2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 112 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: December 20, 2021

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Hey man. I'm having anxiety, surgery anxiety. Why? I don't know. You know, wait, you already had surgery. I know, but I'm having anxiety that I anxiety. Why? I don't know. You know, I- Wait, you already had surgery? I know, but I'm having anxiety that I, because I got my physical therapist went in and really massaged in there.

Yeah. And it feels weird. And so, do you ever have like, like a nerve damage? Yeah, but like, do you ever have anxiety that you're fucking up? Like, when when remember when Alice jumped on your arm. Oh my god, and do you have any is that like go That keep you up at night. No, it's more like in those moments in that day

I've had you know, yeah people like hit me in the arm where I'm like right where they Had the surgery take place for the nerve and I'm like fuck. I met someone else who had nerve surgery Yeah, yeah, and then here's the thing. I met someone else who had nerve surgery. Yeah. And here's the thing, it's back to where it was pre-surgery. That's great. And then they're like, now it should just keep improving. And I still, you know, it's weird. I have numbness all through my hand.

Really? Well, not all the hand, but like thumb, index, middle, and then this part. Do you wanna hear a secret? Yeah. Last night I was watching you eat, and I was trying to see if your pinkies were the same size. Really?

Yeah. I was like, I wanna make sure that your pinkies are the same size. They are. You have weird hands, but they are. They're weird? Yeah, you have skinny fingers. Yeah.

Like you have oddly skinny fingers. Like, it's about crane fingers. They are skinny. But like right now I have, I have like weird feelings in here, and I think he's like, yeah, like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,

it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like not the right way, but even like working out, I get nervous, doing tricec as extensions because I'm gonna drink. You know what, I've had a fucking day and I didn't even start it.

You ready for a great idea? Yeah. I'm going to brand us. This is a brilliant idea. We are going to take the names and assign them to characteristics. And then that will be the name you call that thing. I don't even know what you mean.

So do you understand how a white woman getting upset is now called a Karen? Right, yes. We're going to name everybody. Horses, people that are too slow. We're going to name everybody. Stupid peoplees, people that are too slow. We're gonna name everybody. Stupid people, get a name. Okay. Right?

So let's find the characteristics first, and then we pick the name to assign to that person. And label them that. And then, oh, yeah, like, like, we'll start with, we'll start with, like give me an characteristic that you've seen in people, where you've got someone who's just not paying attention,

just slow as fucking shit, driving slow. Like someone's like, that's the worst. Someone who's just like, on their phone and traffic, like that energy of like, they're not, like, they're missing everything. And they're missing everything, go buy them. What is that guy? We let the name that person.

First of all, let's think of someone we know that does that a lot, okay? Yeah, and then we give that name to that person um I don't know if I know someone That does that but you see that all the time. Okay, then let's pull up pull up American names Ten let's do the 10 most popular American names. Men's? Should we go men's and women?

Well, there's gonna be different lists. Okay. I think that person should get a man's name. Yeah. Okay. Oh, fucking Oliver. Oliver's a good one for that one. Oliver is good for you.

Look at fucking Oliver over here on his fucking cell phone. That's really good for that. Okay, all right, all right. We got one. Yeah. Someone Oliver over here on his phone. That's really good for that. Alright, alright, we got one. Yeah. Someone who's just not paying attention, someone that's slowing you down, is called an Oliver.

Here we go. Driving 40 on the freeway. I mean, fucking Oliver just got to this country, he thinks we should be on the other side of the fucking pond. Doesn't mean yeah, he doesn't know how to drive in our country. Oliver's a great one. Oliver's a great one. Okay.

Okay. What's another person? Let's go... Someone who... What about like really arrogant, like full of himself, you know? Thinks he's, thinks he's better than like a fucking Liam, you know? But Liam is our guy. Oh, you meant from...

Yeah, we can't rename Liam. Liam works really good for arrogant though. Yeah, we can't rename Liam. Hmm. Liam works really good for arrogant though. Yeah, it does. Fucking Liam. Because it feels kind of like, at least it on the states, it's an aloof sounding name. That sounds really good.

So like a no at all. Yeah. So you're talking about China, and he goes, I'll tell you the deal with China. Yeah. And you're like, oh, forget Liam over here, thinks I don't know anything about anything. Okay, Liam's a good one.

And no, it all, arrogant, no at all. Errogate, no at all. And by the way, you realize how fucking viral we're gonna go if we can name these and then something in the news happens with one of these people. Yeah. And they're like, and Oliver on the 105 today.

All right, what? How about an uneducated person who uses violence to solve answers? I mean, it sounds like a Jimmy or like a does sound like a Jimmy. Yeah. Yeah. Does that look like a Jimmy? Jimmy, this is a fun game. Yeah. It's a fucking Jimmy. Easy Jimmy. Jimmy or a Randy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha fucking Randy. Oh, violence solves all problems. Randy, violence solves all problems.

Yeah. Well, you get a Randy. Oh, that's great. Oh, that's so great, Randy. That's like those stories you read were like, they go, you know, they didn't bring his coffee out at the diner and then he just like grabbed and fucking somebody by the hair through them.

And you're like, what's happening? So wait, so wait, what, what, so let's say it's a woman doing it. Can we can we because they've got there are there are Women that resort to violence too. Oh, yeah, yeah, I saw a woman doing it. I'm McDonald's one time walk behind the counter I'm a McDonald's on West 4th in New York City like 2 a.m. walk behind the counter and I was like, oh shit This is getting real what she didn't realize there was a bunch Oh shit, this is getting real. What shit didn't realize? There was a bunch of randies back there also. Yeah. And a fucking...

Ha ha ha ha ha. Hey, fuck her up. Hey, fuck her up. Quick as a bitch. Ha ha ha ha ha. I've seen multiple brawls. I've been present for brawls at waffle houses before. You know?

Like seen actual customers and staff fighting, including a guy with one arm, you know, the chef, and he would put the bacon before he put it on the pan. It would be on his stump, and he would take the, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and he would talk shit too. He'd be like, you want some of this shit? Come back, try to come over this counter.

I'll fuck you up. He had a weird arm. Yeah, yeah Jesus Christ. I'm sweating right now. All right. All right. So wait, so who's the female Violence solves all problems? What's the female equivalent to a Rand yeah Amanda no, Mandy. It's got to be Andy Sandy Amanda no, it's gotta be Andy Sandy Sandy and Randy so we got to give female Sandy and Randy Although there is like a

trashier woman's name Who resorts to that yeah, you know, I mean like the chick who the chick who's, I'm down to fucking fight. What is her name? She's, when I picture her, it is a white girl. Yeah. Who's the white girl that I hit in the head with a shovel? Do you remember that? Put in white girl hitting the head with shovel.

You ever saw this video? Oh, this is the best video. Okay, you ready? Glural, Clover's rival in the head with Sean. Yeah, this is fucking great. Let's see this. Let's enjoy this. Yeah, let's find out her name and the girl through the shovel or the girl who hit get that get that fucking name. I need to put on headsets because part of the fun is hearing guys. Oh, yeah. Let's see what Rachel does here Rachel's a good one Brad what's Brad's got to be someone Yeah, Brad and a guy gets caught jerking off

Go get smashy shovel Oh, oh man Connected and it was bottom of the Not in the face, but you're tripping. You better kick me. Remember, you're on my house. I think you're just broke my hand with your face, dude. I got a hot outside.

Let's tell me you're calling the cops on me. I'm not leaving. Go. No. Get the BB gun and shoot her. Go! But she just picked up the shovel or something. Is she sitting water? No, she's not. She's not with the fuck. She's not up the shovel or something. She's sitting water Oh my god! Rewind that! That is...

But this is... Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh shit! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Oh my god! Oh my. Wait, this is the most fascinating fight I've ever seen in my life. Man, it's so reasonable. It's the way they spoke to each other. It's a minute 40 of a lot of conversation. And then what's funny is once they're not, they're, they're fighting through the shovel. Oh yeah.

