2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Chappelle Shockwaves w/ Earthquake | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

SPONSORS: Brought to you by BetterHelp, head to https://BetterHelp.com/BEARS today to get 10% off your first month. Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. Head to https://www.liquidiv.com and use code CAVE at checkout. Get 20% Off + Free Shipping, with the code BEARS  at https://Manscaped.com. We're back with another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week Tom and Bert are joined by comedian Earthquake! Comedy is often a natural disaster, but sometimes a star comes around that shines brighter than the rest. Tom is especially excited for this episode as Earthquake reminisces about his early days in Atlanta and LA, before praising some of his contemporaries like Mike Epps, Martin Lawrence, and Dave Chappelle. Earthquake also had the pleasure of being part of Dave Chappelle's Home Team on Netflix and he dives into that with the Bears. They also talk about bitter comedians, directors wanting to be the stars now, lifting others up, owning a comedy club, and much more! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 246 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100% All right, we're back for another week and we are blessed this week to have Truly one of the greats a monster a virtual tornado. You might know him as earthquake. So Yeah, I thought it was a fun play on the work dude, we have been such huge fans of yours, just from being comics, you know, coming up, working through the clubs,

and like, you're somebody who I think is, you're just respected by everybody in standup as being like just, you're a monster. You're a heavyweight champ, dude. And it's, you're so fucking fine. I mean, the special that everybody had, I think a lot of new people probably came on board But we have been huge fans for such a long time. So thank you for coming over. No. Thank you That's humbling and I take that

To be quite honest with you is It's flattering because it comes from your peers, you know and and watching it, and that's what you do it for, to be respected among your peers while you're doing it. And it's a beautiful thing. You're definitely that. I mean, I remember like, there's just like, there's certain comics who like I've seen, it was for a long time, it was just seeing clips, you know?

Like you just see clips of you working a room, and like, I think this part, like the biggest addiction you get as a comedian is just, you know, people doubling over that sound, like, just craziness. And there's endless clips of you just destroying rooms. Like you seem like you would be the last person I'd want to follow.

Oh, that leads me into a fantastic story. Yeah. Following earthquake? I think you would be the last person I'd wanna follow. Oh, that leads me into a fantastic story. Yeah, following Earthquake? So, we met doing Premium Blend in like probably 99, I'm guessing, and you came up and you said, I'm friends with Tony Woods, and he said, you said, I gotta say hi and introduced myself. We met then, and then in 2000, maybe 2000, I think you were at ICM, and we did an ICM showcase,

and the first person that went up was a guy named Scott Henry, and the next person that went up was Earthquake, and there was a lineup of a bunch of like, Barry Katz White comics that were supposed to go next. I was going fourth or fifth on that show, and Earthquake goes up, and he destroys the room so hard that three of the comics, I'll name them,

edit these out, and leave the room. They're like, I'm not going next, fuck that. Nope, I'm not going next. I go fucking later. Someone else has got to follow that, I'm not following it. I knew Earthquake, and I also grew up doing the Boston Comedy Club so I always knew that our energies were going to be intrinsically different

but that I knew I could ride his energy into a good set. Like I knew I could just go like he's killed so hard so I walked up I remember getting up what you walked off stage you dabbed me up and you're like hey man kill it and I was like I hope I hope, I have one joke, my opening joke was, my name's Bert, hot sexy name, last name you were hearing during porn, some chick on the top of you going, uh, uh, uh, boot, boot, boot.

And then I said, shh, call me earthquake. And the fucking room exploded. That's awesome. And I got a development deal out of it. Really? I got a development deal. I got a development deal. I went up, the first person I saw was you,

I gave you a fucking huge hug. I was like, thank you. And I've, I've, so like I've followed your career. I followed your career for now probably 22 years, 25 years, just watching you, just murder, seeing you on the road, just going to the clubs going like, Hey, what was, how was his weekend? They're like fucking insane. Yeah. Every time. That's the thing is every time we do a club, you like, hey, how was his weekend? They're like fucking insane. Yeah, every time. That's the thing is every time we do a club, you see the wall, you see the calendar, and you always had like, still,

but I remember working those weeks and then being like, oh yeah, it was crazy. The shows were fucking crazy. All the reviews for you are just like fucking fireworks, man. Yeah. I mean, it's a... were fucking crazy. All the reviews for you are just like fucking fireworks, man. Yeah. I mean, it's a, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, you, you approach it like a fight, like you said, you know what I mean? You, you, you, you get into it and I, I don't physically write, I mentally write. So, you know, and quietness is so, I'm very vulnerable of quietness. So I have to go rapid fire, go, go, go and continue on.

I used to, when I decided this is what I wanted to do, I said, these are the things I'm not going to do. Longated jokes and wait for the punchline to come. Those type of things and I just incorporated that into my comedy and I never knew, you know, this wasn't no epiphany, I just tried it one time and nothing better came along. And I guess I said, well, I guess this is what I'm supposed to do.

Really? Yeah, it was never, you know, I was in the military for nine years and one, you know, I wanted to do 20 years, but shit, the war broke out. And I like, shit, I ain't fighting for no, oh, fuck this shit. I could have stayed at home to get shot at. I ain't no real soldier. I practice for war. I didn't participate. You know what I'm saying? So you need to let go and let me out. Just drop me off where you picked me up at.

At the recruiter office, we'll call this shit even. And I didn't want to go back to DC and get into illegal pharmaceuticals. And so I said, well, where should I go? And CNN had a thing saying the best place that African-American black people are scribing and doing well was Atlanta. And I said, fuck it, why not? And I went up there, tried to get on stage and tried out, because I tried a lot of stuff in the military.

And... Was that the comedy corner? Yeah, but I tried to get on stage at the Comedy Act Theater, which was the black club. I was doing the Barry Sobel things, the coconut runs, that kind of thing. But you know, you go to, you know, trying to get a black woman like, hey, I'm a comedian. And they're like, you're a comedian?

I'm like, yeah, well, when you gonna be at the comedy store? I mean, the comedy act. I'm like, nah, they don't book me over there. So long story short, the owner would never put me on. And I went to my mother and I'm like, this motherfucker said he was gonna put me on, and he ain't put me on. And she said, what I told you, man,

you can't get mad at nobody that don't let you ride their bike, you gotta get your own bike. So, I just went and got my own goddamn comedy club. I got up with Gary Abdul, who was doing One Nighters. And I did his One Nighter one time and said, hey man, I'm telling you where it is, black comedy is hot. And I took him down to the comedy act and said, look at this room, they got 500 people,

they booked the same comics for the whole month, they don't have no food and they only got two fucking waitress. If we moved, if we got a club and put it in Buckhead where black people don't go and we call it Uptown, I can do fucking commercials to question, like, you want to be downtown with you don't know who's in your car, come to Uptown. And black people didn't go to Buckhead at that time.

