2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 148 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back together in the Bear Cave this week! They talk about why Bert’s given up “adult films,” how he is stimulating himself now, sounding, Manti Te’o, and the new Armie Hammer documentary “House of Hammer.” Bert reacts to Tim Dillon’s comments about him from YMH Live 8, and Bert shares the story of the time he modeled nude on “Trip Flip.” https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/bertyboytourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

What are you willing to sacrifice for what? For your happiness. For my happiness? That's a good question. Have you been really contemplating this? Yeah, I just gave up porn. You did this for your happiness? Yeah.

100% Oh, my, my, yacht master. Can you see it? Yeah, I do. Oh, it doesn't have like a button button. It has like a, oh, that's badass. Well, I know what I want. Score in Vegas. Was that my headset up? For real?

Yeah. This is nice, dude. Yeah. I wish I knew what I liked like the way you do. Like, I, I, I said that before. I'm coming back in September and he goes what I liked like the way you do like I live with I said that before I'm coming back as September he goes on have some for you Let me hit her up. Let me hit her up now. Are we recording? Perfect. That's a great way to start the episode. I'm in Vegas at the end of the month pass aerobus and Vegas

By the way, I am in what a great way to start what many tour dates. Do you have any tour dates? I have a bunch when does this come out? Do we just comes out next This comes out next week. Next week, I will be in Hawaii surfing. I'm taking Georgia's surfing. You are? Where are you going to go in Hawaii? Tom, I'm going to, I'm, I'm, considering this comes out Wednesday, and I'm, oh, I'm leaving tomorrow.

Which island are you going to? Oh, Wahoo. I'm staying at Turtle Bay. I just heard in a Wahoo's surf story, shit, maybe I can get you the, the surf instructor. Or you're ready to have somebody. I, I'm just doing I have

people that have offered to take us out but I that makes me really uncomfortable. I don't want to do the pro. No, no, no, I just want to be with like I mean do you want to be with a professional instructor? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll see if I can get the contact. Okay, but like I have a hard time when people say oh don't worry, I'll pay for it, it gives me uncomfortable because I feel like I can't do what I want to do. when people say, oh, don't worry, I'll pay for it. It gives me uncomfortable, because I feel like I can't do what I wanna do. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. I go, just let me pay for it.

So that I know that like, when I go to the meals on us, I go, you don't know how I eat. Yeah. They definitely don't know how you eat. Hey, drinks are on us and I go, that's gonna put a dent. Yeah.

But, Yeah, you have a really good retirement account. I've been off for two months. Two months. Oh, you have been off, yeah, yeah. I think I've been off out. Two, no, I've been off out for a whole Two months. Oh, you have been off? Yeah, yeah. I think you've been off. No, I've been off half a call for two weeks, but two weeks. Yeah, two full weeks.

Well, Lance birthday, I drank, which was Saturday night. Okay, so it's not. Yeah, not full, but like who counts that? Like if someone goes, when was the last time you had a drink, you'd say the exact eight. Well, if they were asking me that question, I think I would answer. Okay, when was the last time you had a drink? So you do it. I don't know. Well, if they are asking me that question, I think I would answer. Okay, what was last time you had a drink? So you do it, go on.

I don't know. Okay, me too, I don't know. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh no! Okay, no wait, I can tell you, I can tell you, I had a drink on Saturday. What'd you have? I had, it was some,

a piece go, you know what I mean? Like, concoction with, I don't know. Oh, do you look at the menu and go, oh, that looks good. No, they actually brought it out. They were like, this is the chef's menu. They're like, he wants you to have this, you know, like anything. Yeah, and then I think the other drink I had that week,

I mean, I always go for like gin and tonics. It's just like, it always feels fresh, you know, like refreshing. It's so funny I did not want to drink at all. Like because I haven't, I drank on the Aspartan, I didn't want to. I didn't want to because I, well, Do you want to break your streak? Yeah, yeah.

It has nothing to do with like, Right, you're like, I'm in a streak. I'm in a streak, I'm feeling good. Take a look at my recovery on my whoop. Look at this, you're gonna be fucking jealous. Look at my recovery on my whoop. Look at this. You're gonna be fucking jealous. Look at my recovery on my whoop. You are not wearing your whoop. I'm not wearing it. Look at my recovery.

Those are fucking solid. I know. Is that because of tequila? No, I've been just having a drink. But you've had this big push for tequila. Well, yeah, my recovery is through the roof on tequila, but this is gonna sound crazy. Yeah. I stopped losing the feeling I've never used to do the roof on tequila, but this is gonna sound crazy. I stopped losing the feeling and the ability

to move the front of my face when I drank tequila. What do you mean? Like I had a hard time smiling at people. This might be a deeper issue. I don't know if it's tequila related. I was, I was, have you thought about singing neurologists? I don't know, I've gotten all the tests.

I've said, I definitely, I talked to my neurologist about it and he was like, I don't know, it doesn't sound like a real thing. I was like, is it, because it doesn't happen? All your tests are good. Yeah, I know in that crazy. Wait, all of them? All of them. My testosterone's really though.

Okay, but blood work. Perfect. Liver. Perfect. Uh, not perfect. It's, it's, uh, I think the, the ranges Perfect. Perfect. Lever. Perfect. Not perfect. I think the range is 4 to 35, and I'm 37. But yeah, it's midnight.

Kidneys are fine. Kidneys are fine. Everything's fine. Test off cardiovascular. Cardiovascular. Perfect. My inflammation was up, which he's like just as a sign of just being inflamed. But you know when I stop drinking, yeah, I don't know.

But no, I did the scans on the neck. I did the CT scan, I did the one that killed John Ritter. I did all of them and they're all fine. This, these have, I think they do it in ranges of like zero to 15% blockage, which is minimal, which is kind of inconsequential, but if not significant. So on both I was one to 15, but they can't zero to 15. They can't tell you where you are, they just know, and I'm zero in my heart, zero everywhere

else. And your brain's okay? I don't think so. I was gonna say there's no holes in there. You know, I wonder if I'm getting, because I noticed I stopped communicating in words a lot. Like I started to go on like, hey, give me a, like just easier.

And it was just easier. Yeah. But you're also on stage communicating in words unless you're doing that on stage. I've been doing a little, I've been doing a standup so I've been off for two months. How does that feel? I could give it up, right? Dude, I've never done this. I've never taken a stand-up, so I've been off for two months. How does that feel? I could give it up.

Right? Dude. I've never done this. I've never taken two months off. Wouldn't it be cool if they're like, oh, the life expectancy of a person is 55? And so like your work life is over now. Like you'd be like, oh, I retire.

I could retire at home when I was 55. I actually could. I could actually live a very nice life until I was 55. Right. But then they're like, and you're supposed to die around now. No, but in five years. That's what I'm saying. I could actually live a very nice life until I was 55. Right, but then you're supposed to die around now. No, but in five years. That's what I'm saying, around 55 years. Oh, I got five years to blow it the fuck out.

Just to do whatever you want. And now, it's so much longer. Life is so long. I hate when people say life is short. It's so fucking long. Life is, you know, it's so funny. I have a buddy, I have a buddy, not funny. I shouldn't even talk about it.

I have a buddy dealing with cancer, you know. You know, shout out to my buddy, John Moore. He's maybe at his name. I didn't know. He has cancer. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think it's pretty public. I posted it on Instagram.

Yeah. He's been battling with it and it's funny. Not funny. I don't mean funny. Lighthearted. He is a comedy writer. He is fucking hilarious Yeah, he's written on for everyone who's listening. He's written on all the roasts He was he's been a producer on all your favorite shows. Yeah, um

He's also the guy that if you have a text will every text response will make you laugh out loud the best the best uh You know He got a TV show, he went in for a TV show, he wanted to be a writer and executive producer on a TV show, and the person, he went in for the interview and the person said, how are you with the long hours and he goes, I love him. And they go, how are you with shitty pay and he goes,

he goes, he's like, I don't give a shit. I just want the opportunity. And they were like, great, because we pay you, we work you long hours and all we pay you in his chicken. And he goes, great. And he left the meeting, went to Kentucky fried chicken, walked back, and he brought in a bucket of chicken, sat on the table, he goes, I'll work for the first week for free.

And he got the fucking job. That's really funny. Yeah. And so, but he's been battling cancer aggressively. I mean, I follow him on GoFundMe. I don't have all the links right now, but like I've posted on my Instagram, and you can find him.

