2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 161 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

Bert Kreischer finally recovered from all of his surgeries and joins Tom Segura to discuss their taste in adult videos. They discuss Adriana Chechik breaking her back, Bhad Bhabie, and if Bert should start an Only Fans account. Tom educates Bert on Tyga, Travis Scott and Woah Vicky. Bert shares his theory on little people, the bears discuss herpes, pregnancy scares, as well as hernias. They review some of the best hair transplants among celebrities, female celebrities that aged gracefully, and private jets.https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://bertbertbert.com/tourhttps://store.ymhstudios.com/

This world's crazy. Yeah? We just need to focus on comedy. Okay. Me, you need to focus on what we're good at. What we're good at is fucking old ladies, drink cool-aid, and do stand up. Yeah, you got.

And I got my cool-aid right here. Yeah. 100%. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, you. What kind of porn are you watching these days? It's really interesting. You're outside. Last night, I can't do anything that's stepfather, stepdaughter, anything like that. I can't do anything young anymore because my kids are

my kids at that age. Oh yeah. Yeah, so I got to do old lady porn. Milf stuff. Yeah, Milf stuff. Anything milfy I get and I need natural tits. Okay. It's gotta and it's gotta be in the realm of shit I would do. So I stopped googling stuff I would never fucking do like girl sucks guys dick through a cake. Choc. Okay, you know and so like I Stop doing that. So it's gotta be things in the realm of what I do. And like, I tell you what started it was, girl wears vibrating thing to restaurant boyfriend makes sure I have orgasm. And then I tapped out cause I was like,

fucking Liam, I never let me do that. Right, I would love that. I would love that because you said that you bring up stuff and she's like, nope, nope, nope, nope. That's not gonna happen, that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen, all right. Now that right there, that ain't gonna happen. I'm gonna tell you right now, nope. Nope, nope, nope. Nope. That's not gonna happen. That's on the head now, right? Now, that right there, that ain't gonna happen. I'm gonna tell you right now.

No, no, no, no, no, not in my coot or no. No, no, we ain't doing that at a cracker barrel. You want me to head no get that a cracker? Him, no, but yeah, you're mine. She. That's your wife. That's your wife. That's my wife. Yeah, so it's gotta be in the realm of stuff it would do.

So last night it was step mother, so it was like milk, older lady. I mean, that old, but old enough. Yeah, well they start calling the milk when they're like 26. And I need to know that you're a milk. Yeah, well they start calling the milk when they're like 26. And yeah, I need to know that you're a milk. Yeah, you want her older. Yeah, like I want to see like,

the milk scars. Yeah. Yeah. I want to see sadness in your eyes. I want to see, I want you to have a coffee in your hand and be like distracted, huh? What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, find all of your dick.

Like, let's just, can we go to Target? Like, that's what I want. That's what I want people to build for. I should really direct a milf porn. You really should. I should direct, there's a lot of things I'm really dropping the ball in my career. I think if you put out a plea right now,

there's a porn company that would let you direct. I wanna do, I wanna do an only fan site for real. You can do it sometimes. I get a good picture of myself, and I wanna post it naked, and I think I could get some legit. I don't know if I get money. How much money do you think I'd make from an only fan's pipe?

Well, here's the thing, the only fans changed about, I don't know, a year or two and a half ago. Do you have to go? No, no, no. In that legit celebrity started doing only fans without doing any, like, only fans was just like, for, you know, nude content. Yeah. And now it's like, you know, DJ, like like for, you know, nude content. Yeah. And now it's like, you know, DJ, how, like people are, I know,

but they're just doing their regular stuff. So, that's such a fucking grift. I fuck off. You're not allowed to do that. So you think only nude. Hold on, the catch me off side girl's not naked in her only fans. Not, not fully nude, no.

What the fuck? I think she made like $50 million 50 million dollars 50 million dollars from just showing her tits I don't even know she's I think she shows her tits even let's do we have her do we can we get can we can you log Into her only fans. Let's see what she's got her name is bad Barbie. I thought it's bad bunny bad baby Baby who's bad bunny? He's a Puerto Rican reggaeton for the wrong only fans Jesus $52 million Who did you rape? Bad bar. Oh rapper rapper

What is it says who made one million is that like does have a list there of who's making a million teacher turned only fans models say she made one million. Here's the problem these fucking women are new to the horror game and they don't know how to fucking bring it to the streets. Yeah, Christy Max only fans is fucking gangster. Yeah, Adrianna Chechik fucking gangster. She broke her back. What? She broke her back. She jumped into a foam pit that wasn't deep, like I had a convention on her back broke.

Pull up the video. There's gotta be video of this. No one's gonna pull foam pit. There is. There is. There is. Shucks. Shucks. Shucks. There is. Shucks. Fuck off. She broke her fucking back in two places. Is she gonna be okay? I don't know. I don't know. I don't. I just heard of it. See how

there she goes. Bant right there. How she landed on her on her butt. Oh, I love this. And then smiling. That's a porn star for you. And then a lot of pain. Still smiling. Broker back in two places. Like I got it, I got it. It's okay. Turn the goddamn fucking cameras off, all right? So you are really out. She landed on her butt, dude. She can't get up.

Oh, that's fucking damn. See, cause she, it'd be like if you jumped off and just landed on the ground on your butt. Fucking, she's a gangster, dude. Fucking look at her. Never fucking dropping K-fabe. Just fucking owning it.

I got you. Look at this. Perfect smile. Broken fucking back. Her friends like, shit. She's hurt. How did the first girl go in? Because you can kind of see it, right? Doesn't the first girl?

Oh, she had just landed, but you could tell that the way that she... Oh, and by the way, you know that she has neck damage from pile drivers? So that her doctor... That's a bit... No, she talked about, I saw this, this was trending like a viral video where she was like, I saw my doctor and they're like,

you have, you know, like vertebrae in your neck are like have slipped from how aggressively you pile drive and they're like, you got to stop and she was like, I'll never stop. Let me see some of her pile driver videos. Oh, okay. So I think I'm unfamiliar. I just want to make sure that I'm up to speed.

Yeah. But she's like, I will never stop. I'm not gonna do that. She's talking. No, how is she doing now? Can we get her on the phone? I have no idea. Can we get her on the phone? I have no idea. She's doing. Um, wow, these all are just goes right there. I mean, that's the beauty of porn. How it goes right there? That was yeah. All right. Is this her? No, that's not, but let's see. What's her pile driver videos? I mean, it's just a position, I'm saying.

It's just a position, let's see. Surprise, surprise. That's, there's old school Adrienne to touch it. That might, there you go. There, oh my God. See how your neck, you know? And that's also, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's old school Adrienne Chadwick. There you go. There you go. Oh my god. See how your neck, you know? And that's also.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, oh, that's not cool. That's not cool. Oh, fuck. This does nothing for me though. Well, it doesn't even look like a human. Yeah. Well, that's not, I don't really.

Thank you. Because it's a little hard to do. Well, yeah, man. No, it's just that seeing someone bent like that doesn't make me go like, oh, wait, how is she? I want to get on the phone. I have no idea, man. I don't know.

I just saw that that, she, oh, it's good. Can you, like, go to her, it just happened a week ago. Yeah, she's starting to get broken back. I don't know. Go to her Instagram, go to her, let's do the research. Let's get the things maybe Twitter would have it Maybe she gave an update let's see Okay, what's it say well? I broke my back into place. I'm getting surgery to put a meat

Meter rod in for support today Send your support when it rains it pours, I'm definitely feeling the rain right now. Yeah, she's... Oh, that really is fucking crazy, man. Broke her back. Terrified about to get surgery right now. Wish me luck. Oh my God, breaks my heart.

It's amazing that you end up, it's same as podcasting as you know the people. You watch so much of the porn, you know them. I wasn't gonna say that, but I, okay. But I feel bad. I just meant that, because we've had that interaction, the brief interaction just playfully of like, oh, you guys can deep-be me.

And it was actually really sweet and funny. Then you kind of feel like, oh, we're friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I know her. I don't, I don't think I've ever talked to her. I've never talked to her. I've never met her, but she was like, come on guys, step it up.

Wait, how is she gonna make money? She can't work for a while. That's definitely true. I don't know. We need to start a Kickstarter. Go fund me, go fund me. Okay. We should start a go fund me, Medov.

