2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Does Bert Have A Personality Disorder? | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: February 10, 2025

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/BEARS and get 10% off your first month. Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today! Start the New Year off right with an upgraded wardrobe. Save on @‌trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/BEARS! #trueclassicpod Get The Beard & Balls Bundle for 20% OFF + Free International Shipping with code BEARS at https://Manscaped.com! #ManscapedPartner Get started at https://factormeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer!!! The bears are back together and Bert managed to keep all his toes. This week Tom and Bert talk medical updates, mortality, Bert's trip to Paris, and toxic rich person traits. Speaking of traits, Bert tumbles down a rabbit hole of self-diagnosis with Tom and has a realization that he may or may not have some sort of personality disorder. He suspects it's something called HPV or maybe it was HBP, I forget which one it was. Anyway, Bert has a therapy sesh with Tom, and then they talk about LeeAnn's country bumpkin attitude in France, social anxiety, Bert's plan to throw pennies around the city, the Hawk Tua girl's financial mistake, and much more! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 275 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapter Markers 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:21 - Medical Updates & Mortality Conflicts 00:08:14 - Bert In Paris/Dictator Colognes 00:18:40 - Rich Kids 00:24:21 - Personality Traits 00:31:57 - Center Of Attention 00:39:15 - Living With Charo & The Virtue Of Silence 00:44:54 - Social Anxiety 00:52:10 - An American Bumpkin In Paris 01:00:06 - No More Screen Time 01:04:36 - Bert's Penny Plan 01:08:36 - A Hawk Tua Rant Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Battle Creek, Michigan tickets are on sale now for my show at Firekeepers Casino on Friday, May 9th next month I'm coming across the pond to Dublin Belfast Manchester, London Glasgow Nottingham and Cardiff tickets and info right Tom screw.com slash tour You want to start at Bert yes, okay Hey guys fuck I fucked it up already. That's okay. I forget. Well, I think I said that your big toe got amputated. So is it, is it? Or do you have it still? I don't remember. I still have it. I still have it.

That's great. That's a great way to start. Burt has his big toe again. I still have my big toe. Dude, I crushed that fucking thing. Did you see the picture of it? Of what thing? My toe.

No, I don't even know what you're talking about. My big toe. I crushed it. Oh, I did not know that. Oh, yeah. I was referring to diabetes. No, no, no. What yeah. I was referring to diabetes. No, no, no. What happened? What happened?

I dropped a fucking whiskey bottle on it and it, and it broke my big toe and the toe next to it. And they were black. It's all, they're good now. It happened a couple of weeks ago. You can find a picture online, I'm sure. But, um, there's a, by the way, I have a, you way, I have a, I had a nerve conduction test. Nerve conduction? Yeah, so like, I still have nerve issues in this arm. Really?

Yeah, and certain things prompt, that's why these bruises are here, by the way. So certain things prompt it, so they do a nerve conduction test to see what's going on. And I go in, this guy's like, so why are we doing this? And I was like, to get an update on how my arm's doing. And he goes, what happened to your arm? And I'm like, I broke it.

And he's like, how'd you break it? So I tell him the whole story. And then he's like, how'd you break it? So I tell him the whole story and then he's like, so this is like, did your arm not work or something? And I'm like, no it works, but I have nerve issues. Don't you do nerve tests here? Isn't this what this is? He's like, yeah, I just, I don't know anything about you. I don't know what's going on.

And I go, okay. So here's what happened and I had a nerve transfer done. Which nerve did they transfer? And I'm like, I don't know the fucking name of it, man. Like it was here and now it's here. And then he's like, okay. And he goes, do you know what kind of damage you have? I go, yeah, I have some like radial nerve damage. You know, you have different nerves that go down your arm, ulnar nerve. You sure it's radial? I go, yeah, that's what they've always

said. And he's like, all right. He goes, don't be freaked out by this. Okay. I go, okay. And then he pulls out a book and he starts reading about it. He's like, and I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, I don't really do radial nerve stuff. Usually I'm like, cool. So then I'm like like then he hooks me up is zapping my arm It's the worst like electrical shocks going through your arm Sticks needles in there and like sends volts through my arm and I'm like, ah And I'm like, so am I learning anything from this fucking test man He's like you said it was your radial nerve. I got yeah

He goes, let me try one more thing and he sticks one more my arm. I'm like, you said it was your radial nerve? I go, yeah. He goes, let me try one more thing. And he sticks one more in my arm. I'm like, ah, fuck. And he's like, okay. He's like, all right. And then he sends a report, patient has radial nerve damage, everything else is fine. I'm like, what the fuck did I learn from this, dude?

That was the worst fucking 40 minutes of my life, and he's just like yeah You're right. It does suck. That's it. That's what I learned. That's cool. Yeah, it was real cool. It was really cool. I I Would make me fucking crazy. He was reading about it I don't have your ability to go to the doctor the way you do Like you like going to the doctor into the dentist and stuff like that. I went today, yeah. To what? Well, here in LA I went and got an EKG.

For real? Yeah. Just to see how it's going, guess what? They're like, it's perfect. He says it's perfect. Really, have you gotten the CAT scan where they check to see how much blockage you have? Yeah, I've had that, I've had calcium cardiac rating and...

CT scan? I've done it before. I went to the dentist. I had a lump in my mouth. It was pretty scary. Like a legit lump. Like, oh yeah. Ah yeah. You start questioning all the fucking decisions you've made. And what happened, nothing? The day I go, it disappeared. The day I'm going. It just goes away and I was like, okay,

so do I not bring it up? Because I know it's been there for a while. Do I not bring it up? Or do I bring it up and just go, you know, and it's gone. So I go in, because I had a tooth fall out. Wait, recently? I had a... What do you mean fall out?

Like you were just talking and then a tooth bounced off your tongue? No, I was eating something and it came out. It was a crown. Well, I know it wasn't an apple. What were you eating? I think sushi. It was nothing. Sushi?

And so, so I had to get the crown put back in and you know I don't trust white dentists, I only go to like Peruvian dentists. I did not know this. Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, because white ones always try to upsell you because they get a boat. Peruvian one is just happy that he can do dentistry. Yeah, sure. And so, so he-

I went to a bunch of Armos when I lived here. Oh, for real? Yeah. I went to a bunch of Armos when I lived here. Oh, for real? Yeah. I went to Armenian, Dennis, too. The, I told him about the lump, and he was like, he was like, all right, let's do an x-ray, see if it's cancer. And I was like, fuck.

And then they do the x-ray. I mean, he didn't say, let's do the x-ray and see if it's cancer, but he's like, let's do the x-ray, we'll look around. He's like, comes back and he was like, yeah, when was the last time you had your teeth cleaned? And I was like, oh, it's been a while, and Leanne was there, and you know,

I don't tell the truth, truth. I go, it's been a little bit, and Leanne goes, it's been 20 years. And he goes, let's get your teeth cleaned. And he's like, we can do it right now. And I was like, no, I got a really busy day. We can do it later. And Leanne's like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

So I'm doing it in like late February. You put it off? I put it off. Why? It just fucking gives me anxiety. Do you know what happens if you have mouth cancer? Oh buddy. Have you seen Roger Ebert when he had it?

