She very much stressed the taquito? You just add some mozzarella and you're good. That's it. She very much stressed the taquito part by the way. You know, it's rolled up and eaten like taquito style. So, you know, you've got the triangle and it's been rolled into a cylinder and you're eating it from end to end. Occasionally dipping it in the sauce, you squeezed out. So this is kind of an open-ended case

and I'm fine with that because you have the full power of the court. We're writing a blank check. What do you want us to do? It's a great question. Just tell us. I'm surprised the pizza place lets this happen.

Yeah. Then throw it out. They don't give a shit. I was gonna say that too. They don't let anything happen there, honestly. No! Cowards! But listen, you give her whatever,

as strong of a hammering as you guys want I've already cleared that she has accepted and has put her arms wide for whatever your judgment is Stop I'll say that bad judgment. It's impressed. It's impressive with how bad it is. Like, points for creativity because, you know, as many ways as there is to skin a cat and eat a pizza, I've never heard of doing it this way. It's really something. I would be impressed if I weren't so disgusted.

Yeah, yeah. I think we need to be harsh, Jordan. Oh, yeah, I agree. Are you talking like full out ban? Here's what I think we need to be harsh, Jordan. Oh yeah, I agree. Are you talking like full out ban? Here's what I think. I think she needs to clean up her act. We put her, she eats at this place once a week. One month pizza probation. She can't have pizza for a month. Yep, I agree.

And after one month we let you try again. And so help us God, the next sentence will be harsher. Has she ever eaten pizza at this place the right way? Not to my knowledge. I've physically seen her do it and she's done it in front of my child now at this point. No! No!

She's poisoning her! This is not a multi-generational. Oh my God. Save the child! So what you're saying is your wife has no character witnesses for her defense? No, no, no, only character assassins. If we invited all of her friends of 20 years, they would all just be like,

no, she's crazy and a psycho for this. No, no, please. I think a month is lenient, I'll be honest. You tell her you can't eat pizza for a month. You're not allowed at the end of that month. What's the verdict on who made pizza for this month? It is a weekly thing the end of that month. What's the verdict on homemade pizza for this month? It is a weekly thing for us. And she does eat it normally when I make it,

but I will accept what the court decides. Well, I mean, I feel like in the sanctity of your own home, do whatever you want. Whatever you do behind the doors is your business. The government can't reach. I'm, yeah, government overreach is too much. I think the government, I think the government should control body autonomy, but not pizza. Okay, in the interest of potentially a model food brand.

I know Jordan and I agree on this. I know we agree. What is the court's opinion on dino nuggets as a pizza topic? No! What are you talking about? Just what the fuck are you talking about? We can have to have you now? What is this now? Submit another case if you want to talk about this. This is ridiculous.

This isn't on the docket. Not at all. Where's my cheat? I accidentally turned my music back on. Hang on. I think, Michael, I think what you said about one month, no pizza from this place, no eating pizza out for a month because you really got to... No pizza out. You got to clean up your act.

But at the end of this month, go back to that pizza place and she's going to eat it the right way. Normal. Normal goddamn it. There's so many goddamn normal styles too, right? Just not that one. Yeah. She can dip it in range if she wants to take the thing and roll it into a fucking ball and shove it in your mouth At least you're eating it the way it was made It just kept going and then discard the bottom half of the crust she separates the crust the crust is like a part How's she getting two crusts? There's two crusts. Oh my god. Come on Chris Chris I think I think the judges have ruled no outside pizza for a month.

And we will sentence you back to going to the audience to watch the rest of Food Court. Thank you and enjoy your psycho wife. Thank you, your honor. Yes, you're dismissed. Godspeed. That was insane. Stop, stop being, stop it. That's our job.

Yeah. Thankfully he's noise gated and we can't hear it. Yeah. It'll pick up in my recording. I know, I just mean now. What was up with the fucking bullshit trying to squeeze in chicken nuggets at the end? I don't know.

He was trying to get one more in. He was trying to get one more in. I think maybe that was his and he was trying to blame it on his wife and he was just floating his tail and he felt about it. But the chicken nuggets is okay, right? Honey, I told you. Now in the chat, I don't know if you guys can access the chat. Chris has put a picture in.

I haven't seen it loaded yet. I mean, the chat is pretty far behind. Chris, if you can post that in the Discord, we would love to see the image because it is not loading for me right now. Oh, I'm looking at something. Oh, yeah. No, it's um, no, I mean, it's looking at pizza. That's might be your internet. You should call the city back. They've already come out once they said they won't do it

again. Why not? Chicken nuggets and see. Yeah. Well, that's our that's our first case with the summons that we sent out. I'm already tired. You crazy. This is hard. Does someone want to do any? Are any of you billionaires and want to send me on vacation? Yeah, I won't. You set us on a private jet. I won't disclose it at all. I'll fly whatever flags you want at whatever length or height, upside down, side out.

Any direction, upside down, sideways. Doesn't matter, dude. Yeah. When you join our Patreon, you get a priority submission sent to us. We go through them. We find them. We'll send a summons if we want to have you on

and defend yourself. However, we also send a summons if we want to have you on and defend yourself. However, we also take your cases and sometimes we'll read them back and this is the other way we do food court. Now this is a submission from Travis F who is a compliment Scrackle on the Patreon. Scrackle on the Patreon. Hmm. When I was between like 12 to 15, I would go to a local hot dog shop and I would order hot dogs with peanut butter

with crushed up potato chips on top. Now, I will defend this combo. However, where I have been told the crime lies is making the poor minimum wage workers make this custom item for me every time I came in as they were visibly repulsed by my beautiful creation. How far is too far when customizing menu items, and this is what they say about this, I say give the common man or whoever free reign on their food, but I have been told this is too much. I will accept no judgment except that of you, the regal court from Travis. So not so much being judged, but how far is too far when making change. I bet it's gonna be too far. This gets into some territory we haven't really covered before,

which is like food related etiquette and not so much gross food or gross ways of eating food. And I think I was on board with like, hey, if this is something they offer, that's cool. I went when he noted that it is something he's making them do and they even visibly like, don't like doing it. Yeah.

I think that's going too far, but I think it is important to always be aware of how much work you're leaving someone to do in any circumstance. Especially someone in the service industry. Yeah, it's a real similar to ordering at 11.59 when they close at midnight. Yes, yes! I think that is a great analogy for what this guy's doing. What would stop him from getting these ingredients individually and doing it himself? Oh.

