2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Catfights Make The WNBA Interesting | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: July 14, 2025

SPONSORS: - Start your free online visit today at https://Hims.com/BEARS. - Go to https://quince.com/bears for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. - Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/bears! #squarepod - Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer go deep on sports. They talk about Brett Favre's fall from grace, the greatness of the 2001 Baltimore Ravens, the unbeatable aura of Tony Siragusa, and the dynamic duo of Caitlin Clark and Sophie Cunningham. Before that, Bert shares some stories about going over to T-Pains house. The bears also discuss how violence has made the WNBA more watchable, how good the ESPN "30 For 30" documentaries are, and the most unbelievable races people participate in. Plus: Bert tells a story about how he almost chainsawed a leg off on skates, the Red Bull Flutag, rat catchers, Bert's chicken murder mystery, and more! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 297 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:17 - T-Pain 00:10:08 - Brett Favre: Hero Or Villain? 00:19:15 - Tony Siragusa & The 2001 Baltimore Ravens 00:30:38 - Caitlin Clark & Sophie Cunningham 00:37:58 - Bert Almost Lost A Leg Skating 00:42:28 - Red Bull Flutag 00:49:23 - The Most Insane Race 00:57:11 - Rat Collectors 01:05:54 - Chicken Murder Mystery 01:11:02 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's everybody? Summer is here and we've got some awesome new stuff in the YMH store. Survive this godforsaken heat long enough to check out the entire summer collection available now at store.ymhstudios.com. 100% Bertrand. Thomas. This is our last episode before the fans get what they want, which is new hosts. And we're going to go make magic. You're going to make a television show.

I'm going to make a movie. And yeah, I'm going to miss you, man. You're going to be in Atlanta with a whole crew of people. You're gonna have new friends and you're gonna get to know a city like you've never known it before. I mean, you think you know Atlanta, but not the way you're gonna know it now.

Ah. You're gonna give me all the... Magic City has the best wings in the world. Magic City, you're gonna know Magic City real well. You're gonna start telling me where to go get my... All my friends live in Atlanta. Do they? Yep, all my old friends live in Atlanta are white.

All my new friends that live in Atlanta are black. Yeah. You know this house I went to the other day? Who? T-Pain's. Where? Here? In Atlanta.

In Atlanta. I went and did his podcast. Did you really? Dude. Atlanta. I went and did this podcast. Did you really? Dude. Yeah. I'll just say, me and you have some money, but we don't have T-Pain money. I'm a huge fan of T-Pain.

Dude, T-Pain, T-Pain's house is astounding. I wish I had taken pictures around it. I would love to show it to you. It's first of all, it's in Atlanta. It's, I would say, you know, for the money, oh, are you just pulling it up? Oh, okay, nevermind. That's his house.

Damn. It is. Yeah, that's his house. Jesus Christ, that is his house. Holy shit. So, okay, do you see that? Hang on, stop, stop, stop's his house. Jesus Christ, that is his house. Holy shit. So, okay, do you see that? Hang on, stop, stop, stop in the middle. Stop in the middle, go up, right there, right there.

So I pulled in right there in between, pulled around and then into where those two things, Tom, 15 cars. Up on risers, fucking a donk. He's got fucking race cars. He's got a wraith. He's got a wraith. He's got every car. It's so fucking amazing.

And then, and here's the deal. This house was built by like a clear, by the way, Payne, I hope you appreciate what I'm gonna say and I hope it doesn't come off sideways. This was built by just rich white people, right? Some guy, no one builds a house for a rapper. They build a house for a rich white family. And you walk in and T-Pain has-

Has T-Pain'd it up? He has, it is, it is, Tommy, it's like the funnest fucking house you've ever been to. You like walk in, you're like, this is very nice, it's beautiful, it's gorgeous. And then they're like, basically they're like, come on. And then they pull a fucking book and the door case opens and you're like, what the fuck am I experiencing?

And then you go into what was once, I'm sure, a billiards smoking game room. It looks like you're in Tron and there's stripper poles everywhere. There's TVs on those sides. And I go to those TVs, they go click, click. Now they're windows. And you're looking outside, and there's stripper poles everywhere, there's TVs on those sides, and I go, there's TVs, they go click, click, now they're windows. And you're looking outside, they have cameras on the outside.

It's so funny. And he's a big Twitch streamer too, right? He loves to. His podcast setup, I told him, I said, I've been to the best podcast setups in the world. Nothing compares to him. Really? And it's a, we do a podcast.

And it's the funnest podcast I've done in a very long time because you know, my head, I was in production mode the whole time I was in Atlanta. And so all of a sudden I get a night off where it's like, we go out there at seven black dudes always have podcasts at seven o'clock at night. No black guy does like a noon podcast. It's like, you have 85 South to like show up around 11 45. You're like, are we doing an overnight? Go out to teepees at like seven 45. They have it catered, right? They have a whole dinner catered.

Everyone's around. There's like 15 people just hanging around. Yeah cocktails. His wife Amber made me the best fucking porousos cocktail I've ever had. It was crazy. Have you ever heard him sing sing? Yeah. Hold on. This guy he can really sing Nobody knew this I think for a long time It was all like oh they because everybody was like he's doing the you know, the what's it called? the auto tune the auto tune stuff and that he had like some big hits with it and then like you hear him actually On stage singing you're so yo, let me hold on hit pause. Just let me tell the story Mm-hmm. So I got the, I found a water pit, Kyle, thank you.

So, I'm trying to figure out the right place to tell this. I told this on his podcast. So, podcast is amazing. It's got two guest hosts. It's really fun. And we have drinks, We didn't end up doing five hours. And it was fucking awesome. Stick around, Kyle. Do not leave. And then he pulls out. This is why I bring this up. He pulls out.

Did you say five hours? Five hours. Five hours. And by the way, his night hadn't even started. It's now three in the morning and he's like, you want to hear some beats? And we're like, okay. And they are simply the best beats you've ever heard. And it's, what was it? Like it was, it was Jamaican Dubstep.

And he was, he's like, I'm fucking with Dubstep right now. And he was just, and Kyle is like, he's like, I don't want to leave. I go, we gotta go to work at fucking 10 in the morning. It's three in the morning and he's just started his work day. The podcast would have been like his afternoon thing. This is him going to work. Yeah.

Dude, it was so fucking fun. But to talk about, you have to do it. You have to do it. I'm so jealous. I called Cody Rhodes that night. I was like, Cody, you gotta do it. It's's funny shit. It's hysterical. And we did it on Juneteenth. So we were celebrating. Sure. For both sides. Yeah. And so. Yeah. So this is the thing you talk about singing. Now everyone's got their own

version of where they were when Babe Ruth hit the home run. You know, everyone's got their own version of where they were when Babe Ruth hit the home run. You know, everyone's got their version of that. But when T-Pain came to do Go Big Show, we had, we talked about this on the podcast, the very end of the podcast, or the very end of the Go Big Show, we got karaoke. We did our rap party like two days before the actual last day. I think they did it because they knew no one could test positive for COVID. We all tested positive for COVID. We all had COVID.

We all had COVID. Everyone that was on the show got COVID at this rap party. And Payne's there and he had, and the reason I bring this up is on the thing he had a hard ice, hard seltzer, whatever those are, hard seltzer. And he had one, and I had never had one before until that rap party. And I drank 10 of them and I got sicker than I've ever been. It was COVID, we found out. And he was like, I love these, I love these. And we were doing karaoke. Now, all anyone knew him was for autotune. And we were like, yo, Payne, go up and sing. And he's like, man, I can't sing. That's my whole thing.

I can't sing. I'm auto-tuned. And we're like, just sing. This is a whole cast and crew. I'm sitting next to Cody Rhodes and Rosario Dawson. And T-Pain goes up, no auto-tune, and bangs out warped. Generals gathered in their masses.

