2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 115 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

A truly special episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer where they try do as many vices in the span of a little over an hour. Bert and Tom celebrate their power by lighting cigars and Bert tries to compare himself to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. They try to come up with the premise to a movie that The Rock would do with them... would you watch it? Bert shows some fun posts from Nikki Glazer and Whitney Cummings. Tom helps Bert realize he should open a "recovery center," and they discuss the next big 2 Bears, 1 Cave event... 2 Bears Racing. Tom reminds Bert how impressed he is with his tennis serve, the bears share their favorite laughs with each other, and they decide which email they'd prefer to be eaten by.

I just didn't care. I was like, the rock does it. I see him drink to kill all the time. Yeah. And I go, if the rock can do it, I can do it. So I was like, that's a pretty fucked up statement. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think most people go, if the rock can do it, I can do it. 100% I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a

I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a Is there weed in space dust? No. Then let's try it. How did he, how did he just know that? Because he bought it. It's a lesion. Lesion's like a big brewery. I actually went, oh, I thought you were asking the real question, is there weed in space

dust? Now that's a really complicated question. No. Right. Do you know what Tommy? Oh. There's weed in my pocket This is a hybrid

I love the packaging of this you've done you've said this to me before low-walsh smokes has really hit it out of the fucking Do me a favor is this the hybrid? This is the hybrid can you leave me one of these this time when in indica? is that This is a downer right this is indica indica is for sleep. Can you leave me one of these this time when in indica? Is that? This is a downer, right? This is indica indica's for sleep. Yeah, that's what you What I surprised myself I put some baby joints in there. Oh, wow look at that I said come with like a little tip like a thing to know isn't that the one you had? Oh, this is sativa. I don't have an indica here No, okay, this is hybrid is what you like Should we light it? No, we different Okay

I have tonight this girl this girl had a joint and she She hit it and she gave it to me and I was like, I'm like, I don't know you and I'm, I'm not gonna share a marijuana cigarette with you. And she goes, I'm clean, okay. And I was like, ah, this is the same bitch. It was like, you don't have to work on them with me. I'm on the pill and you're like, it's not getting pregnant.

I'm worried about you, herpes riddled whore. I All right Sure, or should we smoke a cigar? I love to smoke a cigar. Let's put let's do both Why not yeah shut the door. Let's hop box this bitch Here you go ahead it, okay It's been a while I Like marijuana. Yeah, yeah You smoke a lot on tour these yeah, I do yeah, I've been smoking a lot lately. I've been smoking every day

It's my diet But you drink every day too. I drink every day and you smoke every day If you told me this is who I'd be when I was a kid I'd be like shut up I think I got everything I want right now. Yeah. Yeah. Run through. Give you panic sometimes when you go, shit man all this left is bad stuff. That like Bob Dole got lung cancer. He was 98 and he passed away. Yeah. And you go, what point will I just start saying, fuck it, I'm gonna start smoking cigarettes. I think when you get diagnosed.

Right? Yeah, I had a teacher that did that. That a history teacher in high school. He quit smoking and he goes, if I was ever told that I had cancer or something, I would smoke that day. And years after I graduated, I found out that he was diagnosed with cancer, and before I could get the question out,

the person who told me was, you know, he started smoking right away. I was like, yeah, he said it in class. Dude, let's think that through. So what, okay, so here's a deal. You don't start smoking. I got running short on matches too. That's a nice wallet man, where'd you get that? So okay, so you don't want to start smoking when you're a kid, right?

Mm-hmm. You don't want to start smoking when you're a kid right? Mm-hmm. You don't want to start smoking when you're a kid The job you want to hit this joint with us come in here You don't want to start smoking when you're a kid Yeah, let let uh Hey, let's say let's smoke some weed Oh, it was a lighter nights. Oh fuck yeah, let's have a cigar You like marijuana and I do it fun, right? Yeah, it's really fun. It's so cool

What the fuck's happening? Oh, no? I'm high and I'm fucking happy Let's light a cigar. Okay, you're'll stand this guy up like this. Oh shit But I was thinking to myself I really enjoyed showing tobacco. Yeah, I really enjoyed showing tobacco. I like chew. I like dip I like snuff. I like all of it But I didn't I quit I quit I Quit I quit. I quit. I quit. I'm quitting. I'm smoking cigar.

I quit chewing tobacco because I want to get mouth cancer, right? However, yeah. What are the odds that I get mouth can't turn the next 20 years? That's your logic. Yeah, like fuck it. I mean you don't do it when you're young because then it compromises your life later in life But now but now it's like fuck it. Yeah, almost 50 like tea party y'all were like a la around a girlfriend I've used my mouth for it's good for a while I'm like, Aura, I'm round a girlfriend. I've used my mouth for it's good for a while. I like getting high. It's so funny that why don't you do this all the time?

Why don't you do this all the time? Like, get fucked up all the time? Yeah. Hmm. I don't know. I guess I like to be in control. I think you don't care. I like to celebrate my power.

It's so fun. All the bad stuff they tell you not to do is the fun stuff. You imagine they say jacking off is bad. It's so much fun. Yeah. Jacking off. Yeah, they like don't jack off. Do they tell you that?

Mastervation isn't unhealthy or bad for you at all. Mastervation can actually be good for your health both mentally and physically. It's pretty much the safest sex out there. There's no risk of getting pregnant or getting an STD. Plenty of research has shown the health benefits of masturbation. Yeah, you shouldn't, it's good for you. So is your perfect day like? Right now smoke weed, drink beer, check off, nice.

I already jacked off today. You did? Yeah, do I'm hitting the trifecta? What else is there left? Steak dinner. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the trifecta. What else is there left? Staked in her. Ash, Ash is winning my eye. I watched that. That was like fucking, that was the past. Oh my God. Did it go right in your eye? Yeah.

Holy shit. Was it still hot? I don't know. I probably should just one second. Is that a slut? Oh, I like it. Okay, oh, look at this. A little plate. Thank you. No, I don't look at this. Little plate, thank you. No, I don't mind at all. Here, please, sit at your house. He's, are you rolling, right, Nidav?

Yeah, mine is won't be. Let's watch any smoke some dope. Wonder if any and I could be best friends. But you own a vacation with me, Annie? Why not? Would you own a vacation with me, honey? That's pretty cool. Yeah. Why don't we do this more often? You're cool as fuck, Ryan.

Ah, I love it, I love it. I thought you just said I'm cool as fuck and I was like, I agree. I'm cool as fuck,k I say all the time. Hey, if you're watching this show, why don't you take a break and then you go get a joint. You like to join and grab a beer. Yeah. Let's do a party episode. I want you guys to relax.

It does feel weird that you're not insisting on this more. I know. Yeah. Why do we, what was what happened? Oh, it's because we couldn't do any of this, because we could in the old studio, you guys have the warmins that, that were in charge. When did we ever do this though? We never allowed to smoke cigars.

No. The smoke and cigars are fucking best. Yeah. I remember, give me like a top, give me a good cigar memory you have. Do you have any good cigars? I'm a first cigar I ever have with. I'll tell them, I do this because I have one that I want to tell. Of course you do.

So, yeah, so I'll tell mine to give you time to think about yours. Okay. First cigar I ever had. Oh, it's my wife. Hey, babe. How you doing? Good, I'm doing two bears. One cave with Tom.

Are you by yourself? I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm had. Oh, it's my wife. Hey, babe. Good. I'm doing two bears. One cave with Tom. Or are you by yourself? I am. We're smoking weed drinking beer. Smoking cigars. And I already jerked off today. Wow. I didn't shit down on a Monday. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to a sauna and a polo plunge later. Wow, I mean, like, are you, are you guys something to tell me? Are you like working on a bucket list or something? I know, I know. Do you need something I'm doing a great podcast with my best friend?

