2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 08 - 2 Bears 1 Cave 2 w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: October 7, 2019

Sober October has begun and Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are both handling the 1st week differently. Bert talks about flying sober and has a reminder about flying with Ric Flair. Tom has been having a lot of fun at the range - John Wick style. After WHOOP readings there is a small distraction looking at pretty women, then Bert calls Dr. Drew for a medical related question. Dr. Drew gives his insights into Bert's "sobriety" and the Ari Shaffir situation.

Ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, Let's go. There's a perfect way to start off this show. 12 years in the making. It's gonna be a fucking shit show. I haven't put it in my mind. It's gonna be a, maybe the hey, it's 100%. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm Thompson Girl with me as always. It's sober, Bert. Christchurch. Sober, Bert. Christchurch. Rare indeed, you will never see these types of episodes in the future. But you look good. I drove myself here. Oh my God.

This is one of the first times I was like, maybe I don't know. This is a very rare occurrence. All right, we're in sober October, and we are. And I feel 100% right now. Can I tell you something? What, you look notably different. For real? And it's only been like five days.

This was a very rough weekend. Really? Extremely rough. We started off with the Rogan episode where I was still like, I still wasn't all set from like, I had part't all set from like, I had partied way too hard, yeah, going into sub-rocktober.

And then at the thing, I got Cosbeed by the hour. I got fucking Cosbeed. And then, and Joe in the podcast, if you go to the podcast, Joe goes, take these five HDPs and then go, really, I feel like I got Roofied twice. Really?

I swear to God because, you know, one of the things about being friends with Joe is that you gotta understand he vibrates on a different frequency than everyone else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? It's very interesting. It's very interesting.

It's very interesting. It's very interesting. It's very interesting. It's very interesting. It's very interesting. It's very interesting. It's very interesting. It's very interesting.

It's very interesting. It's very interesting. It's very interesting. It's very interesting. It's very interesting. It's very interesting. It's very interesting. Is that what you take or say? I take four, so I take four. I had a needin', yeah, I had a needin'. That's always bad. I took four and I remember looking at Ari who poured four in his hand and then I remember this, read the back, put two back in, and then the person that drugs people, unlawfully,

gave himself half of what I took. Yeah. And so then I have to fly that night obviously. I'm going on the road. And I'm like, how does it make you feel? It makes you feel sick or something? It made me feel, you know, it's the same thing that almost that I vetoed.

I felt phenomenal at the podcast, driving home, and then all of a sudden I was, we were, we were, we were going to check something in the back and I'm walking into the house. And I feel like, not even joking like my stomach pop like almost go like And I'm like, well, I don't feel so good and then I'm like, oh my god, I think I'm gonna throw up And then I lay in the bed and it's almost like floods. I feel floods of stuff like whoo, and then I'm like, okay I haven't eaten and I was like I should eat something right now

It's gonna wait till dinner have one meal and then go to get get on the plane, not eat. So then I ate some pizza. And then, and then I, and so then I felt sick the whole flight, my first sober flight. It's a red eye to fucking. How long was the last time you flew sober before that flight? October, 34, a year. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah.

So, so So yeah, it's been a year and like legit year. I gotta be honest with you man. I want I'm I texted Dr. Drew I was like I need to read a book. I need to read so I need to figure out what's going on in my head because there is a This is what's going on in my head, right? I go like last night. I Texted the girls so what do you guys want to do for dinner? And they said maybe we should go out like last night, I texted the girl, said, what do you guys want to do for dinner? And I said, maybe we should go out. And as soon as I read that, my brain goes,

ooh, I've got tails. And then I go, oh. Yeah. And so that's, I want to get rid of that, because it is most notable on a plane. But maybe that never goes away. Maybe, when the flight attendant says, can I get you a drink?

I'm immediately my heart races and I go, ooh, double tea to start a big glass of lime. Like, I heard someone order my drink at the bar and it's so bizarre because there's no, I'm obviously, I'm not doing it, so I'm not drinking and I don't really care it, I don't give a fuck, but it is a weird trigger where you go, where I do understand

if you have legit addiction problems, like heroin, cocaine, crack, pills, I can imagine that must be the heaviest burden to bear. But I remember you said at one time about drinking, I was like, what's the thing? And you're like, I like to keep the party going. Jesus, I've never seen someone drink. I have a legit drinking problem.

Like, I drink, I can't help, I murder things. I had a root beer this weekend, and I drank it in one sip. I was like, I was like, I was like, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, rip, I have a legit drinking problem. That will be isolated. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Like, let's get that drinko. And you said, I love that when you start having drinks, you're like, it's like a good time is starting.

And then you want it to never end. I want it to never end. I don't understand people who, I've always had an hard time understanding people who can just go lay in bed and go, I'm just gonna go to sleep tonight. You know what, wait, don't you want it? Let's do something fun.

Let's go fly a drone up. I always want things to get better. I judge so harshly morning drinkers on flights. Like, sometimes... Everyone does. Oh my God. Sometimes I'll sit there and they'll order and I'll out of league go like you're a piece of shit.

Like when I hear them order their drink. See, I judge. See, I'm like the way those people that can smell a fine cheese. Yeah. I can judge the people those people that can smell a fine cheese. I can judge the people who have a problem. Really? You know who's got the situation going on?

Ric Flair. You don't have to say. Oh. Well, you've seen him? I drank next to Ric Flair one time. Yeah. And he did, he did something. So hot potters masturbating in there right now.

Ric Flair pulled, I've pulled a Rick Flair a couple times, but I saw him do it, and I was like, oh yeah, that's problematic. What did he do? I've done this, too. What did he do? Beautiful wife, his wife's gorgeous. Which one, the sixth?

I don't know, he had the latest one. It might have been sitting next to him. It's seven in the morning. By the way, he looks great, he's in a suit, looks great. Getting onto the plane. He sits down next to his wife and he says, and I've done this too, I've so done this too. Waitress comes up, he's fighting,

he's standing, he comes up and she goes, what can I get you guys? And he goes, what about take a double bloody Mary, spy extra spicy? And she's like, okay. And he's like, keep the rocks, but like double bloody Mary, it's extra spicy. She's like, okay.

And then she comes to me, what do you have? And I was like, that does sound good. I'll take a double bloody Mary. So I take one. And I'm kind of watching, because it's Ric Flair. So he puts them down. She puts both of them down. She goes to the next thing.

He grabs his wife and kills it, puts hers down. In front of her though. Yeah, in front of her. Like, she's done with hers. I think I'll sit mine. And then Zips is casually. I was like, gangster move, Rick Flair. How are you doing that?

I've done that with food. Like, what are you gonna have I'll be doing that. I've done that with food Like what are you gonna have I should have that? Sundays yeah, she's gonna have one and I'm one two Yeah, I've seen I've seen I think I'm probably the like especially on planes gets where my panic really kind of raises But I mean how do you get through this month when you're like I because I believe you that you, I've known you a long time, I know you get panicked from, like how do you deal with the fucking month? I don't actually, you know what I mean?

What's flying? It's actually not as bad as I make it in my head. Okay. I gotta be honest with you, I think, I think I, I know my anxiety makes things in the future worse than they are in the moment. Right. You know, it's like, you know, running the marathon

is a perfect example. I had anxiety leading up to that day, but then when I got there and I was there, it wasn't that bad and I thought to myself, I literally thought to myself, I'm gonna be here for the next five hours. All I got to do was put one foot in front of the other foot. I've done that before in life, you know.

