2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 102 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: October 11, 2021

SPONSORS: - Go to https://3Chi.com and use code BEARS at checkout to receive 5% off your order - Get three extra months free at https://ExpressVPN.com/CAVE. - Go to https://WHOOP.com and use code ��CAVE” at checkout to save yourself 15% off today. - Go to https://HelloFresh.com/CAVE14 and use code CAVE14 for up to 14 free meals plus free shipping! - Get 25% off when you go to https://LiquidIV.com and use code BEARS at checkout It's another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer out of Austin and we're getting decadent! Bert tries to talk less and ask Tom more questions about what he values. We get into how big of an impact Chris Rock has had on him. We then get a little too much insight on Bert's experience in the bathroom. Bert then wants to find out what luxury means to Tom as they discuss, whiskey, cigars, watches and more! Tom then gets into what it was like to get the car he's been fantasizing about for more than 15 years. Tom shares a devastating meme of Bert and almost dies laughing. The bears then try to imagine their wives with hot throat tattoos and discuss possible matching tattoos for themselves.

Did you sit in there? I did. Why? You sprayed the entire hole. I know. Oh, is it still in there? There's little pieces a little bit of you. I shoot it out.

That's like a shotgun shell. Like, when you have one of those where you push and it just goes, C'mon, 100% Hi. Welcome to Two Bears One Cave. Let's get to know Tom edition. Oh, this is really cool. Yeah, what I was gonna do is I was gonna I was thinking about this the other day

and I forgot I that I did this I wrote down a bunch of things that are important to me. Get that clock going Yeah Pong suowally obviously is important to you. Yes, things are important to me and then I wanted to hear your take on them. Okay. Okay. So like, these are things that are important to you. Important to me. That I, because I started taking value

and like things, I wrote down things that I loved and they're important to me that I jump off the paper. Like for instance, Chris Rock, right? Chris Rock, when I wrote this list, had just got diagnosed with COVID. And I thought, and I don't pay much attention to Chris rock. Normally, I don't think about him often,

but when he got COVID, I went, he's really important to me. Like, and I never really vocalize this, ever. And I almost to a fault. And I thought, I love Chris rock, and I love his stand up and his stand up is the reason I got to understand it. So when I watched Bring the Pain, I was like, this is amazing. Amazing.

But then I never know what you feel about Chris Rock. I fucking love Chris Rock. Let's talk about Chris Rock. Chris Rock is, for me, I mean, I think he's the best stand up comedian alive. And it, it, it all, I mean, you go through, you know, there was a special before then, and there, you know, there was SNL and all that. But the way that he took the opportunity,

that's the thing I think about too, is that specials, now we have like these, we're just bombarded with specials. You know, people joke about them that like, who doesn't get a special, special, special special. And you're going to see some of that change. I think actually specials were done in abundance. And now you're going to start seeing platforms.

It's not going to be immediate, but it's going to go back towards less specials. Less specials are going to come out. But here's the thing. People can't now really, if you're under 30, I guess, you don't know what it was like, what HBO meant for stand up, and what getting a special was on that channel at the time. So there is no streaming, there's no Netflix, Amazon, none of that exists. HBO, stand-up comedy is the mountain top. They're making, I don't know, maybe four or five a year

and the people doing them are George Carlin, Robin Williams. Maybe Robert Klein. Yeah, maybe Robert Klein. Some one off, you say Robert, I think of like Robert Townsend. Robert Chimble. Yeah, maybe, because there was also the HBO, they did through the H.P.L. Half hours, which were also-

Louis Patrice, Jim Goparton. Louis Patrice, Jim Goparton, but an HBO hour special was like, there was like nothing that compared. And also, because at the time, there's not 500 or a thousand channels, right? There's like, there's your basic cable, and then there's premium. And premium was like HBO Showtime Cinemax. I mean, by far the best thing you could have was HBO. HBO was the best. I mean, that was like, it really was its home box office. I mean, you had like the opportunity

to see incredible shows. They took risks. They made like, you know, everything from like, remember, real sex, like, you're like, oh my god, this is a show so crazy. They made everything from like a, remember, real sacks. You're like, oh my god, this is a show so crazy. The scripted shows, you know, they would always hit at least one mega hit, like every season or two. So the Stanisperials were something. He, I don't only know this now, was like off of SNL, he, he said he has like, I don't know, like $100,000 to his name,

and he bought like a $60,000 Corvette, just to like look good in the neighborhood. And he was like, it was a fucking stupidest decision. Really? And, you know, he gets this opportunity to shoot a special, it's hard to get him out of your mind as it's not Chris rock now it's not the Chris rock you know it's like

but he has this chance and he starts doing the road to get this material ready and I want to say that he said he ran into dice I really do I might have that wrong, but that he ran into dice and he reminded him like, you know, this is it. This is it. He was like, what? He goes, I mean, this is your shot. Like, this is this is your shot. It's not you're not gonna get another one of these. Yeah. If you don't fucking destroy this. And then he went into prepping for that special like a prize fighter. I know that specifically. And that's, I want to keep going. That is one of the things that I, the reason I, Chris Rock is so important to me. Oh, yeah. And I mean, I don't, I don't think I've ever, I work hard to get ready for specials,

I can do a ton of shows. I try to make it the best I can, but I think about that. And then I honestly think about, because sometimes I have to remind myself, that I'm actually, we're talking about what we're fans of, and I think at the top of my list is standup comedy. Yeah.

Comedy in general, yes, but great standup is like the best thing to watch, the best. And different ages, you're different, you know what I mean? So like I remember seeing Cosby. I remember seeing Cosby, nor I saw Cosby. I saw him, I'm saying a footage of his special. I saw footage of Cosby doing Bill Cosby himself the special at a car show in a limousine. So you know what you've ever been to an auto

show? Like it's like a conference center or like a stadium and there's just cars everywhere. And most of them you can look at and not touch. And I was a kid. And you know when you're a kid, you see a limousine, you're like, Oh my God, it's like a fucking parrot tits. You're like, This is really like you're just blown away by it. You can get in the limousine. And I was like, It's amazing. And they had on the TV in the limousine, which is you're like, There's a TV in the car. And it was, it was that special. And I started watching the special in the car. is you're like, there's a TV in the car. And it was, it was that special. Yeah. And I started watching the special in the car. And they're like, you gotta get out of the car. I was like, I'm watching this thing.

And I just laughing at Bill Cosby. And then I saw it again in full later. And then you know, you get a little bit older, and I saw raw and delirious. Yeah. And then you start thinking about different ages, watching different specials, and different comedians. But dude, bring the pain came out. I wanna say in 96. I think it was 96, I think.

I think it was not, can you look that up? Chris Rock, bring it back in. I know what, I know what, I was living in Indian Village. I was, we had a, we had Kelly Green carpet, Contra Green carpet. And I remember when it came out, I remember recording it. out, I remember recording.

