2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Dana's World w/ Dana Carvey | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 173

Episode Date: February 20, 2023

Bert Kreischer is joined by Dana Carvey sitting in for Tom Segura on this week’s 2 Bears, 1 Cave. Dana and Bert discuss Dana’s upbringing, his lesser known films, their mutual fear of flying, “Wayne’s World,” their health, Johnny Carson, luck and success, Winston Churchill and Hunter S. Thompson’s indulgent days and much more!https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

If you order a bloody Mary, you're totally cool. But if you order a Heineken at 7am, alcoholic. Really? Oh, yeah. Out of the beer at 7am, I mean, a bloody Mary. Well, it's a morning drink. I'll have five mimosas. He's not a big drinker.

Could I have half a bud? Alcoholic? 100%. Hey, guys. Brand new episode of Two Bears won, Cabe. Tom's at the doctor's getting his testosterone levels checked and they were off the really high and he started his test school show will back up so they're going to try to regulate them and keep them.

So he's on TRT. Oh, he's on everything. He's on, he is like, he is the most genetically engineered stand-up comedian. So if you thought Joe Pisco Bocho gets too far, Tom's gross taking it away. So Tom hides it. There's no tight shirt. There's no shirt. Oh no, no, no, no, no.

Is he with a shirt off too? Oh no, never. No, see, Tom didn't have like, I have spirit genetics where my body, my body as big as it even gets, I still look good. I still look like, oh well, you don't look that bad. He looks like a dad. Tom at a very young age, his body fell apart,

and he's been trying to repair it and get it back out. But you ever see that house money pit with Michael Keaton? Yes. Best Tom's body. So. Well, the thing is, if you're organically a little guy, look at my wrists. Yeah.

How much do you weigh? You've never been fat. My heaviest was like 159 after doing traffic. I put six at a 159. Yeah. Well, I've crap things that are on in 59 pounds. I have 159 pounds on top of me riding me. So I'm tracking this stuff. So I go on the machine to buy all, they say that my lean mass is 113 and I'm carrying 34

pounds of fat at 147. I don't know if that's accurate. Well, I just- I'm pretty ripped. I'm one, my lean mass is 156. Jesus. And so I'm carrying a hundred pounds. At six.

Six one. So you're carrying a hundred pounds. But the thing is, is this husky guys are actually like a big frame. Yeah. Can kinda get bigger and it looks okay. When a little guy gets a pot belly and little shoulders. Yes.

It's kinda like you can't shave your head if you have no chin in a baby face. You have to have Jason straight through and you have to have Bruce Willis. Yeah. You have a baby face and you've never had a beard. Until recently, right? Well, my wife got tired of fucking Howdy Duty.

I mean, let's face it, though, for a long time, you know, you could pull up pictures of me on one of the boys from X-27. I was, when I went to... Racing with the moon. Racing with the moon. One of my favorite movies ever, and I honestly, I've been racing with that haircut.

I wanted Sean Penn's haircut in that movie, my whole fucking life. So do I. My whole fucking life. Here's the story of that, because I know we share our love of flying. I fly SFO to do the movie. Somehow I got cast. They thought I was pithy.

So Michael, who's the guy? Michael Matson, he was, yeah, Michael Matson. Yeah, Michael Matson. We're both getting on a single engine plane. And it's the thing where they're taking the luggage off. 1984. This is, yeah, and we're gonna fly up to Napa together. That's first time I met him.

Is that where they shot that Napa? Yeah. God damn it. And I got on and we went right over San Francisco. Like a, it seemed like a hundred feet over the pyramid. So we came in and I went into the trailer and they butch my hair and I saw Sean. I go, what about Sean?

He's in the army and it was the coolest hair cut ever. It was the coolest haircut. And this is young pre-Madonna Champagne, I think. Oh, yeah, he was a complete kind of boy toy. Yeah, there I am. It's random what movies you see that live a, live a, like, leave something on you that you remember forever. It's about two guys who are getting ready

to join the military. Yeah. And, uh, and Champagne's whole thing is he's trying to fall in love with McGovern. Elizabeth McGovern, who by the way, can I tell you my heart breaks for all of those beautiful women that lived in the old Hollywood industry? Where they were, like, I mean this,

but like all the beautiful girls that went all the animals out of Santa's movies that did one movie, then married Pete Samperes. Did one movie, then married, you know were like, I mean, this, but like all the beautiful girls that went all the animals out of Santa movies that did one movie, then married Pete Samperous. Did one movie, then married, you know, like, like, like, who would she marry? Pete Samperous. I'll have happy go more. I think married people. People are like, I'm gonna go. No, no, no, I don't know. Global numbers are with the government now. Uh, Movement government is gorgeous.

Yes. So they marry a superstar athlete or something and then they just don't get work. Yeah, well, it's because the because they were single serving actresses at the time. They got one big thing and only a couple of them, like Julia Roberts, she still looks fucking good. She still looks fucking good. I know that I've aged properly with women because I find like we're going to Oslo tomorrow. I saw your touring. I looked up at this morning, it's fucking wild. It's insane.

I mean, just the history where you're going. Berlin, Oslo, and you're selling out, you can't say that. I can say it. No, you can't. I have no idea. Because I interviewed Paul McCartney, I realized later, he can't say, will I restore refuse as well, the little pot. If he says it, he can't say, will I wrote strawberry fields as well, the little pot? If he says it, he's an asshole.

But if I go, who wrote that other part? You know, in strawberry fields, I just said to the middle eight, you know, he's just stuck, John will get stuck. You know, I get a little cold and then we sort of ride it. I love doing that because I feel like I get to visit Paul. Yeah. Because in my voice, it's just a rough ride. I did a reading yesterday. So it's a little bit raw.

What was it reading for? Oh, I script I wrote Idiots and Monsters. It's sort of a tropic thunder meets the three stooges. You have me at tropic thunder. That's one of my favorite fucking movies ever. Kind of genius. Tom Cruise in that fucking movie, you know? Tom Cruise is worth every fucking penny.

Best line in the movie. What? Tom Cruise is worth every fucking penny best line in the movie. What Tom Cruise? I want you to take one step back and literally fuck your face Yeah, you're gonna get a fuck your own face Ben stiller brilliant brilliant fucking Danny McBride's great in that Oh, yeah, Danny McBride's great time myself the British guy's like, when it right when his head blows off and he's like, oh, I think right here. But then, you know, again, the other mic drop of all time for what I like in Tarotino does, inexplicability, lines that are so densely beautiful and and clinically correct in this case.

But he goes, you went, you know, when you get an Oscar, you can't go total retard, you know that thing, you went full retard. That's why you came home empty handed, which is true in almost every movie it's quarter-way slacks that are too short. Like every, Sean Penn got an Oscar, I go, no, they're not gonna do the too short pants. Can't someone lengthen the motherfucker's pants?

And a funny haircut. Don't they have people guarding them or helping them the motherfuckers pants? And a funny haircut. Don't they have people guarding them or helping them, giving them a trip? Funny haircut, pants way too short. Now give me a fucking Oscar. But they, that movie was awesome. Did you ever see Rosie?

I could talk about that the rest of the podcast. I could talk about those movie. Rosie O'Donnell. Give her see Rosie O'Donnell and my sister rides the bus. What's it called? It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's so bad. It's so bad.

And by the way, I'm a fan of every comic. Like every comic I'm a fan of. You probably know them intimately, but like, I'm always a fan of Rosie. I'm always a fan of Ellen. Everyone trashed and I go, yeah, but they're a comic. That's where my brain goes. That's the one where you think of like the mayor

and the president of show business and I came through it was Leno and Seinfeld. Yeah. And they both said, you know, even when he's doing this, you gotta respect them. Yeah, they're not snobbed like, no, can't stop getting like five laughs a minute.

Yeah. I think he's not. Anyway, I'm just gonna do voices all day because no one does them anymore. So it's, no, by the way, you're amazing at it. I can't do any, I can't do, I was doing, I could show you. Because I'm in Dublin and I got this this suit and so I put on the suit

I was and I was like hello I Well top top of the morning. That's not Irish is it no that's more I the easiest way to go is lock Cockney at our could go buckle cave with you. Yeah, you just got get a head code Okay, get a head code go up. Get a head code. Go up here. Go up here. Go up here. Go up here. And then you're good at not yet, but you're going to walk down the stairs. So you're up here. Not here. You're bloody crazy.

And then you go down the stairs. So you're up. You're bloody crazy. And then you go down the stairs. I mean, that's my whole fucking life. I mean life. You know I'm so bad at fucking accents. No, there is technique. So yeah, I'm, I'm, I hear them and then I try to do them and it always turns into a Swedish dude. Yeah, I know what you mean. I couldn't do Australian for the longest time.

When I see Kevin Pollock do shatter, I mean, I'm an awe of people. But I love throwing, just throwing my voice. My favorite thing I thought on the way over here was, well, flying the wall is in the top 10 in a regular basis on Apple ratings. So long, morbid. Time for an autopsy. Farewell to, there's one cave.

Maybe you need more bills and more caves So long cone you need downloads not more friends So that's Extrapolated from Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Hans and Franz then into this guy who's a very famous I do too. It's so superior So long call your daddy farewell deck shepherd. So you already had Ellen on talking about how she was more listed. You're running out of tragedies. But we won't run out to Saturday night like, guess. Anyway, so. You've done so many, like, you know, so funny.

You have this move with friends. If you're like at Vegas, something that just this before you drink it, you go like that and lean it over. But nobody else starts. You go like this. You go like this. Yeah, later on, we're going to get the Jets keys, the whole thing. You go like that.

That's it. My brother and Vance. Guys, hold on. That's the guy also on those camping trips that have a deep jerky. And for a thousand times in a row, he would go jerk, and that made him laugh every time. Wait, where did you grow up? I inhaled. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha co-dependent mom made me her, sir, a good father. Five kids, three older brothers beat the shit out of me. Little sister was crazy. It was a hard drive and hard drinking carves.

We are out of our minds. Really? Out of our minds. 60s kids, rag, rag, a muffin. Where, where? Well, Montana originally. For real, I'm from Missoula. Yeah, yeah, it's a-

Shut the fuck up. Hey, don't get shy, don't get me. I don't know if it's just a mountain plate. No, it is hip to be from the fuck up. Hey, I'm gonna shy, I'm gonna make some mountain plates. No, it is hip to be from Missoula. But then I grew up in just white middle class of Burbia, South of San Francisco, San Carlos. Yeah, now it's Silicon Valley. Our track home they bought for $25,000,

now it's worth $3 million. Missoula, the big M, my parents went to school there, my brother went to school there. I was just in Montana this summer. I was in Montana. I was just in Montana as well. I love Montana. Western Montana in the summer is God's country. Yeah. It's just crazy. Did you have that kind of river runs through it childhood? Well, we went there every summer and we went to Lake Runaan off Flathead Lake. Yeah. And we had the rowboat and the fishing and all that. Yeah. My father really related to River Runs Through it.

That was kind of his, his era of being a little kid in Montana. Really? Yeah, that was amazing. Cause you dad grew up in Montana. Yeah, so he was like, and my mom. He was like a man. Yeah, it was the 60s and he was like that. Yeah, yeah, you're gonna cry.

So what was- Oh. What we would do was like, when I was five, I got up and I took a shant, right? I don't really wear blue, but I am now. I'm on the right podcast. Man, am I in the right place. So there was no toilet paper.

I think I was probably four. So I just took a hand towel, but then I put it back because I'm like three and a half or four. My dad found it, so it was a whipping time. So you had to go to his room and get his belt. Any kid who was getting a whip in it, he would snap it, really loud. And then he had to grab your ankles

and then he would ask everyone how many? They'd get in a circle. No. And then as he beat you, you're gonna cry, you're gonna cry, but you know, it was just so quick whipping, you know. What'd you have in your life? You're doing it, man. You're doing it, you're realizing, I'll traumatize I quick whipping, you know, what you have in your you

I'm traumatized I am my hearing that's for you. Why are you traumatized? You're an in nickname is silver spoon I knew you had a weak easy childhood by looking at you. You're too nice Two three oh Where's the real Three oh Jesus Christ you got a god damn it. You're fucking yeah, so that was he be you and yell at you Or he give us one 10 my sister she was five and she was fussing over oatmeal So he took a hot bowl of steaming oatmeal just put it on her head So she's three I'm five so I remember that so I kind of So she's three I'm five so I remember that so I kind of Yeah, I mean it was my brother Mark was 18 I was probably 10 he decided to try beer So we had 10 high against at a picnic party and then drove home dad's hillman a youth British sedan

It was covered in pink popcorn because he had 10 high-end kids and a bunch of pink popcorn. I don't know how he made it home, but he covered the inside of it. So my dad was like, oh Jesus Christ, you're drinking, you're drinking. He's sitting on the bed. So my dad starts unloading on my left and right, my mom's like, you're killing him, you're killing him. And then my brother didn't feel a thing. My dad broke his wrist on his skull with the first punch.