Let's go. No way you could do, dude. What? You could, that could be your first donation. Remember how you're like, I don't have like 50 grand sitting around. Don't watch me get lit up on social media. Guys, I've poured all my money into Adriana and Chad chick.

I need to get her back working. I literally, my life hasn't been the same without her up on the sidelines. Sweet. So everyone goes subscribe to her only fans. She won't be able to work for a while. She won't be able to work for a while. No, she will not.

No. I think she does really well on her, she was at Twitch Connx, I think she's a big Twitch person. She a while. No, she will not. No. I think she does really well on her. She was at Twitch Connx, I think she's a big Twitch person. She's a gamer. Yeah, I think so. She's a good parallel. If you're a porn star,

you just got to connect with your fans in a way. I have to imagine by the way that she has done extremely well in this space. And I bet you she makes a ton of money, dude. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, they're, she's like the most hardcore person in that space.

I still can't understand how Twitch works. I still won't do it. I think Nadav does it. Do you, and you make money for people watching you? Yeah, it's, you're just live streaming. Like I just gamble on Twitch, but you're essentially it's for people that like game and like you just watch people either gaming

or gambling or just talking. What's the thrill of watching somebody game? There's a couple reasons. Like I know if I ever started a new game and like I'm like, oh I'm dog shit at this. I want a good player place. Okay, so that makes sense. That's like a reason or you just really like

their personality. There's multiple reasons. I love when people explain stuff to you and player plays. Okay. So that makes sense. That makes sense. Or you just really like their personality. There's multiple reasons. Other people explain stuff to you and you're like, oh, that does make sense. Yeah, yeah, because I'd be like, oh, I just want to play the game. Why would I watch somebody play the game? But back to bad Barbie.

Let's see her fucking in. Only fans. Is she, and she, she has catched me outside, covered in ink, right? I don't know. I really don't know. And she's a rapper. Is she a good rapper? I don't know. I really don't know. She's a rapper. Is she a good rapper?

I don't. I mean, I don't like it's crazy that, okay. I mean, I don't feel bad that I'm going, I shouldn't do that. That's not fair. But it's like already I'm like, I don't like your bra selection.

Like it's like, what are you a mom? So that's what Liam does. If Liam was going to post one, she'd be like in a comfortable bra. Yeah, you's like, what are you on mom? So that's what Leanne does. If Leanne was gonna post one, she'd be like in a comfortable bra. Yeah, you're like, and then I look at like Adrian and Chuchick and Christy Mack, who are the ballers on this? They're not making 52 million. But yet a mom bra, I guess 50, I got DM just now.

I don't know, man. I hit the lottery. Fuck, it's signed up for it. Nidob, let's see it, right? Okay, give me a minute. He's gonna. Yeah, we gotta, we gotta. Tom Sgarra, Tom Tina.

No, you're not. You're mouth. No. What's that one? Well, you signing it up on your own, Nidav. Why not? Because I already have it set up with, because we do research on only fans sometimes,

so it's already linked to my account. Oh, well, I got a list of people I wanna see. Type in Sami Sheen. Ha ha ha ha. Charlie Sheen and his daughter just got one. Oh, jeez. Okay, let's see, this bad Barbie? Baby.

Baby, same same. Okay. Let's see. Posts. Well, no, you, it's gotta be by had baby. Yeah, exactly. By had baby. By had baby.

That's not it. By had baby. It's by had by baby. Is it really by by a baby? Okay. All right. There we go. That's her.

Nope, that's not her. Who was that? Go back to her. Oh. How do you jerk off, Dadaf? So is that, are you an orange-and-skate? No, and I was, and then I found out it was creepy are you an audience guy? No, and why was? And then I found out it was creepy to be an audience guy.

Why? Well, because I was doing it, like I would sign up for people's only fans, but I met them, and I'd be like, I have only fans. I'd be like, oh yeah, I'll sign up for it. And then, like, getting the car. I got getting the car. It was the first one I did.

Yeah. So I was like, I met her. She's cool, Valorys, her name. And she's a cool person. I was like, yeah, I'll sign up for her only fans. And then I got in the first one I did. Yeah. Because I was like, I met her, she's cool, Valerie's her name. And she's a cool person. I was like, yeah, I'll sign up for her only fans. And then I got in the car with Leanne. And she was like, she met her at the Greek. And I said, she goes, what does she do?

And she's got an only fan. She made good money on her only fans. Leanne's like, what's that? I was like, girl, show you. And then I was like, oh my god, you look at her naked. And I was like, that's what her only fan says. And she was like, oh, that's, you're buying her porn

and I went, no, it's only fans. She's like, per, you're buying, but she knows does she know that you're looking at her naked and I go, I think she does. She goes, and then you just hung out with her but you look at her naked and I go, I don't, she was just, we talked to her husband and I was like, is this wrong?

Like, I don't know what the fuck only, I like, and then I meet Chrissy McIntyre and I'm like, I'm on your only fans and then I feel like weird that I'm on their only fans. Yeah, I think that was kind of like the point I was making is that I feel weird after I know somebody. So then you just gotta like,

stranger creep on people? Yeah, I don't know. You don't do what people I know. Yeah, that's I think we're different there. But I do it like in a way like, if I had a, like I subscribed to Tim Dillon's, fucking Patreon. Right.

He's trying to make money. Right, it's a little different than posing. But like I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I do the, the month, the membership, like 12 month membership to everyone I do. Yeah. And then they all just ran out, by the way, and I didn't renew them because I was like,

I don't want a fucking, look like a creeper. Okay. Okay then they all just ran out, by the way, and I didn't renew them because I was like, I don't wanna fucking look at a creeper. Okay. Okay, pass, pass, pass, pass. These are all, is this to find out if I'm a robot? What the fuck? These are the posts? Yes.

So see how the breasts are, what's about the booty shot there? Is that like a, in a thumb, or is it like a half-thump? The one underneath it, or you can actually see it. Oh boy. This is what people have paid that much money for. It's got to be a children. Page right. I'm not certain. Page right. She's hitting a vape pen. Her feet aren't that great. Yeah, I'm not love with her to do's. This is her getting

That energy of all the girls in bikini and a bed kind of makes me sad This looks like just like That's what that's her reggae. Yeah, that's her that's her It looks like just like some... That's what, that's her reg, yeah. That's her. That's her. Does this just look like some regular chick's Instagram feed though?

Yeah, it does. It doesn't look like anything special. And 50 million dollars? Who signs up for this? The dove. So wait, the dove. Yeah. And then this,

so then that's what Charlie Sheen's daughter does, is she gets like only fans, but they don't get nude. She just gets to only fans. Well, here's the thing, why don't you start yours? Yeah, I will. But I'm doing nudes. You will do nudes. I will do nudes.

Like the one you showed us on J.R. He fucking great in that picture I would do a nude. I would do a nude. I want people to see my dick and then go yeah, yeah But that's you fill out you'll fluff it before I thought of course. Yeah, are you kidding? Yeah, I'm not gonna fucking you know There will be one that will be like raw dog it'll be like this because that's what you get your money's worth when you see a small dick. Yeah. Oh no. Maybe I'll just do small dicks.

That would be, here's the thing, that would be the most brave. You know what would be fun to do? Okay, you just hear me out. I'm already on your page. Okay. The small, like the smallest, the most pathetic thing it looks,

you post that for like three months. People are like, have you seen how small his dick is? And then, then out of nowhere, you just start posting fully fluffed. And you see like the difference between, and then every guy will go, shup, told you. Yeah, yeah.

And you're really like doing something for humanity. Here's a problem though. How do I know that, like, told you. Yeah, yeah. And you're really doing something for humanity. Here's a problem though. How do I know that, like, here's my question to dov. How do my only fans pictures not get leaked? And then people just go, why don't you decide if there's only fans? They're gonna get leaked too well. So then, but then, okay, who's?

But people wanna keep coming back for those new dick pics. So you gotta, yeah. I do new dick pics all the time. I think you'll be making real money. I really do. I think I would. You can, and then you slowly morph into jerk and off on camera.

So I'm gonna be like, come on man, you're gonna be for real, be for real. Yeah. $52 million. Yeah. $52 million. You get bad babies, Instagram money. $52 million, you get bad babies Instagram money. $52 million.

