2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Drug Lord Hall of Famers | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Episode Date: August 19, 2024

SPONSORS: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/BEARS and get on your way to being your best self. Tune in to the Coke Zero Sugar 400 this Saturday at 7:30 PM Eastern on NBC. Visit https://www.nascar.com/nascar-cup-series/2024/schedule/?cid=_SC_TP_WL_2B1CAMS_230202 for more information. Get 20% Off + Free Shipping, with the code BEARS  at https://Manscaped.com. Right now, Tonal (https://Tonal.com) is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code BEARS. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, the medical marvel known as Bert Kreischer has returned once again. Tom congratulates him on his recent recovery from whatever ailment he was dealing with last week, before the two talk about the Grateful Dead playing at the Vegas Sphere. They also have some thoughts about Pete Rose getting into the baseball hall of fame, which leads to them talking about some hall of fame drug lords. They also talk about muscle women, the Olympics, embarrassing irrational behavior, Karens, plus Feitelberg from Barstool pops in via FaceTime, and LeAnn comes on to tell a fishing story to emasculate Bert! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 250 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

100% Hey guys brand new episode of two bears one cave, I'm so glad you moved back to Los Angeles Oh, yeah, it's wild that your hearing is back. That's incredible. How did that? What was the treatment? Oh my god That's what that is. What happened? You told that to Nick Swartzen I Told him do you know that I'm I am better used on this show when I don't do the show Well, and people just Google I cannot believe I'm so mad at our guy. I'm having them get on it have not done a montage of all your ailments but over because it's it's really like a medical marvel because

It is gastrointestinal stuff neurological stuff I love the guys like spade who just spade and Nick Swanson who just believe it like a medical marvel because it is gastrointestinal stuff, neurological stuff. I love the guys like Spade and Nick Svartzen who just believe it. Oh yeah. And then they see me out and they're like, hey, you're up and about. And I'm like, yeah.

Stewart was really affected by it. He was like, John Stewart. Oh yeah, John Stewart saw me at the Netflix party and he goes, how you feeling? He was so empathetic. He was like, oh my god, is he okay? I was like, I don't know and then And then I saw dice and I told him that about your And your autoimmune stuff and he was like he was like feel better Bert

He's like he's a good guy. I hope he feels better Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, this is great. Yeah. You look healthy. It's good. I feel good.

I feel better. I actually feel like shit today. From what? I was in Vegas. Oh, yeah. You went to the Sphere. To the Sphere. I've heard.

I've heard. You haven't gone to the Sphere yet? I haven't gone. I wanted to check out. Who would you want to see at the S I haven't gone I wanted to check out who would you want to see at this fear? well, I wanted to check out the Dead Show because I had heard so much and Brian who I work with in Austin has seen it. I think twice and he was like it is on He's he's seen a thousand Dead Shows and he was like, it's the best thing I've ever seen now. I'm curious I'm curious

Would you google this and find out if the setlist that they perform that night is the same as every night? Because I know The Dead is like really notorious for every show's different, but I will tell you the show I saw was the actual best setlist you could ever get from The Dead. It was so, it was all deep cuts, and then they played this one song for Jerry Garcia, because it was his birthday, and that was his song. How's he doing? He's not doing good. By the way, the funniest thing that ever happened

was Jelly Roll, and this is where I told you this, Jelly Roll finding out within an hour's time who Mitch Hedberg was, and that he had also died. Oh really? He's like, this guy's hilarious. This guy's fucking amazing and David's all like, I got bad news for you, buddy. But it was fucking, oh, this is,

this is the set list they played. This is man smart, women smarter. Mississippi half-stepping, that was fucking insane. The visuals are, that's what's lose your mind, right? Did you know about, I don't know if you sat, do you know the section that actually moves? Do you know about this? That you can sit in a certain section that vibrates? Yeah, we sat there. It was fucking, I mean.

UFC's going there. I wonder what that's gonna be like. Is that Michael Chandler's fight? I don't remember. I know that it's an upcoming fight. Whose fight is it? O'Malley. That'll be a good one.

Yeah. I was just talking with a boxer about how good Sean O'Malley is. He's fucking awesome. How do you think they're gonna do the dead, how do you think they're gonna do UFC there? Because here's the thing that they do, in certain parts they just put the band up on the screen,

which is awesome, and it's really cool to watch John Mayer just kinda fucking go off. Let's call him, let's see if he appreciates. You guys' number? Yeah, we'll see, well you can tell him about how much you, I know you love this, so I'll do this for you. Yeah, FaceTime him. We'll see, we can tell him about how much you love this, so I'll do this for you. Yeah, FaceTime. We'll see.

You can tell him. I'll see if he answers. The Althea, Ramblin', Ramblin' on Rose, I mean, they played, it was such a fucking crazy set list. They opened with Franklin's Tower, and these are all the songs I'd want to hear. Yeah. These are all my songs I'd want to hear. These are all my favorite fucking songs.

This was yesterday? This was two days ago. Two days ago. Thursday. Thursday night. And then we flew in yesterday and I had two beers on the plane and they fucked me up. That's crazy. Not answering.

He brought you up backstage. Really? Yeah. He mentioned you. Good? Yeah. What? Alright, some things you just keep between friends. What?

Say it. We were talking about watches. We went back there and the second I walked in, I saw his watch, and it's his watch, it's his Ninja AP. I was like, dude, I gotta see that in person. And then my daughter just stood there, didn't say a word, Leann didn't say a word. Me and him talked for like 20 minutes about watches,

and about just bullshitting, talked a little bit about Chappelle, about, it was just, it was awesome. He's the fucking greatest. And he had broken his finger, and he played all the music, he played the guitar with these three fingers. Like he just, he kept his. He's a real, yeah.

He's fucking legit. I mean, it's so great. I still remember doing an episode with you years ago where you were like, I would never let my wife meet John Mayer. You remember that? Yes, I do. He's beautiful. He's got such a great head of hair.

And he's like 6'4". He's a big fucking guy. And he dresses cool. And he's got cool vibe. And he's sober. Like all the things that my wife would love out of me. Just, he's got it all. So wait, why'd you get wrecked off of two beers?

Cause you haven't been drinking a lot? Well, no, I haven't been drinking a lot. This launching our own vodka thing was a fucking, it was a misstep I think in my health. No one ever says no when you own the vodka. I was like, yeah, please drink it, put it online. We're gonna be drinking today. We're going to Costco today.

And then we're going to- Are we doing little sample shots for people? I don't think so, but I think there's an event later that we're pouring vodka for people. So you probably can have a few that find their way into your mouth. Are you drinking tonight? I'll have a few, yeah.

Okay, can you show me how to do that? Sure. Because I try to do that. The first time I did what we're doing tonight, it went sideways for me though. So I had to like, this is a, you know, I had a rehearsal. Yeah. There's this thing called water

and you gotta like kinda sub it in sometimes. I'm getting IVs every other day. Every other day? Every other day I'm getting IVs. I got one last night, I got two bags in me and my fucking head got clogged. And I was like Did um did your daughters enjoy the show they loved it No, they loved it because they just made fun of me the whole time. I saw a clip

I saw a clip of they just laughing at me crying and they saw you with your hands clasped and they were like I get like this. I came in there was I was sitting next to an investment banker I mean, I guess that's what he does. I don't know. Yeah, but like I know like It's a little I went over to the lady was running the box. Who are these people like are they promoters? Do I need to say hi to anyone and she was like, that's very cool. You ask she's like, nope She's like they're all venture capitalist and I was like cool So I just sat down and this kid was guy my age cool shoes nice watch I said I was like I was like, you know, he's talking to me

and I said, and then he knew who I was and I was like, what do you do? And he started to tell me and I was like, I'm actually not listening, I'm sorry. And he went, really? And I was like, I don't know what that is. And so I don't even really know what a venture capitalist is.

Really? I really don't. I don't know, I wanna go through my life not knowing yet. Oh okay, cool, cool, cool. I don't think I've ever met one. I've met one. Well you have met one now I think. I've met one, yeah.

Maybe a few. I think I have met a few. I imagine they're just dudes who call dudes with money, like Saudis and be like, yo can you invest in this? Ah, I mean, some of them have the money. For real? That's the venture capitalist, yeah. Oh, it's their money?

It's their money, sometimes. Sometimes it's a pool of money Sometimes it's reaching out to somebody else for money, but they are financiers. All right, let's get out of this boring conversation Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's talk about something. I really want to talk to you about okay. I've been saving this I've been saving this Yeah, you grew up in Cincinnati Nine years. How do you feel about Pete Rose? I Love Pete Rose. Do you think Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame? Of course. Absolutely.