So he had a cast. He had a cast with people come over. We had to say he bumped it on a table. Oh my God. But then he goes, oh, clean up the pink popcorn. So Scott and I had to go in there and just wipe things off for an hour. Yeah. Holy shit.

It was a, you know, well, I had a Disney face for a long time. Yeah. And I kind of smile a lot so people go easy childhood. I always say a really, you know, people get on stage because I'm not meant to press and barely making it, man. Nobody gets out of the department. Nobody drives to the comedy club. Nobody leans on the mic and it's pithy. If they're really anxious and really depressed,

a lot of these movie stars because it's become a fetish to have anxiety. I get terrible anxiety, man. I'm sorry, gang. You know, they've done like five movies in the last 18 months. Nobody does that. Anyway, don't get me started. No, that's not. But I love your, why did that trigger you?

Because the beating? No, because the reality of it. Like there's a, I'm doing it in a funny way. The thing, no, no, yeah, but the idea that like we had dads, my dad would raise his voice to yell and my dad would take it here. My dad would also he would say things that were brutally fucking honest that would hurt you. To to but like but and my parenting was fucked up because I thought the way to parent in a bad situation was to raise your voice and lose your shit.

Really? Yeah, I thought that because that's how he did it and it worked for me. Right, so you felt like, do you never felt like he was just kind of torturing you a little bit to get off himself? Right. I felt like he would lose his shit. Seeming to my room as an adult, as like in a 16 year old. Seeming to my room and telling me I was a fucking moron,

but I'm a very self correcting person. So I would sit in my room and try to figure out, I was taught that taught me to figure out why I was wrong. So in return, I'm a really good partner in a relationship because I try to figure out why I fucked up. You're sad of the street as they call it. Yeah, exactly. And so I thought I could do that with my kids.

That's not how that works. Well, there's a little thing called 20, 23. So it has nothing to do. We came through my wife and I came through with our kids right when everyone kid gets a trophy. And so this was 30 year old, right? Yeah. So it's mid 90s and a lot of that.

We're just kind of in this little school and the kids show up for soccer and they get a big box. It's the first day of practice. Were you rich when you had kids? No. So when when you saw, when I had kids, yeah, in relative terms, yeah. What was the other person? Why that went when I grew up was I.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for in my terms, I was absolutely. So you're oldest kid is 31 and 29. So then you had kids. Oh, probably like 30 36 to 38 late 90s early 90s early 90s. Yeah. Okay, so Wayne Worlds out there. Wayne's Worlds out there. I did a couple ridiculous movies because I had a rescue complex with my whole family. Like, you know, I was very close to my brothers because we survived the Boar Wars, you know, with Daddy. So it made us all like,

you know, we check on each other. Yeah. Am I exaggerating? I said, my sister last year, I go, am I misremembering or did dad have it in for me? That was the expression. She goes, oh no, Dane, he had it in for you. He had it in for you. So he just, I tweaked in the wrong way. My mother called me precious.

I had a baby face completely and a drudging, it's looking. But I never respected him so he never dinged me. Because he would, he would scream when he threw up Really we've here in the back room. Oh Like what a fucking baby screaming when he's throwing up So anyway, where was he? He had it in for you. He had him for him So but those days it was very different so when we came through I did these two shitty movies We go well my career is over. Let's just move over the two shitty movies.

Uh, clean slate. Okay. Horrible. I'm trying to think. I've seen it all. I've, the thing is, I've seen everything you've done. Like, I was talking, I was listening to your own podcast and you talked about doing a movie with Bert Landcaster and, uh, and tough guys tough guys. Yeah, I saw that movie. That was a thrill. Yeah. There's a story to that there was clean slate Yeah, God look at you. Yeah, they tried to I know That's a long time ago. That was a few beers and a lot of sun So you did these two movies clean slate and it was a classic mistake and it's just that you can't And it was a classic mistake and it's just that you can't,

when you leave SNL, ideally you do something that's pretty close to what you did on SNL. So Wayne's world was on SNL, so that was fine. But then, they offered me three million to do this. I didn't have that much money at that point in relic and net terms. So I go, why can just go do that? And director seemed nice. What you're thinking of way you'd fix it when you got there?

Like, you read the script, you're like, I had no idea. Those two movies, both directors got on their knees and begged me in the office. The other one was, Road to Welfl? No, Road to Welfl was okay. That was how I park her. I saw Road to Welfl.

That was a trip. That's about the, the best go. Beginning of Kellogg and that was a trip. That's about the beginning of Kelo, and that was a trip because I spent a lot of time, and here's a little bit of a story that still going to I think about, spent a lot of time with Anthony Hopkins. So everybody was blasted every night, everybody.

And it was, you know, John Kuzak, it was a Broadway, they got, and the first day I met Bridget Fonda, she goes, oh, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm going to get out of this, acting in the film. Really? And she was obsessed, there I was, yeah. Yeah, I played the crazy, Nair DeWell's son. So that was actually kind of fun.

Bridget was obsessed with Henry Fonda. And Jimmy Stewart, well, Henry Fonda was a grandfather. But she wouldn't let me do Henry Fonda and Jimmy Stewart. Well, Henry Fonda was their ground father. But she wouldn't let me do Henry Fonda for her. She goes, don't do grandpa. Don't go grandpa. Oh my God, that's a grandfather. Yeah. Oh, shut the fuck up. Because one time we were doing a scene and she turned away and I, she looked up and I heard her say, help me, grandpa. Like she felt like she forgot how to act. So I just came in there and I tried to tell her just to hit the mark in Sarah Lines. And there's nothing better than just doing

what you're supposed to do. And she hated that. Obsessed with Jimmy Stewart, favorite sexy movie star. So we watched this a wonderful life. And I did all, I would do that for her a lot. Yeah. And so that said everyone just partied. The way I think it was this normal film stuff.

When you're a puppet to a director and you have your lines and you're two lines a day, you just go to the pub, you go to the place. But so Anthony Hopkins and I started talking. So we bonded over, he started the story, you just heard. We bonded over our dads and stuff. And also he was an impressionist, like Sammy Davis Jr. was.

Really? Anthony Hopkins, he would do Hannibal Lecter and I would do Garth, and we would do that every day for the crew. Get away from big scary man, come here, God. Pfft. So, can you imagine? Every day we'd start that, we'd start the scene.

Before we go. So then he was kind, he's shy, but I start talking to him, relating to him. Last day of film, I mean, he very shyly said to me, reminded me of Rob Williams a little way in the shyness, because maybe you want to come into my trailer for lunch, and I go, I'd love to. And then, unbeknownst to me, the PR woman came by and said,

you've got entertainment tonight at lunch. I go, well, I'm gonna go to Anthony's. Well, they're just here and you gotta do that. Everyone's saying, so I was like, fuck, I can't do it. So gonna go to Anthony's. Well, they're just here and you gotta do that. Everyone's saying, you know, so I was like, fuck, I can't do it. So I had to tell him and then his assistant told me later, she goes, I've been with him 10 years. He never asked anyone in Joe's trailer for lunch.

Oh, fuck. Boom, but I ran into him. You're like, he's just a sweet guy and so brilliant. But the director melted, I was there when he melted. Really? Well, we're in Mohawk. It's a haunted hotel upstate in New York. Mohawk House.

I'm in a room with Alan Parker, the British director, really too cool for school, did some brilliant movies. And the way to make that movie work, they wanted Anthony Hopkins to be Anthony Hopkins. Straight, super real because it was about pooing and you know straight line. He came in and he goes, I had a dream. I was the king of the vegetables. So he had these grotesque buck teeth, which you could bring them up that he put in. He's like, he's a rabbit because it was about vegetables. Yeah. So he played the whole thing with these giant buck teeth. Yeah, there they are.

Yeah. So he was funny rather than serious. Yeah. And I think that was a difficult thing. But anyway, he's such a sweet guy. I've followed so much of this story in history. Oh, yeah. I've listened to podcasts about it.

This, the whole road to Elville, the, the, the, yeah, because it's, it's, it's, it's not in the Bisco, it's Quaker Oats. And Kellogg. And Kellogg and the, and the stole, the stole, the recipe because the guy who created it didn't want the world to have it. He didn't want to make cereals.

He was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm about this place and his brother work for him and his didn't respect his brother and his brother took it I've so funny. I saw this movie and it was my one connection with this story But was always the other movie you did that you didn't that would didn't Well, that one was okay. Clean slate. Trapped in paradise. Oh my god. Trapped in paradise What's fucking the fucking three with the unique cage and John Lovebets. John Lovebets, yeah. It's a great fucking movie.

Well, that's a great fucking movie. There was so much left on the, so I decided to do Mickey Rourke as a character because I went to Daly's and I saw, hey, we're in a cartoon. It was written for, it was written for Pesci, De Niro and like Ray Ray Liotto or something. Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? And they turned it down so they got Nicholas Cage,

the me and love it. So they were kind of playing it straight. So I just said we're in a cartoon because I went to Daly's. I did kind of a guy like this. I don't know what you're doing, but what are you doing? You're just kind of a dumb guy, right? Yeah. You know, this guy, I mean, this kind of thing. So I was just having fun with it, but they left so much on the kind of room floor that I tried to get in the editing room,

which I did in Wayne's World One. Yeah. And I couldn't, I couldn't save it in the editing. Oh, I love that movie. It's crazy, the movies that I theoretically are successful or make money or make everyone money and that are big hits. Sometimes aren't the movies that are your favorite movies

growing up. Right. We're like, like, trapped in paradise. I watched that movie. I think I watched it in the movie theater and then watched it again. Like, that's a, that, it's so funny because I think there's so many movies that are now similar to that where one killer is stuck in a town. Right.

Where did they get snowed in, you know? Well, it had all the elements. Nicholas Cage is one of the funniest people I've ever met of course love It's and we were wandering around in the snow like 20 below and lunch was it 1 a.m Oaks because we're working all night lunch, you know, so we're walking we're in this little town and we look up and it's a Movie that Nicholas Cage and Indy Filmy down and they were coming out and goes, hey, could you open the theater and show it to us? So Nicholas, you know, at lunch time I have a bottle

red wine and then we would watch, because all we, all after lunch, all we do is fall down the snow. There was anyway one line, what are you doing? You know, so yeah, we watched a movie with him. It's trippy stuff, but basically they didn't make money, they didn't do box office for all the reasons, and there was a lot of, I would have cut it much, much different, let it play and all that stuff.

But you got this stuff in on Wayne's World? Wayne's World won, especially. I got to kind of, Penelope Spheres would just say, what are you going to do here? Is that the director? Yeah. It's funny, I thought you guys directed it. I figured, when you think of that movie, you just figure it's so you guys. Well, to your point, she didn't really direct me in that sense.

Yeah. She was keeping things moving and I would kind of respectfully put my second banana stick in here and there. Yeah. But then she would say, I would do my thing and she go well, can you do it? You know 10 seconds faster that would be the only direction. Oh, wow. Yeah, because we'd vetted them on SNL Mars did them in Canada. He knew what he was doing and we were kind of co-directing the whole thing in that way as far as Performance we knew exactly what we're doing. It's crazy that I tell me if I heard this correctly, but that was this like

I'm really bad at like, uh, difficult questions. So because I don't like competition. The, uh, asking anything, by the way, and saying anything to me, um, no, but I heard that, like you and Mike Myers weren't like best friends when you started doing the sketch, and then you got a movie and all of a sudden you guys are thrust into this partnership where it wasn't like you guys were, it wasn't like you guys were like spade and farly who were actually best friends. No. I mean, cause it were, it wasn't like you guys were like spayed and farly, who were actually best friends.

No, I mean, cause it was Wayne's world. Yeah. And, you know, he brought it in. And so, I, you know, the, you know, it just grew and grew and grew and we had no defined thing in terms of doing a movie. Because I started laughing a lot because Garth didn't have many lines in the sketch.

So he was kind of, all Mike said was, you worship Wayne, super supportive. So be like all this stuff, come on. Yeah. And because he had a brown wig, I just went walk through and grabbed the blonde one and put on the nerd glasses. I was gonna do him like my brother Brad,

or you know, who talks like this. And then when we got in the movie, when you, do you remember the first catch you did of Wayne's World? Yeah, we just over in the corner and eight H, we had the sat and it was Wayne's World, Wayne's World, I'm not sure who our guest was, but it was like, it's gonna close up,

it's all that Mike was really good at catch phrases and rituals of things that you do. You know, and so it was all that. And it didn't kill initially. And then it just kept growing and growing and growing until it was a killer sketch. We had Madonna, we did a film on it. And then the film came up and it was like,

well, what is this? Is this old school law and Michaels? Did law and Michaels produce it? Yeah. And so law and Michaels produced it. Does it, is it, I'm assuming, this is by the way, really inside baseball, but I'm assuming just because I know the business that it's one of those things that I heard back in the day that, or today, you can't make money on SNL.

