2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 111 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

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Starting point is 00:00:29 Why not? It's 9 in the morning. I just honestly feel like that any time that I drink in the daytime, I just immediately want to sleep. Yeah. That's the whole point. Yeah, but I don't want to go to sleep. What do you have to do today?
Starting point is 00:00:44 Go to sleep. What do you have to do today? Go to sleep. Tommy. You're so responsible. 100%. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm anyone, I have bought no less than 15 of them. I've given them to my mom, my dad, my sisters. I gave them to my friends. I'll tell you why I gave them to my friends. Super easy. Give this frame.
Starting point is 00:01:11 It's like a 10 inch frame, matte, black, beautiful. It looks gorgeous. You can use your fingers to swipe through pictures. You can grab a picture, say that. It's awesome. But why I gave them to them is that, super easy. You can preload it if you'd like, but you send pictures to an email
Starting point is 00:01:25 and then they upload to that frame. It's a great way to stay in touch with your family while everyone's away from each other these days. Why I gave it to my friends is I can send pictures to myself to my friends so that when I go to their house, I see pictures of me. That's what I love. That's the best gift you can give anyone this holiday season.
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Starting point is 00:02:02 and the promo code bears. Stakes make me fart. Like a red meat. Can I tell you, that's so funny you say that because part of me was like last night we were ordering and I thought maybe I should get salmon because you've been farting a lot a lot. Did I rip? I was ripping on this morning.
Starting point is 00:02:19 Peter came in my room to wake me up and he just has a key to my room. He just comes in. He's like, birdie boy me up. And he just has a key to my room. He just comes in. He's like, buddy, boy, you up. I was like, yeah, and I was naked in bed, just ripping parts, taking my blood pressure medicine. I put, I mean, that guy must have, ooh, ooh, slick, Nidav.
Starting point is 00:02:39 Hey, how's your weight loss going to count a bill of bloody? Ah, you know, Nadav, might I suggest coming out as fat? It's been working great for me. But I was, I was, I was ripping forth. Last time was my first time having a bone in ribeye. Teever? Whatever you got. What do we have bone in rib eye? Yeah, I don't ever get a bone in rib eye always get flay really yeah, and And a filet sits in me like a rock like I eat a filet and I'm the next morning my stomach's tight
Starting point is 00:03:18 I'm like god damn it man. It's like too much like direct protein. Uh-huh And I'm not kind of gonna to leave much of a stake around, unlike you who left half of your fucking rib by there. Yeah, that's what I do. Can I tell you, I ate mine so fast that I was like, did I get a smaller one than everyone else? Yeah. Did you see how fast I ate mine?
Starting point is 00:03:38 I ate mine so fucking fast. See, the reason I eat, I feel like it's just too much, but I like the way they taste, so I eat half of them, and I just, I don't care, I just go, yep. And then they go, do you want me to box this up? And I'm like, no, I can buy another one tomorrow. So I always say yes, I always say yes. I always say yes, box it up, please.
Starting point is 00:04:00 And then I fucking eat it. So I farted as soon as I got home, like 40 times, and like red meat just fucking, I don't know, man, I can't do it more than like once every couple weeks. No, I'm doing it every night. Stakes? Every night, we have a snack at the end of the day. Snacks?
Starting point is 00:04:21 Yeah, Dave girls up, like three steaks, three different bonus. Let's talk about steaks. Let's talk about steaks. We have dry aged steak. Tom, hot question. Is dry age worth it? I think it is. But it's basically they just said it fungus. Yeah. And it creates, and then you can dry age past a certain point where it's basically they just set it fungus. Yeah. And it creates, and then you can drive, pass a certain point where it's like, not even salvageable. It's all about like, that window of time, right? Like there's like a, 45 day drive.
Starting point is 00:04:54 Like, I know that you have to like, really watch how you drive age. I don't know enough about it. But it's like, I think it's a, I can't, I mean, it tastes a little funky. Yeah, it's supposed to. Huh. So that's like a marinade?
Starting point is 00:05:08 Well, I don't think it's a marinade. It's like a, oh, I guess you could cut like a natural style. And does it make it more tender? That I don't know. What's the difference between dry aged and wet aged nidodge? Nidodge? LAUGHTER That's my new catchphrase. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:25 All right, the biggest difference between the two kinds of meats is the flavor. Drives can be roasted nutty flavor while wet age has a slightly metallic, like the same depth of flavor. Okay. But you guys are eating steaks every day. I'm so glad I came out as fat. How come?
Starting point is 00:05:51 It's so tasty. It's a treat. It's a morning treat. Yeah. This is so good. It tastes like candy. It's like, why wouldn't you want candy? Do you realize it like a month ago?
Starting point is 00:06:03 Like now you've come out as fat. I understand that. Yeah. But I wonder if I'm going to ago? Like now you've come out as fat. I understand that yeah But I wonder if I'm gonna start losing weight now that I came out as fat. Well, I hope you don't What's the way because I accept myself? I start losing weight because I did not eat like a lunatic last night. I mean I ate fast But like I I've had a few fries. I had I had mostly that spinach and onion thing. Okay. It was really good too.
Starting point is 00:06:26 The place is really good. I've eaten there before, and that crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. I've eaten there three times. Three times? Yeah, and that weird. Can I tell you, I did radio one time with you. You were doing Ron Bennington,
Starting point is 00:06:41 and I did radio across the street. It was when Ron's like, Bert, what's happening to you? You're falling apart out there, and I was like, what are you the street. It was when Ron's like, Bert, what's happening to you? You're falling apart out there and I was like, what are you talking about? It was like right after Christmas when I was like, I did a video where I was like, talk about being a fatter when I don't fuck, whatever.
Starting point is 00:06:54 Oh. And so, count on me, times I burp today. You want me to count? That was a silent one. I've eaten that restaurant a lot. What? He's so flaky. I'm falling apart.
Starting point is 00:07:15 So last night you were like... You smoke as a guard. You're like, oh, you go. You go. We're time to restart. I'm like, a big deal, but 715. You're like, all right, I can take a nap on a play with Boreal Day. I don't know how you do it. I don't know how your recovery gene is just insanity, man.
Starting point is 00:07:51 I don't know. I don't think I, why did good dreams last night? And so I, and then sex dreams. And sex dreams about the am. She was kind of drunk and drugged in them. She was like, drugged. You know, it's like, it's like, she a 10LPM, but she was like she kept falling asleep in the dream And then she'd wake up and then kiss me and then she was wearing a robe and it was like half open And you could tell she wanted a party and and we were staying with you in Christina But you had a Tesla and she kept going let's take the Tesla out Let's take the Tesla out like the idea that Leanne wants to fuck me makes me very turn out. Like the idea that she wants to as opposed to like tonight I'm coming home and she knows she has to fuck me.
Starting point is 00:08:33 Like it's like it's kind of like you know you just pay the toll. Yeah. I'm the grumpy old roll. Yeah. Who lives under the bridge? Do you kids want stories explore? No. Okay. Um, but so that's less sexy when she's like let's get this out of the way. Who lives under the bridge? Do you kids watch stories explore? No, okay. But so, that's less sexy when she's like, let's get this out of the way. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:50 As opposed to when she wants to, you're like. Oh, totally different, right. What are the odds that? Yeah, let's break one off, because I know that you're gonna be insufferable if you don't. Yeah, and by the way, I will be unsufferable. Why is that?
Starting point is 00:09:02 Like, if I don't have sex, the second I land. That's when you want it? Oh, I need it. I need it, I need to get it out of the way, I will be unsufferable. Why is that? Like, if I don't have sex the second I land, that's when you want it. Oh, I need it. I need to get it out of the way. So I don't think about it. So I think about it and then I start, like, almost starting fights before a commitment. Like, I mean, it's like, I'm,
Starting point is 00:09:18 I, Lee Ann calls it planning my seed. Like, I need to plan my seed. And then, once there, I'm good. I'm like, I've been grounded, I'm home. So like some people get off a long flight and take their shoes off and rub their feet on the ground and that grounds them, I need to put my dick into something. Something. Someone.
Starting point is 00:09:34 And her name rhymes with... Yeah, and it's Leanne. Okay. It's Leanne. Okay. Yeah, I was... I was at, I had like a few sex dreams about her last night. Really?
