2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 113 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: December 27, 2021

SPONSORS:- Go to https:/GetSuperLeaf.com/BEARS and get 20% off with promo code BEARS.- Go to https:/Babbel.com and use promo code BEARS to get an additional 3 months for FREE when you purchase a 3-month Babbel subscription. It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer, this time out of Bert studio in Los Angeles! Bert shares he's been on a fasting mimicking cleanse diet and shares his incentivized weight loss routine on tour. They go on to discuss at the physique of jacked celebrities like Michael B. Jordan, Chris Pratt, Kumail Nanjiani and how Jason Momoa does it the best way. Bert is excited for his work out with Joe Rogan at the Onnit gym and Tom reminisces about cigarettes. Tom shows Bert the Hard 75 work out and eating plan and Bert pitches 2 Bears Racing and he can't wait to be a pit crew boss. Tome shares his discovery of baby wipes and a mishap he had on the road. The bears check in on Bert's accountabili-buddy, Nadav, and they also really like where Jonah Hill is at in his life. The episode ends on quite a cliff hanger.

I'm just gonna try to like curb my behavior with my working out. Antiquilla. 100% Welcome to the new set of Two Bears One Cave. How you like what I did? I like it, Tom. It's really great. I leaned more you on this one.

I mean, I think it's kind of an homage that you did a straight up replica of, you know, can I tell you, I don't feel like I've ever been funny in this one. I mean, I think it's kind of an homage that you did a straight up replica of, you know, can I tell you, I don't feel like I've ever been funny in this room? No? No. Why? I don't know. I got fucking, I totally am.

I think it's the chairs. I would actually like you to assess it, okay? Cause this is my podcast studio, Tom's in LA, he's got work this week. He does them work, yeah. And then, and then I'm leaving tonight for Austin Which fucking sucks. Well, then we're gonna see each other again. If you're gonna see each other on Monday Oh, so you're gonna get there. We're driving to the night. So you'd be there in the morning. Yeah, be there in the morning

Okay, I'm working out with Rogan tomorrow in Austin. Yeah, we're at his place on it Yeah, they're gonna put me Let's go ahead and start. They're gonna put you through what? No, I'm gonna say something. Oh, yeah, looking. Have you been on a cleanser's own? You mean the pro long cleanse? Which is not a sponsor.

Not a sponsor. And by the way, I didn't, I didn't never tag them in anything. Yeah. Because I wanted to be able to shit on them if I didn't like them. I did, Tom. So this is a fasting mimic diet.

Will you find out what a fasting mimicking diet is? Holsten and start punching up the laughter a little bit. Fucking wears. Yeah. Um, so a fat. It's so it's, I think it, it makes you feel like you're fasting. But you're not fasting, but you're not. You're doing soups. You're doing it's like it's Green friendly so it's no no protein It's a fast can you read that yeah, it says the fasting mimicking diet is a specific meal plan Formulated to simulate the fasting state while providing nutrients and calories

It does this by finding a sweet spot in the body for the benefits of fasting still occur and pathways that block the benefits of fasting are not activated. So I lost 12.5 pounds in four days. Wow. Yeah. What were you up to? Well, what's crazy, 263.7? Dude, can I tell you, I saw 270. Like I saw it.

Like I was like, no, no, I can get 270 tomorrow. I weighed 260 on Thanksgiving, 263.7 on Friday, on Saturday morning. Saturday morning I was 263.7. You're like fucked. And I was like, I was sitting out. Do you back to 250 now? I'm at 250, too, right now.

And so, but I mean, I'm lost because I don't understand the difference between a diet and an eating disorder or so.. But also the real thing for birdie boy is that you go back on tour. Oh, yeah, I haven't been drinking. Right. I haven't been eating carbs. I've been eating you get a bar and you get two soups. What kind of bar do you get? It's actually not that bad. It's like a little breakfast. Did they send you the soup? Oh, yeah, they sent, see, it's a five day fast. So they send you everything in this. Hey, Holson, will you grab the prolonged box right there? I can show it to you.

Prolong, I'm apologize for what I'm about to do to your company. Cause you're gonna be like, this isn't the advertisement we're looking for. No one loses 12.5 pounds, but no one loses an inch in their neck, Tom. I lost an inch in my nose. That's what they send you. They send you this fine. That's just good.

My sister and my dad did it. Gwyneth Paltrow does it. I'm pretty sure Jennifer Anderson my dad did it. Gwyneth Paltrow does it. I'm pretty sure Jennifer Anderson probably does it. If Gwyneth Paltrow does it. So they give you these boxes. I'll show it to you for so you guys can see. And it's all the days. And in a day, an average day is typically, I bought two.

And by the way, I'm buying five more for my tour bus. And I'm gonna make everyone do it. And anyone that does it perfectly, I give $1,000 to. Right? That way they'll make it, it'll make everyone do it and anyone that does it perfectly, I give a thousand dollars to. Right? That way they'll make it, it'll make me do it again. You get these bars, which are pretty fucking good. And that's what you get for the day. That's what, no, you get that.

Two bars, this is the first day. You get these kale crackers. You get some, you get some, some pills, some algae pills, some N12 pills. This is your dessert for dinner. Is this a little treat right here? And then these soups. Now, what's important about these soups?

Me see. This is black bean and this is squash. Holy shit dude, this is 120 calories. This is 110. You eat roughly 700 calories a day. And. But here's my question about something like this. It is kind of like a reset, but it's not a permanent thing.

It's a I would go I get part of that's why I don't understand it. I go, I wanted to make it a permanent thing. Why did you do this every day for the rest of your life? And then you go, I don't get food anymore. And so but also if you're exercising on this, I'm exercising. So my fucking workouts, I've, you know, I have a trainer. So my workouts have been fucking insane. And then they give you this and you fill it up with this L drink. I didn't read the instructions.

And I think that's what really fucked me up on this guy. That sounds like you. I didn't read any of the instructions. And I fucking made the soups, steeping them instead of boiling them. And they're like, and then last night I read my fourth night, I read, I was like, these soups are fucking horrible. The beans never get soft. The keen wand never expands. They're fucking terrible soups. I was like, they taste, and the flavors of that.

You never lost some hunger pains, right? No. What? No, so I'll tell you where I got crazy. But what, so what happened is, so I did it, the first day I lose like five pounds. Jesus. And I'm like, okay, this is fucking working right and I was I mean I had to take half a Xana I'm sure you're not supposed to do that. I had to take half a Xana to go to beg My brains just going go through refrigerator go through refrigerator. They're stuffing in the refrigerator

So thanksgiving leftovers are still there. That was your day one. That was my day. Oh, oh day. Oh, I got a Saturday Yeah, yeah, and so but what was happening is Friday I had a fucking white shirt on and it was I couldn't get it to stop doing this It never my belly was sticking out like a button down here There's a white shirt and the white t-shirt And I couldn't get it to go down and I pull it down it would stop and then we just slide back up And I was like I can't be that guy. I can't be that guy. I'm too so I must have been 265 that night because I must have been 265 that night, because I woke up at 263.

Or you see that guy in the airport where he's walking towards you and his belly's below his t-shirt. That's me, that's me. That's me. That was me. That is still me. But so then I do this last night I read,

you must boil the soup in a stove top for 12 minutes. And I'm like, huh? So I call my mom and my dad, my sisters, they've all done it. And they're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you should've been boiling those. You can't steep them. So I've been drinking, I've been these non-cooked soups for four fucking days, not doing this diet correctly at all. I fucking stop drinking the tea. I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry. Really? You're kind of crazy, man. So here's what I have, though.

And this is what made me crazy is, um, I told, I fucking came out to the am about me, you know, being fat. Yeah. And I, and that really opened a lot of fucking like eyes for me because then I said to where I was like, I was like, yo, I'm, uh, I go, I'm helpless. I come just wanting to know. I'm dead.

People always talk to me about being an alcoholic, right? And I've, I've always said I'm not an alcoholic. Yeah, but I'm not helpless to boost. I don't need booze at all. I just, I was like, say that I grab it, like with death. Well, that's what I don't need booze at all. I don't need I say, that I grab it with death. Well, that's what I don't need booze at all. I don't need it. I once I can get through the first couple of days of going,

yes, right, you can go back to bed, you can go to bed by without anything. I am, I've heard the term, I had to admit, I was helpless again, which was alcohol. I am helpless with food. Meaning, Chef Antonia, she was down with you. She was, it laughed out loud with you and can't go in okay She's she own scopa here. She's a bunch of amazing restaurants. She came over and catered dinner for Leanne

Leanne loves that show Yellowstone so they had a big night of watching it. She catered it with scopa time I was going like this. I was going like I had all I have was soup and I was cool with it I find myself grabbing food and I wasn't like I would just grab it, I was going like, I had all I had was soup and I was cool with it. I find myself grabbing food. And I wasn't like I would just grab it and I go, can you? But my hand would grab food. And I was like an impulse thing. And then my mouth was watering like crazy.