So I used to make commercials like, what you doing in Buckhead? We deserve to be in Buckhead. Yeah. Was that the one in the strip mall on the second floor? So I did an open mic there. I walked in and you could sign up on like I think a Monday and I signed up and I was the one white guy with my white girlfriend and I said and then immediately they started lighting me up and they're like, what are you, what's your name? I said Bert,

big laugh and they're like they started calling me, what's your name? I said Burt, big laugh. And they're like, they started calling me Bertie Burt. And then everyone would go, what's Bertie Burt gotta say? And then I was the white guy. And then whoever was hosting that night was like, all right, this next guy coming to the stage, oh shit, it's Bertie Burt. And I fucking ate a dick.

A hot one. A lot of comedians ate Dixon up to and rough. Chris DePetta helped us do it together because he had the punch line. Uh-huh. Yeah and Marietta. So shout out to Chris DePetta, Gary Abdo. Was it tough to get black folks to come to it though like when you started or no? Yeah it was because they did, you know how it is when it was comedy wars, if you work at club, you not gonna work lines. And then they said, you know, that's really ain't a black club, it's a white dude who owns it. And Quake is just the front man for it. And I couldn't get nobody to do it.

And that's why me and Steve Harvey is very good friends. I came to Steve and I was like, man, nobody will work my club. He was like, fuck it, I'll do it. And he the one taught me the power of this medium right here because the first show we did he only had 50 people in it. And I said, he looked out there, there was only 50 people. He said, Steve Harvey does not perform for 50 people. Give them all their money back. I said, man, that's packed.

50 people, what the hell? So we gave out, he said, come pick me up tomorrow morning and we're going to the radio station. And we picked him up at five o'clock and we went by Dunkin' Donuts, got some donuts and some orange, I said, what all that? He said, you got to smooth the fucking, the dish jockeys in the morning because they know that we could take big job if we want to because we're entertainment.

They're just monotone people that's just played one record to another. So you got to let them on. So that's what he said. And so I said, all right, and he got on the radio from six to 10. And when I tell you, we sold out six, eight, 10, 12 shows on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

And this one I knew money was in the comedy business because we wrote him a check and this is 93. We wrote him a check for $79,000. I was like oh god damn maybe this is where I need to be at. I'm going back to Dunkin Donuts tomorrow morning. With the Summer Olympics in full swing, hydration is key for athletes and fans. Liquid IV is extraordinary hydration for physical endurance, mental clarity and overall well-being. A single stick of Liquid IV delivers better hydration than water alone with three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients. I have one right now poured into to this jug and it is delicious

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Gary Abdo, and we wrote that chart and that was the first time I actually see the potential of the money and also I actually see the potential of the money and also understand with this medium right here So I say okay, I need to be good on the radio I need to be snapping and gotta gotta make people crash on the way to work I gotta I gotta make them laugh so much so they say whoever that was on this radio this morning I got to go see him. Yeah. Yeah, and I learned that lesson from there. That's old school. That's impressive. You don't think of Steve, I mean, I didn't think of him like that. That's impressive.

No, he was the one that saved the club to get it, and then once he brought all those people there, then they came to see him, but they discovered me. You see what I'm saying? So that's why I tell comedians all the time, if you open it for somebody else wherever you at, those fans may come to see that particular artist, but they can leave knowing you.

So you need to, no matter what slot you in, and if your audience is not built on it, get in there and make their audience your audience in the future, because they're going to move on. And if you're the house emcee, they still live there. So you were doing sets every show? Every show, because what made me be able to do comedies, they boycott my show.

And so I had to do all the shows. So it just made me who I am off of it. I had to do all the shows. So it just made me who I am off of it. They just, I had to do all the fucking shows. That's why when people just think I'd be drunk, laying on the, I mean, leaning on the stage, it's really, it's from my foundation that I just lay in on there and just tell the jokes and do two and a half hours to entertain them

for the comedians that I could get to work my club. And so it became a blessing instead of a curse. You came in, you said that like, you figured out earlier, you decided that you were just gonna have a joke every few seconds, like you just don't like to let it be. But the thing that's like fascinating, I think, is that your whole, the way you perform, you really seem effortless.

Like it doesn't, it feels like, I mean I know from doing stand up for 20 years, but like it feels like you're not even trying. You know what I mean? Like it's a blessing. Yeah. No really, it truly is a blessing that, you know, it's just truly a blessing.

You just sit there and be like, like I don't have to go to a comedy club to work on a set. You know what I mean? I can come up with it in my head. And it's, okay, quick story. Steve Harvey caught me writing one time on the thing. He said, what you doing? I said, I'm trying to write this joke again.

He ripped the page off, balled it up, and threw it out the window. I said, what the fuck are you doing, man? He said, you're blessed. You don't have to write yours. Your shit come out already. Do not let these people get in your head how to manufacture or coerce your gifts. Do it that way. Keep doing it the way, and once he told me that,

then I'd rock it off. I just went from that point on. It is a trap that you get into comedy and you really don't know what you're doing, so you watch what other people are doing and you go, well that works for them, it's gonna work for me. Yes. And then you see the people like yourself,

or Steve Harvey, or Chappelle, or Patrice, who really honestly, I don't even know if they've ever picked up a pen in their life, they just go up on stage and manifest it. And you go, well I don't know if I can do that, but I know I can do the things I'm seeing the other guys are doing. And then all of a sudden you start,

and that's when you don't have your voice, is when you're trying to copy what other people are doing. And yeah. Because you see like, and you get in your head too, right? Because you sit next to your friend or somebody who's like, what are you doing? He's like, well, I wake up and have my coffee

and I sit down and I write for three hours. And you're like, oh. And you feel like you're not given what it is to it. And the one who fucks up your career more here is these club managers. Yeah, when you first start out I mean and you don't know they used to be the waitress The motherfucker's a fool runner This was around when the real manager quit and they moved him up. You really think this motherfucker's an expert

Yeah, and they're giving you all these fucking This motherfucker's an expert. And they giving you all these fuckin', you know? All the advice on how you pose to do it and the nuances and the pros and the cons. They don't know what the fuck they talking about. I invested in so many of those relationships. Yes, same with that. Had dinner with their families.

Yeah, with their family. This motherfucker, you find out he was the food runner and they caught the manager stealing and that's the one they trusted with the keys. And you pissed the manager stealing and that's the one they trusted with the keys. And you, you, you pissed the fuck off. So what he was telling me, don't listen to them. This is because all of us is unique on how you come to it. And when he taught me, he told me that I mean, it was skyrocketing from there because they

was in the beginning fucking with me because I was trying and every fucking time I try to rehearse and say, I'm going to say this at this time and say that at that time. I was thinking and I wasn't being me in it. And it was very depressing at that point. And it was, I was like, maybe this shit ain't for me because it ain't fun. It's on it. And he caught me one time, God of Ayn, and just told me, nah, that ain't how you do it. You was blessed that your shit comes out your mouth already ready to go and don't let nobody else tell you no different. And it was great since then.