It was nice. I remember recording it on my VCR. Yeah. I remember, because this is the other thing about Chris Rock. It's like, Chris Rock's got a little bit of like, I hope this comes out right, but he was a little bit of like the chosen one. Like, Eddie Murphy discovered Chris Rock

and said, you're going to be in Beverly Hills cop two or three. He's like a valet. He's like a valet. And then all of a sudden, it was like, he's been crowned the next great, next great young black median. And at this time, and this is all stuff I've heard, David, all those guys talk about at the time, there's only, you're only allowed one.

Yeah. Only one, I think I heard in Chipel say say it on as opposed to now there's three, but there's like, there was one. And so that was like, okay, so everyone was like get ready for this to be your next Eddie Murphy. And then I don't remember his, I don't remember seeing much of his stand up other than like small things, but you saw him in CB4, which I still stand by and say it's a great fucker movie. It's really funny. It's a really funny movie.

Any was in New Jack City, which by the way coined the term cancel culture. Do you know that? No. New Jack City is responsible for the term cancel culture. Denzel, Wesley Snipes says, see if you type in New Jack City, cancel that bitch. We just gonna cancel that bitch. That's the phrase he says. That's how the phrase cancel culture came up. Yeah, let's watch a whole movie. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And this was him like kind of showcasing the dramatic shot. And he was great in this. And then he got on SNL. And I say this respectfully, but he kind of showcasing exactly. And he was great in this. And then he got on SNL. And I say this respectfully, but he kind of did not find his footing.

Like he just didn't have a place on that. And it was such a star-studded cast, where you were like, oh, fuck. So I guess that's over for Chris Rock. And I remember thinking, like, yeah. And then, but when his special came out, I still had it in my head, like, this is our next Eddie Murphy.

We recorded it Uh, and I I hit record and I was gonna watch it live. I Wanted to it was like fucking I know it wasn't a Saturday and I had to be like Sunday night or Monday night when it was airing but I It started and I Left it recording and I went and got a 12-pack pack of beer and I came back and I just played it I played the video from there. I played the video. Yeah, I watched it and when he went into

Everything everything you said obviously the big one was fucking black people versus End words and that was like that and that was like mind blowing the whole special what I mean he Yeah, so that was nice. It's for me is I'm a junior in high school so so You know that's read like you're You have that period where you're like SNL informs like you're kind of sense of humor, right? And you're like fifth grade and sixth grade you guys are going to show up on Monday And you're like redoing the bits with your friends.

And then your sense of humor kind of develops. And then you're becoming a man, right? I'm like 16, 17 years old. That special comes out. And it's, it absolutely fucking blows my mind. Because it blows your mind. It blows my mind. It's so sharp. Stand up wasn't done like that. No, and that's the thing is that it was like, it was so like in the zeitge, it just hit talking points of like, what's happening in the world? It was so smart, but also he's murdering.

Like, the kind of thing where I feel like there's, you know, you have sets now where you're like, I fucking murdered. And I feel like all that to me goes back to Now where you're like, I fucking murdered. And I feel like all that to me goes back to watching that special and being like, I wanna feel what that feels like. You know what I mean? Where you just fucking annihilate.

I was such a big fan of his dude. I have a clip I can show you of me doing stand up at the Melrose improv. Where I'm skinny. I'm like 190, and I'm pacing, crouching, and I'm going like this with my hand. And it's like 2000. He always has interesting hands. Yeah, his hand, his hand, he does this with his hand,

and he would go like this. And if you watch and you press mute, you just watch me, you'd be like, oh, and I even had like an affectation that's not mine. When you start stand up, you basically pair it in your heroes. And so I'm just sitting there pacing, crouching, going like this on punchlines with like horrible material.

And it's all like trying to be like Chris Rock. I was so dialed, I was such a big fan of his that then I remember I'm in college and it's only two years later, bigger and blackers coming out. I don't even know how standup really works. I'm like, there shouldn't be one of these out this soon. That was, and by the way, it looked like a Master P cover.

Yeah, remember? And that was the time when it looked like a Master P cover. And I remember seeing that, I now I was in- No limit,. Yeah, remember? And like that was the time when it looked like a masterpiece cover. And I remember seeing that, I now I was just... No limit, no limit, right? No limit records. I remember seeing that and going, going like, oh yeah,

and it was still same Chris Rock, same great material. And the material was outstanding. The special was amazing. And I was like, this, how is this sustainable? I don't even know how, stand up gets written. And I was still doing, I was like, this is this sustainable? I don't even know how stand up gets written And I still didn't I was like this is it's too great. He's the specials

You know back then with the exception of Carlin who was on this really creepy put out 16 specials and You know, I don't know anybody if anyone's ever been that prolific, but The thing is you know you look at specialss and it was just like the one or two and that would carry a guy's career. Yeah, you could do that same material for the rest of your life. So anyway, I mean, that's solidified how big of a fan. I was like, this guy is just the greatest the best.

Those specials, here's the other thing, HBO, then, you had the one thing that also helped you if you're that person is not just that the special is great. They would just re-air that thing all the time. I mean, that special, you couldn't miss the special. You turn it on HBO and for years, it would just be, and no one else is watching other things. So he became so big, so famous from how good those specials are and how often they were played.

I didn't realize this until he was touring again. He didn't tour for nine years. That's how much of an impact those specials made is that if you take nine years off and you got me to go on tour again, I promise Everybody's numbers would be like Dwindling shrinking, right? He took nine years off and it was like, you know, massive venues I can't like he you know, he just he earned that and then I also love that career wise

He had like I have similar interests because he loves features and he's written and directed and he loves, he loves movie making. So I'm a big fan of movies and so I've just always followed whatever he's done. I'm a huge fan. I've met him twice and two times I could barely say words. Like I was, I was like a, like a kid. I think I've met him once. Met him once with Gary Goldman. And this is a long time ago. Andrew Dice Clay, Rose Ann Barr, and Louis Anderson, were in the green room. Chris Rocks in the green room.

And we said to Chris, Gary Goldman, and I said, how do you, what's your advice when getting feature work? And he goes, my advice is become a headliner. And we were like, what? And he goes, fuck you working about, you're working about feature work? He's like, just become a headliner. And we were like, what? And he goes, fuck you working about, you're working about feature work? He's like, just become a headliner. I was like, yeah, I guess that is good advice. And he's like, you know, one gives a fuck about feature work to become

a headliner. And we were like, okay, but if you did have advice about feature work, I was like, yeah, would that go? I think I fucking actually said the first time I met him. It was in the parking lot of the store. And he was like, I watch all your shit, you got good specials. And I think I said something like, I like yours too. Ah! Or like, you've got some good ones.

I've been, I was just, I didn't know what to say. I was just like a fucking idiot. His work ethic, his work ethic, that train, I remember hearing him say he trained like a fighter, like this was his last thing. I'm not hearing him say that. And when I did secret time, I realized, I knew that that was my one shot.

I knew without a doubt that I had one shot at a Netflix special in order to get other ones. And I was like, and I will put everything into it. And I went, I went, and I told them I was like, put me on the road every single day for the like the month and a half leading up to the special. I went on the road every single, I went on the road. When we knew we had it, I was on the road every weekend.