Pull up the image up, pull up the, how did he get mouth cancer? I forget what caused it, but when he, oh, come on man. Hold on, hit the images. I saw it. I saw it. That's fucking. Yeah. And they take, they take basically your bottom jaw. they took his jaw off. Yeah Well, I don't have mouth cancer. Thank God he did the x-rays like you're fine. He's like we just need to clean your teeth Oh, oh motherfucker. That was scary. That's scary. My my my my wife's cousin had tongue cancer and they had to take out his tongue and

I think they replaced it with like a finger or something. Not a finger. Not a finger. We're good on this, thank you. Yeah, yeah, I don't need to see that ever again. So you can take it down. You can get penis cancer. Dude, come on, come on.

I can't get, I hope I get murdered. I just hope I get murdered. Doesn't have to be that extreme. I'd rather get murdered than I just hope I get murdered. It doesn't have to be that extreme. I'd rather get murdered than have to go through that. How would you choose to be murdered? You want it to be quick or like you want it to be a real struggle? I would like it to be a struggle. So you're looking at probably strangulation or stabbing, right? That's what would be... I would like to feel like I had a chance. Then strangled probably. Strangled yeah yeah not by like I but I wanted to

be like a fucking savage like I wanted to be a bad dude I didn't tell you we went to Paris. Yeah how was it? It's crazy because you know what made me think about that I went for a jog one morning I love jogging at like 6 a.m. in a foreign city. It's like my favorite thing in the world to do. It's my favorite thing. So at 6 a.m. it's still dark. It doesn't get dark until like nine. Light until nine.

So it's dark as shit. And I'm jogging in Paris and I realize I was scared. And then I realize I have nothing to be scared of because they don't have guns. Oh, there's still reasons to be scared in Paris. For real? Yeah. It seemed like, it seemed like there were no homeless people and no racism, which I thought

was on. No, yeah, I think you were probably in a pretty good neighborhood. But for real? Yeah. Paris is a big city. There's a lot of, there's a lot of dicey areas in Paris. Do you think there's racism in Paris? Yeah. For real? Definitely. Because you see, it seems like everyone just gets along. No, they don't. For real? Yeah, they have a real, I mean, there's been the last decade this influx of Muslims

that have moved there. And there's a lot of outspoken. Selling the little Eiffel Towers. Islamophobes. And well, just they have their issues, man, for sure. The only thing I notice is that their black guys don't wear cool shoes. Well, here's what this says. Racism has been called a serious social issue in French society despite widespread public belief

that racism does not exist on a serious scale in France. Anti-Semitism and prejudice against Muslims have a long history. I asked my bartender, I was like, is there racism here? And he's like, no, not really. We don't, we love everyone. This isn't like America. You're obsessed with racism. And I was like, dude, I'm so obsessed with racism. I'm picking out people you should hate. Yeah. I'm walking down the street going, you can't smell that fucking guy. Well, yeah, you sound like a local. Don't let that guy fool you that's yeah, he's full of shit. This show is sponsored by better help What are some of your relationship green flags?

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the France de Lysée, Champs de Lysée, Champs. Man, your French is absolutely impeccable. Keep going. And so we go to get the lotion and I'm like, and the guy goes, do you like cologne? And I was like, no, I don't really wear cologne. And he goes, oh, but let me try some to how you have to smell. And I was like, okay, give me something good.

And then, you know what he says? It's like this guy knew me. He goes, do you know Napoleon Bonaparte? I said, yeah. And he goes, would you like his cologne? I go, I can buy Napoleon Bonaparte's cologne. And he goes, yes, this was his favorite cologne. This go, I can buy Napoleon Bonaparte's cologne. And he goes, yes, this was his favorite cologne. This is what he wore.

So I bought Napoleon's cologne. How is it? It's fucking awesome. It is? It's citrusy. Dude, then I went, I get drunk that night, I'm on the balcony and I'm in Lien's asleep and I started buying Dictator's colognes.

I got this Churchill's cologne, I got, who's the writer, Ernest Hemingway's cologne, I got Stalin's, dude, you can get every one, every dictator had a scent. Well, Hemingway and Churchill were not dictator. Just famous people, I was like famous people. Yeah, sure. Like I thought that was fucking,

it's such a cool present to buy someone. That is a cool one. So who has the best smell of those four? I bought them, they're all getting delivered. Oh, they're all getting delivered. Yeah, I'm gonna get, I'm so excited. Okay, here's some people out there. So George Washington.

Oh, George Washington. Can I tell you something crazy? George Washington existed before they knew what dinosaurs were. Didn't know that. He thought they were dragons. Caswell Massey number six, Napoleon were- I bought George Washington's.

Jean Marie Falinaud de Colombe for Napoleon. That's what I bought. Winston Ward Creed Tabarum, a bespoke blend with tobacco notes, fitting. Ernest Hemingway just dumped a bottle of liquor down his face and it's American 31, whatever, 131 by Kriggler. Oh, John F. Kennedy. Did you buy his? No, I didn't buy his. I bought Elvis'. Elvis' was like a cheap cologne. It was like six bucks, I think. Everybody should get Leo's. He does pretty well. Oh, the Aadian by Anik Gutal.

Hmm. I got kind of fascinated by it. That's kind of a cool thing. You know what I was going to do? What did Escobar wear? Dude, that's the gangsters. You got to find out what the gangsters wore. Yeah.

I could not find out what clone Hitler wore. Yeah. Not that I was looking to buy it. That's, I don't know, that's a weird, oh, that's called Pablo Escoba. That's a different thing. I wonder, yeah, how about clones that gangsters wore? Oh, like.

Let's see if there's a list of those. No. It has a slip dog. He wears cool water, doesn't he? Well, in 93 he did, but I don't know about now. He smells good. I got some Tom Ford cologne. So I had to go to a Sebastian show. So I was like, I'm some Tom Ford cologne. So I had to go to a Sebastian show.

So I was like, I'm gonna go buy cologne. Put on some Sebastian. And I went to Sebastian. Was it a requirement to walk in? Well, I was like, I don't wanna be the only one without cologne. Sure. That arena fucking smelled good.

Yeah. It's a blend of just all the scents. Where was it? Where was the show? The Forum, it was a while ago. And I went up to this bastion and I was like, hey, he was like, what? And I was like, smell me. He was like, huh? I go, I'm buck alone for you.

He was like, huh? I go, I work alone for you because this is your show. He was like, what are you talking about, Bert? He was like, you buck alone for my show? For me? I'm not going to smell you, Bert. That's a fucking guy. Like, you buck along for my show? For me? I'm not gonna smell you, Bart. This fucking guy. Put some shoes on, you got flip-flopped at my show?