When you audition, you have to sign a contract for your audition. Yeah, I did it, simply. Yeah. I didn't make money on it, basically. Yeah. And so, can you make money on Wayne's World? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got a meal for that one and many millions for the second one. And we own because there were no gross players. It's Hollywood stuff that I think me and Lauren and Mike, we all had 10% of Wayne's world won. And that, essentially, where no gross players crowded it out. Movies made for 12 million and made like 200 worldwide. It was made for 12 million.

I think, or 13. Wow. You know, we did it in like 30 days. Part of the reason it was good, because we didn't think it'd be a hit and we're just flying through it. Yeah. So we got paid for that one.

And that first one came out really nice. It was in Penelope, did let us into the editing room, Mike and I, because the Foxy lady scene wasn't gonna make it, because it was the 21st hour of the thing. Yeah. And the initial cut was all over the place, and so, so let me go in and kind of fix it. Yeah.

So, that was satisfying. So that was good. But after that, then I'm doing Clean Slade. I'm kind of doing a Jimmy Stewart character. So it wasn't anything I did. And then I did the Dana Carvish show, which was very cool, that's a whole other story. They bombed out, but then got a documentary

and people said it was brilliant. And we had Louie, we had Colbert. I saw the documentary. Yeah, so you know that story, in essence. And then I thought, well, career's kind of fading. I'll raise the kids up in long story short I thought, well, career's kind of fading. I'll raise the kids up and long story short, another California. The career's kind of fading.

You know, the one thing I do in fly on the wall and you're interviewing all these SNL people and you do basically just love comedians. And I love anyone to one on SNL in a way. I just go into the gauntlet like that and hit in the marks. And even some really big stars when he because David and I had no we had no plan like you and Tom Yeah, let's just start talking, you know, and so I finally said wanting to give them you know some props because a lot of times

They're like really you know like I said to Tom Hanks when you when you visited I felt like we had another cast member when he would guest host He goes, yeah, oh, that's so nice So it's crazy that you're... There are arrogant people in show business, but most people need a hug and a pat on the back most of the time. I agree. Like, hey, it's okay, you know, just to say,

you know, you were a kick ass. That was so fucking funny. And we had Shari O'Terry on and she just... I love Shari O'Terry. Decimated us. I had wine with Shari O'Terry one night. There's a lot of women, even still, I go back to that old thing about Elizabeth McGovern,

but there's a lot of women on SNL that didn't, I feel like generationally, they were in the wrong generation to pop. Like Molly Shannon Sheri O'Terry, Rachel Dratch, like, because now I look at the cast of SNL and it's so women heavy and they're so fucking good and they're all blowing up in such a because of I think progressive, I don't know, but I think they're getting more opportunities Yeah, that is definitely what's happening, which is good. The other thing that's intrinsic is that when you would star in a movie in the 90s

Minimum of the 2030 million or even a low budget film because they do the marketing and everything and then you'd come out and like that when you would star in a movie in the 90s, minimum would be 20, 30 million, or even a low budget film, because they do the marketing and everything. And then you'd come out in like 1100 theaters or whatever, and then the box office would come out. Okay, so if it was down, you were dinged. If you did two, you'd have to go back in line. Really?

Now, coming off SNL now, you can go do a movie on peacock plus or Hulu, whatever. No one gets the numbers, no one knows. Yeah. And you don't have any sense of having the carpet pulled out from under you. P. Davidson. Yeah, it doesn't matter. He did Staten Island, I think it's called Staten Island.

Yeah. And I loved it. Low budget in D. Low budget in D. I loved it. Was it in theaters? I don't think it made it theaters. I think it just went straight to Staten Island. Yeah, and so then you just never know.

So I think it's great. And it's up to like, it's up to fans to decide whether or not they like you and it's not up to the industry to go, he's a failure. Right, and also who's gonna come out the first weekend and all that kind of thing, you know? So it was different. So now they do get to go out and do a lot of different things.

The only thing is there's so many famous, unfamous people because of just, there's a billion people doing. There's a billion famous people that don't have talent. That you've never heard of. I've had a tool on, they go, I'm on a show called, hey, I've had enough of you on CBS on Tuesday.

I've been on it 11 years. I had, I had someone say to me to the day. Like, he was carrying himself odd and I was like, I was like, oh, cool. I don't know the name of this. And I was like, this guy's definitely in something. You can tell by the way. Yeah, he's in, you can get attitude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had like a nice watch on and he called it out and he was like, I was gonna get that one. And I know how hard the watch is to get. And I was like, okay, this guy's got some. And I was like, so, what are you doing? And he was like, I'm a working actor. I'm on suits or something or a gray or something. Right, yeah. And I was like, so what are you doing? He's like, I'm a working actor. I'm on suits or something or a gray or something.

And I was like, is that like, is that a, is that like, where's that at? Yeah, where do you get it? And he was like, CBS. And I was like, oh, it's okay. I don't, I don't watch. I don't watch CBS for time time. I don't watch anything, but food shows in foreign languages

on mute. Ha, ha, ha, ha, why on mute? I don't know what they say anyway. Yeah, I put on subtitles and it's noodle shows. There's this one called Mr. Wiggly I think, and it's just about noodles in Asia. Who? I get it.

I just call it brain candy. Anything that'll quiet your brain down. Yeah, podcasts are big for me. I listen to you on Bill Mar, and I was, I was such a great fucking interview. Wasn't it? So there I've done the impression of the issue.

Well, because there's certain things that like you talked about, I knew that you liked running and you talked about your chrono rotary. 100% blocked lower anterior descending. Lower anterior, that's the one that got John Ritter. He actually had a, I ordered a dissection. That it just thing rubs you. Genetic and just ruptured.

That's a motherfucker. Mine was just 100% blocked or 98%. And then you had the, you got the stint in the 90s, right? Yes, I got a series of stints, which I think I mentioned that they reached a nose. My dad had that. And he did reach a nose?

Well, my dad had, so my dad got a stint in his widow maker. That's the widow maker is the lower interior descending. Did it reach a nose or did it work? I don't know, I'm not a fucking. What year did you get it? I can tell you. My 50s,

13 years ago, 15 years ago. Oh, then he has what they call a drug eluding stent. Okay. So those don't block up. So it re-blocked up. It did anyway? It re-blocked up to 99%. And so he, let me just call him, he, he, he loves this.

By the way, this makes my dad's dick hard. If you talk to him about it. I think you're either, don't wanna hear a thing or you're fascinated. I'm fascinated by the science of it. I think you're either don't wanna hear a thing or you're fascinated. I'm fascinated by the science of it. So I just got my, I got my crarded arteries checked and I got my,

I got a full CT scan on my heart and I got the scan on my aorta. Okay. And 0% all over here, 0% and then I just, my cardiologist just sent me a picture of my blockage. It's below 15% in this side, nothing over here. Okay. As long as it's solidified, you know. Well, so they put me on aggressive, by the way, this is probably the most boring conversation

for the average young dude, but one day you're going to be fascinated by this. They put me on aggressive statins. And, but they're kind of the statins are kind of fucking with my body. Well, why did they go aggressive? Even a small amount would probably stabilize that plaque and lower your LDL. Your LDL was 400, right? Yeah, close. Yeah, 350. Just the LDL. That's crazy. That's high. Femile hypoclastemia. How's your dad died, Heartack? He grew up, collaterals. And so he had 100% blocked LAD by 82. They found it, but he just went about his day

because he grew little, little spidery bypasses. So my dad grew spidery bypasses. Geez. Hey, man, is there a chance you're dad to my dad? I gotta call this guy. Is there a chance, any chance, your dad's my dad? He had 100% blockage and the, it was. It was collateral.

Yeah, was keeping it. Keep it going. What was your blockage in your, what was your heart shit? 100% blockage in the LAD. Okay, and you, and I'm sitting with Dana Carvee and he had the same thing. He got his stent in 98. When did you get your stent?

Cut his stent, hold. I got it at 13. I got mine in 2007. Okay. And then this year. And then what did yours do, Dana? Well during that year, L.A.D. When they put in a stent and then they wrote a ruler they put in another stent near the diagonal and then a third stent

And they kept restonosing Restonosing restonosing so then they said let's just do a bypass and we'll just whip the mammary arteries around So they don't have to go out of your leg or wrist because they never block up. Yeah, so that's what they did But the guy missed is like if you're trying to attach a hose to a tree trunk, he hit a branch. Oh shit. Yeah. No, fucker. Good. Good. Yeah. When you got your first heart surgery, your first bed. I was 42. Holy shit. That's gone. Fit. Yeah. Over you, Dad. I was 60. You were 60. Nice. You you baby by 18 years dad yeah all right well we're talking hard stuff good like talk livers too yeah we'll talk livers all right

livers next yeah yeah but my my enzymes are have always been in the in the green yeah and they were elevated just outside borderline for the first time and so my but they think it's because of the, because it's such a fucking long story. I went to this, I went to this cosy-air doctor and he was like super aggressive. He was like, you need to be on 40 milligrams or 20 milligrams out of a, out of a, out of a statin.

And my cardiologist is like, you don't need that. 10 milligrams fine, too much, he's gonna fucking do that. We'll start out low and then check it. And why was it 10? And then he just bumped me up. My cardiologist, I just went to him. He's like, we're lowing your fucking dosage. You don't need to be on 20. This guy doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.

He's like, I'm your cardiologist. He's just a concierge doctor. Fuck this guy. No, he should know, but yeah. So, so. So I go to a cardiologist every six months. Okay. Yeah, because it runs on our family.

Everyone dies in strokes. Well, I'm glad you're on top of it. The thing is, the science exists now to essentially kind of arrest the disease. I mean, they can really take care of it. I scary for a tenth of a second. I didn't hold it long enough. You could have had Dana. Dana.

Well, to me, you know, it was an excuse just to feel good and look good, you know. Yeah. I mean, I don't really have any bad habits. The only time I'm a true, like a problem drinker is on an airplane. Oh, we talked about this a little bit. I know, and I don't fly that much, but if I was all the time like I'm we're taking off in heavy weather, if I was, that's how I really understand alcoholics.

Like they're at that level of anxiety. I'm doing that tonight on a, on a private to go to C-Tom to do two episodes of two bears and you're incredible. And I, we're doing two episodes, I'm, I just private help you or hurt you in terms of the fear spectrum. So it's interesting.

The, so I have triggers that happen when I, when I like three hours before my flight, I start getting hardcore anxiety. Yeah. And it's almost like I'm physically ill and I have blinders on. And I'm like, oh my god. I'm the same.

Yeah. And I need to drink or something God. I'm the same. Yeah. And I need to drink or something to just, just turn us into a funding somehow. And so I've done a bunch of things to try to alleviate the anxiety of the airport. And so, but still. So now I can get myself on a commercial flight, fine, they don't, but it's the before the plane.

On a private, it's not before the plane. I don't have any anxiety before the plane. I don't have anything to say when we get there, when we get on the plane and we start taking off, when we start going up, that's where my anxiety shows up. I don't get it on a commercial flight, I don't get it on take off. I get it up in the air a little bit sometimes.

I'm like, I'm gonna long flight, I'll get it. Once we're halfway through the flight, it's gone. Once I know that we're coming down, I have no anxiety. I might, yeah, it's all about the beginning of it for me. And I read a thing once, maybe they'll still help you. It's not that exotic, but if, when you get to two, say it's a million or 10 million to one before,

after two minutes of flying, it goes million or 10 million to one before, after two minutes of flying, it goes with like 40 million to one. Really? So sometimes I'll just deep breathe and count to 120. I find myself not breathing. Like I find myself actually not breathing. Like going like this, going like this. And then all of a sudden I'll go, am I not breathing?

And then I'll just go, and go, wow, I haven't been doing that in a while. I have gotten bad. And I've been way better now, but there was a period of time where I always traveled with four bottles of Jack Daniels in my backpack. And you could go through security with this.