That's amazing. Who was your class that you started with? Like, what comics did you start with that you that we would know? Like, I would imagine Epps is younger than you. No, Epps was Epps in it. Don D. C. Curry, AJ, I mean, Anais J, Bruce Bruce, people that was ahead of me at that time, of course, Dave Chappelle that just came in because I own

my club and he on the time on it but the most of my class from that in Atlanta that we have is more Don DC Curry, Bruce Bruce, Arnaz J, this other comedian named Chris Charles, I'm still looking for him, he's a good friend of mine's and they was more or less my class that we started together on. That's a good line up man. Yeah, we, we, um, Steel used to shop at Steel. I mean, because, no really, because we was all different. Like, Don is totally different from me.

Don have to meticulously put every word, he like Seinfeld, every word has to mean, he will flip it a thousand times to that you know what I said, actually he will do it. Sometimes he'll tell you, it'll take him three weeks to get it to that point, but when it comes out, it gets the same reaction that I get. It's just a different process of coming to conclusion. What was the town like,

because I always tell stories of the New York comics going to Boston for the first time. What was the town where Atlanta comics, you were like, oh shit, I'm playing Chicago, I hope my act works. Like I remember, was it, Epst grew up in like Indianapolis, I think. Yeah, Gary, I think he's from Gary, right?

Yeah. He's from Nap Town, he's from Indianapolis. But I. Yeah, Gary. I think he's from Gary, right? Yeah. Where is he from? He's from Nap Town. He's from Indianapolis. But I remember him saying something like, I remember in New York, Southern black dudes would come up and people would be like, make fun of the way he was talking because it was different. What was the city that you were first nervous to go to you were like, fuck, I hope I translate?

I mean, to be honest with you LA was it just yeah it's a monster right it's a monster I'd say I tell young comments this LA is like the Olympics where everybody from all over different world congregate to this this place to win the gold medal so if you're gonna move to, you need to be the number one draft pick where you learned that, where you're from. If you're not the best in your own local town or your own local city, LA is the wrong place to come to because it brings everybody from all around the world

to compete at that point. And LA has just a stench about itself that is LA. And once you shake that part off of it and just go here and get into what you are, you'll do quite fine. You know what I mean? But it's the LA for me, when I first came out here, I was like, this is a totally different, but it was also from one of the people that told me about it, other than any other place. Cause usually I go to the place and it doesn't fucking matter. Well, you don't change anything about you,

which was like my big mistake the first time I went abroad, I would like kind of write a new act to be like, I'm the American in London. And then you're like, what the fuck? And now, it wasn't until I was older, I was like, I'm the American in London. And then you were like, what the fuck? And now, it wasn't until I was older, I was like, I'm just gonna do what I do. And I remember watching you go up second and you were not, you weren't like, you just did you.

Yeah, that was come a lot of failure from Montreal Comedy Festival and thinking you had to change it. And didn't have nobody set you down, like, just do you. And it was trial and error to get to that point, like, fuck it now. That's an intimidating one. First time you do Montreal. Oh, it's terrible. Terrible. Especially for a brother from Southeast D.C. who got a slang.

You in a foreign country, the French dialect, and you over here saying different words. They was staring at me like I owed them money. You know what I'm saying? So I said, I ain't getting no deal out this motherfucker, but I at least got a trip. What year did you go to Montreal first? Ooh, so long, I think 98, 99.

I think I did a couple of times in New Faces, the run-off. I was there when Dave hit and it was the shock among everywhere. The whole festival was Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle. He was the prettiest bitch in high school. You know what I mean? So, and you're just like, oh my God, he could have got a fucking show on the Food Channel that week, you know what I mean? Every, I mean fucking every network. He was there for him, that's why I tell people

he was closest thing in our profession as a LeBron James. You know what I mean? He just came out and they was, he had the industry by the motherfucking throat. Where did you first play when you got to LA? What was your first show? I just hit the clubs like, you know, the comedy store. I remember I went up and, and Missy, God rest her soul, to get her right to work there. I was already clearing 10 G's a show, so it was really insulting. I had to sit here and audition for you for $35, but you know, I

had to put the cocaine down to come to that realization. Cocaine was like, fuck her, fuck they club, you don't need nobody but me, you, and this money that we get and fuck them. But I went down and you know, you're funny, I'm going to make you a regular today and you're good." And then the white comic came to me like, oh man, you're a non-paying regular. Off the stop. I said, well what's the difference?

He said, well, non-paying regular. Regular, you don't have to watch the door, work no jobs in here for stage time, you just get on the list on it. I said, well that wasn't gonna be an option at all, motherfucker. I just wasn't one gonna be an option at all I just wasn't gonna work this one for you You know what I was gonna be sitting down here in the front taking tickets parking cars. No offense That's just I was already 10 G's a night. This is and kiss my ass

What shit come along with this one I guess I just got to come back here when I'm more famous. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Comparison is the thief of joy and it's easy to envy other people's lives, especially, oh, it seems like they have it all together on Instagram, but in reality, they probably don't. Therapy can help you focus on what you want instead of what others have so you can start living your best life. Perception is reality.

You just need to perceive that the life you have is great. And sometimes you get lost in that focus and your life is great. You need someone to kind of ground you. And for me, my therapist is the person that grounds me. Reminds me of the beautiful things I have, the things I don't deserve, like a gorgeous wife, two beautiful kids, two great dogs, a cat. But even saying that, therapy for me, it is the place where it reminds me of all the great

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with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash bears today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash bears. But this part of the process, me and this cocaine will not. So they were actually like, come here and work now? They were like, come here and work now? Well, that's where it was at the point.

What it is is you have to work and then get your regular job and you'll be in the front at the comic. And then. And that's what they were proposing to you, though? Well, that's what they was supposed to all comedians. Oh, I mean, that happened to me, too. Yeah, yeah. to all comedians. Oh I mean that happened to me too. Yeah, yeah. To all comedians.

But if she grants you that part, to bypass you there, she immediately make you a regular that you don't have to do. And that's what happened to you. And that happened to me. Okay, okay. So when he told me that, I didn't know the significance of it,

so he explained it to me, and then I explained it to him. That wasn't the option. Yeah, yeah, yeah, gotcha, gotcha. It was gonna be either that or nothing. Or nothing, yeah. Thank you for educating me on it because I didn't know the process of it.

