2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Bert Gets Bullied By Lou Reed's Ghost | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: July 13, 2026

SPONSORS: Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you at https://mountaindew.com Thanks to MANSCAPED for sponsoring today’s video! Get The Beard Hedger Plus for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code “BEARS” at https://Manscaped.com! For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. Sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/bears Start your free trial at https://shopify.com/bears This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer spiral through Bert's newest crisis: figuring out which musicians would actually like him. After Lou Reed tells him off mid-treadmill (entirely inside Bert's head), Bert starts deleting Jane's Addiction and Radiohead from his library, relives Shane Gillis walking out of a Wilco concert after five seconds, and learns his most-played song of all time is "Higher" by Creed. From there, the Bears get into Tom's tour of Kid Rock's 20,000-square-foot, two-bedroom replica White House and meeting Jimmy John from Jimmy John's, a deep dive on Subway Takes and why Bert believes celebrity hot takes are all fake, the viral "white people shouldn't sit on stoops in Bed-Stuy" debate, and a deeply satisfying story of a first-class line cutter getting humbled in front of Viola Davis. Bert also opens up about the final days of his five-and-a-half-month sobriety run, including the recovery books, journaling on planes, and why his first drink back is happening at his daughter Georgia's University of Oregon graduation before going scorched earth on the dad who posted his 4-year-old breaking a rope swing "world record" in Moab. Plus: the MyPillow guy, the thumb-to-arm gut health test, Garth Brooks friendship fantasies, and why Moby would hate them both. If you missed this show, this one's for you. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 333 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:01:11 - Lou Reed Talks Shit to Bert on the Treadmill00:04:27 - Kurt Vile, Bob Dylan, & Shane Gillis Walking Out on Wilco00:16:15 - Deleting Every Musician Who Wouldn't Like Bert00:25:00 - Kid Rock's Replica White House & Jimmy John From Jimmy John's00:28:51 - MyPillow, Workout Underwear & Sleeping Naked00:31:11 - Subway Takes & J.Lo's Rented Hot Take00:41:01 - White People on Stoops00:43:47 - Airport Line Cutters00:50:09 - Bert's Last Week of Sobriety01:01:21 - The 4-Year-Old Moab Rope Swing Rant01:13:03 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100%. Welcome to another episode of Two Bears One Cave coming to you from Los Angeles, California. Look at that big smile. Extra pep in your step today. You came in firing hot, dude. I'm firing real hot today. Man. Wouldn't it be great if I could just unleash everything that goes on in my head for real? Yeah, dude. I mean, I think I'm fucking crazy, Tom. I think we all are a little crazy. I was thinking of. about that the other day about comedians. I was like, oh, because you go like, that guy's fucking

nuts. And then you're like, yeah, but, you know, I am too. We just have different versions of crazy that manifests differently. Some people are more outwardly presenting crazy. Some of it just festeres inside. It's different versions of crazy. I said something to Leanne the other day that made her laugh. Now, I want everyone to know, I may tell this on stage. So if I choose to tell this on stage, just because I came up with it, okay? And since I came up with it, I get to tell it here and on stage sometimes, just so everyone,

all you dirty fucking... Anyway, I just don't want to hold back on the podcast and save everything for stage, you know? So I get on the treadmill the other day and I'm at a hotel and I put on Lou Reed.

Have you ever listened to Lou Reed, Tom? I have listened to Lou Reed a little bit, yes. Okay, now, Lou Reed, his early stuff from the 70s is the stuff everyone knows. Sweet Jane and that's more like the popular version. But Lou Reed came out with an album. I think it was called New York in 1989 that my English teacher, Bob Weiner, turned us onto. The English teacher was just like, you guys got to check this out.

Every day, before class started, he'd play a song from Lou Reed's new album. We'd put our heads on our desk every day before English. and he would play a Lou Reed song. So I'm very familiar with this album, New York. And it's really wild and it's fun and it's crazy. And it's creative and it's different and it's Lou Reed. So I get on the treadmill and I start playing Lou Reed and I'm jogging and I'm like, this is great.

And then I start talking to Lou Reed. I'm like, dude, I am so grateful that I have you in my life. I'm so grateful that I get to experience your music because it really opens another side of me. And then I hear Lou Reed go, I didn't fucking make this for you. Like I was a heroin addict bisexual in the 90s, in the 80s, 70s, and 90s in New York City. I have friend die of AIDS. You think I made this for you? It actually makes me sick to my stomach that you enjoy this.

You are the epitome in art of what I detest. And I get off the treadmill and I go, fuck this. I'm not going to let Lou Reed talk to me like this. That's great self-talk, man. And then I realize I'm not talking to Lou Reed. I'm talking to myself. It's pretty good. That's a pretty good one.

I was like, I'm going to listen to someone who likes me, and I put on jelly roll. I have to say, I go, jelly old likes me. And so I listen to him jogging. I have to say, dude, I've done the same thing. I've done the same thing. Why has that happen? Because what happens is, like, some of these artists, you know, they're like, they're too cool. Like, they're just, they're cool.

And they're like, they're up there. They're too much. They're like too sophisticated. and the people that like them like to, you know, espouse the level of connection that they have to it. And then you go, yeah, that guy wouldn't like me. So then you're like, fuck that guy.

And it's a crazy thought. It's a crazy person thought. But it's bizarrely relatable. It is relatable. Because you know they wouldn't like you. It's exactly the truth. It's exactly the truth. You have that for like, you know, pretentious artists.

Like whether they're songwriters, filmmakers, actors. Sometimes you see like a great performance in something. And then you see that person in an interview and you're like, this guy's like, and you're like, yeah, he wouldn't like me. This guy wouldn't like me for sure. He'd be like, oh, you're a comedian. Yeah, he would, yeah.

And you just go, fuck this guy. Yeah, 100%. There's this guy that showed up in my house. It's completely, by the way, it's not healthy self-talk. It's not good. It makes you not, it makes you not be able to enjoy certain aspects of life. Because then you say, I've got to only do things that I think would accept me, which isn't fair to you because...

Exactly. You should be able to expand horizons. There's this great new artist. I will... He's got an awesome album. His name's... He's not a new artist. I apologize.

But I just found him in my algorithm. I found him on this. There are these... Oh, remind me to talk to you about subway takes, okay? So there are these shows, like, subway takes and like, uh, and like, hey, name this artist. And then they get a good point. popular art, musician on,

and they play songs they know they like, right? And they're like, oh, this is Bob Dylan. Man, I love Bob Dylan. And then they go off on Bob Dylan. I forget what the name of that guy's name. Will someone find that guy's show? He listens to music and he plays music for artists.

And he had this guy Kurt Vial on. Kurt Vial seems like the kind of guy that I would really love to sit up with and drink and listen to music with and talk about music. Yeah. And then I find out he's from Philly. And my whole family's from Philly.

my cousins or musicians. So then he has a new album that drops like the week I discover him and I listen to it. This is the guy. This is the guy. Yeah. This is Kurt Vial. Yeah. It's called track star, this show.

