2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Death Row Last Meals | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

SPONSORS: Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears Head to https://PolicyGenius.com/BEARS to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bart Chrysler want to take over France. What starts with some fantasy vacation booking ends with Bert developing some wild ideas about being the mayor of a small French town. Tom's been a real true crime kick lately and has prepared a buffet of famous death row last meals from a collection of very cool guys and one gal. Bert and Tom taste test and give their two cents on each meal, plus get to know the crime and type of person behind each curated dish. They also talk about some revenge movie classics. Hope you're hungry! https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 244 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100% Well Persians aren't Arabs you just know yeah, that's different Persians are hey hold on. I know this is a bit you're doing right now I'm not talking about you were just saying I did not you were lumping them together Let me put on my cool guy glasses to have this conversation Well now you do look Persian do I? Kind of does it look like I have glasses on because it doesn't feel like I have glasses on What does it feel like you have on because they're here try them out. They I? Kinda. Does it look like I have glasses on? Cause it doesn't feel like I have glasses on. What does it feel like you have on?

Cause here try them out, they're really cool. Okay, where'd you get these? In Austin. At a cool store? At a cool store. Not like a regular? No, it was a family run eyeglass company over on Congress. Family run.

You look real cool. Yeah. This feels cool. This feels right, yeah. Isn't it crazy that all our fashion senses were developed by guys making, like, so that we didn't look gay? Like, when I was a kid, if you put,

tried a shirt on and took a chance, they'd be like, oh, what club are you going to? And you'd be like, okay, so you only dress to look straight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when you take a chance, everyone's like, oh yeah, what club are you going to? And you'd be like, okay, so you only dress to look straight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when you take a chance, everyone's like, oh yeah, I know what club you'll wear those to. But do you feel like these are gay or just foreign? No, they look, they look foreign?

Yeah, this is foreign guy shapes. Sometimes in different parts of the country, that foreign look is gay. That's true, that's true. Foreign can be gay. Like German shoes are gay. Yeah, a lot of European pants are gay. Yeah, a lot of European pants are gay. Yeah, oh, all European pants are gay.

And also, you know what European, well I guess I don't know if that's gay. I mean, Europeans love like tight loafers. Yeah. You know, like no sock loafers. Yeah. You really only see that in like beach towns. You don't see that really anywhere else

in the States I'm saying. I can't do this. I don't know if you wore sunglasses on podcasts. I can't do this. I don't know why people wear sunglasses on podcasts. I can't do it. I can't, I feel like disconnected. Yeah. You know, there was a big rule on Travel Channel where we weren't allowed to wear sunglasses

on Travel Channel. Oh, really? Yeah, so number one rule. And don't worry. Number one. Number one, because you can't see into the person's eyes, so you can't trust them. Yeah, that makes sense.

And so if you're interviewing someone you have sunglasses on, you look like a fucking, it does reek of like, let's get this over with. I've got a fucking. Yeah, yeah. If you could pick one European style and you had to live in that European style, okay? So you got like the top shelf boy from London, you know,

with the fucking trench coat and the tight tie and the skinny pants and the shoes and he's got the cap and he's like, all right, I'll say one of these, I'm coming out tonight. Right, you got that guy. Or you get like Italian, but you get like cheesy Italian. Like open shirt, like hey, mama mia, gimme a little pussy, huh?

You know, you get that. Or you get like German, like, hey, mama mia, gimme a little pussy, huh? You know, you get that. Or you get like German, where they're, oh, you get German where they're wearing like the, the fucking Adidas tight shirts, and they're, oh, oh, oh, oh. How about the tracksuits? Fuck. That's very Euro.

Do you know I started buying Sergio Tacchini? No. They're the best tracksuits in the fucking world. Are they better material? It's velour and they're fucking awesome. And I made a mistake on the Sergio Tachinini, I think I'm saying it right. I don't think you are.

I think I am. When you click it, it automatically suggests to buy smalls. So I bought a bunch of tracksuits and I got two that were smalls. They're fucking, I have all of them. I don't have the third one over. That would be Sergio Tachini. Tachahini?

Not Tachahini. The H is silent? It's Tachini. Sergio Tachini. I think so. I have almost all of these. Is it not? Google how you pronounce it. I would, I'm guessing, yeah, I'm guessing Tachini.

Unless it's Tachini. Oh, Tachini, I'm guessing Takini. Unless it's Tachini. Oh, Tachini, okay. Tachini. Tachini. Sergio Tachini. Say it, I wanna hear you say it. Sergio Tachini. Sergio Tachini, I was saying it right.

So I got two that were small because they just automatically suggest getting small and fucking Leanne and Isla took them. They're like, don't send them back, we want these. They're that fucking comfortable. So what kind of European would you be? You could be Portuguese, where you got like the linen shirt with the linen pants, with the meat print,

and the fucking sandals, and you're like, that was an earthquake in 1953. That's not that accent. But I feel like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, to south western Italy, you know? Like that whole region on the water, small town. What are we doing with our fucking lives? Like what are we doing with our fucking lives?

Like why don't you just live your dream? Why don't you just wrap it up, be done, and just. You don't have to do that much more touring and you can go move to Nice. I would love to. Why don't you? I would love to. Why don't I?

Your kids are in college. Yeah, why don't I? Why don't I just go fucking move to. Why don't I? Your kids are in college. Yeah, why don't I? Why don't I just go fucking move to a foreign country for a month? Live in a foreign country for a month. You have nine months coming up. I have nine months. I could do three months in a foreign country

and just disappear. But you realize you can Get a job. Totally really do that. Start doing, it's so funny. I automatically start, how do I make money over there? Like I go, what are you gonna do? I would like to be in France, South of France,

in a vineyard. Yeah, but you could start like growing vegetables, you know? Like- You can't grow them in three fucking months. Well, whatever, you can start- Like have the guy plant them now for me. Yeah, here you go. I'll send Peter over to Europe to start planting my vegetables.

But you could learn a craft, like you could learn a trade. Like a cobbler? Sure. Or like a could learn a trade. Like a cobbler? Sure. Or like a... A language too. If you're in a village somewhere, they're not gonna speak English well. What's the easiest European language to learn?

I would love to be able to speak French. Well then why even... Italian's badass. Yeah. Italian's badass. I already know Spanish pretty good. Dutch, the language that's easiest to learn. Most Germanic languages.

Ah, I'd love to, do I, what if I just disappear and I don't tell anyone where I went? Not even Leanne or my girls. I just start a new family. That's another thing you could do in a few months. What are the strip clubs like in Europe, do you think? I don't know. I mean, there's certain countries

that are notorious, right? Oh, what am I talking about? I've seen live sex shows in fucking Amsterdam. Those are fucking crazy. They don't have that here. No. They have fucking, you know, we almost did Flying Dildos again.

I told you that story. On the sex shows, do the guys finish? I figure they can't do it that way. I don't know, I finish so fast I leave. Really? Do you get, are you allowed to J or D there? No. It's a weird thing.

You sit in a theater. It's like a theater, like a small, it's like, do you remember with the alt rooms over by Franklin? It's like that. Like you sit and you just watch two people come out and fuck. Does a guy come out hard? Yeah.

One time he didn't come out hard and he was working it up and we started making fun of his dick. We were like, I told it in the story. But I've seen live sex shows. I've never been with a prostitute and I would, and I regret not doing it now. Like as a younger man, I should have tried it.

I should have tried it. I would never recommend that to a young guy. But I look back and I go, out of someone who likes to live life and have life experiences, when I was single I should have done it. I definitely should have done it. Well you got three months in Europe. I mean that's. Yeah.

Will you really, why don't you really commit to that? I'm serious. It's not that crazy. Why don't you just move to the south of France for three months? That's not that crazy. I could do that. And then I can just zoom in for like segments on Two Bears.

Or I'll just send, we'll get an Italian comic to move over here. An Italian comic? Yeah. Why, you're going to France. I'll go to France, a French comic, we had a French comic. French comic to move over here and I'll do his podcast and he can do mine.

Hey Tommy. Is that not French? Mm-mm. Hey Tommy do mine. Hey Tommy. Is that not French? Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Oh, this so do bears one cave. That's a good French accent. It's getting there.

It's getting there. Hey Tommy. My name is a Sergio Tatini. It's so good to be here. I go back to Italian every time. That was Italian. Do you think they make fun of each other's accents the way we make fun of Rednecks?