No, that's pretty cool. So you just took a leisurely trip to Paris? Yeah. Must be nice, must be nice. Oh. Very relatable. Do you worry about your kids? What if they're like rich kids?

Very relatable. Do you worry about your kids? What if they're like rich kids? I mean, they're such just little dudes who don't care. I mean, they're of an age where they just don't care about anything but like having fun and breaking things. They're just like boys, you know? Like they're just, they're into wreaking havoc. Did I tell you about, did I show you the text message?

No. That I got? This is funny. So there's doing some work at the house. So there's been like construction crews there. Yeah. And the contractor texted me. He goes, everything's okay. It's okay, this is okay, but I just got to share this.

Allegedly, your superhuman children totaled the porta potty. They ransacked our outside wood storage, pulverized a 50 pound two inch stone that we needed to reinstall. There's also three evidence of a fire, three bloody knives, and the toilet seat is gone. So that's my little cool guys. That's what they... I was like, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. He's like, oh no, we're laughing. It's very funny, but everything's destroyed. They destroyed everything. And then I confronted the boys, first Ellis. I was like, hey man, did you destroy the portapotti and ransack the wood and break this thing? And he goes, it was Julian. I go, really? Your six-year-old little brother just decided to do that on his own. He goes, I saw it happening, but it was mostly him.

And I go, oh, mostly. He was like, and he goes, I'm sorry. I may have said for him to do some of those things. I was like, oh, so this was your idea? He goes, no, it was both of ours, but he did most of it. I'm like, cool, man. I go, you know what, I have to pay for this, right? I get the bill.

He goes, oh, you do? How much? I was like, thousands of dollars. He's like, no, he goes, we will pay you back. I go, no, you fucking won't. You're not paying me back with what I've given you. No, so, no, but yeah, that's them. That's so they're just like little dudes is my point. They're, they're not like,

you know, that's not great, but they're just like little, you know, they just like to be little boys. They're not into like labels or like things that are nice. They're just into like labels or like things that are nice. They're just into like, can something go, can they go fast? You know how they're like riding bikes down a hill and they're, he took a tricycle down the hill that he's too big for and the wheels came flying off

and he was like, so, so fucking fast. The shit exploded. Like that's what he's into. It's just being a crazy little kid. Maybe I'll stay at Charo's house. Please. It is such an ordeal. I mean, my whole life,

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for 20% off plus free shipping. Don't fumble this opportunity, your face and your balls will thank you. Maybe I'll stay at Charo's house. I was thinking. That would be great. I was thinking about moving to Austin for a month. They have an extra room.

I was looking at, I was like, either, do they really? Yeah. Oh, you'd have a great time. I would love for you to do that. Yeah. I think you would enjoy that. I'll move in with Charo, I'm gonna do a reality series. If I can sign him up, let's do it.

I love it. Yeah, I's do it. I love it. Yeah, I was thinking about, I gotta do. I wonder how long it would take before you actually were like, I think I'm suicidal. I think I wanna actually end my own life. Really? You don't think it would be the other way around? That she would?

Yeah. No. You don't think I'd drive her nuts? I don't know, man. I think it'd. I'm an know, man. I think it- I'm an interesting roommate. I bet you are. What would your dad say?

Oh, my dad, my... Fuck him. Why? My dad doesn't, no one gets me. Like no one understands me. I don't even understand myself. Well that means- I had like a moment where I said to Leanne, I was like, am I a narcissist?

I said this in Paris, and she was like, no, you're not a narcissist. I go, would a narcissist know it though? Does a narcissist go like, no, I'm not a fucking narcissist. Or they go, yeah, I'm a narcissist, it's wild. That's an actually interesting question. I feel like most of the time the person would reject the notion. They would be like, I would think so.

They wouldn't question it. No, I don't think, I think if you said it to somebody who's like defined that way, they would not see themselves as that. Yeah. See a narcissist may be aware that others perceive them that way they would not see themselves as that. Yeah, see, a narcissist may be aware that others perceive them that way, they do not often see their behavior as problematic, and therefore may not consider themselves to be a narcissist. Essentially, they may know their reputation, but not necessarily view their traits as negative, justifying them as their signs of greatness instead. I wonder what I have. You mean like a behavioral thing? Yeah. Like your psychological profile?

Like I said, Leanne got mad at me today. We walked out of couples therapy and I said that was a tie. And she went, we can't look at therapy that way. And I was like, I have to. Honestly, if I had shut my, I knew I could have won. Why do you have to see it that way? I don't know, it makes it fun for me.

Did you enjoy it? Yeah, today I did. But she said, I have such a fucking dysfunctional brain. Our therapist said, just give me a heads up if you ever say that you're gonna harm yourself, you're gonna do drugs, you know, just give me a heads up if you ever say that you're gonna harm yourself you're gonna do drugs you know and kill yourself or do you know, I've got to report you and And then I was like, all right, how do I slide?

Some of this in mm-hmm. Just just how close can I get to the fucking to the fire? Yeah But it was a good one therapy today was a good one Do I have a histrionic personalities or HPD? Do you think maybe you have this? What's that? Well here's the symptoms. Attention seeking, being uncomfortable. Okay hold on, go slow, go slow.

Being uncomfortable when not the center of attention and acting out to get it. Everyone shut the fuck up, okay? Okay, I might have that, keep going. Dramatic behavior, being overly emotional, dramatic or expressive. Okay, alright, keep going, I got that. Having emotions that change quickly and seem shallow to others. Like, give me an example.

Well, that you could change your emotion from a dramatic, let's say sadness to excitement to happiness. Yeah, I got that, I got that, I got that. Being overly concerned with physical appearance and using it to draw attention. Oh, you mean like taking pictures of my dick and posting them on Instagram? Yeah. Okay. Believing relationships are closer than they are and having difficulty maintaining them.

Uh, no, I have a hard time. I have a hard time. I have a hard time maintaining relationships. Do you believe sometimes? Yeah, I think you believe that relationships are closer than they are sometimes. Not like with you and me, I mean with other people. Yeah, I think so. And then I have a hard time replying to people and I don't text people back or I don't reach out to people. Being overly sensitive to criticism or disapproval. Come on, you know I got that. Okay. Being easily led by others, especially people they admire. Yeah, god damn it, I got that too.

I mean, you're kind of checking all the boxes here. Acting inappropriately sexual or provocative to gain attention or approval. Uh-oh. No No speaking dramatically with strong opinions, but few facts or details to support them I can answer that one for you Quickly tiring of routines jobs friends and romantic partners Quickly what tiring of routines jobs friends and romantic partners? No, I've been with the same chick for fucking 20 years and she's just gotten older, so. Having a low tolerance for frustration

or delayed gratification? Yes, I got that. I'm drinking right now because I'm frustrated. HPD is often coexistent with other mental conditions like anxiety. I got that. The cause is not entirely known but can involve abuse, trauma, or neglect.

