2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 123 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer discuss what they think Bert's daughter's college experience will be like due to Bert's "party guy" persona, their tastes in fashion and art, and Bert's process of perfecting his stand-up routine. Bert shares a joke he wrote about Joe Rogan and Neil Young, and The Bears discuss their nicknames and brainstorm which rappers have the best nicknames. They wrap up by looking at videos of paragliding and ziplining accidents.

It was gonna melt off. It was gonna break, because he was going so fast. Do you see that guy put the scalpel through the head of his penis? Is that your thing? I can't do that. I don't know what's... Is that your thing? I get it, but the thing that you showed Joe...

100% Hey guys, brand new... What am I doing again? I was doing broadcast in drill. Yeah, guys, brand new bird. Hey guys, all new two bears one cave from the West Coast studios, the West coast, the West coast, a lot of centric studios, bird centric. This is a visual representation of two bears one cave. This is how this is how I was. Oh, there's one of me. Okay. I got one of you in the center. It's just that's enough. I need to mix this up. I was in a panic and I just all the art I had. So I did this. What do you do with the art? Otherwise, this the thing, you know? And it's like,

I'm these part posters are representative of the time of my life. And then I like him. Um, this is kind of rough because I go, it's just all me. But I like, what are you supposed to put pictures of someone else up? You realize how, how, um, I don't know, 30 years from now or something, your daughters will have this stuff in their homes, you know, and will have this stuff in their homes, you know? And somebody will come over who doesn't know who you are. And they'll go like, what is that? Why is there a guy stripping at your house? Yeah, who is the guy? And they'll be like, that's my dad.

I know. That's already happening to them. I'm sure when they go to college, when Georgia goes college, it's going to be rough. No one asked sure when they go to college, when Georgia goes college, it's gonna be rough. No one asks what their dad does in college, so right? Yeah, they do. People will be like, you know, where you, oh, you know, especially she'll be like from LA.

So LA already has like, you know, show biz. We're like, well, actually, yeah. Yeah. And then when like the guys who party? Find out. Do you know how many? Do you know how many do you know how many the frat's find out Do you know how many uh Chili willies like the guy the guy that like the guys a little bit of a mess

We're just out of the party kind of nervous talk to girls life of the party Another gagger and then they're like you know that's the machines daughter. He's like oh Another gagger and then they're like, you know, that's the machines daughter. And he's like, oh, yeah, she'll see in me what she sees her dad. Of course. So, she'll see, oh, also when they'll be like, hey, this is like, like, like, one of the engineering kids made an apparatus that can like, force the high volume beer that we like, get cry over here. Have her try it.

See, I'm nervous. It's I'm nervous that people are gonna say to her, like they're gonna think she has to party because she's my daughter. Yeah. But you know what, she will be hanging at least like her social circle will be a lot of girls. And they're not gonna be like,

I thought you'd get lit like you're fucking dad. Anel Charks, your dad talked about her on two bears one gave. Anel Charks. That's cool to her. It'll be, by the way, I dressed up for you. I see that. And then I dressed up for you by the way, you always outdressed me. Like, I don't understand you can talk about it.

Do you like dressing up? Yeah. You do like dressing up. I like clothes, but you not were always not that guy. I actually kind of was until I wasn't and then I went back to it. So you were. Yeah. And then you gained weight. And you were like, I'll just take this dicky-stee shirt. I was just like, I'll just give up on life. I mean, you know what I mean?

Like when you're, like when you're 27 and you're like, oh, this was the dumbest decision I ever made to pursue. But like, I'm just, I'm in it now. Yeah. And you're fucking so poor. You're not like, what clothes should I get, you know? I've never been, I've never been a clothing guy. Yeah, I was as a kid too.

And I actually remember like in high school, middle school, high school caught like getting like, you know, you dress really nice. Like and I was like, oh, you know, I didn't like, wasn't like an obsession, but I mean, I liked it. I'm never, um, I, I, you're known for not wearing moat, like mostly not wearing clothes. And my whole life, and I remember, I remember I had to change hairstyles at time because they dictated it clothing. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, like I, I dyed my hair bleached blonde and collage. You wear that guy. Oh, yeah.

How long did you have a day at lunch? Fucking three times. Really? Yeah. But what happened was I found that when you had your hair dyed like that, you then had to dress like you had your hair dyed like that. You couldn't just put on a collar shirt and go to the fucking store. Yeah.

You had to wear the fucking band T shirt and the long pants and the like you had to dress like that guy and it was exhausting. You called it today dressing up. I put these these are brand new shoes. I've never. Those are nice. Those are very nice. These are Jordans. Yeah. I got them at what was the name? What what what what Peter do you know the name of the rest the shoe place we went to? the rest the shoe place we went to. Superplex sneakers in Philadelphia hooked us up. Those are nice. And so they brought these out and they're like,

these are nice. I put these on for you. I put jeans on. Wait, what would you have worn? Actually, I have it. The other one was gonna wear black tights and a T-shirt and no shoes. Okay.

And I like, you have a nice T-shirt and no shoes. Oh, okay. And I like. And you have a nice T-shirt on. Oh, this is the James Perth. I love James Perth. That's nice, though. James Perth is the nicest. See, that's what I like about. I like to be low-skinned.

When did you get on some James Perth shit? I did a photo shoot for probably secret time and had a stylist and a softist, right? Yeah, and I, no, no, my little sister, Coddy, put me on, she goes, you need James first. It's a good looking shirt. And I remember getting on, I was like, what the fuck is $70 for a T-shirt?

And she was like, yeah, but they fit nice. They look nice, they feel nice. And so now all I really have is James purse T-shirts. Yeah. And so I wore James purse t-shirts. Yeah. And so I wear James purse t-shirts. That's why when I take my shirt off on stage, people are like, give me your shirt.

I'm like, it's $70. I can't give you this one. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I like being low key dressed up, meaning like the stuff you have on is nice, but you're not, like, I've never been in a wear place or like I just don't look. That's a nice one too. It's pretty as nice, but you're not, like I've never been able to wear a blazer. Like I just don't look, that's a nice one too. It's pretty nice.

Yeah, and then shoes aren't even like, there's something different. Yeah, yeah. Like they're not, are they Adidas? They are. But they're like a collab of Adidas. Exactly. So,

Adian, because we were talking about this earlier, how do you know what you like? Wouldn't that be how do you know, how do you know what you like? Wouldn't that be cool if you had a website that taught you what you like? Because I don't know what I like. Wait, wait, but taught you what you like. Don't you feel like though the older you like the older you get the more you become certain of what you like? I feel more grounded in what I like as opposed to what you're describing. I feel like I was like that for a fucking decade But now people you know go what do you want to eat? I'll be like I'll say it, you know,, I feel like I was like that for a fucking decade, but now people, you know, go, what do you want to eat? I'll be like, I'll say it, you know, what do you want to

wear this? What do you, like, you know, you just become more sure of yourself? Uh, no. No. And what if you said, what do you want to wear? I'd say tracksuits. Tracksuits. And that's what you like. Workout clothes. Um, I wear jeans because that's part of the outfit you have to wear as a guy. Like you're going to do stuff. Yeah. Um, as far as shoes, I, I wear jeans because that's part of the outfit you have to wear as a guy. Like you're going to do stuff. Yeah. Um, as far as shoes, I always wear footflops.

That is true. I just would always wear. Are you answering your own question? You know what you like? You like it. But I mean, no, no, no, like, like, uh, you, you, someone they told me about this watch, Patek. Yeah.

Patek, believe is that what it is? Yeah. And Steve's, Steve Fury, we're in Vegas and he goes, protect fleet. That's what all the rappers wear. And I was like, oh, cool. And so the other day, I was thinking about getting Georgia watch for graduation. Yeah. And I'm protecting. But I'm fully. Jesus. So I wouldn't even know what I, yeah, no shit, right? I wouldn't even know what I liked in one of their watches. Yeah. Like if they had one with my face on it, I'd be like, that's one I like.

It's pretty rad. Yeah. There, there, I mean, I, I couldn't even tell you like when you see someone with a sense of fashion, like Kanye West. Yeah. And you go, how do you know you like that? Like how do you know? Like you go, this is dope. And then you're like, it's almost like NFTs. I don't really get NFTs the same way I don't get fashion, the same way I don't get art, the same way I don't even, you don't get art though. Looking around, this is the art I put up.