Yeah. And I'm sure- I read a thing though that it said that some of that is subscription a lot of it is messages. Because she gets paid X amount of dollars per message and she got like, so like, let's say 26 million of it was subscriptions. See, the other one was the other million was messages. Oh, it's 20. Wait, see how much it cost to message her?

Unlock for $50. It messes it unlocked. I's not even sending them, like, don't do it, but I'm saying, do it. Read the breakdown, Google the breakdown of her earnings. I get back to us next Thursday. Is she a good rapper? No, I don't think so. But I bet she is. Now Google the breakdown of her earnings. Get back to us next Thursday. Is she a good rapper?

No, I don't think so. But I bet she is. No, she's famous. What is she famous for? She's social media famous. That's so crazy. And so it's just an age demographic that shares receipts for only fans claims.

Is that mean she tells people? Okay, just. All right. Scroll 50 million. That's fucking crazy. She made a million in only six hours. If I can make a million in six hours, I'd do it. Okay, where's the breakdown? I'm looking for this specific thing. That's not it, that's not it. I would do, I would, I would ease it, I'm no problem showing my dick. I know.

Why hasn't a comic done that yet? Do you be the first? Jackie Robinson. I do the first picture of me and Jackie Robinson Jersey. Oh my God. That'll go real well. Are we watching a video? I do the first picture of me and at Jackie Robinson, Jersey. Oh my God. That'll go real well. Are we watching a video?

I'll just move this Googling to a different picture. Oh, this. So that's crazy that she doesn't even get naked. So it's just people that are like, it's a one time buy. Because no one's like going to this only fan page every day going like, I wonder what's new today. On this one? Who's yours? No hers.

So they are going clearly for hers. So I don't, no, no, no. No one's. What do you mean? How do you think you made $52 million? And so, I'm just blown away that someone would pay that money to go see someone in like a mom bra. Yeah.

Like it's not even like that sexy. But like I have, I share all my pictures. What you'd need Tom is like legit. I have some fucking legit news that I just took. Okay. See how she got, looks like 16 million, 16.6 million was subscriptions. 1.6 is that or is that 161,000 is tips?

But then 25.5 million came from messages. So people pay. So I have to reply to people. But what if you got $25 million to reply to messages? I do that, I guess. That's so much money. And what if we did a co-one and we just did like gays. So her net was $42 million, huh? Nothing.

But like, I could definitely, I would definitely end all on the wall. What would be, what would be the threshold? Like what would a amount would it have to cross for you? Honestly, the jerk off on camera? Like how much? $100 million. A hundred million?

If I got to $100 million, here's the deal, I'm gonna say. So $80 million, you wouldn't do it. So it ruins my career, right? Yeah, kind of, but not really. But it ruins your Hollywood career. It doesn't ruin podcasting. It doesn't ruin your ability to tour and do stuff.

They just be like, oh, I remember I watched you so much. I paid to watch you jerk off. It would ruin my career. It makes sense. Yeah, yeah. I think you have a hard time listening to someone on a podcast that you watched jerk off.

I don't really? Yeah. Yeah. Because even like, even like, I gotta be honest with you, like, awesome. How do you- How about to pose, pose hard? Just pose hard, fully erect. I do, I wouldn't do fully erect.

I wouldn't do fully erect. Three quarters? Yeah. I do fully, I do three quarters where it's like, like kinda like this. Yeah, yeah, I do that. How much did you get for that? It's 52 is good with me. I do, 52, I do it for 20.

Yeah, it's like $20 million, I'll do full, new, like. And you go to a fully soft just to get started. My first picture, will you do it where it's like, you're basically like, is there a dick in there? Like my first picture is gonna be me sitting Chris Cross applesauce with a pizza and and toly naked.

Chris Cross applesauce on the bed with a piece of pizza and a beer and no fluff. Just let it, let it head. Just regular dick, regular dick. And then and then what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna progressing like throughout the year, it'll get And then, and then what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna progress like throughout the year, it'll get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and then New Year's Eve, you get the hard dick.

That's kinda cool. Yeah, I think that'll be cool. I mean, it was like, it was suck if at the end of the year you made like $4,300. What was suck is if, what was suck if I posted one nude? See, that's the problem with going, if you go full like, vulnerable, and you go full, full, full of dick,

then you post it, no one buys it, someone screen grabs it, puts it on the internet, everyone sees it, and they're like, yeah, I'm not going there. You need to post kind of good dick. I mean, you really make your money with the women, right? Cause like, I think you make your money with the men. Like gay dudes? That's, I bet you, gay dudes are willing,

are definitely the market to pay for nude men, much more so than, I mean, you, some women, yes, but I bet you the breakdown is majority men, has to be. So top, top earning male only fans. Ooh, that's a good one. I wonder, cause like Chris Hemsworth would be Tiger holy shit. He only makes he makes $7 million a month Come on, who's tiger?

How much do guys earn on only if oh that's a oh it's of course it's gonna be black dudes I don't know why why because they're bigger dicks. Oh. Is he posing nude? I'm certainly his. I don't know who he is to be honest with you. I'm assuming, Oh, leaked image of his genitals,

genitals went viral. Let me see, let me see, let me see. Okay. Whose real name is, is he, what does he do? He's not, Tag is a rapper. R? What does he do? He's not. Tag is a rapper. Rapper.

Has he older? That's him? Yeah. He's got to have a piece on him. Yeah, he's... The type in is Dick. That's it. That's Tommy Lee.

Tommy Lee's Dick. Tommy Lee should have an only fan. You type, remove only fans. Yeah. He accidentally released that. He probably shot it for somebody and then it got you know. That looks just like mine. Yeah, me too. Yeah got you know, that looks just like mine. Yeah, me too. Yeah, he's probably a little guy. That's probably just five inches. He's probably five, five, five.

Yeah. How tall is Tiger? Will be Goldberg Googled it? If will be Goldberg, how did only fans would you? Five, seven. Yeah, he's probably, that's a six inch dick. Yeah, five, seven, look at that. So he's five, that's a six inch dick. Yeah, five seven, look at that. So he's five seven.

Okay. Okay. That goes to his belly button. Right? We would reach his belly button. My dick reaches my belly button. Okay. Not now. That's gotta go around the corner.

Yeah, that's a regular sized dick on a little guy. I don't know. He's five seven. Okay. He's like two inches shorter than Joe, or taller than Joe. Wait, so his penis pick, what I wanna hear is rapping. I want all these people to make it,

but I don't hear they're rapping. Yeah. Like I'm a good comic. That's the problem is I'm a good comic. I already make, that's, that's the problem is I'm a good comic. I already make money doing comedy. These guys aren't making money as rappers. There's a dude, but you can take that down now. Thanks man.

No, no, no, no. Hey, wait, type in tiger rapping. I want to see him rap. I want to see if he can spit bars. Like you don't see big boys dick, right? You don't see Lil Wayne's dick. You don't see M&M's dick. You don't see Snoop's dick right you don't see M&M's dick you don't see Snoop's dick yeah yeah you don't you see bad Barbie

and fucking tiger this big is always got one million views on his rapping on Instagram is that one million that's what that's a old video right yeah wait is this guy here at? Okay. I'll be rockin' it like it's first shot to pen. Only when I'm takin' pics, I'm the middle man. Walk talkin' like a boss like Slyth, the hand. I don't think he needs me to co-sign when it's rapping. He's like, I wonder what a 50 year old white guy thinks. He used to be my neighbor. Tiger?

Yeah, for real? Our oldest children are the same age. No. Well, not, I don't know if it's his first, but he definitely has a son named King because we used to live in the same age. No. Well, not, I don't know if it's his first, but he definitely has a son named King because we used to live in the same neighborhood and he would be at the park. Uh, oh, I know which one.

Yeah. Oh, wait, you, that's so fucking interesting. How does his son, you see married to a Kardashian? No, but he was linked to them at that time. So he was always, okay, he's got to be, I was nine. And he's older than, uh, Ellis, but he was, that's who would play at the park when Ellis was a baby. It was King. Yeah, that makes sense. Because Ellis would be, you know who this is. Yeah, yeah, because um, oh my god, that's so crazy. They would be at the park. It's friends with Rob Kardashian,

my favorite Kardashian. Yeah, that's right. Well They would be at the top. It's friends with Rob Kardashian, my favorite Kardashian. Yes, right. Well, black China was dating Rob Kardashian too. I think that's what was the thing. And they were all at this, in this neighborhood that I was in. And they would go to Park. Ellis was just like three, four, five months old, maybe six months old. And that kid, Tiger was yeah, like two, three.