It wasn't just. Can we find out the girl who threw the shovel? What's her name? They were arrested. I think when you googled it, know when you googled it initially, you go to the all or scroll. Charges filed.

Well, was it in West Virginia? Please say names right, too. Disorderly conduct. And Miami, that was in Miami. No, it wasn't in Miami Miami, my well, Ohio Wasn't that crazy that I knew those because the way they were talking they're not for Miami Miranda Miranda and Randy and Miranda Miranda is a good Miranda and Randy Her name was Miranda. Is that her name? Yeah, her name is Miranda Miranda and Randy look at fucking Miranda over here Wow That was great. I could watch that on a loop. I could watch that all day long

The best is You better quit punching me in my face. It's a fight, bitch. But what's crazy is the red head said the same thing a minute earlier. Yeah. She was like, don't hit me in my face or whatever. She was clackin' her.

What's interesting is once the, so the one girl that looked like a little less attractive, I'll say. Okay, the one in the black, the one in the red head, it's like, obviously it's over a boy. I'm guessing, why did they fight a lot, and off? What is happening to me? I might, I feel like I might be talking too much.

And I'm out of words and syllables. Yeah. It does this thing? Okay, and I'll start with the, no, no, no, no. It all started with the war of words between Miranda, Fugate of Vendelia and Emily Ollinger. Over a guy, they knew. They're 14 years old.

14, I fuck. Two girls fighting, said nearly seven minutes until the video, Fugate has seen chasing. We said to the door, Fugate stops, turns back, hits her and has a shovel in her hand. I told her to leave against her refuse. video, a few gate scenes chasing, we said to the door, a few gate stops, turns back, hits turn, has a shovel in her hand. I told her to leave against her refuse and I saw my shovel. I picked it up. I already did. A few gate who was being referred to online as shovel girl eventually went to the hospital. Shuttle girl. Yeah.

She got a concussion and called her to be deaf in one ear. That's not real. That's what it says. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's lawsuit stuff. I mean, could be a, let's find her on Instagram. What's few gates gotta be on Instagram. Yeah. So you're on Instagram right now see what she looks like All right, Miranda few gate

But right here boom is it private I doubt I doubt is private wow That looks like her that's her yeah So 14 anymore She's hitting vape pens. How many followers she got? Oh. So she calls herself a girl. Yeah.

Hey Miranda. Hey Miranda. I would tell you she's attractive but she still looks very young. So you still say she's attractive. You're very pretty. Yeah, she got tattoos and everything. Ooh, Miranda posts this. Let's go full screen on these pictures

Shuffle girls pretty hot she looks great. She's great. Oh Who's that guy looks Miranda Miranda that's in a hotel room. Oh Miranda. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's in a hotel room that they're. I don't know if that's what that is. No, it doesn't look like it. What do you mean? I don't know. She's got more to choose. Look at her arm. Oh, let her talk. I want to hear her talk. No, no, so so funny. No, no, so so funny. My name is in great shape. She's attractive young lady.

Do you want to? I bet she's got only fans. You do? I bet she got an only fans. I guarantee. I'm just just a lot of posing. Yeah, a lot. I make up imposing.

Hey, let's see what the girl had in the cell that looks like. Okay. Google with the other girl, what's her name? Emily Allinger? Yeah. Let's see. Okay, what are the eyes Emily has a child up there? I think it's 75%.

This is more than 1982. Emily has a child up there. I think it's 75%. She's born in 1982. Oh, that can't be her, that's not her. Wait, no, there's no way that's her. Emily 1982, she's not her, no. That's not her. Yeah, Emily Ollinger is a lot more common than Miranda Fugate.

Huh. You imagine if one of your high school fights was forever online. Oh my God. I got fucked up a couple times. And I'm so glad no one knows about them. What led you to getting fucked up? Me talking shit. My mouth getting in front of me.

And was it all boy school? No, I never got a fight. I got a couple fights at Jesuit. I never got hit. I never got touched. I was good with moving out of punches. I was actually really good at... I think because I am, but I think because I have anxiety, I was really good at not getting punched.

Like I've never been, I'm trying to think, I've never been straight, I, one time I was punched, I was sucker punched. But it didn't, it didn't hurt it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. But I was really good at predicting a punch coming and getting out of the way. I've ducked.

When you say you got fucked up though, how did you... It was because it was fucking hand-hand. Like it was like getting into a fight and fucking getting thrown and landing on my head. Oh. Yeah. Like someone kind of grabbing you and throwing. Grab me and like suplexing me and taking me on the ground. But it's all because you would talk shit.

I didn't know. I fucking wrote a song. It was a joke. I did it. I performed it at our fraternity and one guy got upset about it and And I don't know he chose not to use his words. We're really good friends. I thought we're really good friends and then he just fucking Got my face and then I think he tried to throw a punch and I got out of the way and Then he grabbed me and I just have a handsome few friends. and I got out of the way and then he grabbed me and I just have my hands up, some of your friends. I was like, I'm not fighting you, I'm not fighting you.

And he was like, I think he was like, it's too late, we already started. And then he just went, funk and land on me on my head and I woke up, I woke up, I don't really remember because I had to go to the hospital. I don't really, yeah, it was bad. I, someone found me on campus crying. It's like, I got fucked up.

It was a pretty bad head injury. And I, it was finals. And so I, the fight happened. I woke up, he was still there and he was freaked out. He was like genuinely shaken. And I was like, and I didn't know that we got in a fight and I was like, what happened? And that we got in a fight and I was like what happened and I want to say was crying

But he was like freaked out and it was just me in it It had been other people in the room and then it was just me and him in the room and I woke up and then I was like what happened and He didn't say anything and I just got up and I was like wait What and I went to my car? My it was my sister's car and I drove cuz I knew it was like, wait, and I went to my car, it was my sister's car, and I drove because I knew it was finals. And so I drove on campus, which I already parked at the 30 house, I was gonna walk, by gotten the car and I drove on campus, I do not know where I parked, I parked.

I was just out of it. I walked into a classroom and sat down, but it was the wrong building. I never even had a class in this building. And then I went into the bathroom, and I was in the mirror, and my brain wasn't. I couldn't get it to catch. And I was like, and I got really emotional, and then I walked outside, I sat on this bench,

and I didn't know what was going on. I couldn't figure out what was going on. And I started crying, you had a bad concussion, and this girl, who was a py--fi found me, saw me crying. I said, hey, is everything okay? And I said, I don't know what's going on right now. And I said, I don't know what's happening. And she was like, okay.

She was like, let me, she was like, you want to take a walk with me? And I was like, yeah. And she's like, what happened? I think I got beat up. I don't know that certain. I think I got into a fight. But I don't know.

And because I left the family house, everyone was calling looking for me. So like, that guy was like, hey man, I think I might have fucked up. And so everyone started looking for me. And I was with this girl. And I didn't, I didn't know. I don't think she was dating my friend Derek.

And I probably didn't really know who she was, and I, and I think got me to the fucking hospital, and they're like, who's the president? And I think I said, it was Bill Clinton, but I think I said George Bush, but I think you just become president maybe, and then I was like George Bush, right? And they're like, where'd he go school?

And I just said Jesuit, because I'd gone to school to Jesuit. I was just a little confused. I started, I was like, and then they put me into CAT scan. And then like, you've had a pretty bad concussion. And then I would get lost, like I walk down to go get my mail. And I got lost getting my mail and I was at the mailbox. And I was like, I don't know where the fuck I am.

And there's like the next day. And I was like, I am super confused. And I got emotional. I started crying. And my girlfriend at the time found me. She was like, I am super confused. And I got emotional, I started crying, and my girlfriend at the time found me. She was like, are you okay? And I was like, I'm not really certain where I am.

