2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 118 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

It's another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer and Bert thinks he's finally going to move to Austin! Will Enny and Nadav move in with him? Then, the bears decide to completely change and rebuild Nadav. Is he up for the challenge? Tom shares how he got into doing standup comedy and Bert reveals he doesn't listen when people answer his questions.

The amount of press this podcast would get, because all anyone could talk about is how irresponsible we are. You are. You're part of my team. I did not. You're my decision making is teamed with yours. When I make bad decisions, if you greenlight them, then they're not bad decisions. That's a good point. That's a good point. 100% I'm moving. You're moving.

I think I'm moving to Austin. To Austin? I think so. I wanted you to move here. Not Leanne, just me. Trap house. Trap house. Yeah.

Trap compound. Compound. Yeah, so I've been thinking about this. And I want to bounce it off you, okay? Okay. And you, because you're the, I'm not the good brain. Like I'm a good idea brain, but when it comes to like,

is that idea a real idea? Yeah. You're better at that, okay? So I'm sitting in fucking Uber today. I was taking so many goddamn Uber's. I probably spent no joke, a thousand dollars in ubers in the last two months.

Easy, easy, easy. I go, I'm gonna buy a car. Leave it in Austin, right? Yeah, I'm here once a month, easy. Sometimes twice a month. I'm gonna buy a car, I'm gonna leave it here. And then my brain goes, I'm gonna get it wrapped in two bears wrap, and whatever, I'm gonna lose it.

And it's two bears, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I go, no fuck it, I'm gonna buy a suburban and I'm gonna get it wrapped in two bears wrap and whatever, if I'm in a loss then it's two bears guy. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know, fuck it. I'm gonna buy a suburban and I'm gonna leave it in Austin so that I don't have to fucking deal with cars. So that way we'd land, you need it wrapped. I kind of wanna get it wrapped. I kind of wanna get it wrapped.

But then I'm talking about that, and I was like, I'll leave it at any sales. Okay. Right, easy peasy. Okay. And then that way, what's the car payment of month? Like $700 a month? I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? You have five cars? Well, I don't make payments. How out of touch are we? I just said how much is a car payment and you go, the guys are stuck at the fucking hotel today.

They could drop us off, they have the suburban for the day, they could go and do activities. Sure. And then what not? So that I'm like, yeah, find me a fucking suburban, Nadov. Or better yet, if you're watching this and you live in Austin and you have a suburban,

you wanna get rid of? Fucking hit me up. Okay. And so, and then I go, well, what the fuck? Why don't I have a house here? Right. Like being serious. Yeah. And I go me, Nadov and Annie, I buy house. They live in it. They're my caretakers. I buy a huge compound horses. Horse ATVs. Yeah. Everything you want when you go this is like a like a farm like a ranch. Yeah. And I hit a broken. I go, hey man, just

you know, any of our friends, anyone comes down to Austin, let them stay our compound. We got fucking how many acres you're thinking? Let no less than five. Yeah. Like it's got to be more than five acres Gun range like a gun. Oh, it's Austin you can do whatever you want. Yeah, so portions whatever are not enough abortions God damn it man. What is wrong with my brain? I Said abortions. Yeah, I'm like I think I think I'm still rebounded from yesterday, but no we take we have gun ranges. We have bows and arrows. Yeah, yeah, we have horses Maybe not horses maybe a horse a horse and but multiple ATVs multiple ATVs and dirt bikes and have fun

Yeah, and then when I come down here, it's not like just it's not just Because like the first time I came down I said at your house. I was so much fucking fun Yeah, and then and then it ultimately I realized that's not gonna happen every time. That was the fucking. You woke up so scared when I walked into the real mod. Do you remember that? Honey dicted me. You got me to stay in your house

and I was like, I fucking love Austin. And then now I'm married. You were like, oh, I thought it was dead. That way I come in, right? I come in with the whole guy who's on tour. We stay in a compound. Everyone's having fun. I love it. What. That way I come in, right? I come in with the whole guys on tour. We stay in a compound. Everyone's having a look. I love it.

What did your business manager say? He actually said it's not a bad idea. Really? Yeah, he was like, how much are you thinking about spending? And the further you get outside of Austin, the bigger place you can get. Yeah. And they're not that, like, and then I started thinking,

Leanne likes projects. You think you can get her on board? I, so what I'm thinking is, you know, if I can sell it, if I can sell it as like, we'll find a good property. That's a beautiful location. As a place we can go to, but we go to the work also. That's the beauty of it is like,

she wants to buy a house in like, oh, hi, we looked at houses in Oh, hi, because she wants to get out of the city and wants to be in touch with nature. Sure. And I was like, that's great. But I'm fucking, I'm gonna be biting my flip flop in Ohai, going like, can you shoot another promo? Like I'm just, because I don't, not work.

What if I said, babe, I'm doing two bears one cave this week. Why don't you come down to Austin with me? We'll tap out for the weekend. Yeah. And then we come here and we stay at the house. Dude, I love this idea. I love this idea. And then it's more more functional and it's still an investment for you

Still investment. Yeah, I get any and I love the same types of beers. We love hot dogs like it's like So so my in my brain I go in my brain. I go and he's and he's there so the house is never it's not like a vacant property Yeah, he's living there. We got a compound So I'm looking at properties and I just found the fucking I just sent it to my business manager And I said it's a these guys I showed these guys. It's gorgeous. You realize that I Like the idea. I don't know of realistically they Want to live there though. No, they do any does Nadal will learn to love it

Any does, Nadav will learn to love it. No. No. Nadav, you just need to, you need to, Nadav, there's a lot about you. We're going to change today. Today. We're going to make Nadav, I want to tell you a story about a boy named Berk Chrysher. One day I woke up, I was 28 years old, 27 years old, and I didn't like the prospects of what my life was offering. I said to myself, I'm fat, I'm very fat.

27? And I said any of the chicks that would love me right now, I would never love them. I would never be able to love them. I only would love women who would love the guy I wanted to be. That I would only be happy being married to a woman who is in love with the guy that I wanted to be. The guy to a woman who is in love with the guy that I wanted to be. The guy that I told myself I could be.

I wanted to be like a working comedian and I wasn't. I was not a working comedian. I was not doing shit with my life. I did not want to be fat. I had all my hair at that time. I had all my hair. I had all these things that I- Wait, one thing I'm gonna get clear on,

were you really fat at this point? Yeah, but probably not what I'm skinny now, I think. Okay. We should I go find a picture. How, do you remember what you weighed? Uh... When you were thinking like this? Type N.

Yeah. Uh... Bert. Uh, it's before hurt Bert it was I'll see if I can find now I Don't know I don't know New York I was in LA okay, but so see skinny bird right there see skinny bird on the bottom far far right far right see skinny bird So skinny bird is who I decided I would be.

Oh, yeah. I just remembered that somebody sent me this yesterday. I'm gonna send it to Nadav's email right now. Okay. It's just funny. So Nadav, I decided that I was going to change who I was so I could find the person I wanted. So then I could then have them for the rest of my life.

Does that make sense to me, Doth? Okay, so then I'll make more sense with it. So what I did is I started hosting at the Hollywood improv. I had to take step where it steps backwards to get forwards. Okay. The second thing I did is I decided I would work out twice every day. Two times I worked out in the morning and at night. In the morning I would do spin class and at night I'd go for a hike.

Two times every day. And I got down to Skinny Bird. Yeah. And I met Leanne. And I started touring. And I started down to skinny bird. Yeah. And I met Leanne. And I started touring. And I started headlining. And I saw a show called Herd Bird. Yeah.

I had all these things happening. And then it went backwards. You know, not everything goes, you gotta take a step to back over or whatever. You know. So, Nidav, I want you to think about who you want to be. Yeah. Who's the dream version of Dadav?