Yeah. I've seen clips from the show. It's incredible what some people's knowledge is. Kurt Vyle's knowledge of music is so extensive that I appreciate that he carries. about music. That's what I took away. I appreciated that he cared about music this much to to not just say oh that's Bob Dylan. I think it's from doing podcast Tom where you get so many people that comics, fucking comics. That's why I stopped having comics on. You'd have them on the podcast. You'd be like, so where did you start? And they're like Portland. And you'd be like,

don't you know how a podcast works? You fucking hack. Talk. Yeah. Fucking say something you regret. That's a podcast. The fuck are you just. saying Portland say Portland and I don't like dot dot dot what the fuck is wrong with you Kurt Vile answers so intelligently that he goes on any and I was like man I would love like see listen to us can we listen to the first answer he has Bob Dylan the album New Morning written by him and Georgie Harrison you like Bob Dylan I love Bob Dylan I love George Harrison I got so much hair moose sorry moose is moose as long as you know it's as long as you know it's moose as long as you know it's moose loose

No, but it does. It smells good. I got to get some moose. That's not what I wanted. Never mind. Hit it end. Hit end. Well, hey, at least he's fucking talking. He's talking about moose, dude. He's talking. He's talking. He's talking. Yeah. So I buy his new album and I love it. And then I'm sitting going for a jog listening to it. And I was like, I got to stop. Kurt Vile wouldn't like me. And I just and I stopped listening to it. And I was like, I can't get too into this. It's like Jeff Tweedy. I met Jeff Tweedy. He really didn't like me. Are you still like, what is it, Wilco?

I stopped listening to Wilco. You stopped listening? That was like your favorite band. I know. I know. Because you're just like, they wouldn't like me. I hope he's autistic. But like, he, he, he, I met him with Nikki and he loved Nikki.

And I fucking wanted to be like, if you like her, you should like me. Like, we're adjacent. We're friends. And Nikki also had laryngitis. And he was laughing at everything she didn't say. I could talk and he was not laughing at me. I could actually speak. Nicky couldn't.

Hang on, I don't think you understand Tom. Nikki couldn't communicate and he was laughing at her. She was like rolling her eyes and he was like, ha ha, ha. He took a liking to. But did you come in with Big Bert energy? Of course I did. But that's who I am. Like that's true.

And that's why Kurt Vial wouldn't like me. That's why I'm going to stop listening to music altogether. That's a win. You show them. Yeah. I like it, but it, it, music sucks because they, they all have a fucking energy about them. You know what it is? Like music's like if magicians believe they were magic.

Okay. Oh, I see. He already looks unamused in that photo. He looks like he has rosacea and one doesn't want to be there. You actually look Korean in this photo. I was pretty fucking hammered. Holy shit, man. I'm like, who's the Asian guy? Chose.

Fucking A, man. I could bring one person back. Your whole fucking head shrunk. I look fucking massive. You look huge, dude. Holy shit. Your head looks like it weighs 60 pounds. Fucking A, man. Well, she looks like she's having the time of her life. She can't talk. She's not making any noise. Yeah.

She had just had vocal surgery. She could not speak. that's hilarious man I yeah dude I had I had a choice to bring backstage Leanne or Gillis and Norman because I'm Mark Gillis and chef Norman

Shane Norman Shane Gillis whatever whatever I don't care Shane Gillis and Mark Norman with me and they're like would you like to bring your other two artists with you and I was like and I was like absolutely

Absolutely not. There's no way in hell. I'm taking Shane Gillis, who within five seconds was like, this band sucks, and he just walked away. Really? He was like, this band sucks. And he just went and stood by the concession stand so he could get beers faster. And Mark went with him, and they just sat and ate mushrooms and went to the concession stand. Didn't listen to one song.

He was like, this band sucks. He goes, they're gay. And then just left. and he's not wrong. Like, Wilco's definitely gay. This is your favorite band? No,

Wilco, like, if you're defining things on, like, on Shane Gillis's spectrum of gay, Wilco falls in the spectrum of gay. Okay. It's gayer than holding hands before a football game.

Damn. Okay. I'm not familiar to actually comment at all on how they're, music. I don't know. Oh, no, no. It's just, it's emotional. Oh, it's emotional. Yeah, it's emotional. It's like, you got to have feelings. There's no part of Shane Gillis that's listening to Wilco going like, yeah. I feel this. Yeah, yeah. I feel this. I got you. He was the worst. He was the worst person. I love that you're going to show musicians what's up by not listening to music anymore. It's so insane, dude.

No, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to do one better. I'm only going to listen to music that I think would like me. But you're gonna, you're really gonna dumb it down for that. If you're like, this, this guy's a fucking loser. He'd like me. Yeah. Yeah. This time of year always brings up memories of when summer felt much simpler and sweeter.

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They're going to go, oh, fuck, are you serious? I heard your fucking podcast. So you're telling me, you're telling me you think I'd like you? Yeah, they're going to be like, dude, I hate you. Don't listen to my shit. I hate you. Please, I'm listening to me. Like Eminem would not like me

See I I think I don't think you're right dude I don't think Eminem Eminem and I would not get along A hundred percent You know who would like you? Who? A lot of people who you don't think would like you Name one

That would like you Yeah I'll go through my playlist of my most played songs You ready? Oh, let's do that. Yeah, let's do that. Someone get me readers. I have two fucking assistants and no readers.

Look at this guy. Jesus. I just want, I hope the YMH crew hears this and knows what a cool boss they have. I'm not, God damn it. This guy's a fucking dictator, man. This is how angry at Lou Reed I got.

I started playing his music on my guitar in country. Have you ever done the thing that you're like, fuck this, fuck this musician and then you just delete them from your library? Uh, no, I'm about to. I'm about to. Thank you so much, Jessica. I really appreciate that.

Oh, that was fucking so disingenuous. Go ahead. Okay. Well, here's some favorites. Well, I got to get rid of all black musicians. They wouldn't like me. No, that's my point. I think a lot of them.

25 most played. Okay. All right. Well, the number, my number one song. that I've played the most. Oh, boy. Is higher by Creed. Holy shit.

Really? They like me. Yeah, they like you. What are you talking about? All right. Next one. Wow, this is bizarre. Okay, wait, hang on.

How do I find that? How do I find my most played? 25 most played. It's in your playlist on iTunes. Under playlist? Yeah. Right now, I don't see anyone that doesn't like me in my most played.

Well, there you go, man. Where is it, though? Okay, you ready for my most played? Creed. Oh, favorite songs. Okay. Yeah. Jerry Cinnamon.

Post Malone. William Bell, Trinidad James, cake, King Harvest. Kanye would fucking love me. I think he would love you. Nwards in Paris. That's one of my most played songs.