I think it's nice. And so should Barry Bonds. Okay. This is my hill to die on. Okay. I think we need, because when you think about it, the Hall of Fame, it's a fucking museum. It's a truck stop museum. It is.

It's the biggest ball of yarn for baseball. There's nothing real. That is where we's the biggest ball of yarn for baseball. Yeah. There's nothing real. That is where we celebrate the people that made the game fun. Yeah. There is no competitiveness. Pete Rose is. There's nothing that can happen inside.

Once you've been inducted into the Hall of Fame, has absolutely zero effect on actual baseball. Now there's this weird thing that like everybody, everybody who knows anything about the game knows that these two are Hall of Famers. I mean, they're- Barry Bonds and Pete Rose, and Mark McGuire, and Roger Duclamans.

Everybody knows this. Everyone. Name the list of people that aren't gonna be allowed into the, give me a list of the people that aren't allowed. Do you wanna know that there's a really crazy thing you can do, which is, I switched to Barry because we were talking about, but there's this crazy thing about Barry Bonds

where his stats, if you take away, I think he had, let's say, five or six or something like that, MVP seasons. If you take away his stats from all those seasons, he still has like 450 home runs and 350 stolen bases, and nobody else has that. So that's if you deduct seasons Wow

Yeah, it's it's very it's it's totally insane dude Pete Rose is The all-time hit king no one's ever no one's ever gonna beat him. Yeah, you I watched there's a documentary Joe list Texted it to me. I think about Pete Rose. I'm really into baseball lately. Really? Yeah, I mean. And here's the thing, those fuckers in MLB, that is a sport that has declined in popularity an incredible amount.

When you see a black guy playing baseball professionally, you're like, how did that happen? American? Yeah, American. When you find that our kids aren't playing our sport, our national pastime, that is on the shoulders of a major league baseball to get it fucking fun again. I'll tell you right now, the Dodgers are making it

funny as shit, Otani is one of the most fascinating people to watch play baseball, and the fact that he can't speak any English, I just think is so cool. I love when there's a star that doesn't speak it and is kind of like, I'm not really interested either. You know, like, Manny Ramirez. That's so me, it's Manny Ramirez. A star that doesn't speak it and is like kind of like I'm not really interested either You know like man Ramirez Many Ramirez was the absolute grip the funny thing about him is that I believe he was born in the United States, but he

He he just grew up in Washington Heights Dominican neighborhood and they were he was just like, yeah, these days, and they were like, when did you get here? He's like, all my life. He went to PS 135 and still can't speak English. Yeah, it's unbelievable. Okay, so. Dominican Republic. I love the story that he grew up in Spanish Harlem.

Dude, he grew up in, when did he get to the United States? This motherfucker. By the way, he's not listening to this. No, he's definitely not doing that. When, in 85 for New York City, he was born in 72, all right, so he came in 85. So he was pretty, I mean, how old was he? He was 13. 13.

Motherfucker speaks fucking third grade English. Like he spent the rest of his life here and he just was like fuck it. This documentary on Pete Rose, it's on Max and it's like a four part series. You watch the first one and your dick's hard. You're like fucking, he needs to get into the hall of fame. Then you watch the second one, you're like okay,

he's got some flaws. And then you watch the third one, you're like god damn it, some flaws Yeah, and then you watch the third one you're like god damn it Pete Rose stop speaking Yeah, and by the fourth one you're like just who greenlit this documentary he fucked a 15 year old what the fuck? Allegedly allegedly He's like it and then someone so it's really good. It's so good. I'll watch it, but you know what he's got wait, what's fascinating to me is He they was playing the Yankees and Mickey Mantle my hero Mickey Mantle Was making fun of him because he was sprinting to home base on like a walk or whatever and he goes look at fucking Charlie

Hustle over there and Pete Rose took it as a compliment He was like it's a badass name and they're're like, sure thing, Charlie Hussle. And then it stuck. It stuck as a cool name though. And it's a cool fucking name. He defined his dad, this is the one thing, it connected with me, because I know both me and you are like,

dudes who worship our dads. And his dad one time said to him, he was like fucking all-star MVP, and his dad said to him, never stayed after his games, he had to get up and go to work. His dad was sitting by the car after his game, he's a professional baseball player, and his dad goes, hey on that third at bat,

you didn't sprint down to first base. And Pete Rose is like, I didn't, I missed at the ball, down to second, and I was pissed. And he goes, yeah, and his dad goes, don't you ever embarrass me in this city like that again and just left and I was like they don't make men like that anymore that's not a thing you don't know I go watch Saving Private Ryan they don't make that man like that anymore or at least they do but they fucking I don't I don't know where they are I watched another Pablo

Esquivar documentary and they don't make men like that anymore they really don't make men like that anymore. They really don't. We haven't had a cartel kingpin. Topo. No, but I'm saying, but not like Escobar. No. Because Escobar owned the country. Yeah. And terrorized the country. And he doesn't get enough.

Did he terrorize the country? 100%. He doesn't get enough credit as a terrorist. Because he's really not a, like just like a drug lord, he's a terrorist. He's a narco-terrorist. Narco-trafficante. That's, but that's a trafficker, right? He's a narco-terrorista, he's a terrorist.

Shut up. He fucking, I mean, because you forget sometimes, you're just like, yeah drug cartel guy, and you see that, you know, when he tied up the waiter and made him drown in the pool for stealing the spoons and shit and like, you're like, oh yeah, he's a fucking evil drug lord and planes and tigers and shit, but then you forget that like,

he killed 500 cops one year, right? He killed, he sent bombs into buildings that would just blow up. He blew up a plane. He blew up entire city blocks in different cities in Columbus and like caused hysteria, like you know, like 9-11 causes like hysteria

and they're like, you know, you don't know what's happening. That's what terrorism is, is making people like not know what's left and right and having to, and he was just like, I will fucking destroy this whole country. What do you think happened to him as a kid that made him that person? I don't know what makes you, I mean, it's not one thing, right? Cuz like, it's not just one thing.

I mean, poverty is always what gets these guys into the drug trafficking. Cuz they're from super, super poor backgrounds. And then they see this way out of just but like But that's like a that's like a that's like a I mean he has a messiah complex There's a total psychopath. It's a real fucking brain to be able to take over an entire drug trade yeah, and run a country the interesting thing is that he had an Army of men that were like you are God. They weren't like, you're my boss. They're like, you're God. You hear that downstairs? I want to change things around here. You are God.

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He's the guy's in bed with his girlfriend and he was like killer. And the guy was like, fuck. I really like her but okay Like didn't even do you think we'll ever get a traffic light will you think we'll ever get someone like Escobar again I don't think so if you had to put if we had like a drug traffickers Hall of Fame Yeah, so you got the Ochoa brothers. Yeah, you've got El Chapo Mm-hmm, you've got Pablo Escobar's first round ballot. Yeah, he's the top. He's the I don't think there's ever been anyone like him You have what about Manuel? Rayano Felix you have

El Mayo, they just got him I Always feel like I'd get along with those guys. I think they'd be a they're fucking I think they are me Yeah, I think they fucking love me. They're a good time. Yeah until well just yeah just until they tell have a dog eat your nuts in front of you, but like yeah, the Yeah, I think they're fun. Do you think you'd what do you think Pablo Escobar will wake up with like anxiety I? think once it was clear, once it was like 92,

and it was like, all right, we're done with this. Because he used to, he had so much control, and once the whole government was like, there's only one way this is gonna end, we have to kill this guy, and he knew that he has to be on the run and hiding all the time. Yeah, I think he was a paranoid guy, for sure. There should be a hall of fame of just El Chapo

and the 12 richest drug lords of all time. Okay. And the drug we're talking about is just cocaine. No, because El chapo was a huge Marijuana guy too, okay? I just smoke I might smoke weed before we go home Griselda bloggers Elobo God damn that was great to six million dollars billion billion billion Yeah, Carlos Carlos later. Yeah, he's the guy

He's the guy who founded that island in the Bahamas, right? It's funny, he's a sidebar story in Johnny Depp's movie. He's like a sidebar story. But then you realize, oh, he's a main character in a different story. Oh, for sure. The orejuela bros from Cali. How do you say that? Oh, I ran into a bunch of your Mexican dudes. For sure, the Orejuela Bros from Cali. How do you say that? Oh, I ran into a bunch of your Mexican dudes that you toured with in South America. Really?

Yeah, fuck, I'm sorry guys, I can't remember names. Where? At the store, we were just sitting there. And one dude's from Mexico City, I think, or maybe from Chihuahua, but they were breaking down, they were breaking down how, oh no, one guy's, I'm sorry,

one guy's from South America, from Venezuela. And I think you know that guy, very, very popular comedian. And they were like, yeah, it's crazy because our Spanish is so different than when I go to Mexico and do it.