But that's the thing. If you're gonna customize it, do it yourself. Don't make them do it. Yeah, especially with something that's like freak mode. Like, if you're gonna eat the- Yeah, yeah, you shouldn't even be telling people about this, honestly. You should be doing it it and you should be taking it home and doing it in private. You shouldn't be telling the peanut butter's dog behind fucking closed

doors. It it's imagine where the government can't get you. Imagine making $7.25 an hour, you and the four other people working at this hot dog stand, see this fucking guy walking up and everyone goes, oh, it's fucking nut dog, dude. Damn it. And they just start slathering a bun with peanut butter, pulling it out, slapping a dog, crushing up the chips, and by the time you're done ordering, fucking nut dog is handed his fucking nut dog

That is okay That I want to know what kind of place this is where he can get this customization You know like is it a wacky hot dog place, and this is ordering off-menu It's like is it a build your own kind of thing because what I would not go to Wienerschnitzel and be like, hey, give me a hot dog. Can you put some peanut butter and crush up some chips while you're at it? You got spaghetti sauce in there? That would be insane.

Load me up. While you're back there, roll it into a taquito and then I'll just eat it, I'll separate it. Well, I like that. I like them to cover it in peanut butter. Then the first thing I do is I scrape off the peanut butter and I eat that I like them to cover it in peanut butter. Then the first thing I do is I scrape off the peanut butter and I eat that separately.

This would be akin to Saweetie ordering her Saweetie meal and not deconstructing it. Cause you know, like she eats her food in a unique way. But if she were telling the McDonald's worker to take the two buns out of the Big Mac and make a fry sandwich and then serve it to her. That's too far. You can do your customizations on your own. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. And I think that's what it is for something

like this that's freak mode. The nut dog should only be made behind closed doors. You shouldn't be asking minimum wage teenagers to make the nut dog for you. You shouldn't be asking minimum wage right majors to make the nut You should for you You shouldn't even be eating that nut dog in the restaurant in front of people Take it home at least as much as like it's a disgusting monster Nick has the decency to carry his bag of shit around with him. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm keep butter in your pocket Okay, now I will say, imagine that he does that and then he pulls out the peanut butter

and he puts it on the dog. He's got fucking, is that blue cheese? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't have blue cheese in your office? Yeah. That's my bag over here.

Like, why? Did you think you might need it? Why do you have it in your office? Why do you have sauce with you? salsa The ruling is if it's not on the menu and it's not like a simple substitution don't tell them to make a nut dog for you I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home.

I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home.

I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home.

I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. I'm not at home. What the fuck you getting other people to nut your dog at the fucking restaurant, bro? What are you doing? This messed up? What he keeps showing this stuff next like moving inventory around? Okay fucking nut your dog at home, dude, oh You know they have a nickname for him, you know when they see that guy coming they go fucking dude No way like absolutely um and i think the ruling is fair i think you have to do it elsewhere you just can't do it at the restaurant at all i'm surprised they do it for you honestly like that's going above and beyond peanut butter and crushed up chips on a hot dog is really fucking something man. Yeah. I don't know about that. Yeah, that's fucking weird dude.

And they call it a nut dog? That's fucked up. Why do they do that? How about we take another call? This time if Nick Pasternak is in the chat. Nick, you are being summoned. Raise your hand. Request to be called.

We'll see if we can pull you up here to defend yourself and what you have sent to us in the food court. If not, we will move on to the next one. But Nick, where you at, big homie? Oh, Nick Pasternak, not even doing it. Look at that. You don't want anything to do with it He saw what happens oh

shit I do like all the memes I keep seeing of Nick killing people or threatening people's lives what yeah in the chat It's a lot. It's a lot of it's like I like one that said guns. Don't kill people. I kill people yeah Yeah, it's rampant it's fucking rampant put that on a shirt okay well sure it is Nick Nick Pasternak I think jumped his court date and will be dealt with us oh dude yo I want to talk about multitasking and how serious I take this this last entire

case I was figuring out how to get Lindsay into the Discord and then give them a role so they could watch it for free. That's great. I was at about 30% attention to what was happening and 70% attention to nepotism. And then everyone is, chats are yelling Lindsay. So I guess it worked. It did work.

Lindsay is here. Lindsay, thank you so much. Welcome Lindsay. Welcome every apartment dweller. I made her a grackle though. She's not a hundred percent. I mean, that's smart. That's smart. Nick Pasternak did not show up to court. We'll let them know. Well, I sent him two emails and everything.

Wow. Get Gracie out of here. Damn. Yeah. Oh,ie on him? Damn. Yeah, oh, whoa! By the way, right before we started this, Gracie just started sending us pictures of pretzels. Hell yeah. She did.

She loves a good pretzel, dude. It's almost like she knew. She knew. Good for her. Okay, we'll read another one, and then we'll go back to see if our next summons appears. At Air Miles, we help you collect more moments. So instead of scrolling through photos of friends on social media, you can spend more time dinnering with them. Mmm. How's that spicy enchilada?

Oh, very flavorful. Yodeling with them. Yodeling with them. Yodeling with them. Yodeling with them. Yodeling with them. How's that spicy enchilada? Oh very flavorful. Yodeling with them. Oh must be mating season. And hiking with them. Is that a squirrel? Collect more moments with more ways to earn. Air Mile. This is from another Grackle. This is from Andreas L.

Dear honorable Judge Kings, I humbly approach the bench today with a debate my friends and I have been having for over a year now in hopes that you can bring closure to an important matter. One night, one of us proclaimed that we enjoy mint ice cream because it, quote, tastes cold cold. Oh, they went on to explain this statement saying that the ice cream was cold temperature wise,

and the mint flavor provided a cooling sensation. And thus, okay, cold, cold. She provided other examples of this flavor, including ice water also tasting cold, cold. provided other examples of this flavor, including ice water also tasting cold cold. My partner vehemently disagrees that cold cold is a flavor as you cannot taste the temperature of a dish. She further argues that this flavor is merely an illusion created by the cold temperature of the ice cream

or whatever chemical shit makes up mint to have a cooling effect on your mouth. The argument has continued into our sober lives, they were heavy drinkers, and threatens to demolish our friends group. Please provide guidance as an existence of cold cold. Is it a viable flavor descriptor or are we just setting the water temperature on a washing machine? I mean, that's pretty

Something jumped out immediately to me. I don't know if you're gonna agree disagree Jordan. It's not cold cold, but it could be cold cool Saying I get it. It's like a mint. Yeah cool feeling But that's not a temperature you're combining temperature with like a mint coolness Mm-hmm. I would be acceptable to a cold cool or a cool cold It's definitely not a cold cold you sound like a fucking maniac, but a cool cold maybe cool When you start saying yeah fast and back-to-back. I don't know what's going on It's nice cool. Cool. Not cool. Cool. It's not cold. Cool. Cool cold, not cold, cold. It's not cold, cold, could be cool, cold, cold, could be cold, cool, humming mustard.

That's what I'm saying. Pegasus Pete. Makes perfect sense to me. Honestly, I was going to get into a whole semantics thing about what is a flavor, you know? That sounds right. A taste sense versus a feel sense. But Michael, you cut right through it

to the heart of the issue, which is, it's kind of both. The cold is the sensation on your tongue, the temperature feel, and the cooling of the mint is the flavor. I would argue that ice water does not have this. No, it's not. That's a terrible example. That's just cold.