And I go, I just got to go to bed. I got to go to bed. There's almost like, I couldn't be around it. So then, but now I'm not hungry. But I want food. Do you feel like the same way with booze though? Do you feel, wait, I don't understand. Do you feel like you are an alcoholic?

No, I know, I know I'm not now. After watching myself deal with food, that's helpless. You feel like you're helpless with food. I feel like with food, I go, you know those guys who go, kind of and not kind of. Like I can do this, because I know it's over in five days. Well, when you can go hand-morrow. Today, I'm supposed to do the day five.

I just had the fucking bar, and I looked at the soup, and I'm like, oh, I'm gonna have a boil after 12 minutes. And I get on a plane tonight, and I know I'm gonna drink tonight. So I'm getting on a fucking plane. I'm going to Texas, you know, there's gonna be barbecue. So I just, I'm like, I'm like, I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm just- I'm like, I'm just- I'm just- I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I gigs. Um, yeah. The, uh, so what, you know what's crazy is you said, because here's like, thought happened

to you, right? You broke your body and then you got the way today. No. When you're anniversary today. Are you serious? One year ago today, exactly. Yeah. Who?

Isn't that spooky? Kind of. It's very fucking spooky. This is the day we went down to El Segundo. I still remember standing on the sidewalk, you know, you have like, instead of watching you because it was like an unusual street that it was on.

Yeah. I was just waiting for you and I was talking to everybody outside, I was talking to Roy and yeah. And they were like, where's your friend? I was like, he's coming and then I saw you pull down. And I go, here he is. I was like, no,, I was talking to Roy and yeah, and they're like, where's your friend? I was like, he's coming and then I saw you pulled out. Here he is. I was like, no, I told you where to park. I remember all that I remember all that Yeah, that was one year ago, man

Wonder if that comes up on my phone. Oh memories. Yeah of memories Where's how do you get to memories? Is it oh, it's when you go. It's when you go to this, when you go where memories. How do you do it? Oh, yeah, remember this day on this day today. Yeah, I didn't have it. I don't have it. Mine mine so it shows just December 13th. Wow, that's interesting. All the things I don't I have lucky days, I have very lucky days in my life like there's a big chunk in May That's very lucky for me very lucky. Um, so So when you broke your body a year ago today I Always try to figure out how you started losing weight

So I was like you were like I just started eating clean and I was like yeah, but you need you're right The jump was was being in the hospital and then you come out and you're like, I'm losing weight. I'm losing like not weight the way you're supposed to because you're just like not eating. Yeah. That was the thing. And then, they're like, you're not going to be able to like, work out for a while. So in my head, I was like, well, I'm not going to be moving. I can't eat like an asshole.

I just can't. Yeah. So I know I would fucking balloon. So I just started to fucking watch what I ate more. And what's crazy to me is once you got that dent, once you put a dent in the weight loss, then you got inspired to do it. That's what I'd watch you go like, bring a meal somewhere and go,

that's what I'm eating. Everyone's eating burritos, I'm eating this. Or I watch you do that and I'd be like, oh'm eating. Everyone's eating burritos, I'm eating this. I watch you do that and I'd be like, oh, and you'd be like, no, I just, I'll have egg whites. And now I'm at a place where I go, I feel like I put a dent in it and I can try, I at least, with working out right now,

now I can bench press again, I can do squats, I can do everything again, my arms back, like a hundred percent. And so I go, I can work out, I can lift weights, I can, and I, I can work out, I can lift weights, I can, I can, and I put a dent in it. So I, I'm inspired to not eat like a total asshole. That's good, man. So then, so then I'll, I think your idea, maybe it might not be the pro long thing, but the idea of getting the bus on board with something, like the crew, okay, is very beneficial, because like my crew that I travel with is pretty I bring you know Sean who's an actual like trainer and workout guy. Yeah, and then it's contagious like whoever's open like

Tate started a he did a lot of the shows We start to go to the hotels and he'd be in the gym because we were always going to gym Yeah, and then like the tour managers like hey, guess what? I just bought a peloton and I'm gonna start eating with you guys. It gets contagious. So, okay, so here's the thing I'm about doing for Texas, okay? I haven't told you guys this yet. $50 for every pound they lose.

Ah. And $50 to each of them for every pound I lose. That's good, right? Yeah. And then because you look at it, you go, it's money I'd like to give to people, you know? Especially if I feel like I'm being healthy and everyone's being healthy, I don't mind. I don't mind both, like, basically bonising everyone

to go, hey, can we just be healthy? You know? It's not bad idea. Yeah. What's your, would you have a goal weight? You're like a number? No, no. I actually got to be dead honest with you. It's your, would you have a goal weight? You're like a number, you're like a little... No, no, no, no. Actually, gotta be dead honest with you. It's really sad. My goal weight's my fat weight.

To... 240? I'd be cool with 240. Yeah. I mean, cause, you know, we got things we're doing. And so I don't want to like, fucking go there. And then, and I, and I, I don't want to look like, I don't know.

I just like, I really liked when I was shooting the machine. I was in, physically I was in great shape. I was, I don't want to look like, I don't know. I just like, I really liked when I was shooting the machine. I was in, physically I was in great shape. I was, I don't look great. You know, I look fat, I'm so fat. But like, I was running, hardy shit. I was lifting like crazy. I was strongest fuck. I was like, the strongest I've ever been.

That was shooting that? Yeah, oh, dude. I was just, I benched two, 35 was like, I maxed out to two, 35. I granted that's not a lot for everyone But for a 48 year old man who's never really been into benching the other day I did one seventy five five times and I was like I was like and the whole time I'm waiting for my arm to snap to go pop up. Yeah that fucking feeling that's the thing Why don't you get the fear in you? Yeah, the fears of that kid Georgia. I watched that's why I don't want to have a heart attack

Because once you have a heart attack because once you have a heart attack then you're never gonna be able to work out again. Once you get a stint in everything's fucking 80% are you are you fearing that? Yeah because right now I go today this morning I woke up at six the girls dude I am killing it as a dad lately. How are you killing it killing it as a dad? I had a really good week home with my girls. And so much so that Ila hit me on the arm, she goes, you're doing a good job. I was like, Mike.

What are you doing to kill it? Hanging out with them. Pretty much just hanging out and fucking having a good time. So, George is an either, both both oddly enough extremely athletic. I didn't never saw it from my eye. But I kind of saw it from George, but she always kind of phoned it in. But George, that we do this competition thing where we run a run a eighth of a mile on the treadmill.

And then the other person has to road 250 meters. And we see who gets there first. And the day before I went on my cleanse, I'm 260, whatever. And I'm trying to beat Georgia, and she's fucking killing on the rower, and I pissed my pants. What do you mean?

I pissed in my pants. I'm running as hard as I can, and I'm looking at her on the fucking number, and I'm like, fuck, I'm nowhere there, and I crank it up and then all of a sudden for whatever reason I just started I just as I as I got out I just pissed my pants by the way that's happened to me before is that run so hard at piss I just piss seriously Yeah, I ran so hard I've heard it dude. I I Ran so hard I pissed my pants and then I hop off from a ran-in and I came back and I was wrong I go and I just didn't I thought happened to everyone so I was like, I pissed my pants.

And they're like, huh? It was like, doesn't happen to everyone? They're like, no, no one's ever done that. Dude, I have a time. There's a, there's a video of me trying to run and beat the rest of the guys in a sprint. And I'm not even joking. We got done the sprint. We were at a, we were at a, at a driving movie theater. I got done this print. We were at a, at a driving movie theater.

I got done this print. We were drunk. It was late. And I got done the run. And I just pulled my pants over and started pissing, like a race horse. Like I think it's like race horse things, right? Did you dick strength when you run?

You're asking Halston or me? You. Very much so. Yeah, mine too. Very much. Like today. Is it like a, like a preservation thing that happened. Yeah. Yeah. Well It's yeah, if you're in the woods and you're animals chasing you you weren't supposed to have clothes so you dick

It's tiny so it can keep around because it really goes mind gets mind was today I was like I was weighing in so I was gonna take a picture and posted on my Instagram and I I saw that it was like I was like I'll take a picture and hopefully I'll see my dick and I took a picture and I was like, I'll take a picture and hopefully I'll see my dick. And I took a picture and I was like, no, you can't see my dick and I went to post it. And I took a thinking of the reflection. I took an actual picture of my dick. My dick was in it. But so this big, this big, and sticking straight out like a, like a, like a, like a detention.