Leslie Hall. Wait, what's that called? Nwards in Paris. I can say it, but you got to bleep it. Okay. the best fucking joke the other night I wrote the best fucking joke

there's two things I have to talk to you about okay the best fucking joke and that's secret okay um steel pulse run the jewels big boy bob seger DJ Shadow house of pain UGK girl talk porn of papyrs okay there's the first one I'm deleting I'm deleting Jane's addiction okay he wouldn't like me he would absolutely not like me Perry Farrell

would not like me. So I have to delete all Jane's addiction. That sucks. That sucks. I love Jane's addiction. Okay. I'm going to keep James addiction. I'm going to keep James addiction.

You're going to keep it even though they don't like you. Gary Glitter, DMX. Do you think Flea would like you? Who? Flea? Flea would fucking love me. See? But he's not in Jane's addiction.

Oh, right. No, Anthony Ketus would love me. All I'd have to be is like, Tudem in recovery, whatever, and Anthony Keyes, I'll be like, oh, let's talk about that. All right. Wow, so far, all my top played would love me. Well, then look, man, you just fucking made your point.

Recently played. This is insane. Kurt Vile, Radiohead. I got to delete Radiohead. Red Clay's phrase. Ha, ha. You think Radiohead would be like, this guy's fucking way too much.

Can you imagine me meeting Tom York? He would be like, uh-huh. Yeah, I, I, I don't play that song. Yeah. Creep is, it was a good song and we don't play it anymore. Thank you. And then he would just kind of a look at security and they'd be like, hey, he's got a call right now.

So what are they turning on and turning off musicians when they're so accessible on stage? Yeah. And then they turn it off and then they're like, and then they're on stage. They're like, I don't want to talk about that. Nope. Nope. Thank you. I don't think that he comes across.

accessible. Not at all. Yeah. So I think he's pretty authentically who he is. That's how he, I mean, that's how he comes across to me. But I also feel like, I don't know, he doesn't, he doesn't register as like a social guy. I don't know him, obviously, but I don't feel like he would be like, I just like meeting people. Do you think that's a Tom York quality, but maybe I'm wrong. I get along with a lot of country music artists. That adds up. Can I tell you who I think I'd be really good friends with. Who? Garth.

I think Garth would like you. I think he would love me. You should make that a mission. Dude, I have tried. I've tried. You have? I have 100% have tried. I know for a fact.

Did I ruin it for you? No, no, no, no, no. I think you help it for me. Oh, really? Oh, 100%. If I ever meet Garth, I'm gonna give him a hug and go, I understand. Yeah.

Hey, you know, he's not calling you a Nazi. Yeah. You could be, and then you could be like, man, he's a fucking. fucking ass like just like lead be like oh fucking asshole and then have him be like yep you know then he'd be like let's go talk in the other room and then be like what the fuck's up with that guy i would be the i would be the connection of how you guys finally got together you think so give me a shot 100% all right here's who i have by the way oh my god i'm dying to hear this is like the playlist of a serial killer

okay black star was most deaf and talib quali and i i'm friends with talib Most F would not like you, but Tiliqa Ali loves you. Okay, thank you. Most S would definitely not like you. You think so? 100% he would not like you. Okay, cool. Juan Luis Gera,

Dominican guy, I'm a huge fan. I would try to make him like me. I would be really polite and gracious to him. Wait, how old is he? How old is he? He's older now. He's in his 70s, I think. He'd like you.

Maybe. Eddie Kendrix? Anna Kendrix? Eddie Kendrax. Are you listening to the Frozen soundtrack? Big X the plug. See, I think he would love you. Big X the plug would love me and love you.

Can I tell you a moment? Can I tell you a moment? And I'm never mind. I'm going to tell you a moment. You got to edit it out because it's really makes me love Big X the plug. I'd love that guy. I'm going to tell you the moment and then you guys decide whether or not to exit out. Okay.

I'll tell you who I think would hate me and hate your guts. Who? Moby I think you would not like me and hate you Oh shit Moby Moby

That's fucking hysterical Moby would be like To me he would be like People have said we look alike I don't see it Is that why you were listening to him? No I just I

it reminds me of a you know how music reminds you of a time? Yeah. When that big album came out, play, I think it was, was it called play or something? Yeah, or whale or something. That came out when I was studying abroad.

So sometimes I just, it just reminds me of that. And I just played it. Was it not called whale? Play. What's whale? It's an animal. Oh, oh, I'm thinking a Moby Dick.

Yeah, I'm thinking a Moby Dick. Oh. Tony Touch. Tony Touch would like you. Dead Mouse. I guess that song keeps playing. I don't think he liked me. Flume, Cypress Hill.

I love Cypress Hill. I would love to do that smokeout show with you. Buena Vista Social Club. Yeah, they'd love you. The Gap Band. Jesus. I know. All right.

That's, yeah. I can't believe these are the favorite song. This is crazy. All right. Yeah, that is funny, man. Kid Rock likes me. I went to his house. Really?

Yeah, with Joe. I was in Tennessee with Joe, and we went out to his house, and then he was building his White House duplicate, like his replica White House. So we got a tour of that as it was like 80% finished. It was insane. Yep.

It's not that. It's the one that you played before. Yeah, yeah, that, that's it. 20 years building that? What the fuck's going on with construction in this country? Yeah, that house was nuts. You know what? It was the craziest part of that, about that house?

It's like 20,000 square feet, two bedrooms. I was like, what, you have two bedrooms? He's like, yeah, who the fuck am I building bedrooms for? I was like, hey, yeah, dude, for sure. Wait, how did you meet Kid Rock? With Joe. So, like, we were, we did a show. in Nashville.

And I think the next day was like, or is either that day before the show or it was like day after, he's like, you want to go out to Kid Rock's place? And I was like, okay. So we went to his residence at the time,

which is close to this. I think there was a game on. So people were out, like at his like hangout place watching the game. That's where I met Jimmy John from Jimmy Johns. He goes, I'm Jimmy John from Jimmy Johns. That's how he introduced himself.

I was like, the sub place? He's like, yeah, Jimmy John. I was like, got it, got it, man. What a fucking, what a party. This is the guy of my fantastic pillow. Hey, do you like pillows, dumb? If you want to talk about someone who would love you, that's at the top of the list. That guy would fucking love you.

I love his fucking smile. He was super, super outgoing, total extrovert, really charismatic. He was fun. I know he's got wild shit in his, like, people have, you know, called him this and that. I don't know anything else about him. I think he's like a big game hunter or something. or one time you like laid neck to a fish naked and everyone was like you're a horrible all this crazy i don't know dude he was he can put the mayonnaise on my sub any fucking day he was he was he was

super nice you know how much do you know what would he have to do to get you to stop eating jimmy johns this guy do you realize there's i mean the papa johns guy said the n word and i still ordered papa johns oh yeah there's the naked one um well Wait, what's that? Oh, I fucking love this guy. He's you. He's got a naked picture of him and a shark. Yeah. Are you fucking, I, I, can someone get me Jimmy Johns for lunch? I want Jimmy John. That should be the ad.

