2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 156 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

It's another week of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer! They talk about Tiger Woods, their kids playing sports, and what it takes to become an elite athlete. They try to figure out how they can raise freak athletes, discuss sports families, and debate if 2 Bears Racing is going to participate in the great Gumball 3000. https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://www.bertbertbert.com/bertyboytourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

Do you think that people listen to me and you think there's some people that go? He's not that far off. Your ideas are like AI art. It's just a couple degrees off from what it should be. 100% I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm losing my edge. You know, I have a friend who's quit drinking and he said he just lost his edge. But there is something to be said for that, is like not waking up being punitive and being like, we're getting after it today and just going like, oh, I feel good.

Yeah. I have a coffee. I think it happened to Tiger Woods when he stopped, like just crushing Puss. Crushing Pussie. And he, do you really think like, do you think what if he went off the wagon and just started slaying Denny's Pussy again?

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Isn't that crazy that he fucked just anything? Yeah, and he was on a tear of winning, too. Yeah, right? Yeah. Do you think when you've come inside a six, and you're married to a 10? Do you think the, how do you quantify that sadness? Does that sadness motivate you to work harder next day in the gym?

Because you're like, I gotta stop coming in sixes. I don't know. I think it... That girl was a chick, I would not fuck. It was like, that was the story about some of those, the most competitive people are like, people like him, right? They're so competitive. Are you competitive? I am competitive, but those guys have a whole other box in their head,

meaning like, you know, if you're Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, you're not like, oh, I'm competitive. It's a completely other level, right? Their whole life is about winning, winning everything that they do. And like I said, you know, I mean, I imagine. He looks like an AI-droom now. I know.

When you see him without his hat, it's like, an AI was like, what does old Tiger Woods look like? It's, he, you know, I think that was all tied together. Uh, chase in that tail and, and going, you know what I mean? So it was, it was a, that's like a victory is what I mean. I think that that when he would nail a six or some whatever, he would, it was still a, it was like a win. He was just getting wins. He had to win at everything. And I think Jordan was probably like that that we don't, it was still a, it was like a win. He was just getting wins. He had to win at everything. And I think Jordan was probably like that, that we don't, he was it before social media.

Yeah. But I think, though, I think he had to be out there. It's Michael, can you imagine? Like, why can't my wife understand that? Listen, I'm at the top of my field. I'm like the Michael Jordan of Guy's shirt, let's do in comedy. Yeah.

I, I got to slay pussy. I got to slay pussy. I would love, I've never slayed pussy. She probably would understand. Just do it and tell her about it. Yeah. Dude, how hot was Tiger Woods' first wife? Yeah. It's crazy he just didn't give a fuck about her. Like, what was it? Oh, yeah. Newerginin. Newerginin. Yeah, she's pretty good. I mean, pretty, she's a fucking dime. Full head of blonde, that's Hitler blonde hair. Hitler created that hair.

That is, look at her new boyfriend, some fucking dork. Oh wow, he pushed for the, pushed for the dolphins. I just don't know, Dorkin all. Dorkin Karen. He's in, all right. He's a good looking guy. Not Tiger Woods though. Dude, look, Tiger Woods is the dolphins. I just don't know, go look at all. Jordan Karen. He's doing all right. He's a good looking guy. Not Tiger Woods though.

Dude, look, Tiger Woods is the goat. You gotta give it to him. How do you get mad at Tiger Woods for cheating? You all start to go, but you're also Tiger Woods. Yeah, and it's like the same thing was like with Jordan. If it was like, if he was like, guess what I did this weekend. You know, I had these three girls

in San Antonio ate my ass. He'd be like, yeah, you're Michael Jordan. If I was his wife and she goes, and he goes this weekend the first thing I go is where are condom? Please please don't bring it back to me Those guys are built on a different fucking level same thing was like now decapriot I'm waiting to know our greatness by not saying pussy Because think about your close your eyes. You're listening to us right now. You have greatness in you. You know what the greats do.

They gamble big. They slay pussy. They smoke cigars. They win. They're irresponsible and they win. Yeah. Can you access that? What if that's the fucking Tony Robbins class I want to take?

Yeah. We're talking about what he says that. But yeah. Tiger Woods goes, Hey guys, you want to access greatness? I'm here and he starts doing self-help programs. It's high end, it's like 10,000 bucks for the weekend. Yeah, but you get, he's like fucking honest with you.

Yeah, and he's like, he's like, hey man, doesn't matter if she works with Denny's. Doesn't matter what she looks like, it's a pussy, Dicks go in, Pussies, that's what I do. Do you think Tiger would have a sense of humor about this? Do you think if he's listening in his escalator right now and he's soberussies, that's what I do. Do you think Taco with Hubba's head's a humor about this? Do you think if he's listening in his escalator right now and he's sober, clean, it's sober, sore back? Do you think he'd like, he's like,

I don't like this, but they're right, you know? Like he knows. If that guy right there just knotted in somebody right before he went on the greens. Right before that. How much of it do you think is him trying to, it's like, I know there's like the problem with Hollywood is, you get a lot of dorks who come out here,

never got pussy in their lives, and then treat women like shit. The problem with me and you is, we did get pussy when we wanted pussy, and we were coolest fucking high school. Yeah. The coolest dudes in high school, we were the coolest dudes in high school.

So we don't have nothing to prove. That's why we got fucking, we got chicks that we're not cheating on because we got plus, if I wanted to finger someone, I fingered someone, that's what I did. I didn't fuck a lot of people by fingered a lot of people. Yeah. That needs to be a T-shirt.

Yeah. I didn't fuck a lot by fingered the fuck out of people. Is your finger game strong hardcore? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd stand by my finger games. Is it like, you know, you have like a good like I got everything about it. I work the outside I work the inside I can do it. I can do it all I can do I can jerk her off like like do it like every time that I watch that in a magazine or saw that in a magazine. We just grab it and just give a little blah blah blah blah, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.

My finger game's pretty strong. I bet it's stronger than Tiger Woods. That would be a cool thing. You know how they have those knockouts? He's probably like, I've never even used my finger. I wonder if Tiger's, my dick gets all the work. Do you think Tiger is given a lot of, I'm sorry, Tiger, if you're a fan of ours and you're just,

I bet he's a fan of ours. Yeah. Dude, he looks at these two alphas and he's like, that's my game. I bet Tiger loves Joe Rogan. You think so? Fuck, yes. Oh, are you kidding me? I've never made the association.

Every dude at the top of his game respects Joe. And me and you, we basically school Joe on a daily basis, athletically. You're trying to get him to hate you again? No, no, no, no, buddy. No, but like, you know, I bet Tiger Woods things were funny as fuck. I don't have racial stuff, but.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I don't know, man. I do think those dudes that are, that like when they're at that level, they just, they occupy a whole different mindset, a whole different world. The world is not, like, everything that you know about the world doesn't really work with them, you know? I don't think that, like, number one, and, like, a clear number one in your field, especially

in sports, like, the high, the one, because they're playing against the other most competitive people in the world, in their field, especially in sports, because they're playing against the other most competitive people in the world in their field. Do you think he has any idea how much? I bet it's, I bet it's so lost on him, what he means to people. I bet because he had to quantify what he means to people, it would fuck his head up. How so?

He means so much to me. Like Tiger Woods, I have so many fucking fond memories of watching golf and watching him play. He was so fun to watch play. He was so fun. That era when he was to watch the play was a fun one to watch. I mean, I like, look, I like Bryson. I like all the dudes playing right now. I'm a big fan of all of them. Okay. Well, he tried to make it, they would, he have to admit that watching Tiger play. He transformed the sport. He did.

He did. Can I tell you what I hate more than anything in the fucking world? What? Is a guy who doesn't play golf that wears a fucking Nike golf at? Fucking. That's what you do.

If they bring back the guillotine, I'd have a bucket full of those. Guys wearing heads. Heads with Nike hats that don't know how to say, fucking, give me a seven iron. I fucking, all right, makes me more frustrated Guys wearing heads heads with Nike hats that don't know how to say fucking Give me a seven iron I fucking all right makes me more frustrated than anything when you see a man Well, I can spot him. I know a dude who can swing a golf club I fucking play golf my whole goddamn life when I see a man with a fucking Nike hat on that does not play golf Never play golf in his life anybody because he thinks it's a golf hat. It's not a fucking golf hat

Dude what is it Nike's not a fucking golf hat, dude. What is it? Nike's not a fucking golf brand. They're a fucking sneaker company. They're great with sneakers after they do. They make a parallel, too. And it sucks, cock. Nike's fucking golf game sucks, cock. I will not hit a Nike ball.

