2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 146 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Andrew Santino & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: August 15, 2022

Welcome back to 2 Bears 1 Cave! This episode we're joined by actor, producer, and fellow comedian Andrew Santino. Bert & Andrew start us off discussing why Adam Ray ruined the comedy basketball league, and Santino's new movie "Me Time" with Kevin Hart and Mark Wahlberg. They discuss each others' favorite tequilas, and Bert talks about why he's switching from his old favorite, Tito's. Bert makes Santino take his blood pressure, then they wrap talking about their personal experiences working out with famous bodybuilders Thor Bjornsson and Martin Ford. https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/bertyboytourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

I want to go fuck around and sit down. Which I know you do everywhere I go. They're like, you know, Bert came out with all of us. Oh. Did you ever wake up in a place you didn't belong? Yeah. All the time. We're all coming to barn one time.

Do you know, I like the way you said, yeah, you're like, yeah, that's my thing. I wake up a lot in places I'm not supposed to be. 100%. I'm a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, Hey guys, no episode of Two Bears One Cave and we've got Whitney Cummings. You look really good.

You look great. And your name is your special is jokes. Okay, on Netflix. No, I'm just trying to promote it. I didn't make fun of it. Andrew, Andrew said he was not there. No, I did. No, it's a terrible title.

I don't know. Comedy. What do you mark Norman? Comedy. Hey, and we need to check out my special comedy. I want you to call it bird equanimity and the hollows. Whatever the fuck. She's a 9 title special. No, you should have just called it um in rec- in recovery

because you are kind of you're always kind of recovering from something trauma uh... scoring relationships what's in the special good jokes alright it's a good name

no you can play about your pussy you can plan about your pussy You you have so much more money than me you have so you're so fucking rich money More fucking money she's so rich so rich give me some So rich. What? So rich. Give me some. It's so, everyone thinks I have so much money, but I,

someone told me how much money they thought you had the other day. And here sit down and solve all these chairs. Sit down and all these chairs so we can hear you. Okay, sorry. Who, I'm just curious who told you? I forget, I must have been when you were here. It must have been someone that was here when you were here. Is it someone that would know?

No, I guessed. Okay. I guessed. What did you guess? 50? No. More? I guessed, no, I'm confused on what I guessed

and what someone else guessed. So someone else said 16 and I went way more than that. Oh my God, it's so much more than that. Look at her smirk. I was like, I was like, I was like, did Whitney's got 16 and one of her like side accounts. I always say, do you still have money in there?

I would say. Did we move that money out years ago? No, I'm not trying to have you guys. I did recently have two Starbucks gift cards in my wallet. And I didn't know how much money was on them. And how much was on them? Put them in the trash can, don't know. Dick.

It's not even worth it. It was, I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna throw these out. I'm just like, I'm so rich. Here's a question I asked Rogan one time. What's it like to have legit fuck you money? Yeah, he does. I don't have Rogan.

I know, I know you have to kind of money where you don't have to worry about a ton of things. Yeah. So do you. No, no. I'm just saying, I know, you have the kind of money where you don't have to worry about a ton of things. Yeah. So do you. You have way, you, no. No, no. I'm just saying, I have lots of curve balls in my family. So the amount of money I, like I don't have an amount

of money even where I'm like, okay, I'm good forever if everything goes away right now. Like, cause what if my family goes into, I see you again without hell of insurance. You have, you have screw you money, not fuck you money. You have, like you don't, you can't really burn the bridge, but you can be like, get out of here. But how would you, like, what if we just switched making

bank accounts right now? How would your life change? Quick comedy, leave LA. Leave Leanne, leave the girls. Don't know what? My entire world goes upside down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, fucking leave my family, don't talk to anybody ever again.

I've actually, toyed with the idea. I've actually wandered down to the couch I've actually wondered how much money you have and to see if I, if I left Leanne, I lose all my money. And I was like, could I just parallel slide adjacently into Whitney's life and then she take care of the both of us? Interesting.

This is interesting. So how much money I'm just at, do you think, if right now someone says, how much money to make you quit right now and be happy forever? What's the actual number? 75 grant. 75 grant.

75 grant. Give me 75. You don't even know the number that would make you happy because every time you get more. No, first of all, you're interjecting a word that I'm never going to be happy. Oh, I'm not going to be happy. That's crazy.

I'm going to, how much to like make me leave LA? How much to make you stop talking right now? I will then, Mel you. Everybody right now, go to Netflix and please watch Whitney Drew's special jokes. It's incredible. I've seen her do the whole thing. It's packed front to back.

The same way she wipes with some of the best material I've ever seen her do. Is that good? That's a great fucking plug and I mean it. By the way, that's true. And I mean it. So is that nice now? Will you be stopping and fucking mean to me?

I'm really serious. Can I tell you, can I tell you one of the jokes? There, you have jokes in there that I have been, that I've been toying with in my head where I go. I couldn't figure it out. I was obsessed with Rover Red Rover. I was obsessed with it. Because I was like, there's gotta be an adult league.

It's just like fucking dudes going, let's fucking go. We ain't Brian the fuck over. Let's get some fucking hell load out. I would love to see an adult Rover Red Rover. Are you not an adult league of any kind of sport at all? I don't do anything. Are you leaving Winnie?

Well, I'm just gonna like, I love you, I love you. I love you more. Bye. Honestly dude, how are you not an adult league in anything? You're mr. sports. Like why wouldn't you join? I'm a time. Yeah, I guess but you know what you can do? Like I'm in one thing now. What? I'm in a volleyball league. It's it's so much fun. And I just show up once every seven games. Beach volleyball. No, it's on like it's on like a nice grass court.

It's really nice. Yeah, and I show up once every four or five games. I'm like, hey man, I don't have a show at six o'clock tonight. I can show up. My God. I played, when I was in my 20s, I played 16 in softball. No glove, Chicago style. What?

That's the best. We used to call it smushball. Smushball? No glove? no glove, Chicago style. What? That's the best. We used to call it smush ball. Smush ball? No glove? No glove, smush ball. And it was, but it was, you hit it and it would go, it was like smush and it was really, it was heavier too. So it was 16, it was the big one, right?

It was the big one, big one. Yeah, no glove. No glove, dude, it was great. I love it. You've always been into those types of things. I can't, first of all, I'll tell you number one, I have social anxiety disorder in a little bit where I don't wanna go into a group and go,

hey guys, I'm Bert, can I play? Like, it's me anxiety, it's me anxiety. Yeah, but at this stage in your life, everyone would be like, Bert, you lose their mind. Yeah, but I've never been able to play basketball because I'm weird about like, and I also have a weird about,

because I do get very competitive, and I can get physical, and I, and I also have a weird about because I do get very competitive and I can get physical and I And I I can just start a fight. I can I definitely started a fight You'll Adam Ray. You know Adam Ray. Of course. Did you know about his fucking basketball? This guy we got kicked out of the fucking basketball comedy league. Why bad? I'm wanting to fight everybody Really he's dude this guy like every time it was a good game, yeah. And we won the championship by the way.

Who's on the team? Kirk Fox. No, no, it was, it was, it was a bunch of, it was a lot of Seattle dudes. Rick Lassman, he was not on our team. No, Rick Lassman is a parallel looking baller. Yeah, he can hoop. LeBjit baller, but I guess from what his,

from his take on it, he gets extremely aggressive and got kicked out of a couple teams. Yeah, no, he's been, yeah, him and Adam are the same guy. They take it too serious. It's great to have him on your team, but Adam has got that like stockiness to him that like when he gets down in the paint hill throw elbows, dude, he hit one of the agents team,

we play an agent manager team. He smoked one of these agents right in the face. Are you serious? Yeah, but it was a William Morris guy, so nobody cares. Yeah, I mean, it was like that. They got acquired? Yeah, but it was a William Morris guy, so nobody cares. Yeah. It was like a quiet bike. Yeah, right.

Just knocked out of an acquisition agent. No, but he was so aggressive that they, you know, they basically told us if the fights don't stop and the shit talking to the stop, the league's over and we basically were all over it anyway, but. Sweet Adam, see, I can't even get into a fantasy football league. Like, I don't know. I don't know. I a fantasy football league like I don't know I don't know I'm not around enough. I was telling this to someone maybe even Whitney

I'm not around enough to know people to like I've never gone to lunch with a bunch of comics What about people outside of comedy? You have friends outside? Yeah, but I don't want to join their league and then all the sudden That where you go up and they're like bar you're like motherfucker. Yeah, I gotta be burnt the whole time But fantasy is mostly online anyway. The only thing I did is I played home run Derby with the comics from the store, probably, when do you remember, I forget, I think Steve Burm was setting it up.

I feel like I remember this. And Brennerance would play Sebastian, Ari, Renazizi. Who wrote the most? And me, without a dollar. Without a dollar. Without a dollar. I mean, name a lot of skinny guys though. You guys though you gotta get who else is gotta be a boy who's got some legs You gotta have legs and butt to hit a baseball. No, it was it was it was a kind of store comics

I remember Sebastian I was one of my Sebastian and he was putting on his uniform And I thought it was a joke because he was putting on stir-ups with no pants because he never played Real sports. What am I doing wearing stir-ups with no pants because he never played real sports. What am I doing wearing stir-ups? I could see him not shitting all over the outfits. We, I'm going to Italy tomorrow, and I googled Italy, things I need to know about Italy,

and on YouTube, and Sebastian came up. Shut up. I learned it, go! Maddiskal goes the first thing that pops up. You know they got folders over there. Where are you going? I just got back. I talked to Sheldon. You know they got folders over there. Where are you going? I just got back. I talked to show.

I know I know I saw this. I saw you put it on the screen. Where are you gonna go? I did a bird. I pulled a speedo on for the first time in my life. I saw it and you looked great. I never put on a speedo. I've never done it in my life.

Through. I just don't know. But also it's like my dingo gets so compact when I'm in the water. Do you stay thick? No. I get so compact, that's why there's Bobby kissing one of my nuts. Why is that on the internet? Oh my God.

Yeah. No, I was when I did Conan. That was just a little, you know, Conan was like, can you do some self-promotion? I was like, you better believe it, dude. I think if you zoom in, you can see kind of the crust no colon was like can you do some self promotion i was like you better believe it dude uh... i think if you zoom in you can see kind of the cross beginning of my not yeah there's like one the right that's like the uh...

but where did you go in the cissially to the out of the island chain to live on soul marette mo and uh... for the night there's three islands off the coast of cissly off the north west coast see that's where i would go phenomenal my kids and Favignon, there's three islands off the coast, assistively off the Northwest coast. See, that's where I would go. It's phenomenal, man. I'm with my kids.

Oh, wow. And so they wanted to see Rome, or know, Amosic coast. Oh, yeah. And so Venice. Yeah. Up north is fun. Venice is awesome.

Venice is fun. Yeah, Venice is cool. It's gonna stink a little bit. It's gonna be hot. It's gonna be hot as fucking shit. But are you doing a baller version? Like you're getting toured around by someone? Yeah, you're doing a boss version. That's so cool, man

Yeah, I made a joke. I was telling these guys. I made a joke to my wife of like because my wife skimps Like she skimps. What do you mean skimps? Like if you go hey, we're flying she goes I got a really good business. Oh, yeah, yeah comfort seats and I go we're flying a spirit flight Yeah, and I go why would you do that and she goes? What's it's like a thousand dollars cheaper? I go let's let's not do that. It's a vacation You know no one goes on vacation and goes I'm gonna go below what I can spend to save money It's a time you treat yourself. Yeah, I've had a good year. Let's go all out. Yeah, so I gave her a price point Within which I wanted to see.

Yeah. And she last night, told me she spent like, over half of that and I went, holy fuck. I was like, I was kidding. One of the kids has to stay. I was, because I got nervous last night and I said, here, we're gonna have to, we're not flying to any of these, sort of taking a train.

And she goes, oh no, no. You said you wanted like a show for And I was like, oh, we have cars taking us places and she goes, oh, I think it's a sprinter van I think it's like a luxury sprinter van and I was like, oh, fuck dad's gonna have a blast Poppy's gonna drink the whole time drink the entire your kids can't drink yet. They can there. Oh, yeah That's right 18. I'm gonna drink them under the fucking team I love, I took Mark Norman to Europe. Drink a contest with your kids. I took Mark Norman to Europe and he had a hard time

keeping up with me and I never felt better. I can't wait to do it to my kids. I can't wait. What if they can compete? They can. They have your blood. I'm a professional. They have your blood.