Yeah, mine gets like, it gets so small that it scares me. When I'm run, whenever I'm like working out, I'm like, it gets so small that it scares me. Whenever I'm like working out, I'm like, what the fuck? I, it looks like a toddler. Do you remember when I was so fat at one point, I think I told you about this, my dick started going back into my body. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like that happens to an exercise. Do you think there's any other podcast where anyone's dishonest? Do you think that there's any podcast where anyone's dishonest? Do you think that there's any podcast where anyone's going like that anyone's going more my dick going back in my body and someone's going, what the fuck are these two talking about? Oh man, are you right now?

It's not as pretty smart. Mine's mine's I'll tell you mine's exactly that big right now. Here let's see. Yeah. Yeah. Same these. Do you think that Nadavs jealous that he's not here right now? I probably enjoy his break.

Yeah. How's his weight loss doing? Should we call my accountability buddy? I told him you were at 263. He's like, oh, he's getting his fat as me now. That's what he said. That was my fear. That's part of my,

so I was like, if I am fatter. Oh my God. Is he going to lose any? He's like me. I think he's, I think he's got the same, I don't know, I'm sure he'd be insulted if I said he had the same brain I have,

but I think he has an impulse thing also. Food. Yeah. It's so, by the way, I've been doing pretty well like with eating and exercise But I still hit like walls like plateaus, you know

Like I'm doing for you're doing a lot of elliptical right now, right? No, I've been doing a lot of just like Resistance training and not a lot of cardio and I actually feel like I have to Basically do I have to up the cardio, but keep doing my resistance stuff. Otherwise, I'm just gonna stay here. So here's my thing, right? In order for me to lose weight, I have to work out twice in a day. Yeah.

I have to work out in the morning with weights, and then I have to work out in my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, and that's what I've been doing. I love lifting weights. Feels good. I kind of wanna, I wonder if Camille has the same meat-headedness that I get when I lift weights.

Like, what do you mean? I just start, when I just want to lift weights, I get like very like, I feel like my testosterone pumps up. I start getting like, fuck that. Oh, fucking talk back to me, motherfucker. Yes, Matthew Cross, fucking mouth. Yeah, it's great. Cock, suck, motherfucker.

Hey, all right. And then, but Camille's more like, fucking, he's super jacked. I just saw a trailer yesterday for a movie with Michael B Jordan, you know? Yeah. An actor. Fuck.

That guy's so jacked. Really? I mean, he's been that way for a while. He was an ex panther, right? Black panther? Or black panther? Yeah, it's a new movie though. Dude, he is fucking huge. Yeah, I mean, actually in the movie, he actually looks bulkier, but like completely

muscular man. This dude must he must like, I would assume he's okay. Okay, ready to get to pick to be an actor. Yeah, right. You can be I'm not saying I hope this doesn't come off wrong. I don't mean this negative towards Michael B Jordan You get to pick to be an actor, okay? Now clearly Michael part of Michael B Jordan's job is he's got to spend Probably four hours in the gym. He can't eat when he does a movie. He can't eat what he wants He's got like it's a it's a whole reg. And then acting is probably also something he focuses on, but in all honesty, you're getting hired for your body. I mean, for a part of it. You're acting got you in there, but the body,

and I wonder if he puts the body in there. I wonder if he, like, if he's like, no, no, no, and I'll be jacked for this fucking movie. I'll probably. But like, remember that story that Tom Papa told me that he said, because he's friends with Matt Damon, right? Like they're friendly. Oh, they didn't work together.

They're done. I think they had a couple movies. And and he and Damon and Aflik produced a show that Tom was doing. And he said that Matt Damon said that he can tell you exactly like you bring up a movie like talented Mr. Ripley or one identity he'll be like 165 172 152 like he does exactly what he weighed and that's part of the role for him. Well he just knows that like when a movie like if he's shooting a movie in three months he's like fuck I gotta like stop eating yeah I got to like stop eating. Yeah. I have

I like, he knows that really. Oh, yeah. Like so, so then, so then do you. Okay. So then next question, do you, would you rather, would you like, you get one career, you can't pick, you can't, you get one lane, you can't pick two. Yeah. Okay. You get to be a, a Michael B. Jordan, a Thor, that guy, he has Hemsley, Hemsworth, that guy, Chris Pratt, like I think they're all now muscle actors, right? But Pratt not as hardcore as the other guy. He's not, well, he's like in good shape. He's definitely leading man, but he's not like,

like he's not like most of this movie, I will be shirtless, like those guys, right? I think he is. Yeah, I think he is. I knew his ex-wife and she would talking, yeah, pull up Chris Pratt, what movie's he's in. She was like, she said something. He used to be like a little more lax to be dude.

And now everything he's in, he's that guy. And he's, and she was saying that it's not fun to be around, but by the way. Right, because he's the guy on the left, right. You can't, you can, she was saying that it's like not fun to be around. Like, by the way, because he's the guy on the left, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they got divorced, but it wasn't fun to be around because he couldn't eat and he was always hungry. Right. And so, and by the way, that's also, they got to get divorced. So I'm not, but you get to pick a lane, ready?

That or, uh, or you can be like, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Now, I'm no slight to those actresses I just named. No slight at all. Not whatsoever. They're all fucking amazing what they do. Or you can be like Philip Seymour Hoffman, John C. Riley, those actors who are a little softer and people, Benicio del Toro,

people recognize they're acting as the thing that got them there, not their body. Now, now, I hope that's coming out fair, right? Because I don't, I'm being serious. Hollywood does not exist without the Chris Pratt's Michael B. Jordan. Of course. Like, you, you pay the big bucks to see the fucking action here with the big muscles. Yeah.

So you, you pick that guy. Yep. And I'm not saying they can't act, but or you've been, Benizio Latoro, where everyone goes, one of the best actors or a generation. Oh, yeah, I fucking Adam Driver one of the best actors of regeneration. You just thought that movie you just said you loved it the The like so bad this shut up, but you get to pick you get to pick any you get to pick one or the other what do you pick? I would definitely take the acting thing the acting acting. Oh, I thought you were gonna be an action guy. No, I fantasize about doing the action stuff.

Like, I think that would be rad. But I don't think I would wanna do it in the way that the muscle guy's doing it. I like the way that like, cause I feel like what's actually attainable. Or, you know what I mean? Like, that feels like such a fantasy, but I feel like the Bruce Willis way of doing it.

Where he looks like a normal guy actually. Yeah. He just looks like a healthy guy. And if you go back to his, like, diehard movies, you don't go, he's not like, super jack. He just looks like a healthy man. Yeah. Like that feels like the way to do an action movie

that's attainable. Do they have one of those out right now? Is there a regular kind of like that? Yeah. The kind of is ripped. Well, I mean, he gets in shape, but he doesn't, he's not like, people aren't like, oh, here come the muscles with Kiano, you know, he just gets like, he works out for the

movies, but I don't feel like you go like, here's the, he's got a suit on for the fucking movie, you know? Yeah, but he looks fucking great. No, he looks great. He's kind of raised, but I'm saying, I always isn't crazy that I bet he's insecure about his beard and I always want to. He's kind of, that's kind of like, well, he's still fucking way better than I've ever looked.

Well, I like that one. That cana is my favorite. That one there? Yeah. Let's see him with a shirt off. What fucking, that's a normal body. He looks like a normal body.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So like the John Wick thing is like, get in kind of good shape, but it's not like like a Jason Momoa shape, you know? Jason Momoa. Yeah. Bear guy. So that, okay, that's the diet I'm doing.

I'm doing the Jason Momoa diet. That's who I'm, Tequila. Type in Jason Momoa diet. So wait, you would rather be the muscle guy? I'm gonna be honest with you. Yes, and I'll tell you why. Why? I would rather have, look at this guy.

I mean, he is fucking. What is he? So I heard, I heard that he fucking parties balls. This guy does? Balls. Like, he goes fucking hard, but he's very clean what he eats so that he can party hard. Like, did he goes, I know what I got to look like., so I get I get a carrot and a tomato and then that's it

What does this hey all sent you are you reading any of this? He says we have some good news and some bad news the good news is that drinking Guinness beer was indeed part of Jason Momoa's Aquaman diet plan the bad news is that the occasional glass of beer was pretty much the only vice He allowed himself while training for the role. And I'm spoken with you, he's my weed Jason. True. So what does he eat? What does he eat?

Is it say? I knew someone would eat. But the fantasy is to be jacked. Here's the truth. Oh, okay, you ready? I want to go hang on. Let me tell you why. No, it's not fantasy.

So here's my theory. So like, I don't ever feel like I'm worth anything. So I always wanna do the extra work to show you that I'm valuable. Right. So like when I was on travel channel, I didn't think I was a good host. So I was like, okay, I'll jump out of the plane also.