But you get updates on GoFundMe. The thing I like about GoFundMe is that you can follow the person's journey. Journey. And he'll give updates and, man, cancer's a motherfucker. It's unrelenting. It's unrelenting, but he still has a sense of humor

about all of it. We were texting, I was getting ready to go to a batch of party and we were texting on the plane and he's still fucking making me laugh. And he's dealing with it. He's in the thick of it right now. I think he's gonna turn around okay. But, you know what type he's battling?

I don't. I don't, I think it's, I don and so be irresponsible for me. Yeah, don't speculate. Um, but the one day he texted me and he was like, you don't you don't know how rough this can be just the fucking mucus like as it's in his throat. So it's like it's has a hard time swallowing and eating. And I woke up and this is like the first day I didn't drink and I was hung over and I went, what am I doing? Like I'm fucking at 50% right now. When if you gave this opportunity, John, he'd be like, no, put me at 100%. I'll bust my ass in the gym. Just give me one day of 100%.

He's at fucking 35% every day because he's gotta do that. And I so, and that day it was like six in the morning. I was getting ready to go somewhere, fly somewhere, and the sun was coming up. I felt the sun hit my face and I was like, I'm gonna six in the morning. I was getting ready to go somewhere, fly somewhere, and the sun was coming up. I felt the sun hit my face and I was like, I'm gonna hop off the wagon. I'm gonna work out hardest fuck. I'm gonna try to my hardest to be healthy.

And then I got all my blood work back and I was like, dude, I'm blessed. I'm fucking blessed that I was hardest I fucking partied. Yeah. And now I go back on the road. When do you go next week? Yeah.

Atlantic City, September 4th, 3rd and 4th. And then, and then, and then I can't run. Oh my god. Tom, yeah. So they go, oh, fuck. So because we just talked about this. Yeah. So the bus is here. Peter packed up the bus last night. Yeah. And, and so they tell us we're gonna do Atlantic City Then I come home then we're going to do a makeup date in Spokane Then Victoria British Columbia, yeah, and they say listen the bus is gonna be in a Spokane. It's easier for us to take the bus around but

no drugs Going into Canada and we're like well easy. We clean the bus out like we're getting the bus clean Just put everything in and so it's super easy that bus is empty. Yeah So we love the bus up Peter comes back Over in ounce of marijuana It was in my disc golf bag. Did, fucking nine joints, a bag of weed, some guy gave me my fucking smoke hand,

the little one-hit-a-thing, a vape pen, all in that thing. Do we almost went into Canada? And I don't even know where Victoria is. Is Victoria up by Vancouver? Yeah. Where is Victoria? Victoria is right on the weight of Vancouver.

For real? Yeah. Yeah, so we would have pulled in, we would have fucking got arrested. And you just told me the story about you going through, dude, that was, yeah, I fucking almost had a sweet old bus driver go to jail because I forgot. There was weed. Here's the question. What are you willing to, what are you willing to sacrifice? I saw, I read a quote with the other day that kind of stuck with me and said, the death of one man is a tragedy. The death of thousands

is a statistic. Oh, that's very good. Yeah. I've been, I'm really into history. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're obsessed, you're obsessed. I'm obsessed with history. I'm obsessed with history. Yeah. I don't even realize my kids are making fun of me when they say nightmare and 100%. I don't even realize they're making fun of me. Oh, they do it. Like, I do the other day, you guys want pizza and Adi goes, oh, 100%.

I don't know, because I say it in regular life. Yeah, so they're in real life. I was like, for real, you want it? It's like, oh, 100%. And then I was like, George, you want, you want to be pepperoni? He's like, that would be a nightmare. And I'm like, I, you want, you want, pepperoni, you're like, that would be a nightmare. And I'm like, I know, right?

Fucking assholes. So, what's the, what are you willing to sacrifice for what? For your happiness. For my happiness? That's a good question. Have you been really contemplating this? Yeah, I just gave up porn.

You did this for your happiness? Yeah. I was watching a pretty gave up porn. You did this for your happiness? Yeah. I was watching a pretty fucked up video and I was like, this isn't gonna happen in my real life. Why would I- I have a lot of thoughts on porn. I look, you're all of them. Well, okay.

You're good seeing you, buddy. It's good seeing you too, buddy. I mean, first thing I'd like to say, is that I don't shit on anybody in that industry. I don't at all. I know, I'm just, I'm putting it out there that I don't, like, you know, there's a stigma that they deal with.

In my experience, I was just saying that to somebody that my experience with people in the industry is always, it's always amazing. Like I'm saying that I've been fortunate to do like comedy bits with adult performers. I just did a couple. I just had two in the new thing. And that thing to, to came, but they're, they're just coming. I don't know if it would ruin anything. I mean, I'll tell you, of course, I'll tell you who. And that thing to to came but they're they're just they're coming who

I don't know if it would ruin anything. I mean, I'll tell you of course. I'll tell you who yeah, but you want to edit it out? Yeah, so I had I had a of this thing and But it mics Call Austin good call Yeah, that's one. She's doing the Lord's work Uh, yeah, that's one. Jesus doing the Lord's work. That's not it. But anyway, is that they're always so cool and nice.

And so I just want to put that in a way. I will take it a step further. I think the whole industry as a whole is a nice decompression button from regular life. I can't imagine living a life where here's where I have a crux with it. I can't imagine living a life where my, where my wife wasn't cool with me watching porn. Yeah, that, that'd be, that'd be strange. I agree with you. I have a friend who's not allowed to go to a strip club and like, the end's totally cool strip club. Yeah. And, and, and I, and I think growing up in Florida, I think maybe I, because in Florida, at the end of the night, that's where everyone went.

Well, strip club also, as a group, is very different than strip club alone. By yourself. By yourself. It's very different. But the... The... The regular size dick.

It is not. That's a regular size dick. It definitely is not. I promise you. This guy's pretty good. Who's he? I hate that I know who he is. Um.

Uh. OK, keep going. Don't pull up the screen. I'm going to box that all the time. So this is what I was saying. So first of all, what I'm saying is great people, they've always been so sweet. And every time I've met somebody like that,

they've been great. My thought on it to one degree is that you have to accept that this is fantasy and entertainment, and it's serving a purpose. And there's times in your life where it really does serve, you know, you're alone, let's say we're comedians, we're on the road, and you're in your hotel room, and you're like, I just wanna like, jerk off, right? Yeah. And you pull it up, and it serves its purpose. I can think of times too, especially when I was like,

I don't know, I feel like I just got here, early 20s alone, or I can think of like watching, what I would say is just way too much. And you get into this space where you're like, this isn't healthy because too much of anything can be disruptive to you. I think there's an imbalance to it. And I think the older you get, I mean, to me, I've become less interested in porn as I've gotten older.

I see it like, I see it for what it is. I see it as serving a purpose, it being there to do something, to stimulate your mind in some way, you know, to arouse you, that it is a fantasy, but ultimately it isn't reality. And even like people that work in the industry

would tell you, like, no, this isn't real. This is a performance that we're putting on. I actually think think you're and this isn't because I don't want to take I preface this with like I don't want to take business away from any of the ones that work whatever But I think you're but I think we're all better off not consuming it all the time I You know saying this to somebody who's watched plenty or watch and I joke about it all the time. I, you know, I'm saying this to somebody who's watched plenty and I joke about it all the time, I talk about it, and I'm not like, I'm not an anti-porn activist at all.

I'm saying for your mind, for your happiness, for your sex life, I think the way that it serves you as a couple or whatever is probably to watch, like if you find something you'd like to watch together. I think it would be great. I'd never, in a million years, could get Leanne to watch it together. Like, here's what's crazy.

She's cool with it. She's cool with me watching porn, but I don't think she knows what porn is. Like, I don't, like, you mean? Like, like, I don't think, like, I think she's cool with me watching it, but she's not cool watching it, if that makes sense. Yeah.

Like, she's cool with the disconnect of going, if that helps him get through the day and keeps us happy, and he needs to jerk off at watching, you know, whatever he needs to watch are these girls, which is crazy because like, like the girls I enjoy, most remind me of Leanne. Do you have your men in them? Yeah, man.