I know. Well, no, I was just calling to check in. I feel like I haven't called you in a while. And I was just calling to check in. I feel like I haven't called you in a while And I was just calling to check in. Hey, thanks for checking in. I love you Love you, bye Today's a great day great day. It's a great day. I love this. Yeah, I hope everyone's having a great day right now there's some fucking fucking Some bags should have caught on them

Some really bad shit happened to some button right now Crazy yeah, I hate that you said that I was it's the early on some fucking kids just fucking snorting heroin just trying to get through the day And then here I am I can't believe this is in your head all day. I'm fucking you be shocked with it in my head. I don't know. Do you think Jennifer Anderson ever thinks about us? It's a couple times. Do you think she ever goes, one of those guys are up to?

No. No, but I bet the clip itself has run through her ahead a couple times. I bet it has. I think about her a lot. You do? And that weird? Yeah. What's the liberty you think you think of the most? And don't forget your top cigar moment. Hmm. I think about Brad Pitt a great deal. I think about I think about Jonah Hill a lot lately. Michael Jordan We got to become friends with him. I bet that's probably pretty you know, he loves though cigars cigars Yeah, what okay? What would be our approach? We see Michael Jordan and it's me and you we can use all our powers How do we begin best friends with Michael Jordan, dude? That is.

You're, I'm telling you, you're strength right now. You could very quickly talk to him just about anything, sports anything in his path. You're really good at having all the information to let them know I'm a fan, but I don't need to be your best friend. You know, like I'm not a fan, but I'm not a psycho fan. Right, right.

Like you're really good at that. We should approach him the way we approach Warren Sapp. Which was. I'll tell him you're my producer. Go, don't listen to this guy. Michael Jordan would be a fun guy to have a be like a best if he's in a good mood because you know he can be like fucking I'm sure cold is ice. Oh yeah imagine how many people of you know try to get his attention. If you get him in a good mood good cigar just like

enjoying whatever the fuck he wants to talk about in that moment you'd have a good that would be a good cigar. What would you rather, what would you rather, great cigar collection or great whiskey collection? Ooh, what, let's start with this. What liquor would you like a collection of first? I, this sound might sound weird, but I just started enjoying tequila. Really?

Yeah, I never, I never really had them. This is had it before, but I started to drink them. This is gonna sound so weird. Yeah. I too. Really?, but I started to drink them. This is gonna sound so weird. I too. Really? Yeah. And you're enjoying it.

I love them. A good tequila? Yeah, I didn't even know about it really. Like I feel like I just assumed that the first time I heard about tequila was in shot form, and I heard it like that a lot. I just assumed this is like a shot drink. Do you know who it was? I never thought about like drinking it.

Do you know who my introduction to killer was? The rock. Really? The rock, shall I play as voicemail? Really? Oh yeah. Yeah, you should play it. Oh, that is probably not why he leaves voicemails for people.

Play it. Oh, I can't. We can cut it if we need to cut it. Okay, I'll play it. Hey, the rock, if you're're watching this I want you to know this is the only time I will share your secrets. You know, it's so funny. You can tell when people... Okay, you ready? That's the other one.

Well, you never mind. Hey, can you edit that out? Just don't edit it out. No, I'm just bleep the entire thing. Just, hey. Is it the message? No, there's like five. Oh, okay. No, he got me, he got me, the Taremana, you know,

it's interesting. Taremana, right? Taremana. Oh, Taremana, sorry. So, so wait a minute. What initiated the phone call? I started, I started seeing Terra Mono Tequila. Okay.

And so, and because the rock, it stands behind it, I kind of believe in, I kind of believe the rock. Meaning like, I don't think he's gonna do sure. I don't think he's gonna endorse shitty products. Like he is the one guy that probably did a huge Tequila taste thing. Like, I mean, I remember bringing they brought to vodka's to me and I was like I can't tell the difference on any of them and so I just

didn't do a vodka but the rock kind of I believed in him so I tried Tehran and tequila and I was like oh shit this is fucking good and so what I would do is I would have it after my workouts when I do my recovery boots I tore a poor Tehran and I was was like, I just didn't care. I was like, the rock does it. I see him drink to kill all the time. Yeah. And I go, if the rock can do it, I can do it.

So I was like, that's a pretty fucked up statement. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think most people go, if the rock can do it, I can do it. Yeah. The rock can do it. I can do it I could do 4 a.m. workouts. Yeah, why not? So I was like I was like you know what? I was like the rock likes to have a little tequila after his workout I have a little tequila after my workout and I was enjoying the living fuck out of it

And so then I started talking about ceremony of the killer and then he hit me off And Instagram was like hey man I've never seen you drink the tequila when I send you some and then I don't, yeah, I don't think he ended up sending me some. Or he did, but he never got to me. I don't know. I think we bought a new house and then we went to the old house or something. But you ended up trying it?

I love tearmatic tequila. I love it. And, but I just, it was when I lost weight and they were like, you should start drinking the tequila and I went, that's why the rock drinks tequila. It's good for you. I can have some tequila right now. Any, do we have any tequila at our house?

Let's have some tequila. Come on, we're already high. Okay. Mm-hmm. All right. I think... I think I might be... is there a comedian working today that's more fun than me? Like, likes to have fun more than me.

Think about it, Todd Glass. Yes. Todd Glass. Fun and what says, there are guys who their most fun thing is to really fuck around on states like really fuck around like I think of people who take like risks in fucking around no no I'm talking about off stage I'm not talking about on stage what I was saying when you say have more fun I'm thinking like there's on stage people oh we got good to Keela

oh I love three Three amigos. That movie was so fucking funny. That's great movie. That movie was so fucking funny. So wait, so wait, name a comedian who likes that. Is the show almost over? No, we've only done 15 minutes. This is like the day we got butt plugs.

So I had to kill the last night. It's so funny. Which one do you want? Oh, fucking an YeHo? Yeah. You just call me Ben DeHo? An YeHo, that's the one that I like. An YeHo Spanish for elderly, correct? I don't know.

You want to speak, said? I don't pay attention. Let's see if there's any. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, That's really good. That's really good. Better with ice. It's better with ice, but fucking, that tastes- It's chill. Fucking smooth. Yeah.

We should go into business with the rock. Yeah. What should we do with the rock? Let's put you a movie. Let's come up with a movie for me when the rock. Okay. Yeah. Okay, what kind of movie? What kind of movie do you want to do? Rock let's put your movie let's come up with a movie for me when the rock okay Yeah, okay, what what what what kind of movie what kind of movie do you want to do? Let's let's work it backwards What do we want to see the rock as and what do you we want to see you as and what do we want to see bird as I want to be a failure

Okay, I Want to be a failure whatever I am I'm failing. I'm in prison. Let's okay. Let's start there. I'm in prison I'm in prison, okay. I'm in prison in in in Hungary Or in Budapest yet to be overseas for this. I'm just pitching. I'm high. I don't have any rules in my brain. Oh, yes Dude, oh, you're fucking yes, please good job any this is the greatest episode we've ever done It's like a live episode for free

All right, I'm in prison in China. Oh, oh This is the greatest episode we've ever done. It was like a live episode for free. Thank you. All right, I'm in prison in China. Oh, cause we went over sales tickets. Right, so we're getting corporate time. Time flies a lot of tickets. Yeah, yeah, so I'm in prison in China, okay? Okay. And it's a big deal.

Oh, do you, do you play our real selves? It's up to you. Do you wanna play, what do you, tell me who your character is? I'm gonna play you. Do you want to play what do you tell me who your character is? I'm going to play Bert. I'm only going to play Bert. I feel like there's got to if you're in prison, there's a great tie into me either being an attorney or someone from the State Department, right? That makes sense. That's who would be coming to see you. Okay. Okay. And a Chinese prison. So then we're characters. Okay. We're characters. I'm in prison. You're my attorney and you are a mess. Okay, we're gonna grow your hair out.

