2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 127 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

On this week's episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer discuss why Tom got into an altercation at a dog park, Kodak Black getting shot, Jenna Jameson's illness, Kevin Hart's Gucci pants, and Tom's experiences at the Buffalo Bills facility and Chef Jose Andres' restaurant Jaleo. Josh Potter was just on tour with Bert, this leads the Bears to compare and contrast how the two of them tour. Also Bert may be joining OnlyFans!   https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/bertyboytourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

Do you think there's any gangs that listen to our podcast? I don't know if the whole gang gets together, but uh... Surprise, I'm gang members that have listened for sure. Yeah. I think so. Let's see if it's these white boys up to today. Yeah, I shit like that. Yeah.

100% I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, you. I've told this dude's story so many times, one of my favorite comedy stories, and he just hit me up. He's like, just giving you a heads up. I'm the guy you're talking about in this story. His name's Adam Bloom.

He's a comedian from the UK. But I'm obsessed with stand up. I'll talk about stand up. That's a fucking, I was, you know, I'm obsessed with standup. I was talking about standup. I said, I'm fucking, I'll give you a shit about standup. They're like, yeah, they're like, Adam Bloom's like that. So Adam Bloom had a girlfriend who wanted to break up with him and she said, I'm just, all you talk about standup. Can you go to dinner one night for 30 minutes?

Not talk about stand up. And he goes, of course I can do that. She goes, you can do 30 minutes without talking about stand up. He goes, yeah, give me the light at 28. Fuck it. Love that. He just hit me up on Twitter. He goes, just, you know, I'm the guy that you, you guys I tell the story all the time. And I'm always go, I don't know who the fuck it is.

It's Adam Bloom. Adam Bloom. Adam Bloom. I just got into a bunch at UK comics like the UK comedy scenes fucking cool It's fuck cuz they all do coke. They're all like they're fucking real, you know, yeah our comedy scene Fuck man Have those two weeks go I'm gonna drink right now Yeah, you want to give Do you have any drink please, Adam? Yeah, I fuck it, dude. Fuck it.

Fuckin' just someone to acknowledge how great my arms look. My arms look, fuck, look at this. I mean, that's like a fucking legit arm, dude. Look at that. It's very legit. Do you tremble when you fucks your muscles? Ow. My, this is my baby arm.

That's looking too bad. No, it's too bad. It looks fucking nice, dude. Yeah. How do you feel about getting recognized? Cause you, did you know people were recognizing you at dinner? Well, I was facing, like, I was facing the wall. You were facing out.

Cause I was looking at everyone looking at us. Oh. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not good at it. You're better at it for sure. Yeah. I think I think I always wanted it. I think you really like we're gonna be very candid. I think I think that I think that this is this is going to sound like what is this neutral real vodka, salt, or juices. How about like a cup of ice? Let's really take this to the next level. If we're gonna be honest about it,

I really think, when I was in, I really think that there is a thing that, I say fame for lack of better words, but getting recognized that it does to certain people, and I bet the majority of people that got into this business, it fixed them. Fix them. Yeah. How so? Lo business, it fixed them. Fix them. Yeah.

How so? Loisoba's team. But how does that fix it? I'll tell you, I'm gonna give, I'm gonna, ooh. So like, I, this is, what this is probably way to revealing. Here's a problem with me. Is I tell, I say things on this show that I'm saying to you,

and don't realize I'm saying it to them also. That's my biggest fucking fault. My biggest fault. Wow, let's do a list. Perth's biggest flaws. Oh, boy. How fucking long? Give me a number of how many look flaws you think I could just rattle off right now, top of my head. You can probably do 10 pretty. I've 10 was my number. 10 was my number. And accuracy is not one of my flaws. So, uh, no, but like, so we went to, when Georgia was a baby, you'll never experience this interestingly enough.

You'll never get this. When Georgia was a baby, we went to a very popular pre-school for like celebrities went there. Who played Steve Prefontaine? Who's Billy Cretop went there? A Nardalos, Vian Nordalos, via Nordalos, knee of Vardalos, her husband Ian Gomez, Fred Savage,

like a bunch of people. I was who I am today then, but I felt like a failure, because I didn't have any money. Like I felt like a phony, you know, like. And I remember, like you're like, oh, I'm an entertainment too. Yeah, and I remember making a joke and it didn't have any money. Like I feel like a phony, you know, like, and I remember, like, oh, I'm an entertainment too. Yeah, and I remember making a joke

and it didn't go over well and I was embarrassed for who I was, right? Like I didn't have confidence just standing in the joke. It's a good joke. For the time of just playing with much kids and all these moms were like, he's really a great dad. He's really, really a great dad. I was like, and I, I had my head, I was like,

we're all fucking great dads. It's just like, I'm hung over. He's not, that's why he's down on the floor and I'm not on the floor. And so and so then they were like, no, he is a great dad and they go, but you knew that. Like knowing, because we've known him his whole life, like, watch him on TV, like, we knew he'd be a great dad. I'm like, that's just why, and then I just said, what's kind of shocking considering who his father was? And they're like, wait, who's his father? And I said, you being serious? I'm like, yeah, I go, Randy the macho man savage.

And they're like, what? And I said, yeah, his mom's beautiful Elizabeth. You didn't know that? And then they're like, oh my God, that would make sense. Hollywood kid. And then someone came up to me and they're like, hey man, they're like, you don't do that.

You can't talk shit about celebrity people or whatever. And I was so embarrassed. There was my sense of humor. And I'd stand by it today, but I was so embarrassed that I was this loser, that you know, like that. And then when I got success in comedy, it made me feel, I was, I didn't overthink things.

Like I like, not even success. Like I think travel channel think travel channel was like, that's all the levels success I needed. But like, I remember not feeling like a loser. Like, I feel like such a fucking loser, dad. And then success makes you feel like, especially when someone goes, Hey man, I watched your show last night, you like,

I don't have to, I would sit there and, right, right, right, right, over talk and be like, Oh, I got these things going on, I'm gonna sit down, blah, right, right, over talk and be like, oh, I got these things going on. I'm gonna do that. Yeah, and then I fucking face fuck Michael in black. Yeah. Man, that was like on the table on the table and then had to go to drop off. I'm thinking up by the way how I definitely drop off. I'm thinking of by the way how I definitely have and like if I were in that situation with your joke that didn't go over and say don't don't do that, I would probably get banned from the school because I would just become completely anti-social personality

disorder psycho, you know, like being told don't do that. Oh, it would make me so crazy. Oh, it made me crazy. You want to know how, it made me crazy because I was being, I, I just had a flashback to being crazy. Let me hear it. At this dog park in LA. Yeah.

This is not, the origin of it is not telling a joke, Let me hear it. At this dog park in LA. Yeah. This is not, the origin of it is not telling a joke, but it is like a lady was in this park and they have the, in the dog parks there, a lot of times they're separated. Small dogs and big dogs. And this lady had her big dog in the small dog park. So I go, hey, a little big to be on this side, don't you think?

Yeah. And she's like, oh, well, he, uh, he's not dangerous. And I go, yeah, it's not a dangerous separation. It's small dogs and big dogs. She's a big fucking dog. Yeah, what's her name, Liam? Ah, like a hundred pound dog. Cause Liam used to do that with Priscilla.

Oh, she'd bring Priscilla into the little dogs. I go, baby, she goes, well, she thinks she's the little dog. I go, but she's not. And that's, but she's not. Yes, but she's not. And now I'm gonna argue that this is because there were women that they were doing this.

They were breaking the rules. They were breaking the, wow, wow, buddy. Yeah. They were breaking the rules, cause they did. Yeah, and she was, and she was breaking the rule cause nobody calls her out. I just didn't know what it was. Yeah, well she did the same thing.

