2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 131 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: May 2, 2022

On this week's episode of "2 Bears, 1 Cave," Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer discuss Bert's inability to keep a secret, jigsaw puzzles, racing Caeleb Dressel, why Bert should be a Speedo spokesperson, and "Jackass Forever." Bert recalls partying with Johnny Knoxville in the 90s, and the two FaceTime Steve-O

The problem is people put on a speedo and they let their speedo wear them. You need to wear your speedo. You just sold like 20,000 speedos. Think about this. Hollywood Boulevard. We got a big billboard. We got a Caleb Dressel. The guy does butterfly. The woman who does free.

The this and then me in the center. It's not just for champions. I like drinking out of a glass. I like drinking out of a glass too, to be honest with you. And what better than the two bears glass? Yeah, people don't even realize it. This is a two bears glass? Yeah. Shit, we sell these?

Yeah. For real? Look at it. This is nice. You can get these at YM This is nice. You can get these at YMHStore.com. Uh, store.YMHStudios.com. YMH.com. Say the website?

store.YMH.YMH.com. No, no, no, no. How many lows would Roblo, row low if rob low could rob lows How many of those could rob low row? You remember tongue twisters were a thing Yeah, if you remember like yeah, whatever happened to them. They kind of fell out. They did kind of fall out Like they were like they were like really big when we were in first grade and then all sudden You all grow them and you see the latest Batman. No, no, it just has the redler So I just thought it was a good tie-in.

I was talking to someone the other day, and I was like, what if, what if our town, I was talking to Mark Norman and Sam Morel about it, and I was like, there's like our focuses, comics, comedy. But what is, is there someone whose focus is Riddles? Of course. Is there a guy who's a Riddling obsessed person? Really good at matching R of the riddles?

I bet there's even a riddle convention. There has to be there's a convention. I would love I would love I bet it's hard to get in They're like So all the time. We're in the convention center, but you got to figure out how to get in jigsaw puzzle convention That's fucking stupid, okay fucking it's a bunch of ants that never got married And there's this oldest fucking they sit around a coffee table. So that happened to mine. Leanne loves jigsaw puzzles. Really? Leanne and Georgia love, and my only thing I love more than watching them do a jigsaw is taking one piece.

Yeah. You do that? Yup. Just a fuck it so that I can finish the jigsaw. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. You keep it in your pocket keep it I mean I've lost it a couple times I'm swimming with it in my pocket. That's I bet that's real It's got to be real female heavy Right, oh you want to talk about a place to pick up pussy. Yeah, the jigsaw convention If you're single man and you're looking for a place to pick up chicks who probably

aren't fucking messes. They do not have a bunch of diseases. Yeah. They do jigsaws all day. They're not horrors. Girls that probably can't suck cock well. Go to the jigsaw convention. Do you think we're going to get protested by the jigsaw international convention? Maybe what if the main thing is like we do suck cock well. Hey guys, 93 days, 20 hours, 48 minutes and 59 seconds away from the Jigsaw National International Convention. Where is it this year? In Las Vegas, that's what matters.

How puzzled you get, you'll surely fit in with any... I'm gonna fit in, what fucking... What crazy is that we're shitting on something, I'm shitting on it, you're not really shitting on it, would you like to enjoy shitting on something. I'm shitting on it You're not really sitting on it. Would you like to enjoy shutting on it? Sure. Fuck these idiots But what like this people are obsessed like they're love it. I guess they're thing and there's someone going like Oh, they're kind of they're by feelings. What the fuck man? Yeah, plus I thought you guys were going after riddles We're just to check some how the fucking we get in the cross hairs of this? And they're like fuck riddlers and it's just because like Google search led us here

Just an apple Good. I said do you mean jigsaws? Oh, there's an award for the best putt Oh, put it. I want to see how fast someone can do a puzzle. I want to know how do you win? Is it for put assembling it quickly? World's fastest puzzle. There's gotta be a guy who can do puzzle. Or is this, there was just like designing a puzzle? World's fastest jigsaw. Huh. Oh, you can suggest new categories.

Oh. That's our next goal. We need to come up with new categories because we can contact, we can conquer that. What are the current categories? Yeah. Does that have to be a war with this? Does that have to be a war with this? Does that have to be a war with this? Does that have to be a war with this? Does that have to be a war with this? categories. Yeah There's the award with this is the award winners from from previous years 2021 jigsaw

Whatever the fuck it is puzzle award winners. I bet all of them were like them. No, I'm cool to zoom in I don't want to leave this also a great puzzle on my call. Oh, this is actually the first one. Oh, this is the first one I feel bad bad. We're fucking trashing them. They're just starting to launch This is a guy with a girl with a woman with a dream the three women who've been he said Oh, this is the first one. Shit up, I feel bad. We're fucking trashing him. They're just starting to launch. This is a guy with a girl with a woman with a dream. The three women who've only said, Joseph says childhood, who love doilys. Right now they're like, is this so crazy?

Is this crazier than starting our own racing team? What's happening right now? Okay, ready? This is me acting it out. Oh, Kathy, pick up your phone. This idea we had about this Jigsaw convention? It's blowing the fuck up. What is two bears one cave?

Oh wait, where are the bodies buried? Yeah, the dogs are dead. Eat your scrum. I don't think these are the fans we're looking for, Kathy. We had an overwhelming amount of people that submitted an award for biggest tits in jigsaw And so we're gonna have to include Mary this year Mary on her big tits big titted. She just puts them on the table and This starts jigsaw is a missing piece under Mary's tits. Oh

God, what a weird name jigsaw. I want to see the world's fastest jigsaw Oh, man, it's just a kid Fuck I feel bad now She's definitely well you're 2014 all right 2014 okay now she's an adult she's like yeah, yeah, it's up. You're fucking stupid Wait, can I see video of someone putting it together a jigsaw are they called jigsaws? It seems like like I don't know puzzles Puzzles no, I was gonna say racist and then I was like, I'm not, it's just, I can figure out what part of it. Made it sound racist.

You don't have to lay it out. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, it wasn't the saw. Okay. Well, it's just such a weird word. It's a weird word, it is. There's a sign. I won't say the word cause it's just such a weird word. It's a weird word. It is. There's a sign. I won't say the word because it's taking out context.

It's going to look horrible. Yeah. But the first part of Jigsaw, there's a sign in the Des Moines Dicks that just says, real big that word. And I couldn't stop laughing. Which word? The first part of Jigsaw just says, because that's also a thing for fishing.

Dude, this reminds me, this just, but wasn't it, remember when Jeremy Lin took over like the NBA for a second? Wasn't there a headline that like went crazy because the expression is chinking the armor. Chinking the armor. Didn't they, like, didn didn't that wasn't that used for a like a big headline?

I really feel like was it there? It says former employee acts for offensive Jeremy Lynn headline. The headline oh no, the headline read red diva said me so horny for this season of the of the of the of the

of the way that's a quote. Yeah. Yeah. It's a song too. Oh my God. He believed we used to sing that as kids. Yeah. Hold on. Yeah. It did. Linsanity. Chink in the art. Why? For a company. That's, I mean, that's a little, there's no way to get on the nose. That's, there's like, no, man, I think we know what you're trying to do here. Okay. Look what he says. This is the guy who wrote it said, uh, he had lunch met with Lynn after the incident. Lynn said that his explanation for the mistake,

both men chatted about faith for some time. Um, he had the incident took place. I did it for use the headline. Everyone thinks of me as a bad person, evil person. It was the worst 30 days of my life to think I could be in a place now where I'm genuinely happy with my life. Exc excited about serving the people of God. If you told me then I wouldn't. What was, is there an explanation for why he chose that? Like did he say he thought it was clever? Yeah he said he goes,

I thought you were Chinese, not Korean, I'm sorry. He. He. That was a bad. That was a bad. That was a bad. Well, I mean, that's like, I thought that was, I thought that was the wrong way to Chinese people.

It is. And Jeremy Lin's Korean. It's Chinese. Jeremy Lin's Korean. No, Jeremy Lin's Korean. No. Google it. Jeremy Lin is Korean.