It's me. Yeah, but I mean, if you walk through a place with art, you, nothing registers. I mean, you know what you like, you know, if you're like, I like that painting, right? No, I've never, I've never actually never been like, that's a good looking painting. If you didn't look at the prices, would you know which one of those you liked? Okay. Well, this is stupid. I'd go with, uh, if I had to buy a wash for myself, I'd probably either go with the blue one, because I just

like things are blue. What do that black one that looks like it has a solar system? Yeah. What do that black one that looks like? It has a solar system. Yeah. And it's $650,000. So also the things I know I like is if they're expensive. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, like I like expensive. I'll tell you when I definitely pull that move.

I know a few names, but only a few. And if I'm at grocery store, wine store, and I'm like, what kind of wine? I'm like, I just find a type of wine. I'm like, how much is it? Okay. That's perfect. That's perfect. Yeah. Like I know, or you know, you can call some but like, itching post is pretty good. K-MIS. Yeah. K-MIS is good. Like, but I go, I look at the top and I'll go, uh, $45. It's got to be good. It's got to be like 20, I'll take 20, you know. But like when it's like, six, 99,

you're like, that's probably not good wine. Can I tell you, I'm obsessed with fit fine. Really? I don't know if they're still sponsors. If they're listening, I, it's all I'm drinking right now. It's all I'm drinking. Fit fine, fit fine. And I'm saying this,

I know they're not sponsored this episode. Yeah, but I'm saying this for real, you do not get hung over when you drink fit fine. There's no hangover. That's the main thing. For me, for me. Sugar. It's no sugar.

So I get up, I get up, I work out. Hard as fuck the next day. And I feel good. And it's like a ball of Sarah, Ghibliana glass, I drink the rest, and I feel good. I and it's like a ball of Sarah, give me anaglas I drink the rest and I fucking sleep great. You already worked out today. No, I know we're dealing with the weather issues. And so I was going to get up at six and workout and I slept and I'm sleeping a lot lately. So I was like, I'm going to sleep up until eight, I saw an ad, a polar plunge. And then I got dressed and plunged, and then I got dressed, and I was this,

and then I was, and then, or like I canceled today, so we're not flying today, so I was like, I have the whole day, I'll just work out today. You ordered something crazy. I put my medication every now and then I throw a Xanax in one of the days, and don't tell myself.

And so just to give myself a little surprise, like, like, like, like all of a sudden, it's happened, I did it on the bus one time, where I'll wake up if I'm on the bus when we're driving, I'll wake up like 6 a.m. And I'll go and take my medication and piss. And I took my medication, I went back in the bunk. I woke up at one, like, what happened?

And I was like, oh fuck, I think the Zanahs was in that ham for example, put them in the little pool carriages. Today, I went like, oh fuck, I think the Xanax was in that hand. I'm putting them in the little pool carers. Is today, I went to pop them in and as I went to pop them, I went, oh my God, today's the Xanax day. I didn't even know I just threw it in today. What, what are you doing? That's why I just took it out. I was like, I can't take a Xanax today. So you just are like, you're randomly mixing them into your pillow.

I'm randomly roofing myself and it's such a treat when you go, hold on, did I do it? Yeah, I can. It's such a good feeling. Oh, it's such a good feeling. The, yeah, I don't understand fashion. I don't want to say like pull up a basket yacht, right? What do you mean, you don't,

I don't want to say what you mean, you don't understand fashion. So Kanye West dresses like a goofball. He dresses weird as fuck. Like, and I, like, he's wearing gloves in this oversized jacket and these moon boots. And I go, I, I would never buy that and then go, well, that looks really cool.

No, but you know, fashion designers always go to like another level. They don't dress like normal people. So like, pull up a basket, right? Okay. I'm not certain I could tell you. I like that. I like the I like the dinosaur with the.

Oh, that's because I've seen it on cell phone cases. God damn it. Let me see. Like I'm not sure that I'd be able to tell you how much that's worth. Well, I wouldn't know how much is worth either, but you can't. Do you have a sense of whether you like it or not. Like, I do like it. Yeah, it's cool.

I mean, I don't know if you think it's cool. I'm just saying like, you don't like it, but it's framed against the fact that I know that it's a basket out. Right, right, right, right. That I know that he was an important painter. I'd say his name. I think so. It's not Basasko. It's probably that. Like, uh, like what's a David Joe?

Yeah. He's pulled David Joe. Like, I know he's great. Like, I would love a David Joe painting. Yeah. I mean, I'm never going to forward one, but I don't know. I would love to have him explain what. I would love to have him on the podcast.

I'm going to be a David Joe. Yeah. I'm going to be a David Joe. I'm going to be a David Joe. I'm going to be a David Joe. I'm going to be a David Joe. I'm going to be a David Joe painting. I'm never gonna for one, but I don't know. I would love to have him explain what, I would love to have him on the podcast, my podcast. Like that's cool. Yes.

He's super talented. Is it better than like a very accurate painting of you where I can't tell if it's a picture? It's just a different type of skill set and art. Those hyper realist things. I'll tell you what, last night we're watching, you said something to me one time about your dad, your dad would, he'd be like, he'd defend, he didn't like other comics

because he liked you. So dumb. Leand does that. Last time I'm sitting there, Leand's sitting on a ship hell. I'm sitting there. Leandh is sitting on a ship hell She's like, I don't get it. I was like I'm like on Netflix. We're watching have you seen his his accepting on the mark Twain? Yeah, I think so good. Yeah, it's so good calling Joe's fucking murders that one

I mean everyone kills Neil Brennan It's it's it it's, it's, it's, first of all, everyone's speech to him. But more importantly, it's Dave doing stand-up at DC improv, trying to just mess, messing around. And, uh, and it clearly is messing around. All of it is messing around. Yeah. But she's not watching. I think they played one of his clips from a special, a few clips from a special, it was before that. And she's like, yeah, think they played one of his clips from a special or few clips from a special. It was before that and she's like, yeah, I don't, you know, it's like I'm not like blown away the way you are by Dave Spell. And I was like, I was like, hold on.

I was like, you can't say that. And then I was like, I think she's defending. I think she's defending me, like going, you're better than he is. And then I remember you saying that, like'd be like, that guy's fucking horrible. You wouldn't watch other people. He would go on cruise. And they always have comedians on cruises. Yeah.

And my mom's like, yeah, you know, I would go, let's go to the comedy show. And he would go, what about Tommy? And she was like, what? Yeah. She's like, there's a guy on the ship. Let's go watch the show. And he's like, there's a guy on the ship. Let's go watch the show. And he's like, I wouldn't do that to my son. Like, it's not, you're not

disrespecting me. And he's like, I don't watch anybody but you. I'm like, dude, you should, you should. You might like it. There's nothing about there. Yeah. He did. He just didn't register it. But Liam was doing that last night with she probably was like, she said, she was like, no disrespect to Colin Joost. He was probably that, in my opinion, probably the tightest funniest out of the whole thing. Neil Brennan's awesome. No disrespect to anyone. But one of my most say is, like, Colin Joost goes up and like, he's with Keenan, the guy from Fabburger, Michael Che.

And they both make some okay jokes. They're pretty good jokes. Michael Che was pretty good. I didn't know you had this many old white people, fans, and whatever. And Colin Joes goes up and really fucking killed. And then Leanne goes, he's the funniest one. And I was like, they're just because of Colin Joe's,

but he's not funny with the Dave Chappelle. Like, and just like, he's very, very funny. But we're talking about the guy's getting the Mark Twain award. Like, he's getting it for a fucking reason. He is a genius. He is a fucking sub-ent. Like, he's so good. Even just when he speaks, he speaks and funny. He's talking to the fucking mayor of DC at the time on this thing. And he goes, you're so good, you can smoke crack. Just, I think you're that good. You have that kind of wiggle room with me. But the idea that he says, you have that kind of wiggle room.

That's what, like that. And so I go, like as we talk about art, I go, I definitely know what funny is. But as a broker of comedy, I can't translate that into the market and go, this is a baskeye. Yeah, you're right. I mean, but that is you're right, because we could sit here with like an art dealer and then they could break shit down for us in a way that we don't understand, which I, you know, and then we just have to take their word for it. That's true. Music's an interesting one because we all have exposure to music and we all have preferences and taste and everything.

