2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Breaking Down The Barstool Brawl | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: August 31, 2026

SPONSORS: https://dkng.co/bears New DraftKings customers, sign up with code BEARS spend five bucks to get $200 in rewards within 21 days, includes all markets. For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/bears If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, go to https://netsuite.ai/bears. Visit https://Betterhelp.com/BEARS. Get started with ShipStation today and get sixty days free at https://ShipStation.com, with code cave. Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back in the cave and surprise surprise, Bert opens with a confession: he wishes he'd never quit drinking. What follows is a full inventory of the modern male brain, the online pastor Tom watches every morning to get inspired, why 17-year-olds have no business being nostalgic for anything, the exact moment each of them gave up on playing pro sports, and why comedians never seem to get that same reality check. The guys break down Bert's Whoop addiction and the blood clot that started it, get talked into a completely fictional performance-enhancing stack for a 5K, fall in love with bull riding legend JB Mauney, pitch the worst sponsorship idea in podcast history, and watch a food delivery driver take on the entire Barstool office. Then it's cringe cancellation, sobriety influencers, 4:23 a.m. morning routine guys, and a long, very funny argument about which movie stars are actually men and which ones just look at themselves in the mirror. Plus Bert's new fragrance obsession, the colognes of Napoleon, Elvis and JFK, Sebastian Maniscalco's four seasonal robes, Joe Rogan's splits, Billy Bob Thornton at the CMAs, and a big announcement about the future of the show. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 337 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MYRESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. $50 in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for twenty-one days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at https://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:17 - The Jewish Joke Bert Can't Tell On Stage 00:04:26 - Pastor Manning 00:09:09 - Period Sex Confessions & Giving Up On Sports 00:21:50 - Nobody Quits Comedy Or Drinking 00:31:31 - Whoop Obsession, The Blood Clot, & Tren 00:37:09 - JB Mauney & The PBR 00:44:27 - Motorcycles & The 12 O'clock Boys Sponsorship 00:46:56 - The Barstool Helmet Fight 00:52:58 - Fighting Women 00:56:13 - Cringe Cancellation 01:01:35 - Tom's Pep Talk & Bert's Therapy 01:05:05 - Sobriety Influencers & Morning Routine Guys 01:09:04 - Cringey Actors vs. Real Men 01:19:33 - Bert's Fragrance Obsession 01:30:00 - Drakkar Noir Nostalgia 01:36:49 - Sebastian Maniscalco Is A Study 01:40:04 - Bert Meets Billy Bob At The CMAs 01:44:26 - 2 Bears Is Going Back To Weekly Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100% All right, new episode of two bears, one cave. Here we are. Zolo. Thank you. Buddy, thank you so much. He's one of the good ones, you know? He really is.

You know, I got to be honest with you. I slept on him for a very long time. I didn't know his name forever. I thought it was Zorro for a little bit. Zero? Yeah. He used to do answer phones at YMH. He did.

He was our little cute kid. I think he was underage and he lied to work. He's one of those. I remember Nadav. I was like, what's guy at front's name? And I was like, fuck him. Yeah. You talk to me.

Yeah, yeah. And I was like, ooh. Well, they had a whole, like, you know, the Hasidic and the Orthodox communities have a battle. Is he Jewish? Yeah. Are you serious? Can I tell you a great Jewish joke I wrote that I can't tell on stage? Yeah, no one will hear it.

What is it? I can't tell it on stage. It didn't work, but it is very funny. Yeah. But it didn't work on stage. And I think I'm just, sometimes it's like as a comic, you know you're not. You know your voice. Yeah.

And you can write a good joke, but it's like, Tosh gave me a great joke one time. I had a joke about wanting to date a black chick, and he goes, oh, you should take this joke. He goes, it doesn't work for me. And the joke was, I want to date a black chick just as long as she's never had sex with a black guy. That's funny. I tried it. It didn't work for me either. It's nice of him to give you that one.

By the right, right now, Daniel Tosh is going, oh, thanks, man. Wait, what's the one you tried? Knowing what I know about Jewish people, I can't imagine there wasn't one Jew pushing us way to the front of the line of the Holocaust. Being like, we got here early. Where are these trains going? What number do you have? Mine's lower. I get in front. A neurotic. Yeah. That's funny. Well, yeah. I mean. You never tried it or you did try it? I tried it. Did not work so well. No. No, because I think right now anti-Semitism is getting clouded into the Israel-Palestine thing.

Yeah. But you know what's funny is you can be Jewish and pro-Palestine. Yeah. Yeah, no, for sure. Wild. You want a cigar? Sure. How are we going to do this?

Does it drive to like send it to... Does this throw it to you? These are great cigars. Nice, man. I got to give you a shout-out to Altoona, Florida, the cigar hustlers, Mike. Oh, I thought this was Arabic written on the outside. No, the Andalusian Bull. This is one of the hardest gets cigars out there. Really? It is. By the way, and I know that there's a lot of cigar guys

going, talk about my cigar. And listen, this isn't from LFD. This is from, this is from Mike, the cigar hustler in Altoona, Florida. Nice. I stopped by their cigar shop one time, driving, just driving down. It was during, during the Daytona 500. Is it, is it, is it, is it, Made there? No, no, no, no. It's made in Spain? No, this is, this is not made in Spain. And so this cigar, this actual cigar is one of the best cigars to get.

This Andalusian Bowl is one of the best cigars to get, La Florida, Minica. Yeah. And by the way, I just got to hit up from La Florida, Minica. They're going to send me a different package. But this guy, I stopped by his own family cigar shop. Yeah. And I casually walked in and I was like, he goes, what are you looking for? His brother did.

And I told him, I love the Andalusian Bowl. And he goes, we don't have any. This is like fucking four months ago. go. And this guy just got a hold of my address and he sent me a box of cigars, gave me a handwritten message. I texted him, gave me his number. And he said, you know, if you ever just want to text about cigars, hit me up. You ever want to talk cigars? Hit me up. Here's a, here's a box of cigars. And this cigar, you're going to fucking love. You're going to fucking love. Here. I wish, I'm very happy for my health. No. But I wish I had

Never quit drinking. I mean, you said this quite a few times. Where'd they go? Under your butt. Why do you wish you'd never quit drinking? It's so hard to get back into. You know what you need? What?

Inspiration. Do you know what's kind of inspiring? What I've been doing? It's kind of surprising, maybe to you, but a little more religious service. I do it online, though. And it inspires the hell out of me. Okay. Part of me hopes this is a bit so I can laugh.

Then the other part of me is hoping your business. You're being dead serious. No, it is. It's the Pastor Manning, James David Manning, from the Atla World Ministry. I watch this stuff every day. Are you serious? Yes. You have been searching for something for quite a while.

Oh, shit. You're such a fucking asshole. Why? This is him? Yeah. I've seen this guy. Oh, you have? Oh, fuck yeah, I have seen this guy.

His guy drops the M word, like, negative. Well, I don't. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about his message, you know. The message is great. Play him. I want to hear him. Oh.

I love when they go warning about this message. So, wait, this is what's in your feed? I've reached out to him. Are you serious? Yeah, I'm trying to have him come to Austin. Yeah. Oh, thanks, bro. Thank you.

All right. Thanks, man. That's a really good guy. Kyle? Yeah. He's a great guy. Okay. Sweet.

Play me one of his videos. Well, there's a few good ones. Oh, you got to put headsets on for it? Do we put headsets? Somebody need to tell these niggers to get a job, get off government welfare, get off these damn government. I see, these niggas. These niggas are better at neurosciences at knowing how to work the government to get money from the government for every damn thing, from tennis shoes to G-spring. These niggas!

Nobody never told them since they've been, since they've been, since they've been. Dr. King, let me tell you. Since the day's the Dr. King, all niggas have ever heard is that the government owes you. The government owes your reparation. Get money from the government. They ain't never heard or get a job. Get a job. Yepy, tippe,

tippe, mu, mum, mum, mum, mu, get a job. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Baum da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Get a job. Get a job. Get a job. You didn't sing the rest of it. I forgot the rest of the world.

Get off government welfare. Yeah, this is like how I wake up every morning and I play this first thing in the morning. He's super inspirational. He really is. I mean, I don't think the message is for me. Well, that one maybe not, but he does stuff about socialism, gay people. Oh, I want to hear one of the gay ones. Oh, yeah, there's a good gay one.

There it is right there, left pin suit, pinstripe suit on the far left. Yeah. Listen, let me tell you something. You want to have sex with another man. You want to go inside of his lower intents and pack whatever is in there. Pack his dung. Stack it all up by you pushing in there and pushing it. You want to do that.

Knock yourself out, homie. You want to pack another man's doo-doo. That's your business. If you find delight in that, I find it a bore up. But if that's what, if packing another man's doo-doo brings you on, knock yourself out, bro. I just want to tell you the Bible says it's wrong. The Bible says it's wrong. But anybody else but half a brain would understand.

There must be something wrong with you to want to go inside of another man's asshole and pack his dung. Don't that stuff get all over you? I mean, that's what is there. That's what that place is made for. Can you elevate that of gets past the man and preaching? You see where?

What the world is? He's the man. I didn't understand that that's what fudge packing was when I was a kid. Fudge pack, yeah. He's like, look at these fudge packers. And I just was like, yeah. I was like, because I, you know, sometimes people that work in the candy store are a little sweet. I was like, oh, pack and fudge.

You know, it's a good one now? What? And it also, I think it comes from the black community too. They always come up with the best expressions is when they call dude zesty. Like, man, he's real zesty. Zesty is such a great description. Zesty's pretty. That's pretty, yeah.

I heard a shit dick. Well, that's a little more on the nose. I like that. You got to wipe this shit off your dick. No, I get it. That's great. I'm not like, what does that mean? No, but that's like a really crazy thing.

Yeah. You want to like take intimacy to the next level. Like having sex with the girl in her period is one thing, right? And I think every straight guy goes, well, that's part of the tax. Not every guy. Some guys are really like turned off by that. Zolo. You never met a guy who doesn't like that?

Zolo. Yes. You ever fucked a girl in her period? Yes. Of course. No, Zolo's a real man. I'm saying. Zolo is.