So that makes sense that he's like, uh. What percentage of, What percentage of these calabassus millionaires have talent? Meaning have talent. Because people of calabassus? I mean, this is like the calabassus club. Kinda, yeah. It's a group of people. Like, I don't know, this is gonna sound really horrible, okay?

I have never heard a song by Travis Scott. I know he's married to Kylie Jenner, right? Okay. I've never heard Black China. I've never heard a song of hers. I've never heard a song of Tyga. I've never heard a song of any of, but there are these people that are famous

for being like covered in tats. Yeah. And, and kind of not doing anything. Like, Tyga's views on Tyga has, I have, I mean, we get more views on a podcast than he gets on a, on a video. No, I'm not me, a shitty, but I'm saying like he's but It's crazy like it's it's bizarre to me that With has this always happened in art. I'm sounding like a fucking old shitty man right now. Yeah, he's just I mean He's you know, but he's not big with anyone. I mean, there's not like my kids don't know him your kids won't know him like he's

Just being fucking real for like they do know Scott. Travis Scott's a little legit dude. I know he had that big thing, but I've never really heard him sing. Well, he doesn't sing, but you know, what does he do? Is he a DJ? No, he reps. But okay, I've never heard a Travis Scott song. And I'm a, there's a lot of popular Travis Scott. I sound like an old fucking white man right now.

I know. And it's so sad because I'm, but I'm into hip hop, but I've never heard Travis Scott song. You know why? Because you got to an age where you stop listening to new shit and it happens to everybody. For real? Yeah, that's normal.

It's normal. So what's put on a Travis Scott song? My know his shoes are cool. He does have a cool shoes. And I know that he, there was a bunch of people in the Astro dome that he got in trouble with. Ah, that's one way to put it. This is his biggest song.

I don't know, is it? It's got a billion views. That's not that many. I Astro Astro hold your run up. I would bring that up here Sun is down freezing cold. It looks good there. That's how we already know When it's here my dog will probably go it for Louis bill That's just all you know know he don't know nothing else I tried to show him I'm gonna sound like a fucking clunk in about 15 seconds

Well that's great Oh it is? Yeah I tried to show him Yeah Yeah Yeah Gone all you with a pick and roll

Young the flame here sick of mo yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Okay, I like Travis Scott. I like Travis Scott a lot. Here we go. He has a way different career than time. Yeah, yeah, Travis Scott's really good. Well, I mean, yeah, he's also, he's breached a whole other level, for sure. Okay, Travis, I like Travis Scott. Okay. Yeah, I like Travis Scott a lot.

It's funny, it's funny. Maybe I'm just not giving him a chance. Yeah. I hate what I'm doing. I hate that I'm doing it. This is normal though, because those guys in the booth, they're literally like 20 years younger than you. There are more so. Travis Scott's probably 25. No, these guys in the booth.

Oh, oh. Yeah, so what's what I'm saying? Are they big Travis Scott fans? I don't know if they're big fans, but I'm just saying that like, that they're like the music that is current to them is like kind of like, you're like, I don't really, you're not gonna start adapting

to everything new as you need. Then who are some current rappers that are like, like, I can't, I feel bad that I kind of was shitty about Tyga, but I'm like, there seems to be I kind of was shitty about Tiger, but I'm like, there seems to be a two-pack sugar. Have you heard of him? Yes, I have. He's very talented young man.

Yeah. But it's like, I feel like there's just, I feel like has this always happened where like fame is more important than the thing. These days, there's famous, a totally different thing because you're right. You can become famous off of your photos and posts and making viral videos. It started with Babarbi.

She's not an actual artist. Yeah, an artist, but she's making 50 to do a million. So then oddly enough, people take her pretty seriously. Well, they just, I don't hate on her for making 52 million. I think you don't at all. I think you heard that page of her, her photos. It's a ripoff, in my opinion. Yeah. I mean, you're going to post cockpicks. I'm posting legit cockpicks. And I'm talented as fuck. Yeah. Like, I mean, like for real, I work at my heart. Yeah. Like if I saw her, and any of those pictures writing down

like wraps or freestyle. Well, she also, what, can we watch her some of her stuff? Yeah, put it in that Barbie. That baby. Like, put, put like her, yeah. I like Travis Scott a lot. I might have to. I know Travis Scott's like, oh man, thank God I'm crossing over

to the fucking gold, there we go. This is one of her Oh, it's about sandals. You love this. I love sandals Gucci flip flops. Yeah, let's see How many views how many views the dove? 190 million All right, I think I might like this song you like flip flops Alright, I think I might like this song. You like flip flops? Gucci flip flops you make a kick rock Busy, it's a big flop Chater as white

Take Gucci flip flop It's fakey hit your bitch in the side It's a big white It's time to strip it off for the clock Bad, baby got your bitches buzzin' vacation Dude, a dash try to play me bitch on bus in your way Busy lot of gun sounds Holy bus, down the whitey bitches make

Cause they trash and they fuckin' forget Cool, fishin' bowl of whistle bitch on flyers of birds I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. down in chirping. I like her. Okay. She's not bad. And you know what? It doesn't sound like an affected accent. Like I thought that's what it would sound like, like a white girl trying to sound like she said, pop. Yeah. But it sounds like she really talks like that all the time. I mean, she's in regular practice.

Yeah. You know, she's, I don't think she breaks from that a lot. Yeah, there's no, there's no two like, like, uh, who's better her, Mac Miller? Who? Pfft. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Ha ha ha ha. Oh my God. Well, it was the, um, who's the other white girl that does that, but like, it's hard, is Vicki? Wo, Wo, Vicki. She drops like, it is very affected, affected. Really?

Yeah, we'll see. How you like, how in my bags, you my fuck? Oh yeah, let me get some, let me get some whoa, Vicki. She does, whoa, Vicki. No, she's talking normal there. I would show the other first, her doing her, scroll up actually to the top. Like, isn't that, is that a song? No, no, no, I would show the other first, her doing her, like scroll up actually to the top. Like, isn't that, is that a song?

No, no, no, sorry, like the third video. Third, are those, yeah, this is the other music video. Yeah, you want her just speaking. Let's see, this one. What's up, you two, what were meant to let you you sugar a roll of face. It's on her face.

I'm on my way to go see my day. John Gabbana. I had this one. I had this one. Where's that? And I'm here. My favorite place. I located here at the Hanes stop.

So there's Atlanta. Are you hearing her? I have to speak. She said I live here. I'm in my pay play right here. I'm going to get policy my back. We live here. Like if you work at a land area, but you're in the water, you're in the water.

I'm in the water. I'm in the water. I'm in the water. I'm in the water. I'm in the water. I'm in the water. I'm in the water. I'm in the water. I'm in my pay play right here. I'm going to get policy my pay. We I lay here. What do like if you work it if you say you're working at Atlanta airport and you're a black woman and you I would go shut the fuck up.

Yeah, I would absolutely. I mean, it's kind of crazy because it's all over a fucking face. I have no idea how you're not going to address that. Don't pay to announce you're in my pay by now. Go go to her talking normal, that video, because that would be hilarious. Well, Vicki talks normal, let's see. Oh, I, what does Hating do for you?

Right here. Like, do for you. If I don't like somebody, I ain't finished sitting here and watch everything they do. I could be out here giving me some money. Uh huh. If I, like, you might fuck to they do. I could be arguing with somebody. If you might fuck the city here. You might fuck the city here.

Watch everything I do. Did she drop this soon or something? Don't get in life. I said, go get some money. Yeah. It's not like I told any other followers. I guess she's not like, Holler and is that what they mean?

Okay. That is wild. This is like a, I feel like I'm in a different universe. It feels like you're being pranked or something, right? Like, you're like, hmm. I mean, good for them, I guess. I don't know.

I wonder how she would speak to like an older black lady. Do you know what I mean? Like a lady who, the lady in charge of the play. You know, like a person, an authority figure who's an older black woman, if she would drop her, whatever she's doing, or be like, yes, man. So do you think, do you think she can, do you think that's put on?