Starting point is 00:09:50 Yeah. And then I was like, I'm, what sucks is when you have them and you're not going home for a week. Yeah. But I'm going home today. Yeah. And then she's picking me up at the airport. We're going straight to the studio and then,
Starting point is 00:10:03 and then probably, probably be fucking passed out. So then when you have sex with her. I'm kinda, can I tell you what's making me really upset? Yeah. So I woke up today and I was like, I'm gonna see the, I'm in dick's getting hard right now. Right now? Kinda.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Yeah, just not like, not like, just chubbed up, just like a little extra. Like it's, he's like, yeah, we're going home buddy. We are going home. Yeah. If your dick could talk to you, what would it sound like when it talked my dick? Yeah Oh Tom
Starting point is 00:10:31 Yeah, it probably sound like It's just it's laying to the left right now. It's kind of like it's tired You know, okay, so then when when you tell me what your dick sound like in college. Hey A little more of spy My dick in college is more timid my dick now is a little more bold really yeah now he's like oh come on man Cheers, that's how he talks now. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:11 If Christina's vagina could talk, what would it sound like? Uh-huh. Stop. Why does it hurt? Do you, do you? Is your sex game pretty much the same? Like when you get up, yeah. Mean potatoes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:33 Yeah, she has no interest in the razzle dazzle. I brought it up, I've tried it. And it's just, she does this like, like thing where she cuts you in half, where she's like, are you trying to do something and you're like not now It's so you're like okay, like I remember one time I was like hey, do you want me to tie you up? She's like why? I was like I Don't know why I was like
Starting point is 00:11:58 Trying to people do it. I don't like did you want to try something? She's like no, I like what we're doing. I like what I know, but maybe we did something else. It's like, uh-uh, the one time, one time she came out, I was trying to talk about this on stage. She, we bought, uh, a bought lingerie that you could get, like, the pre-packaged ones. Like, we go into one of these sex stores that are littered all over Austin.
Starting point is 00:12:21 Yeah. They just have them on the wall. And it's like, nurse, doctor, fireman, like not fireman. No, no, no. No, no. No. No.
Starting point is 00:12:32 No. No. No. No. You know what I'm talking about, right, Nadov? You go to those sex stores. No. Come on, Nadov.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Wait, you, Nadov? Yeah. What are you guys supposed to be accountability buddies? Yeah, we were supposed to. Come on, Nadov. Wait, Nadov. Yeah. What are you guys supposed to be accountability, buddies? Yeah, we were supposed to. So what happened? Uh, Bert completely stopped sending pictures. Yeah, because my pictures were like 20 fries in my mouth.
Starting point is 00:12:58 And I- And I sent you that pizza. Was that? I sent you a picture of that pizza just to kind of like, you know, inspire and motivate. Alright, well here's what I'm drinking now, Adav. Taxi into now, kind of build a buddy. And it's fucking so good.
Starting point is 00:13:16 What? An iced soy latte? Sweet. You know what I saw? What? So you know how you saw that one of those Starbucks big places? Reserves, yeah. They had a subway cafe.
Starting point is 00:13:30 Subway cafe? Like it was like a high end subway. Where? In Milwaukee. Right next to the Riverside Theater. Did you go? No, because I was like, I'm gonna get fucking lunch. I'm not gonna just, I don't wanna see them razzle dazzle up a fucking sub.
Starting point is 00:13:43 Like, yeah, sub, high end subway cafe. Oh, you see a good, Jesus Christ. There you go. Subway goes upscale with new subway cafes. Can I tell you that I think Hooters should go more high end? No, no, no, lower. I think what they should do is do like, Hooters drive throughs and stuff.
Starting point is 00:14:04 Cause I love, like, I understand a lure of hooters is the, like the, the, the shine is the, is the women, right? Right. Like that's the women. But like, let's be very honest. And even with the complaints that they've had about the new outfits, I've heard there was complaints. What are the new outfits? I don't know, Google new outfits of some way,
Starting point is 00:14:23 or of hooters. Hooters. Oh, are they complaining because they're too cover up? Can you go to? Oh, what? New crotch string uniform? That's awesome. What are they complaining about?
Starting point is 00:14:38 Yeah, I don't understand. Who's complaining? Here's the thing, it's like this, I don I don't mean to oh the employees are pushing back Oh, I thought it was like people are like oh they don't show anything anymore These are great No, I think I Well, here's the thing is like one of the hooters. I don't really, I genuinely, I'm not like looking at their outfits. Because I mean, no, no, this is going to sound creepy, but they're wearing tights anyway,
Starting point is 00:15:13 right? So like it's kind of like not the sexiest thing in the world. And most girls are, they're very few like big busted spilling out of their top women. So just regular women. So the end, by the way, if I want to see naked women, I'll go on to my phone and look at porn. Or I'll go to a strip club and see a legit naked woman. And I don't want to, I don't know if I need to marry
Starting point is 00:15:35 the sexiness with the eating. And I understand that was the selling point, but that was selling point in the 80s. When porn was almost like, when strip clubs were under fire and porn was under fire and they were like, we're throwing it back to the man. And it's the same energy as like, I was like, bar stool to chive.
Starting point is 00:15:52 It's like, the man show, bros can be bros is where you come to be bros. And the food, the food is, is fucking awesome. Like, I like the food, the food is, wings. I like the wings, they'reers wings. I like the wings on the their buffalo shrimp. Yeah, I could eat 20 before you even know they've hit the table I could eat 20 I Have eaten those so fast that people go I didn't get one. I go yeah, I know
Starting point is 00:16:16 They're groupers sandwich their fried groupers sandwich and their grill groupers sandwich black and groupers sandwiches. Yeah, awesome I can say I will say this to you. I think I was able to do this before. My whole life, people have been like, yo man, to me they go, you eat fast. Like, why don't you slow down? And you make me seem like I'm a grandmother eating her fucking oatmeal. Like, I've never seen anybody eat as fast as you.
Starting point is 00:16:46 I don't, when I watch, when I try to slow down, yeah, it's almost like purposefully driving slow on the interstate, like imagine getting on the interstate and then driving 44. Yeah. And then you're like, this is stupid. I can't do it. I eat scrambled eggs so fast that I don't really even taste them.
Starting point is 00:17:07 And I feel like it happens so quickly. I don't even, like those calories shouldn't count. Right. Do you burn your mouth a lot all the time? It's burnt right now. It's burnt right now from when we had the pizza plate. That, yes, it is. Yesterday with the pizza plate, and then I burned it again at the, at the, at the, at,
Starting point is 00:17:23 I burned it and I stopped. I at the at the burning on stop I Burned the inside of my gums and the outside of my gums But like I just I don't I Eat so fucking my mouth watering again You always should do we should get leave me tied up to wires and stuff and see what happens to my body when we talk about food Yeah,, yeah. I'm just, right now, now I'm all I'm thinking about is making eggs. I know any of these kind of eggs in there. Dude, why don't we get some breakfast tacos or breakfast stuff? Breakfast breetos!
Starting point is 00:17:51 Breetos delivered. Fuck yeah! Guys, order it, find a breakfast breeto. I so badly want to just get on my phone and go, here's the long one I want to get. I eat scrambled eggs. So how many eggs do you eat when you eat egg scrambled eggs? Egg whites, whatever.
Starting point is 00:18:09 A total of seven with five whites or two yolks. Oh, that makes me feel so good. Yeah, I always eat, I mean, four is like the least amount of eggs I can eat scrambled. Yeah. Like, Leanna has one scrambled egg. What? Yeah. So I have one scrambled egg and then what I'll do If I'm making eggs for her in Georgia and Island
Starting point is 00:18:29 I'll put make five eggs and then they all get a little extra eggs. I like my eggs really runny You do like what I like to do is scramble them in the bowl, right? Yeah, then leave that remnants in the bowl That dry that wetness. Yeah in the bowl Scramble my eggs pull them out even wet and put them back in with where I scrambled them and ate them out of there. Really? The worst fart I've ever had in my life,
Starting point is 00:18:55 the worst fart I've ever had was after I ate a raw egg. I ate a full raw, I poured it, I put it in a beer and I ate a full raw egg. It was like eight in the morning, we were watching soccer somewhere and I, and they were, I don't know, I think it was my idea, but I was like, let's have like a, let's have a breakfast beer with an egg in it. And we were in Denver and they were like, I don't think that's a thing. I was like, of course, is he even egg in a beer is the thing that off? I got an egg in a beer now.
Starting point is 00:19:24 Reason why people put a raw egg in a beer is the thing that I've. I got an egg and a beer now. Reason why people put a raw egg and a beer. To hang over remedy? Protein fix, pop culture, cocktail trick. Okay. I respect this. I have one. It's the worst farce I'd ever had in my fucking life. Really?