We're gonna grow your hair out. I'm gonna give you a mustache. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I am in really good shape in this movie. Okay, but I'm in prison in China for like doing something liberal, like standing up for women, right? Yeah, so I'm in Chinese movies by the way, not gonna play in China. Just so you know, we just lost the whole box off I'm okay. I'm okay, I'm in prison in China for beating up a Tibetan monk There we got China back The rock The rock is in prison with me. Mm-hmm

He's in prison with me and he plays Boy, what you should be in prison to Okay, yeah falling apart Okay, me and the rock are in prison. Yeah for separate things to be weird Like how'd you get in here man in this Chinese prison? Okay, me and the rock are a present. Yeah. For separate things, it'd be weird. Ah! Ah! Look how you get in here, man, in this Chinese prison. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Think that we should have arrived in China together.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. You know, we get in there, maybe a present. It was the rock. The rock. This is the place. It was me and you. No, we all just sit down on the table. The movie starts at lunch. Rock! This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it.

This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. This is the time you did it. Oh So that's the movie I'm gonna get out of a Chinese prison Oh, oh, so we'll be by that So nobody that oh fuck Do you think the rocker burlaps as hard as we laugh? Yeah, I think he laughs. I think he has a good time. Do you think so? I mean laugh as hard as we laugh? Yeah, I think he laughs.

I think he has a good time. Do you think so? I mean, yeah, I think he's probably laughing as that though. We should work out with him. Maybe we'll... You want to try? I would like to be friends with him. Me and him.

It'd be fun. Do like trips, guy trips. Can we work out with you? Yeah, hey rock. We'll put this down. We'll put this down. Hey, excuse me, Mr. Rock, that's Johnson. Johnson, Mr. Johnson. Mr. Johnson.

Dwayne Johnson. Dwayne Johnson. Dwayne Johnson, give me some facts on the rocks where we can, I like. I like George football at University of Miami, man. He's American. That's why. Is he older than us or younger than us?

He's a few years older than us. Really? Well, oh, sorry, we're not the same age. He's a few years older than me. So he's younger than me? Maybe around the same age. Facts about. Couple of years.

A good looking man. Do you think that we could... Do you think like if we went fishing and stuff, do you think we could act natural around them? Around, do we? Yeah. Yeah, after a while. We need to spend some time with work.

You know what the thing is? You could connect with him on just a guy like a guy level You after like the the initial meeting we're like holy shit because he talked to you about regular shit I love to talk about movie stuff And that's what see my problem is like he's a probably a regular guy and all the stuff I find fascinating about him is all this As where he's at right now like this stuff he's doing now so I find that's all right I don't follow the football I'm sure you watch it football every fucking week. I've never really watched I know a lot about professional wrestling where I go. Yeah

That be for you guys All right, so who's the fourth person gonna bring on our fishing trip? It was me you the rock I thought we were still in a Chinese prison right now. Yeah, we're not fixing trip It was me, the raw I thought we were still in a Chinese prison right now. We're not fishing trip Did we leave okay good you're right. I was forgot Our movie starts on a fishing trip. Oh Where does the whole okay? I was seriously thinking we were back at lunch I was waiting for you and then you're like who's the fourth person on our fishing trip I was like we have to get high thought only took two hits We have to get high for all of our episodes from here on out

Okay, do you think Joe doesn't smoke pot on his podcast because he's in Texas? He's much right. Who does? Okay. Oh, yeah, I did with them. What am I talking about? I totally forgot about that What are you eating for lunch today? I just had it. Oh, and I got another thing. Sorry, I had the protein shake and then I got a chicken wrap. What'd you get?

What'd you get? Are you on a healthy kick? Yep, I got the chicken Caesar Chipotle wrap. Okay. I'm gonna be fucking jacked. My arms look so fucking good. My arms are in shoulders. Now, right now, like if you look at me, if I was in a chest, if I was in mid chest high water, and I pulled one of these Johnny's like this, you'd be like,

that guy's fucking jacked. The second I get out, you're like, uh, Jenny Craig, Jesus Christ. Well, I was crazy that Jenny Craig's name stands for fat people. And the Yemeni, there has to be like a few... Jenny Craig? No, I'll over. I'll over. What are how many Jenny Craig's out there? They're like different Jenny Craig.

Oh, yes, I'm also fat. That'd be the worst. Type in Jenny Craig. Do you have me time she's hurt? You need to call her? Like, you need to call Jenny Craig. Yeah. Oh man. Jenny Craig, I want to's hurt you need to call her like the call Jenny Craig yeah Jenny Craig I want to see what she looked like

Can you type in Jenny Craig? Jenny Craig close your eyes. I'll open them and I'll see if I'd hit it That's her she's not that bad type in young Jenny Craig What should do it? That's what I'm gonna look like. Yeah, that is what you're gonna look like Jenny Craig doesn't even look that fat. I know he's got way more hair than me. What am I talking about? What was it the gambler? Looks like it Kenny Rogers. Yeah Jenny Craig's not that bad. No, she's pretty fucking hot Type in fat Jenny Craig. Let's see what she looks like when she was fat. Young fat Jenny Craig, young fat Jenny Craig. There's got to be a fucking before picture.

What? No. No, come on. There's got to be a fat picture of Jenny Craig. God damn it. That's fucking... You don't get a fucking... There's gotta be... Jesus, the person stands for fat! Fat, he wrote fat, Jenny Craig, the person. It is wild to see his mind works. The person. It's just a factory in here, man.

What would your... What would your program be when they go... You need to call Tom Segura. Is it anger management? maybe or I bet I could take over Betty Ford for alcoholism You got to go to the bird cry's your facility He doesn't be oh totally done with it to do that. No, I'm not gonna let that happen. Well, yes, so they're not here

I just started doing the back row again. How much of what is that? I'm not, it's, I don't know. Really? Yeah. I can't talk about it. Wait, why? I don't know.

Mr. Killers, do smooth. Any! I have so many funny thoughts going through my head right now. Please. But there are funny things for us hanging out, but maybe not for the radio show. I'm a little fucked up. What do you think did it? Is it the combination? No, can I tell you what this was making me laugh?

I know it's not funny, but it's making me laugh. Okay. You know when in the military when they're like, when they're like, permission to, permission is not freely, sir. It's like, speak freely. I almost goes, any permission to speak slang. Because speak slang, Bert. I go, any, how many hoes you done bagged up in this bitch?

This is in my brain. Speak slang, Bert. I go any how many hoes you done bagged up in this bitch Any how many women have you had sex with in here? Did he just say the end word? Did you just say the end word? I think we let we let him you had a cigar in your mouth, so no one's gonna think you said it Wait say it again, we're drinking smoking! God damn it. I don't even think we've talked about anything yet. I actually don't even know what you just said. I don't either. How many women have you had sex with in this house?

Oh, you don't do that, you don't share? Yeah. Do you remember when, is it significant to you the time you moved in the new house that you had sex with Christina and you're Chris in the place? Yeah, I definitely had that thought that like let's get this first one out. Yes, Chris in it. Yeah, yeah. I remember Lanna and I did it at the old house and then I remember doing it when we moved in after I got back from Serbia. I remember doing it like to Chris and the property. Yeah. I'm really weird about that too. Do you like to do it in different places in your property? No, we've only done it in our bedroom,

and then we, we christened it. We christened it. Secret time. We christened it in the man cave. And like the, where the podcast studio is, where we did the podcast. Oh really? Yeah, We christened it in the man cave. In like the where the podcast studio is, where we did the podcast. Oh, really? Yeah, we christened it there. And on the DL, as we were doing it, I was like, we have a nest cam. Really? I knew it. But I had had sex with her outside in our old house in front of the pool one time and it was like it was like the girls were at school and I love when the end I love when her youthfulness shows up like to because they almost a wild child and every now and then you'll show up and it'll be fucking old school the end and I came home one time she was laying

out naked in the backyard and I was like what the fuck she's like I don't know beautiful day. I want to get some sun. And I just thought I'd lay out here and I ended up taking a nap. And I was like, I want to lay out next to you. And she's like, you're just coming out here to fuck me. And I was like, that's what I, yeah,

but I'll start and pretend I'm going to lay next to you. Yeah. It's not all of us though, right? Yeah. And then, yeah, yeah. And then we ended up having sex. And we got done. And she goes, the fucking nest cam. And I was like, note to self,

always try to fucking front of the nest cams. Yeah. And then save that video. Did you get to see it? In the man cave, it was fucking awesome. It was awesome because she was in, she was like super athletic and acrobatic. And her body was in like sexy positions.