They come from you. Huberman's lab said, ultimately, I am the best drinker in the world. And I only a little bit of Joe's podcast I saw. Who's Huuberman's lab said, ultimately, I am the best drinker in the world. And that's only a little bit of Joe's podcast I saw. Who's Huberman's lab? Uh, Huberman is a, is a, he's like a scientist workout guy to type him up. Huberman's lab.

Andrew, Huberman or something? I don't know this guy. Oh, this guy. Andrew Huberman, yeah, that's right. So your number one, in his heart, your number one. So he said on Rogan, the very beginning episode, he did it with Rogan, and he goes, they were talking about Ari throwing up.

And he said, you know, some people, because Joe because Joe like Joe's like Shane Gillis can drink and Shane Gillis can fucking drink Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he's like for some people when they drink it creates dopamine and then that dopamine like they don't get the thing that most people get We're like, oh, I'm not gonna feel good later. Yeah, and I don't have that. I have the we are going to do this When I have a drink, something happens to me. I just happened, it just happened right now. I literally was gonna go, do you wanna drink? What happened? Because my heart skips a beat.

Where I get excited and I go, that sounds like a health problem. This is gonna be a fucking, your heart skips a beat. How long is my daughter? Hey, what's up? I'm leaving. Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going? Um, to Ellie's house to help her pack because it's night to last night. Okay. All right. Uh,

all right. I love you. Uh, we'll see you in the morning. Yes, or just to be back in her house by like super early, so I'm gonna be home pretty early too. All right. I love you baby be safe, okay. I love you too Whitney I love her too Whitney just left I'm with Andrew Santino. I can't wait to drink you onto the table and in Italy All right, I love you. Bye Not prepared. Oh, do they drink? No,, they, I mean, yeah, they have. But for sure. Yeah, they have.

Like, she's going to Ellie's house? They're getting, they're like smashed. No, no, no, no, I don't think Ellie's parents let them drink. It's her friends going to college tomorrow, and we go to Italy, and so they're all saying about it. Like, all the friends are saying about it. They all go to college.

And so it's been a big fucking shit show. Well, we are time in your life now. You're gonna be empty nesting soon. That is a reveal. No idea how sad that is. That's a good point. But now you're starting your... You're not kids, right?

No, now you're starting your second. Are you gonna have kids? Maybe you wanna give one of your kids to me. What if I raise, who's the, how old's the youngest one? I love 16. Great, I got two more years. I'll raise her for two years. Good luck.

Easy money, dude. Good, fuck you. Two years, I'll knock out two years. I got the day she came in, she said, did you know, is Hyal Hitler or not Hay Hitler? And I was like, you thought there was just going, hey, Hitler. Let me text the group, hold on,

because I think it's Hyal, but. It's pretty, do you think? But it is kind of, but Hyal means, hey, hey, so it is Hay Hitler. Hey, Hitler, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, guy stuff. What do you mean? Like, you guys go out to dinner? For sure. Like, what's your life look like? You're blowing up by the way. And then you've been blowing up for a while, but like, I just saw you in a big movie of

the day. You're Kevin Hart? Kevin Hart. Yeah. It should be good. I don't know. I mean, it's a time travel movie. You never know.

No, it's like a, it's like a, it's like a, it meets his high school friend. No, no, it's like a, Mark Wahlberg is his childhood friend and then like his wife is like, you're, he's a stay at home dad and his wife is like, you need to like go party. You're too much of a stiff. Yeah. And I'm one of the dads that's at the school who's like, dude, I can get us cocaine without a doubt.

I can get us hookers and cocaine. You're so good. You're so good. I think the cocaine hooker guy is such an actor. Thank you, dude. Like I watch you act and you can definitely be different people. You can definitely do the thing you're supposed to do when you act. Transform.

Yes. I mean, in this movie, I just get to have fun with Kevin. It's like, it was a breeze. And then his wife, you know, lets him party and then he meets up with Walberg and Walberg as like an animal. And he's like, we're going to Coachella and all the stuff and all the stuff and all doing all the stuff and obviously everything goes crazy. I don't know if it's good, I hope it's good.

You just never know you do those things. You're like, I was funny. I hope it works. I saw you see them sometimes and you see like guys and they're comics and you'll see they're like one line. And then you go, how much time do they give them to that one line? Because sometimes I know when we are movie, you just be like, hey, we're behind, man.

Like we guys gotta get it. It's not important to us. But it's important to the person saying it, that they're funny. For sure, of course. And so you're, It's all you want. Yeah.

You're like, it's my little nugget I have to, like any time that I get those little shots in, those big things, I'm always like, God, I have to be as funny as I can be. But you still don't know if they're gonna keep it in. What's Kevin like to work with? I mean, Kevin's the man. Yeah.

Like I didn't really talk to Mark that much because he's kind of a quiet, he's like does his own thing. Tom said he was a fucking dick. Kevin was? Tom said that Mark Wahlberg was the biggest dick he'd ever met. Seriously? He fucking hated him. Well I mean he didn't, I mean he was like,

I don't do anything other than I don't do anything other than I'm kidding. I'm kidding, by the way, I like doing those. He's like, dude, I'm gonna fucking have to do that. I don't even fucking talk to a fucking shits. I never said that. Nobody did say he's quiet and for Tom to say someone's quiet, I'm gonna fucking have to. I don't know. I'm gonna fucking talk to him. I never said that. I never said that. Nobody did say he's quiet and for Tom to say someone's quiet, that guy has to be silent. Silence.

So he didn't say, no, he, but him and I didn't have a lot of dude to do together. So, but I was with Kevin the whole time. The Kevin dude, you know, he's a standup. So like any standup at any level they're at. I don't care if they're brand new or if they're 30 years in, they're gonna treat you differently because you're a stand up. So immediately Kevin was like, you know, we were just talking shit.

It sounds silly, did you know him before? We had met because he's an executive producer of Dave. Oh, for real? Oh, that's right, he is. That was really nice. I was running the piece for the show. So we had met, but you know, nothing, it was super informal. Like we had met and then whatever, but.

But he's familiar with your work. Yeah, yeah, he knew me. And then the best part was I was like hey are you gonna be in Philly because he was like doing something for an Eagles game and I was like I'm playing in Philly like next week He was like oh no shit. I was like yeah, he's like well His buddy I can't remember his buddy's name who was playing a show at healing And I was playing the theater right behind it. And I said, well, do you wanna come?

He's like, I'm gonna do my boy's show, come by, and do some time. And I was like, I'm gonna do this, I'll just chill. But, you know, it was texting me, keeping me updated. It was like, he didn't need to be so nice. He didn't know me that well. But I left the theater one over there and hung with them, and watching me just popped in it, like one in the morning,

and like finished the spot with his buddy. It was so nice too. It was like, you know, because he's from there, but it was also him showing love to his boy and you know, helping promote him. Yeah. At the end of the day, what I'm trying to say, he was a stand up like any stand up, you're like, I don't care how famous you get or whatever, you're still a stand up. Kevin's, I mean, as much as I've known Kevin, he's never come off.

And I only knew him. I mean, I haven't really talked to him. I don't think since he's never come off. And I only knew him. I mean, I haven't really talked to him, I don't think. Since he got really big a little bit, but not much. But he just was just, it's like, I get a kick watching him succeed. Yeah, I mean, I think he's great, man. I think he's super funny. And he does his own thing.

He sticks in his lane, he knows exactly what he does well. It's like, that's what you have to do at some point, you know? It's like, you know what you do well. So you have to continue it, because if you deviate too much, people are like, what are you you have to do at some point, you know? Like, you know what you do well. So you have to continue it because if you deviate too much, people are like, what are you doing? Like when you do the first guy that leaned out to be a mogul, like legit comic that leaned out to go. I know. Like it's interesting. Like he's sponsored by Nike. It's like he's a Nike athlete. I remember watching him. When he was doing, he was doing, I think

he was running every day. Like every day was on the road, he'd run. Yeah. And I'm sure that's when he was getting his Nike deal. So I'm sure that's like, but to watch his brain work from the outside looking in, you're like, that guy, I mean, think about it, right? Dane, Dane just wanted to be a movie star.

Kevin wanted to be a mogul. Yeah, he wanted to be like a entity. You want your name to be a, it's like Jay-Z. Like Jay-Z's, I don't think super young kids that are coming into the world now. They probably don't know Jay-Z the way that we know Jay-Z. They know him as like, Beyonce's husband who's like a rich, famous rap mogul.

The guy in Fashion Week. Yeah. Yeah. Like they don't know, it just they wouldn't connect those other dots. So I guess you become bigger than your name. Like I have zero intuition or ambition to like do that. I just wanna like do funny stuff and that's it. I don't wanna like build businesses and be a part of it.

I have no, I don't wanna do it. I think this is it. I have an inclination. I like being an idea guy. So I like, I like having an idea and then and then seeing it develop. Like I loved making these flip flops. That was one of my favorite things because then they went on sale and they sold out in like 13 minutes. And then I go, and that energy excites me. I love doing fully loaded. Like I loved the, but that's in your sphere, still.

Yeah, I don't, yeah, like I have never really had an inclination to do a liquor, you know? Yeah, everyone's doing them. And like Brian Cranston and what's his name have one? Where is it? Is it right there? Where is it? Where is it? What's it called? Where is it? Where is it?

What's it called? It's called Doze Ambrace. By the way, I gotta give a shout out. They gave us a bunch of bottles for fully loaded. Let me see if you have it. They gave us a bunch of bottles. But I know they made it to Keela, right? Isn't that what it was?

Doze Ambrace, yeah. It's a Miss Cow. Which I don't know what that means. I think it's just sweeter. It's just hard to trust two white guys with tequila, you know what I mean? That's all that makes them By the way, that's what you know talking about appropriation. Yeah, yeah We're just gonna be a day where bracketing where they're like hey George Clooney

We're gonna need you to give Costa Migos back to the town of Well, dude, he's sold it for what a billion dollars. Yeah, didn't he sell it? I want to buy it Ryan Reynolds has a gin aviator gin. Yeah, that's right. All the famous people who have liquors Kevin has Kevin has avion or something like that or what is it? The rock has Taremana Taremana you ever seen Will Sassos do that no Sassos on his show he always said Tremana and he doesn't impression of him but it's Taremana, but he calls it Tremana

CNBC reports George Clooney 700 million. Yeah, let, I mean it's close enough to a billion that I just Well, no look and then Diego paid that amount in June with the potential for another 300 million based on performance as a result Clooney and his partners made one billion dollars. I Wouldn't mind not selling I wouldn't mind doing something I don't care about in selling it. Yeah, like that fine I'll do that. I'll do like a whiskey and sell it off But I mean to build that thing like in the way that they did it was nuts. I mean, I have some insight to how, what help for real? Yeah.

What I can't do it on here. What over how it helped build that brand as big as it is. I just can't tell you the secret. Wait, what do you mean? I know some people that were helping to get Cos Cos Cos Cos

Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos Cos helping to get Kazamigo spread the way it spread. Like, you know what became synonymous? Not in people think they're like, Kazamigo everyone says it, everyone knows it. Yeah. But like, you know, there's a few people

that I know that are partners with some of those guys that you like learn how the math works. You're like, oh, you get it into these things and then everybody talks about it at the most famous bars and clubs and golf courses and it just becomes synonymous with a culture and then it spreads like wildfire. I think I sometimes wonder, I would love to know the metrics on if I helped Tito's at all.

I think you did. Because I went on Rogan, the largest information platform in this country, and talked about Tito's aggressive. All the time. I thought you were sponsored by Tito's. And by the way, I never got a fucking cent and that company is huge. I never like, they always hook me up with Tito's. Sure. But like, it would have been cool. It would have been cool. They were like, Hey man, would like to bring you into the company. You know the guy's owner's name is Bert. No. The owner of Tito's name is Bert. Bert, what are you doing? But wherever you are,

but you're in Austin. I know where you are. I switched from Tito's because of that. Because I started drinking anymore. I don't tell anyone when I drink anymore because I go, what's fucking foolish? Why don't you make a deal with them, man? I don't, it's too late. I already did the leg work.

Yeah. What you would have wanted is Tito's hit you up back in 2017 and then been like so hold on you lost 22 pounds in one month and you drank Tito's every fucking night. How the fuck did you do that? Welcome to Tito's diet plan. Okay. Are you tired of gaining weight? Sweet cove bourbon Peyton Manning and Andrew Roderick Andy Roddick. That's nuts. That is like the widest two people They would have definitely owned slaves if it had been. Past tense, I think they both do.