Starting point is 00:19:40 I mean, it was, it smelled like something was rotten. Like, I mean, like kind of fart, we were like, that's not real. Like, that's the made up part. Dude, that was one of the most aggressive fucking farts I've ever had in my life. I could go for a scrambled egg, I could go for a breakfast burrito.
Starting point is 00:19:56 I mean, all this, what if this show is just me, this is the prologue into my 600 pound life. And people are like, no, you like them on my 600 pound line. Do you want to see how he got there? Like everyone wonders how you get that big, watch two bears one cave, and he's just getting bigger and bigger and bigger. I don't think you are though, that's the funny thing about you,
Starting point is 00:20:14 is that you go so hard, but you seem to stay right around where you've been. Right now, by the way, I can maintain a way, and then I Certain times I just go off the rails and then I Can feel myself getting fat Yeah, yeah How about when I came out to this fat Joe oh
Starting point is 00:20:41 Yeah Oh yeah. Like, huh? Oh yeah. Arie's gotten skinny as shit. Arie? Yeah, he looks like unhealthy skinny. See the thing is, there's two types of old men. There's skinny old men and there's fat old men. No, there aren't fat old men. There are not all fat old men. Ooh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:00 I think I have an loose leg. If I plan on being an old man. Type in fat old man, let's see what we got. Fat Old Man, they're not that old. Oh, what's that? If you're that fat, you're not that old. Like that guy's probably 64. You know?
Starting point is 00:21:19 Yeah. He's not that old. That guy's not that old either. Ernest Hemingway was a Fat Old Man. That's okay, I'm not that fat. That guy's not that old either. Or just having weight with a fat old man. That's okay, I'm not that fat. Jesus. Good God. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:21:32 Do you wanna be that guy? No, just sitting with my walker. Type in fat galed man. I bet that's a fucking good look. This is gonna bring it with different type of image. Yeah. Oh shit, he's not. Yeah. Oh, shit. He's not old though.
Starting point is 00:21:47 Dude, that could be you. That could be me. He's eating 10,000 calories a day. Today's episode is brought to you by Woop, the personalized digital fitness and health coach monitor your recovery, sleep training and health with personalized recommendations and coaching feedback with Woop. I have have mine on as you can see. I never take this thing off. You can train smarter, recover faster, sleep better and now feel healthier with whoop and they're all new whoop4.0 the latest most advanced fitness wearable on the market. This thing the new 4.0 is smaller, smarter and designed with new biometric tracking,
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Starting point is 00:25:23 Type in, type in, okay, this is very specific. I saw a gay picture book of dudes in the Navy naked on both. Can you pull up Navy naked pictures. What are we doing right now? Oh, of course, that's it. Yeah, that's it. This is what you love? No, no, I love these pictures.
Starting point is 00:26:00 These are all like back in the day. Now, so back in the day now so back in the day in the Navy dudes were just naked all the time really instead of bathing suits You don't have a bathing suit of your clothes, okay? So if you were this is a lot of naked dudes Of course, this is a fucking gay porn genre This is a gay gay porn genre.
Starting point is 00:26:26 This is a gay fadish. Okay, go back. Yeah, like, can you find the actual photographer that took these pictures, Nadav? Like there's a photographer that was on a boat and was taking pictures of like, like the guys in the name, they're just regular guys who were going to war, but they're on the boat,
Starting point is 00:26:42 they're fucking naked and swimming and like, everyone's naked. They're naked. And swimming and like everyone's naked and everyone's got hogs on them and everyone's ripped. And it's like, that's my favorite genre of gay stuff. What? Yeah. Like, okay, think about all the gay stuff you've ever seen, right? Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:58 What's the one where you go? Oh, that's interesting. Like I didn't have to turn you on. Right. Like bear stuff. Like when you see that when I see those those Chubby bears and they're just like like I think it's fascinating dude I was in on the road somewhere it was either like Vegas or Atlanta or something okay If Starbucks is gonna make this little fucking pussy all up top then change the structure of your ice because the ice is
Starting point is 00:27:22 The exact same size as this and I keep sucking ice like it's a clitoris I'm like Okay, start books go some sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt It is I think Okay, keep going oh Addies are men of World War two look at this. It's yeah, it looks like it's Addies No, the other cover. That right there's what above it. There you go.
Starting point is 00:27:52 That's what you like. I just find that fascinating, because there's like, in a weird way, I this is what I think, right? You look at that through the eyes of a closeted gay man on a fucking boat, and he must be like, what the fuck am I supposed to do with myself? They're all naked. They all have hogs.
Starting point is 00:28:10 They want a wrestle. Like they wrestled and they're naked wrestling. You're in heaven. Look at that. I got you, buddy. I got you. That's like early Giu-Gitsu right there. Look at that.
Starting point is 00:28:26 Get the leg wrapped around them. You're not going anywhere until I come. Okay, you were saying before I talked about Starbucks, and you do agree with me about Starbucks, correct? Yeah. I have a hard time getting the coffee in my body. The hard time getting the coffee in your body? Yeah, like watch, ready?
Starting point is 00:28:44 I almost guarantee, I almost guarantee that I have an ice cube in my mouth when I'm done with this. You ready? Okay. Yep. So Starbucks, step up your fucking game. If you're gonna treat us, like, if you're gonna treat us, like we're living in China, okay?
Starting point is 00:29:05 And yeah, cuz you're gonna get to make decisions in China. That's right, yeah. Um, then, and take away straws, cuz one fucking turtle had a straw on its nose. One fucking turtle! Do you realize the odds of that turtle swimming and the straw going like this? Not that high. Yeah, it's like fucking, and straw and one turtles nose and now we got to suck things through this little fucking urethra. It's annoying. And by the way, I
Starting point is 00:29:34 can't believe you're not on my page more on this. Well, just right now, I just took a big sip and I didn't get any ice. So I was like, hmm, definitely do it again. Okay, and I'm not even trying. We could both try it at the same time. I know ice cube blockage. Like the boat that got stuck in the Suez Canal, keep going. No, I was on the road and there was clearly a bearer convention somewhere.
Starting point is 00:30:02 Oh, geez. And so it was like, you would see a pack. That's like, my goodness. We wanted him to do an AA meeting. It's like 10 dudes. And they were like real big, and you know, the big beards, but like big fucking guys.
Starting point is 00:30:17 And you realize there's like 10 or 12 together. And I realized at the time, especially, I was like, oh, like, they start looking at me. And then I was like, oh, they start looking at me. And then I'm like, oh, they're looking at me because I look like them. Yeah, I was like, oh, and they guys were like, what's up over here? Hey, and you're like, oh, hey guys.
Starting point is 00:30:36 I was like, oh, I remember actually feeling like nervous. You know, I was like, oh, let's go this way. Let's go this way. You are a fucking hairy bear. Yeah. Yeah. And it was like dudes doing that like pinching their own nipples and shit And looking at you if a guy like that looks at you and pinches his own nipples. That's an aggressive move Wow, right Jesus Yeah, they were like, hey, you're one of us, man
Starting point is 00:31:02 Wow, right Jesus Yeah, they were like hey, you're one of us man. See that look at that guy pin on bears on Pinterest Like why don't you do your chest hair like that? Do it like that. Yeah, like how does he do his so it looks like it looks like You know like it might grow like that You're way more of a bear than I am. I'm more of like a cub a Cub yeah, like I'm not they have super hairy, although my arms are getting hair. But I had a dream. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:33 I had a dream, someone was shaving you. I had a dream last night, someone was shaving you. And it was a famous person. And you stepped away for a second. And then I said, can you shave my arms real quick? And they didn't do a very good job. And I was like, why is time to have this guy shaving him? I swear to God, I dream someone was shaving you last night.
Starting point is 00:31:51 And then I, because my arms are, my arms are hairy right now, like right here. And it doesn't look good. It's just splotches. So it looks like I have just like bad skin. And so I need to shave tonight. You're gonna get shaved. I'm gonna have my lens shave my back and arms. I've just like bad skin. And so I need to get shaved tonight. You're gonna get shaved. I'm gonna have my lion shaped my back and arms
Starting point is 00:32:07 and I've got a formal week. Oh, is this a regular thing? Oh, what? Her shaving you? There she shapes me. I had Rose bud. No, I had Peter shaved me last on the bus. Peter doesn't do a good job,
Starting point is 00:32:22 she's kind of grossed out. So he's like, ugh, ugh. Yeah. I was like, I mean, I need you to save me. I'm fucking super hairy. And if I turn around, everyone's like, woo. I didn't know you did that. I saved my back.