Like, like, have you seen Nikki Glazer's leg? By the way. This fucking, have you seen it? I mean, that was such a fun leap. I've seen her leg. Type in Nikki Glazer's Instagram. I've looked at this picture, maybe 150 times. What do you mean? This picture of her fucking leg is ridiculous. Where? The muscle

structure. No, go go back. Nikki has, I'm the right there. Look at this fucking leg. Isn't that fucking insane? Yeah. I mean, that's like, that's like top tier athlete. That's one percent. I think Nikki runs or did run for sure. She does run. Yeah. She does run. I've seen a run.

I videotape her running one time. That's mad. That's mad. That's mad. That's mad. That's mad. That's mad. That's mad.

That's mad. That's mad. That's mad. That's mad. That's mad. That's mad. That's on. Nikki. Hey, let's promote her tour days real quick Let's feel bad Nikki's on tour. It's the one night only tour. She just added a bunch of dates They're on her I just saw them. They start on the top go to the top go to her stories

Did you see Whitney Houston in the bathtub? Whitney Houston Whitney the bathtub. Whitney Houston. Whitney Cummings. I'm not. Oh, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, that was fucking off. Oh shit, oh shit. That was fucking horrible.

That was horrible. No, by the way, now you gotta show the Whitney Cummings video so that you know I wasn't trying to make a horrible joke. Go to Whitney Cummings and Instagram stories. Have you seen this? Have you seen it? Have you to make a horrible joke go to Whitney Cummings and Instagram stories have you seen this have you seen it have you seen it you sent it to me go to her stories go to her stories quickly we only have like three hours was up next next here we go. I love, by the way, I am fucking high and I'm drunk because Whitney does have an incredibly,

what am I doing? I love it. I love it, keep doing it. Tell you what were you gonna say? It's like an effortlessly great body. Like she just is like very casual about it. Yeah I know when he Woody's got tour days for promote to you think this is okay if we

It's a touch me tour 2021 It's a touch me tour 2021 Can you I mean yeah, okay, these are tornadoes. He post or tornadoes. He post or tornadoes. Post or tornadoes. They shall be cool with it I Wut would you like that? God damn it. I'm fucking I love it. I got you at a who would you I can only imagine. Oh my gosh. We can't go that much longer. Yeah we can.

We got 34 more minutes. It's not a countdown clock. We have not technically talked about one thing yet. I know one thing. I know. I love it. I will see how far we can go without really getting there without talking about everything. I don't know people be like, what was it talking about? Do you see this week's episode of Two Bears One Cave? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they drank a killer guy high. They think they're in a prison with a rock, but Whitney coming's body is effortless. Nikki Glazer's leg is fucking ridiculous, right?

Yes, yeah, yeah, it's like I want to try to find a, there's not one angle I could ever find of myself on stage, where people would go, ah, my shoulders. You really like your shoulders? I have great shoulders. Yeah, I remember. I have great shoulders. Nadav, how great are my shoulders for real really like your shoulders? I have great shoulders. Yeah, I remember. I have great shoulders. Nadav, how great are my shoulders for real?

They're really good. You said that's so resigned. He supports me like a hostage. And he supports you like a follower. Like when he goes, how great is Tom stand up? He perks up. You know how great is percent of me? He goes, it's good.

But your shoulders are so amazing. There we go, Nadav. Best shoulders I ever saw. It's like to stand up, he perks up. You know how great it's percent of me is, it's good. But your shoulders are so amazing. There we go, no doubt. Best shoulders I ever saw, it's like cannonballs or resting like right next to your neck. If you saw me becoming best friends with one person here, on team YMH, do you know what's called your, it's called mom spaghetti, not your mom spaghetti?

Do you know what's called your mom spaghetti? Not your mom spaghetti? An M&M's thing. It's called mom spaghetti. Okay. I've been calling it your mom spaghetti. You have. You guys need to come up with spaghetti. Your mom spaghetti.

Oh, let's talk about what branding we can do for you. Uh, okay. Like what would, okay. Oh, this is brilliant transition. So the rock's got tequila. Right. Alcohol would be a natural fit for me, but I definitely kind of think, what if I created a place to fix your body? Meaning all the damage you do, we take you in, it's not rehab.

It's more like a like a pit crew, like a, yeah. And we just, we'll bring you back to levels. We make talks kind of things. Detox, we put you under. You, you having a detox business is a good business idea. That's a good idea. Yeah, because you know what your actual selling point is, is not your party.

It's my recovery. It's your recovery. My recovery is fucking, and I, That's what's different than everybody's. You actually have credibility with recovery. I'll invest. I'm ready to get in. If you open Bert Detox.

I'm gonna rebrand the I'm in recovery. Yeah. I'm in recovery means I'm fucking just here for a couple days. So I can get back out on the road. This is fucking genius. Yeah. This is a fucking genius. Yeah. If I did a recovery business, it's fucking brilliant. Okay, okay, let's go into it.

You, what are we gonna do for you? You know what I'm gonna say. We'll say it at the same time. You know our brains are on. Yeah. One, two, three. Crayons. Two bears. You know our brains are on yeah One two three crayons two bears no oh Two bears racing Dude this is the greatest episode we've ever done two bears racing would be two bears racing two bears racing

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce My me and Tom Sager is joint venture into the next arm of our enterprise. And we are very pleased to announce Tom wants you to make the announcement. I will be very happy to be announcing that I'll be competing in a amateur race under the two bears racing banner under the two Bezier racing company company. We're starting a company. Yes, and my new pit crew chief is a bird christher God damn it! He's running those tires too hot! Right? I am the guy. I am the fucking guy. And you're my racer. You're younger than me.

I'm more knowledgeable. I've been around the track a couple times. This is fucking genius. Yeah. Two bears racing. Now, we start. We're starting. I think our first race we should do.

I'm thinking July, right? So I want to give you time to, I want to, I want to put this out there also if anyone can give us some hookups with getting Tom on some tracks with some real racers. Jeff Gordon, Mario and Dreddy, and any of those guys that are big racers. Daniel Ricardo, let's do it. Yeah, like, let's say, hey, top racers. Who are the best racers these days? Lewis Hamilton. Lewis is my favorite. Yeah. And so we get you on, we, I want you to, LeClerc, you got, what's his name? Kyle Larson. Where are you in NASCAR now? Oh, I fucking love NASCAR. Our goal is you've been to one. Of course, I have I love to. By the way, you need to lean into your NASCAR more really I would not I know you

I didn't know you were in an ask car at all so I only like the last eight minutes of a race I can't really watch the whole race But the last eight minutes when everyone those when the fucking Elliott Elliott from Elliott the morning Elliott Elliot I was debating whether or not say his last name. I was debating whether or not to say his last name. I don't know if he tells everyone his last name. So maybe believe that out. He got me in a NASCAR and he was like, yeah, yeah, it's the last, watch the end of the

race. The end of the race, what's fucking great? When everyone's like fucking trying to catch up, he's really in a NASCAR. So our goal, our goal, do you want to end up in Formula 1 or a NASCAR? Dream big. Okay, I would say Formula One. Okay, so who are the number one Formula One people? And what's the best path to becoming a Formula One race?

It's to start racing at a very young age. A very old. Yeah, they all compete for when they're like toddlers almost. And they do like the mini track race. Raven Drive, and you've been driving this as you were 16. I'll take it. Okay. Lewis Hamilton.