It was really fucking scary, but then- Did they do anything to you when that happens? I went to a neurologist, I had a bunch of tests performed on me, I had electrodes all hooked to my head, I had these lights flashing in my eyes. But yeah, basically it was like, and this was like before any Kim Kushin protocol I mean I don't think I and I didn't do anything but like I probably drank beer smoked weed and think about that at all but and it kind of changed my personality a

Little bit because I was I was I did not really drink before then at all. Like I didn't drink. I mean I had a drink and chi school the way a regular kid would. But I wasn't like a big drinker. And then the next year I turned 21. And then and then I well then I got one for you. What? A guy who is a bad influence on other guys is a Derek. I like that. Yeah, I like that. You know what I mean? A bad guy is a bad influence on other guys.

That's a good one. That's a good one. It's a Derek. Yeah. Oh, fucking Derek. Oh, fucking, okay. Oh, I forgot we're doing that game. Okay.

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The, my dad told me he got a concussion in Playing high school football and this is in like the fucking whatever 50s or something. Yeah 60s Right would have been like late 50s really 60s and I mean you know what those helmets were like Yeah, and the way that they knew something was wrong is he didn't know how to take his shoulder pads off Really? Yeah, so like practice was over or the game and he was just like and they're like are you gonna? Take those off and he was like, huh? How do you get these off? And they're like oh? This guy's fucked up Get lit up in that era. Okay. What's uh

What is I'm trying to think of the right one to say but I wonder if I wonder if I can caution affected me today Like you know, you've noticed when I start talking and I'll go what were we talking about? Yeah I wonder how long lasting I would love to do a brain measurement on me and then a brain measurement on you about activity and see like if, how many frontal lobe is just gone? Yeah. Like, because Joe was talking last night about having concussions.

Yeah. And I wonder what, I wonder what the signs of CTE are and I wonder if I got them. I had a few concussions growing up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember one time playing football, and I remember, what are some short-term memory loss?

Okay, fuck everyone's got that. Okay. Asking the same question several times you're having difficulty remembering names or phone numbers, changes in moods, such as frequent mood swings, depression, and feeling increasingly anxious, frustrated or agitated, increasing confusion and disorientation, for example, getting lost, wandering or not

knowing what time of day it is, difficulty thinking such as finding it hard to make decisions. As the condition progresses, slurred speech, scroll, scroll, significant memory problems, Parkinsonism, difficulty eating or swallowing I'm I've got I don't have any Parkinson's isms Then that was called Parkinson's isms Parkinson's ism. I don't have any Parkinson's isms, but I have I don't have memory problems I don't have any sort of speech I'm a shit my pants. I have a hard time making decisions.

I have a hard time making decisions. But you have increasing confusion in disorientation? I don't get lost or wander. I always know what time it is. I always know what time it is. When I wake up, I can tell you exactly the time is without looking at the clock. Really?

Yeah. Changes in mood? No. Increasing. Really? Yeah. Changes in mood? No. Increasingly anxious? Yeah. Yeah. That's definitely me frustrated and agitated. Yeah. I get very frustrated and agitated. Go, I have a, can I tell you I have a,

I have an impossible time remembering phone numbers. But can you remember phone numbers? Well, I'm trying to think of anyone ever again. I don't know my phone number. Really? Yeah. Like I've had this phone and I couldn't tell you the phone number. Really? I don't know it. I've never called it. I don't know. I mean, I used to know. I think we all used to know a bunch of them, right? It's good for art. Yeah, it's I used to know everyone's phone number. I know the aunt's phone number is the only phone number I know.

phone number. I know the answer phone number is the only phone number I know. How many phone numbers, you know Christine that's on number obviously. Yeah, but I don't know. I know my number, I know her number. I do know my parents numbers. I know my parents numbers. I know my dad's office number. I know my dad's office number. I know my mom's, my mom's cell phone, my dad's, I don't know my dad's cell phone. I do know my dad's cell phone. That's it. Those are the numbers I know. I don't know any other numbers. I know.

I used to know my physician's number because it was such a, one of those standout numbers. That's the only reason. Like I had called it before and I was like, that's your number. That's the reason I memorized it. It was like, I remember my grandmother's phone number. I wonder if it's the same.

Let's see if I remember my grandmother's phone number. I wonder if it's the same. Let's see if I remember my grandmother's phone number Okay, I'm gonna call she's dead. Oh my aunt still lives there Nope, that's not it Let me I wonder how close I was to it You want to know my phone number was we moved to Florida? You just oblique this. Yeah Um, let me, I wonder how close I was to it. You wanna know my phone number was we moved to Florida? You just oblique this. Yeah. Check out this number.

This is a great number. It was easy to memorize too. What is it? BEEP. BEEP. Why is that easy? BEEP. BEEP.

That's really easy to remember. Easy. Easy. Easy. That's really easy to remember. Yeah. God damn it. That's a great fucking. I don't have my grandmother's number. Hold on. Wow.

I was just close. Yeah. I was really close. I can't remember. It went. It was dot dot dot dot dot, dot, dot, dot. You got it. Yeah, are you close?

I was fucking really close. That's, that you can't put put remembering numbers down because no one remembers fucking numbers anymore. Do you remember names well? No, no. I couldn't tell you anyone's name, but that's also because I'm very self-centered. And so I only think about myself. I don't often think of other people's names.

I mean, I can, I mean, like, no, think about how long it took me to learn everyone's name in here. How did it take you, you think? Oh, I, Nidav is the only one I knew. I didn't, I didn't wanna say any his name because I didn't know how it was pronounced. So I just never kind of like focused on it.

Yeah. Chris, a kind of new Chris's name, but I never said it because I was never sure that was Israel, like that was what it was. But I get emails from Chris every Monday. Yeah. And so I didn't like,

I didn't know that was the same guy that was emailing me every Monday. And then, and then who's the cutie pie that looks like you shouldn't go to prison? What? The sets of the front door. The old office. The cutie pie. Zolo.

Zolo. Zolo, yeah. He doesn't look like a Zolo. What was his last name? Oh, for real? Yeah. Oh, it's like, what a weird fucking name, Zolo. What was his last name? Oh, for real? Yeah, I was like, what a weird fucking name, Zolo. What's his first name? Josh.

Okay, Josh is a name of a guy who you don't remember his name. Sumbling, someone who is unmemorable. It's a Josh. It's a Josh. Right? Yeah, yeah, I mean, I don't know, it was a total Josh, man. It was a Josh. Right? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I don't know, it was a total Josh, man. It was a Josh. I mean, I don't know.

There were like five Josh's there. Yeah. Fucking knows what their names were. Walked in, met a bunch of Josh's. Literally my whole night was like, hi Josh, hi Josh, hi Josh, hi Josh, hi Josh. Yeah. And so whenever you see someone,

they go, you don't remember my name. Do you always gotta go, is it Josh? What about when someone's holy Unlikable where you're like, oh, I cannot stand this person's energy at all. Okay, an Ari That's a good one. Jesus Christ and then then fucking Ari came over to my house and drugged me. He's a total Ari. Total Ari, I had to go. You're like, for real? Oh, you want to get her out of the relationship?

Like, if Ari came home with your sister, you'd be like, what are you doing? Right? That's a good one. Because Ari is like, my daughters don't like him, my wife doesn't like him. You don't like him. I love Ari, but that's because, that's because, he's a Derek to me.

Yeah. He's a Derek. He's lucky that you're not a Randy. He's lucky I'm not a Randy, because all those times he was a Liam. He's been a Liam a lot. A lot. Like, oh, you buy the fucking house for.

Yeah. Easy Liam, okay. Just because you're living your career like an Oliver, doesn't mean. All right, what is it with another name? Well, give me a trait that you you what are we gonna call someone? How about cheap That's a trait. Yeah, what someone's real cheap

someone's Screw Jeep, but not screw just not the right one. No screw just different cheap. Yeah, there's just these cheap fucks He put it he put his own name there to dov Oh, it's really just different. You know, there's just these cheap fucks. He put his own name there. The dove. No, we can't have two names like that back to back. Yeah. Yeah, what if we just, we just found out we've only been listening Jewish names.