Yeah, that's just cold. It's water, which is flavorless, and then ice, which is frozen water. Yeah, it's just cold. Which tastes the same flavor. Yeah. Your evidence there does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you.

Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you.

Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you.

Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you.

Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you.

Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you. Which does not help you.

Which does not help you. Which does not help you. I'm thinking mint ice cream? You know when you're eating like your favorite water flavored potato chips? Or your ice flavored? Well yeah I mean I take my water potato chips, I crush them up and I put them on the nut dog and then I just go to town. Well I don't do it, I make the 14 year old that works at the hot dog stand do it. These fucking monkey memes are crazy. People love it! People love the monkey!

Say cold call one more time, I dare you. I double-talk dare you. Pointing gun at screen. That's from just now! Someone make that from just now! Both pointing gun at the screen. That's from just now. Someone made that from just now both the text and the image It's just Josh just made that in slight things I have never in my life been in a discord with a fraction of this many people at one time Can I say this is crazy? Yeah, this is crazy yeah this is probably not like for 400 people okay there's a pack court look at this like the trial yeah you

fucking think Donald Trump's on trial or something here I don't think that many people showed up Who's falling asleep right now? Nick I'm not cold. I'm not cold. I'm just wearing my robe. I'm not cold. I'm I'm right Vice president sit behind. I'm not tired. I'm bored. I'm I'm bored bored I'm not cold or tired. I'm bored bored. That's how he feels in court. I'm not cold or tired. I'm warm bored.

Okay, so if, so if, let me ask this. Cold cold not a thing. Not a thing. Go to hell. What would you describe mint ice cream as than just cold? Cool. Cold, cool. Cool.

Cold, cool. Yeah. Okay. Are there other examples of cold, cool or warm, cool? Whose side are you on? Why are you asking? I'm just curious! I'm trying to get to the bottom of this.

I don't care who's at the top. Right, but I mean, you're adding unnecessary drinks like a mojito. Could be a cold. Oh, dude, someone in the chat. You're distracting the judges. I know I could close it, but I'm not gonna. You gotta be here live in the Discord to see these hot memes getting dropped, okay? I didn't ever the chat would participate this much, but I'm into it. Yeah, it's hot baby a peppermint a peppermint patty

That's been in the fridge could be cold cool Okay, very into that very right Riled up about what? I'll tell you one thing. It's so fucking into it. Very riled up about what's going on here. I'll tell you one thing, it's not ice water. Ice water is just cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, Warhawk in the chat said,

warm, cool, mint chewing tobacco. If you got like a dip going, if you're packing a lip and you got that winter green, that's warm cool big-time warm cool Go on okay. That's a little light if you go if you go in that can't you put if you go in the pool? But you put a hot coal up your ass. It's fucking hot cold. Who gives a shit. What are you talking about now? Who cares? My grandmother had wheels should be a bicycle Who cares? If my grandmother had wheels she'd be a bicycle

Fuck he's saying Oh man, alright, well it's not cold cold, it's cold cool My ruling cold cold not a thing Yeah, I agree with Jordan who's agreed with me Yeah, stop, you're not allowed to stop that You're not part of this Can we, can we move Bailey me baby, you remove no no no can I move him no no no He's in contempt you can probably come back right, do we know what are you doing? Yeah? What are you doing? Where'd you go?

Eric why where'd you come in bucks? You bucks That was considered a warning you're what you're about to be held in contempt. Yeah Steve Bain and do you getting hot in here? Yeah, yeah in four years you're fucked I'm more I'm more of a Roger Stone type where I go to jail, but you let me out cuz I'm just a little Right, yeah, you got that tattoo of Richard Nixon on your back. Yeah, he literally looks like this. He wears this, what I'm wearing, he wears this normally.

Uh-huh, yeah. And Rastastoun. Yeah. Yeah. He's a fucking evil little man. Well, let's move on to our next case. The summons has been sent out. Let's see, let's see if this next person is here

to talk about their top ramen issues. Liz O? Liz O? Fire Ray, I believe is your nickname here. Oh, that's it. This is great. Now- Oh, we got him.

Gonna get them on stage. Hello. Now, what do you prefer to. We're going to get them on stage. Hello. Now, what do you prefer to be called? How can we address you? A FI works. That's what everybody knows me by online. You got FI. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for answering your summons.

You will not be prosecuted like Nick Pasternak, who will probably go to jail and be executed by the monkey in prison. And we will say that it was his own doing. So, Fai, you sent us two different pieces here for food court. However, we're very interested in the second, your Top ramen hack.

Can you go ahead and tell the court about what you do with top ramen? Okay. When I want a crunchy salty stack, which we typically don't have in the house, but we almost always have packets of top ramen, I'll eat the top ramen dry. I open the package,

sprinkle the seasoning packet inside, shake it around, bust up the ramen and then munch on it. And yeah, my mother thinks I'm insane, but this was something that I will say came from hanging out with my dad's Boy Scout troop as a kid. And also lots of kids at my high school would do this too, even with cup noodles, which I thought was crazy. They would just buy cheap cup noodles in the cafeteria

and then break them up and eat them rather than preparing them normally. Now that's very interesting. Let's see what the judges think about ramen as a crunchy snack, like you've just described. Jordan, Michael, what do you guys think of that? Jordan? My initial reaction is that maybe that's not

the best way to eat it, but if it's what you're going for, I think repurposing a food to get the, I wanna be careful here because if I'm too general, you could set a precedent here that then, if I'm too general, I'll set a precedent that retroactively will, they'll be like, well, in 100% eat versus five, Jordan said, it'll free Chris well in a hundred percent eat versus fine

It uh-huh it'll it'll free Chris Castellanos wife in some way like oh no There's no doing that there's no doing that. There's no way I think Man, I think ramen is an okay thing to do with this because this is food that is like 99 cents to buy. Exactly. It's trash food to be honest. Or less. True.

Because usually you buy 150 packs at a time. Can I ask why there's not salty, crunchy snacks in your house? Are you in jail? I'm usually not a salty snack person. I'm a candy person, personally. My mom is diabetic, so we don't have a lot of like, you know, any kind of really snack food in the house. Yeah.

So, we just- Smart. Well, and also I am what Tom Segura refers to as a fat poor. So. Uh. Uh.

Uh. Um. A lot of white trash food in the house. Well, we refer to you as a 100%er. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, you're better. You're better than that. Okay.

Don't worry about that. Now, now here's the thing. The crunchy salty snack, totally understandable and completely like I've, I've done that probably once before, but fi there's something that I'm really trying to drill down on here. And that's the first part of what you sent about the way you eat ramen. Uh, my preferred way to eat ramen is without the broth and with mustard.

Yeah, that's true. Whether just the noodles or with vegetables or dropped egg, I strain it, then add some mustard of any kind, usually only with the chicken flavor. Can you explain that to us? Hang on. So that's if you cook it? If I cook it, yeah. Okay. Well I just first want to settle on Eric trying to skip me over.