I will not hit a Nike driver. I will not wear a Nike shirt. It's pretty nice. But like, but their hats are fucking bullshit, dude. These are bullshit golf hats. You want to wear a golf hat? You wear a fucking visor with a big big big big nothing a little tiny fucking. Are you cool with a titleist hat? Yeah. Oh Now you're a man. Okay You give me a titleist hat. Yeah, ping. Yeah, something old school. So I know what you're talking about. Mm-hmm.

Fucking pinnacle. Something something that I so I know what you're talking about. Mm-hmm. Fucking pinnacle. Something that I can appreciate. No, and once again, these aren't the hats I like. I don't like these hats. There's a bunch of comics that are really in the golf. You play with them? There's a lot. Well, Andrew Santino's, Andrew Santino's,

he plays a lot. And Nate Bargazio, probably the two best golfers. Nate Bargazio plays every fucking week. Doesers. Nate Bargazzi plays every fucking week. Does he? Nate Bargazzi plays with like pros. I think Scoville plays a lot. Roy Scoville plays Jay Larson plays. Yeah.

Well, first of all, you know, I think I'm gonna fuck everyone's name up, but Mark Smalls, Jake Adams, I'm thinking of his Greek name. The fun is what? You're talking about layers of comics. Comics, there's a group called, they're called, God damn it, I'm so sorry guys. I had a bunch of the guys on my podcast

and Mark Smalls toward me. Mark Smalls is a great golfer. Really? And they're really into golf. Like they're love golf and they have cool golf attire. I kinda wish I was into it. Like for the camaraderie and like the having, you know, the whole idea of going to a destination,

like seeing the course, exploring the course, being outside, being with friends doing that, but I just never gravitated enough to it, you know. It's one of the cooler things you can do. It's one of the cool golf is a really fucking bad, especially if you know what you're doing. It sucks when you can do. It's one of the cool golfers of really fucking bad, especially if you know what you're doing. It sucks when you don't. That's the only problem with golf is the learning work.

That's why I think disc golf is so much more accessible for the world because disc golf, the learning curve, is so quick. You can get into playing pretty good, pretty quick. And it has a lot of the things you love in golf. It's a great, beautiful walk outdoors. Yeah. You're outdoors with friends, your bust and balls, it's competitive. I think people with a good tennis things you love in golf. It's a great, beautiful walk outdoors. You're outdoors, you're with friends,

you're bustin' balls. It's competitive. People with a good tennis stroke are good at golf. Like it can get golf swings down pretty easy. You know, because baseball guys have a hard time. Have a hard time? Yeah, because baseball's a totally different swing and you're...

And they're trying to do it when they go to golf. Yeah, Mark's ball is a great fucking teacher. He tore with me, We went and played golf We played we went to we were in Texas. He's like a coach. No, he just is really good at coaching He's a young kid. He's a comic. He's fucking hilarious. He's legit hilarious and but he's a great golfer But more importantly, he's a great teacher. He taught Shane Torres how to fix his swing in a day and it was amazing. You were like, I'm not a good teacher because I don't really give a fuck about anyone. Like, I just want to do it.

I don't give a fuck about you doing it. Right. Georgia has a great swing. Georgia? Georgia? She played for her golf team and she follows direction very well. She's very coachable.

Georgia is like, Ila's uncouchable. You cannot coach Ila. She's going to do what the fuck she wants. I remember her going up in softball, she's a right-handed batter, and she went up left-handed, and everyone's like, what the fuck are you doing? She goes, I'm feeling it. And then she fucking hit a dinger left-handed.

We were like, maybe she's been left handed this whole time. I'm like that. I like to feel things. Georgia, I swear to God, if she fucking fails out of school, she could just put on a fucking sports bra on some tight pants and be a golf influencer in a heartbeat. You know, I get really competitive and crazy is watching my kids play sports already.

And I was, I was the only dad losing his mind. I was losing my mind, like screaming, shouting, you know, like pacing. I was like, come on, attack the ball. Like, like, and then you see all these parents were like, oh boy, but I was like, I can't help myself. I can't help myself. I couldn't help myself.

I just sit and center fueled with a vape pen. I was, I get so aggressive because also I, I, this is gonna sound arrogant. And there's only like a handful of people that understand what I'm saying, but like I, so I played competitive baseball my whole life and I also coached little kids in through all my summers in high school. We would coach kids, me and the camp brothers would go out to the dad ran a camp and his dad was one of the best baseball coaches I come ever ever ever out of Tampa

So his dad would give us the tools to teach kids very simple tools about breaking your wrists like just things to hit a ball How to how to how to have a great swing how to go opposite feel little simple things that if you teach kid young All of a sudden it sticks with him forever and And I taught it to Georgia, and then I watched some fucking bag of shit. Change her fucking swing, and I was losing my shit. My daughter had the most beautiful swing that I had to work backwards and get her back to. And then this fucking strong headed broad. She fucking Georgia, if you're watching this,

you know how fucking, this the fuck worst we ever fought Right before the pandemic Georgia is leading her team and batting averages RBI's and and runs batted in there But my B is and Ben and batting average right? She just quit I don't want to do softball. I was like You're leading the team. It's the pandemic. There's no practice. You don't have to quit. Just keep playing.

What are you doing? That's the urban fucking asshole. It just goes, I quit. It's just what's he been doing? I'm a little bit out. If I had to fucking, dude, I, God damn it. It was like the biggest I ever butted in as, but man, I was so competitive.

I got passive aggressive with the coach Tell me about it. Well we're at halftime and the other teams got kids that have like a head Above our kids in height I go how old are these fucking kids? He's like, I think they're older. I was like, yeah Yeah, and they're up by like seven. Maybe we should switch it up. I go who's this kid? And he's like, oh, that's my son. He's like, hey, I go put him in. Put him in, take out some of their fucking eight-year-olds.

What are we doing? And he's like, all right, all right. Just kind of like, he's like, yeah, I go, hey, man, this isn't, you're cool with this? I'm not having fun. Oh. Like, we're here to fucking win. You need to take his annex when you go to these things.

I, it's all I could do. I, it's, it's the most frustrating thing in the world to watch your kids compete. Because also there is a thing, I mean, I have, I have video of every at bat George's ever had. Really? Every at bat, I videotaped every single one of them. I, because you, you want your child to

succeed so that they have positive experiences in their life yeah you want them to fill them up with success yeah and then and then there are these really disposable parents despicable human beings that if if we were going to go door to door and pick who got to live it wouldn't be them who go who go to the games and they're like they're like no batter Jennifer no batter she struck out last time and it's your kid and you're like that's my daughter you can do a Georgia fuck that old lady yeah she's got fat under her arms she's a fucking loser how much did you make last weekend or I thought I made ten times that you made you fucking look at her car.

She's a piece of shit. Her daughter's gonna be a whore just like her mom. She's gonna be fat looking at your mom. She looks better than her. I fucking dude, because it gets because there are people that are really competitive. Oh, yeah. And they bring that shit to your kids games. Yeah.

And where you could be a cool dad all all of a sudden, just a little bit, like I've seen a little unfairness. Yeah, no, I, dude, I, the other team scored, I yelled that was cheap, and then you see a lot of people turn their heads, you know, because they're just like, oh, this is fun, the kids are playing. Yeah.

And I was like, no, it's not. And one of the dads on our team was like, oh, he's like, oh, they're just out there having fun. And I go, yeah, maybe they should focus. Who is like, who has fun when they lose? No one has fun when they lose. They have fun when they lose. Yeah, I mean, lose.

You think Tiger Woods sits with his son? You've seen Tiger Woods son play golf? Oh, it's amazing. Fucking amazing, you know why? Because his dad's Tiger Woods and he holds him to a standard. Exactly. You think that kid's gonna quick off Georgia?

Yeah. You're at school smoking weed right now, huh? She's having a good time. Yeah. I'm quite no wanted to be happy. Here's the thing. You ready? Yeah.

Have your kids played an ethnic team yet? That's when shit goes sideways. Well, that's when you find out. That's when they see what's when struggle hits the road. We played, we used to play teams from East LA, right? Yeah. Our softball teams. Our softball team was from Valley, all white kids.

And then you play a team from East LA, right? Yeah. And you would. I'll be honest, I LA, right? Yeah. And you would hold on to sex, mom. Yeah. Hello. I'm on the do in the podcast with Tom. I'm sorry, you're on speaker. So they put in three stints?

Yep, replaced one and added two new ones. Nice, so he's good. He's perfect. Yes. No open heart surgery. No open heart surgery. All right, good. All right, I'll call you later.