Christy Mack. But that, you know what's crazy? Here's the crazy thing about like meeting Christy Mack is like, I mean, I say this respectfully and I hope, I hope this doesn't come out wrong, but like I felt a tabit creepy at times. Because I'm a fan of hers, but I'm a fan, first of all, she's a little different than everyone else because I followed her life.

I followed her on Rogan, when she was dating that one guy Yeah, John and and then and then I followed the Tribulation I followed them it like and the main fights. I was like oh shit. That's a christian mac check Yeah, she had a cool look. She is altitude dark. Yeah, she's like snakes. I like snakes like fucking dogs Like I was like oh, there's a cool check. And then you follow the fight and the beating and then the whole story. And then you follow all of it. And then in a weird way, you're like,

like it's good to see her happy, if that makes sense. Sure. But also, there is a moment where you're sitting in a room with her talking and you're like, the only way I'm coming about you is by watching you naked. Yeah, I don't know if you, maybe you didn't experience this too. So far, and this has happened 100% of the time for me.

Every time I've met a porn star, I can't sexualize them anymore. Oh, I haven't. Because I think meeting Kristi Max boyfriend was the thing that killed it for me. Oh, well, that makes sense. It's like, he's a really cool dude. That's the thing is that like, well, because what you realize is that when you want, like if you just go to like a tube site and you watch a clip, yeah, right? You're just like, you're in this room with this person who there's a distance between you and them and like, re, they're just like

this uber sexual person. Yeah. And you're watching them have sex. And like, okay, that's super arousing. When you're at the comedy store or wherever and somebody goes, this is a Chrissy Mac. And you're like, okay. And then you just start talking about like she's like,

yeah, you know, a flight was delayed. And you're like, oh yeah, you know, do you fly into LAX, fucking nightmare, right? And then you start talking about real life stuff. The separation from fantasy person to real person, it's like this thing just kinda disintegrates. And then you go, oh, you're just like my friend. It's like, you're a regular person now.

I can't watch you anymore in that kind of person. I have not. I've not been watching that kind of clip of Christie Maxson since I met her. And I can't. And then you're right, I can't. Because I met her and her boyfriend. And I just was like, I was like,

and I felt weird. They, by the way, they all hate us so much. Right now they're like, stop saying to not watch. Do not meet them. That's what I'm saying. Don't meet your heroes. I'm meeting them. It's because it is, I wonder what, so like everyone goes, I was going to do comedy, right?

Yeah. So because everyone thinks they're funny. Sure. I think that's what the weird part is that I think there's a kinship between porn stars and stand-ups and strippers because we all work at night, we all have, we fun, everyone's like, oh, that would be the lifestyle. And you're like, well, you don't live in it, but it is fun, we chose it.

But I think there's a kinship in occupations. A bunch of us, like bartenders, chefs, porn stars, strippers, there's a fraternity. Bouncers, like we work like vampires. And so, but I wonder like people always go, Bouncers like we have a we work in the we work like vampires and so But I wonder like people always go oh really funny or I could be I wonder so the percentage of people and We actually probably know a lot they could have been stand-ups had they committed their minds to it I have a friend that I think of immediately I too that I go immediately I go the funniest guy I still go

You're so guy damn funny. Yeah, so funny and I wonder what percentage of women Could have been point like or are like so like I use Kristi Mack and I'm so sorry that we're using her name exact specifically Yeah, but like Kristi Max is is a is a Christie Max is a is a is a Well, Adrianicetic perfect example. That's I just use her because so we shoulder some of the the name Adrianicetic is a

Is a superstar in bed. Yeah, I think she does Sometimes will you'll go like whoa like I didn't even think about something like that. I wonder what percentage of women are like that in the bed. Because I mean, this respectfully, Leanne is not an adventurous X-game star in the bed. She's not like a seriously, she can put her whole fist on my ass. Like that's not Leanne. She's not fingers in her ass hole, not gonna happen. Push it a mouth, that shit doesn't happen.

Like she's just a real fucking, she's a offensive lineman of sex. But you also realize that is, you realize that is most, right? No, that's my point. It's like, what percentage is not? Like what percentage of women? There's some super freaks, let's be clear.

There's some super freaks out there. And a very, I think some of them go like, I could do that, but there's the biggest difference between the regular person who's like, I'm a freak and I can do this professionally. And the ones you see is everything I think is different when there's lights and cameras and people standing around you in a room.

So that's what separates all of them. Is that they walk into the room, they walk into the room the way you walk on stage. You walk on stage and you know, you're funny friends who doesn't do stand up, it's different because the difference is you're like, yeah, but I'm gonna get up on stage and everyone's just gonna look

and it's just gonna be me and a microphone. And this horrible body and they're all gonna laugh. And that's like. Are you talking about me? phone and this horrible body and they're all gonna laugh. And that's like. Are you talking about me? Yeah. Yeah. I can't help it. I can't help it.

The difference is that like the sexy girl at home or guy who's like, you know, cause there's a lot of dudes who are like, I can, dude. I have so many friends. I think they're like, if you didn't show my face, bro, I'd put it down. Right. And the difference is you go, you walk onto a set.

I mean, I was on a set yesterday that it was not shooting a porn, but there's porn people there. And you start thinking about it. You're like, I mean, there's cameras, there's 20 people standing around, there's lights. And you're just like, this is where a guy is just like, yup, naked, ready to go. I mean, that is a different type of pressure.

So I did side pivot, I wanna be on this conversation, side pivot, cause I think this leads to a good place. Okay. Trip flip, we did in Paris. We did a couple. We had a couple. And we were outside the Notre Dame

In a apartment overlooking with a beautiful view of the Notre Dame Mm-hmm, and they were gonna do charcoal sketchings So we set them up to look at the Notre Dame with their things there and then I'm to show up naked And go actually you're sketching this and it's me naked. Yeah So problematic now Very No one's consent So problematic now. Very. No one's consent. But you know, it's like running up the fucking everyone

that traveled to Hamilton signs. Oh, yeah, that's funny. It's a good bit. It's a good bit. It's good bit. It's good. It's good. It's good.

It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. So they sent me up to the room. That would be the best. They sent me up to the room. And I decided I'm going to get hard. I'm going to get hard.

So this is where this is going. I'm going to get hard. And then I'll show it. I'll go hard. Then it'll go, but it'll look nice for the drawing. So they sent me up to the artists loft. Tripflip nude model. Bert.

So that's me, naked. That's the couple, God rest their souls. I don't, I think it made, it definitely made the rest of the trip very awkward. Yeah. I don't know, I can't speak for them, but I didn't, for me. But once you see someone naked, then it's hard to not see that. Yeah. So, um, I think it would have been better would have been if, if, uh, she had been like, But once you see someone naked, then it's hard to not see that. Yeah. So You know, I think it would have been better would have been if if she had been like really into you

She was not but right. She definitely was not but that would have made it She was she was a rescue worker and she was probably a rescue worker in Colorado. Okay, she does mountain rescues and So wait, do you go upstairs and fluff yourself? So I go upstairs to the artist thing. They have them downstairs having coffee. So I run up to the artist thing. Artists, I go back to the artist. I think the artist was kind of attractive. Older lady. Yeah.

Kind of attractive. Very French, very cool. Yeah. And she says, um, so the season new people all the time, yeah, you'll be on a nude model and I said yeah, she goes okay Do you want the glass of wine? And I was like yeah, fuck I say glass of wine. And I was like hey, is it okay if I like she goes Yeah, of course make it to me the way we want to see it. It does yeah like David You do it. So it's like okay So I get a glass of wine and I go back into the back corner of her house

And I start to fluff. And nothing, right, has happened. Nothing, it's getting smaller. Yeah. And I am doing everything. I pull up porn on my phone. I can't get it. It's the pressure.

Anything. I am doing the way you grab the basin, whack it back and forth. I'm trying to pump blood into it. Nothing. Now, granted, it is like cold in this apartment. Because if you notice we're all in fucking long, nothing is happening, and my sound guy, John Sales,

comes in and he's like, are you ready? And I was like, not even close. And he looks at me and he's like, oh my God. I mean, it's the worst it's ever been. It's the worst representation of my dick that it's ever been. I mean, I'm talking drunk at a dinner party, kick him out, I don't ever want to see you guys again.

That's what my dip looks like. Yeah. So they bring the couple in and they start looking at the no to no and our producer comes back. He's like, you ready? And I was like, this is all I got. And he's like, so we're going to go with. And I walk out totally naked with, I'm not even joking, maybe this much dick.