Tell me the dream version of Dadav, because we're taking him there, and part of it starts with you moving into this compound. Okay, what's your dream version of you? Oh, you're gonna whisper it to us? I think he just doesn't want to yell it. Okay, I'm listening. Dream version of Dadav. Is there a woman attached in this dream? Sure. Okay, I'm listening. Dream version of Nadov. Is there a woman attached to this dream?

Sure. Okay, what should it look like? Google picture, I want you to pull up a picture of a woman you find beautiful. Just like, like, like, like, like, Kathy Ireland. She was gorgeous, man. Kathy Ireland was so pretty.

He's Google not Jewish women Okay, she's just crying that out not Yeah, oh, it's just all the Sarah Silverman articles about yeah, she's face Christian women who Would you date a redhead? Yeah, would you? Okay, let's let's take her. She's beautiful. Okay. Meeting a marriage-minded single Christian woman.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she's perfect. You know, fucking lame, she would be. She's having tea. Okay, Nadav, what do you think she wants her guy to look like? I deal wait 220

I bet she could find a guy like me or you at 220. Okay, that's we're fun. We could watch movies with oh I'm definitely fun. Yeah, yeah, it's smoke a ball with Enjoy like shoot socks on snuggly socks on a couch with a blanket and you're watching Yen-Tul or something. What's Yen-Tul? It's a movie with Barbara Streisand, we should play the Jewish boy. Okay. And so, so let's get, let's start with our ideal weight and we're gonna get you there.

If nothing, Nadav, I have- You're gonna get me there? I'm gonna get you there because If nothing, Nadav, I have, you're gonna get me there? I'm gonna get you there, because I understand incentive, just like you do. What's your goal weight? You have one. I feel like the lowest I've ever been in my adult life

is probably right around 220. And how old were you when you were, how long ago was it? Probably a college freshman. College freshman. You got a good, you got a. Now I'm 33, so that was like, I don't know, over like, I don't know, 15-ish years ago.

Yeah, you got a great head of hair. You do have a good head of hair. You got a good jawline. Oh, thank you. Yeah, I'm talking to the positives now. Yeah. You're a very, very intelligent person, and you are if nothing else, loyal.

Now the loyalty is where we get you, because you need to get loyal to yourself. You need to commit to yourself on this weight loss journey. And we need to find an incentive. Give me a price point, Nadov. A price point? You give me a price point. Like what does my looking for him like to give you the incentive price to lose weight?

Yeah, because I know for a fact, the doves kind of guy that you put if you put a number on something, he'll see that he'll work for that. So big boy, it will smith that big boy, a million dollars, was it a million dollars? Million sounds, right? Was it? I'll take a million.

Okay, we're not giving you a million dollars. We need sponsors to hop on board with this. We could probably get sponsors to hop on board with this. We could probably get sponsors to hop on board. If we get sponsors to chip in, well here's the thing, what do we ground for sources? What would you chip in? I'm actually wondering what would you chip in?

Really? Would you, what time frame do we give it? You don't wanna make it too short? Yeah, you know I'm gonna be too short. I want to make it too short? Yeah, no one been too short of it. Make it healthy. Yeah, make it healthy. Well, I lost 40 pounds in a month once. That's not a good idea.

That's not healthy, I don't think. Well, I took Xanax and Ambien and I offset them days. Yeah, I'm counting the unhealthy man. With a little bit of whiskey in it. Yeah, I don't think the sponsors are going to like that. Okay, all right, what's Tom? Tom's birthday is April 16th? Yeah.

So when this comes out, that is five months. This will be January by the time this comes out. Okay. Is this your new year's resolution? Yup. How about, how about, like, can you start before the new year though? Yeah, no, yeah, I can build up to it. Because where we at, no, okay.

Like I could start ASAP. What if we make it, we make a way in day, what's a healthy amount of weight to lose a week? We'll do it because you don't want to overshoot conservatively, right? Is 10 pounds a month healthy? That's pretty aggressive. I think that is very doable. It's doable, but I'm saying like Maybe two pounds a week, so eight pounds a month is like two pounds a week is well once he starts losing weight

I know it's gonna come off at the top. Yeah, if he does something like even shifts how he just just like drinks and If he does something, like even shifts how he just drinks and eats a little bit, it's going to come out. How much do you weigh right now, 260? I had a pretty rough weekend. That meat I ate from Dave really threw me into a tailspin. I woke up at like, I don't know. I want to say like 270, probably the other morning. Let's call it 275 so that the journey seems even more achievable.

Ooh, wow, Bert, you're speaking my language, man. 275, and we get you down to 220, that's 55 pounds in one, two, three, four months. Give them another month. Five months? Yeah. And then five months, I think you can do it quicker, Tom. Well, in five months, if he's losing two pounds a week,

five months would be 40 pounds. And I think he can do it quicker too, but I think you make it, you don't try to make it too, you know what I mean? Like much of a reach, like where he's like, what if we do a dollar point per pound? A dollar point per pound? I don't know if you're gonna say, like theoretically say we's like, what if we do a dollar point per pound? A dollar point per pound? I don't know.

Like theoretically say, say we did like, so we're doing on the bus 50 bucks a pound. Mm-hmm. Every pound, the guys lose, I give them 50 bucks and then every pound, I lose. I give them 50 bucks. Okay. So we need to incentivize per pound. Okay. Oh, so that no matter what, as long as I lose them still getting something,

or like if I don't hit the numbing, because I like, I like, I like, you get it at, at the weigh-in date, right? So if we can get, maybe we can get sponsors to jump on, I mean, I would throw down for each pound. I would throw down for, I'll tell you, how about this? Why don't we find sponsors to match what we put in, okay, so that it can get ridiculously I would throw down for each pound. I would throw down for, I'll tell you how about this. What? Why don't we find sponsors to match what we put in? Okay, so that it can get ridiculously big. What are you willing to put in? Ridiculously big.

Well, like, because the more sponsors that jump in on this weight loss journey. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. This is, this is starting to feel very unfair to our healthy staff. Yeah. This is this is starting to feel very unfair to our healthy staff It's like now any Danny are like the fuck is like I'll quit white women No, I won't

Don't I'll take you guys all out to a really fancy dinner offers two fancy dinners. I think we want to get to a hundred thousand dollars I think this I think this I think what a rogue and all for me. Do you remember you offered me to like $200,000 I don't remember that I really don't he offered me $200,000 Maybe it was in private. Well, I'm saying it out loud. He offered me $200,000 to get below 200 pounds and keep it off for a year. You don't remember that? No.

My dad thought I was fucking crazy. He did? Yeah, why? Cause I turned it down. I couldn't have Joe in my head every day of my life. Like I couldn't I could Joe's Joe's very inspirational But I couldn't have him be the guy on my shoulder every time I got on the scale and I had to keep in order to keep off Stay below 200 pounds. You technically have to be like 175 just to make sure you're in that fucking Safe because I have fucking weekends

you're in that fucking range. Safe because I have fucking weekends. Okay, well, I'm definitely willing to. How do we, okay, what, just, what if we, what if we, what if we crowdfunded it? Crowdfunded? Yeah, crowdfunded it. And we said, like, almost like you do when you do like those races, you go, all right, are you?

Who's willing to match? Not match, but like, uh, you go, all right, are you, who's willing to match? Not match, but like, everyone throws in a dollar, puts in five dollars into a crowd surf, it's a crowd fund, right? And then, and then if Medov gets there, he gets that money. I mean, I'm not opposed to it.

I would be interested for him to make a million dollars. I think we've got this is all over the map now Yeah, what let's figure out actual parameters that I think we could probably get to I don't think a million's pro like I love a million dollars to lose How about this I'll tell you what how about this? I bet our we need our fans to join in and be part of it a million dollars and you get to two Here's the thing to make it unachievable. Make it unachievable but make him. The doves only gonna succeed in in darkness. Like in the darkness. No, I know your brain, Nadov. I know your brain. I know your brain. I know your brain. You know the same brain I do. Nadov, here's the bet. $1 million.