Hey, we're Jimmy Johns and we don't give a fuck. That's how much mayonnaise we put on your sub. Yeah, I knew you would like him. I love this guy. How do I not know this guy? Personality-wise, there's no better match for you. Yeah. Dude, I would be such good friends with this guy. First of all, I'd get a much better video than this,

just him standing behind the dead bear. I'd be him like, I'd get it. I'd have him pretend he's putting it to sleep. And he's like, shh, look, he's sound asleep. All right, guys, I just, I'm in Jimmy John. And it's good to meet you guys. This is my bear. Does he have a southern accent?

Yeah, he does have a little bit of a twang. Yeah. Tell me about the Keynes guy too. I didn't, no. I didn't. Dude, this is like the Super Piro's. You know, I did meet Papa John from Papa John. and you know what he said when I met it?

He goes, yeah, I said it. I still say it. That's what he said when I met him. Isn't that crazy? I'm just kidding. I made that up. Yeah, I don't know. Wait, so wait, who are the other like superheroes of Republican?

So you got Jimmy Johns, you got Jimmy Johns, you got the Keynes guy. You got the My Pillow guy. Yeah. Ted New Jersey. Oh, the My Pillow guy is fucking bananas. You think you'd like him? I think you'd like him. Oh, I think he'd like you.

Well, I'll tell you what. I'm going to be very candid. I'm having a hard time finding good pillows these days. Got to give it a shot, man. And if he could give me my pillow, like, I know what pillow I like, and they don't make soft pillows. Soft, faux-down pillows. I can't find them. Yeah, didn't, like, what's his, didn't they, like, he put so much money into, like, trying to fight the election results that he actually.

was running out of money. Wasn't that a thing that happened with him? Didn't he run into like financial trouble? I don't know, but I'd invest all my money in a pillow. I almost invested my money in underwear. In underwear? I don't wear underwear. I know. I got on an underwear kick and I wanted this certain type of underwear and they didn't

make it and they still don't make exactly what I want but I found something close enough to what I'd like. When would you ever wear? When would you wear underwear? When I work out, I wear it. When I work out I like to have my dick and balls close to my body. Makes sense.

Yeah. And so it's called as we move, bleep them out. Let me see. Just because if they want to come and be a sponsor, I'll do a full ad. Keep them in. Keep them in. Give them a little love. As we move.

As we move. You know what? Fuck that. What am I turning into? A cash whore that Moby couldn't fucking have a drink with? Yeah. As we move. Google as we move underwear.

Or do you know what? Leave it blank. I like it that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you like this? Dude, they're super silky. You feel like you're not wearing underwear at all. Like they really move against the pants well.

So you don't, like they don't feel any grip on the pants. But after a workout, you don't, you don't ever wear underwear. No, I'm not wearing underwear right now. Look. No, that's good. I believe you. Did anyone see my dick? Oh, boy.

Go ahead. When you go out at night or anything. Like no underwear. No underwear. Wow. Do you sleep naked? Yeah. Always.

100%. Wow. Now that I sleep alone, I really sleep really naked. Jesus. Okay. So we figured out who hates you. Hey, can we talk about child abuse? Was it because of that video?

Yeah. I mean, I think, listen. Oh, wait, hold on. Before we do. Yeah. So have you seen subway takes? yeah i've seen that i've seen clips of it yeah it's doing great right now

yeah he's kareem is his name he does so for people they don't know like it's a i guess you'd call it a podcast right it's not so he he kind of broke it down and it's kind of fascinating i remember saying this to you a long time ago a long time ago i was like i'm not really sure why we're doing podcasts all people watch our clips

why don't we just do clips and get fucking done with it and i heard kareem go i've never seen a theo vaughn podcast i've never seen a Shane Gillis podcast. He goes, I just watch clips, so I make clips. I think he does a podcast, but no one listens to it. He goes, it's the clips that matter. The clips are, he used to work for Weiss. He's a really fascinating guy. I used to watch his old show. It was, uh, till the, run the fare or something. What was his first show was he would get in a cab and he'd go, keep the fair running. Oh, okay. And he'd say, take me to your favorite dot, dot, dot, dot. Take me to your cab driver?

Yeah, the cab driver. And the cab driver would. And he'd interview the cab driver. And his theory was, everyone has a story. There's not too much you can do about the money you've got now. But if you want to do something about the money you could have tomorrow, Acorns wants to help. And with the Acorns potential screen, you can find out what your money is capable of. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. Acorns is easy. You can sign up in minutes and start automatically investing your spare money, even if all you've got is spare change. Acorns grows. with you, whether you're just starting out or thinking about settling down Acorns supports your big and small goals across every life stage. The Acorns potential screen shows you the power of compounding and how your money could grow over time. Plus, you can quickly adjust how much you're investing every day, week, or month to make sure you're building towards your goals.

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Acorns advises, LLC. an SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosure at acorns.com slash bears. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Better Helps, 2026 state of stigma reports surveyed 2,000 Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise. Yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. That's the truest stat I've ever heard in my entire life.

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I don't love celebrities on it. I don't. I like comics, unknown musicians. I just being, and I understand that the rub is, in order to blow the fuck up, you got have J-Lo on. But I don't like the idea that a, that J-Lo, no shit on J-Lo but the J-Lo sits down for a meeting

and goes, what am I doing today? And they're like subway takes she goes, what's that? And then they're like, well, it's a great show where this guy, Kareem, and she goes, Black, I know Middle Eastern, but he's from Africa. It's kind of confusing, but yes, he goes on a subway and you have to give a hot take.

She's like, I don't have a hot take. And they're like, we already wrote five for you, pick one of these five. And then she goes, I'm going to make it my own and they're like, great. And then they, she goes, I think, I don't know what is it, you have to be born in New York.

to be a New Yorker. Well, great take, J-Lo, and let's watch it. And we'll watch it because it's fucking J-Lo, and she looks amazing. In fucking, that's the reason we're watching is because J-Lo looks fucking incredible. Got it. Not because she has a hot take, Tom.

Not because she has a hot take. I want to hear J-Lo's take going, if you have an accent, you can't vote in our country. That should be a hot take. Yeah, yeah. That's my take. Watch me defend it. Tom, Bert, Subway takes, go.

Hey, Bert, what's your take? Bert, Bert, what's your take? If you have an accent, you can't vote in this country. Hard disagree. Okay, hold on. You think you're being racist right now. You think I'm talking about Spanish accent, British accent. I'm talking about southern accent, New York accent, Boston accent.