So, type in Lewis Hamilton's life. I wanna know, go to Lewis Hamilton Wikipedia and then we're just gonna mimic him for you. It's gonna be hard though. No, no, we're just, we're gonna cram it all in. Okay. So we're gonna do all the stuff he did in his life. We're gonna fit it in in a six month period.

All right. Okay, Lewis Hamilton, give me career. Give me career. He started racing early life. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Carding. All right. We got to get some junior racing carts. Junior carting. Like one of those ones where they rolled on a hill. Okay. And radio control cars. When there's five, get you radio control car. I do that quickly. Okay. Yep. And then junior racing career. Carding. What's Radio control cars when he's five get you radio control car quit. I do that quickly. Okay. Yep, and then

Junior racing career carding. What's carding? How do you get a carding? Yeah, that's yeah, that's the the smaller Like what the kids like younger Pass that we're already past that Tom can fuck if you can come in someone you don't have to cart Formula Renault and Formula 3. Oh, that's why it's Formula 1. Yes, the lower level. Oh, shut up. Is there Formula 4? I don't think there's Formula 4. Let's see if we can get Formula 15 out here. Formula 3, Grand Prixx.

G2, GP2. Grand Prixx. Art, art, art, Grand Prixx. Hey, can we get this guy on the phone? Who? What's his name? Louis Hamilton. On the phone? Yeah, let's get him on the phone. Yeah, like how do we get in touch with this guy? Listen, I'm offering him, I'm offering, I'm, I'm making this deal. Yeah. Because I'm, I'm pickai. I go, I'm, I'm off on, I'm offering, I'm making this deal. Yeah. Because I'm pick-eye, I go, I'm off on, I'm like, all-one.

Like, you can't never really put your finger on what I'm doing, because I'm out there. You know, I'm a hothead, I'm a hothead, I get in fights. Tom? Shit. Tom? That's gonna be really gross. Alright, I'm gonna see if I can get someone to call us.

Lewis Hamilton? Even better, huh? Even better? I'm gonna see if I can get someone to call us on Lewis Hamilton Even better than Lewis Hamilton. Yeah, it's the best episode. We've ever done. Yeah, just keep talking. I will don't worry I'm not running out of things to say I wonder if this is gonna affect wonder if getting high and going to this deprivation tanks gonna fuck me up today I can't go into the this deprivation tank. It's gonna fuck me up today. I can't go into the fucking deprivation tank. Lewis Hamilton's review ended by WMME. Oh fuck, please get Lewis Hamilton on the phone. So here we go.

We start Thomas from short dirt tracks in Texas. We're gonna have a big live event when we do it, right? Nidav? Yep. Can you set that up where we can I would like to stream Tom's entire race So it's like it's like a MMA fight, right? So if I was a MMA we could set up MMA fights and then we could stream it much like Jake Paul But instead what we're gonna do is we're gonna stream like Jake Paul Maybe we hook up with Snoop and Triller. Oh, let's get Snoop, let's get Snoop to commentate with us.

You actually know Snoop. I do know Snoop. I'm a bad motherfucker. We get Snoop to commentate with us and we stream the whole event at a short track, short dirt track in Texas. So you're home. I want you to be home. And then we do a big event. And then maybe we, I don't think we bring I think you race against the locals We got a right now. It's got to be amateur race, bro I guess what it is. Yeah, what do you mean? Like other people who just like our am I?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll get them and then we'll get you a car. I know I'm getting you for birthday I'm getting you a fucking race car Oh my god, wait when's your birthday April 16? That's after that's before July Oh, I'm getting Tom a race car. I'm getting you a race car Well, this is the greatest thing ever dude, please. I'm getting you a race car That's the thing is it doesn't have to be like find a race car in that price point. Find one.

You know what I mean? Don't. Don't you? Is there amateur formula one? No, you don't want to get one of those. You don't want to get one of those. They're up. No, just look for like we'll get a race car.

I promise. That's a great idea. There's a fucking great idea now. I'm so worried about your birthday present. I get you a fucking race car. I get you a race car. Yeah. You know what, there is uniform.

There is formula for. Formula for? Yes, there is. Type in formula for car. I'm a jacuzzi. Or is it, yeah. Do you know anyone that knows anything about race? Yes.

Come on. Formula for. There are 11 individual champions to Europe, Asia, Asia! Now we're in China with the rock! Oh, let's do a racing movie with the rock. Let's do a racing movie with the rock. And it'll be the I hope all we need is, look at these cars, how much they cost. But see, I get two of them. One, in case you wreck it.

And then you can drive reckless. Yeah, yeah. This is going to be so much fun. We can get a different style though. You know what I mean? Like, we don't have to go into the formula car. This is gonna be so much fun. We can get a different style though. You know what I mean? We don't have to go into the formula car if we wanna get into a different type of racing.

You know what I mean? We need to come out with salad dressing. We're gonna be fucking huge. We're gonna be taking, we're following Paul Newman's thing. This all started with us becoming best friends with the rocking coming up with an idea with us. And then we just had to, I said you met this one. I'll start with us becoming best friends with the rocking coming up with an idea of the and then we just had to say you met this one. I'll start with us becoming best friends.

Oh, this is you know it's funny. I kept forgetting that I could pour more. Oh, I started drinking beers. Yeah. Do we have more? Is this three amigos pretty good? Any? What? Is this three amigos pretty good? Annie? What? I know, but I'm not going to do it. I'll rack this. Let's see what I'm going to do. Alright, so we've got two bears racing.

This table is a mess. Two bears racing. Sorry, Annie. Two bears racing. We're going to just go, do you want to do a dirt track? Yes. Two bears racing. Sorry, Annie. Two bears racing. We start, are we gonna just go, do you wanna do a dirt track? Like, like, do you wanna test your racing skills

on a dirt track? No. Do we get a track to form in the four? What, I think you're gonna do. I think we should find like, like what, a amateur who's curious about like that level to try it. That's what we should do.

I see. You try that first. Then you come already in the fucking merchandising. Like, we get this car, we take all our sponsors, who are our sponsors today. We take, can you imagine a race car that has skylight frames on the side of it?

And we get skylight frames to put a skylight frame on it. So people can see sponsors. Are you doing a sponsor? No, but that's like, that's what we do is we take allop frames to put a scallop frame on it. So people can see sponsors. Are you doing sponsors? No, you have no, but that's like, that's what we do is we take all our sponsors, we put them all over the car. So you're like, like, square space, shut the fuck up. And then all of them, they get, we go free on our car.

We go free, ugh. Because this is all bringing money back to us. Yeah. You can drink in slommas, right? You're gonna bring drinks to the slommas. You gonna open up Adam and a smell in a slum. Weeds, cigars and tequila. So wait, so, because this is what I plan on. Because this is how it works, I think.

We get a race, a team, you start. Do you think when strangers see you, they know how you party? Do you think they know that you drink? No. No. Like strangers, no. Who don't know you? Oh, no, no.

I think I'd probably be. I would think most people. They go, they go January 6th, and then they go, this guy fucking parties. I definitely could have actually, you know I would have gotten caught up in that capital storming thing. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared. I definitely could have actually, you know I would have gotten caught up in that capital storming thing. If someone had a couple drinks and you and they're like, dude, you would have gone to the capital, you would have been like, fuck yeah, I would have gone to the capital.

You would have just unwittingly walked in like, are we partying? Oh shit, oh shit, Nancy Pelosi My favorite I was that can you make you imagine Trying to sell it as a pitch if you're like I got a good movie idea. I was in January 6 You got to take it out because I already sold that movie. You did? I sold it. It's called Capital Stormers. I swear to God, I already sold it.

I don't like that. It's like that. There's a bomb of guy. Doesn't know he's going to it. The bomb of mine, the log of his history is written by the winners. Let's meet the loser. It's a guy. It's a guy. I didn't know he was going to it. The line log on his history is written by the winners. Let's meet the loser. It's a guy. I didn't know he was going to it. That means storm to the Capitol.

