2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 128 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: April 11, 2022

On this week's episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer discuss stem cell treatments, hanging with DJ Premier in New York, Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars, and the ways Walter Matthau and Michael Jordan bet. Also, Bert thinks he's turning into Kanye West, which prompts a discussion about how he would react if LeeAnn started dating John Mayer.   https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/bertyboytourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

You know, my boys have been asking for fat sticks. You know, people in my shows have been calling me fat sticks. Fat sticks is gonna stick. Fat sticks is sticking. It's sticking. And we got a shirt. Yeah, okay, go right now, store. YMHStudios.com get the new fat stick shirt.

Fat sticks approved. Just do it. What? Do the 20 grand. No. How much of a thrill would that be if you win that? It's not. It's still not.

It's still not? No, I mean, here's the deal. It's not a thrill if I win. But it hurts if you lose. Yeah, it hurts if I lose. So up it a little bit. It's still not? No, I mean, here's the deal. It's not a throw-up, I win. But it hurts if you lose. Yeah, it hurts if I lose. So up it a little bit. What's the price? Put a hundred grand down on something.

It would really hurt if I lose. I'd be fucking fine if you win that, right? And then you get to, yeah, that would be nice. 100% Come get stem cells tomorrow, man. Mother fucker. Why aren't you gonna get them? They don't they don't hurt you. I know, but I don't know these things. I but then like I'm here's on the guy I'm just as bad as the guy at the party. You're like no man. Just try it. It's fine But that but we're not talking about something like that. Your body naturally, you're healing your body with this. Here's what happened.

Okay. You tell me we're doing stem cells. Yeah. And then you're like, do you wanna get a full blood panel? And I was like, well, I thought we just getting stem cells. But a blood panel is them taking your blood. No, no, no, I know.

But I thought, then I started doing the math. And I was like, are they gonna have to make sure that I'm healthy enough? No. Because I'm not healthy enough. Do you hear me right now? Yeah, no, listen. I have your agent texting me, telling me I'm on desk bed.

Okay. I look like shit, I get it. I'm burning it, both fucking ends. Can I tell him you're getting stem cells? I'm just drinking right now. Okay, can I tell him you're getting stem cells? No, just stop, let's not do it right now. Let me, but I,

I'm, I, dude, what if, like, when I secured stem cells for you? I understand that. And they're thousands of dollars. I'll give you the money. All right. Mother fucker. You're gonna feel better.

For what? For way but where? All of the money. All of the money. Joe's like stem, Samsung's else. They're great. They're great. Let me put some in your arm. I'll do it with her.

Let me hold your arm down. Where is it? Is it like in a strip mall? No. What is it? I mean, I don't know. Well go away. But you're buying no nothing about this. Okay, okay. I'm starting to sweat. I'm starting to sweat.

My blood pressure is through the roof. I can't feel the side of my face because I've been fucking nasal condition. Okay, okay, okay. I'm starting to sweat. I'm starting to sweat. My blood pressure is through the roof. I can't feel the side of my face cause I have my fucking nasal condition. Okay, okay, okay. First, I'm, dude, I'm losing my fucking mind. Okay, let me tell you something. Let's take a deep breath for a second. I had a deep breath.

You're the one that started this. Let's, let's fucking relax. Okay. First of all, first of all, I love you. I know you do. You're great. You're doing great. Everything's fine. I got these to try to help improve the already improved arm you had injured. Yes.

They don't hurt. They're kept 84 degrees below zero in this special freezer. So they just, let me ask you this. Okay. If you say that this is what I can do, I'll do it. Okay. I walk in tomorrow, they go, hey, Bert, say, hey, what's up?

They go, let me see the arm. They go like this, and they go, brrr, brrr, brrr No blood pressure. Okay. No blood pressure. Okay. No anything Just some stem cells. Yeah, and then I go cool. Thanks cool. Then I walk out. Yeah, then I'm in and I don't want to do blood panels I want to do blood pressure. I don't want to know where I'm at right now because I'm like not sleeping on the bus Let me let me just tell him because he was gonna give him to this sick kid and I'm gonna tell him Okay, hang on. Hey, let me talk to him. Get him on the phone, get him on the phone, Okay, get him on the phone, okay, hold on. Uh, he's nice, okay, we'll call him later, let's see what this later, okay? Okay, okay, okay, you have no idea how much fucking

you can- Let me just tell him, don't give him to that kid, I'm fucking burning at it both ends right now. The last thing I need on my plate is stem cells. How much do they cost? Just to stop by something else. So, first of all, it was one of the rare times in all these years that you and I got to be in one city separately working and get to hang out together. Yeah, usually our agents time it so that we're there a week apart. Oh, that's brilliant. Yeah. But I don't know which agents, the reminder here, they're like, well, Tom's going to be in Maine,

birds going to be in Maine. Why don't we just put one of them right in front of each other? Yes, why wouldn't they do the six months apart? them right in front of each other? Yeah, it's fine. Why wouldn't they do that six months apart? That's what that would be logical. Yeah, I would, I would. The, but it was nice. It was nice. Yeah.

It was very nice to go to dinner with you and your whole team. And it was awesome. You know what I realized in doing that was I do things on the cheap. Like I don't do things. Like I do things on the cheap kind of. And I't do things. Like, I do things on the cheap kind of, and I don't need to, but I just do. It's my natural instinct.

Like, I mean, example. Like, dinner. I didn't like, where we went to dinner was you need a membership to go to. Right. I would never, in a million years, I would never do that. I'd be like, where'd you have dinner?

I'm gonna say like, let's find a good restaurant around. And I was like, you guys like barbecue, or do you guys like, we normally just go, let's find a great restaurant. But like, it barbecue or do you guys like? We normally just go, let's find a great restaurant. But like it was so nice, we went to this really nice restaurant, had the expensive cocktails and the conversation was awesome for me, you and DJ Premier. So people don't even know this yet, who are,

I mean, they might know if they pay attention to Instagram, but like I had DJ Premier open. It was so smart. My beacon show, my Hulu, Madison Square Garden show, and my King's Theater show in Brooklyn. And I reached out to him months ago about this. I was like, I go, this is kind of crazy.

I wanna ask you something. And he was like, yeah, let's do it. And I was like, first of all, I just couldn't believe he said yes. And then coming up to the week, he called me like a week ago, but before and he goes, hey, just a question about those New York shows.

And I'm like, yeah, what? I didn't know if he was gonna be like, you know, whatever. I just was waiting for what kind of question this could be. And he goes, you have like requests, or can I just do my thing? I was like, uh, do your thing. Do whatever the fuck you wanna do. He's like, really?

I go, I don't care if I don't even go on. I'll just watch you. I'm gonna get the shit. So, he's like, all go I don't care if I don't even go on. I'll just watch you. I'll get the shit so He's like all right, all right. So then the show's happened he did three different sets Like and they were all wild but the last night in Brooklyn was definitely the craziest he was doing shit that I love which is He would play like a hip-hop song right like like you would talk about a song like a 10-crack commandments. Biggie Small Song that he produced. And he would start with the original song

that is, that sample was used from. So you're playing this like- I love his YouTube channel. Yeah, like his 75, you know, 70s soul kind of song and you're like, oh, that sounds like, and then he would construct the song that you know So like shit like that for me. That is so fucking fast. It's rad Yeah, it was it was awesome, and then he would do sing along like he would make them sing like it was everything from like a

Pink Floyd and the Eagles and like he gave shout out to food fighters for Taylor Hawkins dying and like he would he did this It was a 25th anniversary of a gangster album the fifth gang so he did like a guru tribute a biggie tribute in Brooklyn O.D.B. I mean it was not stood it was fuck and then he was like like then he brought out Jeff Tate Jeff was like he was like, I don't know, how am I supposed to follow this? But like, he fucking murdered. And then he brought me up, he brought me up in such a way where it was so like so big.