I love you. I'm going to face the podcast. Bye-bye, huh? Do you know what sucks now? good. All right, I'll call you later. I love you. I'm gonna face the podcast. Boba hunt. Oh, do you know what sucks now? Is immediately I go, I'm gonna have a drink. Because I was happy and then my brain goes, you can't drink. Oh, my dad's healthy. You can, I don't care if you recorded that.

Anyway, so, okay. So we play. We play. Latin American kids. Latin American kids. Mexican kids. Yeah. Coaches have tattoos on their face. Latin American kids, Mexican kids. Yeah. Coaches have tattoos on their face.

Tattoo's. On their face. On their throat, fuck the world. That's dads. Yeah. Right? I'm not even fucking around. I'm not even fucking around.

They're wearing like, they're wearing like, they, they, these guys look like tough dads, right? No, let's fucking with these dads. And the, and the rule was, the dad's rule rule was forced the error, right? So you hit a ground ball, run, bitch, run. That's what they'd say. And no matter what, they would just run around the basis to force the error. And it would put our girls into a panic. Because they'd, they'd cast the ball and then they'd go to, throw it to first and the girl was already running a second.

And so they would, and these kids never practice like that. And these guys would run the score 21, did nothing. And they would just be like, yeah, we fucking win. And, and I remember George was catcher and one of the girls just ran her over like, take her out. And, and, and I remember being like, welcome to the real world. Yeah, and also think about what that does for those girls' confidence on that East LA team though.

They get back on the bus, get back to East LA, and they're like, you fuck those pretty rich girls up, huh? Yeah. And how good does that feel? Like, they would manhandle our girls. I mean, it was different. Those dads had a, the dads were playing as if money was on the line. they would man handle our girls. I mean, it was different. Those dads had a, the dads were playing

as if money was on the line. Yeah. And they were just, it wasn't even like, we weren't even playing softball anymore. We were just playing like, if you worked within these parameters, how would we win the game? Yeah.

And it wasn't softball. And I remember one of the, our coach being like, hey man, I think we need to, you know, let the girls play and they're like, no, we're winning. And that was it. And I remember George getting in the car being like, just shell shock. Like what the fuck happened?

But I used to have to say this to Georgia. If you're a kid from an underprivileged area, sports sometimes is your only ticket to college. So it means more to that child and to that family that focus Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods didn't have a lot of opportunities in his life other than get great at golf, go to college. Well, his dad wasn't going to have it any other way. Yeah, yeah, but like, I mean, I, I, I, he was on the course at like three. I would argue I could, I, I'm'm, I'm gonna say the most irresponsible thing

I've said ever on a podcast. You ready? I would argue I am equally as athletic as Tiger Woods. Yep. Had I been born in that household with Earl Woods, who put a golf club in my hand at two, I probably would be better than Tiger Woods at golf. That's quite a statement.

I'm just saying, I'm gonna say this, this is crazy, you ready? Yeah. I think it's more nurture than it is nature. I don't think there's the odds. This isn't even an crazy statement. With Michael Jordan, that's one thing, right? When you're talking Tiger Woods, I think if they had done that to anyone,

well, okay, here's the one thing that Tiger Woods, here's the one thing Tiger Woods has over me is I would have wanted to quit at a certain age. Yeah. He never wanted to quit. He has a mindset that probably is different than my mindset, but I would argue, do you think it was just luck that a man who was obsessed

with his sons becoming, his son becoming the greatest golfer in the world, got the greatest golfer in the world. Do you think that it just paired up that the greatest golfer in the world was born to the man who wanted to have the greatest golfer in the world? Where do you think the man that wanted to have the greatest golfer in the world had a son and forced him to be the greatest golfer in the world? But I do see what you're saying, but there are some things that you have to realize,

you can take a lot of two-year-olds and try that with a lot. It's not Jordan, he's not tall, he's a regular-sized dude. But he is an athletic guy, he is fit. They've said he, you know, the guy with watching him run, do like athletic things.

What's Tiger Woods 40? Like 40, I don't know. I mean, like what, like, I'm just saying, like, you're Well, it was Tiger Woods 40. Like, like 40, I don't know. I mean, like what's, like, I'm just saying like, you're right, but his mental stuff is also like, you can try to make, you know, coaches every day try to get a mentally strong kid, you know, like make kids mental. You can't, you can't put a mentality,

necessarily into somebody that they, this is a fantastic question. So what's your race car driver you like? Daniel Riccardo? Yeah, Daniel's great. Okay. He's in a job. I would be curious to know his perspective of this.

Well, he's a really interesting personality because he's got that big smile. I love this dude. He's a fun dude. Oh, he was on the fucking Netflix show. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I love this dude. Yeah, he's a fun dude, but he, you know, that smile and personality is not what's turned

on in the car. When he's on the circuit, like, that's a different. But you're talking about a hypercompetitive. This is a brilliant conversation that I wish one of us had more knowledge of. But skillset, but I'm saying, to be a driver on the F1 level is, it is bananas. But you have to have a ton of money to even get there.

Well, money becomes a problem for a lot, is an issue for a lot of them growing up because some of them don't come from money and their families do. Some of them do. Like the one dude who's sons eraser. Yeah, that's happened a few times. And so those guys, those guys, I would argue, those guys are like, then you start going, so then how good is, you know, like how many we're leaving in the weeds that never had the opportunity? You're right that having your dad buy an F1 team is definitely insane. And how do you get that?

You're not like a mediocre driver that is doing that. You're still a skilled skilled driver. Okay. So like let's talk athletes, right? Okay. So Warren Sapp was playing in the NFL if he wanted to or not. He was going to be a professional athlete. He is a freak athlete.

He's a freak athlete who can do just about anything he puts his mind to. That's Warren Sapp. Walter Payton didn't need any parent to do anything. Well, we don't know that. All he needed was someone to watch him touch a ball and move and you were gonna go, well, that's fucking different than everything else.

Sure, sure, sure. Okay. So I want, I'm just wondering, and I don't mean this disrespectfully to Tiger Woods, but like Michael Jordan, Michael Jordan almost didn't play basketball, but he was so good. It kind of found him and he was like, well, fuck, how do I deny this? Tiger Woods is a guy who, how do I deny this? Tiger Woods is a guy who, what do you mean he almost didn't play basketball? He didn't, he didn't make a senior team. Junior, yeah, he didn't make the JV, he got cut from the JV team. Yeah.

And then he, but that made him just so upset, but he wanted to be on the team. Serena and Venus. Yeah. Their father definitely was like, you're going to be good at this. Yes. But they still have the gifts, is my point. You can have, like there's other crazy obsessed fathers out there with sports who do this every day in all the sports. And their kid never comes close because the kid doesn't have

the physical gifts or the mental toughness to go through that. This is, this is trial and error. If is one of the top parts of the time. If you took Tiger Woods and Warren Saap, I said, today guys, you are learning Pickleball. Without any training, I would put my money on Warren Saap, the freak athlete, to beat Tiger Woods, because I'm not saying I don't find Tiger Woods athletic.

I think he is athletic, and I think he's got a not saying I don't find Tiger Woods athletic. Yeah, I think he is athletic and I think he's got a mindset that I know it's crazy. It's it's he's he's on a different level. I think that was I would be curious to hear his perception. I bet he would say my dad creep my dad. I bet he would have credit his dad for probably 80 fucked with him until he, like, his dad fucked with him to get him to, to beat a place where nothing faced him. Yeah. You know, it's like, it's like, I look at stand-up sometimes and I'm just not at all. And it's probably the better all, like, I know you're saying because like, SAP, I mean,

SAP, you know, you can hit a golf ball. You can do whatever you want. You can do anything. Yeah. I think you can do a fucking back flip. You can do a back can hit a golf ball. You can do whatever you want. You can do anything, yeah. Yeah, I think you can do fucking backflip. See, you can do a backflip ball for both. I think you can dunk. Yeah, like, and so like, the question is, so hypothetically speaking, say Warren Sappard found golf

at an early age and just had been like, and had privilege, had a dad who was like, hey man, we're gonna touch you on the golf course every day. Yeah, you'd probably be a pretty guy, damn good golfer. I think you'd be the best golfer you'd ever seen in your entire fucking life. Like, you know, I think a guy like that,

because SAPP also has that killer mentality where he is a professional athlete. Like, I mean, that's the one thing that all these guys have is this mentality of being a next level athlete. Yeah. Yeah, no, they're definitely different. They're different. I wonder, I wonder, like, I don't know. I don't know. I just, like, I'm not, the problem is I love Tiger Woods. So I

don't want to take away from anything he has, but like, how many professional golfers do you think are like, when you see a professional golfer play, it's so different than we've read it. It's so different. It's so different. They're not like, but here's the thing, you're ignoring one thing again though, which is that every day, all over the world,

there are obsessed fathers trying to do this. And 99 point. You think? 9,999% of them fall. Yes, because they have that same dream. They're like, my kids, and there's some of them, you know, they, they push their kids. They don't want it. Kids got to want it. The kids, you, you, you almost can't, I mean, Todd Morinovich, that's like the great example of it.