So I got HPV? Well, you might, and that's something that a doctor could check, but you might have HPD. Histrionic Personality Disorder. Yeah. Histrionic. Can we read more about it? Yeah. Give me some famous people with histrionics.

Give me some famous people with histrionics. Like, who else am I like? Yeah, give me some famous people with histrionics. Give me some famous people with histrionics. Like who else am I like? Okay. Let's see. Who was a famous person with it? Megan Fox, Jessica Simpson, Kim Kardashian. But that's also, that's not, that's just like,

that's somebody saying that these people have it. You know what I mean? So Kim K and I are the same. You guys are the same. I wonder if we could be friends, or if we just like fucking drive each other nuts. Yeah, I don't know. This is like, but this is like diagnosing people

from afar, you know, saying that. But they say Miley Cyrus has a very obvious case of it. Mm, I don't know. So, is it just people like... See, here's the thing I have a hard time with, okay? Oh, that's a good group to be involved in. Anna Nicole Smith. Jerry Sandusky. Amber Heard.

Amber Heard, Megan Fox? Yeah. And Burt Kreischer. Keep going. Can you get Burt added to this list, somebody? Please have him pull up right under Sandusky. They have assumed, some have assumed that Megan Fox has HBD based on her symptoms. Kim K, it's a fucking, it's all hot chicks.

I'm a hot chick. You're kind of a hot chick, yeah. I'm a hot mess. That's really interesting. It's kind of good to know what you have. It is good. Also, is there any treatment for it? It's probably therapy.

No, I want treatment. I like me. That sounds like a very histrionic thing to say. Yeah. Look, I was saying to Leanne, I was like, I don't, cause I can't understand like, I never really understood like, like I asked Ari a question on the podcast we did with him and I was like, what do you hope to gain out of this special?

There's special Jews coming out on Netflix too. Yeah, but he has America's Sweetheart out right now, which is really fun. America's Sweetheart is really great and it's beautiful. But I'm curious because Ari has always said he doesn't want fame, he doesn't want money. So it's like, I've always been honest with what I wanted. Like I want people to watch my special, Lucky Coming Out March 18th. I want people to watch it.

I want people to watch it, because I want to continue doing standup. And I want to, I would hope to make money while I do standup, and I want to travel the world doing standup, and I like being on stage. I do like being the center of attention. But I don't understand the person like yourself. You don't like being the center of attention, but you have a draw to get on stage. I don't like being the center of attention off stage. I do like being the center of attention

on stage. But okay, so how can you, I would think this would go hand in hand that if you want to be the center of attention, then why, like I, like, I can't wrap my head around that, because I think my whole thing is based around, like, being on stage and being on stage, like always being on stage, always being having the shot. But that's the difference, I just, I have a separation for it.

For me, I don't want all the attention when I'm walking around or talking to people or in a me, I don't want all the attention when I'm walking around or talking to people or in a restaurant. I don't wanna be the center of attention. I like being the center of attention when I walk out and I just step and grab that mic. I want to be the center of attention then, like when I'm talking to people.

It's so interesting to me because I can't imagine, I can't see the juxtaposition, you know? Yeah, I think for me it's just when performing. I do want you to focus on me performing, but I don't want it off stage. I don't know, it's just, like I understand what athletes- It feels like too much for me off stage.

Oh, I just see it never turns off. I just go, it's never off. Like it was kind of interesting, and this is gonna sound, whatever it's gonna sound like, is the truth. Is I didn't get, I got recognized like maybe four times in France. And it was kind of cool,

it hadn't happened in a while, to know that no one's watching you. Like it was kind of cool to go somewhere and then you could just, and like no one gave a fuck about you, and no one's watching you. Like it was kind of cool to go somewhere and then you could just, and like no one, no one gave a fuck about you and no one was staring at you. And you didn't have to. But it kind of bothers you too.

No, it didn't bother me. No, it was funny. It was, I don't know, I get recognized a lot. Like I think probably more than other people. I don't know why, I think it's because I'm loud and I care, I'm a big guy and I talk loud and I feel. Your energy is also like. Look at me, a little bit.

A little bit. And I saw guys, like in the States, I can see, if I see a guy, I go, that guy's going to recognize me. Like I can see that there's a body type, clothing type, where you go, this guy's going to recognize me. And I would see the type of guy that should recognize me not recognize me and it was kind of like caught me off guard. The first day I'd be like oh fucking big guy in shorts

and cold weather with a fucking hoodie on, beard. He's about to say something. He's about to say oh the machine. And never quit drinking and he just walked right by me and I was like, wait, did you wanna, I'd walk by him a second time and be like, sure. Sure.

Sure. Sure. Sure. You really do, I don't know if I've ever met anybody who likes it as much as you. You really like it. And you know what I think? There is a subset of people that find that shameful.

They're like, that's kind of gross. Right. But I can't wrap my head around the fact that it's not gross. But I can't wrap my head around the fact that it's not gross. I can't wrap my head around the fact that people would see that as gross. I go, yeah, but I got on stage. Like you saw me that I got on stage. You saw that I wanted you to pay attention to me there. I think it's the same part of my personality disorder, the HPV, that I got where I go, yeah, no, it's like,

when people are like, Ari... Sounds like you're coming to terms with it. You know, Ari said, you always make it about yourself. And Tom, I couldn't understand what that... I don't know what that sentence means. Like... Really? I really don't. And I don't know how I do it. And I said it to Leanne in Paris we were having, and I said, do I make things about myself? And she goes, yeah. And I said, but doesn't everyone? And she goes, no. And I was like, but wait, when do I do it? She goes, you're doing it right now.

She was like, we're at dinner and you're saying, do you make things about, you're making this about yourself? I was like, wait, but I'm so confused. I actually was going to, because Joe said it to me before. Joe said it to me before on a podcast, Ari said it to me the other day. So I was gonna, because Joe said it to me before. Joe said it to me before on a podcast, Ari said it to me the other day, so I was like, in my head I was like, I wonder if they've talked about it behind my back. And I was like, I might ask my friends to tell me when I'm doing it,

because if it bothers people I want to stop. Oh, it bothers people, but it's, but you really don't know what that means? You don't understand what they're saying? I don't know what that means? Like you don't understand what they're saying? I don't know what that means. Like I don't understand. I don't understand. Well, it means that like somebody is saying, you know, making an observation, telling a

story and then that your, like what you do instinctively is go, here's what happened to me one time. So in their mind, they're telling the thing that happened to them and you're pivoting it to something about you. So it's about- I did that today. I just did that to you.

Sure, when? Right now? You said, it's so funny. It's such a natural part of my personality. It is, it's part of your personality. You told me about your radial nerve damage and I immediately told you about me going to the dentist. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but I mean, I don't know. I consider that talking. I know you do. Do people not do that? Sometimes. And you're not alone in that. No, a lot of people do that. I mean, I've done that too.