Like we speak faster or something. Way faster in their accents. Is that the Escuela de Nada guys? That podcast? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you pull that up? Escuela de Nada? That's a good name for a podcast.

I think that's what it's called. Pull it up. C-U-E-L-A. Then space D-E. and then NADA NADA Podcast I think that's what it's called. Look at by the way, look at Kun Sa Yeah, this is them yeah, yeah I think so Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and they do that all in Spanish? Yeah, yeah. Look, they have 600,000 subscribers.

They live in a, hit that more button there. Scroll up to the right there where it lists the names. I'm sorry. There, yeah. Yeah, yeah, so you probably met Nacho Rolando. Yeah, I think so. He's a really good comic. Yeah, he's from Venezuela, but he lives in Mexico.

He told me the first time that he did stand up in Mexico that everyone was like, what? Like, no one knows what you're saying. He was like, no one knows what I'm saying. And they're like, your accent is so crazy. And you're speaking way, way, way too fast. So yeah, you have to learn. It's like when a Scottish guy comes to you.

I was about to say. And you're like, huh? Like, it was like that for him. Wow. Yeah, I have to learn. It's like when a Scottish guy comes to you. I was just about to say. And you're like, huh? Like, it was like that for him. Wow. Yeah, I think that's. Leo Rojas, no, it's okay. Leo Rojas, Chris Andrade, yeah, and Nacho Redondo, yeah. But I think Nacho is the one who does the most standup.

God. The, go back a page, there's the first Asian on that list Right right on the hood saw Yeah Saw the opium king is the most Is the most successful drug lord as he retired and not he retired and he enjoyed his wealth for good 11 years. That's the dream Yeah, that's the actual dream his children. They're all living miramar His children are wealthy business people in miramar. You set them up You set them up you take the hit and you go. I told you hold on scroll. Wait, let's let's revisit this guy in a minute

Let's see the rest of the list Uh, the achova brothers, yeah, they're gangsters die wood ibrahim cascar The Atchowa Brothers? Yeah, they're gangsters. Daywood Ibrahim Kaskar. Who's that? Oh, that's a fucking guy. Indian guy, 7.57 billion. He's been number three on the FBI's Most Wanted List, so he's probably not a nice guy.

Simon Mogliwicz. Very elusive. Oh, yeah. He says, Colombian drug lords are probably very envious of Asian gangsters and drug lords, because this guy lives freely in Moscow. Just hanging out. He's got $10 billion.

And then Amado Carrillo Fuentes, $28 billion. So that's the key, to be the guy that you don't know his name But he's got 28 billion that guy did the get drug game right and I remember this story because this is the guy who died After a plastic surgery in 97 he was trying to change his appearance and he died because he probably got shitty I went to somebody Not good, and he died And then what is the number one's gotta be Pablo, right? It's gotta be it's like it's gonna be a morti What our amirite what's the word? I'm thinking of them. Yeah, I know. Yeah, or they tell you what money was back Yeah, 33 33 billion. Yeah Okay, let's go back to

That guy cuz we got to look this guy up. I had a guy tell me he was gonna change my appearance one time. I remember there was a, wait, was this for your teeth? My teeth, and he was gonna break my jaw. Oh yeah, look up Kun Sa, let's look him up. And he was like, I remember saying, is it gonna change what I look like? And he goes, absolutely. Yeah.

And I was like, well, I kinda make a living off looking like this guy. And he's like, you wanna look like that? And I was like, what? And he was like, you got a jaw line, don't you have a jawline like don't you want and I was like no I was like I have to look out oh I would I'd never know you'd walk past the guy every time past him every fucking time I'm in Burma and look it's just like the Colombian and Mexican stories born in a village he received military equipment and training from both the Kuomintang and Burmese army.

Okay. And he's, yeah, early life, let's see, born to Chinese father, Shan mother. And then, let's see, so he's part of a military, like. He's a militia leader. Yeah, so. In 1983. And then he just kind of learns that this opium thing's pretty valuable. In 1983, he basically starts a gang.

It's called the Home Guard, and he took control of the entire Northeast Burma Army. And then basically at that point, you're like, there's no rules. People start going, hey man, this is what we're gonna need you to do over there. And he's like, I think I'm good. And the other thing is that because of

the Central and South Americans proximity to us, they're always like, oh fuck, the Americans are right here. But when you're in Asia, they're like, it's not a fucking issue over here. That's where you wanna do it. If you're gonna do drugs, definitely Thailand. I mean, here's the deal. So, every story you hear about anyone getting caught

with drugs in Thailand, it's a nightmare, but then this guy's worth $23 billion. Fucking insane. And no one's fucking with him. And the fact that he got to just retire like a regular guy and just be like, well, it was a good run. Hey, kids, I set you up for life. Yeah.

And this money's clean now. I also set up your great, great, great, great, great, great grandchildren's for life. If people ask why I work so hard, it's because I want to be like this guy but for comedy for my daughters. Yeah. They're not going to make any money.

They're women. Surrendered and retirement. Yeah, I'm taking it easy. So he exported his heroin through a network of underworld contacts and brokers based in Thailand, Yunnan, Macau, Hong Kong, and Singapore. Once he sold these products to these dealers, he had no control where they were transported.

What do you want me to do? I'm not in fucking charge. Hey, stop my ass. I'm not in fucking charge. Um. Hey, you're still in my hands. I'm not a bad guy, I'm just selling stuff. In public, the Burmese military claimed they wanted to hang him. Hey, I'm just hoping you're trying to make you laugh. What are you doing, come on.

I'm just goofing around. Why are you breaking my balls? So, okay, he surrendered. In 1996, he gave up control of his army, moved to Rangoon with a large fortune and four young Shan mistresses, four. Following his surrender, opium production in the Golden Triangle declined.

So see, he was like, I was an effective leader. During his retirement, he became a prominent local businessman with investments in Yangon, Mandalay and Tongi. After his retirement, he described himself as a commercial real estate agent with a foot in the construction industry. He ran a large ruby mine. He invested in a new highway system. I mean, this is literally, like I met a guy one time on a flight and he was like, what do you do? And this was, I was like 21 and I was like, I work in production because I was doing like production stuff. And I was, I was like 21, and I was like, I work in production, because I was doing production stuff,

and I was like, what do you do? And he was like, I own an electrical company, like we do, I'm an electrician, but I own my own company. I was like, how'd you do that? And he was like, I sold drugs for two years, and I took that money. And so there's always that thing for people, they go, the stripper who's like,

I'm just paying my way through college. And then there's the one who just goes, and then I just never left, go, like the stripper who's like, I'm just paying my way through college. And then there's the one who just goes, and then I just never left. And there's the one who's actually like, no, I actually used that money to go to college. And that guy that I sat next to was like, I sold Coke, made a bunch of money, started this business.

And this guy did it, but with billions of dollars. He was like, now I buy highways. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. When your schedule is packed with kids activities, big work projects and more, it is so easy to let your priorities slip. Even when we know what makes us happy, it's hard to make time for it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. That is where you start putting your priorities in order. Family, exercise, I mean therapy,

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Yeah? Pete Rose, they're like one of the accusations in the documentary was they're like, he was like, I guess he was down on gambling debts and he was like, here, what's a quick way to make like a hundred grand? And they're like, if you give us a hundred grand, we'll give you another hundred grand. We'll just invest in Coke and we'll bring it up here. And he was like, sounds like easy money. Fine.

And then Pete Rose is like, that never happened. And like nine dudes are like totally happy as is like is like I mean it's so fucking great because these they're like you met those guys at Gold's gym because I've never been to Gold's gym and it cuts to a picture of Pete Rose at Gold's gym yeah and then they're like you never worked out at Gold's gym he's like no and then it cuts to an interview I've been working out at Gold's gym and then it goes so you never worked to try to get yourself healthier and he's like, no, and then it cuts to an interview. I've been working out at Gold's Gym. And then he goes, so you never worked to try to get yourself healthier? And he's like, no.

And then it cuts to another clip M. So I'm getting healthier, I'm getting stronger, I've been working out with these guys, and it's all the dudes that are saying they fucking. But I think you start to, like, I think now, what that is, is that he's, his probably, you need a mission in life, you need a goal. I think his goal is just to get in the Hall of Fame.

It's his goal. I think he should, and I think he should have that goal. And I think it's a fine goal, but what happens is- I haven't even told you the worst parts about Pete Rose yet. Well, no, but what I'm saying is you start to do, like, I think the, like him lying about that stuff, in his mind, I don't think he's even lying. I don't think he thinks he's lying at all.