And that way you can't deny that, like no one else, I'll do the extra work, no one wants to do. So in my brain, if you're gonna give me a movie as an action hero, I'm not gonna play it like, I'm not gonna play it like, Bert, I'll say, hey, I'll tell you what, I'll take a cycle of steroids, get a trainer, not eat anything, punish myself.

So the least you have a semi-interesting person to look at, who also connect. As opposed to going like the confidence Benicio Del Toro must have when he goes on a set and he just fucking murders it. And I just rather be that love. I would I think like career wise I go that's the move to be the super talented actor, but I still think the fan like the part of my brain goes it would be amazing to have one of those physics. So part of his diet plan was that his trainer

didn't force a new diet upon him as much as he did concentrate on the healthier foods that he already enjoyed. So what would that be for you? Like what are healthy foods that you would just go to town on? Avocados? I like those. Yeah, okay. It's like 25 avocados a day you be eating?

Eggs. I'll name the healthy foods I like. Eggs, avocados. Chicken for me eating eggs. I'll name the healthy foods. I like eggs avocados Chicken for me chicken. I love chicken seafood salmon Okay, this is good idea. Oh, Austin what is saving my life? But also don't forget there's a there's a thing that they're not saying right here. What's that just like the body that he started with oh You know if you seen him young. Yeah, so I'm saying he was he was he's actually better looking older. Right. Be like a natural lean kind of muscular build, right? Yeah.

Fruit skinned spears peanut butter. Honey sandwiches. That geez past. Steak, fish, supplements, probably some. But he's also yeah, you're right. His genetics are fucking through the roof. Sure. He's genetically. I have memories to go to this gym. Dude, this would have been in 20. Well, let me nail this. 2010, right down the street from where I lived in Silver Lake. And Kumail was there too.

And we go to the same gym. He had a very, like, he had a lean, yeah, like that kind of built. Who Kumail? Kumail had like a lean. He had a very, like, he had a lean, yeah, like a, that kind of built. Who came out? Come out had like a lean. He wasn't muscular. But, like, just like, you could tell that he hadn't lifted a lot.

He wasn't like a workout guy, but he had a body that was going to thrive with working for real. Yeah, because like, he would, you know, you grab his arm and like, he had like a, he grabbed his arm and like he had like a bicep there, even though he wasn't like a guy who would spend his life doing curls, you know, so he had like a natural, all those books he read growing up. Yeah, I remember.

He picking up books. Yeah. Jason Mahmoa Young is a fucking, is a, is a stud. Right. So that if you give that guy a trainer, you know, and the right foods, I wish someone had done that to me at 18. I know, right? No, I wish because I'm working so hard on working out. I know Jesus Christ, who says no to that guy? I don't know. I'm sure he's done pretty well. Last night, Leonardo about to hook up. Mm hmm like, you know, I did a naked, getting ready to fool around about kissing, touching. Yeah.

She's like, and I said something about something and she went, I did a pack. I got a call from someone. Her daughter was raped. And I was like, what are you doing? We're naked. Yeah. And I went, okay. She was like, what?

And I was like, nah, it's just a very weird thing to bring up. And she was like, what was the date rate? And I went, hold on. I was like, I don't, that, dude, I don't think you understand how it do the brain works. Like that, now that's the word I hear is like, like, I need to be clean. I can't. I was like, wait a fuck it up. I'm sick. Why was trying to ruin things? I go, why would you say that? Like, why would you, and you're about to get going? And we're about to get going. So, don't let it fuck things up. And I was like, I was like, hey babe, like, I, like, did it?

No, I fucked her, but I fucking put it down. Oh, you're proud of yourself? Legit, legit. Positions? I was positioned, it was pretty quick, but, uh, how fast? Shockingly, like, look at, like, uh, uh, uh, shockingly likely to look at like a, like a one of those missionary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Old school, but the tree's a style. Yeah. Yeah. We watch this documentary called the Seven Peaks. Have you seen it on Netflix? No.

Has it called Seven Peaks, Austin? It's Seven Peaks. It's fucking fascinating. So this guy, I don't know his name. 12 peaks, seven summits, something, Netflix, Google it. He did. Ah, fuck. What's the matter? Fuck. What? What? What? I tested positive. You're lying. No. I just got my result. I got a pee. Can I use go pee real quick? Yeah, he's lying. Fucking cut. Go to the bathroom. Go to the bathroom. This episode of Two Bears One Cave is brought to you by Babel. Whether it's saving more and spending less, getting organized or losing weight, there's a lot of worthwhile goals to set for yourself this year. At the top of my list is learning a new language with Babel, the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions.

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Is that pretty good? I'd like to be known for acting. Yeah. That was really good. Can I tell you, I did that sometimes where I on set, where I'd act. Yeah. And they go, huh? And I go, like, I did that sometimes where I onset, where I'd act, and they go, huh, and I go, like, I do something like that, I do the scene, and they'd be like, huh?

And I was like, I'm acting. And I'm like, oh, wait, were you doing it right then? And I was like, yeah, that was the thing. And I'm like, what the hell are you being for real? And I was like, yeah, that's the thing. And that what acting is? Yeah. What was I just about to say, oh, 10 peaks.

So this 13 peaks, 14 14 peaks gotta keep growing. The he summited the previous record was this guy this white dude summited 14 peaks in in 16 years, 36 years, something like that. This guy did it in seven months, right? Seven months. Yeah, but you know why? What? And this is like what I'm in love with.

You know, I'm not like woke at all. I'm whatever regular is. Whatever the regular was, we're not a bad person to begin with. You know, I'm that. But I have been, when I first saw that documentary on Everest and they talked about Sir Edmund Hillary. Is this the guy?

This guy did it. Hit pause, so I wanna, my reveals coming up. So when they talked about Srebren Hillary, I'm going to fuck this up. They were like, so if I fucked it up, I don't give a fuck. They, when they come down from the top, they're like, Srebren Hillary was like, I was the first man to summit Everest. Yeah. And they're like, oh, cool. We got there first. And his Sherpa, Tensig Norge was like, knowing full well, no one gets a paycheck

unless the white guy did it, right? Yeah. It was like, it was him. He dragged me up there. Not me, because I grew up at 8,000 feet. It's the fucking white guy who grew up at sea level. He helped me get up and I'm so happy that he did. And so, but Tensig, Strenman Hillary needed Tensik, Norgate,

he get up there, right? He could not have done it without him. He showed him the way. Because he's a Sherpa. He's fucking grew up at altitude. So he's got no blood cells. So it's like, he can, or like, wage many. So he can do whatever the fuck he wants

because he's grew up at altitude. And Sturman Hillary grew up at sea level. And so, so I'm not no slack on Serbian Hillary, but without Tenzignorge, there's no one summit's Everest. Without all the Sherpas, by the way, they have names, without all the Sherpas, no one gets up Everest, ever, no one. Who are the Sherpas?

What? Those are like the guides? They're not police. They're not police. They're not police. Okay. And so it's so fun watching, listening to you. So it's almost like if like all these white people showed up in Hawaii and Hawaiian dudes swam out on surfboards and pushed them into waves.

And then white people were like, we discovered surfing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the Hawaiian surfed back in. I'm not even... Here's a shrimp, a member of a Himalayan people living on the border of Nepal and Tibet for now for the skill and mountaineering. Yes. So what has happened is all these white people

have all these victories on Everest. And it is akin. Do you want to do it? No, I have no interest. I actually thought that through. And I got offered one time to do, yeah, to do Everest. And it is a kin. Do you want to do it? No, I have no interest. I actually thought that through and I got offered one time to do it. Yeah, to do Everest because now, and I don't mean it takes nothing. There's a fucking traffic jam going up Everest. There's a line of people, it's almost like a tour. Like it's not a big deal. People do die, but there's like they go, oh, the way this goes for three days, everyone start walking and put in traffic jam Everest.

Type in traffic jam Everest. Look at how many people do Everest in a fucking day. This is, click that, click that. No. Dude, go to the one on the far left, far left, top. Look at all these people. So this is how many people do Everest. It's fucking null.

All the time. No, no, there's only like a window of a month where they can do it. So everyone that wants to do Everest does it there. And this guy did it this day. He took the picture, the guy who's in this documentary took this picture, but it's great to see. And what he was saying is, he's like,

we are the fucking sharpest. We are the guys that get you up there. We should be, and then he was like, fuck it, you know what? I'll, it white guys, it took you 16 years to do all set all 12 14 peaks. I'll do it in seven months He goes fuck you. I'll do Everest and the two sister mountains The Sasa and Lantan I'll do those two in 48 hours He did this day. He did this climb and then did two other local

Like to that I think he's from Macau. I'm not certain. Where? I don't know. I wasn't listening really. I like to be honest with you. I kind of, this is when we had sex during this middle of this documentary. Oh, really?