I'm the right. So vividly. Such a fucking insane dad, making him this, and he didn't want to be that dude. He just, you know, he wasn't as driven for it as his father was. It's just, you know, it didn't, you know, it didn't work out in the way that he wanted it to work out. And it was a father who was like super dialed in on fitness and training and diet. I mean, just making this kid like a machine. He's good, he's good. But the guy-

He played for the Raiders. Yeah, he did. He played for USC and then yeah, he made a move. That was a strength coach for USC, right? I don't remember. He was a strength guy though. Yeah.

But yeah, his dad was obsessed. And then believe me, there's a million dads out there trying to make little tigers. So they see it, they're like, oh, I can, I can, like golf feels more accessible in certain ways in that, you know, it's not, can you run, are you built, will run fast? Immediately, immediately, if you have money,

you separate your kid from 98% of the athletes. Yeah, like immediately, if you have money, you can have a shot at having a professional golfer. You have like a, like, I'm gonna say this is gonna be, this is, by the way, this is a little disrespectful to golf and to every pro golfer that I fucking know. Yeah. But like, but if you have a little bit of money

and a boy that's like six feet tall, mm-hmm, you got a 50, 50 chance in having a pro golfer like six feet tall, you got a 50-50 chance in having a pro golfer. Well, dude, I, and he's white, and he's white, and he's white, and he's like 50-50. Did I remember the best, do you remember the best,

like did you have a standout golfer at your school or in your area? Yeah. Well, I remember the one that everybody was like, this dude's the shit. And, you know, he would just crush everybody around. He could do different things with a ball. Oh, yeah, he was just, he was, you go like,

oh, I guess this is, he played college golf. And then he did the tour, but like, though you know, there's like levels to the tour. Yeah. And that's where he would like get sponsored. People would sponsor him the time the tour to get, I guess it's like the points to get on the actual pro tour, you know, do you never got out of that level?

Yeah, but here's the point though. I remember we have one of those guys, the guy that was at next level, like we're all good. I mean, good enough to like, to not notice that we were bad. Yeah. Like you'd be like, oh, yeah, they're okay. Then there's one guy that could move the ball left to right, could put fade on the ball and draw it. Like I mean, really knew what he was doing with the club.

And I remember like, god damn it, man, how do you fucking do that? And he goes, oh no, I just been doing it my whole life. And I was like, really? He was like, yeah, and I was like, god, you're just good. And he was like, well, yeah, lessons since I was six. And you're like, okay, well, that's one thing. If you have private lessons from starting at six, then you're going to get pretty good. Where is there no private lessons in football,

no private lessons in, I mean, they're private. You can go to camps, now these kids, I mean, my buddy's son just went to Vanderbilt and he's pitching it Vanderbilt, and you're like, and but then I see what this kid does, this kid's fucking focused. Like, he goes and trains. He's in high school in Tampa.

To see that kid wants it. You can't make a kid want it like that. They can have all the access in the world and you still can't put that in them. You can't. Kids gotta be there obsession. I definitely didn't want it. I'm the same way.

I thought I wanted it. And I thought I wanted it. I thought I wanted it. And I definitely didn't want it. Because you know why? I learned that I wanted it from comedy. Because that is, that's the real world example and I definitely didn't want it. Because I, you know why? I learned that I wanted it from comedy, because that's the real world example of like sacrifice

and being obsessed and taking living in bad places and having shitty jobs, things that were really like embarrassing, but I was like, I don't even care. That's the same mentality as like a kid who's like, I am going to be a professional golfer baseball player, whatever. I never, I never push my body to the limits. No.

Until I start. Until. So, Rocktober. And we want to think. So, uh. No, but it's funny, so, Rocktober is right when I started, the first time we did it, and we did like the, the hookah bruncalories.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, I'm pushing my body to the limit. I've never done that before. Yeah. And now I think I have more access to that. If I had had this access, working out for me as a kid was fucking stupid. Like, I just thought it was stupid.

They go run, we step to run player appreciations where you ran from home plate to every advertiser sign in the outfield. And I was like, this is dumb as fuck. And there were guys who, I hated it. And there were guys who just did it like, what? Just look at it over with, man, let's do it. And there were guys who just did it like, what? Just look at it over with, man, let's do it.

And we do sprints and I'd always phone in a sprint. I'd be like, fuck sprints. And then you remember those like kids that when we did in football, we did, you know, those suicides. So you start at the goal line, what you do is you run to the 10 and run back. Then you run to the 20 and back.

Then the 30 and back, right? All the way to the fit. Well, then we did hundreds sometimes. But there would be the 30 and back, right? All the way to the fit. Well, we did hundreds sometimes, but there would be the kid that put, like the three kids that would like push so hard and you're like, what in the fuck? Rest of us were like, one of the people, he had those three kids who played college football.

You know, like they had a thing where they weren't, they didn't wanna lose these sprints that were just fucking killing us because you can't manufacture that willingness to not lose. Maybe my obsession with pussy was, maybe Tyler Woods, Tyler Woods had a late onset obsession with pussy. Maybe like he just didn't know about pussy in high school.

I think it's that everything changed with access too. Because of what kind of access did he have in high school? None. And then all of a sudden you have in high school? None. And then also in your like the world's most famous athlete. And you're a golfer. You're golfer and you're making like a hundred million dollars a year and you just fucking, you become a different, it's his whole world change, the mentality change.

That'd be great if Tiger hit us up. He's like, hey man, I'd love to explain my side of it. I think he's all right. I bet he hears this and that's what sucks about being Tiger Woods is like I'm kind of low key shitting on him but I don't mean it like that. But you gotta be like if you don't take an honest approach to your heroes, you know, then you're kind of like, so I'll sell them. I wonder, I wonder sometimes like my dad ran marathons all growing up. Yeah. And he never had anything like a whoop, nothing. Of course.

He would have loved the personal insights you get, like the fucking my dad would have loved. My dad kept the journal. Your dad was a powerlifter. Olympic lifter. Yeah. And he was the difference. The difference? Yeah.

A powerlifting is like bench squat deadlift. Olympic lifting is like like clean and jerk, you know, snatch. Yeah. And they're like, they're a little more complicated. So funny, I always picture your deadlift. I always look like something totally different. Well, you see him in his heyday of like when he was competitive Olympic lifting,

I mean, he just looked like phenomenal. I mean, he was 185 pounds was the heaviest he competed at. Really? He was just fucking, I mean, he didn't look like a bodybuilder. Just looked like an athletic, like, you know, traps, like just like an athletic lean dude, like you. Yeah. But, so he's like, I wrote down every single lift ever.

And then I was like, no shit. So it's like that version of whoop, right? Like you're writing things down. Yeah. And then I'm like, he goes, and I would write down like how I felt like that day and see if there was a correlation between feeling good, feeling rested and having a good lift. And then like feeling tired, not feeling well and a bad lift. And I go, what was the conclusion? He was like, there was no correlation. Some days I would feel bad and I would have a great lift. And I was like, is that the fucking, that's it?

That's the book. It's like, yeah. Dude, there was a, Nadav, see if you can pull up, it's a runner, it's a red, it's a red runner's journal that my dad used to keep a runner's journal. There was like a big thing about his runs. About his runs, he'd say, how far he ran? No, it's got a, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's got a foot.

It's got like a guy's ass and he's jogging. Yeah, it's like the calendar day by day, but there was, there were different ones, but it was like the complete runners day by day. Did he do all of theathons all the time? My dad ran Marathons. He would have loved. Yeah.

He would have loved to see. I bet now that he's going through all this hard stuff, I bet he'd go, I'd like to see what resting heart rate is all the time. I bet my dad was too much of a Neanderthal. He would have just been like, oh yeah. Did you're done, you know? Yeah. Really?

Like hard drink or just drink? No, I mean like, you made a drink. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't like a fucking always Hammering them, but yeah, he drank You think what what do you think? Look at you go when the George and I left did you try to drink? It's like oh god. Oh my god. Yeah, you should have seen it depends on like whether they want to have the conversation or not Yeah, I'm yeah, I don't really feel like giving you an hour right now. Yeah.

Have you had time? Yeah. Yeah, that's fucking... I would be curious to see... I tell you what, my dad ate, right? So, we came up, you and I, I mean, in the era where also an information became accessible about nutrition and fitness. You know what I mean?