Because he's dissociated with so many things that he's probably done that he just goes, all that is made up. I really think, this is going to sound crazy, but I identified a lot of parts of the way his brain remembers history. Because I was talking to someone the other day, and they were talking about meeting Arnold Schwarzenegger

or something, and I was like, that would be so fucking cool. And someone was like's like you met him and I was like I did yeah, like you worked out with him I was like, oh, I fucking did meet him. I forgot about that. Like I really can't remember Yeah, like if you said like I like I've been working out straight now straight straight Not gay. I've been working out legit for like Two maybe three years working out every day and I just started losing weight, you know a year ago Someone asked me the other day how long did that trainer that I met how long you've been working out? I said about a year and someone was in there and they're like, that's not accurate at all

I was like no, I was pretty fat and they were like weren't you working out when you're fat? I was like, oh I was what do you weigh now? 230 It's good. Oh, someone said what's your goal? And I was like, oh, I was. What do you weigh now? 230. That's good. I don't know, someone said, what's your goal? And I was like, I don't have any fucking goals. I think actually that would be a good thing to have. A goal?

I think so. For working out? I think so. I don't know, I don't really. You'll chase the goal. It's a good thing. My goal was, you see that Fidel Berg got into the 1000 pound club?

I did not. Oh. What was that with his bench squat deadlift? Bench squat deadlift. Just pull up, he thought he could bench 300, which I think I might be able to bench 300. Yeah, I think you can. And that's the, once you can bench 300,

squat would be tough, but I think I would make it up on deadlift. What do you think you can deadlift? I definitely can deadlift 300. So, but I think I can maybe deadlift 350. I don't know, what's like a heavy deadlift? What would you think you can do? I definitely can deadlift 300. But I think I can maybe deadlift 350. I don't know, what's a heavy deadlift? What would you deadlift? I really don't deadlift.

See, even when I say this, I do deadlift. But what I'm telling you is I don't really deadlift and pay attention to the weights because they're not... The fucking weights I have, they all look like 45s. But it's a different way of training though. What you're talking about is a different way of training. If you're trying to hit, like it would be impressive if you can just pull four. If you're not there to pull five would take training,

but it's training towards pulling five. You know what I mean? It's not gonna be like go in there, put 225 and do like sets of 10. So it's how you approach, that's why I'm saying a goal is, if your goal is to do that. So what's your goal with working out?

My goal is just to be healthy. Yeah. Even saying that, I only work out to offset my bad behaviors. I'm actually, my goal right now is body fat percentage. Really? Yeah. So I'm trying, and I like that

because it's a thing that's very tangible there's no lies in it It's not like I don't have a desire to try I can't even do certain things because of my Nerve stuff in my arm. So it's like I just I'm like super disciplined with my eating It's like you're right having a goal is from when you were saying I wanna break three, 30 minutes on the 5K, that's a good goal. It's a goal, you just said goals. My goal really honestly was just to bench a lot. I love bench, I think it's the funnest fucking thing.

Yeah. And especially when- Have you used a Kabuki bar? No. Those are fucking, because a regular barbell's not good for my shoulder. What's a Kabuki bar? Pull up a kabuki bench bar

I'll tell you what I got coming to me is a catalyst vest. Yeah, have you seen these? I don't think so also got what's the fucking mirror Tom. There's a fucking mirror that you can work out with a Mirror. Yeah, it's a fucking badass. I just got one of those a what tonal a tonal this. Yeah, yeah hit that first one that's a That's a That's a kabuki bar Whoa, so you don't grip like this you grip like this and it's much better on your shoulders Really my shoulders are fucking awesome There you go like that. All right, I'm gonna go to the bar. I Love I I

I do not like stretching, getting into the gym and stretching. I fucking hate it. You hate stretching? I fucking hate it. But you do warm up, right? I warm up, but I hate it. I enjoy the, I enjoy like the AMRAPs,

like I enjoy AMRAPs and EMOMs. I love, every minute on the minute seems to me like very I can wrap my head around it Yeah, it's good. And so and I like that. I like I love fucking around kettlebells Wait, so horn you said we got off track with his thousand pound club Okay, so you said you can probably bench 300 and you think you could definitely pull 300 on a deadlift. Yeah, so that leaves Okay, that leaves 400 pounds. So what did he do? He didn't... he squatted more than he thought and he deadlift more than he thought but he benched I think 285. So what did he get on the other one?

Let's just fucking call him and tell him to get his real numbers. Okay. God damn it. I'll tell you one of my goals is get my vision back Your hearings back what your hearings back, that's great. Oh, it's there Fucking I hate people that have names like Fidel Berg and you have to figure out if it's ie or ei The fucking evil laugh Did you see I'm following everyone over a bar stool these days like other stories are so fascinating Kevin just bought a new house and he did a tour of his house Yeah, it's really fucking fun. And then the next day the very next day Dave Portnoy does a tour of his house. Yeah I'm just like, these are the fucking coolest houses

I've ever fucking seen. Fucking Fiddleberg. He owes you, he'll call you back. On Two Bears talking about the 1000 pound club FaceTime me. So aggressive. Someone just FaceTimed me the other day and I was like, nice. Yeah. I forget who I had he messaged me Oh, we ended up live streaming that volleyball match. Did you yeah, but Gabby couldn't make it shit a

Prior commitment with her family and I had to I like the most one guy that was in the Olympics in 2020 Try is his name and then another dude Travis who is the number one commentator for beach volleyball. And we had them on, we did it live streamed and out back. I don't think we put it up on YouTube. Even, were you really into the Olympics? I'm so into the Olympics. I'm fucking, I got invested in, we did that podcast and I was like,

the sports I don't know anything about, I'm gonna get into those. Dude, fencing is so fucking cool. You like it. I was like the sports I don't know anything about I'm gonna get into those dude Fencing is so fucking cool. You like it off fucking I watch that that girl win the fence just smoke bitches Yeah, and then I was I was heavily invested in Japan versus Korea in archery really women's it was so Fucking cool. Did you get a whim of that guy, the Turkish shooter? The guy who wears no glasses or anything? No, what was his? I saw the picture of him.

Yeah, yeah. So the funny thing is everybody has these crazy modifications to do the shooting. Like, that's like pistol range shooting. And then he has, he just had earplugs and his regular, like these glasses. And he's Turkish. Shooting, like pistol shooting. Shooter, it's everyone, it's the Olympic shooter there. And yeah, that's him. Yusuf Dikec, I don't know how to say his name.

But he has hands in his pocket. If you back out of that, and you just hit images, yeah, so everybody else has these crazy contraptions on to block this eye. He's like, I don't need it. And then they found, I guess in 2011, at Worlds he won gold, and he didn't even wear earplugs

He was just like boom. It's fucking so everybody is just like now He's doing like fun stuff cuz everybody is you know, he became like a meme But I love the I love the the the issue they're having with the quote-unquote. I guess Transboxer I don't know. I don't know. I feel so bad for this woman. For that, yes. So this is how, but this is why misinformation is such a crazy fucking thing, right? Everyone's like. And this is what's wrong with everyone having a goddamn fucking agenda. Everyone's like, oh this Italian girl got beat up

by a fucking guy and then she's like, I've never felt punches like that. And so everyone's like, that's because it's a guy. And then you find out. And immediately it fits into someone's narrative. Yeah, they're like, there you go. There's a problem with trans athletes. This fucking poor, that's because it's a guy. And then you find out. Immediately it fits into someone's narrative. Yeah, they're like, there you go. There's a problem with trans athletes.

This fucking poor, she's Algerian. She's an Algerian, she's born a woman. Born a woman. Raised a woman, been a woman, identifies as a woman, has a female passport, and she just has like a kind of masculine features. She has a lot of testosterone, apparently. Well, so that might be a thing where you go,

okay, is she doping? I don't know, I'm not gonna accuse her of doping. But she's just a fucking woman, dude. And everyone's like fucking trans, and this poor lady is like, I'm not trans. I was fucking, I just, I'm not hot. And you're just fucking, is that my crime? That I'm not a hot woman. Are you trans? You know, I'm a four. Yeah But I mean here's the okay

I don't know if this is I don't know what side of the argument this lands on but like aren't you always gonna have fucking superior like like Shaq is have fucking superior, like Shaq is a man. But he has to have more testosterone than me. Fucking hope so. I mean, right? Like fucking, like you look at all those high level athletes and then that's the thing is like, you're gonna get some bad bitches who are next level.