It's why he got moved to the back room. He's gonna do it again if he keeps running his mouth. I didn't get to rule on it. I let Jordan go first because I didn't know how he was gonna react. I'm totally fine with eating it as a crunchy snack. That seems pretty normal. I don't think I've ever eaten an entire bag like that, but boy do I love eating dry spaghetti before I cook it. Oh, I probably eat five, six, seven pieces of spaghetti. I like how crunchy it is and I chew on it. I used to do that as a kid too.

And the ramen's a lot more palatable. It's more palatable, so I can only think it's a better version of what I myself have done. I'm perfectly, and you're seasoning it too. I can't even, that's a better version of what I myself have done. I'm perfectly and you're seasoning it, too I can't even know that's a world. I haven't experienced. I'm just eating dry spaghetti Whoops a little bit. I guess I better eat it Try smashing it up and putting some Look if it's not too hard for you to eat if you're not eating it going man. This is too hard

Then you're totally fine. I think that's a perfectly acceptable way Now moving on to the cooked mustard ramen. Having said that, I've never seen a chat turn on someone as quickly as they turn on you, Fi. I'm sorry. But everybody was with you on, they had him in the first half. Everybody was with you and then it was just, no, no, no, no, no crime, crime, crime.

What is it about the mustard that does it for you? Huh? I I'm not really sure. I just I think if I remember right, the first time I ever did it was I was visiting my brother for the summer and he just didn't have a lot of food in the house and it was like there was ramen and work on to make ramen. And I just started to like it. So it's like I prefer it with like Chinese spicy mustard.

We usually have that in the house. How much are we talking? Is it about as much as- Just like a little drizzle on top. Is it a bottle? A bottle. I was gonna say, are you replacing the broth of the house with mustard?

Now is it filled to this line of mustard? Do you strain the broth to strain it in general? Or is it because you need to strain it in order to add the mustard? No, generally, I just don't really care for soup and broth and stuff. I'm with you on that. Yeah. Sister, I feel you. So if I make ramen, I usually take the broth out. I mean, I cook it in the water and the seasoning for the flavor, but I don't want to drink

all the broth. I gotta be honest. I do think the mustard is- You and Gene Simmons hate soup. I do think the mustard is more acceptable without the broth. Oh, yeah. No, I don't want to drink mustard water. Sure. I'm just saying. It's not super normal, but it is just the spice.

Yeah, I can kind of get if you don't like soup, you take the. I mean, look, a lot of people eat ramen and then they don't drink the broth. I will, because I love it. But if you don't drink it, you just get rid of it. I can see straining it. It's not that crazy. I'm going to be honest. I think I'm still with you here. Well, I appreciate that.

I'm not. Especially if it's not yellow mustard. It's yellow mustard. We're done. But the spicier it is, the more I agree with you. I prefer the spicy Chinese mustard or like the Dijon. But yeah. I'm in. But try Polish mustard Okay now Yeah, have you have you done it with regular yellow mustard? Yeah, of course I have I mean I'm a garbage person of course I have right, but you know it was wrong

Sure, yeah, it was you know Yeah, fucking whatever I don't know You know, I'm getting older I've accepted who I am as a person And that's good Well, you're listening to the right show, I'll tell you that I am not with you like Michael is on this one because I'm

I'm pro like butter noodle. That's fine. You don't necessarily need a broth or a sauce to go with a noodle or pasta. But mustard, I don't know why. When you start introducing condiments as the main kind of like sauce flavor here I get lost and it just It really does seem like garbage food that Frankly as people know from listening to this show is beneath me

Right, but unfortunately is the show beneath me right but unfortunately is the show right being converted to the dark side so maybe I'm on the road and that's what took five years but we're getting there my morals I still have my principles and that's where I draw the line drawn the line at condiments as as broth look you know what if you'd said ketchup I'd agree with Jordan But I got a soft spot in my heart for mustard especially spicy mustard and so I think this is a split decision Maybe I'll have to try some humming mustard Wouldn't be good

Moving away from the spice and you're going into tanks. I don't think Mustard stay in you're getting hotter don't get colder. Okay. Yes, hi. Hi real quick. Have you Have you ever tried to convince anyone else to eat it this way? You just convinced me. Not really, but I did. One time I was making it and my mom ate it and she was like, no, that's actually pretty good. But then she like, you know, turned on me later

and recanted that, so. Oh, probably from the chat. Just like the share pressure though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like the chat. Well, I believe this is a swift decision, Fi. Yes, I mean, my ruling is just that doesn't sound very appetizing to me

and I would not do it and I would make fun of you if I were your friend, but I won't make you stop doing it. Okay, fair. Go in peace, I say. My ruling is I'm gonna try it. I'm gonna mix, I'm gonna make some ramen, I'm gonna drain the broth, and I'm gonna put a little bit of Polish mustard in it and see how it tastes. Nick's gonna try it too? He'd say me too. Yeah me too. I'll see you soon. Well, Fai, you've corrupted half the court into trying to make the ramen.

No, you've enlightened us Yeah, you listen to this man He'll be put in the back room again. Yeah When I got the summons, you know, I submitted it a while back I couldn't remember what I submitted so this is really Surprising me because I was going to think of so many other things I come from a long lineage of food crimes And I couldn't remember what I had put in my submission list is long so so long you couldn't remember what crime you committed if you are gonna say either about chicken nuggets save it miss their food crimes all over my family well you have you have a passed out we as nettos and weirdos yeah yeah the, the five family crime ring. You should run for president.

I'm warm and bored. Well, thank you, Fi. Excellent ruling. A split decision that Michael and Nick are going to try. Enjoy the rest of the show. Thank you. Thank you. Get out of here, Eric. I'm trying. Move to audience. It's not working. Jordan, send her to the audience. Hurry. There it goes. Okay. Did he get his powers removed?

I was saying stop using the gavel. Yeah, no, I know. I know what you were saying. He thought you were talking to you, dude. Right. I thought maybe I could sneak that one in. Oh, I can turn Eric into a bug from 100% E. No!

No, because that fucks on my permissions is gonna fuck up this whole thing don't you that's Eric that's why I said it control I don't like it uh if you remove all roles you won't be able to see anything do you want to get into another red one or should we call the next summons? I if they actually bothered to show up. Let's see if we get someone up here. We got to clear out this docket Okay, I got a fucking billionaire jet to get on dude. Do you think so? I know so dude You said you said oh, we'll do six to eight and I went I'm not staying too late No, no, no, we'll go faster than that. Cause these are,

these are really going through. You know what I mean? Which is fine. Okay. We'll just do less than you planned. This is a grackle who we have sent to summons to Luke. Oh, Luke. Oh man. Oh, go, go on, go in the, oh, wow. He's right there. Uh-oh. What are you saying? Luke. He's trying to read a name. I'm trying.