You can't attribute that. Zolo is a real man. You can't attribute that to everybody. I don't even know what's happening. He goes, Zola, you ever fucking girl in your period? This is all I can fish it's in my head. Yes. Yeah.

Do you remember the first time you did it? Yeah. Wait, tell me the story. It's a lot to take in. Yeah, because I was 17. Oh, my God. And I didn't know. I was like, yeah, I don't care.

Wait. Mitch Fidel is the best joke. Mitch Fettel had a joke because you ever have a sex with a girl in her period? And she's like, I just want you to know. I'm on my period. And you go, as a guy, you're like, I don't care. And then halfway through, you're like, I kind of care. I think at that age, you're not prepared, you know, for what's going to happen.

Once you're fucking adult, you're like, yeah, who cares? I would love. I mean, I haven't had sex with a girl in her period. This chick had heavy for five years. It'll never happen again. No. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's done.

She's done. You miss it? You're nostalgic for it? Not really. There was something kind of cool about having sex with the chick on her period. Uh-huh. A little like, it was a little like, I don't know. You're like, I'm nasty.

Yeah, yeah. It was like, eh. And then I mean, I'm going to say, and then this girl, but you know it's Leanne, would never let me look at clean up. She would like, do not look at that. Okay. Like it was a crime scene and she was going to take care of it. You guys were big in the anal for a while, right? Oh, never.

Never. Never. No? Never. You tried? Oh, yeah. I mean, by trying, saying, asking for it. You did?

All the time. I'm cool if she never had it. She never had anal, then I'm fine. But if she had it once, then I had to have it with her. And she said she never had it, so I'm good. Okay. But if I'm at fucking the piggy-o-wiggly and bowled in Georgia, and I just hear from one aisle over, is that bird over there?

I go, yeah, and he goes, I did it. I'm fucking ruined. You're going to beat. Oh. But then you'll get it that day. Thank God. Football is back and something big is coming. Draft Kings game day arrives on September 2nd, not just in your living room.

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It's like certain things. Like, you remember the age where you're like, at a young age, you realize you're not going to play pro sports? Yeah. And you're like, I don't need to be a profession. Like, there's an age where you're like, I wouldn't mind playing, quarterback for the fucking Tampa Bay Bucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wouldn't mind playing being like a catcher for the fucking Cubs. And then at a certain age, I had to actually give up on pro sports. And it was late. Like I was like... How old was it? 19. That's when you were like, I'm not going to be a pro athlete. 19, when I went out to play at Florida State and I saw the competition,

and I saw the way they played. And I realized really... Because I still got recruited and everything. So I always kind of thought, I don't know, I'll blossom late. I'll get bigger. I never, all working out growing up, I never got like big. I was struggling, but I was never got big. I was like, one day, I'll get there.

And then at 19, I was like, oh, I don't have it. I'm never going to play. And I gave up on baseball. I never tell you how my fan, like, because it's a fantasy. It's like a delusion. You don't realize you're being delusional, you know, how it ended really for me. Oh. I'm in high school and I played football next.

to like on the defensive line next to a guy who was highly recruited right who was recruited by a lot of big schools yeah and he had a invite to go to a game in miami at a hurricanes game they were playing syracuse and i went with him and so in my delusion white or black black in my come on what are we doing here zola you ever fucking growner period yeah yeah yeah yeah Kyle, you ever fucking girl in her period? Not only was he black, he had an apostrophe in his name, okay? Oh, wow. So, yeah, he, there's a reason they were showing up to practice.

Not only was he black. He had an apostrophe in his name. He was legit. And so we go down to Miami. This is at the Orange Bowl, the OB. Not only was he black. It was the real deal. So this guy was so black.

All his brother's name started with the same letter. Oh, yeah. There's different spellings of the same name. So he... Do you think, like, because I, hang on, I want you to tell your story, but like, you say that, and I'm laughing at a celebration of black, because we know how much we love black people, right? Like, we would, there are a lot of our arts created by black people,

our favorite actors, our favorite comedians, are all black people, our musicians. Do you think white black people can laugh? like he was so white like and then they laugh because they enjoy white people yeah good it's good natured okay go it's good nature talking about race for sure so so we're standing on the sidelines and you're just kind of taking it all in right you're in the orange bowl like you're seeing like some of the records like you know i mean like signs and placards everywhere about things and you're like all right and you know like i don't think i'm like in a full delusion fantasy but you're just like Yeah, and I'm playing high school football.

I think I'm a junior. So you're like, I play high school football. Like, this is the next level. And you're kind of like, that would be cool, right? And then the guys come out of the tunnel. They come out of the smoke. That's when they used to like the fucking fire extinguisher smoke. And the players come out.

And they're down there and you're still like, you're like, that looks rad. And then they come, we're on the sidelines. So they're walking up to us. and he and I play on the line, on the defensive line. And some of the got linemen come up and they're standing next to us now. And I'm at eye level with the numbers on their chest. Like I'm looking at like 7-0 and I'm like, what the fuck, man? I'm looking at it.

And then I remember Rohan Marley. Oh, yeah. Was injured. And he was that, so he wasn't playing. that week but he was standing on the sidelines and he had a chain around his neck with a lock hanging from it sort of like rampage jackson but this is like 96 or something you know and i'm just like looking at him who's not a big guy but then you're just like yeah i'm not going to play it against these guys this is not happening and that's like the the fantasy leaving your head like 17

years old you just like i'm going to go fuck someone on their period this is crazy crazy, you know, this is nuts. So, why is it, here's my question, is what is it that then makes it so that so many people don't give up on comedy? Wait. Because like, there's so many people that should give up on their dream of comedy. Are delusional. Yeah, but then how come there isn't the equivalent of that with, say, like, with sports?

There is. There are? 100%. Because the notably super talented ones just go through and make it. Then there's like the kind of on the line. Some of them can grind it out. Some of them can't. Then some people, I mean, you hear about guys that they were on 13 practice squads.

Oh, yeah. Or they're in the minors for like 15 years. They're hanging on. They're chasing it. I mean, it's kind of rude to say delusional. But you know what I mean? They're pushing it even though the path isn't there. And then the funny thing,

about the arts though that's sort of similar but at the same time different is you can push in the arts for decades and still break through you can break through at 40 or 50 years old me you can break through i had to sit one time i remember there was a guy that was like had the hottest chick in the world comedian sitting at the outside the comedy store he had the car that was i've said this story before but he had the car that was in the showroom at outy it was in the showroom i we had just looked at Audi's. Yeah. He had the showroom car. Yeah. I knew exactly how much that car that cost. And I was like, we couldn't afford that. And I was like, and it had happened for him. It was happening for him. And I was like, well, I guess this never going to happen for me. I was

like 43 or 42. I was like, I did a good, I had a good job. I remember I had just talked to someone about travel channel and about like production. And I was really like, I guess this is my strength is I know how to make like, host. Yeah, I can host. TV shows, I'll do that for the rest of my life, pay for the girls to get through college. And I remember I came off stage. I was shirtless. I had these ugly Nikes on. I didn't have cool shoes.

I didn't know cool shoes yet. I got the ones that were comfortable. Leanne made me stop wearing them on stage. Really? They were so ugly. What, where were they? I had a bunch of them. They were my favorite ones.

They were like slide on Nikes. They were good for Plano Faciitis. And Leanne was like, they're so ugly. You've got to stop wearing them. And Halston bought a pair because he thought they were cool. And when he bought a pair, he said they'd known. Yeah. They were really ugly.

Yeah. When he was like, I like, I like, I was like, oh, really? And then I saw them on him, and I was like, is that what I look like? Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, I guess I'm just not going to make it. And I was cool with it. I'm not cool with it now.

Would you ever host again? No. Why? Because I can't have anyone tell me what to do. I'm past. I'm broken. I'm really broken. And but what sucks is now knowing what I should do is worse than the life I lived when I didn't

know what to do. I'm confused. Okay, when I drank, I drank like a fucking lunatic whenever I wanted, I was fine, blood works fine. It's for my parameters. I'm not dying. No one's told me to stop drinking. I'm good. Party.

Now that I know what recovery feels like and what like a normal person feels like, it's so hard to get back into drinking. Because you start saying, I should get myself a couple days off. And then a couple days, you realize, you know, if I get myself the week, I'm going to feel really good. And then I know that'll be good for my blood work. I know that I'll be healthier. I know that then, you know, someone just told me that Alzheimer's happens because of lack of blood flow to the brain. And that's because of high blood pressure. That's why black guys get Alzheimer's twice more than white guys is because they don't check their blood pressure.

Really? A hundred percent. I made this. I don't know if this is totally accurate. Okay. But 100 percent because black guys are afraid of doctors. So a lot of them die of cardiovascular vascular diseases more than white guys, white guys go to the doctor more often. These are stats I made up based off of Danny Glover. Okay. Danny Glover has Alzheimer's. And I said, he does? Yeah.

Danny Glover has Alzheimer's. I saw Danny Glover at an Aretha Franklin concert in 2000, in like the year 2000. Dude, talk about living the life. Come on. We were all in awe of both things. Danny Glover. Yeah. Danny Glover is a fucking uncredden.

for this shit he's fantastic i didn't know that man that's sad to me and he got it because of blood pressure issues i think i don't know why they have by the way i'm determining you got to put a fucking disclaimer on this i don't know anything about alzheimer's okay i just assume no one's going to be like you know i got to see what bird says about alzheimer's don't worry wait till i talk about vaccines and communism okay and so but but so then i then you start going well i need to keep low blood pressure so i'll age better i'd like to see 80 I'd like to see 82. And I know that if I stay healthy,

and then you go to a concert. And you know what bad behavior is and you know what good behavior is. Good behaviors, hey, we get a couple beers. Bad behaviors to start thinking, when do they stop serving? I want to get one to make sure I have a beer for the encore. And you recognize the bad behavior and then go, don't ignore that voice in your head. You've got a good enough buzz.

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saving time and money. Get started with Ship Station today and get 60. days free at shipstation.com with the code cave. That's shipstation.com code cave. Shipstation.com code cave. Taxes and fees apply. And I regret. I regret seeing the other side of the fence. Really? Yeah. I really, I didn't think things through. And it's being obliviously ignorant is so enjoyable. And having a little bit of wisdom. Yeah. Is, like, like, I see that. I see what you mean. My whoop is like, I live and die by this thing. You really do. I do my resting, I can tell you my resting heart rate for almost every day of this past week. Because I check the first thing I do is I check my resting heart rate, my sleep recovery. I check my V-O-2 max.