Maybe this much dick. I'm not even joking. And they turn. The dude starts laughing and the girl's like, and I sit there. And so I get on the couch and I pose. And it's, I mean, my crew is crying laughing. And it's just, it's just, by the way, it's standing and I pose and it's and I mean my crew is crying laughing It's like it's just it's just it by the way it's standing a little bit because it's that small It's that small it's that small and and I'm and I'm and I'm shaking

I'm got chili bumps. It's cold and so this is the worst part is they go Should we bring a heater in for Bert and she's like I have a heater over here And so my sound guy John sales moves heater, my dick feels the heat, and as they're crying, he starts going, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. It is so bad. You have a copy. I have a copy of it. It's somewhere around here. You should hang it. I should. Dude, it was so bad. It was so bad that I, I mean, that was in Paris. I feel good. I look good then. You look really good. That was a rough trip for that lady. We had a bunch of coffee. That was jacket, bro. It was a great jacket. I bought it in Italy. I remember the Italy jacket story. Still were a cool couple. He was a really cool dude. I liked him. I don't think I think

that you once got it before or after your dick right there. That's after my dick. That's it. Yeah, that's in a castle. That's after my dick. This is it, and you got it, it's in a castle. This is after my dick. And after we get in a helicopter, and we get in a helicopter to go, do this show is so problematic. You can't find it Discovery Plus is not airing it. And I'm thinking about buying it from Discovery and airing it on my website and doing commentary

because there were so many problems in this show. We get her and- If you could get that uncensored too, you could make a lot of money with that. Well, my fucking dickhead crew was supposed to shoot at Austin Powers with stuff in front of my dick, and they were laughing so hard, they just shot me naked.

But that's even better. Just dick and everything, nothing blocking it. But that'd be better for if you get to own it, you could actually sell that. They passed pictures of, I know they did. Of course. At high noon and at travel channel, they just sent my dick everywhere, everywhere.

But that is the point where I realized, oh, I could not do points, I couldn't get hard. And I wasn't fucking any, yeah. This is back to the point of how people think they can do it. Also, I want to point something out. I'm not saying the no one should watch porn. No, I'm still watching porn. Here's the thing. I'm saying that you said, should watch porn. No, I'm still watch porn. Here's the thing.

I'm saying that you said, this all started because you said, what are you willing to sacrifice for your happiness? You said stop watching porn. And I was just advocating the fact that I think that removing like fantasy shit, like complete fantasy from your mind, you can stimulate your mind sexually with stuff that here's the thing that

this is the biggest point I want to make. Okay. I've learned, I think, that you can stimulate your mind sexually without porn in other ways that you don't realize until you're not doing it with porn. Like if porn didn't exist, you would still want to fire things in your brain sexually. And so you're like,, how did that before porn? Exactly. So it's like, it's in your mind, it's, look, it could be reading things,

it could be erotic. Is that, okay, devil's advocate. But then does, okay, hypothetically speaking, Trump comes up as a result again. I hope. And he, and the way, I have all this Trump shit that we got on the road. He looks for it by the way

Does he really? No, he looks like shit He looks like shit. I Bought all this Trump the last run he did when any time we went to the Red State I bought Trump shit like a Trump pen that punched and like Trump put him in look try look at him golfing He just golfed this weekend. God, he looked, how old is he? He's like 74 or five.

He really looks like, what is it? He wears the hat every day, huh? 10 pounds of shit in a five pound bag. He looks fucking terrible. God. Oh. He doesn't, that's not a good look. terrible God Oh He done that that's not a good look. It's not a good not if it's good to face the hair It's a solid hat though. I had so much know that memorabilia because we got it when we were doing the quarantine tour

Then I just picked it up and the other day you have that hat. No, yeah never know. Yeah, we do have that remember I did a remember I did an Instagram He's like no need to what it's like the oh He's got the pants up like over his navel. That's a real. I've given up move. I just started doing that today I just did that in a video in a video. I did the video of me. I was gonna do promote dates Yeah, and I had I was doing this this workout today where it was a quarter mile run, man-makers, you know, where you do a pushup with the weights, but you do like those. 20 of those.

And then I had a 45 pound weight over my head and I walked down the Dan de laura, and I was like, I gotta look good with this weight over my head, right? So I was like, get my camera out. And I saw it and I, you can still, arms extended. You can still see like a lump in my belly. So I pulled my pants open.

I was like, you can't see anymore. That's the way I do it. So I, I don't know how I, but anyway, yeah, yeah, I got that hat. Do you remember I had that hat? The Make America Gradient? We went Island, I went to go float a river in Alabama. And she goes, I need a hat. And I said, just grab one.

And she just grabbed the Make America Great Again. And I didn't say anything. I went, that's a great hat, baby. I bought it. We walked out and the end goes, what need a hat. I said, just grab one. And she just grabbed the Make America Great again. And I didn't say anything. I don't want, that's a great hat, baby. I bought it. We walked out and then I just, what the fuck are you doing? And her dad's like, now that's a hat. And so then I did a video.

I've done two videos of my house not realizing what's up. I did one where I was like, I was like coming to the old house and I was coming in and I was like, I think I was either face timing you, I was face timing you, and you go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop right there. Is that a make America great again? I went, oh yeah, it was on our hat rack.

And then I did another one where I picked up a Trump 2020, you had a 2020 flag, and I had put it on our mantle for when the girls came home, and the girls came home and they went out. They were like, oh, I remember this. And then I forgot it was up there and I watched Monday Night Football and started filming. I was like, this is how you watch football. And it's a Trump 2020 flag. I had so much of that memorabilia that I forgot that I it, it, I'm blind to it.

Yeah. So I had CBS come here to do something. And I have like Trump magnets everywhere. It's just, I don't see them. And it's like, and immediately I was like, oh, CBS still respected. So, but I, that's when I had to clean out everything. Wait, we were talking about stimulating your mind.

Yes, outside. So then, okay, so hypothetically say, Trump becomes present again and he pulls out all porn. Okay, he goes So then, okay. So hypothetically say, Trump becomes president again and he pulls out all porn. Okay, he goes, no more porn. And he says the same thing, guys, let, how many more serial killers do we get? Because, because, like, I can get my mind stimulated.

Like, when I go without porn, I definitely note, things turn me on quicker that I wouldn't maybe notice, but that also happens in the world as much as it happens in my house. Like I definitely will like, like I've ever seen a chick running on the street, and you're like, god damn it, she's hot. Like I don't do that often.

I don't do that often. I remember I did a lot when I was younger. Like when I was younger, I didn't know that you couldn't check out other chicks and funny girlfriend. I would be like, whoa. And then she'd be like out other chicks and funny girlfriend. I would be like, whoa. And then she'd be like, what are you even doing? I'd be like, she saw this fucking set.

Step up your game. You're not gonna be around for long if you don't fucking pay attention to the teams. But I wonder if you get dudes who don't have a girlfriend, who don't have any prospects of the getting girlfriend that are now at a mall just staring under the escalator going, oh, you know what I mean? For sure. Like porn does serve a purpose for some people who just get the demons out and they can operate in the world.

Absolutely. And that's why absolutely it serves a purpose. And absolutely, look, sometimes it's nice, it's a nice resource to like check out and enjoy. And like, you know, like I said, we live that hotel life and sometimes you're just like, you're alone and you're like, I just wanna, something to... That's what Leanne one time said to me at dinner.

I was at a dinner party and we were talking about porn and Leanne goes, your sample size is not everyone's sample size. She was your sample size is you and your friends. And you and your friends are degenerates. And what you guys like, not everyone likes. And I was like, bullshit. Every dude, she's probably seen like eight clips what you guys like, not everyone likes. And I was like bullshit. Every dude, she's probably seen like eight clips. She's like, I've seen porn.

She has seen eight clips of like, regular, like blow job, like a tasteful, like, oh, yeah. Not like, ah, you know, like, I want, when was the last time you tried something sexually and Christina said no like meaning like like I'll give you a perfect example soft example lands birthday I shouldn't share all this book. I don't care. Okay. Lance birthday next morning wake up Leanne had a blast at her birthday. Oh, I dad. I hit it out of the fucking park.

She goes, take Georgia dancing. She was having a... She took Georgia orientation. And I was watching Ila, because my sister got sick. I was watching Ila. And I said, working out one morning, and then I was like, I gotta do something for Lance birthday. And she said, I want a dance party.