I think they both do, dude. Andy Roddick and Shanghai, what no, Singani 63, Steven Soderberg, the Hollywood, who else? Aviation Jen, Ryan Reynolds. By the way, Jen's Jen, like I can't tell if there's been good Jen about Jen. I met a woman last the other night who goes,

I own part of a Jen company. And I was like, really? She was like a high-end celebrity. And she goes, it's my DPs. I was on the movie and this DPs said he started a Jen company. So I threw, you know, like $5,000 in. And I was like, you don't know. You don't know, no, no, shit.

A lock of wool is very famous. Nick Offerman has like a special edition of it. That's what that is. That's not a bad gig. Yeahagovolon is very famous. Nick Offerman has like a special edition of it. That's what that is. That's not a bad gig. Yeah, to be like, to be like, Well, that's what it should have been Tito's Christchurch Tito, whatever, you know what I mean?

That's what they would have done. George Strait. Who's George Strait? Now, he's a country singer. Bless you. Thank you. Right? George Strait's a country music, country western.

Tramana. There's the rock. The rock. The greatest booze brands launches in recent times. Liberty or not, the liquor's sold. And here's a thing that I sign up for Tirmana. By the way, shout out to the rock. Get me in at the ground.

I will switch over to Tequila. I've already switched over to Tequila a little bit. Yeah, you're drinking on that a lot more than you're doing it now. I'll show you something. I don't want right now. Tequila. I got a caramana. What do you have?

Tequila. What? Tequila soda online. It's my favorite drink I've ever had. Tequila. Tequila. What kind of tequila? Bronco.

I've got everything. No blocko. Tequila. That's the one you go for. I'm looking at it right now. I've got Kassamigos. What about Michael Jordan's doing? We don't want to ball with the best.

I don't know. Sincoro. Let's real quick. Hold on. Let me show you what what let me show you something that's gonna change your game Okay, yeah, I'm gonna see I'm going to my whoop. Wait, who's this a long branch go down a little bit Well turkey lump mat McConaughey. He's got like a yeah, he's got like a yeah, that's again That's another special edition one tonight. I didn't drink killer this week two nights. How many nights usually take off? Never never really okay, what if what if Leanne's like take some time off? She'll never. No. No, not even like. No.

She's like, I need you to hold together. Hey, no, go through so fast. I want to see some of these. She's like, I need you to hold together because we got my recovery on my whoop. Those are those greens are the nights I'd write to Kila. There's no sugar in it. You sleep so sound. 100% sleep. Is that what you're getting? Did you getting full under uninterrupted sleep? 95% recovery. So what you're saying is if you don't drink you sleep worse. You sleep way better when you drink. One red was I think one night I didn't drink the next red. No, no, the one red was when we had was when we were doing we were doing something's burning and we had those two nights.

One was we did old-fashioned, which I sugar at the bottom. Yeah, I don't like that. And then the next day was when we did comparis. Comparis soda. Comparis gin and vermouth. It's called a penugo. Be careful, that sounds offensive. Sorry to all the penougos out there.

A penugo. I forget what it's called but My recovery on tequila is Astronomical better than all the other booths and it's been so high. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm willing to put all the cards on the table and look for a tequila sponsor I wouldn't drink the kilo on every two bears episode we do from here on out. And I will settle on one and I'll tell you right now, I think we've talked about doing this, but Ron White's got a tequila. Does he? Yeah, and Ron White doesn't drink anymore. He might need

a comedian to be drinking his tequila. To grab the baton. Mm-hmm. Take it and run with it. He drinks, I think he drinks the brown killer. I like Blanco. No, see, I, no. You like the brown one? I like, well, I like, Reposado is probably one of my favorites. I mean, I like Blanco a lot, but.

I like an inayho Blanco. I, yeah. I mean, I'll drink all of them, but I think like, for some reason, Reposado lately, I've liked a lot. Reposado with a little bit of soda. Guy Fieri, Sammy Haggar. That is, if that isn't,

when you found out that Tommy Lee and Sam Anderson, Pam Anderson were dating, you were like, that is the, the Pam and Tommy. That's the same. How was that not called? Ata Bounds. Who do you think, who do you think stopped hyphiiving first?

They still are. I bet there are. Just sitting in a bar right now.. Oh, yeah. Come on bro. Counting checks Sammy's beach bar rum. Let's fucking go That's out of bounds dude. Flavor town. How is it not called flavor town tequila? That's even more I don't know I would I don't think I could have one of these things unless you get even when you get huge the risk risk is, like what's his name's got a, Dan Acroid has it to Keely. He brought it on Rogan. It's a vodka.

It's a vodka. It's a vodka. Yeah, but I don't know anyone that's ever had it. Well, so there was a period where I looked into doing this. Yeah. Where, you want to talk about it a while, but a bad businessman I was. I purchased

$250,000 worth of vodka. What just like, shelf vodka that goes. What I meant is a producer who could put vodka in those vitamin C packets. You know those vitamin C packets you'd rip open the top upside down? He could fill it with a shot of vodka. No.

And so I was like, see if you can find those. That's really it. I should done. That's my brand. I drink on planes. On the go, baby. I want to I want to be my pocket. I want to go to a concert.

And no one know I have pockets full of vodka. And then I get to measure myself. I'm going to order drinks with a place. But if I need extra vodka, it's in my pocket. I'm going to hit her, yeah. $250,000. They were out of a clear water or St. Pete, Tampa, and I said, I'm saying Pete, Florida, and I said, I said done.

And the deal's about to get going through. My dad overlooked it. And this is, by the way, this is before I had $250,000. Like I had it, but it was gonna hurt. All the money you had. It was gonna hurt. I just believed in this brand and And then he said great work just so you know, where am I gonna be shipping this to and I said

I don't know probably just my house that he goes no no no no no no man. This is like you need a warehouse And I was yeah 250,000 hours worth. Yeah, and I had not thought any of this out And I was 250,000 hours worth, yeah. And I had not thought any of this out. And I was like, From your backyard. I thought I was putting my garage. Yeah. And then I just sell these shows or something. And he was like, he was like, no man,

there are certain states I can't send this to. Like, where are you right now? Is it California? And he goes, be better if you had a garage, like a warehouse in Florida. And I said, I need a warehouse in Florida.

He was, you don't need a distributor. Like, how you plan on doing this? And I hadn't thought any of that out. And you don't feel sorry for it. It just fell apart. I never, with the view went away. But you never had to pay. Never had to pay.

Thank you. So early in the process. Is that the dumbest amount of money you've spent and didn't have to spend? What's the dumbest thing you've bought that cost you the most money that you can't believe you bought it? That you actually had to pay for it?

It's a great question. That's a great question. That's a great question. You're going down the list of your ad? That is a great question. There have been, because you don't buy, you're not like Tom, like you don't buy fancy cars, do you? Tom spent, Tom, I mean, Tom, Tom,

I definitely am not like Tom. Like Tom will buy jackets for $8,000. Like I would, would, a coat? Like a coat. And by the way, 90 minute comfortable coat. Like he just, he, he's. They live in Texas. No often you need, you need $8,000 coats.

He, I've never, I don't have any purchases that I've made that I regret because I just don't spend money like that. You don't waste. I don't, but I don't, I don't want for a lot of things. Like the things I want are pretty inexpensive. Like what? Like I bought two surfboards the other day.

Like my bottom just for our beach house. Or like electric bike, right? Yeah, those are, yeah, right. That's like $2,000, but like that's the most, I buy a lot of gear. Like I have a lot of gear that I'd probably, like the other day we bought $5,000, but that's the most I buy a lot of gear. I have a lot of gear that I'd probably, the other day we bought $5,000 worth of lights. And I was like, maybe we shouldn't have bought that.

The studios. Yeah, for the studio, but for work stuff. Yeah, yeah. Dinner is where I've spent my most money where it gets out of control. And then I'll pick up dinners quickly. And I, for everybody. For everybody, I've done that with Rogan before.

And I was so drunk that I just was like, Oh dude, when I'm with him, I make sure everybody for everybody. I've done that with Rogan before and I was so drunk that I Just was like oh dude when I'm with him. I make sure he picks up. He I always I'm like I don't have a wallet and I'm not gonna around you get all these fucking T-bone sticks I'm not paying this shit But you know what's funny is I learned that when I toured with him He would give you so much shit if you wanted to dip out of it If you were like let's get out of here. He's like no, no, let's sit at this restaurant I'm like let's go let's go somewhere else because I wanted to dip out, if you were like, let's get out of here. He's like, no, no, no, let's sit at this restaurant. I'm like, let's go, let's go somewhere else.

Because I wanted to go have a drink somewhere, but he doesn't want to go out and drink. So whoever we were with, I'd be like, you know, let us, we're gonna go, we're gonna kick out and go drink somewhere. He can't do that. So he's like, no, sit, stay. Oh, because he doesn't want to go to a bar,

so we get swamped. Well, of course not. But also, or another restaurant that we could sneak into, because at some point, you know, he just wants to go to the bat, you know, go to the hotel and chill. But I was like, I also, or another restaurant that we could sneak into, because at some point, he just wants to go to the hotel and chill. But I was like, I want to see the city. I want to go, I want to go fuck around in the city.

Which I know you do everywhere I go. They're like, you'll burp, came out with all of us. I was like, well, I'm not going to do that. It was the funnest when I was younger too, like when I could legit do it. And just go out all night with everybody. Oh. Did you ever wake up in a place you didn't belong?

Yeah. All the time. We'll come in a place you didn't belong? Yeah, all the time. We'll come in a barn one time. Dude, I like the way you said, yeah, you're like, yeah, that's my thing. I wake up a lot in places I'm not supposed to be. I would, when I was really young and I was doing clubs, I would go out with the wait staff all the time, all the time.

Every night I would go out. And I mean, I'm, and I became really close with some of these people, all the time. Every night I would go out, and I became really close with some of these people, like very close. And I woke up in a barn one time, and we went to like some field, and there was a barn, and we were all having... Like a keg field party. Yeah, a keg party in a field.

And then once we got the tour bus, that stopped happening. Like the tour bus was a game changer, but then that, my favorite thing in the fucking world, and I can't do anymore It's like just problematic is Doing a show telling everyone to go meet me at a bar Distro-blowing that bar up to the point where no one can fucking move and then my bus pulling out front just Oh, I'm out in the place going nuts and then getting on the bus Yeah, and that the best one, the best one ever,

we went to a bar in Penn State and they had a drink called something Kool-Aid, magic Kool-Aid or something. I like the name magic Kool-Aid, it's great. Penn State Magic Kool-Aid, look that up too, that's it. We went to this bar and I didn't tell anyone. I used to tell people on stage, there's where I'm going. And now I see you tweet about it too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I used to tell people on stage as where I'm going. And then now I see you tweet about it too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I used to,

because I thought it was fun. I just went, I didn't tell him when I showed up and then the place went nuts and I was like, all right, I'll do pictures. This is by the way, during COVID. I'll do pictures, I go around do pictures, do a lap of pictures, and then they kind of give us a place to ourselves

and we go off to the corner and people are still coming up but they bring this drink, magic coolade. And they like like you got to have this drink. It's fucking awesome So we drink a minute taste like fucking cool. Whatever whatever tastes. It was so good. Yeah, it was purple It was purple purple drink and and we Loved it. So we go back to the we go back to the Vanuks its bus call we get on the bus We're in our underwear and we're getting ready to leave. And everyone's like, is anyone having anything to drink in here? And we're like, no, they're like bars are fucking, everything's closed.

It's too late to buy beer. We don't have anything in the bus. And then I call the bar. So you'll make us some magic cool days to go. So I call the bar. I go, hey, my name's Burke Christ. I was just there. And they're like, what's up? I said, they're like, we're closed. And I go, well, can we pick up some magic cool aid? And they're like, hold on. And the lady says, no. So she hangs up, phone rings back, it's the manager. Be here. Five. So we pull the bus up to the bar. I run out for sure. I run out my underwear and he has made Fucking jars like huge tubs of it and we run we run in it's just the way staff They're cleaning up we run back out. It was the funnest. That is so cool. See you get that if I call there They're like no we're close like no, no, but it's me they're like I don't give a fuck we're closed

That's the fucking the partying on the road for me has been the funnest because It's almost more fun than having a family. Because you really did. It's almost more fun than having a family. Having a family is very predictable. I love having a family, I love doing stuff for my kids and my wife, it's fun. I'm not shitting on it, but there is a magic to the road of like, you never know what's next.