Like I've never been brought on stage to that kind of ovation that I was like, I don't think I'm right. You did a lot of things that, there's so much to unpack here. Yeah, there was a lot. Because you changed, you helped me. So like, first of all, okay, you had DJ premiere

and you had Joey Diaz. I had Joey Diaz. So wait, for anyone who's not in the know, Joey Diaz has was officially retired from standup. He, I wait, none of us could believe it because if you guys, for those of you don't, no, I know a lot of people are well versed in our kind of circle of comedy podcasts, friends, but like, you know, Joey, we all kind of, you know, kind of, we, we turn towards if we're, you know, at the end of the night, what are we going to do? And everybody has an opinion, then we look at Joey, like, you know, you tell us, right?

Like, or like, what's the right answer to this thing? It's like, it's Joey. He's the young, he's Uncle Joey, right? My daughter's literally called Uncle Joey. I mean, he's a little older than all of us. And, you know, he's got the wildest life experience. He's got a video that's going viral every five minutes. All you need is 20 good fucking friends. Take over country. Oh, he's got, yeah, he's got great, you know, perspective. It's, he's out of his mind. But we all love the guy because he's so fucking hilarious. And during the, you know,

the pandemic, every, you you know obviously we moved to Austin He moves to like where he grew up and back in Jersey, which everybody was like, huh? I mean you kind of understood it and then he you know he starts doing his podcast there and then you know Santa was put out a hold for all of us and then we're talking to Joey and we're like Kind of after we're all kind of getting back on stage after a minute. It's like, what about you? And he's like, I'm done. We're like, what do you mean you're done?

He's like, I'm done. It's hard. You have to have that. There's gotta be something that you're, there's gotta be something broken in you. Cause that break of stand up, yeah. A lot of people were tired.

A lot of people were like, I think I'm good. Yeah. And Joey was one of them. A lot of people were like, I think I'm good. Yeah. And Joey was one of them. I think Joey, what happened was they were here during the beginning of the pandemic. Yeah. And then he was like, I can't live in this box with this kid and these cats.

Yeah. And my wife, like I got to get, I need a yard, I need a life. Yeah. And so he went over to get her. And also LA got, fuck, is so weird. LA sucks. It's so weird.

And fucking hate that I live there. Well, it was just, it was a weird time. Like that was, it honestly motivated, you know, my lifelong Angelina wife who would never leave LA to be like, you can leave LA. I was like, really? And so anyway, he leaves. Every time I talk to him, I talk to him every few weeks.

It's usually a brief call, but he's like, I'm like, done, I want to do it. I'm over it. I don't miss it. I'm like, what? So I texted him. So obviously everyone by now should know this. We recorded this week earlier.

We've announced the fully loaded festival. The fully loaded festival is a festival I came up with when the pandemic started and I wanted to do at driving movie theaters. I wanted to do, except like all the best comics aren't working right now. Why don't we get them all on a bus and we'll all just do 10 minutes,

we'll all just do 20 minutes and go around and tour and outdoor theaters. And I loved the drive-ins, I think drive-ins were a tie bit complicated. And I loved the drive-ins. I think drive-ins were a type that complicated. And I remember calling my agent and saying, you put me in an amphitheater and it's a game changer. Amphitheaters are legit comedy spaces. And he was like, what if we create our own amphitheaters?

So all these minor league ball parks are kind of like struggling right now with would you go in and do minor league ball parks? Put the stage on second base, fill the infield with fans fill the stadium with fans Concessions day drinking sunset. I was like fucking deals. We get this offered to do eight shows It's just such a birth description of a good time. Oh, dude. It's everything. I love everything I love about an event and it's not too much of a bite. It's eight shows right eight shows They're like I I'm not going to say, look, I don't, I'm not going to bring it hurt anyone's feelings. They're like number one person you want on the show. White whale. It's

David Tell, right? Yeah. First off, we're going to David Tell. He accepts it. As soon as the tell accepts, I'm like, holy shit. I'm like this just became real I start listening off everyone I want and one of the people I wanted was Joey Diaz and I I know that I didn't want to put them on the spot. Yeah, so I texted him and I said hey man. I'm doing this festival It's got Fuck who does I mean I want I want to say everyone's name to give everyone respects. I just said a tell It's got David tell fortune- Feemster, Nikki Glazer, Mark Norman, Big J. Ocarsten, Salvo Conno, and Taylor Tomlinson.

So great lineup. The biggest selling comics in the country right now. Solid. And I said, I want to add you to it. And he was like, I write the long email, you know, Joey doesn't, or long text, Joey doesn't read it. And he goes like, I write a long email, you know, Joey doesn't or long text Joey doesn't read it and he goes Thank you. It's all he writes back. I don't hear from in all

The offer expires obviously. I was like we talked you're like we didn't talk and so I'm like, well, I'm like fuck I don't know what to do. So I text him again I was like, hey man. I'm really excited. If you want to do it. I will make it work for you And he said, hey man, I'm really excited. If you want to do it, I will make it work for you. And he goes, okay, doesn't know response. Yeah. And then you get him to do fucking stand-up again. Dude, so this is how, so he comes to the show. He brought Jim Florentine.

Yeah. And my friend Sean. I go, what's Sean do? He's like, he's my jujitsu instructor. Like he said it, like, how do you not know that? My friend Sean was I go, what's Sean doing? He's like, he's my jujitsu instructor. Like he said it like, how do you not know that? My friend Sean was like, okay. So they're backstage, I give him a, you know, I'm so happy to see him. I give him a hug and, and you know, he's rock. He's doing his Joey rock

where he's like, like this. And then he goes, I got you some shit. And he pulls out like pills and like, joins. He's like, this has got gasoline in it. You're gonna fucking go to the moon. I'm like, I don't want it. Of course you want it. I don't want anything from you. So we're hanging out and I'm like, did you have this? He goes, I'm on a thousand milligrams.

I'm like, you're on a thousand milligrams? I was like, this is why I wanted him on that festival. And you see like, his mouth hanging up. I was like, oh my god. So we're just hanging around laughing and they're like, you know, it's the performing arts center in Newark. So, you know, there's the whole staff.

Or you in Newark? Yeah, they got their ear pieces in and like, one show or two shows. One show. God. I did the night before you, one show. You're a two show motherfucker. Yeah, you won, Joe. You're a two-show motherfucker. Yeah, you are.

Yeah. So, I'm looking at your touring differently. So I go, I go, look. They go five minutes, you know, two minutes, and then he's like, All right, we're going to go, I go, look, I go, hey, you want to go out there? I just, I didn't go like, hey, would you, I go, you want to go out there? We're going to go out there and do some time, and he goes, what do you want me to do? I go, why don you want to go out there? I just threw, I didn't go like, hey, I go, you want to go out there? We're going to go out there and do some time.

He goes, what do you want me to do? I go, why don't you open the show? And he goes, all right, for you, I'll do it. And I'm like, I turned to the guy, and I was like, oh my God. Do you realize if he turns around and he starts walking to the stage? And then he's back there, he's like, what's up dog?

You know, me dog. And like doing his fucking Joey shit. And I'm like, I go, guys go guys they're gonna go fucking insane and They do you know, you know the house light. All right house sides go house lights go down so the crowd goes Kind of starts to cheer yeah Dark house music down spotlight comes on Joey walks into the spotlight and you hear this could go Like they go I saw the video.

I have recorded a show video. And I sent it to you guys. And then he came and he's talking, like they're just cheering so loud. And he's like, what's up Cox? How goes I'm back? And he goes, I mean, he just does his Joey thing. He's like, you come up here, karate chop in the fucking neck.

Just, you know, it was like, we were all ear to ear smiling. Yeah. He's like, give it up, give it up for top score, or give it up, and he's like, my brother, and then he brings up Jeff Tate, walks down, he walks up, and he goes, I'm gonna have a hard attack. I gotta sit out.