And we are sitting there like, holy fuck, he can sing. Now you cut to what he's doing today Yeah, and he's singing. I'm not saying we were there at ground zero. We were there the first day Yeah, but man we witnessed what we would call our ground zero. Yeah, and now he's killing and he looks amazing Look at how skinny he is. Yeah, it looks great Now he's really talented man He's uh, he's beyond talented and he's the sweetest guy in the fucking world.

Yeah, no, awesome. I'm a fan, dude. Set me up, I wanna do it. Oh, it's so, but his cars, you would geek out just over his cars alone. I bet. And his, like, it's, dude, by the way, I was on the first floor of what I think

is a four story mansion. I mean, it's crazy. And it's like, you know when you stand in like a, like I got a nice house, but if you stand in different certain parts of my house, you're like, okay. But like, if you, when you go to a rich person's house and everything sounds like, feels like it's dug into the ground. Everything's really solid. No doors squeak and nothing.

Dude. Cool. Amber made us the coolest. I'm going to find out the cocktail. I'm going to post it. Everything's really solid. No doors squeak and nothing dude Amber made us the coolest. I'm gonna find out the cocktail. I'm gonna post it. I'll text pain right now He's the sweetest guy You know, he's a guy he's like me and you where he can't stop working. Yeah, he has to work. He has to do something Or he Hey, can you get Amber to text me that recipe for the porousos drink? It was fucking incredible.

Comma also, you have to get Tom Cigarro on your podcast. Do you realize, you forget how many fucking bangers he has. Yeah. Like straight bangers. Yeah, he's put out hits, man. Yeah, he's put out big hits. No, that's all. I mean,'s put out hits, man. Yeah, he's put out big hits. No, that's all, I mean, that's fucking awesome, man. I also love that it's like,

it's almost like a rebirth of an artist in a way too, even though like he didn't, you know, stop, I'm saying, but like to see that somebody has this other side, it's very cool. He's, you know what's interesting about him is he is authentically a unique individual, meaning like, he's not, he's never who you think he is. Like, I find him so fascinating

because he's not one thing. Like, he is the exact reason you can't judge a book by its cover. Because he's so into so many different things and like, he's just a real curious brain. I fucking love him. That's awesome, man. Yeah.

That's awesome. Can I tell you, okay, two things. I have a bunch of things I wanna talk to you about. Have you watched the SAC exchange? The SAC exchange? On ESPN 30 for 30. Which one is that? Do you remember when we were kids,

Mark Gastineau, Joe Kleko? Yes, I, this is, I know what this is. Cause he is like super pissed that his sack record got taken by Strahan, I think. And Favre was involved. Favre kinda took a knee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that.

And gave it to him. And held him. Yeah. And youavre kind of took a knee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And gave it to him. And hugged him. Yeah. And you're like. But he's so. Did you see the video of him approaching Brett Favre? Yes. Yes.

Yeah. I mean. He's like, you really hurt me, man. You hurt me. No, Brett, you hurt me. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, no, I, yeah, whatever. He's like, oh, okay.

Brett Favre's like, I don't know if you know about me. Did you watch the far of doc? Okay. All right. Can you still love your heroes? Cause he was a hero of mine. Well, he was a hero to a lot of people. I mean, he was kind of like, I would say he was the NFL's most beloved

player for kind of a generation because he had that accessible persona and background. He's a Mississippi boy. I think there was another guy there who was like, yeah, it was like year three. He's like, what's cover two? And they're like, what? Like he didn't know anything about, you know what I mean? He's not like the, by the book guy. He was the guy who just like showed up gunslinger, right?

Just crazy. That's why we love Baker. Yeah. We love Johnny Manziel. Yeah. These guys are just like, and like. White quarterbacks can be like Brady and dialed in, or they can be like these, like a Steve Young, gunslinger.

Yeah, gunslinger and like, Farve, you know, extending plays, like magic, magic happens, you know, like it was, it felt like this magical thing and he was just like this, not even quite aw shucks, but just like, you know, you would think, you would think when you watch Favre play that if football paid $30,000 a year, that's what he'd be doing anyway. You know what I mean? Like, you couldn't even tell he was this multimillionaire guy and like, you couldn't, you just,

none of it really seemed to phase him. And so people were just like in love with this guy and like the stories in that doc are like, I mean, honestly, like the, what feels like, I think the worst is the last bit about like taking money that is earmarked for the poorest of the poor in Mississippi. And you're seeing the texts like, is earmarked for the poorest of the poor in Mississippi. And you're seeing the texts like, hey, they're not gonna find out

about me getting this money, right? And then you're like, and then he's like, ah, that wasn't, I didn't mean it like that. And you're like, wait, how'd you mean it? Summer's hotter weather is finally here, but don't let hair loss make you sweat. I mean, look at me. If you're starting to notice thinning hair,

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don't have the kind of money you think they have. And then you look at T-Pain, he's got't have the kind of money you think they have. And then you look at T-Pain, he's got more money than you ever think he's going to have. Well I don't, I really don't know. Because he's doing copper tone commercials, copper thing commercials. Yeah, but this- Worth a hundred million dollars? Why the fuck is he doing a copper-

Well there's a couple things about that. First of all, one thing you can figure out if you go to these net worth sites, it's just somebody going, I think this is what they're worth. Whoever wrote that does not have access to Brett Farve's financials. They don't have it to anybody. I looked at mine and I was like, that's not right. And I was like, yeah, but who? They don't know. They'll just cite things. They'll be like, he gets this much per show or per, you know, they don't know. Oh, that's fucked up.

They don't know. So they're making it up. You have no idea really what he has. He signed a 10 year contract extension around a hundred million dollars. In 01. In 01. And by the way, you got a figure.

So he keeps, what do you sign? If you signed for a hundred million dollars, what do you sign, if you signed for $100 million, what do you keep? $25 million? No, no, but well, first of all, with the NFL, it's always about what's guaranteed. It's not like baseball and basketball where it's all guaranteed. NFL, there's the contract and then what's the guaranteed amount? Because very few people play out their contracts in the NFL. Right? So you can see a contract where someone is signed for, you know, three years, 77 million, and then there'll be like 34 million guaranteed. Well, he's

for sure getting the 34. And then if he fills out the whole contract. Yes, but a lot of times- That's why John Sally, when he played, I think he played for the Lakers, right? John Sally at the end of his career played for the Lakers. Possibly. And he had, or Clippers maybe, but he had like a 125 million guaranteed contract,

and he was on Fox Sports, but still getting paid as an athlete. NBA is wild. NBA is insane. So his career earnings, so what he actually earned in the NFL is 141 it looks like. That's spread across four different franchises. That's a fucking crazy amount of money.

Ton of money. Yeah, and that's not endorsements. That's like his... He was an endorsement like Campbell's Soup and shit. He was endorsed by everybody for a while. Then why is he doing that copper... Because there comes a point I think, even when you made money like that, where he's probably like sitting around, he's 45 or something, and they're like, yeah, you have no income. Here's an offer to do this. Like, yeah, it'd be nice to have something coming in. Because you don't know, at that point, everything's going out, you know?

God, that's crazy. Yeah, it's nuts. And then he took money from underprivileged people. Well. Allegedly? Allegedly, yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know what's been proven. I'm saying in the doc, they kind of show you that it seemed like a pretty corrupt type of story, because it involved multiple levels of, yeah, I mean, I think the governor's office was involved and it is a crazy story, but it was one of those stories where you go. I would love to have Brett Farvon to defend that. I know you can't, but I would love to hear him on a podcast to defend it. Yeah. Yeah, look, he had a guarantee there for 101.