That is hilarious. Oh, maybe we'll get the rock in that. All right. Let's get back on subject. The subject is to bear's racing. Because here's what I see. OK? OK. The subject is to bear's racing. Because here's what I see, okay? I'm looking, I take this as the Jake Paul model, okay?

Jake Paul, a very talented young man. You're familiar with this career, correct? Yeah, I know Jake Paul. Who do you like more? Jake Paul or Logan Paul? I didn't really think I would become best friends with Jake Paul. I didn't really think I would become best friends with Jake Paul. Where as Logan, I think is more you. I think I'm Jake, you're Logan. I don't you have to show me. Now I'm confused. Logan's the more attractive one, more traditional, attractive one. Jake's the more wild child. Yeah.

Who's on the left? I don't know which way you're looking. The blue right there. That's Logan. And that's who you think would be... No, no, no, no, that's you. Oh. And then I'm Jake. Oh, yeah, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you guys were probably the same. Well, Logan's... Wait, who do you think is more attractive? Jake or Logan? I guess it depends what you're into, man. I mean, originally I thought Jake was more attractive, but now I find Logan to be traditionally more... yeah, I'm more like Jake and you're more like Logan. But this is the Logan, Jake, Paul, business paradigm. They're very popular. YouTubers would become very big championship boxers.

Now we do the same thing with you, except race cars. And we have an advantage. They don't have number one number one. I lost my track of thought. We can we can see only Jake can box for Jake, right? Right? You can drive for two bears racing. However, when Lewis Hamilton's contract comes up and he's looking for a new race team, yeah, we slide in. We take over Lewis Hamilton. Do you know what he makes? Don't tell me yet, don't tell me, don't tell me.

Is it more than, is it more than $6 million a year? You mean to tell you? Yep, it is. What? Pull it up, I'd rather see you see it. Lewis Hamilton makes more than $12 million a year. Holy shit. He makes fit, he sponsored by Mercedes. Mercedes has a race team. I didn't even think about that.

That's his team. He has Mercedes. That's who he drives. Oh, he- there's that's the competitive team where everyone hates each other. Well, it's Formula One. Okay. All right. Yeah. We offer him 55 million. Obviously with their pay-in, 55 million million they're making 110 right Dude we all hold on stop this makes sense. We offer him we offer him 56 million right he comes to race for us dude listen Whoever has lose this is the whole point Tom whoever has lose Hamilton is gonna be the number one race team right we just gotta get Lewis Hamilton That's it. But I don't understand what.

Yeah, I think he's signed on pretty high. What, wait, are we starting a Formula One team though? Don't we have to get like accepted? We're starting you and Formula Four. You're gonna take over, you're gonna come by storm. Right. People are gonna be like, we're gonna come from out of nowhere. We're gonna be like a Cinderella story.

They're gonna think we're a laughing stock because of the way I behave. And then when you get on the track and you show them what you got, it's gonna fucking blow them away. And people are like, we gotta take two bears seriously. They're fucking pit crew.

They're fucking run by a wild man. But they know what they're fucking doing. And that's like first-cupper races. Then what we do is we start branching out. And we bring in guys like Lewis Hamilton. And he is, is this crazy? Cause I've never heard of, I don't know what's going on.

It's pretty well. It's kind of, how will we find the young Lewis Hamilton? That's a better way of doing it. Okay, and then we, but that's the advantage we have over Jake Paul and Logan Paul, is that they don't, they have to box for themselves.

They have to be the boxer. We can have a race team, but we have three guys on the team and you. And we can just start building the team and make the team better, better. And then all of a sudden, in your golden years, you're sitting in like a fat cat with a cigar, oh joint, a glass of tequila, watching our race team,

fucking mop up the track. Dude, this is a fucking legit, but I know I'm crazy. Don't you fucking turn on me. Listen, do you remember, I'm talking to them, because I know there's people think I'm crazy Don't you fucking turn on me listen? Do you remember I'm talking to them cuz I know there's people think I'm a fucking lunatic Do you remember when I said that we started need to start two bears sports management? Yep, and then what did fucking Dave Portnoy do I do I do? Do what he do

I got stuck he started fucking his thing management It's par stool. You know what, let's call Kevin. KFC is gonna know, Kevin will know if there's a great idea. Right? Cause he, do you have his number? I'm sure I do. I am fucking, I am. I'm not being able to use my phone.

Yeah, don't, don't, don't you? It's because it's too, I I guarantee you partial starts a racing team They might I guarantee you they will that makes sense for them. Yeah God damn it. We got to get on this before this episode drops Because you know for a fact they'll start a race if we start a racing team they'll start a racing team I think that's the important was business plan as he watches what we do do many cherry picks our great ideas. I guarantee you he's brushing his teeth with soap right now.

I bet, I bet dollars overdone us. Dave Portino and brushes his teeth with soap, showers in a pool, drinks school aid, and he started two bears, part stool racing. I'm drinking another beer, I'm gonna finish this killer. I'm drinking another beer. I'm gonna finish this killer Any man you can get my pants anytime the way he fucking

Serves us up with the little tequila. I was nice. Yeah, I was like where what? Dude this two bears racing is a great fucking idea. It's really fun. It's so fun. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Oh, thanks Happy birthday. Happy birthday. I'm getting a race car thanks. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. I'm getting a race car. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. I'm getting a race car. My birthday present to you is a racing team. What a great fucking birthday present. That is amazing.

Nidav, I need someone to follow through. What part do you want me to do? Well, the whole racing team part. Oh, okay. All of it, Nidav. Can you do all of it? You got it the whole racing team part. Oh, okay. All of it, Nidav, can you do all of it? You got it coming right up, Bernanke. I wonder if I can...

What? Who are you calling this to see if we can get... I'll say it a little bit if it doesn't have. This is a million dollar idea. Here's what I was gonna say. What? It's such a cool thing. Dude, this is how we become billionaires. We've been wanting to become billionaires for so long.

This is how we become billionaires. How much does, see how much, like, what's, I wanna know how much you can make off a racing team. Can you make a billion dollars off a racing team? They're very valuable. Yeah. How cool is this? We're gonna be spending summers in Monaco. Fucking, they make $8 million dollars a year of course I can pay him 55

What I tell you I thought they were making 110 they're making 148 dude. That's not just prize distributions That's not that's not there's prize money. That's a We're racing for prize money. I thought we were racing for sponsors. That too. Television. We're getting... Dude. What? How much money does Formula One make?

I can't read that. You understand that every team is classified for the past two seasons and it receives about 35 million. Also, teams are paid based on the position of the finish last year for example. Mercedes was given more money, 61 million for finishing first in 2019. Can I still know if that if that's like a... How do we... there's a lot I need to learn about Formula One racing. Sponsors, paid drivers, prize money, yeah. How much is loose Hamilton makes 55 million? That's just I don't think that's even everything. He's had years where he made more

He think yeah He's made in the 80s before and what it what makes it a razor. It's just driving right like it's like these guys are Like but what can they do that you can't it's that there? It's almost like you when you hear about someone who trains for fighting really young, you know like they're ability to like process The information and reaction in ways that like they don't think is it a Fancy that I think we're gonna take over for me the one to to lose like a loose Hamilton heard this to think you'd be like this not gonna happen yes

But why do I believe that we will? Like what's wrong with me that I actually actually believe if we start this ball rolling That we can become pretty competitive in Formula One. No, but think of it this way, right? Think of it this way. Here's the thing, if we had the capacity, like, of being, if I write now, you came from billionaires,

you could make it like, you know, a thing possibly, if you had billions of dollars. Okay, so that's all we need. Yes. Billions of dollars. You have to have the kind of influence to inject yourself into a team. And that is why we are going to be the fan favorites. See, Tom, what we're doing is we're building a grassroots Formula One team from the ground up and they were here from us for day one. You

don't get to see the early beginnings of the Mercedes team, correct? Right. What you're watching is the early beginnings of the number. They're gonna put this in a documentary. We're gonna be 86 years old and they're gonna put this in a documentary and they're gonna go, this is crazy. This is insane. I watched the beginning of two bears racing. We saw it on a podcast. They were high They were drunk. It seemed like a pipe dream and today is the biggest formula one company in all of racing Mercedes Louis Hamilton is a conglomerate

Where it wasn't the right word. I don't think Consultant a consultant on he consults for them now. And mostly, I thought you meant Louis Hamlin had become a company, like a major company. Why isn't he, but see, that's my point, okay? Okay, hypothetically. So you got Louis Hamilton.