She goes like, she's like harmless, and she thinks she's a small dog. I go, oh, do you think that my small dog knows that your dog thinks that it's small? Yeah. It looks like a fucking rhino next to this dog. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah.

And then she's like, she's like, and she started like, say something under her breath. And then, I don't know, I called her an asshole and then she called over another man. Like, like, he was gonna, I don't know, come to save her or something. And then I was just like, fuck you and fuck you too. Thought parks were a place where we're crazy

and it's getting a breakdown. Yeah, I lost my shit. When we were at this school, because I had to fucking, by the way, take my dog out of there because I could tell he was scared of the big fucking dog scared of the big dog. So I was like, you're fucking up this park for everybody. You entitled Cunt. When we were at that school, we had the big closing day picnic and Billy Crudup had broken up with his wife or his girlfriend, the one that they had a child with and was dating.

I think like, I don't know, a new actress, famous actress. And someone at our, we had a big closing day parade, like a picnic, and someone took pictures of them at that picnic and sold it to like Star Magazine at like Art or School. And of course, they all thought it was me. They thought it was you? Yeah, and I had a fucking, I mean, I had a kid's right at cameras when cameras were like a thing. So I had a big lens on it. And so I, it looked like it should have been me.

Like, like someone was like, you did have a fun video. And then you show up with like new shit the next week at the watch. They're like, hey. But they thought it was me and I, and I have that, whatever the thing is, where is, I act, I behave guilty, even if I'm innocent. Yeah. I behave guilty even if I'm innocent. I behave guilty. So, and I, I mean, I fucking was like,

Billy Cronup didn't think it was me. He didn't, but all the other parents did. And I was like, and I started behaving guilty and fucking, and then I brought the camera everywhere. It's all like, I wanna make sure they know that I was at the camera. You equipment all the time. I should put like a thing over your head.

Hey, how long did Bonnie and Clyde date before they were, were they killed? Find that out for me. I was just curious about Bonnie and Clyde. How many times have you been in love? It's great. Well, and I fall in love easy. I believe that, but then looking back, don't you also go,

oh, I thought I was in love, and then when you know you were in love,. I believe that, but then looking back, don't you also go, oh, I thought I was in love, and then when you know you were in love, like they're different, right? Well, it was, that's it, then it's just once, because it was, it's Leanne, I couldn't ever, I always found flaws in all the women. Well, finding flaws is normal. You should find, I would be disgusted by them.

Like, just be like, like, I cheated. And so like, I just, I was never, I don't think I was ever, ever in love, love, love. Like I was like, like eighth grade, I was in love with, in eighth grade, I probably could have, that was like the first time I ever experienced love. And that was like hard fucking core.

Yeah, it's overwhelming at that age. Overwhelming, I remember, she broke up with me and I cried and I was like, what the fuck is this? And I was, I was like, whoa, this fucking sucks. And then, and then eighth grade, probably, I mean, I don't love, like I have, I feel like one of the chicks that I dated in high school, I genuinely love her to this day, but it says more like a sister.

Like we were, she was my sister's age. And we dated her. Yeah, I dated her and so she, but I feel like she's a sister. Like I feel like we'll always have a connection of like, I think we were kind of like first loves, you know? Sure. But we were so young, we didn't have to we never had sex or anything um, and then and then I would say if I was definitely in love with my college girlfriend and

Then the one next one. So maybe four four five Four five you ever look at it one of your ex girlfriends now and there's a chick. I did in ninth grade I and I saw her on Instagram. She looks fucking better than she did in ninth grade. Really? I know. I pull her up. Please. Um, man.

Pull her up. Just edit that out. Sorry, last night on taking a shit on my Instagram. Let's go Instagram. We have that sort of so our 236 followers doesn't give a fuck about anything That's right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she looks better than she did ninth grade as you get older. Maybe I saw a picture of her. Yeah, okay, never mind our past Whatever this is just fucking spiraled into shit shit Whatever, this is just fucking spiraled into shit shit. Yeah.

How many times have you been in love? I think that's the thing, it's like I was making the point where I looked back and I was like, oh, that's time I thought I was, but I wasn't. It was just like an infatuation. I think two of those, two of those you could probably take them off my list. Yeah, I think it's three total for me. Yeah, I'm gonna go solid three. Solid three.

Would I cover up a murder for them? Okay, at the time, one, two, yeah, all three, yeah. I mean, now I'd have to let them, the one take the fucking rap, for sure. I'd probably be like, no, it was her. Oh, if the hand killed someone, I'd be like, I'm so sorry, babe. I love you.

You call immediately. You're like, okay, just go take a shower. Okay, hold on, let's take a shower. Hey, yeah, she's upstairs right now taking a shower. Yeah, but would you cover up a murder for Christina? Because here's the thing. I'm like, Leanne murder someone, right? Right.

And like, like, like our neighbor comes over, right? Yeah. And says something, you just told my car bitch, I'll fuck you up and start talking shit and then Leanne pulls out a gun and shoots him. Mm-hmm. And then she goes, oh my god, I thought he had a gun. Bird helped me. I would have to, I would, I, I, part of me goes, I would definitely help her.

But then the other part of me goes, I'd be like, hey listen, we're not gonna cover this up well. We're gonna get caught. Why don't you just do the time? Yeah. And let me be with the girls. Like. Yeah.

Yeah. Like I'm not gonna, like, we're not gonna cover up the murder. Great. Like, there's gonna be something, we're gonna leave something out. Yeah. It's tough to, and also that's an impulse murder. You know, you didn't like pre-medit.

You gotta like plan it out. And there's so many loose ends on that. Of course, yeah. So, and also, I mean, the first thing right away is you're like, oh, did somebody in the immediate vicinity hear that gunshot and is, you know, someone to come right now? And then you got a, like,

last cam. Yeah, yeah, you got to start going through the footage, drag that body through the house. So, in the one that cops do show up, they're like, did you hear a gunshot, you got to play dumb, huh? I didn't hear anything. I couldn't, how many of these women could you cut up and dispose of a body with?

With? With. Where you wouldn't be like, I mean, I can't even put a fucking desk for my kid together with Leon. Well, yeah, it's a good point. I mean, I think one, who? The fucking hardcore one. Really? Yeah, I think one, who? The fucking hardcore one.

Really? Yeah, I think she would be, like, Christina would be like, you know, be up. But. God dammit, I'm doing all the fucking work, I'm so sorry. I'm just, I'm gonna, ugh. Yeah, I feel like the, oh I go, I don't think I could cut up a body.

The Spanish making one would do it. I couldn't cut up a body, I couldn could cut up a body. The Spanish-speaking one would do it. I couldn't cut up a body. I couldn't cut up a body. I mean, no, I think it'd be really hard to cut up a body. How would you cut up a body? I mean, if you had to do it, you definitely want in a electrical, you know, like a chainsaw or something, but to do it manually, it would be fucking crazy. I mean, you got to break the bones. You got to have it manually. If you put in my fucking crazy.

I mean, you got to break the bones. You got to have a hammer with you. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Just like, Tybin, how do I dismember a body? Well, yeah, but I'm telling you. You got to, you definitely have to get break the bones. Okay, how many pieces do you cut it in? Well, you'd want to cut the hands off,

cut the arms at the elbow, cut them at the shoulder and then you cut the head off. So you arms, like at the elbow, cut them at the shoulder, and then you cut the head off. So you just have a torso? Yeah, torso is part of me. Cut the feet off, cut them at the knees. You're trying to like, you know, make it a lot easier to dispose of. Could you do that, you think?

No. You'd be fucking absolutely sick out of your mind. Do you remember we just tried to process an emulom we were gagging? Oh man. A human being. Oh my god. But the chainsaw did help a lot. I mean, if you had to do it. A chainsaw is the way to go.