Jesus Christ. Are these all his earnings? I don't know. Drank olive oil for seven days. Yeah. Damn, he played for 16 years in Green Bay? That's a long time. So he's, so they were talking, I'm watching all the docs on 30 for 30.

Yeah. The best one, fucking an hour and 45 minutes, 2001 Ravens. Is that when they was a Super Bowl 2001 Ravens what a crazy fucking team Shannon Sharp fucking my guy goose yeah but like one of my favorite human beings I've ever worked with I've ever known my fate one of my favorite guys he I've ever worked with, I've ever known, one of my favorite guys, he worked, you know, he worked at Scripps for DIY. He gave me my man cave. He did?

He gave me my man cave. He gave me my man cave and he gave me extra, my man cave, he gave me $186,000 worth of man cave. Wow. And then he told me why. Why? He pulled me into his fucking thing and he goes we tried working with some of the other travel channel fucking people They're all fucking difficult You're not difficult. You're one of us

So all the money we have for all three of them. We're giving it all to you. That's all get all of it $186,000 you're my guy Bert. I was like, thanks goose. That's awesome. You get all of it. $186,000, you're my guy, Bert. And I was like, thanks, Goose. That's awesome. And then, and then, uh, and then, you know, I, his, if I've ever flown private, I've, it's Goose's charter. Oh, right, right. He started that. Yeah, Titan Aviation.

Shout out to Dirk, but that's Goose. That's Goose. It's all his children work for them. It's like in a weird way of, if you ever fly, you know, flying private, that's Goose. All his children work for them. It's like in a weird way, if you ever fly in private, it's expensive, but I don't mind knowing Goose's kids get it. You know? But Goose is, and you forget what a fucking star he was.

What a fucking personality. In this documentary, they brought the whole, the majority of the team back. Ray? Ray Lewis. Ed Reed was on that. Rod, Rod Woodson. Yeah. Trent Dilfer.

Yeah. Jamal Lewis. Smoking. Dude, they had just lost Ray Rice. Jamal Lewis had a 2000 yard rushing season and they found out he was chain smoking. It's insane. They're 30 for 30. They're, they're, they're hard knocks was the best hard knocks.

I remember that hard knocks. That was the best hard knocks there ever was. Yeah. And that documentary is amazing. And they filmed that documentary. Bullware was on that. Peter Bullware was on that team. They filmed that documentary right.

Two months before goose died. Really? Yeah that documentary right two months before Goose died. Really? Yeah, he died two months later. What is he, did he die of heart attack? Heart attack, yeah. 55 years old. And they ask him, Tommy, they ask him, what do you want on your tombstone?

They ask him that in the documentary? In the documentary, they're like, what do you want on your tombstone? And he said, he goes, you know what, I want my tombstone, I want a fucking highlight reel I want I want them being like hey I'm Tony Sarah Goosa I like I like spaghetti like hanging up my friends I like played football and then he goes I want a TV see what's on Goose's tombstone I think it the thing on his tombstone yeah it's pretty

fucking epic really I think type in Goose's tombstone Goose was a Goose was the greatest guy so we're sitting at up front Tom yeah and Goose's tombstone. Goose was the greatest guy. So we're sitting at up front, Tom. Yeah. And Goose does not fit in at all. He doesn't fit in the chairs. We're in a fucking theater and it's like, type in what is written on this tombstone.

Is that it? Anyway, he's sitting there. I'm sitting next to Andrew Zimmern. Andrew Zimmern used to have bizarre food. Where he'd eat like a cow testicle. And Goose was like, you know, he reminded me a lot of Patrice. He reminded me a lot of,

that reminds me a lot of Shane. just like a bully, like just like a fucking big bully. And Goose starts going, Bert, Bert. I was like, what's up? He's like, the guy next to you eats balls. I know. And he goes, no, no, no, tell him this whole role knows that he eats balls. I go, yeah.

And he goes, hey, tell him to turn around. I want him to see the look on my face when I tell him he eats balls. I go, hey, Andrew, I think he goes, I can hear him. Tony Zaragoza wants to talk to you and he goes, and he turns around and he goes, well, hello, Anthony. And Tony goes, hey, I seen you eat balls before. It was, he was. That's like middle school shit that he's doing to him.

When he did my man cave, when he did my man cave, he had a trailer. They had a trailer for him in front of my house. It was Goose's trailer. I'll be very candid, I love Goose. He was maybe there for the construction for a total of 30 minutes, okay? He was not a hands-on guy.

Jason did the majority of the lifting and their crew. Goose did it. He would show up, film a scene and he'd leave. Sometimes he'd show up early, smoke weed and you couldn't get him out of his trailer and then he'd film a scene and leave, but he'd been in his trailer. He had a trailer. So he comes and he, I'm doing work and then one of the PAs is like, hey, Goose wants you in the trailer. And I was like, okay. And they're like, just so you know, they're like drinking and smoking beer. And I had the day off, I was like, cool.

So I walk in the trailer and it's Goose, fucking smoking and drinking. And it hands me the joint and I hit it. And I hand it to the guy next to me and it's Kato Kaeland Kato? They were really close. He's sitting with Kato Kaeland. You're Kato Kaeland. He goes, yeah, I know. I was like, what's up man? He's like, I'm friends with Goose and I was like, oh cool. Just the weirdest. Yeah, but yeah that fucking doc is so good But Trent Dilfer says in that doc he goes I respect

Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers. They're great guys, but they couldn't do what I did. And he goes, if they played when I played, they wouldn't be who they are today. Because apparently, so many rules changed. Oh, I see what he means, yeah. I mean, so many rules changed, I guess, in hitting the quarterback and when you could. I mean, part of the reason,

not to say that your team wasn't great Kyle Because Kyle's from Baltimore or whatever you say Baltimore Baltimore bomber Baltimore. He's from Baltimore. I'll be hitting up Baltimore on my permission to party world tour this fall anyway, one of the big plays was they're playing the Raiders and Goose sack goes to sack a guy and then falls on him again and like crushes his rib cage. And they're like, dude, but Goose, even, how much I love this guy. He says, you gotta watch the doc, it's so good.

Phil Simms comes after Goose on air and he's like, that's illegal, he should be fined, he should be, this is crazy, that's an illegal play. And Goose watches it and he goes, this fucking cocksucker.ucker NFL calls Monday and they find goose $10,000 because of that because of that and goose is like fuck Phil Simms fuck Phil Simms he grew up in Jersey I grew up in Jersey I'm gonna get in his fucking face so they go to do a pre thing for the for the Super Bowl and fucking goose goes up to Phil Simms he goes hey cocksucker you owe me $10,000.

I know where you live. You just put in new landscaping when you come home and it's all dug up. I want you to know it's at my fucking house. You're like, what a fucking great fucking legendary band. That's awesome. Oh yeah. His kids are great too.

He's a great guy, but that's a cool talk. But yeah, he was fun to watch, man. I mean, he was fun to watch just because honestly you'd watch him play, but then watching him do like an interview was so much more entertaining. Like those guys were so fun to watch. That squad was unbelievable, man. It's like, does it, does, do we have that in football anymore? What?

Like did football change so much? I mean, it's changed a lot. It's kind of a little more corporate. A lot more. Yeah. I miss those days. Yeah, because it was used to be like. Or is it because we were children?

I think that plays a role in it, but it did used to be just all about the game. And I think it has evolved into just such a brand. And you know what I mean? Like it's just, it's so massive. NFL is massive as, as I'm saying, not just like popularity, but like as a corporation and yeah, there are a lot of rules, you know, it's like, it's, it's fucking Coca Cola.