Why doesn't he do his own team? Why does he need Mercedes? Why can't he just be his own team? And be Louis Hamilton racing. And some billionaire comes in and invests in him. I mean, I'm too high to think like this. Part of his just, I mean, it's like, it's because that's what Jake Paul's doing. I'm going on the Jake Paul model, god damn it.

See, I bet Jake Paul would think this is a brilliant idea. I actually bet he's watching this right now. I wouldn't be shocked at my phone start vibrating and he texted me and goes, actually, you guys are on to something and Jake Paul starts a racing team Really, we got I think they like cars. They do. Yeah, yeah, all you got to do is like cars really. Yeah, and once you like cars Dude, you're in it's it's passion be gets passion right how long have I been saying that yes? Do you think this could ever be used in a court of law if they were trying to beg racked me and put me in a hospital? They're like this is what happens when he gets high and drunk. Take a look at this fucking

Possibly It feels so good though. You're right. Take a breath from time to time. What what? You're gonna like this. Oh You know time I like just about everything you do. Really? Yep. Not crazy. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. You like about everything I do? Percentage-wise, you confuse me a lot. How do I confuse you? Like I don't understand cars.

I don't understand like, I don't understand that you like cars, I don't get it. I do get it when you drive fast. Like when you drive fast, I go, I get you. I don't understand cars. I don't understand like, I don't understand that you like cars. I don't get it. I do get it when you drive fast. Like when you drive fast, I get it. It's gotta feel good to be in control of it, but I like being shotgun more than driving it. Right. I like the eye personally, like the out of control feeling.

When you drive fast and you do the pedal things, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, I love the feeling I get because I feel like, oh no, I don't know what's happening. I like that feeling. Wow, what are we gonna say? Oh yeah, that was like, you're gonna like this. You're gonna like this.

You're gonna like this. You're gonna like this. From time to time, pretty regularly, I think about how amazing your service. That's the best compliment I've ever got my entire life. That's my favorite thing you've ever said. That might be my favorite thing you've ever said. I know my favorite reaction you've ever had. I know my favorite reaction you've ever had. I know my favorite reaction you've ever had.

Which was that? Oh no, pretty fucked up. I don't want to tell you. Really? Yeah, I'll tell you, but you'll, I'll tell you and you'll get it. Do you remember the time I got slapped at that sushi restaurant? Yeah.

That was my favorite reaction you've ever had. Really? Yeah, that crazy. You went. Oh. It was so real. It was so real. It was so real.

It was so real. That's what I looked at. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. It was my favorite reaction you've ever had. My favorite laugh. Have you ever had, ever had with you? Without a doubt, my favorite laugh. My favorite laugh.

Oh, fuck, that's hard. My favorite laugh was Jennifer Aniston. That's my favorite laugh I've ever, ever, ever had. Because I like when you, I love when we find that zone where we don't know what we're saying and then we say it and then all of a sudden we realize what we said. Yeah. Like the. It was a fun one. That was fun.

It's a... Now it feels like a tie between cool aid and punching the end in the face. Why is that so fucking funny to me? That is more viable that I would punch her in the face than she'd on it. Isn't that crazy? Do you think she'd be offended by that? Yeah, I would don't call her right now with this. Yeah.

Yeah. But I should think about your serve. You know what I was thinking about? Because I saw a tennis thing. And I'll remember it when I see a tennis promo and I'll be like, Jesus. And then I started to think about, you must have played a lot of tennis. I played a lot playing growing because I was like it's not just so good

But that you could switch to different serves. I was like man. He fucking Can I tell you can I tell you why just hoodwinked hardest fuck? Jason Ellis in what he thinks I did a podcast with him in 20 Hawk and he thinks he's a better wakeboarder than me and I grew up wakeboarding. Oh yeah, I believe that. I grew up wakeboarding and he really believes that I can't jump wake to wake like he really believes it and I love I love I actually told him I said, it was my favorite thing to do. My favorite thing to do is know I can do something way better than you and then go and then play it like,

ah, maybe I can't, maybe I can't. And he wants to have a wakeboarding contest. And I told him easily, I love that. I've been wakeboarding. I was wakeboarding on the type in scurfer, type in SK, you are, we started wakeboarding before wakeboarding started on this thing. It's called a scurfer.

And it was the first version of wakeboarding. Now wakeboarding is extremely easy compared to a scurfer. And we were catching air going wake to wake on a scurfer. So when wakeboarding showed up, it was like, it was like scurfer on a fucking coffee table. Yeah. So fucking easy. And Jason Ellis thinks he's going to beat me in a wake coffee table. Yeah, so fucking easy. And Jason Ellis thinks he's gonna beat me in a wakeboarding contest. And he has no fucking idea how long I've been,

like, and by the way, I slow rolled it a little bit. Like I like played with it, because Tony Hawk is there and it was just fun. It was fucking fun. And but he really believes, and by the way, he did not grow up on the water. They had crocodiles in their water. Isn't that crazy?

They had crocodiles in their water? In Australia? And that bizarre that you could go from having one of the funnest days of your life to be eating the live by an animal? Yeah, that's so awesome. What is fucking insane? You get eaten alive. After it, but the key is after a fun day. I feel like you're like, there's so much better.

Someone goes, who was going next? And you go, me, me, me, me, me, me, I want to go. And then all of a sudden they're like, you're in the clutches of a 1,300 pound reptile who takes you back to his old thing and just waits until you die and decay. It would not wait until you die. No, do they, oh they just eat you. Yeah. They would drown you. How many crocodile it drown you and then and rip you rip you apart like the pieces with his head? Top five ways you don't want to die. Like cancer than same bad. I mean

Top five ways you don't want to die like cancer than same bad. I mean What if what if what if that's how they delivered you got cancer news? They're like I got good news I got bad news like what is it like you're probably a hundred percent aren't gonna be getting my Like real you know, I'll be a cancer. So that's gonna be the way you die Is that But no, if there's some of the Got my brain is not right right I mean getting impaled Abdominally That would suck like where you like where it doesn't oh

You're like someone help me and everyone's just checking their head like you can't this guy's gonna die But he's gonna die in like 27 minutes Like that kind of thing where you're like, and you just bleed out. Or like, or like, have you ever heard of the guys who fall between the subway car and the subway landing and their body gets spun in circles and they bring their fan,

this is not where I wanted this podcast to go. All right. Crockettows on the list for sure. Crockettows that one is like. I wouldn't mind being attacked by a shark. You wouldnile, crocodiles on the list for sure. Crocodiles that one is like. I wouldn't mind being attacked by a shark. You wouldn't. What? I'd rather be attacked by, oh, okay.

Animals you would be cool with being attacked by? And animals you would not be cool with being attacked by. Okay. Alright. Okay. Shark, I'm cool with getting attacked by shark and dying that way because of the atmosphere I think just it sounds like more like adventurous. Yeah, yeah a crocodile tax sounds like it you fucked up right It does you got killed in the attack by crocodile. They're like well, where was he? Yeah, yeah

If you're a shark attack you're like, oh god, he was being healthy and active and all the poor guy, attacked by a lion or a tiger, they're like, what the fuck did he do? Like, if you go, if you get a phone call and it's like, Bert was attacked by a lion. What would your first question be? Why was he in Africa? Yeah, well, why was he doing around line?