They just said if you want to work at the comedy store, you first miss it, you have to personally approve who works at her clubs. I'm like, all right, I'll go up there and let her see the set, what time we got to come do it. And she makes that determination if you need to work for her or do something I'm gonna set for the club in exchange for a stage time. Yeah, no just become a paid record right there

Fuck that. I have a weird question I only wonder because you were Successful and wealthy and doing great in comedy, but the Netflix thing really kind of shared you with a brand new audience. Yes. Did you ever crave that or is it something

that's nice to have in your life? Did you ever think, like there was a point in my life where I was like, I'm cool with just being like, I wasn't making 10,000 a week, but like whatever, like six grand, five grand, four grand a week, I could do this for the rest of my life, I love it. But then when the Netflix thing changed my life, I was like, oh, I don't know if I could have done that

for the rest of my life now. Humbly, you sit and you see people get things of opportunity that you think just to based upon what we do, I should at least get that opportunity. So you get a little bit like, God damn it now. You know what I mean? Yeah. And, but you, you, I'm just a, I'm a person that deals with reality and I'm, I'm just, we deal, you know, and I'm honest with myself more than anything else, we deal

with something that's subjective. What's funny to y'all might not be funny to somebody else. So I always used to say, and I see some people with an opportunity that I haven't had a chance of having or privilege of having or haven't came across, I say, I guess they made somebody laugh who I haven't yet made laugh yet. No, that's pretty good. You understand? That's the only thing that I can really just say somewhere along a person

of power, they made laugh that I didn't make laugh yet to give them the opportunity to expand on theirs. And I just got to keep on going until I meet that person who's in the power to see who I am as a comic and be saying, okay, we can do things with him the same way we did it with your Dave Chappelle, Chris Rodgers, Kevin Hartz, Jerry Seinfeld, and the rest of it. And I just have to come and just accept that

and just keep being who I am. True story. I just want sit here and went to see Martin get ready for his tour he's doing and me and Martin are tight because we from Washington DC are known well. He was up in the Belly room or one of the main rooms at the Comedy Store working it out. And he said his story, he said, and that just let me know there's a God, he said he was performing, he just got into comedy as a dare, and he got up in there and he tried it, but he was a blue comic.

Star Search came, and all the veteran comics, say you ain't got a chance to be on here. You're too green, plus you're blue. You ain't getting on this one. And he got picked, made it for Star Search. And I'm thinking, damn, then he came to Star Search, won one round, lost, went back home, doing his regular job, buffing the floors, mopping everything, got a call from Columbia Pictures, television, say, hey,

we got this show called What's Happening Now, would you like to be on it? Come on out here." Dropped the mop, dropped the thing, flew out there, came on there, rest of his history. And that made me think, see none of that shit never happened for me. You see what I'm saying? You just be like, so how do you get angry or get you mad or feel it is? That's just his path. I didn't want my path to be that way.

And now that it is my turn and things are happening for me, and I see why he took me this long to get to this point. I really do. It makes sense now. It really makes sense. But doesn't it, I was gonna say, there's this thing where when you're craving those things and those recognitions, right, early on,

and they keep going by and you keep seeing other people do shit, and you're like, damn, it's just like, they're not picking me. But when time goes by and you just get better and better and better, and then you do get your opportunity, like if you wanna use your Netflix thing as an example, it's the most memorable one of this bat, like that's the one everybody talks about. But it also came at a time where like, you're just like this, you're ready for it. You know what I

mean? Like you're so ready for it that could you have done it before? For sure. But maybe it's, it's better because it it did take long I well, I will say this and I say this a lot, you know, I would love to see I Just wanted what came along with the talent that I was, you know, and I say retail, you know I mean the opportunity that comes along with the talent. I was nothing more nothing less. I for whatever reason. And I just, I never got angry because you meet these bitter comics. And I told myself, I'm never going to be you. Because I write a note every time that I get on stage and I don't, I never have ever changed it because and get to your point

Crave it you gotta understand. I never came to the complete Comprehension or the belief that this what I supposed to be doing anyway because I was just doing it and nothing better came along So I was still was like that's why my name is earthquake because just case this shit didn't work, I ain't wanna fuck up my good name. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? So, you know what I mean? So. That's great. No, really.

My family is very funny, but they critical and we joke on each other. If I would have got out the military after nine fucking years, with only 11 more years to retire, and went to Atlanta and try to be Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, that shit would have failed. I would have never heard the end of that shit.

Do you know this motherfucker got out of the military to be a clown? This motherfucker, I mean, you can stay home for this. You know what I mean? Because first I didn't, you know, my family didn't know comedian was an occupation. You didn't associate it with an occupation. You only knew the stars. You never knew it was lower level comedian that none of my family went to comedy clubs. So they, they preach it proud or red fox, you know, but the actual, the job of it, we

didn't know anything about it. And me for the just jump out to do this shit, and I'm trying it, and they giving me more money to do that, to talk shit up here, than to work for somebody eight hours. And I just did nine years in the military, and I was living on the unemployment on there. So I wasn't forced to get a job,

and that money was coming out, like I ain't riding out. And so I never was sitting there like, I'm craving this. And then I seen a lot of people, honestly, who were the men that I ain't wanna be like, you know what I mean? Egotistic, shitting, you ain't special. What you do is special. You know what I mean?

If you were special motherfucker, why wasn't nobody there when you was born? We had to prove that shit. Only Jesus was special. He the only people had people come on the announcement of his birth. There ain't nobody show at your hospital to get your mother to even have a car seat for you. You know what I'm saying?

You had to sit on somebody's lap as one year. You know, two days old. You didn't even got your own crib. You fuck around and had a drawer next to the socks. That's where you lay that at night. The fuck you talking about, you're special. Now all of a sudden you're the greatest thing since, get the fuck out of here.

You know what I mean? It's just, I hated it. I was just fucking hated it. Those bitter guys are a disease. Oh, they're a disease. You can't be around them actually. No, you can't. They sit in the back of the fucking club

and telling you why he made it, why he didn't make it, why he can't make it. And I tell them, I said, if you was to put more, just the same energy you put in this analogy that you put in your set, I bet you'll go as far as they do. Yeah. Yeah.

I never thought that that would be happening in the black clubs. I know it happens in the white clubs. All the time. The white clubs are like- Rather rampant with it. I mean, there's so much like, tit for tat bullshit where it's like,

how did you get that? Who got you into Montreal? Who did you showcase in front of? I remember just being like, I remember moving to New York and going like, this sounds bad, but I just did not connect with the white comics, because I didn't have friends like that.

Like I didn't have friends who were like nerds. Like my first friend was Tony Woods. And I was like, I can hang out with him. We go to the Bag of Dan, him, Don-El, me, him and Don-El would go down to the Bag of Dan and have drinks. And I just was like, okay, they were were cool growing up I could talk to them right I don't have to I don't have to pretend to talk I don't have to talk about comedy

we can talk about anything else and yeah I had a hard time connecting with like that that bitter energy I think I'm sure I had to have had it at some point you know because I think it's natural you get it. It's natural. Yeah, it seeps in. It does. It does. And that's why sometimes when I see comics take a shot at me, I understand it. And I've tried to tell them it's not my fault. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's not my fault. You know what I mean? I get it. You know what I mean? Because you're bitter on it because you're competitive, but you have to be honest with yourself and say it's subjective. As long as you're dealing with something that's subjective, there is no better or best. Because what makes one person laugh might not make another person laugh.

And I tell comedians that all the time. All of us have people that don't find us funny. You just pray to God all them niggas don't show up that day. I think I've had a few nights. We could turn that into a t-shirt. All them motherfuckers don't show up that night. You know what I'm saying?