No, they make fun of ours. No. For sure. Why? Ours is accent-less. Well, not to them, not to their ears. No, no. We have zero accent.

No, no. When we speak their language, they go, he has an American accent. Mm-mm. Yeah. They say, he sounds plain. We're like plain yogurt. No. And they have plain yogurt. No.

And they have affectations on theirs. I don't think that's how it works. I think that if you spoke Italian, they would go, he speaks with an American accent. What if I moved to France and I fall in love with France? Yeah. And I become like the mayor of their city? Mm-hmm.

And like, cause that's my energy. A mayor? Yeah. I should have gotten into politics. I think you actually would do well in politics. I think I would have done really, with dirty politics, when you could like slap chicks on the ass and stuff. Cause I would have been woke to those guys.

Like I would have been like a good politician then. Now I think I'm, I'd be a bad politician cause I can't really follow the rules that they follow. What do you think they would ask you to be that mayor? Maybe like a mayor of a city? Mayor, probably like their chancellor. That's pretty high up. Is it?

Yeah. Their prime minister. That's really high up. I'd be definitely part of their parliamentary system. I'd pick out when Carnaval would be... I would start maybe more local. I'd be their social chair. Yeah, that I could see.

What if I move over to France, south of France? Pull up some cities that I could see. What if I move over to France, south of France, pull up some cities that I could take over? Like give me like a, I want like a, like Leant, like what's a city you could take over in America where if you move there you could be, like Joe kind of took over Austin. Okay. This is, as much as you want to say

this was McConaughey's town, when people think Austin, they think Joe Rogan. They really do. You think so? 100%. Can I tell you, I was at an event with Fathers House. Okay, so if you move to Sedona, or like Doug Stanhope moved to Bisbee and he kind of took over Bisbee.

So if I can find a Bisbee in the south of France and then just take over the city and they're like, hey, this American comedian came to our city and we're so lucky to have him. We should bring him a bicycle to make him comfortable in our city. A lot of life is unpredictable, but a good life insurance plan gives your family a financial safety net to protect against some of the unknowns. Policy Genius is the country's leading online insurance marketplace.

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French city and it needs to have not been taken over by the Nazis so that they're not used to being taken over. Small cities in the south of France. Okay yeah I would I don't think you have to search it like that. Get really specific. Most beautiful cities in the south of France. Oh fuck me. Oh, Saint-Gier-Pierre-Des-Ports. Saint-Gier-Pierre-Des-Ports. Saint-Gier-Pierre-Des-Ports. Saint-Gier-Pierre-Des-Ports. Saint-Gier-Pierre-Des-Ports. Oh, fuck yeah. How great would it be to wake up every morning in that city, go get a little cup of coffee, a little baguette, a little croissant. And then you see the, like, there's the one lady that runs the flower shop and she's like

53 and she's still really hot though And she doesn't wear a bra and she's like she's okay. How you doing today? I go pretty good Maria It's a great it's a great way to start your day. Yeah, and he goes hey around that to tell you we're gonna do a little You know, hey, where's my mom? I'm putting together. You know, you're totally back in Italy, right? Yeah Yeah, can you give me a French accent? I can copy real quick. you know. Where's my mom? I'm putting together for us. You know you're totally back in Italy, right? Am I in Italy? Yeah, yeah. Can you give me a French accent that I can copy real quick? Give me, what's my guy? The guy with the nose and the dick.

Gerard Depardieu. Gerard Depardieu. I wanna see what I'd sound like. I wear Speedos everywhere. Yeah. Fucking get sunburned. I wanna hear him talk. Yeah, speaking English.

You gotta find him speaking English. And then if I can get my French, I'll just talk with a French accent. Yeah, you can do that. The chef is not on the book, but he did a very good adaptation. He put that chef who represent, I think, all the, because at the end of the book,

the young pie will be alone. Now you're doing Italian. No, I'm doing it. It's at the end of the book, the young pie will be alone. Now you're doing Italian. No, I'm doing it. It's at the end of the book. You got it. You just got to speak a little broken like this. This is a French accent. Hey Maria, what time are we going to do the little beano, huh?

Hey buddy boy, we're going to do the little beano at 2.30. My mama made a little batch and it's really good. It's more Italian. No. That's it, play it again. I'm doing the same thing he's doing. On the sea. On the sea.

On the lifeboat. The lifeboat. The lifeboat. The lifeboat. That's okay, now this is it. Unusual situation and wonderful situation. Wonderful situation. Look at him with a grown mustache.

I'm gonna shave my head, shave my beard, grow a mustache. Move to the south of France only ride bicycles everywhere Yes, I did you steal of course you have to do it this much. Do you enjoy your trips to the United States? Was lucky because my lucky my father was Yes, dead during all the day it was he said drunk he's a drunk he's a drunk you know this is a accent you are going back to Italy every time you do Italian maybe you should pick a different city I'm

going to France and it don't talk like this hey Maria okay okay hey did you see a Papa John I got no the pizza she goes no the Papa John the priest Papa John oh the priest, Papa John. Oh, Padre John, oh I know Padre John. He had a heart attack. He had a heart attack. He did? What happened? What happened? What happened?

Now he's Puerto Rican. What happened? What happened? Hey, we're playing soccer at a sunset. You wanna play with us? Sure thing Maria, you know I like a soccer. I really do think you should do a foreign trip for an extended period of time in your time off.

There's nothing stopping you from doing that. You're right. And I think you're gonna float it to Leanne, she's gonna be like, oh, I don't know about that. You should be like, no, we should just do it. Just fucking beautiful house. Yeah. Oh, I love it. Just fucking beautiful house. Yeah.

I love it. But all these, I don't know what I do when I wasn't drinking. Go back to the list of the towns. Wasn't there a list there? Yeah. That's a beautiful city. It's a beautiful place. Oh, shut the fuck up with the French flag and everything and cacti.

And that's your view? And that's my view every morning. I could just look out and- Closest city is Nice. Hey Leon, wake up. Sailboats? I could sail every morning. Hey Leon, you wanna take the sailboat out?

Well sure thing Bert. I'd love to take the sailboat out. How would she do with French? Not good. No? No. She'd sound like Forrest Gump. How about that?

Oh, how about that fucking city? Does she know any French? No. Any other language? Not even Manage-A-Toi. Donne-Mortette. You know what that means? Give me head.

That's what I'd say to her. Hey Maria, Donne-Mortette. Oh, baby boy, you're so funny. No, seriously Maria, suck my dick. How'd you learn that? No, seriously Maria,, suck my dick. How'd you learn that? No, seriously, Maria, I'm not joking. I want to get to the back of the flower shop. This is what my brain does when I go to sleep.

This is these are all beautiful. These are beautiful fucking cities. I could go in, open a comedy club. What if I did? What if I did? Could we do virtual podcasts? I'll do it. We'll just do it high tech. Yeah.

And I'll just podcast from France. Yes. Tan, feeling beautiful. Yeah. It'd be easy. All right. We could definitely do that. Done.

Should I call Leanne and tell her we're moving to the south of France? You still ready? Should I move? OK, here's my theory. So I haven't announced it yet, but I'm doing a European tour in March. OK. Right. So what if I move? Well, here's my theory. So I haven't announced it yet, but I'm doing a European tour in March. Okay. Right? So what if I move? Well, you just announced it.

Okay. These sunglasses would be great in the South of France. Those are perfect. These are, hey Maria! And you look local. Yeah, I do look local. Yeah. Say something to me, say something to me,

and I'll just respond real quick. Like I'm walking on the street, like I'm a local, okay? Okay. So I, hey, how you doing? Good. You want to get some vino? I just think about drinking there.

That's where my whole thing starts, smoking cigarettes. I mean, they grow it there. Yeah. So I'll move. What if I move January 1st, January, February, March. I move for the first three months and then I start my European tour and I'll live in France for the first three months.

Why don't you do that? I'm for real. Done. I'm not even fucking around. When you're talking about what you need, I think that's what you need. I'm serious. I really do.

I think that would be fun. I think I would disconnect. I'm right behind you. I really do. I think that would be fun. I think I would disconnect. I'm right behind you. I've already talked about doing this. For real? Where would you move? Italy. Italy?

I think France would be my place. I think they're softer there. I'll be your neighbor. You think they're softer? Yeah. What do you mean? They're like a little more gentle. The French?