And then now it's like other level. And somebody who just wanted to get involved in fitness can just go down their phone and learn so much. Like, information is so readily available. So I was like, oh, so like when you were lifting, you know, they lifted six days a week. One day off. One day off, and most of their lifting sessions were two and a half hours, right?

Right? Yeah, and like we're talking about squats, power, a clean and jerk, press, strict press, push press. Like, you know, it's just like all these lifts, two and a half hours usually was the amount. And I'm like, oh, and so like, what kind of like vitamins and stuff do you take? And he was like, what are you talking about?

I'm like, did you take like anything? And he was like, like what? I'm like, like a fucking supplement or anything? And he was like, no, we didn't do that in those days. I'm like, what'd you eat? He's like steak. And I go, how often? He's like, for dinner.

I'm like, every day. And he's like, yeah. I'm go, how often? He's like, for dinner. I'm like, every day, and he's like, yeah. I'm like, what else? Like potatoes? Steak potatoes? Six days a week? And he was like, yeah, usually. Stay hydrated, and he was like, I have milk. No, yeah, diet coke.

Yeah. And that's just all, like, they had zero regard for nutrition. It was just lift, eat a steak. That was it. You think if we, okay, what if we invent, okay, this is going to sound crazy. What if we sign a village in Africa? We sign them, right? We sign them. Sign them. We sign the whole village. We sign the whole village, but we get rights to their children as pro athletes, as pro athletes.

We sign the whole village. No, no, no, no, no, we're fucking as pro athletes, as pro athletes. We saw this. We saw this. No, no, no, we're fucking philanthropers, not philanthropers, philanthropers. Philanthropers? Philanthropists. Yeah. So what we do is we go in and we say like, so like we go into Tanzania, right?

The Messiah tallest fuck, okay? So we go into, type in the tallest, tallest tribe in Africa. By the way, we can do this in middle, we can do this in central America. I'll just say the optics are great. What do you think this about? I know what it's sounding like.

Your black children are ours. Anymore. No, no, that's not my thing. We're philanthropers. Robert Waldo. Is it tallest? Okay. Okay, we're gonna Rwanda, the Tutsis.

The Tutsis, they've got some problem with the Hutus. So we go to the Tutsis. Where are the tallest people in Africa? Hit that next drop down. Dinka. Rwanda, the Tutsis. Really? So we go in and we take, I was thinking of this

because I was thinking of, of, go to the next one below. That one, that's who you were said before, right? Messiah. The Messiah 6.2. Yeah, that's taller. Yeah, they're taller. So the Messiah are tallest fuck,

they're all tall, the women are beautiful, everything's fucking, everyone's tall as shit. Right, can we sign their kids, you say? No, no, no, no, so we go in, and what we do is, we basically sign the village, right? We sign the the village and so I was watching this thing on the queen So the queen Where is this okay hear me okay, so the queen went through bring went through and they basically Signed these cities right they took over these cities and then they took all their fucking resources all their blood

other diamonds and yeah, and then they made tons of money. They, I'm trying to disfuse. I'm still on this track of being billionaires. So then they made tons of money. And then what happened is the British Empire just, the Queen and them, they just kept the fucking money. And then they let all the places go, and they didn't reinvest.

Well, what I think should happen is the Queen, the, if Charles, who's the, who's the Queen should, the, if, if Charles is, who's the, who's the bald red head that's going to be, uh, King one day, uh, Andrew, the other one. Charles, Charles, Charles and Henry, whatever. I don't know. The fucking one that, Prince Charles, right? No. Hold on. Who's his kid, the fucking Harry and, uh, Harry, Harry, Harry and, okay, let's do this, say it's Harry, because he's the one that's like super woke. William, William, William, William.

What they should do is they should go back and reinvest in these places like Jamaica, British Virgin Islands. Like Chicksalays, like V.M. V.M. V.M. V.M. V.M. V.M. V.M. V.M. V.M. V.M. A lot of parks. And give them infrastructure. Okay. All this fucking money,

and they have these countries that could use help. Right. And they, if they wanna look woke, like they say they are. They should go in and reinvest, right? Okay. So what if me and you go in, right, invest in the invest in a place, make it nice for the whole village, right? We upgrade it. Everyone's got beds. We get sopper mattresses for everyone. We get we get everyone's got a whoop, we got like, everyone gets, everyone gets everything, all our sponsors, we invest in the city, and then we go here's the deal.

We just want to sign the city to do bear sports management. So, what we'd like is a first look deal at all your young talent, right? First look deal at all your young talent. Hey guys, you know we're good guys. Everyone's got fucking looks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah, hey, did you guys say you wanted a Bud fucking logsy jeans on. Yeah. Right.

Right. Yeah, right. Did you guys say you wanted a Bud Light? Yeah, there you go. Right. Yeah. Hey, whoa, who wants a liquid debt? Right.

Yeah, sure. So everyone's got good shit. Now, probably once we get our first athlete, we start making real money, we really start building everyone houses. Everyone's got like track housing. And it's like, we put Wi-Fi in there. Everyone's got iPads.

We step it up, but we do it. Our thing is those people are gonna read that, reinvest back in their communities. But what we're getting is like 3% and we're getting our 3% right? Right. And we're looking for athletes. We can do it in Latin America.

We can do it in Latin America. We look for middle-end fielders and we just go to like small villages. The real money would be defining the next soccer phenom. Like the name R. This is what I like when you team up with me. Yeah, yeah. Because we can do what Tiger Woods dad did for Tiger.

We just work a couple of eyeballs in Argentina and Brazil and when you go, you find that kid, you fucking go to their house with Bud Light tonight. I'm almost, how much do you wanna bet that they're already doing this? Oh yeah. How much do you wanna bet bet that they're already doing this? Oh yeah. How much do you want to bet there's already sports agencies doing this? Yeah.

Where they go, I guarantee you there's sports agencies fucking doing this. I love when you get passionate about it. Do this a billion dollar idea? I know. We go into the fucking Dan Dunne and we fucking make some fucking money. Yeah. This is what they did in Oslo. See, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right, that's right.

He discovered, you should have a movie? No, I heard it's awesome. It's fucking great, it's great. It's about making a billion dollars, Tommy. And we're good guys, so you know we'll do right by the village. Yeah, and we'll set them up. I'm a little worried about the objects, but I think we can probably...

I think once we make, once, you know what, the optics change, once we bring out a Jordan, or a Tiger, or a Warren Sapp, like a legit, like a Ronaldo, a Sammy Sosa, a Mark McGuire, a fucking Amy Johnson, a Nolan Ryan, we're talking phenoms, we just go in, we have the eye for talent, we find these guys. We go, hey, look, okay, look, you want to change optics? Let's do it in a small town in Appalachia, right? We might be sitting for a while. Okay, you're right about that.

I'd rather go where the talent is, but fine, if we're going to worry about optics, we go into a small town in Appalachia. We need to go to like somewhere in Brazil, just park in Brazil somewhere. I love when you think with me. And you gotta have somebody in the, you know, the favelas, like that's where they're gonna find them, you know?

Yeah. Somebody really, really poor. It's me. And then it's me. I have like a, I have like a kind of a beat up fedora and I'm supposed to be smoking cigars. You might as well be there for a minute, okay? I'm live there, dude.

Okay. I live there. I'll get a little motorcycle, drive up and down, spend my mornings on the beach, come up. How are you gonna work it into your touring? I'm due to how I'm changing my life. I'm getting out of touring, Tommy. This is two-bear sports management. I'll have a newspaper, like a Brazilian newspaper.

And I'll be sitting there with cigars. I can tackies. It's a cigar and open my event with a hat. And I'll have my glasses on like this. And then this is the look when I see the talent. Ready, Tom? I got to go to the garden and open my event with a hat and I have my glasses on like this. And then this is the look when I see the talent. Ready Tom? Yeah. I'm looking at my paper and I get like this.

Siri, Calskini Tommy Buns, tell him we got him. And then all of a sudden, do you think that people listen to me and do you think there's some people that go, he's not that far off. Well, yeah, Jordy people are like you know what you're saying? Your ideas are like AI art. It's just a couple degrees off From what it should be you can find a cage fighter. You can find a cage fighter You can find a cage fighter. Yeah, yeah, where?

fighter, you can find the cage fighter. Yeah, yeah, where? Fuck anywhere. The old school Russia, we're back where they're all fighting to get out. The Crimea, you want to Crimea, and you'll find a cage fighter easy. You can see, that's probably the easiest, okay. What is the easiest?