You know, annoying as shit. It's a Jason. Cheap is. Is it? Sheep is. I'm gonna start saying that. Pull up the names that we got. Big name Steve, Terry, Jason, JJ, Randall. No, we already got Randall, Benjamin, William, Billy, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas sounds cheap.

Yeah. Either that or Lucas sounds like a very unflavinly, unkempt person. You think Lucas does? Yeah, you're like, Lucas, Lucas. Okay. Yeah. Lucas fucking Lucas over here.

Oh my God, Lucas hasn't showered in a week. Lucas, Lucas! Okay. Oh my god. Lucas hasn't showered in a week. Lucas. Lucas. Okay. Uncapped and cheap. No, no, uncapped in slavvantly is a Lucas. Okay. Yeah. Chiefs. Is that the best one? For all right. What do we, what do we call someone who's an absolute dreamboat a dreamboat? Samson Samson it's good name. That's good. I'm gonna Samson. What should Samson? Like a model look and do yeah, where did you get Samson from? Yeah, Samson's a male model Samson. That's a good one. That's a good one

We gotta get our names in there We gotta get our names in there. Okay, what do you call a guy that comes to a party and makes the party so much better? A bird. Yeah. Look at fucking birdie boy over here. Yeah. That's good. That's good.

That's good. And then what do you call a guy who makes sure that a selfless guy that makes sure you have a better time than he does, a Tommy. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. I like how we give ourselves complimentary names. Selfless. Selfless.

Selfless. Selfless is a good one. Where's what happened to your husband? Oh, he pulled a Tom. He's with the kids. He's letting me have my night out. He's letting me have my night out. Okay, do we give our wives complimentary name? No, no, no, no, no, no, what they are.

Sure. Okay. Someone who won't listen to her husband, but probably should when it comes to financial decisions. Such a lian. That's a lian. How about, I'd be honest with you, this beer's not turning it for me.

No, no. I feel like I should take a shot or something. Maybe we can arrange for that. Got teetos. No, no, no, no. I'll tell you what a lian is. Okay. I got T-dos. No, no, no, I'll tell you what a Leanne is. Okay. A Leanne, so because people call say, oh, she's my Leanne, right? A Leanne is a person who is, thank you, Nidoff, is very accepting of their person's flaws.

So like, if all, say all of a sudden you're out to dinner with the Lucas, right? Yeah. And, and you lean over, you're like, what is he seeing him? It's like, well, she's a Leon. Oh, for real. She's blind.

She wouldn't see any of it. Yeah. Or she sees it and she just pretends to ignore it. You're like, really? Oh yeah, look at him. He's a fucking Lucas. I've actually had that conversation with Leanne. Really? Yeah. Oh, then so then what's the Christina? What is the Christina? She is like, why does it take you that long to just buy coffee? You're like, I have to park.

You're like, I'm, I have to park. So someone who's impatient, I like in that, impatience of Christina. Yeah, that's a good one for her. But we have to know, you made it all positive though. Oh yeah. So now I gotta be like, no, no, no, no, I raised that. What's it, what's someone who, what's someone who gets, by the way, I'm sweating my fucking ass off.

Why? I don't know, I'm'm fucking and he doesn't have air conditioning in here Hey, super supportive is would be would be a Christina you gotta be She's like he wants to do this and he wants to do that good one That's a good one. Yeah super super supportive super supportive overly supportive overly supportive overly supportive. Oh my god Jesus you, you think Christina was his mom. Yeah.

Fucking believes in himself and the guys are fucking straight up. Ari. I mean, the guy walked into this, let's use these incentives, okay? Yeah. So, I'm so sorry I was late to dinner. I'm all over in front of me. Jesus Christ.

You should have taken the 101, easily, I'm okay. I know exactly how to get there. I fucking literally was driving so slow, I almost went full-randy on him. But luckily, my wife's not a Derek, and she talked me out of it. Yeah. Speaking of Derek's, the other night,

there's this guy comes to no party, I don't fucking know, typical dot Josh right yeah and He's with a guy who can't stop saying the N word are are And They're making fun of me because look I've been working all day. I was a little lucacy, you know Yeah, yeah, yeah, and so Like who do they think want me to be a Samson? Because I'm not. I really just am a bird at heart.

And if I wish I had a Tom there to help clean me up, you know, because Tom would talk my shirt in for me. But I wasn't there with a Tom. I was there with my wife. And that night, she was being a total Christina and Leanneing everything Leanneing everything That's a fucking by the way. This is fun. It's a few. It's a really it's gonna help people out

Yeah, just to yeah Yeah, and you know what I'm excited for can you guys tag us on Instagram and without your spouses knowing what they are and just go I'm here with Randy. Yeah Do you know what this is if you're with the Randy it's probably the end of the road. Yeah, I'm with a Randy Fuckin hey just a camera on the on the guy shirtless eating popcorn watching TV drinking a beer and just the wife going hey Lucas Hey Lucas you're lucky I'm a lian. Or like how many of them are going to be like, this I'm with a total Ari. And they'll be like, what kind of name is that?

Ari, completely unlikeable. To be forget anything, because you know, there's other characters, other character traits for sure, but that's a good list. That's a great list. I'm really proud of that list. Yeah. I'm really proud of that list. That. I'm really proud of that list. That's really good.

I'm gonna start using it. Yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and say, I think we gave the right names to the right things because Lucas, for me, I think of a messy person. Yeah. It works. It really works.

I might go full birdie boy mode. I just burped. You've been burping more? Do you know why I'm going full birdie boy mode? What? Now I'm gonna start thinking of CTE. I'm gonna for birdie boy mode because my best friends are full Tommy And he's flying me to LA today flying to LA. Yeah, I got a full Tommy and I'm gonna fly home and my wife's gonna pick me up because she is a leon Yeah, God, I got fucking love this All right, what?

this. All right, what? When you get to LA, what's your first food stop? Oh, let's do some ASMR. Right now? Yeah. You wanna do this kind of stuff? I love this, really. There's a girl who does ASMR for me. Yeah. She gives me ASMR positivity, things. She sends you like links? I don't know.

Can you find her? She, she, I don't know how I know this person. I really don't know how I must know her. So she sent, sounds like she's kind of a Josh. It was a little bit of a Josh, but no, I'm being serious. She is an absolute Samson. Okay. A legit Samson.

Really? Yeah, well look, I'm gonna find her. I think she's on Instagram. She is a definite fucking Samson. Really? Yeah, well look, I'm gonna find her, I think she's on Instagram. She is a definite fucking Samson. Really? Yeah. And she also does ASMR? She does, that's her thing.

She has a podcast with her husband, who by the way is Hardcore Christina. Like definitely a Hardcore Christina. ASM. R. Damn it. What is this woman's name? Oh Fuck is it Maddie? Man, this bombs me out so she does god damn it. I wish I could find her she does

ASMR podcast. She's an ASMR podcast. And can you guys do the research on my Instagram? She's an ASMR podcast, I think her name is Maddie. I think it type in ASMR Maddie. Maddie? Like MADD. MADD what? Yeah, maybe, yeah.

Nope, that's her. Samson, scrolled that's her, that's her. Samson, scroll that's her, that's her. That's her. So she does a, what is her name? ASMR Maddie, I was right. Yeah. So she sends me, I'll see if I can find this. ASMRMADDIE.

That's her? Yeah. M-A-D-D-I-E. That's her? Yeah. Oh, well, that's like she's cupping your stuff. Wait, how did I find her? Oh my god.

I'm going to... lightly scratch. I'm going to lightly screw it up Let me see if I can find her here And softly breathe And sweetly whisper to you. Jesus Christ. This, I wish I knew how I, I found her. I think I have a couple ideas. No, no. So she sent me, she sent me a daily confirmation, not daily,

she did it once, but it was a morning confirmation and ASMR confirmation. What is that, what is a confirmation? I'm really with someone with grabbed my phone and find this for me. I mean, that's okay, it's okay. Nobody, it's so good, Tom. It's so good.

