2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 149 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

It's another week of 2 Bears 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer! Bert discusses how he dresses like a child, Nadav is a genius, and his daughter going off to college. Tom talks about going to college with Prince Fielder, Bert talks about the differences between him and his daughters, and the bears discuss Andrew Tate getting cancelled. They talk about Bert's knack for promoting, protesting the Garth Brooks concert for YMH Live 8, coffee makers, Bert's trip to Italy, and then Bert runs Tom through his "power" questions. https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/bertyboytourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

How long do you think it takes for Jennifer Aniston to become attracted to one of us on a desert island? A while. A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- I'm trying to switch up my fashion so I don't look like a 12 year old. And we were at the car dealership. And I was looking at cars and we had more deal with stuff. And the guy goes up the land. I think your son likes that one out there. He goes, excuse me. And he can just see me from a distance. son likes that one out there. He goes, excuse me. And he can just see me from a distance.

And from afar the way I dress up looking as child. Yeah. And I go, he thought you were a big bob, just, he's dressing up fucking boy. You're flat brim and reds, you're flip pops. You don't dress like a grown up and you belong to the car and you're like, you're sure.

You know, uh, I... Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Mm, joking. Ah, yeah. Yeah, right? I couldn't stop laughing, and then I look at this table, and it's filled with weed and dice,

and of course. And then I look at myself today, and I'm like, no fucking adult dress is like this. You have a grown man, T-shirt, huh? I'm not stop laughing. She goes, it's not because I look old, from a distance, you look like. You have a grown man, T-shirt on. You're not stop-lapse, you go, it's not because I look old from a distance, you look like a child, a fat fucking child, trying to pick a car that he wouldn't want to drive

if he got money. I can't. Wait, you get a car? Come on. I can't pull the trigger. I have a hard time spending money. How you know? You keep saying this.

I have a hard time spending money. I just do. I look at certain things and I go. We just talked about much money we just did talk about that. Can I can I tell you the dobs a fucking genius? Please I want it. I will please qualify the statement. It's just a wide shot Well, let's go to a single here. We go The dobs a fucking genius. What the dov No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, do YMH lives. Yeah, but with you Christina and Leanne, right? And Roy Choi. Oh, that'd be great. And I remaked in her. And you redeemed yourself and I redeemed myself. That's pretty I redeemed my

that you will do. But but then I was like, well, I think I would kind of have to do like I don't know what the I don't know anything about those live shows and the fucking bandwidth and all that shit Although I'm working with the same guy anyway, anyway, you definitely do it So I we shoot the first one we shoot is with With Bobby Lee and Mark Norman, okay, and it's like an hour 40 we shoot for an hour 40 Make the whole meal just all most of its counter fuck just each other laughing. Yeah. So we go and we'll edit it down like 40 minutes.

Sure. But I'm like, I don't know what to do. Like do I put it on YouTube? Do I put it behind a pay while all these things? And I'm like, really questions I should have asked you by just ended up, Nadav called me about ads for two bears. I go, hey man, can I just bounce something off of you and he goes, sure.

And he goes, I said, well, I don't know what to do with these fucking somethings burdens. Like, what do you think I should do? And he goes, well, how long are they? I said, well, we should shop for an hour and 40. He goes, are you gonna put that on YouTube? And I said, well, that's too long. I think we're gonna edit it to like a really great episode

put it on YouTube. He goes, well, what are you doing with the rest of it? I said, I don't know. And he goes, like, I kind of want to see the rest of it. I said, okay. And he goes, put on your website. I said, you think he goes, I kind of want to see the rest of it. I said, okay, and he goes, put on your website. I said, you think he was, yeah, you put it like $5 or something, put it on by like a subscription thing.

He was put it behind a subscription. I'd watch the whole episode. That's what I wouldn't watch. And I went for real. He was like, yeah, yeah. And he was like, is that what you need to ask? And all of a sudden, I was like, you motherfucker. Like, it changed the way I was like, yeah,

we'll do the subscription. Like the full episode, we can see us talking shit about everyone. That's five bucks. And that whatever it is to, you know, because you got to pay for the bandwidth to put it up there. Sure. So whatever that is,

and then you can get, and you get them, fucking just get them like a week ahead of time and you get the full thing. And then we drop them free on YouTube, the edited version, which, you know, that's probably what most people want anyone anyway. But like, I know for a fact, like if you gave me an unedited version of, if you could give me

an unedited version of something. That's what I would want to watch. Yeah. And I was like, what? Do you want to do a FoamTube Beach retouch shirt? Yes, I do. You do? Yes, I shirt? Yes, I do. You do? Yes, I do.

Yes, I do. Yes, I do. How do we, we have to cut terminal man? So we've got three ways split. I don't know. I mean, you're talking about Leanne seeing you really made me give it to you. She's, by the way, I'm not, I'm not that far off. Yeah. I'm so close to that. you talking about Leanne seeing you really made me think of it too. By the way, I'm not, I'm not that far off.

Yeah. I'm so close to that. I'm gonna be sick. Type it in. I wanna just see what it, what it looks like. I wanna see if there's a visual of when you type in foam. What is it? Foam, shoe, beach.

Oh. Shoe Beach. I think you're missing a really key word in there. There you go. Oh, wow. Proud. Proud. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I'm up for that shirt. I'm up for, I'm up for, I wish I thought, I wish I had the business I have now back then. Cause I used to come up with ideas so much better back then. Now you still have good ideas. I have good ideas, but I think now because no one says no to me I start going like that's not a good idea right right maybe I just won't like I couldn't figure out what to do with something burning all I know is I want to do a live one with you and push and we end like the way we used to eat dinner before so many fucking years that would be fun get my daughters naked or can you believe in your kids are going to college for 10 more years 10 more years remind me 10 years. Don't remind me.

George is gone. Gone. Not gone. She's here today, but gone. Like she's going to college. Soon. Yeah. When, like in a week or something?

Couple weeks. When this airs, she's probably already there. Yeah. I'm taking her to school. You are? Yeah. It'll be on my best behavior. You really have to try. how long was that last?

I don't know what we do the first time when there's someone's like no way I'm supposed to I know what I'm supposed to do He's not now or so I'm supposed to do You can't be too with my daughter if you don't I am here with George They're like whoa whoa whoa shut up. Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be a fucking nightmare It was it was even just like during her orientation, I guess someone recognized her and was like, oh shit, you're, you know, dotha-doth. And you could see her kind of like shrink. Or I would, and there, Leant said, she just gets like,

and I wish I could explain to her, it's, I don't look, I never had that situation. Yeah. Like I never had the opportunity to, I would love, I would love a foot in to the door. I would love that. In life, I wanted that my whole life. Did you ever feel like, did you feel like,

did you, you don't see it strike me as someone who gave a fuck? No, of course I gave a fuck, what do you mean? Like I wanted, like I had friends that had money, I had friends that had, their parents were like well-known in the city. Yeah. I had friends that whose families were parts

of the Cool Country Club. My family was never that. We didn't even live in the good area. Like meaning, not me, we lived in a very fine area, but we lived in North Tampa, which now is different. But back then, North Tampa was here, South Tampa was where you wanted to be. Yeah. My parents didn't, weren't members of any country club, anyone,

that anyone was, there's no members of like, Yamistique crew. We didn't have tons of money. Like we have money enough to get a car and pay for a private school. Like we had money. But like, yes, I know what you're saying. I wanted that foot in. When I was a kid, I wanted that. Dude, 100 exactly the same. Okay, your boys get that foot in. Your boys have that foot in. When I was a kid, I wanted that. Dude, exactly the same. Okay, your boys get that foot in. Your boys have that foot in. Right. Your boys will go into school and there will be dads, like Mark Wahlberg's kid goes to school

with some of my friends' kids. And there are kids, when Mark Wahlberg's kid shows up at school that go, oh, that's Mark Wahlberg's kid. Yeah, yeah. And then that kid has't, I mean, I could argue easier path in life, meaning in my head, like, everyone's already set up to like him. Yeah.