The 15 was like, I've been in 1557 with that looking his eyes. I got to be dead, I'll see, I think we got one growing in your house. I couldn't, I could see Alice. Do you know what I did, dude? It was so fucking amazing. So you posted, or did you posted or somebody posted that Polytunes did the,

that Polytunes animates stories from Rogan. Yeah, yeah. And heates stories from Rogan. Yeah, yeah. And he animated you telling Rogan about Ellis giving you... That was you know. Oh, it's fucking, it's so funny, right? So, I happen to see it, so you, somebody else did it, and I, I retagged it. I reposted it. Yeah.

Um. The dogfather moment, I guess.ged it. I reposted it. Yeah. The dog for the moment. I guess there it is. So it's this and I'm home. So it's you telling, you telling Joe about this. Yeah. And then you're like, you're like, have you met Tom's kids? And they isolate this moment and then they animate it.

So I'm watching it at home and Ellis is like, what is that? And I go, actually, it's a story about you. You. Dude, he comes over my shoulder and watches this thing. I've never seen him more mesmerizing my life. He's like, just like, story's about me out there. And I was like, well, I can't really explain

how all this works. And this is you being like, you take a sip of water and he's like, nope. This is you being like, you take a sip of water and he's like, nope. This is awesome. Yeah, it's great. He had me replay it for him so many times. For real? Yeah, and you curse a lot, retelling the story.

Yeah. And he thinks it's the greatest thing ever. He's like, that's fadsticks. I'm like, I know. Yeah, we could get Ellis into cage fighting. Would you let him be a cage fighter? I mean, I would let him train for, you know, jujitsu instead.

I was taking jujitsu. She is. Yeah, I'm not sure she knows what jujitsu is. It's the first day she goes, I'm ready for a little hiya. And I go like, that's not what that is. Yeah, but that's fucking great. He loved it, dude.

He loved the story about him. I guess Paulie Tunes has a little body to do some more if he only looks at everyone, huh? Tom and Joe were jacked and I look like a fat fucking piece of shit there. No, no. Really? Paulie, look at Joe's jawline and then look at me.

My hairline looks cool. It's cartoon. It's cartoon. He's just adorating features. That's the weirdest thing is they had those characters at the, at the, at the, fucking roller coaster places. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Theme parks. I remember we were doing one and I was like, and the guy was just drawing like the most racist pictures of people. It was like an Asian person with a straw hat going like, oh, and you're like, easy buddy. Yeah. And then if you did black people, like you just accentuate.

Yes, what they do. The most racist. And I was like, I was like, is it a little, I couldn't stop laughing going, is anyone finding this insensitive? I mean, they kind of signed up for it. They know if you have any feature, he's just going to exaggerate it. Yeah, he did mind. And he's just like, big shoulders. Yeah. Yeah. I hope Tiger Woods doesn't hate us now. Because I would like to spend some private time with him. I think he's sober. I don't think Tiger's gonna hang after this one. You don't think so?

I don't think so. Can we just burn that bridge? I think so. Let's burn another bridge. Okay, we're talking heroes and sports, right? In sports. Like, okay, I'll name a name. You tell me nature versus nurture, okay?

I mean, a lot of it's gonna be a combination though, isn't it? Okay, go ahead, go ahead. Peyton Manning. He was born with the prototype size and the obsessiveness. That guy was never not gonna be... Really? At thousand percent. Yeah, and the obsessiveness that that guy was never not gonna be really What about the other person

A bit of the same I think I think a little less obsessive-pating though. Yeah, they're I guess Peyton's son Yeah, he's a fucking phenom really really. I know that's what I just what's his names are Archie. I think they are not No, Martian man. Who's whose arch there's another one archie Manning they named their kid after their dad. Yeah, and that kid's fucking football player right there the under the one underneath Yeah, that's it. Let's see look at this kid Wait That's the dad still No, they're junior now

the dad still. No, they're junior. No. Are you struggling today with the spelling? Yeah, you have an hard time, huh? Are you manning junior? Yeah, look at this kid. Oh, he plays over UT. He's here. Yeah. He commits to taxes number one overall. So that is the... You're gonna bump into him over Frank Blacks. So give me the buy of one Archie Man and Junior though. Kids fucking good, I saw him play. Not the image of the buy. And I want you to call it. Really?

Yeah, online I saw him. They were showing me, it was like a highlight reel of his. And I was like, oh, the kid's fucking got it. And then you start going So is being a great quarterback just in that bloodline? Or is it something that their dad did? Oh, dude You know that one again. Do you know what a badass Archie Manning was the dad? I Watch the documentary on the dad first of all still married to his high school or his college sweetheart

Look at that look at that size dude, 64215. Who's that? That's the kid. That's the one you're just talking about. Shut the fuck up. So how is he, what's his personal life? He is the oldest son of Cooper. Oh okay, that's the kid that didn't play in the NFM.

Yeah, but they were supposedly the best. Uh, the neck injury. Right. They used to throw to him. He was a receiver on the basketball team. And the nephew of At the neck injury. Right. They used to throw to him. He was a receiver on the basketball team and the nephew of Peyton and Eli. Okay. Wow. So Archie Manning, right?

I saw like, I don't know if it was a football life or something. By the way, one of the best programs ever. That's a football life is great. It's so good. Archie Manning, bad motherfucker, right? Goes to Tennessee. There was no one in Tennessee, it was Ole Miss. Ole Miss, yeah.

Goes to Ole Miss, meets his current wife, like, first week of school or whatever. She's still hot. Eli and fucking Peyton's mom is still hot. Fucking 74. That didn't get just down in the genetics, did it? They don't, they don't, they down in the genetics did it. It's a little other bomb.

They look like fucking it look like they everyone's supposed to clap when they throw the ball. You know, they did not look. They did not have Olivia Williams. Manning. She was a friend tennis professional. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's a tennis professional.

He's still beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. And so, uh, dude, and, she's a tennis professional. He's still beautiful. Yeah, yeah. And so, dude, and this is like a little morbid, but this is what a, this is, when you talk about a man, I don't have what Archie Manning has, ready? So Archie Manning's about,

should be going back to college, but he's like, you know what, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna stick around, I'm gonna stay with my dad, right? Sisters are out, I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna stay with my dad, right? Sisters are out. I'm gonna go home. I've stayed with my dad. Goes home. His dad's killed himself. He get this. He Doesn't want his mom and dad sister to see this

So he cleans up everything takes the bed outside burns it Takes the bed outside burns it cleans up his dad presents his dad, you know, goes takes care of it. Jesus. The I don't have that in me at all. And that, when we're talking about nature versus nurture, that's the dad. That brain raised two fucking pro athletes. That's their dad. They're dad.

I mean, for all intents and purposes, got rid of a body so that his mom wouldn't have to hurt. Could you do that? I couldn't have done it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I would be crying in a puddle. That's a bad ass motherfucker. That's their dad.

And by the way, I bet he's never talked a day about that in his life to his kids. Just go, I saw it, well, life was different back then. Yeah. Yeah, it's different, it's definitely different mentality. But I still think that those kids, dude, they probably would have been NFL quarterbacks. You think? A lot of households, yeah.

Now, they can't move for shit, but they know how to fucking throw the ball, read the field. They are, they are, okay, gifted gifted. Okay. But they did. Who's better quarterback? Yeah. Michael Vick or Peyton Manning? Well, Michael Vick's like as such at other level athletes, like you can't compare their athletic. But you can, I guarantee you can compare it in the hall of fame. Well, yeah, they're not there. But also his career kind of got derailed when he went to prison. Yeah.

That was bullshit. He was the fucking, he was the pro-blum, dude. Have you seen, did you watch Lamar Jackson play? I love Lamar Jackson. I've seen him play in person once and I was like, oh, I did, because this doesn't register on television, just how quick he is. And then I was watching the game against the Bengals and I was like, what in the fuck, man?

Like, it's impossible to defend. And you get, soon as you get used to going, we just got to account for his speed and running. He just, like, throws that thing. He was a bit inaccurate that game, but still, like the combination of being able to throw the ball and run like that, you just, you realize why it's a generational talent. I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say,

I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say,

I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, I say, he does, like, I saw him get hit and they cut to him and he has a big smile on his face. So his, his read options are like, it's just, you can't, you can't plan for a quarterback that can throw and run a 425, 40 or whatever the fact that the way the Mar Jackson plays football. There you go. I drink the way the, if you had to say your comedy was like one professional quarterback,

who would you say your, only you think in these terms? Who would you think your comedy is like Troy Ackman? Just boring But but but reliable But very good championship level Who would you say your your comedy what quarterback? Doug Williams I don't know

I don't know I can't't know. I don't know. I can't pull up the starting quarterbacks in the NFL right now. You're more like a Vajarrad golf. What a weird last name. Golf. Okay. Okay. Marcus Mariotta.