Why are you writing Chinese name? Don't write Chinese name. Just tie one of these. Tie one. Tie one. No, I'm in trouble. Taiwan. Now I'm in trouble. Yeah. He played for the Beijing Ducks of the Chinese basketball associate.

Is it? I mean, I hate to sound horrific right now. Yeah. No, you've already done it. Go ahead. I hate to say this. I don't even know the right way to say this, but there may be a couple Jeremy Lins playing basketball in Taiwan. I think he's Googling the wrong one.

What? That's him, dude. No, it says this guy played for the Beijing Ducks of the Chinese Basketball Association. That's his title. The one we're talking about played for the Nix. It's the same person. Why would they talk about Okay, it hit the Wikipedia I mean, it's like it's a popular name then he unexpectedly led

When he turned around the same guy. Yeah, all right. All right It did not look same guy This is fucking can we talk about fucking jigsaws again? This is fucking horrible. You can't even like like, I'm not even trying to be bad, but I thought it was a different guy. Yeah, I hear you, it's okay. Fucking I'm not a big basketball fan. There's also, you know, speaking of like,

expressions with like dicey. Burcut in trouble for racial statements about basketball. And everyone's like, wait, and he was talking about Taiwanese people. Keep going. No, there's an expression also that has that word that's commonly used. The jig is up. Oh, yeah. That's an actual expression that people, it seems a little outdated now, but you'll hear

people who are like in their 60s, I feel like use it, it has no racial connotation to it. I've always been fascinated by those like you've heard of Jerry Reagan something and that's that's because the Germans were called Jerry's. For real? Yeah, to the end of the war, they were all their jeeps were all fucked up because they didn't have any funds coming in to help him Hitler was fucking out of money. They were fucked and so they would fix their jeeps type it in Jerry rigged Jerry mandering I don't know if that is Jerry rigged I says there where did the where did it come from the drop down from Jerry as a British slur against Germans and World War 1 There's World War 1. Oh, where's the say that?

Uh, above that Jerry. Oh, this sometimes thought comes from Jerry as a British layer against Germans. What's the further explanation? Because it looks like it's a much. It says Jerry versus Jerry rigged. Oh, be knowing Jerry rigged something. Jerry rigged. It means it was cheaply, apportally built. The word jury has different meanings.

Okay, it could be used to group people that decides, uh, goes, scroll down. But in the nautical world, jury means makeshift or temporary. That's where that's why that comes from. That. So if it means to fit a ship or mast with the necessary elements, what generally it means to assemble.

That's thought of late 18th century. Okay, keep going. to fit a ship or mast with the necessary elements. What generally it means to assemble. That's thought of late 18th century. Okay, keep going. Jerry built as an adjective, cheaply or flimsy. Jerry built that. Does it say, keep scrolling down? Every day word, Jerry rigged,

she didn't know how she was gonna get it, but it's not saying like the origin. Okay, scroll up a little bit, there we go, Germans. Sometimes thought comes from Jerry as a British lyrgans Germans during World War I and II, this disparaging term is real upon on the name Jerry and the pronunciation of the first part of German. The insult, however, is found by 1915,

which is sometime after we first find evidence for Jerry built and Jerry Rged in the 19th century. So we're not sure. Oh, that's a great fucking article at the very end, they're like, we don't know. Yeah. So what kind of, what racial slurs can you use? No, like for, because you could like call

a German person a Jerry and know him about an eye, right? Oh, yeah. You could call a Frenchman a frog, know him a fucking, but I couldn't call you your Peruvian. I couldn't what's a racial sort of Peruvian? Well, like when you're there, let's say this is this is how like different, like words work in different places.

Here in the United States, if you say cholo, that's like a, like a Mexican, almost like aesthetic and culture, like cholo, the cholo's and Cholo's. In Peru, that word is meant as a pejorative word for the native population. Same word, same word. It's like the N word there.

It is, okay. So, okay, so if you're here, you're like, oh, Cholo's, like if are they'll be like what's up? You're like but like so like this is gonna sound crazy, but my my family family, what the fuck my buddy Weecho Remember I was trying to see if you and your mom and his mom knew each other Yeah, yeah, yeah, so and he is He's proven, but he looks like you right? Yeah, and then his brother is proven but looks like looks like he's Helping you get up to the top of Machu Picchu

Mm-hmm like and so like very dark skin very native looking. Yeah, so so his brother. Oh, it's so fucking yeah If you say with a sister, if you call if you say like wake up Cholo to him. He'll be he'll It's a it's very it's very, a pejorative word in, lean, like in Peru, you know, where's the fine line? Because I, you know, yeah, let's find the slurs we can use. You can say, you can call somebody a mick if they're your Irish friend. 100%. But I think it's one of those words too, that, um, it's kind of like who's saying it and how.

Like it's accepted, but if you're really trying to disparage a group of Irish people, like if you were upset, that they were at your place of business or something, you're like, fucking mix, like they're probably gonna receive it differently.

But if you and Colin Quinn are doing a jigsaw together and he can't get it done, figure out the corners, you're like, it's dumb. Mick over here. Yeah. You laugh for sure. I don't think you can use like the ones for Italian.

I don't think Italians are two. Which slur there's multiple ones for Italians pull up Italian racial slurs. Really? Wait. Yeah, but it's like also kind of like if it's your buddy and you're using it like. What are we doing here? Terrible terrible result terrible Jesus Jesus Christ Type in list list

And it's how they tell it to Italian italics lures Italian, italic slurs. There you go. There you go. Fine, sure. Let's hit this. And Nandav, our screen went blank. Can you read them to us? Yeah.

We can't see the screen at all. You just read all the racial slurs. Gringo, yank. No, no, no, no. Alpha medical. Alpha medical. Alpha medical. Oh, I didn't even know this one for Jews. What is it? Abby, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, turn it into positives. Sure. All right, keep scrolling Abe.

A bead. A bead. A bead there is for a black African people. Oh, that's nice. Abo, abo, yeah, that's for Aboriginal. OK. Acha. What is that?

Meaning good or okay and Hindi? Yeah, but it's used on South Asian people. Oh. Some of these were like, one guy heard it. Yeah. One time it was like, that's a good one. And then he just wrote the list. Have you ever heard that was like, that's a good one, and then he just wrote the list. I would never heard that.

Oh, there's a nice one. Why don't you take that one, any for us? Take that next one. Hey, yeah, any, can you read some of these? Actually, can you read all of them? Yeah. If you can't get in trouble, I'm gonna put my head that's on the train and hear you.

Okay, you ready? Yes. We got NIGA? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Yes, we got nigger I've never heard that one before you go in Out alpine sir, but no, they want to buy it. Oh, yeah, you like that one I'm a fan of that way. It says it says gator bait, and that's what is that? Says that's my niggas, especially black, nigga children. Geez, stop with that.

You like the big, you worse? You're like, you can say it with me. That's one that you definitely could say. What? You could say it like Nigglets? Oh, okay. You know what, let's take the mic away from any. Wait, I got a better idea.

Why don't you mouth it and any say it as a white guy. You mouth them and any you, you'll put your voice into it there. Hey, uh, scroll. Let's see what's coming up next, horn. And hey, I think look at Anne over here. Oh, that's a white, oh, a white acting black woman black woman. Wow. That's got to be old as fuck. Yeah That's from the 50s for sure Anna-Anna might

French English Vietnamese people never I mean apples Apples for native earth person first used in the 1970s. Oh That's that explanation By the way, this is a horrible segment. We're deciding to do Okay, good call Abe Okay, good call Abe. Alright. Abe is from the Bible. Abraham?

Yeah, he's in there. He's in there. By the way, speaking of the dove, were it kuyya yesterday? Yeah. And all the sudden, I don't even know if he goes, one guy goes, I'm going to do the accent wrong. I'm trying to do an Israeli accent. He's like, hey, hey, buddy, I want to, you don't know that I'm a star for that guy, Ari, he, you know, when he drug you, because it's not written of all of us. We don't all do that. And then the dog goes, uh, Barack Obama like him. And the guys like Barack a room. And then they start fucking, he brewing out.