His dad's fucking Mark Wahlberg. I had the exact same experience, and I had friends who were like super wealthy, friends who were well-known, people who had like famous parents, or like athletes' kids. Dude, Prince Fielder went to my school for real? Yeah.

During the run where the Yankees won on the World Series. So, Princess Fielder has a beautiful swing. Cecil Fielder would drop him off in like a Viper or a Ferrari. What the fuck? Yeah, man. I mean, he was younger than us, because I went through it was a small school, he was younger than us, because I went through a, it was a small school. And he was, he was younger, but you,

the same thing would happen to be like, it's fucking Cecil Fielder's kid, right there. Yeah. And then we'd watch him take fucking batting practice. And we're like, he can do what? Like, because he could fucking. I, I followed Prince Fielder for a period of time, because he was a, he has a beautiful,

beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, and he had a retire early, you know, because of a neck injury. Naked neck injury, neck neck, neck injury. Yeah, his neck. He, he had to, uh, he had a great fight. He was a little bit of a big guy too. A little bit.

God, look at that fucking swing. Yeah. Look at that rocks back on his back leg. I mean, it's a little bit, he's already pot committed to the swing. Yeah. I think any hitting coach would, oh wow, maybe not. Oh, there's that. Look at this, look at this, look at this.

And then that follow through. Damn. Look at that thing go all the way around. He knows that's gone, right there. So what was he like? Was he shy? Well, so it was really interesting. So the high school,

moved from Milwaukee to to to the Verbeach, Florida and in Milwaukee I went to a big public school. I think art school at the time was 2500 or like a big school. We moved to Florida and there's a public school down the street from us that 6,000 students. What was the name of it? Verbeach high school. Okay. It was so big that they ended up breaking the school up and Opening another high school to put some of those kids in it just got like overwhelmingly huge so So anyways, we went my parents sent us to a small private school that it has a lower school on an upper school The upper school is seven through 12 so there's you know, they have like Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, K through six, seven through 12, that makes sense.

That was what Berkeley, well, I went to school, Berkeley. So when I was in 11th grade, I'm a junior in high school, Prince is a seventh grader. And he's five nine, two 45. Right? You see this kid and you're like, he's chubby, but he's, you know, first of all, you're just like, that's Cecil Fielder's kid and you're like, oh, of course it is. And he's, you know, first of all, you're just like, that's Cecil Field, just kidding.

You're like, oh, of course it is. And he's wearing... This is back when there are only, and I mean this, maybe it's, maybe, this back when major league baseball players were stars. Not to say they aren't now, but like, yes, even still I see Mike Traut like. Well, baseball has gone down.

Pro baseball has gone down in popularity. Oh, yeah, without a doubt, okay, yeah. So Mike Trout, and there's a few baseball players, I legit know, but yeah, go. And he's like unrecognizable to people. Most people know who Mike Trout even looks like, right? Probably the most recognizable guys the guy from the Dodgers, Trevor Bauer.

Yeah, so. You should be used that to his benefit. Prince is a house of the seventh grade, 12 years old. And the first thing is that myself and my friends are like, we come up to him, we're high school kids coming up to a seventh grade, and we're like, you're gonna play football, right? And he's like, nah, he's kind of shy,

but I think he's used to the fact that he's a famous person's kid. And he's a seventh grade. He's a seventh grade, and he's used to the fact that he's a famous person's kid. And he's a seventh grade. He's a seventh grade and he's very sweet and like, you know, fun, you know, engaged in conversation. We're like, you're not going to, you should play football. And he was like, nah, don't really want to, you know, not that interested. We're in the gym one day, we see him play basketball. And you're like, oh, this little chubby kid is athletic.

He's doing spin moves, he's doing like, he's embarrassing people. And he is 245 pounds, he's 12 years old. So we're like, oh my God, it's like, he's really affect. There's something, I think it's sometimes it's more impressive when you see an overweight guy do something.

And absolutely. And when you're like, well, this guy can fucking move. There's that guy that does those posts where he says he's you on the roller blades. Yeah, I met him. He's a cool dude. Yeah, he went to my show with the Red Rock. But, you know, he's a heavy set dude

and he's doing like fucking flips on his roller blades, ridiculous. So anyway, we tried it, you know, we keep talking, we're like, you play football and he's like, nah, we see how athletic he is and we're like, do you play, you know, do you talking, like, you play football. And he's like, nah, we see how athletic he is. And we're like, do you play, do you play, but he's like, yeah, and we don't see it yet because, you know, it's a, it's September, right? Um, baseball, no one's like really playing it yet.

It's football season basketball's coming up. Uh, his dad is dropping him off a lot of days. His dad's a, a D.H. that year for the Yankees and they win the World Series that year. So this is, I think 1996, if I'm for the Yankees and they win the World Series that year. So this is I think 1996 if I'm correct Yankees win the World Series that year. So it's a big thing like you have a World Series famous baseball player coming to school dropping off his kids sometimes. So then you know after the new year it's like baseball is coming up and then I remember

one of the guys goes, dude, I just saw Prince take batting practice. They did, they went, right? They he goes, it is unbelievable. And then my football coach was also the baseball coach and he's like, this kid is legit. And he's hit, he's 12 years old, hitting dingers like into the parking lot, you know, just like rake in these balls

I remember like holy shit. And he ended up only staying. I want to say he stayed one year, two at max, but then he was gone and it's because I think Cecil got traded or whatever. He moved. He moved to another place. I didn't really, you know, just remember or whatever, he moved, he moved to another place. I didn't really, you know, just remember thinking of that, like, you know, that was cool or whatever. And he turned into a legit all-star, he was an all-star. But he had some neck injury, a crazy neck injury that made him retire early. But the point is that he was like a really accessible,

not pretentious kid at that age. But do you ever think about how your sons are gonna deal with it? Because they're gonna go into school and people will say, oh my God, his dad's, Tom, like I can't imagine Joe's girls are now probably getting ready to go into high school. Yeah, I think so.

I mean, the scrutiny, it's the microscope, I wanted it when I was a kid. I wanted my dad to do, I wanted my dad to be, I wanted my dad to be like, Bill cost me, I know that's a bad example, but like, like I wanted him to be like, my dad was just like, just mixing drinks and fucking having a good time. I was saying to someone the other day,

I was like, I really regret, man, there's a lot I regret about, how much I've shared about my family. Like I really put the girls out there a lot. I wanted, I had the fantasy, well I wanted my dad to be like, hedge fund successful, right? Cause I just saw the way those kids would,

I went to, when we went to that private school, it was a different world. Like the public school in Milwaukee was the real world. Like in other words, it was a mix-up of people from all walks of life, but it felt like the real world. Like you're just going to the fucking mall or something. You know what I mean? Like it's just like, as they go into the grocery store, you see people from all, yeah.