You're a fucking, you don't exist. Like, you know what I mean? You only exist in a little time in the places that you're in. Yeah, it's amazing. It's so much, I don't know, it's exhilarating to do the road. Like, it's exhilarating to do shows and like, to be traveling and like, and then, I think, that's why I enjoy traveling with my family,

because I identify traveling with like, the newness and the freshness and like, and then I think, that's why I enjoy traveling with my family, because I identify traveling with like, the newness and the freshness and the, and like last night I was telling someone I was sitting outside my, and my wife's just reading a book. She's like, this one's gonna be like when we get old. And I'm like, and then she's like, what are we gonna do when the girl's gonna college? I guess I'll just come on the road with you and I was like, oh no fucking way. Yeah, you want? Where are we gonna do when the girl's gonna college? I guess I'll just come on the road with you and I was like, oh no fucking way.

Yeah, you won't. What are we gonna put you in a bunk in the back? I mean, yeah, she gets back. She gets priority, but she will be in the back. She won't. Yeah, you're in the back. She is, she is such. Why are we in that?

That's not healthy. We should get salads. You're like, what the f- No, we're not getting fucking salads. No salads on the fucking buzz. No greenery on the buzz. Would you take her on tour? Do you know who I met?

Uh, dude, Regan travels with his girlfriend or what? I don't know if it's wife or whatever. It's not his first wife. I'll tell you that. No, but we were in. We were in. Yeah, you're asking if what I traveled with my second wife? Sure.

Yeah, exactly. You're second wife. I'm joking. No, we were in. Yeah, absolutely. But nobody travels with her first wife. No, we were in Madison. And it was me, I was playing the theater there. Emmy Blotnik was playing the comedy on state and then Regan was in there.

That's a great, which theater were you in? The one that's right next to her? Bar City theater maybe? No, no, not right next to the theater. Okay, yeah. That's the... I don't even know what that one's called. Yeah, it's a big one.

Yeah, it's huge. And then you guys a big one. Yeah, it's huge. And then you guys all hung out. Yeah, well then I went because I wanted to go say hi to her and go see her set and I saw her late show. And then Regan was like, I'm gonna come over. And I was like, oh yeah, and then we just all went out together and I was like, are you traveling together? He's like, yeah, we're on the bus together.

So they literally were doing what you're talking about. Really? Yeah, I don't know how many dates they were doing together, but. I'm joking, my wife, when she does come on the road, she is fun because she's not like, it's not her natural comfort zone. There's a momness to her, like a protective thing. Well, you got it, there's the things I love about my wife.

I don't even like, I don't like talking good about my wife because I feel like that is the thing that dudes that cheat on their wives do. Do you know who I'm good about her? Yeah, like, yeah. Well, I list all the things you hate about her? Yeah, like, yeah. Well, I list all the things you hate about her. Ooh.

This will be easier. Oh my God. Start with body parts. So what's the worst part? I can tell you what I love is her tits. I had a joke, I tried. She has nice tits, big, nice tits. Oh, she has great boobs.

She has great boobs. I told her, I said, you know, women don't, you don't see how old women are when you just see their cleavage. If you put your cleavage out, that's all I'll look at. So you just wear a lot, and she's like, I ain't like that, that ain't who I am. She, we went to Calgary one time, and it was fucking ice cold, and Jesus Trejo showed up

with a gene jacket. My man, love. Gene jacket. It's not from the cold, he doesn't know. He doesn't, they don't go that north. And so, they're not allowed. Next to people aren't allowed way above that line. That's too high, man.

This two, causing two borders is a lot. It's heavy. It's too much that. Yeah, swim and you gotta get through snow. So, if you tennis racquets on their feet, then they dry out in the desert. So, so, Leanne, this is how great Leanneanne is is we get on the plane and she goes he ain't never been up to Canada and I was like no if I don't think so she goes he gone freeze and I was

like well yeah he's a grown-up he can figure it out like what the fuck you what do you what do you worried about Jesus I was like worry about me why what are yourself a double bloody Mary so I can drink it on the fucking flight so we get to the airport then she just disappears and she comes back I was like, where about me? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Thermal it's sick. Yeah, that's so dope. Yeah, I know it's like that's who Leann is and so she's fun like when you take on the road like that because like She like when we first got shouldn't do it as much anymore. We first got the tour bus

She would put she would be like she'd be like all right you guys were all set up Alexa set a bedtime for 930 Alexa goes setting a bedtime for 930. She do that. She's regiment. She put up no She was joking. Oh, I like we're not going to bed tonight. Yeah, but what if she what but what if what if she came on tour with you and then started getting you on a schedule Would you ever shift like that you mean like a cop no? No, fuck Fuck my bigger question is what's it like to be like just married? Because like all we do is talk about all we talk about kids Yeah, they don't I don't have anything taking up that. Like we said the other day, we could just,

we were like, I was like, oh, we should go, we should go have a drink in the neighborhood. Yeah, I was like, yeah, okay, let's just go. And pick up and go. I mean, it's just like there is no, it's nice cause there's no schedule. It'd be nice to have kids. I mean, well, I think we'll get there,

but it's also like, I don't have any schedule I have to answer anybody. It doesn't matter how long we're out of town. We went to Italy for two and a half, or went to Europe for two and a half weeks. I don't have to think about it. No pencil dogs. We have a dog, but we just handed off to someone we know.

I mean, dogs are great, because you're like, do you wanna watch a dog? They're like, of course. So you got to Italy and no one's like, no one's like. No responsibility, no time, nothing, nothing matter. Nothing exists, it's amazing. Really? Vacation, me is the best me ever.

Because we plan a few things, but then I just disappear. I love getting lost, we like figuring it out. I like having things kind of go awry on vacation. Yeah. Because then you're like, I'm just in a new thing. I'll just figure out some new shit. Like, I don't want to make a huge schedule. So, kids, you got to have some kind of schedule.

Oh, I know where my daughter, she just called, she's going over to Elle's to spend spend the night and then Iless upstairs. Ila texted while I was podcasting with Whitney. She's like, we need dinner tonight. What are we doing for dinner? And then I'll text to my wife. I go, Hey, what are we doing? Like, it's really regimented. And then tomorrow we get picked up at one. Leanne, like Leanne made lists for everybody to what to pack. And then everyone's got their suitcases or at their front, at their door to their room. Is she back for you?

No, no, I wouldn't let her. I'm really neurotic about because I've traveled my whole adult life. Yeah. I'm a certain packer. There's guys that have wives packed for them. That's always so strange to me. Oh, I would love that.

I would love to be that guy. Not really. I would love to be a guy that didn't know enough about himself to know what to pack. It's like Bobby. Bobby Lee. Yeah, he's like, it's like Bobby for sure can't pack a bag.

So that's why he wears those shirts. Yeah. Someone's putting a bunch of smalls at his front door. Yeah, he just doesn't, I think he just grabs stuff. I think he gets overwhelmed and is like, ah, and then just puts stuff in a bag. I would love, I would love to be that guy. I've always fantasized about being other men

and what their lives must be like. Who's the man you fantasize about being the most? At times when life gets really stressful with work, I look at like fence builders. Is that who you wanna be? I look at fence builders and I go, I bet they don't take their work home with them. I bet they're not like up going, fuck man. Is that straight enough? Yeah, I just- I hope it's work home with them. I bet they're not like, up going, fuck man.

Is that straight enough? Yeah, I just... I hope I was straight. And then they wake up and they're like, I gotta get up early, I wanna think about that fence a little bit. Can you imagine though, fence builder, some guys listening, he's like, yes, we do. That's all we think about all day long is fences.

Maybe they do though, dude. Maybe they take their job so serious that they take it home and they're analytical about how they built that fucking fence. I don't know, man. We were looking at a house. I'll tell you what I tell you what drive me fucking nuts. Now that you say that, people do take their work home with them. We looked at a house they were, I've said this earlier, but we're looking to put a podcast

studio and everything into one house. And there was a guy, I guess the market's not going so good for houses right now. Well, it's so expensive. Everything's so expensive. We know they're all coming down because no one can sell anything. Good. Plumman. And he, the guy said, if you can get me out of this for this much money, I'll just, I would, I would, I would, I would buy him cash and let's just get

to get to the walk. Because he's not done with the house and we were like, we were like, we go in, he's not there, but he's protecting with our agent. Yeah. And they're like, he's offering it for, you know, I'm gonna do a ridiculous number. So I'm gonna know it's not the real number, but it's he's offering for like 12.4.

And then he, his, and we're like looking at it and it's not done. And we're like, I don't know if this is, in this neighborhood's gonna be worth it. And then he writes back, if you can get me out of this for like 10 million, I'll be happy. And then I thought, can you imagine getting into houses because you want to be rich, and now you're building houses, and your mind's spinning out of control, and you're upside down on a house that you're still building,

knowing the market's going down. And then you're strut, like my dad did not love law, but he was always stressed about money. That's what the, that's the thing I'm missing. But you don't stress about money. Mm, not really. Yeah, you didn't take that with him. I mean, it's like, your dad's overwhelming stress,

not getting that is huge, because you don't seem like that guy who's like, I don't know if we can do that. I mean, I don't know if we can afford that. No, I don't think, I don't think about money often, but that, I think that's a gift of privilege of growing up around money, where you don't know if we can do that. I mean, I don't know if we can afford that. No, I don't think about money often. But I think that's a gift of privilege of growing up around money, where you don't have, like, when we weren't rich, but my dad never let us stress about money.

But my dad stressed about money. My dad used to tell us the same story every fucking time. He's like, you don't understand what it's like. I remember going in to your tennis camp, and I didn't have the money to pay for tennis camp, and I remember thinking, yeah, write a check, and then I'd go to the office in the morning and, and I remember thinking, I was, yeah, I'll write a check, and then I'd go to the office in the morning, and be like, fuck, if I move money here,

then that check will clear, and then if I move money here, then that check will clear, and I don't stress about money, but I did when I was, I actually didn't, a lot when I was younger either. You never, I feel like you never did. I feel like your vibe was like, I'll figure it out. Yeah, I think that's what I'm always about money.

I was like, but also it's why I've think that's how I'm always about money. It's like, but I also, it's why I've always lived modestly meaning like our house before, very, very, very modest. And I remember people coming there and being like, this is really small. And I'd be like, yeah, but I don't have to worry about it. Yeah. Like our payment was like nothing.

And I remember, so I've always lived like that. So I think that's why I don't, I would stress I'm gonna one time about a, but $3,000 worth of cigars and a humidor one time. And I put it so much. I bought, I put it in my car and I went, what did I just fucking do? Like how did you get stuck in it?

Which someone you know like a big cigar guy's like, we've got to buy this. Brought me down. Yeah. Let's subscribe and he goes, you need a humidor. Get it, what? What's the dutch-dutch-dutch? And he goes, well, I got one. He was like, bring it out you need a humidor get it. What what's the duck? I thought I got one He's like bring it out

Raise it out open. I was like I was fucking nice because this is beautiful. This is one you want I go I'll take it is what we now we got a fill up a cigar so I was like nice you're like over time Yeah, we do it later. Yeah, we'll get to it as time goes on I'm like no, no, no get Cubans in there now all of them it topped a bottom and didn't even fucking Treat it. They to bottom and didn't even fucking treat it. They all just fucking went dead. It was like the worst investment. You lost all the cigars immediately.

I fucking, I tried to race to them because they started drying out. And then I was smoking like two a day. And I'm just like living in the Hollywood Hills like, oh, fuck. You're that guy. I wish I could be the guy that didn't have a problem spending money.

Like the guys that go like, like, fuck, I'd say the name. I'll say the name. I'll say the name. I'm gonna say this guy, God damn it. I don't have anything to write on. I'll say the name, I'll show you the name, but like, oh, this is rude even to do. So just people are gonna guess who it is.

Maybe they won't. Maybe they won't. That's a bad idea to do. Like just do it. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just do it. Let's see. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like some people can spend money and they legit, I sit and go,

how much money do you make? I think about that all the time. Like you have that? Yeah. You have that? That's crazy. I don't, I mean, I don't know enough about it because I was never good at it.