Really? Yeah. No. No, they're very soft people. They're very loving, soft people. Italian, it's like, hey, I wanna pick up your pocket, you know? No. Do you think?

Definitely not. It would be cool to die in France. I was just there. In France? I was just in Italy last week. No, you weren't. Yeah. No, you weren't.

I was. Bullshit. I swear. Doing what? Just chilling. For real? Yeah, just a few days. How come I didn't know about this? I don't know.

Why do you keep secrets from me? It's not a secret. Do you know if I was in Italy, you'd know I was in Italy? I don't think I would. If I was there for like three days. What were you doing for three days? Just hanging out.

Bullshit. I swear. What did you do? Who did you go with? Did you bring the boys? No. You just went by yourself? No, I took Christina. Wait, you and Christina went to Italy and did what?

Tell me about this trip that I don't believe happened. We just went and ate. And landed in? Rome. Okay. You landed in Rome. Where would I land? Milan, keep going.

We didn't fly to Milan. I know, but that's where everyone lands, keep going. This is why I'm poking holes in this story. There's no holes. What did you have? What did you have? Italian food? Okay. Did you drink wine? No, I had a glass.

You know, Push put some bottles back. She put down some bottles. She did. No, I had a- We married the wrong people. You should have married Leanne. I should have married Push. Really?

Oh, Push and I would be, if we, we should do a wife swap. Okay. Like a legit wife swap and shoot it and then just see whose house falls apart first. Oh my God. How annoyed would Leigh-Ann be by me? Not at all.

Really? Are you serious? I don't know. She would wake up and she would, oh, you made your side of the bed? Thank you, Tommy. No, no. Oh really? No. She'd be like, oh, can we your side of the bed? Thank you, Tommy. No. Oh really?

No. She'd be like, oh, can we drive that Porsche around? Well yeah, that part's fun. I'm gonna get my pussy wet. Oh Jesus Christ. She fucking loves fast cars. Yeah. She loves fast cars.

How exhausted, how many hours do you think before push snapped at me? Not that many. Yeah. I would like to die in a foreign country. Really? Mm-hmm. American comedian found dead in a chateau

in the south of France. It's a good story. It's a great story. That's what you're all about. Yeah, great story. And I know like, how would I die? I would want to die. Oh, I would want to be murdered.

Speaking of. Yes. You know I'm a big fan of murdering people. Well, true crime stories. Yes. And also, you know, not true ones. Just any, I like crime stories. But I do like the true crime stuff.

I try to follow a lot of it. What do you, what is, you have come prepared? And you had, hang on, you'd already prepared that we would be talking about true crime more than that. What are we talking about? Well, I have some people I want to show you. Okay. And these are all murders.

Yeah. And then there's also, you like food, right? I love food. I like food too. Yeah. So, oh, I's also, you like food, right? I love food. I like food too. Yeah. So. Oh, I know where this is going right now.

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He is like my favorite human being alive. You're gonna fucking love him so much. I wish I was there. Hey, by the way, I'm coming to your Florida State show. You are? Yes, I'm coming to your Florida State show. I'm gonna open for you a Florida State. Seriously?

Yeah, cause I'm off the road. I won't have any material. I can only do 15. I'll open for you. You're in the Civic Center, correct? And then we'll go to the Florida State game Saturday Yeah done. Okay. I'm done. I think my poor tour bus down Maybe I'll just have you fly me down like your opener and I'll stay on your tour bus and we'll buddy it up

Ricky Ray Rector, who's Ricky Ray Rector check him out Convicted murderer who was executed for the 1981 murder of a police officer in Conway, Arkansas. After killing a man in a restaurant and fleeing, Rector spent three days on the run before he agreed to turn himself in. However, instead of giving himself up, he shot the police officer who had negotiated his surrender in the back.

He then tried to kill himself, and he ended up having a lobotomy because he failed his suicide attempt. So part of his brain is missing. Anyway, over the course of days he shot five people with a 38-caliber pistol. Shut up. And this is his death row meal.

Steak, fried chicken, cherry Kool-Aid, and pecan pie. I am hardcore green lighting this. This is a fucking last meal. What do you wanna try? You wanna try? I'll try the cherry Kool-Aid. Okay, try the cherry Kool-Aid. And I'll tell you what I've been jonesing for.

Pecan pie? No, well I love pecan pie. I know you do. But I haven't had a piece of fried chicken in forever. Oh. Oh, what fried chicken do you go for? Do you go for the thigh or the breast? Thigh.

I would only make, if they can pre-manufacture chickens, why don't they just make chickens with four thighs? Get rid of their breasts. It's almost like, it's almost unfair that they give a last meal to a guy who murdered a cop. I know. It's just like the last dose of humanity that you get, you know? They're like, we're gonna kill you,

so this is like the last thing that we're gonna do to treat you. How come you can't get alcohol for your last meal? I don't think you can. Let's see, cherry Kool-Aid. And by the way, I would just say, if you asked a white supremacist what they'd give him for his last meal,

they'd go, whoa, fuckin', cherry Kool-Aid, pecan pie, fried chicken. This guy, this guy. You'd think he'd break the stereotype. Try something he never had. As a last meal? You don't wanna roll the dice. Turns out I don't like foie gras.

You know there's a couple guys who have had their last meals and then had their execution held and then they get a second last meal. They're like, you're not gonna be put to death tonight. And they're like, oh, cool. I would eat so much that I, first of all, I can't believe you ate fried chicken with a fork. Well, I didn't wanna get my hands dirty.

Okay. Okay. Like that and then. Mm. Good? Fuck. Here you go. That is so goddamn good. That is, fried chicken delivers every fucking time. Fried chicken is like wet pussy.

It is, it's a great analogy. Any wet pussy, any wet pussy in your life, God damn it, it's still good. It's still good. You remember the first time you got unprotected wet pussy? Yeah. It was so good, I was like, I'm never wearing a condom again.

God damn it, I remember going like, oh this is fucking, I just used a sponge. Uh huh. Mm, I think about that way pussy That's what fried chicken does to you fried chickens like wet pussy pecan pie if you can't you know how I feel about pecan pie I'm shaking. I lost my fork here here Pecan pie it's really good man. I would say this Ricky Ray Rector didn't do a lot of good things, but he did know how

to pick a last meal. That is fantastic. You know, your pecan pie keeps up on you. It does. Because you don't think you're going to like it because of the pecans. They look overwhelming. But then you realize they've candied themselves. It's decadent.

I remember the first time trying candied pecans and just thinking that I discovered like a new world. It's so rich But it's the texture combined with the sweetness. Yeah, eat that fried chicken Just like oh he didn't eat the pie He told the guards he was saving it for later That is a cool killer move That's a fucking, that is a cool killer move. That is a fucking slick thing to say on your way to being executed. Unless you do survive your execution

and you're like this and then the one guard goes, hey, you still got that pie left. And you're like, let me get it. It's a good fucking last meal. I'm gonna eat the skin off this one. Just the skin, nice. John Spankalink, he... Fuck yeah, Johnny!

You can't get alcohol. Murdered a traveling companion. Spankalink alleged had offered him homosexual relations and forced him to play Russian roulette in a Tallahassee motel. First person executed in Florida after it was reinstated. And he just got a flask of Jack Daniel's whiskey, dude. So wait, deep dive this guy's murder.

So he takes a guy into a hotel room in Tallahassee. Where? Find out what hotel room. I wanna know if I've been to this hotel. He escaped from a California prison in 1972 where he was serving a five years to life sentence. Never heard of that fucking thing before. Sentence for armed robbery. Five years to life?

Five to life for armed robbery of a fast food restaurant, five gas stations and two people. And then on February 4th, 1973, Spankalink picked up hitchhiker John Semankiewicz and checked into a motel in Tallahassee, Florida. The two had been on an apparent robbery spree. And when he had to get an argument, Spankalink returned to the hotel room where he shot

Semankiewicz and beat him with a hatchet. Fuck. He later claimed it was self-defense, of course. How do you self-defend yourself and then fuck his dead body? Did it say he fucked his dead body? Sexually assaulted him after, forced him to play Russian, sexually assaulted him.

Yeah, I mean, I don't think he's a good guy. But this was a surprise. How come we don't have more serial killers these days? Cause it's so hard to get away with it. Do you think it's cause of TikTok and Instagram? It's just, there's digital footprints everywhere. It's just, you can't like, you can't be under the radar. Yeah.