And then Pete and Lacey were like, just like, well, we'll just get her a dance floor. And I was like, I gotta do something for Lance Berthday. And she said I want a dance party. And then, Pete and Lacey were like, just like, well, we'll just get her a dance floor. And I was like, I'm gonna be, and my sister, Coddy goes, I'm on it. I just gave you my connect, they'll give you a dance floor. I think we got Carter Cruz to DJ. I invited a very small amount of people, so it wasn't like, so Leander didn't have to take care of people

because that's how Leander works. If it's too many people, then she has to make sure the house is clean We had our cleaner come to clean the house top to bottom got a dance floor put up lights lay seat tape Everyone helped out everyone came and helped out and made food and and it was great I'll end it up in the pool at fucking two in the morning. It's right fucking great. Next morning she wakes up right yeah Panies t-shirt no bra in, I'm taking a shit,

maybe not the best way to start sex, but I'm taking a shit and she's like, beaming. I had a fucking blast last night, it's early. And so I was like, oh well, let's see what I'm not doing. I'm stopping using words. Yeah, yeah, you did. And you also are describing that you're literally

pensioning one off and you're like how about we Give me a second of white and all Let me take a look at this shit on this paper and then I'll be ready to fuck you You have any wet wipes? It's pretty running. She's like wash your hands and me me in the bed Okay but we we Do the first part and then she's happy. So we go to do the second part and I go, Hey, I have a little and she goes nah, I was like, okay. And like just just like a typical not like a

Hey, don't do that, but like a typical like that's not happening and you just go all right. What percentage Do would you say that happens in your relationship where you suggest something and she, no, you can do this and you're like, I'll take that Wow, that's a good question. I mean because I have a great one after this. I have a great question that hit me hard as fuck Okay, go okay, I think No Like now that's not happening is No, like now that's not happening is, it's not all the time, it's a percentage. I don't know the exact percentage,

but I feel like 15%. Yeah, I think that's time's accurate. But I'm also like, were you asking for something totally new? No, I have, I have. By the way, those are always no. But I mean, in this particular case, it's something good. No, no, no, no, so it's? No, uh, I have. I have. And by the way, those are always no. But I mean, in this particular case, it's something good. No, no, no, no. So it's just like, like, uh, hey. Something you've done before.

Fluff me up a little bit before we go in. And I like to, I like to, Dr. Drew really painted the fucking really hit it out of the park for me. What do you say? He was like, was, was wife did, actually. She said to Leanne, you don't always have to suck his dick till an orgasm. You just suck his dick a little bit.

And then that'll suffice. And for me, that just, I just love that and then sex. And then Leanne's like, nah, it's my birthday. Get to work, big guy. And I was like, okay, okay, okay. But if that was flipped, if I said that to Leanne, I was like, no, you'll be sucking my dick. Like she'd be like, excuse me?

Because there's no like, there's no even playing around. I can't just be like, I can't just be like, and suck this dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that's not the same. Or if she's like, hey, would you, and I go, no. That's not happening. We're doing it the thing I want.

Do there, by the way, Drew and Sue, they're so hypersexual. Are they, they're in their 60s? Jesus. And it's like, well, they're still, they still look good. They do still look good. They look, they even really. They don't look like they're in their 60s. Yeah, I mean, well, they're still, they still look good. They do still look good. They look, they even really, they don't look like during their 60s.

Yeah. I mean, and I might be wrong. I might assume in a few years younger, so I don't want to get the season or 60s. That's all a picture of on Instagram the other day that I was like, okay, but he's in his, he's like 60, two or seven, 70. He's like 70. No, no.

It's crazy. You're in his, the... He is always. Always. She was born in 1991. What? No, she's there. I'm married in 1991. She's 62.

She looks great. She does look great. Yeah. They still go at it. I think I'm going to get Liam on steroids. You think that'll change her? No, no, no. She wants to do one of those things.

She wanted the pace we go when we get this to themselves. Yeah. We got one in here in L.A. Yeah. I want to say this. I think I'm gonna get Liam on steroids. You think that'll change her? No, no, no, no, she wants to do one of those things. You know, the place we go when we get this in themselves. We got one in here in LA. I won't say their names, I don't wanna blow up their spot. But Liam had a friend who was having hormonal problems. And they gave her like a little steroid pill in her ass. They cut a little slit, like pill in her ass,

and I don't, I mean, I don't really know how it works. Liam has been so anti-all that shit. I remember we had a friend who said, you know, let me get you, I'll get you all the fucking memories. Yeah, I remember, I remember. I remember, I remember. And Leon was like, I'm not doing that in the other day after her birthday.

She hit me up and she goes, I'm doing it. I went, what? She goes, I just, I wanna feel healthy. She's like, I can't sleep. I get night sweats. If it's my fucking hormones, I'd rather get a good night's sleep and get some solid hormones in me. So we're gonna go get her blood work done

to see if that's what it is. But like, and then I was like, on a horror film. Do you ask for a line of like, new sexual shit though? Or do you keep it like pretty much in your wheelhouse? The only reason I do is because it's important. This is it you ask for that's so this was my epiphany.

I'm sitting in a bed. I'm watching one of the more fucked up things you could watch. Just yeah, just I'll tell you exactly what it was. So everyone has perspective. It was I don't know how I got on this search. I would love to know the thread that got me there. It was chastity cock cages with a sounding, it was a sound, do you know what sound it is? So the woman put the cock cage on the guy and then the nut thing and then as she was putting in on the cage she was sound it was going into your eerie throat and all of a sudden I'm like what the fuck am I watching and this way you ask no no no I go I go this isn't like

how am I watching this and then what how did I get here is this healthy for me this will never happen in my life but I'm sitting here watching it, almost like watching, like, and then I'm going like, and then I'm thinking, I'm thinking, so who's into that? The chick or the dude? Like, you got it, like, how did he get that? Because here's the deal, I could never get Leanne to do that.

I could never get Leanne to do that. If I said to her, listen, here's a deal breaker. Yeah. This is what I need in my relationship. I need you to cocage me and then sound me as you cocage me and then sit there topless with two rubber gloves on and just back and forth. That's what turns me on.

She would be like, look at this. So she looks like she's into it, right? But is she just pleasing the guy? Is the guy into it? I think so. I think so. I think that's how you have this conversation. I don't even know how to have this conversation.

But wait, you think she would be like that pack unpacking my stuff up? Yeah, really? Yeah. Yeah. She's a hard time giving me a hand job. Like why? She's like, what am I supposed to do?

What am I looking at? What do I do? Like anything, like we were in, we were in, I don wanna get to into the weeds. She, like, look, it's, here's a deal. I can't, I, I, this is not happening. And so while watching this, I'm not even watching this one. There's a few of these, but I'm going like so,

first question, is there a relationship stronger than my relationship? This is not a relationship. This is your first mistake. This is not a relationship. You don't think this is a relationship? No, this is a lady that got $800. Just stick a fucking metal straw down a guy's dick. All right, hold on, you ready for this?

Yeah. Go to their page. Go to their page. They're page. Hold on, go to Melody Pleasure. Okay. Melody Pleasure. Okay. Okay. And she only has two videos up. Right. They're both her. Okay.

Is that the same guy? So like, I, here's a question. It's like, you some of these you go to their page and it's this couple doing all this shit together. and then you're sitting there going, like that's what they do. They make these videos, but like I go, and these are just people you'll see, like just at the DMV, when I'm in, no they do it. But how do they find each other? It's like, it's like two fucking whales

running into each other in the ocean, and I know you're a whale. And then, but like, but there's probably like, you know, I probably, first of all, there's the internet. There's things you can, there's groups and you can start. There's word of mouth about sex clubs. I'm sure that if you're really into that, there's a way to find you. That's the one I saw.

It's in spite of you getting good. We're good, I think we're good. That's the one I saw. That's the exact one I saw. That's the exact one I saw. That's the exact one I saw. Yeah, we've seen it. Okay, we don't need to see anymore. But like I started going like, okay, so then,

I got it. You just stopped playing it. Oh, this is the exact one I saw. This is the exact one I saw. This is the legit one I saw that I wanted. Okay, I'm watching this and then I go, see, I'm turned on by the gloves and I was like, I wouldn't mind the am wearing gloves like that.