You gotta have a chainsaw. Chainsaw would be the fucking. It would be the shit. Yeah. If you killed that guy, then you gotta chainsaw, yeah. Fuck man. You know, you gotta have a room designated for that kind of shit. Jeffrey Dahmer, Jeffrey Dahmer, Jeffrey Dahmer had people

in his, that's eyeless favorite fucking podcast. Is this thing about like murder? Mm-hmm. And why do women like murder so much? I don't know, maybe because they feel like they're so vulnerable. They're so close to getting murdered. Well, like they, it can, like you realize it, like we do this thing, your brain does it

automatically for you as a man. Whenever you meet a man, or you walk into a room, without you even thinking about it, your brain calculates, can that guy kill me, right? Like, you're so funny. You're brain just tells you all the time. You're like, I can take that guy, that guy can kill me. I walk through the fucking producing with my guy like, I just go around, I go lollipops.

Pfft. Lollipops. I could lick every one of them. Pfft. Ah, so, so. But I think a woman walks through a lot of society going like, all these people can kill me if they want. So that you become like a potential victim all the time.

It's amazing that a woman, whatever challenge you in this dog park knowing full well. That's like crazy that she could, you could be a psycho and just lose your fucking shit and beat her to death. Mm-hmm. And the truth is, I want it to. I want to do, I fucking, ah, man. I remember. It's entitlement, I think, makes me rage. So fucking hard, like real genuine. You know, we do like joky stuff with joke, but like when someone really is like that

I just want to, I don't know, my blood just boils, you know? She's like, well, I decided to be over here. I was like, what? You know that this is designated for a reason, right? Yeah, but not to me. To me is a plan. Yeah. Yeah, that makes me fucking crazy.

I was in an elevator in Canada one time. And the girls, these two girls were talking French. And I said, I heard the word atage, which means floor, but it's also the same word in Russian. I said, well, language you guys talking. And this girl goes, French, nowhere the fuck you are stupid. And I wanted to go, oh, you know, I could just fucking make this whole elevator

red right now. I could make this whole, if I wanted to paint this red with your blood, I can. Both of your blood, I'll beat you, and then I just, I'd just stand there, and just stand there and go, cool. Yeah. And there's like,

Taj, floor please. There's like, poor favor, you know, 1300 men in the world who would have just beat their heads into the wall. Oh, there's more, there's more, there's countries full of them. There are countries where that conversation does not happen that way.

There are countries. What? Yeah, they go, what fucking? Yes. Oh, now we put a tire around you and let you on fire. I know it's fucking, it's crazy. I just fucking, I remember shaking, I was so angry. Yeah.

Loan, what country are you, where do you are stupid? You were in, I was in fucking, fucking Montreal or whatever. Oh. And so like, I guess I should have been paying it. I mean, I just was like, I actually wasn't, I was in Edmonton. And I was like, and I just, I forget that the fucking Canadians speak French. Yeah. They're slippery like that. I forget.

They're fucking, you can't trust them. And you cannot trust Canadians. Not at all. Canadians are the quickest to fucking switch it on you. Switch it on you. And then all of a sudden sudden it's a revolution. Yep. They start talking in French to each other.

Hey, I see. Yeah, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mons, mon amie. Mon amie, mon amie. Donne-mote, mon aja-tois. Mm-hmm. Donne-mote.

Mage-moi. All right, now. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. This is my impression. Let's do some impressions today. You're, but I should warn the audience, you're really good at this. This is my impression.

Isn't it cool when, like, were we talking about chefs recently? I don't know. I think we were. Okay. Were we talking about, did you have good eating experiences with chefs? Yes, and't know. I think we were. Okay. Were we talking about, did you have good eating experiences with chefs? Yes.

And I know. We talked about this. So many. Holy shit. You know what fucking happened to us? We were in Rochester, New York. And I didn't think anything of what that would be like. Like, I think there's, when when you tours heavily as we do.

You're in a lot of cities. You know, then you're a seizure like I guess we're just going to pass through. Right. Rochester, by the way, it looks a lot like Serbia. Keep going. So Rochester, by the way, it's it's a fascinating story about Rochester by the way, it's a fascinating story about how a city, you know, really thrived at one point. I mean, did it? Well, like, you know, Bauch-Loh, Xerox, Kodak. What? We're all there. Kodak. Can you pull up the history of How many employees Kodak had at one point? At in Rochester 60,000 wait, what was that like processing film?

I mean it was it was a absolutely enormous wait Company story on Rochester, but then here's the thing is that the state capital? No, that's their accused right no Al Albany Oh, it's Albany so did you know though that? Kodak is one of those cautionary tales in business Because you go this company was it's a fortune 500 company. Yeah enormous It I mean 60,000 employees in right. It's like a city within a city You see like their headquarters and you're like holy holy shit, like just it's enormous, right?

Yeah. So, so. So, Eastman, Kodak, Xerox, Balsch and Lomb, Wegmans, Gannett, Paychex, Western Union. Wow. Yeah. Ragu. So these were all.

Ragu. Yeah. Ragu. Mm-hmm. So. Why? What? What happened?

Here's the story of, here's one of the stories of, of Kodak. Why's everyone laughing? Because you look dude. Ragoo. Ragoo. I love Ragoo. Ragoo. Ragoo is in the spaghetti sauce.

Ragoo. I love Ragoo. Ragoo and hot sauce? Ragoo. I love ragoo. Ragoo and hot sauce are the best. Ragoo, man. I can fucking go for some spaghetti. Yes, yes. So here's, you wanna hear this? This is crazy.

Can I make an assessment real quick? These are all things that, these are all kind of brands that definitely appeal to you. No, no, no, but like Western Union, now with like the cash app, you can just, there you go. You're exactly right. And so Kodak, obviously, I mean, this is all, these are all businesses that,

you're gonna, you're gonna shit with this detail. Okay. Kodak develops the digital camera in like the 70s Okay. Codec develops the digital camera in the 70s and goes, we can't let this get out. It'll kill our business. No. And they don't patent it. Oh my God, are you serious?

Yeah. So digital cameras, obviously, so they invent it and don't even get to capitalize on it. Film becomes obviously less popular as digital photography grows. The company just shrinks, and now they have 2,000 employees, and they regularly have been selling off parts of the company for years now. So it had like an incredible decline. Oh, look at that codex symbol. Do you think what are the odds that codec black knows what codec is?

That's a good question. He's got shot, you know that? Again? And no, he got shot at the Super Bowl. He did? Yeah, he got shot and a little leg. At the Super Bowl? Yeah. And no, not at the Super Bowl.

In LA? Yeah, in LA, there was a big, it's a, you can see the video of him getting shot. Really? Yeah, there's, it was, I think it was on Melrose. A V, Kodak Black shot. There's, what? There's, there's, there's, there's footage of it. It's right there. Kodak Black shot. What?

There's footage of it. That's right there. Kodak Black shooting. No way. Yeah. What? So funny if you said in 1972, a Kodak shooting, you were like,

Oh, he's just like chilling. No way. And then a fight breaks out. Kodak, I bet fights follow his ass. Okay. Speed it up so you get to the fucking. If you said Kodak shooting, it means something totally different.

He's totally drinking outside the club. I really enjoy Kodak Black. You really enjoy him? There's a part of him that is so un, did that door just open backwards? Yeah. Yeah. Oh.

There we go. Boom. You got, gone. Who has the gun? Right there. Right there. Yeah. And then he shoots Kodak back in the leg.