Like they back and forth through each other. Just, I mean, in the thing, and I saw a different side in the dog. Cause I, these personality changes. Yeah, and it was like, and it was so interesting. Cause I know the dog, I've never seen him speak. He brewing, I forgot. Did he sell the guy a laptop?

Yeah. Yeah. They exchanged diamonds and then went to the other room. Yeah, of course. Yeah, me and Jacob, we just went into the other room and we exchanged some jewels with each other. What did you guys talk about? I just heard the accent and immediately, like I get here in Israeli accent.

So I asked him if he was Israeli and then we kind of went back and forth. They're like, oh, where are you from? How long have you been in Austin for? Apparently, there's an Israeli population in Austin. And a lot of them go to Kuyya, because I hear that, that, uh, that accent a lot. So you did it, like, uh, kind of like a, what's up dog? Kind of, kind of, yeah, cool. They give it.

You know, one of those. Nice. And then, and then he, uh, hey, can you say the N word in Israel? Uh, they have a different word for it. But, uh, what is it?, can you say the N word in Israel? They have a different word for it, but uh, what is it? You can't say it but no, no, I mean like hang on just out of curiosity who would get mad who would get mad No one would get mad because so no, but you but you don't know the word to be a a hurtful word Oh, now Nicky You just explain what motherfucking word was yeah, I do know do know it I'm good I don't want to hear

So hey Nadov yeah, Texas Okay, I would like we're gonna be able to fucking say that he'll he'll help you out So but what's interesting is the That sounds that sounds racist. So, we, is that word not cool to say, though? Well, there's no black people in Israel, so they don't really have anyone there to take that out. But it is a slur? It is a slur, yeah. It's not like a reference. No, no, no, no. Like you won't find that word in the textbook or anything.

Got you. They had a word in Russian for black people. And? And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, like a reference. No, no, no, like you won't find that word in the textbook or anything. Got you. They had a word in Russian for black people and and I remember. I remember they would say it very freely and we had one black dude on our trip with us and they would say it very freely in front of him. And then and and say it about him. But he didn't know what the word was, but I did because I the guys I hung out with told me what the word was. about him, but he didn't know what the word was, but I did, because the guys I hung out with told me what the word was. They did, uh, majority, by the way, my experience, my experience, I know people will say

the different experiences, but um, the majority of black people in St. Petersburg were going to college there. They were from Africa and they were smart as fuck. And so there was a common St. Petersburg dude did not like black people because he just saw them coming in, going to college there and then fucking leaving And so he felt like they were using so they did not let it a problem with blind people

I remember Christina's dad told me the slur for Asians in Hungarian Really? Yeah, what's that is once he sent me which is pussy eyes Oh my god, yeah eyes. Oh my God. Yeah. So and by the way, not like, here's a secret just like what? I was like, okay, I got it. Keith of Christ. What? And I spent a lot of time with the dog yesterday. Yeah. Going over slurs? We're in the no, no.

No talking, we went to Kuyya and we had a fucking great day. You know, fucking hot I was firing yesterday. Yeah. Yeah, you were on one yesterday. I said it happened again. It happened at Kuyya. It happened again and I fucking spun out and I looked at Nidav, I was like, this isn't who I am.

This is who I'm turning into. Like I'm just overworked. I'm over.idav, I was like, this isn't who I am. This is who I'm turning into. Like I'm just overworked, I'm over. Yeah, so I was trying to get you to fucking just take a breather yesterday. Yeah, and I could not, I could not. And then we spent, we did, what did we do? 20 minutes in the sauna? Yeah, 20 minutes in the sauna, three minutes in the plunge,

and we did three cycles of that. We did three cycles of that. And I came out feeling like a million bucks. Went back to the hotel, I fell asleep on the floor. Like I was trying to make sciatic nerves, a little bothering me. I fell asleep on the floor, watch Jack. Have you seen Jackass?

The newest one? Yeah. It's the greatest movie ever made. Really? Have you guys seen Jackass? Yeah, it's the greatest movie ever made. Really? Have you guys seen Jackass? Yeah, that's odd. It is, you'll never make a comedy funnier than Jackass. You will never make a comedy.

And I will tell you, I initially did not want to like the new cast because I'm old school. I felt bad that BAM wasn't there, Ryan Dunn's dead. All the fucking, I was like, I was like, this is gonna be, I'm not gonna like it, I loved the new cast. Those like bits that they do, are all, I haven't seen the new one, but I've laughed so hard

at the previous ones because it is kind of like, you actually feel like it's not even like, it feels like things you would think of like in middle school and could not really execute. And these are grown-ass men doing shit that you like fantasize about. What I can't believe is that the OGs are still doing it. And they're like, fuck in 50.

You're like, how are you not dying doing this? What's the guy's name? The one guy is the heart and soul heart and soul keep it up keep it up ear earhen Aaron Aaron yeah, McG any is the soul of this show and I don't mean to speak out of pocket Obviously, I love Steve. Oh, right. I love Steve. Oh Everyone's great. Pony is always delivers I love Steve. Oh everyone's great. Pony is always delivers Oxfill this guy Zach is fucking awesome. We man's amazing

Rachel Wolfson Obviously Johnny Knoxville Show more poopies is poopies and erin McG any are the standout Fucking home run hitters in this poopies is so fucking he's so meant to do this really He's such such game, but he's so honest. Yeah, he's so fucking honest, but that Aaron Aaron guy. Yeah danger Aaron I think was his name, dude He gives I you know we, we were talking,

this is all I could think about watching this, because Johnny Knox, well obviously, has given his life for this. He has given his life. But the Aaron guy, I remember from the previous ones, his emotion reads so clearly. It's reads so clearly. And he's so willing to offer himself up for comedy.

Yeah. Meaning he is willing to, Wolfson is a standup, right? She's a comic. Yeah, Rachel Wolfson, I think she dates Matt Edgar. I think so Oh, no, I don't know. Um fucking Poopies it gives new to it. He's the one that got attacked by a shark. Do you ever see that?

He's one that on Discovery Jack asked the thing and he got his hand bit by a shark No, and he's I think he's having a hard time recovering his hand. But how long ago was that? A shock week. So like June last year. June. Dude, he is poopies is so fucked. Steve O is such a fucking gamer.

He goes so fucking hard in this. But that guy Aaron, danger Aaron. He is so, look at this shark, the show him the shark bite. Is that, are they brothers? Who? Wait, go back to the list McKenny. Oh no McKirony. Okay, they have different last time. Yeah, that guy Aaron gives himself up for this movie He offers every part of his His body for this movie and in the way that you go I get done and I go I O that guy O that guy a little more. Like I owe them something.

He's that fucking good. Dude, they do a bear sketch. I mean, I'm not ruining it because there's no way to ruin it. You have to watch it. Whether doing a fucking lie detector on them and they have like a shot collar on his neck and they put him in electric chair and he's strapped in electric chair. And then Johnny Knoxville leaves the room and they cover him in honey and salmon and a bear comes in

and it is it is it's the best thing I've ever seen in my entire life. He's so scared. He's so scared Tom that when it's over he's frozen and he doesn't know if it's over or not. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. I'm going home. Chris Ponyus' dick is my favorite dick I've ever seen. Dude, they do this fucking translate thing. This guy this guy gives Everything to this fucking movie like Johnny Knoxville Johnny Knoxville. Yeah, yeah, it gets knocked unconscious. Holy shit And by a bear by a bull and you go dude That dude goes hard in the paint every fucking time.

So to Steve, I can't, there's not one person I could slander. Wait, can we see the shark thing? Is that a clip we can play? Yeah, yeah, yeah, show it without saying. Yeah, it's on Discovery, but we'll play without sound. Yeah, let's see. Because I want to see this is a shark, this is shark. Sharky from last year. So he's gonna, yeah.