There's cameras everywhere. It's just such a bummer. Why would you put it in a flask though? And by the way, I kind of have a problem with flasks. What's that? They're not, they're not feasible. You wanna try? Is it in a flask though? And by the way, I kind of a problem with flasks. What's that? They're not they're not feasible You wanna try is it in the flask already? I think so Really and this is a clean flask. Yes brand new brand new

Here's my problem with flasks. Okay, and we're gonna find out. All right, so I always go yeah flask would be nice But then I and then everyone knows was well, let me get a pull that you know It's barely enough to get me drunk. Yeah, yeah, like it's not enough to get me drunk. Like I want to get drunk I need flask to be like the size of the bottle. Yeah, that's yeah, it's just supposed to be a little little taste Little flash shot I'll do one too. Do I do it? You should do it first. I've fried chicken all over my mouth Okay Say something you'd say do a flash shot and say say something you'd say after you do a flask shot. There's flask lines.

Are there flask lines? 100%. 100%. 100%. I know I'm turning into old Bert right now, I can feel it. I'm so sorry guys, but I'm having fun. No, I mean, I just feel like, I feel like the kind of thing you do is, you kind of just go, fuck him. You know, like that's kind of thing you do is like you kind of just go

Fuck them, you know, like that's yeah kind of the yeah. Okay. You ready? Yeah, this this is a good flash line All right. I will do flash partnership. Okay All right boys. Oh We're gonna cross over that hump And we're gonna take them down. Every fucking last one of these Germans. Fuck these kraut-eating motherfuckers. We do this for the Queen! Pass it around boys, you need a little courage. It doesn't deliver.

It's all over my lips. It's like if you suck a dude's dick and then he just keeps taking it out and you're like just leave it in my fucking mouth dude. I don't want dick all over my face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on to this flask. We'll keep this around. Okay.

All right, I'll keep it around. We'll keep the... Sure. All right. Opa Chandler. You want to hear about this? Opa Chandler. Oh, please be what I think it is.

Oh, this is a fucking bologna sandwich. Isn't this awesome? He was convicted and executed for the June 1989 murders of Joan Rogers and her two daughters, whose bodies were found floating in Tampa Bay, Florida, with their hands and feet bound. He asked for two salami sandwiches on white bread with mustard and peanut butter,

grape jelly on white iced tea and coffee. That's a serial killer for you. That is a serial killer. When they're making it, like, I've never made this sandwich. By the way, how many, I mean, you met this guy, right? You know what I mean? Like, you've seen this guy in Tampa 50 times.

He looks like every guy you walk past in a gas station. Yeah. He's like, sorry. Yeah. He'll hold the door for me. He's like, thank you very much. I was gonna murder you, but now I'm not. Now I'm not, yeah.

Are those the only murders he was convicted of, or are there more? What? I mean, honestly, no one's killing anyone anymore. Like no one's killing anyone anymore. Well, no one's putting up numbers anymore. Yeah, like murders. There's murders all the time, but no one's really.

Do you think school shootings kind of weeded out our serial killers? They would have been serial killers, but they got frustrated at a young age. No, you just, the only place you can really get away with doing this kind of work now is like rural areas. Because in a city, you're just gonna be, you're gonna be just,

they get you, they get you on camera, transactionally it's like you can't use credit cards, you can't use cell phones, you can't use a computer, you can't scan a card to get into something. You gotta live off the grid in today's world. What year was the franchise player for Serial Killers? Oh, it's definitely the 70s. It's gotta be like 76.

76, they were running amok. Oh yeah. And it was like they get notoriety. Serial Killing's so fun that they would, this has to be someone's bit. I have to have heard this. All right, hold. We got to try this fucking lunatic so much Is that is that the that's peanut butter and jelly? That's peanut butter and jelly. Okay. Oh, so he got separate sandwiches. Okay, okay Yeah, so they found out after he was executed. They tied his DNA to another unsolved murder. Oh nice

Really in Florida? Yeah. Well, I kind I kinda wanna get into the middle of the sandwich. Yeah. Let me see that knife when you're done. Okay, so this is a salami sandwich with peanut butter and mustard? No, no. You know the salami sandwich and mustard? Yeah.

What if we eat this and we start turning into zero calories? We're just like, this is the best fucking sandwich in the world. Okay, hold on. I mean, you deal with it. You know, it's not like- Not my last meal. No.

Not my last meal where I go whoo life was good so hold on What was all I said in 2014 Investigators revealed the DNA evidence identified This guy Chandler as the murderer of a 20 year old Ivalice Barrios, I can't say her name, who was strangled in 1990. It's not a bad sandwich.

You like it? Mm-hmm. So hold on. I would have had a crushed carrot. Oh man, he did something crazy. This is a good fucking sandwich. You like it? You wanna try the PB&J too?

Uh-uh, I don't wanna change my taste. If I was him, I would've been like, I'm good, keep the coffee. You wanna try the iced tea? Iced tea is a bet, it's fucking awesome. Sweet tea. Oh, sweet tea. That's a good fucking sandwich. This PB&J I like. Yeah?

Mm-hmm. I haven't had peanut butter and jelly in a while. Yeah, it's good. Let me try it. There's one right there. You know I haven't had white bread in a really long time. Well, you're having it now.

Oh, man. Fucking A. You remember Eileen Wuornos, Monster? What did she get to eat? You ready? I'm so fucking excited. You excited? My uncle defended her.

So to get everybody prepared, if you saw the movie Monster, Charlie's Terron, Eileen Warnos got a cup of black coffee. What a fucking psycho. Yeah. That's it. She was convicted of murdering six men. Your uncle defended her?

I think so. Yeah, he was a public defender. Really? Yeah. Yeah, type in Joe Hobson, Eileen Warner. Warner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See if there's a picture of them.

See if there's a picture of my uncle with Eileen Huernes. No shit. My uncle defended her. How is- Type in images, see if you can see a picture of my uncle and Eileen Huernes. How is he related to you? He's my mom's brother. No shit.

Yeah, try his. No. Is that him? No, that's not him. Scroll down. No, he's not on there. Yeah. He did it when I don't think the movie was out yet. No, no, no. I don't think so either.

No. What a fucking psycho she was. Heavily damaged. Shout out to Charlize for fucking getting ugly for that movie. Yeah. She really had to work too. She had a fight.

She is so fucking hot. She's gorgeous. She is so that movie. Yeah. She really had to work too. She had to fight. She is so fucking hot. She's gorgeous. She is so fucking hot. Yeah. Okay.

One of your all time faves here. Ted Bundy? No, this guy murdered at least 33 teenage boys. Oh, I know who it is. I know who it is. John Wayne Gacy. Exactly. John Wayne Gacy. Exactly. John Wayne Gacy.

Dude, he's the reason I like clowns. Cook County, Illinois. He buried most of them under his house. He got a bucket of KFC and a pound of strawberries, fried shrimp and fries. It's pretty fucking awesome. Should we try it? I mean...

Fried shrimp. Shout out for the strawberries. I think that really helps cleanse the palate. No ketchup or anything, huh? All right. Fucking good. She's so fucking good. Nobody ever talked about that. He was actually a great neighbor.

You know, we have a fried chicken moment when you get the corner and it's just overly breaded skin. Yeah, it's just skin and bread. That's the best fucking fried chicken. Some people take the skin off and don't eat it. You know that? Isn't that crazy?

I'd flag those people. Be like, don't trust this guy. I was hungry as fuck when I came in here. Yeah, I can tell. I love fried chicken. It's good. It's good. God damn it.

Fucking good stuff, man. It's so fucking good. It's the best way to present chicken. Fried? Yeah. You make fried chicken at home? I've never made it. I'm afraid to, I'm afraid I'd under cook it. Under cook it?

Yeah. Look at your boy. He was a fucking psycho. That guy, you know how he killed dudes? Yeah. The rope. No, he had another one, he had fake handcuffs. Well, that's how he would actually just make them

Incapable of fighting it. So he put cuffs on them He'd show them the the ones that he had that he could get out of mm-hmm, and then he put real cuffs on them So he would get he would use play ones on himself himself and then swap them then swap them. And then once when they were cuffed, he would put a rope with the like, I forget what it's called, like a stick where you could wind it, and then it would just be like tighten it, kill them like that, yeah.