So only neutral accents can vote. People that sound like me. People that sound like you and look like you. Yeah, and no, sound like me. No, no, you can be black, but you got to have a regular. black accent. A regular black accent? Yeah, it can be, listen, there's, but once other black people can't understand you,

you can't vote. Wow. That's a hot take, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Fire. Thank you. That would have been cool if that was Jalo's take.

Dude, hang on, it would have been, because it's a comedy show. So the whole thing is, like, take a comedy aspect, you have to be born in New York. Do you have a hot take? Me? You just asked me. I just told you one. Oh, that is your take. Okay.

That's my take. You gotta have a, that's your take. You're supposed to have a hot to you to clearly ever watch the show. So the best one. So the best one. I have watched it. The best one that they did, scroll down, scroll down. The best one they did, the hottest take on there yet is, uh, oh, I don't see her.

It's the best one yet. Yeah, it's the bed style. What is that? It's a girl with the shades. Oh, that's the one that went super viral. I know that. one. White people shouldn't sit on their stoops and bedside. I saw that one. So this is why Kareem is a genius, in my opinion, is, dude, you're, you're, you're just throwing up a softball.

You're putting up a pinata and letting the world swing at it. You're allowing us to have a fucking take on some shit that I think is really brilliant. And that's why I don't want celebrities on here. I don't want, uh, guys who say, I want to make love to you, give me the ick. And you're like, I don't care about that Cameron or not Cameron Diaz The other lady I don't I don't care about Charlize

I don't care about Charlize I want to take That splits the internet I want to take red dress Blue dress or whatever You know what I mean But this one was the best one Play it

I remember Take white people should not be allowed To sit on stoops in bedstime Wow 100% Man Oh disagree Let the white people sit on the stoop Oh my God

They want to sit on the stoop? What am I said on the stoop? It looks bad. It does look bad as aesthetically it's not as good. It's aesthetically not as good, especially for Bedstay as a neighborhood. Those historic brown stones and just everything about it. I mean, I have lived in Bestai for 12 years, and I, too, do not sit on my stoop. I take one for the team, and I feel like as more and more white people are moving into bedstay and messing up the vibes and having, like, our favorite bars and our favorite places close down,

They should not be inviting all their friends and sitting on the soup. So even you, out of respect as a brown woman, you're like, I'm not going to sit on the soup because I'm now black? Yeah. Yeah. What about like other neighbors like Williamsburg? That one's been overrun. Yeah, that one's already far past the point. It's at the point of no return.

Do you like this hot take, Bert? All right. That's good. That's good. Now, can I tell you, Tom, what's so brilliant about this is I don't, I think this woman's a singer-songwriter, correct? I don't know. Someone? Anyway, she's not famous enough to have a team come to her with five ideas that she can pitch to Kareem.

So she has five very non-creative fucking publicists coming up with takes forward to present to Kareem. She is up all night. And she's thinking about things her and her friends have argued about. And she's thinking about what would be good. And that's why that one's so good. But it's kind of, don't you think that it's a little bit. Go ahead, Tom, you pronounce her name. I can't read.

I don't my glasses on. It's a rouge of top. Up top. There we go. Do you've, I think that it's a, it's like, like you said, it's something that she's probably said with friends. It's, it's also like half in jest. Like, you say it like it's real, but it's really not. That's the thing.

That's the thing. Jennifer, Jennifer Lopez's one was, I think it was said by, I think it was said by Noriega or by Peter. One of the, it was in the rap scene. Yeah. The rap scene was arguing that you can't be a New Yorker if you're not. from New York. Yeah.

And that New York is different. They were saying Peter Rosenberg isn't a New Yorker because he wasn't born in New York. But now what is your take on? Because I wildly agree with her. And what is your take on that? Should white people be allowed

to sit on their stoops and beds die? Now explain to everyone. We should do whatever we want. What are you talking about? What? I said, we're the best. We can do whatever we want. Who cares?

Like, deal with it. Yeah. That's a white person's attitude, by the way. I'll sit wherever the fuck I want. Fuck you. Yeah. But that's what this country's based on. Is white people sitting wherever the fuck they want.

Yesterday getting on a plane in Atlanta. A ton of black people, including Viola Davis standing next to me. Yeah. And white guy. I mean, couldn't be more white. As a matter of fact, I would argue he might be from Finland or Norway. That white. Puffer jacket, tight pants, on shoes.

on his phone, talking on his phone, and they go to open the thing, but we're all in line. First class is already in line. And he walks in front of me. I'm in the very first in line and starts to get on. And all the black people are like,

oh shit, what the fuck? What the fuck? And there's like five black people around me. And they're like, are we bored? And I said, they have not started boarding yet. I'm first in line. And they're like, well, I think we should board. And I went, well, hold on.

They haven't started boarding yet. They're just boarding people with special needs or whatever, you know, like and then and they're like well it looks like he's bored and he goes i i think i will check out i don't care like he was real arrogant about it yeah i just loud as fucking aladdin are we boarding first class and every black person fucking patted me on the back they're like thank you that guy was fucking cutting the line and then he got to the front of the line tom and they they were they were not boarding but he was now in front of everyone he just cut the whole line and they pulled him to the side they did oh that was so satisfied to the side

and they sat him, yeah, they sat and made him sit out. Sven had to fucking wait until, and what's her name, Davis, Angela Davis, Viola Davis got on before.

There's nothing more satisfying. You know what else is satisfying? I was taken through the airport by a greeter. Yeah. And the greeter, it made me uncomfortable. The greeter's like,

come with me. So, and then there was a line for security. And she goes, up here, like come here. And takes me in front of everybody. waiting in security.

And this lady goes, excuse me, excuse me to me. And I go, yeah, she goes, why are you skipping in front of us? And I didn't know what, I was like, ah, like, I was like, ah. And I turned to the lady and she goes, because he can. That's what the airport lady said. And I was like, and I looked at the lady and I was like, uh, and I put myself down. And she was like, what the fuck is this all about? I was like, you heard her.

I didn't say it. I was like, oh my God. My best. I would not know. I didn't know what to say. I was like, I don't know. And she goes, because he can. Okay?

She was like, okay. That's fucking fantastic. Do you remember that entrance I used to take at American Airlines in LAX? Yeah, yeah. The concierge's key entrance. Same guy, Tony from American Airlines, would greet me every day. Every morning I flew the same flights. Every morning, Tony would greet me.

I talked to Tony every morning. Checked in. same lady checked me in. Tony always walked me to the very front of the line, got me on, walked me to the front of the line. Yeah. I mean,

I got to explain, in the front of the line. It bothered people sometimes, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Walked me to the front of the people checking IDs line and then walked me to the front of people

putting their bags on the conveyor belt line. He would move bags out and put my bag and then walk me through. That's part of what concierge key does. Yeah. And one time, the line's long and Tony walks me to the front of the line and she goes,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, there's a line to Tony who's in an American Airlines outfit. She goes, there's a line. And he goes, oh, I'm sorry. He's got status. She goes, I have status. And she goes, does he have more status than me? And he goes, I know his name.