That private school was a different world. And I, some of the kids I found out, I just didn't, I was like, oh, I'd never experienced it. And I'm a freshman in high school. And there's kids who found out, I just didn't, I was like, oh, I'd never experienced it. And I'm a freshman in high school. And there's kids who have like, their family have yachts. And they have two and three and four homes. Shit, like I didn't, and I was like, I wish like, that was us.

But see, that's the thing that probably drove you to get to where you are. I'm sure I played a part. Is that, is that when you witness that as a kid, you're like, I want that, I want that. Yeah. I wanted, I remember going like, why doesn't my dad, my dad didn't really give a fuck about,

he cared about money, but it was more about paying the bills. He wasn't like a... Isn't there an interesting part of it though too, that it does motivate you and probably is part of the drive. Oh, 100%. But isn't the other part of the equation that as you get some of that success,

you realize it's not the fulfillment that you think it'll be. In other words, it feels good. No, it doesn't feel bad to be successful and do well. But it's not like, oh, now I'm complete. I'm a complete person because I'm... Well, I I'll tell you what this is going to be super telling about Bert, Christcher. Okay.

This my, I mean, I'm not, by the way, I'm telling a secret that I think everyone already knows the answer to. I, I enjoy, I enjoy when someone comes up and says, hey, a big fan, love your work, keep doing it. I enjoy that almost more sometimes. That is the thing that I don't understand my daughters don't like. The thing is when someone goes, hey man, I think you're funny as shit.

Or the idea that someone would come up to Georgia and be like, hey, just, you know, I'm a fan of your dad's, and that immediately in her head goes, I don't like this person now. Right. Because she doesn't trust them after that. She doesn't trust any of their actions. Yeah.

I told you this, Ila, for her birthday, she had always said when she turned 16, she gets to curse. I don't know where the fuck she got this from. I remember this. Yeah. She's her whole life. She's like, when I'm 16, I can't wait to like and curse. I'm like, that's all it works.

Because it's how it works. Trust me, dad. So it was a joke when she turned 16, everyone's like, you know, what's the first curse words? You've been talking about this forever. So I said to her, I put a video, I said, hey, I love it. Where are you cheating? I didn't really add.

Outside, we're having a party for her. I said, it's your 16 birthday, but when we want to know what your first curse word's going to be. She looks at Leanne, looks at me, looks at Leanne, just goes, cunt. And it's fucking hilarious. It's fucking hilarious. I put it on Instagram.

I've said this before. I put it on Instagram. This one is so significant to me. As I put it on Instagram, the team that runs my social media cuts it, puts it on TikTok, and that night she wakes me up, and she's like, uh, it's like three in the morning, four in the morning, she got to take that down. I'm like, what?

She goes take it down now. I, this is, yeah, she goes, it's got six point six million views. It's going to go viral. I need you to get it off the internet. I said, wow, like I'm like, hold on, I'm a presale for my fucking tour. Like, you sure you wanna fucking take it down? Is you can't find it, you're not gonna find it on TikTok,

I had to pull it off TikTok. And so she's like, yeah, I don't wanna be known as the Cunt Girl. I don't wanna, like my friends are, my friends are texting me and they're saying this is fucking hilarious This is amazing and now I know they're on your TikTok and they watch your TikTok and it's bothering me that they watch anything you do So take it down take it down and I was like

She was keeping on Instagram. She was no young people watch Instagram. You can keep it on Instagram But take it off TikTok. So I had to take it off TikTok 6.6 million views. I Talked to organic about it and she said, I don't wanna be the Miranda Cosgrove, me of people using my voice and then everyone, I don't wanna be that, I wanna be Ila and I don't wanna be some meme. And I went, I was like, that's all I wanted in life.

I mean, as an adult, yeah. As an adult, when I first learned what a meme was, I was like, how. I mean, as an adult. Yeah. As an adult, when I first learned what a meme was, I was like, how do I become a meme? Yeah. And it's like, and it's so interesting. It's funny how your brain actually. Yeah. Like we go into a restaurant in Italy.

I should talk to you about Italy. Yeah. We went to a restaurant in Italy and they fucking move us to a nice table and the guys like, we're huge fans in Italy. And I'm like, and I look at my daughters. I'm like, that's pretty cool. That's cool. Like, that's neat. Like, I think that's awesome. And my daughters think it's,

they're, it makes them feel like now everyone's watching and I can't be myself. Like, by go, they're always watching. Yeah. And people are watching, we spent one whole dinner just, Eve dropping on the table next to us. The whole time, everyone our family just ate, just listening to the table next to us. The whole time, everyone in our family just ate, just listening to the people next to us,

like, are you listening to this shit? And when they were fucking melting down, they were melting down. We've done this, we've had a couple. We have one on the cruise, it was the best eavesdropping I've ever had in my fucking life. It was a family of obese people with a one skinny dude who clearly the obese people have money

and he was getting that money. And they were calling them on it and we sat eating like that. What do you mean he was getting the money? He was like, he was, he clearly was dating the one chick just to get into that money. Oh, and they were calling him out. And he's like, I love her.

And they're like, it's impossible to look at her. Like it was the best. And then that night on the cruise, someone died. Someone died. No, I don't know. We never found out. We had to go right into port. It was one of the most crazy cruises we've ever had.

Did you ever get the message I was sending you to say in Italian? No, no. On Instagram? No. I was tagging you and sending it. No. I didn't get any of that.

I said, you shot yourself in the leg. What was that? Dude, I was tagging you and sending it. No, I didn't get any of that. I said, you shot yourself in the leg. What was that? Dude, I was- Tell me about Andrew Tate. What the fuck did you create? You didn't get any of those Andrew Tate. Finally, one of the people you discover blow up. The fucking, your fucking cat-like senses

for finding the most unique- Unique is right Pinch their nipples squeeze their Tesco's stop oh my dick women shouldn't be speaking mother No, and the sad thing is so many of them die, but he is not dead and and I was so primed so primed he He is he is what happened to us we were very talented comics they gave us an opportunity to shine we had good Netflix specials and then we said we're ready for this and we went on and we continued working he

is a fucking lunatic yeah he's so here's the thing he knows what he's doing that the funny is yeah is the people who are like, this they think this is just a wild man let loose. And you're like, this guy is very calculate, very. And he is intelligent. He's not just, I think he's very tough.

Like he comes with a reason, it's entertainment. But I do think, I know he got arrested for human trafficking, but I don't know what, the details are. trafficking, but I don't know what details are. Yeah, and I don't know. Sometimes you can get caught up. Like it's like, it's like mail fraud. You're like, come on.

I was mailing him a bag of shit. What do you mean? So I don't know if those charges were dropped. He got kicked off Instagram. Like what? He got kicked off Instagram. Instagram and it's all going wrong For I okay, how he how can mainstream media not love this guy?

Here's what I understand about mainstream media. He is creating content for you in a world where you all you want his content He's dude. Did you ever seen the episode he did with us? I haven't seen the whole thing I've seen I saw you spit out coffee it is and I'm watching Christina the entire episode She was hilarious that episode. I was seen I saw you spit out coffee. It is and I'm watching Christina the entire episode. She was hilarious I just I started. She was saying because you know he is like he is like women should be like this and mailing and she was saying things Like she's like look, I know I'm just some dumb bitch He had to keep himself from laughing, but it was it was really really I can't tell you I can't tell if his brother is a real person Oh really? I think it's him.