Okay, so something had to change culturally in society for there not to be serial killers. And when you see so many of these guys were closeted gay men. Yeah, he was. Yeah, and you go, was that how bad homophobia was? I think it plays a part. Not that it was bad, it was that their fear of being

Outed. Was so intense. I mean, you have to combine that with deep trauma and neglect and everything to get somebody like this. He was abused. He was? By his dad, yeah. Yeah, and I think dads played a big part,

like dads all started showing up and being good dads. And like dads back in the day would be like, you're not gonna tell this fat fuck to get off the couch? Yeah. Oh, he does watch Boozer the Clown. He's this fucking gay guy. Yeah. And then all of a sudden it gets put in your head

and you're like, you know what? My dad will never find out. Yeah. Yeah, he was a big time goofball, this guy. He was a real spaz. Yeah. He was a good neighbor though. He really was.

He actually threw barbecues all the time. He was like you. Social, had people come over. They were like, John's a great guy. Yeah, John. Like you would be the, the really. I could.

The non suspicious one. No one would ever think of I started murdering people. No, they'd be like, he's jovial, he's fun. He always has people around. They think the serial killer is the loner. Yeah. No, they'd be like, he's jovial, he's fun. He always has people around. They think the serial killer's the loner, right? So it's like a good cover because he's like, come over. He's having people over at the house where there's bodies under the fucking house.

If you're a serial killer, why don't you just kill bad people? Well, because they don't really have a moral guide to the killing. They're just, it's just, it's self satisfying. I wonder what it feels like, I mean for real, like to deep dive at what it feels like. I would love to hear the thought process of like when you find your victim,

like when they're like in the grocery store and then they see them and they're like, oh God, I've gotta murder that person. Well a lot of them get, they get really addicted to the feeling of control, being the person in control who decides to end someone's life, you know? Did you see the one, what's the documentary on Netflix about the, does anyone see the one where the couple

got kidnapped by the guys in, did we talk about this? Yeah, American Nightmare. American Nightmare. Yeah. And then he was like, he let the one girl go. Yeah. guys in, did we talk about this? American Nightmare? American Nightmare. And then he was like, he let the one girl go. And then people just didn't believe her because they're like, they'll never let you go. Isn't that fucking wild?

That thing was great. I would be that serial killer who got you tied up in your bed, duct taped, clothes still on, and then I go, you know what, I don't think I wanna do this. That'd be you? Yeah, I'd wanna see the look. It's almost like casting couch when

you see the look on their face and he's like, I'm gonna need you to suck my dick. And they're like, that's my favorite part of casting couch. What do you think of Gacy's meal? Basic. It's kinda basic. Like it's like, I mean, fries, no. I mean, really spice it up.

It really shows you what low-brow fucking mouth-breathers these guys were. It's like no one's got something wildly fun. Let me tell you a fun one. Yeah. Christopher Brooks convicted of the 1992 rape murder and robbery of Joe Deann Campbell, sentenced to death. Last meal. You ready? Yeah. Let me see him. There he is. Oh, what a fucking sociopath looker. Reese's peanut butter cup and a Dr. Pepper. I fucking like the guy. Yeah, it's really, it's simple.

Fuck, it's simple and it delivers. I would have had more than two Reese's peanut butter cups and I haven't had a Reese's peanut butter cup forever and they're my favorite thing in the world. Really? I love them so much. It is the perfect combination of sweet in my opinion. It's a nice, the bite, right, the contrast,

the balance of the saltiness of peanut butter and then the sugary, yeah. I liked that it's a Dr. Pepper. Yeah. Where did he grow up? He had to grow up in Alabama or something. It says Alabama. For real?

Yeah. That's an Alabama thing is a Dr. Pepper. Really? I'm only basing this is off of one interaction I've had with a guy in Alabama Leanne's grandfather when I first met him that one of our grandfathers lived in Alabama And I walked in the house and he real quick grabbed me and he said hey you want to take a ride I said yeah, he was at your car. It was a rental and I was like, yeah, he's like come on

Let's go for a ride and we drove for 25 minutes looking for the dr. Pepper He wanted oh a specific one wanted a specific dr. Pepper he wanted. Oh, a specific one? He wanted a specific Dr. Pepper. And he's like, no, no, no, this isn't the right place. You see the hint of a smirk still? Yeah. You see how he's not like, a lot of these guys are like stone-faced.

He's got like a little, it's like the Mona Lisa. There's just a little bit of a creep up on the corner of his mouth. He's like, mm-mm. Yeah. Yeah. creep up on the corner of his mouth. He's like, mm, mm. Yeah. Yeah. And how about the darkness of his eyes? God.

You can't see anything in there. Well, it's crazy that women are obsessed with True Crime Podcasts, because they're usually the victims. I think that's why they're obsessed. For real? Yeah, because they know it can happen to them. So there's something titillating about it.

They're the ones that are going to be the victim in 99% of these cases. We dodged that bullet. Yeah, I mean, it could still happen to you, but we're usually not the victims of these guys. Oh shit, fucking whiskey. It's all right, there's paper towel right there, right in front of you.

Oh, it's getting on the electronics. Okay. Oh, it's getting on the electronics. Okay. From... Uh... Yeah, I like his choice of candy. This is a good one. Good.

I think we're good. It's good, it's good. Sure? Yeah, it's good. I didn't get it. I like his choice of candy. Not enough people are having candy, you know? Yeah.

Like, I'd go fucking clean out the whole 7-Eleven. Give me a Malm's bar, Almond Joy. How long would your list be for your final meal? It would be long. If I didn't know we could pick candy. But if they could be like, you can have whatever you want. Would you eat like an absolute pig? Oh yeah. Yeah, me too.

I bet I get, oh, this is good. The bottom didn't come off at all. You do know your Reese's. I love Reese's peanut butter cups, by the way, I've been doing my diet Hmm Hmm, oh man, I'm gonna shit like a wolf tonight. I haven't had this kind of food In so long. It's so fucking good. You do a lot of night shits? No.

I'm gonna straight shit in the morning and I push. You push hard? Yeah, I get like this. I get like, I shit like, they're cleaning out bars on Congress Street at two in the morning. Where they're like, all right, all right, everybody out, everybody out, fucking let's go. And then I wait for it and as I feel it hit my body, I go and we all shit it all out together. That's how you shit? Yeah. I let it sit. I let it sit. I get on a Wurdle and I sit around. And then when I feel it it where it's going like

This is just going like oh I could I could go as soon as he says that to me I go and you're out and I just push it all out like I'm giving birth. Does it splatter out? Oh, yeah, oh it splashes up and stick it I push so hard. It's always caked onto the back. I Always have shit caked on the back of the toilet seat or the back of the toilet. Like a fucking landslide. So what's the texture of most of yours? I would say medium soft.

Okay. I don't have a lot of logs. I don't have a log. Do you remember the last time you had a log? No. A lot of snakes. Do you remember the last time you had a log? No. No. A lot of snakes. Okay.

Like a lot of the thin ones that are like curly and then a lot of ones that look like, Oh man. Like if you took, if you took like manure and then dunked it into a bowl of water in your hand and then threw it in the toilet, that's what it would look like. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. I got my colonoscopy, I'm good. That's great. Yeah, I'm good. Man. Are we having more meals? I can't really eat that much more. Oh what the fuck?

I should have known that we were gonna eat a hundred goddamn meals, I would have slowed down. Oh, someone got pizza? Who is he? Bring bring him up William Gary? Saley in a violent rampage against his ex-wife and her family. He shot to death John Lee Moore Wounded Mrs. Moore's what mr. Moore's wife kidnapped his ex-wife and her sister took the Liberty County where he repeatedly assaulted both And then he got a medium pizza with pepperoni sausage chicken chicken wings, buffalo sauce, and a large Sprite. That is a very large Sprite.

Did he watch a movie with it? Yeah, I know you're a big pizza guy. I'm a huge pizza guy. I would love if it was a little warmer, but I guess. I have the appetite of a serial killer. Yeah, you're housing food. Do you run this morning? I ran this morning.

Fucking hated it. I took the day off. Oh, there he is. He looks like a fucking serial killer. Yeah, he's um. We should do a game, serial killer or teacher. Just pull up a picture of a serial killer and pull up a picture of a teacher who just got an award.