Yeah. So I kind of was in and out. All I know is that he was like, and I got to the summit and that's when I came. And so, but he's really fucking badass. This guy is way better at Googling than the other. Yeah, right. Yeah.

His name's Nims Purja. And he's Nepalese. He's Nepalese and they put him at altitude and they put him on an oxygen thing, Tom, with altitude, put him on a spin bike, checked his heart rate, checked everything. They go, the average white mountaineer can do it for 90 seconds. He did it for

fucking three minutes. Just fucking did it. And his heart, and he got off and he was like, do you want me to do more? He's a fuck because, and it's the same thing. It's like the connection that, that him and all the, all these guys like him, his whole team's all, and he's like, by the way, they're not my Sherpas, they're my friends, they're my brothers. And he names them. He never calls me Sherpas, and they help him get up there. Two most people call it Reese Referred of them as Sherpas. Yeah, get my Sherpa. It's like fucking so colonial, it's ridiculous.

And it's just, it is a kin to me and you're going to Hawaii and getting fucking to pro Hawaiian surfers that would ride to Hawaiian surfers and go, hey man, take us out there and put us in his waves. And then they go, all right, and then take, take, take, put some, stand up now. And then we do it. We're like, oh, and then the news crews are like, Bert and Tom, you were surfing. We're like, we love this. This is what defines us. And then we're like, we're like, hey,

but grab our surfboards, put them over by our jeeps. You would do that. Probably. I actually have done that. I have done that. I do that. Probably. I actually have done that. I have done that. I actually have done that. I actually have done that. You were describing yourself. I actually have done that exact same thing

is I've had a local push me into a wave and then talked into a camera and you're like, oh, it's amazing. You've done everything that you could do in the world with the locals. With the locals. Yeah. Wow.

No wonder this hits so hard with me. Yeah, you're just really resonates. This really resonates. God damn it. Yes, why watch this is a really cool. It's a really cool documentary. So you had sex while it was on though. Yeah, you pause it. No, let it play. His mom passed away right around the time that we were having sex. In the movie. In the movie. Yeah. Just going down and running. This is talking about losing his mom.

I was like, oh, I was like, I hope she's not listening. Then you put it down though. And then when it was my turn? I think, I think, can I tell you, I lost an inch on my neck in five days. In five days. An inch? It's a inch on my neck in five days. In five days. An inch? It's a lot to lose in five days. I feel like that can't be healthy. I feel like, see if you,

oh yeah, when you show me yesterday. You took it before and after for these last few days? Just my face. So I thought it would be, Jesus Christ. You have been going really hard. You know, I have and I don't. That last time you showed up to Austin,

I was like, holy shit. Here, look at this. Wow. This is my, Leanne goes, your eyes start closing. She's like, your eyes get like smaller and like squintier. When you gain weight and I was like, really? It's true. I was like, don't I look younger though?

She goes, no, no, no. No, no. An inch from my neck. Yeah, when, well, yeah, that time when you got, you got real big and like, I don't know, just a couple of years ago. And it's always like, I think when you're touring, yeah. And I saw Diaz and he's like, I saw Bertuente. That was a fat Chinese guy.

That's what the key is. So what are you doing on the road? Do you like, you don't need to do fast stuff or like, not't fast, just eat egg whites. No, I mean, all right, first of all, whenever we get to a city in the hotel, I used to do this thing like on the last tour, which I, you know, I don't even know if you'd call it maintaining, I wasn't in shape at all. Not like I'm in shape now, but I'm saying it was worse.

And where I get to the hotel, we'd hang out. I'd be like, when's the show? Let's say the show's first shows at seven. I'd be like, let's go to the gym at five. I'd like to. And then I would work out like 45 minutes. To take a nap. I'll take a shower and then go to the venue

because the show's gonna be in like less than an hour. Now what I do is we get to a city, let's say we get to the city at noon. Mm-hmm. I drop bags, change's say we get to the city at noon. I drop bags, change and we go right to the gym. I was wondering if you did that this morning. No, this morning was, I mean, I don't feel good. I was, it was dragon dude. I, um, I, so, so tomorrow, so we fly tonight.

So I, I said to myself, um, I, we have a producer that produces all the stuff we do, who, cause we shoot a lot of stuff and post it. And so, um, So you, are you gonna shoot the workout? I don't know, I gotta ask Joe. Anybody think Joe's cool with it? I don't think Joe. I texted him privately and was like, hey man, I would like to work out. Can you get me in it on it? And he was like, he was like, get you in. I want to work out with you. We'll have the guy, the head trainer, do a workout for us. And because you know, this Joe's like, that's what he loves.

And I was like, and first I was like, I don't, like I was nervous. I was like, I don't know if my arm's gonna be ready and I don't know what it's not like a bitch and be like, you know, I had a surgery. And so I told my trainer and she was like, well, let's just start, start testing out here. I'm like, get strength.

I want his like, I'm gonna go fucking ham on you tomorrow. I hope they do everything. I want them to do like blood, I want them to do the on it lab on me. I hope they do everything. I want them to do like blood work. I want them to do the on-it lab on me. I mean like workout wise. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I hope so. But I go, I don't mind going hard.

Like, I don't mind going hard. No, it's good to, it's good to. Yeah, like I enjoy working out. And so, but I don't know if I can work out a Joe's pace. Yeah, I mean, if he's going, his hardest is probably going to be. My big thing is, I'm going to go, I told them, I asked the onuk guys, I was like, hey, I want to get a bunch of stuff, buy a bunch of stuff for the bus. Kettlebell's Maces, whatever the fuck you got in your store, supplements, everything, I

want to put it on the bus, because I'm going to make all the taxes healthy. And so we're going to, we're going to work out, we're going to do outdoor workouts. And I'm just going to try to like curb my behavior with my working out. And tequila. Yeah. What do you drink? Can you drink? Tequila is a thing you're supposed to drink, right? I don't know what you're supposed to. I like, I like a Nieho, I like those the killers. I like some whiskey's. I mean, I don't, it's the thing, man, like you that you really definitely have something in you, I don't know, genetic or that you just built up to this where,

you know, I'll have a couple drinks one night and then wake up the next day, just feeling so much shittier that I don't want to drink. You know, I'm like, I don't have that. No, I know. Georgia's got that too, not the partying part, but the Georgia is like a Greek athlete.

Like this morning, we got up at six, me, her and I, we went for a high class night. And I fucking told him I was like, I was like, just giving you a heads up because you know, it's like, I like my daughters when they're scared. Like I feel like they're connected anymore. So it's like, just giving you a heads up.

There's one Bobcats are out and they're like, what? I was like, Mountain Lions, Bobcats, coyotes. So like, if you guys hear anything, let me know. I'll take care of it. And they're like, wait, hold on. What? And I was like, yay, yay. Because it was getting dark, the jet dark.

And then they're like, what do you mean, take care And I was like, yay, yay, because it was getting dark, the jet dark. And then they're like, what do you mean take care of it? And I go jump in front of it. I die first, you guys run home. You guys run down, get the car, call 911, tell mom, I'll gladly die for you guys. And they're like, you're messing with his dad. And so then I said, they said, when do you leave?

Can we say goodbye to you? And I was like, oh, I have a workout at seven. They go to school at seven. And you're seven thirty. And George, he goes, well, why don't you do your work at a six, we'll say goodbye to you? And I was like, oh, I have a workout at seven. They go to school at seven and you're seven thirty and Georgia goes, well, why don't you do your workout at six? We'll work out with you. And I was like, for real, they were up at five thirty. Real fucking ready to work out. Came in back here. Lacey comes in. And this is the thing with Georgia, like where I go, like the thing where I guess you turn it off. So we're doing, we're doing dead lifts this morning. And we're doing 10,

7, 5, 10, 10, 10, 7, 55, 3, 3, 1, 1, right? So my, my max out dead, the way it's not, it's not my max out, it's like whatever, 205 or whatever, because it's my elbow, we're just still keeping it light. Sure. We forget to take the weights off for Georgia and Georgia, a fucking child does my fucking, the one I'm doing one, she does it and then she goes, wait, did I just do dads? And I was like, that's like mind of a matter of shit where you go, you think you're doing your thing

and did it? I was like, fuck, but yeah, I don't, I don't get hung over like that. I think that's really weird. But you know what? My kryptonite is smoke. Anything smoking anything, I feel it immediately on a treadmill. Cigars?

Cigars, I feel immediately on a treadmill. Weed, I feel immediately on a treadmill. The next day on a treadmill, I'm like, how do you feel as the guards though? Because the smoke gets around me. It's like, I like, I catch it asmo wise. Do you like the setup of these chairs? Does it make you feel too relaxed to talk?