And then that month out, I went, I want be gone, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I wanna be gone every day of the week, and I was gone every single day, and I had that special, so dialed in that I could take it and move it around into different parts, and then I started doing that and taking different things,

and then, and I thought about it methodically. And I remember the other thing that was big about Chris Rock was that he was a fan of Woody Allen's. Yeah. And I hope this comes out properly, but like, you know, some like cat Williams is, I love watching cat Williams, but cat Williams is very culturally a black comic. Like, you know, Chris Rock's still very culturally a black

comic, but the fact that his inspirations were, you know, Carlin and Woody Allen made me think, I can't just go up and just wing it with talent. Like, it's like, say, Martin Wood. And then I hope this is respectful. But like, like, Martin, you seem like someone or any griffin's, you didn't seem like someone who would just go up, or Richard Pryor would be like, never put pen to paper, just go up and just fucking be themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chris Rock was one that was like made me think, you need to be.

Oh, the material. Oh, the material. The meticulous about your material. You need to be, you can't just go up there and, and be like, I'm a talent, I don't put, and do what Jay Z does. It's very musical. Yeah.

It's rhythms to it. Yeah, he does, you know, Chris does sound check. He does, you know what I mean? Like he, he wants to know the components, like the room is right. Yeah, and the way in watching him get ready for a special, get it watching him write material where there was no energy into it.

It was just the words. Yeah, you know, no ego about being on stage. You're doing a run this weekend. And I've been, so I've been doing this new hour. And the last, I would say 10 to 12, maybe it's up to 15 minutes. Murder. So you go like, I'm going to close on these 15 minutes. So I'm going to open with it this week and just a fucking, fuck around and see what

it does to the set. I would, you know, when I I did my when I did a secret time I had this great hour and then all of a sudden I remember sitting backstage and and someone told me they were like He just you know they only watched 30 minutes of it like you just and so I took my clothes and put it at 22 minutes Yeah, and was like what was it? What was the closer at the time? Zip lining that so you move it 20, because it was a great joke. And it went and down, spread them out, or whatever. You would just say, good night after that.

Yeah, yeah, it was like, I don't even know what that joke was now. It's so funny when I did Red Rocks, I went and kind of went to look at old material to see if I could bring back some and like try it on old one, just to make sure that it was like a good show for everyone. And I couldn't remember how that joke went. I don't remember how it ended.

He's, he's shimmy fucking her all the way back. Forget it, I forgot it. Yeah. And people don't understand that that we forget these, the bits, like you get so used to, it's not just like, oh, it's your material. And you're like, yeah, but when you perform it, you know to take the little paws, there's your material, but when you perform it, you know to take the little paws, there's a laugh,

and that there's something in your brain where then you go, then the next line, and the next line. It's funny too, you can't perform it. You can't almost get into it. You can almost get into it. Like, if I watch, because I did, I wanted to do one of my favorite jokes I ever had

was Ila's deodorant on her lip Yeah, and then time travel and and I saw I watched it on my on Netflix The thank God Netflix keeps it up. Yeah, I watched the bit and I and as I'm watching and I start melting it going Oh, I remember this I remember this I remember this. Yeah, but there's little things you don't remember little things You don't I happen to me I had to pull up Netflix when I did a private, the day of. Really? I think I don't remember if I told this on the podcast where I showed up and it's a private event and the guy was like, yeah, we're so excited and I was like, cool. I'm like, so I mean, I don't know, it occurred to me to ask because I was like, I hope you guys like all the like the new hour. And he was like, what? I was like, this like what I'm torn, it was in the middle of a tour.

Yeah. He's like, oh no, we wanna hear like a Segal 48 and Bikes. And I was like, I was like, and you're like, you wanna hear him tonight? And he was like, that's why we hired you. I was like, hold up, I'm gonna go to my room

and I had to watch them and make, I forgotten completely what I'm with them. And I fucked them up performing them Really I was like I'd get like halfway through it and I was like you guys fucking you know You know what I was thinking about doing Jeff Tweetie. I love will go Jeff Tweetie used to do these living room shows For like $25,000 then he give the money to charity And I was like I would love to have Jeff Tweetie, but I want to pick a set out I want to pick out with songs. I want to hear him play. I wanted to be acoustic I wanted to be in my backyard and then I was like, I would love to have Jeff Tweety, but I want to pick a set out. I want to pick out with songs, I want to hear them play,

I want it to be acoustic. I want it to be in my backyard. And then I was like, I'm not inviting, any, I'm not inviting my wife, my kids, I'm kicking them out of the house, I'm inviting hardcore Wilco fans. Like I'm only inviting Wilco fans who aren't gonna fucking talk during the middle,

aren't gonna crack a beer in the middle of it. Like that, that are like, I wanna hear, yeah, I'll be drinking T-dozes, so to. Okay. And I'll be smoking joints, even though Jeff Tweedie's sober. But I would do that. And then I started going, wait,

because I wouldn't wanna, I would wanna hear certain songs acoustically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to pee so bad, we'll take a break. Go pee, go pee. Welcome back to getting to know Tom on Two Bears One Cave. Real quick. That was a very very

I mean amazing leak that I took did you sit in there I did Why you sprayed the entire I know I know was it still in there? There's a little pieces a little Shoot it out. Those were that's like a shotgun shell like when you have one of those where you push and it just goes Okay, so that's one, so you, because last week I think you said, I don't casually walk to take a shit ever. I, well, that, I was going in there to take a piss and it just started happening and I was like, oh, this is not a fart.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I didn't, I wasn't planning on shit. Oh, you kept talking about you had to fart, you're like, I got a fart. I've had to fart this whole day, but I, but I, I want, said I had to go fart and then I, I, I did sound on the couch,

you guys didn't want to away. And then right before we came in, I went in to take a piss and then all of a sudden exploded out of my ass. It looks like it did. And I'm having a hard time because I'm getting like the ice cream cone effect, you know, like when you know when you do, they do soft serve

and there's still some sitting on the thing and you look at your cone, you're like, can you get that little part out of there? And they're like, I just stays there and then slowly it drips off. Well, that's happening with me. I have like a little cone of shit. How you gonna know, I don't know, I ask.

And I have to take the toilet paper and then literally go in and kind of scoop it out of my ass. This is rough. Yeah. All right. All right, welcome back to getting the Natalm, Untie Burst One Cave.

Thank you. Lugery items. So I want to talk about luxury items because you're the first person that kind of opened my eyes, maybe too much, I think. I think I was better when I was cheap, but like to luxury items. Now, I wanna know, first of all,

how much is appropriate for the average person, meaning remember, go back to when you were living in that place in the hills, we had to drive through the gate, right? Okay. How much is appropriate for a person to spend on a watch? Like where you go, you didn't blow the bank, but you need to treat yourself. And you're talking, this is when I lived in a house with a gate. Yeah, but, well, I don't know when you got rich, but like, let's, okay.