Hello. I'm trying. Hello, Luke. Welcome to the food court. Thank you so much for sending your submission in. Now you will throw yourself at the mercy of the court and tell us about what you have sent in revolving around cherry tomatoes. Yeah. So, um, when I eat cherry tomatoes, not every time, but more often than not, I'll,

you know, have a handful or two, you know, either eat them one at a time or chipmunk it and throw a couple in my mouth. And I end up just leaving one in my cheek for an hour or two and slowly nom on it over the course of two hours. Two hours? That's the longest nom? I think I've done it. No, no, no, no, no. You're not, you're not, you're not. It's like kneading dough. You're not trying to puncture it. It's you play, you play with it.

But you turned it to cherry tomato into a fidget toy for your mouth is what you're saying. That's exactly what I said earlier. Yeah, it's a fidget toy for your mouth. And then at the end, the best part is like, if you do it right, the, if you do it right, you can like, fight it the right way. Cause there's a wrong way to do it.

There's not a wrong way, but if you do it perfectly, you can like, you can get the skin to come off in one piece. And then the inside of the, inside of NANO is still like whole and like soft It's just It's fun It's like it's like when you get your cereal and there's a prize at the bottom of the box You're eating the cherry tomatoes

But the last tomato is the toy that you're playing with for an hour or more and you've created a game of going Oh, this sounds like something Nick would do. Oh, can I get the skin off and one go? It's okay It's kind of like when you have like when you have like a baby carrot and you try like eat around the middle core And like if you get the core just as itself then it's like it's like yeah, I won So it's it's like I don't know what you mean by that Just so you know I don't know you mean either. Yeah, you're like now you know what you do like that, right? Yeah, Nick knows what you mean, and that does not help you that is not It's sad

Just said this guy is crazy. You don't want a panel of people going, what the fuck are you talking about? And Nick going, yeah. Yeah. I did that. Yeah. I'm just happy to have one person supporting me. So you- He's barely a person.

He's half-man. Hey, Abe's strong together, you know, in in what you sent here, it says that you do tiny nose to loosen the inside. When it finally pops, you get a nice warm liquid. Oh, the inside pulp feels nice and soft. Yeah. Thoughts? Would you describe it as warm warm or?

Oh, no. If you do it right, it's warm warm. If you do it wrong, it's like warm cold. Oh, damn. Oh, no. Oh, geez Louise. Also, sorry. One more thing.

You also said my girlfriend thinks this is weird and so does anyone I've told, but I believe While it isn't normal, it isn't that weird. Wow. Okay, cool. Finally, this is what I was hoping for. Um, yes it is. So now that we got that out of the way, we can continue to hammer you. Here's what I will say, okay? It's very weird. And you know it's weird, Luke. But, but, but, I will say at least it feels distinct that you, there's a clear distinction in when you're eating the cherry tomatoes and when you're playing with a cherry tomato. Yeah. And it's just a fun little game in your mouth.

Yeah, it's like it's just something that's That's fine It's no longer a point it's a it's a prop you can eat They should make some sort of high chew Like spin-off that's like it's the flavor of a high chew, but it's the texture and like viscosity of a cherry tomato Like something squishy you can play within your mouth read W says dude start doing tobacco Yeah, no kidding yet, but this is a healthier alternative. You're eating a vegetable or It's a vegetable.

Hey, okay. Yeah, this is actually a good alternative. He's barely, he's barely eating a vegetable. Yeah, but he's eaten a whole bunch of other ones already. This is the last one. It's true. I like, again, I'm not gonna. That he's thrown in his mouth, you know, popcorn style.

I'm not gonna say I'm gonna try this or that I support it, but it's here, it's better than a world we live in where you did it with every single tomato. Yeah, that's all I'm saying Could be worse of that would be crazy. Yeah, yeah, imagine saying dude. Yeah, you fucking nuts Yeah, not even Nick would agree with that right Nick. Oh No, but but he will chow down the core of a baby carrot or something Core of the carrot What is that? I have no fucking idea

I have no idea, baby carrot is just like the same on the inside and the outside What are you talking about? It sounds like the way that one person ate Kit Kats Oh that's right Biting around all that Scrape off the top like the layers Yeah, we're losing the narrative on Luke here. Okay. Yeah. Mm-hmm

Very weird Luke Luke. Yeah Do you do anything like this with any other fruits or vegetables is it only cherry tomatoes I think it's just cherry tomatoes. I don't remember doing it with anything else. But it's so normal you might do it absolutely consciously. I mean, like with like broccoli, I'll like eat the leaves first. You know, you know, like that's that's pretty. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, comparatively, that's fucking It's just the chat going the leaves. The branches. Did you hear Nick? He said the branches. Now Chris in the chat asked if you gnaw on it for like an hour.

No, that would be disgusting. Right, of course. No, he just takes little bites to try and loosen the skin so he can get the cool cool. He went over this already, guys. You gotta listen. He's gotta repeat himself. All right. I feel insane. Michael, what's your ruling also?

I mean, my ruling is it's very weird, but I think you'd escape more if you didn't describe it as eating a tomato that way And you more just said here's a fun thing. I'd like to do It's like the prize at the bottom of the box is the best way I can describe I'll just change how I describe it from now on just change how you describe it, okay? from now on just change how you describe it okay yeah yeah just be like uh hey I got this I got this fidget toy that I ever played tomato ball let me tell you how it works I'm glad you brought guys before us though I'm learning a lot. I see you guys about 60 to 90 minutes. You come back in 10 minutes, they're like, oh you're fucked up. It's sad. It's sad. Just for the record, just for the record of the court, it's obvious to all of us, but can you

say your last name for Eric? Because he was struggling. Yeah, it's O'Gwamunum, and actually Michael has said it once before in the credits for Uno the movie Wow No, you and Gavin were laughing like who the fuck's this Luke oh go go go go Yeah, it sounds like it sounds like a digimon. Yeah, and then I tweet about it And then on off-top you're like, oh and he tweeted I was like, this is the best thing ever Michael just fucked up my name off top your leg. Oh, and he tweeted. I was like, this is the best thing ever. Michael just fucked up my name. You can add Eric to the list. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Who's this? Luca gum guy? Well, you just told me he told you thank you for throwing yourself at the mercy of the court.

It is weird, but at least you're eating a vegetable. Enjoy playing tomato ball and enjoy the rest of the show. Thank you very much for having me. Also, I... Pop the next one in for me. I didn't grab cherry tomato today. I meant to. I said the next one, Luke. I know. It's going to be today though.

Okay, well the next time. I'll find one. Stop doing that, Eric. What do you mean? You're going to be a bug soon, dude. You're going to be a bug. I swear to God. No, no, no. I tried to move this guy to the audience and it's not going Luke you might be part of this hang on no It's because I removed your permission. Oh, no then Jordan you do it. Oh General I put him in generals I where you should go right no no you right click

There you go I moved in the general so I kicked him out by accident You can probably come back you weren't doing your job. I had to step in here. I tried I got kicked out You did general and then you tell me how you got back, and then you can tell you kind of do it hang on Well, he's not in there anymore, so I can only assume left so he's moved audience is at the top I see I see That's how you move someone to the audience mm-hmm Wow hi Eric I can see The audience is at the top. I see, I see. That's how you move someone to the audience. Wait, he's watching. Wow, hi Eric. I can see you in the crowd.