I mean, it might be so, I don't know her history. Maybe it's so ingrained in her. Like, I don't know where she was from or how she was, what kind of neighborhood she was like, like, you know, if we know, like, we know dudes in comedy who don't talk like,

they talk on stage. Oh, yeah. When they talk off stage, I'm not gonna say names, but like, when you go, and that's a real, like, you're dialing it up. Yeah, you're really, like, and then they come off stage and then they'll sound like that at all,

and you're like, that's fucking great. The way that she speaks, you almost feel like there's gotta be a story, like, oh, you don't understand. She was, you know, like, almost like raised by wolves or something. She was, well, I was gonna say just an idea. No, I meant that, like, you know, like, she, like, I meant that as an analogy. Yeah, so like, you wolves or something. She was, well, I was gonna say just in a minute. No, I meant that it's an analogy. Yeah, so you might, you go, you don't understand the neighborhood she was raised

and you're like, oh, okay. I don't always celebrate this. I don't like that I'm shitting all of them. Just, I have two curious, where's Woe Vicki from? Like, what's her, can you? Hartford, Connecticut. Oh, Jesus, I was gonna be like Norfolk, Virginia or something. It's gotta be.

It's gotta be fucking. Okay, it says Atlanta. She, I know she's from Atlanta, but you knew that, okay. Yeah, well, I started going to the Atlanta airport. Okay, okay. She's 22, she's trying to be a story, right? Where is she from? Atlanta was gonna be like a neighborhood though.

It's got, she couldn't have just grown up in Atlanta. I knew too many people lived in Atlanta. There's someone who been like, hey, you need to stop talking like that. Yeah. What do you think, hey, and any, as a black dude, when you see someone do that, is that bother you?

I mean, I don't know. I don't think I'm the right person to ask because I'm also, I mean, people have said that about me. I'm not 100% black. So they said shit about me. Like, hey, why are you saying nigga? You know what I'm saying? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't say that.

My friend and you. Yeah, I don't like that word. I'm that word. Not that cheap. That's what I'm saying. But yeah, that would be a fan. It's almost like, I bet there's a few people that think that she's making fun of them when she does it to them. Yeah, or it's that whole thing where it's just not, people would probably register it as an authentic, you know? Like when somebody, somebody's like has gang tats, right? And you go, oh, you're

in a gang. And then there's people who have similar tats. And they're like, these look cool. It's like, no, you don't get to have those. It kind of feels like a version of that. Like speaking that way, like where it's so pronounced, she's not like dropping a little slang. It's like 100% what's considered what's called AAVE, right? African American vernacular English. Oh, were like this thing? Yeah, that's the whole way, it's a way, it's like when you hear a black person spike,

if you didn't know, you've never seen her, you heard her speak, you go, that's a black woman, right? Like that way they're speaking. Remember the white guy, Mr. Knuckles or something that you guys told me about? The white guy, Mr., you like, try to guess if this is a white guy or a black guy

and you played me and there's a, right, right, right, right. Yes. There's white dudes that sound like that. But like that, I mean, that it would be, if there's a white person that sounds like that, that's considered like the 0.00, and you just go, you sound like you're trying to sound

like a black person. Are there, I mean, I guess, I'm trying to think, like is there a black accent, like is there an accent a black dude would do that is inauthentic? Inauthentic? Where you go, what the fuck are you doing? No, I mean, this, you know, people, I mean, there's a way I'm talking about, like, the way that she sounds is considered

like a specifically black way of speaking culturally, right? Like, a cultural way that black people speak, intonations, certain grammatical things. It's like Madonna. It's like Madonna when she started doing a British accent. Sort of, sort of. Yeah. They're like almost totally. Well, I mean, she went there. Man, Madonna goes hard in the pain of her Instagram.

She does. She should do only fans. She should do only fans. People do naturally do that when they moved to other countries, though. But she dialed it up. But that's different than what we're talking about here. Because what we're talking about here is like a this is definitely more forced. Can we do a deep fake only fans where I get fucked in the ass and why don't you do it for

real? Oh good call. Good call. Why would I spend the money on a deep fake? Yeah. It's way cheaper to have somebody just fuck you in the ass. I really think I really think I could, I have these tasteful nudes I shot, that I look really good in, and I think I could really do, I'm waiting for them to come in and they haven't come in yet. Who shot them? I did a photo shoot.

I did a photo shoot and I was like, Disadmium, where you had the pants on too? Yeah, yeah, I did a photo shoot. You got nude? I got nude. And I was like, I was feeling good and I was like... Disadmium, were you had the pants on too? Yeah, yeah, I did a photo shoot. You got nude? I got nude. And I was like, I was feeling good and I was looking good and we did a couple like... Wait, when was this? Wait, you're like a couple weeks ago.

Oh. I was feeling good and looking good. I looked jacked. Where? All my shoulders and my tits. And so, but I would love to do it only fans if I could get 52 million. Yeah, but you gotta fuck it, but the problem is, you can't be the guy. Is that Barbie more famous than we are?

Yes. She is, right? She's like really famous. But here's the thing, you can't do then what you just can't plan about. You can't do a pussy ass only fans. Yeah, but look at it, I'm already kind of naked in all my pictures. I know, I know. So I really, it's just cocky that you wanna see.

That's where you were feeling good, look good. Yeah, that's, but look, that's got, most 80,000 people liked it, right? That's not, that's not 52 million. You could still make millions. I do collabs with that Barbie. Maybe. I'm like flash, you see me flashing, right?

Looking over my shoulder and then she's like this. And then you go, uh, right? Yeah, she's probably pretty young. She's 22. Something, yeah. 22. I would, you really talk. 19.

19. Yeah. That probably is 19. Baby. That baby is 19. Yeah, I feel weird. JoJo, see you, I feel weird JoJo see you. I My loot have I don't you know any of these never young young boy never broke a good a young boy never broke a

Young boy never broke again in his his name. Mm-hmm. All right, well, he's got two kids Mm-hmm. All right, he's got two kids And they're really young yeah, sure we hold is he out I know I don't know let's play in young bro boy broke never broke up again Does he have an only fans? Yeah, oh NBA I've heard of this guy. Yeah, yeah, NBA young boy I've heard of this guy All right, I don't wanna die Look bitch, get your head bust I'm trying to play with him, the bitch of kitchen blood Will he stanzin' down the line? Get shot in the party, it's a surprise

Here's the problem with me, alright, alright, we got it Here's the problem with me, I'm always looking to make money in a field, I'm not talented in There's good I'm like, I'm always like, I'm gonna put out a rap album I'm gonna put out You are? You thought of this? Oh yeah

Why would you put out a rap album? You know how bad that would this? Oh, yeah. Why would you put out a rap album? You know how bad that would be? I don't have a not good idea. I think I could be competitive. I've been listening. I think it could be competitive. I think honestly, I think there's a, here's the secret sauce.

Okay? Yeah. It's not about, I guarantee you there are really talented rappers out there that aren't making it. Yeah, that's true. And, but, and I guarantee you there are really talented rappers out there that aren't making it. Yeah, that's true. But I guarantee you there's probably haters in the game that are like, yo, all you gotta do is get, all you need to do is like a splash of fame and then you can sell to albums. That is definitely a formula. Yeah.

And I got that. Splash of fame. I do 50 year old raps. Okay, for like what we're going through. I'm not close to your age But go ahead really close none. Yeah, because you've had a colonoscopy Okay, in the Hoscopy Like who I don't know You think driver's got right now. It's like I'm gonna put colonoscopy in a wrap

Yeah, Scott's pretty good. Yeah, he's a hardcore fan. Of you? No, this podcast, he listens for days. Oh, he's just said it's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think Travis Scott likes? Do you think he like, like, what's like, do you think,

what do you think he watches on TV? I don't know, probably videos of him getting his dick sucked on his boss or something. I don't know. He dates Kylie Jenner. I don't know. Is he married to Kylie Jenner? Kylie Jenner is a gazillionaire. Not sure. A complete relationship.

He just Travis Scott still married to Kylie Jenner? No. Are not back together. There you go. There you go. I don't know. I mean, it's just fucking bizarre. This world's crazy.

Yeah? We just need to focus on comedy. Okay. There's no money in this forest town. This bad Barbie lifestyle, this Travis Scott lifestyle. Me, you need to focus on what we're good at. What we're good at is fucking old ladies and fucking doing stand up.