Oh, this is this. Yeah, yeah, that's that's that's poopies And he's gonna jump over a thing of sharks and he lands in them and gets fucking bit no watch Oh my god, yeah I need my medical bag now holy shit Dude I used to follow poopies on Jamie oh my god. Oh My god

That is oh he is just gushing blood dude it fucking bit his holy and fuck That is so intense man This is for a stunt he got bit by a shark. What kind of shark was it? It's just a blue I think oh My god They're gonna show this wound Chris Pony us is fucking so valuable to the show. Yeah, he's great. Oh my God.

That is, yeah, dude. Do they show the wound? I don't think they do. But you can go. That's money. This is it's a thing, man. He's he that he's been rehabbing this hand for a while. Really? Yeah. I follow him on on Instagram. He's a he's a he's a fucking great guy. He used to watch him on Jamie O'Brien's vlog. He'd come in and everything he did was fucking hilarious. Go to poopies

Instagram. Dude, I can't tell you how valuable these guys in Jack S.R. to America. To America. Because this show is, it's the funniest movie I've ever seen. Ever seen. No one will ever make a movie this funny.

Ever, it'll never be done. Yeah. The laugh per minutes in this. Yeah, it's just. Is this Pupi's? Scroll down. Scroll. Scroll, keep scrolling. Keep scrolling. Rachel Wilson gets fucking is a gamer.

Really? She does stun. She's fucking awesome. Is she just dancing this? Yeah, yeah. Keep going and you can see poopies hands. Like there's a. That's wild. He has. I know it's bit in the face by the fucking snake. He has highlights. This is Sharkweak highlights. So it might be in these highlights.

Yeah, yeah. You know, at the top. Yeah. Go back to the top of the page. And it has a, it says Sharkweak. Yeah. So that it could be in there. You know.

Oh, this is just that week that he was about to do it. But I mean, look at this. He's on his way probably right there. Yeah. That's just fucking nuts. You're right, it's coming up on a year. 47 weeks ago. Jesus Christ.

That is so nuts that that fucking... Yeah, but I remember doing a deep time because I was worried about his hand and I saw him doing a dance with his friends and you can see that he didn't have like full use of his hand yet this is probably like a few weeks oh oh fuck me oh fuck me dude Fuck me dude. Dude they almost bit his hand off. Sure looks like it. And that was just something sampling.

Sampling the meat, you know? Who's like, dude that is fucking insane. Wow. That is, but that's what's great about these guys is like you watch them. They get fucked up. Like Johnny Knoxville gets knocked. Oh my gosh. He said so many concussions. You get knocked unconscious at one point, Tom. And all you hear you the bowl hits him and you use your

guest out out. And and and and and Steve O the things he's done. Do you do, Steve O? You know that in the history of podcasting that I've done, the person that probably surprised me the most was Steve O. Also. Just what you think you're watching and then how he is. Yeah. Because like he just seems like a reckless moron. Yeah. If you just watch like clips, you're like,

this guy's out of his fucking mind doing this shit, you know, and then you talk to him You see like how Well thought out everything is and you're like oh He's a gangster. Yeah, I mean he comes I went over to his house who's working on especially and asked me to kind of Go over take a look at it and help him see if there's any ideas that I can help him with so we went over to his house He is first of all's very adept at editing. He has documented everything. His YouTube page is fucking amazing.

He's doing. He's doing. He's a businessman. Yeah, I think that's the fastest thing. It's very impressive. When you look at this business, and you see someone like Johnny Knoxville, right? Who, when I met Johnny Knoxville,

we were eating pills and Tallahassee, drinking, dressing up as women, breaking bottles over our heads, falling down a flight of stairs. You never did I see the shrewd business man that he is, right? Yeah. But that's what's cool about this business is you see people that on the surface come off like who the fuck is this guy? Like Ron White or Joe Rogan? You know who the fuck is this guy like Ron White or Joe Rogan you know who the fuck is this guy fucking martial arts fear factor and then you see the businessman kind of come out and surface and you're like holy shit and that is a perfect example of Steve O because he really is a fucking dude think about it he started doing stand up and open

mics in LA when he was already famous and now he's doing theaters He has a tour bus sends me pictures of his tour bus all the time. He's like, hey, what do you think? The fucking it's amazing. He's I cannot speak highly highly enough and and the only thing that bums me out is that you don't get to see Ryan Donner Bam but but I can't I can't Don or Bam. But I can't I can't. I Can't really shit on it at all because the movie was so fucking good every single one of these new kids delivers At nicey kids are probably well, they're probably kids to me. Yeah, but they all fucking deliver and they're and I mean

It's so good Preston Lacey Everyone on this thing was fucking amazing. It was such a great movie. Yeah. Dude, by the way, bear Margera's mom, when she was younger, was hot as fucking shit. You know, April, I don't remember. You know, but you know, but you know, but you know, but you know, but I'm mom, right?

Well, I mean, I remember, day and night, April, Margera. Yeah. I remember, April, March, yeah. Yeah. Oh, she, I saw some pictures. I don't know someone's Instagram. He just like fell off into drugs, right?

I think it's alcoholism. I think it's bipolarness, to be honest with you. I think he has some bipolar issues. I'm speculating entirely, but I think he has some bipolar issues and he couldn't get them. But those are exacerbated by alcoholism and pills. Possibly speed. I think he had some bipolar issues and he couldn't get them. But those are exacerbated by outclosum and pills. Possibly speed, I think he was doing speed.

It's all speculation. But yeah, he, I feel bad, man. Bam is one of those guys that all these guys in Jackass, you feel like you grew up with. Sure. You feel like you knew their whole lives. Yeah, they were all doing shit to be truthful

that like everybody kind of wishes, like you were like, I want this to be my group of friends. Cause they're just making you laugh, doing fun shit. Like they just seem like the most fun people to hang out with. And you watch those stunts and you're like, Jesus Christ. You just want it, you want it. And then, you know, I remember because they're just clamoring, you still always be like, do not fucking try this.

And I don't send these videos. Because people would die doing that. People were getting fucking paralyzed sending them pictures, videos. So John and I were not opening your video. I remember that. MTV was like, if you send in, we throw it in the trash. Yeah.

Don't fucking send us anything. When Johnny Knoxville, so in 1997, I get rid of the Rolling Stone magazine and I do a series of commercials or a one commercial with ESPN's two. They send Johnny Knoxville and another actor. I don't know the other actor. They send them down to Tallahassee, to party with me for two days, and then we're going to shoot a commercial.

So I think we shot a commercial. This is when you're in school? I'm in college. And they come down into Torbos, my first experience on the Torbos. And then we're gonna shoot a commercial. I think we shot a commercial. This is when you're in school? I'm in college. And they come down into tourbos, my first experience on the tourbos. And I go in, I smoke a couple of balling hits, there's a ball in this bus, and we take some pills,

and we start drinking, and Johnny Knoxville puts in a tape of, I think it's Camp Kill yourself, CKY, and it's, these guys trying to break a beer bottle over their head and we are laughing hysterically hysterically, I'm saying the fucking hardest I've ever laughed that night we go back to my we go out We take tour of us out to Yonnies we pick up a bunch of girls we go back to my apartment We dress as women we've Johnny Knoxville she says I can throw pick up a bunch of girls, we go back to my apartment, we dress as women, we've Johnny Knoxville, she says, I can throw myself down a flight of stairs. And we're

like, okay, and he falls down on a flight of stairs. And he's like, when we show you how to do it, I was like, sure. So he shows me I follow a flight on a flight of stairs. Like the way to not get hurt. Yeah. We're sitting in my kitchen. This is going to sound like Bert, Chrysier selective memory right now. I'm aware of that. We're sitting in my kitchen. This is gonna sound like Bert, Chrysier selective memory right now. I'm aware of that. We're sitting in my kitchen and he tells me, I wanna do a show where I get shot in the chest with a gun.

I get hit by a bow and arrow. I get tasered. I wanna call it and I don't know if he said the name Jackass, but I just picture the American flag blowing, right? There's some great old country music, like real Americana, and then I get shot by a gun, I have a bullproof vest on, I get tasered. I'm like, great man, good luck.