He's like, he's like, Jesus Christ is coming out of my chest right now. His A is on a thousand milligrams. Yeah. And B hasn't been on a stage in like 19 months. Yeah, he hasn't been on stage in 19 months. And he said it took him like 10 full minutes to like come down from that.

Well, he called me at 8 a.m. the next day. Yeah. I answered the phone. I'm like Joey and he goes, I'm in cocksucker. And I went, what? And then he goes, I'm in cocksucker. Let me know what I got to do.

Just don't put me up for 40 minutes. I want to do nice tight sets and I was like fucking done Joey. So he's done and I yeah, he's in. He accepted the offer and then I had to text everyone and be like, Joey Diaz is in. And they're like, fuck, because now we've already have a whole full announce set up for when everyone's already seen it to come out Wednesday for pre sale And then general on on sale announced on Friday holy shit, and then they're like general Pre-general admissions on Friday and then and I mean everyone I mean all

Agents managers everyone's taxing like fucking how did you get Joey DS to do it? And I was like Tom now I mean because you got him on dude when you got him It's funny because like I when you want a song going stage with you I was jealous. I was like I was like god damn it I was like because he wasn't even returning my texts at a certain point and so I was like fuck Then when I saw most stage and I saw him I was like one of these is gonna change his mind I go this will be the deciding factor of whether or not he does it I Get Joey Diaz on the road in the tour bus.

Oh my God. For two weeks, I cannot fucking wait. I cannot wait. Just, just, I mean, like, look, I'm talking just partying. The fucking list of people, this is so selfish. Because the list of people, Yeah, multiple buses, I hope. We're in multiple buses.

Okay. We're have multiple buses. We have multiple buses. That's a big line up for one bus. We're gonna, it's kind of a, it's kind of a, I don't know what I'm saying. We're accommodating everyone. Everyone's got different accommodations. Everyone's a little different, everyone's not everyone's me.

And but the fact that you get to fucking listen to David Tell, that I need to do what majority of my act and David Tell is gonna watch it and go, you know how blunt he is. I lose the shit about the stupid daughter. So getting old now. Yeah. And then your wife sounds like a horror

the way you're talking about her. You know? Like just, that's selfish for me as the greatest comics that I know get to watch my set and tell, give me notes. Yeah, notes are the best from good comics. But the fact I get to spend, you know my brain, it's like not even the shows,

it's like sitting in like a sky box, right? You have a sky box, sitting in a sky box, having cocktails before the sun sets, watching Joey Diaz or David Tellt, like that's the fucking Nikki Glazer and the townless. I would honestly come out to watch that show. Like I would actually be upset. I want you to do it, but I can't.

Actually, I would be upset if I had to do time, if I came to that show. Why would you be like, I wanna watch the show. We have the, I don't, I mean, I know the dates, but like you should come out for one. The problem is, can I just watch it? Yeah, yeah, you can, yeah, you can, you definitely can. Yeah, I just wanna go enjoy a show. Yeah, I, you can yeah, you can you definitely can yeah, I just want to go enjoy a show

Yeah, I would love that I would love that there. It's gonna be so much fun Okay, tell you what we're what we're doing. I mean we haven't announced this. I don't know if I can say this what I'm Getting a mascot made of me It's It's it's it's so amazing when you deliver in such a you way you know like that is so there's gonna be a burnt mascot walking around. Jeans big belly Bearing one hand that never leaves By the way, that's a great hat you got and so oh thank you. Yeah, and so I Said we need to get this move and I need this mask up made and they're like like well you got a higher This is what I was stupid. I am like you got a higher someone to do it every day. And I was like, oh, I'm going to do it. And they're like, you're going to do it.

And I was like, yeah, and they're like, well, the model, you just knock at the mascot and just walk around like yourself. And I went, that's a good point. I was like, yeah, that's a good point. Now, but people would be like, oh, cool, the burnt mascot. Yeah. And then it would be really fucking stupid for you to take it up.

They're like, it's me. And then they're like, you put, the burnt mascot. Yeah. And then it would be really fucking stupid for you to take it up. It's me. And then like, you put the head back on. I want to get bigger with the mascot. Oh, here. You like treats? I love treats. Oh, please say it's something that makes me feel better.

Oh, fucking donuts. What time is it? I've been fasting. No, no, I'm losing weight, legit losing weight, buddy. I lost. You ready for that? What's up with that? Oh, let me see. Go ahead.

Nidav, yes. I lost five pounds on the road this weekend. Hell yeah, dude. I did that. Unless I think just eating dude. I did that. Unless I think just eating disorder. I think just, uh, eating disorder. Yeah, I gotta say, I gotta tell you, they work. They work, they really deliver.

I would, um, Is that just, I don't even know, is that Sean Nick's brought that? Is that just like a regular, is it just an enormous, I'm just ripping into it? Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. You knew that. just like a reggae is it just a enormous yeah yeah Is there it is

I'm gonna stay away from love gluten Stay away from blocs who's right only in stem cells. I'm staying away from blotches. Who's right? Only against themselves. I'm a fucking mesh right now. It's not going to affect that. The, um, this is fucking good. Got your son at the set, mouse, too. What?

What's that? It's a Is that like a Harley-Bond? Yeah, like a giant one Yeah, there goes the fuck away loss you're looking good, bud. I would I would get I was Intermitt intermittent fasting yeah for over What's 60 hours? Mm-hmm, and then I would only protein And then I would I would eat dinner I It's I just that ordered salmon every time I'd salmon and greens and then I would not eat it night when everyone started making snacks at night

I just wouldn't eat it night. And I had this great vape pan that his blue dream. And I would hit it until I was like, like I couldn't see. And then I just go slay my ball and listen to documentaries on Putin. What do you know to know about Putin? I can tell you anything.

Yeah. Yeah. That was awesome diet advice That's a cool way to lose weight So you lost you lost five pounds doing it lost five pounds of wake up every day and I lost a pound And I was just it was painful like I didn't enjoy it right like I just wake up and be like I don't feel like I feel starving Yeah, I feel unhappy. I worked out every day. I feel starving.

I feel unhappy. Yeah, I guess that's what skinny people feel like. Just miserable cunts. Misurable sad cunts. I don't know what's in the, what's in the, what's the woman that had the, Anna, Anna, the podcast. We all did it. Anna, Anna, Anna.

Oh, far, it's far, it's far. Anna Ferris. Yeah. Maybe this isn't great to say, but I don't think she'd be fine. She was like, I like Chris Pratt better than he was fat. Was it real? She was like, when he was like,

being a movie star, he'd be turning into that thing. Yeah. He was just miserable all the time. Like, he's gotta be ripped. I'm sorry, Anna, if I shared secrets out of school. But like, I think that's pretty common knowledge. Anyone who's in great shape has to be miserable. You can't eat anything.

Patty Pimbleton. Patty Pimbleton. Well, the guy on the left does look fun. Fuck, you know, he's Spencer Pratt's cousin. No, excuse me, Spencer Pratt is. Except from like the MTV. Yeah, MTV. They're cousins. I didn't know that. Yeah. And a Heidi montage. Yeah. They were like married. Yeah. And they're cousins. But like, who do I mean, who do you want to hang out with?

Which Chris Pratt do you want to hang with? By the way, I don't know if, like I think this fat Chris Pratt and I would giggle a lot and get along. Yeah. The skinny Chris Pratt's like, the skin, what was the skinniest you ever were? Like in like a great shape. As an adult? As an adult.

I walked around at 190 for like a couple of a year and a half to you or whatever. I was 187 at one point. I had to go to spin class every day and hike every day. I was, I had like a, just a regular diet. I worked out a lot, yeah. I'm working out right now, I feel good. But, but I'm not happy with eating,

like right now I'm really happy. This is really happy. But I'm letting you go. I also am allowing cheat day. The rocks as you need cheat day. You think the rock is cool like to hang out with? You think he's fun? He's just focused but fun.