I think he's smart enough to do split screens. He is smart, by the way. Oh, I've just figured out what I'm doing. What? I'm doing Bert Kreyscher split screens. I'm gonna do split screens with me and my twin brother, Brent. Brent Kreyscher. Brent Kreyscher.

And Brent's crystal is gonna be a fucking lunatic. Oh, what's Berk gonna be like? The voice of reason oh, yeah, I think I should I think Brent should be the voice of reason Brent will be he is Showered in how long I it's a long story. I have a fucking my indoor shower gives me anxiety So I just stay why I don't know I't know. I just is. Am I brains lawd right these days? Human trafficking and r- By the way, they kind of go hand in hand.

I mean, it's like. But wait, is he, are there any update on him? Romanias, why bet human trafficking in Romania gets a little slippery? Yeah. That's just like driving him from one provenance to another and you're like, he, was she in seatbelt?

Wait, did he abduct somebody? Abducting's a little slippery of a slope. It is. I guarantee you there's been a time I can give you abducted Lee Ann. Yeah, yeah. I was like getting the fucking car. We're going home. Yeah. And she or I'm guarantee you she's abducted me a couple of times.

She's like, you're done. We're going. Oh, I think I've seen this. And then legally, I got abducted by her. Yeah. And she probably drove me into another state human trafficking The ray was sparked with the American being held captive at the house. Okay. I mean, you know, these are also reports Yeah, these are just reports. I mean, I think look the guys this is gonna come by the way

I'm sure all this will have come out in the wash once this is airing because this is we're reading this as today Yeah, but I bet this is all going to be fine for him. I mean, the guy's smart as shit is, that's a chess player. Yeah, master. The problem is, here's what makes this guy interesting. He's in a world where everyone, he's living in a world where he's, I think he's a thoughtful smart dude. Yeah.

And I think that he has an angle and he is matching him, he's Jake Pauling everyone. Dude, his fucking videos. The way when we discovered him would make us laugh. Well, I so, hold on. Do you remember? Well, when did you first discover him? Oh, it's been a few years.

Okay, because I remember discovering my post. Because you sent it. Yeah. You sent that co-bertate video. Yeah, he was posting things like, when I wake up in the morning, a woman should bring me two cups of coffee, you know? Yeah.

Well, like, one, I'm gonna drink, the other one I'm not gonna touch, but like it should be there, just in case I would want another cup of coffee, you know, like shit like that, or like women should clean unprompted that whole speech. It was a rant about,

I'm gonna pay for things. You don't have to worry about it when I go to dinner. I mean, it was... Typen, can you find the first cobertate video? It was super. Of course, it was like a super massage. But it also had, it felt like, I mean, it felt like a bit.

It felt like a character. It did feel like a character. I got a kick out of it. I almost did a shot for shot remake of his introducing co-bertate video that was out probably like, it was out before the pandemic. I remember seeing it and going,

this is fucking hilarious. He's getting ripped out from him. Oh my God, you got a kickoff. Instagram and TikTok. I know Instagram and Facebook. I did YouTube talk your stuff down? It's a kickoff, yeah. Wait, why?

Because he really human trafficked people? Wow. Wait, hold on. I got to get to this. Are you being serious? You can't hold on. You can't find anything on Andrew tape. What are you looking for?

What are you looking for? What are you looking for? What are you looking for? What are you looking for? What are you looking for? What are you looking for? What are you do with his name on YouTube? There's gotta be something that comes up on YouTube. There's no way they took down everything with Andrew Tate. I love when people end of Andrew Tate, he went after Ethan. That's the wrong guy to go after.

Yeah. Oh, there's why I made, how many views has that got? 3.1 million, that's not going anywhere. I mean, you don't know. See if you can type in, co-bridge tape promo. I love that.

I love that people are like, I mean, it's just funny that anyone would, I never took any of it seriously. Promo. There's an old school, he went head to head with... Ethan. Ethan, yeah.

Well, like, they actually talked to each other. I made videos about each other. I made videos about each other. I mean, it's the, can I tell you? Ethan always gets into it, it was so funny. That's the part of the way. Every time he does, it's the, can I tell you? Ethan always gets into it. It was sad. That by the way, every time he does, I just go, I just go, oh, fuck. Because Ethan's, Ethan's, Ethan's, Ethan does not mind.

He does not enjoy his, like he does not give a fuck. No. I agree. Yeah, he's really got it out for No. I agree. Yeah, he's really got it out for him, I think. Well, is this it? This is no. No. So he is old, old.

You remember the Twitter ones? The Twitter ones went viral first. What was that? That was the very first time I saw him. It's a tweet where he's, if you go and you take tweet Star Wars, you've never seen that? No. I don't want to ruin it. Okay There it is the the second image

Second image the second image on the right like the second one down You see the tweet There it is that's it right there. Never seen Star Wars. None of them never will. OMG, you're missing out. Maybe you're missing out on being a multi-millionaire. Keep your movie.

And he's just standing. That's the very first time I saw him. That's 2009. He's just standing in front of a Bentley and you're like, who the fuck? Says that. And so everybody was like, this guy is a douche, you know. But this, can I try to...

Can I try to post something? This is what, this is, this is, this is our reality, this is our future. This is what, no one's gonna be real anymore. This is, everyone's gonna create the character. It's a character. Say the crazy thing that people kind of believe. Like, we have friends that are in podcasting

that sometimes say what they don't mean. But they say it to get views, to get clicks, and then know that the fucking cycle washes it out and sure it's in their history, but they don't really give a fuck. Right. I mean, I gotta be dead honest with you. I mean, every... It's, I'm getting two into the weeds on this.

But if you look at the cycle of the way things have run, podcasting and social media started with people being earnest, right? Like, for most part, earnest. And then the ones that drew to the top were the ones that were outrageously earnest. Yeah. And then what people saw was outrageous cells

so they just leaned towards outrageous, I don't really care about the earnest. And now what we've seen now is just outrageous. Yeah. Is what, is, I mean, and here's the thing is that, I don't think people could tell the earnest. And now what we've seen now is just outrageous. Yeah. Is what is, I mean, and here's the thing, is that I don't think people could tell the difference. We're in Italy where with our good friends we've known for fucking years.

With this son and his son's maybe 12 years old and he's like, hey man, you know, Andrew Tate? And I was like, no, I don't. He's like, Tom does. I said, yeah, and he goes, is his school legit? He's a 12 year old. Yeah. And I'm like, oh my God. Yeah, he goes, is his school legit? Oh, right. He's a 12 year old. Yeah. And I'm like, oh my God.

Yeah. He's going to be making ton of money on this school. Like, I don't even know what the school is. Yeah, it's like, it's a pyramid scheme apparently. I don't know what it is. I know it's like the war room. It's like, it's where like real men gather to talk about it. Like, you know, he did this whole pitch. Dude, it was.

Successes learned. It's, it was exclusively for G's. It was, I love that he calls himself the top G. Oh, yeah. It's, it is, it was success as learned. It was exclusively for G's. I love that he calls himself the top G. Oh yeah, it is, it was. And he's a legit kickboxer. That is true. That is true.