All I got to do was put one foot in front of the other foot and I did it and then I went, that was like a weird thing in my head where I was like, oh, I can do stuff like this. And for the flight, I just said, I'm gonna read a book. I'm gonna, I downloaded that, I've you watched that Netflix show, man, about the Unibomber. Oh, the, like the actual scripted show.

Yeah, that we are with Sam Worthington and. Yeah, were they, were they, the story of how they track them everything? Dude, I watched that. I watch that So it's not as bad it's not bad actually. It's not bad at all. I But here's why it's the opposite of like your sisters controls on me I know there's people watching me there was a guy across shout out to Cameron who at at find in tailored I think is the name he tells like

vintage watches Shout out to Cameron who's keeping an eye on me last night. He was? On the flight and he was like, you guys so broke tober man, shout out. I was like, oh yeah! And so as long as there's constraints on me, I'm good. The second, sober October's over, and I know I can have a drink without any repercussions.

In my head I go, why not? And but I'm so much happier. I'll tell you what's better than that first drink in an airport or the first drink on Takeoff is a fucking iced coffee when you land and you know you got your whole day to you Oh, it's the best and you're like and you're like and you can cheat a little bit and go can I get? Can I get some cream in that? Yeah, coconut milk or make a soy for ice soy I'm in a notably worse mood right now because I didn't have time to stop for one. Oh my God, can we talk about your gun shooting video?

Oh my God. Can I tell you, that, first of all, you and Joe shooting guns looks like the coolest fucking thing. So fun. Both of you look fucking so badass and that's so fun. But the video they had of you shooting it up a Starbucks was a little on the nose. I was like, I was like, I was not getting red flagged.

It was going on in today's culture with people actually shooting up Starbucks. I didn't think about how bad it looked. Oh my god! Until can I help you with the order? Gah gah gah gah gah gah! Yeah, there she is. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, play it. Yeah.

This is the fucking... We watched this on the bus and we were like, how is this not getting flagged on Instagram? Yeah. I'm gonna get you something. I'm gonna get for you tonight. I mean, this looks so real. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Do you know how many people message me that it's not cool? No! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh, I bet! Oh, that was fucking hilarious. Do you know how many people message me that it's not cool? No! Oh, I bet. Oh, that was fucking hilarious. I was like, what? Is there like a shooting problem in this country or something? I don't know. I wasn't thinking like that. Hey guys, if you could do some mashups with Tom and schools and synagogues.

No, no, no, no. Guys, I would love some shooting videos. You know, it's fun when you do it to me. Do some for Tom at like schools and synagogues. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Have you done any classes? Yeah, it's hot spins.

I have a surfing class set up for Friday morning. Yeah. And I have a spearfishing class set up for Saturday morning in Fort Myers. That's cool I'm doing fucking powerlifting today with like a world-class powerlift dude I gotta be honest with you. I really like this. Yeah, so Brocktober so much more fun It's so much more fun because I'm literally going like Things were my comfort zones always been like I'm not gonna get so meaningless and I'm gonna

I you know what that's how I'm but into but into my head I go, I have to. So I feel better doing it. And I'm like, I called Alonzo. I'm gonna race motorcycles. Cool. I wanna do the, and he was like, I had to start with this dirt track. I didn't hit me up with this dirt track guy.

It's so fun to go through and go, oh, these are all the lessons I wanna take. But this is like, to me, the cool thing that I hope people can take from this is like, you know, we isolate a month and we're doing this thing as a group, and it's cool, but you realize, for me, the thing I'm already realizing is like, it doesn't need to be this month to go try something

you've always wanted to try. I would have loved to done that tarantactical shooting range. There was an article written about you guys. I know, I know. I saw that online. That place is amazing. I'm gonna go do that.

I made do that by my, I know you and Joe have done like, I think you guys have done that. We went back. We went back and did air of 15s. We, what's a, what is it? It's a six hour MPX. So wait, what is it? Like you go there and-

So this guy has an elaborate- Can I go by myself? Or I'll bring like a friend. I wanna do what you and Joe did. This guy. I don't want you guys to have this degree do it this thing So that's she's LAPD by the way What was this section last shot you did so that I was gonna like I hit that target and I he was like you're done You're done you're done, you're

done, you're done. And you couldn't stop killing things. He does not go for it. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, everybody there though is like competition, competition level. Have you seen him? Did you see him do it? No, no, no, who? Right there. That's tarot. No, yeah, that's terror. Press play on that one. This is Karen. So he that's his place watch him Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I'm doing this tomorrow. Can I do tomorrow? You I'll put you in time. I might just go if you think like I can go I don't need to have like a partner to go with no no no, but you just need to like clear it ahead of time You're dead. Yeah, all right. I'm gonna. I'm gonna organize it because I want to do what you enjoyed it It's so fun and then and then if the three of us can go together I'm gonna clear it ahead of time. You sure did? Yeah. All right, I'm gonna organize it, because I wanna do what you and Joe did.

It's so fun. And then, and then, if the three of us can go together later in the month and do something together, that'd be cool. He's the coolest guy. He trained Kiano for John Wick. He trained Michael B. Jordan for Black Panther. Dude, I'm so afraid.

I'm doing that fucking house. Howdy Berry there. If I can come out of this month, surfing, shooting guns, skinny 205, if I can come out of this month. shooting guns skinny 205 if I can come out of this I'm gonna get data to a five. I'm working so fucking hard right now. You have no idea Yeah, oh my only biggest cheat was I had someone sent me an uncrustable donut And I had a bite of it, but it was a large bite But what are you way now? I'm away myself. I was gonna. I was gonna weigh myself. But don't do it every day.

Don't weigh yourself every day. No, seriously. Why? Because you just like, you get so distracted by that and then your whole day is gonna be like, I weigh this. Work however hard you're working, take care of yourself,

but weigh yourself like every few days. I'll tell you what I do like about this so-rocktober is the competitiveness is gone. Joe hit me up and was like, hey man, I think you get to two or five. I want you to get to two or five. Like, he, Kyle Kingsbury reached out to me, my Dolce reached out to me.

And so I'm talking with them, I'm trying to like, diet is tough for me because I, you know, it's like, I don't know if I can do a month with no treats and I don't wanna spend my month leading up to my special. You don't need to do the whole month. Focus on diet. I want, what I wanna do is be super fucking healthy,

not drink, try to eat as clean as possible, but allow myself to enjoy the month. Yeah. And then if I get to 205, great, and if I don't, you know, whatever, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna focus on it. I'm gonna see if I can get there. That's cool.

Yeah. This is, I'm so fucking loving this. All right now. Oh, yeah, we're the seventh already. Are you serious? It's get there. That's cool. Yeah, this is, I'm so fucking glad we're in here. We're right now. Yeah, we're the seventh already. Are you serious? It's almost over. Week's gone. Let's check our sleep.

Okay, can you pull it up? Can you pull up our hoops? It's that, I have been sleeping thing. I have been sleeping thing, sober October. Yeah, I've been sleeping like Jaco Willnic. There you go. My sleep last night was great, was his better. That's 67, what's 67?

I am really having a, can we get a whoop expert on the phone? I don't know if that is that for sure last night? No, that's not last night. That's not more than five hours. Yeah, that's not last night's. Maybe it's not five hours. Yeah, that's not last night. Maybe it's not here here Let's take a look on my phone. I have so many apps on my phone. All right. Oh I got good sleep you did Yeah

Woo How much sleep did you get? I don't think my sleep registered yet Just refresh it. I refresh it. There's no way. What? Six hours and 27 minutes. I got eight hours and three minutes.