When I was a kid, I never, my parents were always like, you know, they made it seem like it was always tight. a kid, I never, my parents were always like, you know, they made it seem like it was always tight. You know what I mean? Like always. Yeah. But they're okay. They were always fine. Like they always, they both had good jobs. Like they were fine. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't anything to, you know, we never lived a like a, we never took like extravagant vacation. We never did any of that shit. But we lived fine. We never do. We never do as travis vacations once. We never took regular fucking vacation. We go to Orlando, we go to QS. So there those were our two vacations. Yeah, Florida. That's where Midwest people go to Orlando and

Florida. Yeah, we go to we do we go down to Florida and then You know my little sister we went to Disneyland Disneyland or some shit I mean it was like we never even went to Disney we would go to Orlando to go to Disneyland and my dad would be like Guys the hotel you can look at it. It's right there. It's right across the street. They don't have water slides at Disneyland, okay? Yeah, no, we never had any of that shit. But honestly, for me, when we were joking with Whitney before this, when she was saying, what would it take to get you out?

Like, obviously, I'm stoked where I'm at right now. There's that weird moment in time where you're like, I don't know if I can just keep doing this. I'll feel good for the rest of my life. I'm sure that's not how life works, where you're like, I don't know if I can just keep doing this. I'll feel good for the rest of my life. I'm sure that's not how life works, but you're like, God, I'm in like a great little nugget. We're like, I like what's going on. I like doing the show that I'm doing.

Like, I'm like, oh, I want to feel this for a long time. That's interesting you say that. I've had a, I've had a, I've, I've, I think the older you get, the more you start having a legit fear of death. Are you scared of dying? I'm terrified. You know why?

Because you like living. I love it. Yeah, you're like, I want to live, guy. I want to live forever. I know. If they invent something to make you live forever, you're taking it. Yeah. You're a little, is Leanne taking it?

No. No, she can't wait to die. Yeah. She can't wait to die. She's like, she's like, I got to get out of this nightmare. She's like, no, that's part of the circle of life. Right. You just gotta, honey, getting old.

She won't get any plastic surgery. She won't get any, that's good. That shit, don't, you don't need any of that. No, but I mean, not saying that I'm aster, but like I remember, I have sun spots on my face like right here, right here. And I go, I wanna get them removed. And she goes, no.

That's part of the beauty of getting old. That shows everyone you've lived. You did work on travel channel. I go, I don't want that to tutor my fucking face. That's the first thing people think of. Nine years in the sun. Yeah. Yeah, the first thing people see when they go.

Travel channels. Is this what this is from? No, you gotta have kind of janky teeth. I said that to somebody yesterday. I don't trust people with really really nice teeth Yeah, if you have perfect teeth, I'm always like mmm, that's weird. You don't have any chips or stains or Crounds or cavities or like when I mean people that have and they're not veneers when they just have normal From when they were teenagers they got braces and they took care of them constantly

I'm always like, I don't trust you don't have fun. Yeah, you've never missed it brushing your teeth You've never gotten to cavity. You've never ched brushing your teeth, you've never gotten a cavity, you've never chipped it on a crawfish shell like I did in Louisiana. I was high on mushrooms, I chipped this front too. I chipped. For real? On a crawfish shell.

How are you doing that? Oh, bro, we were lit up out of our heads. We were out there for my buddy's bachelor party and we did a boil, but I got way too baked during the day. Like I was too stone and too drunk and we had eaten mushrooms and I was like, I was too deep. You know what I mean? Should not have been, I should have functioned a little bit better.

But then I had a crawfish boil and I thought we were going to eat earlier. So I anticipated everything not really kicking in till after the meal. But dude, it took so long for the crab boil. Like I was like waiting and I was kept getting baked. Like the first time I took a Xanax, they were like, we're gonna have to delay our fight by two hours. And next you know, I pass out on the Dallas Fort Worth floor in like the just on the tile and the planes just left without

being. Yeah, I was like, I was like, I took my Xanax too early. Yeah, you missed it. Yeah, you missed the window. Yeah. I was like planning for the window. It didn't work. And then I was too messed up. And then they had dumped out, you know, they had dumped out all the crawfish boil. And I knew even looking at it. I was like, I can't eat right now.

Like I'm not in a good mind state to eat. I was way too high in drunk. But I was like, I really want something. I have eaten all day. And like the second or third one I grabbed in crack, because crawfish are like, they're annoying, they're so small. There's not enough meat, you know what I mean? It sucks.

So I'm like cracking and I'm not really paying attention, I'm talking to my buddy, Sean, and I put one in my mouth and like, I'm so high, I can feel me being like, you know how to eat, but I have bit down as hard as I could, dude. And immediately I was like, fuck! I looked at him, I was like, my tooth, my tooth. And in my mind, I was like, my whole tooth had been out of my head.

You know, I was like, oh, dude, it's gone! I'd go to the bathroom. It's a small little chip. But it's the bottom of my tooth, so you can see it and feel it. And I was so fucking pissed. I'm so funny. I didn't notice it at all. Now I notice it when you talk about it. Yeah. And then the next morning, when we go on to get breakfast, I was playing with it a lot.

Like when you first chip a tooth, you can't stop touching it because your brain is like, how big is it? Is this bad? Is it going to be an annoying thing? And I'm playing with it in line. And this dude had we had gone to like a few days to get like hush poppies or whatever

in the morning and coffee. And he was like, he's like, what's up with your mouth? And I was like, what? He's like, what, what, what, up with your mouth? And I was like, what? And he's like, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I hit a glass on my tooth and I chipped it in a bar a pint glass my buddy now We're fucking around and I did this and then he pushed me and then chip this to Jesus. Yeah They're made for chip and dude fuck it. I'm not all my teeth are fake all of them. Yeah, I get in the mouth of it None of those are real. I got hit in the mouth of the baseball bat when I was a kid and so they're all fucking I'm sorry, but of course you got it Of course my love and birthday with a aluminum bat. A little bit of bat.

Yep, pass ball. I block it as the catcher. I stand up, guy stealing third. I throw the ball over the dude from behind the dude, the batter. I throw it behind him, throw him out. And the guy trying to break up the play brings the bat back. It hits me in the teeth. It knocked out how many?

I mean, it fucked up like a dozen. No, no, no, if fucked up all the way, I mean, I couldn't even really tell you because now everything's crowned in there. Every, right now I only have one, I have five real teeth in my mouth. That's it.

That's it. That's it. What about, do they do, what about your, Mollers? Yeah, whatever. I got bad mullers. Mine are still in there. No, yeah, mine are in there, but these, one, two, three on this side are crowned.

Wait, I mean, they're all crowned. They're all crowned. They're all crowned except for five. So I have two on this side, two on this side, one on right here that aren't ground. But it was bad. I went into the dentist the other day. I went into the dentist probably like a few months ago,

right before I went, my tour ended, my birdie boy tour ended. And the dentist was like, I'm gonna have to break your jaw. I'm not to reset your jaw. Because I was, I don't know, I think I, I, first of all, I was born without a name all my teeth. And I was born with a fucked up jaw Angle so I think to save things at an early age

They started crowning things, but then it ground these teeth back down and then they started getting which is simple wear and tear To a toothed that doesn't have a name Oh this guy didn't know it. He thought we were just gonna break the jaw and then take out all the teeth and then do implants on all my back molars, reset my jaw so that I can have a closed bike. So I'm gonna close bike. Jesus Christ. It was a nightmare and then I met this doctor.

It was like, don't worry, I can fix it. And he just went. This is, yeah, I know, I like that guy. Yeah, I like that guy. I am fucked at, I'll figure it out. He's from like fucking Guatemala or Peru. He was like in our village, this isn't a problem. I don't have a that. I'll figure it out. Oh, he's from like fucking Guatemala or Peru. He was like in our village. This isn't a problem. I don't have a license. Yeah, I take out a dark. He's to the figure.

Yeah, we got it. I'll tell you to my car and we're pooled and it'll just make your job come forward. He says to me, he goes, he goes, uh, I wish I want to do his accent right. He goes, okay, here's what we're going to do. Okay. But that's perfect. By the way, this, uh this this glass. This is a fire Okay, we're going to get so close to the fire until we feel the heat Non-novoking you ready and I went hold on. Yeah, what are we doing? I choose me up don't worry if it hurts you tell me and so he takes a fucking drill And just starts drilling in one of my molars

And he's like you feel and I was like no you feel I said no He was that's good and they just kept going deeper and deeper and deeper and then I didn't feel it And then he was like this to it that's a good we got it next tooth and then he goes and then I guess he's drilling without any kind of numbness Nothing numbness no nothing just drilling holes in my teeth And then you're the only guy you're really like the guy that can do that I'm like shoot my fucking face up. I want to feel nothing well the next one So then he found a raw nerve I had this hole in my back of my tooth that I wasn't fixing and that what it happened is this the Gums had grown out of the hole what it was insane

It was insane then he had to burn out cut out all the gums, didn't feel it. Didn't feel it. Oddly enough, didn't feel it. Oh, dude, how? And then he found a nerve sticking out and he goes, yeah, we gotta get rid of this. We gotta cut this. This nerve, this girl.

Like, like, snipping a piece of thread on a shirt. I can't love that. I got a buddy who can do it in about the five minutes, okay? And so we went to this other guy. It was a fucking shit show day. And then next thing you know, we go back, and then we go back to like a wheel later. And then when you were talking about something weird,

I had this tooth, the veneer had come off and I'm fully loaded. I was biting into a cigar and or the bonding, the front of the bonding. And he puts it back on and he goes, he's like, you have a lot of plaque back there. On that tooth, I'm cleaning the plaque off. So he had he's like you have a lot of plaque back there on that tooth I'm clean the pack off. So he takes a plaque off. There was so much plaque

It feels like it felt like a different tooth. It felt like it did not we're you're not brushing enough? No I just I've been gone to the dentist in 10 years. So I don't get my teeth clean 10 years 10 years Oh, bro. Yeah, we got it up it. No. What's the same thing to a doctor? Every fucking nine I just last week. Wait, why? I go to the doctor all the time. Just to make sure you're still good. All the time. I go to the doctor...

Checking in? Probably, I would say every nine months, I have been to the doctor this year, probably every three months. What's for? I was at the doctor in April, and then, then, I was in... This was my last, it was December,

then April, then, uh, then right now, this last week. Because you're scared of something or just because you're checking in? I go in, I think I'm always going in just making sure everything's okay. And when they run your vitals and like you're fine? Uh, I mean, to the point where I go, I think your machine might be broken. I was like, I was like, like, cause my blood pressure when they do it, when they do it with their hearing, I'm like, yeah, 120 overnight, 185, you're perfect.

And I'm 120 over 70, you're perfect. And I'm like, it's not what I get at home. No, at home, you test yourself. I test myself every day, I test it today. Are you a hypercontract? Yes, I am, but I definitely have strokes and heart attacks run on my family. So I test my blood pressure every day. Today was 120 over 85.

I don't even know if that's good. I have no idea about numbers. For real? I don't know what I am. Do you want to take your blood pressure right now? Sure. I know I have a slow heart rate. You really?

Yes, super slow, like 50. I'm going to get something from my car real fast. What are you looking for? I got to do something, just for fun. I have a bit of this because I was like, this guy's a hat guy. Yeah. So I signed a hat for you.

See, what a sweet heart. What a sweet heart. Display it, put it on display. Oh, look at this. You know, and that's gonna be worth something someday. That will be. Yeah, someday it'll be worth something. So your signature's already too long.

You're gonna lose your heart. I know, you know what's so funny? I used to just do my AS like it just AS I know but no, that's not true I don't know who told me this story God, I wish I remember what celebrity it was oh It was a golfer something like that and he had said He had watched someone else sign Like like like it was like like Jack Nicholas. it was one of those guys and he was like why are you signing like that and he was like what do you mean just he's signing golf balls

and signing shirts and he's like no come on man that kid took the time to take time out of his day to ask for his autograph make make it so he can read it when he gets home and I like remembered that years and years ago and I was like oh I should sign my whole name so I almost always sign my whole name because dude it's weird when you go sign a thing. Like I just did a charity event. We signed guitars like that acoustics and 90% of the signatures. I was like, you can't fucking read any of these. Nobody knows who any of it is. That's interesting. I sign. I made the mistake of signing my name, Bert. My signature, my signature or my autograph are not the same. Right, right. I know, right, same, right. But I still am pretty much a birth person.

So, I mean, I don't write the crusher, but I wrote a birth, and then I write the machine underneath it. And it drives me nuts when I've signed a ton of autographs, I go, I should've just written birth. Or just the machine, or machine. Yeah, I know a births enough. Let me see. Right, so this goes on your right arm.