I figured it out. So next time I can do it the first try. I figured it out. He was just practicing. He was just practicing on you. I learned what you taught me. You okay? Oh, he's frozen.

I think he's frozen. Nope. Hey, wait, he didn't move. Not frozen. Where's Luke? Did you see him down there? Yeah. Did you run into one? Yeah, I was rolling around in the mud with Luke O'Gum-Gum. Sorry, Luke. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security.

Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4pm late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash ymx.

Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. Because the Skip app saves you so much time by delivering stuff like your favorite cool treats, groceries, and bevies, you get to spend the summer doing what you really want. Like successfully cutting your jeans into jorts. Yes! Shipping the kids off to summer camp. Yes!

Or winning the annual Schellenberg Family Water Balloon Fight. Yes! Suck it, Aunt Susan. Yup, definitely the best summer ever. Squeeze more summer out of summer with Skip. Did somebody say skip? So, let's read another one here. Okay.

This is from Miles C. Who sent this in. Miles Teller? C, not T. Oh, damn. But it could be Miles Teller. He was my fave, Mr. Fantastic. Oh, wow.

Is that who he was in those movies? I hope they make a sequel. Hello, Eating Kings and Eric. Been a big fan since that other podcast about jamming food into a monkey and hope this new venture into independent podcasting is going well for you all. It's medium.

I have a friend who eats eggs in a way that me and some fellow concerned eater friends of mine would describe as quote, a gateway to diabetes. Ooh. Hmm, Whoa. My friend Tim really enjoys eating scrambled eggs by covering it in maple syrup and whipped cream. Oh.

He puts it in a bowl and mashes it into a sugary, sloppy mess that makes me feel ill watching him eat. My friends and I have labeled him a freak, which he vehemently denies, and he violently refuses to change his disgusting consumption of what is 30% egg and 70% sugar slosh. Please let us know if my friend is a weirdo for eating this disgusting sugar-filled slop he calls my sugary eggies. May you judge him? Boy he's just he's got that shovel and he's fucking digging isn't he like it's not that bad. It's my sugary eggies

I'm gonna ask the rhetorical cuz what's this? He's not here, but like I don't even know what C is here No, what's the point of the eggs? Even my old sea is here now. What's the point of the eggs? Why egg right you know it like it like okay? You just want to have sugary treat like what is the egg do you could I feel like you could just add Like bread like a bread pudding or you know like right like is the egg flavor doing anything? Does it bind it you know is that a texture thing what makes it fucking disgusting is the egg now? I it's still way too much sugar, but people like sweets That's fine. If you took the egg out you would just be yeah You have diabetes and you're gonna die, but that's fine a lot of people do that

I don't I can't wrap my head around the egg does he think the egg is like Saving it or I don't this this is what makes it healthy I Don't know I guess my question right because it's not or they or they committed like the egg makes it taste good I just it'd be less weird without the fucking egg I don't that's it crazy now you asked what's the point of the egg? And immediately Nick said, protein. Yeah, to help. Yeah, okay, but that's, you could get that from a lot of things, Nicholas.

Yeah, but not with sugar. Yeah, because he's adding the sugar, Nick. You can add it to anything. Right, just the egg. It just doesn't, and an egg isn't even that much protein. It's not even that much. You're right. Do it with chicken. I know I'm right why not

If you taste better with it, and let me tell you it's not just the fact that like if he put this on If you just put it on a plate and drizzled the maple syrup and the whipped cream on it and ate it like that weird, but like taking it to the next level of, closer to food for sure. Putting it in the bowl and mashing it all together is so even like stranger to me. I almost wonder, does he think the egg saves it and is like,

this is what makes it healthy. I can eat all the sugar I want as long as this egg is in here. So I can eat all the sugar I want. It breaks even. It's healthy, it's got an egg. They made a gif of the monkey and it says protein P. Protein P, protein P, protein P. It's protein, it's protein. Protein P. Iin B! Protein B! Protein B! Protein B!

It's protein, it's protein! Protein B! I don't know man, I just, I feel like- Have we a follow up on what the egg is for? I just don't get it. We've never done this before, we've never stepped in to save someone from themselves, but it is kind of concerning that it is that much sugar. Should we stop them from eating this yeah, they die

Hey Michael could be on the Supreme Court with that dude everybody's dying, okay, let him choose how they die this is America. It's fine You know I mean uh Everything's bad for you uh-huh The guys you know that I what did you know that I went on a helmet did you know that I won? Damn now that somebody told me I went I've never thought of that before Did you why did you see before? Did you see Gordon Ramsay's big old bruise yeah, I did oh yeah He's fun it reminded me of a me of you falling on your one wheel.

Yeah. And that just proves I fall better. There you go. I think that's true. So what is, what's the ruling on Tim and his sugary eggies that his friend Miles sent him? So, so it's kinda two-fold. It's horrible.

Yeah, follow up with us on what the A actually does in his mind, but also you're justified in calling him a freak. Everyone should. In fact, like, print out a sign and like tape it to his back so when he's walking down the street people know what he does

and can call him a freak too. I think that feels like a good punishment. We can't stop him from eating it, but like, he must be shamed. The thing is, again, if you're gonna talk about like how unhealthy it is, again, that, you just described what people put on waffles. And it's just as unhealthy. It's actually healthier,

cause there's a fucking egg in there. It's just insane, and it sounds like it tastes like shit. But as far as like, whoa, you shouldn't be eating this, you shouldn't be eating this you shouldn't be eating pancakes for breakfast either. But here we are eating cake for breakfast. I would eat syrup and whipped cream but I would not eat it with an egg. I agree with you. You're right. But it's the same amount of sugar so just let the man die from his sugar intake. I just it's just odd that he's put an egg in it. Yep.

Yeah, tell us what the egg is all about. You're free. Eight twenty-four music in the chat just said it's like a cake just not mixed. Make no mistake. He mixes it up into a sugary mash. Yeah, he's trying to mix it. He's just not baking it. Yeah.

So there you go. Well, there's the rolling. He bakes it in his tummy. Shame this guy. Okay. All right, kicking him out. What? Come on. Oh, that time, that wasn't me.

You got my hand for a fold. No, you weren't. I warned him. You will not make a mockery of this court, Eric. I stopped doing mockery-ing. Jeffrey Badour. Okay. It's like putting my mom. Whoa. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine.

Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine.

Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine.

Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. Stop doing mine. I had, I had a- Well that's what I meant on the street side. So it was like on the other side of the service cable. Cause if it's on the other side of the service cable- You're speaking in terms he doesn't understand. That's their job. If it's the service cable down, that's your fault. Dude, it was like-

It's the big- So flat wire is the service cable. I called the city and they're like, a guy can come out like one to three days. And I went, fuck. A guy came out within two and a half hours, knocked on my door, the fucking most Jack Samoan dude. I don't, like, I just opened the door and he went,

can I help you? And he went, yeah, you having like electrical problems? I'm from the city. And I went, oh shit, fuck yeah. And I showed him and he's like, I got this. He had his hat on, he put it on backwards. He had wrap around shades and he got to fucking work. That guy, that was my fucking guy.

You asked him, you asked him, can I help you help you and he said no, but I can help you Yeah, dude it was and then they called yeah, they're like the the city called me later and they're like hey if you need any More like help with your electricity stuff It doesn't have to be your outside panel like you know you can call us and we'll do our best to help you and walk You through whatever needs to happen, and I'm like that doesn't seem right, but thank you so much sounds crazy I'm like I don't think that's a crazy. I would just call Michael right now that public service I'll be honest I offered and then he explained it's true Oh, I'm not doing that oh, and then I started showing up stuff

And he went that sounds like a fucking mess. I will say though. I will say though. I took extra pride He was he's like this is what it looks like. And I said, what about your main panel? And he said, that is my main panel. And I said, no, it's not. Nope, he was right. Main panel outside, nothing tripped. Guys, let's get to another summons.

Spencer R, who is a compliment's crackle. Spencer R, are you here? Rotan, Spencer R, who is a compliment's crackle. Spencer R, are you here? Rotan, Spencer R. I hope this is you, I just accepted it. That's Bilk. That would be me. Whoa, what's up? Oh boy.

It's easy. It's like wearing a Bilk helmet. Okay, now here's the thing. I wasn't sure what Bilk was, and then I reread what you sent, and you're fucked. Spencer, you sent in a food crime. Why don't you go ahead and tell our judges what you do? Okay, so it's not that weird.

I like to take a specifically beef bouillon, but if chicken filling available, that will do. I like to take a little beef bouillon cube and if chicken's the only thing available, that will do. I like to take a little beef bouillon cube and a nice tall glass of whole milk, white milk, nibble a little bit off of the bouillon cube and take a big swig of milk and kind of just let it mix in your mouth. It's a nice kind of a savory, salty little drink.

I will say- And I'm taking it, you call it- Bilk, it's bilk! The chat immediately started saying, die, die, die. Yeah, a lot of people were like, kill him, die. Damn. In my defense, I did not call it bilk initially,

that came from- Oh, that's what you're defending, the name. I see. It's true. I've seen the evolution of this throughout- Hey, man, it's fucked up. It's fucked up. I didn't call it Bilk.

The evolution of this throughout time, the last like month or so, as people, there's Rilk as well now. Which that's Reddlmilk, which I would argue is Rilk as well now. Which that's Reddmull, which I would argue is Rilk. All right, well, that's why you're not a judge. But like the changing of your nickname and then your avatar to the Heathcliff helmet with Rilk on it. The avatar's pretty cool though.

I'm gonna be honest, that's pretty cool. Right, if you got Heathcliff on your side, canonical or not, I'm being swayed. You're playing your judge as well. That was part of the plan. But unfortunately, you've probably come to us with the grossest thing of the day. I wasn't afraid of that but hear me out. It's a like milk kind of sweet natural right.

Sure. You know that sweetness from playing whole white milk mixed with the salty savoriness of a beef bouillon cube especially if it's a kind of MSG in it. So it's even more like mommy. Which isn't bad for you by the way. Yeah, it's not at all. No, it isn't. It is not.

That's a lie. Big myth kind of steeped in some racism, but we don't have time to get into that. But yeah. My wife is texting me from the other room saying that I am wrong. and that I'm wrong. Oh, interesting. You need that.

Interesting. So you're saying not everyone is on board with bilk. Not a single person I've met other than a couple people. Oh, really? Of course. But I stand by it because they haven't tried it. So how can you hate something that you've never tried? I think there's a lot of ways.

Never tried. You can think about how it would taste and then go, nope. Right. Yeah, it tastes salty, savory and sweet. It's amazing. I worry that it would be a bell that can't be unrung because I'm not I don't need to try it to know I won't like it And I'm not going to bother trying it and ruining the rest of my life having tried it just to say I did The same with like eating pizza like Chris's wife does I?

Would never because then I can never say unequivocally, I've never eaten pizza like a maniac. Yeah. Now, why, how did this, can I ask how did this start? I've always been a little bit of a salt fiend. And I thought like, well, I like just, I don't think it's gonna be worse. I like just eating a beef bouillon cube by itself, nibble by nibble.

I'll be honest, that's less weird, Spencer. That's less weird, eating the beef bouillon cube by itself, nibble by nibble. I'll be honest, that's less weird, Spencer. That's less weird, eating the beef bouillon by itself and not making milk in your mouth. But isn't that just the definition, the definition of a slippery slope? You start doing one kind of weird thing, next thing you know, you can only get your kicks if you're mixing it with milk.

So now are these, are these cubes? This is why you have to nip certain behaviors in the bud. Are these just like pre-cooked cubes in a little jar you're eating? Yeah, like the kind you would just get with like the blue lid at the grocery store. Okay. Yeah, just normal beef bouillon cubes.

I will say it's not as good with the better than bouillon. It doesn't taste quite the same. Of course, yeah. Is that like the margarine of butter? I don't know what that means. Hey, Michael, he said it like we know what it is off the bat. I just got to go, yeah, I mean, okay. Well, I gotta ask.

Hold on, I'm Nick here, I gotta be Nick. Name is better than bullion, you think it is better, but I feel like it's not better and they know it and that's why they said it and they're trying to trick you. Now, do you also buy, now your little bullion cubes, are they individually wrapped? Yes, they are. Okay, I are. Okay.

I thought I don't want to just I got a You don't want to just bounce it around in the jar. No, no, no, that would be crazy. Exactly. The flavor. I knew what he was talking about, by the way, because my wife is vegan and we use a vegan wife. Right. Yes. Exactly. This guy's talking about eating

how much milk does she drink with them? Exactly. What is she about and how much milk does she drink with them? Yeah exactly What is she having almond milk with milk? Vegan let me ask you let me answer Oh my god have you ever considered dumping a bunch of them into a bowl and having it as a cereal? Ooh, oh Nick maybe you might die. Maybe you should try it See at that point though. I'd be worried about my sodium in You don't want you're not already. That's true Well, how many he is a salt with I mean when I was younger, I used to drink soy sauce

Okay, what the fuck dude? Might be too late might need to go to a doctor. You might have your blood pressure of some kind. Yeah. Like you're this isn't good. This is. Oh my God. There's 910 milligrams of salt per cube.

Yeah, dude. It's not good. That's about half your daily intake. It's 40% Jordan. 40% per cube and roughly 25 come in a jar! Normally I don't do more than one per day. It's been the occasion. That's not good though.