All you need is the hint of truth to sell the legend. He definitely is a legit kickboxer. Yeah, like you can say all the shit, I don't know what's true and what's not about him. I do feel like it is an exaggerated character that I found, especially in part, here's the thing, it's very different to watch a video and then have a guy sit across from you

and you can see him fighting his laughter. Oh yeah, you can even see it in the episode. But for sure that guy can whoop your ass. Don't think that you could fuck that guy up. He could definitely fuck you up. He's got vision problems, right? I don't know if he has vision problems. I know he's really quick.

Real, really good kickboxer. But like, it's like, think about like the Paul Brothers, right? Yeah. There are, he was like, that talking about fighting one of the, one of them. One of them. And by the way, you could tell,

and about you, everyone knows I'm a fan of Logan, legit, like I think legit, Logan Paul is a, I think, I'm Jake and Jake, but more, Logan, the two of them, they did one video that really got me to like both of them forever. But like you could tell that it was getting a little bit in Logan's feelings that like everyone was talking about Andrew Tate as a fighter and Logan's like,

I fight, like who's, I saw a video where he was like, no one will be talking about him in 2023. And they thought, I think that would actually sell real tickets. That's a real villain. That's the whole thing is like, yes, it goes back to like, so we go back to like my grandfather, your grandfather, would go to your father. Your father went to the Vietnam War,

asked for no accolades, asked for no acknowledgement, came home and said time to get to work, right? That's what he did. Then he went to work, did all these great things in his life, like fucking the reason you're so fucking charitable is because you learned it through your father and all he wanted to is it was like, uh, that's what a man was, right? Yeah. Now, if you want to be a man and I'm no slight But like and there's gonna come out inflammatory yeah, but there's not a lot of guys who join the military who don't have a podcast They don't what podcast about it really don't have lessons about how to be a man Or they like like there's no quiet guys. There's no quiet fucking soldiers anymore.

There's dudes who have PTSD who just disappear. And the ones that did it, how do they come back? Look at no slide on like, look, everyone knows the names, I'm saying like, Jocco created a business out of it. Like,

and it's in flame between, it's in flame between, but like, and I mean this respectful, I'm a fan of Jocco's, Cam Haines, all these guys, they're, they were some, 40 years ago, you would never hear a word of that out of that man. But the way society's changed is I can make money, I can date a Gogans, I can create a business

out of this. But you've got to be inflammatory, you've got to have a picture of your watch and the sweat. And I mean this respectfully, Jocco knows that I'm a fan of his. I've DM with him and so does Cam, they all do. But like, this is the future. This is, we will not get silent soldiers anymore. You are going to get loud. Like, and by the way, I am so happy about it.

Because that's all I ever was. It's loud as fuck with no talent. I think it's also, there's a thing about Jocco and Goggins and those, and Cam that you have to point out too, is that you have to be, there has to be something authentic. In other words, those guys are all authentic. They were like, Jocco posts the watch and the 4am workout, but he was doing that before,

and if social media was down, he'd be doing that tomorrow. Goggins would be running his fucking 85 miles. But there is the, there is the, like, I don't know, I'm trying to find the algorithm to it. But this is a guy who tapped into the algorithm. He found something that worked for him. He goes, he also knows how he's, don't think that he doesn't, he's not like, no, you don't get it. I'm like, no, he gets it. He's leaning

into this villain thing. You know what it's most like? What is it is most like? Like a WWE guy. Like he is completely, everything is WWE now. It's, that's what he is. Everything is WWE now. And he got, and the finding is he got the world to take notice of him being the worst guy, the toxic dude. Now I'll say this, I do not know for real what the legal status is about this shit. Because he's talking about it crazy. I'm just gonna get better now. I'm maybe a little bit more on my face.

It's a caricature. I'm just not even gonna want to get mad. What if it's not? And it's been, and we're talking about all these caravans. He's like, and he just comes out and goes, I can nap bitches. I'm the top J. I can nap bitches. I make them suck my dick when they don't want to.

I'm the top J. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I really hope that's just not true. I don't know. I mean, this is, here's the crazy thing is like, like help me figure this out because everything's WWE. It is.

Like, like, like you look at like, you can, and by the way, I'm being very clear. There's no slight to guys like Cam Haines, Dave Goggins, Dave Goggins and, and Jocco. Those guys are inspiring for me when I wake up, the rock, when I wake up, and I don't feel like, this morning, I feel like working out. You go to a day with David Goggins,

who's gonna carry the boats? I watched something the other day online of these surfers in Hawaii, and they're doing CrossFit, and they're shilling to each other. Who's gonna carry the boats? And I love that. I wonder, let me put it to you this way.

So like there's in my family, we're in Italy, right? And I'm like, we're in St. Mark's. And I was like, him and do a cool promo video for my, for my, Canada dates, can you hold the phone? And my daughters are like, really? I wonder if there's that, like that's what fascinates me is like what year? Yeah, what year is self-promotion? It's self-promotion. That's what all this is all it is

And even and even Joe Rogan even Joe Rogan is as you as much as he would say, I am so against self-promotion, but his podcast is self-promotion. You're putting your brand of yourself out there for people to understand. Sure. And it's, but it's, he has taken, it's almost like he watched all the Joe Rogan episodes and was like, I bet if I took all those other words out

and just use the ones that get the hits. Yeah, inflammatory stuff. Yeah, you're good stuff for motor. You're so funny, I was not when I, it made me grow, it made me feel good. You're known as the, in our world of like stand up, you're known as the Mark, like the promo guy. Yeah, well, I, you know, it's so funny,

I did not like that. When I first got into this business, I'd watch people promote themselves and it made me sick to my stomach and I was like, but you get really creative with it. Well, I like to have fun. Now I have, well, being, I think necessities

the mother of intervention. Invention. Invention. Yeah. This is the density is the mother of intervention also. Oh, so, yeah. I remember when I just was broke and I didn't, and I, but I had a family. Yeah. This is the mother of intervention also. But I remember when I just was broke, and I didn't, but I had a family, and I was, I didn't have money coming in.

You would do, I know what you would do then. You would just do really good, like two camera, like a whole, you do good, like host pro. You'd be like, hey, I'm gonna be kind of, it would be very enthusiastic. You get all the information, and that was just kind of it.

I have one, and I have, yeah. And then I got it, and then I, the first one was all the information, and that was just kind of it. I had one, I had it. You got it, you feel like. And then I got it, and then I thought, the first one was the dance one, but that was because, but what really happened, if we're gonna be totally honest, was fat shaming. As I started enjoying making promos about you, fat shaming, and then I would throw my tour dates on the end. And so then I would do getting on the treadmill,

listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival. Remember Rogan hit me up. He was like, that's a bad ass fucking video. Yeah. And I was like, oh, cool. And then I was like, oh, okay, I can do more of that. And then I started going into, I remember one of my, my, my favorite ones I ever did was when I got Georgia to operate the drone, Ila, to hit me with the leaf blower. I was in a speedo with the American flag, and Leanne's got the hose, and they're spraying me down, and Georgia just pulls the drone back, and we're listening to Bob Seagars,

rambling, grambling man. Yeah. That's one of my favorite promos ever. But that's when I started really leaning, and then I got the dance team, and then- So funny though, how I do not have this same switch in my head for this stuff. How many of the, how I do not have this same switch in my head for this stuff? You have something, you have something that I don't have though.

Like a thing you have is like the thing that I always found very sexy about like comedy is inside jokes. Like, you ever meet, you ever sit with a family at dinner that you didn't know the whole family, you just knew the one kid, and then they have a hundred inside jokes, you're like, what's my family? There's like this. Oh right, right, right.