Kyler Murray. You're not Kyler Murray. You're like, you're like, no, it's definitely Aaron Rodgers. It's you are there. You're Aaron Rodgers. He doesn're like, uh, you're like, no, it's definitely Aaron Rogers. It's you are there. You're Aaron Rogers. He doesn't know. You are Aaron Rogers. He's doesn't like people. He you are Aaron Rogers. I've been around for a Aaron Rogers. I know what I'm doing. You're like, and you're kind of like him again. It's like, yeah, but you know, you have a good relationship with Brogan. You're Aaron Rodgers. You've taken Iver Macden.

Yeah, man. You're Aaron Rodgers. Wait, who's my stand up like? Oh God, pull up that list again. More, get the full list. Full list, get the guys, we're about to retire. You gotta be more of a like a- Like who's John Mulaney like?

John Mulaney is more of a like like who's John Malaney like John Malaney is more like like uh... Well, I think of Malaney. I mean, I'm trying some of it happens you start thinking about aesthetics too. Yeah, you know, I'm trying to think because immediately when you say him I'm like, oh, he's Brady. Yeah, he's Brady. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, a little bit like super polished, super polished, kind of like up, like keeps it tight. I don't know why we're having such a fight. I know this is crazy, you know a lot of people can just look up.

One god damn list. Yeah, go back to a little more Jackson. I might go back. I'm gonna go suck. They're the manning brothers, there's this kid. Who are the starting quarterbacks in the NFL? Oh, this is good, I missed this, the dog. We should see if we can, we should see if we can do it.

Can I tell you what I want to do with you? What? The gum ball. The gum ball. Oh, the drive. Do you want to do that? Yeah. We can do that. You really want to? I really want can do that. You really wanna? I really wanna do it.

I really wanna do it. Pull up the 2022 gum ball. We'll get this next one. Hey, line. Okay. I'm more like Tana Hill probably. You're like Rothus Burger because he's out of the league and he breaks somebody.

No, you are. I'm like Ryan Fitzpatrick. Uh, let's see. Well, these a lot of these guys are not playing though. Yeah. Like these are not droopries. These are a bunch of retired guys. Bar star, no bar star.

I'm like part star. Jesus. Just type in the 2022 gumball. All right. Okay. Maybe this would be it. Let's see. Is this it?

Kind of. Um, now it's the 21st there. I made Joe Flacco one time. This would be it. Let's see, is this it? Kind of. Now it's the 21st there. I made Joe Flacco one time. Those guys are not out in the league. Never mind. Alex Smith, just never mind. This is too big a task. Hey, type in the 2022 gumball.

Let's see what it is. Let's see if we can pin, or 2023 gumball. Because this year is almost over. Race, gumball race. Yeah. Okay. 3000 tickets and venues. When it went where is it this year? North America just scroll down yes so that we can't find it. There we go. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. Man, you, we got a fucking hot car. What kind of car will we get? I don't know, let's see what, what do people, oh, fuck. That's a McLaren, like, do people get in those? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Okay, which rally are you interested in? Let's do, I have to, well, you're probably safer

for a guy's like me and you. I don't know if the least is exactly what we want to do. It's time for you. Full name. Okay, whatever. Tom, lead foot, full name. Okay, whatever. Tom, lead foot, sagura. Okay.

Date of birth. This is, are we signing up for it right now? No, let's just see what this is. Let's take a sec. It doesn't matter, just give him a minute. 11372. 9, 9, 11. Why would you put that?

Okay. How, with home business address. Just type in the business address here. What are we doing? Yeah, good at them. This is the way to get, I can't believe I can get worse. So you can get any car you want. I think you can drive any car you want.

You can drive a ambulance. All right, hold on, hold on. Okay. So it's going to take place in North America and then it stops at each of those cities. Is that the whole thing? No, that's 2022, that's already happened. But I mean, is that what happens? You go from city to city?

Yeah, I think you go, I think you go like down the coast or across the country. Holy shit. And like you gotta do it like 23 hours. Like people, you fucking fly. So what we do is we get spotters. We use R, this is what I've been thinking about this a lot. Okay?

We get R team, first of all we're gonna need costumes. Okay? We're gonna need costumes, we're gonna need like a car. You know, I didn't realize Cannibal Run was actually based on the actual gumball, the Cannibal Run. Not a real thing. Where they all, and like, and the thing is, you don't wanna get pulled over.

That's why they dressed as cops, they dressed as priests, they dressed as, in an ambulance, like they dressed in a character, so they can get pulled over. But what we do is we lean into our fans to be our spotters. We got fans in every city, right? So we just, we just go, hey, let us know where the cops are, clear out ways for us, right?

Yeah. And then, and we get, like spotters, so sayter. So say we're going back up, say we're going through fucking St. Louis, we get a guy that we meet right before we head in the city, right? We see him outside the city. He flies in front of us fast at like 70 miles, cops pull him over, we go through at 120. We could do this. And I think we could win it. Would you drive that fast? Yeah, I would. Bam, our Jaron Ryan Dunn from Jackass did in a Lamborghini Gaiardo. Yeah. Tony Hawk and Mike Valley did it in a Jeep Cherokee.

I think we could do this. What kind of car we want to take? Ooh. We'll be the best car. We got, I mean, you want a haul ass. We got to go like 140 miles an hour. Well, there are some actually,

there's some pretty wild, like if you want to be comfy, you know, like some of those, like, you know, like the Lamborghini, Uru's and all stuff, we could get like a, I think a 911 turbo S would be this. Look at that, that's not a SUV, that's a sports car, but that is fast as fuck. That would be fun to do it in.

You know, that you can get like comfort seats and they fly. Then we get one of those, we just fly across country. I wouldn't mind doing it in the Middle East. Yeah. And that way we're lawless. Like if something, we get pulled over, we can just kill the dude. Well, I don't think it's,

I mean, it's not even like we'll just say like he stole something from us. Yeah. Yeah. Just go with our guns. I'm not joking. I'm pretty sure in those areas where they're driving, you could probably kill someone and knock it in a ton of trouble. I mean, we're going. I'm not not your area of the Middle East, the dogs, but we're going with guns. If we go, oh, we're definitely carrying guns. Yeah. We're going to have guns. We're going with guns if we go. Oh, we're definitely carrying guns. We're gonna have guns, we're gonna have weapons, we're gonna have drugs, we're gonna get a lot of cocaine. Oh, I will sign up for this with you.

Let's do it, let's do the gumball. The two bears racing gumball, that's our initiative race. I'm sure we can get sponsors, we put it all on fucking social media. Okay, we fucking haul ass. Middle Easter, you're up to the dog, which one do you think? Europe is probably a little more accountable. Middle Easter, we can get away with wild shit there.

What cities, type in what cities does the gumball 2000, the 3000 gumball hit in the Middle East? Or states or whatever, continents, whatever. You know, I don't think it's cities. I don't think they have cities way we have cities. Okay Okay, where does where does the take place the first one or no maximum million Cooper? What a fucking name? Max Dubai Dubai Dubai to that's that's that's the that's coming up Dubai to Abu Dhabi now we can make that type in Google Maps Dubai to Abu Dhabi.

I better guarantee we have to go through the crescent valley. You must be able to just fucking haul. Ha! Ask Dubai to Abu Dhabi. Okay, fuck, yes, Tom. What if it's too late for us to sign up? Oh my God. I can't be the whole thing. That's easy peasy. It's a two hour God. That can't be the whole thing.

That's easy peasy. It's a two hour drive. That can't be it. That's gotta be like one, that's one leg. That's a two hour drive on bus. Yeah, that's, that's not it. Wait, maybe it's just a sprint race. Maybe that's the sprint race.

We really can't find the... There we go, Is that it? Yeah, that's it. That's it. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it say, is it say where? Oh, it really is just that? No, no, no, it's good.

It's a loop. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Muscratt, then all the way down to Sol of Chalkok, Jebelok Abarb, Abudabi, Dubai. Okay, that's back to, that's the run. Okay, hold on, scroll down. Amazing country of Oman, Raleigh Finale, Abudabi.

Yeah, we're making major subs, Jabal Akbar, Salah, Muska. Okay, well that would be, you wanna do that Okay. Well, that would be, you want to do that one? Yeah. That would be fun as fucking shit. At least, you know, with a bunch of like fucking princes in shit racing with us, too. You realize that, hold on, we've always talked about being best friends

with the prince, too. Yeah. And this is our fucking in. Yeah. And dude, the shit that we can do in these countries is unfucking murder. I think you're really going into this with some wild west fucking stuff.