Six hours and seven. Yeah, that's right. Six hours and 27 minutes. And by the way, that's 94% recovery for me. Is it really? Yeah. I felt energized. My storeiness level, none. Is it really? Yeah. I felt energized. My sornous level, none.

Look at the God rest. Look at that, look at that. This is sleep from last night. I guess 71%. I'll tell you what I'd like to do. And maybe we can have, 94% recovery. That's amazing.

I felt good and hot spin today. I fucking go. I see that. I see that. Yeah, your recovery is. How the fuck did your recovery that good though? I think it was a machine. It's like Mickey Mantle, Mickey Mantle, gene stuff, you know?

Wait, how is that seriously? What does that even mean? I really don't know to be dead honest with you. I'm not shocked I only suck, because Leanne's like, you suck nine hours last night. I was like, no, I tossed and turned a lot and woke up. I had a fucking, I had a dream that, you wanna know what I had, I had a dream of?

I had a dream and this has happened so much to me is I go in, after the show, I go into a bar and I say, you know, hey, I'd like, you know, I'm gonna invite my fans to come here or whatever, or before a show or whatever. But in the dream, and sometimes I clear like, you know, I'm gonna invite my fans to come here or whatever before show or whatever. But in the dream, and sometimes I clear it with the bar before we... You really do that? Yeah.

Yeah. And I let them know. I'm gonna probably tip out, I'll tip out, I used to tip out a thousand bucks because it was from the raffle and I couldn't keep the raffle money. So I just tip it to everyone in the bar, right? But I'd go in and go, hey, just, you know, I'm gonna give a heads up, I'm gonna give my telephone for my show where I come in here. So if you need to call in staff, you should.

And some, there's a certain type of personality. It's people that were jealous of people on road rules. Do you know the type of personality? We're like, they were like, you think you're so fucking hot? I could have auditioned for road rules. And you're like, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah, it's always a woman.

And, and, and. I mean, you tell them that they're like, okay buddy. Okay, yeah, and, they're always like, yeah, you know what, we're good. And I was like, mm, you don't own this bar, and I think your owner would say, speak differently. One time it happened to Boston and the owner of the bar

showed up and chastised his bartender. And was like, shut the fuck up, whatever he wants he gets. Thank you. Because you make it's not for the fucking month and one night. One night you clean them out of booze. You have everyone from the Wilbur two shows at the Wilbur is coming to one bar but I had a dream last night that I had to argue with a bartender. I was dreaming that I was arguing and then I woke up in the middle of the night going you know what you don't get my business. I'm like, this is a fucking deal, but Jesus Christ.

You get it. Now, when we did Rogan's podcast last week, you said you've been really getting into feet. So like, what house so? I'll take you back. It's almost like, I empathize with people who discover their gay. You know, like, like, what about child molesters? Nope.

Nope. I don't get that at all. Like, I really don't even get it. Like, I just, I'm, I wish they would do some sort of like, I don't get that in the slightest. Yeah, you shouldn't. I would. Yeah, you shouldn't. I was, yeah. I remember coming out of the closet, heterosexuality.

Like I remember that moment where I went, oh, I'm, like I didn't even know it was straighter gay. And I was like, oh, I'm into this. First one, first one ever was Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman in the Bugaloo's. Yeah. the Bugle Lose and it's it's so funny I went to a dominatrix and she explained it to me. Yeah, when Wonder Woman we get tied up. I was like I would be like as a kid right the Bugle Lose I remember the Bugle Lose is like a cartoon and they all had Australian accents and the girl got tied up one time

And I was like what am I feeling You can't control it, right? That's why I believe you're either born straight or gay, but man, feet, right? Seventh grade, seventh grade, Mr. Yarnels class. I'm sitting three seats back on the far left. Jennifer Stevens is sitting two seats back in the row next to me.

And she had to this dab at the most admit, perfectly t tan feet. And she would play with her shoe with her foot. Yeah, yeah, I didn't learn anything about anything about anything in history. That is dangling. All I remember is barnstorming. That's the only thing that could drag me from that feet.

I was like, I'm a foot guy for the rest of my fucking life for the rest of my fucking life. Dude, I saw porn one time in New York where the girl was fingering another girl with her foot and I was like, eh! I was like, fucking Jesus Christ!

See, I can turn on my block punts. Like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha No, no, no, I don't mind clean feet. Okay. What do you mean? Are you talking about like, like I can fetishize, like do you remember that tree guy that had those feet that looked like trees? What? Oh, I can definitely get into cleaning some feet. Like dirty gross feet. You wanna clean their feet?

No, no, like if, dude, like there's a thing about me that I like, like Dr. Pimble Popper shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I love that color. Oh, tree guy, tree guy. Whoo! I saw saw guy like that in Mexico. This is turning you on no It doesn't turn me on but it doesn't turn me on but it's the same thing is like Like um try try oh my god. I'm gonna fucking have you never seen this yes And I fucking grosses me out every time I could fucking I could be a roommate with that guy and stare at his feet all day long

Wait, why would you want a stare? I don't know. I can't I can't stop looking at it It's like it's like it's you know what can I tell you what do you remember when they came on on on on On on Twitter and they were like are you tripophobic? Do you know what try type in tripophobia? I think it's try try take this down Try is it trypophobia? Do you know what I'm talking about? There we go, top one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love this.

This gets me excited. It's a, it's a fear of little holes with stuff in them. Some people are, this is like a phobia for some people. I'm the exact opposite. This makes me feel comfortable and I wanna stare at it more and I wish that would happen to my finger. I wish that would happen to my finger because I would play with it non-stop.

Oh, I love this. I love this to like a sickness. And by the way, you wanna know what makes me crazy, Tom? Every theater we perform in, right? Every show we're on, take a look at the lights. It's the same thing. The lights are typophobic. Yeah.

I start seeing them in the lights, go back to the pictures. I don't know, take that away from me. I love that, that foot. I kinda wish that would happen to my foot so I could play with it. What the fuck, man? People listening right now, are you just type it in Tripophobia. You don't like this? Not particularly. I don't know for some reason

I'd rather see Jennifer Stevens foot dangling. Type in Jennifer Stevens. No. Dude that was the first girl that broke my heart. Really? I remember crying. What'd she do? She just taught me for Thomas Rankins. Dude, type 10, dude. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha All right, it's none of those are her. That's not her, but none of them are her. Oh Jennifer Aniston is fucking. Who would you, who would you, she can get it? Who are you willing to, you realize that if either of us left our wives,

yeah, it would be a shit show for our career. Like it would be like, it like we can't just dip out on our wives and everyone's like, yeah fuck her, you know? Because, like if we leave our wives, it's, we take a hit. Like Brian, Regan, I think got divorced, no one even really knew. Right, right.

But like, I have talked about Leanne and my acts so much. Yeah, we also have, yeah, we have public, you know, lives with them. Okay, who is it that you bail on your wife for and take the public hit and go, I'm so sorry, I just, I'm pushing off the dock, I gotta go, I gotta go. I mean, Aniston's a good one. Aniston is great.

Everybody would be like, yeah, your wife's cool, but she's not an innocent. Hahaha. Hahaha. She is fucking beautiful. Yeah, she looks great. She's beautiful, probably an emotional mess. She's got attitude. She'll definitely give you a lot of shit. Oh. And you would take it, you'd take it all.