Yeah. Also, you just do have certain, if you're taking the pool of people in the world, it's eight billion people in the world, there's guys that just have very feminine features. They look feminine. There's chicks with big gums. And there are chicks like that.

And there's chicks who have strong jaw lines. There's just some out there that you're like. I have a friend who fucked, I don't want to say her name, because I'll say it, but he just edited it out. I have a friend who fucked. And they said going down there was like sucking a dick. That's hot.

It was a big. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, and so you have to know, there has to be some stuff. I was just in the airport, and I see this beautiful woman carrying a guitar, like long brown hair, and I was like, she's gorgeous. And then I just get close, I'm like, oh, that's a guy.

I was just like, wow, you're beautiful in my head. And I was like, that's a guy. It used to happen to me a lot. Used to? Yeah, used to happen to me a lot. When your vision was better? No, when I was into younger chicks, is I'd be like, ooh, who the fuck is that?

And I'm like, that's a 13-year-old boy. Oh, come on. That's good. I feel bad for this Al-Julian box show. I do. Especially at the thing you train your whole life for and you achieve it. And by the way, not socially accepted in her own hometown.

Because she wanted her to play soccer. And she was like, no, I want to fuck people up. Her dad didn't let her box as a youth, because he was like, girls don't box. She's like, come on, dad. Yeah. She was like, you see my dad? It's huge.

Watch me fuck this bitch up. Let's go back to this 1,000 pound thing. So if you think you can do a 300 pound bench, hold on. And you said you can pull 300 pounds, which I definitely think you can. Well that's, that's 600 pounds. So can you do a 400 pound squat? Oh wait, why was I thinking it's all 300 pounds? No, I cannot do a 400 pound squat. See, I think it's more likely to get a 400 pound pull so that you're at seven, but then you still need a 300 pound squat. I don't know if I can squat 300 pounds. I don't think you should just see if you can.

I think you should work your way up. Yeah. Yeah. No, I thought the thousand pound club would be really tough. Feitelberg did it. He fucking did it. Yeah, I know. I know.

Feitelberg's a sneaky athlete. Hit that thing again, that one in the middle. Yeah, let's see this. It doesn't have, they don't say what it is, they just kind of, like I can't, I don't know what it is. They just kind of met like I can't I don't know what we're doing Um I Went full me ahead and try it says tried to join but did he join? I think he did. Okay

He went back. He went back. He was like, I know I can bench 300 and he went back a couple times trying to bench 300 I think I'd like to 290 membership status achieved by having a combined one rep of a thousand pounds in squat, bench, and deadlift. But doesn't mention, ah it's so annoying that it's not individually listed. The fuck? Of course the comments are like, that squat doesn't count. Oh yeah. Well.

Can't make out what it is. I don't know what it is. I do love when, I do love, I, I can't make out what it is. I don't know what it is. I do love when you see something like this and you know you're not gonna be involved in these comments so you can get into the comments. I love that. And you're like, nice.

It's amazing how fucking funny a shitty comment is when it isn't you. Oh yeah, I know. It really is fucking, it really is telling of my personality that I have to, that I do enjoy. Like when you go to the things, and like when you see the dude with no chin, no neck, and it's all chin, he's in his car like this.

Yeah, this motherfucker's like melted ice cream. Yeah. Comments are the funniest fucking thing in the world. They really are. I got to be honest with you. They really genuinely are like, funnier than me. Like where I read them, and then you see there's like, anything with the neck of that guy, that guy with the neck,

the neck, everything's's like has a neck Pun to it. It's very it's very good. It's very good. I Know I lose myself in comments all the time. Um Can I tell you who I was obsessed with guy? I did a deep dive on last night laying in bed who Harry Houdini Harry Houdini. Yeah, I did a deep dive. I was like having, oh, look at that guy. No, that's the guy, these are all of them. But no, but none of them are the one I'm thinking of though. There's a different, he's like a TikTok guy, right?

He's kind of like reddish hair. It's gotta be crazy to be a TikTok guy. TikTok fat neck. TikTok fat neck. That's gotta come up yeah there he is fat neck guy okay his name is fat neck guy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah all right go to his comments yeah seen my ups y'all seen my downs it's gonna be all right keep your head on your shoulders Y'all seen my downs

We are only way to pick the truck up yeah, you're my favorite Star Wars character More What do you eat to maintain that level of fitness world's strongest car Yeah And I do love the people that are jumping and they They go, why does everyone need to be so mean? Yeah, always, yeah. I love those people. There's some nice people really out there. There are nice people.

They try to balance it out. What percentage of the people you think are nice? Do you think you're nice? I think most people are nice. Do you think you're nice? I think I'm pretty nice, yeah. Yeah? I think people don't know how nice I am.

Really? I'm genuinely very nice on a day-to-day basis. I you know Nice to everybody that I run into. Okay, let's do this. I would like you to order coffee and I'll be a Starbucks employee Oh, I'm super polite man. I'm always like I'm different. Oh, I'm I'm I believe in being polite though No, I'm polite, but I'm I try to match there and I try to change their energy I want them to laugh and smile. Oh, I see what you're so if I'm ordering a coffee Yeah, I always say I love you when I order a coffee So that's that's very nice. It's pretty nice. Yeah, that's and you get a lot of different reactions

I'll tell you where I don't get nice in Vegas sometimes In Vegas cuz Vegas is so polarizing you go to a place and they there's someone waiting Especially, you know because we perform in Vegas. Yeah, someone's waiting and they're like I'm gonna fight over you just said to call him Vegas is polarizing she go and pull up to the hotel and there's a representative meeting miss Chrysler the the guys who open the door Mr. Chrysler, how you doing? So nice to see you. Oh, thank you so much. And then where you staying for the for the show? Parking GM, I think okay

It's one it's the one that's attached to the golf course Okay, I'm sorry. I should know they were I think they comped the room. They're very sweet. Oh, sorry, I should know. I think they comped the room, they're very sweet. And so I should know, I'm so sorry, I don't know. They greet me at the thing and I'm like, thank you. And they say hi to me. They go, Leanne, it's good to see that. It's like, that's the cool thing about Vegas. What's your tipping like?

Oh, through the roof. Your aggressive tipper? 20s to everyone. Yeah, that's good. And so I don't want to, I just think if you start doing hundreds then all the sudden the other control is insane and so 20s to everyone and then and then The second we go in we I wouldn't even check in they take us there. They got our keys take us right to our room I'm like cool. I was like girls. Let's go get lunch and like awesome. So we go to the

we go to this restaurant in the thing and then all of a sudden you go and they say the table is gonna be a 30 minute wait and I was like, okay I was like I don't want to fucking if I hit my guy up I get in here cuz there's I see tables wide open It's just like a little power thing and I was like, alright. Okay, maybe they have low staff. No problem so I go to the bar and It is there's a bar. I got my daughters with me. They're not 21. So we don't sit at the bar we sit in the lobby and the waitress comes over, and she says, I need you, can I see their IDs?

I said they're not 21, that's why we're not at the bar, we're right in here. She goes, you can't sit here. I said, okay. I said, where can we sit? And she, Tom, literally, if this was the table, she goes, you can sit on that couch. And so I move five feet, and I go, is this better?

She's like, yeah. I was like, and that's when I lose me. That's when you lose me. When I start thinking that the rules don't make sense to me at all, and I go, now, what are we doing? What games are we playing? It's kind of a thing.

Yeah, and so, and then she goes, why don't you guys go over there, and I'll come get you guys, get your drink order in a second. I said, or you can take it exactly right now, and then I goes, why don't you guys go over there and I'll come get you guys, get your drink order in a second. I said, or you can take it exactly right now and then I'll meet you over there. She goes, well, I guess I could do that. And I was like, no, you absolutely can.

I said, and so I got me and Leann a drink. And then I made eye contact with her as I side shuffled and sat down. Like, what the fuck are we doing here? And then that is where I, and I don't even know, I mean like that's the gross part of me that I don't like is. I like when you turn like this though.

It happens. I know it has. I've been there before, I've seen it. As a matter of fact, Leanne went through and highlighted all the times it's happened. Oh, I bet she has a longer list than I do. Tell Leanne to come up here. Tell Leanne to come up here. Wait, call Feiterberg. Oh, yeah. I gotta trim my beard. Is it my beard that makes my face look fat or is it my face that makes my face look fat?

I think it's beard. Yeah, thanks What the fuck you doing? My glasses off I'm gonna talk to him. It's still not answering. No, he's like I'm here call me Just text him text him I just called you oh he's calling right now Just text him text him I just called you. Oh he's calling right now. Whoa whoa I didn't know we were gonna get this. Wow. I told you I was in the pool. Jesus. So buddy we're just talking about you we're super super impressed we wanted the breakdown of your thousand pound club.