And she did ASMR stuff. She got, are you an ASMR fan? Like, no, but it's okay, it's okay. Nobody, it's so good, Tom. It's so good. And she did ASMR stuff? Are you an ASMR fan? Like, nobody, it's so. So like right now, there's people. You know some people have like a real reaction to that. Really? Yeah, I think Nikki Glazer. So I like it?

No, it loves it. Like if she listens to that, sends like signals up her back and her. For real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's people who hear that and they're like, oh my God, it overstimulates them. Interesting.

So no, she, I really, I wish I had remembered more, this is fucking CTE shit right now, but she said, she gave me a shout out or something, I was very sweet to you and then she was like I Said I wish I could I wish I could wake up to that whatever she said something nice about me I said I wish I waited but she was why don't I give you a I'll give you an ASMR Affirmation yeah, and it was Fucking intense it was it I couldn't listen the whole thing. Yeah, because immediately it connected me with sexuality.

Right. Like as soon as it's like, it's like, hey big boy. Yeah. Good morning. I don't do ASMR so good. Why is it Marse? Socks. But watching her by the way,

cup the mics, no, that's her tickling them, right? Yeah, but I'm saying the visual of it is, it is, I liked it. Let's see, let's see, see if you can find, maybe you should put it on YouTube. See if you can find, like that right there. Go to YouTube and see if there's an ASMR Maddie

Bert video, but it's private. Well, that's not the way I'd go about it, but Huh? Huh? Whoa. She got 211,000 screen drivers. There's nothing there? Okay.

Let me see if it's in my emails. I'd love for you to listen to this. I think you'd be fucking I need to spell MMA DDI I made DDI I think it was it was yeah Let me ask you this shoot did you go to the UFC did we talk about that? Well, how was it you didn't even tell me I Wish I knew her last name. I think I got a little bit... What?

Um... You'll see. Fucking awesome. First one? First one ever, I've ever been to. And what's interesting is I've been watching UFC for a while, but I've just, I mean like I've really enjoy UFC, but I and I don't I claim to not know a lot about those fights, but I do know and way more than like someone who doesn't watch it at all. Like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, you know, I definitely don't, but I've been to I probably

know as much as you then like I like I've sh all over my face. You have shit all over the table Yeah, I know. I know it's it's a ASMR stuff So maybe I'll do daily ASMRs What's the opposite I'm the opposite of ASMR. I'm like fucking allowed as fuck All right put on the list somebody talks to quiet you can't hear him is a full Maddie Okay, like Jesus Christ went to the north of this Maddie last night about a super loud person that's a It's a patty I got you know what I you got him don't have to shit. I have to shit. No, you don't I swear to God I'll look I'll be a quick. Oh, I'll find this ASMR. All right. I'll be quick

Shut the fuck up. Magrubr Are you fucking kidding me? Magrubr They're doing a TV show Are you fucking kidding me? Magroober? They're doing a TV show? Are you fucking kidding me? Dude, I love, I loved Magroober. Let me read this verbatim so we can all watch it together. Spread the world you friggin' turds, Magroober is back.

After rotting in prison for more than a decade, America's ultimate hero and Uber Patriot is released to take on one final mission. Fuck yes! McGruber's old nemesis, Brigadier Kamrad, Inosquee is in ten on drawing, destroying the free world and the US government knows there's only one man that can stop him with the help of his old team Vixen out no way the whole fucking team is back Are you shitting me?

McGruber sets out to save the day one worth one throat rip at a time Fucking I don't need to tell you. I loved McGruber. I can't wait to watch this my girls Based on the iconic Saturday Night Live sketch and cult classic movie, the Peacock original series starts with stars with Will Forte, Kristen Wigg, Ryan Philippe and Sam Elliott, fucking Lawrence Fishburn, Billy Zane, are you shitting me? God damn it, I had the fuck today for this. This has got to be expensive, shit. Binge the entire first season of a group of right now I will on my ride to Houston only on peacock go to peacock. TV dot com to sign up.

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depending on what we are doing. I guess. This is her. This is her. This is her. This is her. This is her. This is her.

This is her. This is her. By the way, we are about to double her subscribers. Are we back on, Adolf? This one is titled sexy. What is it called? This one is titled, Sexy. What is it called? Flirty friend gets your date night advice.

This is insane to me because it's engaging as fuck. Like I'm watching this going like, I don't know, I feel cute in it like, it's kind of trendy. I definitely like the side boob. Okay, so this is the super cute people. All right, good job. Just play the one I sent you. Play the one I sent you. Are you ready? Yeah, this is what we found Yeah, what a day. And you know, I don't think there's any better way to fall asleep, especially after

such an awesome day, as with some nice relaxing rain ball. You're the rainfall? You know, the best way to wind down is just with the soft rain falling outside the window. I just love that sound. So, she sent these to me? You know. I don't think I can really overstate how much you crushed it today. This is a daily affirmation. You worked hard.

You pushed yourself to the limit. You took care of the people you love. I did. You got some pretty big laughs. I mean, obviously. Yep, obviously. And maybe best of all. Yeah.

You absolutely earned your treat. And of it all. This was made for you? Yeah, play my morning one. Play my morning one. Come be. Play my morning one, Adav. Okay. All right, you ready?

Good morning, big boy. I hope you got the rest. Last night, they deserve. By the way. Don't you absolutely love waking up to this beautiful view? I love that. That sounds my character's in the world. The background and the way it's crashing gently on the shore.

It's so relaxing. You know. It's so relaxing. You know, I think you're going to take that energy with you all day long. And use it all throughout your day. Now, before we get this wonderful day of your started. Yeah, only on that. You can take just a minute and get your mind right. So you can attack this day. This should be an app. The gladiator you are.

This should be an app. Because by the way, no guy who works as hard as you do, definitely deserve to treat. At the end of a long day, and I know that you are absolutely gonna earn your treat today. You're going to crush your to-do list. You're gonna take on everything that comes your way. Isn't this awesome?

Yeah. You're gonna make it look easy. Fuck yeah. Alright, hip-haz. Do you want her to make one for you? Sure. Okay. I wonder if she can call it.

Did you have to tell her your things? Like a tree? No, she's a fan. Oh, okay. She's a fan and so she was, I remember just wrote, can you call it, she goes, they're both unlisted on YouTube. I love making these.

So if you need another one for Tom, I got you covered. Boo, yeah, can you call us? I don't know my number in a top. Do you know your number? Go to the, her video page. Okay. List of videos, yeah. I would love to hear Spanish ASMR.

I wanna hear French ASMR. Oh, French ASMR. I've been French ASMR, but that's fucking awesome. I don't know my number. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. It doesn't hurt that she's hot, you know? No, it doesn't.

But what's cool about ASMR is that you don't need to see what the person looks like. And it's always sexy. I thought this I thought this thumbnail on the massage one was jacking Right right there. I thought she was tracking. I was like, oh my god, I clicked that one Shit he's jacking someone off. Hey wait. Oh, sorry This is her husband Well, Boong Christina You all stretched out. I'm gonna tell him she's rubbing your hand. I'm gonna feel good. Bleh! Completely loosened up.

Ugh. I promise I'll make you feel free. I can't wait. I'm gonna tell him. I'm gonna tell him. Not as wonderful as you are, but... I'll get it my best effort. I'm a dog! Okay. Nandav, okay. How about Yiddish ASMR?

Is Yiddish the language you speak in Israel? In Israel? In Israel? No, they speak Hebrew. Okay, Hebrew ASMR. Oh, that is not going to be pretty sounding. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, ah, ah.