Like you have that with your fans and with your wife. That's true. And which is really, like all of a sudden, they're like, touch it through the fence, Bert. And I'm like, I don't know what you guys are saying. I really don't know. Like I don't listen to every YMH to know. Like where are the bodies, Bert?

And I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Can you see what we ended up getting to happen? Uh-uh. You didn't see what we did? No. It's on the, uh, the Garth touch it through the fence. No, wait. So we sent, uh, Zolo to the concert, any interviewed people outside going in.

Are you sure? And asked them like, you know, do you know, do you know, are there any Garth fans that know about this? Some, they're like, yeah, I see the comments are real weird. And then we had protesters with signs go and protest outside. And then Zolo held up a sign that said, like, we love you, Garth. And then this isn't Houston 80,000 people at the concert. It gets on the jumbo tron and he drops the first sign and it says, where are the bodies? No pulled up. Do you have it? Do you have a video? So this is at Houston wherever the fucking I think the Texans play

Like 80,000 people and this is the jumbo tron And then it just cut right back to car so that was that was the, I mean, it was captured by, so do you think does Garth know who you are? Garth, really. Would you have them on your podcast? Absolutely. Would you be crestfallen if he did my podcast and we never brought you up?

I think it'd be, I mean, I think it'd be kind of hilarious. He's married to Trisha Yearwood. Yeah. And so is it Miss Yearwood? Is that what you guys dressed as when you do live shows Garth and Trisha? No, I think we just kind of looked like them. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Do you ever listen to Garth Brooks? Never. For real? I heard, how did you guys, how did you guys, I have heard that he's a fan of your stand up?

No. I've heard that his concerts are incredible. Oh yeah. Like app, like really legit. Pull up his tour dates. I want to see one of Garth Brooks's concerts. I heard that actually, like he puts on an amazing show. Legitimately, I mean, I'm not not like that the shows are really, really amazing.

He's in Dublin, Ireland. Yeah. Dublin, Dublin. He's doing a lot of shows in the final concerts of the stadium tour. Sold out, sold out, sold out, sold out, sold out, sold out. That's done. That was the Houston one right there. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. He puts on big fucking shows. What do you think his walkout is? Walk, typically when he does a stadium? Yeah. So like, we know what a, well, we don't know what a stadium is,

but we know what an arena is, right? Yeah, I think. And you know, and you know the breakdown of monies, and you know that the fucking overhead for one of these shows gotta be outrageous, right? Yeah, yeah. I think he's typically walking with three to five on a stadium show.

300 to 500? Three to five million. Three to five million. Yeah. Hey, no, we can find this out type in Garth Brooks poll star. You can find out exactly how much money he makes. Well, you can find out the gross. Let's find out his gross. Garth Brooks poll star. Oh, let's take a look at this Let's just tickets. I think you picked the wrong thing There might be it might slide over give other information Yeah, it is kind of crazy the poll stars and the thing that tells you exactly how much people money people bring in Yeah, you don't put your numbers in poll star, do you? Sometimes. Really? Yeah.

I've never seen you in poll star. I've been in poll star a bunch. Oh. It was interesting. I got fascinated by poll star. Yeah. And uh, whoa, this is gonna fuck me up. This is... is gonna fuck me up. This is, doesn't seem right. What are we seeing? Nothing really? Okay.

How did you guys get, how did you guys find Garth? The first interest that we had in him was his Facebook announcement. I was with everybody. I remember when he was like, it's gonna get crazy. He was like,

it's gonna get wild. He's like, let the conversation begin. It was gonna be awesome. Football with me. I remember seeing that. Six stuff, neat stuff, he's gonna get wild. He's like, let the conversation begin. Who's gonna watch them football with me? I remember seeing that. Six stuff, neat stuff, raw stuff, raw stuff. We're gonna give, well, well.

Most of us gonna be like, this, just wiping out the walls in between. It was so cringy. Yeah, that's what we just played that and we're fascinated by him. And then I just was like, oh, what's this guy? I didn't know anything about him. I knew he was famous.

I knew that's the thing about you that I wish I had. Like, I don't see that and then find, like I saw that and I was like, oh, and then I just get off it and you go, oh, this makes my dick hard. That is true. And like, so like I don't mind doing the, see, here's the thing to me in you,

you find that and you go, this will be material for the next three years of my life. I mean, I don't think of it like that. And then I see that and I go, well, I'm going to make a promo like that. I should make a creepy promo. Yeah. Well, I should do a promo. I like the idea that he did his promo. Like I look at the, like I'm fascinated by Elvis right now,

but I'm fascinated by the showmanship of Elvis. And then I go, all right, how do I find that in myself? Like, how do I find that in what I wanna do? Like, I wanna put a little more showmanship into it. I think you put plenty of showmanship into it. You think? Yeah. I'm out of water.

Sweet, have you smelled Joey Diaz's weed? Is this it? No, this is. So this is, by the way, I'm, this is the number one selling weed in Los Angeles. It is? It's a con. It's? This is the nuts of corn. It's called I think laughing gas.

And just this is, so when I got that, if they said it's hard to get, they were like, we got one in the back for you. You got it, it's hard to open too. No, you got to like, yeah, kind of. Put it in the gut. No, you got to like, yeah, kind of. Paul and nugget. This is Joey's. Joey's weed.

And like, he did it right. So when we do do also, also, tequila. Mm-hmm. And by the way, I've been hit up by a lot of people. Yeah. But the thing that's great is that Joey picked this weed. That Joey was like, how strong is this shit?

It's apparently in the scene. No, I haven't tried it. We could put a little bit in one hit or it's here, what we like it. So we tried Joey's weed. I'm sober right now. One of weed doesn't count right? Let's keep. I don't know. I don't need to smoke weed today.

Maybe I'll smoke it tonight. Good. I like these these these these. One hitters. One hitters are so fucking. Yeah, they're nice. They're really nice because they really like. All your weed goes in there.

Yeah. This is old weed. We'll just dump this somewhere. in. Yeah, they're nice. They're really nice because they really like all your weed goes in there. Yeah. This is old weed. We'll just dump this somewhere. All right. I'm gonna smoke. I'm I smoke. I wish I had do still eat atables. Not as much. I haven't had one in a while actually. Really? Are you just pretty much like, what do you do to go to bed? What does it look like when you go? That's it. Days over for Tommy. Usually it's watching something. What are you watching? You know, just like.

I watch a game of House of Dragons. House of Dragons? With a new Game of Thrones. Oh, I haven't seen it. It's pretty good. Is it? Yes, pretty good. Yeah, I watch something and then, you know,

I try to go to bed most of the time if I'm home. What time? I try to go to bed a little before midnight. That's what I like to be. Oh, that's so funny, but you gotta, you got boys, you guys get up at like six a.m. Well, I don't. Um.

The way I have teenagers and I still do. Yeah, I love, I love it. I like it's up to 6.30 every morning. And then, depending on whether or not she's on her period, we have a great time. Yeah. Well, Christina hooks me up because she knows I'm all over the place.

So I get home, sometimes I'm home for a few days. And I'll sleep in like super late, but I'll sleep another hour or so. Okay, so then, let me, I'm curious what your day looks like. Okay. Let's go hour by hour. So, we're talking on the road or at home? At home, I'm on the road.