It's just a factual part of it, man. And you just got to deal with the reality of what it is. Wait, did you say you write yourself a note before you get on stage? Yeah, I write myself a note. And I've never in my 30 year career never got on stage without this note. And the note is, thank you God for everything you've given me. Thank you for picking me out of all the brothers on the corner and giving me this gift. If it was the end today, I wouldn't have no complaints

because if I lose that eye for it, then my jokes are gone because I don't physically write. So I have nothing to learn. So that's why my environment, my attitude, people around me I have to protect that because that's where I get my comedy from and if you fuck with that Then they've also my whole ecosystem and I'll be fucked up Did you you're someone that?

Notoriously no one's wanted to follow who's someone that you oh you all growing up are all coming through you're always like Goddamn, I gotta follow him. Well, it's a few people. Like, if you follow on this, Jay, you might as well understand you have to be physical. This is a physical guy with a lot of energy. You can't go up that bitch bush. The member is in the Def Jam.

Yeah, understand, yeah. You have to, you know, you gotta play with LaVell Crawford. Oh my God. You know what I mean? When I see LaVell on the schedule, it's like I gotta put my shit together. You coming in, motherfucker, lax on LaVell.

You in trouble. I had a hard time following LaVell with my daughters at a Menchie's. We walked into a Menchie's. And yeah, pulled up, got out of his car, came over, said hi, got his Menchies, and sat with me and my daughters for a second. It was so fucking funny, he left,

and they were still smiling. They go, what does he do? I go, comedian. And they're like, nah, you're not a comedian then. That guy was really funny then. No, he is. LaVell is, he's a beast. So it's many a times that I have sit here,

and because you know, when you do this, a samba of comedians, you don't know who on the show sometimes. And then you might have had a late night that night or you know not mentally preparing for this fucking show. You get to the god damn arena and you like LaVeyo 25 before you like oh shit slap me real quick give me go get something yeah and he destroy me destroys it. I mean destroy he's another dude that That I sit and I watch and I you know

He's in the same bracket of me like Someone has to find a way for him to see what we see And give him an opportunity to grow his audience and he would do well if what you say you want viewers and you want a successful show. Yeah. That's what I think. He's a fucking beast. Also like I imagine he's not, I imagine it just comes out of him too. Yeah I mean he, I don't know his process for him coming to him, but the results, and how he make his sausage. Yeah.

Then when that motherfucker come out, it's ready. It's ready. You know what I mean? There's so many people, there's so many people that I was coming up in New York that like Greer Barnes was someone I'd never wanted to go after. Greer Barnes was just flawless. And talk about swag. Was it, there was a comic who did a showcase

with us one time, was it Reggie McFadden? Yeah. And he went up, Barry Caste was like, gotta be clean. And Reggie McFadden was like, I don't need stripper pussy, and I'll tell you why. And the fuck was that? Funny. And the fuck in the room was like, I don't need stripper pussy, and I'll tell you why. And the fuck was that? And the fuck in the room was like, and I was like, ah, this is gonna be a good show.

God, man. So many fucking great comics that you feel, it's like one of the things I think was cool for all of us when your special came out and all of us went to watch it, all of us went to watch it, huge chat threads. I remember being in the chat thread with Rogan, Tom, and Ari. We're like, has anyone fucking seen Earthquake Special? And being like, but when you saw it,

it's kind of cool, because it's like, there's a bad analogy, but you know your little brother can do a backflip, but you're at the bar, and you're all drinking, and if he can do a backflip, they're gonna get drinks for everyone. And you know your little brother can do a back flip

and you're like, can you do that back flip? And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he does any stakes, I go, fucking told you motherfucker. I told you motherfucker. Exactly. It was so fun watching that special. Did you have any stake in that?

Or were you just like, whatever it is is whatever it is. No, I knew once Dave Chapelle, when Dave Chapelle called me and said he was going to produce it, I knew this is the one. And my main goal first was to be me on it. Wherever it landed, but I was going to be me. You know what I mean? This is how Earth Craig tell a joke.

This is how I write. This is how my, I ain't know, knock knocks, poignant, funny, quick, delivery style. I'm gonna put all the elements that I am into this and then let it do what it do, you know what I mean? Not try, not looking to impress anyone. I just wanted to do my best, and I live whatever comes with it. And that was the main thing. And so I started trying out different stuff, and it wasn't coming, and then I forgot I was,

I think I was in Detroit or Indiana, and it hit. And I called my fiance, I said, got it. She said called my fiance, I said, got it. She said, got it. I said, got it. I got it from the beginning of it all the way to the end. Got where I want to take them, got what I want to say, got where I want them. And then I called Dave, I said, let's do it.

Really? Yeah. Did you know, this is a little bit in the weeds on a special and I'm curious to hear your answer too. But I've done a few specials and I've gotten to a place where sometimes in the past I would get so micromanage nervous about it that I would prepare for it over prepare and I wouldn't drink and I would try to eat clean. And then this last special I just shot I was like I'm just going to make it like the road.

The road is always fun. The road is always a blast. I'm going to drink if I want to drink after the show. I'm just gonna make it like the road. The road's always fun. The road's always a blast. I'm gonna drink, if I wanna drink after the show, I'm gonna have meet and greets and post parties after. I'm gonna do every night, I'm not gonna change a fucking thing. I'm gonna sleep in my bus instead of get in a hotel room. I'm gonna stay in my bus,

because that's where I like to be. I'm gonna work out when I wanna work out. I'm not gonna fucking, I'm not gonna like get obsessive about it. Is that how you went about it? Yes, because I had other ones, and it wasn't at this level on it but this was the one the criminal crime and I really was gone the mind is on just like yours but it was more creative like this what I do yeah and this is how I do it. And turn the cameras on so your mentality

with the crowd was you're just here to witness this, you don't even matter. You know what I mean? It's me and that camera to articulate these jokes until it's over. And that's what I did. And that's what I plan on doing for the next one that I'm gonna do at the end of this year.

Oh, you are? Awesome. Yeah, I just signed to do another one and I'm looking forward to this one. Do you know where you're doing it yet? I'm gonna do it in Atlanta. Okay. Because I was born in Washington, D.C. where my first one is, but I got my,

I was born in comedy in Atlanta, so that's where I'm coming to Atlanta. And me and Dave are going to do it again. I mean, Stan Laitham, director. Oh yeah, good. We're going to put it at the end of the year. And I'm looking forward to it. I can't wait for that.

I'm looking forward to it. I'm really looking forward to it. Also there's something about, I think yours has to be one of the highest retention levels. Like, people don't finish specials. I think everybody I talk to finish your special, which is a real, just like a compliment to you. I don't know, man. I think there's also something about,

they make specials too long, and like having them be solid and funny and just Like make it more Digestible I feel like that's the future of stand-up specials Well, you know I told them and we we had a problem. I said I Believe in quantity of it in quantity. Yeah, A lot of these people stretch it out an hour, but they only got 20 minutes of laughter. So why don't you just put the 25 minutes

of your laughter in there. And have them wanting more than not want no more. You know what I mean? Just so you use the woman's analogy on that. You want them to no more. You know what I mean? Just so you use the woman's analogy on that. You want them to want more. Less dick is better. There you go. And quality of the less.