But you gotta do like all the work before the fun probably. You know what I mean? So he's probably like 4 a.m. will be in the gym. Then I get meetings, then we gotta go over, then we're gonna talk about these scripts, then we shoot something, then I do this other workout, then blah, blah, blah, and then it's like at night, he's like, you wanna do a glass of tequila with me you're like all right yeah.

Do you think the Rock list is fingers? Do you think he is? What do you guys want to talk about? Probably not like that. I think I'll be looking for fingers again. That's one of my favorite things post-COVID. So COVID just went away. You're really somebody else's fingers?

Yeah but not like not yeah, but not. Was it a guy? Oh, I don't know. What was it? What if I could prison move, lick my fingers? I have one guy dehumanize me one time. Like, it was a long time ago, it was a long, long time ago, when I was just doing clubs. And it fucking sent me through the roof.

He put his arm around me. He was a fucking big, Guido guy. I was in Jersey, like, we're Goddard, one of those. Yeah. Put his arm around me. The fucking WAP, can you tell me what you're Jersey, like we're Goddard, one of those. Yeah. Put his arm around me.

The fucking Wop Capital in the inside world. Take your fucking shirt off and do a fucking picture. And I was like, I'm not, and he goes, I'm not asking. I'm telling. And I went, no, no, no, no, no. And then he slapped me in the face a little bit and he goes, Hey, take the fucking shirt off. It's your thing. It's your fucking thing. No, no, no, no,'s it's humiliating people like that. Yeah, of course, he's he he bullied you.

It's it's humiliating. It's and it's like, what happened to him in life? That's why he behaves. Yeah, I have such an issue with bullying. Yeah, why not to not to go back to DJ premiere, one of my favorite things ever is how you came out on stage. What do you, oh, at the beginning? Yeah. I mean, you told me, when we went to dinner, you're like, we went out on stage and, um,

and, uh, he was playing fresh prints. And then he went into Mama said, knock you out. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it was like, it was the week of the Will Smith, Chris Rock drama. So when he was doing, he was, he would like play a song. He didn't, I didn't walk out to that, but he would, you know, he would have thought

with the audience, like he's so, you know, obviously like advanced masterful as a DJ that he would, he would like make, at one point he's mixing and like building up those songs like I told you, like reconstructing a song, then he's playing hits, then he's doing sing along, so he's like, I want total science, everybody knows this one, right? You should know this right away.

And it was the theme song, the fresh principal era. So the whole audience, it was like a comic, saying like a hard hitting joke, they would all go like, oh, and he would like scratch that into, I'm gonna knock you out. So like he was having, it was like a comedic joke, they would all go like, oh, and he would like scratch that into, I'm gonna knock you out. So like he was having, it was like a comedic thing to do too. Well, you nervous that because I found this very fascinating, not to,

we're not talking about the Will Smith-Crisch Rock thing. We're talking about Tom's very even-killed response to it. And the racial backlash you got. Yeah, that was unexpected. Because I thought, I kind of thought, because it was two black dudes, yeah, there was, there was no like, but it was almost like,

like it turned into Medea, like you don't talk about the family, not in the kitchen, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I got a lot. It got a lot of traction, I guess. I mean, the thing is that it got,

the thing is it, people, some people were like, stay out, like this is not your business. And my response was immediate. I was like, it's totally my business. It's completely my business. It's more my business. It's more my business.

It's your business. Yeah. A comedian on stage told a joke and got, like, how would that not be my business? It's only your business. But yeah, the backlash to it, I totally did not see it coming. I thought it was, you know, people would, I didn't think, they would be this polarizing thing either. And also that anybody would see the other, like when people were like,

well that was a just like an offensive joke. I was like, huh? Do you understand what offensive jokes are? And the trying to frame it as a her disease. Like her disease and he was mocking her disease. I'm like, oh my God, like the spin, the attempt, the spin that I think most people were like, yeah, we're not gonna buy into that, you know. Can I tell you, uh, secret time?

Mm-hmm. What I was told. Yeah. And I don't know who said this, so I'm not, uh, I'm not increment, incrementing, incriminating anyone. Uh-huh. I heard there was a second part of the joke. Did you hear that? Yeah. Well, I won't go into too much detail, but someone told me there was a second part of the joke and the second part of the joke, paralleled Demi Moore's relationship with Bruce Willis and her fucking younger guys, Ashton Gouture. And that Will Smith preemptively was like,

I know where this joke's going. I'm gonna stop it, because I'm not gonna have it make a joke about my wife fucking up. But he was done with the joke. That's what I thought. Yeah, that's what I thought. Someone, I was in New York, some guy.

I heard people say that the character does this and that. And I was like, yeah, but he was like, see ya in that move in GIJ2. And then he was like, it's a, that's a nice one. And then he's like, okay, he's like ready to, like I say the next thing on the prompter. And he was like, that's a nice one. And then he's like, okay, he's like ready to say the next thing on the prompter and he was like, uh-oh. Yeah, it's bizarre to me.

It really bothered me. The reason I bring that up is because I didn't like bullies and I know Will, obviously, I've talked. You flattled. I had sex with Will, I had planted Hollywood. I've talked about it on stage. Everyone knows that he fucked me in the ass. Him, Charlie Mack, Cool Modee, Bismarkey, Big Daddy Kane.

They all fucked me in the ass. No. Please clip that out and just post that everywhere. The, by the way, which of these is better? This one is, am I, but this is just sugar. It's just sugar. Yeah. That would be great little heated.

It would be cut open and then put some sandwich meat inside it sandwich meat Yeah, look I haven't eaten fucking shit in a week But it was crazy to me were you nervous that DJ premiere was going to be because because Ron walked into the bus and he was like and Right when it happened it was like yeah, that's what you get I was like, yeah, that's what you get. And I was like, huh? That's what you get. You say my wife's name, I smack you in the mouth.

And then I said, but it was a joke. And he goes, what are you talking about? And we go, it was just like a light joke. And he goes, she's not starring in GI Jane. And we're like, wait, hold on. You're green lighting him, smacking him in the mouth without a joke being there. Like you think he thought Ron Bud, Chris Rock was like lighting I'm spacking him in the mouth without a joke being there like you think he thought Ron Blood Chris Rock is like I'm really excited for your next project and we'll Smith goes no man

You don't talk about it next project and smack him in the mouth and I went Run you know it's a joke and he goes what joke? And he was like and we're like oh you think it's okay if I just was like hey Ron's wife no man And I was like, hey, Ron's wife, no man. And I was like, are we insane? That's insane, insane. And so he's like, oh, you made a joke about it, then definitely a slapper in the mouth. And I was like, oh my god. So I think there's a lot of people,

I don't know, I'm not gonna make any fucking speculations because they're racial. It's all racial. It was like, that was the craziest thing about it. Yeah, I never saw that coming out I thought everyone would side with the comedian. Yeah, but then like you know There's the loudest voices are always like you know you forget like Twitter is like this little kind of

Small representation of the of society, but I got I got messages of support too that were pretty really. I can't I can't even read state I'm talking about from the black community. So yeah, I got some people it's funny. Some people told me to keep my white boy like asshole fucking mouth shut and I was like okay and then some people told me how real I kept it and so but I also was told I was hella out of pocket a lot. Hella out of pocket. Yeah. That's so crazy.

Yeah. We did that, did. Well, there's the same people that are like supporting Kanye for like, I mean, legit harassing his wife publicly. You're not allowed to do that. At least like, you know, you got to remember like when people are're not allowed to do that. But they say, you gotta remember, when people are super famous, like super famous, like a Kanye,

you know, will, they have like millions and millions and millions of people who identify with this person, like that's my guy. And like, you know, you say anything about, I'm talking, it can be any huge celebrity, you're gonna have people, try to talk some shit about Taylor Swift and see like what comes your way. Okay, it's gonna be like, I'll go, it can be any huge celebrity. You're gonna have people cut, try to talk some shit about Taylor Swift and see like what comes your way.