That's it. That's it. Drinking cool laid. I came here to do three things. Fuck old ladies drink cool laid and do stand up. Yeah, you got. And I got my cool laid right here. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Are you still drinking a lot of cool laid? Yeah, more than you've ever imagined. Oh. How much do you drink a day? A lot, about three packets. I bring a packet on stage with me.

I keep a packet, my pocket. A little hip hop. I keep a packet of cool it in my pocket. I'd be the first rapper to rap about cool it. Yeah. We need to focus on what we're good at, Tom. What are we good at? Yeah, this.

What are our strong suits? Sobriety. You're gonna, too. You should do it. You know what you should do. I'm gonna get smacked by bad Barbie at a fucking red carpet event one time. You should extend the sobriety thing.

Try to. New years. I can do it easy peasy. So, I wonder what would be the thing that make me break? Like, I- Somebody's saying you wanna get a drink? No.

No, I don't care. I don't care about it right now. And I like feeling sober. I like the waking up part. Yeah. I love coffee. I can't get coffee to turn a corner for me. Like, I can't get the. I used to get off coffee. Yeah. That low blood sugar buzz. You get off coffee when you've had too much to drink that I before and you wake up, have a cup of coffee and

you're shaking thinking crazy thoughts. Lizards can hear me. Jesus Christ. What the fuck was that? I picture nose and wipe it on your eyebrow. Our wife and under here, I put stuff under here all the time. I bet I could find a bugger under here right now. If I don't, don't. This is my side. I know, it's so great.

And great fits him in. And hey, the, okay. What are we good at? Podcasting. What if we did a podcast? What if we did a podcast? What if we did a podcast where we... What if we did an OnlyFans podcast? An OnlyFans podcast?

What do you mean? Where we bring OnlyFans, I feel like this is something. This is Gleiny Ball's show. Have you seen Gleiny Balls? I know who that is, but I have not seen a show. Gleiny Balls has an OnlyFans podcast where we're being scrolls from OnlyFans on this podcast

and he just talks to girls from OnlyFans. That's cool. And they always want to fuck him and he never fucks any of them. They always say they want to fuck him. Go to Gleiny Balls. I kind of love this kid. Yeah. He sits there and like eats ice cream when you do the camera presslies. Yeah. So that's his show. Oh, it only. So that's his show, only stands. That's his show, only stands show.

Yeah. And so he brings on only, only fans. These are all only fans, girls. Yeah, and a lot of them are like, yo, I'll suck your dick and Glenny Balls never does it. Why? I think he's our, I don't know. Hmm.

That's him and Aaron Rogers. Yeah. Did I tell you about my theory about little people not getting COVID? So the number of little people that have gotten COVID is drastically low. Really? Like 0.01%. No. Yeah, little people have knockout in COVID.

And it's because people talk over them, so all the germs fight over their head. Google it. Google it. Little people have knockout in COVID at the same rate as as as Nourmys large, not in the case, they're Nourmys, larger people.

The mystery of why some little people didn't get COVID. That just says why some people. A small people appear in actually immune to COVID. Little people are naturally immune to COVID. What? Little kids. Little people just write the fucking M words to get the thing out. If you get, they're never gonna fucking do it.

If you fucking, it's just like dwar do or something man Jesus He's so fucking bad today Okay, oh it's far more deadly never mind dwarf COVID Wait, that's Steve. I'm trying is that is that a movie? God No. Wait, that's Stephen Fry. Is that a movie? God. The strain of virus appears to be spread very easily between people, especially in confined

spaces. Okay. Is this about what we're talking about? No. No. So, let me just rephrase that. I met a little person who had never gotten COVID. Okay. And I said, do you think it's because when you talk to people, they're not spitting in your face

She goes and I ever thought of that. I was like how the fuck you not think of that. Yeah, and then I was like Do you know and then I did the research myself and I like Brad? I wonder if Brad Williams that COVID Hmm, I mean, it's a good research to do that no one's doing. No one's doing the hard research. Where's Andrew Huban on this one? Yeah, you know? That's a good point. How many times do you think you've had COVID? Three. I think I've had it five times.

Yeah. I think I've had a lot. And now it's just, every statur children have not been getting COVID as frequently as older adults. I need the fucking hard data. I need someone to do the fucking about. He, wait, you were dwarves don't kick. How do you get worse at this?

I don't think, I don't think you put a V in it. I don't think it's dwarve as in half. Habs. I think it's, you, I don't think you put a V in it. I don't think it's dwarves as in half. Habs. I think it's... You... I don't think that word exists. There's some data from... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait not have anything about dwarves on it. Okay, except for the title. I love when you find something out like that,

where you go, oh, shut up, I never thought about that. Now they're saying, herpes cause cancer. You hear that? No. No, I think Joe told you that. I don't remember that. Yeah, when we were doing a podcast, he said herpes causes cancer.

Curious cancer. Curious cancer. Curious cancer. Does that say causes cancer? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Herpes curious it was the herpes vaccine virus vaccine Which is a task of the virus. Okay

man This is really a wild one today. Yeah, right? What eventually oh wait one today. Yeah. Right. What? Eventually. Oh, wait. No, no, it was the vaccine. Why wouldn't you write the vaccine? We are all over the fucking map right now. We need to talk about something we're good at. now. We need to talk about something we're good at. Vaccination for herpes, zoster patients with solid tumors. Never mind. I don't know why we're trying to be smart. We should not try to be smart. You brought this shit up. I know. I know. It's my fault. It's my fault. I'm a fucking moron. Let's go back to something we know about. Tom,

have you ever thought you got herpes? Hmm. I've been terrified in the morning after... Oh, when I said him? Yeah. I've been like, this was fucking dumb. It always is, it was always, and it always was a girl who was like, I don't even worry about it. Like, and I was like, oh, really? And they're like, no.

And then the next, I mean, here's the thing. They always turn out to be, in my, in this case is correct. Yeah. They also, I don't remember being asked, like, are you, they're just like, you're fine. You're good. Yeah, and I was like, oh, okay.

And also the equivalent, well, similar was like pregnancy scare, right? Like, what am I doing? Those are, I mean, these are like, I'm 2021, but that's fucking terrifying. Okay, the first time I thought I got a chick pregnant well, the first time I thought I was, I was 17. I was like, what if I got a chick's,

if I got a chick pregnant when I was 17, that child now would be like 30, two, 33 years old. I'm a 33 year old. I'm crazy. It's so fun, man. They'd be working in the booth. Yeah. They'd be working in the booth.

And then the next time I thought I got a chick pregnant, I was 18. And then I, all through, I always thought I got chicks pregnant. I thought at 17 and 18, Leanne's got to go off birth control. I'm not certain I'm allowed to say that 17 and 18, I- Leanne's got to go off birth control. I'm not certain I'm allowed to say that out loud, but I think Leanne's got to go off birth control. So I think I got to get snipped.

It's so easy. Did you get it done? Yeah. And then you can just blow loads in anyone. Anyway, yeah. Anyone. Doesn't that like, motherfucker. What?

Who do you, we did that to put you under to give you, get you snipped? No, they don't have to put you under to get you snipped. It also takes 15 minutes. What? Would you, we did that to put you under to get you snipped? No, they don't have to put you under to get you snipped. It also takes 15 minutes. What? Yeah. Where do they go in through your beehull? No.

Where do they go in through your asshole? Yeah. Really? Yeah, it's a couple of guys spread it open and then the other guy goes in there with his dick and he f**kers. One guy holds your hands. Yeah. It's got to hurt.

I actually, I had it, I actually. You had it done while you did another thing, right? Yeah, so mine, mine I didn't have to go through the garage. When you go through the garage, you're bypassed. Yeah, I had my sleeve put on. No. I had it done while I had it a herni operation. Yeah, what it was your herni operation?

Where was it? Yeah. It's the, like in the pubic area. Was, did you have like a bump? A little one, a little one. He was, and basically he was like, you don't have to get it fixed now, but you'll eventually have to get it fixed at some point.

And I was like, well, they want to know what you do it now. He goes, yeah, you can, but you don't have to. How did you get it from shitting really hard? Like David Tell? I don't know. It was back when I started to get into deadlifting. And I was, you know, straining my, I thought it was probably from that.