That's not good still. Sometimes he lets himself have a treat! And he has two bilks a day! I'll be honest, I like how we're doing this food court because I can look up research. That's not good still. Sometimes he lets himself have a treat and he has two milks a day. I'll be honest, I like how we're doing this food court because I can look up research while the case is going underway. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

I appreciate it. Stop. This is, this is legitimately 40% the grossest one. We just read one about eggs mixed with whipped cream and sugar shit. And you and you have bullion with whole milk. And I think that's grosser. Yeah. Yeah. And we I mean, I toyed with the idea of stopping that person

even more so for you. I think it's in your health's best interest. This is definitely more concerning Well, I mean if he says he's only doing one a day if we to be believed also though a crackhead says he only does a Little bit of crack and usually that's a lie. Oh, so if you're only doing one a day, it's only 40% Okay, if you suck it down a jar a day, you're dead man walking. Okay 10 that's a lot You're doing it ready. I read it five times before I said it out loud because I thought surely I was miss I was misreading this

Bill a lot well I explained why you got to cut the sodium with the milk I get it Yeah, the sweetness from the milk cut sodium stop saying this Weakness this is sweet sweet whole milk, dude. It's that sweet sweet whole milk When the fat the fat helps cut it to the fat helps everything helps everything else cut down the rock salt you're eating All right, well, I mean, I don't know. What do you want us to rule here? Like, yeah, yeah. What are we going to do?

Here's what I mean. Honestly, it's insanity. And you know that I'm going to move past thinking we're ever going to change you because you're not going to change. The ruling is God don't eat more than one a day. Uh huh.

Yeah, we got to like. You probably have people who want you around. Don't eat more than one a day. Uh-huh. Yeah, I think we gotta like... You probably have people who want you around. Don't eat more than one a day. Yeah. I'd like to note too, it's not an everyday occurrence. I doubt that. It's like a special treat every now and then. It's a special treat.

Treat it like that. Oh, yeah. It's a special treat. When you've done good on a test, have some bilk. When you get done mowing the lawn. Celebrate those wins with some bilk. You come inside, you get some, mow in the lawn. Celebrate those winds with some bilk. You come inside and you're just, oh, I'm so hot. I need to refresh with some delicious bilk.

You unwrap a bouillon cube, you start to nibble it, and then you take a big drink of your ice cold, whole milk. Okay, let me ask you a question. He said a little simp. Let me ask you a question. What are electrolytes? Yeah, Eric. Yeah, is that what you are? Like the rung you're clinging to for dear life going. Well, it's electrolytes. That's it.

What is the whole milk doing for you? There's water. It's making it sweet. Eric. in milk, I think. It's making it sweet, Derek. It's making it sweet. It's making it healthy. There's water in milk, I think. Here's what I might try though, because you got a point about the electrolytes. Maybe I'll try after a good workout, I'll pop a beef bullion and just see how that treats me. It could prevent muscle cramps, okay?

That's pickle juice. Try it with some pickle juice. Like they used to get football players. Try some. Right. Yeah, try some pickle juice. I'm gonna buy some beef bouillon right now actually, just to have around the house.

I'm not gonna do what you're doing. Make sure it's not better than bouillon. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Dude a jar is only three bucks? It's a cheap jack. It's a cheap jack. Not more than three a week. That's good. But that doesn't mean you could have all three in one day. So it's a two tier thing.

Not more than one a day. Not more than three a week. Please don't do three a week on a regular basis though. A month, maybe a month. But check your intake. I don't know man. Don't let them shame you. It's only 40 percent. So as long as you're not going over the other 60 percent, you're fine. Yeah, as long as you also stop drinking soy sauce while having your bilk, then you should be okay. All right guys, I'm getting my cubes tomorrow.

That's good, at least you're not double dosing. Yeah, he hasn't done that since last week, you guys. Of course, yeah, yeah, don't be insane. Well, good hammering, Spencer. No more than three a week. Thank you so much for joining us, Spencer. And enjoy this. Thank you.

I'm trying to send them. I don't have the permission. I don't think somebody else has to do it. There we go. Guys, I think we did it. I feel really good about that. I think we did it, too. And you know what what I just bought some

Yeah, 287 only $2.87 Next you want to try some yeah, I'll bring it okay. I got 25 cubes Nick Okay, I'm gonna eat four or five and then a day We're gonna make a video of us trying bilk somehow aren't we I don't I don't need to do part, okay? I'm telling you just gonna can eat half before the workout, eat the other half after the workout. It's great. You're gonna taste it the whole time you're working out.

Good, I'll ride that high, dude. Do you think that you could mix it with your pre-workout? Oh. Well, what I do is I'd nibble on the bouillon, and then I'd sip the pre-workout and swish it around in my mouth. That's what I would do. And you're making... pre-workout? Pre-workout.

I'm making muscles baby. Okay, that's all I'm saying. Eric, you can't argue with this. Here's the best part. Now ignore how I got here. If I do this regularly, then when people ask me how I got in shape, I'm just gonna say, well, I did this.

And they'll have to believe me. It doesn't not work. Oh, you got me. Oh, do you bilk? Yes, I do. I bilk. Do you like my bilk? This is a body built on bilk.

Is that what Spencer looks like? Probably. Well, he's probably at a next level that I've yet to achieve, I imagine. Right. This is a body built on bilk is that what is that what Spencer looks like probably well He's probably at a next level that I've yet to achieve I imagine right. Yeah, he's already longer than you He's already on bilk so I gotta catch up. He drinks muscle bilk body muscle bilk You should get it with that What's the Wamp if you're horny thing that gives you like titty milk flavor Pre-workout and then you can have titty bilk Pre-workout

Gamers up that van we saw Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know Yeah, well right ladies and gentlemen fix this h fix this H264? Because it's disabled. Not yet. Not yet. No? No. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for joining us at Food Court. Again, we want to thank you for your service.

You're now excused and court is adjourned. Join us next time when we read your cases and hammer you all the way to the fiery pits of Food jail Michael Jordan on our honorable judges. Thank you for being here our bailiff sauce. Thank you as well It's our civic duty. See you next time Okay Bye good hammer this time. I moved him to the jukebox room. I thought I thought maybe Good hammer. This time I moved him to the jukebox room. I thought maybe he could listen to some tunes. Yeah, you can listen to Ants Marching in there, his favorite song. That's cool. That's cool.

Dude, you left. We thought you wanted to listen to some music. What's playing? What the heck man? What's playing in there? We're done. We did it. Guys, thank you so much. Let's listen to Ants Marching. Guys. Okay, we'll see you next time guys. Thank you so much. Let's call us in the ants marching. One by one. Guys. OK. We'll see you next time, guys. Thank you so much. OK. I guess, do you need to tell us in pick are we good?

Nah, it's fine. All right, cool. All right, guys. Bye. Bye. Thanks, everyone. Bye. Bye bye.

Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. Let me leave. Let me leave. Let me leave, let me leave let me leave let me leave let me leave That was fun you have to hang up hang up hang up let me