What is it, let's just go then ballpark. Cause Leanne wants a new watch. And be sure I don't wanna spend a lot of money. This was a gift to me. But this is the thing I gotta get, you know, when it comes to shit like this, cause I know how Leanne is. You just gotta fucking buy it.

You buy it and you go, this is what it is. Yeah. You can't make her comfortable with the price. I'd say sometimes you have to do that with people. Yeah. Yeah, you just have to, I mean like, sometimes you do it with parents, you do it with spouses, whatever, you just, like if you can afford it, I'm saying.

Everybody has their own level of what they can afford. And then there's those people who are like, oh, it just makes their fucking eyes watered here a number. Yeah, they're never gonna buy the thing that they deserve or that they want. Yeah, you just gotta buy it. And now, I think if you have what, like, media and income, you know, I think you buying a watch for like,

500 to a thousand dollars, it's money, it's, you know, it's not cheap. Yeah, but it's not gonna fucking, you know bankrupt you you can spend $800 on a watch and get a good fucking watch. You can I have my favorite watch I have Is my gift right there. This one's a gift. I didn't buy this. Yeah, who got it for you my dad It's a nice gift. Yeah, I think it times I've said on podcasts that Will Smith gave it to me as a joke. And then people really thought Will Smith gave it to me. How long have you had that watch? I've had this watch for eight years. Got on my 40th birthday. Really? Yeah. That's a fucking nice gift from your dad. It's a really great gift. It's a really great gift. And can I tell you what?

What? I was going to buy him a really, really nice watch that I wanted. Cause I know he's probably got like, you know, 10 years left and I was like, I'll get it in 10. Yeah. Cause he's gonna pass away and I'll just get the watch. And I was like, that's enough of a investment. Let's talk about luxury items about whiskey and cigars. Can you tell the difference in a high-end whiskey

versus a Bala Jack? I mean, there are some that are so distinctly, I'll say this, tastes so distinctly different from Jack to some other whiskeys that I'll know, like this is not Jack Daniels. But do I have a sophisticated enough palette to know like this is this and that? Absolutely not.

I did have that experience with that fan. He's a big fan who, dude, I was doing a gig. He had reached out, like my agent hit me up. This guy wants to do like a whiskey tasting with you at the venue in the green room after the show. I was like, yeah, okay. He wheeled in like my fan too.

This is what I was like. Let me finish. Jesus Christ. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes. He goes.

He wheels in all the whiskey. Let's me sample them. Teaches me. Like history. The only way this story goes good if he says to you, Bert. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You'll love this. So he does this whole thing. and I'm like, man,

I really feel like it's kind of the fun thing about hanging out with somebody is something that you like, but who knows way more than you. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? I love it. I have friends like that. Like they know way more about something that I'm a fan of.

Yeah. So I was like, man, this was so informative and delicious or what an experience. He was like, man, this was so informative and delicious and what an experience. He was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, it's like I really wanted to meet you and do this. And I was like, oh, thanks, man. And he goes, yeah, because I'm really trying to get in touch with Bert.

No way. And I was like, oh, he was like, yeah, because like what I really want to do is do this with Bert. Wait, where does he live? It was in Texas. Are you serious? Yeah, I'm in Texas, Abilene.

You really don't, this never happened? Do you never met up with this guy? I don't think so. You would know. Well, actually you wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. You couldn't have never remembered. Blacked out and forgot.

He would have woken up with no ring and a watch on. Yeah. So, okay, so then cigars. Do you feel the same way about cigars? Can you taste an expensive cigar? Because I, one of the things I think is interesting about you is that you are not like, this is what I find interesting is that you do have fine taste and nice things, but you don't waste, you don't spend recklessly. No, and I have an on cigar like Fritz is my, that, my friend.

That's what made me think about that. I mean, he really likes cigars. I enjoy being educated the same way with the whiskey guy. Yeah. Dude, I was in Milwaukee a few weeks ago, and I got to go to that fucking amazing cigar place. Yeah. And they knew you. They're like, oh, Bert was here. Yeah, I was there.

Is it you? Is it start to the you, right? You lose. I should forget what it's called, man. They gave me an incredible tour, hooked me up with just so many amazing, that I would have never sought out or been like, I should get this one because I don't know.

But you do realize that when you're having like a premium cigar, it does, I mean, I think the taste is distinctly different. I'm kind of looking forward to a cigar today. Like I'm looking forward to a drink and a cigar very much. Well, you're gonna have a few. I think I'm going to, I might smoke two cigars. Yes, you are. I wouldn't be shocked if I had a, as a inhaler hit.

So what about beers? Do you, can you appreciate IPAs? No. Okay. But I'm not, but here's the thing. That's what we're talking about what we're actually fans of. I'm not like, oh, do you have IPAs? Like I don't, it does nothing. Dave Williamson got me into IPAs

and there's a fun time to drink an IPA. Like if a river's running by, an IPA fucking is right. But you can't pound an ICA IPA because it's kind of like blowing a shoe shine boy Yeah, you just like A lot of taste in the back of my throat. I like some stouts. I don't like stouts. I like them I like I drank a stout and threw up in my hand with the woman that was in the actresses Linda Blair We were eating brownies and type in bird christrisis or Linda Blair see if that comes up

There's a video Tom it was the first time I drank in the morning and I had so much fucking fun I got wasted Wasted with Linda Blair at fucking like at like eight in the morning on We drank wait give me I want to give a shout out to go back, go to the search engine. What about Milwaukee cigar downtown? Go to the all results. Oh, there it is. There it is.

How do you say that? I wonder if I was there during sober October. So good, dude. That's what, so they have an underground like this place open in 1939. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I've been here. Yeah. Yeah. It was awesome. It was awesome. My pretty. I was we went through a big cigar phase during sober October two years ago where when we were on tour we were in the bus and we just went to every cigar shop

and I had cigars every night. It was fucking awesome. That's all I thing you could do, right? Yeah, and it's funny. I never really, I never really needed a cigar, but that month I needed, I fucking needed a cigar. Like it was a way to, like I can see way over, smoking I barely ever smoke cigar. It's pronounced Yulee. Yulee. Yulee. Okay, so now we're talking about lugs, right? Yeah. You Lee. You Lee. You Lee. Okay, so now we're talking about luxury items.

And here's the thing that I also, this is what I was trying to say to you before, you are someone that spends money, but you're not spending someone that waste money. You spend the money on this shit you love. Like shoes, I love talking about shoes, I love talking about, cause you're the one that introduced me to...