This goes right here. This goes what, right here. Right, yeah, slide dead center slide over dead center. Yes, yeah, perfect Okay, perfect. I'm gonna put you into player two Dude, look at how nice your nails are are you nuts? I just got him done. Yeah, Jesus Christ It's it's I've never done that before the the real yeah look at all shitty my fingers are all right I play golf too much my hands get all torn out. I just got them done yesterday Because we're going to Italy and the girls we have like a fancy boy. I get a acrylic. I think not acrylic Here let's see I'll tell you what I'll tell you if I hear I can tell you before your blood pressure is done if it's gonna be good

It's gonna be one. I'm gonna say 135 or 85 Okay That I take mine so much It's gonna be one, I'm gonna say 135 or 85. Okay. I take mine so much that I, that I, that's you know. I can tell by the top and what number it stops at. And then I can tell the way it's dancing here where it's at. What is it? 134 over 75. 134 over 75.

I said 134 over, what did I say? 134 of a 785? Oh, I'm high blood pressure. Yeah, well, you're not, well, these are all weird to look at because I like it. I'm 40, 140 is high pretension. So you're not 140. And by the way, you didn't train for this. So like, and it's end by the way, it's towards the end of the day. There's so many factors in this. I was just gonna say and I haven't eaten in a while. Yeah, no

I wouldn't worry about that, but you're fucking heart rates 58 It's usually lower it's usually like 50 Suga is like 42. Yeah, mine's usually like in the high forties or fifties Yeah, I wouldn't be concerned about this at all. What's your what's your heart rate? It's 65s my resting heart rate. Yeah, I've never been over I've never almost never been over, I've almost never been over 60 in my life. And that was weird.

And you drink. Oh yeah, but I like to run a lot. Me too. So when you run it usually makes your heart rate go lower. My heart rate has gotten really good. So I'm more working out really hard lately. But my heart rate, that's what's lower, my blood pressure. 135, they say it's

pre-hypertension, stage one, but I wouldn't worry about that because it's late in the day. This is my day. I have blood pressure. I'm going to die soon. You're probably, if you want to take your blood pressure in the morning before you take your meds. That's what I heard. Yeah, first thing in the morning is when you take it. First thing in the morning, and I guarantee you'd be 120 over fucking 69. You have great blood pressure. You have, how do your people in your family die? My dad is still alive, which is miraculous because he spent like 20 or, I don't even know how many years like on drugs.

He used drugs. What? Yeah. In prison. What? Prison guy. I don't know any of this. Yeah, my dad was a, my dad was an addict.

Is an addict. I mean, he's been sober for a long time. But was in prison when I was a kid for drugs. Really? Yeah, not for anything like. He didn't do anything to anyone. He just couldn't get off the fuck. What was it?

Cogaine? Loved it too, dude. Yeah, love Cogaine. Yeah. Really? And I'm sure everything else. Once you start, you would, what else is it, you know? Uh, but he's alive and well and hasn't died yet his dad died at 94

My grandmother died of a massive Stroke and heart attack and she was huge She was a big lady. She was a big in this dude. She was big in this fucking table really she's where mumu's every day You know, yeah dude every day. you know? Really? Yeah dude, every day. She's just a big, big old lady dude. She just, all she did was smoke cigarettes inside, drink coffee, eat pastries. I never saw her, like a walk in the neighborhood. Never.

I never saw my grandma outside of that. My grandfather was a polar opposite. He was skinny as a rail, he worked, you know, that's like three jobs. He was a hustler. He worked at the dog track and at the horse track. Your parents' parents? This is my dad's parents. My mom's parents.

My mom's parents. My parents' parents. My mom's parents' parents' work. Yeah, that's my parents' parents. My mom's mom just died at 91. And my grandfather died, yeah, like a decade ago, but he died from lung cancer because he was a firefighter who smoked.

So you have great genetics. Pretty good, man. Like every one of my family is pretty fit. Like my sister eats dog shit, dog shit, drinks parties, she's the best, but is in phenomenal shape and works out sometime. How much do you weigh? 195. And you're six one?

Six one, yeah. Yeah. It's fine. But my whole family's like that's deceiving where you're like everyone's in pretty good shape. But you're inside. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's the whole that's why you go to the doctor because you're like money never know. When I just got tested for calling cancer. Like I just because I was like you never know. But the but it's called cancers are weird thing that if it's not if it's not in your family. If it's not the thing people in your family die from, you're probably not gonna get it. I think they're saying cancer is like pretty much genetic,

meaning like, it's gotta be. Because it's like people get cancer that, that don't do bad shit to their body, they still get cancer, kids get fucking cancer. Yeah, what is that about? What is that about? What are you doing if there's a God? Yeah, when kids get it and shit like that,

like yeah, like I did that charity thing for St. Jude's, I do a bunch of those things for them. You gotta come, dude, you gotta come golf. Fuck St. Jude's. Really? Are they shit? No, they, they, I mean, I've said this before. I donated, I'm have donated to them before,

but I did, guys, grocery games challenge, and I get donated like $15,000 to St. Jude's, was what you win. And I was like, they're my charity. And then never heard, never heard like, you know, never heard anything. You know what I'm telling you? You can give me the love thing.

It's like one thing I give them 15,000. That's one thing. But I'm talking about St. Jude's on television. That's it, I'm not doing it in an internet. And I wear St. Jude miraculous metal. I'm like a St. Jude dude. This metal saved my life. Like the way this St. Jude miraculous metal. I'm like a St. Jude dude. This metal saved my life. Like the way this St. Jude means so much to me. Then I come up with that, you know, the

way staff raffle. Yeah. I start doing that. And then we said, Hey, we should pair with a charity and like really make this a big thing. And so I said, you know, let's do St. Jude's. All whatever they we get, I'll match, I'll give to St. Jude's. And they said, no thank you. We don't wanna be associated with you. And- Wait, why? Because of alcohol.

Like, because I'm a comic and I talk dirty and- Oh, shit. And I was just like, big bomber. I was like, so bummed. And my manager's nasal, it is like, we reached out. There's like companies like that, like combos. Fucking combos was cool, fuck. I made it to viral tweet about them and it went viral and then they hit me up.

They were really cool. They were like, dude, and this isn't the people that run the company. This is the dude that run their social media. The marketing guys. The marketing guys are like, dude, we haven't gone viral ever. You just want to go viral. How can we pay you back? And I said just combos.

I love combos., just combos. I love combos. Send me combos. They sent literally cases of, like so many combos to my house that that's all we ever had on the podcast with combos. And then they were like, and then you know, agents managers were like,

what would you do if you could do anything? What would you do with combos? And I said, how about a combos comedy tour? We take two different types of comic put them together Combo's all were asking us combos to throw product on the thing maybe Kick each of the comics Match with the club will pay them you know, whatever So like each comic walks with five grand, but you know

Which you know is more for a weekend than we were getting paid back in the day. Yeah, maybe ten grand Or I'd be great not it's a drop in the bucket for the company, but more importantly, it's good branding. Two different flavors. Combos, come on, you can't. Yeah, where are you at, combos? And they said, no, thank you. We don't want to work with you.

The hire's up. I'll tell you, I'm gonna write the name down. I was gonna say, I'm gonna burn this to the bridge. Also, by the way, I do love combos. I still find the fucking love. What do you go to? What do you pepper? Oh, no, Buffalo and Buffalo. Really? That's. Also, by the way, I do love combos. I still fucking love combos. What do you go to? Pepperoni? No, Buffalo and Buffalo.

Really? That's your best, huh? Buffalo Blue Tea. I still think Pepperoni pizza is my favorite. Spicy Honey Monster is good, but it's not as good as, uh. This company, right here. Oh yeah. Basically said, within a breath, your friends with Joe Rogan, we don't wanna work with you.

Really? They were. They took a stance on that. They weren't. Not they. It was one young fucking cont in their fucking, in their, on their fucking team that clearly has a problem with Rogan and decided to speak their mind in this meeting. And I immediately was like, I have to know something, because now I have to look up, because I want to say, what bog was my mind is when someone says something like,

well, you know why, right? You know why? That's not a pen that's a big pen, Jesus. Where? All right, I don't want to say the, it's because of this person. Oh yeah. And so, and so, and by the way, I've been such a fan of this company for so long. Had a big plan to do something with them.

And got on a phone call. Everyone's like, bam, bam, bam. This is going to be great. This is going to be great. Awesome to work with you. Can't wait to do something. Yeah. And then this person came out with some very aggressive like like, like, like, is this about money?

What do you want from, do you want money from us? And I was like, whoa, this is, and on my head I'm like, well yeah, I always take money. And then this person was like, how do you feel about dot, dot, dot? And I went, I don't, no, no, I don't think about it. Doesn't exist to you? Yeah, my, you're bringing up. I don't know.

I definitely wouldn't never bring that up randomly. Yeah. And they're like, well, it just very aggressively said some things about people that listen to this podcast, people listen to Rogan's podcast, assuming things about them that wasn't accurate. At one point, I said, actually, I'm kind of offended right now. I'll be very honest, I'm offended by the way you're,

and it's just crazy thing. It's like me saying to you, it's kind of like, what if I said to you about, like, you hate black people, right? Why, tell me why, your friend, your friends or someone who said some weird things about black people, and you're like, hold on, the fuck are you doing? I hate, who the fuck says that to me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do, for the record, I, it's just like, but they'll clip that, they'll use that, be like, he wasn't even kidding. He wasn't joking at all, and he's like, no, but that's the, dude, context is lost completely, but we're also just like, but they'll clip that, they'll use that. He wasn't even kidding. He wasn't joking at all when he said, no, but that's the, dude, context is lost completely. But we're also getting like, the snake is eating its own tail,

which I like to say a lot now, because you see people like, the people that throw the stones the hardest, they don't look at themselves ever, ever, ever. They don't want to see when they make mistakes. And when you get self-righteous about stuff, like nothing makes me laugh harder than, I had a tweet one time that Brennan, Neil,

hit me up was like, that was great. Because when people were like deleting Uber off their phone because the CEO was, do you remember this dude? It was like people were deleting Uber like eight years ago or something because something about like they had funded a...

Homoos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they funded maybe like was like an anti gay marriage thing or so, whatever, like someone in the company had Doned to a thing they went whatever the case, but then people were like get it off your fucking phone Delie doober and of course now everyone still uses it But I was like how self-righteous that people are like delete Uber Yeah, see that delete Uber. What was it about 200,000 people leave their Uber after a week and I write a

I don't remember what it was about. I can't pronounce one of the people's names. Pratham Churugasa Gam Bam. Yeah, 2017, there, there you go. Donald Trump announced his travel band, the band was protesting, whatever the fuck it was. My point is, I was like, people are so, you know, like,

everyone's so like, self-righteous and indignant about being like, delete Uber, I'm like, yeah, delete Uber off your phone made by Chinese slave kids. Like, how fucking righteous are you? Your clothes are made by children in a factory. Sorry, most of them, these are made by kids. Dude, it's detrimental.

So you're like, you're mad at the Uber guy for some political shit, whatever. But this kind of stuff's okay. Whenever somebody gets picky about that, I'm always like, no dude, all your shit. Everything we do has a bad route to it. I'm sorry. The second you throw a rock.

Yeah. It's shattering something. Yes, dude. I don't say, I try. Even say, even, this is how not aware I am because I'm not entirely aware, but this is how aware I am of what I just said. I won't say that I don't say anything

because I know that I've said stuff. Right. But that's why I'm like, I try to stay out of it, because I go, I've just had tweets where I start. I remember I lit up Anthony Bourdain. This is when I was on travel channel. I was on travel channel. I hope this guy dies in the next couple of years.

I was drunk and I'm sitting on Twitter. I must have been, it rules when he was still alive. And I was a big fan of Anthony Bourdain and he posted a picture of him about to get on a private jet. And I just got, I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know if it was because I failed to travel to. I don't know whatever the real reason.

I came after him. It's never the thing. It's something behind it. It's not really, I don't really I just was like What the fuck dude? I was like I was like when did see if you can type in Bert Anthony Bourdain private jet I'm pretty sure I deleted it. I'm sure someone had to have screen grabbed someone's guy. There's no way I Deleted it immediately because I was like I was like great. I guess

All our heroes are dead or something. When Anthony's, Burjane is bragging that he's on a private jet. So it was like something about him being punk rock. I was like, dude, the fuck's wrong with Anthony Bourdain. We've lost Anthony Bourdain or something like that.