$1 million, if you get to 200 pounds by April. 200 pounds, that's insane man. Nadov, Nadov, $1 million. He's gonna have your 35. You're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, we're gonna be like, Nadov, can you do it $1 million?

Do just think about it. Could you do it $1 million? So I'm losing 70 pounds in five months? Yep, Nadov, $1 million. How is this even a question for you? Just smoke meth for the whole fucking... Nadov, I'm in. Nadov, okay, now I put it to our fans.

We're gonna open up a crowdsourcing website. Who wants to watch Nado dove go to the darkness? Hit watch him go to the dark because you know, it's a brain. Oh switch hit for a million dollars This motherfucker will lose 75 fucking pounds by April by April He will eat for a million dollars. It'll be the funnest fucking April what April April first and then we get a goofy scale. We go you didn't do it So that's not even four months. That's not even four months Just so you know and so the deal is the deal it's one of those things if the dog hits his goal

Then you you pay you pay him and by way, all we're asking for is like a dollar from a fan, a $5 from a fan. Here's the thing, we don't want somebody, if we're really doing this, we don't want somebody building this and saying that they're controlling it. So it would have to be on the, the link is on the YMHStudios.com page. Okay? It was built by us. Yeah. We have to get Brendan on it, have him, do you want to do this first of all before? Yes, the answer is yes.

It's the losing 70 pounds for a million bucks in four months. Yeah. I mean, I think it sounds completely insane. I think it's brilliant. I don't, I'm gonna have to be on like blood pressure medication for my entire life. I'm not talking brilliant. I don't, I'm gonna have to be on like blood pressure medication for my entire life.

I'm not talking to anyone. Why? What are you talking about? It's an unhealthy thing to do. No, it's not. Wait, but what happens if the money can't be funded? No, it can't, it will be. I believe in our fans.

And by the way, we need it. Here's the deal. There's one I'm asking you guys. Everyone chip in $10. $10. $10. Listen to me, this is gonna be fun. $10. Everyone chip in $10. I'll chip in 10. Tom to me, this is gonna be fun. $10. Everyone chip in $10.

I'll chip in 10. Tommel chip in 10. Well, I'll be in it. We're gonna be in it for a fair market price to watch this. You could say train wreck. I wouldn't say train wreck, but what you're gonna watch is four months of one man looking for to make $1 million. Or, or, or.

Whatever amount is in that fund. It's we, we don't know what the, we don't know what it's gonna be. It's a million or best off. Best offer. Yeah. And so it's a million or OBO. We need you guys. We really need you guys because this only gets fun. If it's a million dollars, do you realize how many fucking people are gonna go?

These people are out of their fucking mind. Yeah. Yeah. I really, a million dollars. We these people are out of their fucking mind. Yeah, yeah, I really... A million dollars, we need people to chip in a million dollars. I have to say though, as somebody that works with Nadav, that I don't know if I can sign off on him being pushed to do it in that time frame. Right, no hold on, stop.

This is negativity. I'm not being negative. The best thing that would ever happen for this guy is he gets 200 pounds by April first and he gets that Christian redhead He gets the Christian redhead. We move him into the compound and next you know, Nadav doing fucking one arm pull ups And he's like god damn it man. You've changed him I'm telling you Nadav it's gonna be the darkest four months of my life. You're saying more Nadav Yeah, go to the the darkness and you will succeed.

You're gonna get a million dollars, dude. A million fucking dollars. Or it might be like 26,486. Nidav, Nidav, listen. Can we get like, Dr. Superb, maybe? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Uh, we're gonna set you up on it. We're gonna set you up on it.

You're gonna work out twice. They have, by the way, they haven't signed off on this. They have not signed up on it. We're gonna set you up on it. You're gonna work out twice. By the way, they haven't signed off on this. They have not signed off on it. Yeah. We're gonna get you on it. You're gonna, all you gotta do in the dog, you gotta commit to two workouts a day. And we're gonna get you one of the meal delivery services

that Tom uses where they just send you the shit you don't wanna eat and then you eat that. And then you're gonna get a million dollars in April. So I'm doing two a day workouts. Yeah, you'd have to do two a days Here's the brilliance guys. Here's the brilliance you chip in your $10 everyone's gonna chip in $10 $10 is the is the is doable everyone get a four $10 I think okay, right? And then if he doesn't make the weight you get your $10 back If he doesn't make the weight you get your $10 back. If he doesn't make the wait, you get your $10 back. If he makes the wait for $10, you get to watch a man fucking Bruce Wayne himself.

Okay. It's fucking 200 pounds. No, Dave. Yeah. When this is done to isolate this and send this over to Brandon and tell him ask him if we can get this up on the site. Okay. Okay.

Do you know how great this will be? It's very exciting. I'm a little concerned. Why? What's the safe, customer? It's just, customer, do you know how great this will be? It's very exciting. I'm a little concerned. Why? What's the safe customer? It's just customer, do you know someone? Call your trainer. Okay.

Call your trainer and find out, is it doable? Oh yeah. But don't pitch it like, I'm not, I'm an adob's an adob's six, eight, and he's 275 pounds. Okay. Like I think that weight is going to tear off of him. Okay.

Let's see if he answers. This beer is perfect. Is it? It was very perfect. So really, I mean, I like where your head's at. It's very exciting. Watch, I'm gonna put it on my Instagram stories and we'll get the answer right away. Yeah.

Yeah. Hey guys, would you chip in $10 to watch Nadav lose 75 pounds in four months? Would you chip in $10 to a crowd sourced funding site to watch Nadav lose 75 pounds in four months? Okay. Put it on the yes or no pole thanks I'm gonna put it on a pole oh my god god try to get drew on oh don't fuck he's such a buzzkill Are fans support us and they support Nadov and I know everyone listening right now. Go.

I'll tell you what Nadov, let's make it even more interesting. What do you want for me? What? Interesting. I make it a double, double down. Okay. What do you want for me? I think you need to challenge him. I need to challenge you to challenge him.

I love it. I only work with challenges. You love challenges. You know what? I'm going to incentivize you to incentivize me, right? That's the best key to an incentive. Yeah. I'll match it.

I'll put another million dollars if you win. Oh. Are you fucking serious? Oh, he's going to do it. That's fucking stupid right there. I was a dumb thing. I'm not gonna do that. Can you put, what's wrong with me?

I'm so impatient. I mean, if you say that, you got it, you know, are you really saying that? I can't, I can't, because I, that's, no, I can't, I can't, I can't, I'm fucking, Liam would be so fucking livid if I gave him an adoptive million dollars You know a wonder can I can I tell you where my brain goes? Can I tell you where my brain goes? I Hate that this is where my brain goes and I am gonna show you an insight to where my head thinks If we got people to raise a million dollars, right? And I said I'd match a million dollars if he lost the weight.

First off, he'd lose the fucking weight. Secondly, he'd get two million dollars. Right? Thirdly, the amount of press this podcast would get that's where my brain goes. That's why I immediately say I'll do, I'll imagine. Because I go, we'd make that million dollars back because all anyone could talk about is how irresponsible we are.

You are. You're part of my team. I did not. You're my decision making is teamed with yours. When I make bad decisions, if you greenlight them, then they're not bad decisions. That's a good point. These 75 pounds. Yeah pounds in four months.

And by the way, it should be $10 minimum that you have to donate towards it. But like, if it was me, like I'd put 50 tours at. Yeah, it was, yeah, hell yeah. But it should be 10 minimum, you know? So that way you could, a lot more. Because 10, that means you need a hundred thousand people to be interested. Oh, yeah, but I think we can get that. I think there are 100,000 people that watch this podcast.

There's more. Yeah. And so by the way, I think it's hard to convert 100,000 people. You think? Definitely. Definitely. It's possible. It's definitely possible.