Do I know your name? And she went, no. And he goes, that's how much status he has. And he walked me through. And I went, oh, the best one ever. I tried to sneak one of my assistants on a fucking flight one time. Pete, we were in, uh, we were, we were boarding in Maine. We were boarding and I go, just board with me.

I'm first class. You're sitting coach, but go, you can go get bored with me. Just board with me. Yeah. And he was like, I don't think that's how it works. I'm zone four. I go, it doesn't matter. It's just bored with me.

I go, they're not going to check. Just trust me. I'm concierge key. They're not going to check. The lady looks at my key thing and then looks at him and she looks at me. And she goes, oh, I guess we're using a little bit about oomph today, huh? She let him on. She let him on while using a

It sounded like Lois from fucking Family Guy. We're using a little bit of a umph today. Here's why I don't think white people should be allowed to sit on their stoops and bedside. Go for it. Because I love it. Because I love it. Because these are the white people that transition their children and have pronouns.

These, the kids that people, the white people that live in Brooklyn are the ones that can blindly see past the, what is it called when you make a neighborhood white, the gentrification of that neighborhood, the horrors that they did to the older black families who were in a great rent stabilized place and couldn't afford the increase in taxes. They looked past that because they wanted theirs. They wanted their white goods for them. And now they're going to take it just as far to sit on their stoop like it's do the right thing. They should be, if they sit on their stoop, they should be forced to have love and hate rings on their fingers with a ghetto blaster and fucking holler at hoes as they walk down the street.

That is, I am, I love when I love that take because I went, yeah, the people that move to bedstie are the woke. That is the woke. That is the woke community. I think she would be on board with you for part of your thing and then be like, that's not what I meant. I know. And that's the beauty of this show. When you take a great idea and you plan it on a comics brain,

we take it 10 times further. She's just saying she doesn't want to be on the other. She just wants to get up and walk out. I have to piss so bad. Okay, don't worry. I'll keep going. Yeah, I'll keep talking. Oh, really?

Yeah. That's the beauty of this, Tom. is that that was unbelievable just read something hey can you take your thumb and touch your arm

how close can you get I can touch okay so that is indicative of your sexuality no can you suck your own dick no that's that's gut health okay

so you're dealing with all the gut stuff that the elasticity in your hands is can you can this go 90 degrees back more so that that is indicative of your gut elasticity so it's not your yeah I just saw it on something who knows that sounds so made up you know what I wonder if I dreamed that yeah that sounds really made up I've been dreaming pretty extensively hey can your thumb touch your arm you have good gut health that sounds sound real.

No. It doesn't sound real at all. I'm watching too much internet. Have you listened to any good history docs lately? No, I'm listening to all recovery stuff. Oh. And it's not working. You decided to extend the sobriety.

No? I look at, can I tell you, I'm listening to this book on recovery on like alcoholism. Just because I start drinking really soon. I don't know when this comes out, but I start drinking really soon, like in a fucking couple of days. And I haven't really done any work to figure out how I'm going to reenter this drinking thing because I have enjoyed being sober, I have, but I miss drinking a ton. But I don't want to go back to drinking the way I drank.

So I'm reading books to try to get healthy in my brain. I said to myself, Tom, if I want to be able to know about myself and about my use of alcohol, I should do as much research as possible. Same way I can now talk extensively about the French Revolution because I've done a bunch of research on it. So I started reading books. Then I was like, you could do this mental gymnastics for just about anything. You could argue that taking the subway is bad for you and go, the subway is horrible, man. People get stabbed there.

Do not do it. And you're like, or you can just go, you've got to take the subway sometimes. Sure, you might get stabbed. You might get robbed. People get molested. I don't know that that analogy is totally applicable for. But that's the way they argue alcohol is that, listen, people are sexually assaulted on alcohol. People get drunk drinking and driving.

People can't control their lives. They drink in the mornings. None of that applies to me. So let's swipe all that out, right? Now we're just going, it's not healthy for you. So great, that's awesome. How do I... That's what I'm now working on.

Do you feel like, and hear me out here, when you are in drinking mode, like you're drinking, do you ever organize plans what you're going to do, around alcohol being part of it. Do you, does alcohol dictate, I will do this instead of that, I will go here instead of there, I will sit here and never.

Never, never. Never. Now, just so we're fair, alcohol's always there. I live in a world, I live in a world now where alcohol accommodates me as opposed to, like I'm not, you know, like, so yeah, no, never. Because when people talk about alcoholism, some people go, an alcoholic is the guy that's asleep on the street.

Right. That's an alcoholic. Yeah, I've heard that. And then other people, like, usually like the experts in the field go, that's not, that's a form of it. That's somebody who, sure, it could be an alcoholic. But an alcoholic is somebody who lets alcohol control their life in some way. They succumb to certain pressures. They let alcohol dictate what they do.

That is an alcoholic by a lot of people's measure. Yeah, that doesn't apply to me in 100%. Now, here's the thing. The only thing I'm trying to figure out, and this is what I've been doing, and I'm figuring it out ultimately with, kind of with marijuana, is like I won't, I won't,

take marijuana if I have something to do the next day because I know that it'll leave me drowsy and I want to be I want to be there the next day and I've never done that with alcohol I've always been like well I'll just rebound

don't worry about it I'll rebound but now I'm looking at it going like so like I'm like I'm like uh I like your rebound it'll be the same I don't know with time off I I don't know I think that it's going to be really hard to get back

into alcohol I really do I think I think my status quo right now is is I feel really good and I'm pushing it really hard in the gym and physically like with my days are pretty packed and uh and yeah I don't know but I'm reading all these books and so I'm like that's all I fucking take into the audio books about the naked mind and and it stinks that like it's there's no real answer there really isn't and there's no real answer. It's not like a, it's not like a broad stroke for everyone. And I think people want to make it a broad stroke, but it just isn't. You know, there's like, and, and A.A., some people hate A.A., and some people hate people that just drink cold turkey, and some people say,

that's the only way they could have quit drinking. I have no fucking idea. I mean, I think it's- How long has it been? How long has it been? Right now? How long will it be? Well, how long will it be when you have your first drink? Five and a half months. five and a half months wow yeah and no part of you wants to extend that though no 100% if i didn't 100% what i would extend it if i didn't i'm drinking for george's graduation um she was like please tell me you're going to have a drink in my graduation and celebrate like i don't mind if you don't drink but i would love to be able to hang out with you and have a drink with all the dads and i was like absolutely i'm not going to be some teetotaler like i can have a couple drinks and be fine and then

my fear is I know that there's a part of me that every time I quit drinking I would say wow I got I learned a lot that was fun and then I just go right back into drinking as much as I want whenever I want doesn't matter if I can get on a plane drink before the flight

drink on the flight drink when we land get on the bus have a drink pass out get up do the show you know like that you think you won't do that that's what I'm trying to eliminate I'm trying to eliminate that I'm trying to eliminate like tonight.