I check my age. I drank three times last week and it slowed my age down. So I just aged regularly. but before I was losing like I Tom I was 68 years old on my whoop age I think when when you started this The day I got the blood clot and I'm now 50 did you drinking have anything to do with the blood I so no I don't know what they weren't related can I tell you this is what sucks about everyone has a different opinion No one in medicine everyone dude everyone has a different opinion I mean and everyone wants to be the thing in medicine is everyone wants to be the expert So everyone tells you whatever they tell you and it's kind of framed and like their thing and they're just going to come at you.

You're on testosterone. You got to get off testosterone. Let me guess. You got someone of these, one of these fucking doctors that gives you these compounded drugs out of Asia. And you're like, I don't think that's it, but I know what you're saying, but yeah, kind of. Hold on.

Can I tell you, how many ear, nose and throat guy? Are you an alcoholic? And you're like, I don't, I mean, maybe, I don't know. Have you gone to an AA meeting? And you go, you're an ear, nose and throat guy. Why the fuck are we talking about AA meetings? Yeah. And then you go to anyone gives you a different opinion.

Dude, I got so many different opinions that you just have to go, I don't know, I'm on blood thinners for the rest of my life. I know that. And then, I don't know. So that could be, I mean, could be genetic, right? Could be. They don't know. There was an injury to my vein. T does make your blood thicker.

That's true. Yeah, it does. Yeah. Yeah. But that's not booze. But it's also at high levels. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, that's the guys that are doing like, there's another. fucking guy I talked to. He was like, what are your tea? How much are you injecting? And I was like minimal, like 15 twice a week. And he was like, that's not a lot. I used to inject 100, three times a week. Yeah.

And he was like, what are you trying to gain weight or what are you doing? Why are you doing it? And I was like, I'm just doing it because it was prescribed to me. And he was like, no, you got to get up to like 300, 200, 200 at least. Yeah, I know. If you want to fucking see games. I know a guy who told me he was doing 200, three times a week. And I was like, what the fuck?

Yeah. And if you looked at him, You'd be like, okay. And he's like, and you got to dump blood every six months. Dump blood. You dump a gallon of blood every six months. And then I'm like, okay. He's like, if you tried Tren?

And I was like, Tren. You don't want to get on Tren, dude. Dude, they say Tren is like. Yeah, yeah, they do. But I mean, that's for like real psycho bodybuilding shit, man. He's like, if you're cool with your sexuality, you should try Tren. Yeah. And I was like, why don't you go, Tren makes you gay?

Really? Guess a lot of dudes that get on Tren, they just start fucking dudes. All right, I'm down. Let's try it. I would try Tren. You know that that is the number one thing these guys get on when they make movies and they have to get jacked as they get on Tren. Yeah, well, that's like I think the strongest.

Let's get on a crazy stack. You and me. Let's do Winstrawl, DECA, Anavar, Tren, like the whole thing. DECA is not that bad for you. Really? That's what they say. Okay. But it's like everyone's an expert and everything.

Can you type in, is it a good idea to take Tren? Windstrol, Anavar, DECA, and testosterone to get ready for my 5K? Just to see what it says. We should take trend for the next 5K. Well, that's just good for, I think, building muscle, right? What's the best, windstrawls? What's the best for endurance? That I don't know.

Let's do what Lance Armstrong did. That's a place. Epo? Isn't that like, wasn't that what it's called? Let's see. Okay. It's going to be like, whoa. No, taking tremolo.

Winston, Winstrol, testosterone, and DECA is a very dangerous and counterproductive idea for training for a 5K. Yeah. Yeah. Why this stack harms 5K training? Joint and tendon destruction. Added body weight, severe side effects. And then be like, okay. No, no.

Just ask for, ask in the ask anything. Ask what are some performance enhancing drugs? That would help with a 5K. That would help with a 5K. Can I tell you, it's like experts are all over the place right now. Yeah. If you go online, everyone's an expert. I follow two guys who tell you how to raise children.

Oh, yeah. Two dudes. And they just basically make their kids do burpees up a hill. Oh, these are banned. That's what we're looking for, ban things. That's what he was on. This hormone stimulates red blood cell production is directly increases VO2 max. That's what we want.

Blood doping. We could do some of that. Metabolic and energy regulators. Karadine, GW. 51516. This changes the body's energy preference from glucose to fatty acids. Oh, man, that boosts endurance and delays exhaust. And ICAR?

ACAR? How do you say? Oh, here's, you're going to be happy on this one. CNS stimulants. Oh, fuck yeah. You should have named your son's amphetamine and modifino. Yeah, this is awesome. All right, please save this stack.

We've got to reach out and try to get some of these into us. When you get online, there are guys that go, stop running. Yeah. If you're running, you're fucking your body up and you're like, okay, cold plunge. Do not cold plunge. There's so many opposing views. They really need to be. It's for everything, though, dude.

Can I tell you who I really admire? I talked to you about him today. Who? And I'll tell you why I admire him. First of all, his name is J.D. Mahoney, Maoni. Mauni. Oh, yeah, you were telling me about it. J.B. Mauny.

Type in J.B. Mownie. He looks like Tony Hinchcliff. He's like if Tony Hinchcliff was like a badass. Let's see. Oh yeah, this is like if Tony was straight. Yeah. If Tony was straight. This would be him.

That's literally a straight Tony. It's straight Tony Hinchcliffe. And he smokes cigarettes like Tony. And I'll tell you why I look up to this guy. Go back to this. Okay. Now go to the 2019 injuries. So when he walks, you can see that he's broken.

Like his body's broken, right? He's got every injury you can ever. Torn rotator cuff. sprained jaw, sprained wrist, bruised forearm, leg contusion, torn MCL, broken fibula, eye strain, groin. That's a good year. Torn MCL. And when you hear him talk about these, he bought the bull that retired him.

He bought that bull. He's a badass. I think someone's clip farming him because he's all that's in my feed. Yeah. He's all that's in my feed. I went to PBR. I went. What did you think?

it was fucking awesome it's crazy i had i never was exposed to anything like this i didn't know again like i didn't know about the turnout or to something like that because i'd never been i didn't know that the level of production involved and just the showmanship involved it was super fucking entertain and they're those are legit badass dude those guys are complete badasses if they're both athletes the bull and the bull run yes true and did you know this i learned something so well it was all a learning experience for me. But so we're watching, you know, the, the, the, the rider get ready and, like, strap in, right?

And he's wrapping that rope around. He's getting ready. And there's this one, sometimes if the bull leans to one side, you know, the, the, the, the rider can't get his leg now. So they have to move the bull. They put, like, this long orange kind of, I don't even know how to describe it. Like, it's, it's like a foam thing that to, basically to make the bull move so the rider can get his leg down and not smashed against the steel.

So they're waiting and the waiting and they have a time limit. Like you only have like I think 40 seconds once you're on the clock for them to open the gate. And they were waiting and we're waiting. We're like, what's going on? And finally they announce it. They're like, you got a few seconds, man. And the rider gets off and they open the gate and the bull just trots out. And it's like and chilling everybody in the arena laughs, you know.

Because it's like it's the only bull that didn't go crazy and buck. And then it just walks back in the thing. And I was like, oh, what happens now? And what I learned is the bulls have different owners. So there's teams in PBR, but the bulls are owned by people that breed them, you know. And they were like, the owner of that bull won't get paid. Just like if an athlete is like, I'm not going to ride or whatever, wouldn't get paid. Because that bull didn't perform.

When you said they're both athletes, it is an athlete. And they trained the bull too. And if the bull doesn't perform, the owner doesn't get paid. So that bull was like, I'm not bucking. And they were like, nothing for you. Yeah, it's crazy, right? Wow. Yeah.

But those guys are sad. They're lunatics, dude. It's a different, they're children. And I say this. They're not big. That's a funny thing to learn. This guy's Tony Hinchcliffe's. We've got to see.

No, all the riders are around 160 pounds. No, this guy's Tony Hinchclips. He looks like Tony Hinchcliff. They're about 160. That's what they told me when I was there. And you meet them and they're slender guys. They're not big dudes. The bulls are 1,600 to 2,000 pounds.

So this guy got me into a deep dive on bull riders. It was cool. It was really a fucking amazing show. Let me be clear about it. It was a really great show. Timer. Now this is J.B. Right?

Yeah. J.B. is the tough. He is the toughest bull rider out there. He is possibly the Michael George. of bull riding. That is what I've accrued from online. Now, Ty Murray, is it Ty Murray? Was the guy before him that was first of all, there's a guy that who did uh, Luke wills, Luke Perry play. Who did he play in that movie of? Luke Perry played a bull rider. Eight seconds. Yeah. That guy, Lane, Lane, uh, what was his name?

Lane Frost was the fucking man. You got to understand, man. These guys are groomed. from a very young age to be men. When you see this, and I hope whenever we want to talk about a man's, about a man's child, ever, when you look at J.B. and then being positive, J.B. Maone's son is a badass. And I don't want to put that on a kid where he has to live up to that or any of that, even talking about a kid online. But that kid's son, he's a bad, he walks around with his dad, like, and they both have a swagger to them. Now, J.B's swagger is because he's got nine broken MCLs. So you can see his hips move weird.

Like he's been beating the fuck out of. I think they all have, dude. But his son and they, man, his son is fearless. I've seen so many videos of this guy. But that is a, that is like a, it's almost like, you know, I had some, I had some two self-proclaimed nepo babies on something's burning. Like that's what they called themselves. And it is just.

getting into your parents' occupation, which if it's around you, you can't help but see it. Yeah. And it's the same thing with these bull rider sons are fucking badasses. So you have one kid that could absolutely be a bull rider. Oh, maybe. Yeah, I don't know. He loved it. And the experience was so cool.

By the way, at that thing, they told me one of the guys, and I'm sorry, I don't know his name, but multiple people told me that's the best. of all time was writing at the one I went to. Who, who, who? I don't know. I don't know his name. I also didn't know how big it is in Brazil. Oh, fuck yeah.