Like it's a company like that, you know, it like that. It's a Fortune 500 massive company. Support for today's episode comes from Square, the system powering like literally half the places I go. I just saw an ad online for these guys who's got the glizzy stand and they were bragging about their Square. If you've ever tapped to pay and thought, wow, that was fast, it was probably Square.

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this is now your favorite vodka. So thank you. And if you haven't tried Porosos, get out to the store. If they don't carry it, tell them you want them to carry it. Tell them, request it. When you go to the bar, you say, hey, do you carry Porosos? And if they say no, you go, you want them to carry it. Tell them request it when you go to the bar you say hey do you carry porosos and if they say no go You should it's pretty freaking awesome.

And then walk out. You know what I do? I go do you carry porosos and they say no I bring out a bottle and give it to them I go now you do. Can I get a bottle of glass of porosos? What's like it's like it's like you know what the WNBA is doing right? The WNBA? What? They're letting these bitches fight. That's cool. These cat fights are making this game really interesting.

I know. It's almost like 1970s basketball, NBA. Right. Like it's, have you seen, like, I don't like, I'm just gonna be, just so I'm saying this out loud, I don't like them pitting Caitlinatelyn against the Angel Clarke girl. Angel Reese. I don't like the racial bullshit.

Yeah. Because it's not there. Like I don't like when the internet does that. Yeah. I don't enjoy that. But man, Katelyn Clarke is so much better than everybody. She's great. She's a great shooter.

Look at that. Poke in the eye, right? Then push, then push down to the ground. And then hang on. Do you see what happens after this? Is it, is it Sophie Cham fucking tackles that bitch? Typing the next play, the next play girl goes up for a layup. Sophie Chan just fucking wraps her arm around her head and takes her to the fucking ground. Oh, then that like skirmish. Yes. That makes the, I watched a WNBA game the other day. Yeah. I chose it over a professional baseball game. Yeah.

And the and the Phillies were wearing something wild. And I wanted to see what they were wearing. But I was like, it's the fever man. The fever's got Sophie Chan, who by the way, have you seen what she looks like? No, pull up Sophie Chan, pull up Sophie Chan. Holy fucking Cunningham, whatever. Sophie Chan's her Instagram, that's all I follow her on. Take a look at Sophie, go to her, look at Jesus Christ. Yeah.

Go to her Instagram. How tall is she? She's gotta be 6'2". Is she? Yeah. Don't give her height, no one gives a fuck about her height. No one gives a fuck about her height. I just asked. We just care about her Instagram. Where one gives a fuck about her height. No one gives a fuck about her height. I just asked.

We just care about her Instagram. Wait till you see her fucking Instagram. Really? Oh, buddy. Okay. Look at her outfits. She shows up to game day and shit, right? Yeah.

She's fucking stunning. And here's the other thing that's great about these, all these WNBA players, do you know what the one thing they have in common? They had great relationships with their dads. That's why they played basketball. They were trying to connect with their dads. That's the only reason they're into sports is their dads. No one's a fucking WNBA player who just had a mom.

Unlike the NBA, it's just they had moms and then they, you know? And then all these fucking WNBA players, they all had great relationships with their dads. Their dads are at their fucking games. Who do you think taught them how to play basketball? Dude, she's smoking, man. Dude, she's insanely beautiful. And by the way, baller also.

Now, all you're gonna see on Caitlyn is all her highlights and Caitlyn, I mean Caitlyn's got crazy highlights. Like literally, fucking five dribbles just outside the half court and shoots a three. And you're like, what the, her dad must be amazing. Pull up Caitlyn Clark's dad. I bet this guy's fucking, I bet he's so, what is he, he's from Iowa?

Yeah. I bet. Brent Clark, vice president, had a product company. Him and his wife, still married, maternal grandmother, fucking football coach, Mr. Stringerman, Catholic high school, give me a picture of this fucking guy. Look at him, look at him, look at him, fucking dude. That guy showed up every day and was like,

Caitlin, let's work on bounce passes. Caitlin, three points. You got it girl, I gotta bet he has a cute nickname for her. Hey, Sea Caitlin, let's work on bounce passes. Yeah. Yeah. Caitlin, three points. You got it, girl. I gotta bet he has a cute nickname for her. Hey, Seedog, here we go. Seedog, fucking Caitlin's dad. If you're a man listening to this, you need to realize you need to be fuck Tiger's dad. You need to be Caitlin Clark's dad.

Right. Caitlin Clark's dad took fucking- She must have had brothers too, right? Does she have brothers? Has to. I would bet my fucking house on it that she has a brother who's, that's like, you know, that's the Reggie Miller. That's the formula.

Reggie Miller. Right. His sister was 10 times better basketball player than her. Cheryl. Cheryl Miller. Yes. She's unbelievable. Are those her brothers? I don't know.

If they are, those are the two that beat the shit out of her for probably, for a whole. You know they fouled the fuck out of her and then she'd go sit on the table. Okay, includes her parents, two brothers. Blake and Colin. Blake and Colin would foul the fuck out of Kaitlyn. He played football for Iowa State.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, and she had a younger brother too. They would foul the fuck, she would come inside, and she'd be crying in their modest house on the farm in Iowa, and playing in a dirt patch with just a stick and a hoop, no backward. And he'd foul her, and Caitlin would come in and go, mama, I need a glass of milk. And she'd go, Caitlin? You go downstairs and you talk to Pa, and Pa would come up.

That was nuts right there. What was that? Just that one shot was this, right? She's just... Yeah. You go downstairs and you talk to Pa and Pa would come. Yeah, that was nuts right there. It was just that one shot was this, right? This. Yeah. That's, that's having a. Like you would think that that's somebody's just one, like heave it up, but she knew that was going in. You could tell the way she ran from that. She knew it was going in. She just.

Yeah. Like what is it that makes her better than everyone else? Well, she's an incredible shooter, man. But I mean, what is it that makes her better than everyone else? She's an incredible shooter, man. But I mean, what is that? Is that just? Well, it's somebody who fucking probably shot more than anybody growing up. I mean, she has like Steph Curry vibes, you know? He's the best shooter we've ever seen in the NBA.

Oh my God. Yeah, but she can facilitate too, man. She's, she is a super, where is this Sophie from? Where is she from? Sophie Cunningham. I don't know, but I was already following her. So she had to have played basketball at a college I performed at. Let's hit that Wiki. Missouri, huh? Nope, I did not play there. I performed at. Let's hit that Wiki. Missouri, huh? Nope, I did not play there.

Okay, our parents were both student athletes at Mizzou. Jim? Black belt in Taekwondo at age six? That's fucking father in a ration! That's a great dad. Hey honey, do you wanna go get ice cream? Well, you gotta get a black belt. Holy shit.

This is Girl Dad Energy. You know who's gonna have two pro athletes? Taylor Luan and Will Compton. Cause you know they're gonna be activists. Fuck me. I phoned it in with my daughters. They quit softball at fucking 13. I just couldn't do it.

I had a career. It was my life, not their life. I was this main star. Fucking focus on your softball career. How were they at softball? Georgia was leading the state in base hits. Maybe the county, maybe the county, leading the county in base hits,

going into COVID and she quit. Just didn't like it. She hated it. Oh, here's that thing you want. This is it. Yeah. Look at this. Yeah. That's awesome. You gotta play it again. I want to see the tackle. Look at the tackle. Watch this. And you're going down with me, again. I wanna see the tackle. Look at the tackle watch this. And you're going down with me, bitch.

And there's no collar in it. It's just two white chicks giving fucking mad dog energy. Yeah. I wonder if they say shit like, oh fuck your boyfriend. You know your boyfriend watches me more than, fuck, look at this. Nice.

Love it. Dude, more of this shit. Yeah, that's cool. More of the fucking each other up. Yeah, this always goes back to the whole thing of like, well, this is why hockey is amazing. Because you just fighting is part of it. It's so great.