Starting point is 00:32:34 I would love to get my back lasered. You can. I know, we should get that together. Okay. Has it hurt? A little bit. Can we have, can we have people laser our back? Laser our back's hairs while we're here.
Starting point is 00:32:46 Yeah, somebody told me who did it, they go, they'll offer you something to reduce the pain. Like, and you might go like, oh no, I'm good and it goes, take it. Really? Yeah. And those are the pain pills, just light a cane. I think it's an ejection, yeah, light a cane.
Starting point is 00:33:03 I don't know an ejection, yeah, a lidocaine. I don't know about ejections. What's this say? Laser hair removal tends to be the more painful way of bikini line. Who's the chick who got her, there's a comedian, female comedian who got her whole bikini waxed, lasered off. I have no idea. Is it Whitney? Sounds like someone Whitney would do, right? Does sound like it, I have no idea. Is it Whitney?
Starting point is 00:33:26 Sounds like something Whitney would do, right? It does sound like it, I don't know. Some of them got their whole thing laser off, so it's just bald forever. Is that what you like? No. No, I didn't, I did when I was younger, and now I just, I like it to be fucking there. I don't want it to be like, like, you know, creeping in on me. Yeah. But like, I like it to be fucking there. I don't want it to be like creeping in on me, but I like it nice.
Starting point is 00:33:49 Nice, something that shows the year of the adult. Yeah. Yeah, the ball thing kind of freaks me out now. Yeah. I think I've gained so much weight. My pubic hair kinda just spread out everywhere and doesn't look like pubic hair anymore. It just looks like hair.
Starting point is 00:34:05 When I was young, it was like a pat, like when you see, like go back to those navy guys, when you see them, it's like a patch of hair, you know? It's like a naked navy guys, and then I'll come on, you know what I want. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Do you think they still do this in the Navy now like getting naked all the time probably not? When do you think? When do you think that that that the homophobia crept in because obviously on World War two? They're just all naked swimming around and they're like paling around it was probably the if I had to guess It's probably worse the worst time was probably like the 80s and the 80s you think people think it was probably the most intense
Starting point is 00:34:43 right cuz then the 60s, do you think people like... I think it was probably the most intense. Right because then the 60s, it's still like a certain mindset and then 70s, maybe it's like creeping in, but the 80s, 80s, 80s, AIDS explodes and people... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, The gay Chinese Navy. I bet they got their pictures. I think so.
Starting point is 00:35:26 Gay Chinese Navy. They are more gay friendly in China than in the US. Really? That would be surprising. What about gay Chinese porn? Mm-hmm, good call-tom. There you go. Oh.
Starting point is 00:35:49 Do you like it? Look at his hands, like this. Oh, this hurts so bad. This is not what you said it was gonna be. Yeah. Oh my god, no, I'm shaking it apart. See that guys, BBcare? Yeah See that guy's bebecare it looks like a mustache That's a fucking badass look you like that I might have to do a mustache
Starting point is 00:36:22 That looks like a legit mustache that looks like a fucking gun toaten cowboys mustache All right, I'm about dumb and gay Chinese porn What a dov type in gay Jewish redhead porn Let's see what piece of red dog comes up Can't believe you spoke red head wrong. Well, that's not gay. I'm like gay at all. See, I love when you find little things that you didn't know was like a subgenre, then they turn you on and you're like, oh, I really like that.
Starting point is 00:37:02 You remember when I was into downblowsing? Yeah. Nadav, do you know what downblowsing is? Yeah. Oh, man, that's disrespectful. Is he wearing Yomaka? He's wearing Yomaka. Like, that's like, it's like, can I tell you,
Starting point is 00:37:14 that's just signalling. Is that the same check that was in the other one? Yeah. She's a, why is she in, she's the only person that comes up? She's the only person that comes up. Oh, I bet she's a transgendered. Oh, I bet she's a transgendered. Oh, I bet that's why she's the only person that comes up. Oh, I bet she's this. Transgendered. I bet that's why she's, when you typed that in.
Starting point is 00:37:34 No, that's interracial Jewish redhead interracial gang bang. Yeah, very hot compilation, very hot. No, I love when you find, all right, Nadov, I want you to surprise me. Get, find something, you guys put your heads together and find a subgenre of porn we've never seen. Now, I'm gonna give you an example, Nadov, there was something I really enjoyed called downblowsing. Do you remember that?
Starting point is 00:38:00 And it was like, and it was like cool because it was sexy, but it wasn't, it was kind of like, it was something that would happen to you. Like you'd see it and then you go watch the ports. It wasn't that great because it was always like, it was just kind of sexy, whatever. But I wanna fight, cause last night you guys talking about handstands.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Handstands, that's what I said. I got on this, that's why I was texting those chicks on Instagram to you. I found these chicks and I was like, well these were really hot. I was texting them. And they're like, oh, in your search you must have camel toe typed in. And I was like, for real? And he's like, yeah. And then, and he's like, do you have a Google handstand? And I was like, what?
Starting point is 00:38:44 And he's like, just Google handstands. I was like what is like just Google handstands And then I never got into handstands. Wait, what did what I don't understand? What's the handstand thing? I never saw it. I never saw it I know I was a carrier Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, go up Okay So this is the thing that our Arnie Hammer had yeah Go up. Okay. So this is the thing that Arnie Hammer had. Yeah. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:39:11 So this is a legit fetish. Now, can you be shamed for a fetish? Yeah, of course. It's called kink shaming. Kink shaming. And when America does it. America? When America comes out and goes,
Starting point is 00:39:26 so like what's the difference? And this is probably a very slippery slope for me to like say this. But what is the difference between a fetish and a sexual preference? That's sexual preference. Meaning like I'm into, I mean, you know, like,
Starting point is 00:39:45 like you would never shame someone I'm into, I mean, you know, like, like you would never shame someone for being into anal sex, right? Well, some, I mean, people do, I'm sure, and can. But like, what's the difference between like a fetish? Being, like, I just find it bizarre because we're so open and free. Right. Like, uh, bears. Okay, bears being a bear is a fetish, correct?
Starting point is 00:40:07 Like being into bears. Okay. I'm asking. Or is it a preference? Well, say you're attracted to bears, right? And that whole bear scene is a bear, like, it's a thing you can type in a porn hub and then bears come up. So it's like a genre.
Starting point is 00:40:26 Right, a genre of porn, sure. But it's like, it's a, like a culture almost, you know? Like, it's within someone can be gay and then they can be like, I like this within that world. Yeah, right? Yeah. Like we talk about homophobia in the 80s, how far back was you'd shame someone for being gay?
Starting point is 00:40:48 Right? Yeah, probably yeah, a long time. And then we said, Hey man, that is not There's nothing wrong with that right that that needs to be accepted. When are we gonna do that with fetishes? I mean other people that have fetishes like obviously Arnie Hammer. We there we go. We're gonna go to dov Fucking let me know it's on the screen What is it? like obviously Arnie Hammer, there we go, where did it go to dov? Fucking let me know it's on the screen. What is it? I can't read it. Okay, it's pretty good explanation.
Starting point is 00:41:12 If you would not be satisfied without the so-called fetish, then you have an actual fetish for the most part. If you can still be aroused and satisfied without that fetish, it is not a fetish, it is a sexual preference. Yeah. That's, this is a sexual preference. Yeah. That's, this is great podcasting right here.
Starting point is 00:41:29 Yeah. We just, we just fucking, that's exactly what I wanted. That's, the job, great job buddy. That was a really fucking, that's exactly what I was looking for. So then, okay, so, so I don't have any fetishes then.
Starting point is 00:41:42 No. I don't have any fetishes, cause I can always be aroused with nothing. So then it turns into a fetish when that's the thing you have to have. You have to have it. Wow, that's fucking fast. According to that, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:56 You have sexual preferences though. Yeah. It just sex really, and tits. Really? Yeah, like just, I don't need anything other than Leanne naked, that's it. That's all I need. And so I have no fetishes.
Starting point is 00:42:12 Wow. Do you have any fetishes? Well, I guess not because I don't have by that definition, I don't have to have it to feel satisfied, right? Yeah. Hey, I'm dying to see if knowing that, I wanna know someone that has a fetish.