Come on, it's a shit show. Okay. You know what I'm doing. I'm bringing a trainer with me on the road. That's a right. Yeah. I'm going to bring a trainer with me on the road for up until my special just so that I stay healthy. Because I know that if I have to work out, I don't fucking charge it. You look good. You do look good. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So you lost weight. I have lost weight. I'm out of the 250's. Getting out of getting out of a chunk is a big deal. Sure. You know that because you're 215.

Yeah. Fucking skinniest. This is skinniest I've ever known you to be. No, you actually knew me, Skinny, or you just don't remember. I don't. I know. All right, so wake up.

I wake up at six o'clock, six, six o'clock, six 30. I think I'm up usually by seven thirty. Okay close to eight How soon do you have your cup of coffee? Do you brush your teeth? Oh, we've talked about this. Yeah, okay cup of coffee rush my teeth What kind of coffee maker do you have? We have a couple and you know we end up usually using our pods Because they're so fucking reliable reliable our pods. Because they're so fucking reliable. The reliable.

Can I tell you, we bought, we have one that came with the house, a state of the art built into, like built into the wall system. Yes. And every three uses, a thing is like needs to be, we're called a service to,

de-scaling, it needs to self-clean. Dude, fuck coffee makers. Okay. Fuck, like we have a great onean. Dude, fuck coffee makers. Okay. Fuck coffee, like we have a great one. I won't say the name. We have a great one where you all have fun. We did use to and not when we lived in, out here in LA.

We had old school, we all said the pods. We had an old school espresso maker, which I would, I would dig those. I would love an espresso maker. I like this. I can't get Leanne Leanne doesn't like espresso. But I I would I would I would love an espresso maker. I like I would love I can't get Leigh Ann Leigh and doesn't like a spressos, but I love I love the I love the ritual. Yeah making coffee. I like grinding up beans and it's smell we got so so I hit up I hit up I'll show you the exact

One we just got and it's making great fucking coffee. So I hit up Nick Usef. You know Nick Usef's like a legit coffee dude. No, but he looks like he would be. Legit coffee dude. He looks like he would fucking climb a mountain to get the beans. So our fucking, our watchman call it,

our coffee maker, we have a very expensive one. I won't say the name, so I'm not going to show in the company, but it's always broken. It never works. You put the beans in, you get on your phone, you log in, and you type from bed. Well, coffee, you could get a coffee cup underneath it, but you type in what you want,

and it gives you, I get a double Americano, right? It's great. And by the way, good beans, but you can't use it as just any beans, because I like dark beans, but they fuck up use it just any beans cuz I like dark beans But they fuck up a machine So I I'm fucking dumb with it. It's Lance birthday. I want to get her a coffee maker. I take him hitting you nuke It's Lance birthday. I want to get her a good coffee maker, but I want to get old school

I want to make a cup of coffee. There's nothing funner than pouring coffee out of a pot Yeah, it's a fun fucking feeling. It's how we all started. And she's like, I don't want it. It's like putting your dick in a woman instead of her putting it in for you. You know, right? So he hits me up with this. The mocha master by Technivorm, 10 cup coffee maker with glass carafe.

And he says to me, I can only recommend the best. Dude, it's old school, it's, but it's fucking the best. That's what he, that's what he fucks with. That's what he fucks with. And he goes, that's how, Hammy that again. Apparently what happens is, it's all about the coils sending the steamy hot water up to the top and then the way it

takes goes out, it's spread evenly over the bean, the grounds, so that it drips evenly, so it drips evenly into the thing. Like, it's like, I read the thing, I saw the review, and then like, this is the best coffee that I've ever had. Is it what he has? It's the only thing. I trust Nick for that. Nick looks like a guy who would spend an hour and a half making a cup of coffee

You know Nick that's what he does like he legit when he's on the road He goes to have a good cup of coffee, right like he goes and finds the cup of coffee You know Todd Maxwell is a is a really I'm sure I'm not Todd Carmichael Todd Carmichael was dangerous grounds on travel channel. Yeah, and I remember going like I remember going like so Todd tell going like, so Todd tell me, like, what makes a good cup of coffee? And it was like him, me going, someone going to me, how do you write a joke?

Yeah. I can't help you buddy. It's good talking to you. And then we proceeded to get black out drunk. But, okay, let's do, we're running up on time, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I got some power question. Okay, you went to Italy, sorry, go ahead.

I'm gonna fuck it, Lee. Yeah. It was great. It was great. It was great. Yeah. Finally got Leanne to spend some money. It was great. What'd you spend? Oh, on the trip on the trip. Yeah. Do you stay in good places? Stating great. Leanne, the only the only rub was Leanne didn't want to stay in any American hotels. She only wanted to stay in a town old Italian hotels. Okay. Which was nice, but like one didn't have the best air conditioning. Of course.

And so, and so we, I, and it was great. It was a great, great, great trip. Our place in Venice, did you see where we are? Uh-huh. Pull up, pull up my Venice. Just pull up my Instagram. This was the, I can't believe you didn't get my Italian messages. We went to, um, that's me watching Game of Thrones, scroll down,

scroll, scroll, scroll right there. That was our view in Venice. Oh, shit. To the left. Yeah, that looks beautiful, man. It was over, it was fucking, Leanne hit it out of the park. So she found this place.

Yeah, so I'm in Italy, I'm with Leanne. Yeah. And I'm saying to myself, that was the best day of my fucking life right there. Where is that? That is in Tuscany. That is the best day. That is the best day.

Like, I have a, I have a handful of days where I go, I got that in my books. That when I die, I hope that let's not read comments. Big guy. Yeah. Okay. Your caption. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. I was like, I was like, let's not read comments. Big guy. Yeah. Okay. You're your caption. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I was like, let's not scroll through comments.

I have no interest in seeing what people think about me. Um, so I got a handful of days where I go, that was a fucking day. My 40th birthday. I'm on the beach and Bondi Beach in a speedo. I'm the skinniest I've ever been. I'm like 211 pounds. I feel fucking phenomenal.

It's my 40th birthday. It's it's brisk out the water's cold, but the sun's so hot that it warms you the second you get out of the water and I'm just playing in the water. My 40th birthday, you can find the picture somewhere. This day as a dad, and I got a few good dad days. Like I got probably maybe 20 days as a dad where you go, that was a great day.

This number one, I'm gonna tell you why. We go very seldomly to my daughters respect me, like where they go, listen to dad. Like it's always like, oh, don't listen to dad. He doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. So we go in and do Vespa tours, and Georgia has to drive a Vespa. They all know I'm licensed to drive a motorcycle.

And the woman doing the Vespa tours never driven a motorcycle, she's only driven Vespa tours and Georgia has to drive a Vespa. They all know I'm licensed to drive a motorcycle. And the woman doing the Vespa tours never driven a motorcycle. She's only driven Vespa's. So very quickly, Georgia's eyes dart to me and she's like, I need you to tell me what's going on. And I went, woo, same with Leanne. So the lady gives the explanation about a ride to Vespa. It is horrifically insufficient. So I real quick, go ignore what she said. Do not touch the front brake. You'll go over the handlebars. Do not touch the front brake. Just your back brake. Feather, always feather your brake.

Do not brake into a turn. Because it was gonna rain. Do not brake in a turn. You brake before the turn. You cruise through the turn. You gas out of a turn. It's very important. Because if you brake in a turn,

you slide out your back wheel and you fucking die. So I give, so they, they listen to me. We're learning how to ride the Vespa. Everyone listens to me. The antis are fucking helmet backwards the whole time. The lady didn't notice it. Pull up, fucking TikTok. Pull up my TikTok.