Off-wights? Yeah, and Virgil Ablo. Yeah. And I love off-wights now. But I have them, I stop buying shoes. I just don't, and Virgil Ablo. Yeah. And I love off whites now. And I, but I haven't, I stopped buying shoes. I just don't, I got to a place where I was like, you said it yourself, you, you can only, you really use. Well, yeah, what I ended up realizing,

I mean, there are those really, like we're talking about Trinidad, like, you know, those, those have like 8,000 pairs of shoes, but even like my modest collection, which some people would think is crazy, I'm like I'm wearing like five of these. Yeah, the rest of them just sit on the shelf and you're just like, I don't look at that shoe. I love, I love the Ultra Boosts. They're like a more comfortable world. They're like the most comfortable. And then I'm a big Nike SB low-dunk fan, like the, the dunk lows. I, that's all, every shoe I ever had,

I, all, you introduced me to Air Force ones, which I had never, I thought with the ugly issue in the world. Yeah, and I love their first ones. They're the most comfortable shoe this ever been made, probably. So I'm, my thing's all about comfort. Yeah. And then the virtual ablows, like if you can get

medium priced ones, some of them are just ridiculous. And I don't think... That world is wacky. I've never done a, like I've been to some of these real sneaker headplaces. And they'll have kind of pedestrian level stuff. And then they have stuff in cases, right? It's collectors.

The Travis Scott's. And you're like, what's that? I feel like it's 25,000, like what? Yeah. Yeah, even the other one though, this one's only 5,000. I mean, it's been $5,000 on sneakers, man. I'm even like when I get like those off whites, I think Michigan off whites.

I've been Michigan off whites. I think that's what they are. I've worn them only on stage. Really? Yeah, because I really, those are ones I have. And I don't think I'm wearing them right, to be honest, to the UK. What do you mean? I'm wearing them wrong.

How do you wear them wrong? Oh, mother fucker. Put them on your hands? Hey, click on those higher. I'm wearing them wrong, Tom. This whole time I've been wearing them wrong. What do you mean? Oh, mother fucker! Mother fucker!

What are you doing? God damn it, I got the fucking string dripping in the back. Like, it's supposed to go in the front. I'm confused, but... So, I got... So... I don't... I have the string hanging off the back, like spurs on a boot.

Oh, instead of like wrapping it around the front. Yeah, I looked like a fucking jackass. How many fucking sneaker heads have been watching me perform? You take it, you snip the... I didn't snip it, you sniped it. I just unlaced it and slid it out. Yeah, I snipped one. Yeah, but I kept it on a couple of other pairs.

Yeah, I like the, these are actually, I like those, what do they call the Philadelphia Phillies? But I only wear the, like I like these, these are actually, I like those, what do they call them, fill it up, fill these. But I only wear the, I like to have, so I'm getting ready to go on tour. I think I might be on tour right now if this is airing. So, so I, Leigh-Anne goes, I didn't know what shoes to put on the bus. And I was like, oh no, no, don't.

I'm gonna get a new pair of shoes for this tour and then I will wear those and I only wear them on stage. Yeah, I like that. I like that. Shoes, shoes. Yeah, like just shoes. Shoes, shoes, shoes. Yeah, okay, so let's, and so what,

I keep going over to this. The thing I like to say is that you do spend your money wisely. You do know when to spend money, and you don't over spend on shit that's stupid. Like, the things I over spend on, sometimes you're like, for real, like what? A vacuum. Like I fucking spend a lot of money on vacuums.

What do you, what do you spend on vacuums? Like fucking as much as I can spend on a vacuum. So that's where I spend my money. Like on shit that I did, I go, any appliance, I go buy the nicest one. And I want to deal with it again. Kind of smart though. If you can afford it by the best appliance, you're usually like, it's gonna work better, you're gonna not gonna have to

replace it, fix it as much, as like a lesser appliance. I'm not against that. So then let's pivot into what I really want to know. Okay. So I have a stock car. What upgrades, what modifications, can you add to a car that make it, that really push it over level? We're talking about.

I've done some stupid shit. Well, wait, wait, talk to me about modifications because I'm fascinated by your modifications because I like some of the things you put on a car I like, but I don't know what they are. Yeah, here's the truth. I don't know what some of them are either. So, okay, so you get a car. You get a, you get a, you get a,

if it's a performance like so. Your BMW is something where I go. I said to the guy, because I used your guy to get me my car. So I remember, here's what I remember. Some of this stuff really is, stuff I dreamt about for years. Really? I knew about dying.

You look, type in DIN. Can you type that in? DIN, A-N. Okay. And this is a hotel in France. Yeah. There we go. Yeah. Wow. So I knew about DIN in for like years and a click on me. I'm talking like when I was working in post production. Really? Yeah. Because I'd heard about the company and the things that like the mod, they basically were tuning house for BMWs. So I always I'd heard about that. And you'd see the badge sometimes, especially in LA, there's like big car culture. I see a car park at the park and I say Dynan on the back normally where it would normally say the model. Yeah, just say Dynan

I was like oh shit, this thing's got to be crazy. Yeah, so when I got an M2 competition I reached out to this guy that is he's like the Name is Mark in the valley. I'm fucking forget it. At the name of his shop, the Varian workshop, it might be it, it might be a Varian workshop. And so he's like, what do you have? And I go, I got an empty competition. And he goes, oh, what do you want to undo it? And I was like, I was kind of not sure what mods to do.

And he goes, I got one, you want to just do what I did to mine. He owns the shop. And I was like, yeah, he goes, mine's fucking. It's insane. Like it's crazy what I did this thing. So I drop it off at his place. Dude, that car, if you type in, we type in 2019 M2 competition because I remember I said to I said to the guy you you got me your guy got me my car And he said go to the all results not the photos and he was like no, it's a good car You got a good car. It's like it's like a it's like a dad car. It's like a grown man car And I was like thanks and then I was like hey, what's the what's up with? Tom's car I go that how like that BMW and he goes,

oh, it's a fucking rocket. It's a rocket, dude. He, well, here's the thing, it came like a great, it's a great driver's car. Yeah. And I was just stock. Just stock, I was happy with it. I mean, where's it come with?

It came with a 405 horsepower. You know, like a, it's small. It handles great, great balance in the car, fun to drive. I didn't have any like problems, but you know, when you get a car, you're like, I wonder what more it could do. Well, because I have these like dined in fantasies, and I find out about this guy, I send him the car. I get this car back. Does it have the weight of this car? You find out what it weighs because it doesn't weigh that much, man. It's probably going to say what? Was it a say the weight there? How much? 34? I can't read it. 3400 pounds. Okay.

Okay. He gives it back to me with 600 horsepower. And even with stability and traction control on the car fish tails like when you when you floor it goes. It's like it's too much power for the car really and he also gave it to me He goes oh by the way make sure you're in a real safe place if you set it on the M2 mode He goes I don't fuck around like he's telling me that what's the M2 mode? Well, you can set your own Like options to each mode, but basically He set it up so that you can change it. He set up so that M2 has no stability, no traction.

So you're on your own, right? So you can drift and all this stuff. But the first time I did that, I was like, oh, I want to try it. I did it turning onto PCH. I hit M2 and I completely did a donut on PCH. And I came like this close to a Lamborghini. Like, almost shut the fuck up. Yeah, I was like, oh my god.

And I called him, I was like, I see what you did. So modifications aren't technically getting your windows tended? Well, no, I think these are all performance modifications. So you get all performance modifications? Yeah, just because it's more fun. So I sent that to him. I sent the E63 to Renntech.