You know what I mean? So I said, well, we're gonna put this in and make it, that was Dave Chappelle's recommendation to me. That was so smart. He was like, quick, I know how long you do. recommendation to me. That was so smart. He was like, quick I know how long you do. We're gonna make it 40 minutes. Perfect.

And I said 40, and it was one take, and that was it. Really? Yeah, he told me the second one, you can do what the fuck you want, we got it. And so, I started, cut, no cut on it. We put it up together, stand, we got it. And so, started, cut, no cut on it. We put it up together, stand like we got it. So the first one, we got it on the first one on it. Because I was just, I knew the significance of it.

And plus, to be honest with you, when you have a GOAT, a great comedian, a mind of their, you can't come up there with no knock-knock and you gotta be, you have to play well, you know what I mean? You have to, you have to exceed his expectation even for himself because you want to tell him or anybody that gives you that opportunity that you've been denied of personally speaking, thank you. And you know, he said, man, my fault, I should have came sooner than come get you and let the world see what you

is. I owe you apology for that. I'm like, damn, you owe me apology for that. So I should have been used my platform and my word of being in the room. I say, yeah, y'all are throwing all these accolades on me, but it's a motherfucker down there. That it is. And my personal opinion is too many comedians, especially of my ilk, that don't do that. They get in there and for some fucking reason they feel referring someone of their equal value is a shame on them that they don't help lower comics that has no way of the potential ever reaching to that level.

And they say they're doing a good job. No, you're just helping the motherfucker get in the red zone. He will never be in the end zone. You want to impress me? Help a motherfucker that's in the red zone get in the end zone. Then you show that you truly believe in who you are and it is you and you helping people. Anybody can help a person in our business that don't have no potential on being elevated equal to their level.

That's bullshit. You see them all the time. Opening up, having people open up for that and you're like, hell no. Fuck is this motherfucker even with this opportunity? But the true one, when you sit there and you give an opportunity to him, you're like, boy that motherfucker in front of you was funny as shit. Like, yeah, he's going to be a star. And that helps you too as a comedian because it keeps still, shopping still.

Because they came to see you, you can get lazy and they'll be just happy, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you get a funny motherfucker up there in 25, 30 minutes that's killing that crowd, it makes you come to work. So it works for you, but for mine, I envy white comics more than anything on this with y'all. When y'all do get to the top, y'all do bring others in. Adam Shalins and the rest of y'all, Jerry, y'all bring each other in that y'all do bring others in. Adam Shalins and the rest of y'all jury, y'all bring each other

in that y'all deal with. And we don't do this on our side. We, for some fucking reason, it's just they will help people that they know don't have the potential of being a superstar. But you know, that's just my personal opinion. Yeah. I think it's guys like Dave and Joe. Rogan was like that. Always. Rogan was like crazy like that.

He only brought people who would fucking destroy. Right. He still does. He still does, yeah. He still does and he gave everyone an opportunity. I remember him saying like, hey, there's no competition. Anyone, have him on your podcast.

It'll help your numbers out. them open for you bring out this guy I remember him telling me because I would just have whoever the club Booked to be my feature and host it was light work you go in they were usually pretty hacky You very suddenly ran into anyone who knew what they were doing and then Joe's like why aren't you bringing like murderers out with you? Right I was like what he was like bring out like great comics and then you're around great comedy. And then you're getting challenged. And I was like, and he goes, and it's fun as fuck. And I was the first weekend I did it, I was like, oh, I'm never

letting a club book people. No, no, you don't. And because you don't know who it is, you don't know if they stop it on you because they represent them. Then people come in to see you. So it is your show. And then you are given an opportunity, I just personally believe, wherever level you at,

you obligated to give that, someone that opportunity where you at, to give them that point. Now, pick who you want it to be. Let it be somebody. I tell comments all the time, you ain't even gotta pick me. Pick somebody, because see, you're expanding the genre, and eventually it's going to come back and benefit me. Yeah.

You know what I mean? It just is. So, I mean, you just don't know. I compliment, when I see, I go see other comics, and I see they're opening, the rest of them up there and killing and to me personally that tells me the character of who the headliner is. Yeah I think you're 100% right. He's walking on his own belief. I am that motherfucking man and he still came to see me and it is about me and everything is cool and I can still provide opportunities to other people that y'all might love but it's still about me and that just tells me the character.

Yeah, you're totally right. Was it tough for you when the Netflix special comes out? I know, I kind of know, I know lightly like just how involved you've been in your promoting and your, and Dora, like you were never a hands-off comic. You were always a hands-on comic, even from the early days. When you get that next level, they're like, yo, we want you. There's a weird thing that Hollywood does I think sometimes, like, now it's time to trust us.

Right. And was it tough for you to let go and go, okay, let's do it? I mean, you guys, you got people like Dorthman in your corner who can give you advice, but was it tough to let go a little bit of the reins? Well, I'm not a Michael manager because I never had, let me put this this way. What I needed, I didn't, most of the time I didn't have people who did wanted to help me was capable to help me what I needed. You know what I mean? Yeah, I see.

You have to, it's a machine in here. Yeah. It's a machine in here. Yeah. It's a machine. And if you, I don't care fuck how funny you are, if you don't have the necessary people around to boost what you're doing or saying who you are, you know, you're just going to be the funniest motherfucker in the club. So my livelihood was based on what I did at the club, so I had to be on hand on hand on our style. But the Hollywood aspect of it, I always gave it to him. And

nothing came back. Since that's why 20, 30 years of not getting it off of it. I never, I'm not a great self promoter. I'm not a braggart, Toshish dude I'm not I believe personally that your work should speak for itself. You know what I mean? We are all comics and subjective make the kids keep saying it So we all do it different and since the projectives you do yours do yours I love you that that's just how it is But the hands-on part of pushing it through and the rest of it, nah, I wasn't that dude.

I still like it. Do you like the acting stuff? Is that something you are interested in? You enjoy it? I enjoy it when they allow me to be me in it. I tell them all the time, I'm not an actor, I'm a movie star. So, I understand.

Brother, I've been saying that. I got off a roll, I said, what do you think, like, act? I said, nah, I can be like the movie star of it. Like, you give me my big trailer and I can walk anyone's trailer whenever I want. I can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because we're content. We're walking content. We're walking content. Actors are empty content. You have to fill them up with it. They read it, they play the role, and they assimilate to what the writer wants them to be. It's agitators to a comedian.

Our natural instinct of who we are, when we get that information, how do we form it and put it in our version of how we think? And then you got this mother fucker over here telling me, nah, you shouldn't say it like that. I said, man, I deal with 4,000 people a night that don't even know me, I'm telling you. Let me say it like this.

Yeah, I couldn't, I couldn't. You taking a piss, Tommy? We can keep going. Yeah, I couldn't. I couldn't. You taking a piss, Tommy? Yeah. We can keep going. Yeah, I couldn't. When I did my first movie, I was like, or my only movie, rather. I remember getting offered a role and I was like, I was like, yeah, I don't think I'll be good at that.