So what are you supposed to do? You're supposed to just go like, that's cool. I think they would, some people would say, well focus on that person telling that story. Ask them questions about the story, like make it about them, and then there could be like a natural time to make it about. Okay, do it again, tell me a story

and I'm gonna make it not about me. Okay. Tell me a story. I did it when you said your kids, I don't even know I'm doing it. Yeah, I believe you. I believe you. I think, I mean, your natural instinct is to like hear something and go, what's my version of that? Or I have something to say about that, right? Here, what does it say? How to stop talking about yourself.

Okay. That's not good for stand up though. Well, if you're using the words I, me, and my in your conversation, you may not be having a conversation. You may only be talking about yourself. Actively concentrate on this when you're speaking to others. After all, the only way to stop a behavior is to recognize it. An exception would be statements such as, I agree or I hear what you're saying. A great way to remember this is to keep a rubber band around your wrist.

Every time you catch yourself using those words snap the rubber band Start practicing these steps when conversing with others ask them if you to tell you if you've missed a step most friends will be supportive Okay, tell me a story. Tell me a story Okay Okay, I'm gonna start and I'll just ask you a question. Okay, so I Saw the fuck I saw god damn it. You can say yeah, okay I saw the clip of Charo on my god this morning. Oh my god How's it been having her in Austin? I'm so curious. It's she is

It's yeah, man She's one of a kind She's hilarious. She's a handful She is that day She came on the podcast that came out. She came on she ate an edible She drank I don't know a couple glasses of wine My mom only drinks decaf coffee, and she drank five cups of coffee,

regular coffee on that podcast. Five, five full mugs of coffee. Five in like 90 minutes. It was, she was just all over the fucking map in just the most unpredictable, volatile, hilarious and mind-bending way. I mean, she was, yeah, she was like shot out of a cannon. And no, she's a lot of fun, but yeah, you know,

she's a lot, dude, my mom's a lot. People don't even know. Okay, so that was really good, that was good. Okay, we're done with your story. So let me explain to you what happens when I'm listening. Because now, when you say, I fucking do not listen to people. Yeah.

I am not, okay. I think I figured out how to do this. So is the thing that in your mind, when you're listening, you're like, I want this to be done so I can talk. No, no, no. I hear things you say and I think, and I immediately internalize it about how have I experienced something like that. So you said my mom ate edibles and had three glasses of red wine. And as I'm listening, I'm telling you, everything as you said it, what I thought.

I said, God man, I think it would be fun living with Charo. And then you said, my mom only drinks decaf coffee. And I said, I hate decaf coffee, but I can't drink a lot of coffee. And you said she had five cups of regular coffee. And then I wanted to tell you about the time that I had five espresso shots and threw up all night. And then you said,

you said the last thing you said about her and I was like, and I wanted to tell you about her eating edibles, then I wanted to tell you about the story of when my dad ate edibles recently and go like, what's going on with our parents that they're eating edibles now at the age? Is it about depression or whatever? So when I hear a story, when someone talks to me, I internalize it of like a throwback almost. Yeah. I think some of that feels like you don't want to listen though. Like if you were to just listen, like sit back and listen, that would make you anxious almost. Like it makes you anxious to just listen to the person because you're like I have to relate it to something that I know. Do you think it's part of my social anxiety? Because I don't, I can't,

I'm not comfortable being in a car with a stranger because I'm not comfortable with silence. Silence makes me very uncomfortable. Holy shit. So like, and when we were in Paris, my Peter, Peter set me up with a trainer so we're doing the bench press competition. Set me up with a trainer at the Louvre. At the art museum? No, yeah, it's the Louvre, like not Planet Fitness,

but the Louvre, what do they call it? Cross trainer, CrossFit, the Louvre, like not Planet Fitness, but the Louvre, what do they call it? Cross trainer, CrossFit, the Louvre. Okay. I mean, I had horrible anxiety about the idea that I had to be with someone I didn't know for about an hour. Really? Oh, it was, dude, it kept me up.

It kept me up at night and it made me sick in the morning and I was like, fuck, and then they texted, are you coming in at noon? And I was like, oh my god. I was having so much panic about it And then how did it go? It was great. But man, I fucking talked That guy did not say one goddamn word I talked the whole fucking time and I'm because I'm so nervous about silence. It makes me so anxious Well, that makes sense is like cuz you talk a lot in and I'm, because I'm so nervous about silence. It makes me so anxious. Well, that makes sense as like,

cause you talk a lot in general terms, you always, you talk a lot. Yeah, I do talk a lot, but I talk a lot because I think, cause silence makes me uncomfortable. And if I can be silent around you, that means I really like you. So you can be silent, like I've been. Around you and around Leanne.

And the kids. My kids, I can be silent, like I've been- Around you and around Leanne. And the kids. My kids I can be silent around. Not everyone, I can be silent around Peter. But like a lot of people- What makes you anxious about, like why can't you be silent around other people you think? I feel like I'm letting them down. Like I feel like they're,

I feel like they wanted to have a conversation and I just didn't deliver. Like I always, I're, I feel like they wanted to have a conversation and I just didn't deliver. Like I always, I've said this to you. I've always admired how you can not talk to people. Oh, and by the way, I have sense that I'm letting them down and then I'm like, let them down. I want to.

I want them to walk away being like, God, that was so fucking, he didn't say anything. I'm like, yeah, that's exactly right. Do you know, I had a friend one time, I won't say his name, but he was a friend, I mean, I lived with him at one point. And we moved to LA together, like around the same time, he moved out, same time, and we were on the beach in LA, and he said, yeah, my brother's coming out here. And I said, you have a brother? And he goes, you've known me for five years. You didn't know I had a brother?

I was like, well, you never talked about him. He goes, no, you never let me talk about him. Wow. And I was like, oh yeah, I never asked any questions. His brother was a bodybuilder. And I was like, wait, you have a brother who's a bodybuilder? It's five years in. Five years, probably more.

And I realized I don't do that. I just don't. And then sometimes I like, I don't know. Wait, Lorenzo's brother's a bodybuilder? No, it wasn't Lorenzo. Okay. Lorenzo was like me.

Lorenzo couldn't shut up either. I remember that. Yeah. He was in a good way, but we were both the same kind of like, just nervous. It's like nervous. I don't know. And I think it has, I know mine has to do with social anxiety. And so...

You know, to be fair to you, to be fair to you. Thank you. I think some of my not talking is a version of anxiety manifesting itself too. You know what I mean? Yeah. In certain situations, I just rather not talk. There's also, it also has to do with, wait, hold on. You don't wanna talk or you... I'm saying, look, there's sometimes where I'm very comfortable just not speaking, right?

Like just naturally, I'm fine with it. But I'm saying there are certain situations where I might have some anxiety and my way of dealing with it, whereas you would speak more, my way of dealing with that would be to not speak. That, you know what I mean? Oh, wow. I wish I had that. So I'm nervous and I'm just not gonna talk.