You know what you do, you'd end up betaing up to her because she's that, you know, she's some alpha. Type in top 10 most beautiful women. And by the way, I'm just going on looks right now. I don't care. I fuck about personality. By the way, Selena Gomez. Who's that first dog?

Who's that? Selena Gomez. Oh, sorry. There's a clip of me somewhere on radio going, is Selena Gomez old enough to jack off to you? That's it. By the way, this list is sucks. Get off of the pictures and go to the list.

Yeah, it's gonna be like top 10 most beautiful women. Okay, Kate Moss. It just still looks fucking amazing though. I know this is like an all-time list. Yeah, this is like, how about like a 20- 19 list, you know? Get one with Taylor Swift on it. Yeah, let's see.

Taylor Swift someone I'd push off the dock for. Okay, here's this list. Amelia Clark. Oh, that's the mother of dragons. Really? Oh, pass. Yeah, I'm gonna pass on that too. I'm gonna see the naked. I don't know who you are, not interested.

Captain Langford. Pass. Looks like fucking a Downton Abbey made. Prianna Chopra, I read the book. I'm not in the spiritualness. She's hot. She's hot. Who is Anna DeArmas?

Who is that? Let's see. I mean, do you realize what kind of package you got to bring to the table. Oh, yeah, look at that. That's a fucking She look but she looks like she's 60. She looks a little young for me. George would be like that What are you just date one of my friends? You'd be like all right line him up Start with All right, there I'll take your shoes off. She's too young I'll tell you Charlie's there on is in the running. Oh my god. She's so fucking

Yeah, how would you this is me? This is me saying to Lee Ann like going it's Charlie's there on like yeah They get it you got it right. Yeah, you don't have to explain keep the house keep oh my god She is so beautiful because you know Charlie's would be like would you have to give up me like the house and this much money She would like I got you. Yeah, I got that in my fucking purse. Yeah, I got that in my purse. Yeah Oh, yeah, oh Definitely would Taylor Swift Taylor Swift really tell us if so fucking beautiful. Oh, she's beautiful, but Swift. Taylor Swift, really? Taylor Swift's so fucking beautiful.

Oh, she's beautiful, but I just feel like it's an odd choice. Oh my God. She's gorgeous. I mean, she just seems like a... A little bit of a mess. No, I mean. A little bit of like a, like a, a little bit of like, like I haven't really had to live in the real world

and my dad's taken care of everything from now and this is, how does this work? Drive through, we drive through and pay there. You know that, you know that like also, you would just wake up one day and on the radio, you would hear, she's like, I got a new song on, I'd be like, he always drinks all day. Little dick, little dick, little dick.

Someones got, little dick, little dick, little dick. Someones got a little dick. I'm not looking at you because it's you, but someones got, could you, could you Pete Davidson up to her? Like that's, I was like Pete and I go, when he was with Ariana Grande, obviously Ariana Grande is beautiful and gorgeous.

And the press was like, Ariana Grande is beautiful and gorgeous. And the press was like, Ariana Grande is with some guy. Like, who'd you, who'd you, you've cock up to a star and be like, I got like, hold her purse for her career. Cause you could argue, Pete got out of the perfect time. Right.

Everyone found out who he was. He boosted up his Instagram. And then he was like, all right, I'm out. Boosted up his Instagram. And then he was like, all right, I'm out. Boosted up his Instagram. His Instagram? I remember I texted him the day before I direct message him on Instagram, like two days before Ariana Grande and him went public.

I said something like, is it, I was taking a shit and I was like, is it odd that I noticed that Pete Davidson's got a cute haircut. And then all anyone did was just talk about how ugly he was. And he was like, hey, Bert, thanks for the note. But now everyone's telling me how ugly I am. And I was like, sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen. And then the next day he comes out

dating Ariana Grande. And everyone's like, you're the only one who likes his haircut. Yeah. And then he just fucking blew up. Yeah, he did, yeah, he did. And he's got a movie coming out. And yeah, you're right, he's got a lot of good things going on. I don't know, you think you can do that?

No, I couldn't. I actually think I could do it for a little while. You're kind of doing it now. You look so Have you listened to your mom's house? What I'm you're just saying you play second fiddle really? Yeah, I don't think so. Yeah, 100% like same this one Like you like my sidekick. Yeah, no. I think. But you already kind of have a relationship where you both have careers.

Yeah. And you are very comfortable staying home and watching the kids while she goes out and proves through to your career. I don't know what I- Yeah, but I don't have that in my- I leave way more. Yeah, yeah, I know, but I don't,

if Leanne was like, I'm gonna go to his spot at store, I'd be like, I would be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah, I know, but I don't, if Leanne was like, I'm gonna go do a spot at store, I'd be like, I would be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, let's, yeah. Like, I am very self-focused. No, not a narcissist, but very self-focused. Like, I have blinders on, I don't realize a lot of other people exist. You don't think that's narcissism? I am in therapy now because of the events of last week, and I've round out, I am definitely not a narcissist. Okay. Narcissists have a hard time finding

culpability in any of their behaviors. Okay. And so, and I definitely am culpable. Like, I definitely know when I fuck up, and I'm very, I'm very hard on myself about stuff. And I can always see the other side of the coin, and narcissists do not. They're like, I don't understand.

You're so selfish, though. that. You're so selfish though. What? You're so selfish. I am very selfish. Yeah. Like I don't, like this morning, I just walked out to go to hot spin, not thinking, does anyone need any help here? Yeah.

I was like, hey, I need towels. Oh my gosh. I need towels. Dude, and I was watching Christina and Leanne did a podcast so over October. I saw it. And I was like, God, you're such a nightmare like I know I want to say to Leanne hey fucking pump the brakes on this fucking bird sucks. Yeah I'm like, you know, I pay the bills like we I got a cult of personality here like you're fucking destroying it You were searing Dr. Drew

He's a misogynist. He hates women and I'm like, shut the fuck up bitch! No one listens to women anyway, but I mean, what the fuck? I mean, she is so aggressive slamming me now that I'm like, you should have heard. First of all, she said, you just bathed by jumping in the pool. You ready for this? I did not know she said that. Are you ready for this? I'm gonna play this for you right now and you're gonna go, wow, that's serendipity. She, I did not hear her say that, okay? Yeah. Ready? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Instagram stories today. I boys thought pools kinda showers. What?

Yeah. People shower after the pool, man. Pool council shower. What? Yeah, it's growing up before the pool. Ocean council shower? Pool council. No, ocean definitely doesn't count.

Late council shower. Late council shower, pool council shower, ocean council shower. You're the only person. Waterpark is like five showers. Okay, do your sisters think that? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But wait, you didn't, if I got in the pool,

it's like, I remember Louie one time said that he was at a laundry store, he was wearing his bathing suit as underwear, and I was like, I've definitely worn my bathing suit as underwear. It's the worst to not have underwear, so yeah, I've worn... Yeah, I pooled council shower in my opinion. Pool council shower. Sometimes I'll take shampoo.

Do you realize how badly you take shampoo in the pool? Yeah. Yeah. I'll shampoo my hair. I got shampoo outside. I'll shampoo my hair, rub my pitch and my balls and then jump back in the pool and rinse it off and then get out. I definitely had a pool shower today. You don't think that's mental illness? No, it's not mental illness.