Well, we were watching the, I think there was 10 teams. Fogo de chow, baby. Well, yeah, but I, I mean, I was watching this thing, and each team had at least four Brazilians, every team. It's the only place you're going to get men from. You well. Think about this. Where are men?

go to where men are. Those people cage fight. Yeah. They ride bulls. Yeah. They ride motorcycles with no helmets and flip flops. Yeah. Do you see that?

Oh, do you see that video that came out? I think it's in Brazil. Of the two guys on a motorcycle and they're in flip flops, rob somebody. And the guy in the car backs up, turns around, chases them, and crashes them into a wall. No. Yeah. It went totally viral. Have you not seen this?

No. No. Dude. And then they couldn't back the, the car off of a body. It was just wedged against the wall. Did you see the video? But he got his stuff back. Did you see the video of the guy in L.A.

that got into a motorcycle chase and someone left a gallon of gas in a park for him? No. Dude. We need motorcycles. Motorcycles are rad. Dude, you're entering a new phase of your life. We could totally, no one tells you rules anymore. That's true.

We could totally get motorcycles. I wrote a motorcycle one time. You learned. learned how to ride for a show, right? Didn't you learn for trip flip? Trip flip, yeah. How long did they tell, did you spend learning? Two days.

Two days. At a fucking put-putt golf fucking park a lot. I learned in 15 seconds and I was wearing shorts and like flip-flops. In Peru? No, in L.A. And the guy was like, yeah, you're good. And then like, I don't know what I'm doing. You know, I have no.

And I'm riding it and I'm like feeling the burn on my, like, I'm a total amateur. shirt. I was, I was like, this is not for me. I also was, you know, getting used to the throttle and the gears. I was like, I'm not, I'm not doing this. I'll stick to cars. Can I tell you a subtle pitch? Yeah. Okay. Have you ever heard of the 12 o'clock boys? Is that in Baltimore? Yes. Yeah. We need to sponsor a street team. A bunch of young black youths that ride and we just, we sent them a bunch of merch and we send them like fucking 10 grand for for blunts and fucking whatever they need uh-huh whatever they're whatever they're whatever they crave blunts and sweet and uh and sour patch kids pull up 12 o'clock boys and then we think about this tom we brand them we put all our

merch all over them when we give them 10 grand right everyone's getting a thousand bucks and then they're riding through baltimore poroso shit two bear's shit all over yeah that's an interesting marketing But hang on. Don't you, when those street teams come up on you and you're on like the 10, right? Yeah. And don't you get so excited, almost like you're a little kid, and you slow down, you break the law and you're like, do your thing. It's exciting. It's so fucking fun.

Sometimes you kind of ride the way between excited and terrified, you know? Ian Zaring got into a fight with him. He did? You never saw that video? I don't think so. Ian Zering, you know, he wasn't happy with the way they were. riding riding and he gave him a little piece of his mind and they then they pulled him out of his car and it's really hard to fight guys with helmets on you know bar stool really barstool got in a fight with

the guy with the helmet on did you see that we're all in the map right now bar stool what what do you mean the company delivery guy shows up with a helmet starts talking little sass at bar schools to one of the ladies the security guard goes in and fucking beats the shit out of a guy with a helmet on. Really? And they have full video for it's barstool. He walked into a media company talking shit. Look at this Tom. What? Look at this. I mean the helmet guy looks like he's doing pretty well. Hang on. Watch this. Here we go. Okay, hang on. He gets the security guy gets a black guy, but he gets and he, but watch here we go. Camera person's there we go. There we go. Now it's going to be. Remember technically these aren't

athletes these are people that just talk about athletes he did not do anything first what the fuck is your problem by the way what the fuck can i tell you hold on wait is this this is this is the starts this is this is the guy in the red shirt's my favorite and jesus yeah this is happening do you know how this fight started because he went up to the he went to the he went to deliver food to one of the ladies at barstool. Yeah. And he was giving the guy, giving her attitude. I only know this because Kevin Clancy covered it.

And he was giving her attitude, giving her attitude. And then he started to walk out. She's like, wait, that's my food. And then he was like, fuck you. You don't get your food or whatever. And then the security guard walked up and was like, hey man, can we please? Like, and then the guy got in his face, fight started. All the barstool guys came in.

There's one guy. I wish I can't remember his name right now, but he has the funniest video. If you keep playing, you'll see the guy in the red shirt. Scroll forward if you can. Okay, watch the guy in the red shirt. Hang on. Keep coming. I want to remember his name, and I can't.

Keep going. Watch the guy. You'll see a guy in the red shirt. Come in. Everyone's running. Everyone's running to help. Hold on. We know that guy.

That's Francis, I think. Yeah. Okay. All the girls. Now, the guy in the red shirt goes, what the fuck? I think I'm going to assess. He did a great breakdown of his part.

And he goes, oh, yeah, fuck this. I'm not getting in a fight. Wow, he's terrified. He was the best breakdown. This is his breakdown. Go to his breakdown. It's, it's Tom. Go ahead.

Go to his breakdown is fucking hysterical. How I stopped a fight a bar stool. Very scary scene at the barstall office today. We had a crazy ubreed driver getting to a fight with Gia and then attacked our security team led to a big tussle. The most important thing to know is that I am safe. No bruises. And I have some foot to share. walk you through how I handled this situation nearly flawlessly. So you'll notice here, I notice

a scuffle. I immediately run right into the line of fire. What's going on out there? I'm assessing the situation here. I say, okay, such situation looks pretty handled. Seems like they got it. Then I got a nasty itch in the back of my head. Let me back up. Let me secure the perimeter here. I'll make sure that maybe he's working in a team. Make sure there's nobody coming from the backside. Let me secure the perimeter right here. Make sure everyone's safe. Still assessing the situation, assessing my ass off. Everything looks fine. And then I say, you know what? Actually, I'm going to go back for more.

Maybe this is still going on. I go back there. I say, what's so good? Are they still scuffling? Oh, yep, there, no. Yeah, it seems like they're definitely still scuffling. Maybe back away is no reason to get involved in this. Let me make sure this desk is safely on that desk.

Make sure that's all good. And, you know, just again, this is what we call monitoring a situation. And then I back up a little bit. I tell this girl, oh, get behind me. Get behind me. It's okay. Get behind me. Now most people would have stopped there, not this guy.

I say, you know what, buddy, I want a little more. And this time, yep, I'm bringing my boys with me. Next thing, you know, I've assembled a full crew to make sure that we had this situation monitored and handled safely. And luck this guy was arrested and then taken out by the police. I bump in there. I mean, that guy's trying to hide behind me. He's like, what I'd be interested in is the story from, I think is Gia.

Is that the name I think I saw? Like her account of it. Oh, yeah. Because I bet she has the best account of what happened. see if you could find that that would be the one here you go it's it's a media company how does she not post she must right no really i mean you'd think there'd be a million accounts how do you think that would have broke down at uh at ym h man that's a really good question so the guy comes in and gives tanner a little sass right Tanner's like zola

So Zolo helps him. Solo comes out and goes, Hey, hey guys. Anyone need someone to fuck some on their period? Zolo would go, hold on a second. Let me regroup and figure out what to do here. I think any would get involved.

He would have to because he'd be like, I'm on camera. Yeah. I got to look good on camera, man. And he would have to get involved. He'd get involved. Rest of this app. Tyler, Tyler would be the guy in the red. Tyler would go.

And then he would just be like, I'm going to go back over here. I think some of the guy, I think some of them would get involved. I bet if it was Bertie boy. Yeah. Leanne's the first one in the fight. In the fight, yeah. Oh. And then I would be the one going, stop it.

Stop it. She didn't do anything to you. Someone call 911. That'd be you. Yeah. Women in a fight are exhausting. When you hear them and like, just stop touching him. Oh, yeah.

Every fight you see. on Instagram is just a woman yelling and screaming and then sometimes just screeching. No! And there's guys that are like fucking wailing on each other and you're like, you're not contributing anything here.

It's so refreshing. And you're ruining the tape for all of us. That's the worst part. We all want to see this with a clean fucking feed. Can we agree as a society that when a woman starts a fight, she should get hit? Yeah. I mean, I saw this one of this lady fighting this waiter.

in the streets of New York, and she jumped on his back. And other women were like, walk away, sir, walk away. And I was like, no, he deserves to light her up. Yeah. She punched him five times, threw a drink on him, climbed on his back, ripped his shirt off him. He hasn't hit her yet. And he's like, just, it's almost.

That's a lot of self-discipline. It's, do you have it? I don't know. Okay. Let's, let's time. Okay, I think I do. Hold on. So, I grew up with sisters.

Hold on. Hang on. let's see when it's socially acceptable for you to hit a woman. Okay. I'm talking full-boy punch. Like a full punch. Okay. Okay.

You're backstage at the PBR is the wrong place to do it. You're backstage at an and one reunion show. Okay. Okay. You're setting the scene. You have your boys with you. Mm-hmm. And a white chick with braids.

Yeah. slaps one of your boys across the face. Dude, come on. You light her up. Of course. That's crazy. I think the only time is permissible or permitted is if you're in defense of someone else or you're fighting for your life in some way. That's when it's acceptable, right?

Like it's acceptable if like this woman is, has like really harming somebody weaker like a kid. or yeah like or or if she's just like really has an annoying voice okay how about this you're on a subway yeah you have both your boys with you okay and there's an older Asian lady and she's acting wildly crazy and flailing in front of your boys yeah and threatening not not doing anything but threatening one of your children and your kids scared can you just punch her to knock her out yeah I think Everything's so fucking, it's so like magnified when you're with your kids. Yeah. Because I think your instinct is to retreat and like get them out of there and protect.

So it's like how much of an offense are you feeling from them? It's your, it's your natural instinct to be a protector. I remember one time there was a three-legged dachshund and it came up. Hold on. She like Vietnamese, Korean? Because it influences how I feel. Vietnamese. I might have to Decker just for my dad.

Yeah. Just for your dad. To my dad, yeah. I mean, I kind of think sometimes of like, like the scenario. Yeah. Like how great it would be to get those props, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah. Like just to be to, because like cancel culture isn't real anymore,

but there are things that are like wild when the internet takes the other side of. Yeah. Like I was watching, um, there's a guy. I don't know his name. I think he's in Austin. Matt McCusker, I think Matt McCusker is doing a podcast with him. Oh, you did it.