We just love to watch fights, man. I wish they'd... I love when NFL breaks out into a fight. I love it. Can I tell you, can I tell you the... Oh, yeah. Oh my God. Can I tell you the one thing that I... this is the one downfall to growing up in Florida

that we didn't understand. What's that? We didn't have hockey growing up. Right. So we didn't understand who played hockey, like what boys played hockey. However, there was a minor league hockey team in Tallahassee when we were in college that was our age. They were our age dudes, but they lived in Tallahassee when we were in college that was our age, they were our age

dudes but they lived in Tallahassee, played minor league hockey and then hung out at the bars where we hung out. And we got into a fight with a minor league hockey team at the Down Under thinking we had a shot. Having no idea what a hockey bro is, thinking, yeah, we're tough too. And they're like, now in retrospect, they're like, no, we, we fought yesterday. Yeah. We, we, we fought at practice. We fight all the time. And I was like, I fought five years ago. I got in a fight. We got fucked up. Dude lost his tooth that night. Really?

Yeah. We got fucked up. Yeah. And I just ran into a dude who came up to me the other day. I was doing something, and he was like, hey man, I'm your age but I played hockey. And I was like, I think we fought you guys. He was just like fucking still a brick. Yeah, those guys are gnarly, man. Are you kids gonna play hockey? No, I don't think so.

Yeah, fuck it, fuck it. I don't think they want to. No, they can't achieve if they're from Texas. You gotta go up in Florida or Canada, that's the only place you, Boston, New York, Minnesota. If we had stayed in Minnesota, when I got to Minnesota I was 10, everybody was playing hockey.

You would've been a hockey player. I don't think I would have because, I mean, I did start skating then because I just became normal, but I was still really into football, playing football. I don't think I would've done hockey. I would've been a spectacular hockey player. Spectacular?

I'm probably one of the best. Not even fucking around. Are you a good skater? Beautiful. Hold on. Good roller skater. Okay. You're not a good ice skater? Well, we didn't have ice then, so I didn't, I never learned how to ice skate.

Oh, you've never ice skated? I've ice skated a couple of times. I'm not very good at it. However, I was a competitive speed skater on roller blades. Competitive? On roller skates. Wait, when you say competitive, you mean you went to competitions?

On Saturdays, they would hold speed skating competitions at our skating rink. And they'd do skate, and then they'd hold a competition, and we'd race around the rink a couple times, and we'd see who won, and I won all the time. I was so good. Did you like to dance and skate? Fucking amazing.

Amazing. Now, my confidence lays with me for the rest of my life. So like, if I do something great one time, I believe I'm great at it for the rest of my life. For sure. So I'm doing a show called Wings of Glory for Red Bull. We're sort of the flu talk. And we're doing sketches to interlude in between the filmed flu talk.

And they go, Hey, Burke, can you roller skate? And I go, I'm an amazing roller skater. And they're like, cool, we wanna do a bit where you, the guy's got a pen in his mouth, you know, and he's doing something, and you go up and you go, hey, safety first. I'm sure you can find this video, Wings of Glory, safety first, okay?

And then it pulls back to reveal you're on roller blades with a chainsaw. And I go, okay're on rollerblades with the chainsaw. And I go, okay, or roller skates with the chainsaw. I go, okay. And they go, can you skate backwards? I go, yeah. And they're like, great. So we're just gonna add the chainsaw thing in post.

Wings of glory, Bert Kreischer. And so I go, just turn the chainsaw on. I think it's funnier if the chainsaw's on. Just scroll until you find the chainsaw on roller skates. What is this? This is a TV show for like fucking Fox or some shit. This is a different TV show? Yeah.

You gotta keep your finger, that finger, go back, go back, go back, go back, right there. Hit play, think, and then there's chainsaw and me and roller skates. So I fell with the fucking chainsaw on and almost cut my fucking leg off. Oh, that's a real chainsaw? It's a real chainsaw. I go turn it on. Why not a prop? I wasn't thinking.

What is this show? I've never even heard of this show. What is this? It's something I did. 30 grand. Wait, at what point did this happen though? I'm trying's something I did. 30 grand. Wait, at what point does this happen though? I'm trying to figure this out. This is right after the first season of birth conqueror. First season's birth conqueror. They came to me. You'll see me jump off. Go hang on. Don't go all the way. Go back, go back, go back, go back. Right there, right there. Okay.

The, what's the, what is the premise of this show? We were gonna hit pause. We were going to the Flu Tog. The Flu Tog is an event where they fly homemade planes off an aircraft carrier. Right, okay. So we went to Camden, New Jersey, Camden, New Jersey, off an aircraft carrier.

There was a hurricane coming in. This is an interesting part of this story. Yeah. There was a hurricane coming in. This is an interesting part of this story. Yeah. There was a hurricane coming up the coast and it was fucking up the river. It was sucking water out of that river. Whatever river it was, it was sucking it out to the ocean because of the pressure system, for whatever reason.

And so the water was moving rapidly and they were like, the coast guard were on top. There's fucking a million people. I'm not even exaggerating, a million, because it's free, a million people out of this park to watch people go off in airplanes off of aircraft carrier and the producers are like, I think it's too dangerous, I think we're gonna call it.

And the head of police, the chief of police goes, no, you're not calling it. And he's like, what? And he goes, I got a're not calling it. And I was like what? He goes, I got a million fucking people that wanna see you fucking idiots go off a goddamn aircraft carrier. I don't give a fuck if you lose somebody. I got a riot on my hands.

If a million people don't see people go off that fucking thing, they go, well, it's all voluntary. And he goes, there's gotta be someone you're paying to do this. And they looked at me and they're like, you're getting 30 grand, you're up. So I went first. And we almost got sucked off of the aircraft carrier.

I landed on my ribs, broke my ribs, shitting blood. It was such a fucking shit show, but this is me going off. The thing almost decapitates me. Wait, this is you? This is me going off right there. So. There? Yeah. That's you? there, yeah, that's you. That was me.

And that's we lived. Oh, so you just go right in the water. You do. Some people get really fucked up and the flutide crashes. Some people get, there was a news reporter pull up flutide crashes. Oh my God. You're going to see some crashes, crashes. See her.

Yeah. Crashes. See yeah crashes. Oh Yeah, so some people really get fucked up. Yeah. Wait, do some people really take off well, oh, yes my fly legit So you do a dance the presentation Uh-huh, and then you build this and then you see how who can fly the furthest. Holy shit. And some people get fucking worked and then some people like this. Well, he got some air. That's cool. Yeah.

That's not good. That's not good. That's really bad. Oof. That's really bad. And then watch him. Oh, you can tell he's in concussions left and right. Oh, dude. Oh, dudecussions left and right. Oh dude.

Oh dude, breaking your back. Oh my God. Holy shit. Just see the worst ones. Go to the, you can, so those little bars, just go to the best ones. The ones with the highest bumps. Oh, the plane didn't even go. And honestly, rather the plane not go.

Right. Oh my God, look at her. Oh shit. Oh. She's going back into the fucking. Oh, she's gonna hit the, oh fuck that sucked. Oh. Like that dude, I feel like it's concussed immediately.

On to the fucking thing. What about a good one? Type in longest flutog flight. Alright, watch this. Oh fuck. These are all... Some people just build something and jump off of them, but it's so hard because you can't time it right.

Oh yeah, he's just like, this is gonna. Yeah. That's what you're hoping for. That's just what you want, yeah. We had, that's part of the thing is we had to learn a dance, so we did a dance up there, but we were so fucking nervous. I was like, everyone's gotta jump. And they were my cameramen.