I was doing it all the time out of nowhere. Like I hadn't been dead lifting. I started dead lifting a bunch. And the only reason he discovered it is because he was prepping for the vasectomy thing. So he was like, oh here, and then he puts his finger like up under your ball bag into your body cavity. You know, like where your balls hang from

and he pushed up in there, he's like, oh, he goes, you have a hernia. I was like, what? He goes, he pushed right up and I was like, oh, and then he goes, yeah, that's a hernia. He goes, I'll see if we can do both at the same time. So that's why they put me on. Hey, type in different types of hernias.

Yeah. What are the odds he can spell this word right? No way. Yeah. The most type of time are ingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-lingu-ling I think I have, I think I have hiatal ahernia. Typhin hiatal ahernia. Oof. What? Is that where it's like a little, it's like a fat man's hernia. Uncomfortable.

What is, oh, I don't have hiatal ahernia. Oh, I definitely don't have hiatal ahernia. Never mind, I don't know what the fuck I have. You know what, what fucking hurts so bad? What? The, you don't realize that when you have, they put like the state of the art stuff as they put like this mesh in there.

You know, they push it back in and then they put mesh in there and then they sew it back up, is that when you have an incision in that area, any core movement like sitting, moving, or it felt like someone was stabbing you. I was like, oh, I couldn't sit up. I couldn't do it. It hurts so bad.

Like much, much worse than the pain, like the, the, the sex me was just like some aching, you know? Really? Yeah, and I got to get a sex me soon, I think. Yeah. I think it, can I get it one of the, they just give me a colonoscopy? I don't know, you could probably ask it. Ask it.

Okay, let's make a promise. If either of us go into a coma, promise you'll go in and have all the plastic surgery done to my body while I'm in a coma. What do you want done? I want it, I want to look perfect. What does that mean? I want top to bottom.

Top to bottom. Top to bottom. While you're in a coma. While I'm in a coma, just minus well, I want if look, if they got to do Light post-soxions skin removal whatever the fuck they got to do get my teeth redone get my fucking eyes brightened Do it never do I want hair. I want hair. I want everything top to bottom I want to come out looking like a million fucking bucks. I want to come out and go what the fuck who am I?

What happened you want to look like some of that AI art? I showed you no No, I don't know never mind. You're off the fucking list You're off the list. I want to look like bad bob barbie. I want to look like I want my cock to look like tigers And my face to look like bad Barbie. I want to twos everywhere. What color hair do you want? I would like darker darker. I. Darker by what it full. Full of plugs. I want like, give me full hair transplant. How do we not have just like the best hair options now?

Is there's got to be better hair options, right, Nidav? Type in best hair. You're asking him? Yeah, who's got the best hair in, who's got the best hair in Hollywood that's had plugs? The, oh, the ones that we know for sure, we know a couple for sure. Like they say Tom Cruise has had it done.

Really? Best hair plugs, or just hair transplant, don't put plugs, plugs is like from the old days. Yeah. And Turkey and Hollywood, yeah. Who's got the best? Oh in Austin, there's one in Austin. Would you get it done?

Would you get it done? No. You know why? Because this works for me. Like a ball, dome works for me. I have a good shaped head. It's like, I don't have a good shaped head. And I'm just gonna look at you.

Look at him. He had hair transplant to regain his lost hair. If I say more, well. Look at that. He's got a great head lost hair. If I say more, oh well. Look at that. He's got a great head of hair. I wouldn't mind that hair. Keep going. Let's just keep scrolling.

Wayne Rooney. Don't know who that is. Big soccer player. Really? Yeah. Okay. Pass. Pass.

Keep going. Could it someone that makes me want to get him? Who's this? Call him best. That's good restoration though. Look at that. Look what it was before. It's totally thinned out there. Yeah. That hairline. That's good.

All right. Jimmy Carr? Jimmy Carr? I didn't know that. Oh, I bet he's got a good one. Carr didn't attempt to hide the fact that he had chosen to have the treatment happily discussing it live on air. Known for his stand-up, he decided to have a hair trend to tackle his receiving

hairline, the procedure worked well. Wow. He looks great and you know, you know he did the research. He was a smart person before. He's sharp, dude. He was like, didn't he work in like oil refineries or something?

I have zero. Find out where Jimmy Car made his money. Jimmy Car was a millionaire before he got into the... We'll leave this up, go back to the next one. Jimmy Car was a millionaire before he got into the list. Let's go back to the next one. Jimmy Carr was a millionaire before he got into stand up. He was scroll down. Joe swash. This is clearly a British article.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's also that's a decent restoration. What's underneath it? Whoa. James Nezbit. Dude. That's a good one. Yeah. Two trans, but two transplants later.

Yeah, but then you have like a, I think you don't have hair in the back of your head or something. Really? Well, they gotta get it from somewhere. Well, the guys that we know that they go on stage, their transplants are pretty crazy. I know a couple dudes who have to get their hair done

in order to be out in public. What? What? What? What are you talking about? They have to get their hair done. Ooh. The people.

What do you mean? They have to like, they can't just, they can't just go out. Stop. They have to get their hair down. Stop. Write have to get through here. Stop. Write it down. can't just go like, yeah, let me just go out because then you can see it. That makes sense. It's gotta get like hair dried. They've gotta do like everything.

They've gotta go like hairspray. And then it has to be combed a certain way. They can't just be like, let's go. And that's the thing with hair transplant. He, Elon's her thought is awesome. That would be the guy to ask the richest guy in the world who did yours and he's like, a motion. Yeah. I had, so far away. Does world. Who did yours? And he's like a motion. Yeah. I had,

so far away. Did he say who did it? He's South African. He's so much better looking with hair. But dude, look at, look at that, how the hair looks now. That's incredible. Yeah, Elon would be the guy to ask. What if he was just like, oh, what I do is, there's this guy.

It's like a million a week and he comes over and you're like, oh, okay. Yeah, he probably, I have any puts a ton of money into his hair. I mean, that looks that looks ridiculously good. See if stem cells work for your hair. I bet they do. That's the first. I think that's what I would ask Elon if I met him. Stem cells.

No, I just be like, what the dude? Who did your hair? Who did your hair? That's who you want to go to? And by the way, can I take it public so everybody else can do it? Yeah. And then you know the guy, do some cells five things,

you didn't know about stem cell hair replacement. I don't know anything. I'd be gonna be shocked out quick if those five things show up. It would be perfect for people who wish they just had a fuller look, okay? Well, that's, you like stem cells, right? I love stem cells.

It's more, are there more people on this list? No. That's a pretty good list, though. Yeah, I would do, uh... Would you do it? If your hair could look like Elon's right there, would you do it? Or you just accept that this is what it is? I think I'm cool with what it is.

I've accepted being having this bald head. It doesn't actually, it really doesn't bother me. What bothers me is if I try to grow out hair. Do you know what I mean? It was the longest you've grown it out recently. I don't know, but it was like, it's just you saw that it was thinning, and I'm like, oh, I'll just take it down

because I don't mind this look. It's like, it's the trying to have hair when you don't, that that look is like what I don't like. I don't mind, I don't mind my hair right now. I just, I'm just, I don't think I can shave my head. That's my problem. Have you tried? No, because the second I tried,

my hair's gone forever. That's not true. I'm not gonna grow it out. My hair is at a length right now. It's like this long on the top. And it covers enough where it looks like I'm okay. Like, I'm so- You think if you shaved it,

if I shaved it all the sudden, you'd be like, oh wow, it was really, you were really thinning. I didn't think I noticed that. It would just grow back, maybe, maybe not. But what you cut wouldn't grow back? I think right now I'm at a length where I go, I'm comfortable with it. How long is it?

It's down to my ears. No, if it grows long, it looks bald. Like, I'm at the perfect point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it grows too long, it? Uh, it's down to my ears. No. If it grows long, it looks bald. Like, I'm at the front. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it grows too long, it looks bald. You know what I have, in your front is like fine, right? Front's fine, thin on the top,

but it's starting to get worse and worse the older. I can't put on fucking, I'm a grown up. Like, it's okay that I look like this. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I don't, like, I look, I don't wanna look like, I don't, you know, it's one of the things I should only on all the time, but one of the things I love about Leanne

is that she's cool with aging. Like she's cool with aging. And she doesn't wanna get fillers, she doesn't wanna get all these, all the Botox. She's like, no, this is what I look like. And I think that's kind of sexy because you do wanna look age-appropriate. There's something hot about an age-appropriate woman.