Oh, here we go. Let's see if you can hear, bro. Okay, here we go. She's super cute. Sit, sit, sit. Sit, sit, sit. Sit, sit, sit. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm saying? I'm just gonna speak in Hebrew for you. If you don't give me my money back, I'll take a pound of your flesh. It's gonna be a shaker.

Yuh? Bebe's larvae. Really not a lot. Bebe's larvae, who... Bebe's a very beautiful chef. She's super beautiful. I'm not a dove. What's going on? What she says?

She's kind of just like fumbling around speaking Hebrew. She's like, I'm just going to speak in Hebrew. And, you know, I'm just thinking that this is the thing to do. Like, she's not really saying anything. Okay. Oh, Nidav. Can you do some Hebrew ASMR to me real quick? Just a little bit.

Sure. Okay. שכן, שכן. כוס, עם השלחה, כוס, אבא השלחה, כוס, אמק, אבן זונה, שירותים, שורות, מת בהחרק. מה שאתה ארה? ארה, ארה, ארה, ארה, ארה,

שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שירותים, שיר What did you say I'll take two please? I said your mom's can't your dad's can't bathroom kitchen Wow just some words I have a French I do want to hear French ASMR. That's like the best Yep, j'étais pour moi-jean pour de tenderloin Mon j'ai mon annu the tenderloin Monshe mom that you oh Hello! Say a fucking sentence. You can already tell she'd be a great girlfriend. It's been a long time.

It's got my dad on the cup. Caffeee. How did you say French? I escaped. A coffee. A coffee. No, it's absolutely not that I didn't exist in French. I was just kidding.

I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I eat or something. I don't know if you have something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to eat or something to I get it. It's good.

Fucking AF AF as I was reading UFC. I was reading UFC. I was saying ASMR. ASMR is fucking fat, I want to dudes to do ASMR. Yeah. Put hot dude ASMR. What? Hot dude ASMR. Because if it's not up there, I know what my next videos are gonna be. Okay. There you go.

Oh it's all blessed. Oh dude, he's gonna be kissing and cleaning your ears. Oh, no. Deep cleaning your ears. Oh, no bro. Okay, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. Oh, Jesus Christ, that was a big mistake. Oh, what the fuck is wrong with this kid?

He thinks this is not what he needs to be doing. Oh this is a big thing. Oh, because they want to... Oh! I just understood what I am some or is. It's like sweet talking in your ear. Well, it's that soft sounds. Oh here, play this for Tom.

Oh stop, this for Tom. Oh Stop stop stop This is you ready for my ASMR. It's gonna be a lot of mouth breathing like Like my S ASMR is not sexy Like it's be mouth breathing and then like sleep apnea who put in sleep apnea ASMR sleep apnea ASMR Do you like watching people snore I do Yeah, no, I don't know maybe I do let me see people snoring Yeah, wouldn't it say Tom's gonna make say surgeon salary and a night full interview Where snoring comes from.

I don't wanna see someone snore. Yeah. There we go. Oh, a hot chick snore. Sauri. Wow. Wait. She fell asleep so fast. And now she's snoring like the biggest dumbass. What a retard! I want to watch it again!

I want to watch it again! Oh! Oh! She fell asleep so fast. And now she's snoring like the biggest dumbass. Oh, what a retard! Oh, that's fucking great. Oh, that's fucking great.

Oh, that's all that's so good. Oh, I made a mess out of here. Yeah, what's the UFC? And who'd you see fight? I saw a Kamara Usman fight Kobe Covington. How was that? It was a fucking great fight. The best fight of the night was Michael Chandler and Was it Michael Chandler? Was it yeah, Justin Gafey? Justin Gafey. Yeah, dude. Those guys fucking, I mean, that was like, that was like a roller coaster. You watch that and then Rose. I'm not going to tell you right now. Rose fought the Chinese lady.

How was that? It was a little weird because everyone started attending USA and I don't know, don't know the Rose girl. I saw her backstage and I was, I think she's fucking awesome. Really? Yeah, I like her energy. Do that Michael Chandler fight was Justin Gaye, Jaydee was fucking awesome.

They were like just fucking, did you have the night off? No, I didn't. Madison Square Garden downstairs in the theater. Oh. And then they walked me upstairs to go see the fight. I'll write you to the Hulu theater to go to the garden. At the garden and then they brought me upstairs

to go see the fight and they, they, Madison Square Garden. Thank you very much, James Dolan was nice stuff to give us some great tickets. I didn't get a chance to thank him because he was with his family and I didn't want to bother him, but shout out to James Dolan was nice stuff to give us some great tickets. I didn't get a chance to thank him because he was with his family and I didn't want to bother him, but shout out to James Dolan. And it was fucking awesome.

It's so great to see that, but I got, I definitely, you know, I was walked away and I was like, I definitely got coronavirus. I definitely got coronavirus. Really? Oh yeah, there's no social distancing with MMA fans and they were just walking up to my seat and just taking pictures with me and I was and it was not a couple. It was a lot. And so and I was and I was like, you know what? I got to boost your shot.

Let's fucking test this thing out. And so but no, no, no fucking. How many people did you go with to the fight? Your whole crew? Yeah, eight. Oh wow. Yeah, we went and saw it and it was fucking awesome. Peter, my assistant, he was a big wrestler growing up, so he's a big MMA fan and he was like through the roof. Shane was losing his mind. Everyone was Rosebud was with us. She loves MMA and it was, or you have to see, it was fucking awesome.

It really was awesome. And to watch it in person really puts the pizzazz in it. Like when you watch it on TV, it's okay. It's great, you know? Yeah, it's good, but yeah, the live stuff, being a, if you are a UFC fan and have not been to one of those, they really are just, you cannot duplicate what it feels like

to be with thousands of other people. You feel that you're that roar, and then it's a roar to watch a fight, and you're watching world class fighters. I mean, I've been to, like I said, I don't know, it doesn't or more, and every time I'm like that was, I get in a adrenaline rush.

And like, it's huge drop off afterwards. You're like, oh my God. The one thing I didn't like about the Rose fight, and only because I was like that was I get in a adrenaline rush. Oh, yeah, huge drop off afterwards. You're like, oh my god The one thing I didn't like about the Rose fight and only because I was like I don't like Nationalism too much. Yeah, is there were chanting USA for Rose and then and and the other I was like I understand that not everyone likes the other lady that Rose fought. Yeah, but she's also a person And I just thought it was so weird. Yeah. So like Rocky. Yeah. Three, you know, and I was reading for Rose because I watched her fight, first fight or

not first fight, but you know, like one that, her coming out fight. And where she beat, I think where she beat Willie Zang the first time. But isn't she not, like it's funny. They're saying USA right? She's not American Yeah, wait she is I think she's just rose nomadunas is she yeah, I think she is. Yeah, she is She adorable scroll scroll. Oh, it's she is American. Okay. Yeah My bad she is absolutely adorable like I mean like and I know that she'll beat my ass But I mean I'm saying that like, how would be so fun to watch?

I mean, if I rose, wouldn't it? I'll do it. Really? Yeah, I'll find all of our rose. You would really get, would you really put the gloves on? Yeah, 100%. Let's do the odds. Let's see, let's see what our, let's do our weights like sizes up.

I bet she wouldn't fight me. I bet she'd be like, no, I'm not fucking destroy you. Like I'd get punched, I'd get knocked out by Rose. What would you need it to be? She's 115. Wait, hold on. She's really, what? Five straw weight. She's 65 inch reach. What's my reach? It's got to be more than 65 inches. Yeah. You figure my dicks this big, that's seven inches.

You're gonna get your dick hard measure. What is your my reach? I would fight Rose, honestly, the only reason I fight Rose is I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. She's actually, I mean, no joke. She is adorable, but she is very pretty. Yeah.

Like she has great facial features. Yes, she does. Well, she thinks she's the prettiest MMA fighter we've ever had. I don't know. That's subjective. Oh, I don't know. Wait, Typen, let's do hottest UFC fighters.