Cause they all look like- You can tell that this dude is going through shit, right? Like if you just saw this image, you'd be like, stay away from this guy. My seat is covered in food. That's okay. We'll clean it up. Mm. My seat is covered in food. That's okay. We'll clean it up. Man.

You would know, if you were a woman and you were on a dating app, you would know which way to swipe, right? If you. Yeah. I don't know how this guy, anyone would swipe right on this guy at all. He was.

So menacing. What it is, he kidnapped his wife? Yeah, it was his, I guess it was his ex. Has to be an ex. Yeah, he was going through a divorce with his ex-wife. He killed her dad and then kidnapped her and her mom, I believe. He kidnapped his ex-wife and her sister. Or his sister, yeah. I guess he kidnapped his ex-wife and her sister or his sister. Yeah, yeah, I

Guess he didn't kill them though No, it's pretty nice of them. Yeah, that's that is just kid after them. Yeah, I Mean after he killed somebody else, you know, he still killed somebody just not them And I guess I don't know once you're in it might as well kill him And I guess, I don't know, once you're in it, might as well kill him. No, I agree. Yeah. You know? You already killed somebody.

Yeah, once you've killed someone, kill everyone. There's no reason to kill one person. You already got blood in your hands. That's the whole point of that, blood in your hands. Yeah, now you're really actually thinking clearly. If I accidentally kill one person, I'm going on a fucking rampage. Thank you.

I'm like, I'm already in trouble. Yeah. It's like when my parents, when I was a kid, they were like, you're grounded and you need to come home right after school on Friday. And then I'd be like, Mom, I'm not gonna. Yeah. And they're like, no, you need to.

And I was like, I have a car, I'm gonna just stay out. And they're like, well, then you need to come home first thing Saturday morning. I was like, I think I'm gonna, I know I'm already in trouble, so I'm just gonna stay out until Sunday. I'll see you Sunday. Yeah. And I'll deal with this Sunday. Sure was like, I think I'm seeing, I know I'm already in trouble, so I'm just gonna stay out until Sunday. I'll see you Sunday. And I'll deal with this Sunday.

And it would be a shit show. You get yelled at? No, I punched a wall. You did? Yeah. How much trouble did you get in? A lot. What was like a punishment like?

It was, I don't know. Right now my dad's going, let's not talk about that kind of story. Oh, okay. I fucking, I have a flair for the dramatics. And so, I don't know, whatever, I punched a wall. You remember Timothy McVeigh? Of course I do.

Remind people what he did. Timothy McVeigh was, he, Oklahoma bombing. Yeah, Oklahoma City bombing. Oklahoma City bombing, I've been to that place. And you see with the damage that one truck full of manure did, it's overwhelming. And what's so crazy to this day, you can't really joke much about that in Oklahoma City

because so many families were affected by that. So many families were affected by it. Well, you're trying to talk about blood on your hands. I mean, he killed so many people. He did that because of Like way go and Ruby Ridge His final meal two pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream. What the fuck? Yeah, why would he have mint chocolate chip? I know that's the dumbest thing. He's only fucking four years older than me Not only see when he did the bombing

It was 95 so he would have been, what is that, 27 or so? Yep. God. Pretty young guy to have his path clear, you know? He went out like a gangster, right? Like he just was like, yeah, I'm not sorry, right? Yeah, he wasn't, he was like, it's just- I did this when my job was an American.

Yeah, I just had to do what I had to do, yeah. Post-military life. Yeah, he was, the Waco thing bothered him, Fort Ruby Ridge, and by the way, I gotta be honest with you, I kinda, you know, when you watch those things know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened.

And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened.

And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened.

And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was like, I don't know what happened. And he was guilty of was sawing off a shotgun for someone. Jesus. Yeah, it was really, they really kind of, they really kind of, there was a white supremacist group

and this guy was just trying to make friends. Here, the day before his execution, he said in a letter to the Buffalo News, I'm sorry these people had to lose their lives, but that's the nature of the beast. It's understood going in what the human toll will be He said if there turned out to be an afterlife He would improvise adapt and overcome if there is a hell then I'll be in good company with a lot of fighter pilots

Who also had to bomb innocents to win the war? I knew I wanted this before it happened I know my I knew my objective was state assisted suicide and when it happens, it's in your face You just did something you're trying to say should be illegal for medical personnel Okay, I'm gonna say the last part I don't know he's talking about either Yeah, anyway ice cream Ice cream. I like regular chocolate chip more than mint Oh, I fucking who gets mint chocolate chip other than mint chocolate chip. Oh, I fucking, who gets mint chocolate chip other than eight-year-old girls?

Do you like regular mint, or regular vanilla chocolate chip? Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, me too. Mint chocolate chip, I'm like, no, it tastes like medicine. You're brushing your teeth. Yeah.

I don't understand that vibe. Why don't they make mint chocolate chip toothpaste? They might, for kids. I bet they do. They're flavored, I see them in the house all the time. Really? Yeah, the kids all have flavored stuff. Your kids brush their teeth on their own?

Eh, for fucking 2.3 seconds, yeah. I'm like for kids. No, I had to go back and I'd be like, come on, it doesn't count, bro. It doesn't count? I'm like, you didn't clean anything. They're like, I did. I'm like, that's two seconds.

You gotta do it a little bit longer. The idea of two minutes is absolute fantasy. Oh, it's insane. I don't know who came up with that. I don't know, that's never do it a little bit longer. The idea of two minutes is absolute fantasy. Oh, it's insane. I don't know who came up with that. I don't know. That's never happening with a little kid. But I try to get us to at least 25 seconds, something that's like, hey, let's get in there.

Oh, it's been a little melty. Ooh. It's gonna be good, but I just think... Oh, wow. That's gonna be good, but I just think. Oh wow. That's a good bite. Pretty good? I haven't eaten something like a chip in a while. You've been saying that about everything.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Good? That's really good. That's really good. That's really good. So was McVeigh onto something? Guy had a lot of good ideas. Guy knew who he was. You knew how to celebrate on the way out?

Let's see. I mean, you know what it feels almost, without the chocolate, it would be a palate cleanser. Yeah. The mint would just kinda, but I don't wanna have a bunch of it. He had two fucking pints, you lunatic. Are you gonna blow up a building, crazy person?

It's wild that like, I wonder how many of these serial killers, what would have happened with their legacy and their public interest if we had had the internet back then. And I wonder how many of these serial killers you would have picked off first because of their postings. Because of what they posted.

This guy is filled with hate. Well, you could just, you couldn't, you could just track people so much easier. You know what I mean? Like DNA is obviously a huge one because they find one crime scene, take DNA, and it's like if they match it somewhere else, they're like, you know, we have the same person.

But like, you know, a car driving from point A to point B now is captured by tolls and cameras and they can put this stuff together when they're looking for somebody. You see images of people walking around. You don't realize how much your digital footprint is everywhere. That makes it almost impossible.

It's like when you watch documentaries now about Timothy McVeigh, about Ruby Ridge, about Waco, David Koresh. When you watch these documentaries, they almost justify these guys' actions. Like when you watch the one about the Unabomber, I didn't like his way of vocalizing his thoughts, but his manifesto kinda sounds spot on.

Oh, whatever, one of the lead investigators from the FBI in that case goes, he goes, when you read it, he goes, I basically agree with him. You just don't agree with fuckin' mailin' bombs to people. Yeah, and he did, do you know why he was called the Unabomber?

I forget, I think, I mean, it's in one of the things I watched. Yeah, because he did universities and airlines. Oh, that's right. I thought it was Una because he was by himself. No, yeah. He was the only bomber. You know, he quit for like 10 years

and they thought he was dead. And then he bombed again. And they were like, this motherfucker. Yeah. God damn it. But he's, like every time I go to a fucking red light and there's no one around, I think of fucking, what's his name, John Krasinski?

Ted Krasinski. Ted Krasinski. Who's, John Krasinski's the actor. The actor, yeah. He's also. Do you think they're related? I mean, yeah, they're both bad guys. See if John Krasinski is related to Ted Krasinski. I don't think that has anything to do with it. Oh, how fucking crazy would it be

if we unearthed the fact that it was his uncle? They're different names. John Krasinski? And Ted Krasinski. Oh, they're not the same name? No, they're the same name. What if he changed his name to Krasinski? That'd be...