And so, I'm in LA, it's now 1990, it's 2000. I think that's when Jackass came out. I'm sitting eating lunch at the set of the act show. And one of our grips goes, is anyone seeing Jackass? And I was like, no, I heard about it. What is it? And he goes, you gotta see it. And it's, hi, my name's Johnny Knoxville.

Welcome to Jackass. Burr, burr, burr, burr, burr, American flag. And I went, he did it. I was like, he did it. He did it. Two weeks later, Jackass and I went. He did it. I was like, he did it. He did it. Two weeks later, Jack has to know the biggest thing in America.

Yeah. Two weeks later, I'm sitting in California chicken cafe and Johnny Knoxville walks in and I go, Johnny, and he looks at me and goes, Bert Kreischer, what are you doing here? And I said, I have a TV show out here. I moved out here and he's like, Hey man, congratulations, good for you.

And I was like, good for you man. I love Jackass, he's like, how thank you man. He's like, well it's good seeing you. And goes down and he sits down at a table with Chris Pontius, Steve, the whole cast of Jackass is there, maybe not Steve, but I don't remember really totally, but I do remember Chris Pontius because Chris Pontius had poked holes in his newspaper

and was watching us with two eye holes in a newspaper watching us go and then looking over it and watching through it and I was and but Johnny Knoxville man that fucking good for that guy man that I'm so happy yeah that that show is like you know a like a genre defining like cultural moment the movement really like that thing How fucking crazy is it that, like I'm a pretty big comedian. Yeah. At one point in the universe are past-collided.

Yeah. Yeah. No, it's pretty wild. It's fucking weird that he told you the idea. Tell me the idea of Jackass in our fucking kitchen. Yeah. So when he came down, was he known? No. I think we called him, I don't, I don't,

I really gotta be really honest with you. I don't think we call him Johnny Knoxville. I think that was his writing name. Why did you, why was he sent to do anything with you? He was an actor. He was an actor before he was anything. PJ Clap or something. There you go.

Yeah, he was an actor. I wonder if, um, what if we get Johnny Knoxville's number and call him? What if he remembers me still? I mean, I knew no one's gonna forget to meet Johnny Knoxville. Text one agent right now, I'd be like, hey, you have Knoxville's number.

Just see what they say. Text my agent? Sure. Where do you think he's reputized, but he's done about that agent? Here, I'll do the same. What the fuck can it tell just texted me? Okay.

Maybe hilarious if we can get him on the phone right now. Um, um, why don't we just text Steve Oh, yeah. Hello, we're fucking stupid. Hey, Tom and I are talking about the new Jackass on two bears and we wanted to talk to Johnny Knoxville. Any chance you can hook that up? All right. Steve, I was going to be like, why don't you want to talk to me?

Just be like, because you didn't party with me in Tallahassee. By the way, Steve, I was at University of Miami at that time. Think about the talent that came out of Florida, me and Steve, oh. Fucking weird fucking... If you text him, tell him it's me, and he may remember me. What if he's like, what if that nut? He's like, man, we're not really friends in real life.

I think it's so funny the way you voice text. Why don't I just fucking FaceTime Steve-O? Oh, okay. Why would I dig around with the text? Where you may not understand what I'm saying. And why don't, yeah, what, this is so aggressive. It's not aggressive, it's Steve-O.

Okay. I look listening. I started putting lotion on my face. Oh, come on, Steve-O. Hey hey! Where were you at? I'm in my van. Hang on, I'm gonna flip you around. We're on two bears one cave. Yeah, I love it. Are you in Austin?

I'm in Austin right now. Dude, I cannot stop talking about how great Jack asked forever is. What, thanks bro dude. I Put you on my Instagram stories, but the fucking entire new cast is everything about that was a home run It is the funniest movie I've ever seen in my entire life Dude, thank you, Bert. I love it man. I actually I'm on the panel out loud right now just leaving after doing some promos for digital. Oh, for real? Hey, man, here's a question I wanted to ask you. Is there any way you can text Johnny Knoxville and see if we can talk to him on two bears? I partied with him in college

and I wondered if he still remembered me. It's your hour out. Do you happen to do that? When was like, are you trying to do that right now? Reox, we're doing an episode right now and we're talking about me partying with him and him throwing me down a flight of stairs. In 1999. In 1999, 1997. All right, let me just.

I didn't want to make an Adam Chico car. That would be great. Yeah, let me see it. Alright, can we add you get at? Can you get out of FaceTime? I think you can hit the hit the. Alright, alright, alright, here we go. I wonder if it's working now. Not connected. Ring. Ringing. It's ringing. God, I hope this works.

And I hope to God. He's like, I have no idea who you are. That me too. I believe that he's like, I wish that harder. He He's like I remember the chicks. I don't remember some dude Hey house poopies hand doing Steve oh man, I just had poopies on my podcast and It was I got to say heartbreaking man is His hand is like

It goes from there to there for the rest of his life. Wait a minute. Hey, Steve. Oh Yeah, you should after this Hit me up and let me tell you about I got the best hand nerve guy on the planet I got the best hand nerve guy on the planet Yeah, maybe but maybe not Yeah, that's it's fucking insane. Oh me God, dude Well, I was even what was even earlier on my

Podcast with coobies the wild ride podcast he fucking said his bank account is a negative number What? It's where to God from what? He's trying to go strooping with his buddies and he can't Follow them in his car because he can't put gas in it Hold on hold on I mean you got a bigger there's no back end for the new people and the front ends They're gonna give them the

people and the front ends they're gonna give them the uh this is the sag scale which for a principal actor is still 65,000 and they got that like two years ago because the COVID shut it all down. Oh, he's also not the most savvy guy. I used to follow him on Jamie O'Brien's vlog. Yeah. God damn it. That's pretty gnarly man. Like if anybody's listening to this and has love for poopies, he does have a cameo and he's pretty open to doing whatever he asks him to do on. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it.

I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it.

I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't of comedy. I was just talking about that time. By the way, by the way, you should listen this episode

We try what I have my new my I got my new hour ready for you to see I'm broke I'm fucking I just spent eighty five thousand dollars in one day on the opening sequence Dude, I was taught you, you should listen to this episode. We speak very, very kindly of you. And how you are one of those guys that despite what people may think of you or see of you, you are a savvy business man and you are doing everything the right fucking direction, dude. We could not be happier and prouder to call you a friend. I would do it likewise, man. I'm going to see you guys. Awesome, dude. What hey? I'll try to set up an oxalope for you for a future episode. Yes, please. That would be great, dude Yeah, and I won't remind them of you Yeah, yeah, just yeah, see if you I don't I wonder if he knows who I am. I'm that's why I'm curious about

I've got someone from your past There you go. She's so excited to see, but I won't name you. All right. I think it's gonna be a fantastic one. What is this? Okay, awesome, Steve. Oh, I love you, brother. Thank you.

I'm Lazy. All right. Bye. Love you, Bob. I really thought that was about to work out by the way. And I would have loved so much if Steve was like, I don't know who this is, this is a lie. Or Johnny Knoxville.

He's not Knoxville, yeah. Like, you're like, I don't know. This is what you have to do. He's like, I was never. I've never heard of you. I've never been a child. I've never been a child. I've never been a child.

Don't know what you're talking about. And you'd be like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you don't think that's happened to me before. You don't think, you don't think I've had the story of my fucking life. And then they just like keep adding facts and you're like, okay, all right, I might have gotten it wrong. This is the fucking, as a crazy part

as you start telling stories and then you're like, am I wrong, am I right about that? By the way, we should point out the fact that I think it was on this podcast, maybe a month or two ago, where you challenged Caleb Dressel to, you're like, I'm going to, I'm going to race him. And he actually has reached out and now Speedo is aware, he's aware. And this is probably going to happen. The race is on.

Oh, yeah. It literally, his words to me were, I will have my people call your people. Yeah. And his people are speedo. This is a fucking, this is a, this is a, let's just start right here. This is a sponsorship eight years in the making. I eight years ago I made a call out video to speedo.

It was when I got in trouble for being in Brazil and beating up a bathroom and then he got, he lied about it. Right, right, right, right. He lied about it and then- I thought you were talking about yourself for a second. I was like, what'd you do? No, no, no.