Okay. hottest UFC fighters. Okay hottest UFC fighters 2021 oh wow who holy shit man, there's that? Motherfucker. Who's that? Attack the back, bro. That's Page Van Zant. That's Page Van Zant. Holy shit. Well, how much does she weigh?

I remember I'd like to watch a fight between Page Van Zant and Rose. Page Van Zant's gorgeous. Oh my God, who's she fighting in the Wonder Woman outfit? She's gorgeous too. They're all gorgeous. There's a lot of pretty girls.

Who's she fighting there? Jesus. I mean, do you realize, do you realize how, how unattractive I am to someone like Page Van Zant? What do you mean? Just a loud mouthed beta male who's a golf fighter, you know? And she's like, I hang out with men, like I hang out with men who choke people out for a living.

Can you please, like my energy? I'm such a, what's our names? I forgot our names. We know our names. I want page pants that is absolutely Yeah, you're such a Liam when it comes to this such a Liam. I'm such a Liam. Yeah Yeah, she's that's she's super hot. Who was this Anastasia Yan Kovah She's from Russia. She's she's gorgeous. Very hot. Holy shit, man. Lena Olfinch. Chinnickov. What? Chinnickov. Very attractive. Okay.

Oh, yeah, Lipski. Pretty. Yeah, there's a lot of smoke shows apparently. Julie Fierzo. All right, let's see, Page Van Zan. I wonder if I found him on the follower of the Instagram. Yeah, I actually can't believe how attractive a lot of these women are. It is... there's a lot of pretty pages. Page Van Zan's got three million fucking followers on Instagram. Alexandra, I wanna see her fight. Oh, well let wanna see her fight.

Wait, let me see her. Holy shit, man. That's a fucking fighter. Well, you think about it. Dude, do Honest Male UFC guys. Because you think about it, right? Yeah. Pretty much all the UFC guys are good looking dudes are they yeah, right. I don't know

The Cabo like look we're talking about stereotypical good looking male like leading male guys right they've all got great bodies They've all got great jaw lines Like cabbage Roni's a good looking fucking dude a good looking fucking dude. All right. Alistair Overheim? I mean, I'm not attracted to him, but I'm, but he's a good looking, like they're all, when you think about it,

all of you have to see guys are good looking dudes, right? Oh, this is, I'm like, these are all good looking dudes. This is the top 10 hottest. Anthony Patis. All right, let's keep going, keep going. Keep going. Frank Mears, a fucking very strikingly good looking man.

And I've met him, so I try to say that. George St. Pierre, good looking fucking dude. Keep going. Keep going, top in the ugliest UFC. John Jones, yeah. Dude, they're alpha males. Well, yeah, that is true. Alpha males, and so whatever that alpha male energy

is that they put out out yeah, that is true. Alphamails. And so whatever that alpha male energy is that they put out out there, that is attractive. And so I wonder if that is the genetic thing where it's like, it's like, yeah man, I'm ready to throw fucking hands. Woo-hoo. So I met this dude, sexyama. Yeah, I met him in an elevator,

waiting for the elevator, and he looked like a model. And he had like, you know when like, good looking dudes wear the beanie that's like half on their head. I did it the other episode. Right, just like that. Uh, to be waiting for the elevator, I didn't know who he was,

but he's like, you know, like striking looking, right? His features, and I was like, hey man, and he was like, hey, and I go, you're for the fights. And he was like, yeah. And I go, well, he is fucking stunning. I was like, are you a fighter? And he goes like, yeah. I go, okay. Did you look at him go, are you is fucking stunning. I was like, are you a fighter? And he goes like, yeah. I go, okay.

Did he look at you, are you here for the buffet? Basically. Dude, he is fucking good looking. Yeah. How much, how much you want to bet? You ready this? Ready for this bet? Yeah.

How much you want to bet the average MMA guy? I bet their dicks are an inch longer than the average man. Oh. Can we tough to find that out? I can do it. How can you find out? I just give me a little research. I bet their dicks are an inch longer than the average man. Ooh. Can we tough to find that out? How can you do it? How can you find out? Just give me a little research.

Just give me a month. Ooh! Like, you think the average MMA fighter, UFC fighters dick isn't an inch longer? Uh-huh. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. I bet, how about this? How much do you want to bet?

I bet that if you went doctor versus MMA fighter MMA fighters dicks on average will be a inch and a half longer than every I would say four inches longer than every doctor's well he's went from an inch to four inches and I'm thinking about these guys all have hogs do you remember I saw the one guy naked in the in the sauna I remember his name and he had a pipe on him. I mean a pipe. Google who births on naked in the... I talked about it on Rogan.

I forget the guy's name man. He had a fucking, he had a pipeline on him. Like there were Native Americans protesting it. Like he was dick was so big. Bert. Who did Bert see naked in the sauna? Like his dick was so big. Bert? Who did Bert see naked in the sauna? Bert, Chrysher, MMA. A naked in the hot tub at Wendy's house.

Dude, pass that one. Don't go keep going, keep going. No. No. No. No. All right, you know, get out of this page all together. You type in naked, it's like the cabin, the cabin, the cabin. Yeah, dude, I bet, I bet.

Like, you know, like, you take Gary Goldman, right? Yeah. Gary Goldman has to have a rod on him, I believe it. Because it's alpha shit, dude. It's like those big dudes that fucking, that God put on the earth to walk in front of the line. Yeah. Well, God's also gonna give them big dick.

He's also like six, four, something like that. Dude, Gary Goldman is one of the better-looking dudes I've ever seen in my entire life. What do you think that, that interview with Gary Goldman and Judd Appetown is? This one, Judd produced his special. Oh, the great to press.

The whatever the last thing to laugh at. Yeah, that was great special. Gary just did Carnegie Hall. He's a great basketball player too. Did you know that? No. Fucking amazing basketball player. He's a great writer too.

He's a, well he's amazing comic obviously. He's the sweetest guy in the did he have a baby go back to the picture with him in the baby. Oh yeah he did the comic tips that was great during the pandemic. Oh yeah he did. Those are great. Um yeah I'd be guarantee you that I bet that's the thing because now I'm looking all these hot females and like when was the last time you saw an ugly MMA fighter? I mean, some of them have like fucked up faces. Oh yeah, fucking ears and whatnot.

But like, Randy Cotor, right? Pull up Randy Cotor. He is leading man good looks, legit leading man good looks. Okay. Right? Randy Cotor. I mean, that's like, look at him with, he just wears a t-shirt and you're like,

he's like, fucking, look at him and X-errogan. I'll look at Rogan with air. Like, that's what's crazy is, what's crazy to me is that movie stars try to be him. I always think about the fact that like, some Jackass, some fucking Liam could be at a bar, you know, and like mouth off, not knowing, like that happens.

That happens with the, that actually happened. What's his name? Oh, oh, oh, oh, god damn it. He's from, he's from, he's from, Kr, uh, chilling? Yeah.

God damn, I just talked about this. Pull up that video. At bar. Yeah, shit. God damn, I just talked about this. Pull up that video. At bar, yeah, yeah. God, what's his name? Tt. Joe Shilling. Joe Shilling, yeah, Joe Shilling, fuck. I wanted the whole time I was going Kurt Shilling,

Kurt Shilling. Yeah, because like that guy, and that guy was actually doing that, he was fucking around and apparently being a Fucking smart ass to him and then he did this, you know, he did that you can't do that to him bro Choshilling is and I say this based on the research I've done Yeah, one of the best strikers in the fucking world world He's world class, man. World class. Yeah, look at this. Yeah.

And by the way, a very sweet dude. Not that night, but yeah. Joe Schilling, like, you know what? That's the crazy thing. Yeah, the best thing is like, you can do, you can go like that to the wrong person. Those guys, you know, that's like, that's an instinctive response.