I hit send 30 seconds later, there is a picture of me Bragging them on a private jet. I and I thought I'd never flown on a private jet I really thought I've never flown on a private jet. I'm not killed Anthony Bourdain has no idea what Twitter is Go back that was probably what you tweeted after you said it. This is June 10th. Yeah, that's after you said it Oh, first it's June 10th so 12, that's after you said it. Oh, first. This is June 10th.

So 12 years ago, you took shots at fucking Anthony Bourdain. 12 years ago, I took shots at Anthony Bourdain. Like it, yeah, hard it. And then, no, no, no, no. And then, and then, and then immediately, like someone was like, so you're saying you never take pictures of yourself on a private jet. And I was like, I've never been on a private jet and I never would.

And then within seconds someone was like, here's your own a private jet, taking pictures with cash out. Like going like, hey, and by the way, type in burnt private jet all you'll see. There's a, it's fun. When you're gonna private jet it's such a treat. You're like, I'm not, I'm not hiding this.

This is a cool thing I've ever done. Everyone does it. And who was I to brag? Look at, there's me all matching tracksuits. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not hiding this. This is a cool thing I've ever done. Yeah. Everyone does it. And who was I to brag? Look, there's me all matching tracksuits. There's me with Mark Hamill. There's me with, I mean, I'm, like, all I do is take pictures of our private jet.

But fuck Anthony Bourdain. That was it, that was it. That was the, that was the, there's a picture of me with these girls, but that's the private jet. That's the private jet. Who are those, who are these people from travel channel? Yes from trip flip and so travel channel gave you a fuck or put you guys on a private jet

Well twice and it was two of the worst experiences on the ride. That's fucking nuts They flew from Portland, Oregon to Porton, man on a private jet. We're like nice Oregon to Maine. Oregon to Maine. No fucking Well, so far nice Five stops. Oh, yeah to fill up. Yeah, cuz they're so It was tiny every private But that version of TV is dead that kind of money of doing private jet. So that's fucking gone It's gone. There's no money in TV right? What what what's going on with we're doing a new Dave in season three in like I was about to call it dickie

Yeah, it could be. My bus driver loves. Oh, what's his name? What's your dude's name? I see you. Ron. Yeah, Ron. Yeah, he loves a little dickie. Would you guys race? You foot race him, right? Yeah. And you fuck them up. Oh, he won. Yeah. Oh, I thought you won.

He's a fat fuck too. Not anymore now he's skinnier than I am. He's, you know, it's so funny. We got on a bus one time for hot summers nights and we all get our COVID tests and we get all the fucking results and we're like, great, we're ready to go. Yeah, this is him fucking light.

Smoking him. You're, wait, wait, wait, listen to this. This is him. Well, I had just gone jogging. Don't, don't, don't, just work out. I know it's just work out. And he's like, I bet I could beat you in a, but this reminds you, I want everyone to know

and Ron will deny that he's my employee Because the money does come from me. He gets paid by the bus company, but I pay the bus company He goes no, he's get I go technically you're my employee technically I employ you. Yeah, he denies that But this is um technically my employee talking to me at work, okay? I bet a thousand dollars all the money in my fucking pocket that fat boy right here can't beat me at a foot race. Right now, put your sneakers on. I mean, he said nothing incorrect. That's the problem. He stands by his, yeah, look at that too.

He's, well, in this picture, he's lost a lot of weight. And I'll tell you why when we get done that. I know I'm gonna win, but I am legit nervous right now. Hey, Zouce has the judge. We're in Iran. We're about to have a foot race, which looks to be what he would say. 40 yards, man. Yeah.

About 40 yards. If either one of them pulls a hamstring, this tour is over. First, the headliner, Ron's the only person who can drive the bus. No one on this tour should be racing with the people who would it would be Say that race be me and Dave On your mark see if we had started this race. I would have won Ron I don't know if that was a false star. It wasn't it wasn't oh

You're behind look the way he runs those little legs Oh, you're behind. Look at the way he runs. There's a little like that That's not It's a photo finish The fuck I'm talking about baby. Let me see a replay. Oh, here we go with the bullshit Bullshit Ron got that money, but here's what's interesting this is what's fascinating so we get on the bus to do this and And I we were I take Ron's blood pressure as a lark It's I'm ballparking it right now one 90 over 120

He's dead. He's literally dead. He's like is that good? We're like is that good? Yeah, I go Ron. That's a really bad Ron. It's great It's great. If you want to be a corpse in like an hour and a half. It's amazing It goes really bad, buddy And he goes what we're gonna do. said, I'm getting one blood pressure medicine immediately. Is he losing weight now? So we get him, so I call Stacey who runs,

like runs kind of birdie boy productions. Yeah. And I was like, hey, you need to get Ron a doctor's appointment on the phone with someone tomorrow morning. We need to get him on blood pressure medicine tomorrow morning. He needs to be on blood pressure medicine.

So he does all the things, get it set up, get some blood pressure medicine, and then immediately starts taking care of himself, because he's like, oh shit, I was gonna have a stroke. Like I was gonna have, I could have had a stroke or a heart attack very easily. For sure. Then they're like, oh, you pre-diabetic,

and he's like, oh shit. So then he just, I tell him I go, switch to diet mountain dew. It's just as fucking good. He's drinking mountain dew all day long. He's drinking mountain dew all day long. He's drinking mountain dew all day long. Just mountain dew. Switch to diet mountain dew. Now he's skinnier than me, drinking Mountain do all day long. Yeah, I'm doing Mountain do all day long Yeah, I do Switch is dying around do now he's skinnier than me and all he does is fucking make fun of me because I'm fat

Is he gonna be your bus driver again? He'll be my bus driver forever for the rest of your life He's yeah, he pulled a gun on me, and I still be my bus driver. What he pulled a gun on me Try being Ron pulls a gun on Bert. See if you can find it. Why you never saw this? No, why the fuck did he pull a gun on you? Because, well, he'll say because I had a taser and that I brought a taser to a gun. Did you bring a taser? I did. I have a taser and I was going to taste him. And then he pulled a gun on me. It's, uh, does he travel with a gun on the bus? I should say no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ron's not big into looking into the law too heavily. He, uh, yeah, but that's what you want as your bus driver. Yeah. Ron's, I want someone doing this law too heavily. He, uh...

Yeah, but that's who you want as your bus driver. Yeah, Ron's... I want someone doing this down... He's like down for the family. He's the best man. We got in New York some guy was like trying to get on the bus or like say something and Ron got out and legit shirt off, hands off. Ready to go.

Let's go mother fucker and the guy was like, Oh, shut up about the fight. You can't take people's, uh, people's instinct away from like that. This is bad. I don't know what I said to yo Nate Diaz and Nick Diaz. Fuck. Let's see. I'm sure it's bad.

Our boss, Trevor Ron thinks he can kick your ass and we're going to your stock and see you there. He does say he could beat both the asses. Dude, they would annihilate him. He, I, you know? They're nuts. Dude, those dudes are nuts. They're bred from the streets.

Those dudes are insane. You see the from the streets. Those dudes are insane You see the way that they run's never been knocked out. No, yes, when Diaz runs probably not been knocked out either Got that fucking thing on his hip When you see Nate Diaz get hit in the head over and over and over and over again It doesn't even stomp. He doesn't even stumble. It's like creepy to watch. You're like, oh, this is not even a person anymore So okay, so one MMA fighter you had to take into a bar because, okay, so your wife cheats on you. Oh, how about this?

Your wife gets roofied. He doesn't do anything to her, but roofied by a guy who missed his opportunity, right? All of a sudden, some people walked in, they see him, he runs out, they grab your wife, they're like, what happened? She's unconscious, she comes home, she's like, that guy's in the bar with his friends. all of a sudden, Rogan texted. She's like, here,

I'm here with, I'm happy to be down the street with every MMA fighter. Would you like me to send one over to you to go confront this guy? What one MMA fighter do you take with you? Oh my God. That's so hard. I mean, like, I mean, obviously, I'm going to go the heavy weight without a doubt. You've got to go to the top weight class. Okay. Smaller guys find they can they can punch you a bunch, but I want a guy who's like two or three hits are going to fucking just and you know what I mean? Like a young Kormier, I would have taken, you know what I mean? Yeah. Right now, currently, I mean, John Jones would be fun. John Jones would be super fun. I mean, yeah, you got to think I have you on it.

The guy who would fucking, yeah, someone that would just like disconnect someone's face. Where do you want to hang on? Hang on, hang on about this. Think about this. What style of benders, wait. He's like, middle way. Yes, he's middle way.

He's like one. It would be fun to have a style vendor in there to get four or five punches off before anyone knew what was going on. I guess, I just want, like, just like the, like, same way Tyson asked, like when Tyson would land one solid punch and it was so hard, you knew it, like, shook the guy's fucking history out of his head.

Yeah. That's what I want to see. I want to see, like, one such a good one punch that you're like, dude, I, he knocked that kid back like four years. Um, Joe Schilling. Joe Schilling. Joe Schilling. Joe Schilling easily in any part. Joe Schilling would shilling Joe shilling easily.

And any Joe shilling would be because I'm easily I'm like, I fucking knocked back out of the bar. It would be fun. It would be fun. If you could like, I guess I think I'm about to pitch you bully beat down. Yeah. I'm an executive. Give it to me. I'm about to pitch you. They were bullied when they were young and now you can get revenge. What was his name that ran that? May, that was mayhem.

Mayhem, mayhem. James, I mayhem. I've seen him around. He's around of time. I've seen, I run into him every now and then at the clubs at the, he's gonna come to the company. He comes around, like all the time. Yeah, it would be fun to have the abilities

of one of these fighters. I think I wouldn't handle it responsibly. Yeah, nobody would. that's the problem. Like you have to have so much coaching around you or you just live remotely. Like you live in the middle, I would live in like, you know, like Rykeyevik, you're in Iceland. No.

So cool, dude. Oh, I loved it. I went to interview the mountain from Game of Thrones. Oh, God. Strongest man in the world. I thought you were like, I was like, how many drugs were you on? I don't know.

How long have you been here? I went to fucking, I went to Reykjavik for this sports show and we were there for like, how big is the mountain? I mean, it's honestly, it's like comical. You're like, it doesn't look like a real guy. Real? Look at the stats of the mountain.

And then you see his wife and no disrespect, but you're like, he must destroy this. She's such a tiny little person. He's a fucking moose, dude. And he took me to his gym, Yackeball, and he takes me to this fucking gym and it looked like a bunch of fucking guys fresh out the clank, right?

Really? Lifting with him. On the wall, he had the sign that said, no arm and yard, which means no pussies. And he was like like you have to lift with us and I was like we're shooting a show 6 feet 9 400 pounds Jesus He just got ripped too did me yeah, dude like he just lost a bunch of weight to get shredded for a fucking MMA. Yeah, he did Dude, he's that he's the fucking man. Look at his wife. Look at all tiny. She has nice

All right, dude think what you will. I mean holy fuck He'd put a dent in my wife and my wife's bigger than that. Dude, he's looking how big that dude is looking how small his wife is. Wouldn't you know, I met her. Like, I almost felt bad for her. I was like, oh man, what does he do? A lot of blow jobs.

It's kind of like, I was looking again. Yeah. I'm just a jaw like a snake. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. I mean, dude, yeah, he made me work out with him, but made me actually work out with him. Not like fake we're on TV shit,

like you have to work out. So I did a fucking hour and a half workout with these guys, and I was, I was fucking pissed. I was exhausted. He was like, more, more! And I was like, dude, I can't, I can't fucking lift like, it's impossible. I was, I was looking him shredded.

Holy fuck. He's still six, nine in that picture. Six, nine, and at that point, he's probably three, what, I don't know, three, 20, yeah, three, 25. I mean, dude, he was such a cool dude, man. Such a fucking dope dude. He taught me how he throws kegs. You ever seen them do like keg throws, no,

that's not what I'm talking about. So he taught me how to do it, and how he throws kegs. You ever seen them do like keg throws, no, that's not what I'm talking about. He, so he, he taught me how to do it and how like his technique is. I mean, it's like, it's the same thing when you go to a professional athlete and watch, like when you watch P.P. on a baseball and you're like, totally fuck. The way that these guys can hit

and how they control the way that, how it comes off the bat and where it goes and distances and aiming. It's the same thing with this dude. The way he threw a keg was, it was comical. It looked like a cartoon. I mean, it was like 30 feet in the fucking air. It was nuts, dude.