It's another company that does that. They put in new turbos, new downpipes, blow off that. Like all just, you know, they did the equivalent, but for that car, so that car, and then I just did the demand upgrade to the GT4. So I was supposed to get that back this week, I don't have it yet. So that one is the one that I heard about is supposed to be the greatest mod because people

complain that the the Cayman's 718s have long gears like you're in second gear and you're going 82 before you need to shift it. So they shorten the gears and they they actually hollow out part of the engine. They do software tuning, bigger engine now and it's supposed to be one of the best drives you can have. In a car that's already very naturally balanced and has decent power, now has almost another 150 horsepower. And yeah, it's just fun. Does it make you want to drive to like drives? I'm going to show Houston. I'm going to now has almost another 150 horsepower. And yeah, it's just fun. That's great. Does it make you wanna drive to shows,

to like drive, you're like, I gotta show in Houston, I'm gonna just drive it. You know, it's funny, cause I don't know like the geography yet. Like I mean, I know, obviously the cities, but like,

distant stuff, but I used to love doing like Irvine and Brea for the drive home, cause you know you'd finish those games. Yeah, and it was like fucking Tokyo drift. Oh dude. That drive home was fucking cannonball run. On that Friday Saturday when it's like midnight

and you're driving on the 60 and you could just hammer it. And there's no one out there. Yeah, no one out there or coming back from Irvine on the five at midnight, it would just be the best man. See, I've always been more of a luxury car, meaning like big SUV or like old sedan. I've never been into sports cars. But I think it's, I don't really drive very fast. I like to, I like, I have, I wonder if it's imprinted on you when you're young. So I have a visual of my dad listening to music kind of sitting back and I'm like a big

boat. Those are awesome too though, but that's awesome. I love that too. We saw, let's see if you can find, we saw the the other day a what it's 57 Lincoln convertible Lincoln, what's it an continental Lincoln continental we typed that in. This is one of the coolest and by the way, this is where I would spend my money. Is it cool? I think that is bad ass.

The coolest thing now is that I've taken some of these cars to tracks. So I got to drive my M2 at Willow Springs. I got to drive the Porsche at Circuit of the Americas here, like the F1 track. Really? And I'm going to this other track here with a driver, with an instructor,

to practice on the track. That really takes it to another level. Then you feel like the mods are, I mean, they're too much, at least you feel like you're kind of utilizing what you got. Convertible. It's got to be a Lincoln convertible suicide doors. This thing was white too. It was white and it was so fucking bad.

Ask I could totally spend that I and that there's a there's a that's not it. It's so it's a take out the year take out the year. I'm sorry. I just guessed it's 60 57. It's really it. It was the best car I've seen in a while. I tell you what I like and Joe's got one of those Broncos that are all souped up. The icon.

Yeah, there's some guys that landed to do it that are fucking amazing. Yeah, there it is. See, I'm wanting to get that. And then I want to give it to one of those people that re-do the modernized. Modernized, yeah, yeah. Because that is such a bad, and I think the one we saw last night was modernized. Yeah. Could you hear the engine?

You were like, that's a little. Yeah. I would do that. I could, I could really, like many people have, lose my mind by cars. I don't know where my, I don't know what I, I have actually a problem spending money, I think. Do you really, I think you think you have a problem spending money. I don't have. You don't seem like a reckless spender at all. I don't spend, no, actual problem spending money, I think. Like, do you really, I think you think you have a problem

spending money. I don't have a... You don't seem like a reckless spender at all. I don't spend, no, that's why I mean, no, I meant, I have a problem spending money. Like, like we did the, like one of my biggest splurges for the throughout the whole year, my biggest splurge was a Sornex weight rack.

Cause I just kept saying, I won't need it. Like, I'm not gonna use it. I won't need it. And then getting all weights, getting all free weights. And I was like, I only need 20s and 30s. And then Leanne's like, no. Leanne has comfortable writing a check for something going, get it.

And then I got the rack and I loved it. I love it. Wait, she is comfortable? Cause you always make it same like she's like pulling back on you. Oh no, she's very comfortable spending money. She doesn't want to spend money on herself. She doesn't mind spending money on the, like for this watch, she wants a new watch.

And I was like, oh I'm excited, she's never wanted to watch. But I don't mind spending money on her. She doesn't want to spend money on herself. Right. And so when she did like the, she did the, the gem at the house. She was like, I think Rogan hooked me up with Bert Soren and Bert Soren, I think he did.

No, maybe my trainer hooked me up with, I think Tate and my trainer Lacey hooked me up with Bert Soren. And then I think Bert found out my name was Bert also. And he was like, I think I know who you are and then he got made sure it came out because it was really hard to get those fucking racks. But he was like, you don't need something big., and then he got, made sure it came out because it was, it's really hard to get those fucking racks. Yeah. But he was like, you don't need something big.

You just need something where you can do bench press, do squats, and do pull ups, that's it. So I got like, but that was a splurge for me because I just go, because it looks decadent, you know? To have a weight rack when you're, it looked like me. Like a treadmill, I got a really great fucking treadmill. I run on a treadmill every day. So I, in my head, I go, and it was like,

this treadmill so nice that they came out with that treadmill and two other treadmills and a flatbed truck for me to test out. That's how they test a fucking badass. And they're like, they came to, they're like, what? So where's your gym? This is when I lived in the other house, and I was like, it's all back there, don't worry.

And they guys, I don't know how we're gonna get this back there. I was like you'll figure it out We'll get it and he's like you tried all three. I tried all three and he goes so Who's this for I said me? He was like how have you done it but you used it yet? I use it all the time I used my treadmill all the time. I use it as it by the way He goes so who's this for and I was like me and then at the same time I got new running shoes and the guy goes so what are you gonna be using using these for I was like running motherfucker yeah that's a treadmill yeah it's a temple like Jesus Christ but yes so I and then I love that treadmill I use that all the time but I that's where I I don't mind spending my money on like things that I'll be using every single day

okay that makes sense though all right back to my list on getting the two bears one one place to vacation for the rest of your life. Whew, man. One place. You only get this one place. Pack the kids up, you go there all the time. I'll tell you my top three and then we'll wind it down. Okay, well, we'll let it down.

Okay. So number one, I love cities. I love being in a big city. Wow. That did not expect to hear that. So like you could easily, and the language barriers are problem, but you know, it might be part of the fun. So you could easily get me to be like, let's go to Paris and just live there. Because I like being in a city, you know, Paris or Barcelona. Look, Russell Peter is like being in a city. I love being in London. I love it. I like being in the city, you know, yeah Harris or Salona Look Russell Peter is like being in a city. I love being London. I love it. I love being in the middle of it going to New York. I love going there. Yeah Hawaii is kind of like number one. It's the greatest my number one

Yeah, if you said one place for the rest of your life would be why I love why more than anything. Why is just unbelievable man And I wonder if does if this includes like can you island hop within Hawaii yeah yeah yeah yeah you get all the islands oh that's hard to top man and the other thing that I other thing that I love I love these places in the Pacific Northwest like Montana and Wyoming and Idaho and Utah like I love Colorado. I love that. I love color. Weather, the culture, you know, the mountains, like the lakes, the rivers, and then they have like that's why I always love Denver. I always love being in Denver. You have you're in a city, but you have the access to that stuff with this beautiful and I love that.