And then I was like, wait so how do we get back to stimulating yourself sexually without porn? Because that's where we were. Well, okay, so then, so for me, it's seeing Liam without a bra on the house, right? Yeah, that's great then. But for this guy, what is it for him?

He's like, he's like, he's got a jiffy lube and he's watching an oil change. He's like, oh, yeah, of course. So like, let's check his oilin', he's watching an oil change, he's like, oh, yeah, of course. They're like, let's check his oil. Or he's watching a sweet rack for the, the, the, the, the, the ball goes back in and out. I mean, some people are in the shit that's so,

and once again, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, no you can't. But okay, so what's wrong with this guy? So like, say this guy is a big movie actor, and you find out that Brad Pitt, like, it's a bad example, right, it was your best fucking friend. But you find out that Brad Pitt likes not has a bad example, right? It was your best fucking friend, but you find out that like that like Arnie Hammer no don't do that one the poor guy selling real estate in the Cayman Islands

The by the way I buy really think that guy. That's what they say. That's what happened. Yeah, I think so This is what did you see the documentary? No, I want to see it. There's a new documentary. Yeah, but about his family. It's not fair. They're all dead. Not really. That's family. No, no, no, no. What?

No. I have an inside line on this. So I've been getting fed information about the Hammer family for possibly 12 years. What? Yeah. So I knew about the hammer family, apparently once again allegedly, and I feel bad-tracking.

Can we listen to this? It's one of Discovery Plus. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I watched Hammer Time. Is that a different one? To talk about what happened in my relationship with Army Hammer.

Are you okay to bring up your phone? Yeah. I haven't really digested this one. I have a fantasy about having someone prove their love and devotion and tying them up in a public place at night and making their body for use and seeing if they will f**k strangers for me. Mike, that was going to involve showing up in your place and completely tying you up and incapacitating you and then being able to do whatever I wanted to

to every single hole in your body until I was done with it. In the beginning, I felt like this was all perfect. This was amazing. He would say things, God, you're so perfect. How could you be this beautiful, this smart, so funny. It's like you're made for me, but then things changed. He pushes your boundaries a little bit at a time.

Your his, completely. These are messages that are being sent literally within seconds of each other. I mean, he said I'm 100% accountable. I'm freaking out. It was all he wanted ever to talk about. Then you get a note that says I'm gonna bite the f*** out of you. And you just like acted mad.

The ropes were around your neck, your wrists, your ankles, and you're like completely immobilized. And I'm just closing my eyes until it ended. Wait, he actually did this to me. Well, some of it. Once Courtney came forward, other women started coming forward. How did Army Hammer go from Hollywood Golden Boy to an alleged abuser?

What kind of thing? When all this came out about Army, we paused it. We paused it. Yeah, please. So sweet. Yeah. Also, there's, I'm at thought.

You're thinking of something else. No, I know. I read something of Vanity Fair article. Yeah. And his allegedly, like his dad and his grandfather were into weird stuff allegedly. But I gotta say something about even what we're watching. Yeah.

And then how I am responding to this.. Okay, I'm responding. Okay. The way that I see this there's a bit of manipulation the way this is being presented because those messages that you're seeing and there's like dramatic music behind it and like, you know, yeah. Oh my god. It's like I want to do this. It. It's going on at the time in a consensual relationship, where they're also not showing you the response to those messages. Like, the girl is like, you know, started that thing, and he's like, I'm going to tie you up and do whatever I want to you and all these things.

You don't know if the response is like, yeah, that's hot. It's not an unsolicited message to someone who's like, who the fuck are you? It's between two people that are dating at the time. And he is doing, like, you know, like pushing down. But here's the thing, it's like, I look, all I've seen is this so far.

But if he did, tie a girl up and have sex with her, I'm assuming, I mean, if it wasn't consensual and he broke into her house and tied her up, that's one thing. But that's, and then we start getting into that really slippery slope of like, then do we outlaw rough sex? Well, like, I mean, like, I,

because I'm not into it. Yeah. I'm not into it because I just, I don't know, I'm never, like, I've never been a, I personally, my thing is not smacking an ass. It's, I don't know why that't know why that didn't turn me on. Sure, but I understand that there are people into choking people and stuff.

I get it, but like, all of a sudden you're like, okay, so then we need to do like, what do you like? Do you like it really sweet and soft? In all honesty, I like it in the dark, and I like it slow, slow, yeah, and real slow, and real quick. I am very quick.

I am so quick, I couldn't get into rough sex. I wouldn't, my cardio doesn't get up that quick. I kind of have to stretch, I'd have to get rough before sex. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But like, it's just as so weird because you're right. You're only seeing one side of it. And obviously this is a hit piece. It is. But it's in someone that goes, let's find out the army hammer story. But if people are dating, right?

This girl's dating this guy. And you develop a rapport. And he starts sending you, I mean, these are like, kink things where he's like, I'm going to own you. You're mine. Yeah. And like, I'm gonna own you, your mind. Yeah. And like, fantasy talkers. I guess what tries you on.

What if she's just like, I am, yes. Yes, master. I mean, did they just pie like, this is not cool. Right. You're not gonna see that. If they did say that, and then he was like, I don't give a fuck. I will tie you up, I will fuck all your roles.

And she's like, please lose my number. And he's like, no, I have it. I'm coming over now. And she's like, the door's unlocked my number. And he's like, no, I have it. I'm coming over now and she's like, the door's unlocked. Yeah, that's a real mess. But there are women that are into, I'm not gonna say it out loud, but there are women that are into that shit, that r****** fantasy shit.

There are women that are into that. That's like documented. And so then, dude, this gets so fucking, play the right, but I swear to God, it's allegedly, and this is my God, his whole... allegedly. Yeah. And this is my information. This is like a family thing. Really?

Allegedly, keep playing. Don't wake up and become this dark, controller, abuser. That's not fair. This behavior is deep rooted. On the outside, we were a perfect family, but magnify succession a million times, and it was my family.

If you believe about making deals with the devil, the hammers are top of the totem pole. Every generation in my family has been involved in dark misdeeds, and it just gets worse and worse and worse. I know my grandfather had a dark side but I saw my father's dark side firsthand. And I've seen my brother's dark side. It was like a monster unleashed. Now it's army hammer. It's just generation to generation. I've let the hammers control me my whole life.

What? It's time to stop. I refuse to be silenced. I'm a fan. My name is Casey Hammer and I'm about to reveal the dark, twisted secrets of the Hammer family. I'm assuming that someone that is definitely not connected to the inheritance. Uh, and you're, you're into this, right?

You're gonna watch this. I'm watching this. There's no way if you're, if you're, if you're fucking bank out, it's tied to the inheritance that you're like, I'm gonna destroy this family. Wait, how much money do the hammers have left? You know, so you know that he had nothing to do with Armin Hammer, right? I have no idea what it is. So the debt, Armin

Hammer, net worth has been reported as high as 800 million at the time of his death. 1.6 billion. So we would add 1990. Well, you know his name. Okay, how about why is the Hammer family, what fortune is it? After Armies' great grandfather passed away, and his father inherited more than $180 million fortune from his family's businesses, aside from handing the family's oil business, Michael also owns other businesses like hammer productions

and hammer galleries. So we really don't, there's no explanation of what the origin of that money is. I'll tell you, go to the Wikipedia of the grandfather. What's interesting is his grandfather, Armand Hammer, went ahead and just bought the company, Armor Hammer. You know, the baking soda?

Armand Hammer. Armand Hammer, whatever. Armand Hammer. He just went ahead and bought it. He was like, I'm done with the confusion. It's me too. Yeah, whatever. Seriously?

Yeah. Google that. Yeah. He just was like, I'm yeah, yeah, sure sure It's like if someone came up with a beer called birds beer and I was a bird's beeswax And I was like and I got so rich. I was like just by birds we beeswax and this everyone stops fucking asking this good question Okay Army arm and hammer is a brand of baking soda consumer products major tours or whatever Okay Who owns Armand Hammer is a brand of baking soda consumer products, as it's yours, whatever. I don't know. Okay. Who owns, what family owns arm, arm and what?