You did his podcast. Oh, Chris. Chris. Chris. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chris Williamson. Yeah. Chris Williamson was talking about cringe cancel.

Cringe cancel? Cringe cancel is when people make fun of you in a cringy way and you get canceled because everyone goes, ugh, like cringe. Oh, okay. So he was talking about. about two dudes who did a podcast and the guy said, I had three glasses of wine and I was out for four days. Do you see that clip?

Pull it up. Pull it up. Diary of a CEO. Is that what it is? Is it really, you know what it is? That's a very popular podcast. Have you seen the clip where, does anyone know what I'm talking about? And then Chris said, it's called cringe culture when everyone mocks that guy for his point

view and he talked to the guy who did who mocked him oh yeah yeah yeah this is it Stephen Bartlett says a few last one of those areas where you don't understand the hidden cost until you really give it up for a while and and I think about my own relationship with drinking and I stopped drinking at 30 years old and now 33 and I had just drank because I just drank I'd never ran the experiment of just giving it up for a while and I and then like I don't know maybe I was at 31 I thought you know I have a drink again because now I could really A, B, test it. I had a year of not drinking, decided to have a drink again. It ruined three days of my life. I had a couple of glasses of wine. Didn't get drunk. It ruined three days of my life because of the

domino effect it caused. So it meant that I got worse sleep that night. And then because I got worse worse sleep that night, I ate more poorly the next day because my dopamine system or whatever, the cortisol system was all messed up. And then I podcasted worse. I didn't go to the gym the day after that day or the day after because of that because I felt really bad. I then slept worse and I could track all of this on my week, hashtag ad, hashtag sponsor.

This is exactly what I was thinking at the beginning of this podcast. It's like, that is real. I mean, it's not real. He's, you don't lose three days of your life. Yeah. But there is the mentality

of holding on to perfection so much that you're losing touch with what it's like to be human again. So wait, he was mocked for this? Type up Chris Williamson, cringe culture. Well, he's not the one who said it. Chris Williamson.

Uh-huh. Is British, right? No. Well, Chris Williamson. Yeah, yeah, is, yes. But you're, do you want the guy who was just talking? So two guys. That was Stephen Bartlett talking.

Right. Two guys did a podcast about that conversation. Okay. And they said that Diary of a CEO and Stephen Bartlett were like watching two wizards talk about nothing. I got you. Okay. And so if this is anyone that works for me, we'll never find this, Tom.

Okay. So you better hope that it's Zolo. Okay. Can you go to Chris Williamson's Instagram today? I think you released it today. Oh, really? I saw it today. All right.

I like this guy, Chris Williamson, a lot. That's right. I want to call him Chris Willicks. It's going to be so hard to find. Two guys did a podcast about that interview. And the thing that should be mocked about that Stephen Bartlett and that other guy is that that guy believes that he lost three days of his life. That's what should be mocked, right?

What's fascinating about what he's saying is there is this grind culture where they believe that sobriety is the, how to go to the next level. They're not wrong. These whoops that we have on, these physical trackers, change our perspective on health. And all of a sudden,

a little bit of a hang. over feels worse because you get your metrics. And then all of a sudden you start looking at life like, God, I worked out so much better sober. I'm so much more around sober that now a few drinks, God, I'm going to fuck tomorrow up. And that is, I think that fucks up good life. Like good life, you know? Yeah. And you don't, you're not, you've, the problem is you're not someone that lives to the extremes. You've always lived in the middle. You always can have a drink of, you can have a glass of tequila with someone, even probably two, and not feel it at all the next day,

not worry about your sleep, just go to bed. You did it when we were in Tampa. We had a few glasses of porosos. Yeah. And you went to your hotel, you took a shower, you went to bed,

and you got up early and you did all your shit. You weren't, you did not miss a step. I was with you at McDill Air Force Base. You did not miss a step. You didn't complain about being hung over. Yeah. But there are people that get obsessed with their fitness trackers so much.

And I think I started when you go so sober for so, long. Yeah. You get obsessed with that. I think you're obsessed with that. I think I'm obsessive compulsive. Yeah. And I think that I get to this place where like I'm trying to get back into drinking, but I'm like... So crazy. I know, but I'm not like, I'm having

a hard time turning it over to go out and get fucked up. You've been with me. Yeah. Like I don't, I can't... No, you were not like you. It was not like you before. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it's, I thought you were great, man. I think I'm just like, I feel like I'm Superman and I get on planes

now. Oh, and you want to be superman. I used to fly. No, I think you're looking at it all wrong. Can you, give me a fucking pump-up speech. Dude, I think the last six months of seven, seven have been the

best that I have seen you in so many ways for a long, long time. And it was, yeah, dude, you were way more present, way more involved with things way less willing to hear any shit from anyone.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, you were, but you were thoughtful, you were concise, and you were still fun. I think part of your thing is that you think you're not fun if you're not drinking, and it's not true. I think what the thing I miss the most is the, the like, the rip the towel off feeling of having a cocktail of like, fuck it, I wasn't going to drink, let's drink. You know what the thing is though, dude, that, yeah, you say that. Seems a little more thoughtful these days.

Yeah, but you still have a, you still have a ripped a towel off energy without it. That's your natural energy. You still walk into a room with ripped a towel off. You don't have to have it. Yeah. Yeah, it's in you. I think so. I think I just, I think it's, I think it's been such a transition.

I think all the trauma that happened to me, you know, with getting the blood caught, bus burning down, dog dying, girls going to college. And then all of a sudden, all of it just showed up on my front door one day. And I was like, I was like, dude, I didn't process any of it. I just quit drinking. I didn't process any of the shit that happened to me. That's a really good thing to know. And then you know you have to, you can't just go, I haven't processed it. Now you have to actually work at processing it.

I'm doing it in therapy. Yeah, that's great, man. That's how you do it. That scared the fuck out of me. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. What? Oh, this is the guy. This is the guy.

This is the guy. You found it. I've been kind of obsessed with this idea that I heard this week of a cringe cancellation. So you can cancel somebody because they did something illegal. You can cancel somebody because they said something reprehensible or whatever it is. But there's a much more pernicious type of cancellation, which is I think what people are attempting to use comedians for, which is, I want you to make this person's brand equity so toxic to be associated with that they become cringe canceled. Yeah. And this may be not

even done in advance. If you get marked enough, right? Like if you, if somebody makes fun of something about you enough, then that can be all that's associated with you. So then what do you see online, if I can point your comedic talents to something that makes you cringe? Like, I'll tell you what makes me cringe that I wish I could I could cringe cancel. Yeah. Is people who their brand is sobriety on Instagram. Like their brand is their sobriety. They have a podcast about sobriety.

They talk about sobriety. You are so obsessed with this topic. I am. You are so obsessed with this topic. I am obsessed with I'm obsessed with I follow a couple people, Tom. I sent you one. Do you remember the one I sent you about the lunatic? in Miami.

And then I said, dude, check this out. And then she blocked me. I don't remember this. Oh, it's in our, it's on our chat. And then I'm obsessed with this other guy. He doesn't know that I follow him. He doesn't know who I am. And he's in and out of rehab every fucking day.

And you can almost, and when he goes into rehab, he's like, got such a head on his shoulders. And then immediately he's like, dude, fuck this Burger King rehab. They fucking suck. I'm going on and getting my dick suck by whores. I'm going to get some smoke some crack. I'm obsessed with all that. But I think that's what feeds in my algorithm.

them too. Those, um, those guys who are like, here's how you, here's how you like win the day, um, you know, maximize time and like you got to sleep three hours. Like those like kind of male coaches, business guys, they're super cringy. And they get made fun of a lot as they should because it's a, it's a very artificial thing they do. Like it's not an authentic thing. That's why they're, that's by they're being made fun of, I think the most, is that it reads like, you know, this is, this is a performance. Yeah. But you're trying to sell it like it's really you. You know, I get up at three and I fucking, I run my six miles. And if you don't have abs, you're a bitch. And you're just like, everyone's got abs. Yeah, everyone's got abs here. It's like, it's such

nonsense. So they get, they do, they are, I mean, I don't know that those guys are quite at the, where they are canceled. Yeah. But they're, they give you, they give the fodder for, for being mocked every day as they fucking should. Dude, it's hysterical when you see them, like, show you what their day is and they're like, and it starts with an alarm clock and it's like 423 and it's alarm clock and you see them get out of bed and you realize they put their phone on a tripod and filmed themselves getting up a second time to show them get out of bed the first time. And then they're like, stop, move the thing.

Then they go into the kitchen and then they film themselves getting a scoop of honey. Yep. And then... And then fuck, that didn't go well. Get a new bowl. Fucking angle the light. And then they're putting band-aids on their nipples for the second time. And then they film themselves running, which I've done. Yeah.

It's hysterical to film yourself running because you have to put a camera somewhere, run backwards, and then run. Yeah. It's the opposite of running. It's you're running backwards to run forwards and then grab the camera. They never show them editing the bit. And then my favorite is like at like 10 in the morning, they sit down to work. And you just see them at a table in front of a laptop,

like, tut, tut, tut, tut, tut, tut. And like, what are you selling? And then they have someone to bring something to them. Yeah. It's so fucking great. I'm handling calls, doing business. Yeah. The cringiest thing in life is when a guy,

it's usually a guy, does a business call where he's muscling someone. So what he's doing is he's letting everybody know that he doesn't take any shit. Yeah. That, I've seen that in real life. And I think that's what, like when a guy's like, I don't give a fuck who they think they are.

Tell them I'll fuck them up. Send that shit to me right fucking now. And you're just like, who you're doing this here in the lobby? Like, go to your room, man. It's such a, it's such a fake flex of like, you don't fuck with me. It's like, yeah, no, we all know. When they do it in the lobby of Marriott and they got their earpieces in, they're like, who?

Put them on. Yeah. It's the fucking greatest. Yeah. What? Oh, I thought they said, oh, they thought they gave us the name. No, no. Did you see, have you seen the Michael Jackson documentary or movie?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. There's actors who are cringe. We can't talk about him. Oh, let's do it. No, you can't? Let's do it, just bleep about it. First of all, I can I tell you, and I'm not saying, I'm not talking about us.