Okay, the breakdown, like what the what weight will weight? Yeah, yeah, what was what? Know what we were. All right, I think, I don't remember exactly. Bench was 285, I remember that because I was pissed that I didn't get 300. Okay, so 285, so you still got 715 to go. Yeah, and then squat was 375. Wow.

I'm going to come clean on. I have a torn labor in my hip. So I did not squat like well. I think if someone's going to be a stickler about bodybuilding, I don't think I did as low as I'm exactly supposed to go. OK. Fair enough. That's interesting.

That's exactly what the comments say. Yeah, that's what we were saying, yeah. Yeah. And then, um, deadlift, which again, I'm not good at. All of this was like basically luck. Yeah. I'm not good at any of these. But deadlift was like maybe 385, which I think really sucks.

Let's not. That's for it. I mean, that doesn't really suck. No, it really suck. Do you do deadlifts a lot? Literally never. In the video I have to get taught the form. Yeah, that's pretty good for not ever doing it. You know, that's not what like somebody who does it all the time and trains for it would do, but that's that's not bad, man. So those three... Cory G, who's the

So those three... There was a Cory G, who's the trainer who helped me out. He had one of his guys there too. And this dude was, he was just a tiny little guy. I unfortunately I forget his name. And they were like, what do you think he deadlifts? And I didn't have a guess. It was like 700 and something pounds. Yeah, there's some real fucking, 700 is very...

What muscles are the deadlift? Is it your hamstrings? It's your posterior chain, yeah. So that's just all your hams and your glutes and everything. I got a soft posterior. But like, there's people that pull crazy weight in that. It is fucking nuts. It's very humbling to be around them.

They say it's like all technique, which clearly I have none of it. But it was, I knew I probably had a chance. Well, here's my question. Are you now, are you like, are you like, you know, triggered by this? Where you go like, I want all these to go up? Or are you just like, cool, whatever? No, in fact, kind of the opposite I guess. Like I've stopped lifting as heavy weights.

That's awesome. Just wanted to see if I could do it. I definitely, I just get bored when I work out too so I started doing more like fucking cardio shit. Okay I said if you're like I'm gonna become a powerlifter now. No I don't think so. I don't think so. I'm trying to get like you dude. I'm trying to get fucking skinny. I'm too fat.

Or both of us. Or both of us. I think you said both of us. Yeah yeah. You scared great. Or both of us, I think you said both of us. Both both? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hey, you scared me also by the way. I didn't know you guys would be recording on a Saturday.

When I saw you recording Two Bears, I was like, fuck, what day is it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Are you watching Joe's special tonight? Oh, is that tonight? Yes, tonight.

Oh, I am now, yes. Yeah. That's live, right? Yeah, live. We're going to Costco and then it's on Netflix. We're going to Costco to do a bottle signing and then we're going to a bar. I'm trying to change my life. Okay. You're trying to change your life and you said you spend the Saturday going to Costco in a bar. That seems like a B Saturday. It's fully right. I want to be at your pool right now. This looks fucking awesome It's not my pool. It's my parents pool, but it's fucking that's yours. That's yours, bro. That's great Yes, if they pass away you get it. We're show me your mom Fuck yeah, dude. Well, thanks man. We're proud of you. Yeah, I'm slowly putting arsenic in their soup, so we'll get there soon. Fuck yeah, dude.

Well, thanks, man. We're proud of you, okay? Thank you, buddy. I appreciate you, boys. Thank you so much. All right. Get on that treadmill. We'll see you later.

Yeah, Leanne was pointing out times where I've lost, where I think the rules don't work the way I want them to work. And I will, I will. Yeah, just tell her to get up here. Can you come up, please? And she was, she was, because I'm, I'm, I switch over. I go to Karen, I go full Karen.

But it's my Karen. I know. Like we were at the girls' fashion show for the school. And we were with the dads and fucking having a good time. We were having some beers. And one of the ladies in charge of the fashion show came in and was like, she takes it very serious. She's like, not one of the moms, she's one of the people that produces it. And she comes in and she looks at me and goes, uh, yeah, you got,

you're done drinking. I don't want absolutely fucking not. I said, you are not my flight attendant, so you can leave now or go get me another beer. And then that woman got fired. You're talking about the fashion show. Yeah, yeah, fashion show. What we're talking about, he was saying the times, he was like, you know, when he goes, when he switches.

I was talking about when we were in Vegas and the lady was like, yeah, you can't sit here, you gotta sit there. Oh, it's not very pretty. Well, he was saying when he goes from fun jovial guy to like, yeah, yeah. And I said, oh, I've seen it, I've been there for it. And he goes, Leanne has a list,

and I go, I'm sure it's longer than mine. So he wanted to bring you up. For my list? Just give me a good one, and I'll tell Tom, I'll defend myself. Anytime you're told no for access to an area. That's anytime. Oh yeah, that's right.

So in the blank. That's a big, hey, that's called big time with people. You can't walk here. I can't let you in here. Anybody in an arena who's been told who he is and doesn't have a potential. Oh, hold on, stop it, stop it, hang on. Hang on. I remember, uh.

Right them up. Like in such a way that I go... No, no. That's not fair. That is fair. You can say, hey, this is my show without being like, go fuck yourself. I don't say go fuck yourself. I don't say go fuck yourself.

No. No, hold on. Hold on. It's an embarrassing attitude. Tom, this is a big mistake. I should have never brought her up here. This is why we should have never let women vote. We should never fucking She was a voiceless. It feels borderline diva ish Okay. All right. I think Mariah Carey has some of their stories. I understand. Okay, listen I understand everyone right now is hearing this and they're ready for me to spin out and they I am NOT the hero in this story I need you to stop and pause and I need you to remember that you liked me originally

So beam let me be my hero for a second, okay? It's not a human She knows you so well, it's really... It's fucking exhausting. It's exhausting. Okay, I'll tell you, the very last show we did, so I did a two-year arena run. Now there are, there's every morning, I don't need to tell this to you, but I'm telling this to anyone listening, every morning you pull into the arena, your team goes in and they have a meeting with the staff, with the security, with everyone that runs the venue.

Here's how today is going to work. Everyone will have passes except for one guy. He will probably be shirtless in shorts and barefoot walking around. He is Burt. This is what he looks like. There's a picture of him everywhere. So when he goes to walk, he will not have a lanyard on. He will not be wearing a lanyard.

So just giving you a heads up, you see that guy it is the artist now Let's just be fair if you are working an arena You maybe want to know who the artist is that's performing in that arena that evening So the very last show I did I go walking in to go to the gym. I just had my workout clothes on and no shirt and White dude Maybe was didn't get accepted into the police academy Lights me up. Hey, whoa, whoa, I need to see your pass.

And I went, I'm actually good, I'm the artist. No, no, no, no, no, no, everyone needs a pass. I go, that's when I switch. That was a quick switch. That was a quick switch though. Did you see the jowl shake that happened though? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see the jowl shake that happened though. Yeah, yeah. See the jowl shake?

Shut up, Leanne. So you know where you're in the next stratosphere, the jowl shake, and you're like, oh shit, back up. You switched quick though on this guy. I did. It didn't really get there. And I wasn't done. No, I, yeah. That's one. Let's see, is there another one?

Oh my god. Continue with the list. When we did something's burning in Vegas, the sound guy. What sound guy? Yes. The sound guy? Yes.

When we shot in, what's his name's restaurant? Roy Choi, Best Friends. Okay. Oh my God. I had to turn around. I was like. Who's, yeah, fun thing is that happens when Hold on, hold on, hang on, hang on. It's pretty fun. No, hold on. That guy, hang on, that guy. I had to turn around I was like Hold on hang on hang on no hold on that guy hang on that guy that guy did not know who I was

I'm paying him When I'm paying you treat me with a little bit of respect That's all I ask a little bit of respect or give me the same respect and this is what I said and maybe this is a Wild statement give me the same amount of respect that you would expect every artist to get if if Whitney Houston walked in No, that's a bad example. If JLo walked in you would know it's JLo. You'd be like, oh, hey, how you doing? I don't need to see your lanyard. Have a great show. Yeah, and by the way 98% of the time I walk into a venue that is how I am dealt with and I will say this I will say this and I will make this racial it has never been a black dude or a black woman that gives me shit.