This, yeah. But it's kind of, you're right, it is kind of crazy because it's like, it's like, if, I'm sure that if Leanne and I got divorced, there's a way she could, the text I sent her, where I'm like, what's matter? What? Army hammer is not the heir to arm and hammer. Oh, they have stock in the toothpaste in the big soda company. It's not named after them, but they bought enough stock so that he was

like, enough of the questions. Yeah, sure. I talk. But like, but it is, it is kind of crazy. I mean, it's hard. And when you watch a documentary like this to not really, it is kind of crazy. And I mean, I, it's hard. And when you watch a documentary like this to not, not, I think it's gotta be a hit piece. It's, it's, they couldn't have gone in going. Let's tell the story. And also, but there's no money in telling that story. There's no money in it.

There's no money in, I would be very interested in if they're going to show any any responses to his Messages or if it's all gonna be because when the story first broke and you're like, oh shit. This dude's wild, right? It occurred to me right away that were they were only showing His stuff and like no responses, dude. So how do you and here's the deal? Everything comes full circle. Yes All these women who are playing the victim right now. Yeah, there is the way the media works is they've been put up here What let's see it

The way the media works they've been put up here and now the fun story for the media is to take these women down That's the way the media works. Right. Is that they go, all right, the fun thing for the media is to now exonerate our army hammer. That's gonna be the fun thing, I think. Okay, is this a response? This one is also... Let's see.

I want to mark you, I want to bite you, I want to chain you up, and f**k you again and again, f**k this is overwhelming, ha ha. What did you I want to chain you up and you're getting it again and fuck this is overwhelming. Ha ha. What did you tell her when she brought up all the marks? What does she think happen or does she know? Every, so her response is every time I move my head, my neck hurts, it's so sore, it's never been this sore before.

It's also, it sounds like I'm talking about my crates. It's also never had a belt around it, okay? Does it sound like super? Yeah, well, it sounds like, yeah it. Doesn't sound like super. Yeah. Well, it sounds like you're ready. You took it like a champ. No, I tried to crawl away and cried hysterically. She's got to be so surprised.

Ha-ha, she goes to the pool and comes back to an assault victim. I couldn't even look at you during any of it. That's not how ready I was. She's a bit shocked. I'm not going to lie. You crawling, crying away while I stalked you down your hallway was so exhilarating. All right, well.

Maybe wrong, maybe wrong, maybe we're wrong. Maybe we're wrong. A little bit of a tell, too. Yeah, a little bit of, yeah. Okay, you around, I'll phone you later. Yes, how may I be of help, daddy. Oh my God, when you call me that, I get so horny, I need to drink your blood,

why the distance? I'm yours, daddy, I will help you. He responds, I need you to rent us a place and set it up with a list of things. I'll mail you about it Of course where I'm gonna be so naughty and kinky with you there over the possibilities All right, so that's definitely a play for back. Yeah, that's playable Here's the deal is like it's crazy This is also one of those territories just like politics where I go, I got no room in this argument because I don't, like, I don't text like this.

Yeah. I don't, I never, there's all, wait, there's one other thing you got to say about a back and forth like this. What? And I mean, I'm just saying to be totally fair to people. Yeah. You also don't know if there's a game in the back and forth of a text thread. In other words, Yeah. I, you words, I loved hurting you.

And oh my God, it hurt so bad. It was so painful. Oh, that, you know, like that, that playing in that one check was like, that's not how I saw it. Yeah. No, I'm not. I'm not saying that if people have a rapport, yeah, that could be part of their game.

It's part of the game. But I mean, look, I'm pretty, I'm the wrong one to fucking speaking of sex, I have to tell you. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, go ahead, go ahead. So we did a podcast a few weeks ago where you were like, Tim Dillon, you know, he said like, oh, he called me a fat fucking beach. So he came on my age live and he was, I don't know if there's a better guest on any podcast than he may be.

I would argue he is the best podcaster we have right now. He's so good. Everything, have you seen his last Rogan? Have you heard it? I saw the clip about the America. Yeah, I saw that. That and the whole podcast. Yeah.

The whole podcast, everything, he breaks down things so. Because Tim is really smart. He's really funny. And he reads a lot. He's really funny. And he has that ability that great comics do where you can Set him up and you just know he's gonna run with something It's like you know you can bring up, you know, there's certain people to like right like if you go I'm gonna bring up

Racial injustice or or a police You know brutality. I'm gonna. I'm just gonna set this question to Chris rock you know, brutality. I'm just gonna set this question to Chris Rock. You know he's gonna... That's what he's been thinking about for the last month. Yeah, and you know there's something, you know he's gonna say something that is, that it's gonna go for a while. It's gonna be thoughtful, it's gonna be funny.

And I feel the same way with him where like you bring up, you know, abortion, abortion. He did a rant on abortion where he's like first of all I think we should force abortions force pregnancies but here's a beautiful thing about Tim and I is that you can't like you don't really know where his politics align because he has fun with everything. Yeah he does and he and you have an idea where they align, but for the most part. It's not 100% leaning hard into one thing. It's not like Shane Gillis, who's a definite Republican. Like it's, or.

I was talking to him with Shane yesterday. Yeah, yeah, I fucking love that guy. He's hilarious. He is the fucking funniest. Yeah, he's so. So keep going. So yeah, so Tim, I mean, you can. Ching-Gil is will be with me at Red Rocks. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a good choice. With Tim, you can just set him up and it's like you can set him up with, you know, culture stuff, you can set him up with anything political, any hot button thing in the news, and you just know he's just gonna just run with it and it's gonna be great But I play the clip Oh my or the live one the live show of you saying that and I go all I before I play I go all I want is Honesty I'm gonna show you something and I just want you to be honest and I can take the honesty Okay, he's already in a bad place to be honest, but he's going to the clip plays and he goes Yeah, no, I, I never said that.

I don't know what the hell he's talking about. And I go, really, I go, so you, when he goes, No, he goes, Bert, this is like a foam shoe beach retard. A foam shoe. Like the guy who's I got it. We're I got it. I got it. I got it The guy who asked you for the pass if you're supposed to come to Oh, I laughed so hard I almost died fucking. Oh

God, it was great. God. I hate that it made me giggle. He is, he is, uh, he is, he is so fucking funny. He really is fucking so. But also I was like, where did you get that from? You just made that up. I would love to be in there the day he saw that happening. And then it went into his brain and like that's the thing about Tim is

No, but where you came up, you're like no, I think Tim said he oh, oh, I know he did he pulled me upside probably Oh, this is a private account. He was like privately. He's like bird. I'm so attracted to you Okay, okay be interested on the tour bus No, that never happened. He yet no, I just I my memories don ever fucking, I would never put money down on my memories. My memories are so- Do you think I do? So does that matter. Do you think I ever fucking count on your memories?

Oh, sorry to memory, and George, it was just looking at me like, I did never happen. I was like, bullshit, I won the Florida State Regatta. I got booked by a bat. I've had a lot of things happen to me in my life that you fuck you. Yeah. Pivot, we're pivot. Have see in the Manitaito documentary?

No, I've heard it's fantastic. I remember that so well because I love college football and that storyline was great. And they had an amazing season and he was actually an amazing player that season too. I just watched it. I watched it, I watched the very beginning of the first episode, and it's interesting. Immediately, and I don't know if this is the way that culture has dictated my feelings to be.

I don't know if 10 years ago it felt differently because of this, but the person who perpetuated the hoax, the catfisher is now a trans woman. Trans woman? Yeah, trans woman. And so immediately I went, immediately, and then she's telling the story of like, I was like, have we ever been going for an hour and 10 minutes?

Yeah. Oh, fuck. Immediately, she starts explaining that this character, Lanesh, that she created was a way for her to escape and live this other life. And immediately I just got very empathetic to that person, really empathetic to that person. And I was like, oh man, like, wow,

this is gonna be a crazy story. And then I stopped watching it. Yeah. I stopped watching it. And then, and I was, and I think I said somewhere like, oh man, like wow, this is gonna be a crazy story and then I stop watching it Yeah, I stopped watching it and then and I was and I think I said somewhere like, oh, yeah, man My heart really broke for that young lady and they're like you haven't seen the whole fucking thing dude I Walked away going Manta ito Manta ito

Everyone deserves to give Manta ito one dollar in this country and set him up for the rest of his life. It's probably fine with money, but set him up for the rest of his life and let him find a place to allocate those dollars because he's a great person. I've heard enough. He's the, did you know, I didn't know that people just started calling him gay. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I didn't realize that he could get incredibly bullied by so many people, especially online, you know, yeah online It got it got brutal and I had no idea that they were like

Because I remember when this happened and I was like, well, that's crazy. How the fuck what is this like is this? I sent him one of those like where like we cut the letters out of the newspaper clippings and it said like a homo when I mailed it to him Oh for real. Yeah I said all Notre Dame players are homos. I texted him last night. He did. Would you text him? That's why it's in the documentary. It's just like, you know, you're a bigger man than me. Like I'm fucking with lose. I would've got him on my mouth.