Yeah, they don't let you, they don't stop you. You can have eight, I've traveled with up to eight. And then I carry a water bottle. When I go through security with that. Yeah, they don't let you, they don't stop you. You can have eight, I've traveled up to eight. And then I carry a water bottle. When I go through security, I would get ice. I would then go to the bathroom, sit on the toilet, pour my jack Daniels into my water bottle, close it. If this, like, is 6am, if there was a flight,

if I didn't have a bar open, and then I'd have a double jack on the rocks before the flight, I would pour out of another one at takeoff, and then pass out. Well, decadence in any form is intrinsically funny. Yeah. So the idea of a guy with a double jack is six a.m. Good, everyone else getting on the plane ordering coffee and just totally relaxed.

Oh, with the other. I didn't order coffee. I do not understand that human being. Yes. Who's going to have a coffee, a fucking coffee. And my anxiety is through the roof on a coffee. I was doing so Brocktober one year, and I wasn't drinking on flights, and I saw the guy get a coffee, and I go, maybe I'll have a coffee.

Next thing you know, I am shaking. Oh, not no way. Well, two things. One is I've had some of my best times on airplanes. Me too. When I wear on the Concord, you feel the Concord? I know. You flew the fucking Concord.

Shut the point. Walk me through it. You're the Concord. You flew the fucking Concord. Shut the point. Walk me through it. What's the point? Well, first of all, it's at New York County. That was to promote Wayne's World. And I was like, I was naive then, and I go, well, I'm kind of burned out. I think I'll go back to LA.

They go, well, we'll get you on the Concord. Oh, really? Well, still, I think I'll go back to LA. And they go, how many tickets you want? So I had like six, eight people with us on the concord. Shut up, who did you bring? My wife's niece, we had, we had Dex with us, he was a little baby, we had a nanny

cause they're working my wife and my mother-in-law. I can't remember, but it was a lot. Did you feel big time? Like, do you ever feel, do you ever have moments where you're like, where it's like a, you don't seem like a guy that flexes money or fancy things. I don't really want anything I'm kind of sick that way. Yeah, like you don't I heard you starting to say something on Dohmar and he cut you off something about you bought something

nice for someone and then you went to buy the same thing for yourself and you couldn't do it. I have it right now it's it's it's obscene. I bought my nephew a guitar. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. A really nice guitar. He had a band and you know, I thought, hey, this is cool. Get him a really, really nice guitar. And then later on, it was my birthday, like, I'm on the later, I go, I like to buy a guitar. And I realized I was having inertia. I was like, I can't buy a guitar. I can't buy a guitar. Fuck it's sick, right? But, you know, but I've had great times on the planes and it's to your point, yes. Go back to the Concord. I would have been like,

that was part of the moment of like, when we got to London and we're doing a press conference for Wayne's World, I'll tell you a moment, okay? So Wayne's World comes out, it's a little bit of an abstraction to Mike and I, we're getting all these mail and all this shit and we see it's number one, but we're still like, we didn didn't get paid a lot a lot for that. We're not rich or anything Yeah, and then we're gonna go to London and do the press conference or your press for you know

And so then we're gonna show the movie to the press or public so Mike and I do you know that do you know the movies hilarious or you nervous? I couldn't watch it I watched it in editing, but I couldn't watch it for like two years, because both Mike and I are pretty neurotic that way. Like the first screening in New Jersey, both of us were like kind of disappointed. So we're at dinner and we're like,

I just, I thought my scenes, that was cut too short. This should have stayed longer. We're just doing that. He's doing the same thing. And then the Paramount guy goes, it's got ghostbusters numbers. Let's eat. So it had the top boxes and all that shit.

Shut up. So you're gonna land in the Dupresscon. Yeah, and then we're, yeah, we're, that's feeling worth the doorchester, which is like a 10 star. I don't know, tell me today, boy, we got a private driver. Well, I think the little goal is should be in charge.

Everything was Mary Poppins and British accents and everything. And then we go to show the movies so they got Mike and I had our little suits on. We're kind of young, we're a little fopish in those days, both of us. And we're in this British sort of limo cool thing and we pull up 5,000 kids are on the Cyclone fence

because they release there or they're promoting there with posters screaming for us. So we came out like we were the Beatles. Like, ah. Those, and those are the OGs. Those are the kids that really get it. Like those are the kids that got the first. I'm not an OG, I'm a guy who saw it

because my friends said if you see Wayne's world and then I watched it and I was like, oh, this funny as fuck. But those kids are like taste makers. They're the ones that get it first. Oh yeah, once they got hooked into it, it was, you know, I give Mike all the credit. I mean, he built the house,

and he let me rent a room, basically. But I think the catchphrase, I think in the end of the day, the engine behind it was the two losers in town, are the happiest guys in town. They're so happy in the AMC Pacer. You know, it snobbs versus slabs. Rob Lowe was the snobby guy

and we were like more blue collar, lives with his parents. And yet a laugh in our ass off in celebrating every moment, which is what you do in early 20s, right? Yeah, it's the funnest you've ever had is when you have the, like, I remember, you said something about that in an interview and I thought, my favorite time in college, and I had a really, obviously,

it's been written about a really big time in college. I was really, I remember you're famous for partying, but my favorite time in college was... Well, there we are. Is that us? Wow. So there we are. And the fans are going crazy. God. Anywhere in suits.

We had suits and we had foppish haircuts. We did go up there. We took, we said, you gave us the Beatles. We gave you this humble movie. You know, it's like we were the head of the network, Tia Carrera, Ron Wood and the Leo. Oh my god. So yeah, it's Neil Young has a line in one of his songs.

It's in a funny, when you're finding out it's real. It's like, I mean, you must have had it. Oh, and there's the Concorde. So you take off and the British guy comes up, you'll love this. He goes, I go, well, I'll have a bloody marry, right? And he goes, he goes, I sinned spies. You know, it's so fucking British.

I wanted to kiss him. I sinned spies. On the way back to the guy goes, we're all a bitchy, bitchish. I'm like, this is too cool. Now, there's no cockpit door. You can walk up, there's three guys up there, there's a little banister,

and you can just stand there with a beer and talk to the pilots. And you're seeing the curvature of the earth, the dark side of the earth. And when you sit in the chair, it's going miles per hour, so it's going 6, 650, 6, 70. The pilot says, we should now proceed, machwan. We feel a a little bit of inertia so there was this little bit of a roar

And then we go we're going faster in the speed of sound then it's climbing up 800 900 11 are all the way up to 14 something and now we just proceed to mock to And then we're going like 16 the fuck we had a cocktail a biscuit and a side and now it would be landing in Heathrow, Apple and this is a minute gets a little so it was yeah two and two kind of loud two and two so it's so it's got great big plane. Yeah, it's a smaller plane right. Yeah, I mean like meaning compact in the interior. Yeah, it was more like a private. Yeah, more like a private. When I first went with you So my fear of flying so there was none of the game with the flight attendance and before the flight and whatever. Yeah, you know

um, and it is kind of funny if you order a bloody Mary or totally cool, but if you order a Heineken at 7 a.m. alcoholic really? Oh, yeah out of the beer at 7 a.m. I mean a bloody Mary. Well, that's a morning drink. I'll have five mimosas. He's not a big drinker. Could I have half a bud? Palkaholic wrote two. So then my first time's on private, it's like nothing's stopping me going to corporate date.

So I had a bucket of ice with 10 Heineken's in it. And I had it between my feet and my ritual and my assistant, Julie Mae, she would laugh so hard or my opening not going to the man. I would take the Heineken and it would be open. I would just go like, I would hold, I wouldn't drink it and we're going down the runway. And then is the plane wet up. My feet would go up like the cowardly lion and the Wizard of Oz and it would just go like that.

That would be a nursery would bring them. So it became a ritual, but I calm down. I don't want people to think, I couldn't look this good at this age. If I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, if I, I'm not fucking great. Thank you. No, I have, we have, we had rituals on,

so I never flew private, I mean, I'd done it on travel channel. And then the, when Tom moved to, to Austin and we had to do two bears out of Austin, that is when... It was the first time I started flying private, because I won't fly private for gigs. I might have, but I don't, because it's just not the money. How are you going to get around in Europe, though? Commercial. Okay, so they're not so tightly spaced.

They're quick flight. They're every day're not so tightly spaced. They're quick. They're every day, but that's hour. So I have a rule now. I'm trying to make rules for myself. I can't drink at airports and I can't drink on flights that are under an hour. Anything over an hour, like six hours, I'm not going to fucking sit on a plane for six hours and just stare. Hour is pretty amazing. Hour I can do an hour I can get through. And I'm also allowed to drink if there's turbulence. I. An hour I can get through. And I'm also allowed to drink up there's turbulence. I'm not going to put myself through.

I'm not going to punish myself. And are you flying and working the same night? Yes. So then you really. So then I can't. But I've done it. I've done it where I've gotten fucking. I mean, the last run, the last run I did through Europe,

I was getting, I was with a community named Mark Norman. Do you know who he is? Don't think so. Perfect. The, but he's a comedian. Mark Norman. Do you know who he is? No, I don't think so. Perfect. But he's a comedian. No, he's very funny and he's a partier, but he's like, he watched me drink at airports and he was like, but we would party all night. We'd sleep four hours.

We'd go to the airport. I'd drink at the airport, drink at the airport, drink at the airport, drink at the hotel room, pass out, wake up from the show, and we just did it all through Europe. And it was absolute chaos. And I said to myself, I can't do again, I just can't do that again. I'm not at my happiest, and I want to really enjoy Europe, so I make rules. Well, I hate a feeling if I'm tired or anything where the audience is better than me that night. Like, I'm not quite my peak, you know.

So for whatever, you know, so I'll usually fly in the day before. Yeah. Cause I'm not really on tour and doing a lot. Oh, I fly, well that's why not, when I get a tour bus, it's a rest stop and get a little workout in. The tour bus changed everything for me.

The flying in this will be difficult for the first four shows. Us, Scandinavia and Germany will be rough. And then Dublin, we have a day off before, so we'll fly in the day before. And then it kind of lightens up. Like Europe, all through the UK, we're taking a tour bus. So yeah, so we had a rule when we flew private. We found a drink called a dirty girl.

And they were, and then you have to have it. And they were so enjoyable. It tastes like Kool-Aid. have it and they were so enjoyable. It tastes like cool aid and this kind of infusion and Our rule was dirty girls before take off and then we if you we need cocktails But we were just flying into Austin. I was always flying into Austin right to do them and then flying in and flying out and so And I would bring my whole crew with me to all the comics because they'd all like club to go do spots in Austin and fly private and stand hotel and fly out It was funny shit and so tonight. I'm flying

Tonight I'm flying at eight o'clock and Know with my assistant and then randomly my wife's best friend We were having dinner and I said yeah, I got a fucking fly fucking into Austin. I'm coming back tomorrow at three in the afternoon And I said I said just fucking sucks and then her she goes My daughter is always wanted to see that campus and I was like hop on the jet with me Spend the day at Austin go see the school and then fly back with the three in the afternoon So she's coming with us my friends. Okay, my neuroses Eventually became what private jet?

Okay. Because I tell people, never be in a budget when you're vertical. Don't get a shitty project. I've done the budget, I've done the budget. Don't do a four-seater. You can get on a plane built in 1968. Yeah. Or I see, what would Clinton or Obama fly?

So because I was on before these old kind of lear 55s. So we were doing when we first started doing the thing for, because two bears makes good money. So it was, it made sense for me to fly private, to fly out, especially, you know, it's part of our budget. And then, but I would be, I would be like, get me the cheapest private jacket

and get a 13 grand perfect. And we got on one. That had one couch in the back facing forward. So three people sat on one couch, one seat belt for all three of us. No bathroom unless it's a little door and you have to kind of lean it like a bucket out of a drawer. No bathroom, it was a hole in the plane.

Yeah, yeah. We all pissed in a thing and then poured it in the hole. And it was, we were laughing hysterically, but when we got done, I was like, I will never do that again. No, no, no. Then you just go commercial. Yeah. If you can't get a nice one.

Does this seem like we're kind of bourgeois first world? No, no, no, no. I have a part time with spending money. I end up becoming a little like I would argue stingy on places that doesn't fucking matter. Well, I just, when I travel, I'll try to travel the best I can and stay in the best hotel. My wife, Zyres Catholic, mother's from Dublin, you know, I saw you don't need it. It's just a good spot to come. It's good enough, you know, you just don't humiliate.

She'll go coach and stay in a two star. Leanne, Leanne'll fly coach. Yeah. Leanne doesn't, she'll say, oh, save the money. Yeah. And that doesn't, I just think, I will spend money experientially. I used to do the thing called the Lost Weekend

with high school buddies and my brother. We'd go to Vegas and I would just pay for everything, but it was scene shows. And we, we'd go to Lake Mead, everyone gets their own wave runner. When it was empty and really high and we go to Vegas and I'd just pay for everything, but it was scene shows. And we'd go to Lake Mead, everyone gets their own waverunner. When it was empty and really high, and we'd go to the islands and we'd have beer and just hang out.