But it's hard. How about this? Nope. OK. I am so quick with ideas that I got to sift through them like a like a goal panor you don't normally do that I'm not what was the thing you were gonna say we would do a for everyone who bought a ticket we just do a live show interesting yeah like they're pre-ord, just tickets to a live show where they unveil my weight loss. Yeah.

Oh, that'd be like the final weigh-in. That's interesting. Not all that ideas. Actually, that's not that bad of an idea. That's not that bad of an idea at all. Right. Nidav. Yeah.

Here's the real fucking thing. If you don't lose the weight, and he gets it. Okay, now I'm interested. Okay, okay, okay. This is what we should do. This is what we should do. This is what we should do. Okay.

This is why we're a good team. We're not crowdsourcing. No. We're not, there's no donation thing. If you see one, it's fucking fraud. It's not real. Okay, I like this we'll do a live show. Yes, and whatever Instead of saying an amount

whatever the ticket sale proceeds are either go to Nadev or Split amongst the rest of the guys or split amongst the rest of the guys, depending on whether he hits with. Nope, they're gonna cheat, they're gonna lie. Who's gonna cheat? They're gonna do what the survivor does. They're gonna just split it all,

but you can't do that, they're gonna split it. Either we get it or an adopt gets it. Either we get it or an adopt gets it. I'm sorry guys, how about with this, either, either when they'll do ask Christina they'll shut the fuck up. They they they were already buying a compound with you and any Jesus Christ. My bad bro. I'm afraid.

If it's got to be an adob or nothing because if you do that then they're just going to talk behind your back and be like look whatever it is. Let's just all split it and then then This we lose the incentive is a challenge. So where are you? I'm gonna lie this that's where my my my first thought was Yeah, yeah, you're right you're 100% right so nadav we're gonna do a live show April first We are not doing a live show April first. Hold on, hold on, no we're not. We are not doing a live show April first.

We're not. Do we just get kicked off? No, no, it's just that. We get canceled. No, no, no, that's the thing you're just looking at your calendar. Oh, oh shit, good call. Yeah. Cause losing 75 pounds, I think even in a year is going to be pretty crazy for me.

No, Nadav, listen, do you want a million dollars or not? I'd love a million. Yeah, it's not 50 now. It is 75. It's, yeah, it's 75. It's 75 pounds. Yeah. And the dove, this starts now, right now. I don't even get one last cheat meal.

The dove, you can't. The fucking time is up the essence, buddy. You definitely can. You can eat whatever you want actually. You can do whatever you want. You can do, right. I can do whatever I want as long as I'm at 220. No, no, no.

Oh, sorry, 200. Yeah. 200 pounds, $1 million. No. Oh, that's right. That's right, not $1 million. Whatever the proceeds are. And then do we disclose the proceeds from our live show?

Yeah, for that one, yeah. Yeah, okay. I think for that one, yeah. And so then, so we will be doing a live, let me, let me, let me. Not only that, here's the thing. Either Nadav, here's what we're gonna do. If you do hit 200 pounds at the weigh in, you'll get the proceeds.

If you don't, Bert and I will keep the proceeds and we will tax all of you guys two weeks pay for you fucking it up for the rest of them. Oh, that is brilliant. Tom, that is brilliant. That incentive is to help them. Exactly, so they get punished.

Don't worry about that, it's out, boy. I'll tell you what, and I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you right now. I'll tell you right now, you ready? Yeah. Tell me if you're in, I'll say it, but say if you're in. Okay. And if the dog hits it and gets his money, we'll bonus everyone two weeks end. Okay, and if the dov hits it, and gets his money, will bonus everyone two weeks pay

Okay, we'll bonus everyone two weeks pay. Okay The dov yeah, I'm calling my trainer right now. Oh my getting hooked up with the trainer No, this is your fucking journey buddy. All right. I Just told you it on it. I'm on it. They will take care of you I'm gonna set it on it on it. They will take care of you. I'm gonna set you up it on it Hey, so we have a weight loss spec going on with our buddy Nidav he is 5 foot 3 200 and so you're on the podcast right now Lacey. He is to his he's not 5.3. He's 5.7 5.6

5.7 He is 275 pounds and we have bet him five ten. He says he's five ten Yeah, he's Everything's a negotiation with him We have bet him We bet him a million dollars. No, no, god damn it. Not but we bet him a ton of a ton of a million dollars. No, no, God damn it. But we bet him a ton of, let's have a $10 million. Let's just have a thought that I could, that was the original bet. That's a bet. Okay, he's happy that it was a five-ton.

That he could lose, if he can lose 75 pounds in four months. Wow, that's a lot. Can he do it? Healthy weight loss is one to two pounds a week. We don't need healthy. We need weight loss. When you're heavier, can you do it? I mean, we have to get like a muscle-to-fat ratio and things like that, but you know, anything's possible. Anything's possible.

People do lap band and lose that weight, right? Yeah, people lose a lot of weight, and if you have a lot of weight to lose, you lose a weight a little bit faster if you clean up your lifestyle. Okay. How serious do you wanna to get on the challenge? A million dollars serious.

I mean, that's really serious. Do we need, should we have a doctor supervise his weight loss or is that silly? Yeah, I think that's a life-changing situation. So yeah, I mean, blood work, getting a doctor involved, a naturopath, probably, and get his... But we don't want some...

You can monitor it. Doctors like, don't do this. Yeah, we don't want a doctor that says, don't get it. But we don't want some. So you can monitor it. Doctors like, don't do this. Yeah, we don't want a doctor that says, don't do it. Good call Tom. I mean, there's not gonna be a doctor that says, don't do it if he has weight to lose. All right, yeah, exactly. If he's like, if he's all muscle,

then they're gonna say he's not, he's not, he's not. He's not doing it, but if it's most body fat and body transformation, then, you know, that can be monitored. And so actually, it's more like six months because it would start today and then in April. That's not six months. It's wait, December, January, February, March, April,

five months. Five. No, because the month of April doesn't count. Yeah, but, you know, 60, 70 pounds in six months. You've what? I've done that. We've, you know, for movies, we've coached people to lose 60, 70 pounds in six months. You've what? I've done that. We've, you know, for movies, we've coached people to lose 60, 70 pounds in that amount of time.

All right, it's doable. Hey, do you think can you help us out and get him hooked up it on it so they can get someone? Yeah, what is that? Absolutely. So when you lose, when you have someone for a movie that you can get them down, say 50 pounds in five months, what does their day look like?

I mean, the first change, it's got to go in like segments, but the first change has to start with nutrition because you can't do anything if somebody's eating a bunch of junk or drinking too much. So getting their nutrition out of the control is usually takes about two weeks and slowly building up workouts. Obviously, you're slowly building strength, but as you're starting to peak, then we're looking at two workouts a day. There's probably a cardio workout in the morning, and that's something very strength-based, um, and, or sprint-based. Um, and also we're really focusing on recovery, but you

gotta, depending on where somebody starts, you gotta use them into it, because you can't, obviously, injure somebody off the bat. So we got to build strength and capacity and then by the end of it, hopefully you're peaking and you're lifting really heavier a couple of times a week. You're doing a ton of cardio and you're doing max interval training with really good heart rate. Okay. So can you reach out to the people that on it and see if maybe we can do something? I'm not going to reach out to John, but I would love for an adob to have a go to on it every day, twice a day, for the next five months. Yeah, I'm sure John will be all over this.

Yeah, I think so, right? Yeah, John's fucking amazing. I worked out with him this morning. Yeah, and they have all the recovery capabilities there too that will be all over this. Yeah, I think so, right? Yeah, John's fucking amazing. I worked out with him this morning. Yeah, and they have all the recovery capabilities there too that will be super helpful. Is he gonna be in Austin? He lives in Austin and Cooley is right next door. They've got polar plunge.

They've got everything's got right there for him. It's all possible. I love this. All right, they see, I'm back Saturday Sunday morning if you want to work out. Great. You want to just get right off the plane and right into a workout. Yep. That's how it works. You change your lifestyle to dov. Not for you. The dov is about lifestyle change.