But you ever, I don't know, you ever listen to a song and somebody who plays music's around, they're like, Jesus, it's a dog shit. And you're like, ooh, it's one of my favorite songs. And they're like, yeah, you know, regular people think this is good. And you're like, oh, you know, libiscate. I was obsessed with libiscate. Like, I mean, they spoke to me. Like,

artistically, I could break down libiscate lyrics. I mean, I was so obsessed with libiscate. And then when like America, they didn't turn on the biscuit, but like that genre was looked at as more, more like plastic, like more fake. I don't know what it was, but like clearly that trend moved away from it. The same way it happened with Motley Crew, where it's like something that was a little different showed up. I was heartbroken. I was like no more libiscate albums.

Like Fred Durst was speaking my language. Yeah. I did it all for the nookie. You love it. Oh, same with Creed. which, yeah. I did it all for the nookie. You love it. Oh, same with Creed, like, Yeah. Like, and then music is interesting because, has that happened with hip hop?

Like has hip hop been divided, the way that rock's been divided? No, yeah. At this point, yeah, because it just got so enormous. Oh, yeah, you got mumble rap and you got everything, man. It's humongous. So how great is DJ premiere? Yeah, how come you know so much more about rap than I do?

Probably because I was obsessed with it as a kid. I was too though. Really? Did you have something like I was too, but I always had, is it because I had to get my second hand, I didn't mind like third and fourth. My rap knowledge was so stepped on by the time it got to me. That like because I was hanging around mostly,

Duju didn't hang around or listen to rap. I mean, I made it like a, did you have, meaning, did you have a dealer as a kid that got you the inside track on rap? Like a buddy. Oh, not really. No, I just would know, I would figure out where to, like at that time, you know, the radio's huge. So I would find like the big hip hop stations,

a lot of times they would introduce you to new stuff. And I would, and I would target, you know, I would go like, obviously I would watch like, you know, TV wraps, I would watch BET, like I would go to platforms where I would be able to consume what was being, it probably would have been cool if I had like a guy who was three years older

and like real dialed in and like a DJ or something. But I remember I used to get singles and play them, you know, and at parties or in someone's car and they would go like, where the fuck did you find this? Like so my friends, for them, to them I was the guy, you know, finding that stuff. Okay, so on the same genre of art, I remember getting introduced to method man. Oh yeah. And, and not understanding it.

Not understanding it? Yeah, not being able to wrap my head around me, my buddy, Mike Osborne, I was in a car. I used to drive safe escort. And I drive girls around campus. And I walk girls around campus, and then on weekends, I drive black chicks to the fam you. Basically, all they took it on weekends.

And this guy was, I think a guy was in the car with these girls who was from Staten Island, was someone from, was from New York in that car. And they were mocking me because all I listened to was like outcast. I think my, I think at the time my, my rap was very focused on South Florida, Florida, Georgia, maybe like MJG and Ape Ball. And they say, have you

never heard of method man? And I was like, no, I got no idea. And I'm like, who's that clan? And I was like, no. And then they start in the fucking car going, who's that clan ain't none to fuck with? And I'm like, I'm like, I'm a little scared. There's like eight fucking eight chicks that are dude in this car slammed in and we're in like a K car. You know what a K car is? And I'm like, okay, all right, guys, I'll get it next like on Tuesday and records dropped. I go to the store. I would go to a record drops on Tuesday. And I bought method man, right? The album pull up the album to cow. The album, I didn't get the cover of the album because it wasn't, it was just like a fucking mouth.

Dude, we had a, we had an already a station. We had a wall where every time he came out with a new A.K.A., it was written in marker. It was like 40 names deep. Are you serious? Yeah, like written down. It was like methaman, to cow, hot nicks, and Johnny Blake, like all the way down. I couldn't that's a great fucking okay that cover that album. I couldn't understand what was what and I know I see Wu Tang right and I've heard them singing in the thing. I didn't know what

Wu Tang was. Yeah. I didn't know what method man was. And that album was like him going, I was like, is he a asthma? And then he had teeth in in like the pictures on the inside of the thing. And I'm like, you see a vampire? Like France? Yeah. And I was like, like what is I was so confused. I remember Literally 100% remember watching You know to be wraps and they were on the set I think mode been five five Friday was on the set of The mystery chess box and on you know to so on that video. That's a video where like they have like the masks on Oh, yeah, he was like he's like we're you know, know, he would do Wu Tang. So it's new. And he and it had a vibe of this is new. This is different and like unpredictable, like almost like kind of scary. Yeah. You know, and then they dropped the video. And you're like, what the, because it

really was a new sound. Like nobody sounded like that. Like really new. Yeah. And then like, like, there's nine guys in this thing. What the fuck's going on? So many people to be in a group. But yeah, that whole sound, that became like, I mean, when that dropped, it was,

it changed everything. Yeah. But I, my commitment to method man, I have never, it's like, it's almost like dating of a woman dating a fat dude and going, I'm going to get him to lose weight. And get him, because I was like, I will figure out why this is good. I was like, there's no way everyone that car was that into it. And I can't find out. Like, did you come around to it or something? Hardcore. Okay. Hardcore. One day, I want to say or something hardcore. Okay, hardcore one day.

I want to say it was the Mary J. Blige video. Yeah. Where I saw I was like where he wasn't dressed up in a costume. He was just a dude. Yeah. And I was like, oh, he's just a, like, I, this sounds so silly, but it was like, I really had to figure it out.

The same way people had to figure out tenant, the movie tenant, like, I had to watch, I had to listen to it a hundred times and go, and then my buddy, Mike Osborne was, uh, would start going, like quoting parts of the song. And we'd find it interesting. Well, all I need is I was talking about. Yeah, I, what was the songs, what were the songs on that album? And then pull up all the myth of man's nicknames and then put them up against

who do you think has the most nicknames Between who and who him big boy from outcast To cow Bring them I came to bring the pain Oh, what the yeah, I like I mean Don't don't shit. I all I need is a hit. And then Cuban links came out. Yeah, and I didn't understand that.

I didn't understand that and I could never turn the corner on it because I thought Cuban links, I didn't know it was a chain. Yeah, I thought it was a person. I was because I was in Florida. So I was like, it's gotta be a Cuban. Some dude in Florida was like, that was like lessons in crime. That's what that is. Here's that. here's how to be a criminal. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that great. That's a great yellow style. Yeah.

Um, I want to know, like, let's look up his nicknames with method man's nicknames. And then oh man, do you think you need more nicknames? Let's add some nicknames to each other. Hot Nick son. Johnny blaze. Um, time remember the iron lung. That's right. Hot nickels. Johnny dangerous. He's a great way. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, start it over because I'm too busy thinking of nicknames for me. Okay. I'm, I'm thinking of a bunch of new nicknames. We got blazini hot nickels iron lung Johnny blaze Johnny dangerous. Mizzah, meth, meth a cow, Mr. meth, Shaqwan, the panty raider, the panier, the cow, the Calian stallion Shaqwan, God, Allah.

Yeah. There's there's it was like it was more than that dude. It was like I feel like it was 20 deep men To pull up pull up big boys nicknames Daddy fat sacks. Yeah, Lucius left foot It's so cool. It's so cool. They it's so good Chico dusty Uh, uh, Chico dusty,

Chico dust general patent general, because his last name's Pat, all right. Hot tubby Tony Francis. Hot tub, hot tub Tony Francis, hot tub Tony Francis, hot tub Tony Francis. Sir Lucius L. Leftfoot. I mean, yeah. Uh, who else has great nicknames for themselves? Like two pop never gave himself good nicknames.

Now he wasn't really a nifty ain't good. No. Notorious B.I.G. I remember being a little confused because I was like, but because I get confused. I didn't really have. There was no Wikipedia to like look at and get your information. So I would look at these things that like you'd someone, you go, wait, who is he? Is he notorious? B.I.G. or is he? Uh, yeah. Big papa. Right. I know that sounds so silly now. No, I know. You couldn't back in the day. You'd be like a little confused about things. Type in rappers with the most nicknames. Who do you think the rapper with the most nicknames is? That's a good search actually.