I have some really fucking big dude. I'm not even fucking around. Let's do this. You can punch a man in the face over there and knowing you don't go to jail. You punch a man in the face and you just say like he insults my family and they're fucking you don't go to jail.

I'm being said serious. In Abu Dhabi, you can't drink alcohol. That's the one thing. But I think you do everything else. Okay. Dude, we get think you do everything else. Okay, dude, we get a prince to back us, like to, do we dress the cheeks? Oh yeah, fuck yeah. We dress the cheeks.

We go in fully armed, I'm talking like MPX, you know, maybe AKs or something. I think we, I think we, I think we, I think we James Bond out our vehicle. I think we send it out. Why don't you take an Aston Martin instead? Let's, you will ask the Martin. Oh, I do.

Yeah, well, yeah, let's not burn in, burn in one of these fucking German, not these, these models. Let's get in a fucking Aston Martin and look like fucking gentlemen. Tom, let's get fitted suits. Let's do the whole thing in suits. In suits in Aston Martin's

and we have fucking firearms. Why would you go to these pictures? What Aston Martin do we want? They pick like a DB 11 or maybe a C. That'd be fun, right? Dude, that would be a fucking blast. Fly through Abu Dhabi on one of those. You ever going, uh, you ever going, uh, what's the, uh,

The late type in Asimar and Vahala. Why don't we take that? I like that, I like the name of that already. Vahala? Daaah. I think they're only like, Shut the fuck up! I think they're only like three million bucks.

Let's see the interior. I wanna see what I'm gonna be sitting like shot the fuck up. I think they're only like three million bucks. Let's see the interior I want to see what I'm gonna be sitting in for fucking 24 hours There's only one seat There's only one seat There's only one It's only one bucket seat. I think there's a there's no radio. No, we sit together. We sit together Yeah, it has fucking perfect. No, there's another seat there.

Yeah, there's another seat. Oh, we are in like cockpits, dude. Dude, this is the fucking ride. If we don't win the thing, we're fucked. Dude, first of all, we get what we do is we get a slush fund, right? Yeah. So like we get some get out of jail money. Okay. To bribe, to grease the palms So like we get, like some, some get out of jail money. Okay.

To bribe, to grease the palms, pack cigarettes, dude. They're really big on carbon cigarettes. Carnage cigarettes goes a long way over there. I've seen the movie. You've seen that. Carnage cigarettes are like, hey, my man. My bad, my bad. Oh, hold on, Tom.

We fucking load up our car with firearms. Firearms and cigarettes is our way to get through here. Yeah. Firearms cigarettes and Johnny Walker black. Every time here. Firearms, cigarettes, and Johnny Walker black. And every time we get pulled over, we go, hey buddy, give him one of these and a fucking AK. And some cigarettes and he's like, oh, I don't see anything. Yeah.

Dude, you guys were doing 180, it's kind of a lot. You almost killed my fucking camel. I fucking, it's good. It's good. Keep talking, keep talking. I think, I think, you know, I'm fucking, that's good, that's good. Keep talking, keep talking. I think, I think, you know, they do camels with drones now. Really? Yeah, it's, because they were fucking killing

these little boys over there. And now they do camel racing and they have drones on the back of the camel and they have these fucking, we should get a Bentley. That's what they, she tried around in, is Bentley, and they're fucking nice. A Bentley rath, we get a rath, and we get a Rolls Royce. Okay, same same.

Like, yeah, yeah. And we get a fucking, this could be the fuck, this could be big for us. This really could be. Let's explore this idea a little more. I'm, by the way, I'm in. I'm in. Hold on, hold on. I'm in. And what happens, Tom? This is an event.

Yeah. This is like, we can, we can make some money off this, because we'll, we'll, we'll record the whole thing, we'll turn into a documentary, put it on fucking moment house. Moment house is jacking off right now going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or we sell it to Netflix. Whoa! We got to ends at Netflix. Where are we going to moment house? No offense moment house.

But like, what the fuck? Why don't we sell this to, dude, I guarantee you, Netflix would be like, we will watch you guys do the gumball. Yeah, and give guns and cigarettes away to local people. I'm really bringing guns. I know. I'm really bringing guns.

Yeah. And what we do is we would link up with, Russell Peters is gonna have a couple of cheeks in his pocket that will have guns for us. Dude, I am so into Indian women too. Like we get a couple of like of like, like Middle Eastern hot chicks in the back. Just for I candy, just to make this show

that we're palatable. Sure. Right face time are wives all the time, so we know we're not doing anything. Sure. I'm telling you, you think I bet Netflix would buy this. Oh totally. Netflix, soft pitch.

Ready? Perk Chrysher and Tom Segura are driving 180 miles per hour in the Middle East. In the Middle East, loaded to the tits with alcohol, drugs, guns, and cigarettes. It's called gumball, gumball, go. I'm telling you, you wouldn't click on that. Asalamu Alaikum is the tag, yeah, it's perfect.

Asalamu Alaikum, mother fuckers., it's perfect. Asalam Aleikum, motherfuckers. Yeah. And it's just this. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch- bikinis, but like, but respectful with like, uh, sheer a law and, and, and they're like, they're like, and they're, and the dust clears and you just see them like this with their hair blowing. Yeah. Dude, would you click on, if you're going to go on an Netflix and you saw me and you, right? Yep. You come, it's already familiar with, with firearms in front of an Aston Martin with the pyramids behind us. Bert and Tom go full gumball.

Ch-ch-ch-ch. Ch-ch-ch-ch. Brrr. Brrr. Brrr. Brrr. Brrr. By the way, that's our international touring right there. We start touring Abu Dhabi because they're like,

oh, I love these guys. When they come over and give everyone guns, let's say we're at, take our women love these guys when they come over and give everyone guns and say Take our women and dress them in fucking completely inappropriate outfits. Yeah, just bastardize our country. Yeah, totally You should hear them say the names of our cities. They did birth and even know they were cities You thought there were territories. This is a fucking dough. How how hard do you think it'll be selling Netflix? I mean, but we have to work on the pitch a little bit, but I think we have to do it. By the way, the month we have a week left basically,

and then we should be getting together on the first. That's, you know, I don't want to hard sell it, but right now we're talking about getting together all on the first. My question is, are you going to really let go, let loose on the first, November 1st? I probably won't drink at all, Joe's. I don't know. I might lean into Iowaska.

On the first. Yeah, do Iowaska on Joe's and just be like, I'm feeling, no, I'm gonna probably cut one up on the first on Joe's. I'll rip one off cause I'm gonna be trick-or-treating with you and the boys the night before. You gotta wear a costume. It'll be fun. Yeah, it'll be fun.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. All right, we gotta get out of here. So, insomeration. Yeah. I probably would be a better off than the entire woods. Okay. Eli Manning and Peyton Manning

didn't get their looks from their mom. And we're doing the gunball. Yep, in the Middle East. In the Middle East, and we're selling it to Netflix. We got a secure vehicle. We do, that's why, what kind of money you think we can get from Netflix for this? Do you think they give us, okay, real talk, right?

It's real talk. If they gave us $4 million to do this, yeah. We could get a $2 million car, $1 million with the drugs alcohol guns, right? 20,000 on suits and we put like $80 million in the production. I like the math. I like it. I can't tell you I like a bunch of different outfits. Every day is a new outfit. Oh, we gotta go. I like it. I can't tell you, I like a bunch of different outfits.

Every day is a new outfit. Oh, we gotta go, we gotta go. You come out of the thing, you're like, oh shit, Gucci head to toe. And then we're in just Gucci outfits. Sure, we're gonna have fun with it. Damn it, this is gonna be fun. The guns will be the most fun part.

Guns is gonna be the best. I think over there, we might be able to get some like, you know, anti-aircraft shit. Like real things you cannot access here. Like we might be able to get tanks might, you know, like, the fucking trailer when you, when you hover over us on Netflix, it's 50 count.

You draw it driving 180 me out with a machine gun out of the sunroof just, boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob boob And then you cut it and we slide dustes everywhere. Yeah. And then you just pop out the fucking tight ass suit. Ring is fucking, what's up everybody? It's your boy Tom Segura. And you know what? We're gonna bribe people in your country. Like yeah, it's fucking nice.

Hey yeah, that's part of our thing is that like we don't really understand. Like I'll be like, there will be a shot of me going, I don't understand your laws. Yeah. But I know everyone likes cigarettes. And the guy's like, hey, it's a big thing here.

Then we have one shot at you in a village. How much for the little girls, huh? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. All right, we got some more kings to work out. All right, I think that's another comic. All right, so let's wrap it up. it up alright I love you love you too man bye bye Clean, here's what we call, two bears one cave. No scripts to be the booze amateur, for topology.

Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. you