Okay, it's gonna be like, I'll go for it. I'm not gonna even fucking with it. I made the mistake of talking shit about Britney last week. You did? Yeah, on the podcast, we talked about it. I don't remember. Well, me either.

There's a long way. And boy, someone came up to me and they're like, just seeing out, like I know people come up and they're like, just your own team Britney and I was like oh, I'm right me true I'm like my son. You sell in two bears. No, it's like what I say I'm like, I don't know you said that whatever It's it's crazy to me. It just crazy to me that like do you remember when Stephen A Smith? Do you remember when Stephen A Smith when when I think this is what happened?

The Ray Rice video came out. Stephen A Smith's first thing was what did she say? That's not accurate. Because he had to apologize. He had to go and do it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He had to do it. Apology was it was a maybe it wasn't Stephen A Smith.

Well, mother fucker. I'm sorry, Stephen A. I have for that. it was uh, maybe it wasn't Stephen A Smith Mark mother fucker. I'm sorry Stephen I have for that. Yeah, just edit that out if it wasn't but type it in see if you can find it Okay, oh yeah, you're right You're right. Yeah, it wasn't what did she say to him and you're like Nothing that deserved that punch man, but like that's there are there are people white and black that feel like hitting women is okay and hitting people is okay like I don't think violence Well, yeah, you see it in all those remarks like all the not just I'm talking about me. I'm like But people were being like yep like that's we got the teachers comedians a lesson not everything flies

You're like what you can't just pop people in the mouth because you don't like jokes. And the difference is that some people were like, well, you know, you don't take care of your wife. It's like, they're not out to dinner. And like somebody walked up to the table and said some rude shit. You're at a fucking show.

Do you realize the rude shit you can say about Leanne before I did something? I'd be nodding and giggling. Uh-huh. Like it would have to be in tears hitting me going, aren't you going to do something before I was like, oh, did you want me to do something? Yeah. Like the last thing I think about is violence.

I would probably do it. I would be more app to defend my daughters. Yeah. But my wife, my kids, you talk about someone's kids, that's a different thing. Talking about kids are like, yeah, like anything that would like scare one of my kids, if you did something that would, you know, intimidate them or something, I would be scared of what I would do. Yeah. Yeah, it's in the fucking fucking yeah, but like if somebody makes a joke at a show Please I I found that whole thing Fucking insane because all the things exhaust wait. Did you see did you see did you do big cat and kfc?

I did yeah, what did you think there's fun? That's always fun. I never done done, what is it, pardon my take? I'd never done that. It was just fun. He was great. And then I also, yeah, KFC is a great time. Yeah, it was the whole thing. Part of my take, I watched him gamble. I could watch him gamble all day long. Oh man, we talked about how much he gamble,

like dollar amounts. How much? Well, he was like, I think they had, they did the, hey, let's cut this out. Really? Man, I wonder if I can get into gambling. Yeah. I think you're good.

Do you think it puts you to sleep at night? I need something that puts me to sleep at night. I don't know about that. I think it's probably pretty exciting. Probably to rush. I've gambled, I've gambled the Dauvers, it keeps you awake. The feeling of, the feeling of,

I have Nidav knows, the feelingos, it keeps you awake. The feeling of, the feeling of, I don't know how to know. The feeling of the, did you ever play poker at all? Terrible, it's not for me. So I played poker for a little bit. I got invited to poker when I played like once, didn't know what I was doing, and someone was like, when you come to the poker thing tonight, and I was like, yeah, and I go to the poker thing tonight, and I was like, yeah.

And I go to a house in LA, and it's a legit poker tournament. And I'm like, like all in, they're like, this fucking guy's aggressive. And then like, like by the third hand,

they're like, do you play poker? And I was like, I guess I'm learning today. And they're like, oh my god, everybody was like, this fucking asshole.

So wait, there's a feeling when you have, it's called the nuts, it's like the best hand. And I try to put this in a joke that I have and it doesn't work, so I don't know if people gamble, I guess. When you have the best hand and you're watching other people try to read you and you already know you've won. But you want them to not know you've won. Yeah.

I mean, it's such an authentic gambling experience, but that feeling you have, Nidav, you know the feeling in your heart feels better than everything. It feels better than alcohol. It feels better than a first kiss. It feels better than sex. It feels better than everything you've ever felt. I imagine, Wow. I imagine a heroin must feel like that,

because I'm telling you, dilated, feels pretty fucking good. I've had dilated, done feels good as this. I'm telling you, when you know you have the nuts and someone's, and like you get like two kings and the flops, king, ace, ace, and you just go, hmm, yeah. And you're like, oh my god, there's nothing suited on the board.

You're like, motherfucker. And then they start dropping to seven and you watch this guy, ace, ace would be the nuts in that scenario? No, no, no, cause you have two kings. So you, I mean, if even another person on an ace, they'd have to have four aces to beat a full house. And those are the nuts.

What? The nuts are the best possible hands. So four aces is the best possible hand. Yeah, right, right, right. Okay, so let's just say you have four aces, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm gonna play poker in a while. But right now poker people are like, what the fuck is he talking about?

Oh yeah. But it's poker people are like, what the fuck is he talking about? Oh yeah. But it's such a great fucking feeling. And I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm missing. I don't really gamble anymore because this is gonna sound unrelatable, but I am not willing to bet enough that it would mean something to me. So like, like I'm not willing to, like in order for gambling to mean something to me, I'd have

to put the whole check that I made that night on the table. Right. And then, and then you need the rush. Yeah, the rush is what you need. Yeah. So like, I was at a casino. The last time I was at a casino, I was with, I was, I don't know, I don't even remember where I was, I was in Vegas at the Virgin Hotel.

And I went over, Nadav, you're gonna lose your shit on this. I went over, I had 150 bucks. Oh my God, I had a hundred. I had a hundred. That's your about to say, 150,000. No. And I couldn't get the rush of winning back. I couldn't feel it.

And so I thought, I'm gonna just put it all on a number. And so I put a hundred on 11, and I put 50 on black. No one was at the table. She spins it. She has to wear a mask at the time. And it hits 11. And 11's also a black number. And she, I won roughly like $4,000 or something

and she looks at me like this and goes, no one's there, right? I went, she goes, what? And I said, we only know about this. And I still didn't have the feeling. I didn't have the rush. I'm not saying that $4,000 in meaning to me, but I was like, you know what meant something to me?

She puts all the money over and I've got $1,000 and I give it to her and she goes, I was like, cheers. I go, we went together and she was like, and she walked off. Yeah, and I was like, yeah, dude, that, but I haven't felt that in order for gambling to mean something, it needs to, it needs to, it needs, you need to have stakes in it. I had to have to have this guy, which is

a famous actor. Was it a math out? Walter, Walter, Matthew. Yeah. His name. Yeah. Yeah. The comedy guy. He was guy, he was in the comedy movies. He was a gambler, right? He liked a gamble. Yeah, him. And you know, he said in this interview, what? He goes, it has to hurt.

Yeah. It has to hurt if like to the wager, if you lose it, it has to hurt for you to feel the thing. That's how he's, because they were like talking about amounts, he's like, it just has to hurt. So that very, that's a different number for different people, obviously, you know? So, but I get it.