No, this is okay. Okay. Okay. But yeah, the, the, a cigar, box with me. I might have a cigar this afternoon. I hadn't smoked in like a cigarette in like 12 plus years

and I smoked one like a month ago. No way. Yeah. Why? I don't know. I just like it. Yeah. I was that one of those. Uh, should pal Rogan shows and really because they all smoke cigarettes after sets. Just Rogan smoke. He had a cigarette. Yeah. Did you like it? I, cause I, I used to smoke more a lot. Well, I wasn't like a heavy smoker, but it was? I used to smoke more. A lot. Well, I wasn't like a heavy smoker, but it was a nice buzz to get again. Can I tell you what I want to, but here's a problem. If I do it once, I'm back in 100%.

I've been fine. Here's the thing. It wasn't that hard for me to quit. It was 12 years ago. Wasn't that hard for me. So I don't think I was actually like whatever it is physically addicted to it even though I was smoking probably five to ten a day or something. I don't know what it was When I quit it wasn't that hard

I had one I might have had two I think I've won one day than that's the I haven't had any sense I haven't had a craving for no, but it was it was enjoyable, but in Jeff Tate smokes Used to doesn't smoke really. Yeah, you know he quit a while. I want to I want to do chewing tobacco again. Oh, dip. I miss that so much. Feel that burn in the gums. You know, I still haven't done that. I hear you saying it all the time. Could like what I mean is like the replay. What saying it to me and I think about it Pretty regularly because I still haven't done it is had a cigar in the morning with a coffee That's my favorite. I'm like to that this week You told me that and the way you described it. I was like man I got and then sometimes I'll have a cigar in the evening

I'll be like I got to try this sometime with a coffee. I tell you what my favorite one I've ever had is that way Trump's a cigar and coffee is a cigar and scotch in bed in the morning. In the morning, in bed, churchill style. Dude, to this day, I have never, I don't like scotch. And I,

this cigar in this bed with this fucking Scotch was the best cigar. I've ever had and the best whiskey. I've ever had you get good whiskey Yeah, well, it was Johnny Walker blue, which is pretty good um and I Do this every day. He did it every single morning And I'm telling you, you know, it's interesting. I wonder if he had a buzz like all day. But that's why he used to operate.

Yeah. You'd go, well, all those guys that ran the world were having mid-day cocktails and morning cocktails at meetings. See, I don't do it because I hear guys that talk about quitting drinking when they do that stuff and they have withdrawals. And I've never had withdrawals.

Here we go, Winston Churchill Day. First whiskey 9am, first cigar and another whiskey, 11am, whoa, optional walk around the neighborhood. I love that setup. I might have to do this this weekend. 1 p.m. launching champagne, 3 p.m. another whiskey, 4 p.m. shot of cognac, 5 p.m. another whiskey, optional nap, 6 p.m. dinner and more champagne, post dinner,

second cigar and drink whatever you like. Feel free to drink in between or switch out your desired drink. It really is. Come up with a personal role. They made for you. Finish the bottle. Remember the night. Don't puke. Come up with a rousing speech. This January has to do it. January 21st, 2021. Who wrote that? Why did that's your own thing that you read? Did I write that? Oh, I did write that. Oh, fuck, I don't remember right that. That I didn't write that.

Let me see, let me see. I didn't write that. I'm gonna take a closer look. Oh, you read, I read, I read it. I read it. Yeah. Can you type in 75 hard? 75 hard.

Yeah. What's this? It's the opposite of Winston Churchill day. What's that? This is like a challenge thing. I'm doing this. Will you tell? Would you find what is, you know, what is 75 hard program? Yeah, should you try it? This is a, so you do this 75 days in a row. What? Yeah.

Oh, is this what a white boy summer did? I don't know. So what you do is you follow a diet, there's no cheap plans. There's no cheap meals, none for 75 days. You work out twice a day. That's a swan app once, right? Yeah.

You work out twice a day, one of them has to be outdoors. So basically you work out inside, let's say indoors, and if you went for like a jog or a hike or a walk for 45 minutes, right? Each has to be at least 45 minutes. Drink a gallon a day, water, a day, take a five minute cold shower or cold ones. You take progress pictures every day. And oh, you perform another unrelated task or random act of kindness. And then does the reading? Okay, I think that got swapped out also, which interchangeable, there's read 10 pages. 75 hard. Yeah. can I see some, so let me see someone who does a four and after picture of 75 hard. This guy's on his day 75.

Yeah, can you do before and after? Wait, where did you hear about this? Sean, he's done it multiple times. I mean, that's a quite an amount of time to be committed. I mean, that's pretty dramatic. Yeah. 75 days. Yeah. I'll look at her. Look at him. He just looks like a regular dude, not bad, but then he looks like it was. He puts on a beanie. Wow, she looks great. Yeah. 75 hard, no cheat meals. None.

He looks ridiculous. How about that guy in the right there, right above that one? That guy was kind of a big dude. Yeah. If you did that, you would look before and after that. 75 hard. So yeah, but I don't,

like that'd be two and a half months of, what two and a half months could you do 75 hard? Which ones? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I could probably, like if I was committed to it, I could do it, you know? Yeah, but no, but like it would have to be certain months,

like you have to be spring months, because if you're going outside, you don't want to do it in the summer. Or the winter? or in the winter. But I guess you could make it work. You didn't either occasion. Best time of the year for 75-hard type that in. I'm sure it's spring, right?

All right, how do we make money off of two bears racing? Tell me what your idea is again. I want to sponsor. I want two bears racing, because here's the thing. I know. I hang my hat on, passion begets passion, right? Mm-hmm. Sadly, my passion is stand-up comedy and drinking and partying

and having a good time and laughing and this podcast. Like those are my passions. Yeah. I don't have any interests. Like I don't have like a, maybe I do, maybe I'll find something that I go, oh that's an interesting line, But like I like this shit. And so you have a passion about cars. I like yeah. Yeah, like I was talking to someone the other day and they were like all right skip out on this

we're not doing something five fucking hard and set or unless you can find good months. So then I thought, okay, how do we lean into your passion? Because leaning into your passion will also broaden this podcast. It will blossom this podcast. So it's good for the podcast if we find, if we lean into your passion, your passion is cars. So how do we get you into racing? And then I thought short track racing, those ones where it's like an affordable car on a dirt track,

where you can really get the feel of, do I like racing? Yeah. So I go, okay, we should do a live podcast, right? We know that the live show that if we do, that can help fund our racing team, but more importantly, we invest in a racing team. One car, one race, do it in Texas.

We have find a place in track in Texas. We enter you in the race. That's our content that we're shooting. Is you training for it? You're doing the race? Me being your pit crew guy. I'm a great pit crew guy. I believe it.

Because if you type in a movie pit crews, movie pit crews movie pit Pipses it is up with the crowd. No, it's like a casino movie like a movie Pit by that guy. I'm the guy with the scar and it's like god damn it. You're scared of the fucking wall Yeah, you can't be scared of the fucking wall. You know what tape is left foot to his ankle Yeah, he won't use that break no more like I'm that guy right sure So here we go. You're running the pickroo. I'm running the pickroo. There you are. That's not me. So trebbing days of thunder. And so and what we do with this thing is we just try to expand it and get it bigger until we're a formula one.

This is a really good idea. I think so. I'm not I love I love when you think let me tell you something Can I tell you? Sometimes I can tell when it's a good idea when I go other people should be thinking of this Yeah, right? I can tell you some people that are very popular podcasts that probably do stuff like this But there's more they should like how much how much fun do you think Rogan would have had racing in a race? He loves cars, he loves going fast, he loves that track shit. Yeah. He should have done this.

Like and we can do this. So we there you are. That's me. God dammit. You're gonna blow the fucking gasket again. And that's, I'll be that guy, right? Yeah. And we'll shoot all the content around that.

That'll be the reveal for our live show. We do the live show, that'll fund our race, and then that is the beginning of two bears racing. And what we do then, here we go. So we get the car, we get the, and then, and then we start broadening out. Well, how would we get really successful is we find good racers and like also,

when we bring them in, we bring a team in, we got three cars, three racers, and we start fucking hitting these tracks until we go Fuck it. We got a shot at NASCAR. How do we how do we find a race that we can enter? It's so easy. We did it all the time on travel channel. You did? Yeah. There's races all over the country every weekend That's all people do that's there see here's a thing is there's a We've I've I've've raised in races hardly enough that, that you can do. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done it on chariots, I've done it on ostriches, I've done it in cars, I've done it in fucking blowers. There's like every, these race tracks all around the country that have, and they're big money in racing, and we get our podcast sponsors to sponsor our race car. So there's stickers, man, escaped. There's stickers, fit fine. Maybe not be a great. Oh, yeah. Yeah, alcohol. Yeah, ship station. Yeah, ship station.