Yep. I mean, I'm not 100 or 100. What is it? A million dollars. That's insane. Yeah. It's going to be a million. It's going to help you life. That's like the greatest gift of all time. All right. There you go. All right. Lacey, I will talk to you when I get back to LA. Thank you. Okay sounds good. Bye. Bye Native yeah, uh, wait pull up your calendar. You have your calendar on you? Yes, Juan. I went birth to pull up his we're announcing our live date. Hold on. Yeah. Yeah. Oh

I can't wait. We're gonna do a naked Nidavian. Yep. But wait pull up your calendar. It's up. Okay. Are you looking at April? I'm not can you yeah, I am now. Okay. Where are you April 5th? And nowhere. Okay, that's a Tuesday, which is not an ideal day, but it's the only day that would work for me Done Done April 5th. So you got a couple extra days. I got to buy you a race car before. Yeah, now you have 75 pounds to lose and you might have a few pound head star. Nadeau, Nadeau, are you are you into this? This seems this is I already thought I was worried for my health when it was 50 pounds. Here's the thing. I'll tell you this let me tell you this. I'll tell you this. If you don't hit the goal weight, you're still gonna get a prize,

a good one. Okay. A cash prize, you're still. Still, okay. Well, we've decided to cash prize. Yeah, but it'll still be significant. It won't be the whole thing. And we'll also, because of this whole thing

incentivizing you, we'll give significant bonuses to everybody. Okay. Okay. But you can win a big pot if you hit the goal weight. All right. Nidav. Yeah. Just so we're clear, I wanna make sure that I'm clear.

Oh, that's actually good. I got a wedding coming up in April. I look good for it. There you go. Nidav, you are gonna put red dick all over that wetting. You're going to be fucking placing that red pubic hair into so many people. Am I not making myself clear? No, I'm falling right close and out.

Nadav, you, buddy, are gonna get the life that was promised to you. Right, your barmaid's for. Am I poor mitzvah? buddy are gonna get the life that was promised to you. Right, your bar mitzvah. Am I for mitzvah? I got bar mitzvah when they said, not love. One day you will be a man. Yes.

And dead. Am I doing Andre the giant? Yeah, it's pretty good. Whatever you're doing. You have a wife. Hey, why don't you fucking get a wife? Like just pick one up like in the Netherlands or something. When? What? Can you still do that?

Why would I? You can do that. Can a male order bride? No, not male. Oh, yes. Whoa, check them out. Let's just see if we can get you a male order bride. No doctor, you're gonna be a millionaire.

Inskini. Let's do this. Let's have a person. You can't buy a fucking house. Hold on. Stop. Go ahead. Let's do potential. Let's do potential Let's do like a blind date scenario on the way in we will have girls, you know, I mean yes Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah, oh can someone the dog? Okay, someone photoshop The dog skinny. Okay, so we'll make him look like he's gonna look at the weigh-ins, and then we'll bring girls,

should we get girls in Austin? Sure, it's probably best. Yeah, we get girls in Austin to come in, and we'll do a blind date with Nadov. Yeah, then we'll do, whoa. What we need is we need girls that are attracted to him now, but go, actually, if he was skinny, I'd really be in. Like, you know what I mean?

Like girls that are like, I wanna see him skinny. You know what I mean? They're into him, they like him. But they're like, not now, but if he's skinny, I want him. Yeah. And we'll get those, we'll do a blind date. What was I gonna say? I just forgot it.

No, Nidav. Let's talk about where you can spend this money and that's any, this is why I love you Because you and I buy the dream we buy the dream and it makes our heart skip and then you fuck us when you tell us the dream isn't happening Right, it's true I was telling you the whole time like hey can you stop talking about this house thing because I'm getting excited And we're still buying a house don't don't don't sleep on that. I'm just saying but yeah because I live that I live the dream Don't just buy the dream. I live it. I can't wait.

I can't wait. So what are you saying? What was your question? One million dollars. What are you gonna do with it? Let's just put, let's just say the number's a million dollars. Let's say the number's a million dollars, because I think that's the number you need to focus on.

Look, whatever we raise is gonna be a lot of money. Not raise, but get on the live show. But you need the price point in your head to be $1 million. Sure, I mean, first thing I'll do is just, you know, get my investments right. No, stop. No, you buy a house, Nadav.

That's an investment investment. So where are you gonna buy a house? Start looking at, I want you to start looking at properties on Zillow. This will, and Nadav, this will help you lose weight. You start looking at properties on Zillow and go, where do I want will help you lose weight. You start looking at properties on Zillow and go, and go, where do I want to live? What do I want to do? And by the way, I want you to make sure this has, it's definitely a two bedroom because your chicks gonna have

friends spending the night, okay? Your chick is gonna be so fucking hot. And so we're gonna be doing like a dating game type thing on this live show. I'm excited for the life that you get to have. Is that fucking bizarre? Yeah. I'm excited for the brand new life he gets. He's gonna get a great life. I need you to understand that you're getting a new life.

That you're getting a brand new life. You're going to be skinny and rich. Nadov, we're setting you up to win. I mean, worst case scenario, Nadov, if you actually go after this and fail, you're gonna be like 50 pounds less. Right. And you're still gonna get a life. And by the way, and you still have your good life now.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I don't dislike my life now. Right. But it's gonna be a long way. I gotta ask you this, because it's all started with one stupid fucking joke. I know. You know, what was the joke? When I said Nadov asked cause it's all started with one stupid fucking joke. I know, you know? What was the joke?

When I said Nidav asked if we could be a count of bill of buddies. Oh yeah. And then we became a count of bill of buddies. And then I started losing weight and then he was vulnerable. And he just told me he was like, I had a bad week. And I said, well, and why I said, I wanna fix it.

Nidav, I love Nidav. I love Nidav. I really do. I love you too, Bert. It's so bizarre, I didn't think I'd like you. And I've said that a bunch. I've said that a bunch. You'll hear that on an upcoming episode

that was done at my house. Yeah. But I didn't think you'd like me. Not he went all. He went into detail. Because you know why? Because you don't care about me. Like me, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

go get me wrong, get me wrong. When we first met, no, when we first met, you don't care about things. Like you don't care about celebrity, you don't care about certain, you don't care about certain things you don't care about and that are important to me. Like I wanted him to care about me.

And wanted him to be like, so you're a bird. He didn't give a fuck about that. He was like, hi, that's how Nadov met me. He was like, hi. And then he was like, now, like he's a very regular person. He's the Pete Davidson podcast producers. Very regular, yeah, very regular. Oh, Nadov, you can get, you can get a celebrity now. the Pete David Sid and podcast producers. Very regular. Yeah, very regular.

The dove you can get you can do this. Liberty now. Wait, let me ask him something and you can't cut in on this. I don't say word. Don't say anything because I sense don't say anything. I sense a little uneasiness, hesitation. Are you and I want you to answer honestly, are you into this challenge? Be honest.

I'm into it. You do want to do it. Yeah, I mean, April 5th is a little... No, no. That's the date. Are you into that? Because you have to voluntarily... Yeah. I mean, look, like if I'm in it, I'm 100% in it. Are you into that because you have to voluntarily?

Yeah, I mean, look, like if I'm in it, I'm 100% in. And are you? I am. With that date. With April 5th. And with the challenge at hand. Like you really. I'm going to try my hardest to get down to do it.

Nope, nope, nope, that's not the talk we need to hear. I will get down to 200 whether I fucking die or not. That's what I like to hear and to have. No doctors, just do it. Are you on blood pressure medicine now? I'm on no medicine right now. Then you're fine, buddy. You're fine, you don't need anything.

You don't need doctor supervision. I had diiveticulitis though. That's kind of like a thing. Yeah, but that's just diarrhea, right? It's a symptom. Yeah, I am pretty fucking buzzed off of two beers, three beers, three beers. Let's be honest. Who lies to themselves?