How fuck? Oh my God, dude. And then is that person dead right there? No. Oh my God. Drops a belt and long. Um, holy shit, man. Yeah. LA is wild, bro. Who's this guy? That's who's filming. He was filming. He was a helmet. I'm a little paparazzi or something, man. Those guys are always on their bikes. Oh yeah, it is paparazzi. Yeah.

Um, God is wild. Yeah. And right now he's like, man, this video's awesome. Yeah, this guy's like, I'm at a lift. I lived, I lived. You know, so funny is a Kodak Black talked about the shooting and he's like, yeah, they got me.

Like, I think that's what he said. I started watching it this morning. But like, there's a part of Kodak Black talked about the shooting and he's like, yeah, they got me. Like, I think that's what he said. I started watching it this morning. But like, there's a part of Kodak Black that is really untethered to the idea that, like, him and Boosie are like, they say what they say. And I don't agree with them quite often. But I get a kick out of it. I get like excited. Yeah. Kodak Black did the day said, he's gotten this woman pregnant. And he said, if this woman

has a boy, I'm gonna let her be my girlfriend. But if she has a girl, it's just a baby mama. Fag in essence. Yeah. It's a daughter. I'll give you shit about it. It's not really going to fuck about women. It's such a fun. But it's like, he's he is taking what men think to the level that we think it, but don't say it sometimes, and he's just saying it. Like have you ever seen the parties with the general reveal parties? You ever see it, the new pink and the guys are like, fuck, that's go that black, but he's just being very upfront about his feelings. I really, like, I mean, he's, you know,

the reason he got shot is because he said about Lauren London. That's why he got shot. That's what, I mean, that's what I'm assuming. What did he say? I don't even want to say it, but he said, he said something to the effect, I'm paraphrasing Kodak black, his words are often more accurate to what he feels But he basically said he'll give her a year to get over the death of nipsey hustle

And then she can get it like like I don't it's she about she's fitting to be a whole widow out here Yeah, and basically, he's like, he's like, she's hot, man, I give her like a year. I'm paraphrasing, I'm not on a roll. I can, okay. But, and then he, I think he had to apologize, but, but, Nipsey Hussles gang is the biggest gang

in Los Angeles. That is the most, from what I understand, I don't know, I'm not being offensive. I don't know if Nipsy Hussle was in a gang, but I know he's affiliated or something. But that gang exclusively is like the biggest, toughest gang in all the way. And that's why they went out there to shoot him.

And they were like, and that's what I, I used to T said, he was like, just so you know, they don't fuck around. Like the fucking gangs in LA are fucking next level. They do not fuck around. Yeah. Yeah. I'm Sky I'm fucking so fucking. Yeah. Yeah. I'm happy that gangs are back. You know, there was like that. There was a real week period for a while there. Everyone's like, do you remember gang violence? And you're like, and now it's like, it's fucking, it's on again. Respect. Respect guys salute. Do you think there's any gangs that listen to our podcast?

I don't know if the whole gang gets together, but Surprise I'm gang members that have listened for sure. Yeah, I think so See but these white boys up to today. Yeah shit like that. Yeah Sure Yeah, it's interesting. It's interesting that like how that How that gang culture Lended itself to hip hop Like it's interesting that that is the that is the thing The that is the permeation that it's gang culture. Maybe not sports, you know wait

What do you like hip hop and gangs are like are like hand in hand? Uh-huh, but there's so many aspects of of Black culture that like basketball. Yeah. Oh, like there's so many aspects of hip hop and black culture that could have messed, but gangs became the one thing that was like, was dominant. Does that make sense?

Like that gang members became rappers. Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. Sure. Like Snoop was a gang banger. Yeah. The game, the game's a big fucking dude. Remember when I challenged him to a fight. Yep. Yeah, big fucking dude. Probably wouldn't be a good idea. I would love to be friends with him. You ever see the gang member

and the professional boxer fighting in the casino? Yes. Is it interesting? You never want to or a boxer fighting in the casino. Yes. Is it interesting? You never wanna trade hands with a fucking actual fighter. It is, it's just a whole different thing, man. They just, they're, they're, they know so much more about how their body shouldn't move. Well, it's like, it's, it's instinct stuff, you know?

Like they, like just the way they, like slip punches and the combos and the speed of it all. Some dude who's just big and tough and throwing haymakers, it's, you know, you're gonna get, you can fight another regular civilian and have that go your way, but if you're fighting a guy who's really boxed, you're fucked. Dude, I, that's the one thing I wish my dad had got me to do

is learn how to fight. When my dad's like, just walk away from every fight. That's just all you need to know is never get no fight. I got no one fight in like eighth grade and I won and I didn't feel like I won. Like I felt like a piece of shit and my dad made sure to make me feel like a piece of shit for getting it. Oh yeah, he's like, oh, so he's like, do you feel like a man now? You feel like tough?

You think that makes you tough? He was like, the guy wasn't that tough that I punched. And he was like, so what are you going to like be a fighter now? He's like, he like kind of humiliated me for getting into a fight in the first place. As opposed to I thought I'd come home and he'd be like, he'd be like, you won. Nice. You know? Yeah.

Fuck, yes, my boy. Yeah. Yeah man, give me a bigger piece of steak today. Extra rare. Yeah. You deserve it. Yeah. Yeah.

If he just put me on a lead. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. But no, you humiliated me. Like if you ever said the F word, you know? Yeah. If I ever said that I'm my dad, he would light me up. Really? Oh yeah, he didn't like that.

And my dad was like, my dad's progressive in a weird way. But not like, I remember saying it, because I learned it when I moved in this new neighborhood. All the boys, when I was 10, that's when I first heard that word for the first time. Some of the party at someone's house, and then they called one of the kids a bundle of sticks. And I remember coming, I came home and I said, I call my sister that. I You say I

Called my sister all the night Everything So fucking bad Oh, and so I remember my dad, it's, he fucking let me up, he's like, what are you afraid, you're afraid you're gay? You like boys? Is that what it is?

Why are you saying that? Why are you saying that? You're not only homophobic, people say that. People that are afraid they're gay, they're gay. If you're a man, look, I'll love you if you're gay. I'm 10 years old, I'm like, I fucking just heard it, okay? Yeah.

He's like, don't say that word. Don't say that, don't fucking say that word in this house. Really? Yeah, I'm in, my God, fucking just heard it, okay? Yeah. It's like, don't say that word. Don't say that. Don't fucking say that word in the South. Really? Yeah, I'm in like that. My dad's, my dad's like, he's regret, like he's very, very, I'm sure he's okay with me saying this, very anti-Trump, very anti-Trump.

Like, I can't argue, I can't argue from the center with my dad because he hears, he's like all the fucking alt comics. Like, you can't just all sort of argue from the center because all they hear is, you're alt right. Yeah. And so I can't even do that to my dad. And my dad knows I have voted Democrat my whole entire life,

never wants voted Republican wants. My dad is that far, like he's like very, very liberal. Like he has lost friends over it. I didn't realize that. But yeah, but he's also, I mean, he's a regular person. So like there's, I see the, I see the, I see the things that he doesn't know that he's doing that is not super progressive.

You know, like I see certain things, but he had some blind spots, but he definitely you couldn't, you couldn't say the fucking. He was, he just was, that's, he didn't like those words, you know? Yeah. Well, I mean, that's probably good, man. Yeah. We couldn't, yeah, we were, we didn't really run around at curse. Uh, we could say racial slurs, but we couldn't like, say any cursing. So.

So. You know, that's amazing how prevalent racial slurs were growing up, like just in. It's the way it should be, man. But like, like, Florida is wild. So like, and's so crazy, because like, now that I live in LA, like, and you're, and obviously everyone we're surrounded with is, is very progressive minded to, to even explain your childhood, sounds horrific to go like, I was just a kid. I was just hanging out.