Yeah, I wish I could. I remember when I first got into the business, my manager at the time, Barry Katz, said, get information, don't give it. And I got a development deal for like, I don't know, like $100,000 or something, maybe a little more. And he said, do not tell anyone that you got a development deal,

and don't tell anyone how much money it was. And I was like, really? He goes, get information, do not give it. These comics will not like you if they find out that you made $125,000 or whatever on a development deal with Will Smith. Trust me. And I couldn't understand that someone wasn't rooting for someone. Like, I couldn't get it.

And the very first person That came up as I still worked the door at the Boston Comedy Club the very first person that came up was Patrice O'Neill and He said I heard you got a deal And I said no, and he goes yeah, you got a deal and I said yeah I did and I was like fuck I shouldn't have said that. And he goes, how much? And I go, eh, and he goes, 100,000? And I went, no. And he goes, less?

I went, no. And he goes, more, okay. 125? And I went, yeah. And he just walked away, and I was like, god damn it, I did everything Barry said not to do. I did it so quickly. Yeah, I can't keep my mouth shut.

Yeah, this is not new. I know, but it's new to me. How is it new to you? I don't realize I'm doing it. You have to recognize you're doing it. No, I'm recognized now that I'm doing it. But I didn't realize, like when Ori said, you make everything about yourself,

I was so confused. I was so confused by that statement. But that means Leanne said that a lot. She said that a lot. I've heard her say like that whole stuff. Yeah, I'm probably listening to her. Is this what like the therapy's about? Is this why it was in Thai?

No, no dude, I go in with a game plan. You do? Yeah. You're like, I'm gonna win today. Dude, we didn't have anything to talk about today. And I was like, I'll bring up a fight that I won Put her in the weeds Yeah, we ain't got on her heels a little bit and then I was like I was like, ah, I'll get her out

No, so, you know, yeah, I'll walk out with a tie on this one. Yeah felt you're okay with that Yeah, and we're doing in-person therapy, which I've never fucking done productive Yeah, and we're doing in-person therapy, which I've never fucking done productive, oh I don't even think I don't think the thing I just had a hint today that the therapist May not own the house we go to therapy in Hmm like rents out the space rents out the backspace as an office. That's not unheard of though. But I need to profile my therapist a little more. You don't like that?

No, okay. So if I, okay maybe this goes into my HPB or whatever. If I go to your house, I zillow it, right? If I go to anyone's house, I zillow it. And so I zillow the house and I was like, this is nice. Like this, you know, this is, so in my head I go, we got a good therapist, they got a nice house, nice area, town.

Yeah. And I was like, nice. And then we went to therapy, I hope my therapist doesn't hear this. No, there's no way they could. And then, and we go to therapy, is like our second one at their house, and as I'm leaving, the back house, we come out, the front door opens and I hear a woman's voice and I go, too quick for my therapist to get from that room to that room. Who the fuck is this? And then I was like,

oh, what a slick move as a therapist, rent out a back house and a nice house and everyone's gonna think you're a good therapist. Oh, I see. Yeah. I do too much math. I think I could have been like a like a work for the CIA and felt zero-gorge. I don't think that would be a thing. I could have totally. No, don't think so.

Do you zillo people's houses. No, don't think so. Do you Zillow people's houses? No, no. Never? I mean, I've been on Zillow to look at houses, but I've never been like, where do you live in Zillow? Like if someone sends, someone goes,

hey man, I want to send you a, whatchamacallit, or hey, can you, like someone just said this to me, okay, send it to this address, right? And so I was like, sure, and then I Zillow'd it, and I was like, no, and then sometimes people go, hey, send it to this address, right? And so I was like, sure. And then I Zillow'd it and I was like, no. And then sometimes people go, hey, send me your address so I can mail you something and I'll send them the Zillow link to my house.

Cut it in half, man. I know you're gonna Zillow it, here you go. Are you serious? Fuck yeah. I'll send you the Zillow to my house. You're like, ah, it's doing all right. Check this out. The first one that ever,

the first time I ever did it to anyone, I did it as a joke, not as a joke, but someone said, hey, what's your address? It was when we were back at, and I was like, dot dot dot dot, and then I go, I paid 5.20 for it. I just wrote that in the thing. I was like, I'll save you,

and then I just started sending the Zillow, the Zillow link. That's hilarious. Let me pause for a second. I got to piss so bad. Okay, cool. Pete, get me another drink. Such a remarkable pee.

Oh, Jesus. I had roughly one, two, so I had roughly 160 snails while I was in France. Wait, did you do anything cultural there? No. Wait, what did you do? I mean, I was rude to people. Was that cultural?

That's sort of, yeah. No, we went to, first day we went to the Eiffel Tower. Okay. We went to, first day we went to the Eiffel Tower. We went to the Notre Dame. Oh, okay, that's, yeah, that's cultural touristy stuff. And then we walked to the Arc de Triomphe. And it's pretty much it. Went down the Champs-Élysées. And we walked to the Louvre.

Didn't go in the Louvre, because I was like, I don't. So chaotic. But I have no fucking interest in art. Like I'd much rather walk around the outside of the Louvre, it's so beautiful, that palace. And because I don't know, nature for me is more impressive than art.

Have you been to France? Yeah. What did you do when you went to Paris? The last time I was there, which was two years ago, uh, yeah, took walks in the city, went to the Louvre, did like the fast track one, um, where you see like 10 significant pieces. Um, went to another art museum, um, to see a different exhibit. And then, yeah, I mean, went to different restaurants,

but I mean, I was there on tour, but I had off days. So I did do, yeah, there I am. That's me in Paris. That's where I got the jacket that everyone's talking about. So yeah, I mean, you know, it's different than like just a social visit, but I still manage to go to a couple of museums. I'll say this though, that like the Louvre, like when you are in there, even with like

the fast pass thing where they do that, it is so, it's like a terminal at the airport. It is so crazy. The amount of traffic that's going on at that, at that museum, which is, I mean, I understand why. It's got incredible exhibits, but it is chaotic. It's so much. I saw the Mona Lisa when I was in college. I saw the Mona Lisa and I was not impressed. Yeah, no.

So I was like, eh. The thing about it was going with a guide. Like the guide explaining the Mona Lisa, it changes the experience when they start telling you about when it was, the story behind it, and then the theories on what is actually happening in that painting, that changes the experience, I think. Wait, I don't know any of those.

Well, I mean, it talks about obviously the famous smirk and how it's basically, I mean, there was a theory- Pull up a picture of the Mona Lisa while you guys are telling me this. Keep going. Well, he talks about how like, let's see, there was, you know, this is like a theory that it's a woman who's dealing with her aging and how the river flowing from behind signifies the youth into the older age. I can't do justice to the explanation, but when you're there and this person is going over every detail and what could be possibly happening in it, it's like, you know, it's an expert

telling you their theory on it. So that part made looking at it a lot more interesting because there's somebody who's really explaining to you, I can't do it because I obviously don't remember every detail, but. But I don't, like, what is the, I mean, like, why is that such a good painting? Like, I don't, I can't, I don't,

can't understand how that is better than, like, Thomas Kinkade, you know? Well, I mean, it's subjective. Or like a Bob Ross. It's, it's, it's subjective. I mean, it's, you can actually totally, rightfully, think that something's better than that, but yeah, there's, you can actually totally rightfully think that something's better than that. But yeah, there's a fascination with this one for sure.