Well, if you're a trained fighter, pull up our names, pull up our names, pull up our names. Keep going. If you're trained fighter for years and years, yeah, somebody goes like this to you, like, races their hands or flexes on you, you're not thinking like, oh, should I? He just went, pop up, like, it was so fast, you know?

It was, it was. That, you know? It was- That's thousands and thousands of hours of- I wonder if I could dodge a punch from Joe Schilling. No. You can't. I don't, let me see that punch again. No, because I've been, I like, I, I think I have an uncanny ability to dodge a punch.

What are you two been doing? Go to YouTube. By the way, I'm setting this up for people to just take swings at me on the road. Yeah, let's not, let's not have that happen. It is a horrible idea. I hope we're doing chewing. The risk of doing a. Yeah, let's not, let's not have that happen. It is a horrible idea overdoing chewing. The risk of doing a chewing marathon,

what happened to that guy's face? God, the internet knows what I want. Yeah, okay, okay, I wanna see this, okay? So the panel, this guy was, hit pause, hit pause, hit pause, because immediately this guy is projecting, fucking like, fucking boom, you know. He's being loud in the story. is projecting, fucking, like, fucking, boom.

Yeah, you know, he's being loud in the story. The racial slur towards a bus points. Ah, what do you think the racial slur was, Tom? You're allowed to say them. BAM. No, is speaking English? I don't know. Okay, here we go.

You can't play that. He's like, excuse me. What'd you say? Okay, I couldn't dodge it. I couldn't dodge it. I couldn't dodge it. I couldn't dodge it. I mean, and I really think that,

I'll tell you why. Wow, wow, wow, wow. See how he raises his hands to him? Right there. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, so what Joe Schilling's doing is what I do a lot. Yeah. If you step to me like that, I bet Joe Schilling and I... I go back a second.

I go back a few seconds, because he's blocking the way, right, he's like, I'm trying to get by, he's like, watch out, man. And then he says something to him. Joe Schilling, by the way, I would be shaking. If I just hit somebody, I'd be shaking. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, that's somebody that's hippy. By the way, by the way,. If I just hit somebody, I'd be shaking. Yeah, yeah, I'd be like,

oh, that's somebody that's hit people. By the way, by the way, this is also a guy who doesn't know how to read shirts. Turn around, let's wait, wait, wait, wait, do it again. What is it, what does he shirts say? Something cage. Ring, he's, he's, he's, he's,

he's should be reading a shirt right now. Hit pause. King of the cage. King cage. I don't know, I can't read it. Can you read it in there? No. Yeah, you don't. It's really out of focus. Oh, parking. Yeah. Ring cage parking lot. Okay. Oh, there you go. That guy's fucked, man. And you know what's crazy? Hang on, let's see whose fault it really is. Go ready. Where do you hang on? Sweet. Okay.

Okay, technically, you ready for this? Yeah. In the universe, the sliding door universe, this is the waiter's fault. Because the waiter went over and had the waiter not walked over at that time. That guy wouldn't have walked over and gotten in front of Joe Schilling. So if you're looking at like the whole big seat, because he went over to talk to the waiter. No, I don't think so.

It's obviously not the waiter's fault. It's the fault. But I'm saying that this guy is so, he's drunk, and he's, he gets in the path right there. I wonder what he said. I wonder what he said to him. But the best is that he raises his arms. Do you know Joe Schilling?

No. No. But I wouldn't, let me see if we didn't do this to him. I followed Joe Schilling. Let me see if Joe Schilling follows me. Yeah, yeah, he does. He does follow me. He, yeah, he does. He does follow me.

He follows you too, Tom. Cody no love. There's a lot of MMA fighters. I feel like I know, because I follow them. Yeah. And then it's like, but you don't know them at all. Like, but I feel like because I follow them,

I know them, you know what I mean? Wait, on Twitter, Instagram. Instagram, I'm only fucking on Instagram. I haven't looked at Twitter in a very long time. I took Twitter off my phone so that I have to use it like this, Tommy. I put it all, I took it off my phone so if I use Twitter, I've gotta use the mobile version

on my phone. And it ended up not using it because I can't see it. Yeah. So I never really used Twitter anymore. I don't even post on Twitter. I usually post like polls and stuff. Like, oh, I can't wait until these names go viral. And people do videos.

Make sure you do videos and discuss our names, okay? Remember, let's go through it, talk to bottom, and then I'm gonna get on a plane and go home. Okay. Oliver. Unattentive driver. Give me a set, I'm gonna say a name, and then home. Okay. Oliver. Unattentive driver. Give me a set, I'm ready, I'm gonna say a name, and then you give me a sentence

using an Oliver, okay? Oliver. Dude, I was trying to get here on time, but as I got on the highway, a fucking Oliver was not in the right lane, which had already, there was an Oliver in the fucking left lane, which makes me just wanna lose my mind. Oliver driving 45 in the left lane

That's good to one time that was a good one. That was a good one. Okay. I got a little random I like it. I like it. I like it sound like you're being a little bit of a Liam, but okay. Yeah, okay Do you think that all women are Oliver's? It's good right? Yeah, okay Liam And that's arrogant no it'll yeah man or I can be such a Liam sometimes oh fucking Liam Shafiro be here dude Joe Schilling knocked out a Randy. Yeah Fuck oh Okay

Give me a good Give me a good Randy sentence Randy sentence You know whenever whenever I hear a Maddie sometimes I get all Randy because yeah Maddie's softly. Randy's are very violent. Oh my god. I have to push my inner Randy down sometimes, don't you? I don't have an inner Randy.

No, like everyone has an inner Randy. So there is an element of Randy and everyone, right? Oh, yeah, I swallow my Randy constantly. Right. I swallow my Randy constantly. Right. Right. I swallow my Randy all the time. Because I know for a fact there are, by the way, we need a new one

and it's called a shilling and that's someone who is going to be better at you. Do we have that already? No. We need, what is a, a shilling as a guy who knows exactly what he's doing and exactly how to do it, when you think you know the exact same thing. Oh, that is a, a, a, a, a showing as a guy who knows exactly what he's doing, and exactly how to do it, when you think you know the exact same thing.

Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. It's like the Dunning Krueger meets their match. Yeah, so it's like, it's like, uh, like, dude, I literally, you ready for this? Tom and I went to play tennis, and he found out I was a straight up showing. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, that's a good one. Okay, a shilling is a guy who knows how to do what you think you know how to do 10 times better than you do. Yeah, okay. Should we call it a Joe shilling? It's too wordy. Okay, just a shilling. Just a shilling.

Okay, we could call it a Joe. We got a rap. We got a rap. We got to go. I got to go. Thank you very much for my birthday present. You're welcome. Um, by the way, I wish I was staying here longer. I really do.

I wish I- Me too. It'd be fun. I know. I'm kind of bummed that I have to leave right now. It sucks that the, uh, calendars leave. But you're coming back and I am going to LA and we're going to fuck around in LA too. We're going to fuck around in LA and do an episode or maybe two at the, at my place.

Yeah. And then I'll be back. I'm in the road. I'm on the around in LA and do an episode or maybe to it at the at my place. Yeah, and then I'll be back I'm in the road. I'm on the road in December in Austin, Sugarland, Abilene Austin Grand Prairie, El Paso, Phoenix, New Orleans You're out there. Yeah, New Year's Eve at the Met two shows. Where are you at New Year's Eve Hawaii the Hawaii theater? What in Honolulu? Yeah? May in Honolulu. yeah. In Honolulu? Yeah.

Oh, fuck. I gotta hook you up with Nathan Forrest. Can I get him tickets? Of course. Yeah. All right, I'm gonna do a group text. Okay. I'll bring all my little, I love these fucking surfer kids.

Yeah, they're great. Yeah. All right, we got to roll. Love you, bye. Bird, Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes top and swat the other, wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean

Here's what we call, two bears one cave No scripts to bet a booze amateur for topology Dirty jokes, ranchy humor, no apologies Here's what we call Two bears one cave