By the way, this morning, this is my- That's exactly what I'm almost glad with you. That's exactly what I'm almost glad with you. I said, I bet I can count the amount of times I've brushed my teeth in my life. Like I was like, I'm just not, I'm a big flosser and water picker, but I don't like the taste of toothpaste.

Oh my God. I hate the taste of toothpaste. You're definitely turning Taylor Swift on right now. But anyway, I heard she doesn't use the odorant. So, really? Yeah, that's what they give the rap to like Camindias. Do you ever hear that? Camindias smells like shit.

I was like, she can smell like Dixon balls and I'd still fuck her. Camindias, they always get that Brad Pitt, smells, Camden D. Insamely's, Taylor Swift smells. Yeah, but I think it's like they get off stage and they're fucking hot and sweaty. Yeah, sure. Oh, a lot of people are not in the yogurt now.

I know. Our fucking waitress the other day. Our tour bus driver is so fucking funny. And he, I guess, are waitress leaned over to pour water and he just goes, oh. I guess our wait our waitress leaned over to pour water and he just goes Guess you smelled she smelled and then she leaves and he goes did anyone else smell her No, and then as she lean in you could you could hear everyone go God did you hang out with him? I love our tour bus driver. He is so fucking funny. And by the way, I don't, I hope he doesn't hear this

because it's when he's not trying to be funny is when he's the funniest. Yeah, it's always like that. The little things that he does make him. Are you out this week with him? Yeah, I'm out every week. I'm out every week until the special. Where do you go this week?

I am in Florida. I'm in Jacksonville, Fort Myers, and Charleston, South Carolina, I think, or Charleston. Oh yeah. Jacksonville Fort Myers and and Charleston, South Carolina I think or Charlotte, yeah, Charleston. You're in Charleston. Yeah, am I? I never did Fort Myers and Jacksonville those were clubs that you did last like two two tours ago or whatever Yeah, and I was always like God, how does he sell tickets in Fort Myers? Cuz I didn't think all I knew of Fort Myers was Captain Brian's yeah, but yeah We're gonna do surfing lessons in Jacksonville Friday morning and then we're doing

Yeah, but yeah, we're gonna do surfing lessons in Jacksonville Friday morning and then we're doing spearfishing in four Myers Saturday. That's awesome in yeah, I can't wait. I'd be just like Valentine Just I wonder how long I can hold my breath for though I think I do it for a minute how long can she do it? I think four four minutes. That's what Kimmy Wanderer can hold it for four minutes. Wow. But I don't know. It's all about being relaxed in the water and like just being chill, so I don't know. I can't wait to see what happens at the end of this month and see what of these hobbies I stick with.

Yeah. I could see myself getting super into guns. Yeah. I know. Do you own a gun now? No. You still don't own one? I still don't own one. Come on, you gotta get a gun.

I think I have three on order though. Oh, for real? Did you get an AR-15? No. Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock. But here's the thing, like you just want to go to that place and just, he has, like, most people, gun ranges have just like, you know, a long, like a target and they're just like,

all right, shoot that target. He's got shit where like, you dump the clip, you run, it's like, it's like shooting a movie. So it like, he makes it so fun. It's like homeless people in the background. Like, hey, well, I don't even know why I'm here. Dude, there's homeless people at LAX now. At LAX?

At, I tell about our homeless problem is, there are homeless people at LAX now at LAX at I tell about our homeless problem is there are homeless people at LAX at baggage claim Coming up to you going hey man can I get some money at baggage claim at LAX? Fucked up is that we got to do something. I really think we should do us we should do a special Event where everyone has to perform shortness. I'll wear a suit. I'll host it and then everyone does what does that have to do with anything Because we brought it up and, I don't know, it'll be fun. And we'll raise money, we'll raise money, and everyone does, and all the comics request

their favorite bits from every comic. So like you get to tell, I get to tell you what bit you do. Okay. And so you don't, it's not even I'm burning material, and you know, you're gonna kill, it's an old bit, but we do old bits and raise money. I don't know, I feel like we gotta do something for homeless people. I don't know.

That's my one, that's my two cents. I mean, why don't you start like a foundation or something? I don't know, that's too much work. I'd rather focus on me right now. Yeah. Dude, I performed stone sober, like no drinks. And I didn't realize how often, I always said I don't drink on stage, And I didn't realize how often I always said, I don't drink on stage,

but I didn't realize how often I go to a drink on stage and just have a sip or something. But I'm not hammered, but I bring a drink on stage with me. Stone sober is totally different. What do you do? It's like, you realize, oh, I'm gonna go to take a sip and it's tea or it's diet coke.

And you're like, oh, there's no tap out of this. And by the way, I was so much sharper with nothing in my system. Of course. I know, but I just, you know, you think you're, it's art, so you're a little looser with something. I was so much sharper. I perform stone sober. Like, every time. Every time. How is this month affecting you? Like, what do you, how's your sleep in? With like, can I know you have a hard time sleeping? Yeah, it's kind of a bummer when it gets to like, it just depends on the day.

You know, I actually do better on a strenuous day to sleep, right? Because you're, so like, like today will be good because this will be a hard workout at 11 and then, you know, hopefully I'll fall asleep. Now, I'll tell you what also was that when Christina's on the road, oh yeah, where was she this week? She's in Nashville. Nashville, yeah.

Holy shit. Who came out to see her? Someone I saw a picture she took with someone. A couple people. Sherry Shepard was there. Marcus King was there. Love her sweatshirt game. Yeah. I do.

But I took care of our youngest for like a few hours and then I crashed. Oh, that guy, that guy, that guy. Fucking Chadwick. Chadwick came out to see her. Right. Roadrunner. Oh, I have so many fucking questions about Chadwick.

Really? Yeah, yeah, does he solve his tattoo? Did he get a cover up? Yeah, he got it covered up. Oh, for real, what is it now? No, he got it, He got it like the removal thing. That's what she said she brought it up Are you serious? Yeah, yeah? How's he doing? What's he doing for a living though? I have no idea. Hey click this link. See him Thousand followers. He's a regular guy W.J. Phil maker. He's making always making movies. Yeah. Oh nice

Where's he living? National I guess huh? I guess I don. filmmaker. He's making movies? Yeah. Oh nice, where's he living? National, I guess, huh? I guess, I don't know. Yeah, he's on set right there. God, that guy was a fucking savage on that road rules. He was? Oh yeah, yeah, he was like the one guy that you were like, he had a chest tattoo

and you're like, who has chest tattoos in 1995? Yeah, and they're like in 20. Yeah, and he was like, I just fucking lived by different side of rules. I've never seen my first tattoo. Do you remember seeing your first friend get a tattoo? We was like, I just fucking lived by different side of rules. I remember seeing my first tattoo. Do you remember seeing your first friend get a tattoo? We were like, bro, what did your parents say? Like that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who is it? I remember seeing a guy who we were at like in high school get the barbed wire, you know, on the arm, and I was like, here's the thing. Oh, God, I'm definitely gonna win this. Yeah, you're like, this fucking cool, shit. You look like such a badass.

Is it real barbed wire? Like, you're so fucking dumb and then you see it And then a few years later you like you really look like a tool with that Let's name the cultural cultural things that were like Cool as fuck and then went to a Notifier of like oh, you're a fucking Embersol. Yeah, you're so funny that I thought you were so cool like Von Dutch hats.