Who would have the most nicknames? Drake. I bet Puff has a bunch of nicknames, right? Yeah, Puff Daddy, Puffy P. Diddy. Yeah, Diddy. He is Sean. go to seven rappers with the best nicknames. Okay, Travis Scott. Okay, cute. Next one, Drake, next one, next one, champagne poppy. Yeah, little yoddy, next one, Jesus Christ. Give me someone I care about

two chains. Okay, Teddy boy. Mac Miller. Okay, god damn it. Do they have anyone that we listen to? Kung Fu Kenny. Action Bronson's got a lot of nicknames. Go to action, Bronson. Let's see his nicknames. I listen to that action, Bronson. Action Bronson was so smart because when I go to my when I go to my music, Because when I go to my when I go to my music, yeah, the first name that comes up, artists is action bronzing, action fucking bronzing. And so I listen to Dr. Lector and Mr. Wonderful

all the time. Yeah. Oh, I mean, so much. What are his nicknames? Bam, bam. Broncalino, Mr. Baklava. All right. We really didn't need better nicknames.

We do. I'm going to call my, I'm going to give myself. Um, Okay, I got the machine. I mean, that's going to be your big boy, birdie boy, birdie boy, birdie boy. Yeah. Um, they call me baby Churchill.

Uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I mean, I'm bonds T bonds Tommy bonds Tommy bonds big dog big dog. Yeah. Yeah Jeans jeans steak weight steak weight. I just made it Water champ water champ. Yeah, the water champ on the doorbells champ

You're the you're the dumb champ. I'm definitely the water champ on the doorbell champ. You're the dumb champ. I'm definitely the dark champ. Um, uh, what is it? I get yelled at all the time. Don't jump. I just did a bit. I was doing about I was doing about you falling. Yeah. And I was like, it's not, it's like I did it a couple of times on stage. It was just so much fun. And people yell, don't jam. He said don't jam. He, you, I guess a guy saw you last week. And then the next day came to see me.

I don't know if he flew or what. Yeah. We're like walking from the bus to the venue. He's like, hey man, hey. I'm like, we're tired. He's like, I saw a bird last night. He's like, hey man. Hey I'm like we turn he's like I saw a bird last night We're like cool. He's like he said you're fat. I was like Okay, he goes I go all right he goes no, just letting you know I got it. He said you were fat

All right, man. They walked away. I was like, everybody was like, that's it. I'm like, that's it. That's what people do. That's what people stop us for. I'm gonna spend a lot of time this weekend coming up with a list of nicknames that I liked.

I like Baby Winston. What was it when I said, maybe Winston or Baby Churchill? You said Churchill. Baby Churchill, baby Churchill. Um, I need something with titos. Yeah, I need I love I love the titty boy. Like I love that. I love that. Oh, you know, titty boy, titty boy is pretty good. Titty boys are great one. Didn't you have something like from your childhood, where you're like nature, oh, nature boy, nature boy, because I would take my

shirt off in high school. And you're doing that in high, because I would take my shirt off in high school. And you're doing that in high school. Yeah, I was doing that in high school. Just walk around the halls like that. There's a picture of me in my senior year, your book. And I look the best I've ever looked in my entire life. Abs, pecs, delts, and I'm playing Intermir of Football. And I saw it once. I saw it onemir of football. And I saw it once. I saw it one time.

The picture? I saw it one time. And I think about that picture consistent. How that's not up here as something I will never understand. That should be framed and I don't know. Yeah, I should just have, by the way, I look skinny

in all these fucking pictures compared to now. That's the beauty of gaining weight as you always look skinny in old pictures. Yeah. I look at pictures when George was born, I was like, fuck, look skinny and old pictures. Yeah. I look at pictures when George when George was born I was like, fuck I look fat as fuck. Now I look at pictures. Do you have a lot of big names for your kids? Leanne's a nickname. Oh I got fetus. Yeah. Is Is Isla calls me fetus. Really? Fafetus. Oh George and Isla did this. Bertrand McFuzz.

Yeah we have a good demand nickname for kids. Push is a hardcore nickname for us. Big time nickname, give her, yeah. Who's someone who doesn't really have nicknames? Russell Peters, what are his nicknames? Russ. That doesn't count. Joe Rogan doesn't have a bunch of nicknames. I would say Russ probably does have more than we don't know.

Did I tell you my Joe Rogan's story? No. I talked to Joe this morning. Oh, I tell you my Joe Rogan story? No. I talked to Joe this morning. Oh, I'm not told you this at all. No. This is gonna be, this is gonna break the internet, just so you know. Okay.

So you know what happened with Joe and Neil Young, right? Yeah. Do you know why Joe did that video? Why? He ran into Neil Young. No. Yes. He's in Austin had a I had some restaurant or whatever he chose. Sees Neil Young sitting at the bar.

So he goes up to the bar and Joe's like, hey man. I'm really sorry that all the shit going on. I'm a huge fucking fam. And Neil Young's like, ah, sees Joe. I was like, I'm leaving. And he's like, Joe's like, hey, we're two grown adults. We can talk this out. And he's and Joe tells's like, hey, we're two grown adults, we can talk this out. And he's, and Joe tells him a story about, you know, so now it's like fine, fucking reluctantly system the stool and he's like, uh, Joe's like, please let me buy you a drink. You know, he's like, all right, he's like, I don't know, I'm not from Austin, what do you recommend I definitely wouldn't do the shots, but get it

I mean I wrote that. You know what, guys? I said fuck it. You know what? I was like, what? He's like, I'm not from Austin. What should I get? That's it.

I got it. I got it. I got it at this far. So I wrote that. So like last night I'm sitting there going, I'm driving back from Sickler. I did Sickler's podcast yesterday. And I'm like, and I see everyone's like talking about Joe and Neil Young and I'm like, it's so fucking ridiculous because it's, to me, to me, it's ridiculous on sunny levels, but

like, I don't, and I'm not, but I'm not going to tweet that. I'm never going to tweet what my feelings are about because I, obviously, everyone knows I'm a teen Joe. I love Joe. Yeah. I actually like Neil Young's music a lot. Oh, man, take a look at him. I'm a lot like you. So I said, I'm a comedian. My job is not to debut my politics. My job is to make a joke. Yeah.

So the joke I wrote, this is the joke I wrote. And then I was like, I think it's better This is the joke I wrote. And then I was like, I think it's better if I tell it the way I tell a story, right? Where you're involved. Um, it's a fun. This is how I wrote it. Okay. Neil Young walks into a bar. C's Joe Rogan sitting at the bar, stomps his foot and starts to walk out.

Joe says, Hey, Neil, I'm really sorry about this whole Spotify thing. Tell you what, first round's on me. Neil reluctantly walks over and says, thanks, Joe. What do you recommend? Joseph says, in my opinion, the shots are no good. I'd have a beer. Right? So that was like a straight standup joke that I wrote. And then I was like, I'm not going to tweet that. I don't want to deal with the fucking. I don't want to deal with it. So I just wrote it. And then I go into the house and I go, I'm going to try it on the M, right? I'm going to try it the way I tell it. on the am right I'm gonna try it the way I tell it so I tell it try it the way I tell it fucking right past her and she's like sweet and then what happened and I was like well he said I would definitely not get the shots in my opinion I have a beer she's like okay then they had a

beer I was like no you didn't want to be at shots. And she was like, why not? I go because Joe had done his research. And he found out that the shots at this bar had caused like a thing. And she was like, what fucking shots do that? I said, what, Madonna? She goes, what's my DERNA? I'm not even having a DERNA. And so we started fuck, I was like, and then of course,

fucking 15 minutes later, she's like, I don't get these. Oh, yeah. So, and then I told her the joke, the straight standup joke. She's like, actually, that's not that bad. But I don't do jokes like that, but I wrote that joke. It's like the, um, sometimes I'll write like a cheesy joke. Yeah. Like, uh, I mean, it's almost like purposefully hacky, right?

Um, like, uh, but then if I tell, it's fun to watch someone get a joke that's bad, especially when you commit. Yeah. Like, I told you about the one when I was out of line out of the guardia. Yeah. And the, and a guy had a, the, the people had their dogs and one guy had a snake. And he was like, this is, and clearly he was just, he's moving. He didn't want to fucking put it under the plane. They said no, this is my security animal And the guy I think I gotta be honest the guy at the gate handled it pretty well. He was a black dude

He was like I ain't letting no motherfucking snakes on this motherfucker But it's like fun when you go is fun. It's the fun thing about it's like It's like when you get to tell someone, you need some updog. What's up dog? Not much, what's up with you, Doc? So the best, the best one I've ever done with that. Yeah.