Like, you want me to play a guy who owns a cheeseburger factory or something? I was like, yeah, I've never been that guy. I can play Burt really good or a version of Burt. I can give you a bunch of different flavors of Burt, but I can't give you a neurotic guy because I'm been that guy. I can play Burt really good or a version of Burt. I can give you a bunch of different flavors of Burt But I can't give you I can't give you a neurotic guy cuz I'm not that guy and if you wanted that guy I can give it to you, but you're not gonna like the way it is. Well what I will say to them in there Allow Burt to be that guy in that role. Yeah, you understand what I'm saying put Burt in this fetish is You understand what I'm saying? Put Burt in this fetishist fucking arena thing

and allow him, and I bet you, Burt playing that guy is gonna do better for this movie than Jim, who has all these acting and all that on it, if you want the success of the film. It's Martin, if you look at Martin, Martin's always been Martin and everything he does. Thank you. Man, Martin is so, I mean, when you watch,

when you just watch old school Martin, the show, Yes. You forget what a, what an actual fucking play he put on every fucking day. Every day. Every fucking day. I mean, he carried that whole, single-handhandedly with emotion, with like, I watched the episode the other day and I was blown away by he was vulnerable.

He was vulnerable. He was cocky. He was arrogant. He failed. He succeeded. He played shenanay. Like he did all this in one 22 minute fucking thing and you're like, holy shit, they don't make anything like that Nothing because he was given and he was busting out that somebody seen the vision to say do you yeah?

And let us turn the cameras on We don't want you to be that or what our vision is all of them do it I mean Eddie played Eddie Eddie always played Eddie Eddie played a Kevin playing And we were just talking about this might Eddie played Eddie. Mike played Eddie. You know, Chris Rock played Chris Rock. Martin. All the comedians. Dave played Dave.

If you look at all of them, that's what we do. We're movie stars. Put us in a fictitious scenario, scene, allow us to bring Bert into that and sit there. Here is the guidelines off of the scene, off of it. Let's sit here, roll it, take one. Let me see, take two, take three, take four. I got that, I got that scene. Four and I put it together, edit it together,

and you got a hit movie. It's not rocket science to me, in my humble opinion. Oh, I agree. We were talking about how great the TV show, Martin, was, and just how brilliant Martin and Eddie. We were talking about Eddie. Eddie played so many different versions of Eddie, including Boomerang, including Vampire,

and including, even in Coming to America, that is a version of Eddie Murphy that we all kind of know from his act. I mean, and then you think about his act. I was just, sometimes when I get ready for a special, I'll watch something and go, man, I wish I had something like that. And I never do, especially from the great ones.

But when his mom with the boomerang shoe, and you go, he was a child when he wrote that. Yeah. Yes. Good, yeah. He was a child. Yeah. And you go, he was a child when he wrote that. Yeah. Yes. Kid, yeah. He was a child. Yeah. Yeah, an ice cream man too. Yeah, he's so charismatic though,

like bringing that movie star quality up to movies was so, it's just the most natural thing. It is him just being himself, you know? Red Fox. Yes. Red Fox was always Red Fox. Yes. He was always Red Fox. Prior to, hold on, if you look at him. Prior was himself, you know? Red Fox. Yes. Red Fox was always Red Fox. Yes.

He was always Red Fox. Pryor, the whole, if you look at him. Pryor was always Pryor, you're right. He was always Pryor. You could look at Pryor and look at him in everything he was Pryor. He was sitting there putting on him, people died on him. You could, you put any actor in that same movie

and take Pryor out, who knows what the fuck it would do, but it wouldn't be as great as it is because you allow pride to be pride. But we don't, people who make those decisions, or we don't have enough directors or producers to say, this would be funny with Bert in this situation, let me get it, and you tape it, I mean, we gotta get our jokes right the first time

every time we we on stage. Your ass get four or five times to get it right. You understand? You get to try four fucking fucking times, and you get it, and you put it together, and it's a hit movie. We hold people's attention span for an hour by a damn self. How in the fuck you gonna tell me

I cannot hold their attention an hour and a half with cast members and we had four or five times to get the shit right? Yeah. It's fucking foolishness today. Who's your dream team? So like say they make a movie like Ocean's Eleven or Ocean's Twelve and they go here's the deal we're gonna put we're gonna put five we're gonna do we're gonna do five of the black comedians we want in it. Earthquake, you're our lead. Who are you gonna put in the movie with you? Oh man.

Gotta put Ed, Eddie Murphy, the most talented person I ever met. What's he like in person? Ed is so smart, yo. He is observant, talented. Is he quiet? Yeah, someone that when you get to know him, he talk shit. Yeah.

You know, he loves, I mean, Muhammad Ali, he got all kind of Muhammad Ali shit in his house. Good guy, astute in the game. Yeah. Astute in the game. He believes in the game. That's why for him to come back to do standup again, he would go on the process, his process, hitting the club, writing and all that.

And I don't think personally he wants to go through that to get to that, but he looks at the live scape and says, I could do that. And nobody fears him. I'm Murphy. So you put Eddie in it? I put Eddie. I put Dave in it. Rock in it.

Shit, Mike in it. Mike's supposed to be in DL. Oh, wow. Why don't we, okay. So what's the movie? Let's just, because I'd invest in that movie. Sure. I would absolutely invest in that movie.

It's going to be a, just give everyone back end points. Yeah. Right. And I will be the, the run that kind of thing is I will be the head of the probation officers. That's a great world. You understand? I am the head probation officer and all of those, they work under me under probation. They're probation officers. And I would have, like, law and order, people

who they take things from the newspaper, the headline, and I will have those people who been in trouble went through and after they get out of incarceration or don't be incarcerated and have to come to us, and I will sign different one, DL and rest of them as their probation officers and how these people will be the probation, how DL will be a probation, Chris Rock will be a probation officer, different celebrities that came in their office.

That's a great setup. Yeah, I'm in. Probation? Yeah. And then you gotta have the turning point, right? celebrities that came in their office. That's a great setup. Yeah, I'm in. Probation. Yeah. And then you gotta have the turning point, right, where like, something has to go wrong at the... Right, yeah.