Like I didn't, I was, I was the fucking kid. I had a different perspective than you because you grew up there. Yeah, and you can go move there. And I moved there at 14. So yeah, you're, you have like a some worldview already. I didn't have any worldview. But I'm saying like of like other cultures and places and the way and the just casual nature of people's racism in Florida is eye-opening if you just like arrives. You're like...

At 14. Yeah, you're like, what's going on? And people are like, what? Yeah. Do you guys just talk like this? and they're like, yeah. Oh, and do it's grandmas. I, one of the wildest things I ever heard was someone's grandma at a party at a house. And she just fucking, man, I can't repeat it.

And it was, and I was just like, that's your grandmother and they're like, yeah, she's old. Oh my God. I remember being in someone's grandmother's car. We were freshman in high school. She pulled up to the gas station, full serve, and she yelled out the window.

Uh, fill her up on unleaded and send out a, to do my windows. And I remember being in the car going, and no one questioned her. Yeah, no one's had anything. That's the part that gets you though. It's that, it's not just that somebody says something wild. Like, and that's at 14 where I was like, huh?

It's that everyone else is like, yeah. Yeah. You know something to drink? And you're like, huh, it's that everyone else is like, yeah. Yeah. You know something to drink? And you're like, um, crazy. And by the way, what's crazy is like, and the racial slurs that I heard most growing up, were usually anti-Hispanic, because I grew up with all Hispanic kids.

And so that like, I mean, anything, anything to like, when they found out that I was, And so that like, I mean anything, anything to like, when they found out that I was, cause you know, fair skin and blue eyes. And then like, are you a spick? And I was like, yes. And they're like, did you know Tom's a spick?

And I'm like, hi guys. And they would like bring the oranges and shit and they'd be like, yeah. Did your family pick this today? And I was like, cool. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's, there was, and there was a big, the big one for us was Cuban versus Puerto Rican.

Like if the Cuban kids, we had one Puerto Rican kid in our high school. We had more than one, but they didn't like, one guy was like, was definitely Puerto Rican. I think about him a lot oddly enough because he got into an accident when we were in high school, when we were 16. And he got into an accident.

He came to school that day in the morning. He came to school and he had this weird looking face. I said, you okay, and he goes, yeah. You know what's crazy? It's Right before I got into that accident, I kept thinking driving's a little bit like a video game. I was like, really? It's like, I kept thinking, this is like a little bit like a video game. And he goes, and I guess I just, I just like lost control. And I almost like almost died the thing. And he was like, it's not like a video game. I think about him saying that to me a lot. But like, but there was, I'm gonna,

I'm gonna avoid all the things they would say, but it was, that was like the fucking, that was it. But we always had kids that were a park Cuban that looked like you. Troy and D. Can I have talked about them before? Their mom's, mom was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that, so, yeah, I, the N word wasn't something that kids my age said.

Like that wasn't, that wasn't a big thing. And it was also like what part of Tampa you lived in? Where's that, where that work I said? Oddly enough, if you live in the very wealthy areas of Tampa or in the very poor areas of Tampa. Those are white people. Yeah. That was the white people that said it.

In Carrowood and like the middle class, I don't think it wasn't. I don't think it was very prevalent. But it was like it was it was a it was a conjoined with other words like you know like like a like a knocking like like like that was that was where you heard it know, I live in a very poor white neighborhood. Not very poor now, but I look back. It is. When you drive, when I drive through it today,

I go, shit, I left here. Like now I drive through, I took my kids to it. We were in Tampa, I drove my kids to it. So that's my first house and they're like, you live here? I was like, yeah, it's great. We let it get on fire over there. I was fucking.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's crazy as there were Asian people all around us. Yeah, yeah, there's next door to us, we're Asians right across the street, we're Asians down the street, like there was a big Asian community in this poor white neighborhood. Yeah. Where's this going?

What was it? What was it? Hold on. Did you have a perspective with your mom being? The spec? No, but your mom was, your mom was, did she feel like she fit in when she got to South Florida? No, really. She never felt like she fit in anywhere here. In America?

No. Really? Yeah, dude. I mean, she's like, you know, she's a different person when she's around Latin people. Totally. You see her personality change completely. Really? Yeah, I think she always had like, you know, some level of insecurity, which I understand. I mean, imagine you come over here. you go to another country when you're 30. She came over when she was 30? Yeah, and like- Wait, how would we shoot when she had you? When she had me?

Sorry, she came over here when she was 32. Hold on. And you just get older. How'd she get older? No, where were you born? In Cincinnati. Okay, but she had you in Cincinnati, right? She had me in Cincinnati when she was probably 35.

Holy shit, your mom had kids in her 40s. Now, she had a last one at Jane at 39. So, so yes, like you come over to it. Imagine if you move to another country at 32 and you don't speak the language, she didn't speak English, you know, speaking English. No, she knew like 20 words. Did your dad speak Spanish? None He spoke he spoke Korean no Vietnamese right? Didn't he? Why don't I feel like you're not supposed to be a nice because he killed a bunch of them. I don't know He no he did not speak Vietnamese He would casually use that word a lot. So your mom came here not speaking the language and they get sound to South Florida where

everyone speaks Spanish. But we weren't in proper, we weren't properly in South Florida, which would have been a different experience. You know, we were still a little bit above that. You know, we were in our north of Palm Beach. So we're kind of like kind of central, but not central state, like central coast. I bet your mom is a smoke show in her 30s. It's very pretty. She's very pretty. But you got any pictures? Yeah, I do. I'll send you some. Okay. Huge tits. I'm gonna tell you something. Huge tits.

Do you think you fall in love with Christina because you guys are both children of immigrants? No, but I'm sure it plays a part. There's a reason you align with somebody and I'm sure that our parental experiences, she has two immigrant parents, me having one, there's definitely things that you connect on, like you bond over that.

You're like, I'm like dumb fucking parents at this today. And that's, you know, that's like, I think all kids of immigrants are always like, kind of nodding at that kind of stuff, you know. That's interesting. Yeah. Do your sisters identify, like, are you the, like, never mind. What?

I don't think I'm going to make this, is I'm going to come out right? Am I the spiciest of my siblings? That's what I meant to say. Uh, spiciest. Um, do they speak Spanish? So Maria speaks okay. She doesn't use it enough. I mean, neither do I, to be honest.

Jane understands a lot like refuses to speak, refuses. Like I've never heard her say a word. Really? Understands a lot because you just hear it so much, you know? So you get that a lot in children of immigrant parents, of all backgrounds, when there's people watching a list here and now they have Persian parents, French parents, Arabic, whatever, that you go, yeah, of course I understand

cause that's all I hear, but you have to actually speak to get good at speaking. So I probably speak the best of my siblings because I've spoken the most. Yeah, I've actually spent more time and people wanting to hear what you have to say. Exactly. Now I spent time in South America,

I studied abroad. Where is South America, Peru? Yeah, Lima. I spent time in Lima, yeah, a lot of time. Do you ever go to Machu Picchu? Three times. No. For real? Yeah. Only go to Machu Picchu. It's really worth it. Pull time. Do you ever go to Machu Picchu? Three times. No. For real?

Yeah. Only go to Machu Picchu. It's really worth it. Pull it up. I want to see Machu Picchu. Maybe I'm going to tweak. Do I have to train for it? No.

No. It's fucking rad. It's up in the mountains, man. And your mom went to high school in Machu Picchu? That's where she went to school right there. Yeah. Has your mom been to Machu Picchu? Yes. Have you been back to Peru with your mom? Yes. That's a she went to school right there. Yeah. Has your mom been to Macha Peechu?

Yes. Have you been back to Peru with your mom? Yes. That's a fucking badass city. That's pretty cool. You know it's crazy about Peru, which I learned. I was listening to a podcast. Maybe it was called The Conquerors.