We're doing our movie in Serbia. My co-lead is from, is not from America. She's, her English isn't, is great. Her English is phenomenal. Way better than my Serbian, Chechen, whatever the fuck rush is. Better than your Serbian, that's it. Yeah. But she, she says, so I tell her, I teach her these nuts. And that's a good one. And I said, have you seen these? She's like, these who?

I said, these nuts. She's like, I don't get it. Because if you don't have a reference for why we think it's funny, you don't get it. And I said, it's a joke. So I don't understand it. And I said, it's like, it's like a Smatter Baby. She's like, what's Smatter Baby? And I said, no, this is a Smatter Baby.

What's Smatter Baby to you? She went, huh? And so, but finally she goes, she, it's, it's, it's, this goes back to art. It's only funny if you have a frame of reference. For why that's funny. The same way Baskiot is only good if you have a frame of reference for why that's funny. The same way Basquiat is only good if you have a frame of reference for what's good. So then a week later, we're sitting in the tent

and she said, Bert, can you grab the stylist's dies? And I went, I don't think I've met her. She was just asked her, I said, who's these? And she goes, these knots, but the way she said it was so fucking better. These knots, and we were crying, fucking laughing. And I was like, you got me. And then all of a sudden it became funny between the two of us.

And then all of the more are jokes. It was, it was like, it's a really good thing. What you're doing there is You're giving the formula out. You're like, here's how to, here's the formula to play with. You know, yeah, the formula is, is the D's nuts premise. But like, if you don't, if you're not aware of it, then it's not fun to play it. You know, do you think there's someone listening going, I don't remember. Like Australia, do you think they played D's nuts in Australia?

Probably. Do you think, because did, did Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg start these nuts? I don't know if they started it, but that bit on the album definitely. I think that's where I learned it. Yeah, I don't know if they actually. What? Yeah. What? 1992, Dr. Dre releases debut studio album, LeCronic, which featured a skit track called, These Nuts. Yeah.

Is that what that's where it comes from though? Mm-hmm. So that would be a great NFT. Yeah. If Dr. Dre had a picture of his nuts, and he was like, These Nuts. I bet his nuts are huge.

Thanks, sir. Gotta be. Why? I don't know. Just for confident man, he's confident, dude. He's fucking jacked, man. He is. I'm gonna do that in my career.

Yeah. Yeah, call my next special finely tuned machine. Just be jacked. Yeah, he's what's naked, Dr. Dre naked. Yeah, that's what I want to see. Halston. I you you do though. No, no, no, no, no, you stopped. It's not Dr. Dre. You're not going to get Dr. Dre. You're just going to get a bunch of black men naked. That's two pock two pock's dick. Go, go, hang on, pick that picture. How is there not a two-pock sex tape?

Is that why is that blurred out? There's no non-blered one. And let me see a hint at Zeus. I know that it's him. His ex-girlfriend is selling his dick pic for $7,500. See, that's an NFT I buy. Yeah. Two-packs, take. Yeah, I put it up in this, I put it up in here. I think it's probably pretty healthy. Yeah, he's got, he's got that like, like there's certain guys that don't care about the size of their dick that always have big dicks. Right. My dick was so small today.

By the way, the girl saw me make it again. Wow, such a fucking jackass. It was on Instagram too. I got out of the, in the mornings I go out, I walk out in a robe, I sauna, polar plunge, shower. You did it on naked? I do it on naked. I had sauna polar plunge and then,

there's one time. There's one time where I got out and there was a dude trimming trees. And I heard him trimming trees in the sauna. I heard the rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr And I was like, Morning, I was like, Hey, but so I get out of the, it's the tree right there. It's still trimmed. I get out of the shower. I have my phone with me. Yeah. And I'm doing an Instagram story and I, and I go, I said, it is what you started day, daughter, whatever. Little polar plunge, little shower, and then walking through your own backyard naked. And I go, Mac, I see Mac, I go, Hey, Mac, what I don't know is the girls are in the kitchen,

making breakfast. They hear, Hey, Mac, and turn around to see, and it's me naked. And they're like, holy fuck. I'm like, Hey, look at my dick. And it was after the polar plunge. So it's pretty small. How big? They just like the head kind of sticking out. Yeah. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. Like the top of a buffalo trace bottle. And I would do it this way.

I wouldn't even do it this way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do it this way. It was tiny and I was like, God damn it, whatever. Please got a nice dick. That's Flee Woodstock 99. He did it nude. I was watching a documentary last night.

That's got some nice way to it. Not bad, but don't put that picture in our podcast. No. Um, the, uh, yeah, I, I don't not, uh, I'm not, you always know that it was Bucknaker. I always thought it was butt naked. It is butt, it's buck naked. Yeah.

It was butt naked. Buck naked. Why, I thought buck naked was wrong. Really? Yeah. I always thought that. So is it butt, is it buck cherry? I don't know.

I don't know why it, where it comes from. Buck. Is there a good comparison here? While both Buck and Buck, Naked are used to describe someone who is fully new, Buck Naked is the older of the pair. Buck Naked is much newer and likely uses, sees use because of Buck having a long history

referring to her person's buttocks. Yeah, but I don't even, why are you buck naked? Well, it looks like a buck is, I bet it's for a hunting term, meaning if a buck comes out of the buck naked is completely without clothing, stark naked, and but naked is when you have socks on. Well, I was gonna say it's hunting term.

Is that the way you running a timer on how long we've done? Yeah, what is it? 50 or so bad. It's I would say coffee. What yeah, yeah, I was going to play another prank on you and tell you that I make them myself. So I was putting them in the star foam cups and they're from Starbucks. Okay. Thank you. Nitro.

Yeah. Splice. Open. Oh. Do you ever want to take time off from coffee and see if you can reintroduce it to your life and get that first buzz back? I kind of didn't want to do that with cigarettes more. You can start smoking right now and not fuel the effects. I started that long ago again. Serious? Yeah, round shows. It's fun. No way. Yeah. Shut up. I've been trying to encourage people to do it too. Don't. Don't. Why? Bert. Hold on. Don't. I'm I'm passing. I'm saying don't I'm at I'm passing right you saying don't church people to say wow

That's really a good spirit to do it. I'm past the time where I'm gonna get lung cancer What no, I would have had to start when I was a child Like if you see there's people that go I smoked all 40 well then that's I got 20 years of smoking right Yeah, how long does I think you'd be fine? I think so too am I probably some weight? You definitely will. You get done. You fucking take it fucking.

Hello. Oh my god. Why isn't this on average respondents in this group considered that smoking can cause cancer only if one smoker, one smokes at least 19.4 cigarettes per day for an average reported consumption of 5.5 cigarettes per day, and that cancerous becomes high for a smoking duration of 16.9 years or more. Okay. You're good.

I'm going to have five cigarettes a day, and you're good. If you're saying have four. This is what we need to do. It's get flagged by the, by the, like the way Joe gets flagged. Yeah. We got to get flagged a couple times. Use fart. Yeah. Nice. So, so you're saying statistically that doctors actually, how did, what does this say? Here's another one that says that at a 35 year old male who smoked fewer than 25 cigarettes per day is estimated to have a

9% lifetime chance of dying of lung cancer, whereas 25 cigarettes per day or more gives him an 18% lifetime chance of dying of lung cancer. That's almost like saying cigarettes still cause lung cancer. I mean 25 are you gonna smoke that much dude? No. That's that's smoking a cigarette every hour on the hour. Thirty leave. Thirty minutes. We leave here. Sigrat every 30 minutes. Yeah. That's what a pack is.

The fuck smokes. There's a lot of people like that. Let's leave here and smoke cigarettes. Do you have any here? No, Brian Simpson had some blunts. What do you have to do today? You just got to do a show tonight. Yeah, I got to do a couple of things after this.

Yeah. Do you like being an LA by yourself? Because this is, it's almost like you get rid of your family and you get back to your hometown and you get to like, do shit that you don't normally do because you have no responsibility. But, dude, you know, when you're doing like doubles, it's exhausting, Don't you think?

It is. I don't feel like I have that much of a window during the day. Not really. It's just try to relax. Here's the thing. I don't know if this is an accurate statement. I don't know if I agree with what I'm about to say.