Excess is what it sounds like. Yeah, excess. Yeah. Honestly, I'm drinking like a regular person. I think my biggest struggle has been like, when should I drink? Because I don't know when to drink. And a lot of times, right now, and I'm journing a lot about this, I would drink if I had like anxiety or I didn't want to do something, I would have a drink.

And it made everything easier. And right now I'm trying to qualify the difference between anxiety and just not wanting to do something. Yeah, yeah. That's fair, dude. And so, like, yesterday's flight, I was flying back from Atlanta. And I just wasn't in a great mood. And I didn't want to go to the airport.

And I didn't want to wait at the airport. And I didn't want to drink. And I wasn't anxious, but I didn't want to be there. And normally I just drink to get through the thing I didn't want to do. And I was trying to qualify. I was journaling a lot on the plane about. Sometimes people do things they don't want to do. And that you don't have to get a hammered to do that.

Yeah. I mean, I think I'd scuba dive more if I could drink. I get down to the depth. And I'm like, I don't want to be here. Yeah. But wait, let's everyone's got to be bored hearing. I can't wait. Most people are like, I can't wait for him to start drinking again.

Yeah, yeah. That's exciting. I'm making some going to a bar with Georgia. And I'm making little porosos travel drinks. Uh-huh. So I'm drinking our vodka first. Nice. You know what I was thinking, Tom?

all that my feed is are these boys that are like 22 and they're like peak male Peak male locked in this and they're like they're like good morning da die and they're in their like workout clothes

and they're like let's get after it America who's ready who's ready y'all meet the boys coffee that's my feed it's all my feet is and it's like and I mean Tom everyone's doing that and

peaked male whatever it is that's all their and then they get up and they go and they run and they don't drink and they go to sleep at like 8 o'clock and they get up at 5 in the morning

and they jog and they all look fucking incredible I mean they I don't think there's a lot of depth to a lot of them and no slight they're 22 you shouldn't have depth they're just trying to get pussy

and this is how they get that's all this is it's a pussy thing they're not doing it And so, but that's all my thing is. And I was thinking the other day, I love guys like there's this kid, Big John golf or something, kids that are drinking and partying and getting after it on the weekends and then working out during the week. So that's kind of what our vodka is based on is it's clean so you can recover. Yeah. So now after five and a half months, I guess I can say where Georgia goes to school.

She's graduated now, right? Yeah, I'm so proud to say this. I'm so proud to say this. I've never been able to share this. My daughter, Georgia Chrysher, went to the University of Oregon. That is one of the coolest schools I've ever been to. Her attending that, scodex. Her attending that college was such a fucking joy.

And I had so much fun. I have such fond memories of the city of Eugene. every all the parents whose kids go there are all cool as shit all the kids are cool as shit the bars are cool as shit everything about that place i fucking love university of Oregon i was not allowed to talk about it ever i'm sure people figured it out georgia just didn't want me to blow it up her spot but now that she's graduated my first drink will be at the graduation for university of Oregon and then i'm going to go hike pisca the next morning at like 7 a.m that's the one cam haines does every morning no that's that's That's the one? Yeah, and it's aggressive. Are you going to carry a 70-pound rock? I was thinking about putting on a 20-pound weight vest. There you go.

Because that's what I did it at. I did it really 50 pounds heavier last time. Oh, wow. I know. But I was like, I'm going to have a few drinks, and then I'm going to go work out in the morning to see what my recovery is like. Because, you know, that's our vodka is the cleanest fucking vodka in America. Yeah, man strips out all the nastiness.

And, yeah, then you fucking can get over it. You don't feel. destroyed after it. Wait, let's pivot to the internet a little bit, because you posted a video that I saw as child abuse. And you saw it as awesome. Do we have it? I sent it to you.

I sent it to Leanne. Wait, can I send it to you guys? While we search through this video, I'm going to paint a landscape of what I've been seeing. And I'm just saying what I'm seeing a lot online is Dad's Raising Savages, right? So dads. Here it is.

Yeah, we have it. Okay. It says, it says new world record. Oh, cool. He's four. I bet he woke up that morning right before he went to wipe his butt on the stuff. I can't believe that this kid doesn't do the freak out thing of like, no.

Because he's four, Tom, because he's four. No, but four. A lot of kids, a lot of kids don't freak out before you mind them. It's after the that they freak out. I wasn't going there with it. No, no, because that's all I see. And I'm so sorry.

And what stinks is I don't want to, I've seen these Moab guys, and this rope swing is pretty cool. And I always wanted to do it. And now I never will do it because I'm certain they'd loosen my harness a tad bit to kill me after what I'm about to say. But this is borderline child abuse. Let's see it. Okay. Okay, let's do it. Ready?

Five, four, three, two, one. Holy fucking shit. Huge. That was incredible. All right, shut up with the fucking, hang on, hit pause. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna just be very kind. Shut the fuck up with your bullshit trying to make it okay for yourself. Look at him showing us how to do it.

Shut the fuck up. Okay? He's four. He's not, he didn't show you how to do anything. He fell. He fell. He fell from a high point and he was caught by a rope. You knew the rope was going to work.

The child's life was not in danger. That is true. That is true. This is very safe. There's a lot of checkpoints that go into this. I believe this company is very safe. If you are 18 years old, you should absolutely do it. If you're with your parents and you're 17, 100%. If you're four, your parents should do better. Your parents should say, buddy, how about when you're five? Let's wait one year until you can, like, are starting school and you meet other kids and you realize what normal is. Let's teach you how to swim first. I would love to hear the conversation before this and after. I wish there was like a follow-up to this. Buddy, they couldn't post it. They would get arrested. No, no, he wants to do it. He wants to do it.

You know, I don't know if we can. There's had to be someone going, I think this is a bad idea. Is that the kid right there? Yeah. What's this say? My dude, what's your name? And what are you about to do? You're going to run off this cliff?

You're getting kicked off or you jump up? Jumping on. Jumping on. Yeah. A high five. Heck yeah. And how old are you? Four?

Yeah, dude. A lot of, hey, hit pause. A lot of skydivers are wipe their eyes like they just woke up from a nap before they go skydiving. A lot of skydivers are sitting there going, what are you about to do? Color. Kid has no idea what he's about to do. That's fucking wild. It's such.

Listen. Well, I feel like it's pretty split. Hang on, stop. I apologize. I mean to say stop. Here's the point. Do that with your four-year-old. Don't post it.

If your four-year-old wants to do it, just do it. Do it? Don't post it. You do it. You send it to your family greet chat. Look what Connor or Carver, whatever is fucking. Wayland. What's the name?