My cameramen and soundmen all had to jump. So were you terrified? I was the fucking most afraid I've ever been. Out of all these things. Was this? Yeah, because I had to go first. And the one person. And you went just straight in, right?

Yeah, the one person that went before me was the day before, it was a news reporter, and they had put her on a wing, and the wing, she was from, she was from Baltimore, or whatever, Baltimore, how do you say it again? Baltimore, Baltimore. Bodiemore. She was from Baltimore.

The city that reads, man. And she went off, and the thing went like this, and dropped and she was sitting on it and it smacked the thing and broke her back and they had to go in and get her out of the water in a fucking stretcher and they put her in and took her off in a stretcher and then they're like, we go tomorrow.

And I was like, what the fuck? I was like, this looks dangerous. And they're like, oh, it's really dangerous. I can't believe you've done so many of these things. this looks dangerous. And they're like, oh, it's really dangerous. The- I can't believe you've done so many of these things for somebody that seems to hate the idea of doing so many of these things. Oh, I mean, you know, we were talking the other day

about you going surfing with the boys. Yeah. I got stuck on the outside one time. That's the scariest thing in the world is like, you know, so imagine, cause I'm imagining you probably had like, you know, three foot waves or whatever. So usually what will happen is there'll be an inside and then the outside.

So then the inside will have like a second break sometimes and then the outside is where the big waves are. And I got, I paddled out and there were like okay waves and I was fine with the okay waves and all of a sudden they got really big and it started getting darker and it was like, it was really big and I got stuck out there and I couldn't, I mean I had to paddle even further because they were breaking and they were so big, we were in Puerto Rico, they were so big that I couldn't think of even catching wave to bust on because I was like I'm going to get severely hurt.

And I was out there for so long, and like people were coming up and they were speaking Spanish to me, so I didn't know what the fuck they were saying. And they'd come out and go, and I was like, I don't know, I'm scared, low, low scaredo. And then a dude on a jet ski came out and he was like, are you the man?

Or I think I understood that. And I was like, por favor. And then he put me on a sled with my board, like I put my board on the sled and I held on and he just is like yelling, hold on the fucko in Spanish. And he just waited for two waves and just fucking punched it. And I got to shore and I was like, I'll never surf again. I'm never going, and I've gone since. And I got to the shore and I was like, I'll never surf again. I'm never going again.

I've gone since. But it's terrifying if it's really big. Oh yeah. We did box car soapbox racing, but we did, soapbox racing was like really fun. We didn't do the Red Bull one. We just did as fast as you can go and you get going fast, but you feel very confident about it. That's fucking fun.

The Red Bull soapbox, have you seen these? I have seen some of these, yeah. These are insane. Wait, have you done this too? Oh, I didn't do this one. I did, you know what I did? They get fucked up too, I bet. Type in, type in,

type in San Francisco big wheel, big wheel, San Francisco big wheel, big wheel, San Francisco big wheel run. Okay, this is the wildest thing I've ever done. Bring your own big wheel. We did, dude, this was so fucking fun. You get on a big wheel, Tom, and you bomb one of their biggest hills.

Oh no. And it's fucking a big wheel, Tom, and you bomb one of their biggest hills. Oh no. And it's fucking a thousand people, and you are flying down a hill on a big wheel. Jesus Christ, you did this? And people are getting fucking worked. Oh, I bet. Hold on, hold on. You know, hang on.

Type in shovel racing. Shovel? Have you ever gone to shovel racing? No. Shovel racing is terrifying ever gone to shovel racing? No. Shovel racing is terrifying. Oh, this is... You sit on a shovel, okay, yeah, just hit shovel racing in New Mexico.

You sit on a fucking snow shovel and you go roughly 70 miles an hour down a fucking hill. Oh my God. It is fucking crazy. So we do it and I see, I'm watching people do it and there is no control. You have no control. None. You have zero control over anything.

If you think you're in control, you're already out of control. And so you get going like 70 miles an hour. 70. 70. Depending on the hill you're at, we were doing, I think we were doing it in New Mexico, if I'm not mistaken. And it's fucking steep as shit.

And I'm watching dudes look at this haul ass and By the way this shovels in the working area of your crotch. Yeah, sure. So if you bust it's fucking bad No, we were doing it for travel channel and I knew as a rule of thumb 50% Looks like 100% on TV. So if you're going 40 on television, can't really tell it's 40, kinda looks 70, right?

Like you don't know how fast that is. That guy, look at how fast he's going. He's probably going 60 miles an hour, but it looks like a fucking 100, right? I get my lesson and the first run I do, I haul ass and I don't bust and they don't get it on camera it's not part of the race so but I what I noticed is that like it didn't look like this it didn't this doesn't sell it so there were these two girls they were the traveling sneakers girls they were

that's their name they were they were hired by ESPN They had the traveling sneak traveling chucks. See if you can find them the traveling chucks ESPN traveling chucks. They were two adorable girls who were doing the same thing I was doing for birth conquer for ESPN and Traveling chucks. Yeah, but it says shovel racing traveling. Yeah, and so But these girls didn't have the insight I had that you could get killed on these. So, every time we'd do our event, we'd meet up with the traveling chucks after and go have beers with them.

They were adorable, I mean adorable. And all the guys on my crew were in love with them. So they always wanted to hang out with them. So we go to do shovel racing and I say to the girl, I say to the one doing it, I go, just so you know, like 50% looks like 100% on film. She was like, oh, I'm gonna charge it. I go, I wouldn't charge it,

because you're not in control. That was not them. That's definitely not them. It's definitely not them. Got it. And I was like, I go, but you're not in control. So like, and I go, you know, sometimes selling it for camera is better than going as fast as you can.

I go, so I'm, because when I watch these guys go fast, that's not great, but what I'm going to do is I'm going to put my fingers in the snow and drag snow and I'm going to put my feet in the snow to have snow fly up over me. I think, I think it'll look better. And she was like, no, not me. I'm going for, I'm going for like, I'm trying to win. And I was like, no, no, no, no, don't try to win. That's going to be a bad idea. So I go, for like, I'm trying to win. And I was like, no, no, no, don't try to win. That's gonna be a bad idea.

So I go, I go maybe like 40 miles an hour. It's fast, it's very fast. But it looks dramatic. There's snow everywhere when I get done. My face is covered in fucking snow. I look like Santa Claus. My beard's covered in snow. It's a great read. This is fucking amazing.

It's a great read. She goes next. She throws her feet up on top of the shovel she puts her hands back in the air like this and this bitch probably got up to about 80 miles an hour until she catches a corner the shovel whacks her in the face she goes flipping end over end over end over end, rolls up into the berm and is motionless. They go in, they wake her up, they put her on a backboard, and we're like, fuck, that's crazy.

Sitting at the bar that night, and she comes in with like a cast and a neck brace, and she's like, hey, can I get a beer? And I was like, you should've gone 40 miles an hour. The traveling chucks, I saw them at theme parks was like, you should've gone 40 miles an hour. The traveling Chucks, I saw them at theme parks, they were awesome. They were two real cool girls. She got really fucked up.

She got really fucked up. She got really fucked up and never stopped doing the show. Did it stop? Yeah, she had to stop doing the show because it's like, some of the stuff we did was like. And you know, it's the lack of attention. I remember the first time, the very first episode we were doing, Scott Sands, love Scott

Sands, love Scott Sands, my cameraman, he had, this is before GoPros. That's how old the show was. I was before GoPros. I remember when GoPros sent GoPros out and said, try our product. It's called a GoPro. And we were like, eh, we're going to stick with, we had this camera that you had to have the bag with you. So when we filmed things, you had a full bag that had a whole camera that had a line going

out to a camera that hooked up and that's what filmed it, but it recorded it into a bag. So anytime you did anything, you had to have a bag with you. When I did, when I jumped off, not the stratospheric, say I had cameras for that that flew with you, but when I did any roller coaster that I had to jump off free fall, they had to put a backpack on me with a cord that wrapped around me to shoot me. So we did a free fall in Cedar Rapids, Cedar Point, it's like 420 foot free fall, power tower.