Like, that's who that just gave me a second where I went, I don't want it to hurt. Yeah. Well, you don't want it to hurt, but like for it to be, because the whole thing, I liken it to sports. When people go like, you know, do you like watching sports, if you're, the whole thing about sports is being emotionally invested. So, if you're not emotionally invested, you never get the full thing,

like your team winning a championship going crazy, you only feel like that, like really crazy, if you are like a rider die for that team. Yeah. And you got to feel like the, the losses crazy, if you are like a ride or die for that team. And you gotta feel like the losses in the bad time. Oh, wow. So like if you're not in a mode, like that's as a fan of something. If you're into gambling, like to really get the rush,

it's gotta be a wager that hurts. For some people, you know, that's 20 bucks. For some people, it's a thousand. For some people, it's a great, like, it's just gotta be a amount that you're're actually that means that like if you win it you're like holy shit I just want this much money yeah and the loss has to be like fuck I should not be doing that so then what do you think Michael Jordan did because he he would casually he would cat like he would play around a golf like quarter million you know he would he would go to the tables and do $10,000 hands. That's what like, you know that even that probably doesn't hurt

And I'm sure that there's games where he's played seven figures My favorite thing to do is go into a casino with one that I performed at hit that first one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 36 hour gambling. Let's see, Michael Jordan and make it a bigger again. Let's grow. When Mike calls, the buying goes up a little higher. It's going to be a number that everybody has to bring to the table.

I'd say 20,000 just to get in. If you don't have 20,000 to get in, you can't even play. Mike was competitive. I remember one time we played Spades for 36 hours. We were playing against two other guys and Mike and I were partners. They had us behind 900,000. Oh my God.

Yeah. Oh my God, that hurt. That would hurt. 900,000. 20,000 would hurt. To buy in. Because you know that once you get into it for 20,000, the number just starts climbing.

Of course. Let's say a scroll. So how did that game end? I was leaving for Boston in a couple of days. So I had about 100,000 cash. I was always a cash person. MJ had about 200 grand on him. But he sent for 500,000.

The other guys we played against had money too. They had us down 900 grand. We got back all the money except for 20,000. Mike did not want to see them win 20,000. They ended up winning 180,000. Because he got too tired. He was falling asleep at the table When Mike when Jordan needed the half a million he after sent his nephew to retrieve the money out of his golf bag and

Bring it down Walker Walker said that Jordan instructed his nephew not to let Jordan's wife see him getting the cash Oh my god pull half a million dollars out of my shit in my trunk Holy shit Man, that is all that's fucking pussy. He that's what gets him his juices going that amount That's insane to me. Yeah, I Don't have that. I don't I definitely don't have his golf bag I mean, I do remember when we got, how much do we get when we did that two bears live

in fake money? I don't even remember. It was like $400,000. It's a lot of fucking fake stuff. Yeah. I could, I mean, I definitely, I don't know. You're a real fucking legit gambler

if you have like stashes and, you know what I mean? Like, hand-aid cash now, where's like, in my golf bag, open the trunk of my seven series. And there'll be a golf bag in there. You know where most people put balls? There's like $1.6 million in there. Go ahead and pull out $500,000. How big is this?

How heavy is this golf bag? He's walking around with $500,000 in it. The funny thing is that's probably $500,000 that Mike has won off of other people over the years. Probably got it. He's like, hey man, don't forget that 100 grand. He'll get it right now. My favorite thing to do in a casino

that I've performed in is go over to a table full of fans that just saw the show and put out a 100 bucks on the, or a thousand bucks on the table and go give everyone a 100 bucks, but bet recklessly with it and Watch people just go fuck it put it all on and up like and watch people and then they can keep it Yeah, no one's ever walked away winning with that. I do it every time every time I go to a casino I can put a thousand bucks on the table great. I love it I did it one time the first time I did it was right after I got back from Serbia

Yeah, and I and wait they had a private table for us And so it was just like all the people that had been in the movie that were out there and some of my cousins and stuff. And so I put a thousand dollars, I gave it 100 bucks. It was like bet recklessly and everyone lost it on the first roll. Really? Yeah. And then I pulled out another thousand bucks and I was like, what the fuck are you doing?

And I go, I like to watch people be happy. Yeah. But that's the fun thing. It's like, I don't, I I mean if I put a thousand bucks down And I won a thousand bucks. I'll be like cool, you know like I mean I'm not saying that I'm like super rich or anything But I just doesn't the action isn't there 20 grams the action and I'm not willing to do it do it. No, why not Just do it what do the 20 grand No, how much of a thrill would that be if you win that but it's not it's still not it's still not Just do it. What? Do the 20 grand. No.

How much of a thrill would that be if you win that? It's not. It's still not. It's still not? No. I mean, here's the deal. It's not a thrill if I win. But it hurts if you lose. Yeah, it hurts if I lose. So up it a little bit. What's the price?

Put a hundred grand down on something. It would really hurt if I lose. I'd be fucking fine if you win that, right? And then you get to, yeah, that would be nice. The fun would be, here's the fun. It's to do it in front of the end. Because I like watching people happy, but I also like watching people panic. So I have the ink on the table and she's like, where are we going to bet? I go, $200,000, 11, don't take it away. And why is he going to go, why don't I go baby, if we win?

What do we get? $200,000, 11, we get like, $1 million. This is roulette. I love roulette. I love roulette. She would grab that off the table, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, 35 is a one.

Yeah, I thought it was 30. 35's one yeah, it's I thought it's 30 35 to one I won a hundred bought dollars. I walked away with like fucking four grand. I didn't want to wait $200 Would be $700,000 something $200 will be $700,000 Wait, that's not 35 times the amount to that to700,000. Wait, that's not $35,000 time I was the amount. $200,000? $200,000. $200,000,

we're talking $35,000. It would be $7,000,000. Yeah, million. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Wait. Is that right?

It's $1,000,000, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's $1,000,000. Can we talk about, can we talk about this is gonna sound do you got to do that? If I had done it that night, I would have been a fucking big winner. Let me tell you his 100 bucks didn't that didn't give me the rush Ding him the rush did 200 gram That would hurt so bad and your odds are 35 to one. Oh my God. And you know you're not gonna hit it, so. Just 200,000 on black.

By the way, if you imagine the argument you'd have afterwards, or if she walked up just as they were like, and no more touching the table. And she's like, what'd you do? And you're like, it's 200,000 dollars. Why don't the casinos we play at make us all hurts like this, okay?

Here's the deal. I can pay you your normal rate where I can double it and you get it all in chips and you gotta put, I'll double it, but you gotta put it all on black. Okay, let's try, I do it once. I do it once. Yeah, I do it once.

I'd be a real pissed if it didn't hit black. Okay. Can we talk about how genius Kanye is? What? This is Kanye's hoodie and it is my favorite hoodie I've ever worn in my entire face. It is so comfortable. There's some donut stuff on it. So that's how it is. Oh Jesus Christ. Yeah. Kanye's sense of fashion is so comfortable. Yeah, this hoodie is it's it's heavy as fuck. It's like a fucking It's like a like a thunder blanket. Yeah, and it's got a hoodie sewn inside out inside this hoodie So you're wearing really two hoodies, but you're getting the best part of both hoodies this part is on the inside also

Oh really dude, and it's so heavy and the fucking thing comes over so fucking much. Where'd you get it? Uh, I got it at a sneaker shop. Got a sneaker shop in, uh, somewhere. I don't forget what it was. In New York? No, I don't know. Not in New York, but, uh, did you go shopping in New York?

No. Really? I worked the whole time. How do you not shop in New York? All I do is fucking work I don't have I like I have I think I'm becoming compulsive about it because I went to New York I did podcasts I did three a day. I was out until one in the morning Jesus Christ Yeah, but I would but I enjoy it, but I feel like there you know it's a point of diminishing returns

It's because I have a certain point everyone's like oh, I guess he's out in New York You know, and so like they don't want to tune in to see you anymore, but but Yeezy's are comfortable as fuck his slides are comfortable as fuck. Yeah, everything he does. Did you see them to the movie the documentary genius? On Netflix I have not I know everyone's told me I need to watch it. Dude, it is so amazing because you're watching a guy. That's right. That's it. It's so comfortable, dude. It is so comfortable. And it, and by the way, this one's a double XL. I get an XL, but this is, I got a double XL because I was like, I don't want to be, dude,

wake up on the bus, throw it on. I put it on every fucking day, and it's comfortable as fuck. Here's the thing about Kanye that is fucking fascinating. He watched his genius and it's a documentary he was making about himself before he was famous. Yeah. And you're thinking only a lunatic would do that. I did that all the enough. Yeah, but only a lunatic. You did do that.