Starting point is 00:42:34 So is a fetish like Asian school girls? Well, but you have to think about now under the definition we just learned because I think I was thinking of fetish as a preference when they're saying there's actually a big distinction. That if you just like the thing, you know, like, hey, long fingernails or whatever it is that you like, feet or a pea or spit or ask whatever, you just like that, that's a preference. If you go, I cannot feel sexually satisfied without this thing,
Starting point is 00:43:06 then that's a fetish. Like, I can't come unless you have to have this. That's fucking fascinating. This podcast is brought to you by ExpressVPN without using ExpressVPN on the internet. It's like leaving your laptop exposed at a coffee shop while you go to the bathroom. Most of the time, you're probably going to be fine, but you know what?
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Starting point is 00:45:28 use the code K14 for up to 14 free meals and three free gifts. It is fascinating. The dog, do you have any fetishes? Or any, do you have a fetish? Is that any? Yeah, he said, yeah, putting the heads out on for this. All right, any, what's your, what's your fetish? Oh, I think I know your fetish you show me a picture of it yesterday There's no chance that you know my fetish, but what do you think it is?
Starting point is 00:45:53 Hang on hang on start that sentence. Yeah, yeah, I'm talking to your plugs in He goes there's no chance you know my fetish really yeah, yeah, I thought it was Asian chicks So we had an Asian ex girlfriend wait you have to have this thing Yeah, is it a common fetish More or less holy shit, I've never felt this hot inside. I am so nervous to say this Yeah, yeah, it has to happen absolutely yeah, are you gonna tell us? us? No, no, I want to take this long with this as possible. Okay. Do you want us to guess?
Starting point is 00:46:31 If you'd like. No. Oh, I was pretty good Tom. Forgot you were listening. You're looking for Gatti was on a microphone. I forgot. Tom, what is your guess? um choking No
Starting point is 00:46:46 No, I mean every girl likes choking. Oh really guys. We got a new merch drop new t-shirt Every girl likes choking Two bears won cave go to ymhstudios.com every girl likes choking and then it's a picture of Annie Every girl likes choking. then it's a picture of Annie. Every girl likes choking. I want it. I don't cosine this. So I do a lot of them probably ain't telling you because they probably don't think that all right.
Starting point is 00:47:11 I'm going to try choking land tonight. I'll see how that goes. She might be one of the one. She might be the one. Wait, Annie, didn't you say that you could read if women like rough sex? What? When did I say that?
Starting point is 00:47:22 No. No, to to Drew. You said, oh wait, no, I can that? No. No, to Drew. You said, oh wait, no. I can hear when a girl is going to be dominant, you know? Like wants to take the dominant role, which is more or less rare. Because that's what I want. Yeah, because that's what I want.
Starting point is 00:47:35 So they kind of all talk in a similar way. Like it brings something up inside me, you know? Like riles me up. So you like that? You like being submissive. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I like when a girl is dominant. I can I can be submissive or dominant depending on what they are, but when a girl is
Starting point is 00:47:50 dominant at first, yeah, it's all right. Let's unwrap the present. Yeah. Any what's your fetish? Tickling. You like to tickle or like to be tickled everything about it. I don't think it's that I don't think it's weird like tickled like Like as as you're about to come she got tickle you No, like to get there to get like to get to be involved in some way like it's got to be in the four-play or something So how do you share that with a partner? Do you go you just start taking them? No, you talk about it first really yeah, you, you're serious. I mean, talking about kings, I mean, I don't get with, I don't fuck vanilla, that's like,
Starting point is 00:48:28 I haven't done that since fucking high school. Did you just refer to us as vanilla? I mean, you are, yeah, you know, the difference, I mean, there's vanilla and then there's like, BDSM and there's, I'm sorry, I'm a little confused. Is vanilla white person? No, no, no, vanilla is not white person. Vanilla means you have regular sex.
Starting point is 00:48:46 So you never just have like missionary sex, you're saying. Like only, of course, you do it, but not only. Right. Oh, yeah, I don't do missionary, I mean, I do, I will do missionary, but if I have a missionary sex, it's gonna be over pretty quickly. Yeah. Yeah, I like it.
Starting point is 00:49:04 It feels that good? Yeah, it's gonna be over pretty quickly. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it feels that good? Yeah. It's wrapped up pretty quickly. What do you go for? I... There's one position that I did that I really liked. We did this thing called, any, by the way, we're not done talking to you.
Starting point is 00:49:19 I know. We did this thing called, the 12 Knights of Kamasutra. Sure. And we did different Kamasutra poses. And we did different Kamasutra poses. And pull up the Kamasutra poses, I'll show you the one that I did that was fucking insane that is a treat for me.
Starting point is 00:49:32 Now it's not a fetish because I can't have an orgasm without it. Pull up, okay. Give me, give me, oh my God, I want to do that. That was the funnest fucking time I've ever had. This is what it is, okay? I don't see it, but this is what it is. Say you're sitting in a chair, right?
Starting point is 00:49:53 And then say, and my side's on the bed like this. I'm sitting on the chair like this, but I'm on the bed like this. So my body's in chair position like this, and then she's in chair position in front of me with her legs over my legs. Oh yeah, yeah, holy shit. It was so much fun. That 12 nights comic sutra we did in December, I may do that again. It was so much fun because
Starting point is 00:50:14 Leanne got really into it. Let me explain the story so that for the people that don't know. So I have a group of friends called the campers when we do vacations together and it's like all our kids are the same age and uh... and... Does that wait, was it up there? No. Wasn't it three? No, that's no, no, that's champagne room. Is that what that's called? Pretzel dip?
Starting point is 00:50:39 Doll you stopped done there. I might do a new sexual pose tonight. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. G Wiz, magic mountain. Magic mountain. I'm texting this to Liam. Liam doesn't even know we're having sex tonight.
Starting point is 00:50:54 She's like, well, I thought we were gonna dinner. Um, so, so. Wait, wait, wait, wait, 11. No, no, cause you're laying on the bed. Uh-oh. You're laying on the bed. So, um, oh. You're laying on the bed. So, you're not talking about various cowgirls, right? I couldn't really picture what you were saying.
Starting point is 00:51:11 Leand doesn't like that. I have a joke about it in one of my specials. She's like, what am I supposed to look at your feet? And I was like, do your eyes, look at whatever the fuck you want. Look at the wall for all I care. The good ex. I don't think. Anyway, so we do the 12 nights Christmas where we do 12 parties during the month of December, 12 times we get together and we party 12 times in the month of December.
Starting point is 00:51:34 And then on the first night everyone was really excited and I said we should do the 12 nights of Commissura for the couples. So we'll pick out a pick out a sex position out of the Commissarie book, we'll then email it to every text and to everyone and then we'll all try it and then we'll text our notes in the morning and it was fun as fucking shit and by the way one couple drug their kids and did all 12 in the first night
Starting point is 00:52:00 because I didn't understand the thing. They give it kids fucking Advert, Donald PM or whatever. Did all the moves in the first night because I didn't understand the thing. They give it kids fucking, Advil, John LPM or whatever. Did all the moves in the first night. Two of the couples barely did it and wouldn't tax, but Leanne and I did it. And it was, she'd come in and be like, hey, we got a new pose today.
Starting point is 00:52:16 And I'd be like, okay, like it was the greatest, we had taxed 12 times in the month of December. That's great. And it was 12 new positions. And you'd start some and be like, this is kind of weird. And it was so's great. And it was 12 new positions and you'd start something like this is kind of weird and it was so much fun. But it was kind of interesting because you get you get in wrote with sex you get in doing
Starting point is 00:52:32 the same shit all the time. And because that's the thing that everyone likes but it's kind of nice to switch things up. Sure. It's kind of nice to switch things up and what if I should find a fetish. Do you think you'd be happier with a fetish? Well, maybe with a preference. But yeah, he's got, he has to be in the tick, wait,
Starting point is 00:52:51 so how do you break it out? When you meet someone new, you like her, and it's obvious that you're going back, you're back at your place or whatever. Do you have these two peacock feathers? Do you like soft pitch it? You know, I mean, or do you how do you get into it usually? So any girl that I get with is gonna be, you know, really sexually charged, like we're just gonna talk about sex pretty much instantly.
Starting point is 00:53:16 And so it just gets into that real quick. It's like somehow we talk about something that's, this is a kink or like I bet you like to get choked or some shit like that. And then it just goes from there, it just gets fucking wild. Any girl that I get with is gonna be sexually charged. Yeah, like, stupidly sexually charged. That's the only ones that, like, I, this is the only ones that end up liking me. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, I don't get the one.
Starting point is 00:53:38 I don't think I've ever had anyone sexually charged. A girl, you mean? Yeah. Oh man. I don't think I could fuck with it. Oh,, you mean? Yeah. Oh man. I don't think I could fuck up. I wonder if that's my energy though. Because I'm not like, I'm not like, I like having sex, but I'm not like, overtly sexual.