Fucking awesome. So that was okay, it was experiential. But like, I like that. I like that. I don't have a problem spending money, like for my birthday, I took all our friends, my parents, my sisters, all down to Teranella, and we covered the bill

because we wanted to make, we wanted everyone to go. We didn't want anyone to knocko. Right. And it was for me. It was my present to myself was having everyone there. Yeah, I've done a lot of that with family, you know, hosting things and stuff like that. So, you know, um, what about houses? Did you, like, do you, what was the first house you bought in LA? I could tell you a lot about that one. It was, uh, it was an in Sino on Rancho Street off the White Oak. And it was 825,000 for like a 2,500 what's going on with the pool? 80, not shit.

What's that house? What do you think that house costs now? I believe it just went for four. But here's what we did. You're gonna love this. Cause we were just, we're having kids, we're just trying to figure out where do we land, where do we raise them, we didn't thought, you know,

so we, we were, we put a half million into it, we remodeled it, made it stunning, and then we just sold it and moved to Connecticut when I did the show in New York. Really? Shouldn't have sold it so. My wife on the back, it was such a gem for LA. But now, I don't want to say where the art because maybe it's a location thing. But anyway, a rock stars kids leveraged a Malibu property and they live in it right now.

Really? Yeah. And I kind of feel like they're in my house. Weird. Yeah. I was at first house. And to us, it was the Ritz. Our first house was, our first house and to us it was the rich our first house was our first house was in Valley Village We paid 520 thousand dollars for it in 2009. Okay, and it was I think it was 1,400 square feet And it was I it is my favorite house. I've ever owned I love that house So my sister lives there now, okay, so you have it in the house. I'll never get rid of it And to the point I remember Brian Regan came over at one time and he said, and I was telling him I said,

I want to buy the big house. So I'm going to, one day I want the big house. And he goes, can I give you some advice? And I said, yeah, and he goes, don't. I said, why? And he goes, this feels like a house of family lives in. He goes, it smells like a house of family lives in. He goes, it's got an energy.

And he goes, once you get the big house, all the kids go to their rooms. But right now, and then as we walked into my house, my daughter, Ila goes, mom, Georgia kicked me in the vagina. And he looked at me and he goes, you're not gonna get house in the 90s. And everything was oversized. It was like a Monty Python movie.

So you go in the living room, it's 10 times bigger than the living room should be. The hallways a quarter mile, it seemed, I mean, we rented a place we called the Pink Palace in Malibu was like 10, 12,000 square feet. It just felt haunted and weird to me. Yeah. You go, you look down the hallway,

it's like 200 feet. I mean, the bathtub was like half the size of this room. Everything was just gykianism. So yeah, I don't, I just don't need much. I don't know if it's a problem with me, but yeah. I'll tell you whose house is for sale or it's sold is passage act. Passage act just passed away, right?

Passage act on. Today? No, no, I think you died a while ago. Where is it? No. You're thinking of a j. Who's that guy? Oh, that that was, um, yeah. Oh, who's jeopardy? Alex Trebek? Alex Trebek. Yeah, he passed away. Alex Trebek, so his house was fucking is getting torn down and it is fucking awesome. At the base of Friman Canyon, no one lives there now, so I'm gonna tell you where it is.

At the base of Friman Canyon, it is fucking gorgeous. Oh, there it is. It is man, seven million and they're gonna tear it down. They're gonna fucking tear it down. It is so goddamn funny. Wow, that's got some deep pockets. I do like the idea of a compound with multiple structures. Me too.

You know, like a play room and a recording room placed a paint because all old celebrities paint. You kind of have to. Do you paint? Oh yeah, yeah. You sure I have to. Do you put them on your website? Not really.

I'll just show you one. So you can see it. You know, it's just you just sort of have to. You will paint. You don't even know it. But you know, it's just you just sort of have to. You will paint. You don't even know it. But you're going to be painting. What a sold anti-pellum pictures of just black face. You're like, do you like it?

I do a lot of different styles, but this one, um, um, talk amongst yourself. Yeah. Is this you? Yeah. Yeah. Is this you? Yeah. Yeah. This is more, I'm a little baske out little abstract. That's like six feet tall. Well, that's great. See, it's just about a rich guy who got his ass kicked throughout his life. He's a fat cat. He's got a demon face on the right. Yeah. He's got the posh when he was in his high thing on the left in the center. He's got a demon face on the right. Yeah. He's got the posh when he was in his high thing on the left and center.

He's just a wounded cat with one tooth left. And look, he's got the tie clip as a dog. Yeah. He conquered. But he paid a price. Fat cat. So you don't sell them? I don't.

Oh, that's some of mine. Oh, that's early stuff. Yeah. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I hang them up in my place really yeah, hang them up blow them up hang them up. Yep. Do you sell prints? I haven't tried to do any of that. I'm not a good business man. I'm gonna see that's my problem

Yeah, so I had therapy my therapist said you need a hobby and I started doing leatherworking okay, and and in the middle of doing it I thought I was just so these. Did someone teach you? How do you learn leather work? I just figured it out. Really? Yeah, I just was like, I think this is how it works. So you seem to be like a self-actualized curious human being. I'm very curious. I'm very very curious. Yeah, because you're a image could be if only people I saw a part of something or about your, you have this whole other. Oh yeah, I think I'm not, I think,

well I think I represent myself. I remember I had a pivotal moment in my life. I was really in the baseball growing up and I was very competitive and took it very, very seriously. I want to went to college, I was supposed to play in college and I just quit. I just quit and I was like, I'm fucking done. I think I'm in a party.

And we played, we signed up for Intermurals. I think this kind of defined me and I didn't mean for it we played, we signed up for Intermurals. I think this kinda defined me, and I didn't mean for it too, but we signed up for Intermurals, softball. Or it was our fraternity, and everyone's like, everyone's like, Bert should play, and all the older guys only knew me as like a fuck off, who smoked weed and party,

and made jokes, and all of a sudden, and then they're like, of course I gotta fight, I'm not one of Bert play. And so they, I didn't tell anyone I could play. And they put me in right field, and I'm like, which I never took as an insult playing the outfield was part of the game. No, but less, that's a little bit of it.

Yeah, but they put me in right field as if that didn't matter. Right. And the first fly ball that came, I like, bucket-catched it, and just kind of fucked around, very competent, and then when I got up to bat, I hit a fucking dinger. And everyone's view was like, it was almost like doing a magic trick. It was like getting to be Rudy for real. But you knew you already had the exact, the exact, so I think when I got into comedy,

I think I then lived my whole life there. I'm very athletic and people always underestimate me. Rogan's talked about it on his podcast, but like they bet that I couldn't run the LA marathon and they're like, no fucking way. And I was like, I can do with no training and they're like, there's no fucking way. Well, that is pretty gutsy.

Yeah, and I ran the LA marathon in five hours and 33 minutes and I just was like, I can do this. Like in my head, I just go. Knees okay, I mean, no. Everything was, I couldn't walk for like a week, but yeah, it was really aggressive. I'm fascinated by real athletes. I had just a real athletes.

That know how to, because you know the guy was like ripped in the locker room. It's because that athlete knows intuitively how to use their whole body for every activity. So like for you, you hit a ball that far, that means it's all lower body. And that's, you know, like golfers, they play baseball and they're golfing,

but that kind of athleticism is just a gift. I'm fascinated by, I'm fascinated by, like there's a couple guys like David Goggins and Cameron Haynes who are friends with Joe, who I'm fascinated by because they're motivational dudes who do athletics, they do ultra marathon and lift weights. But they don't, I mean this is a compliment.

It's not gonna come out as a compliment, but they're not slick enough to try to be motivational guys. They're like sometimes motivational guys, there's a creepiness to them, or it's like, there's too smart for the room. I mean this is a compliment, these guys aren't too smart for the room. So mean, this is a compliment. These guys aren't too smart for the room. So they just tell you the facts of what they do.

And because of that, it connects with me. Yeah. Like, I'm very punitive with myself. In a sense of being hard in yourself. Wake up this morning. I did a podcast with Steve Burnham. We did like probably 12 shots of whiskey this morning. Yesterday.

Oh, yesterday. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. And so, uh, and I'm, I'm trying to be healthier. So I woke up this morning and I said, uh, fuck it. We go to the gym and we, and it's almost like I, I, I can really focus my energy on working out when I know that I need to punish myself for yesterday. So it's a process. Yeah. I mean, just like flossing your teeth. You're never like, well, I did that. You know, I wrote a booklet with a friend,

it was called, you better get in shape because science won't let you die. So in other words, you can be really old for a long time. Like if you let you go, you just shot at 60, you're an ancient guy, but they keep injecting into surgeries and you could, you know, so that's the reason to do it. And, you know, I had little chapters like why do old people walk funny, you know?

And what you need to work out is what you can't see in the mirror. Yeah. Because everyone's pumping like this, but all the action is back there. Yeah. Your back, your glutes, hamstrings, hamstrings, everything. Hamstrings are the fucking heartbeat of your butt,

like your muscularity, getting off a toilet is the number one thing. Hamstring and glutes, glutes are the biggest muscle in your body. So my wife and women would always work their ass. And gay guys, I guess, sorry, we cut that out. But my wife, we go to a gym that's predominantly gay. My wife watches guys on the butt blasts for like a half hour. Another set, really?

Checking his, no, he's going again. So that ended up being incredibly what you should do. You know, and men, they're just into what they can bench press and all that stuff. So we did this month, we did five squats, five burpees, five pushups, starting December 1st, and then we did five squats, five burpees, five pushups, starting December 1st, and then we added five every day.

Until we got to the end of the month where we were doing 155 pushups, 155 squats, and 155 burpees. Burpees are stupid, in my opinion. They're really, I mean, they're really valuable. I think I've known for a fact I can do more burpees than I've ever been able to do. But for me, the game changer was squats.

Squatting was the thing, adding these squats up was the thing where I was like, I feel really good. Was it body weight squats? Body weight squats, yeah. That's all I need, Tyson would do a thousand a day. Oh my God. The thing is also is just what happens when you're younger. It's like you want to lift heavier weights and make it easier.

Mm-hmm. When you get older, the idea is you lift lighter weights and make it harder. So people go, you're doing squats with that weight. You go, let me see you do one. Now try to do it harder. Because the people just bounce and count. Bounce, you know, push ups, you know.

Do 10 push ups and make it last two minutes. Yeah. You know, God did it. No, you know, so body squats. Yeah, that is like a basic, incredible, it's great for warming up. It's credible for, like you said, because in the end of the day, as we see our parents, my parents went to the stars. Yeah. It's can you give yourself a shower? Can you reach, I know it sounds depressing. That is what it turns into. Yeah. Tala, I've said this, but Rogan's one that kind of put it in our brain is,

if you're not lifting weights at 50 and trying to keep your body strong, you're fucked. Like, so that's why we're, it's totally why, all through Europe I'm bringing my trainer, just kind of keep me honest about doing something active. Yeah. Like just doing, even like the first day we're in Aso, we're going to Fjord and we're doing a sauna polar plunge.

I love that shit. That feels great. I love that. Do you ever sauna? In the hot sauna and then you go to the cold plunge? I haven't had a while, but that's my favorite part. That's awesome. It's my favorite.

Yeah. Well, the thing is, unless you have some help, it's hard to build muscle after 60. Yeah. I mean, you need testosterone. I'm actually, when I fly to a secret time, but when I fly to Austin tomorrow, I'm meeting with a guy that does testosterone,

could be because it, I mean, apparently, if they just get you to your normal levels, you lose weight, like I can't lose weight, I'm trying desperate. 50, you know what your level is? Uh, 256, and I think it starts at 254. Like it's really tragically low. Kind of low. Oh, so I'll tell you my exact testosterone level,

because I just got it tested from my, uh, it's funny, do you get scared going to the doctor? More fascinated, you know. Really? Yeah. I had to scare a while back. They thought I had salivary gland cancer for like a month. And then they did the microsurgery and they go,

no, it's just more salivary glands. Because all the, you know, all the tests came back. Oh, that's probably so. Really? I just get really interested But I try not to go down a rabbit hole on line where it's gonna terrify me. I try to pick my sights but the other thing to look for is You know what's your estrogen my my test australis 284 Okay, it should be anywhere in the range of 250 to 1100.

Here's my, I'm about to show you my LDL panel. Yeah, come on. My LDL was 97. That's good. Under 100's good. Under 100's good, my LDL's 97, but my testosterone's in the shitter. I mean, look at that. So I would like to get it to like 500 because then they say that like I have a fatty liver

from just being a fat piece of shit. And so. Who doesn't have a fatty liver? Well, that's what they say. They say everyone, they're like, it's the number one thing that they see when they go into like hospitals and they start taking blood work.