And it was that the soldiers, when they went, they were like, oh, we'll just go fuck up real quick. And like this the Spaniards and they're like, let's go get them. Yeah. And they're like, okay, okay, I can't fucking breathe. And they're like, Jesus Christ, hell the fuck. And so then there were a lot of places that were safe

because people couldn't get to them. It's a way up there. I mean, you will have a headache when you first arrive in Kusko. So you fly, you don't go, you don't land in Machu Picchu. You land, you go to Kusko, right? Which is like an old city in theusko. So you fly, you don't go, you don't land in Machu Picchu, you land, you go to Kusko, right, which is like an old city in the Andes. And you, the elevation is up there and it usually fucks with people the first day. What's the elevation about you, Picchu? Let me see.

I fucking hate elevation. Yeah. That's up there. That's up there. That's pretty bad. I can do that though. You can do it. So Kusko is not that high, but that's where you first go to see with the elevation of Matterhorn is. What is it? This is the highest elevation I've ever been at. Matterhorn. What's that? Matterhorn. It's in there. It's in yeah. How's it? 12,000 feet. Oh, yeah. No, I can maybe 10,000 feet. So we climbed. We went skiing right adjacent to Matterhorn. Okay. And you can see the peak of Matterhorn from where we were standing. And it's higher than where we were, but that we went hell of skiing one time and mother flocker. I, I, that's probably the, the most difficult I've ever had

getting catching my breath. It was like insane. Yeah, those, when you first arrived, I mean, I'm sure it's like that there, but like, you remember having headaches? I had bad headaches and they give you like coca tea, like tea leaves, you know, and then they, it's like a tea that you drink. And it actually kind of alleviates the headache and the nausea. Really? Yeah. No, I, I, I, I fucking, I think it's because I party too, but I, I can feel

it when we're on a bus and we're going through the fucking Rockies and I feel we're at elevation. I'm just like, what the fucking hell? And I have it on my phone. That's how much elevation fucks with me. When we went hell of skiing, I could not, we were in like, I'll say four feet of powder because that's what it felt like, probably two feet of powder. Like you could not put your snowboard on

because it was sunk, everything would sunk into the snow. And it was, I mean, it was non-joyable, super-exhausting, fucking terrifying. I don't know who could do it. I wasn't my favorite experience of skiing. And then, you're just in Switzerland, you're at elevation. Yeah. Fucking elevation sucks.

Yeah, you got to adjust to it. What's our elevation here in Austin, do you think? I don't think so. It's where there's sneaky cities that you don't know are elevated. Like Albuquerque's at 5,000 feet. Really? Yeah, I think Albuquerque's at 5,000 feet. What's Austin's elevation? I don't know where elevated like like Albuquerque's at 5,000 feet. Really? Yeah, I think Albuquerque's at 5,000 feet. What's Austin's elevation? I don't know. I'm pretty, I can't imagine it's much, but I don't know. I got an altimeter on my fucking phone and 656 feet. Okay. So that's not much at all. Yeah, elevation, fucks you.

I wanna do one of those, not deprivation tanks. What are the ones where they put you in the thing, the bell, and they take you down below the fathoms? I don't know. And then they fill you with oxygen, and it refixes you. It refixes, it replenishes, I was gonna say, it replenishes, and then it's not replenished. What is it called? Is what is someone know the word of that thing? Is it hyperbaric?

Hyperbaric chambers. Yeah, type in a hyperbaric chamber. Hyperbaric chamber that is full of oxygen, right? Hyperbaric therapy. Austin, yeah, you just found it. You said it. Yeah. I guarantee you, Kuyah's got one. But they take you in, they, Rogan did this. Yeah. They take you in, they put you at like four fathoms below in this, this fucking, what is a fathom?

What are you talking about? Is it like a hundred feet or something? 10 feet, 20 feet. I don't know. They lower you at you? They lower you. Really? Yeah, basically they take you below sea level. I thought they just closed the fucking...

No, no, no, they closed it, but then they pressurized it so that you're on mimics being that. What? It mimics it. It mimics it. It's how you get rid of the bends also. But they take you in. I think they do it for a lot of people

with going through cancer. What it does is it allows more oxygen to get into your cells because you're getting pure oxygen and your cells are open to it. They're like expanded or whatever. So it fixes you. I don't know. I'd love to do it except I think I can get claustrophobic. I think they'd have to drug me.

Do it, do drugs. I don't know if you can do drugs and then do that except I think I'd get claustrophobic. I think they'd have to drug me. Do it, do drugs. I don't know if you can do drugs and then do that. I'm sure you can. I remember one time I did diving lessons, like scuba diving lessons, and I was having panic attacks until I took a Xanax and I was like, I was like, you're not supposed to scuba dive on Xanax.

Like you definitely want to have your wits about you. I think for scuba diving, it's probably a good idea. Yeah, and I would get it. But sitting in a hyperbaric chamber, you could probably be high. I would love to be high. Oh, I didn't even finish saying this earlier that I was in Rochester.

Chefs, chefs, chefs, chefs. Chefs, chefs. God dammit, I'm fucking bad. Yeah. I, uh, we ended up, you know, a lot of times these days, I see what it's all about, what were we talking about? Yeah. You go, like, what's the best place to eat, right?

Like, what's awesome here place to eat, right? Where's awesome here? And so, it's not fun out there. Rochester has a bunch of good restaurants. So the first night we go to a place called Red, when the chef there worked at Michelin Star places in, like, in Napa, like in Napa, California. So he, like, really is a top tier chef. And then he's from Rochester, it moved back there.

And basically opened a place that is that level of cuisine. So it was phenomenal. Am I in Rochester soon? Nadav, do you know? And then the next night, I think I'm going, I think I'm doing Pukipsi and that whole run. I bet. I'm a Rochester.

You got to go. You got to go. The next night we went to Vern in Rochester, which was also out of the candy. I want to go to these restaurants if you went there. Yeah. Yeah. I got a Worcester. Worcester.

Worcester. Yeah. I'm not in Rochester. Albany. I'm not in Rochester. You fucking kidding me Salted I see that grand junction Columbus Nashville Baltimore University Park Portland scroll all the way down to the bottom University Park, Portland, scroll all the way down to the bottom. Uh, the Greek, my fifth, um, Vancouver, Hollywood, Hollywood, what the fuck am I doing on Hollywood? You did in the improv.

When? Why? Wait, what are you? Hang on. How is that all my fucking calendar? I don't know. In July. Who am I doing?

Why am I doing the, wait, why am I hold on? Why am I, why am I? What does that say I say with who? How the fuck is they have they booked the Hollywood improv? That's from last year. Oh, that's from last year. I was like, how the fuck did they know that? So, so are those all last year? At the Hollywood improvs. But I mean, oh, I bet. So, are those all last year? All the points. All the points. But I mean, oh, I bet they all are.

All those July dates? Yeah, probably, right? Cobbs energy, son. Yeah, they, yeah, good job. You need to tell them to. No, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're like, I pace them on.

I'm paying up job crew. So here's the interesting thing I think about chefs, right? Yeah. I feel kind of chefs, because we are delivering a product that tries to enrich your life. Yeah. When we do stand up, our only goal is to make sure you have a better time because of us. Yeah. And chefs do that. However, chefs do it in much more intimate way because they go inside your mouth.

Yeah. So like they, they get to, but here's a crazy thing. I was trying to think of, because sometimes we miss a target. Yeah. And we're like, and people like, and get the exact opposite feeling. Yeah.