Starting point is 00:53:55 I'm in a weird way, I don't know. I wanna, I could spend the night talking our first night as opposed to, do you like being choked? Yeah, yeah. That would make me very uncomfortable to talk about what I like sexually with a girl I'm on a date with or when I'm when we start meeting. First date.
Starting point is 00:54:09 That's the least of my, I mean, this looks like Florida state colors. There's two people that paint themselves. Is that the position you were talking about? Which one? The one that you liked to do the sitting one. No, it's not up there. All right. I don't see it. Although it's
Starting point is 00:54:26 for those links to me, I'm a Senator Leanne and be like, I can't wait to come home tonight. You better not be on your period. The, the, what were we just saying? You were talking about how you've never been with a girl that's actually, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you've never been with a girl that's actually oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I've never been with the nympho. So you're saying basically no, I've never been with the nympho I don't I don't I tell you I didn't even think that's real Yes, real like there are girls that are like I think I've been brainwashed in the like in the category of of Women's rights.
Starting point is 00:55:08 Does that make sense? I think so. Like, I think I'm fucked up when it comes to sex. I don't think I have the same. Like I was always like, you don't, you, like almost like traditional values about like respect to woman, respect, respect, respect, You don't, you like almost like traditional values about like respect to woman, respect respect,
Starting point is 00:55:28 but I never respected in the thing as treating or as an equal of saying things I would say to myself. I would love, I would have probably loved it in college if a girl was like, so what do you like sexually? I never said that to anyone. Yeah, so I was like, I don't,
Starting point is 00:55:40 I don't wanna assume we're having sex. Right. I don't like, I respected the woman too much. That's what I want. What about assume we're having sex. I don't like, I respected the woman too much. That's what I want. What about what you started having sex? I was, I mean, we try stuff and it was fun, you know, when your college try everything, but it was, and it was fun,
Starting point is 00:55:54 but I was always very cognizant of if the, if the chick was like not, I never, I would never have a million years choked a girl and never a million fucking years. Yeah. And if a girl said choke me, I would be pushed, I would be like, no, I won't do that. Because I don't, because I'm like, you're drunk
Starting point is 00:56:10 and you're gonna regret it the next morning. I'm gonna, you're gonna fucking strangle my heart. I'm just, no way you're not gonna be dead soon. Yeah. By the way, I might take away too far and just be like, oh. Oh. She's like, well, last, last, last, last. Like, choke me like, oh, oh. She's like, what last, last, last, last.
Starting point is 00:56:25 Like, you're like, finally. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, see, see all these things you're saying is exactly why you haven't heard it before. Because they're afraid of all of those things. Why? A lot of them, one, I'm time to promise you. Okay, that's an interesting poll to put on the Instagram.
Starting point is 00:56:41 Oh, man. Put it on your mom's house studios. Okay. I think you'll be surprised. Okay. What ladies do you like to be choked during sex? Put it on your mom's house studios. Yeah, or actually, I'll put on mine. I'll put on mine right now. I'll put on mine. I'll do a poll. And okay, you ready? Sure. We're doing two bears one cave right now. Yeah, how you doing?
Starting point is 00:57:08 And this is the question. Ladies, do you like to be choked during sex? Are you gonna put a pole in there? Yeah, I'm gonna put a pole. And then, let's see, pole. I'll take it, yes, I imagine it'll be around 70. 70% say yes? I think so.
Starting point is 00:57:25 I would guess. Yeah, that was never, that was never said to me, I definitely never did that. But I do remember this one girl with a lot of problems. I, my, my buddy, I had, by the way, my buddy had never choked a check. When we moved to LA, there was a chick he had sex with, and she was saying she liked to be choked.
Starting point is 00:57:44 And he was like, I cannot do that. He was like, I'm, it was almost like, like when I went to LA, there was a chickie had sex with, and she was saying she liked to be choked, and he was like, I cannot do that. He was like, I'm, it was almost like, like when I went to college, when I was hitting my sexual like, stardom, like the highest sexual, whenever I was gonna have it, that was like, when all the like, no means no campaigns were on campus,
Starting point is 00:58:00 and you were like, that was where your grooming was like, oh, no means no, as opposed to. Do you know? Do you know? You know, Rocco's so ready? Yeah, so you know, he does like super aggressive sex. But he like has a way of doing it. Like he actually, he knows what he's doing, right?
Starting point is 00:58:25 Yeah. But he's famous in that world in the adult film world. And he did an interview where he said that he brought in a guy, like a Russian guy. And he's, Rocco's directing it. And in this interview, he says that, he's like, right, actually, he's the Russian guy. He's fucking smack-sick-roly. He's like, God, he's like, what are you doing? He's like, right, actually, hit the rushing guy. Just fucking smack the girl.
Starting point is 00:58:46 He's like, God, he's like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm doing what you do. He's like, no, that's not how I do it. He's like, beating the shit out of the girl. He's like, dude, you have to like, there's a way about this. Like, you connect with them and it's like slow, I've never done it, so I would even know how to do it.
Starting point is 00:59:02 But the guy was like, I watched your movie, so I just thought you just hit him. There's, I'm not gonna say the guy's name, but there's a very famous dude that's in trouble now because he likes to have rough, kinky sex, we spit on chicks and chokes them. And I'm certain, and then all of a sudden, their girls are coming out and going like,
Starting point is 00:59:18 I didn't like that. Does that make sense? That's how I was grouped, my age, I'm 49, but that's how I was grouped my age, I'm 49, but that's how I was taught to have sex in learning being on campus at Florida State, that was like, no, you don't just do shit because you like it. Right.
Starting point is 00:59:34 And by the way, also, in my head I was always like, you don't do any of that shit. I didn't know that that was even a thing to be honest with you. What, choking, sla slapping fucking slapping. Bitting on someone. Not no, that was a picture for the. I swear, picture for the Dodgers. Wait, the person you're talking about, is that a famous person?
Starting point is 00:59:54 Yeah. We can't say who it is. Me can. I just don't want to tell them I'm an extra dumb on him. Well, we can, can we get started? Stay Portnoy. Stay Portnoy. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:03 He's in, they did a huge article on him saying that, you know, he's, ultimately just kind of kink shaming him. Fettish shaming him, because that's what he likes. There's a lot of people like that, the picture for the Dodgers would like, he would be up front with him and go, just, you know, I like it rough. And then the girls would say, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:23 And then all of a sudden, maybe two people's version of rough wasn't the same or whatever And then and then you hear that so and like I swear to God when I say I never I Have could count on one hand the times I've smacked someone on the ass and it's all the end And it's just and we're married at that time. I would have never smacked girl in the ass Not married to her you think it hard. You mean? Like yeah, like Smack around the ass. Yeah. I would never have done that. Never.
Starting point is 01:00:48 Just not my thing. I don't know, man. I wonder if I would have liked that more. Maybe. I can't imagine, I'm, I mean, I'm, I'm in some issues also. What would have happened if I was in tonight, you just, I have excited you go, please, Intimacy issues also what happened if all tonight you just are
Starting point is 01:01:19 Smack she's like what the fuck did I do deserve that they go oh I'm into it My better guy you go I talk to Annie and I'm into it I'm into it. I'm gonna show your chest now. By the way, this is what I'm into. That's so interesting that what one person's into, someone would be like, I'm telling I didn't do that. Oh my God. But I guess the thing is, here's the thing about, my guess on rough sex thing. You go, I like it rough. Someone can misunderstand that. Part of probably the thrill of it.
Starting point is 01:01:44 I'm gonna show you this. I'm gonna show you this. Here's the thing about my guess on this on rough sex thing. You go, I like it rough. Someone can misunderstand that. Part of probably the thrill of the rough stuff is not like, here are exactly the things that I like and how I wanna do it. Do you know what I mean? Like that kind of part ruins the thrill
Starting point is 01:02:00 for something that's into that to be like, no, no, no, no, no, are you okay with this degree? So then, so the, oh, fuck, I just hit my elbow. So what, but that is interesting. Because I, I was never, honestly, like that at all. So. Yeah. So you're saying part of the rough stuff is, I like it rough, but then you think the charge for the guy
Starting point is 01:02:20 is taking it just one step over the line. I think the charge for either person that's into that, that's into being rough, is like, all right, let's see what you do. Like, you know, not getting like, give me permission for this, and permission for this, and permission for the, like, and then now I would like to apply another three pounds of pressure.