It's the number one thing that shows up. Fatty. And it's my dad had one. And it's mostly from fucking carbs and sugars. So, but, by the way, I could talk to you, I could talk to you for fucking ever. I love all this stuff. I'm fascinated by it.

But if you ever come back, we're building a new podcast studio down the street. And. Jesus, you guys have Christ six, Dennis Miller. You know, okay, you got a little kingdom here, all right? Kind of a multi-million dollar outfit for two cats and a bear or something like that. You got to go down to the one in Austin. You should see Tom set up. He showed it to us on the Zoom, I mean, he's got these magic light 8K cameras, so it's like filmic. Yeah.

There, you know, and then he says he got the mics because he knows the FM DJs had those big silver mics. So, you guys are a team, man. Well, it's, he's, like, I would say he's a lot like, we, I think me and you talked about this, he's a lot like Mike Myers, and I'm a lot like you. Like, he's definitely. He's kind of a part scientist, artist.

He really likes, well, I would say he's more, Tom is a definite businessman. Like he looks at things from a business perspective first and foremost. Good for him. And so I do not, I look at it from, does it make me giggle? Pass.

Is it fun? Like even when he moved to Austin, I was like, oh, I thought he was very concerned about the business model. So he's like, you know, I want to grow this brand and this and that. And I was like, I was like, yeah, I have fun doing the podcast. Right. And then when we decided that we do some here and some there

and have guest bears, that made it a lot easier. Because I was like, I don't have to travel every fucking month for four days. Well, this is still very new. And God, I mean, for me, I don't know what to travel every fucking month for four days. Well, this is still very new and, God, wouldn't you? I mean, for me, I would have loved it if like Carson had a podcast after your retire telling stories and I wouldn't be,

like I'd rather have Neil Young come out and talk about his songs rather than play them at this point. Yeah. So it's fun to see, I didn't rotate through all my voices. I could take requests, but, you know, I don't really- Well, Carson didn't like through all my voices. I could take requests, but you know, I don't really. Well Carson, did Carson didn't like you doing him? Well, finally when there was one where he would, they, it was written like his little senile.

I didn't write that one. And I was a little suspicious about it, but that kind of burned him, yeah. So I was blackless. But you did, but you did Carson back in the day. You did Carson. While Carson was still on. Yeah, I did his show.

Yeah, I did it six times. And I was always first guess out. I was on his best of shows. We were really close friends. I mean, I mean, he was like, he was the one thing, I didn't realize what anxiety was when I was a kid. And the one thing that would calm me down was watching Carson and Leno.

So Carson and Leno, for me, I've always said this, there are so many people that define your personality. It comes, it's like when you watch them as your kid, they become them. Like, that becomes who you are, whether it's like Chevy Chase or Bill Murray or Farley or you or Mike Myers, like Carson and Leno, Carson and Letterman for me, were two people I watched every night when I was 10 years old, when we moved into our new house, and I didn't realize about I had sleep anxiety, and I would just stay up and watch them,

and then hopefully try to fall asleep at some point, or literally the American flag would show up on the television. Do you remember that? Oh yeah, yeah. Doesn't happen anymore. I know, I miss those days. But what was Carson like?

There we are. Was he cool? I would say, you know, he was, when he was out there, he had an earnestness, which is something I found very attractive in my wife, just earnestness. So when Johnny was out there, he was like, he could really relate to everybody.

He set you up. So I understand you have that. And he had a great laugh. Yeah. He was there for you. It was analog television. So it was not HD. So when I go out the first time I sit next time,

I like, holy fuck. The makeup is like this thing. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of cigarettes in that skin, a lot of coke, and a lot of sun. And it's like, whoa, and little wispy gray hair, he's like 62, but he was very supportive and stuff backstage, he was really shy.

And I don't know if I've said that on Bill Mar, but I knew someone who was his girlfriend and when he was in his mid 50s. And you know, he wasn't high on stage, but he did a lot of coke and drank a lot, but was very, you know, yeah, he wasn't high on stage but he did a lot of Coke and drank a lot, but was very, you know, toward the end, Johnny did 100 episodes a year, Leno did 80. With the slog that these guys go through now,

when I talk to the talk to a host that I know, it's like, well, maybe one more year, fuck it. You know, but Johnny was like, I'm taking the next two weeks off and you'll be here with Jay Leno and we'll see you next time. You know what, he had Joan Rivers, he'd take Fridays off. So I don't know about this slog of 30 years, but really likable, I think he was kind of like

because I was doing voices because I'm working on my George Bush too. You know, he wanted to be a comedian, wanted to be one of the boys. Yeah. And I think he was a really complex guy. Really? He really complex. Yeah. I heard this.

So I had an edge to him. Really? Yeah. We all do. Yeah. But yeah, but I mean, he seemed, I remember here in the story about the guy, his son killed himself, right? Probably.

It was one of those things. He had three sons and then he became Johnny Carson and left. And I guess you would give them 35,000 a year at Christmas time. That's all you get 35,000 and shine aura, you know, sure you can make it on your own. But I'll say this as someone who loves voices. Johnny has the voice of the last 30, 40 years. What do you mean? Well, Jay, Jayne was throwing like, but even down there like this, he was, that was just a comic gear when he got high. Yeah, Tiony had just amazing down here and was good, but it was, but Johnny, nobody had this, you know, that kind of sort of deep and how to look at just, it

just seduced you. Generalman joins us, comes here from Atlanta, manager. I understand he's got some success. I mean, probably the most nervous I've ever been was behind that curtain. I've been on SNL for a few months behind that curtain. I've never been out there and hearing him talk about me. So I'm in the dark behind the curtain. Gentlemen joins us. He's had some success with a character called the church lady on share. I like, please, please welcome Dana Carvey. You know, it's just like, whoa, it's me coming out, you know, the church lady. Well, that's all my characters are passive aggressive because I, that's probably was me and a nutshell, the nice guy with a lot of anger from all those weapons.

Well, wow, wow. We like to talk about not anything. You know, it's all that. It's just kind of you ending. It's such, I was in fifth grade when the church lady came out. I was in fifth grade. And my buddy Brian Callahan would did the perfect impress. I mean, that was like, you know, that's when you, if you saw something funny on TV, one

guy did it at school and then that was his thing and he did it. And Brian Callahan Murdered the church I fucking forgot about the goddamn church lady Oh My god, and that was right when we moved so with that. Well that was when I was 10. I'm guessing we moved to we were in the Bible But we moved to the north part of Florida Tampa where it was more red neck and more more Christian Yeah, and that was when Jerry fall well. Oh, Jim Baker. All that was going on. All this kismet happened. It was just part of my standup. I'd never done it in a dress. So suddenly, okay, we'll try it. No one thought it would work because there's no real

jokes. Yeah. And then, you know, I had Phil Harman and Jan Hook's coming on and scoring or Sean Penn big try to beat me up or and then there were all these religious scandals and so it came together where it was really really useful for the show that was the most recent one I think him doing Trump is that is that's Derral Haunt. Yeah, he could look more like Trump than anybody else. He's fucking amazing. Yeah, he's his some of his voices are just Trump than anybody else. He's fucking amazing. Yeah. He's his, some of his voices are just scarred on it.

Charter Lady Motherfucker. There she is. You've had probably more, do you think you've had more successful characters? Not just like like sp, like, Farley would just show up. Like, Farley had, Farley was the character. Yeah, Farley was the character. It was Farley doing it.

And that's what was, that's brilliant. I mean, that's a singularity. For me, my tent poles for characters were church lady, Hans and Frons and then Wayne and Garth. So one with Kevin, Hans and Frons were so. And then because of the impressions, they almost overshadowed the characters, but there, but the what people would remember for is now, probably, Ross Perot. And you do Ross Perot.

Can I finish one time? Now you say it's two bears and one cake. Bears normally have their own cake. Now I understand it's kind of funny, I understand. But if you want ratings, you wanna go get two bears and two cakes. That's the only thing. Can I finish one time? Are you gonna talk over me?

It's very simple. So he just came on the scene and that was it. It was just like a perfect character that came out. It was like Sarah Palin for Tina. Like a funny, you didn't have to exaggerate or anything. I read a book about Ross Pro. See, that's the kind of thing I'm talking about. You know, everything we talk about,

you've read about it or studied it. No, no, well, he is, I think it's called Operation Halffoot. He had a bunch of his employees get kidnapped by our, they are, they are in the Iranian Territory and he fucking put together. What is it? Yes. Wings of the evil, if the eagle is, I think it's called it, maybe operation. Well, he did a whole operation to rescue them.

And yeah, last year, there's a high value writer. This brilliant writer wrote this mini series, I think, for Ross Perot, the story of Ross Perot, and wants me to play Ross Perot. I didn't have the time last year. I could revisit it because it, who's ever heard of him, but he's just a funny, interesting, fascinating character. You know? I remember when he showed up on the scene.

Yeah, there he is. But he rescued people. He was quite an... He was called Operation Eagle Claw or Operation Hotfoot. You try to use as little force as possible. And this is how you go in in the night. Careful that you don't get caught. See, I have to warm up.

It's like starting a car. It's a start. What's your big, your white whale of impressions that you could never really gap it you love Oh, golly I've never really worked on John Malkovich, but I think there's a really good one there. Oh, yeah Can't you tell the dislike it's hard because it goes into Tervolta very easily. That's a delicate one. Yeah I'm just kind of lazy about it Like if you gave me three now and I said, okay,

I'll come back a year later. If I work on them, if I hear I can find an angle, I never really have worked on biting that much. I, you know, just, I do it. What's funny, I couldn't, if you told me to do an impression of biting, I go, I don't know what he sounds like, but then when you hear someone do it, you go,

that's it. Yeah. Like, I heard someone did Vince Va know what he sounds like, but then when you hear someone do it, you go, that's it. Yeah. Like, I heard, someone did Vince Vaughn to me the other day. Oh, and they do that kind of shit. And I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go Loss his job No joke no joke no one thinks it's a joke We're getting around here. Come on like the family and flaws is proper modded in the declaration of cadence The people all men are secreting equally. So excuse me. It's created partners seek but pirate pirates the caravan

I love you guys That's my favorite part of the podcast that left because that the abstraction with Biden is he always finds his way to park the Caribbean. Some reason it's perfect. Some of the people, you know, if people said, Brian, there's no inflation. If you went out of some inflation, part of the park's caravan. You just always find his way there. So that's my buy note.

The fact that you guys found that funny, that's my real sense of humor. Dude, you are the fucking best. They're what, just for the fans. I never told you about the chorus, people. It was two thirds. Yeah, let's finish with that. So Nazi chorus.

So the, so the, so the, apparently one of the chorus brought, so the eight off starts it. The second eight off gets kidnapped and they find them in a riverbed, right? Yeah. These got some sons. Yeah. And the sons have all grown up with privilege and they don't and they're also very secluded. Now, the, the cores, what they ended up doing is they ended up, their hiring practices were so illegal. They'd forced people to take lie detectors and go, are you homosexual? In the thirteenths?

No, the fucking seventies. The seventies? In the seventies. We're going to a brewery. Do you know what the name of the brown eagle is? No! Stop! I don't want to work. No. How do you pour a prop of beer once again? I'll tilt the glass! Sorry. It's kind of what it was. Prophabia once again tilt the glass

That's kind of what it was you've listen to us and then and then this was the big one the big cross-to-bear was He goes to they had all they didn't hire any black people or Latino people they did for like a long time They hire any the 70s are folks So then he goes to a meeting of black and Latino people and he goes, you know, my family's a lot like you guys. You guys should be thankful that you were slaves. He said that. And I he was like, I mean, I was trying to connect with someone. Just fucking. It's so, it's so, they had a real big backlash. And then they started, and they're in Colorado

where it's like the most liberal place. So now they've fixed it and they're trying, they do a bunch of these proactive programs. By love fucking course light. Course light was like the biggest beer on the West Coast. Wasn't, you couldn't sell it on the other side of the country and they were number four in the country and they only sold to the West Coast.

And so they were really like hard to get. And it was like, I think it was one of the presidents Gerald Ford, his favorite beer, like everyone loved this beer, smoking the bandit's based on course. Really? Yeah, smoking the bandit, the whole idea is he wants course, so he has Smoky, get him two cases of course,

put it in the back of his car and drive it to Georgia because you couldn't get it in Georgia. 4.2. Yeah. I mean, logger beers, you know, is not a lot going on there, but you never get in trouble. Well, it's the ice cold, it's the ice cold. It has to be the ice cold.