It would be terrible. If the fucking world, can you imagine, I think he was, I mean, I'm not speaking on behalf of him, but from what it looked like, he was probably a virgin. You know, he's very, very, very religious. He's very religious. He's a Mormon. I want to say he was a Heisman hopeful that he was.

It was him, Johnny Mansell and TJ Bradley. I don't know, I just made that name. Oh, look at that. I got to get TJ Bradley. And so, but it was him Johnny Mansell. That was an interesting Heisman class. Yeah. But he, imagine being extremely rich here.

Can I tell you, I sometimes think it's not fair that Johnny Mansell turned out the way he did. Who's the other guy? K state. You don't recognize that guy? That is, I love to know that guy's story. That's the quarterback from what? Oklahoma.

K state. K state. Yeah. What? Johnny Menzel, man, I tell you and who I Can't don't even have his name I think he's like he's like hey man. Can you guys just drop it? I took one picture of these two guys Why am I not but think about like?

Man Tai Teo is a Great person top to bottom has always done the right thing. Yeah. His parents say there was two things he said, yes dad and yes mom. Never question them. Busted his ass, uh, lived in a life of God in the Mormon church, uh, followed the Lord. When the Lord gave him direction, he went, I got you. It's not maybe what I wanted. You're right, you're right, K. St. Quarabat, Colin Klein, okay.

I'll never call him that. He committed a bank robbery, I think. This is an interesting Heisman class. And so, I'm joking, but he does all the right things. Finds a girl online that's gorgeous. Doesn't know, naive at best, very naive. Doesn't want to admit to people I've just been chatting online.

I've, but he says, you know, I met her. It's told she dies. Does he, he doesn't do one thing wrong? He doesn't do one, not one thing did he do wrong. Except for maybe lying to his dad and saying, I've met her because he was embarrassed. Right. And then all this shit happens to him.

You take, you take, you want to talk about life not being a fucking fair. Yeah. You take, you do everything right. And you don't lie. Yeah. At all. And then fucking that shit happens to you. And then as, especially as a religious person, you know, I mean, I'm sure the Mormon church

isn't like super cool with gay people. You get branded as a homosexual. And then you still get married, you still have a family, you go back to Hawaii and you live a great life. And he's forgiven the dude who catfished him. He's forgiven all the people online that have gone after him. And he goes, you know, it's hard. People say you want a picture.

And I know that same person trashed me online probably a year ago. And as I sent that text him and he goes, he goes, you know, it's hard. People say you want a picture and I know that same person trashed me online probably a year ago. And as I sent that text message, I went, I remember making a man title joke. Yeah. I'm sure, I mean, I just, I just, I didn't know people were calling him gay. I think the thing that registered the most is you, I remember, you know, the story is that you, you immediately empathize with like, oh my God, this is humiliating. You know?

I have a sensitivity to humiliation. I think, you know, like, I don't like to humiliate people. Oh, I don't? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll burn someone in an ought in the crowd for science, but like, I don't like the idea of like, somebody comes in here and like, I'm gonna fucking embarrass this guy.

Yeah. So like, I remember seeing that story and being like man feeling that how horrible that must feel to be like so exposed. I think you get so exposed you actually probably get past. You know what I mean when everybody, when everybody shames you, you're just like I mean, now it's like it's known.

There's no, the shame almost probably goes away. Because it's Tim, uh, uh, Shane Gillis has talked about it. He really? Yeah, about what that is like. And he said, it's, it's just surreal. Yeah. It's surreal. And, and there's a, you know, like, there's a select group of people that have experienced that. I pray to God, I never have to deal with it. I mean, I just pray to God that like, for whatever reason, I mean, like, and that's possible. Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying I, I try to, I'm trying not to speak in absolute anymore because I always say like, I don't drink and drive. Yeah. I did one time. I definitely did as an adult one time. I definitely did. So like, I'm trying not

to speak in absolutes, but like that, can you imagine you didn't do anything wrong you didn't do anything wrong and then that happens Mm-hmm. He said he went from there's meant I tell you to there's meant I tell Yeah, the shift. I mean that there's that gay guy meant I tell He was a good looking dude, too. Yeah, he is he's still is really good dude jacked Yeah, this is fucking all American line here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here.

He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here.

He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here.

He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. That's what they, you can watch everybody goes to like, go to their only fans. Go to their only fans and if you are a big supporter or your fan of. I let all my only fans run out and I lost that credit card. Yeah. And so now it was easy to re-subscribe. So I just hit re-subscribe and then be like, yeah, yeah, another month or whatever,

another six months, another nine years. But if you want to support them, that's the way, you know, by their content from them. If you want to be a big fan. I have a link on my website, burperburct.com that has all the porn sites that you want to subscribe. Mostly it's Atlantic City and September 3rd and 4th. Yeah. But, well, I'm on tour. I've announced international.

Oh, what are you going to international? So January, I do Australia and New Zealand. Okay. And we moved to, in Sydney, we moved to the super, we moved venues. We moved to the bigger theater. And then I haven't yet announced the next stuff, which is in a, it's more international dates, but I have a bunch of them.

Really? A lot. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We moved to the Aware Super Theater in Sydney. Is that, is that, is that, is that different than the Sydney Opera House? It is different. It's larger. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I just, I just planned out. And just so you know, if you had tickets to either show on the 20th and 21st at the previous venue, for either time, they applied to the show on the 20th or 21st at the same time.

So you added a show in Melbourne. Yeah, we've had three shows in Melbourne. I don't know where we're at, man. We're doing what, four in Brisbane, I think four in, we're doing a lot of shows in Australia. Holy shit. And then we will announce so many more international shows soon.

I can't say them yet. Well, I'll show you my international schedule. Is it crazy? We're so funny, I haven't. I have, I don't have, I think it's flip-flopped. And I announced my Netflix special is being shot. What? It's being shot.

Where are you shooting it? In Phoenix. For real. Yeah. Where are you shooting it? At the celebrity theater. I hate your guts. Why?

That's the best place to shoot a special. We'll see there. That is the best place to shoot a special. November. That is the fourth. Are you serious? Yeah. My birthday is number of a third.

I'm not that. You have me shooting two shows? Mm-hmm. Really? Yeah. Why? Why? Oh, I shoot four. Yeah, my birthday's number of the third You just shooting two shows Mm-hmm really? Yeah, why? Why why should four? Oh, maybe I will I Certain have you put out tickets yet. I don't know There's gonna be six fucking shows You ten shows and fucking you're gonna do you could shoot you should do the ship al and do night I think you shot 19 shows. It's crazy

I think they give you to help too much that celebrity theaters one of my favorite places to form in the world It's so great and it's gonna be an amazing special. I hope so and yours you're shooting yours in Omaha Yeah, are we gonna release our specials like back-to-back like we did last time. Hopefully there's a pandemic and it allows us to Yeah, my hip-hop's hope it starts taking people down your forces stay home We could do that again. What? Celebrity I've you release tickets. Are you have you put those on sale yet the the first show went on Pre-sale last week. Oh, you know, yeah, by the time this air and so and so yeah, nice. I'm doing mine in Omaha I'm on we're at I don't know, the Orphium.

Okay, I think they're sold out. All right. We're doing four, we're shooting four, we can only shoot four because fucking corn huskers are Saturday. Oh, yeah, you don't want to compete with that. No, it doesn't matter who's in town. At all. It could be the stones, it could be fucking hairy styles.

It was a little, it was a little... The Chivalier in Boston? Yeah Shavalli-A in Boston. Yeah, that's my encore played in Boston. I already did Boston. When's this? Is this in November? Yeah, but I already did it. I already did the Wang and uh...

So wait, why didn't we, we should've done, I've so much talk to you about. Here, let's wrap this up. Yeah, let's wrap this up and then we'll go and then come do another one. Okay. All right,, thank you. Bird and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes top and swat the other, wears a shirt.

Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. No scripts to bet a booze, amateur, fatology. Dirty jokes, rancho hero, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cave.