They always go, what's up, how you doing? As a matter of fact, and I was cognizant of it when I was shooting my special, I had the same old black dude, me and him, every time I walked in, he got briefed for how that was gonna run. I was the only one without a lanyard, but he knew it. And every time we busted balls about how hot Florida was,

where he grew up, we talked every time. Every time I've had an issue, it's been a fucking white dude, an overweight, balding white dude who's lit me up. And I go, and I said this one time, I said, if that's how you treat me, imagine if Lil Baby comes in, and what do you do to him and his guys? Because I already know how you fucking feel you got a power complex

I just I fight power with power for the for the powerless I do it for the powerless Stop it You're she's now she's gaslighting me and she gaslights me Tom. Yeah. Yeah, I see it all the fucking time I see it and this yeah, it's fucking And now I'm getting I can't wait to fucking like someone up at Costco and I will hold on I think this is called priming someone. I think this is actually you're gonna go in there. Yeah, I can't I walked We got close to it the other day. I walked up and the manager Costco is back there and to the Costco we're going to and I was like I

Was like how's what's what's selling? Well, and he goes He goes vodkas. He goes, you know, what's crazy the Kirkland vodka sells really well I said really goes yeah, the higher-end ones don't we got a new one and I said it's mine and he went yeah Huh? I went no, that's my vodka and he goes sure it is. I go no It's mine." And he went, yeah, huh? And I went, no, that's my vodka. And he goes, sure it is. And I go, no, I'll be here August 3rd for a bottle signing. And he went, huh?

And it's moments like that where if I feel like he's gonna tell me to go fuck myself, that's when I, my skin. I think you're looking for it at that point, right? No, no, no, what I was trying to do was, cause I know you got in trouble for just starting to film in there, and I was looking for access to film at that moment.

And I knew I had to slow roll it. I wasn't going to go and hard sell him so I was like kind of massage him. And then he was really fucking cool. We'll see him today. He was really cool. I thought you were going to tell me I fucking ripped his... He was really cool. He was like, oh wait, for real?

I was like, yeah. I said, my name's Bert. I'm a comedian. I said, me and my best friend is a disabled comedian. We lost his vodka. And he was like, wow. And he said, is it like a white label thing? And I went, no.

It was really cool. And I said, man, Paul, I go, this is the only place you can get handles. And I showed him the bottle, and he was like, you designed all that? And I was like, yeah, it was a team, we worked. It was a really great conversation. That's all I want out of everyone.

So when I say that when you order Starbucks, are you nice? I always try to treat people to make them laugh and giggle, but sometimes you get in life. And when I feel like you're, I feel like it's my job as a human being, as a white male to light you the fuck up, to out you and show you what it looks like. And it does not come pretty. No, it's not pretty. Well, it's fair to say though, in your defense, that

we all have this side. That's the thing, when Karen's, the whole Karen thing showed up, I watched people, Karen people that I know and love that are not Karen's, I've watched them do it. And one time was at Red Rocks, I was going to just get to our car and I was like, I went up to the lady and I was like, hey, we need to get backstage because our car's car and I was like I went up to the lady and I was like hey we need to get backstage because our cars there and she was like no access is that was actually I performed here last night she goes honey you did not and I went no I actually was here last night and I I was just backstage that's our car right there and she goes you mister will never perform

in Red Rocks keep walking and I watched a lot of women in my life carrying this bitch up, just fucking. And then all of a sudden one of the head people came, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Kreischer, Mr. Kreischer. And then the woman, see now here's where I'm great. This is where I excel, is I went over to her and I understood she was just doing her job. And I said, listen, do not worry.

I completely understand if I was performing here and someone was trying to get backstage on me, I appreciate you doing your job. I've always said that, even when I light, listen, do not worry. I completely understand if I was performing here and someone was trying to get backstage on me, I appreciate you doing your job. I've always said that, even when I light dudes up, except the dude that got fired. And by the way, let me, can I just tell you a good story of when I was a great guy?

Because I feel like I'm doing all these bad things. I almost killed a guy in a restaurant one time and I followed him into a hallway and I told him I was gonna fucking hurt him. And I checked out of that hotel so that I wouldn't have to see him again. For real? Yeah. Why?

What year was this? He fucking took, he was really like, and he dropped the plate and then walked away and I was like, and so I followed him into the back hall and I was like, I'll fucking knock your head off. He was, you know, and then I just went to the front desk. I was like, check me out of this hotel. Yeah. I followed a dude to the bathroom one time. He's famous.

I followed a dude to the bathroom when I was 26. Have I told you this story? You jerked off a guy in the bathroom? No, no, no. Devin Soa. Do you know who that is? Pull up Devin Soa. I've talked to Devin Soa about this.

Devin Soa is a very talented actor. He was the kid in... I mean, he's been in a lot of things. Gorgeous. He was in Final Destination. He was the lead in Final Destination, 1, 2, and 3, I think. But he's been in a lot of stuff. But he's a Hollywood actor. He stuff. See, but he's a Hollywood actor, he's roughly my age, maybe a little younger, and we're in New York, we're in LA, it's my first night out, we're at a bar called Guy's, I think it is.

And my buddies, I don't know my buddies are fucking with him. They know who he is, I don't know who he is at the time. He's with Topanga from Boy Meets World, that actress. They're dating and they've got friends with at their table, where's the table next to them? And my friends are fucking with him. I don't know that they're fucking with him. I go to the bathroom and as I come out,

all my friends are gone and the bouncers are manhandling the rest of my friends out of the door. And I said, what the fuck? And they were like, someone's like, fuck Devin Soa. And then I was like, and I was still a little bit of college dude, and so Devin Soa starts walking to the bathroom. And I go, I'm gonna go fucking find out what happened.

And you start walking and you start getting your fucking energy up. It's that thing, it's addictive. When that rage kicks you, you're like, here we go. All right, I'm same size, but I grew up in fucking Tampa. I'm from Florida, I've been in fights. So I get to the bathroom, it's a very long hallway to the bathroom.

I get to the bathroom. Devin Soa stops at the door and he senses my energy and he turns around and as he turns around I realize Devin Soa is not afraid of me at all. And he turns around, he's like, what the fuck's up? And I was like, you tell me what's up. He's like, your boys are fucking assholes. Now, he was accurate. Oh, it was Eddie Fernandez, yeah, of course.

It was Eddie fucking Fernandez, yeah. It was Eddie fucking Fernandez. And I was like. What was your problem? You should have said, I'm so sorry. At that moment, I realized, okay, I think my buddies were bullying him. I think they were doing something weird.

And then I hear footsteps up and four of Devin's friends are walking up to, because they saw me follow them to the bathroom. And then I go, I go, that's what's up. And I realize I can't fight. I got to get the fuck out of here. And so I start walking away and they're like, and they passed me and they're like, what the fuck was that? And he's like, dude got my fucking face. And they're like and they passed me and they're like what the fuck was that and he's like dude got my fucking face and they're like what the fuck's up and there there was like a 15-foot walk to a

long hallway and you had to turn the corner and as I turned the corner I sprinted out of that fucking hallway and I was like I just want to be outside with my friends as I got outside a bouncer threw Eddie a city block. He went like and I watched Eddie go and so cut to fucking 15 years later I'm doing a podcast with Stu Stone and he's like yeah I'm good friends with Devin Soa and I was like I know Devin Soa and he's like let's call him I was like uh-oh and so I told Devin Soa the story and he goes fuck yeah I remember that night those guys are fucking assholes I was like I was the one that followed you to the bathroom.

He was like, shut the fuck up. Yeah, Devin Soe was a good- Well this is an important thing, because audience is gonna react to this in one or two. I think the important thing to say here is that you can hear these stories and just go, you guys are fucking entitled. Yeah.

But the other thing is I think that, I'm not proud of those things. I don't think you're proud of like, I'm not proud of those things. I don't think you're proud of that. I'm not proud of them. I wish I didn't do it at all. No, so it's like, exactly. But that's the thing to point out, is that like, think about times where you've not been

proud of how you reacted to something. Oh yeah. Because it's very human. Like to act like nobody does this stuff is what's nonsense. You want it? People just go like, oh, you're the fucking one guy. You've never had an interaction where you're like, oh, I'm embarrassed that I did this. You want to hear the most embarrassed I've ever

been about my behavior ever? And it's so bad that when I say it out loud, you will hear Leanne and Christine both laugh out loud. Is it straight to DVD? Oh, my god. That's it. Straight to DVD. What's that? What's that? No. This is the most fun I've had on a podcast in a while. Oh it's, how long ago? How long ago? Georgia, before Ila was born. Oh, that's a long time ago. Ila was born.

Ila was born. Ila was born. We were in the upstairs, we were upstairs apartment. I was drunk. Let's start with I was drunk. So this is back when you were drinking. Yeah, this is back when I was drinking. And we were talking about, they were saying that, oh yeah, that movie is straight to DVD.