I mean, that subtle smirk of hers is like something that, and you know, you could see it in the eyes and the lips, but you know, there's, well, I mean, you could hit that. There's details there that Maybe maybe some of this will bring up what they told me Well, obviously it being painted by Da Vinci probably makes it a pretty attractive appealing piece of art too Yeah, because of his legacy it's like when people said like, when people said the movie that Kevin Spacey was in, where

the bag was flying, where the bag was flying, and Wes, Wes, American Beauty, American Beauty, everyone's like, this is the greatest movie ever. And I was like, it was okay. But it's like, I didn't think it was better than like Caddyshack, you know, like, like, like other movies came out that year that I was like, I think that's better. Like I think that year, I want to say that, like, I thought I'll say really honestly, I think the butterfly effect is better than that one. Really?

Yeah. I mean, I like time travel movies though, but like I never, I just, it's like time travel movies though. But like, I never, I just, it's sometimes it's like they go, this is the great, like you look at the Oscar or the Golden Globes the other day, and I was like, I was like, I didn't see any of those movies. Yeah, it feels like it's not as, like it used to be the way that cinema would dominate culture.

It doesn't feel the same anymore. Yeah, I wish I'd had a guide with me on our tour in France. I think it would've been more fun, because I just was with Leanne, and I mean, I love Leanne. I don't know what I'm going to say is going to sound shitty, but she really is like a country bumpkin. And she walks into a place, she goes, oh my god, what's this? And I'm like, shh, keep it down.

Like, what are you doing like, she walked in, we walked out to the outside of the Louvre. No, I think the palace was Louis XV's palace or something. And she's like, oh my God, whose is it? What is this? I don't even know what this is. What am I looking at right now? Is them pyramids?

And I'm like, hey, keep it, like, I wish I had a guide. And then I go, babe, you don't think I have the answer? I go, you can Google it just as easily as I can. We walked up to Notre Dame and she goes, how old is this? What are those statues? And I was like, Google it, Google it. Fucking Google it and don't yell it out loud.

Everyone's, we're gonna get pickpocketed by a goddamn fucking gypsy because you're fucking letting everyone know we're not natin, we're not locals. And then we walked through the Notre Dame and the whole time she's like this is that Jesus and I was like I'm sure it is it's a fucking church yeah we're guaranteed a couple of them are Jesus yeah the catch on fire what's old what's new I don't understand and I was like Google it nothing beats when she saw the

magician though that was the greatest. Nah. Nah. It's a trick. You're doing a trick right now. Yeah. This isn't real. It's a trick. And when I get home, none of us thought he was magic man. That was her whole, the whole time within Paris, she'd be like, what is this? How old is this? This is crazy. Had she been before? No, no, that's why I took her. She'd never been to Paris before. I bought her for Christmas

present. I bought her the trip to Paris. And then the week before, Tom, I had decided- Did you get her a tracksuit? No, I did get her a tracksuit. Oh. I did. Hey, did you get your present yet? No. Hasn't arrived? Okay, you're going to love it. You're going to love it. Oh, I did. Did you get your present yet? No. Hasn't arrived? Okay, you're gonna love it. You're gonna love it. Okay, cool. Um, and by the way, I'm noticing when I'm doing it and I'm trying to stop doing it. Okay. Just like I'm noticing it. Hey, do you

think Bobby's got the same thing I have? Bobby Lee? Yeah, Bobby Lee doesn't listen. Um, that's a good one. He's definitely has something going on. Yeah. I'm sure he has, I think he has multiple disorders, but no, so, um, I, the week before, um, the week before we went to Paris, I decided to get off social media a hundred percent. When didn't get on Instagram once, not once, not when you were there? No, hold on. Oh, the week before. So like the week before. And then as we were getting ready to get, as we were getting in the car to go to Paris,

I was like, you know, I'm going to check social media. I haven't been on it. And I checked it a little bit. And then we got on the plane and I was like, that's cool, man. I've been off social media for like five days, maybe four days. And I was like really happy. And then I said, you know what, we're in Paris. I'm allowed to eat bread and I can be on social media.

Tom, it's like you know when people diet and then they gain more weight than they normally had? I had 16 hours of screen time one time, one day. I was on my phone. I would fucking, I was on the Eiffel Tower and I just find myself getting on Instagram. I'm in the Eiffel Tower and I'm just like getting on Instagram. I'm in the Eiffel Tower And I'm just like getting on Instagram to scroll looking at stuff. Yeah looking at stuff and I'm and it's like it's it's a fucking illness I think there's I think it's so bad I really think can I tell you I had this insight that like you remember a clockwork orange where they in order to brainwash him They keep his eyes open and then they show him different images. They've got me doing it to myself I'm doing it to myself. I'm doing a Clockwork Orange to myself. I'm just scrolling and going like, I'm finding people interesting that have 70 followers.

They're 70 followers. They've got no, they're not. And you follow them? And I just, yeah, and I follow them. I'm like that fucking it's fascinating That woman is cutting out sugar. She's three days in she's shaking. This is an amazing story I sent a guy to you today that I was like, can I tell you why I sent you that guy? Did you see get that guy? I don't think so. I sent you a link to a guy And I'll tell you his name guy, and I'll tell you his name, because I was so amazed at how much positive feedback I was, his name's Igor, it's Igor Chidoskin, Chidoskin, no, and he's just like, it's like

a thing of him with a With a loaf of bread. Oh, yeah drinking milk. No, I saw in the comments 7,000 comments 350,000 views and they're all positive and You're like what the fuck? How does this guy get so much love on the internet? I'll tell you what I'm going back into my comments I'm gonna start reading comments again. That's great. That's how bad I've been on the internet. I'll tell you what, I'm going back into my comments. I'm gonna start reading comments again. That's great. That's how bad I've been on the internet. So you're gonna start diving in on that now? Yeah, I just started, I was like,

I've stopped reading comments because I was afraid I'd see a bad one and then I was like, I see bad ones anyway. I don't even need to be on the internet and I'll see a bad one. How does that happen? I go to the fucking, this happened the other day, not the other day, it was actually a while ago,

but I go to this, the heart button, you know? And I go to hit the heart to see if like anything, and one of the comments was a negative comment, and I'm like, god damn it, I'm not even in the comments. So then I was like, fuck it, I'm reading comments again. I'm going back to comments, I'm getting back on the internet full blown, I'm fucking, I'm like, I'm done, man. I'm done. I want the quickening. I want the quickening. I want it over now. I want to be

brainwashed. I want to be manic episode. The Chinese can have my brain. I'll do whatever they want. What's just give me my tick tock. Okay. You sound like manic. I know. I'm coming to a lot of realizations about myself. It's crazy that at 52 I'd start. What's the other realization? Well, the realization that I got HPB. Yeah? The realization that I do pretty much make everything

about myself, and that I didn't even know I did it, and I didn't even know how to stop it. Well, I think awareness is a big first step. The fact that I'm wildly nervous that a conversation will end Like all I do all I do is think of how to perpetuate a conversation like how to keep it going Yeah, that makes sense. It's almost like keeping a balloon in the air. Yeah, that sounds like you. Yeah, so I'm changing I'm putting over I'm pulling over a new leaf. No You'll be shocked. Okay,. No. You'll be shocked.