The water coming off from the streams that that was the cell. How much do you think between Bud Light, Coors Light, Miller Light? How much is marketing or ball face taste a superior product? Well, you know, it's so interesting. I had a joke about this in my special. All of the beers are are tethered to a soda. Like this looks like a diet coke. Like it's the same, almost the same branding. And so the same with Budweiser looks a lot like Pepsi.

And you start going through, and I thought that, because I, one time I was a joke at my special, what I grabbed a couple of diet coasters to take to school, and I had a pair of teachers meeting with my, about my daughter's dyslexia, and I had my special, what I grabbed a couple of diet codes to take to school. And I had a pair of teachers meeting with my, about my daughter's dyslexia. And I cracked my diet coke and I take a sip

and realized I have a course light in a meeting. I'm drinking a course light. And I was, and I just murdered it. I fucking murdered it and prayed that the other one of my pocket was a course light too. And then I killed both of them. I said that gentleman, that's like a finger in your ass at an orgy.

You got a game time decision. Do you pull away from it or do you push back into it? So, so. Well, this is Rocky Mountain High, but why is there is America? Yeah, but why is there, well, yeah, they're all German. They're all German and core. But it's, I watched the whole documentary on this

and it's shot before they were putting them in letterbox. So you can, and like it's all a little grainy and like the old people are still alive. Oh, kind of cool. I have confirmation with Paul Newman's beer consumption. What? Paul Newman. He's got a beer. He was a famous Budweiser drinker.

Oh, was he? So I know somebody who was his sister on Cool Handle Luke. So when I ran into some stuntman at the gym, old stunt guys, I said, who's the toughest guy in Hollywood? You know, I think John Wayne and Robert Mitchim, they go, oh, it's Newman. Newman by far the toughest. So Newman on Coolan Luke, I'm assuming you guys have seen that movie.

Yeah, of course, yeah. From all time. So he would do a case a day, throughout the day, filming, a bud. He wouldn't finish every beer, but it'd be like a case. And then he would go, he'd have ice cubes in the tub in a straw, so he'd do that. And then he would go in the saw,

you know, the hot box from the movie. Yeah. And they could not believe how long no one could stay in the hot box as long as Newman. And this was not during the movie. Yeah, look, he was just ripped because he kind of didn't eat. He would just graze popcorn and walk, you know, that kind of thing.

Later on, he was a six-pack a day when he's in his seventies. But 24 a day, he's the coolest. The reason I love that guy put him on a pedestals because he, they say, oh, Newman's own, he've raised a lot of money for charity. And said, you know, the modern person would be like, well, you know, he just went, I would have kept the money if I'd known

it was gonna be that successful. You know what I mean? I mean, I just love someone who's like, no, don't put me on a pedestal. And when people would ask him, why are you successful? How did you get successful? He goes, I can tell you anything,

but you know the reason, luck. So I mean, two things. Said that, I used to have a thing about luck. Yeah. I used to sit and say it's so much has to do with luck. Yes. I'm luckier than I am talented. I'm luckier than I am hardworking.

I'm luckier. I'm just lucky. I'm met, I mean, obviously, this is a perfect example. I'll use Tom as my example of success. Without Tom, I'm not really certain where I'll use Tom as my example of success. Without Tom, I'm not really certain where I'd be because I got so much advice from him when I was lost in the business where he had succeeded.

But if you wanna talk about luck, Tom sold his first special, I think, disgraceful or mostly stories to Netflix when they become the biggest streaming platform and Tom blows up. So now randomly, my friend is becoming quickly the most successful comedian in the world and I happen to be his friend

and I can like his brain about what to do and he introduces me to Rogan. I mean, it's so much luck is involved as opposed to like, I've seen some really talented people comics where you go, God, I can't catch really talented people comics where you go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go extremely bright. I know we're on your sleeve, but you're well read and you're very curious. So people want to hang out with you. But to your point, I mean, for me, because I had no sense I could be a star, even after SNL, but even before I did all these shitty shows,

and I just thought, and I was 31, and I auditioned twice, and I didn't get SNL, wasn't going to get SNL, and then the show sucked in 85 and they were recasting again. My manager, New Bernie Brilstein, it was Lord Michael's manager, and I just gotten with that manager, Brad Gray. And so all this stuff kind of came together. He gave me confidence.

He saw me in the club because he should be on Saturday live, really? Because my previous manager's like, ah, this is not happening kid. Because the Disney face and my insecurity going on an 815 slot at the improv, I would just suck. I would bomb. So for it's a recast,

me to frequently get on, because Rosalio Donna let me lean on on a mic. So I did 40 minutes. Freakily get on the show, can't believe it, hang out with Lord Michaels, the very first show, I never done sketch comedy. I'm in four things. I'm in minutes. Yeah. Frequently, get on the show, can't believe it. Hang out with Lord Michaels, the very first show, I never done sketch comedy. I'm in four things. I'm in the cold opening.

I do church lady. I do chop broccoli. Chop broccoli. So that is when I went back in the dressing room and I kind of broke down a little bit, you know. Because I was really frustrated. It was 10 years. Because I'd been in Rockefeller Center in 80,

doing one of the boys with Mickey Rune and Nathan Lane, thinking, ah, I could get up there. So to your point, a lot of things had to happen. After I started kicking ass in the show, people go, you're in natural, this is always going to happen. No, no, no, no, no, no. I had to get confident, which I still got, you know, and I had to get that luck. So you just have to have a lot of humility

when you have success in a free market society because no one can just will it. You have to get like that. I used to take, I regret saying it now, but I'll say it again. But I remember when I would watch Kevin Hart, who I knew, I knew him at the clubs, and I still know Kevin. Sweetest guy in the world, the greatest guy in the world. I remember he would do these Instagram videos about how he's the sweetest guy in the world, the greatest guy in the world. I remember he would do these Instagram videos

about how he's the hardest working comic in the business. That's why he's successful. And I kept wanting him to address his luck because the luck is so integral. And then someone pulled me aside and I was an agent. He goes, you know, Kevin's break was. And I went, what? And he goes, cat Williams packed a gun in his bag

to go to shoot a movie with Matthew McConaughey And I was like what he's like you never heard this story and those stories from your so much more fascinating I was like when he goes he did soul play and his soul tape playing bombed and so he was like He had to go back to the end of the line again. That's when they were doing music Yeah, and then you goes back. Oh, he's box office poison. He goes Cat William goes to do, uh, fool's gold with Matthew McConaughey and, uh, Goldie Hans daughter Kate Hudson.

Yeah. And he packs a gun in his bag and he gets pulled out of his line. And he gets arrested. And he can't do the movie now. So they go to Dave Sheepel, Dave Sheepel's in South Africa. He just left the show. He's gone. Well, shit.

We need someone small and black. Who do we get? Kevin Hart? And I heard that. I went, first of all, I didn't know if it was true. You hear it from an agent. Yeah. I would love those stories of luck.

I talked about it with Tom about, because Rogan was very integral in both our careers of sharing his fan base with us, making like being generous. Being like, he's our car, more Carson. That's great about you. Yeah. And but I remember saying the time, do you ever think about that and Tom goes all the time. He was, I was supposed to go to dinner with Charlie Murphy that night and I was, and Charlie

Murphy was dragging his feet and he just wasn't moving and I was like, and he goes and I almost sat in the car and waited for him, but I thought it would be rude. So I waited at the venue. And Joe came up to me and said, Hey man, you're funny, you should go on the road with me. And he goes, if Charlie Murphy had been on time, I would never would have talked to Joe. And I never would have this relationship with Joe.

It's like the crazy shit like that. That for me is more interesting in this business sometimes than the, look, I have to say this, Kevin Hart, I know how hard hard work is. That guy has nine businesses. I can't imagine the clip that he works at. I can't even wrap my head around, and I can't as qualify as hard work.

His hard work is where he is today. Well, the only thing you can kind of control is a stand up, which I was telling young standups is just get better at stand up. You know, be ready. And that's just a matter of listening to your act. And stand up sometimes they have mediocre bits that aren't working.

They keep doing them without changing them. Like, you gotta either step that up or throw it out. So you can only be ready, but then, you know, if you wanna go really abstract with it, you know, I used to do a bit about a ventriloquist in Vegas can make 20 million a year. His talent is talking without moving his lips. Now that guy in 12th century, great Britain. What can you do to help the king? Next, please. What can you do? Do you have any skills? Anything

you can do? Are you a god or you can throw a hatchet or anything? No, sir, don't. Well, why am I talking to you? What can you do do for the king? Well, so I can chalk without moon muleeps. Talk without moving your lips. That's the possibility. The land excessive form, the words, the lips, the lips, the lips, the lips, the lips. Show me this saucer's trick. We're a choilogue dish, and then I took like dish.

Oh, that's fantastic. You're on a star, give me a million dollars. But the point is, I was born in 1955. I was white, I was in America. I had a shot. Yeah. You know, the technology begats now the 2.0 of people making millions of dollars through digital commerce.

Yeah. Either a YouTube, a guy who opens a jar of pickles, give me a million dollars. Fans. Only fans. Charlie's seen his daughter. She's probably making 500,000 a month, not even being naked, not doing porn, just squatting in her panties in the snow. Can I get my half million fucking dollars now?

So you could say, look, it go, well, it's because it's 2023. And all these applications, like in the Guilrd Age and the 1980s, suddenly there's these billionaires because we had all this automation and I'm gonna control the trains and the oil. So we were born at a time and then you came up, like Sid Caesar would have had a podcast because variety players, usually after their variety run, where do they go, you know, like Trump? Yeah, they don't really keep going,

but now they'd have these podcasts. Oh yeah, I got so lucky too. And that I was just, I felt young enough to still welcome in technology. Yeah. There was a lot of guys my age that didn't welcome in technology. Right. Didn't want to have a podcast. Thought that was stupid.

Didn't want to be vulnerable enough. Yes. And stupid. That's stupid. And I just got lucky enough to like have one, let it suck and then and just and just be, and enjoy it, I enjoy podcasts. Well, there is one other element that you can control. One is just work on your craft, get whatever your skill set is, get that as high as you possibly can.

And the other thing is just don't quit. You can choose not to quit. Yeah. And that's important too. That's a Winston Churchill quote. It's using something about, I forget what it is My mom sent it to me on a bookmark when I was a kid when I moved first moved to New York And I remember reading it and it was something I can't find it

I've looked for it everywhere. I can't find a bit But it was is the idea that the only people that fail are the people that quit something that and I remember looking at a Committee named Demetri Martin saying we just started we started together on the same day. And I remember saying, I remember he was so talented. He still is so talented. Brilliant. That I thought, if I don't quit, I can get a job with him. Like I was just, if I can just stay friends with him. And then one day he'll be like, Hey man, I need a fast shortlist guy or whatever.

And then I'll have jobs. If I'm just don't quit and people give you jobs. Yeah. The East Aswell Disney, how are you doing? He goes, I failed 29 times. All you do is count his failures. They were like, arrows in his quiver. Yeah.

Wow, I got my ass kicked and I'm still here. So for me at this continuum where I'm at now, in my 60s, late 60s, I'm like, this is just cool. I'm just still doing it. But I look at Martin Shorten, Steve Martin, I go, I guess you can just keep going, you stay in shape. Yeah, fuck yeah.

There he is. Now watch. I'd watch. Never give up on something you can do to a day without thinking about. He's one of my favorite. He's one of my favorite Winston Churchill's, one of my favorite Mickey Mantles, one of my favorite.

And I hate to say this, now Paul Newman is one of my favorite. I'm now gonna become a huge Paul Newman fan. Oh yeah. I fucking love that. Okay, so day, fuck yeah. Budweiser, if you wanna have read the alone years, there's big volumes on him, but the alone years,

the day in the life of Winston Churchill. I think that's what it's called. A day in the life of Winston Churchill in the 1930s was the first chapter. I thought so. So I celebrate I celebrate Winston Churchill day every year and maybe that was a subtile. You know, but anyway, that was him. But he his day. Find that. We find that book alone. The only years. Maybe that's it. The lonely years.

Yeah, but his day in the life where they'd get him out and give him champagne and put him in the tub and put him back in bed, you know the whole drill. Oh, yeah. So, on the day he died, January, I think, 25th, I celebrate West and Churchill day. Will you pull up a picture, please? So this is my, Tom and I just did this last episode.

I'd be curious to hear your breakdown. But, so. Well, I have one theory, but you don't have to interject it yet. Well, okay. So, so this is I do Winston Churchill day. So I have Winston Churchill's breakfast. A scotch. Wow. This is awesome. He eggs bacon, a cigar toast jam butter. I have his whole breakfast. I have my cigar and coffee and scotch in bed. I drink it in bed Wow, and then see that's like a Wayne's World move. That's ritualizing life. Yeah, you know, like I do it throughout the day at lunch I have champagne and then it take a two hour nap. Yeah, take a two hour nap You have more champagne and scotch. It was the funnest.