Because it's a it's a group of fans that have that has not laid eyes on these sponsors. Right, right. Right. Right. So we're broadening our sponsorship. And but the thing is when you win that for and you will win that first race. I don't remember your pit boss. I'm gonna go around and sabotage other cars. Okay. Yeah, don't worry. I've got this all thought out. It's gonna be like a movie. That's the fun of this is I'm treating this like a movie. You're treating it like a job. You need to treat like a job. But you all treat like a movie. There you are. Dude, look at this. Give me a lot of the fucking God damn it.

Rubbins racing. And I just say shit like oh shit He's all oh time. Tom's on the runner. Whatever the fuck And so and and and I think we do it. I will find so give me a time frame Give me a time frame of when we can both commit to doing a Race and a live show I Really feel like literally knowing what we have coming up soon, that it's summer. Okay, summer.

This summer. We're both on a crazy, we're both on crazy tour. Crazy tours up until May. So we find a race in June. Okay. In that time, we will organize our team. Okay. We'll get what we need. In that time, we will organize our team. We'll get what we need.

What we'll do is we'll find a guy in Texas who's like, I got a car, I'll sell ya. Fuck it. You don't need to buy it. You can run it from it for the weekend. We'll find a car, we'll find a track, we'll get you practicing in that time. On your off time in Austin,

we'll be doing track laps, track laps. Do you bring wet wipes on the road? I have tuxedake logs. You do? Yeah. Why? Because I just realized what a fucking idiot I've been because I've been on the road and Sean and Jeff Tate

both bring baby wipes. And so every time I'm like, I'm going to go take a shit, they'll be like, do you want some baby wipes? And I'm like, oh, yeah. And then they're like, how do you not bring these? And I'm like, I don't know. Then I'll use wipes. And I'm like, oh yeah. And then they're like, how do you not bring these? And I'm like, I don't know. Then I'll use them and I'm like, these are great. And then I realize I have fucking baby wipes

because I have a baby. Yeah, I have a three year old who like just will shit. And yeah, so anyway, I did it. I went to a, to buy like water at the airport. This is like a month ago. I was like, you have baby wipes? And they're like, yeah, a packet of like 16, it's like $10 or something. Yeah.

I'm like, okay, and I should at the airport and I was like, oh, this is such a better feeling having this. And I went today, so I went on the early flight, and I was like, I was drinking my coffee and I was like, oh, it's coming. So I went to that store at the airport, and I went to the section that was gone. And I was like, would you it's coming. So I went to that store at the airport and went to the section

it was gone. And I was like, would you sell baby wipes? And the lady goes, well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. I go, what? She's like, wait, I just put him out this morning. I guess everybody's buying baby wipes. And I was like, okay. So I was like, I was like, I'm not going to have baby wipes. It can be terrible. And I was like, no, you know, I was like, okay, so I was like, I was like, I'm not gonna have baby wipes, it's gonna be terrible. And I was like, no, you know what I was gonna do? I was like, I'll just buy a bottle of water at least, just to like, douse. And then do you use your finger?

No, I didn't realize that when I was done, I had bought propel, this four-string. I was like, I'm not gonna have baby wipes, it's gonna be terrible. And I was like, no, you know what I was gonna do? I was like, I'll just buy a bottle of water at least, just to like, douse. I'm not trying to laugh at this. I'm not trying to laugh at this. I'm not trying to laugh at this. I'm not trying to laugh at this. I'm not trying to laugh at this.

I'm not trying to laugh at this. I'm not trying to laugh at this. I'm not trying to laugh at this. I'm not trying to laugh at this. I'm not trying to laugh at this. I'm not trying It's slightly sticky. It felt a little different. Yeah. Yeah. But wipes are a fucking game changer. Yeah.

I want to get my ass waxed again. Again. I did it once. For real? I've done it before. I know. I did it on Bob and Tom. Oh, for real?

Yeah. Years ago. And then I remember I was like, man, this makes wiping a dream. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I the paper is stuck in there all the time. And then I go, my ass is such a fucking wreck. You know? Yeah. Oh, I'm a shit in four days. I'm only taking in like 700 calories and I'm burning 3,400 a day. I still don't understand how you're not hungry. I'm only taking in like 700 calories and I'm burning 3,400 a day.

I still don't understand how you're not hungry. I am, but I'm not like, famished. I'm getting enough food to keep me moving forward. Yeah. So maybe the cleanse is like, set up where they go. You need this my sugar to not like, maybe they've figured it out, but I mean, what's crazy is my my sister is doing the identical same cleanse. So like she has the same calories as I do. Everyone's

losing like eight pounds. Jesus. Yeah, but I think I lose more because I'm heavier. And a lot of it is inflammation. It's like I when I say like I lost an inch on my neck. Your water. I bet a lot of it's just retaining water and are you drinking a ton of water on this thing too? Yeah. Let's call, uh, we call it off and see how he's doing with his. Yeah. And was he going to get on the plan if he's not? Cause I feel like he's been saying he's going to do this for a minute, right? Yeah. What the fuck? Nothing. How does he not available? I don't know. Big two bears question.

Face time e asap. Say we're thinking of canceling the show or something. What do you think he's doing? Oh, no. By the way, I just want you to know the soups do not look like this. They don't. That's what they say they're supposed to, but they I did not get that. But you lost weight.

That's all the fucking matters. And then what do you think my first meal should be except we still have left overs from Chef Antonio. I was just like, I play a part of the song. I can't hold back on one day. Oh, you're going to have barbecues tonight. Do you think you could, I, I, well, just like, egg plant partner. So, you can't go back in one day. Well, you're gonna have barbecues tonight. Do you think you could, I, I,

well, we get in it like midnight. Oh, never mind. Um, we got burgers. No, I was gonna, what I was gonna do is I was gonna do. Trying to, trying to pace myself. Yeah, you see you're excited.

I, I, I can tell you're excited. I was going to Eat lean proteins and greens today, okay here at like 4 3 30 4 o'clock fill up on them and and feel good because then that's all I need and then go to the airport Couple tequila's and then try to pass on them. I've been up since fucking 530. I'm so proud of you. So try to pass out on the plane and then, and then get to the, if I can get into that bus

and go to sleep without eating, it's a big victory for me. Wake up, skinny. Then workout with Joe at 10 a.m. And then that'll be good. We got breakfast coming. We got this great place in Austin. It's called, hold on.

Maybe you shouldn't shout out. That's it. I mean, maybe you shouldn't shout out. That's it. People like you shouldn't shout out places. Why? Because then they go, then people will show up and then you won't be able to get the stuff you want. And I go, that sounds like fucking selfish. No, what is it?

What's the place? It's called... Were they expecting you? Are they? No. Oh. You just found a place. Called? Oh, no, it's called a place called No, it's cold

You get who selected it my trainer. Oh, okay Static Squarespace, I wait. I went to honest Mary's yesterday. I shut out to Matt He's a big fan of the podcast yeah, hmm Yesterday, I shut out to Matt. He's a big fan of the podcast. Yeah. Yeah, I always feel like you should shut out the places that you like. Yeah, why not?

That way give them more business. Like there's this place, AJ Tacos on Riverside and Laurel Canyon that I, but has the best breakfast tacos I've ever had in my life. They have ham, maybe sort of he is. They have the best chicken fingers. They have the best barbecue. The chicken fingers are outstanding because here on Laurel Canyon and Riverside. And I'm telling you right now, it's one of the best breakfast tacos I've ever had in my

fucking life without a doubt. And I shout them out all the time because listen, they need the things about making money. That's like going, hey man, I saw a great comic, but I don't want to ruin him by him being famous. Yeah, no, it's terrible. No, fucking pin them out. Tell him. Tell who he is.

But like, so AJ's text max barbecue on one, two, one, two, three, Riverside Drive in Valley Village in the doves calling. All right, here we go. What's up, Accountable, Abuddy? How's it going, man? Good, I'm going to spin you around so the camera can see you.

Oh, okay. Okay, how are we doing on weight loss? You know, it's interesting to say that. It's, I threw my back out a while ago. And so whenever something bad happens, I always just back out a while ago. And so whenever something bad happens, I always just max out. But I have maintained my weight loss. So.

Oh, that's great. How much did you lose? I think I lost like 10 pounds. I think I'm my heaviest. I was like 275 and I've been maintaining a 265 for a minute. Nice. OK. Nice.

Are you doing a count of everybody? I'm at 252.3 or two. I just hang up on him. No. And I'm at 252.3. And I, he's been on a fast. I'm on a fast. Didn't I see like, uh, you have trouble with the holidays? Did you, uh, did you gain weight during that? Yeah, I was 263.7 was my head. I was out last Thursday Saturday Saturday. He's lost he's lost 10 pounds or 12.5 pounds in like four days. That's that's a good taste buddy. Yeah, right. And a lot of people say that never comes back. Yeah. Yeah right and a lot of people say that never comes back. Yeah. Yeah.