Yeah. Wayland. Wayland. Look what Wayland did. How cool. Post this in a private chat thread. Put it on a private page. do not post it for everyone to see.

The child does not have free will yet. He's four. There's a reason he's also not working in a coal mine right now. And by the way, he would be very useful in a coal mine. There's a lot of places. He'd be great. There's a lot of things that we could get this kid to do. Now that we know that his parents don't want him to have free will,

why don't we, okay, okay, soft pitch, there are kids out there doing child off rings. Why don't we get him in? No, no, get him in undercar. The kid likes adventure, right? We get him in undercover. We put him in, we loob him up, and we send him in. And they, yeah, he'll get a little bit with that part of the deal when you're a fucking undercover agent, Tom.

And the kid likes adventure. We've said that Connor, Connor, likes fucking adventure. Why not put a wire on him, lube him up? Send him in a bunch of... And go, and then, Connor, you're safe where it is? You're safe where it is, animal crackers. When you feel unsafe, say animal crackers, we're going to send them in to get you out. I'm just saying

I'm just saying this should be on subway takes 4 year old should be able to jump off for rope swings and set world records I feel like most people If you scroll these are most people pretty

Adamant They love it They love it It's the internet It's the internet This is fucking awesome This is awesome Your kid's a savage

You're a savage Does you have Can you have a program You can sell for 2999 That I can teach my kid How to be a savage And jump Yeah

All I see, Tom, are there's a cheer dad. Does anyone find this? There's a cheer dad who has his daughter doing moves, and she's crying. She's saying, I don't want to do this. And he goes, hey, here's the deal about bravery. Bravery doesn't come from in here. It comes from in here. You've got to understand what challenge is.

By the way, you're looking at, and I apologize, and I know I'm going to get destroyed online. Bert, you were a bad dad. You were this, you were that. Whatever you want to say, you can say it. I'm just saying, you're looking at dads who didn't achieve anything, making their kids fucking achieve something so they can fucking have some sense, semblance of worth. I looked at that cheer dad and his daughter's crying. I'm sure at times, all I'm saying is don't post it.

Just don't post it. I think it's clear how you feel. I think I got it. I mean, maybe am I off? Is there anyone, you have two children? Yeah, no, I don't, first of all, the reason I just know that my boys would be like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't I think you're also pitting this wrong. You.

No, I would not sign them up for this. But you, no, but that's because you're a logical fucking human. The person who signed his child up for this wants this accomplishment more than his child does. He wants... There's a strong case for that. He wants the views. He got the click and he was like, dude, this is going to go fucking viral. Now everyone's going to start buying my robe necklaces.

Well, find out What the dad does Find out what the dad He sells something There's a guy Drives motorcycles or something You don't know There's a guy

And once again I'm hot And I should measure what I'm saying Because I'm whatever I won't blow a spot up You can find out who he is He's got two sons And he has them fighting

He fights Oh really? He has them fight like a cockfight He puts boxing gloves on them They tackle each other They do burpees up mountains They cry And then he gets in their face

And he tells them them what strength is, right? He, David Goggins, his, his toddlers, they're your age, they're your kids' age. And then, and then he sells a pamphlet for 2999, how you can raise your kid. By the way, to be animals. Yeah, to be animals. And you're like, no, no, no, no, we know how to raise animals, okay? Todd Merovich's dad did it, right? And it didn't work out. Can you explain who Todd Marevich is? Yeah, yeah. He was a quarterback who was really well known for, for honestly, for having a dad that was like a total fucking lunatic coach he was a real high achiever in high school and college and then in the NFL it didn't pan out but his dad was like over the top with

his level of coaching his son from everything from his the moment he wakes up to what he eats and stretching and and following this really really regimented protocol and it was too much it was too much. Never had McDonald's in his life and went straight to cocaine. Yeah. There's definitely this thing is too much. I think he's dead now, right? Todd?

Yeah. I don't know. Is he dead? He had a rough run of it and it wasn't his choice. He didn't have to have a rough run of it. He could have just been a regular kid and also been a pro athlete because he had the skill set to be a pro athlete. It wasn't his dad's mentorship that got him to the pros.

It was his authentic raw talent and his genetics. His dad was a savage. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, this is... His dad was a hard ass. This bothered me so much. And I... And there's so much of this...

There's a point where you can't not look at child labor laws and realize this kid is working right now. What's next for this kid? We're going to go big wave surfing? Like, I mean, serious, the dad's got a brand, right? His clip went viral. The dad now has a brand. And the brand needs to be fed.

You got to feed the algorithm. And this kid is the Shirley Temple for this dad's stage mom. The dad's a stage mom because the dad's not in it. The dad just filmed it. Dude, you know what? He loves adventure. So he's going to go rock climbing. He's going to free solo fucking El Capitan at five.

World record. World record. Right? No, it's not fun if he's 18. We got to do this while he's a ball. Well, he doesn't have a choice to make any of these fucking decisions. That's when we got to plug this kid in. And I know that I'm getting hot about this.

Yeah. And I understand the internet's going to go after me and say, oh, because you raised fucking girls or whatever. Yeah, and you were a bad dad, whatever, you want to say,

say it all. I'm just saying, if you sit in your bed at night and remember when you were four, the last thing you wanted to do was jump off, I have a fucking 700 foot free fall. Hey man, look, you convinced me,

okay? And I wouldn't have signed my boys up at any point for this shit. So let's, no fucking way. Let's cover what we learned today. Yeah. Okay Yeah

Lou Reed and Moby wouldn't like us Definitely Black artists do I think so We would never sit on stoops Hmm I would know I would love to sit on a stoop

Yeah I would love it I'd be out there With a fucking backwards Dugging a 40 Yeah I would definitely be out there Yo bitch Hey bitch

You big head bitch Doghead bitch Turn around When I'm talking Oh, more whore. There you go. You funky doghead bitch. Yeah.

And we're not putting our kids to jump off Moab. My kids are done. I never got them to do anything good like that. You're like, I'm kind of jealous. Do you realize how many fucking rocks I would have thrown my kids off of to get views? If they could have gone viral. If just I'll take it to a fucking hilarious. Hey, I'll be at the funny bone in this weekend this weekend.

That's my daughter. I would have gladly thrown Ila off a rock to sell tickets at hilarities. Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. This was fun. This was fun. I think the next time, maybe the next time I see you will be post-drinking, possibly? Yes.

Or maybe there's one more. No, no. You 100%. Next time you see me, I will have drank. Okay. We'll see how it goes. All right. All right, bro.

Thank you guys for watching. watching thank you for listening wait no on no on that i may not have drank the next time i see you okay then okay all right the time after that all right i love you too bro bye bye guys bert and tom tom and bert one goes top the other wears a shirt tom tells stories and bird's the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean here's what we call Thank you.