I know we're actors. Yeah. I mean, the majority actors are kind of cringe. Yeah, no, for real. It's a crazy dog. It's the thing. It's the same thing. in what makes you cringe in an actor is what makes you cringe from these online people.

It's the inability to be authentic. A cringy person is like a phony and a cringy actor is one whom you don't believe. And you watch someone and you're like, ugh. It's just the thing that makes you go like, Jesus is that you're like, I don't believe you. What you're doing isn't reading as the real emotion or intention, right? So it's the same thing. And that's why authenticity always works. Like you don't hate a business coach or a sobriety coach or any of those who's like the real deal.

Yeah. Because it reads. You hate the performative ones who, like it's their whole identity and they're just, they're inauthentic. Yeah. It makes you go like, this is gross. And it's the same thing with an actor. You're like, ooh, I don't believe this at all. It's it is bizarre to think that some of our favorite actors in the world were like that we thought were men.

Oh yeah. Like they just weren't. There were just guys who looked in the mirror a lot. Yeah. And I'll tip my hat. When you find one who you're like, if you discovered someone in a movie, you're like, that motherfucker's a badass. And then you see him in an interview and it's like a, like their real persona and they're totally not like that. Then I go, that's a great fucking actor.

Yeah. Somebody who tricks you. Okay. So let's break down actors that we love that we think are the person they say they're going to be in all the movies. Number one, Benicio Deltoro. Oh, he's been fantastic actor. But he is, okay. He's fantastic.

Across the board, possibly one of the best actors. Yeah. Across the board. Oh, he's fucking dynamite, dude. And in real life. Yeah. I think he's still that guy. I think he's probably a fucking awesome dude

That's my take on him But I don't know him I don't know him at all I want to meet him because I want to find out if he's that guy Like cool kind of smoky Kind of just holds his words back Assesses the room Like I wonder if it's because he's big

Because he was always a man right And he's Puerto Rican So like that not everyone's very big in his culture Yeah he's like the tallest guy in the fucking How tall is he? He's like 6, 8 How tall is he by the How tall is Benicio del Toro?

say he's over six. He's got to be, dude. He's six, six. No, but he's got to be. But he said

D'Oro is no way under six to three. Six, two. No. Yeah. Look at that fucking face. Yeah.

That's a handsome guy, dude. Like, I think if he started in Only fans and just started piping jicks, yeah. How fucking great would that be?

Now? He's just doing that. Now, he's like, I'm done with movies. I flip ya. Yeah. I flip yeah. Yeah, no,

I think he's, He's fucking amazing, dude. All right. What a great actor. So Benice L. Totoa, same as guy's guy's guy. He's like, I just think, well, what I'm saying is I just think he is so good at what he does that you believe him and everything he does. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Whatever the role is, you believe it because he really becomes that. Yeah. And I think that's what we love about comedic actors is, you know, they're goofy, lighthearted fools. Yeah. And then when you get like the man's man actor, like Denzel. I think Denzel has to be as cool off as on. I like this era of Denzel, meaning like over 70,

where he's like, look, I've done fucking, like he's done everything and he has no zero filter now. So like he doesn't even pretend because you realize you have to kind of, you have to do the thing when you go to like, you know, promote. And like now he's just like cut the bullshit. That's how he is in every interview. now, I think it's, it's awesome. Delroy Lindo. He's awesome, dude. Man's man. Like the Danny Glover. Yeah, he was awesome. Like it's, okay, so then if we're, who are the ones that you think? Like,

now I'm going to throw out some wild names, okay? Okay. And this is a safe place because I know his children. Who's the, who was the guy Sam? What was the Sam? Rockwell? No, the older guy. Didn't he just? Oh, Sam Harris. Richardson? Sam. What is it? The guy with the mustache? Yeah. Is it Richardson?

Oh, Elliot. Sam Elliott. That guy. That's a fucking. That's a real man. Harrison Ford. Tom Selleck. Love Harrison Ford.

Tom Selleck. It's great. Yes. These are like the men's men of actors. And you know what's cool about him is that he... Look at him in that fucking James purse. Yeah. Look at him.

Look at his biceps, look at his forearms, look at his watch, look at his fucking face. No, he's awesome. And he's, in this photo, he's fucking like 80. He's 80 years old and he's fucking, he'd still build a house. Build a house. Flies planes, has crashed twice. Fuck, Calista Harc, Fluck. And not only does he smoke, he used to sell it.

So you know he's a fucking fun hang. Okay, now we're going to get into some secret. territory. Okay. And we're not bleeping any words out. Okay. Your best friend, Brad Pitt. Is he? Now, hold on. No, because he's not that generation we talked about. He's younger than all those guys. He's probably what, 56? 63. He's not 63. Yeah. BP 63? 62. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Now, is BP? Is he, is he an actor or is he a man? Who acts? Is he an actor who acts like a man or is he a man who acts like an actor?

Wait, I got confused. I'm confused that what you're asking. Yes. Is he, okay, is he like Denzel Delroy, fucking Danny Glover, fucking James Edward almost, fucking Ryan Garcia, not Ryan Garcia, Rich Garcia, Jerry Garcia, fucking Vinnie Garcia. What's his name? Fucking, who, come on, guys. Andy Garcia?

Andy Garcia. Is BP? Is George Clooney? like those guys. Look at Andy Garcia. I met Andy Garcia. He was taking acting classes with my next door neighbor.

Isn't that crazy? He was? Yeah. Andy Garcia's. I'm not sure it was Andy Garcia. Now that I say that story, like I tell a story sometimes and it reads for me and I just go with it.

And then as I recounted, I go, why was Andy Garcia taking acting class? And you see, I was just trying to figure the shit out still. That's cool, man. Yeah, that's a crazy ass. Pass me that lighter. Ed Harris. Ed Harris.

Do you see what Ed Harris did to the fucking 666 ranch? What? I'm trying my best to think fast. These are the words coming. Did you see what Ed Harris? They go, hey, you're in the new Taylor Sheridan movie. Yes, dude. And Ed Harris is like, fuck them.

They promised me it. It wasn't it. Fuck them. No, he shit on the experience. I saw that. He was like, it was kind of bold, right? He was like, they told me I was going to be doing. this and that. I feel like I

totally underutilized. It made me like train to sing and then they cut the singing out. So I went and sang on the show and then they cut it out. Yeah, that was, you know, you have to be that level to fucking say that on a red carpet. About Taylor Sheridan. Yes. Taylor Sheridan. Taylor Sheridan,

so every generation, someone has to reimbend Hollywood, right? This is Taylor Sheridan's generation. He has reinvented television and streaming. into viral fucking shows that are undeniable. By the way, I'm going to say this. Yeah. No lie. Yeah.

And people can give me shit if they want. Taylor Sheridan is the real deal. Like he can really run cattle, fucking brand them, slaughter them, ride horses. He's the real deal. I actually don't know. I met him one time. He ordered wine like he was the real deal. Yeah.

He was fucking, he was cool as shit. I was next to Rogan. And Rogan's a real guy. Yeah. For sure. Rogan's the legit real guy. Definitely. I agree with that.

Keep going into actors. I've never seen any of the shows, but I did see. Are you serious? I've never seen any of his shows. I've never seen any shows. I'm being honest. Wow. He is.

His shows are. I mean, it's Leanne's favorite shows. I've never seen one either. But I heard they're good. What? Just go with me. Okay, fine. Look, I'm not the real deal, Tom.

I got it. I got it. I got it. Um, go ahead. Billy Bob Thornton. Man. Real deal. Real deal.

I don't think there's a fucking guy that's more fun to watch on camera than Billy Bob Thornton, dude. I fucking love watching. You know what I rewatched the other night? I was out of nowhere. I rewatched. Do you want me to pretend listen or just tell you my story? Pretend listen. I was watching, uh, burn after reading again.

I, I've never seen that with Brad Pitt's in it. You've never seen that? He's wearing the red shirt. Yeah, he's the trainer. I just saw something. Bert, you should watch this. Yesterday I said that. I had not seen it in years, and I've seen it a couple of times.

And I was like, would I enjoy watching this again? I think I would. And it was such a fucking fun ride. All the performances are incredible in it. Clooney, Pitt, J.K. Simmons, Tilda Swinton. Oh, my God. What's her name? Francis McDormon.

She's amazing. Malcovich is fucking. It's so goddamn good, dude. Oh, let's play this game. You have to fucking watch this movie. And it's so funny. It's so fucking funny. You'd love this movie.

Do I get to tell my story now? I've been thinking of, you know what I've been getting into lately is fragrances. Okay. Are you? Absolutely pivot into this conversation. Have you ever done like a dive into it? I've never really actually, like all I've known is like, yeah, people, And then I learned about how a fragrance actually works, how there's hook notes, heart notes,

bass notes. This is like the scent you first take in and then what kind of like stays there and then what the kind of like the foundation of it is and how it changes culture to culture. Like I had this conversation with a Jordanian guy about. They love fragrances. Dude, the Middle East is so intense with their fragrances. Why? I don't know why, but I know that like the application of the fragrances there is much heavier. They love Oud. Like that's. Oud. Oh yeah. I know Oud is like, but that's very like people are pallet sensitive to the certain sense. Like some people like Musk or Sandler or Iris. Tell Kyle to bring up my fragrances that are downstairs. Okay. This is a great line of conversation.

It was fat. It's a fascinating thing. It's like somebody goes, I have a glass of wine. And then you meet somebody. who knows wine and you kind of go like, oh shit. And then they're explained to you, well, this is a made in Argentina and here's why. And this is the type of, you know, you get a mallbec and it pairs with this. And then you have the pairing and you're like, holy shit, that really, that really is amazing when you pair it like that. And you're like, yeah, of course. And you go, oh, if you actually dive into something, it kind of is fascinating. I'm more fascinated by the fact that culturally around the world, like people's noses are.

like leaning towards certain things and not something else. Stop, stop, stop. That is the most informative thing I've ever gotten since Balthazar Getty texted me yesterday and said, FYI, Indians and black people lived in ancient Greece. Really? He texted me. He's mostly in two bears. I was like, there's an Indian guy.

I didn't say anything. He's like, FYI, Indian people and black people lived in ancient Greece. Okay. Please. And I know people in the comments are going to be like, God, it seems like Tom's talking nonstop. you never told you sorry about Billy Rob Thornton. Please tell me. Yeah.