You're gonna, this is how little this lady knew. By the way, not shitting on this lady, but this is. Kind of shitting on the lady. Oh, well, Tom, take a look at this. Burk, raise your TikTok. So I teach George, I had a ride at Vespa. I teach Sandy had a look at this. Bert, Christ your TikTok. So I teach George. I had a ride of Espa.

I teach Sandy had a ride of Espa. It's the one where the helmets backwards. Right there. Look at this. Yeah. Look at Leanne. I go, ma'am, do you notice something wrong with my wife? Keep going.

And she goes, no. And I said, you don't notice anything wrong with my wife. She goes, no, I go, Leanne, your helmets backwards. She's like, it is. Oh, no, and I said, you don't notice anything wrong with my wife. She goes, no, I go, land your helmets backwards. She's like, it is. Oh, oh shit. I guess I should flip it around. She was going to send Leanna out with a backwards helmet. And then when we got out, Sandy's helmet was backwards.

So, I teach everyone how to ride the thing. Sandy doesn't want to ride one because they're, they're actually are, can be a little dangerous. If you don't know what you're doing on one and you're not great at riding a bike, a vest can be overwhelming. Leand doesn't want someone on the back. Georgia doesn't, can't have someone on the back of hers. And so now everyone's getting their own vest

but you gotta ride it muck muck. I like to. I like pulls me aside. Like I said, my girls very seldomly need me. Yeah. I like pulls me aside. I'm riding on the back with you, right? And I was like, oh yeah. She was like, and we're going fast, right? I was like, oh yeah.

Now, the problem I've had with my girls is they're growing up and there's this like cool girl saying I don't get the little girl anymore. I don't get the little girl that I fell in love with. The ones that was saying to themselves on the bike, the ones that would ride the bike and just look around. The little girls now that they want to ride bikes, they're going to take a white claw and hit a joint, like we do. And so we get out in Tuscany and it starts raining a little bit, like the big fat drops. You know the fat drops that hit and they went half your shirt.

And I just can't, random, I say to Ila and I've been looking for old school baby I for a long time. I say, God these drops feel fucking heavy. She goes, well, the clouds are really high in Italy, Dad. And I go, oh, the old morons back. The old morons back. I go, I got the fucking idiot behind me. So I say, he's like a really sweet story for a second.

Oh, I go. So I go, so I go, you think the clouds are higher? So he goes, definitely higher. Look at him, Dad. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're higher than the United States. She goes, I mean, considering where we are, I'm like, oh my God, her brain's like old-school I love.

So then I say to her, I would look at Georgia. And Georgia is like, you can see she's nervous, it's scared, but proud. And I'm like, oh, that's like old baby George. All of a sudden I say to I like, go, I go, you know what, this trip is missing? And she's, hold on, she goes, what? And I go, music.

And she just gets right up to my head and goes, uca chaka, uca, uca, uca, uca chaka. I can't stop this feeling in my ear. Deep inside of, she was singing, dad. And now we're flying through Tuscany. I got Isla singing, Georgia hears us, Georgia singing. I'm a thing, it starts pouring rain, and we're looking over Tuscany.

The clouds are rolling in, and I'm like, I got my little girls, I'm gonna get emotional. I got my little girls back, like right before they're about to go to college. Like you get those little boys all the time. When they grow up, you don't get your little girls. They get these little boys all the time. When they grow up, you don't get your little girls. You get these little women. Dude, I had a fucking blast.

I just like, dad, what do we do next? Like, the needing me? Like, because you get it all the time. And you're gonna miss it one day. No, I know. And I got it that whole fucking day. Oh, it was the best. The whole trip was great because they were like,

we let them go off and be little girls and go off and... That, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Do you give it before you cheat? With Jennifer Anderson. Yeah, I mean days How long we stranded? indefinitely indefinitely, so I don't there's no I thought about this you did you have like I thought about this a lot full answer to this I do I Thought my first thought was Charlie's Theron and And then I and I brought it to Leanne and they I went, man, that's the wrong one. Jennifer Aniston and I went, oh, fuck, now you got me. Why, why is that the wrong?

I don't know. Cause Jennifer Aniston's like that. She's like the cool chick. Oh, I guess I don't know if Charlize and I would get along very well. I think there would be a, like, she'd be looking out in the ocean the whole time. Like, where the fuck are they? I see so many different variables playing into this. So you you both stranded on an island yeah okay so the first night

it's the first night that I've already thought this through it's gonna be cold yeah you're gonna build a fire hopefully you build a fire it's gonna be cold she's gonna be like we should not consent like just cuddle yeah to keep warm yeah how many of those nights in a row do you think you can last? And you see lights on the horizon. I mean, like, do you see boats passing by? Yeah. How many nights do you think you could last with Jennifer Aniston? Yeah.

Cuddled up. Probably out of wet clothes, I'm just guessing. Yeah, probably. With blankets. Sure. She's cold. Do I have heatstroke? Very lean. Very lean. guessing. Yeah, probably. With blankets. Sure. She's cold. Do I have heatstroke? She's very lean.

She's very lean. She's very strong. Sure, yeah, sure. Yeah, because I mean, at that point, you're just kind of like out of your mind. How many days, honestly, do you think, before you go, this is my new normal? Well, to see, here's the thing.

At first, you're like, this is crazy. And you're probably like like someone's gonna be here tomorrow or the next day, right? I mean those days. I'm saying yeah, it starts to hit you that no one's just going to appear. I'm guessing somewhere after after the first like after the first week. You're like holy shit a week has gone by and you still have hope. After the second week, I think it settles in that like we might be living like this. And then it's a matter of like you need to have good rapport

because you're gonna have to start having tasks about housing, food, water, or the fucking shit where I eat. Like on the first night going like, you're trying. Well, I'm like, I'm like, you know, yeah, you're setting up rapport because you need to do tasks. Well, you're trying to live. I got one task.

Just a fuck. It's a good, good, good, good, good. I watch naked and afraid and I'm like, how are they not fucking? Yeah, I mean, do you think like at first she goes, because you're cuddling to stay warm and she's like, do you think she acknowledges your boner and she's like, I understand,

or do you think she just ignores it, you know? Oh, I hide it, I hide it. No, it's between her butt cheeks. Oh, no, I'd put it between my legs and I close my legs. Okay. And then I just, and you just nut down your back of your legs. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha How long do you think it takes for Jennifer Aniston to become attracted to one of us on a desert island? A while.

It's not happening quickly. You know what Tom? This has been a long year, but wait is that something? Joe braille is you wait What happened? It's take a while. She's a lot of options. Oh, she's probably, I think she's like,

I've never, she's making out with a volleyball. And you're like, what the fuck? She's probably, there's probably days where she's probably like, I've never sunk this low, you know? I've never, I've never gotten this low. You know, I've never gotten this low. This is you because I never would have focused on Jennifer Aniston as much as you had started this. Oh my God, it's your brain.

Yeah, all right. I want you to realize we got to do episodes tomorrow, so I'm going to the safety. Yeah, yeah, okay. All right. Hey, congratulations, Joey Diaz, the best selling weed in all of Los Angeles, laughing gas, picking up throughout NLA.

I love you buddy. Love you too. Clean, here's what we call, two bears one cave. No scripts to be the booze amateur, for toology. Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. you