Why is he going on so far? He's like, Bert was attacked by a shark. What would you say? What was he doing around life? He's going on so far. He's a part of the attack by a shark. What would you say? He'd definitely sign up for a shark feeding He's working for travel demo again Okay, top type in top 10 worst animals to be murdered by That's not a result. Yeah, that's not a real thing

Boy, which one you know it's suck to get attacked by? Chats. A chimp. Chimp. Whoa. Dude, they bite your fingers off, they bite your balls off, right? They bite and rip your balls off. Bite your fingers off and we'll tear your jaw out of your face. Okay, chimp attacks on the lift.

The chimp, snake bite, not your fault. Depends, all right, where you are? Oh, I would not want to be. Wolves. Imagine getting killed by a pack of wolves. I would, I would, I'll tell you what. That's when you like. Okay, okay, go on this list and say which one,

you're not guaranteed death, which one you got to go head to head with. What animal do you have to go head to head with? Not going head to head with jellyfish or Portuguese man or not going head to head with the tiger. You know, that's all lose lose right? Bees fuck that really you would take would you take a tiger overes? No, I take wolves over bees. Wolves over bees? Yeah. Yeah, without a doubt. Be-bees things over wolf. You can't not beat wolves. You cannot, you beat mother fucker. You can't beat bees.

They're going to get you. Okay. A wolf, a pack of wolves you have a chance against. What? I have a chance with a pack of wolves. How? First of all, they're just dogs. What?

What? Do you think we could get nominated for some sort of award for today's show? I feel like we should get an award. This is the best show we've ever done. It's pretty, it is definitely one of the best. And by the way, I'm so happy that this is the episode that rock is watching. And Lewis Hamilton.

Yeah. And Jake Paul and Logan Paul. Yep. This is the one they all watch and they're gonna go, what the fuck? Oh my God. There's the differences between wolves and dogs. What are the differences between wolves and dogs? Baths.

Treats. Colors. Okay, the difference is, colors treats, baths, vets, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Treats, collars, I'll get you the differences. Collars treats, pass vets, shots, and that's it. Will you look up the difference between wolves, bite, and a dog's, and the most powerful dog's bite? I think that's a big part of it too. Is there a bit of a stronger bite?

Way stronger. Do I saw hyenas? Hi, what I think I'm fucking it up You know the ones where they're fucking asses are low in their heads, right? Mm-hmm. We keep our ass at low-wifes. I love this is like we like to fuck Wolf's jaw is much stronger than a dog's jaw. That's okay. What's I'm not gonna know? I'm not gonna know 20% white force. That's what I'm talking about. Fight force. This is a dumb question people Googled.

What's more dangerous? A wolf or a dog? How do dogs differ from wolves? If it says collars, I'm fucking on the floor. Collars? Answer all these questions. I wanna see, are our wolves teeth sharper than dogs Jammy shoppers came in a second

They're good at football 235 pounds of press animals normal bite force is 400 pounds. Yeah, that's twice as much almost Almost so you take your chance what animal go back to that list what animal would you take your chance on Tom Tom. I'm sending you out into the wild if you're saying all these animals You gotta pick one quickly scroll quickly lions go up other way. Oh, it's still going how much more Just real quick run through the tells the good ones elephant terrible hippo terrible the bike I'm not gonna do that. Prog it out, nope.

Tapeworms, I'll take my chance, I'll the tapeworm. Yeah. That's definitely a big one. I can't believe I don't have a tapeworm. Oh, come on, these are stupid stuff. These are stupid stuff. These aren't real. T.T. flies.

No, I'm not gonna go for a fly, you listen. All right, scroll up, scroll up. Other way, other way, other way. Okay. All right, once you get to, all right, now I can now go up. Yeah, wolves, sharks. Okay, I'll take my chance with the bees, dude. Of everything we've seen, bees. I go wolf, then shark. This is who you're taking my chance with the bees, dude. Of everything we've seen, bees. I go wolf, they shark. This is who you're taking your chance with?

I go wolf, they shark. Bees are last on my list. Latt. This is who you'd last take a chance with? Yeah, I'm crocodile, I can't fight. I can't fight a crocodile. You can't do it. You're helpless against crocodile.

You don't even see them coming to be honest with you. The what you just pull out your hair. I Think I could take a pack of wolves. Yeah, but a younger pack Like a younger pack that Do we have to do ad reads today? Yeah, are you fucking kidding me you do all tomorrow oh it's probably a better idea pretty fucked up yeah okay yeah yeah yeah well what are we thinking so we'll do four episodes huh crazy that I was in New Orleans last night we're working out when in the morning 7 a.m. I don't want to do that right now.

It's gonna be fun. Great. We're not now. You don't want to do it, but you'll want to. It's so much fun. You go on it, you have a peanut butter smoothie. My sugar keeps going out. These knobs are the perfect episodes of ours.

It's pretty good. Sorry. It's pretty good Sorry Let's wrap it up and let's finish yeah, we'll finish these outside What I Things are button up like what we're button up two bears racing our friendship with the rock Jake and Logan We lost off the button up just button them up. up we'll just cinch them up give me a sec. Okay, alright let's wrap it up. Here we go. Nidav.

Nidav, can we do a live stream from a racetrack? Alright, buttoned up. The rock or or movie with him. All we know me, you and the rock were in a Chinese prison. And if it's an issue, we can go to another country. All of a sudden, their prison. Oh, is it hardest on the movie with the rock? Well, you got to get him to do it. Yeah. You see he's not looking for people to sell movies with him. He would maybe if it's from comedians, it could be. Right now.

I hear something about the Chinese prison. Let's call Kale. Well, that's not calling anybody. Call Kale's who we sell it. Yeah. I guess Benel Bikes, it's a rock. We got to sell the rock on it. Yeah.

We got to find out what the rock wants to do. Like you, we got to find out what the rock's passionate about like you We're gonna find out what the rocks passionate about yeah I know what he's passionate about and that's how that's our fucking in I mean, he's a super like positive dude. So I think you know you're going with that angle right and then So he you know what he loves already wait the thing that he lives working out Yeah, action, but he's like a good guy. He does like a good guy good guy things. Yeah Well, he's like a good guy. He does like a good guy. Good guy things. Yeah. Well, he's a part what Polynesian right? He's got a big thing with Hawaii always and

Wrestling he likes football. He likes Miami He isn't Florida. Does he live in Florida? Yeah, does he really? Yep. I didn't know that I Thought I don't know where I thought he lived He doesn't Florida. For real? For real. I don't know anything about his personal life. Married with daughters.

You got daughters? Oh, here you go. I got daughters. Talk about daughters. Here you go. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

One of these in a racing. I don't know. I don't think. One of need to be interested in being a part of our racing team. It's a definite, huge advantage to have them on the board. You mean, two bears on rock racing? Sounds great. Yeah. Sounds great. Two bears.

He's in fast and the furious. No. Yes. Still? Still. This is a no-brainer. This is a no brainer. This is a no brainer and by the way, why isn't fast and furious started a race team? I don't know you want to talk about balls dropped Dude, this is why you do the podcast and this is why you don't stop we just came up

What are fuck let's take it outside take it outside? Yeah, let's take it outside. Okay, hold on And this is why you don't stop. We just came up. I'm gonna fuck with you. Let's take it outside. Take it outside? Yeah, let's take it outside. Okay, hold on. I was like, I wanna make sure we got everything we need. Okay. Two bears one racing, two bears racing,

two bears one rock racing. Jake Paul Logan Paul hit us up. Wait, why do we talk about that? I don't know. We want to do lunch. We want to do lunch with them. We should do lunch with them. Okay. We really should do lunch with them.

Okay. Can we take you guys to lunch? Because I want to just pick your brain about the way you see the business. Because I think that's how we should move forward. Yeah. And we'll get my coach to the whole thing for you or something. And then new beers

Outside are rat as lunch here Food's here. Come on. Hey, I love you. I love you. I do. I love you. All right One goes top the swath the other wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean Here's what we call, two bears one cave No scripts to bet a booze amateur for topology Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies

Here's what we call call to bears one cave.