I was in Brazil around the same time though, all day enough. And so he got in trouble. Yeah, I don't want to say his name, so I don't want to do, I'm Ryan Lockty. So, whatever, whatever. I don't want to sit on Ryan Lockty. He's not, he's not, he's not,

he's not, he's not in work for speedo anymore because he got fired from speedo. Yeah, which is fucking bizarre. He's just swimming. Come on. Yeah. Let the guy fucking beat up a bathroom and blame it on the indigenous folk. The guy, and we got full circled out of the episode again.

So, he was like, no, I swear to God, there's a bunch of cholars. Yeah. So, so, fuck. So, I, fuck. So, I made a call out video in my friends pool with our kids playing in the background, and I said, here's the deal. I'll go under, it's interesting to see how my promo videos

have changed over time. I used to, because I was on travel channel and I was doing reads, and I was good with pacing. I was doing reads every day, that I was my pacing is a lot better in my older promo videos. I'd be like, hey, Speedo, it's your boy, Burke, Chrysler. You know who I am? Actor, author. That's how you do a read-on-spanel. But when you're doing a read for promos now, you're like, what's everybody's boy, Burke, Chrysler, the machine? Woo-hoo! And then you, like, it's faster when you're

promoting dates. Yeah. But and it went viral, but like, it got passed around a lot. And a bunch of companies reached out, but Speedo never reached out. And then we found out Speedo, my offer was, for $2 million, I would do nothing but wear Speedo for an entire calendar year. That's all I'd wear. Yesterday's price is not today's price though, is it?

Not even fucking remotely. I, you could, Well, and that funny you would be like two million fuck you You wait to wear them for an afternoon So fucking funny Jesus so as that I wear them on airplanes on stand-up shows on good morning America I'd wear speedo. I'd only wear speedos. That would be, I've been around that too. Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

And so I, I've been around you in them. It's not a love speedos. Dude, I fucking love speedos. Here's the problem. It's like with every sport, with every sport, everyone wants what the pros are using. When it comes to lacrosse tips, you want the high-end

STX right the fucking high-end one you see it at Dix. I want the fucking I've been in speedos my whole adult life my childhood I love speedos man. There's a picture you looking good though where scroll down not that one Underneath that one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, look at you there. That was a fucking that's fucking great Where's that from looks like Australia or something? Yeah, so man? It was one of my 40th birthday I was as your 40th birthday my 40th birthday. Are you a member of been is that is that enough? Australia? I'm a 40th birthday. We were upon diabetes and I spent the day playing in the waves for travel channel Leanne was there and I if you're gonna try to pinpoint a moment when I If you're gonna try to pinpoint a moment when I can quantify my happiest, it was that day. The water was ice cold, crystal blue, crystal clear. The waves were absolutely perfect, slowly peeling onto like a semi-beach break.

And I was skinny, I was the happiest, I've wanted the happiest I've ever been. If I could go back to one day, that would be that day. And I was by myself, I mean, Liam was there, but I was spent the most of the day playing in the waves by myself in a speedo. Now, yeah, here's the interesting thing about a speedo. This is my pitch, everyone. If you're going to get your kid a glove, you're going to get him a glove, but you're going to go, I'm going to get him, I want to get, let's look at what the pros are using, right? No one, no one.

Oh, Jesus Christ. There's me with my are using. Right, no one, no one. Jesus Christ. There's me with my pot plants, I remember when I was going pot. Yeah. Oh. And so I got a lot of companies reached out to me and sent me their product. But, and their products were awesome.

There were a lot of great, Shionesty makes a great swim thong, which are awesome. There's a lot of really great companies that make great swim apparel. However, let's be very candid. The Mercedes Benz is speedo, right? It's speedo. And that's who you wanted to work with.

And what I wanted to do, is that now I'm still here. And if I be Caleb Dressel in the 53, then I get signed to speedo, and we do a deal. I wanna make them accessible for the every man. How many pictures are there of me and Speedo's? I'm all over the fucking place, right? Because when you swim in a Speedo, you were like a goddamn fucking dolphin.

You slide through the water, you slide through the water. You've never felt it. It's better than swimming naked. Because when you swim naked, you get a little turned on, and you're like, oh, now my dick's hard. Now there's water going into my dick. You need a speedo to tuck it in and I'm telling you everyone would wear a speedo. Why are you not wearing what the best swimmers in the world wear when you go to the water? Why are you choosing to wear a pair of pants? What they train in? They train in those bathing suits so they

can get better. Why are you? There are, I have seen pro level swimmers wear like the skin tight shorts. Well, that's all Caleb Dressel wears. Go to Caleb Dressel. Oh really? I killed Dressel. God damn god. Look at this guy.

Yeah. Now you saw me in speedos. Take a look at this. No, I know. It's fucking, it's how, how, how you fuck. Yes. He is son of a bitch. Look at his fucking body.

Yeah. You know what this motherfucker does? Swim. Nothing but swim. Nothing but swim. I bet he sleeps in the water. Oh yeah, so he has the shorts on. Like the actual one.

So the shorts are actually fucking better. To be dead honestly. They're like super tight shorts. Yeah, well these shorts,, I don't know, I'm not gonna pretend to be Caleb and know anything about anything. Look at this motherfucker man. Is that his chick?

Yeah. Oh, it's his wife. Man, he is, I mean, the guys got the perfect male body. Yeah. I mean, you got the perfect male body really honestly. And he's got a great sense of humor. Guess what? Fandith who bears?

Really? Yeah. So he's got a great sense of humor. Guys got great tasting comedy, in my opinion. Him and his wife, they watch, they watch, they, they, he was like, I mean, I saw the clip of you talking about me. And he's like, he's like, he was a really cool guy. We texted back and forth.

But he's very, he's also a fucking competitor. Of course. And his reply to me was like, you know, I was out there getting better today. His, let me just say, you can tug on a tiger's tail. Yeah. But when that tiger roars, you remember, oh, you're a fucking tiger. Your tail might be soft and fluffy. I made it.

But this isn't just a swimmer. It is the greatest swimmer in the world. He swims 50 meters in 18 seconds. 18 seconds. Now, I don't wanna show you everything in my hand, Caleb, because I know this is gonna get you to you. But my real time on my 50 free was 36 seconds Would you say it wasn't the video 20 22 seconds lower

You know he was like really when my eyes were being embedded if you know, it's like if you said if it's like if you kill Press was like thank you so much good night. I just did one hour of comedy. No one says that yeah, yeah Yeah, that's that's a really impressive man. So yeah, it's gonna happen. And so the pitch and God bless Dave fucking Williamson. Because Caleb and I were DMing or whatever about like, what would you wear? These suits that he's got on. You can only wear twice. These these ones. Why? Because once they're hard to get on. Once they get on, they're that fucking tight. And once they get on, you can only wear them twice and they did the fucking thing. What? Just how much of you would spill over? That'd be pretty good. That's what he will. Here's the deal. I believe there is a marketing.

I believe there's a piece of the pie that Speedo's leaving out, which is guys like me who like being in the water, right? Like being like being in the water and wouldn't mind being a little quicker in the water Mm-hmm. You know like when I go to the beach I and I play in the waves I realized how drama's drag I have but if you could swim in the waves like a dolphin Wouldn't you want it? Yes, when you when you get in your pool by yourself by yourself. Yeah, you're your house Yeah, wouldn house. Yeah. Wouldn't you why would you put on a pair of pants? Wouldn't you like to be in the pool and you in you swim around and also also I'll say this. I'll say this for this is true. My whole life, except for when I was seven, eight, and nine and on the swim team and locally.