Yeah, Von Dutch hats were like, I'm never seen asden koochit with one. What's the other? What's the other gene maker who was like, it was the big, it became the doosiest thing. Whole Kogin Hadam. Ed Hardy. Ed Hardy.

Yes. Dude, I remember going, where are you firing? But see, here's the thing, that one I was never fooled by. That one that came out, I was like, I don't want that shit at all. Oh, I was. Really? Oh yeah.

I remember going into stores going, yeah, do you guys have Ed Hardy? And you can see people roll their eyes at me. See, at one time. Do you should get it now? You should get Ed Hardy stuff now. I'll get it now, I'll fucking rock Ed Hardy. Yeah, you should get it now. You should get at hearty stuff now. I'll get it now. I'll fucking rock it hardy.

Yeah, you could actually, now he may have gone, it's so funny the way coolness works. It's like it might be cool enough now to pull it back and like ironically wear it and people are like, oh, it's at hearty bad man. Not bad man. Yeah, yeah. Do you think that will happen with face testing?

And if you wore those jeans with the bedazzled pockets, that'd be cool too. Dude, you could definitely pull that off. Oh, look at those jeans shorts. You could rock the jeans shorts. Here's the thing, you need to do a little dress up on your pants because you don't wear a shirt. So you can get away with a little craziness.

Oh my God, if I just had really like patterns. And I, and I, yeah, and just really just brought the thunderbolt pants. Are you doing shirt list for the special of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know That's one of the things don't get bringing up. I was like I don't do it for a laugh. I do it because I'm comfortable Are you gonna walk out with a shirt and take it off? I? That's kind of a this weekend. Yeah We do two shows in Where the fuck we were Houston?, at that Cullen place. We do the one show and then I go out to the tour bus

and I'm laying in bed and I'm just kind of like flipping through my phone. How'd you like the venue? I loved it. It was really great. Actually, I'll talk to you after this, but like 17 is that 17 and that was like, that might be the perfect size. That might be the perfect size.

It's very intimate, but it's not like 28 starts getting like a little like cacophonous. I do, you're doing 5,000 ceters. I can't imagine what that, I don't even know. I mean, I know that they're built for, they're built for a show. So they're built. So they're there.

Yeah, it's like, it's, but it feels so different. Dude, I got a stage at the hard rock in Tulsa Uh-huh, and they had screens up and I hadn't eaten cuz I you know you're like and I was like I was like I look I look skinny It's shit. I look so skinny and I kept saying that the whole show I look so fucking skinny But um so I go to the I like whenever you miss a meal You're like I've been losing a lot of weight lately It's one meal. It's like that's where they go. Intermittent fasting for like 16 hours. Yeah.

And when you get to 16 hours, you're like, I'm gonna keep this going. Yeah. So I get, I go do the first show, we get done. I go to the tour bus and I go lay in the back. And I'm kind of flipping through my phone, playing this game, dig it that I'm obsessed with. And Andrew comes in and he goes,

you know, 9.45. And I go, okay. And Andrew comes in and he goes, 9.45 and I go, okay. And so I thought he said that's when the show starts, that's when I went on stage. It's 9.44 and he comes in and he goes, what are you doing? And I go, what's going on? And he goes, you're going on stage in a minute. So I got up, I didn't even realize I didn't put a shirt on. I just walked on stage shirtless and they went like,

oh, oh. Oh, yeah. Because they want to see the one. They want to see it come on. I think they want, I'm guessing that's, because I just thought it didn't matter. I got an idea. Okay, okay.

Okay, all right. Slow pitch it to me. Okay. You walk on stage for the special and in an elaborate button down that has like a crazy, maybe at hearty pattern and you're like new me and then then when you get to the mic and they're like hmm, then you take you rip it off. So you have the whole theatrics of a button rip. Yeah. What do you think? I don't know. No.

But here's the problem is that I like like I don't I don't know. I don't know. I I what are you gonna do the t-shirt pullover? I'm gonna just do like how I don't really, I don't know. I don't know. What are you gonna do the t-shirt pullover? I'm gonna just do like how I take it off. But that's what I'm saying. So you were gonna walk out with a shirt on. I always walk out with a shirt on. But for specials, you always walk out with a shirt on.

I did this last one and everyone's like, why don't you just go out shirtless? And I was like, I don't know. Cause I've never done it that way. No, you gotta remove it. It's all about comfort. You gotta remove it. You gotta remove the shirt because I think that's part.

It's like, it makes it It makes it like the show started. Okay, why don't you do this? What? T-shirt, hoodie, jacket, coat, and then you remove each one. Wait, through in 15 minute chunks. So like 15 minutes in, you drop the coat off. And then 30 minutes in the jacket and then the hoodie and then the t-shirt. What if I have a shirt, one shirt that says,

hey, I take that off and the next one says, guys, and the next one says, are, and then I take that off, you ready for the special! That's what I'm talking about. You gotta dress it up a little, man. Showmanship. Aw.

I think I might just take my shirt off. I think what you should do is go out with the shirt and you're opening line. You should grab the mic like, hey guys, sorry, just to point you. This time, sorry to disappoint you. That's not the name of my special. Sorry to disappoint you.

And you go this time, the shirt stays on. And then they're like, oh, then you're like, I'm just kidding. You take it out like that. Wait, I think you should start your special moment. Take it your shirt. Would you ever do that? No.

No. I wish I had known how this started. Like how I got, you ever like you started something and you're like, how the fuck did I get this deep in it? I remember you taking the shirt off at a show with like 11 people. Yeah. 40 minutes in,

like as something in the moment, where people are like, holy shit, this guy took it shirt off. And then the next three shows you wouldn't do it. So it was like, there was, there was kernels of it. Yeah. Years ago, when you never thought of like,

I'm gonna perform like this, but you had it in you to do that. It's funny, it's my natural instinct when I get excited, is to rip my shirt off. Yeah. I've done it so many casinos, so many casinos like if I fucking win, it's almost like I don't even think it.

I got stand up, shirt comes off. I take my shirt off so fucking well too. Yeah, I bet you do. I take my shirt off so fucking well too. Yeah, bet you do. I take my shirt off better than a lot of people take, because I watch a lot of people take their shirts off, because it would like, yeah. Why? Because everyone takes a picture, really,

they want to take a picture. Oh, that's right, that's right. I watch a lot of people take their shirt, look at that, look. Look at me skinny, Tommy. Oh, that's real skinny, very, very, very skinny. That's just one-a-d-six. That's so real, I.

You look good right there. That's 220. It's 186 right there. It's 186 right there. How about screw down? How much are you there? Uh, 230, 5. Look at the love handles.

And now, woof. I didn't even see those. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Jesus, that's so funny. Hang on, go back to that. Can I tell you what I look at I look at my titnet and you saw love handles I actually thought I looked skinny except for my left tip really yeah And now I go look at those love handles. I'm like holy fuck. I was fat

That's the way I'm fatter now Didn't that yeah? How much do you wait now? I have no idea, but I was too I want to say I was 235 in that if I can get below 230 for my special you can that yeah definitely do I'm thinking about saying sober until November 23rd really yeah I want to get I want to get rid of this thought process of like I remember when I quit not smoking but dipping mm-hmm I remember going like I can't imagine having a conversation with someone without having a dip in mm-hmm like I remember when I quit not smoking but dipping. I remember going like, I can't imagine having a conversation

with someone without having a dip in. Like I remember someone would be like, say something like, hey, man, do you hear what happened? What's my, hold on, hold on, let's get a dip, you know? Yeah. And now I would never think to have a dip. So I wanna get rid of the thought process of like,

of like, like, for example, yesterday we're flying home and Andrew says to me, he goes, enters my road manager, my assistant, my cousin. And he goes, football at the airport, and my brain goes,

ooh cocktail football, and then I went, no cocktail. I want to get rid of that in my head, where I go, ooh, I just want to just go, oh football would be cool. You know what I drew? Did you ask for about that? It's a text of Drew,

he sent me some books to read, but he didn't he sent when he was like, oh, what are you talking about? So I'm gonna just call him. Yeah, you gotta talk, you gotta speak to that with him. Because I would love to find out what that is in your brain. My prediction is that he, this is a prediction. Yeah.