Starting point is 01:02:40 Yeah. Like, it's probably like. I bet it is that like, some surprise element to it. That's I bet it I bet it is that like some surprise element to it That's really I'm a little bit of danger makes it feel like it's real for them sure So like it's funny because That's really interesting because there is a thing about watching porn when you see when like When that Raka spreadies in Savannah Samson, no thing there is a moment where you go. I don't think she's acting You know, you're like this this this looks very real. Did you watch his documentary? and I'm like, I'm a little bit like, and then I cried and I came,
Starting point is 01:03:27 and she cried, and I'm like, what's happening in this story, dude, you're like, you're talking about the wiring, being all fucking crossed in somebody. Dude, that is a fascinating insight, Tom. The charge is not, I've always thought the charge is the physicality of it. I like to to move my the charge is the look in the person's eyes Yeah, sure
Starting point is 01:03:52 Oh man now I'm gonna try it rough You're trying tonight Yeah, but you got it. I don't even know what to do This podcast is brought to you by movement. Movement watches are the best thing out. Dude, there's nothing better than having a sick ass watch game. The only thing better than having a sick ass watch game is giving someone a sick ass watch game. So that's a great holiday gift this season.
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Starting point is 01:06:14 I should make it clear by the way, just because it's responsible. It is really all about consent. Not all that like you're saying, it's not like to the tee. Like, hey, can I do a three more push? Oh, you fuckers. And he's backing himself out of this one.
Starting point is 01:06:28 This is crazy. How to explore your desire to have rough sex? Oh, you do, you really are in this fucking community. You called vanilla sex, vanilla sex. Yeah. Wait, let me ask you this. With tickling user. Let's say, I mean, I get like out of the gate,
Starting point is 01:06:48 you know, your first time, but like if you're gonna have sex, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Yeah. Each time has to have it for you? Yeah, and it's not like, you know, it doesn't have to be like a whole segment of a thing, you know, it's just like, it just has to be involved period. And if you're, you know, in BDSM at all, if you're doing anything like that,
Starting point is 01:07:09 I mean, you do all kinds of shit. Can I tell you, I think I know my fetish that I'd like. Yeah. Yeah. It would be free fall orgasms. Free fall orgasms? Like, I like, I love the feeling of, like if, any likes being ticklish,
Starting point is 01:07:21 I love the feeling of losing my stomach. Like when you punched it in the car the other day and you started taking off, that feeling, I bet Liam will like free fall orgasms. I don't even know what it is. It's, oh my god, this is a great fucking idea. So, imagine, but I don't want to be in charge of it. So, imagine you would have to be the one to give me the orgasm. So, I hope you're into this. So we get would have to be the one to give me the orgasm. So I hope you're
Starting point is 01:07:45 into this. So we get in your car today after this. Okay. And then you start jerking me off, right? Okay. And then right as I'm about to come, you punch it in your fucking car. Yeah. And we go fucking zero to a hundred and I'm like, like that because that feeling of losing your stomach in a car, yeah, or a fucking roller coaster. Yeah, or they have that thing where they pull the pin and you drop. Yeah, I would love to have an orgasm as you free fell. Like that I love free the feeling of free fall. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:17 So I wonder see if there's a thing as a free fall orgasm. Like lose your stomach like be scared maybe be scared. Like where someone goes and you're like you know Maybe that rough stuff would do it for you though enjoy women who enjoy skyd what Actually, I'll wait would um would you like if she was rough with you? No, no, no, I don't you know I want to be treated like a human. I don't know. I can't imagine like she's talk shit to me and I'm like it Please don't yeah, I provide for imagine, like she talks shit to me and I'm like, if please don't, yeah. I provide for our family, like treat me with a little respect.
Starting point is 01:08:50 And so I'd be like, yeah, I don't like any degradation thing. Yeah, you fucking piece of shit, you're in like that. Little piggy, you know, like, she writes pig slut on you and like fucking lipstick on your chest. Do you realize how quickly and easily she could degrade me if we're having sex. She's like, look at these fat fucking tits. And I'm like,
Starting point is 01:09:10 so you don't even have underarm tits. You have just big fat folds, double chin pieces shit, losing your hair. Just fucking look at you. You got splotches on your face. Your fucking ankles are swollen. Your watch is too tight on you, your wedding ring is all wrapped up on you.
Starting point is 01:09:27 Just ripping me apart, I'm like, hey are you trying to make me a cummer cry? And then you both, both cry. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Did any just say yup? Yup. Sure does, man. Any, you are a fucking savage. Yeah, I'm pretty fucking weird. God damn it. We gotta have, we gotta try that tonight. Let's see what the pole is.
Starting point is 01:09:55 Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, now usually these poles, you take a minute, right? No. Oh. You put it on Twitter? 15-8% of women like being choked during sex. So far. Freaks are still asleep.
Starting point is 01:10:10 So I'm going somewhere right now. Yeah, you're right. Well, you're right. Freaks are fucking right now. Yeah, you're right. Right now, this is just house moms. Taking kids to school right now, going, yeah, like being choked.
Starting point is 01:10:19 Oh, what's that, honey? Yeah, yeah, yeah, TikTok. I'm on TikTok. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. 58% is way higher than I thought. Pitched it to you. No. And would you try it? I'm gonna tie it off or to tie it up one time. And she's like, now, will you offer the sugar tonight?
Starting point is 01:10:35 I already know she would be like, no, well, can you like, will you do it just to report back to us? But what if I found out she has been ridden to rough sexual time and I've never been doing it rough? But what if I found out she has been ridden to rough sex for all time and I've never been doing it rough? Oh, well, like that would bump me out because I'd be like, so then what was the other sex? Like what if we had rough sex and I was just like,
Starting point is 01:10:54 and then she would have tried it, she would have told me when we first started dating, right? But that's when someone who's into it is into it. Don't know. It's such an interesting thing because it's all ties back into what we were talking about about fetish shaming. Because if you are in, then all of a sudden,
Starting point is 01:11:15 we need to make a law on no rough sex for anyone. Because if you're gonna fetish shame people, that's gonna be a thing that happens, then you have to say no one's allowed to have rough sex. And then you're like, well that's going to be a thing that happens, then you have to say no route, no one's a lot of devil sex. And you're like, well, that's not like, because you could use that against anyone, you know? But that's the whole point is like, any of this stuff I've done with chicks other than coming really fast, that I've had people not like that, and be very vocal of it. Oh, God, yeah. You want wanna know it's funny? That's a kink. Some girls are into that.
Starting point is 01:11:47 And it's pretty obvious why. Some girls are into guys who come fast? Yeah, that's a real kink. Google that, let me know that community. That's a real thing. Cause I can do that easy. How fast? Oh, with a stranger, I could do it.
Starting point is 01:11:59 I might've done it without even penetrating them. Yeah, well, the first time I lost my virginity. I put the condom on and Got on top one, two, over. I looked down my dick street and a bunch of you in the bed. And I was like, what the fuck? I was like, I didn't even have sex with a person. That's the sex with a mattress. I didn't even need her here. It's a little hard to find on Google. Is it?
Starting point is 01:12:27 I literally just got, I can promise you, I just got a DM from a girl yesterday that said she was into that not playing. I'll show you after this show. Wait, show us now. The orgasm fetish. I mean, I can't. Fast orgasm fetish. How do we ejaculate faster?
Starting point is 01:12:42 Who the fuck Googling that? Wait, I thought everyone jobs bother. So, so, any, when you have sex, how long do you last for sex? I mean, it depends, but like, the thing about BTS, that was just tons of foreplay, you know what I mean? So it's like, there's not as much penetration, I guess. It's not as focused, so you don't have to like hold it like, you know, if you're just doing vanilla.
Starting point is 01:13:06 Not on me. Yeah. How long do you last drink sex? Mm. I guess it depends. I mean, like five minutes is like a solid session for me. I can't imagine I last longer than five minutes. I think that's five to 10, yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:24 If it goes past five, then it's not happening for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's not gonna happen. Or I gotta focus, and even if it happens, it won't be great. Since I was like, just go right away, I go, this one's for me. Oh, by the way, I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've always, I mean, most of the times, it's like, they're all for me. Like, it's just like, let's get this out of the way and let's go to fucking Target. And I was like, okay, just like, I don't want to walk around with a fucking baby at Target going,
Starting point is 01:13:54 who am I going to get laid? Okay, I'm going to load you up the plane. Oh, and I was like, okay, cool. I'm going to go see you out the same way. And then you just get in there. But that's not five minutes is not two two. Is that we're talking about when it's super fast? No, no, sometimes I can go like, I mean, I think there's been times where it's like,
Starting point is 01:14:12 like, I mean, under a minute, I can definitely, I'm definitely finishing under a minute. Yeah, yeah, everyone's had those. But yeah, you should, I don't like, I don't understand people who have sex for a long period of time. Yeah, well, I'm not desirable for me either. Remember when you were a kid, you taught that was the end game. I know. It's to be a last one.