And they're like, I came to have a good night of comedy. And now I hate you. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, does that happen to chefs? For sure. Food poisoning? Well, just that or like, didn't like the food,

didn't like the experience, didn't like the ambiance, you know, didn't like my server, didn't like, people get upset about all kinds of things in restaurants. These experiences though were crazy, red and verne, and then speaking of chefs, I don't even know if I, did I tell you this, Nadav, because when we did Tom talks with Hosandress

He hit me up He's like you were private meal for you. He's like when you're coming you coming to DC Like I'd love to feed you and your crew and I was like what and I realized I had to In a in one day and then we were out of DC. You know, it was the end of the week. And I was like, fuck.

Cause if it would have been like we were talking about, you feel the one show night, you can be like, Oh, fuck. And it's a Sunday. So my first show is at five. Why are you doing that? Because on a Sunday, a lot of times your first show you go on sale with is eight

cause you're thinking you're just doing one. Yeah. It sells out and they go, if you want to add, you got to add early. You can't add late on a Sunday. I can, but I do all my shows at seven. Yeah, but on a Sunday, you're probably more likely to do, like, people are less likely to go out to like a 10 on a Sunday, you know? I don't know.

So they added early and anyway, I was like, well, the only thing I can do is have a lunch and we went to Haleo. You went to lunch with this guy? No, no, he set me, he was in, he's in Ukraine feeding people with world central kitchen. So yeah, that's who Joseosea addresses, but like Jesus, he set me up at Haleo and holy shit, they designed a fucking menu for us. For real? Oh my God. It's all Spanish cuisine. It's J-A-L-E-O, it was fucking unbelievable, unbelievable, man. We so goddamn good. We had this woman come to our show in, I forget where the fuck we were in Savannah, Savannah or Charleston, one

of the two Charleston, I think her name's Mary Brent. Mm-hmm. Um, and she did a meal and she specializes, I'm gonna fuck this up. Mm-hmm. She specializes in open flame cooking. She is a, a chef consultant for TV shows where they cook outside. Like, if they have a show where they're, like, a man versus wild or whatever,

she is the chef consultant that comes in on the show and maybe kind of helps them figure out this is how you cook a turtle or whatever, you know? And so, I'm sure if she's listening to this, she's rolling over it going like, that's not what I do. You don't listen. This sounds like Bert describing a situation.

Mary Brent, uh, what's her name? Mary Brent isn't that from the Mary Brent galeen. She's an expedition chef. I'm sorry. She's an expedition chef. So it's totally different. But this is her like she flies in helicopters. Yeah.

And goes out in the fucking jungle and cooks for crews and stuff. So she did an open flame meal for us and just cooked everything open flame outside our boss like on a fucking big grill and just fucking it was I got so sick between shows I hate so much fucking food. And this always happens when you get access to something like it's so fast. Bro, you know, I, um, I try not to even eat before shows. I'm never gonna end and I fucking never drink. You know, I do every show sober. Yeah. We show up at home and they are just bringing out.

I mean, plate after plate is like we did the sushi thing, but it's full Spanish tapas. And I was like, and then they're like, this wine pairs well with this. And I was like, oh my God, how am I gonna do two shows? I had to start just going like, I'll have a sip of the wine. I can't drink the full glass. You fucking hammered and full of shit myself on stage.

It was such an amazing experience, so man. I can't drink before a show. I mean, I'm doing it right now, but like, I'm showing Penn's cold at night. But like I can't, I can't go on stage drunk. No, I fuck it up. Like I can have drinks this afternoon when I fly. Yeah.

I gotta take a nap when I get there, get up, have coffee with one show tonight so I can get through one show. And after watching earthquake special, I'm super excited to do stand up. Yeah, crazy. That's inspiring. Yeah.

And so I can. That's the best thing, by the way, is people, seeing, when you do stand up, seeing great stand up is actually the biggest thrill. It makes you go like, I want to do stand up. I want to, I want to write something again. I want to get up there and like, because you get excited by watching the great stuff.

And the great ones are like, like Jenna Jamison when she was a, when she was doing porn, she was so good. Like there was something different that she did. Like the way she had sex, it was like she meant it. She's like she loves having sex. Yeah, you know, she can't walk. What?

Yeah, Jenna Jamison got some like kind of crazy disease and she can't walk right now. Yeah, Jenna Jameson got some kind of crazy disease, and she can't walk right now. I'm gonna follow her on Instagram. By the way, she looks better than when she was in porn these days. Like these days she looks great. Jenna can't love. Can't lose.

Can't lose. Can't lose. Can't lose. Jenna can't lose. Is that her? Yeah, that's her. Jenna can't lose. She can't walk.

Yeah, she got some weird go to her. Her go to that picture her with the hospital bracelet on. And then click it and then read the thing. Thank you for your well wishes. I'll be out of here as soon as I get back. Love you. What's the next one to the right set? Go to sweat no.

Yeah, do that. Is it old school Jenna? Oh, okay. Fuck man. She looks, by the way, she looks for fucking phenomenal. Yeah, she does look fucking phenomenal. Yeah. She looks great. But, um, she's been going through some health. I've been following her. I found out a lot of my favorite porn stars. She's going through some health battles. Who are you? A lot of your favorite porn stars? I follow all of my favorite porn stars she's going through some health battles. Who are you a lot of your favorite porn stars?

Follow all of my favorite porn stars. That's a nice photo there. There you go. She's supposed to want to nadov I'm not right above that Feeling grateful. Kings. Is she Jewish looks like it? Is she Jewish looks like it? She's sexy. I guess maybe she beat it. I don't know because these pictures don't look like who's this her guy now? Yeah, her yeah Who's he let's see? I don't know they they move to Hawaii and

What's his handle there? What's it or don't just say it. We just click it The oh what's that what's that what's that? Holy fuck what happened Who is this? Oh, that's him. Oh, and then is he a bunch of pictures with her? I Think they have a kid. Oh really? That's some real J stuff there for you Nidav. Yeah, great. Oh, I thought that was a snake around his hand. Well, a lot of them have it. Yeah, they live in Hawaii now, but she went through some really bad medical stuff and she couldn't use her legs, her legs weren't working. That's fine. That's terrifying.

That's that, yeah. Yeah, that's really fucking scary. All right, we should wrap up, man. Okay, let's wrap up, but we gotta get it. Let's look at our list and see if there's any subjects we didn't touch on, because we'll never talk about these. Okay.

You never told me about throwing with the Buffalo Bills. The tour of the Bills facility. Yeah. Was so fucking awesome. Is it my favorite thing to do on the road now? It's been, I did it for the Packers and I did it for the box. I love it, dude.

I was fucking love it. It's so cool. Yeah, it's so cool that they upgraded like their indoor practice facility and like the clubhouse part of it. And then they gave us like this amazing tour, locker room, weight room. I mean, gave us like this amazing tour locker room, wait room, I mean, it's like all bad,

like what you want to see, like this is a pro fucking locker room and wait room. Nice to staff, like let us run around, throw on the field, it gave us a bunch of like official sweat. It was fun, man, it was really fun. That's great. And they have a top notch facility. It was really cool to see. That's awesome. And they have a top notch facility. It was really cool to see.

I love it. I love it. I love it. Awesome. I got to... But fucking in the tub. Oh, so, micron and shan, nicks, who were out on tour with me. Are they but fucked in the tub?

Well, they started going like, we're going to do this series. I was like, what is it? And they go, it's called but fucking a bathtub. And I like, what is it? And they go, it's called butt fucking a bathtub. And I go, what is it? And they're like, it's that. Like we're gonna, we're gonna fuck in like different rooms. And I'm like, okay. And then they, they were like complaining.

They go, you gotta, you know, like when people are not grateful, you gotta hotel room without a, without a bathtub. And I'm like, sorry. And they go, so now we can't buff fucking a bathtub, so we're gonna fucking a shower. So then they, they like, they filmed themselves fucking around like playing with each other. I saw that, yeah.