And they were like, well, we don't want to see the bag so let's do this. We're going to put the camera on your helmet. Then we're going to wire it through the rigging all the way over to the other side of this That's the power tower one of the funnest rides in the world That's not the power tower That you're on the power tower right there. It takes you up to the top and just fucking drops you look at that view And so the bag had to be wired through the fucking ride and then the bag was over here So it was wired and the bag's over here.

And I go in the very first day and they're like, all right, hop on the ride. And I was like, cool. They were gonna put this to your head and test it out. And I was like, hold on, hold on, you haven't tested it yet? And they're like, no, you're gonna be fine. And I was like, yeah, but it's stuck to the rigging. Like if it snags on something, won't it rip my head off?

And they're like, that's not gonna happen. And I was like, well, why don't you test it without me? And they're like, we can't, we need it on someone to know if it's gonna go. And I went, why would you test it on me? Is there like a homeless person or someone we can test it on? And they're like, no.

I go, well, you're the camera guy, Scott. You test it on you. He goes, fine, I'll fucking test it on me. Jesus Christ, this is like my first day. He's like, God, fucking talent is so dramatic. And then he goes Hey, we checked the whole rig right and they're like, well, maybe we checked it a couple times. He's like, well Hold on maybe let's just check it a couple more times like oh, it's different when it's your fucking head

But that was the whole production is like they didn't know any of the things they didn't know safety was like Ultimately, they were like if he gets hurt, it's a better show. Yeah. Yeah, I think people probably watch those shows hoping that the host is like, maybe hurt. When I did her birthday, sent me under a house to be a rat collector.

And they got a rat handler from the movie Willard. Do you know Willard? No. Oh, pull up the fucking cover of Willard. They got him, the rat handler from Willard to bring all his a thousand rats in and release them on me. Oh really?

Yeah. Willard is where he's got covered in rats, right? Yeah. That guy, the guy that was the rat collector for Willard, hid under a house and sicked rats on me. The drama was what they wanted. Right. Speaking of rat collecting,

have you seen this family whose house is infused, what's it called? No, infested with snakes? Which family? Infested as in they don't want these snakes there or this is like their pet snakes? They have hundreds of rat snakes. Dude. Where?

I have no idea. I sent it to you. It's in the, I sent it to the link over here. Look at this snake. They have snakes everywhere around their house. They have snakes climbing into their house. Oh my God. Here they go out and just a snake snakes just sitting on their fucking front porch.

That's cool. Where is this? Who knows? But they say they... I was thinking what animal are you cool with an infestation of? Not snakes. No. No, that would get most people running, dude. Snake infestation? Come on. Would you be, dude. Snake infestation? Come on.

Would you be cool with a snake infestation? No. That's like the last animal, because they show up at the last, they like sneak on you. They don't like, like we had rats at our old Agnes house, we had a rat infestation.

Because of an orange tree. Yeah. So you have an orange tree in LA, every rat shows up. Yeah, we had that too in Woodland Hills. Rats, yeah, it was horrible. And then one time we got up in the morning and I walk into the kitchen

and all over the counter are pellets. I'm like, how are these on the counter? I don't understand, I didn't know what was going on. I'm like, how are these on the counter? I don't understand what, I didn't know what was going on. I'm like, those are rat droppings. So then you're like, wait a minute, where the fuck, where? So you're trying to figure it out. That's part of it is like in a home you go like, so then we found under,

like there's the main sink in the kitchen and then sometimes you have like a smaller, right? Like a wash sink that's separate. So it's like, it's almost like a, like a wet bar area underneath there. I open and it's just like rat shit everywhere. And then you can see the pipe from that sink into the, you know, outside the house and where that pipe hits the wall, it's like, there's just a big gap. And you're like, oh, this is where they're coming, like that's why there's shit here,

this is where they come in. So I was like, I mean, I'm like so freaked out by this. I'm like fucking, I don't know what to do. So you know, you have like- You tell Christine, no. Oh, there's no way around it, yeah. So we have that, you know, we clean that up. You have the, you know, like the rat people,

whatever come out and like, what do you want to do? I'm like, just poison everything. Put poison everywhere, like put traps and poison. And they're like, well, this guy, I go, I don't care what it kills. Have it kill everybody in the neighborhood. Right? So we're just putting, they're like, we're putting this,

these, they're like, your dog could get ahold of this. I'm like, let it die. Just fucking put the poison out. So we put poison everywhere and then You know, whatever like few days later you find more pellets and I'm like damn it so then I just go to the to the Hardware store and the like the cock filling. Yeah, dude, I just and the like the caulk filling. Yeah.

Dude, I just fill that gap so entirely, like where it's like foaming out, falling, and that sealed up every entrance, and that was the end of it. Like that's what, it was just the accessibility. They can squeeze in through, you know, like a dime. Oh yeah. So you have to just have zero gaps,

but that shit made me I mean I was I lost sleep over that that had me just you could in Agnes They would climb across our phone our power line that going into our house Yeah, and it would it went up right to a thing. There was a hole that they come in so they put a mesh shield over it Right. Yeah, so that they go. Well, fuck it, we'll close it up. Whatever's in there dies. Whatever's out there can't get back in.

Fucking the girls. There's a mama rat on the line talking to a baby rat inside the house. And they're like, they're like, dad, we can't let a mom not be with its baby. Oh boy. And I was like, wait, what do you mean? And they're like, okay, we can't let a mom not be with its baby. Oh boy. And I was like, wait, what do you mean? And they're like, okay, don't get mad.

We opened up the shield so the baby could come in, the baby could come out, but the mom went in. And I went, of course the mom went in. It's inside. All the good shit's inside. They're like, well, we broke the shield. So now they're all going back and forth. And I was like motherfucker so I took my BB gun and I went out with a bottle of wine one night and I just sat

there there's a pellet gun and I just sat there and I waited for them to cross and I was like I'm just gonna take them off like one by one drunk think that I'm the kind of guy like Rogan that could just fucking hunt my own game process my own meals first. First one, hee hee hee hee. I'm like, oh God, oh God. I start crying, I'm like, what the fuck, just die, just die. Grabbed it, wrapped it, and tail slammed it, and it didn't die. I was like, motherfucker, why won't you die?

Yeah, that shit's, it's rough, dude. We, in Silver Lake, we had rats on the, because also, just in that terrain, like you would see them crossing power lines and phone lines and everything. I had rats on the, because also just in that terrain, like you would see them crossing power lines and phone lines and everything. And so I was working as a site rep, where I would go to like production offices, or like locations.

And when I was in the main Hollywood location office, downtown, I saw one of the maintenance guys. And I was like, hey, you know, got these rats at the house. I don't know what to do. And he was like, oh, I got some for you, man. He goes, take this shit. And it was this like pad that you peel the top and then there's like sticky shit.

And they get stuck in it and their metabolism just immediately like kind of shuts down shuts down. He said like they can't they have to be able to move constantly He's like this is the shit right here. He's like set these up rat. So I fucking Set it up in the backyard. I Took a lot like a dollop of peanut butter And I put it like right in the middle and he's like, that's what you do. This is, he's like, let me know how it goes. So I go in, he's like, how'd it go? I go, I put the peanut butter out, I put the sticky pad out and in the morning, uh, the thing was flipped over and shit on.