But since then, I've never worn a pair of Speedos and you, I swear genuinely, have convinced me in this conversation to get a pair of Speedos and get in the pool just to feel what it's like. So you are convincing that it's worth trying them. It really is the phrase, a hot knife through butter. And it is, it's like fully American only,

that it's shorts for everybody to go, like if you go to Europe, people only wear speedo. So everyone, dude, type in sexy beast, sexy beast. Yeah. Ray, Ray, what's his name? Winston. Yeah. In a speed, I mean, everyone was,

Well, that's Europe, that's not Yeah. In a speed that, I mean, everyone was that's Europe. That's not, that's not strange there. That's like, you know, look at that. And by the way, he looks great in that. He looks like you. You, and you just got to find your right color. You just said he looks like me. But when you say he's, you just, basically,

so you're like, that guy looks great. Yeah, he looks fantastic. Actually, looks really good. See, Tommy, text us out, okay? Look what he's doing in his. Some of your nice jewelry. Like one of big thick necks with it, right? A watch, you dress up your speedo.

You don't smoke. Smoking. Sagar cocktail, you dress up your speedo. Your speedo, how about this? The ice pack on his nuts over here in the far left. Yeah. The problem is people put on a speedo and they let their speedo wear them.

You need to wear your speedo. Did you just fucking sell it? You just sold like 20,000 speedos. I'm telling you right now, and this is why I need to be signed. As an athlete, not just a celebrity, as an athlete. I will train in my speedo, I will swim in my speedo. You will only see me in my speedo. I agree.

Think about this Hollywood Boulevard. We got a bill with big board. We got Caleb Dressel. The guy does butterfly. The woman who does free. The this and then me in the center. It's not just for champions. Yeah. You're selling to the guy driving on the street and then you're getting a bunch of what you get He's without a doubt Logan Paul's gonna start wearing him. He's gonna be like, actually I look good in it. Why am I not wearing this? Now the first green lit for regular guys, I'm a regular guy, I'm gonna start wearing it. He's gonna call up Jake, Jake. I got these speedos sent to you. Jake Paul Logan Paul wearing it.

Also, the whole podcast is wearing it. Bob Manry hits me up. Dude, I'm into speedos. Yeah. Rogan calls me. Hey man, for real. Is this speedo thing a joke? Yep.

I go, no man, try it out. Rogan comes out. How great would Joe Rogan look in a fucking speedo thing a joke? Yep, I go no man try it out Rogan comes out How great would Joe Rogan look at a fucking speedo look pretty good shack? Shack in a speedo his old big old dick sticking out of the side of the Speedo And then Barclay gets one they start teasing each other damn it, dude. That's the way to go I'm I'm very excited so in the race Caleb dress will Dressel, where would I wear on stage? That was David Williams' idea at the last second.

So a pair of jeans and sneakers. Okay. Nike SB's. Well, yeah, Nike SB's ideally. Yeah. And then you wear what he wears. Here's where exactly. I want a competition, Speedo.

I want a competition, Speedo. goggles. goggles in a swim cap. And we start from the starting blocks, 50 free, straight shot, no fucking flip turn, straight shot. Just, how do you think he'll do? You know, it's so funny. I'm gonna, I'll actually, I gotta be honest with you.

I've talked a bunch of swimmers about it. A bunch of people have reached out to me. They're like, the jeans, no problem. He's got you. The shoes cause no problem. He's got you. The shoes cause a problem. Swimming issues can be pretty difficult. But you got to remember, this is the fastest human being that God has ever created to step into water. You know what he's got to remember? Mickey Managing. You're a fucking athlete, Bert. Mickey Managing. You got

some problems up here. Fucking alley Caleb. I'm going to tell you right now. 36. You're a fucking athlete, Bert. Mickey Managing. You got some problems up here. You're fucking Ali Caleb. I'm gonna tell you right now. 36, you think 36 is good right now? Let me tell you something. When I'm gonna be training, I'm gonna lose weight. You're gonna be down to 35 and no time. 34, at least.

Yeah. And that was a flip turn. That was with a flip turn. Jesus Christ, that is double. It is double. Well, well, first of all, we're gonna make a meal out of this. Speedo, let me just give me the keys for the day. Let me be in charge of your marketing for the day.

I'm not forever. By the way, in this, you're signing me into a contract. I will be a sponsor speedo athlete. That is part of the deal. I don't give a fuck everyone in the team quit the team. I come attached. Don't think you can just sign Bert and not have his fucking corner man. All right. We're a team right now. I get a whistle. You give me a fucking whistle. I want a big whistle that says speedo on it and team USA or whatever

the fuck you guys sponsor. I want one of those too. And we get I want and we're making a meal out of it. First off, we're going to swim legit 50 free's Just first race. That's legit 50 free's. Just to see, just to put in perspective. I want the starter gun. It's a great idea. I don't know if they have a gun in swimming. They are for this one. They do, they should. And if you don't have a starter gun, I'll bring one. So I want to see if Caleb can beat me swimming backwards. He can. You know, that's a swim drill they do. Or the we used to do. You mean backstroke?

No, no, no, no, no. Swimming actual, not back, type in swim drill swimming backwards. And it's not backstroke. Yeah, it's not backstroke. Backwards freestyle. Is that what you you talking about maybe? Uh, yeah, yes, yeah, that's it. Oh, I bet he can beat me swimming backwards.

100% 100%. Like, we're gonna have like, like after, so after two races, you can put so many restrictions on what he can do. He really could be. Yeah, he's the fastest swer. He actually, I'm not to tip the hat too much, but I think I'm not mistaken in his DM. He was like, I don't think you could beat me with flippers. And if I was wearing a trench coat, I can't remember exactly what another fun one would

be. What? He's up on the blocks. How about this? And he goes, go ahead What? He's up on the blocks. How about this? And he goes, go ahead and start at the middle of the pool. Like just start all the way down there and he's like, are you ready? Well, you know it would be a great one.

He's gotta beat me. We start in the water, but you hold that one. You're winning that one. I think it's gonna be pretty awesome. I'm super excited. Well, hopefully it happens. Cause I think I'm confusing his DMs and I don't want to say everything he said because I'm sure there's privacy things. It's like with Aaron Rodgers.

I fucking rattled off and he didn't think that he told me he was like, when he came into the boss, he was like, I have COVID, I'm staying in Green Bay like that's an oh No, I'm kidding No, but like but like I'm trying to be discreet. I'm such a party snitch Like I tell everyone's like Johnny Knoxville's like him and you didn't need to tell people I was it We're reading pills as well. Yeah throwing that people down You also did that you said on the set of the movie in

Serving that someone told you like you like their secret and then you told everybody, Jimmy Tato, I told Jimmy Tato, I told me a secret. Jimmy Tato told me a secret. And I lit, we were in a pool. We were having drinking, drinking, uh, Rosé. He told me a secret. And I went like this, Tom. I went like, off for real real and I grabbed my phone and I called Kale and told Kale the secret and Jimmy goes what are you doing? I said what what do you mean? He goes you just told Kale what I just told you and I went was I not supposed to do that? And he was I told you it's a secret and I went by wasn't supposed to tell Kale and he goes no one that's how a secret works you're the only person I tell and you don't get to decide

who else knows my secret and he goes, I'm never gonna tell you another secret again and I was like, it's probably a good call. I was like, I'm not good at secrets. Jimmy Tadro, sorry. By the way, I bet he's not comfortable with me telling that secret. You already told it.

Yeah, you told it about it. I'm bad at secrets. So that's why I try to not tell everyone stuff. Yeah, you know, I tried to judge what is a secret and what is a secret. You're not a good judge. No. You're not a good judge.

But I'm really excited for this speed of thing. It's gonna be fucking fun. By the way, I'm up for this, like this. Like, I'm up for all of this. Like, when I went to play with this band of bananas, by the way, are you familiar with this band of bananas? When this airs, I think there's season to be over and I apologize to them. Is that he did batting practice with?

I did batting practice to them. And, you know, when you think about spanks, yeah. And you think about like, just out of the box ideas. This is a... Oh, hold on. I gotta answer this real quick. Is it Johnny Knoxville? No, it's Hannibal Hey Hey Hannibal Are you there?

Hey, I'm doing a podcast, but I saw that you were calling. Oh shit. Oh, what's that? I'm a pocket down. Okay. Okay. All right, that sounds good. The music sounds good. Thanks, man.