I'll say it anyway. Double shows in a night are more work than one show, but to do it in a bigger venue, sometimes you miss the fun of those two shows. There's nothing better than the second show. Yeah. Second show, first show San Diego was probably one of the best shows I've had in my life. It's because Leam went through and tore my act apart. And was like, it's garbage, you fucking,

you're up there listening to yourself talk. You think you have two hours, you really have an hour. Like she just went through salt and bakers field. And was like, I have notes. And then I was like, yeah, man, I'm not doing, I know I'm doing the work, I'm not doing, I know I'm doing the work. I'm not doing the work that I know I need to do, you know, make it better. I need to be getting on stage and doing, I need to be getting on stage and allowing myself

to fail and I'm not willing to do that in theaters. I'm only gonna, I'm never gonna fucking take big swings where I took one big swing in one place and I, and it did not go well. It was with a new joke where I thought it would be good one place and it did not go well. It was like a new joke where I thought would be good and it just didn't go right. And so I was like, I need to be on to the store every night. I need to be, and I'm not.

I'm on the road so much that I get Monday, Tuesday home. I'm not gonna do stand up. I'm not gonna fucking hang out with my family. But I started diving in and doing more work where you go, where you're willing to, keeps going back to art. Do you ever remember Bob Ross? Of course.

He'd put the painting up and then all of a sudden he'd put like a chunk of black. He'd be like, you just ruined it. Happy little bushes right here. Yeah, but you'd watch him add to it, but stop. It's good the way it is. Just the mountains. And you kind of want that.

I guess that's Lee Ann for you telling you what's good and what's not good. She's good at telling me what I'm being gluttonous. And she gets bored very easily, like very, very easily. So like the second I'm not getting somewhere with a story. And then she'll point out the obvious a lot. It's like, he goes nowhere. I'm like, I know it's not fucking finished. She's like, no, yeah, but it doesn't know anywhere. And you're like, I'm well aware of that. I gotta try to get her to like, she

pal hilarious. This is too funny. It's, I mean, it's just so, and then she laughs at the stuff he says. Like, she laughs at, like, she laughs hard at like the joke. Risa talking about the f word in the N word. And he goes, why can't I say the f word? She goes, because you're not in that f word. And he goes, well, I'm also not an N word. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She laughed at that.

That was a very fucking fine tuned way to explain that as a white man. Uh, he, but he, she laughed at that. That was a very fucking fine-tuned way to explain that as a white man. But he she laughed at that and I was like, see, you like that? I don't know. There's a show I want you to watch because it's in Spanish. It's all in Spanish. And it's called, it's on Netflix, and it's a Mexican cooking show. And it is so fucking funny, but it's funny because of translations aren't great. That's the best.

Yeah, it's like, it's just something about the guys. He's like, hey, it brings out a big burrito. Is that it? I don't know, probably it's on my Netflix. And it's put it's like the guy brings a breito to the guy and it's like us Mexicans love to eat. And you're like, I don't know, it's not us Mexicans. It's just saying it's a white guy doing the voiceover.

So it's like Mexicans love to eat. Mexicans love their food. They love alcohol. Sometimes they won't do anything all day long, but eat. And you're like, it sounds so racist because it's a white guy doing the thing. And then they do the, that he does the guys voices. One guy's like, he's like, you're like this, you're a big fat fuck. And the guy's like, screw your mother. It's, it makes me laugh. Well, I've been watching about the food's good good the food looks fucking awesome

What are they Mexico? Yeah? Don't do like a guy's trip to Mexico when next week Next week I got time off What would you want? Where do you want to go Mexico? I don't want to go to Mexico City man Mexico City is pretty fucking awesome. You've been there. Yeah, I've been there with Rachel Ray. I think Yeah, let's go with guys, the man. No, we're not inviting Rachel Ray. We stayed a great Great fucking dude. We'll go down there. We got some great food some drinks smoke You know, I love it. Try to get involved with some action la maquina. Yeah, Well, that's another one of my nicknames La Makina.

Yeah. So the boys, Spanish, the, what, what, what, things to do in Mexico City. Why don't we do, why don't we do a big, you wouldn't like that. What? I was gonna say, why don't we rent out like a fucking, a whole villa in like a whole fucking.

We do that. What's your call? No, no, I was, I think it's better for you not to know my idea. By the way, Christina told me that she thinks she heard our two bears where you say you're gonna get a compound in Austin. Yeah. She thinks it's a great idea. Yeah. She wants you to do it. Okay. It's just got shot down last night by my business, man. Why? Because I think I'm just gonna put money down on my house to try to pay off my houses. Okay. Daytrick hot air ballooning, no offense. One of the dumbest things you could ever fucking do. If you're been in a hot air balloon, you know, do you know how they,

do you know how you get out of a hot air balloon? How? Jump now, now jump, jump, jump. That's how you get out of a fucking hot air balloon. Really? You're landing in a bank parking lot. They're like, okay, all right. All right. When I say jump, everyone jump and you're hanging on the outside of the balloon. And then you jump off and then the balloon gets sometimes just drags,

drags, drags and gets caught up in power lines or it just takes off again That's how we did it on trip flip and It's the experience is hot air balloons have to get away Sometimes right like oh, yeah, I like with somebody being like I don't want to Ride this anymore and they're just fucking somebody being like, I don't want to ride this anymore. And they're just fucking, hey, that would be the air. And it just keeps going. It just keeps going.

Type in the hot air blue. Yeah, air on air blue, and accident. This is going to probably be bad. They, when we did the hot air balloon, first of all, you have a gas grill above your head, right? Like a fucking torch. So it's like New Mexico is where we did it. Oh That's not what you want to do. What you got to do is jump at the last minute like you're on an elevator

How dare blunds Now that's too many people There were no survivors. Oh, this is not as funny as I thought it would be. 21 people have been killed in hot air balloon accidents in the US between 2000 to 2016. Look at the amount of flame you have above you. You're just at the mercy of the wind, right? You're just at the mercy of the wind, right? You hit a power line and that's a number one. That one's depressing. What about, what about, sorry, what about

just how the air balloon lost? You know, like takes off. That's what I'm saying, like not so much crash and burn and die, but isn't there, there's gotta be one that like, all right. There's a lot of these act any of these wind activities are horrific like paragliding, parasailing. Yeah. Paratite I would tell you this about the parasailing thing we did in on tripflip.

So which one's the one where it's the kite? Paragliding. Yeah, so We go paragliding and in San Francisco for trip flip it's a guy and a girl and And as we pull up My cameraman my sound guy another cameraman They all pull me aside and they're like, do not do this. And I said, what? And they go, this is the most dangerous, paragliding is the most dangerous thing you can do.

We've been on the on shows where there's been accidents, whatever you do, do not get out of doing this. And I went, well, why are we doing our travelers? And they're like, they want to go paragliding. And they're like, but you need to get out of it. So I go over to the producer, I go, hey,, hey, what's the deal? Are we all going up? She's like, actually, the wind is getting away from us. So we're just going to have them go, are you cool with not going? I go, yeah, yeah, fine, fine, I'm fine. I'm on a cliff in San Francisco. So they,

they put the guy on. They're doing two tandem. So it's a guy on top of my travel. The travelers in like a sock underneath and the guys on top of them, he's like, all right, here we go. So it's a guy on top of my travel. The travelers in like a sock underneath and the guys on top of him He's like, all right, here we go. So we kind of leave stuff and they get up and they get up and all our cars are right here And they get up to like 40 feet now. They're both Mike and my sound guy John sales goes Not good. I said what he gives me a headset like flips it around and you hear the guy going mother fucker Why can't Son of a bitch now imagine being a traveler under this one like is everything okay? And and but our traveler knows these mics. We said so beautiful

Such a great view and but the guys like god damn it. Why won't it just and from 40 feet he fucking slams This is not the footage. Oh, that's that. That would suck. This is Para sailing. Para sailing is fucking just as dangerous. Now look, he's getting dragged fucking mountain Oh, it's just gonna pull him right off huh Yeah, you can't fight that oh Shit Sound is pretty good I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man.

I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man.

I'm not going to be a man. I think he's all right. Are you done? Oh man, don't tell me. He's all right, right? No. This isn't going to end good. Really? This isn't going to end good. Oh, she's not good. He's got no control of it. Oh, yes. Into mortgages. Oh, fuck. That one's a bit. Oh, did you see the one on the, this actually, I don't know what my landing like that at all. I'm going to take a nap like that. There's one on like the, so this, so this is paragliding. So the, so the other thing that they told us some trip folks, they do this in golden,

Colorado, they do this mountain and this, the, wait, was that a couple of okay? Everything was okay. Hold on. So anyway, the guy gets up to 40 feet and you hear the guy go, oh, motherfucker, just want some of a bitch. It fucking goddamn it. And all of a sudden, he gets to like 20 feet. And from 20 feet, they lose all wind. And they go straight down and hit the ground.