So either like, nobody showed up, so you have like, you got ten fugitives or, you know what I mean, or they take over. Something's gotta like flip in the scenario to make everything kinda go crazy. Chaotic. Yeah, chaotic, yeah. God, yeah. That'd be crazy, because I bet, I mean, I get everyone's schedule's fucking chaos,

I bet it'd get, Eddie Murphy's gotta be an uphill battle. You could put, there's so much talent out there right now. And I think the problem, when you were saying that, I think the problem is, and I mean this with respect, but I think every director wants to be the star, every writer wants to be the star, every producer wants to be the star,

and back in the day, they just wanted to make Eddie Murphy the star. And I think that's disappeared a little bit from Hollywood. I think that's why movies aren't making what they used to make at the box office, because so many people, it's so difficult to get a project made, whereas back in the day,

Eddie Murphy pops on Saturday Night Live, they're like, yo, how do we plug this kid into something tomorrow? And how do we let him be him and blow us all up? Back in the day, it was just about making the money. Like those guys, Jerry Bruckheimer and those guys, they became the star just because they were behind the scenes people. They became the star because they worked in greenlit guys like Eddie Murphy. I used to always say we lost people that just love to be what they supposed to be. And that's

what you say. Back in the day, directors just wanted to be a director. Now the directors want to be the star. They want the accolades. they want the awards off of it. So it must, just human nature, how do I get more to shine on me than that other person? And that's what's happening. If we just could have people who love their craft for whatever purpose their craft is, we'll be doing a lot better. And there's nothing wrong with being the man behind the scenes. I tell that to my friends all the motherfuckers. I say if any of y'all got a better

Game plan than I do I'll show you how it is. I'll show you how the proper way to be an Indian I'll support y'all ass, but none of y'all ain't got the shit So tell y'all come up here with a better plan shut the fuck up and do what I tell you to do God damn it now fuck. I'm tired of this shit. He picked me, okay? All right, out of all of us, he picked me. I didn't ask for it. All right, if he would pick you, I'll follow you.

Can't follow your ass, working at the gym. Fuck. You don't make enough for your own family, I don't fuck. I'll follow you can't follow your ass working at the gym You make enough for your own family, I don't fuck I'm gonna follow you to the gym Shit Hey, oh snap out of this shit. They picked me We got to make the probation officer movie men Yeah, just to give you just for you to give that speech in the office. Yeah, you gotta do all of that. I'm the fucking head of the probation office, guy.

You picked me. You know what I'm saying? I didn't ask for it. Take it up with your Lord and save you. It's so funny that a probation officer would give that speech to lower level probation officers. Yeah. You know what I mean? They gave me the badge. officers. Yeah, I mean.

They gave me the badge. Yeah. See that? Yeah. For your tour right now. Oh, geez. Yes, after I leave y'all, I'm gonna go to Denver and start mentally preparing for the special and getting ready for it.

Now I know what it takes, because that was my first one, and now I'm just in the better space. So I'm a working comic. That's where all my money come from. I don't have no money off of Facebook, no money off of fucking. No money off of fucking Go off fans only page I got the only fan. I know I sound bad. I ain't got none of that shit

Monotrically between this and my radio show that I have on Sirius XM. Those are the two things. Are you shooting in December? I'm looking for of the two things. And were you shooting in December? I'm looking for, Dave was saying the Black Friday right after Thanksgiving. Oh, that's the greatest day to do shows. He was saying that off of it,

but we just got the deal, so I don't have a time. So I'm gonna start this weekend, and I will say I will be ready by November. The crowds on the Friday and the Saturday I will start this weekend, and I will say I will be ready by November. The crowds on the Friday and the Saturday after Thanksgiving are always, it's the best, because people have been with their family all week, you know, like half the time they don't want to be with,

and then this is their day out of the, it's always great audiences, great audiences. Yeah, that's what he said. And I was like, well, anyway, we get them them because we're not, I mean, I like shooting, I don't know how y'all like, I like shooting my special and the intimate settings, so I don't go more than 800 people. And once I, 800 people, whichever it is, I can get those in there. And plus it's Atlanta and the whole thing.

That's going to be nice, man. It's going to be huge. So they're going to be gone right there. So the crowd part of it, I'm not worried. And then mentally, they're just there to witness, mind me. And I'm so focused on what I'm trying to deliver and articulate each one of these jokes. I don't even pay attention that they're in there, to be honest, sometimes.

I love that you say you're gonna start working on it now. And I've talked to so many people who go, yeah, I'm gonna shoot a special. I'm gonna do like a couple weeks before I get ready to do it. Like get really prime myself off. I'm like, a couple weeks. Yeah, no. I fucking, I feel like I might be over preparing.

Yeah, no. Well, because, no you're not, because they missed a word. It said comedy special. Supposed to be special, not alright. Not gonna be right, could be right. Give me more time, I can make it right. It's, you understand, it's comedy special. We came up with a term when you had a special,

you worked on it for a whole year, perfecting it. Because you wanted to put out, because it's like being an artist or an R&B, you're about to drop an album. You know what I mean? You got to work on this album just to sit here. They have diluted it of their own and I personally speaking, that's the reason why people don't watch their specials all the way through. Because they're not great. They were not special. They're not special. You understand?

They have, they supposed, it speaks for comedy special. Those two be special. They were about special for about 15 minutes. Yeah. And then that's when everyone turned it off. Yeah. And you're not com- and you're doing a disservice to yourself to be right honest with you. If you want my personal opinion about it?

Because your peers are watching it. Your peers are sitting here and saying, okay, you want to be respected among your peers to like, I am a fuck right there, finally. Yeah. And that's what, see, and you root for that. I know I do, I root for that, yeah. See, that's to our profession. You root for that. I know I do. I root for that. Yeah. See?

That's to our profession. I didn't say, you know what I mean? There's nothing, laughs are one thing, but when you have someone say, hey man, I love that joke, that's like, all of a sudden, that's like. Yes. Well, you see it, motherfucker.

You push a girl off. See if I'm gonna fuck with you, I would've thought of that. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't fuck with you, I would've thought of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't fuck with you, I would've thought of that. Yeah. I'm saying all this lovey-dovey,

this motherfucker over here working. Yeah. You know what I mean? You know, you just sit there like that, god damn. How did I not think of that? You know what I mean? Dude, Quake, it is so good having you. Yeah, dude, thank you.

It is an honor, It is an honor. It is an honor. Look, I've been a fan of yours for legit, as long as I've been doing stand up when I first met you through Tony, and you've been just a good luck charm to me. Every time I ever run into you, I get big smiles and to watch you succeed, to watch you blow up the way you have these last three years, two years, has been so fun for all us comics. Cause you know, that's, I think all of us go, it's real easy to say,

that guy got that and he didn't deserve it. But the guys who weren't getting what they deserve, like you, that's when you go, well fuck, that's how I feel about myself sometimes. And when you fucking popped, man, everyone was on your team. Everyone was fucking giving you flowers. And I remember when I was at the MGM arena,

I did that show and you were hanging out. You were in the red room. It was like 200 people there. And me and Andrew were in the corner and he was like, yo, that's earthquake right there. We were like, oh, we gotta go say what's up. We went over there like all nervous and shit just to say what's up to him because we were just so stoked to to see you up close and in person and and yeah, I mean just reiterate everything. I'm just super happy for you, man.

Well, thank you, man, and I appreciate y'all having me. I was flattered when I heard that y'all want to be on the show. Oh, so anytime any place that you you have me to come on, man, I am all down and I appreciate it. Thanks brother. Thank you, man. Thanks guys. See you next week.

Appreciate you. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top and swallows the other, wears the shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call, Two Bears, One Cave.