Yeah, I agree. Like, especially to some women in this business You do want to look age appropriate. There's something hot about an age appropriate woman. Yeah, I agree. Like, especially to some women in this business that are just been like holding on to it and holding on to it. And like, it looks fine the first year they do it. Second year, you're like, okay. Well, it's also to what degree are you trying to do it?

10 years in and you're like, you do not look 35 anymore. You're a 55 year old woman. I know. But there's, here's the thing, a little filler, a little this or that. If you got it done right. Right, a little, I'm saying.

A little, yeah. When you start seeing, you know, this shit like, yeah, and then they're like, did I look sexy? And you're like, you look like a goddamn march. You look like somebody. No one's telling him an accident. Yeah, no one's telling them that.

And you go, I'd rather you look, or I'd rather, there's nothing hotter than like Susan Sarandon, right? She was fucking sexy as fucking Bull Durham. Yeah, like there are certain women that when they age, it looks sexy. Yeah, you're right. Yes, I agree.

She's just random, it's fucking hot as shit. I'm most attracted to, honestly, like attracted to age-appropriate women. Yeah, I don't have a thing for like, oh, she's 24, like, that doesn't do anything for me, man. But I think that's actually a good sign. I think it's just, I think I look at them the same way I look at like ice cream cones.

Yeah. I go, sure that would be nice, but I don't do that anymore. All right. And ice cream, I'm a high-byte scream, you know, but I'm not kind of an ice cream cone. I, I go sure that would be nice, but I don't do that anymore. All right, an ice cream I'm a high-screen, you know, but I'm not gonna have an ice cream cone. I'm not a fucking child like walk around like this Like licking something like it's my first name prison. I'm not gonna fucking You know, you can have an ice cream cone. That's okay. I like I did I did crowd work

I did crowd work at the Vulcan last summer's here. And I was talking to this young lady up front. And she was attractive, but the energy she had was so young that I was like, it's not attractive. The energy's not attractive. Right, and I'm just kidding. I don't want to be on a, I don't want it like, if I get a private jet and I bring a girl on, I used to think I'd want her to be like, oh my god, this is amazing. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I kind of want to check this, like, how much did this cost? This is a fucking waste of money. Oh. You know? I think you got her. I got her. I fucking got her. God, I fucking got her in spades.

Yeah. She fucking... What do you, when you get asked that, you go, just don't worry about it. I go, I can afford it. She goes, no, it's we, we can afford it. We make that money and I was like, okay. Do you know how much I made this weekend? She goes, no, and I go, it's okay.

My deal was, my deal initially was, this is the, when I started working hard. This is the we thing for real. Yeah. Okay, okay, don't ever fucking think that she doesn't, oh, mother fucker. What? Nothing.

Nothing. My deal was, That's hilarious. If I flew out coach, I could afford to fly back private. That was my deal. Yeah. But like they said, that's how you're,

you can afford that. And so I just said, I'll fly back, I'll fly back not coach, but commercial. I'll always fly back commercial. And then if I need it, I'll know that it's not going to break the bank for me to fly back private. Yeah. So like, and then, so then that's my deal. So then one time, I never fly fucking private. I never fly private. I fly private. If I can't get there in time, I fly private. If it makes me more money to get there, I fly private. So one time, I do splurge and I fly my whole family back from Austin to LA private.

And fucking Leanne was a fucking, because we flew out of millionaires. And some millionaires is really nice. And then like you guys want coffee, right guys who go upstairs make a cocktail. because we flew out of millionaires. Yeah. And so millionaires is really nice. Yeah. And then like you guys want coffee, right guys who go upstairs make a cocktail. And you know, you can just go use the bar up there, you just open up the bar, make a cocktail. And they know you so they come up and they're like cool shit.

And then and they are like, how much is this costing? And I was like, don't worry about it. It's fine. She was like, no, it's not fine. It's not fine. How much is this costing? So why, but what, let me ask you is, why can't you, like, if you say, like, this is okay, cost-wise, do you get,

like, that's not okay in your house? Like, if you're like, this is fine. Well, no, for her, it's just to waste the money. For her, it's to waste the money. It's not. But she's not out there doing the gigs. No, she's not. But she goes, it's to waste the money.

Don't do it, it's to waste the money. Like, like, like, I know that I know the way my, the money's had up for me where I go, if I fly this, I can fly that. And I never fly that. So that I know that I've got a bunch of backlogged. So if I need one, I can do it, right? So I don't, it's not, it's not going to break the bank. She doesn't know that I don't, I mean, I think she knows it, but I don't think, I don't think that applies to her. I think she still thinks, just fly back commercial anyway, and still save that much money.

It really is a ridiculous expense. It's a ridiculous expense when you think about it. Yeah, but it is how you're able to do. It is how you're able to operate, like... That's the whole thing. Tomorrow I have to fly into Omaha and then fly to Harvard. Yeah. I couldn't find flights to get me in and out.

And so you're like, well, I flights to get me in and out. Right. And so you're like, well, I have to do this. And I'm doing this for my special. I need to be there at 10 in the morning to scout. So I've got to fly to certain hour. There are flights where it's not necessary. And then there are flights where it's allowing you to do the work.

That's the whole point. Travis Scott flies private all the time. He sure does. So does Babarbi. So does Taiga. My favorite rappers. They all fly private. I really want to apologize.

I have shit on a lot of my heroes lately. Travis Scott, I love your shoes. I love your shoes, and now I love your rap. Drake, rap. Drake, I love you. I think you're the goat, you're the best in the business. Babarbi, you baby, Bababie, you have, you're the best in the business. Bad Barbie, you baby, bad baby. You have, you are a game changer.

You have redefined how OnlyFans does its business. I hope to one day emulate you and be one of the biggest on OnlyFans there is. Tyga, you're a fantastic father with a great cock. I think that, I think that, I think, I just hope to get to know you better. Tyga, I apologize two episodes ago for saying that you are a mediocre athlete. I don't believe that.

I know now that you are the greatest athlete that ever lived. Albert Poohol's congratulations on being in a K a the machine. A K a a K dumbang. Big purple, I think, says nickname. Right. That's one of the ones I've read. dumbang, Big Purple, I think is his nickname. Right? I don't think it does. It's one of the ones I've read. Okay.

He, congratulations on being in baseball for 22 years. That's almost as long as Tom and I have been doing stand-up. Was that this episode? I just want to say that I'm learning, I'm growing, and once I start drinking, I'll be celebrating everyone the way I normally do, but this sobriety has me have these rose color glasses are clearest fuck these days, and I'm trying to do better.

I will do better by knowing you need me to prove it before I start, so I'm working on it. Wow, that really took it home. I think we should congratulate you on what you've done so far and recognizing. It takes a real man to apologize for his mistakes. Yup, and I'm gonna work harder and try to learn from my mistakes, and next time you say a name, say a name of a rapper that I don't know.

Give me a rapper. Give me a rapper. Give me a rapper. Give me a wrapper. Give me a wrapper. Any wrapper? Little dark. Little dark. I'm excited to get to know your material. I can't wait to see what you have to offer.

I'm not there yet. I want you to know future big fan. Future big fan. Put on some little dark real quick. Let's go out to some little dark. That little dark that looks a lot like NBA young boy Little dork Type in little dork Now how is there not a there we go?

All right love him Yep I like his branding I don't know. Yup. I like his branding. Oh, getting his lines tightened. That's not like, wow, Vicky. Wow. The niggas that like they don't need us they do everything we know they want to be us For them take an X to see they try to tee up he rather go on blow a bag is that a real You know that block. All right love young dirt young dirt young dirt. I'm in I'm in I'm changed guys I'm bad little dirt little dirt back door one coming through the front

door dirt that's how much I love you. Ha ha ha ha ha. All right, we should get out of here. Thank you guys for watching and listening, Berksa, totally changed man. Change man, look at the range man. I'm loving it. All right, love you, bye. Where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and birds the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call, two bears one cave.

No scripts of bed of booze, amateur, fatology. Dirty jokes, ranchy humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. There's one cave.