I actually did do that. And that never came out. No, never came out. Yeah, right. Why didn't they come out? Uh, I, I, I think we, I don't actually know. I really honestly don't know. Um, I think, well, we didn't have a buyer.

No one wanted it at first. And then they were like, what do we do with it? And I think the guy, I think the other, we had a conversation about money or something and it got, we never signed contracts to begin with. There's a problem. And that was a fucking problem. And so we just had to fucking just kind of put it on. So it'll come out when I die, I'm sure.

Well, don't like you need a, what's it called? It's a fascinating documentary. Well, yes, about you. What's, called? It's a fascinating documentary. Well, yeah, it's about you. What's, I was amazed, I was amazed. No, but it's fascinating because it's at the moment where the machine story starts to get traction in my career. So you watch me go from like, on my travel channel, and I'm not selling tickets to people showing up

to my shows, going, the machine, and it's me dealing with all of that at that time, going, not when it went viral, but before that, when I first, and it's got, I mean, it deals with the whole thing. If you were to release that now, would you have it update? Like, would you build, if you had that now, and like, let's reduce them, would you,

excuse me, like build it, like a since then, or just have that be a piece from then. I think you would, I just have that be a piece from then. I just I just have it be a piece from then. Really? Yeah, yeah, because it's really fascinating. Well, maybe it should be like a like a two-part thing then, right? If you would. I would I mean, we've been shooting footage.

I've been shooting footage pretty much straight. I mean, I have so much footage of myself, it's ridiculous. Yeah. But that's fascinating because it is, it's an interesting period of my life because I push isn't it, because we all went to Amsterdam and we're shooting a documentary in Amsterdam,

I'm working for travel channel, I'm kind of, but there's also one of the interesting parts is me and a friend you know, had a big falling out during that documentary. And during it. And it's all covered in that documentary. And so it really is a fascinating documentary, but the problem is now is like,

I don't know, I would just buy it from them, and then I would hold onto it so I could control where it went. but now it's not gonna go any works We need all three of us to agree they wouldn't do that. I don't think they would I think I don't I Think I'm not certain I can't speak for him. I talked to one of the guys one of the guys and I were really close friends And then the other guy all the enough Got into stand up during the making of the documentary fell love a stand love with standup, started doing standup, but he's still the standup.

Really? Yeah. He's a standup. He's a standup now. And they won't, they won't sell that to you? No, I don't think they want, I don't think it's in their best interest to sell it to me because they own part of it also. And I think they realize that whatever I buy it from, I'm sure I could turn around and sell it for more because I own it. And, and I don't know, I think we're just going to be stuck in this kind of middle ground forever, you know. And so, but I mean, no hard feelings to either of the guys, I think so much time has passed, but it was like, there was some weirdness at one point.

Yeah, of course. It's what they're always is I This documentary on Kanye is fucking fascinating Because you watch him he's doing a documentary about himself and then he gets in that car accident And he has his deal at Rockefeller you watch Dame Das kind of blow Kanye a really good blow Kanye off and you watch Kanye do things that would kind of bother you in the entertainment business. He's in the studio with Jay-Z and he's like, you know, let me spit a verse on there. And Jay-Z is like, all right, and he goes in and he kills it.

Jay-Z is like, oh shit. And Jay-Z is like, man, a shut mouth doesn't get fed. God damn it. If you hadn't said anything, you wouldn't be on this. And then you see how much he idolizes Jay Z. But throughout this documentary, he gets in the car accident, he's out in LA, he gets in the car accident. And then he decides that he's going to do the song through the wire. And you watch him say, what if we did it and we used all this documentary

footage we have to play throughout the music video. And then I think the theme of the thing is, we'll play this song for the best people in the business and watch their reaction and get their reactions. I mean, it really is, I mean, this is the best way. It's the most, I mean, it's got to be the most frustrating broken brain to be around because he's just very singularly focused. Yeah, well, that's why he's who he is though, right?

Yeah, and he is genius. I mean, his beats, when he, I mean, he was just, he was just next level. He was ahead of everyone else, in my opinion. And then when you go, that same guy, and I'm watching this and I go, the same guy created this hoodie. Like that same guy created the most comfortable shoes I own. The same guy is like, it's crazy to me.

David Kim Kardashian, the baddest bitch on the planet. Married her. Married her. That's four kids with her, man. His four kids with her? Yeah. I mean, I just, Kanye really is a fucking fascinating dude. Sure, of course.

I mean, he's, he's like, and I love when he talks, I love when he talks and he goes, I told you I'm God, you asked. I mean, he's, he's, like, and his, I love when he talks, I love when he talks, and he goes, I told you I'm God, you asked who I was, I told you I'm God. And you're like, I think you have to have that level of delusion to do all this. To be that great, you gotta be delusional.

You gotta be kind of delusional. He did a fashion show. He did like a fashion show and revealed his next album together in Madison Square Garden, sold it out, and everyone was like, it was gene, and I would never have the balls to think that way. Yeah, I think you would. No.

Yeah, you have pretty crazy ideas. I have crazy ideas. I do have crazy ideas. Making a mascot of myself. There you go. By the way, I bet Kanye has thought of that. Yeah. Actually, I take that back Kanye has thought of that. Yeah. Actually, I take that back. The cover of fucking the college dropout

is him in a mascot outfit. Fuck, what if I'm Kanye? Do it, let me tell you something. Fucking right now. I'll tell you right now. Fucking someone starts dating Leanne. I would probably do the exact same thing. I'm just doing it.

Oh, you do. I'd lose my shit. I'd lose my shit online. I'd do it very publicly. I'd threaten the person online. I'm just doing, oh yeah. I lose my shit, I lose my shit online, I do it very publicly, I threaten the person online, I give him a nickname, I would probably, oh my God. Oh my God, I can't believe it, I'm sitting here celebrating Kanye realizing, I'm Kanye Jason. Would it be crazy to you if it was a comedian that she started dating?

Name the name. Name the name and I'll tell you what I do. Well, actually, for him, he's a musician, so for you, actually, you should be a musician. What if she started dating a musician? You're the comedian. Name it. John Mayer. Oh.

Ooh. Of course she dated John Mayer. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Of course the same guy that's tried to stand up a few times, Liam would find him a fucking hilarious. She's like, he is so funny. Because he probably has like the soft-drew jokes.

He's like, you know, like, you know, what's up with, what's up with the fucking, I mean, like just the dumbest take on something? I can't even think of a dumb take on things. I'm no fancy John Mayer, but fucking, I would fucking lose. By the way, I, what have he texted you from the bed? Like, hey, look, I'm in bed with Liam. I'd murder him. I'd murder him. I'd just show you no John Mayer if you're watching this.

Fucking, for real, I'm not even fucking around. Hands off, okay? Hands off, I don't even wanna meet the dude now. I like the guy until now. And now I don't even wanna fucking meet him. Yeah, he didn't do anything. He didn't do anything. I don't even fucking wanna talk about him. You know what I already have fed a thing about John Mayer? No, I got a real thing to fucking meet him. I don't even want to meet him. He didn't do anything. I don't even fucking want to talk about him.

You know what I already have fed a thing about Salmaire? I've got a real thing about him. Yeah. John Mayer, you can fucking, do that's crazy that even in imaginary worlds, I get, I'm like, because you know what's the, I know what's the beddies on. Yeah.