Do you think you'd do good if you changed your name to Tom Wengece? I don't think so. There you go. Oh my God. People are doing it. Oh wait, was Ted Kaczynski in... Wait, hold on, what's that say? Kaczynski on Krasinski,

or What's Wrong with Quiet Place? What is that? Are they fucking related? No, no. What is it? I don't know, hold on. So Zombie Lake, I don't know, perhaps one place. It's an essay on the film, A Quiet Place. By the way, did I tell you when I saw Quiet Place 2? Uh huh. In Serbia, it was with Kale and Andrew. Yeah. And they were like, we should go see a movie today.

And all the movies we watched, they were like, it'll be good because there's no talking in it. So you just watch the movie. Yeah. So we don't have to worry about the translation, because they translated to Serbian. Yeah, so we're like, okay cool. Oh the movie starts and John Krasinski comes down sits at a thing and signs to someone and then the subtitles show up in Serbian Yeah, and we're like mother fucker. We didn't couldn't tell anything what happened to the whole movie

There's sign language the whole time sign language the whole time and we're like we couldn't understand anything what happened to the whole movie. And the sign language the whole time? Sign language the whole time. And we were like, we couldn't understand anything that happened, what is this? Well, James Edward Smith fatally shot insurance executive Larry Arrojas during a robbery inside a second floor cashier's office. He looks like OJ Simpson. Near the Astrodome, and he wanted a lump of soil

associated with voodoo rituals. He explained it would be used to mark his body so the spirit would move on and not become a ghost. Where was he? He was born in Kentucky? Yeah. And he will. Did he eat it?

His last meal was a lump of dirt. I think he just wanted to, let's see. They didn't actually give it to him. They didn't give it to him No, they wouldn't allow that to give him something off the actual menu They present you a menu, but we gave it to you. Yes. Thank you guys. No problem. Where did you get the soil from? Home Depot, I think It feels nice Like real soil is what my shit looks like.

Just like that? Like if you grabbed a handful of this and then dunked it into coffee and threw it in a toilet, that's what it looks like. I'm not even fucking around. Like I probably shit that much. No, more than that. I shit like two handfuls of shit. But it's like soil.

Jesus Christ, man. It's good, I think that means you have a healthy fiber intake. Really? I think so. You don't want logs of shit coming out your ass. I don't know. Well, I mean, okay.

Agreed to, what the fuck? Okay, bring it in, just drop it. Just drop it. What is it? This is from Steven Wayne Anderson He what a fucking lunatic already. He shot an 81 year old Fucking picture. Yeah, holy shit. He's having fun He yeah, he shot a woman and then he fixed himself some noodles in her kitchen and He asked for a grilled cheese, pine of cottage cheese,

how many corn mixture of peach pie, chocolate chip ice cream and side of radishes. Is that regular chocolate chip? Yes. Yeah. See this guy. What is it? What is it? Is that a grilled cheese? Yeah. Is it warm? Probably not too warm. It's probably not too warm. Thank you Kermit. It's a room temperature. Are you from France?

A room temperature. Room temperature grilled cheese, fais la machine. Oh, fais la machine, thank you so much. This is really room temperature. Yeah. I don't even think you, did you guys put mayonnaise on this?

Jesus. It would be better warm. Yeah, of course. What's the pie? What kind of pie is that? Peach pie. Pass. Regular chocolate chip ice cream though.

How much, oh Jesus. I thought you were gonna have the cottage cheese. I'm gonna throw up. I love cottage cheese. Oh fuck. You don't like cottage cheese? I hate cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is the fucking best. I love this though.

This is my favorite ice cream actually. Ah, shit. I fucking love cottage cheese. I literally can't look over at you. I bet if you put some peach in the cottage cheese. Ah. Mmm. You really don't like cottage cheese?

I really don't. How much cottage cheese could I put in my mouth to make you throw up? I mean, I'm almost there. Alright. Oh! I love cottage cheese. Really? I love cottage cheese. Oh There's food everywhere. I love cottage cheese I think I got an old woman's palette sometimes. I like cottage cheese

Are we done eating? Cause I want to put another fucking Lucy in. What's one more? What's one more? By the way, the peach pie is pretty legit. We have one single olive with a pit. Oh yeah. That's definitely for Bert.

That is from Victor Harry Fieger. He kidnapped and murdered a doctor across state lines. He asked for a single olive with a pit and he wanted it to be buried with him so a tree could grow. Oh, that's badass. Oh, look at this fucking teacher. He was a drifter.

We don't have drifters anymore. Now we have guys on Instagram that live in vans. Yeah, that's a big van living. Yeah, it's a way to be poor, but still not look like you're poor. It goes into my thing. It goes into my fucking, my thing about like, you don't wanna show the real thing,

so you create a thing to be you it would you like that olive? No, okay Or the pit. I mean you just ate so much cottage cheese. I'm gonna fucking puke finding food in my lap oh, I love cottage cheese so who do you give the The star to like who you think did the best job? I'm gonna start with the first guy,

the black guy with the Kool-Aid. Yeah? Yeah. The fucking, fried chicken's a move. I like that he got a steak. And a pecan pie? I mean, I would do his meal. I gotta be, and a pecan pie, I gotta be honest with you,

I would have added ice cream to the pecan pie. I would have brought in candy bars. I would get all the candy bars. I just take a bite of them and just throw them out. They're not gonna waste them. I would overeat so that when you electrocute me, it's coming back up. Like I would fill my mouth with cottage cheese.

I'd just go in like this. And then it just goes fucking. And no one's gonna forget my death. Yeah, because with all these, this was like electric chair stuff, you know? It was all electric chair. Yeah. How would you rather go out,

electric chair or lethal injection? Well, lethal injection is fucking boring. I mean, if you wanna go, like if you lived this life, or you're like fucking chopping bodies up and shit, then you ask for the sizzle. We wanna get, yeah. What about guillotine?

Pull up all the forms of execution. They've got, they still have hanging in a couple states, right? I don't know if they do anymore. There are five methods, lethal injection, electrocution, lethal gas, hanging, and a firing squad. But they don't, do they use? Hold on, they do firing squad in the United States?

I don't think they do that anymore. It says there's five executions in the United States. But no, there's no. I'd ask for a fucking firing squad. So that I sat on those guys' minds for the rest of their fucking life. In 2024, Idaho, Mississippi, Oklahoma, South Carolina and Utah, by the way,

the same places you can't get Pornhub on at. You can't open a Pornhub to. I'll lean up the exact same fucking places. I have firing squad as a death penalty. I mean, when was that last used? You never hear about firing squad. I would go firing squad. Yeah, no, I get it.

Fucking cigarette, hands behind my back. They're all gonna shoot you in the heart. You're not gonna feel it. You, no, I get it. Fucking cigarette, hands behind my back. They're all gonna shoot you in the heart. You're not gonna feel it. You'll be dead in a second. Say wild shit at the end of your execution. Yeah. Like just say like, that does it.

2010. Whoa, shut the fuck up. Yeah. Can you read this out loud? Ronnie Lee Gardner was executed at Utah State Prison on June 18th, 2010 for killing an attorney during a courthouse escape attempt. Gardner sat in a chair, sandbags around him,

and a target pinned over his heart. Oh, can you pull up images? Yeah. I bet that someone had to take a picture of this, right? I mean, I would think so. Whoa. And they did it in a room? Looks like it.

That's the actual fucking thing. Go to the actual fucking chair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's it, bro. How many people shot? How many people shot at him? Just one? Oh, wouldn't it be cool

if you could be a part of the family that shot him? Like if he killed your family, you could then kill him. I mean, that'd be cool. I wouldn't, I think we should get rid of the death penalty and allow you to just have them as like keepsakes. Like you keep them in a cage in your house. Yeah, that'd be cool. Like someone kills my family, then they go,

Bert, would you like him to be executed? Oh, check out his last meal. Steak, lobster tail, apple pie, vanilla ice cream. And seven up before beginning a 48 hour fast. Oh, they made him fast. Why? I think so that he didn't puke all over the fucking place.

He also watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy. By firing squad, he was placed in restraints on a black metal chair with a hood covering his head. Sandbags were arranged around him to absorb ricochets. The firing squad was made up of five anonymous volunteers who were certified police officers. The officers stood at about 25 feet. One of them has a blank so that they don't know

if they're the one that killed him. Is that true? Yeah. The firing squad's 30 caliber Winchester rifles were loaded with live ammunition except for one that contained a non-lethal wax bullet. The squad used a countdown cadence beginning with five and simultaneously firing right before two. Right before two?