They're they're oh look at that. Come on man. That's why keep saying to Georgia. She's looking at colleges and I go I go baby you get to go anywhere in the world and then live there you get to pick a place to live for four years. I could pick I could pick so many cities to live in for four years. Yeah for four years. Madison was constant. You like Madison. I love Madison was constant. I love, I really love Wisconsin. I love Wisconsin. A lot of people that they have the wrong idea. Yeah. I think they think that this concert is just farm, but like, yeah, Madison is, I was just there. Yeah, Madison. I would live, I could live. Great place

to go to college. If you're college kid. Oh, okay. Let's do let's do okay Let's do this. Then let's let's pick Top five places that town fucking parties man Madison was constantly good. Okay. Let's do your vacation place So you got three Montana roughly Montana Hawaii Hawaii and Paris. Oh wow. Okay, so I'm gonna pro and con it so I'm trying to book a parachute right now really yeah Just go meet someone just see what it would be bad. Oh just by yourself. I Would love Except the fucking Paris accent I think when I think about fucking a chick is the same one from Pulp fiction I had the blue berries and I want to go. Yeah, she's annoying.

I mean, she's, by the way, what's her name? I bet she looks great right now. You think so? I bet she does. What's fucking 92, bro? Ooh, type in that chick. What does she look like? It's 30 years.

I wonder who's aged better near her. Let's see. Alright, she might look good. Let's do Pulp Fiction cast. So yeah, Paris would be... Okay. Yeah. Paris would be pretty bad at... Paris is a great fucking place. Yeah. It's pretty awesome. Make those large. Okay. Wait. Is it Honey Bunny? No. No. No. That's Large okay wait is it honey bunny no no no that's a man of plummer okay It's gonna be keep going I Bet it's Trudy

No trudy is one that overdoses Right no no It's gonna be low really it's gonna be she's, yeah, but she's just like out a little part. Not bigger than young butch though. Wait, is that her? There you go, yeah. Maria, Maria, in the air days. The Mier days?

Maria of shit. Did me hurt. Yeah. That's her. Um, who's she married to? Emilio Estevez? No, really? No.'s she married to? Emilio Estevez? No, really? No.

Is she from France? Lisbon, she's Portuguese. Are you right? Yeah, okay. Parasite. Wait, let's go, let's do a type in her name and then do 2021, you know? So we can see photos.

Nah, she aged well. Yeah, she looks good. She's better than me. I'm gonna go I would say that meme of you. No, you ever see that one? No What is it? It's a picture of you like with that you'd post on Instagram like young This is this is gonna fucking kill me What is it? You're like young and happy and then it's like you Wait, what is this? You mean to tell me

This is what happens after just 60,000 Wait, where where where is it? I've seen it. I've seen it. Where is it? Where is it? I find it any This is what happens after looking looking I guess looking this is what happens after 60,000 teetos. I'm gonna clean my life up. I'm telling you I'm gonna change my shit I'm gonna turn my shit around look I'm gonna talk shit about anyone in two episodes That's pretty good. Yeah, it's really good. Yeah, I'm talking change my shit around. I'm gonna turn my shit around. Look, I haven't talked shit about anyone in two episodes. That's pretty good. Yeah, it's really good. Yeah.

I'm talking positive these days. It might be, and you know what, it might be, if you go to his Instagram, in when you're tagged in a, you know, like the tagged mentioned, a fucking icon on Instagram, you know what I'm talking about? You go to someone's page, and you hit that,

whatever it is, yeah that thing. Oh I see, you go to my page and then you go to, Yeah, yeah it might be in there. I'm sure somebody tagged you at it at some point. God I laughed so hard at that. I mean it's you from like, you know whatever, 96 and then Yeah tagged it's gonna be in there somewhere man. It's gotta be yeah, you found it. Yeah, they found it There it is. Oh my god. Oh

My god, that was after just 60. Oh My god Oh my God. This is what happens after just 60 pounds. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm gonna quit drinking. I'm gonna quit drinking. That's basically equivalent of like, hey, that guy was in pulp fiction. Let's see what you do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, still have hair. That's all we gotta talk about. Yeah, you do have still hair. You look really cute there on the left, bud. Yeah, I grew into my mouth. That's great. Who did that? Prol my mouth. That's great. Who did that prolific memes?

Oh, that's funny. That's funny. That is funny. The, the, what's funny about this is the wording. Yeah. This is what happens after just 60,000 T-dos and so does. Wait, by the way, prolific memes does a lot of me. Does he?

And he does. Oh, he's a big. Is he part of the content creator collaborative? He might be. Yeah. Jesus, he has a... Okay. Oh, yeah oh yeah oh I see what your problems make my digs off that's a good one okay what do you do AOC there mr. clavicle liked it it's very funny

oh it's very funny got I wish Christina looked like that. Right, screw up a little bit. Well, like, right there on the right. Yeah, oh, fuck. Dude, there's something so, like, I feel like, I feel like when you're tatted like that, you don't see the flaw in the person. Right.

Like if Ling-Anne got tatted on her throat, she look younger. Right. You know? Would you like that? Yeah, like a nice throat tattoo this has fucked the world. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, let's see sexy throat tattoos. There's something about,

those, they all look hot. Oh, they all look fucking hot. Look they all look fucking, look at her. Oh, one of them got stolen and put in a movie. A stolen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's her actually. What do you mean? They stole her tattoo?

Yeah, so you can't, so I wanna say this, her is her. So there was this movie that, the woman had, like this guy, the director, I guess, followed this woman who had cool tattoos and then he just put the character in the movie with those tattoos. And then the woman was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't fucking do that.

That's my tattoo. And then now you're doing it in the movie. There you say, right there. Yeah. Let me see, let me see your throat tattoo. Oh. That might be a big thing. Yeah, that's her that's her that's her. I saw that that's a fucking cool cool ass tattoo What are you calling it? Oh, what to do to do I'm doing it back and forth right now. Oh to to to to to to to to to Benaflac to to reach out to me and her

Good, I thank you for all the massive support. Okay. So yeah, is that the actress on the right? Is that what we're seeing? No, that's not the actress on the right. That's the actress. On the left. On the left, yeah.

Okay. I think she's had some modifications. That looks cute. I'm hoping my daughters don't get them like... How come? I don't know, because I just don't want them to ever get one. Really? Yeah, we were talking about getting one, weren't we?

Yeah, we should get it, you know, it's October right now, and we're doing real well. What should we do? We've been so sober. Yeah. So, do we do it? I don't know. Can we get tattooed to commemorate the month? Yeah, where do you want to do it? We do. We do. We do. So, do we do it? I don't know. You wanna get tattooed to commemorate the month? Yeah, where do you wanna get it?