Destroy the paraglider. Destroy the paraglider. Paraglider is broken. Knocks the wind out of our traveler, but our traveler was in great fucking shape. Knocks the wind out of him. The other guys find they're totally fine. Stop playing things while I'm talking. I'm getting distracted. So. The guy comes over and he goes, he goes, yeah, my traveler is like, I'm fine. He's like, it was 20 feet. It was not the wind out of me, but I'm fine. I'm not hurt at all. When I go, okay. And he was like, yeah, the guy, the guy said the wind's just unruly.

He can't figure it out. So like, he's having a hard time up there. And so then my producer comes over and he goes, all right, it's her turn. And I go, what? And she's like, oh, he's got another paracleta that he's gonna, that he put together for her. So he's gonna take her now.

And I go, okay, I go, we just watched an accident on a paracleta, you sure she's gonna want to go and they're like, well, you need a convincing to go. And I was like, I'm not sure that's my job. And they're like, we need to get the shot. So I go, okay, so I go over the ground. I said, on camera, I'm like, all right, I'll get my go. All right, you're next. She goes, well, I just witnessed my boyfriend get an accident. A paraclete. I don't know if I want to go. And I said, no, I just witnessed my boyfriend get an accident. A paraglider. I don't know if I want to go.

And I said, no, but it's totally fine. He's got another paraglider and he's ready to take you. She was like, yeah, but he just got an accident. I go, what are the odds? He's going to get into paragliding accidents on the same day. I mean, the odds are he's pretty very low. Yeah, she goes, I'm not sure I wanted to do this. I go, you wanted to do this in the beginning. And I said, I said, listen to it. If you want to pull

out, you totally pull out the producer, like, no, she can't pull out. We fucking paid for the parent-writer. And I go, if you want to pull out, and their boyfriend comes over and he goes, hey, it's pretty fun. It just got fucking the wind knocked out of him. He's pretty fun. And, and, and, and, he says, the wind's different. And she goes, yeah, and the guy's like, yeah, the wind's totally different. It should be good. So she gets on the paraclyte with the guy.

We're all sitting. Now everyone's, my sound guy has his earphones out facing out so we can listen, because that's how we listen everything. So the guy goes, all right, here we go. Three, two, one, and we're up. All right, mother fucker, it's doing it again. And the girl's like, are we gonna be okay?

And he's like, fucking shit, son of a- Oh. And he, top the glove, he took off to the ocean. And he does, that's going to the ocean. And he's like, we're going to the ocean. We're going to the ocean. Are you okay? All right, we'll catch up with you guys later.

And he flew it like a mile out there to beach off the cliff and they landed down a mile away from us and I don't walk a mile. We came back and she was like, it was great. Apparently once he got off the cliff, he could fly it. Yeah. But when he's like, okay, we're going, he just took off. So, um, yeah, this, when we did, when we did this for triplets, they were like, they were like, just getting you, let you know.

Oh, that's the bachelor. This is on the bachelor. Dude, that's dude. She hits so hard. That is a broken, that's broken. So he lands just fine. We just find their dune tandem. The bachelor lands just fine. And then this girl who he's on a date with gets slammed on the girl way.

She's okay right here. Boom. She fucked up. She was. Wait, let me see it. They don't play the afterware of her going like, I'm okay. I'm okay. She played it really cool. Really? Oh, face first. Yeah. Paragliding. We did that. How funny was that guy grounding when he fell in the tree though. Why is that funny though?

I don't know. You know, he's gonna see this. You know what, fucking freaks me out. Go ahead. Have you ever seen ziplines gone wrong? I don't think so. There's the one where the guy starts going and it's smoking and it's going, and it's just getting hotter and hot.

Oh, fuck no, no, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm so sorry. Don't even pull anything. I don't even want to see any of this. What? I don't see any of this. I don't see any of this. The thumbnail says man. Stopping zip line. Come on, man. I can't watch this. How come? How come? I can't watch this because one of the one of the one of the one of the one of the uh oh I can't watch this I can't watch this I can't watch this I can't hear it. Oh oh oh I've already seen this I know for sure I've seen it I've seen it. I've seen it. I remember it. I've seen it. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Get off the fucking tree, Halston.

It's got. It's got. It's gone. It's gone. I didn't like that. One of your most natural instincts. Instagram, right? Yeah. Because this harness thing was like, it was gonna melt off. Like it was gonna break,

because he was going so fast. Do you see that guy put the scalpel through the head of his penis? Is that your thing? I can't do that. I don't know what's, I don't understand that. Is that your thing? I can't do that. I don't know what's on the camera. Is that your thing? Yeah, but the thing that you showed Joe. Dude, that live what I like, it took me two days to watch it and it kind of stir me a little

bit. Yeah, your live show. Yeah, I was upsetting. Do you say how you bond fans with you guys? You're like, oh, no, you have to come back to us. I'm on a bond idea of brain. It was that one's rough. Play that guy falling again, falling on the girl.

No, no, no, no, no, the parachute, the, yeah, play the parachute again. I kind of I don't know why I laughed at it. I never laughed. Oh, God. Yeah, that was pretty great. Is that it? Yeah. So wait, let's do this compilation. So hang on, go back, go back. So, so wait, hold on, go back to the beginning, go back to the beginning. So he lands in the trees, right? Or knows, this is a different one.

Oh, yes, a different one. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. This just happened to Travis Pastrona. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This just happened to Travis Pastrona. Travis Pastrona's in the hospital with a broken back. Who's that? What? Okay.

This is a lot of stuff. Yeah. So here, this thing is dragging them. Why not just cut it? I cut my, I cut it and then go, I'm out. Maybe he's trying to. Can't really see what he's trying to do. That thing is pulling him so hard. He's like, God, damn it.

That's struggle. It's funny. I don't know why it's funny. I don't know why it's funny. I don't, the noises are just a real fun. Yeah. You never hear someone make that noise. No, all things considered though, he made it out pretty good. He did. But then no, he made it off.

Right now he's like, he's got no control of it. I think he's right now. He's probably aware that this is too fast. That's where it's. There's got no control of it. I think he's probably aware that this is too fast. That's where it's, there's too fast, you know. Yeah. Oh yeah, and he's just rocking. But why is this sound so funny that's coming here? I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it.

I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not know. I don't know. I'm, I'll see if I can, I bet I can put it in my phone and get it. Do you think man's has it?

No, man's doesn't have it. When I fell off the waterfall, I made a sound very similar to that. It's crazy. What's crazy is like the instant you get hurt, you know it. Like, you know, I knew it when my knee blew out. The first thing you said was called 911. Yeah. It's a car Christina call 911. So I could tell somebody was, well, a couple people, they were just like looking, they're like, Hey, hey, are you okay? I was like,

call 911. Call 911. I think I have the doing the guy who's doing the leg press and then is both his knees go back. That shit. I don't enjoy that shit. Paul Baldwin, hang on Paul plan. I have someone to talk about it now too. Yeah, that is why you'll to see. Most of those two like those leg press injuries are all basically ego, you know, like, like, what are you doing? I can lock this down. Yeah. Um, I did. I did. I did way more weight than I should have done on legs one time with, uh, with a guy. And, uh, I was worried something like that was going to happen, but you're like, it's fine It's fine. It's all of a sudden it doesn't we would load load the leg press machine with all the weights

But you're too dumb and too young to know how poorly it can go. Yeah, we're lucky we didn't get hurt, but Yeah, stupid. I don't think I have it. I'll find it for you. But it's funny. The second I fell off the waterfall See if I go point you need to go to the airport right now. No, my flight sky canceled Then you change flights and you get another flight No, we're we got to Literally call it until tomorrow. Oh, I thought you said you had to leave it new now. No, no, we don't. We pushed it. They called last night and they canceled the flight.

And then we're like, okay, great, what do we do? And they're like, I don't know, it's a state of emergency in Oklahoma City. All the counties are a state of emergency. I have no idea. And they're like, so you can, they're like see if you can fly out later Thursday. And then even still the bus can't make it in.