Okay. You'll be shocked. I'll be shocked. I think you're gonna be blown away by the new Burt. You think so? Yeah, you know what I did the other day? I bought a thousand pennies and I'm just throwing around the city. So people see a penny and they go, ah, good luck.

And then it's like just a little treat for everyone. I'm throwing them everywhere. I just throw them out the car windows, just throw them. Just throw them out the window? If I put them in front of people's cars, I throw them in front of people's cars. So when they go to open the door. Do you deliberately do heads up or no?

No, I just toss them. I just throw them. Yeah, how many dollars do you think a thousand pennies is? Really? Isn't it $10? It's 10. Yeah. I don't care how much it is. And it was $10. You know what I, and this is how fucking,

this is whatever's broken with my brain is I know there's really expensive pennies out there. So then I got a penny, I got a penny, I got a penny, I got a penny, I got a penny, I got a penny, and I got a penny, and I got a penny, and I got a penny, and I got a penny, and I got a penny, and I got a penny is whatever is broken with my brain is I know there's really expensive pennies out there So then I got a penny I got a penny a coin app

Yeah, and I scan every penny before I throw it out the window to see if it's worth anything You are a mental patient man. The most expensive penny I've gotten is worth 29 cents But I can't imagine someone would give me 29 cents for that penny. So you throw it out. I threw it out Okay, it was uh, threw it out. OK. It was a fairly recent penny. What if it was $6,000? You would keep that one, right? There's one I saw on the app that was worth $7,000.

Wow. So I was like, well, I'm not going to. What's so special about it? I don't know. I don't know. It's like a buffalo penny. You got a buffalo on it. It's a really Buffalo penny. Like you got a Buffalo on it. It's a really valuable penny.

Whatever. I got one from 1983 and I thought it was gonna be worth a lot of money, because it's 1983 and they're like, nah, they made six million of these. They're like, they're all over the place. What are like, oh, there you go. $7,000 penny. Yeah.

Is it the one with the buffalo on it? Oh, man. So yeah, so I'm going to go through, and what I was thinking about is making Peter go through and scan all my pennies. Scan a thousand pennies. That's a nice task. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I take pictures of every penny. I have thrown out 50 pennies so far, and I have 50 pictures of 50 pennies. You took pictures of all of them? I take pictures, you have to, you have to take a picture of them. For what? On the app.

Oh, for the app. Jesus Christ. So wait, which one, what am I looking for? What year is that? The coin has no mint mark due to the... Yeah, no mint mark is a big deal, I guess. What's a mint mark? Well, it looks like it's a letter that stamped on the coins

that let you know where it was minted. P means the coin was minted in Philadelphia, D, Denver. A lot of them in Denver, a lot of them in Denver. So this one is missing the mint mark. And man. Yep, 1983 penny. I just threw one of those out the window today. Could it be the one?

Leanne thought, Leanne's like, you're the dumbest person in the world. She was mocking me for throwing pennies out the window. Well, you're giving people good luck. Yeah. I don't, when you see a penny and you pick it up, don't you go like, hey, good luck, I'm on my way. It's pretty exciting. How do you sell your penny though?

How do you, I don't know. I got one, the most expensive penny I've gotten is worth 29 cents. It tells you, I got most pennies are worth two cents. Oh. Here, let me, I'll go to my coin thing. Yeah, this one was worth two cents. Let me see.

Oh, look at this one. This means that some asshole wants this penny though. Some guys like, you got that penny? I'll give you seven grand for it. It's like, the fuck are you doing man? That's what you value? It's the same thing as the Mona Lisa. Like there was a, I was watching a TV show on Netflix and there was a Honus Swagner trading card, and I was like, wow, that's fucking valuable. And Pete was watching it and he goes, who gives a shit about that?

And I go, I would. He was like, yeah, but it's worthless to me. It's the same thing as Bitcoin or Dogecoin or Hoctua girl, Hoctua coin, what is it? Is she going to jail? Hoctua coin? Jail? Yeah.

Hoctua's going to jail. I think for what for fraud Okay, and talk about talk about talk about the universe work to launch yeah Talk about the way the universe works. Look, here's what's crazy. This is my hawk to a rant. Okay I was thinking about this the other night. She gets famous for Basically for lack of better words for just being some clueless blonde some clueless drug blonde and people start hating water Yeah, yeah, it's like you got spit on that thing. That's and so some street interview Gets her famous and people start hating on her because she's famous and they I don't know why but she gets famous from it

what's crazy is like You can't you can't take The what is it? You can't take the the kid out of the the dumb out of the blonde or whatever You can't so what happens is someone smarter than her says, how do we take advantage of this kid? And that's what they did. They just took advantage of, she just, she's always been what she said she was. Yeah. She's like, yeah, I'm just here to party.

I just want to have a good time. Yeah. And then these guys that are smarter than her go, hey, we can help you. Why don't we help you? You want to launch a coin? Still have to do a crypto, yeah. Yeah, and then she's like, I'll do it.

That sounds like fun. We's gonna make money. And you're like, yeah. And they're like, okay. And then that is the fucking, she's never been anything but exactly what she is. Your hoctua sounds a lot like Leanne. Leanne's a little bit of a hoctua.

Except Leanne would never, my spit ain't slippery like your spit. I know. Okay. All right. Well, I think we learned a lot this episode. I think we did. I feel like this was a pretty good session. Am I just in therapy?

This is definitely a therapy session for sure, but I enjoyed it. Did I make this episode all about myself? 100%. But it was productive and I feel like you know, we Don't know Rollins is calling. Okay Pass he probably wants to talk about Juneteenth Already? Yeah, it's coming up He's got a big Juneteenth party. He's got planned. Oh really? Yeah

hmm party's got planned. Oh really? Yeah. Hmm. Are you gonna go? Yeah, I'll be late. You want to sign off with your regular Nazi salute or how do you want to do it? Did you see do you see Elon's? Just thank you from the bottom of my... Yeah of course. He's just autistic. He's just even the videos of him just going like, in the thing. Can you imagine how his brain must go, all day long? Yeah, he's a weirdo. It's bizarre. All right.

We're going to a fancy Hollywood party, me and you tonight. Okay, let's go. Okay. Thanks guys for watching. Thank you for listening. We'll see you guys next week.