Where should we get it? I don't know, it's gotta be, I was told by someone that it needs to be discreet because I'm shirtless. Now if you get it visible, people are gonna be staring at it the whole time. It's gonna be very true. That's very true. Or you could do something else crazy.

Keep your shirt on. Nope. I'm gonna get, I wouldn't mind a face to do. That's very true or you can do something else crazy keep your shirt on. No I'm gonna get I wouldn't mind a face to two a face to two here. That's very distracting. So obviously put it on your back Or back your arm back my arm. I do back my arm. What should we get? I don't know What if we have an artist do a sketch of each other's dick and then I get your dick on the back of my arm and you get mine on the back of yours. I actually like that a lot. Really?

Yeah, I like that a lot. It's kind of funny. Yeah. And people are like, you get your dick, like, no, that's my friend's dick. What if we got a gang to do for a whole all our listeners? What's the gang? I don't know, two bears one cave. What if we come up with a straight up gang?

Like, and that's part of the things, it's gonna be small on the street, but you can see them. Like if we got them like right here. Oh right. And then that everyone got them. Good, like put in good gang tattoos. Good gang tattoos.

You about that cave life? Yeah, like a little like. That's very discrete. That's, yeah guys, if you're Yeah, like a little that's very discrete. Hey guys, if you're fans get a huge bear. And it's all in. God, this guy really loves fucking salmon. Put hand gang tattoos. To twos.

To twos. To twos. Yeah, let's check out the guy with handcuffs on. Those are always good. I think you'll have blood sweat in comb. Blood sweat. 1989 is when he was born. So great. By the way, there's something I listening going wait, I was born and it puts it in comb that's on my hand. There we go. There you go. That little little that it in come that's on my hand. There we go, there we go, that little one right there right on her hand.

He was the greatest guy. So that's what we need, we need something like that, like a little something very discreet, very subtle, but not getting, oh, you don't want to just do, we'll get like the Mexican mafia's. Oh, wait, wait, go up one, go up, a little more, up. See the far right with the chest piece? Yeah, hit that Yeah hit that hit that

What if we do our kids like that in in death masks? Yeah, well, we do one of them gets the actual image and the other one gets a skull But you have to pick which kid gets the skull Yeah, that sounds like it. That sounds like a great. I like that. Is that like it Georgia and then a skull? And I was like, what about me like that's you the skull the skull is you. Yeah, the skulls you So that's I see that they when you do them on streak angst they do it with each other They like three dots and a circle or something. Yeah And so I think what we do is we get that but we don't make sure it's not Recognizable as looks similar. We should do it make it looks really similar to the Mexican Mafia's tattoo.

So that everyone's always like, wait, is that like no, no, no, different Mafia? Different Mafia. Oh, there you go. Yeah, see what? Yeah, what does that mean? What is that? What is that five stars? What is that?

Okay, yeah. Okay, what's it say? Five dots. Go back up and make that larger. A crown with five points time done oh time done yeah we don't want to do this number can be found what is that 1488 oh white supremacist stuff we can do that guys we'll get 1488 what if we just what's one plus four plus eight plus eight we'll just get the sum of all those 14 represents 14 words Which are a quote by not to leader David Lane

We must secure the existence of our people future for white children 88 short hand for the eighth letter the alphabet H How Hitler dude, we should definitely do that That's the name of your next special 1488. Yeah Jesus That's the name of your next special 1488. Yeah. Oh Jesus Cobb Web tab to See a cobweb tattoos and then 1488 a lengthy prison sentence. That's cool. Arian Brotherhood. Oh awesome Here we go. We get how about what's okay? What's the 6666? MS-13

What's a-Cab? Achronum found in the... All three of their bastards. Oh. Notedaneous, okay. Notedaneous is... Yeah. Oh, there you go.

Russian A is Meskimoffi, right? Right, but the Cross of the Chess is Russian prisons. Where? This is what it says right there, under the Cross of the Chess. Symbolize a prince of thieves. Oh, is that it's the one right there? Okay. Higher and in the mall, Russian prisoners have a unique

intricate history of prison. If you could get, okay, this is a soft pitch. But if, say, Go back down a little more. Say the Russian Mafia. Say the Russian Mafia likes my movie and it becomes their good fellows, right? Right, right.

And they're like, this is our, this guy doesn't look. That doesn't look good at all. That's a bad look. By the way, we are, we are critiquing gang banger gang members tattoos. We're not really, we're fans of all of them. We're fans of all of you guys. By the way, this was a, this was a different it's like.

What if, okay, how about that again speaking? We're watching Mafia sees my movie and they're like, I really like this and they're like, hey, we would like to make you and Tom honorary members Here's the deal. Here's the deal On your back we want the land we're gonna tattoo the landscape of Moscow on your back Yeah, but you get in no one ever fucks with you There's like privileges you get you don't have to pay taxes on your gas and stuff like I don't know like and they're like you know

You get you don't have to pay taxes on your gas and stuff like I don't know like and they're like, you know Yeah, no one fucks you do yeah the answer if someone's having this conversation with you. Let me tell you something You're getting that tattoo. Oh, yeah If it's just a point where they're like we're landscaping Moscow on your back. It's just happening You're like stars on your knees. You're like, I love it. Feels good. All right. We gotta get going, man. This was a fun one.

Hey, thanks for getting to know me. Hey, I enjoyed it. I did pretty good, right? You did great. So this was your idea, by the way, it wasn't planned. I didn't know this was happening. I was writing down things. We could, one day I was sitting down right now,

things we could talk about. And I started writing them and I was like, oh, these are things I want to talk about. Yeah. And I was like, I should do things. Tom wants now things we talk about and I started writing them And I was like oh these are things I want to talk about yeah, and I was like I should do things Tom wants to talk about And so I write it started writing down things like Did I know you like? I think we did a good job I'll see you in two weeks. Do you think this said it'll be jazzed up and a week? I like it like I mean I mean, we might do, you know, like some quotes.

Could we get a stripper to stand, well, if we pay a stripper, COVID tester. Okay. And have her just stand back there. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. And just, I think it'll class it up.

I think it'll make, bring more eyes to us. And then she dips down. Yeah. And they have to guess who's getting a blowjob. And by who's giggling? Yeah. And the first one that lasts, that's the way for it. Yeah. What if we had, what if, okay, what if we raise this table up a bit, right?

And then we could have a, just like a stripper pit where she could just sit and have cocktails. She didn't have so much to use come up and just dance a little bit. Yeah. And like, I think we could, I mean, we're in Austin. We could, they allow that. And we can do anything in Austin. Sure. So I think we should do that.

Any, can you, can you do some research on some strippers this weekend? He goes, I have a poll on the way. Doable. I thought it said disabled. I thought he was right, that he's disabled. I was like, no, I don't think we wanted to be disabled. She could be though. We know what to describe. Yeah, we could have. We could have definitely haven't been disabled.

Okay. We can run. All right. Love you. Love you too. Stories and birds, the machine, there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep them clean. Here's what we call, to bears one cave. No scripts, a bed of booze, amateur, photography, dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, to bears one cave. you