And he goes, those are some big rats. I go, cool man. We also had a possum in the inside above my bed. So in my bedroom, in the ceiling, you would just hear like all this scrape. It was a possum that I think had a baby up there. And so you would just hear claws scratching all the time. So that one I called like an animal control person. That dude came out like straight out of Central Castic like four teeth. In LA? Yeah. Wrap around shades you know like he's like I don't know what the fuck to do. And he set up a cage. He

was all proud of it. He showed me like put this bait right here and he goes that possum's gonna come in here and that door is gonna shut and he's like it's gonna be pissed whatever comes in is gonna be pissed as shit he's like you just give me a call come pick it up and I go what are you gonna do with it he's like I'll release it out like some parks and they update to farm Tom sure thing that thing was like on on like clockwork that and that thing when when you find me shovel racing that you what that's me. That's you right there. Yeah It's crazy that even your staff interrupts my stories, it's not just you Like I'm fucking talking and your staff's like I'll play a video

It looks good with the snow flying by, right? Yeah, 17 minutes later, perfectly perfect. No. So wait, what happened with the possum? Even my staff, is that me? You're like, oh yeah, here's you, this is the thing you were talking about half an hour ago, you want to watch it? You know we had a possum kill our chickens. A possum killed the chickens?

Killed all our chickens, one by one by one, within a week. our chickens one by one by one within a week One by one one so the next morning to go out another one's dead another another one's dead within a week And we were like motherfucker and Leanne's like it's it's a possum. I know it's a possum wait do they eat them It was they would just kill them Just kill them they never even ate them. They just ripped their heads off Holy shit. So we wake up to find a headless chicken and the girls were still young. We were still living over in Agnes. And so we'd bring them over to our house over here. We'd bury them in the backyards so they could be with us. Say a moment, we'd say a prayer, then we'd come home.

Maybe we'd stay later and have pizza, let the sun set, go home. So the very last one, I think it was Lucy Lou, that's Isla's chicken. That was like, Isla kept going, Isla's such an interesting person. It doesn't, it doesn't, she has no empathy for you if it doesn't affect her. She has zero empathy. It's a good trait. She's like, the first one they killed was Leanne. She goes, well, this is not mine.

And we're like, well, no, I know, but mom lost her chicken. And. She goes, well, at least it's not mine. And we're like, well no, I know, but mom lost her chicken. And she goes, I know, but Lucy Lou's still here. And we're like, I know, but that's not, yeah, that's not. And then George's was the next one. And she was like, well thank God I'm the only one with a chicken. And we're like, no, that's not what you're supposed to say.

You're supposed to say like, oh George, I feel bad for her. And she goes, yeah, but I don't, my chicken's not dead. And we're like, are you autistic? Why the fuck can't you just understand? And then when Lucy Lou got, I was like, no, do you realize how this is affecting all of us? And we're like, now it's affecting all of us. And so, I mean, dude, she's 18 and she still does this shit.

She still does this. And so we bury Lucy Lou, we have pizza, and we invite friends over for Lucy Lou's burial in the backyard. We bury Lucy Lou. We come home. This is when we had Priscilla and Izzy, and Mona, but Priscilla and Izzy have a possum in their mouth that they're ragdolling, it's playing possum,

it's playing dead, they're ragdolling it in our living room. It is soaking wet, it is almost hairless, and they have been fucking with this thing. They caught it in the backyard. They brought it into our house and they are ragdolling it around. And Isla's like, fucking kill it. You killed our chickens. Get it dogs. Get it. Like Michael Vick shows up at Isla. And we're like, and Leanne puts a bucket on top of the possum who's playing dead in the corner and calls, what's heacallit, and they're like, just let it go. So we were like, so we went to our neighbor's house

and let it go over there. It was fine. Yeah, the Grusons, we just dropped it off at their house, we're like, no, I don't want the possum. Yeah. And then they were like, oh, a fucking dog got attacked by a possum. We're like, shut the fuck up.

So crazy. How does that even happen? All right, we should wrap, dude. We should wrap. What's the plan for the rest of the week with the boys? Just more hanging out, going to the beach. Yeah? Yeah, we're going to go surfing again.

God, I want to. Yeah. Fuck. I would cancel everything right now to go surfing with you guys. Oh, dude. We're doing like, it was fun. We walked down to the beach. We took them out, take them out for ice cream, just have them, you know,

it's just a full day of just, the whole day is spent trying to deplete their energy. That's what two little boys are like. You're just like, all right, dude. Yeah, just burn calories. You got to burn calories all day. Otherwise they're just like, ah, like just in your face, biting you, fucking punching you. They fucking just wail on me, dude, like full swings. I told me that when she went to college and she called up, she goes, how's it living with mom? She'd always lived with Leanne

for like two years while I was on the road. She was living with Leanne. And I was like, it's good. And she goes, she talks a lot. I go, yeah. She goes, you got all her words, dad. Like you don't get to share any, like you get all the words. She hears all the words until she sees you and then you got all her words, dad. Like you don't get to share any, like you get all the words.

She hears all the words until she sees you and then you get all her words. I go, yeah, I am getting all her words. And she goes, you know how they take kids to a park to let them run around? You gotta let her, take her out to let her talk to other people, bring up subjects and then let her talk. So when she comes home, she's done talking.

I was like, really? She goes, I used to do it all the time, dad. Bring up where she grew up. She loves talking about where she grew up. I was like really? She goes, I used to do it all the time dad. Bring up, bring up where she grew up. She loves talking about where she grew up. Just let her talk. Yeah. I was like, okay. That's hilarious. I was like taking Leanne out to talk to people and going like, hey, she grew up in a small town. They're like, where? She's like, rural Georgia. I'm down to 1200 people. I lived in, I went to church at the same school my granddaddy went to. And I was like, fucking I was a genius. That's a genius that's really that's really clever you want to know what it's like to live

with the college kid yeah dad last night dad yeah did you get Pierce the Veil tickets for me I was like no can you get them can you call someone and get them I go Isla we're just gonna buy them I need to know where the seats are and I'm like never heard of Pierce the Bale song in my entire life. I've bought tickets for them three times. For her? She's obsessed with Pierce the Bale and my Chemical Romance. And my Chemical Romance. Yeah. Did she go into festivals and shit? Did she do all that? She loves music. She goes to music shows all the time. She goes to like underground punk

shows. She loves fucking loves music. That's cool. She goes to like underground punk shows. She loves, fucking loves music. That's cool. Well, I wish I could trade, but. Yeah, good luck. Have fun at the show or making your show. Oh yeah. Yeah. Tommy, good luck on making your movie. Thanks man.

I hope, I hope it is a fucking blockbuster. And I think with the, the, the story behind this script, I can't wait to see what we get. It gonna be fucking amazing thank you man thank you I wish you the best on your show too I think everything you've told me sounds hilarious it's gonna be good it's gonna be fun we'll see yeah we'll have stuff to show you in a year that's the way it works I'll be I'll be done mine will be before then I know my air date already. You already know your air date? Yeah. All right, that's great.

That's why we're racing. Oh yeah, okay. Well, enjoy it. Have a great summer. Thanks, you too. Enjoy our replacements. We know you'll miss them. Hey, if you guys could just,

just a couple of times, the comments you leave for us, just leave it about them. It's like, God, Chris seems so, he's changed. Yeah, yeah, out of touch. I's like, god, Chris seems so, he's changed. Yeah, yeah, out of touch. God, I remember when these guys used to be funny. Yeah, do that.

Oh, Stavie looks fucking unhealthy. He's gonna be dead in a year. Do all that stuff. Don't do that to Stavie, that's not fair. But don't do it to me either. Fucking assholes. All right. All right, we love you guys.

Love you. Love you. Bye. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top, while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. Alright, we love you guys. Love you. Love you. Bye.