But we can't, we don't know how we're going to get to Wichita. We don't know if Wichita is going to be closed. It's a state of emergency. They're going to close the streets in Austin tomorrow for like a couple of days. Really? Closing streets everywhere because of freezing rain. Yeah. Yeah.

And then it's beautiful here. And it's beautiful here. And you wonder why do people leave here and move there? I'll tell you why, man. They kept integrating the schools Can I tell you I was thinking about I was thinking about Ellis You would have been such a great LA kid. Yeah, you really would have been a great LA kid.

Yeah, but he'll be a, he'll be a, I think it's, I think it's healthier for him to be, have you taken them water skiing yet? Not yet. No. So how are we gonna do that? Cause I wanna be a part of that. And I wanna, what I wanna do,

is I wanna get, I wanna reach out and get a professional, like a fan, a fan of ours. The professional wakeboarder, professional water skier, someone from Wiki Watchi, someone from fucking SeaWorld, someone who really knows what they're doing. Yeah. I want to have them come out. And I want them to teach you how to drive the boat. Yeah. How to pull them behind the boat, set up the boy, like do like a weekend where they work with the boys, because you cannot work with your boys to teach them how to do that. It's better to have someone come in and do it.

It's like teaching George I had a swim. I don't know if I taught George I had a swim. Your boys don't have a swim yet? Yeah. Okay. But I was thinking about that because I was like, I was like, that's going to be the coolest thing in their lives. Yeah.

Was that they get to do that? Yeah. So I have that boat and then it was, we just got it too late. So now it's cold. Yeah. But as soon as it warms up, we'll go back out and kind of wakeboard. I want to do one of those like banana, you know, those little, like, yeah, yeah, like little rafts on the back. I love that. Leanne taught the girls, they misbehaved.

I can just gun it. Leanne taught the girls how to ski. Ila is just someone who just takes to skiing, surfing, wakeboarding. I mean, Ila just figured out wakeboarding within a matter of fucking seconds. George has a little more of a learning curve. George is more like me where it takes a few times. Leanne just fucking popped up. But that's going to be the funnest, but you should have someone come out. Yeah. And I'm a medikit. Oh, you did? Who teaches?

Yeah. Okay. Good. So he's young. So the kids are crazy that I think about your family and how I will be a part of it to make sure that it happens away. I want to tell you I like it. They keep asking about fast sticks. Hey, what they fast sticks can ski?ky. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. How long have we done? That's a show. That's a show. I'm going to take off these clothes and put on regular clothes.

Okay. What are you doing now? I want to run a couple of errands. Yeah. And then I want to take a nap, honestly. Where's your, how far is your adult from here? I'm 20 minutes, not far. Okay. And then you leave tonight. The bus is not here, right?

The bus is here, but it's in the valley. Uh-huh. I'm over the hill, so I'll get a ride over the hill, get on, and then we go to Oxard. If all my shows get canceled, can I open for you this weekend? Sure. Sure.

Was there room on the helicopter for me? That I don't know. But the ass, there is a weight limit though. Oh, for real? Yeah. So we have to be like, Hey, we have a friend in fat sticks. Can he come on?

Are you gonna video tape or something on the helicopter? And you have to be honest about your weight when they ask. They put you on a scale. They put you on a scale. Do you know what you weigh now? No. You cannot let Nadav beat you. I know.

By the way, I've gotten some secret help. Some people have reached out to secret help me. Secret help? And I was like, I wanna give the secret help to Nadav too, because I want him to lose the weight. Yeah. Because we are accountability buddies. Is it like a cheat or just like a knowledge?

No, no, no, just some pros have reached out and said, hey man, wanna help you? Do this? Yeah. And so. Are they just giving you a diet insight? Uh, everything. Uh, like everything, including meals, including, uh, coaches, and like everything.

So you're doing it? Yeah. Yeah, I just got the email yesterday from two different people. And then I got another email from another person. A lot of them were people that, uh, friends with Rogan, that no Rogan, and they're just hit me up. But I wanted to, and they brought up Nidav too. And so I was like, well, I want to make sure Nidav gets the help. So I want Nidav to lose weight.

Yeah. And I want to lose weight. I feel I did a good yesterday working out, I did great workout. I wonder if, but I'm not allowing myself for recovery days, and if that's hindering my progress. You going all David Goggins on us? I'm pretty David Goggins.

I carry the boats. Yeah. I carry the boats. What was I thinking about David Goggins yesterday? And I was like, God damn it, I'm just like David Goggins. Yeah, that's what I was thinking today when I woke up. I was like, first just like David Goggins. You both should get into smoking.

What if I moved in with a tech nerd, right? Like you moved in with a tech nerd, like a Jesse, Jesse Slitzer. You moved in with him because he was like too much about business and he wanted to get his life in order with like getting a shape and stuff. What if I moved in with a tech nerd who was like one of those guys that were like brown

turtlenecks and this and it would ride up on his belly And he's like you probably changes life and I but I told him how to loosen up. I did the opposite of David Goggins I go you can't say fucking no you can't say no. That's the one rule And I go embrace the pleasure that person would be so sick so quickly They would be sick maybe They'd be like, I'm throwing up. I don't like this. If this hurts, have a fever. I really hate it so much. They would bug in this.

What if I got David Goggins to live with me? What's the price point on that? It's probably expensive. He does really well. I bet it would be worth it. It would be worth it. Oh, wait, no, it wouldn't. Oh my God. I'm just realized I was like, I do this way, but I get like, he travels with us and then he's on the bus.

He's like, get up motherfucker. The, the, the, like the, the, like the cool factor of it would be gone so quickly. And you'd be like, this sucks so quickly. So you're gonna be like, oh, David Goggle's here. He'd be like, that's right. Bert, are you fucking quitter? You piece of shit. Let's get out. What time does he wake up today?

Six. All right. Two hours too late. He gets up before. Yeah, he gets up before. Doesn't he get up before us? I don't know. Like goes running right away.

No, he doesn't. Yeah, I actually watched him say in an interview, I'm just like everyone else. I wake up and it takes me a minute to get going and I look at my shoes and I'm like, fuck. He's like, I see my running shoes and I'm like like everyone else. I wake up and it takes me a minute to get going and I look at my shoes and I'm like, fuck, he's like, I see my running shoes and I'm like, fuck. I don't wanna fucking do this. I wanna fucking get back in bed.

Like he's pretty honest about, but then he just does it. He does it. I mean, do it too, he just takes a while. Yeah. I gotta time out my coffee, right? I gotta take a shit, I need some water. I'm fucking make sure that I can find something on Netflix. Like, I wonder if I, I wonder if, I wonder if I would, how about a week,

how about a week with David Goggins? I mean, I would love to see it. I'd love to see it. What if me and you live with David Goggins for a week? Let's do the David Goggins tap out challenge. See who can last. See who gives up first. Okay.

It would be you. This is a party you that doesn't put up with bullshit. You're just like, yeah, man, I don't need this. Like there's a party you that goes, there's a party me that's broken. And I was like, I need this.

I need this. I've got nowhere else to go. And there's a party you that's like, I'm out. I have a car surface waiting outside. I'm going home. We'll see. Well, let's reach out to him.

Hey, shout out to David Goggins. Shout out to David Goggins. Two bears won Goggins. And when we do the two bears one Goggins challenge, the one week challenge, how about it, just a weekend, weekend challenge. Two bears one Goggins weekend challenge in Mexico. Love to do it. And so here's the here's the pitch, okay? Two bears one Goggins in Mexico is starts will do it in like a in a beach side side villa like this with bare bones it bare bones it, okay? And then from Monday to Friday, we go to a fucking nice place, we party our digs off.

And David can come, I'm sure he'll come for like Monday and then have all of stuff to do. Two bears one goggins. We'll film it. Let's do it. See who taps out first. Leave land Friday morning. All day Friday, all day Saturday, all day Sunday. Monday, if no one's tapped out, David Goggins declares a winner.

Okay, let me in. You in? 100%. 100%. 100%. God, we just went at the end of the show. People we could have talked about this the whole show. All right, David Goggins, hit us up. We carry the boats. Two bears won Goggins Challenge and we'll pay for everything. We'll get you there and everything. Yeah, obviously, obviously. Yeah, yeah. All right, you're gonna pay for your own meals. Thanks for watching this thing. I love you. No scripts to be the booze amateur, for topology, dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies.

Here's what we call, two bears one cave.