Guys like me and Adav. That's why we came to eat. Tom's on his phone. No, I'm just okay. What are you talking to? Um, nobody. I was trying to see if we can get the trainer out. You think I want to get get him on about doing this.

Yeah. What do you think Joe would think? I'd be like, do it man, you're a savage, fucking do it. Get on steroids, Nadov. Now I'm in, now I'm definitely. Why not? Yeah, let's fucking cycle baby.

I'm so excited for April Fit. Yeah, let's fucking cycle baby Um I am so excited for April fit but but but so what happens? What happens if we get to like February and I was like I'm too 90 And we're like you think I'm gonna gain weight when sometimes sometimes people give up on themselves I'm look I have a mirror in my house. I've seen an after a bunch This is the the fatdest stuff bit, you think I'm gonna be the fatdest stuff bit and then be like, you know what we should do, we should gain 20 pounds of muscle on top of this? I can't- Or more 20 pounds of fat? What's my goal weight?

What is your goal weight? This is interesting. Oh, from the tops of 200, I have to be at 200. I think the opposite, I think, if an adopt- I think you should get to do 75. No way. What are you doing? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Oh, I wish I could tell you the inside joke. Oh my God. This is the greatest podcast. Yeah, I could do this. I would, I like,

when I get to heaven, I want God to say, I'm out of a big fan of two bears. I hope you guys are still planning on doing it every week. I'm like, Tom's dead too, and he was like oh you didn't hear On April 5th you guys all died from laughing And the dog died too. We're all up here. Are you gonna try to get down? I mean I'm trying right now. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I do whatever right you put anything on me. I want to do it I like that. I love I'm jealous. I'm not fatter and the dove

I want I want a million dollar challenge. Okay, I mean like I look at like I'm like I'm when this comes up I get so excited any challenge. I love every challenge. Yeah, I can only succeed on Challenges for some fucking reason is that the only way my brain works? I don't, if you say do this, then I can do it. Give me something. Give me something. No, don't, do you think you can get down to 200? I think it's gonna be crazy, but like, if you guys are setting me up with on it

and like I'm putting in two things, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, We are setting you up to win. We want, I want you to win. I want to win. I want you to win. Everyone watching want you to win. No, everyone. I'm sure there's some people that don't want you to win. But we get you in and on it and you start slow but it starts the diet thing is the thing. And that's why I want to feel like maybe trifecta will hop on. I don't know. You know what?

I'll reach out to trifecta right now and see if they can send you meals. Nidav and all you do is eat their pre-portion meals I think I might have to go keto To like really shred that weight, right? I'm cool with it. Yeah, and put keto before I'm trying to affect trifecta is fucking awesome delivery Delivery they deliver meals to your house and they're all like fruit not frozen but cold put them in your fridge They are fantastic. They taste awesome. I mean legit. I wanted them to do our bus tour

But I couldn't get to them in time and then I just you know, whatever okay, all right, but trifecta would be the fucking Tits I'll reach out to trifecta now You better go for a mother fucking walk today, man. The top of whatever you want to do. Have you eaten yet today? No, I've just had coffee. That's what it is. Yeah, that's, this is the perfect start.

Yeah, is the food here? Yeah. We're doing a celebration meal. We should do a celebration meal. What should we celebrate with? Whatever tacos they got. Is that what they got? They got tacos and beer.

Tacos and beer? Yeah. That's how we're gonna get them on the right track. It's not the best way, but yeah. So this is the last cheat meal before I'm on my path to 200, road to 200. Yeah. No, wait, you said you're 5'10?

Hey, can we, maybe 5'9". Can we,'re 510 hey, can you maybe 5 9 can we let's hey can we I Would love what I would love Is I would love to be able to track this what's matter? I always wait nothing. I would I would love to track this HBO style Can we do a vlog a separate vlog Where we have people tracking his on it jet journey. Does that my mind not I'm not saying the right things. I don't know. Can we do a YMH vlog? A Nadav weight loss vlog? The people can track that Nadav we get you

to like record yourself, talk about your journey, what you're going through, times when you're weak, times when you're strong, we'll get someone to maybe follow and track them to, to, to on it to watch his workouts. We talk with trainers. Sure. And kind of like do everything. I think that would be fun.

Yeah. We'd add another little journey into it so that when we, I really want to build to April 5th so that everyone tunes in. I want the people from entertainment news. Is that the name of the thing? E? I love drinking.

I love it so much. I will never quit drinking. Enough, you realize there's like a high probability that like, I don't know, in a few hours this whole thing falls apart, right? Right? Uh-huh. Okay. Uh-uh, we've dedicated an episode to it.

That's true, we have. People are committed. Okay. They're definitely... I mean, I'm into it. Look, I'm all in. You're in? Yeah, I'm in.

So then, do we announce it on social media today? Um, or do we wait until this episode here? It's because he's starting his journey now. He should, um, get started, and then we can announce it later. I think that's a good idea. Yeah. Blumons a hard transition from these. What is this founders beer?

What you need to do native is go from here to a grocery store. Yeah. I mean, I went yesterday. I've been cooking for myself recently. Okay. All right. All right. If you get to work out with this guy, John, wait, when am I here again?

I don't know. Oh, in January. Yeah. I almost took the dog with me this morning. I should have taken you with me this morning in the dog. I'm sorry. Ah, that's alright, Bert. I still love you.

We'll get you some kettlebells. Mm-hmm. You got to really get into sawing. Wait, what's your challenge? That's what we're this really... I don't know. What do you want it to be? How, what way can you get up to and still be healthy?

I feel really good question. Yeah. I bet I can maintain my weight at 250, I bet I can stay at 250 and be very healthy. But the question is, can I get bigger and stay healthy? Yeah, I bet I could. 280? I bet I could. Should I go to 280? Dude, do you know how funny some of that stuff is? How quick how quickly can you get to 80 pull up the picture of fat bird again I kind of like fat bird like the the picture the of the guy that Tom stabbed oh Oh, yeah, I actually think that guy is so likable.

He's super likable. No, not him, me as him. Oh, I got you. Yeah. Tell me you don't love this guy. Yeah, yeah. He's a, it's just Tom Nicholson. I think that is the most likable bird you could ever see.

Except my face wouldn't look like that. That's my real face, right? That is your real face. Yeah, that's... So that's... How do I just get my belly and legs fatter? Probably food and alcohol. I'm thinking...

Vodka. Yeah. My sheen is pretty good. My... sheen. What are you guys? You tell this story all the time? I say, yeah. uh... sheen ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Really? Yeah. So then, Nadav, my whole point of all of this is then once you lose the weight, you're out of the compound with us, right? Oh, wait, I didn't know that was a part.

If I lose that weight, then I have to move in with you guys. Yeah, me, me and any. This is a part of the thing I didn't know about. You know, okay, let's just take it out then. Me and Annie are buying a sick ass fucking house, okay? And you said same house or it's just like houses in the same... Goose. If I got a compound and it was like, it's on a quarter-sack the one I'm looking at.

And if I got a compound, could I build your house and then you live with us? Yeah, I mean, if I'm not sharing any walls with you guys, down. Oh, okay. Oh yeah, that's a bunch of tiny houses. Now that you're gonna be skinny skinny you'll be able to fit them It's a good idea. I You know can I tell you I feel like I feel bummed that I didn't I have so many good ideas in my life that I never Followed through with

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How many, what do you think the best idea you ever had is? Fuck. I don't know, man. It doesn't even matter. Isn't it crazy that you had an idea about trying

to stand up and you follow through with it and then you're here? Yeah, that's true. A bizarre. Yeah, just an idea. That's true. And there are people watching this going, I always want to try to stand up.

Yeah. And if you don't do it, then you don't do it. Yeah. I remember lying to the lady. Wait, tell me about the first time you just stand up. Well, what happened was I was at the ground links. And there was a bunch of, there was comics in my class, right? I still remember Sam Tripoli was in my class. Really? And he was like, you should try stand up.