Because I'm fascinated in different areas of the world have different scents that they are drawn to. Yeah. Tell me more. Well, did you know also that like the fragrance people where they tell you to apply is that most people go in like the whole thing is they apply here? And you know what they say you're supposed to do? You're supposed to play it on top of your hand. And do you know why? So if you slap a woman?

Sort of. But you also gesture. all day. And when you gesture, you're waving, otherwise you're burying it underneath and you're pushing it down. It's interesting, right? Bring me my fragrance. Oh, wow. So I got really into fragrances. You did. It was after seeing a Sebastian show. Sebastian loves his fragrances. He has a fragrance from the front of him and the back of them. I think that it's called layering. Yeah, of course. So what do you have there? This is, it's, I think it's all Tom Ford. Okay. So Tom Ford. So Tom, so Tom, Ford. This is the one I like the color. I like to the color of the bottle.

Okay. So that's my favorite. So here's what you do now. Okay. Are you ready to Google? Yes. Type in Tom Ford, Mandarino di Amalfi notes. So now I'll tell you why I like it, because it reminds me of fresh open unbuttoned shirt, the ocean. Yes. So okay. Now you want to see what? Look how it's made. It's made with lemon. grapefruit, mint, basil, tarragon, black, those are the top notes. The middle notes, orange blossom, jasmine,

Clarice, she's note, coriander, and black pepper. And then the base notes, like what kind of sticks through the day with it, musk, which is a very powerful scent

that you find across a lot of fragrances. Vettiver, amber, lab denim, and civet. I don't know what half of these are, but I don't know either. This is,

it does feel like an open shirt. It does, doesn't it? Yeah, dude. That's what I smelled. That's a great description. It feels like an open shirt. And it's a good, it feels like you're on vacation.

I love the citrus. Grapefruit, lemon, mint, basil. I love. Jasmine, I love orange blossom. I love sage. I remember the first time I smelled sage. And they hit like the description. I like it too because it says bright citrus and then warm, earthy base notes.

Wow. Okay. Do this one. Tom Ford Costa Azura. Here, tell me this one. Okay. I don't remember what that one smells like. Okay.

Hold on. I'm not even going to look. Let's see. Oh, yeah. It's definitely, it's way different. Yeah, right? Yes. So, what do you have?

Cypress, lemon, and oakwood. Oh, wow. You have incense, vanilla. I love vanilla. Oak. Myrtle? Like, as in crate, myrtle. But it is.

Coastal evergreens and deep woods, buddy. Let me see that one. Now let me... So I got, when I was in Paris with Leanne... Yeah? I went into a place. I like it. Maybe I'll start wearing sets.

I mean, it's a fun... I bet you're going to get real obsessive. What's the last one? I don't know. I think this is a sponsor, so I was nervous to wear it. You were? I was nervous to bring it up. Oh.

I think that's... What is that one? Macau? M-A-C-E-O-M-A-C-E-O-O. And then it's La F-O-O-E-O-O-F-O-L-I-E-D-O-O-O-O-E-D-A-O-O-D-A-O-E-D-A-O-O-D-O-E-O-K-O-K. Okay. Oh, that's a whole... Okay.

This might be from a famous person. Really? Because you know I got into buying the sense of famous people. What does this say though? Oh, they're not shared. Hmm. Okay. So this was given to you? So I got into buying sense of famous dudes. Oh, you find out what the dude wore? Well, I was in Paris with Leanne and we went into this place and the guy's like, you were a clone and I said, no, I don't. I said, if I go to a Sebastian show, but that's about it. And he said, And he said, oh, we have some great, some of the oldest colognes in Paris. I said, you had the one in Napoleon Warren?

He goes, as a matter of fact, we do. I think I remember you mentioning this. And I was like, shut up. And so I bought Napoleon's cologne. And I liked it. And then I went home and I bought Elvis. I bought JFK. I bought Winston Churchill.

This is what's going to have. Yeah, you're going to really like this out. And I was like, and I would say tonight's kind of like a JFK. a JFK night. Yeah. And I'd pump it on. Elvis was aggressive. Was it?

Oh, yeah. It smelled like Elvis. If you put it on. Here's what I like about it is, is the fact that you could spray that and be like, oh, yeah. This makes sense that this is what, this is him. Yeah. Yeah.

And JFK's was, JFK's was crisp. It felt like a rich upper crust guy. Yeah. Napoleon's was really bright. I liked Napoleon's a lot. what is really fun and this is in my limited like just learning a little bit about this i think it's fascinating not just to find what you like but what you hate do you know what i mean uh i hate the

ones that uber drivers wear they smell like a gerbils cage i i smelled one that my description of it i was like oh this smells like a cheap candle like somebody gave you i was like yeah this is expensive Like this smells like a shitty candle and that really fucking threw me off. Here's what we're going to ask you to comment in the comments. Yeah. How many pumps of Cologne does a man put on? What you're supposed to. We already know what some people do.

So just tell us what you think you're supposed to. Also, if you have insight into this, I would like to know. Yeah. I would like to know if you're like, oh, I'm from whatever, the Caribbean or South America. We like this. In Europe, we like this. That, I think, is super interesting. Are these famous colognes?

See, here's the thing. I would argue, I would argue clones. I don't know if, I don't know if a celebrity, like Tom Ford knows what he likes, right? His clones do very well. But I don't know if, like, Brad Pitt should do a cologne. I know Johnny Depp did Savage. Yeah, but that's just endorsements, right?

Yeah, I don't know. if you should ever tether yourself to a cologne because unless you wear it all the time. The crazy thing is the power of like a Brad Pitt because if he was just like, I wear this. Everyone would wear it. It would skyrocket. Yeah.

Just because they're like Brad Pitt wears this. Yeah. I'd like to know what Brad Pitt is musk by Lorenz. Personal signature scent. Wow. Chanel number five. What's the most famous cologne ever? That's a pretty popular one, I think.

Chanel number five? I mean, I think so. Remember Dracar? Dude, hold on. Nothing smells better than Dracar noir or obsession for a man. What I remember is that for me, when I was in seventh grade, it probably came out before them, but when I was in seventh grade, so you would have been like, I don't know, just like college?

You had just graduated at FSU, and I'm in seventh grade. And what I remember is never. My memory is just never having thought about it. Somebody had it and I was like, yo. Do you remember his name? Do you remember his name? He has Mark DeStefano. And then also your hormones are changing.

And then you're like, this smells good. Oh, girls will like this. And you get it and you're like, you feel, first of all, you felt like a man. You felt like, I guess I'm kind of sophisticated. Yeah. And like, mom, I need you to take me to get some Draccar right now. Dracar was the best. It was the best.

It was the best. Dracar Noir. That has to be one of the most successful ones. of all time. That and obsession by Calvin Klein. Calvin Klein. CK1. Go to Calvin Klein Obsession. I thought it was CK1 that was even more.

Maybe it was obsession. Do you remember that bottle? Calvin Klein Obsession. That was for men? That was the men's fragrance. Yeah. Dude, ninth grade, Sean Hooker was like, what are you wearing tonight?

And I was like, just a shirt. And he was like, no, Ducar Noir obsession. And I was like, and I had no idea. Yeah. And Kaman, Lizarre put on Dachar noir. Sean Hooker put on Duccar. And I was like,

I smelled it. And I'm being serious when I say this. Yeah. I smelled it and I liked it. You did. And I was like, dude, that smells cool. And they're like, yeah, it's how you get pussy. And I went,

where they like chill on the sprays? And they're like two more. And man, we rolled into a party like we were selling the shit. Yeah, that's pretty cool. And that was the best smell I'd ever had. The polo one that they just saw, I remember we got that. But a rat died in our wall. And my sister Annie just sprayed the polo all over it.

So anytime I smell polo, I think of a rat dying on our back bathroom walls. Oh. Well, you use, I mean, Google, what are the most successful, like, fragrances of all the time? I have to, I have to see these. CK1. CK1. CQ1. Yeah, Aqua by Georgia Dior Savage.

Wow. That's pretty crazy. now what now I don't think I know but the most sold is Chanel number five yeah Ralphie May bought Leanne Joe Malone Joe Malone yeah yeah that's a fragrance maker too yeah and man that shit smelled incredible yeah they have a whole bunch of stuff they put out yeah Ralphie May bought her like that's really cool Ralphie was a really interesting guy he was generous too generous and he and he found out like Leanne like Joe Malone and I don't I think I I think I'm a very simple scent guy.

Like, I don't want, like, here's my theory about sense. Yeah. And I've shared this with Kyle who oversense. I told him, I said, I don't want you to put on enough clone for both of us. Just put it on for you. And then we should only smell you when we get close to you. We shouldn't smell, like, oh, Kyle's coming. Yeah, yeah.

Like, that's how Kyle puts on Cologne. He said seven pumps. Kyle, come up if you disagree. Seven pumps. Do you hear him yelling? screaming. Yelling downstairs. Dude, I worked with a black guy named PJ.

25. And I was like, yo, he goes, bitches be liking the shit, man. I was like, all right. I had to open the window. I'd be in a car with him. I was like, I hope Kyle comes up here to disagree.

Every time I said, buddy, we got to cool on the clone. And then I said, hey, listen, man, I understand that you don't make the same money I do. But my nose has rich sense. I don't want to smell targeting. clone. Wow. I go, can I said, can I buy you expensive clones? Because I'm going to smell it. Yeah,

yeah. So I wouldn't mind smelling good stuff when you're here. Was he where, what was he putting on? Oh, he puts on like, uh, cool water. Cool water. Cologne. Cool water. And then, uh, he's, his clone sense are a great. It's army mentality clone. Yeah. So like, whatever was the issue in the, in the military. Yeah. He stayed with that. Whatever you could get on McDill Air Force base. We were just there. That's his clone. And you're like, yo, you got to step up your game. I'm smelling you. Yeah. That's a good one, right?

That blue one? I like it. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. And this is interesting. Really? I mean, it's interesting. I can't remember if that was expensive or not.