It was like 23,000. Wow. So 1,2,300, still nuts. I worked out with Martin Ford, typed that in. I did leg day with this guy. Oh, dude, no thanks. Look at this guy. He's probably I don't know if he's six nine. See what how tall he is so juiced by the He's I'm certain look at those shoulders. They look like they got put on like I have like he man

Like you like they attached them afterward like you like they attached them afterward. Three, 10, 6, 8. Yeah. All right, so almost as big as my workout partners, but that's all right. It was so much fun to be around. He was the funniest, goofiest, silliest guy. Like lighthearted, this is so fun.

And then once you get into the gym, all that changes, and he is like, he's like, he's supposed to fight that Hulk. Look, look at that Hulk guy. Look at the Hulk guy. Next there, that guy. Nah, dude, why? Yeah, of course, I know it, but he's supposed to fight him. And I think what happened is,

that guy that Iranian Hulk's Photoshopped, so like, that's not real pictures. It's Photoshopped. Well, look, they have a real picture of him right there. Where? Down in the left, isn't that real? Right right there down, go down. Isn't that real? That's real, right?

No, he... That's fake. That's all Photoshopped. So like apparently he met him and he's just a very fat guy. That looks Photoshopped. That definitely looks Photoshopped. That looks like what it looks like. Yeah, that looks what it... Like I think there's looks like, like I think there's a belly there.

I think there's a lot of soft left hit. That's the talk shit about the Iranian Hulk. No, you are. And you heard it here, Iranian Hulk. Bert wants to fight. So bring it on. At your leisure. I photoshopped myself in one of those pictures to look big.

You can get yourself looking, fucking jacked. I've never, I've never manipulated a photo. Get me to the mirror, get me to the screen. Oh, I do it for a joke. I don't do it for real. No, I know, but I know, but like some people manipulate photos just because they want, they're like, why not?

Make it look a little bit nicer. I do that with my dick sometimes. Yeah, you do, you plump it. I fucking hardcore. And what happens is, like I've done that, you actually look like a dude, you can look like the dude. That's Photoshopped. That one's definitely Photoshopped.

Like I Photoshopped that and people are losing their photos. Well, do hotels, that's fucking ridiculous. That's Photoshopped, but I, like I'll do it now. I did one the other day on my Instagram and everyone's like, you Photoshopped the original one. And I was like, no, it's just a good angle motherfucker. I remember the uncensored version of this picture. You actually stressed your dick out.

Oh yeah. It was fucking disgusting. Wait, you saw it? You showed everybody. I did? Yeah, of course. It's always good for the company. That's good company morale.

You're showing the boys you're fucking hog. You guys signed NDAs, right? It was hilarious. I don't know. I have a fine. That one, that Houston improv picture, you can see my tip of my dick in it. Oh, dude, you can. You can. Go back.

And that's still up. Oh, it's Twitter. Twitter, dude, there's full on Pornow on Twitter. That's a photo. Oh, yeah. Oh, you can see it. You can find my balls on Twitter. Pornow on Twitter. It's so funny. It was like Instagram.

I get flagged out like being Bobby put up a, we were like in, Oh Bobby gets you flagged to eat. Dude we got flagged, we got flagged and then I got striped and then I got, I had someone help me try to like take it down. That's my real dick. I was doing a,

That dot looks more, more true. I was doing a Instagram or I was doing a Facebook live and I was like, or Instagram live and I was like, or Instagram live, and I was like, what's up everybody? Just hanging on my pool naked, and they're like, you're not naked, and I go, no, I fucking am. And I was like, look, and I looked at the shadow in the pool,

and I could see the shadow, so I kind of backed up so that the shadow, you couldn't see anything on the shadow. And I thought it was the edge of the wall, it was just a shadow. You can see anything on the shadow. And I thought it was the edge of the wall. It was just a shadow. You can see my dick so clear. And I was posing naked and everyone's like, I see your dick, I see your dick.

That guy's beauty. What's that? That guy's screen grabbed a lot. Oh, that guy's screen grabbed a lot. Judy Brown, Judy Marmel hit me up. I was like, get off your phone. You're showing everyone your dick. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I saw that. You put in your dick in a sock too, doing what's Josh's thing. It's so funny. I did that years ago. No one watched it. And then the other day, the guy said, uh, oh, that's new. That's not new. No, that's not that. I thought you jubbed it. It's just years ago. Oh, yeah, I saw it all over. There were pictures all over the internet. 1.2 million. It's nice that the boys participated though. Jeremiah's got his dick in there. Margaret Toe helped us figure out how to keep our dicks in there. Margaret Cho knows how to tuck dicks and socks, huh?

By the way, it's a fat pubis. That's the one thing I get rid of. Dude, the whole time everyone's thinking, they're like, don't please don't come off. Please, sock, don't come off. That is everyone on the list. Do you guys rubber band it or anything to make sure it stayed on or not?

That's how we got we cock ring rubber band. Right, you cock ring it. Yeah KFC Kevin. Right right. He didn't he was just out here. I was I have one point two million great. Yeah, great. Great. Great. I wrote it. I'm gonna retweet that when I get home. Yeah KFC put that up by the way, I got to hit up from do you ever do bus with the boys? I haven't done it but I but I mean I've seen it online but I haven't done it. It's not what it types up to be. Why it's whack. What? Oh, I'm like, what the fuck? I got a text from Will and Taylor today. Bunkin. That got me flagged. That's 100%.

I did. I got a text. I was talking to Whitney. Whitney's like, what, what five podcasts should I do if I go to New York? And I was, and but all they did, all they do is they go, okay, you got to do these are the five best podcasts, do if I go to New York? And I was, and but all they did, all they do is they go, okay, you gotta do, these are the five best podcasts, but if we're talking about New York. Yeah. I go, you know, big cat, you know, pardon my take. Right.

KSD radio, are you garbage, or fucking, you know what I'm gonna say. Sheldt. Yeah, we all, I name out all the best podcasts. And then, and then the bustle of the boys guys hit me up and they're like, my heart is broken you didn't fucking mention us. And I was like, it wasn't the five best podcasts

in the world. Like it was fucking New York. But their podcast is funny shit. It's good. I've seen some of them. They got us energy. Yeah, yeah. They have fun.

Yeah. And like there's the rule, like I think sometimes I was sitting on the toilet the other day They got us energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they have fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like there's the rule, like dinner, like I think sometimes I was sitting on the toilet the other day and I was laughing at a joke that was super inappropriate and I was like, I'm gonna tell that in the special. And then I was like, am I unaware of what's going on in society? Like am I, it's better that way. Yeah, go.

Otherwise you're thinking too much. Dude, I'm about to tape. I'm about to do a special. I have to go. Oh yeah. What time is it? Oh tape. I'm about to do a special. I have to go. Oh yeah. Yeah, you do. Probably eight, 10. Oh shit.

What are you gonna do with wife? I would eight, 30. What are you gonna do? Dinner. See this? It's nice, man. I'll show you inside my house. There's gonna be fighting.

It's nightmare. No, I go home. It's gonna be easy. It'll be nice. No, but I'm about to tape. And honestly, and I haven't taped anything in a long time and You're taping I'm taping a special where Denver Where September 24th

Paramount theater. I don't know when this comes out, but they're about to be on sale I don't know if the tickets are this will be out. I mean, I mean you tell let us know and they can flip this one and Whitney Whenever I mean this will be out. This will be out in August. Okay. Yeah September 24th I'm gonna be at the Paramount Theater in Denver one in Whitney. That one ever. I mean, this will be out in August. Okay, yeah, September 24th. I'm gonna be at the Paramount Theater in Denver. We just locked it like the other day. And I'm doing like a quick run of like, I'm doing Salt Lake City, a September 9 intense, a warm up,

and I'm gonna add other dates. But I'm nervous because I was like, you know, some of the stuff, I'm like, it's so good life. But I'm like, do I wanna put this down forever? Is my opinion gonna change on any of this shit? Oh, no, no. I think about that all the time. Well, because you're just like,

this is a great live joke, because it's what's going on right now. But then sometimes I'm like, oh, am I gonna put this down and then I'm gonna be like, why did I say that, I'm fucking, that's embedded forever? Oh, I, I, I, yeah. That's why I never taped, I never taped it.

And Netflix wanted me to do that half hour thing and I was like, nah, I don't wanna do it. I didn't wanna do it. I just have not wanted to do any taping. I'm like, I don't really wanna. And I should, because every standup puts up clips and I just never do, but this is it. I'm gonna do this and then throw it out and then.

Well, I mean, it definitely helps. It's not a regular thing. It's a hell, you know, but, but, I don't know, man. I don't think too much of it. I've said some horrible things I've said some legit horrible things were like I mean the titles of my first CD were like Mexicans Blacks. Yeah, I mean, that's I mean, that's how I named it Well, yeah, and you're like and you look back and you're like oh mother fucker and the jokes

I stand by the jokes because because they're jokes. Yeah. People can take them out of context. Well, that's always gonna happen, but it's just what's happening now more than ever. It's just like, I think, I want it to be like, you should do a joke, you should do a joke, where you go. I'm actually, you know, doing this special, I'm nervous, it's some of this stuff.

I'm gonna say, is gonna age poorly. So I'm gonna write one joke just so that everyone knows I was pretty woke and you go, so my kid's fucking a robot. For whatever reason. I don't know where it is. My kid's getting ahead from a robot. No, it's, I mean, who knows?

Maybe we'll age poorly. Some stuff that's going on, but you're like, you have to talk shit. You gotta talk to the people today. Yeah, that's all I can do. The people in the future aren't buying tickets for you because your shows aren't there. Yeah.

The people that today, right now, the one here live comedy, I'll be telling you really honestly, that when we did fully loaded, I was nervous because I was like, I'm bringing people, I find funny, but I know for a fact, definitely push their edge, non-stop and not one person,

including my daughter who is pretty fucking woke, not one person got a fendigot upset with didn't hear one comment, they fucking loved it. Yeah, she was a little bit more. She was a little bit more. No, but bachelor people want, they want too fucking laugh. And the people that get outraged, guess what? They just want to get outraged.

And so you can serve both of them at the same time. Yeah, I'm gonna, all right, before I go, I'm gonna give you this, I'm gonna give you this. This was a bit, I brought this all this shit for fun for you. First of all, this is a bad friend's tote bag, which is just, I mean, come you this. This was a bit. I brought this all this shit for fun for you. First of all, this is a bad friend's tote bag, which is just, I mean, come on man. Nice.

Fucking amazing. But here you go, there's a bad friend's shirt. And this is really, how fun is this? Hey guys, this is on it. Liquid Iv- No, I brought all of our sponsors. Oh, shut up. Oh, shut up.

Man, this liquid Iv is great. Five essential vitamins, B12, B5. No, but I brought a bag of shit. What is this? Just a little bit of whiskey. What's rabbit hole? Let me try it. Harry's dude, please use that when you shave.

Also, a funny enough that we talk shit about at the beginning, but I brought that. Oh, shut up, Tito's! You know all this is gonna live right here. What is this? What is this? Are these glasses? No, PLCBD gummies.

Shady rays? Shady rays is so great. And a Brad friends pin No, PLCBD gummies. Shady rays? Shady rays. Shady rays is so great. And a Brad friends pin. Can I tell you what I love about Shady rays? Get that back. Is they, I don't know if they're a sponsor, but they have a, they have a lost or broken policy?

Yeah, they give you back free ones. Yeah. Anyway, I brought you a bag of shit because I thought it'd be fun, but also a bad friend shirt. That a boy, he looks sexy. Do I look cool? Yeah, you do.

And put that bad friend thing over there. You go, now you look really cool. Fuck yeah. Oh, wow. And it's us, it's me and Bobby talking closely to look cool. Yeah you do and put that bad friend thing over there. You go now you look really cool. Fuck yeah. Oh wow. And it's us. It's me and Bobby talking closely to each other. We're like whispering at each other's mouse. Some people think we look like we're kissing but I know. None of the stuff that we've put out. Just whispering each other's mouse. None of the shirts we have. That or even this one. People take them sexual. They're not. This is just two buds. Yeah. It's all it is. It's two good buds. People that take that sexual their homophobic. Yeah that's that's your thing dude. this is just two buds, it's all it is. It's just two good buds. People that take that sexual, they're homophobic.

Yeah, that's your thing, dude. This is just two friends hanging out in the ocean, so get over it. Dude, thank you, pretty much. I gotta go, I love you, thank you. Hey, enjoy your wife. I'm going to. That sounds weird. No, enjoy your wife.

I'll try to enjoy mine. Yeah, please enjoy your life. Here's what we call to bears one cave.