Starting point is 01:14:32 But it's that you want the playing, like the other sexual stuff to go, you know what I mean? So like there's oral and then there's four play. That stuff can last long, but you don't want the actual interaction. What? As you was realized, I have sex the same way I eat Oh, yeah
Starting point is 01:14:49 It's I can't and as you said that I was like for play wrap it up get let's just get the fucking meal And then as I heard that I went. Oh, yeah, I just I like it's all the sudden. It's like I just want to I just want to go like I don't God damn it. Yeah, I don't think I do for play at all. I mean, not at all, but like, I'm not like a, like make a meal out of a guy. Yeah. I'm like, hey, let's get this protein in us. I might have a beer for the next episode.
Starting point is 01:15:20 Okay. I might have a couple beers. Yeah? Yeah, because I can, if I can get a buzz right now pass out on the plane That'll be good for work later Good plan. Yeah Do you want a beer? No, why not it's nine in the morning I just honestly feel like that any time that I drink in the day time I just
Starting point is 01:15:44 Immediately want to sleep. Yeah, that's the whole point. Yeah, but I don't I, I just immediately want to sleep. Yeah, that's the whole point. Yeah, but I don't want to go to sleep. What do you have to do today? Go to sleep. Tommy. You're so responsible. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:57 I don't know what's happened. I would like to, I would like to one, when you go off the rails, right? Yeah. I would call me then and I'll move to Austin. Because you were off the rails when we first started hanging out, you started when you started gaining your weight. And that's Tommy off the rails
Starting point is 01:16:12 where you were practicing making peak ampies every day. And so that time is, last night you were like, we opened a second bottle wine, they go around and they go to Tom, I'm telling you guys, they go to Tom and you went, no thank you. And I went, I was like, well, whatever you're gonna pour in that glass, pour mine. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:30 And then you were like, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. I like, I don't understand that feeling with drinking. Like I don't understand the like, so did you get any buzz from the wine? I got a little bit of a buzz because I was so hungry when we sat down. Along to the drinks take to come. Any buzz from the one? I got a little bit of a buzz because I was so hungry when we sat down. Along to the drinks take to come.
Starting point is 01:16:48 I wolfed, I drank that more martini, so whatever it was. I drank that thing so fucking fast. I know. Did I felt sick? You did? I was like, it was like way too much of not good stuff into my body, it way too fast.
Starting point is 01:17:03 And I started getting like, like I started having like almost like a panic attack. And then I was like, I was like, something's going on. You and K, we're talking about something. And then I started drinking wine. And I was like, I'm okay, I haven't eaten all day. And I'm just murdering booze. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, I'm feel upside down right now.
Starting point is 01:17:20 And then the, and it was when the caseo was there. And I was eating caseo going like, okay, something has to change here. And then the stakes came and I was case was there and I was eating case. I was going like, okay, something has to change here. And then the stakes came and I was like, okay, we're good. Yeah. I'm a fucking no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it down? You got to learn to enjoy, like, you can't think of just coming as the goal and like the only fun part. It's everything else. It makes the other things enjoyable. The four play, the oral, the whatever else you're into, the kinks that like enjoy that stuff. So you're not just like, no, it's just about coming.
Starting point is 01:18:06 Like you can enjoy the other stuff. And then that's just the icing on the cake at the end. Right? Because you could enjoy the other stuff. Instead of being like, why stop? Let's get past this stuff and just come. So, okay, that's interesting. So I need to look at sex as like going out to eat.
Starting point is 01:18:22 Yeah. As opposed to just going to Burger King. Like, I treat everything like just going to Burger King. I treat, or going to Hooters. I treat everything like Hooters. When they put it on the table, I'm like, I want to make sure I give as many shrimp as I can before other people start touching them.
Starting point is 01:18:41 Like, this is me, this is me when the Buffalo shrimp come out from Hooters. Yeah. And they're and they someone will go, oh, can we get blue cheese with that? And then I go, cool, I got to jump on them. I don't need the blue cheese. I was just, but I want the blue cheese, but I'll just eat it without the blue cheese so that I'm ahead of the game.
Starting point is 01:18:58 How many come out in the order? My mouth's watering. How many come out in order? 25, I think 20. How many will out in order? 25, I think 20. How many will you take down? I will eat all 20 if the buffalo and now they're I will just go out my head I'll go birdie these and then when she comes back we need another order. They're so good dude they're so good. They're like the best thing. Somebody who's just waiting on blue cheese. And they're like, wait a minute. Oh, this thing forgot.
Starting point is 01:19:26 And I'll go, I think they short-changed us. We'll get them more. Ha ha ha ha ha. I love those fucking shrimps. Yeah. I can tell you where I was the first time I had them. Where? I was in Tampa just out by USF,
Starting point is 01:19:41 over by the hospital. There's a hooters there. Yeah. And I went with my dad. And my dad was, over by the hospital, there's a, who does there? Yeah. And I went with my dad, and my dad was, my dad was like, if you had their buffalo shrimp, and I was like, no, and he goes, buddy, they're fucking awesome. And we had a picture full of beer sitting at a high top. The restaurant is, I forget the road, I forget the road that's right there, because I've been in Florida in a while.
Starting point is 01:20:03 But we were sitting on the far left side of the restaurant on a high top and they put them down I ate four plates of them really I didn't get wings I just went give me another one and then they came in and I ate them so thick I will give me another one and the way is like you're gonna have four plates of these. That's like a hundred shrimp I didn't even eat the wings and by the way, I got to be honest honest with you I really haven't even fucked with the hooters wings since I'll get the wings because I'm at hooters But I won't even fuck I can't believe I'm talking about hooters this much They've even even given me a fucking plane and I'm talking about hooters non-stop Do you what they said they hit me up? They're like hey, we want to send you some merch
Starting point is 01:20:40 They're trying to still work out the plane when a sense you some merch some merch? I want to, I'll read my reply to Hooters, because it was, oh my God. Is it bad that, and he's got girls sliding in his DMs going, I like guys who come fast and I got Hooters in my DMs. Going like, hey man, I appreciate you liking us, but this is a little aggressive. Like, we don't even like our company that much.
Starting point is 01:21:09 God damn worse hooters. Hooters is like, hey we'll send you guys some merch. What sizes are you? I was like, times of double XL. I'm an XL. What size shirt do you wear? Right now I'm just rocking double XLs so they're not tight. I'm right on the cusp though.
Starting point is 01:21:29 He goes, hey man, we're working on the plane situation, but in the meantime, there's an address. Is there an address where we can send some goodies? What size shirts work for you, Tom, and the lovely Leanne. I went, oh, of course. If you can get it to Austin, by next Monday, I'll wear it on the podcast. XL for me, double XL for Tom.
Starting point is 01:21:43 And if you can send Leanna full servers outfit within a medium, that would be great. That's great. That would be cool. But can I tell you, I don't think I'd be able to have sex with her. I just be going, is she came in that outfit, I go, let's go get wings.
Starting point is 01:21:55 Let's go get Buffalo Shroom. Let's go get Buffalo Shroom. Let's go get Buffalo Shroom. I'd be, I really honestly, if she came in that outfit, I'd be like, I'm just hungry now. Yeah. Okay, we should wrap this up. Do we have burritos?
Starting point is 01:22:08 Did he say yep? He said yep. And I'm gonna have a burrito in a beer. Okay. I'm gonna have a burrito in a beer and I'm gonna, and I'm so excited right now. Okay, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. Hey guys, tune in next week to see me enjoy a beer
Starting point is 01:22:24 and enjoy a breakfast burrito. I'm gonna take my time with it. I'm gonna I'm gonna eat it over one hour. Okay, I'm not. Okay, that was crazy then, right? Yeah. Okay, yeah, I was like, oh, it's gonna be cold as fuck. Yeah. Eat it while it's hot. Burn your mouth. Fucking respect the Jeff. Okay, we gotta go. Alright, I love you. No scripts to be the booze amateur, for topology, dirty jokes, Rancho Humber, no apologies, here's what we call Two Bears One Cave

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