I thought you just read it and you're like, I got to call you right back. Okay. All right. Sorry, man. Say how to a bird. What's up, Hannibal? Hey, what's that? A bird. How you doing? Good. all right. Sorry, man. Say hi to Bert. What's up Hannibal? Hey, what's that? A bird? I do it. Good. All right. Get back to practice. All right. Yeah. Okay. All right. What's he doing? I just sent him something to

see in a band practice. He's doing music now too. Really? Yeah. Hannibal does it all. He's always not music though, right? He's always loved music. I didn't know that he's always done it. Tony Tony Tony Tony Tony Tony trim Tony trim. Yeah, um What was what were we just talking about before that? I don't know Birds not a good judge are keeping secrets. Yeah, hmm I mean, that's I mean, that's, I mean, that's fucking known. Uh, Steve

just texted me. Yeah. Uh, Johnny Knoxville is shooting something. He's like, I can't call you later. And he said, the two texts are text Johnny Knoxville. See if he remembers me and then tell you noxel writes back shooting. Can I call you later? The number's not attached. So I was just going to call Johnny Knoxville. As he's shooting, I loved to see my text. Don't forget to do that. Because I will set that up. I don't know It's okay. We should wrap this up

Hold on I'm not done. Oh, it's a band of bananas. That's what you were saying. Okay, Savannah bananas. Okay, pull up the page So this is a guy look before you click on anything. This is a guy Who purchased a minor league baseball team, which is cool. They were called the sand nats. Okay. And their attendance was zero. No one was going, and he decided, what if I just, what if I, what if I made this like the Harlem Globetrotters? And I, and I made baseball a little bit more interesting. Yeah. And I changed the rules a little bit. And you do that?

Go to their Instagram page. And yeah, when he goes, and I just have two teams play, the party animals with him, bananas play every game. Oh. And his attendance is now through the roof. The rules are different. You can do that, though. You can do whatever you want.

Technically, he owns the team. So, but don't they have to play other teams that are in minor league baseball? Look at this, he has a left handed batter and a right handed batter against the pitcher. You can do that though? You can do, well, he's not affiliated with anyone. He just hires kids that, young kids who are either,

like I, I, I, I, I, I, I, well, that's a secret. You might not take that out. Okay. I'll take that out. But I think, he, I, I, Ooh, that's a secret. You might not take that out. Okay. You might not take that out. But I think, uh, he hires kids that played college ball that are really good and he goes out and he teaches them their game.

And now their game is interesting. When you walk, it's, once there's a walk for balls, the person in the box can run as fast as they want around all the ball, around all the bases. Every person on the team has to touch the ball first before they can tag him out. So it's easy to get a home run. No, no, when you have a walk. So meaning four balls as the batter, I immediately start sprinting to catcher then has to throw the ball and everyone has to throw it around the thing

you can get far. You can get far you can get a triple and it so it makes walks interesting as fuck. As soon as you step in the batter's box, you're not allowed to leave the batter's box. No one's allowed to get out of the batter's box and the pitcher can throw As quickly as he wants so I don't know if he throws and then the catcher throws it back You can throw it again, and so it makes baseball moves very very fast. I was gonna say this might make me watch baseball It it does go click the one that says 36,000 for bottom right corner bottom right corner So this is shit. They do I saw this this is shit. They do I saw this. This is shit. They do I said this. So there's a song playing and they all dance. So everyone in stands is involved in everything and then watch

Then the guy just goes and he pitches strike. Yeah, the We went and tried out with them. I went and not tried out but I think I know I mean no offense But I'm pretty certain he'd let me play with them. I went and not tried out, because I think I, no, I mean, no offense, but I'm pretty certain he'd let me play with them if I wanted to, because I, he's just trying to move 10,000 tickets to get a day. That's it. Yeah.

Yeah. This is really fun. Who owns them? I got damn it. I met him and I don't know his name. Can you find out the guy's name? He goes, we make baseball fun. Fans first.

Yeah, this is a, and it's so fucking interesting. So it's only the two teams to play, the party animals and the bananas. And then he takes it on the road. He takes it on the, Jesse Cole. He's the founder of fans first entertainment owners, fan of bands. His teams have welcomed more than one million fans to their ballpark. So he really is like a PT bottom. Yeah, I mean, this guy's making it.

And he takes it on the road. They do a tour. The two teams, they go down to Daytona. I'm assuming those players make more than other minor league players too. Probably. I don't know what their earnings are, but they're getting first fall to get into play baseball, which is for anyone who loves baseball. That's the best. Here go to one of the videos. See one of the videos just uh and see something. I mean they have chaos. They're in Montgomery, Alabama. Uh, they already went there. Yeah. But they come out. They have songs. They come out to the umpires of fucking hysterical. Look to see the guy just walk so everybody on the field has to touch the ball before they can tag him out. And they tag him out a second. Wow. It makes baseball really fun.

And the ball game moves so fast, we went to another minor league game on the road, but I've been doing is going to minor league stadiums and having lunch there, it's fucking awesome. If you have a minor league stadium in the fucking place, yeah, we've gone to a few places. And just that's where we do lunch. We go to a hockey game, the minor league hockey game,

just go have lunch. And it's fucking awesome. They're not only hockey game. Just go have lunch and It's fucking awesome. I don't know why they're not doing this for more. Is that dude hitting like that? Yeah, like in the splits he's lowering a strike zone All right, that's fucking cool man. They have they have And these guys all legit can play baseball. Yeah And these guys all legit can play baseball. Yeah. This is insane. It makes baseball so fucking fun. It's really fun to watch and these guys are all entertainers.

So they kind of know how to play like legit. Some guys will be like rodeo clowns are out there. This look at this ump is fucking hilarious by the way. I saw him grooven with the with the song yeah he was like moving his ass to it too oh so now okay he got a ball he just walks and now everyone's got to try to touch the ball he could keep running if he wanted to oh but yeah it's hilarious it really is cool and I wonder why they don't like when when the XFL showed up I remember

thinking you've changed some of the rules, but why not change all of them? Why not fucking make this real razzle dazzle bit football, like where it's like, fucking let them use steroids. We don't care, I guess steroids are illegal, but. Nah, that's fucking stupid. It should be, yeah, it should be juice to the fucking gills. I want the guys to have tails, like, yeah.

Like, and they should have, like, one of the things I would have done in the XFL is I would have had guest, like, and they should have, like one of the things I would have done in the XFL I would have had guests, like sponsors. You should get like a fucking bonus check if you knock somebody unconscious in football, I think. You should get like, they're like, you just made a hundred grand, you just knocked that guy out. Like as soon as the guy hits, this is what they should do.

As soon as the guy hits the ground. Yeah. And any of the, or you tackle a guy by his hair, because that's actually allowed, you're allowed as soon as the guy hits, this is what they should do. As soon as the guy hits the ground. Yeah. And anything. Or you tackle a guy by his hair, because that's actually allowed, you're allowed to pull someone's hair. Or you're saying, if you pull out someone's hair,

that should be a bonus. A bonus, yeah, that should be a bonus. What they should do is as soon as you've hurt someone in the XFL and they hit the ground and they have to get the medic out, they should start a clock. And for every minute that they have to tend to that guy, you get $10,000.

And if everybody takes a knee for them, you get $100,000. If there's a prayer circle, they're like, if people start crying, they're like, you just want a million dollar bonus. So,

this is fucking awesome. Five, two, Sinko, hey, I'm at the Greek. You're at the Greek? Tickle the mile. I'm gonna write up. Tomorrow, ham, I'm at the Greek. You're at the Greek? Tickle the mile, have them right up. Tomorrow, tomorrow, no, this Thursday, Wednesday, something. Two, three.

It's Wednesday, right? Wednesday is the, I can feel when this comes out. That week it says, yeah. All right, my bandaid off. You did it, you got your stem cells. You're ready to rock and roll. That's a good color for me. Your blue eyes. You got got fucking cheese in your eyes.

All right, fat sticks. Uh, fat sticks. Fat sticks. We gotta go. All right, love you. Love you too. The other wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean Here's what we call, two bears one cave No scripts to bid a booze amateur for topology Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies Here's what we call, two bears one cave Two bears won't cave.