You'd like stand up, dude. And then I was like, ah, I followed him around one time to see it. I didn't know how it worked. I was like, how do you, how, you'd like stand up, dude. And then I was like, yeah, I followed him around one time to see it. I don't know how it worked. I was like, how do you, how do you, how do you, you want to clubs with him? Yeah, I wasn't doing spots, like three spots. Then there's another guy named Nick Wagner. And he's a writer. Now still, he writes on like shows and stuff all the time.

And he did stand up. And he was like, here come with me. So I followed him. Big trouble, I'm gonna say right now. Nick Wagner. Yes, NICWEGNER. I think is how you spell it. Let's see. Yeah, that's him.

That's him. So he was in my class. Is there a podcast on ear wolf? There you go. Next good to you. Funny guy. Great. So God, he does have great hair. So he walked me into this club, the cat club on sunset. And there was a lady booking the show named Kathy. And she was like, Oh, hey blah blah blah. You know, I was gonna watch him do a spot.

Yeah. And then he goes, this is Tom, he's a comic. And she just was like looking at something and she goes, oh, do you wanna do the show like April 23rd? Like that. And I was like, yeah. And she was like, okay, you're booked. And then because he was just like, yeah, he's a comic.

Yeah. And then she just went to talking and then he was like, you got a spot. And that was your first open mic was? So it was like three weeks later and it was at the Good Bar, which is no longer around on sunset. Oh, you remember that, please. That was the first one.

And I told you how I first went on stage, right? So there was the, I didn't know, I was like super nervous, obviously. And there was the line up, which looked like this. It was just names. And they were like, you're six. I was like, all right. And I actually had a drank a beer.

And I was like, I might need another beer in a second. And that host was up there. And she just goes, all right, now first comic, Tom, Siger, S first comic, Tom, Sigerra, Sigerra, I was like, I thought I was six. And I walk up on I go, I thought I was six. And she looks down, she's like, oh yeah. I did it, no, that'd be serious.

Yeah. So I was supposed to be six and I went first. And how'd you do? I mean, I'm sure it's, I have it on tape. I have first. And how'd you do? I mean, I'm sure it's, I have it on tape. I have it. And we will be playing that April 5th on our live show where the dog weighs in for $1 million. Yeah.

It went, yeah, here's the thing for a, here's how stupid I am, this is hilarious. It went well enough, like I don't know that it was terrible, I'm sure it's terrible, stand up. But I got like a couple laughs, here's how stupid I am. I invited people to come to it and didn't tell them it was my first time.

So when they were like, when you do it, like someone was like, we do it in Saturday, I was like, I'm doing stand up. And they went, you're a stand up. And I instead of going like, well I'm trying it for the first time, I was like, we doing a stand-up. I was like, I'm doing a stand-up. And they went, you're a stand-up. And I instead of going like, well, I'm trying it for the first time, I was like, yeah, I do stand-up. That's such a burnt thing. Yeah, and then like, I know.

And like, eight of them came. Really? This group, yeah, because they were other like improv and they were like, oh, like, I don't remember what they thought, they must have been like, I was terrible, but I was like, yeah, I do stand-up up and they're like, I was fun to watch you do stand up. So how soon from that moment did I meet you? So that was April of 2002.

Very quickly. And I met you. 2003 or four? Wait, what was Georgia born? 2004. I remember seeing Georgia as a baby in the green room at Brea. Yeah. So that's probably when I around me. Oh, I met you before then. I remember seeing George as a baby in the green room at Brea. Yeah. So that's probably when I around me.

Oh, I met you before then. So I met you probably a three. I met you like a year after. I met you a three. You met me when I was still dating me in. Okay. Yeah. Wait, um, it's so funny.

Can I tell you what bums me out about me? Sometimes I don't ever listen to other people and I'm not curious about other people. Like I just want to tell you my story. Look, I I'm oh my flaws. I know what's wrong with me Yeah, all the things that people hate about me. Oh, all the way. That's why I was thinking about yesterday about when we were talking about the Tim and Eric Parodies, I was like I would hate parody of me because it would it would it would highlight all the things I already don't like about myself All of us I would hate the one about me too

um But like I get bummed out when I hear like a good story that I should have already known things I already don't like about myself. Well, at all of us, I would hate the mind about me too. But I get bummed out when I hear like a good story that I should have already known. Oh, right, right, right. Like I have a really good friend named Eddie Fernandez and he said to me one time, he said, my sister and I said, you have a sister? I'd known the guy for fucking 10 years. Yeah.

He gave you a sister. He was, yeah, I said, no, that, and he goes, of course, you didn't know that. You don't care about anyone but yourself. And I went, but he wouldn't be mean. He goes, did you know I also have a brother? I said, yeah, Mario, and he goes, I have another brother.

I said, I didn't know that. And he goes, yeah, yeah, I know. He's like, I, except for you, for who you are. I kind of feel the same way about you. Yeah, I just, I just don't, even sometimes I'll ask questions like, like I'll say something and then you'll say it to me and I won't listen. Yeah.

Is that a problem? But I'm saying the things that, that bother people about you don't bother me about you. Does that make sense? It does make sense. Clearly, that's what I think why we're still together. Yeah, in't that funny? I don't know if Joe has any brothers and sisters.

You don't? Nope. And I know I've asked him. Yeah. I don't listen. Does he? He's a sister. He does?

Yeah. Is he my brother? No. Yeah, and then I get confused. Like, like, is there already have any brothers? Yeah. He does? Yeah. Yeah, I get and then I get confused like like like uh, is this already having any brothers? Yeah, he does. Yeah, for real.

Mm-hmm. Oh, it's got a brother from Switzerland. He's got another sibling too. He does? Yeah. Maybe too. Do you have any brothers? No.

So do you when you meet like how did you know this? Just remember it from over time. Not crazy. You have two sisters. Where do I fall? I know you're going to have a son. I know you've got a younger sister. Okay. I know that. I think you're the oldest.

Really? I do. I'm not. God damn it. One lives in South Carolina. She used to. She lives in Florida Carolina. She used to. Yeah. She lives in Florida now. They both live in Florida. I see all their one. Yeah, all their one.

I'm the middle. Really? Yeah. There's certain things I do know about your sisters that are the highlight things I know. Yeah. But they're not the things that like you Denver shared at dinner party. Like someone goes to some square have two sisters. I go, yeah, one is dot, dot, dot.

And then they go, why the fuck are you telling everyone that? And I go, that's the two sisters? I go, yeah, one is dot, dot, dot, and then they go, by the fuck you telling everyone that and I go, that's the thing I remember. Yeah, yeah. I knew that was in Vietnam. Yes, true. Your mom's from Peru. Mm-hmm. Your, your, I, I, yeah, I don't know if that's it.

That's it. There, you, you were born in Ohio, but you moved to South Florida, but you moved a lot when you were a kid. Yeah. Um, push has an Indian brother? No.

An Indian sister. Three Indian step sisters. From who? From her stepdad. From her mom. Her her mom remarried her mom passed away right and I remember I really upset her one time really yeah what the day her mom died you you upset her that day yeah yeah yeah we were Montreal when her mom died that's right and I said she was pregnant with Ellis right yeah and I said she was pregnant with Ellis Right, yeah, and I said oh I wonder if your mom met Ellis in heaven I just went oh Why would you say that and I was like I don't know? Do you think they're hanging out and they know each other and she's telling her stuff about you?

She was like, I don't want my mom to tell my kid anything about me and I was like sorry Because I guess her mom weren't like best friends. No, no. That's why her and Leanne are friends, because Leanne and her mom are not best friends. They're not new. Is her mom alive? Yeah. Very pretty.

Really? Very pretty. Very pretty. And by the way, a fucking, I'd Leanne would hate that I'm saying this. A good time. I liked her. A better once.