So I'll be back on being a kind of bill of buddy. Yeah we're back on being a kind of bill of buddies. Alright so we're now going to be sending pictures to each other while we're eating. Yeah why don't we let's go to eat in Austin. I'm gonna be in Austin tomorrow. Oh yeah yeah I think I'm coming to your show. Oh for real? Nice let's why don't you come backstage and have dinner with us and I'll make sure that we eat Oh, yeah, yeah, I think I'm coming to your shop. Oh, for real? Nice. Let's, why don't you come backstage and have dinner with us and I'll make sure that we eat healthy. Okay.

All right, I say that and I'm like, I'm probably fucking gonna be like, it's barbecue, don't call it a dove. You both have to text me tomorrow then. All right, let's get back into our account. I'm gonna put us in our account of billi-buddies text red and we'll just start sending pictures of what we're eating. All right.

Let's do it. All right. We're on this journey together in Adav. I'm only as strong as you are. Together in solidarity. We will overcome. That sounds like something you learned at Temple. No, no, I learned at church.

That's what we do. It's good tidings on to you and all that stuff. Good. Hey, man. Nice. It's good to hear it. Nice. All right. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be in Austin tomorrow. All right. Bless you and bless Jesus. I'll talk to you soon. Okay. Bye. I never thought I'd end up liking him this much. Really? Yeah. Like when you meet him, you don't look like you don't meet Nadal and go go like, oh, this guy's gonna be my best friend. Yeah. Yeah, because he's pretty aggressive. You think so? Oh, when I first met him, yeah, he's just very direct. He's very direct. Like you're trying to buy diamonds from him or something. Like he's just, his dad's a broker. He's a jewelry broker, right? His dad was a, uh, was a, uh, a jewelry designer, actually. You know, his dad and the director of my movie

were, their dads were best friends? Yeah, I remember you told me, you know, his dad, Adavs actually designed like one of the most famous cuts of the Princess Cut. It's his design. Mike Jones. It's his design. Mike Jones, do you remember Mike Jones?

Who? Mike Jones. Princess Cut. Princess Cut. This is his father's design. Yeah, when I first met Nadav, he was just very aggressive. Really?

Yeah, yeah. For the longest time. I don't remember this. I remember that you guys had your, like a real, a couple really combative. Well, he just, when I first met him, it was very much like, like a real, a couple really combative. Well, he just, he just, when I first met him, it was very much like, like, let me phrase that.

Oh, goddamn it, we're fucking coming up to the end, but I want to talk about, Jonah Hill to also, what, I just like what he's doing. I like where he's at right now. Like I like him. Like he seems very raw and like everything he's doing. I like where he's at right now. Like I like him. Like he seems very raw and like everything he's doing is like very raw and I like that. Like I love he seems really confident right now. Right. No, genuinely. He's very no. I think he's we'll say this. He's very insecure. No, I know

but I think what what you're witnessing is a guy who's basically for a huge part of his life grown up in the public eye. Yeah. He's had like a famous one who's like 20 or something, right? Yeah, maybe younger, but he's had like this, you know, just like, you can just see that to me screams, like somebody who's become like grown into themselves. Yeah. And feels like, that's what I'm saying.

It's like genuine confidence. I love his beard in into themselves. Yeah. And feels like, like, that's what I'm saying. It's like genuine confidence. I love, I love his beard in his hair. Yeah. I love that he's surfing. Like I love that like, I, he, for whatever reason, he comes up in my news thread all the time on, on Instagram. Yeah. Of like him saying stuff about himself. Of like, hey, don't comment. If you think I'm skinny or I'm fat, I don't want to hear

either side of it. I just want to be me. Like I just like everything about him just reeks of like, of like owning who he is. Yeah, I love it. Agreed. Agreed. I'm like, I'm such a, it's so interesting too

because he's, at least, I mean, like it's a social media feed, but he seems like a pretty happy guy. Yeah, scroll back to the top. Scroll back to the top. I wanna see. Yeah, can you get a kid on those? Yeah, yeah, one of those.

Click on it. Yeah, it seems like a happy dude. Yeah, he's like, he picked up surfing and he's like doing surfing. And I just, I don't know, man, I get him and my newsfeed constantly. Really? All the time for whatever reason I think it's because I came out as fat and I think that

I think that because I put that out there and all of a sudden I'm getting a lot of positive things. Oh. But he looks very happy. Yeah, exactly. And yeah. It's so interesting that he does things like, like I still one of the things I saw was,

he went on Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Kimmel was like, you smell good. And Jonah hell's like, thanks. And he was like, no, I didn't expect you to smell good. And Jonah hell's like, seems like a little bit of an attack. Like, like, but he's just being so real that you're like, that you end up falling in love with the guy because you're like, oh, he's not, like, if that was me, I'd be like, but he's just being so real that you're like that you end up falling in love with the guy because you're like, oh, he's not like, if that was me, I'd be like,

I know, right? Yeah, I'm going to man. See, I mean, like, I'm 37, I'm finally love and accept myself. So he is like a, he did, he did go by through that. Dude, for all of what I just said about how much I love him. Yeah. He is fucking a scene stealer. He's fucking every movie he does. He's great. He's a real talent man. When he buys the weed in the movie where they sell drugs, war dogs or whatever, when he goes and buys weed,

and the guy steals his money, and then he comes back in the machine gun, he's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Like every movie he's in, he's a, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, amazing. Like they were like, you'd watch him and you had a hard time staying in your character because he would just improv like 10 different things and they were all brilliant. I believe it. I bet I've enjoyed everything he's been in. Yeah, I don't think I've ever, I don't think there's ever been a part of me that didn't like, okay, let's go this, ready? Five celebrities where everything they've done you've loved, not once have they veered off.

Everything they touched, you go, God, man, I fucking like it all. Okay, that's pretty fun actually. Well, you know, you're mentioning the great actors before, like I wanna be the muscle guy, all those guys, like John C. Riley, whatever he does, I've honestly always loved him

Doing whatever he's doing in it. Denzel Washington is another one where I love everything like I don't have to know This is really love the story, but watching him is a treat like BC boys Beast everything that they've ever done. I've liked yeah, that's like every even when I didn't like it when I bought it I liked it eight months later. Yeah, when I was at a party and someone playing who is this like BC boys go oh show the fuck up You like I have this I'm just in my car. Yeah, honestly I always loved what I could watch Jack Nicholson take a dump. Yeah, I feel like it's entertainment Who else?

All right name a female actress. Kate Blanchett. I love watching this. Wait, pull up a picture of Kate Blanchett. I think I know, is she the one that's in? She's the one that's in. She's in Dr. in Strange Gloves.

Strange, Dr. Strange. She's great. Anything she does. She's amazing looking. Yeah. I think I'm getting a rash on my nose. Do you see this? Do you see that? Yeah, that's like a full hive, dude.

What the fuck did I talk about? That just popped up, too. Oh, I was playing in between my toes with stuff and I bet there was... Dude, that's significant. For real? Yes. Oh, I was playing in between my toes with stuff, and I bet there was... Dude, that's significant. For real? Yes. Yes, here.

Holy shit. Oh, I'm... Wait, for real? For real? What do you think it is? That's the significant part of the topic. Let me see it. Holy fuck!

Are you just, oh shit. The white on it? Oh, you're allergic to something. What did I do? It must be whatever was in my toe that I was picking out. That's fucking gross. All right, I gotta, we should end this podcast. I'm gonna wash my hands and wash my face.

Fuck, can you see it? Yeah! What the fuck? Feel my eyes starting to hiss now. Wait, how did you know that it was on there? I was just like, you put something on your face, but, but oh you started, can you feel it's raised? I all of a sudden I felt like I have a lump on my nose. You do?

Dude, it's gotta be. It's growing. It is growing. No, it's not. It is growing. It's fucking what you do. No, I'm not. I can see it on the screen here.

No, it's growing. Yes. Hold on, let me see. Holy shit. Yeah. That's legit big. What the fuck happened to me? What do you think? Do you think it's my cleanse? What the fuck happened to me? How do you think?

Do you think it's my cleanse? Did I have no immunity to anything left? Are you fucking with me? I'm not fucking with you, I don't know what happened. Maybe go take some bedadriller or something? I can't, I don't know if I can take bedadriller. I'm on a cleanse. We're drinking coffees.

All right, all right, all right. This podcast is over. I'm gonna go wash my hands and wash my face. Thanks, I love you. I love you. I love you. Bird time, time and bird. One goes top and swap the other.

Where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and birds, the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean. Here's what we call, two bears one cake. No scripts, a bed of booze, amateur, patology, dirty jokes, Rancho hero, no apologies. Here's what we call,

Two Bears One Cave. you