Is that he says that, that, specifically we're talking about, doesn't go away. The, the, the, ooh, yeah. I think, let's call him. All right, let's call them. I bet it does because it does with cigarettes. Let's see, let's see. You're supposed to cigarettes? Yeah. And when you, oh yeah, you did. Yeah. How hard was it to quit? Not hard. Oh, okay. Didn't think that was going to be the answer. You just quit? Yeah, it was the last time you had a cigarette. The 10, 11 years ago.

Really? Yeah, you used to smoke a lot. Wasn't that much. What was the heaviest you ever got? Close to 270. Really? Yeah. I guess I was close to 270.

You know what I was gonna do? I was gonna get a picture of you fat, really fat, and put it next to my, on my tour bus, I tell you this already. Yeah. Yeah. Didn't you say that the, was it the rap company? Yeah. The rap company is like, all they could get was like, was like, uh, getty images, and the guy wasn't even fucking that fat. I was like, let me take a picture of myself inside of the getty that you let me use that. Hey Drew. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna make sure myself inside of the getty that you let me use that. Hey Drew. Yeah. Let me call you. Are you on either a podcast or something?

Yeah, I am gonna talk to you. Yeah. I call you back in two minutes. Yep. Two minutes for Chris right now. Okay, bye. All right. Cause I think he's gonna be like,

this and man, this is the beginning of the rest of your life. Take this, like, here's the thing. It's hard to talk like party with Drew. He's gonna, he's used to treating people who are like, their life is on the line. So I don't think he really pulls back on, you know, you could probably just chill with it.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, he has to go to the full extent of how to treat someone. So that's why I don't think, I think he's gonna be like, that's never gonna leave your mind. And maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong. So do you think heroin addicts always are like,

oh, like that? I don't know if they're always like that. Do you think Robert Downey Jr. is like, that was a great shoot, guys. We'll get highest fucking suck each other's, y'all. No. Here's true.

Okay. Hey Drew, you're all with me and Tommy on Two Bears One Cave. Oh. No. Here's true. Okay. Hey Drew, you're on with me and Tommy on Two Bears One Cave. Of course I am. Hey. So I felt like when I responded with the grand biography that landed me with a thud. And then I reread your text and I thought,

oh, he went tough with Super October, right? Yeah, well not a whole help. This is what I want. I was talking to Tommy about it. And you tell me, A, if this goes away, and then B, this is what I'm looking for. So like, there's something in my brain that I will correlate to dieting.

You know, when you're on a diet and you open the refrigerator, and as you open the refrigerator, your heart goes, I can't have anything in here. I'm not allowed any treats. And then you shut it and you get depressed. I'm doing that with booze like yesterday We're going to the airport and they're like NFL football and my brain goes. Oh cocktails watching. Oh, I can't have any cocktails

First question Yeah, yeah Yeah, but does that Tom says that never goes away. And I said, well, it goes away with like cigarettes and chewing tobacco. So I do, do heroin addicts sit there and go like, we were saying Robert Downey Jr., and he's like, man, that movie was so great. We all should get high as fucking get naked in our neighbor's children's bed. Yeah, yeah.

So opiath addicts is always working around. And it works in not such old birdways. An alcohol will do this too depending on what's going on with you. It will sort of, it will, it has a post-unexplicit craving that you have now, which is damn, where it will lead you to go visit places where you used to go heavily. And it will make sure you go there, and once you're there, you're overwhelmed by the huge and the cranks and two and then you're used. That's how people relax later. Does that make sense? Yeah. Let me ask you something, Drew. One thing I wanted to ask was, you know, he said that like, that there's these things where his brain goes, oh, I, uh,

I want to go have a drink right now and then he goes, I just want that to go away. And I was like, I go, I don't know what Drew will say but does that ever go away? The... He just left, it never goes away and you have to replace it but does that ever go away? Yes, yes, yes, left. It never goes away. And you have to replace it with something. And that something is about what the company's all about. It's about regulating your brain.

And you need other people to do that. Other people to support you, who understand, drive, help with themselves. Can I ask you? The company's all about. I know you're not. I tell them that the book I want to read, I was thinking about it. I don't want to put this in a text. I got what can I ask you I know you're not If I know you're not going to endorse one of these, but if you were going to have to try a drug between PCP, meth, cocaine, and heroin, which

I don't know in Molly. Why don't you? Which ones are good ones to try? Who is who is trying it? What kind of first? Like for me, for me, cocaine would be the one that I would probably like and not have trouble with. And speed is this in theory and we're reaction of the really quick set of craving like the way Dickey does. And PCP can be dangerous. So let's all not do PCP. Okay. Open is some people even a single exposure can rarely get them going. Okay. So I'm going to go Okay, okay, okay, I want to try it. I was gonna be what happened with the already thing. Oh did you hear about the already thing? Oh hear about the R.E. thing? No. Oh, I would love to hear of professional taking care of. I thought R.E. over at Corolla, but that we said hi.

And I like chat, but that was anything that his parents would go on. This was kind of a big drama. Let me pass the phone back to Bert. Oh, he does. Okay, wait. I would hear your honest opinion. All right, so a couple of weeks ago,

a week ago, Bert had R.E. over at his house to podcast. And when Bert was not looking, Ari spiked a drink with Molly and then gave it to Bert. So Bert unknowingly was dozed and was notably upset about it, obviously. Wow. Yeah, so it was a big deal actually. That's actually, again, for law,

under that legal problem. Yeah, yeah. No, yeah, and it, Yeah, what did you take the fun out of this? I think it's, it's, no, I think it's actually, it's been a thing where, you know, Bert's been very upset about it, I think, um, are you?

I've been quiet about it. I haven't said anything. I've had feelings. I haven't really shared them. I kind of like, I shared a little bit on Rogan, but I, it's like, I don't know. It's, it's a fucking bad place to be put in. That's all.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, he was at his own house and, you know, his kids are inside and now he's, you know, he's been dose. Let me, let me, I need to come on Bert's podcast. I have a long conversation. Yeah, let me I did become on birth podcast You I'm not having people on my podcast after that event. I don't really trust people No, I think you should Hey, first of all give me the fucking Big book on alcoholics anonymous

I would just assume go back to drinking and fucking have to deal with this fucking who I want to drink never mind I'll go back to drinking and fucking have to deal with this fucking I want a drink never mind. I'll go back to my big black book Fuck how did he even get anyone to do a hey Drew? I'll get that book for him. Don't you worry? Here's Hey, I'd love to have you on my podcast, Drew. We'll get you guys right away because this is kind of an emergency. This is kind of an awful situation. I'm sorry to hear about it. And he's already appropriately come to write.