This is the Winston Churchill. Oh, there he is. Okay, the first wissy first time. Yeah, this is a good one. This is a good one. I'm a whiskey optional walk around the neighborhood. I chose to get on the treadmill. I got on the treadmill.

Lunch and I had lunch. I had chicken and champagne, another whiskey. I did not have a shot of cognac, I don't like cognac. But I did have another whiskey. I took a nap and it dinnered my wife and I went out to dinner and I had dinner with champagne. Wow, that's awesome. And I got back, I had a nap and it dinner my wife and I went out to dinner and I had dinner champagne and I got back. I had a whiskey and a second cigar that evening

and it was the funnest fucking day. It was fun to take my day and go, this is what it'll be. I'm following this rule. So then Tom and I saw Hunter S. Thompson's day. Have you ever seen Hunter S. Thompson's day? No, I'm sure. So this one's good.

Type in Hunter S. Thompson's day and then I'll put it to you. Okay. Because Tom and I picked our day after, like what you want me to do. Well, we, well, Hunress Thompson's day is fucking next level. Rise 3 p.m. 305 Shivis with the morning paper in a Dunhill. Cocaine 345.

Oh, I, so he's another glass of Shivis 350. First cup of coffee in a Dunhill 405 for 15 cocaine for 16 orange juice and the human body for 30 cocaine for 54 cocaine 505 cocaine 511 done hill and coffee more ice and ship is cocaine grass to take the edge off what do you pre-cavern cocaine? Look at his lunch. Heindken's two margaritas, two cheeseburgers, two orders of fries, a plate of tomatoes, coleslaw, taco salad, a double order of onion rings, carrot cake, ice cream, bean fritters, done hill and other Heineken, cocaine, and for the ride home, a snow cone. I feel like a nerd.

I mean, is that real, real, real? I think so. I think that's why he's dead. Maybe when, how that real, real, real? I think so. I think that's why he's dead. Maybe when, how old did he go? He killed himself. Okay, like at 40 or something. No, I think he was like 73. He made all the human body.

That's the thing is I think that maybe Winston Churchill inadvertently killed more people than Hitler. He might have. Accidentally. Cause people go, they're really ever gonna say, well, Winston Churchill, maybe at the 90. He, well, one's spiritual. Made it to 90. He ran the British Empire, 92. What are you talking about?

So that he might have accidentally, oh, 67. That's a little, that's a little, 67. He, uh, what would you, like, if you had, if you had no overdose, no nothing, no, like, no repercussions, you don't feel it tomorrow. What would be your ideal day of just straight partying, like partying?

I really, and this might be kind of weird to say, because my wife says it's not, doesn't make sense biologically. I don't, like if I drink a couple logger beers, an empty stomach, say a poolside, I get very relaxed and kind of buzz. But if I drink whiskey or even wine or even IPAs, I get more altered but not high.

So that's a governor on me. I only get high from lighter beer. Why is that? I get altered but I don't get high. Well, I have that with tequila. I get altered, but I don't enjoy it as much as I do beer buzz. There's a couple times a year I'll order a martini. Yeah. You know, like, because it's so cool. Yeah. And then I just immediately want the beer, you know. Yeah. So when those last weekends, we would run because we were runners and then we'd get a cabana. So we, okay, so wait, you'd run, how many, how far were we?

Well, we were then vaguously beyond the treadmill. We do an hour on the treadmill, you know, we were all lightweight. I'm in my 30s, this is why I had money, and I'm treating everybody. Yeah. And then we would go to get the cabana, and have women with just like this,

with just Corona's. So we'd probably have like eight, 10 of them over a few hours, laughing our asses off. And then that in lunch and then a nap and it'd be a lot of beer. A lot of beer. A lot of beer.

Cold beers are the best. But I had a couple mushroom trips that I really enjoyed. I only did it twice, but we went down, we were in front of the Queen Mary and the Spruce Goose. And we're out in a little cafe. I saw the Sp Queen Mary, and the Spruce Goose. And we're out in a little cafe. I saw the Spruce, I was in Spruce Goose.

The Spruce Goose now is up in Oregon. Oregon, I went in Spruce Goose. It was pretty crazy. So we dropped, we had the mushrooms and it's coming onto us. It's a little upset something. So then we're having hinnacans and stuff. So then we're looking at the placard advertising. Wait, who are you with, your brother and your buddies?

Oh, high school buddies and buddies, you know. And so we're all first time much rooms starting to kind of laugh. And then we saw the placard, it was advertising the Queen Mary and everything was size ratio. Like how much could fit inside to show how big the smoke stacks are? Like a hundred million bumblebees could make their home and that's, you know, so then we laughed so hard. Three thousand grizzly bears could fit in the hole. So then we went down the railroad with that.

So we walked around the corner and we saw this gigantic wooden plane twice the size of some word. And it just gales a laughter. We just laughed for hours. And then we went golfing near the, near the 405 with orange golf balls. And we're really on mushrooms at this point. And then we look up. The good year blimp is right on top of us. And this point. And then we look up, the good-year blimp is right on top of us. And it lands, and then we go in, I try to get on the phone, because I'm pretty high, but I'm not drunk. I try to get the good-year blimp to give us a ride around town.

Like a private thing. By the way, I could be written on the good-year blimp. Yeah, and then we went to the- It's fucking terrifying. Really? Oh, it's fucking terrifying. You're just saying it on the phone. No, no, no, no, it's fucking terrifying really it's fucking you're just Terrifying do you is there a picture of me in the good year blimp? I

We went in the good year blimp over by down in Long Beach and it goes It's there's got to be a picture of me there somewhere. So we It it it takes off and she's she's sort of goes like this, it goes shhh. And so you're looking up at the sky. Oh, I see the angle. It goes at such a steep angle that you're like, what the fuck? And everything in the thing slides back. Everyone slides. And then when you go to land, it's fucking the Hindenburg. They're like, I was losing my fucking shit. Damn. I lost my shit. Why dodge the bullet that day?

They wouldn't give us a ride. Terrifying. Funny. They have a fucking rope out front to like, so they kind of wrangle it in. I think it judges with wind and then, watching that rope when you come up when you when you take off in the rope hits you in the face. It was. Did you ever have a Hindenburg joke or bit about the Hindenburg?

I did one once in it. Bombs so bad on tonight show. Jay's like, and we can take that out if you want to. What was the joke? It was just ridiculous. A horrible joke. It was just the idea that your famous radio guy, oh my God, that guy, the humanity,

it's got my hands blown up, but what if it had been filled with helium instead of hydrogen? Oh my God, the plane, again, I remember, I remember, you know, I said, this is that joke. But it just laid there, the audience went, what? We should take a blimp or more in Germany. Blimp's are pretty surreal.

Yeah, I would say German technology, if they're like their cars, yeah, probably an incredible blimp. Vidal Costa, they tap like the Americans. We fill it up gradually. I've got to have you on the podcast when we have the new studio,

you have come over. I will. We'll do it later in the day so we can kill some beers. Yeah, I would do that. Yeah, I'd have a few beers. Yeah, this is awesome. You are so funny, guys like you and Dennis Miller and Spade,

you guys are such legends to us. And then I hang out with you guys and I just forget, I forget how much you meant to me when I was like a kid watching you guys do comedy, watching you guys be honest, and I'll watch you guys make movies. And then when I sit next to you, I forget how much you meant to me when I was like a kid watching you guys do comedy watching you guys be honest and I'll watch you guys make movies and then when I sit next to you I forget just how fucking talented you guys are how much further you are Talent-wise than guys like me and Tom I've been fucking I have that this entire fucking episode I don't really you know like when I was on SNL and I was like maybe 33 at the time Sandler shows up

He's 23 looks 12. Yeah, and I just talked a 33 at the time. Sandler shows up, he's 23, looks 12. Yeah. And I just talked a little bit and saw him and just immediately liked him and immediately felt like he was a peer. Just saying, no, I don't think like, hey, you're 50. Listen to that, I'll show you how this is done, kid.

And now, but you're so many people. So fucking funny, you are so fucking funny. Well, that's, it's so valuable. Like, especially like my daughters Understand that the currency in our households humor so like if it's something's funny. It means a lot to us so like oh, yeah, so that like they're And it's so funny. I you hang out with so many comics where your conversations turn into conversations about what are you getting paid in Omaha? Where's what hey? conversations turn into conversations about what are you getting paid in Omaha? Whereas, what, hey, did you have to do radio over there? It's such a business that's a laugh with a comic.

I'll tell you one last thing before, because this is more into the romance of it and the true core of it is that when our rough and tumble family, if Abbot Constello meets Frankenstein was on, or later on Monty Python, or The Beatles, everything was about how much they fucking affected our lives and pink Floyd and just the art, you know, television, film and music and like.

So then when I got into comedy, it was just like the feeling of wanting to transfer that and pay it back, you know, it was like wanting to be great and really destroy the audience and, you know, and just make them make something so potent and so memorable and make them helpless because that's how I was with my idols. And so that is sort of the dream underneath all the money, the fame, the power, all that shit. The dream is like to really have people I haven't left that hard. Or my friends and I don't go, you know,

skinheads from Maine is our one of our, that was on the day in the car, we show them, you know that sketch? Me and Colbert, guys from New Hampshire, they were racist. Yeah, how you doing there? Yeah, well, the way that is, the only thing that Jews don't control, you know,

it was just, it was a robbery. But anyway, so then someone saying, that's a touchstone for my peer group. And even now when I do the weird place with the kids, or I love it when people share stories or share stuff that I do. And that is their inside joke for their peer group. So that's still the core, bro, man.

You are the inside joke for so many different of my peer groups, so many different of my peer groups. You were the joke. Like, I mean, if you're wondering. If you're wondering. I feel really good. Oh, there it is. Yeah.

What are you doing there, him? That's a great documentary by the way. That's a great documentary. It was Josh Greenbaum. Took a while to convince me and Smigel to do it, but he made it great. And it did heal some wounds on that thing. That's a much longer story.

What was the thing it came out the day of 9-11 or something? No, it just came on ABC and followed like... Like follow improvement. Yeah. And our first sketch was Clinton opens his shirt and he has, he has teeth as if he's gonna, and then he milks puppies like he's the mother of the nation.

And the ratings were like 16 million, and they have the graph, and it just went like that. And then we got kind of tagged as like a blue show, and then it just trundered along, and we had such an A team, and it was brilliant, really. Colbert, Karel, Louis, Dino Steppenopolis. Yeah. Because he got nominated for the Grammy.

I think is any on cancel? Didn't you win the Grammy for Best Call of the Year? You won the Grammy for Best Call. Aren't you on canceled at that point? I think so. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't even, I don't know. I'm a second chance guy, you know. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, do diligence, you know, I'm a constitutional guy. Yeah, I mean, look, Luke's been so good to me my entire career that, I mean, he's just been a sweetheart to me and Tom. He's helped us so much that, you know, and even when I did this,

especially watch my hour and gave me notes. And then I told him he's notes completely fucked me up because he's like, I love this one joke. And then because he liked it, he's like, that's my favorite joke. I put so much energy and making it better and better and better than I fucked it up. And then I had to bail on it.

And then I just was like, what did you like about it? Because now it doesn't work. And he was like, oh, he's just simple. And I went, so I should do it the way you did it back then. Yeah, I mean, I think Tom has some bits too that are, you know, you kind of like, you don't really want to watch them. Because like, now you can't think of that. He's thinking something that just hanging there and Louie's same thing.

He would come up with stuff. I mean, it's not special. He does this brilliant bit about Goodwill Honey with Matt Damon. That's like so inspired and make that work for everybody. So it's great standups are really, really fun to watch. You're the best. Anyway, we'll take a break.

We'll ride back. You're on. I decide, we'll take a break, we'll write back. You're on, I decide to do this, because they... Wait, no, what do you have on tour at all? Well, I just want to tell you, you're on podcast podcasts, and my guest today has been Birdcrasher. I'm not on tour, I'm just more flying the wall, and the weird place is out there, it's just...

Well, we've had Spade as a guest, Bear Spade's been on my podcast, I gotta have you come to me on my podcast. And everyone check out Fly on the Wall. It's a great fucking podcast. On my episode hasn't released yet, has it? No. So it'll be coming out soon. Very soon, you'll be on the episode.

It was during the sober October. So you'll see a bird. You seem completely the same bird. Same bird. Anyway, thanks for having me. Thank you, brother. Bird and time, time and bird One goes top and swap the other, wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean Here's what we call, two bears one cave