And I was like, no one makes a movie hoping it goes straight to DVD. Like every movie. And they're like, no, it's like a whole business model I went absolutely not and I will not I'm not gonna let you say what I said Okay, because I was fucking wildly out of control But it got to a place where I got so heated that Leanne I got and that's also a real thing. I get fucking cornered Sometimes people do this and by the way if you're a big drinker like me, sometimes people team up on you. They gang up on you. And they know you're, they know you cannot say anything because your only defense was,

I'm fucking drunk. Or I'm fucking wrong. Or I'm fucking wrong. It got so bad. I will simply tell you the worst part of the whole thing. He wouldn't let... Shut up! He would say Trevor were there and he wouldn't let them leave. It got so bad. I will simply tell you the worst part of the whole thing Shut up! Trevor were there and he wouldn't let them leave. I wouldn't let them leave? Just kept going.

About the DVD business? This is what you were fired up about? Tell them it went on for like how long Christine? An hour? An hour? An hour? An hour? Leanne went to bed. Leanne went to bed and then in the middle of the fight Realized she needed to get me fucking out of, she needed it to end. And she woke up and started walking down the stairs. And I was like, Leanne, go back to bed.

Go back to bed, Leanne, I am not done with this. The DVD business does not exist on its own. I am dying on this hill, no matter what. And that's why Pete Rose is lucky to have me in his corner. Yeah. You would fight for him. I'd fight for Pete Rose, his corner. Yeah. Because. You'd fight for him. I'd fight for Pete Rose. Fuck yeah.

Yeah. We still bring up straight to DVD behind your back. Do you remember like three years after I sent it as a wheel of fortune? Like it was a football straight to DVD. Oh, they all still bring it up. They all still bring it up. You know, they made t-shirts because I would I had a I had a saying

Where I go they would say something I go. That's not a real thing That's not real I saw this I saw this Like so how someone's feeling that's not real Gaslighting and so I made the hole he did it to me and then he did it to someone else in front of me in our office These are the third person I made everybody a sweatshirt and said that's not real. I hope people enjoy the comment section It's gonna be a good one. Yeah, I bet I can't wait listen listen Can anyone can we just celebrate the fact that I'm open to share my flaws? I think no I think it's the fucking actual the whole root of this right here is I think it's the fucking actual the whole root of this right here is

Saying we're sharing sharing embarrassing behaviors embarrassing and you should share yours that would be a much more interesting comment section I would love this please please share in the comments times that you have behaved Irrationally and was willing to die on that hill. You know what? I'll just move another one you gave us me again No, no, you you gave me a Jet ski. Yeah, and like I Don't know six months later. I was there. I got a second one a little different style or whatever brand or something and then shortly after that, I go out one morning with Christina, we're gonna go on jet skis.

And so I go, get on the one that Bert gave us. And she's like, well, I learned on the other one. And I go, no, that's the one that we just got a few months ago. You wrote on that one. She goes, no, I never read on that one. Dude, we're leaving the canal, and I'm like, you've never been on this one!

And she's like, that's the one I was on before, and I go, you fucking have never been on this! And I was so heated that we were supposed to like tandem ride and I just left her and then my Jesky started to sink it had a hold it and it sunk and I had to wave her over I was like it just sunk it sunk in the lake and I was just like I'm sorry about the Jesky thing I need you to save me I'm dying I lost my mind sounds like there's one teed up in her mind. Which one?

The one where we went camping with a group of families and I was at the lake, wade- Hold on, stop! Leanne, stop! Hold on, hold on, Tom, hold on. Hang on, hang on, stop. No, no, no. This is so good! This is my podcast! So, hold on. I need No, no, no, no. This is so good. This is my podcast. So, hold on.

Oh no, I need backstory, I need backstory on this. Okay, two things. Number one, up into the time addicted to OxyContin, correct? Excuse, excuse, excuse. Okay, all right. Who's addicted? Me. He wasn't addicted.

He's been on it for like 12 days because he fell off a waterfall. 12 days, I hate the way she does this. It was not 12 days. It was. It was more, it was like three months. No. Whatever.

OK. OK. Split the difference. 14 days. 14. OK. Thank you, John. So Leanne has a very alpha energy.

She can change a tire. She can fucking change a spark plug, she can change oil, she knows all the shit about fucking man stuff because she grew up with a dad who basically was like I'm gonna teach you how to get through this world. I did not. I do not. However, however, I did grow up on a lake, I did grow up fishing. This is completely inconsequential to this story. Okay, you tell, you fucking... Okay. Well, you better come here. Okay, you tell, you fucking. Okay.

Well, you better just. Well, I'm gonna over here. Okay, yeah. So we are with four families fishing. And he's in the cabin. This is the worst. This is the worst. I am down at the lake with the kids.

He's napping. How old are the kids at this point? Like maybe second grade. Okay. So seven. Something like that. And I'm baiting a hook. Because the kids are fishing and then you know there's seven. So I'm baiting all their hooks. And they're fishing and Bert comes out on the balcony and he goes, Liam! Come here! Come here! Come here! So I go upstairs and he closes the door and he goes, how dare you bait that hook in front of me? How dare you emasculate me like that?

And I was like, you were asleep and you were in the cab and he was like, I can't believe you do this to me all the time, all the time. And I was like, what's happening? What is happening? He goes, I think I've married the wrong person. Does he again? All right, that's it.

I think I've married the wrong person. This episode's over, this episode's over. That's all I wanna thank our sponsors. Better help. If you're dealing with anything in life, and you think therapy is the answer for you, maybe you have someone who gaslights you, emasculates you, and one of your fucking kids. It was terrible! It was not the,

No, I don't do that. You've never seen me do that. You've never seen me go like this. Did this lead to a big fight? Huge fight. So big, we stayed in the bedroom and just fought. The other families fed our kids. The fight is that he should have been the one baiting the fish.

All the other dads were teaching their kids to fish. But he slept. And so I was supposed to go like, oh, well, I'm a girl, so I can't bait a hook. No, no, no. There's so much backstory to this. There's yeah. Yeah. Yeah There's so I mean like this isn't the first time you ever emasculated Would you have preferred her to wake you up hey

I would have been cool is hey all the dads are fishing with their kids Do you want to go down and fish with the dads and teach the kids how to fish? I would have been like yeah, yeah, and then none of this would have happened everyone's down there. No, it's not your fault Okay, okay. First of all, I behaved irrationally and I own that I behaved irrationally. That's good. We're married for 22 years We're married for 22 years 20 years 20 years god damn it. I'm Pete Rosen the fuck out of this We're married 20 years. You're gonna have stuff like that. the fuck out of this. We're married 20 years, you're gonna have stuff like that. Tell one when you're bad. Tell one when you're bad. That was 11 years ago. Clearly we worked together.

Tell the end but when. Okay, I almost killed me on a jet ski. That's not real. Look, I am who I am. I am flawed. I am sensitive. I get my hands pursed when I get excited. I cry a lot and sometimes I come out hot with emotion. Okay?

That's it. I know my flaws and I'm willing to share my flaws so that I can be a better person and learn from those flaws. And that's all we're asking from our fans this episode is share times that you, I would love, I would, what I would really love is people to write in with their story where they can be like, you. I'm embarrassed of what I did.

I'm embarrassed of what I did. I would love to read some of those. You know, someone's going to be like, and then I stabbed a guy. And like, that's really. People get worse. Some guys, some guy go, hey, Leanne, and then beats his wife. I didn't do that. I just said you emasculated me. And I married the wrong person. Why would you ever share that? I fucked up and I should have never said that. People have said worse things. When he said it I was like, oh, we're not in reality. That's not real. That really was a time when that was not real.

He was trying to like, mic drop this fight. I was just, I wanted to get the fuck out of there. I've called Christina the N-word. Like, there's all kinds of things. There's all kinds of stuff you can say. Oh man, I did not see this coming. It was fun, this was good. Yeah.

Very productive, I like it. And by the way, yeah. All right, let's go. Let's go sign some bottles. Go sign some bottles. Hey guys, if you're dealing with any of this way, yeah, yeah All right, let's go Bottles, let's go sign some bottles. Hey guys, if you're dealing with any of this stuff seriously better help or I don't think there's Porosos. I don't think better helps a sponsor anymore. For real? Yeah, there's a it's a different Talkspace. I don't know. I do all our therapy reads. Okay. Well, whoever who's got a plug. Yeah, awesome I love you Tom. I love you too. I. I love you. I married the right person. Oh I love you. I love you, too

The other wears a shirt Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call, Two Bears, One Cave.