A better one time. And that crazy. Yeah this. A good time. I liked her. A matter of once. A matter of one time in that crazy. Yeah. A matter of one time we went down. She just totally turned it like, like, flink. Like, never had a problem. Never met, never met her in like 12 years, whatever.

Georgian and Eilor, like, walking around and, we met her and she was like, You'd never met her the whole time never met her I call she I talked to her on the phone one time and I said I said I'm so shocked you have a southern accent And she it offended her and she said but the on the phone because she was a huge runway model like she was a huge runway model She the woman is absolutely beautiful huge runway model and Leanne I answered the phone. And she has a great Southern accent. And I just, because she had traveled the world modeling,

I just didn't think she'd have a Southern accent. And I went, you have a Southern accent. And she goes, excuse me, put Leanne on the phone. And that's last I ever spoke to her. That was it. I said, you have a Southern accent. You have a Southern accent. And then, uh. And so they? I said, you have a son of that, it's all I said. You have a son of that accent. And then,

And so they didn't, she wasn't a part of your guy's life because they didn't talk? They didn't talk, they've had issues, you know, mom, daughter of one or another, I'm not sure, I don't speak for either of them. Yeah, for they've had issues similar to like, Leanne or her mom, or a Bush and her mom. Yeah.

And then the one time I met her, we went to, we went to George, we were in Georgia, and we were at her grandparents' house, and her mom showed up. Lovely, I mean, lovely woman. We had the nicest time. It was so fucking bizarre, because I had never spoken to her,

but she was the sweetest person. We went, the girls hung out with her. Everyone's like, fall in love with this woman. We go to the restaurant and have Mexican food with her grandfather, her grandmother, her mom, but it's such a great time. And then her mom said to me, this was fun.

I can't wait to do this again. I go, that's the number, I was drunk. I was like, that's never gonna happen. She was what you mean? I said, I don't think I'll ever see you again. She was, why? I said, I just met you now. I can't believe I'll ever see you again.

She was, what is that supposed to mean? I said exactly what I said. I don't, I just met you now for the first time in 12 years. I can't believe I will ever see you again. I'm never seen again. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Yeah. I liked her. It bummed me out that she's not in our kids' lives, but my kids don't know. They don't fucking give a fuck. Yeah. They don't care at all. They don't, But I don't think they want me in their life. I'm moving to Austin, what the fuck am I talking about? They're dives on a weight loss journey. They're dives, all these are all things you got to look forward to when you're skinny.

It's gonna be awesome. By the way, so someone met the mess to be asked to, you know that like when somebody like, let's say they Google whatever, Joe Koi tickets, Burk Ratt, they're just like a photo that they throw up. It's like a website will just pull the one for you on SeatGeek. Is this one? Is that hilarious?

That's the one they use. Jesus Christ, I hate my face. I'll never, I'm gonna, is that after the, well, that's the weekend after the, the waitlock challenge. That's why it's shaped. That's why it's shaped. I have no beard because of you. And that's the picture they use.

Why would they put that up? I have a hard time finding pictures of myself online these days because of ticket sales. Because people put ticket sales everywhere. Yeah. And so like you type in Berkreicher Sacramento, it's all that comes up to Sacramento dates, you know? Yeah. It's interesting, Joe Koi comes up with my name a lot. Isn't that interesting?

Really? Yeah, if I type in Berkreicher something, it's always Joe Koi always comes up. Probably because you're both on tour, right? I must be Yeah, that's right. She's a he's a shockingly solid dude like me meaning like sturdy muscular Isn't that crazy? I didn't know that yeah, he's like a I think he's pretty jacked really he has got he's one of those guys that's got like Bone density. He's got big thick legs, big shoulders. Like if he's squatting down there, like it's nothing.

Look at him. He moves around well. Moves around well. He does move around well. Yeah, I believe it. His relationship with his son is so great. I can't wait to have that boy. I know.

They really are. I kind of wait to have that boy and I was divorced. Wouldn't that be cool? Sure. I would really connect with that boy. You think so? Yeah, being divorced and with a son. Yeah, nice move. I hit another fucking park. Fucking the women are crazy, aren't they? Yeah, right? Instead I got fucking women in my life. Like if I got divorced, there's no way the girls would ever side with me or Understand me at all on anything

They'd empathize they feel bad for me. They pity me. That's it. Yeah, that's the only thing I could get from two daughters if I was divorced was pity I couldn't get like Yeah, dad I get it now. Yeah, you get a son. He's like finally You know yeah, we've got divorce from Christina Those boys with fucking love you so much more. I don't know They love their mom way more than me, so are you gonna teach your boys how to water ski? I don't know maybe I think it'd be fun to get them out on the lake. Can I be a part of this? Okay, cuz I'm Can I be a part of this? Okay.

Because I'm a, I'm a, I definitely talk both our girls out of water ski. And you're excellent wakeboarder. And Leanne is obsessed with it. So what I want to do, what I'd like to do, I'm an amazing wakeboarder. What I'd like to do is I would like to come down with Leanne. Okay.

And have Leanne, here's the key. Leanne teach your boys water sports because they won't fight back with her, but they'll fight back with you guys. So when you teach a kid something, this is what I've learned, is that if you're the parent, there's they have leeway with you. Yeah, you know, they have outs.

That's why Koreans never do homework with their own kids. Do you know that? No. Yeah. Koreans never do homework with their own kids. They come home and they switch kids and then they go I'll take your kid you take my kid because you don't ever talk back to another parent But your own parent you're giving a little sass. I don't want to do this

Yeah, but if someone else is parent we learned that when we went to the third street That was a predominantly Korean school. Yeah, and so Koreans never do homework their own kids So when the kid goes home and goes to another parents house from where went when we went to this place Third-Street school on fucking whatever it is in LA third street third street. Yeah, when we went to this place, third-street school on, fuck, whatever it is, in LA. Third-street? Third-street. I don't think it's on third-street.

Oh, okay. All the enough. Oh, it is, I'm sure it is. It wouldn't call third-street. Oh, man. Oh, man. We were having a problem, there was a lot of homework. Because there was a problem in the Korean school,

so the standard was up here. Like, they expected a lot out of them. And so we had a hard time and they said, who does standard was up here. Like they expected a lot out of them. And so we had a hard time and they said, who does homework with Georgia? And they're like, we do. And they're like, no, you don't do that. Switch it.

Send them down to Roy Choi's house. Yeah. I have Roy, have Roy's wife, I want that, but of Roy's wife, do with her and you do with Roy's daughter. And that's easier that way. We're like, for real? And I'm like, yeah, that's what we do.

That's what we Koreans ran it back then. So that's what we do with Leanne. We take her out in here. And then we have her teach the boys. Because it's a lot, it's scary. And they're gonna wanna push back. And but have Leanne teach him how to get up on water skis. Have him teach all that shit.

Have other parents do it. And then we get Leanne down here. She falls in love with this compound, the doveskinny. We got a credit question in the boat with us. You're a fun dreamer man. I live in dreams. I know It's a lot of fun. I live in dreams. But these dreams are gonna come true You have another beer Jesus. I have one more beer We're gonna wrap up here. Are you doing all the reads because I don't know if I can read How many reads do we have? Yeah? If you maybe should hold on a second Okay, okay, let's see real quick what the what if people would chip in okay?

Yeah If people would chip in God damn it didn't upload What the fuck? We're good. Let's wrap this up. Tacos? Yeah.

Tacos? Tacos. Cold beer. Yep. And then I think we need to do, do you a scale here, Annie? I think it's a way. I think it's a way.

I was well-do away in and before pictures. Sure, okay. We'll do before pictures. Full of nude. Full of nude. I'll be with them. Yeah. Nidob, let's do nude pictures where we're docking,

like our cocks are touching. Yeah, yeah. Now I've got all the rails. All right, I love you. I love you too. I'm Bert. Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes top and swad the other, wears a shirt.

Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean. Here's what we call, two bears one cave No scripts to bet a booze amateur for topology Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies Here's what we call, two bears one cave you