In the shower. And they said they're just gonna start like fucking around in different environments, you know. I'm here for that. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I'll support it. You guys put it on a Patreon. Yeah.

I said to, I had a meeting with UTA, we were talking about it on a Patreon. Yeah. I said to I had a meeting with a UTA. We were talking about doing stuff for Patreon. I was like, I already do so much stuff. I feel like I don't know if I have time to do more stuff. Yeah. Like it's kind of cool. I just signed up for Patreon. I got the app and got my thing. I started going through like the Comtown Boys and Tim Dylan. Yeah. Like there's a lot of cool stuff on there. And so I was like, I don't mind the extra content. I assume I consume a lot of content, and I was like, but I don't know if I have time,

I have time to create another project to put on. Oh my God. What you've gotten, then I was like, and then I said, I wouldn't mind doing tasteful nudes on only fans, and just have, like, send them to someone to kind of clean them up and Photoshopped them a little bit. But it's my body, but it's been worked over a little bit.

Worked over? Yeah. And I said and they were like, that's a brilliant idea. And I went and the end's like, we got a phone, the end's like, did your team just greenlight you doing new's on only fans? I was like, yeah. Dude, if you started putting out like real Treble X content. This is the first one I want to put out. You jacking off.

I would I would I would sign up for your only fans immediately. Yeah, right? I was what do you think I can make on only fans by put tasteful fucking nudes like tasteful like really art like get a First of all, fucking news. Like, tasteful, like really art, like get a fucking photographer and put out fucking, tasteful fucking news. I don't know, let me see. What do you think? Okay, this is the first one I wanted. This is what I'd like to open with.

Let me see if I can find it. I'm getting old. Yeah. I don't really see anything these days. You could really make some money, Bert. I think I could. I think you could too. Is this gonna but I think I could. I think you're good too. Is this going to be something that I regret seeing? No.

This will be the first one. You're an adopt. Can you see this? So like, and but I'd clean that up even more, like make me a little skinnier, airbrush me so that I'm look Tanner. Would you have someone do it professionally? I'd have I'd take it to like the people that do the cover of GQ and then go, hey do that to me. But, and then also take care of my cock. Like make sure my cock looks nice.

Yeah. You don't want to look too. I don't want it to look like that one's too big. Yeah, that was silly. Yeah, that was really like penis bumped it up. Yeah. I wonder, maybe I'll just penis pump it Yeah, I saw that penis pump and just do like just a good fluffing

How often do you think I'd like Nidava you'd you'd want to subscribe to this channel How often was you want to see a nude nude like once a week? I think once a week is a good pace once a week only fans and it's like and their news that tell a story Yeah, so if I arced it and I's like, and they're news that tell a story. Yeah. So if I arced it, and I was like, so like, I'd be there to at least be saying, like the first nude we get, I'm covering my eyes, right? And you're like, what's going on? Yeah, what's going on?

And then the next nude, I'm peeking around a corner. Yeah. And so that they build throughout the year. But you gotta jack off eventually. I have one with my deck on my hand. Yeah, but I mean, everyone wanna see at least one full release. Okay, how about this? How about this?

How about this? You hear me, you see me, but you don't see my face. Oh no, it's just down here. Yeah, it's like, yeah. Yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah, I'm the machine. Oh, let's wait till I see my face. Oh no, it's just down here. Yeah. And it's like, yeah. Yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah, I'm the machine. Oh. Well, it's too late to hang out.

Bob, what was it, Mommy? Here's what happened. Yeah. You know how many women just came listening to this show right now? Do you think, do you think what percentage of women that our fans of mine would want to see me naked? Most. You do this see me naked. Most.

You do this to me all the time. You're Tom cruising me. You're making, I believe you. Like with a fucking leather pants, someone hit me, I'm like, hey man, do not wear leather pants on your special. What? I was like, why? And they're like, they're like,

Tom's fucking with you. No I'm not. You should not wear leather pants on your special. I'm not fucking with you. Did you see Kevin Hart's Gucci pants? No. The fucking badass. Get you. Do you see Kevin Hart's Gucci pants? No Fucking badass get those. Yeah, but Gucci Gucci Okay, pull up Kevin Hart's Gucci. Kevin Hart earthquake and Dave she pal to go picture. It was on Kevin Hart's Instagram And he has these Gucci pants on. They're so fucking cool. Do you think?

Scroo you'll see there are there. Look at these Gucci pants. Oh, you can definitely rock those. Dave Chappelle's an interesting fashion icon. Like he has such a different fashion sense, you know? Like he doesn't seem like a guy who would be fashionable, but he is. I mean, Ch pal. Oh, yeah

He is fashionable like he's indistertaining things, but he doesn't seem like a he doesn't seem like a You fucking commented hey, Segura. We need Gucci pants stat I forgot I did that fuck did anyone Shit, I didn't write that didn't I yeah? Yeah, I need some Gucci pants. Yeah. I'm gonna watch earthquake special again on the plane today.

I feel like watching it. Last one, Josh Potter. Yeah. I told him Josh Potter. A fucking blast. We went and played disc golf and he said, I don't think I'm gonna play. And I said, why?

And he said, because I'm blind. It's really hard to play these types of games for me, because I can't see where I'm going. And I went, oh, we'll just tell you where to go. And it was fucking hilarious. Every T-Shotty's like, where's that though? We're like, just know it is hard as you can. It'll be fine.

And he ended up beating my cousin Andrew. What he did? He beat my cousin Andrew. Who can totally see? He can totally see. Josh would be the thing going, I can't see the pen. And we're like, just over by my voice, Josh, he'd be like, oh, and then we got fucked up on the flight home.

I mean, fucked beyond fucked up on that flight home. He, so we had you, you and I had dinner and then we were talking about it. And you go, yeah, he kept saying, this is very different than how Tom tours. And so I called him and you go, yeah, he kept saying, this is very different than how Tom tours. And so I called him and I go, he goes, oh, yeah, I had a great time with Bird. It was awesome.

We had a full much fun. And I go, how different was it than how when you tour with me? And he goes, well, I sleep a lot more with you. Like, I don't know. I was like, yeah. And he goes and then, you know, a bus or a flight with you, he's like, it's like being in a nice hotel. And I go, and he goes, with bird, it's kind of like a barn.

We had him, we got on, we took a private home in the middle of the night. I had to be home for something. I had to be home for something. And we got a fucking steel, a steel on it. Cross country, we had to make a stop, but we had to deal on it. So I was like, fuck yeah, it makes sense. I'm a full, everyone home. Yeah. We got so fucked up on that flight. The John man's my cameraman, he said, he was, he doesn't remember getting off the plane. He just remembers that next Monday. He doesn't remember any of the thing. He said the funny, he said the

funniest thing one time. I hope he, we were all sitting on the bus one night and we're talking about getting someone pregnant as anyone ever got any one pregnant and uh I'm moving like I was like I thought I did in uh college but it she wasn't pregnant and then we were like oh yeah there's a close call and John goes half I had a close call once and we're like, yeah, well, like what happened? He's like, luckily she took care of it. And we're like, that's not a close call. Yeah. Call it a portion.

Yeah. Luckily, you missed it. Oh, fuck. All right. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. We love you guys. Love you. All our heart.

Look at these fucking arms. God damn it. I look proportionally. I look like a fucking chef. If Style Bender just saw me, he'd be like, I don't know, man. Yeah. He would be scared right now. Like this is a fucking... this is a lot of man

That's what I was thinking to all right great episode man. All right great episode get those pants buddy. Yep. All right Tell stories in bird, the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. No scripts to bid a booze, amateur, fatology. Dirty jokes, ronchy humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cave.