I don't know. I went in. It's really about what your nose like. So the very first time I ever made any money, I called, I called you and Christina. And I told you guys how much I made and you guys said you should buy yourself a present. Do you remember this story? Yeah. And I bought myself this.

the same fanny pack christina hat that's what you got i thought i thought that it was for you he said a picture and i went oh that's dope i'm gonna buy it and then i sent her a picture and she goes that's what you got leanne i was like to get it for me she's like that's mine i went oh and then i went we were balling leanne and i were balling we were rich we were rich we were rich now in my and look i look back we absolutely were not rich but i thought we were rich sure and i went in to a cologne shop same fucking in the crystals one into a clone shop one into a clone shop And I was like, he was a nice one too. It was like, uh, or maize or whatever's in that thing.

I was like, what kind of clothes do you guys have? And he was like, uh, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, what's your like best one? And he goes, oh, obviously it's this one. I said, great. I said, let me get a bottle. And he goes, big one or small one. I go big one.

And he was, great. All right. Wow. All right. And he pulled it out. And I didn't look at the price. And it was like fucking $3,000 or something. And as he was ringing it up.

And I went, oh, is that? And then I was, been left doing the math. I'm like, I'm like, $3,000. I'll be wearing that for the next 17 years. I was like, mate, I never wear a loan. Why am I betting the big one? And then I had to the guy, can I just get the small one?

He was like, I figured you were going to say that. And then he pulled out the small one. It was $700. I was like, oh, my God. I don't even know where it is. Of course. I think it's, I think it's in, I think it's in my, in Leanne's bathroom, not my, we should we have different bathrooms now.

Please find it. Please go find it. So I worked to Sebastian's, show. Okay. And I went up to him, I go, how do you smell? He goes, I can't smell you. I got so much on. He wears a, he knows, yeah, he wears a scent for his front. Yeah. And his back. And his back. It's amazing. Sebastian Manascalco. So like, when you break apart comedians, right? Yeah. Like, when you break apart comedians, I think, I think I'm a fascinating, like, if you studied me,

you'd go, and you have to sit in my therapies. Yeah. I think it would be really fascinating. I was thinking about doing therapy and putting it out as a podcast after I've done therapy. Just releasing it as like an amazing idea. For real? Yeah. I think about because I'm getting a brand new therapist next week. That would be a fucking amazing. With what I'm going through and just be 100% honest.

And obviously like the way Jonah Hill did his, you put it out and then you obviously you take anything you don't want to know. Yeah. And but do it. You are a fascinating because I can't understand what moves you. Like you're like I can't understand what drives you. Like, you're a fascinating person. That's why I like you.

It's why I also, like, look at you sideways sometimes. Sebastian Manascalco is a study. Because he is, he is a hairdresser's son from Chicago. Yeah. He is authentically Italian. Yeah. I mean, you ask him questions and his answers are so much better than sometimes than things he says on stage. When I said to him, I said to him on a two bearers.

This is one of my favorite. I go, I go, and it's the way he says it. I said, so when you get up in the morning and you go to make coffee, are you in like gym shorts or your underwear? Like how do you? And he looks at me, he goes, I'm in a robe. And I go, what kind of robe do you have? He goes, depends the season.

I said, what? And he goes, I got four different robes for the four different seasons. And daytime and nighttime robes. Yeah. I find that so fast. Yeah, it's awesome. He's committed to it. But he's not an act.

No, it's who he is. It's who he is. The very first time I ever met him, he was putting on, like, knee-high socks with stirrups and brand new cleats and risk, like, two wristbands. And we were going to go play home run derby. And he was putting on the outfit, like sliding shorts. And I thought he was doing a bit.

And I couldn't stop laughing. And he was like, what? What's so funny? And I go, what are you dressing up for? And he goes, we're playing home run derby. You're wearing that? And I was like, oh my, like he's just. And that's why it's so funny, though.

It's because it's who he is. The best comics, my favorite comics, my favorite people. My favorite people are the ones who when you say things authentically like you do, they get confused at how different you are than them. Joe Rogan is my favorite curious look. Do you remember this day? we walked in and he casually said to you, I can do a split.

Yeah. And I said, yeah, we can all do splits show. He was like, what? Yeah. I go, we can all do splits show. It's not a big deal. Everyone does splits. And he goes, you can do a split?

And he goes, you can do a split. And he went like this. Let me see, let me see you do a split. And I go, I'm wearing jeans. I'm, yeah, okay. So I start to do the split and I realize I can't do a split. Yeah. And I go, that's as far as I can go.

And he goes, yeah, it's not a split. And I go, yeah, who can do a fucking split? He goes, it's not a split. I go, why yeah, who can do a fucking split? He goes, I can. Yeah, then he goes, why would you say you could do that? And that's because he wasn't, he didn't really know you. And I was like, well, that's kind of what he does.

And then he was like, but why the fuck would you say you could do that? And you were like, I don't know, I just thought. And he was like, no, the take, you have to work at that. And you were like, I don't know, I just thought maybe I could do it. He was like that. He was so confused. Who says you can do that? I don't think people give, Joe gets a lot of love.

But I don't think, I think we've gotten to see a very special side of that human being. For sure. That I think is so, the word precious is the right word, but it's the wrong word for him. I have to pee so bad. I'll keep talking. I don't need you here. As a matter of fact, when you're out of town doing your movie, let's just do it this way. Can we get Tom to go, interesting story, Bert?

Keep going. Hey guys, now that Tom's gone, I'd love to tell my Billy Bob Thornton story. Can you just we don't need him here You just get reaction shots of him Yeah okay So I'm at the CMAs I'm hosting I'm introducing Shibuzi And Stephen Wilson Jr. Tom

I had the best joke Really? For Shibuzi that they wouldn't let me tell Yeah And I want to run it by you first Oh my God, did I tell you about When I met Steve Martin there? What was he like?

Okay, I'll tell you the story I'll tell you Steve Martin Then I'll tell you Shibuzzi and Stephen Wilson Jr. And then I'm gonna tell you Billy Bob Thornton And why I love Billy Bob Thornton so much Okay So I show up and they're like, hey, we need you to run prompter.

Now, what I wanted to write to introduce Stephen Wilson and Shibuzzi, and I know Stephen Wilson, Jr. very well. I actually know Shibuzzi pretty well. I love Shibuzzi. I saw him do when I hosted the New Year's Eve event with Jelly the year before. I saw Shibuzzi warm up by myself in a field. It's just me. And Shibuzzi singing, I'm a drum another drum whiskey.

Jack Danzo, and I was floored. Okay. Yes, floored. And I enjoyed it so much. I was cheering for him, and he remembered that. I see him at the thing.

I ran to Ella Langley that night, too. Really? Which was like one of the coolest things. She had won all the awards, and I was walking backstage, and all I said was congratulations. And then she went, oh, my God,

if my brothers knew I was standing next to the machine, they'd be losing their mind. And I was like, I was floored that Ella Langley knew who I was. She's so fucking. talented. Definitely. Anyway, to go back to my Shibuzi story. So this is the intro I wanted to say for Shabuzzi and Stephen Wilson Jr. Oh, I had to do a tie in with hot chicken. Okay. And I wanted, and I had to say, we had hot chicken. Once again, another thing that white people stole from black people and made a ton of

money. And then I was going to go here to take what white people stole from him back, Shabuzi. It was a good, It was a good line. It would have been better if you were here, I would have told us to it much better. Definitely. Anyway, so I'm at the CMAs and I'm backstage and it's a lot of celebrities. And I see Billy Bob Thornton. Really?

And I am. First of all, he's amazing to look at because everything about him is, it doesn't look like it's been thoughtfully done. It looks like he thoughtfully did it, right? Like his, he had a hat on with a, with a hang on i'm talking to tom yeah he had come on in you'll you catch a tail end of the story i was telling you so we're talking we're me and you were talking about billy bob thornton so i'm backstage at the c ms and he's got a hat on a ski cap and a hole in the ski cap for his ear

to show his earing i see him i'm a fan lian's a real fan lian's like redneck anything Dwight Yoakum and Jaysonly and loses her mind. And I casually go, Billy Bob, I, I think I said Billy Bob. Billy Bob, I'm such a fan. And this guy has people all around him. Everyone's trying to get him.

And he just comes over and he goes, hey, thank you. Like makes eye contact, extends his hand, shakes my hand, and he goes, I'm Billy, what's your name? I said, Bert. And he goes, good to meet you, Bert. I said, I'm a stand-up comedian.

He goes, I love comedy. I love comedy. What are you guys here for? And I said, you know, I start telling this, that and this and that. Someone with him, goes, he had the Red Clay Strays on his podcast. And he goes, I love those boys. And he goes, can I tell you, I wrote a song for them to play for my show Landman. And I had just had the guys on

that had they had their recording of it that he hadn't even heard yet. And I go, I heard that song. And he goes, what? I said, I'm friends with them. They played it for me today. And he was like, what did you think? Billy Bob Thornton so genuinely interesting. and authentically like a regular guy. Yeah. And the thing is, Tom, I want to be like that a little more, but you can't force it. You are who you are.

Yeah. You are who you are and you can't try to be different than you are. Yeah, that's the most important thing. What were we talking about when you were here? I don't remember that P was like a life-changing experience. Yeah. So great. It was a lot of fun.

It was a great time. I love doing these podcasts with you. We should announce right now we're going back to one. a week. We're going back to once a week. We're going back to once a week, everybody. And I would also like to say Tom and I are going to absolutely do our best. And when we say this, we both committed to two bears being me and Tom. We want to thank all our guest bears. Stabby, DeStefano, all the people that sat in for us and there's a list of them. We love, and we will have guest bears when appropriate, when needed. If it's the last case scenario. And I'm going,

I'm going into a production soon, but we're still going to make that work. We're going to make it work. And if when we can't, we just want you to bear with us and know that we did everything we can to make it work. Yes. Because you listen to this podcast means a lot to us. We created this genre that everyone now is doing so well in. You're welcome, Mark Norman's Amarrel. Shane Gillis, Matt McCusker, Stavi, Krista Stefano, Janus Poppis, Legion of Skanks. You're welcome.

We created the genre. That's a joke. Now clip that out and get everyone outraged so they watch the next episode. That's a pretty good idea. No, but thank you guys so much for the support. Thank you for watching. And this was fun, man. I love you.

I love you to do. See you guys next week. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes top of the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean. Here's what we call. Two bears one cave.