Oh, they're not. Five, four, three, two. Oh, do you think they were like, don't go on one? And they're like, for real? He's like, yeah, let's give him one more little fucking treat. He was the first person to be executed by a firing squad in the United States since the execution of John Albert Taylor 14 years earlier. A commemorative coin was commissioned for prison staff

who participated in the execution. That's cool. Just giving you a heads up, if you come to one of my shows, I would love one of those coins. Yeah. I would love one of those coins. I bet you can find one of those coins.

I bet those police officers are dead now. Not all of them. They're probably still alive. But how, okay, it is a weird pitch, but if someone murdered your family, right? Yeah, yeah. And they're like, Tom, would you like them to go there to be executed?

Or would you let them go to prison the executed or would you live in prison? Or we can give them to you. We're gonna build a cage at the bottom of your house where he'll be yours for the rest of your life. You can do whatever you want to this guy. Really let him know how you feel. I'd take that one. For the rest of my life?

I get this kind of cage. I'll forget about him. He'll die. But he'll die when I've gotten over it. Because I'll be like, oh shit, I have that guy on the bottom of my basement. Fuck, I have not fed him in a while. And then I go down and I'm like, hey buddy,

how you doing? And he's like, oh please, I'm so sorry. I go, oh, I got jalapenos for you. You wanna eat those? I fucking torture that man for the rest of my life. I've had fantasies about people breaking into my house and me stopping them, thwarting them, and then going, now we're gonna have some fucking fun.

And I pull out a chest, like a steamer trunk, and I put him in it and I lock it. And then I talk to him. And I go, that does it. You made big mistakes tonight. I had another fantasy that these guys, I had this fantasy yesterday morning, yesterday morning, that these guys broke into my house

and they wanted to steal all my money and I said, hang on, let me change your life. Let me get you on the right path and get you working and let me change your life for the better. And they all accepted it. Really? Yeah, and they were like, it always starts as a dream and then I wake up and then I lay in my bed

and I fantasize and finish that dream. The thing if you had somebody like that captive in your home or like in a dungeon is, you make them suffer an almost inconceivable amount. Yeah, oh yeah. And then you get them to a point where you make them suffer an almost inconceivable amount. And then you get them to a point where you tell them the suffering is over. And then you build them back up and you do it slowly and you do it methodically.

So they're like, I survived the worst experience ever and now I'm on the other side of it. And you're like, yeah, you did. And then you make them suffer all over again with all the same tactics. So the trauma that they experienced is reignited by the starvation and the lack of air and whatever you did, like keep them in a dark room,

no stimulation, no, and you do that again, and it's so much more traumatic because they remember how terrible it was. And you can do cycles of that, you know, to really break them down. If someone, I'd even go this far. If someone was to hurt someone in my family, I would take all the money I have to get them out of it,

and then I wanna capture them with my team. And then I wanna bring them to a place that, it'll be like a vacation spot for me. Where I have this cage, and this big house that I've built, and a concrete bunker, and then I'll just torture them for the rest of their lives. Yeah, that'd be fun. That would be fucking,

how much fun do you think you'd have loving to torture someone? Oh, I think there would be, I mean, especially, because I'm sure it was fun to torture anyone, Oh, I think there would be, I mean, especially, because I'm sure it was fun to torture anyone, but to justify a torture, like that's gotta be the biggest thrill of all. Yeah.

Somebody that. What was the movie, there's two movies that are kinda like this. One was, Oh Boy, that's the greatest fucking movie ever. That's the fucking, cause then he chooses to go back. Shout out to Korea. Yeah, and then what was the other one? They're fantastic Hugh Jackman was a Hugh Jackman

Where he where he he gets caught and goes to prison prisoners. Is it is that what it is? Can you pull up the cover? Yeah Do you ever see that movie Tom? No, it's he goes to someone kills his wife and daughters. And then he, yeah. No, no, no, that's not it. No, that's not it. I know this movie.

That's not it. Maybe it's not Hugh Jackman. What's the guy that looks just like Hugh Jackman? Gerard Depardieu? No, not Gerard Depardieu. What's the other guy? Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler.

Law abiding citizen. Law abiding citizen, that's the fucking movie. Law abiding citizen. Yeah, and he gets put into jail so that he can start killing people, and then he takes the guy, takes him to his workshop, and cuts his eyelids off, and he puts a mirror in front of him and he goes, you're gonna watch all of this.

Yeah. Oh, fuck, that. That's cool. Okay, so I like those he goes, you're gonna watch all of this. Yeah. Oh, fuck. That's cool. Okay, so I like those movies more. Like revenge movies. Revenge is. I like movies more. Revenge is the best theme. It's the best theme that exists.

What if we. Have you guys ever seen, what is it, I Saw the Devil? Yeah. No, what is it? Tell me what it is. Oh my God. I could, if you like this. Oh, it's fantastic. Tell me what it is. I don't wanna tell you.

No, you gotta just see it. What is it on? It's a, you can see it, it what it is. It's fantastic. I don't want to tell you. No, you gotta just see it. What is it on? You can see it, it's Korean. If not, you can just get it on iTunes. Do you think that's fun being a prisoner in jail where you get to exact revenge on people who have done horrible things?

Yeah, of course. Like when a comes in. Do you think they're like, dude, this feels fucking awesome. Yeah, they're stoked for it. Let's terrorize this guy for the rest of his fucking life. Well, they end his life usually. Yeah. Yeah, cause it's justified. Have you seen revengeize this guy for the rest of his fucking life. Well, they end his life usually. Yeah.

Yeah, cause it's justified. Have you seen Revenge? Like the actual movie Revenge? No, what is it? Just pull up the cover so I can see it. Maybe I've seen it. I would like to, if I could open up a mom and pop shop, it would be based on Revenge.

What's this? This is really good. What's this? It's a movie that the title tells you all you need to know. You don't need to see it. I would just watch the movie. Is it on Netflix? I wanna watch it on the. I don't remember if it's on Netflix

or if it's on another platform, but looks like it says maybe Prime. I bet it is Prime. Oh, my phone's fucked, I got a new phone. And then I saw the devil. Will you pull up that? cover for him I Saw the devil in revenge Pete will you write these down? Oh, is this Korean movie? Yes, do I have to read it? Yeah

I mean you could do dub if you want dub is terrible. I did dub. What's the movie? Any what's the movie? 1899 series the series on Netflix So the series on Netflix type in movie 1899? The series on Netflix. So the series on Netflix, type in 1899 Netflix. Okay, so this is, this movie, this movie is a Dutch movie, right? So like, I didn't know that. And so I have the setting on Netflix

where it just has them speak English. Everyone sounds like they're a little hard of hearing. Everyone's like, oh, so it's good to meet you. Oh, guess we'll go to the other boat. Do you want to jump off? And I was like, that's crazy. One of the characters doesn't speak English. And that's a whole plot twist in this thing

is that she's Korean or she's Chinese her mother don't speak English So they don't really know what's going on But they're talking about other people to other people and they're speaking in Chinese people who don't know what's respond But in my movie she's talking English to everybody So the whole fucking plot lines lost to me because this girl talks English throughout the entire fucking movie You got to do subtitles. I got to do subtitles. They did they did they did Did you see the one they did finding the movie they did we got rap I know I know I know I know and then go what's the movie? They also did the 1899 movie. It's so fucking good

It's called dark. Is it called dark dark? Is it dark? Dark type in dark dark dude this fucking movie. Oh, yeah, this is series me up that series Yeah, fucked me up. That's a German series. Time travel, fuckin' children are involved, so like my heart is like, as a dad you go fuck, fuck, fuck. Highly recommend, and I'll say it again, if you haven't watched Ripley yet, go watch the series.

It's so fucking good. And I'm saying to everyone over at Mythical Kitchen, Josh, you gotta get Tom on. I'd love to see you do your last meal. Okay. It's so fucking good. It's such a fun show. That'd be fun.

And you eat like a fucking lunatic. Okay, cool. I gotta shit so bad. Okay, all right, go shit. I love you. I love you, bye. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top, the other wears the shirt.

Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call, Two Bears, One Cave.