I don't think so. I think he's, I think he's, he did it out of vengeance because he didn't want to do so, broctober, so he thought he'd punish me by giving me Molly. And I don't think he really, I don't think he's, I definitely think he thinks he did the right thing. I'm not, by the way, I'm not even joking

and I know it sounds like I'm joking, but he was, if you listen to the Rogan podcast, he's definitely like, yeah, I do it again. I mean. Maybe we're at a different end with me, have you? No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm good, I'm good. I'm good with just you right now. I haven't talked to Ari except for I talked to Ari at the Roman podcast I you know, I obviously have had a long relationship with Ari. I'm sure we'll work it through this

But there is like I'm it's weird. I have massive trust issues with everything right now. So I'm like because it's just a weird Yeah, I have no doubt that's true. I mean and plus your You like you like fucking Debbie downer Because I'm a man-dator reporter and this is like Almost requires me to report no, no, no, no, okay. We were joking. We were joking he didn't do anything. I'll talk to you later Drew Jesus fucking Christ. You're like talking to my dad I'll be saying I'll come on the phone right away. I'd love to have you on my podcast We'll set it up and and I'll call you later today, okay?

That's why you don't fucking ever get sober like guys like that Drew's like you know if you read the big book about, yeah, well, okay, or not. Yeah, but, or not, or I could just, you could just drink and maybe one day get hit by a car. Huh? Yeah. You know, like, like a fucking,

I try not to understand you just. You're reasoning. You know, you know, this, you know what the problem with recovery is? Is that you hear talk like this and then you go, so it never gets better. Like that's what, like, I go, I think I'm gonna roll the dice and go,

I think it goes away. I think it does. You know, because you know what happens in October and this is the first time I went into it with like really kind of like eyes wide open. This is the first time I ever thought I'd have a problem in October. I've never thought because I did it out of spite.

Yeah. And this is the first time I rolled into it going like, I wanna be open-eyed. Like we're taking all these classes, so I was like, I'm gonna better myself. I would love my life to be filled with me surfing in the morning and shooting guns in the afternoon, going to a hot spin, hanging with the girls,

reading books, I would love that to be a lifestyle change. But in order for it to be a lifestyle change, like I need to, I need to really welcome it. And so I'm being open-minded about it. And I think I, I know that towards the end of October, you feel so good, you're like, why am I ever going to drink again? So I'm going to roll into, I'm going to see

how I feel November 1st, and then maybe roll in to just, to November up to the special sober. Because I feel good writing. I feel like I'm really creative. When you're sober. 100, I'm so much more creative sober. And it's so funny, it tricked you into believing that a couple cocktails and you have fun guy at the party, a couple cocktails in and then like 10 minutes out of the party on your

phone playing Digit and you're like, what am I doing? When you're drinking. When I'm drinking, I can, I definitely can isolate. I know for a fact now and I did not really realize this as much, but I know for a fact drinking out helps me Turn down the end of the day and go like all right and the days over and we're gonna restart because man These these last few nights getting off stage doing two shows and and getting done and being like not done yet I don't know like where you just in the bus you like so what do you guys want to talk about now? Talk about an end again. What what?

where you just stand and bust, you're like, so what do you guys want to talk about now? We'll talk about an internet again. What, what do you, what, what would you do when you're sober after the two show, like do you end up saying up really late? I ended up saying up by myself every night. Because your sleep was terrible. Yeah, I would, Andrew would go to sleep, Tim would go to sleep,

and I would just be up by myself going like, like, but I'm just, I was also drinking coffee because I liked to have a little bit of coffee where I go on stage. And so I just was like, fucking, then one night I was like, maybe I'll go for a jog. Did you? No, because I just blew a straw in my tone. I was like, you know, let's not go running around fucking Oklahoma City by ourselves and

get lost. My phone was half dead. I don't know. It's going to be a fun. I tell you what, man, and I, and, you know, to book in this podcast, we gotta wrap this up. But like, this month is always great. I know this month's been a little clouded

with what happened, and it's a little not maybe, it's a little weird, you know, for everyone, I'm sure we're gonna work all of that out. That'll all work itself out. But these months are really eye opening for me every time. I learned something, I figure that out. That'll all work itself out. But these months are really eye-opening for me every time I learn something, I figure something out. The first one I realized, oh, I cannot drink and fly. I cannot. The last one I want to cruise the first week. Oh, my car. And I was like, okay, wow, I can actually go and have fun and not I can have fun and

not drink. Yeah. And then this one, I'm like, okay, now I got to figure out how to sleep. Yeah. But that is a great, it is a good idea though to podcast with Drew. I'm sure of it. Yeah. Drew. Yeah. Now do you feel like because of what happened with Ari it sort of solidifies maybe grounds your anti-semitism a little more than had it not happened? Well there are parts of it. Had it not happened. Well there are parts of it Me yeah at one point you're like you gave me half a Molly is that because you do it? If he was Christian what if you give me the full Molly? Yeah, of course And steady just puts it under his I feel like I feel like Drew gave me permission to try coke

Do you want to try Coke together? Yeah. Let's do. I don't know. I think that's the thing that I think that's the thing that I would really thrive in and like I would be a really in good Coke head. Let's I think this is next level podcasting. Cocaine. I think we have to do cocaine together. Yeah. I think when we come back for our sober October recap with Joe, I don't know if Ariel will be out here then. We should all try a little bit of cocaine. OK.

Like get Drew to measure it out for us. You think he'll measure it out for us? And lose the doctor in front of his name and just start be going as Drew And blue band is this coming out this week? Come out today great. Oh, I'm in Des Moines. I'm also in Sue. Is it Sue City? I'm in Minneapolis and Fargo this week Minneapolis and Fargo this week. Some of the shows are sold, some have some tickets left.

It's Tom Sigurd. Yeah, Des Moines. Oh, sorry. Lincoln, Nebraska, Su City, Minneapolis and Fargo. And then it's off to Europe, Budapest, Berlin. Amsterdam, Antwerp, Paris, London, Southward and Dublin. Others, some of those have a few tickets. Go to TomSigurd.com.

Slash tour, take it down tour. Bert, take it away. I'm in Jacksonville, Fort Myers. I have added shows in Syracuse Buffalo, Baltimore. These are the shows that are added. Go to BerberBurt.com. The tour is going until November 23rd. There are still tickets available.

We have, I know we have almost 100 holds on every show so that we will be releasing holds. So if you haven't gotten your tickets, pay attention. Burpurpert.com, out of Florida and South Carolina. I will see you this weekend. Alright, thanks. Oh, and we loaded up the, the store, Merch Method. Oh, Thick Point Nation. Thick Point Nation, the hoodies sold out, but we restocked them. For real? Yep. They sold out. we restocked them. For real? They sold out, so we restocked them. This is why you're a business partner with Tom Somerro. And we also have the two bears, one cave,

official t-shirt. We should have called this podcast writing his co-tales. And yeah, you pull it up, merch method.com. Slash Tom Sigerra, and it has the, yeah, there you go. The T-shirt, the hoodie. Two bears won, cave. I'm gonna get that and fit it as well. I wanna get that and fit it so I can wear that on the road.

Perfect. Thank you guys for watching, listening. Thanks for your support and we'll see you next time. I love you. Bird time, time and bird. One goes top and swap the other, where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and birds the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean.

Here's what we call, two bears one cave. No scripts to bet a booze amateur, for topology. Dirty jokes, ronchi humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. Here's what we call to bears one cave.