And I go, and also you know, not to leave Leigh-Anne with him for it. Like, I should be, how old's John Mayer? She would be head over heels for John mayor if she met him right now head over Fucking heels in John mayor 44 years old good luck fucking a 50 year old John mayor You're not ready for what she brings to the bedroom big guy. What if it was Jake Jellin huh?

Oh, I'd fucking I She she pretty handsome guy no John mayor is the perfect example really yeah and I, I, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could,

she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could,

she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, she could, Takes are sometimes you know middle of the road takes on comedy I don't think he's like I don't know I was not doing specials right? Well, he's not a he's not a stand-up. No, he does stand up. No, no I'm saying like he is not a he's a very famous very talented musician who's funny who I'm sure at his shows is on Michael Time and he has and his has a store they've put him up. Yeah, yeah, and she would Her sense of humor is so John mayor. Like what

she likes, when I tell a joke, she's like, I don't get it. She would never say that, John mayor. She'd be like, that's funny. And John mayor would never ask her about me. And she would never talk about me. And I just be dead. I would be dead. If I didn't speak up for myself, I would be dead. They would be like, we're moving forward. And I'd be like, hold on, I'm right here. Whoa, what the fuck are you doing to me? Actually, I gotta take this Kanye hoodie off. I'm fucking turning into him.

You're just visualizing it. So, do you think, holy shit. Isn't that demoralizing too when your lady is like, loves a joke that you're like, that's what you like. There's a comic with President Barack Obama, God-elected. There's a comic who said, well, we have a black president in the White House.

There's Air Force One gonna have spinners on it and then laughed at what the fuck you're doing. It's not funny. It's not funny at all. She went, well no, the, you know, black guys have the wheels that spin. So like on the plane when they have those, it means funny. And then aren't you like, how do I love you? I remember there were a couple comics that she did not like Zach Alphanakis. She did not like Daniel Tosh. And I was like, hold on, these are like, they're legit hilarious dudes. Yeah. And she didn't like to, she watched all Daniel Tosh

and she was like, she was like, I get it. I get it immediately. And I was like, you get what? So I get it. I get where his angle's at, I get it. And I was like, hold on. You just stop getting it. It's, he's telling jokes. Just laugh at them. And she's like, well, I can it, I get where his angle is at, I get it. And I was like, hold on. It's to stop getting it. It's, he's telling jokes, just laugh at them.

He's like, well, I can't, I mean, I already know where he's going. I get it. She said the same thing about fucking Jusslinik. She's like, I get it. And I was like, you can get it, but still enjoy it. Yeah. And with Zach, Zach, she didn't like Zach.

And she was doing the same things arms folded, and then he told one joke that turned it, and she fell in love with him. He said, his one joke was, you know, it's time to do laundry when you get out of the shower and dry off of the shoe. And I just like it. She was like, that's a good one. That's good. That's good. Okay, this guy's funny.

The piano thing's bothering me, but I discussed funny. Christina used to get, Christina would get mad at me because I used to go, hey, I know that if I run a new joke idea by you and you disapprove, like you don't like it, I know it's gonna kill. And she's like, excuse me. I'm like, yeah, if you don't like it,

then I know it's good. And she's like, that's not true. And I was like, excuse me. I'm like, yeah, if you don't like it, then I know it's good. And she's like, that's not true. And I was like, no, it's kind of true. And she would get upset. And I was like, no, I would run through these jokes. And I was like, you didn't like this one. You didn't like this one. She said, I didn't say it.

I could see it in your fucking face. You didn't like it. And so that's when I was like, that's a good one. That'll be a good one. People will like that. She's, Lanzha, brutally. I don't know. I mean, I've told jokes.

Like, I have to joke in my special and she goes, I get it, move on. And I'm like, huh? She goes, I get it, move on. We get it. We know where we're going with this. You're taking too long. Next one.

And you're like, the fuck, like, I want to say the word. You've never done standout. Like, how are you feel confident in your opinion? Yeah, I think maybe that's why her opinion is confident though. Because my opinion, Christina's yours as comics, we actually, we know to have doubt because we do it. I remember I think people who don't, who've never done it, they're at, that makes sense to me now that I've been around

it so long I go, oh, like the people who have no fucking it. They're at that makes sense to me now that I've been around it so long. I go, oh, like the people who have no fucking idea what they're talking about, will feel like secure in like this and not that. Whereas people who actually do it kind of move in and out and they go like, oh, you know what, maybe this or maybe that. Like, it's not as certain. Yeah, I, uh, yeah.

You have to have doubt. I'll tell her a joke. Like, we were telling, there's just New York comic, I don't know his name, so I won't tell his joke, but they're very, very funny jokes. And I couple them have to do with, uh,

with, um, fucking animals. And Leanne just can't wrap her head around that. And she's like, and I'm just like, it's not real. Yeah, and he's not really fucking his cat. Yeah, and she's like was not funny And I'm like I have some animal fucking stuff. I'd like just sure I mean fucking joke in my special. Yeah, I have animal fucking jokes and I have videos also really yeah I have animal fucking jokes and I have videos also really yeah Not me I'm not fucking the animals, but it is you know, it's crazy So so the girls will text each other yeah, and they'll text each other on Instagram

They'll DM each other Leanne and island Georgia and then they'll come down and they'll go Hey, did you get that one and they'll like that, that was hilarious. And then I'll be like, wait, I want it. What is like, what's hilarious? Yeah, how come I'm not included? They're like, you wouldn't get it. And I was like, I want to get it. Like, I'm a comedian. I'll get it. Like send it to me. I go, good sense of humor. And then they include me on one. And it's just like a cat, like sitting in a dryer, like, and then I'm like, this is a fuck. I don't get it. Like, yeah. And then like, exactly you don't get it to add. You don't like cats. And I'm like, and then I'm like, and the fuck, I don't get it, like, and then like, exactly, you don't get it, dad, you don't like cats.

And then I'm like, so it's in the dryer, is that like a joke? And they're like, dad, and I'm like, oh, is it because you wash your clothes, get the cat hair off it, and then it's ironic, and they're like, dad, and I'm like, all right, fucking take me out of the thread. Yeah.

So I know I send them videos of like, thorns coming out of people's feet and people shaving skin off feet. People taking toenails off and all this shit. I like pimple poppers. I like to bully, I like to bully people who laugh at shit like that. And especially if I'm close to them, I like to make them never want to talk to me again. I'll show you exactly what Lee and like the cat out of the dryer I would absolutely humiliate anybody in my family who sent me that Dude like they'll be like I guess we should maybe not have a relationship. I sent them the video. Did you do you get the video of typical night and and Worcesters and Worcester and the fucking guy runs over the guy on the motorcycle and yeah I sent that to land in Georgia and I don't know like this makes me sad. No, it's like no, it's fucking awesome

I don't know that it's awesome. It's a wild shit So why is fucking shit? Yeah, it was wild. All right. I gotta take a shit. All right. I got a pee And now I really can't shit the women's room anymore. You can't just shoot that shit in the men's room Why can't you shoot the men's room? Okay, cuz we all shit in there. I'd like to having my own private bathroom There's multiple stalls and you cannot shit in the women's room. Heather's here. No, I can actually can No, I mean, I thought you meant you I you couldn't do it. I dare you. No, no, no I don't dare you. I'm saying it's now a violation, so please don't do that. What was the thought process behind bringing in more people?

She does all our social media stuff. Does she really? Yeah, she's great at it. That's why the promos have changed. Do you notice the promos are different now? For someone in the vertical? No, it's like there's a whole, like there's different amounts of them. There's new fonts, there's new text, like new releasing highlights.

Yeah, there's all kinds of stuff. I haven't been, I haven't been. All right, I'm gonna take a shit. All right. I love you guys, I love you, Tom. Love you too. The chance in hell that they'll keep them clean Here's what we call Two bears one cave No scripts to bet a booze amateur for topology Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies

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