2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 28 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: May 4, 2020

On this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer discuss Bert's sobriety, the period of time in which people became attractive, and what the two of them are going to do after the quarantine is over. The two of them talk to Ryan Sickler, Dr. Drew Pinsky, and Joey Diaz on the phone. Tom also shares Norman Summerton's poutine video with Bert. What do YOU like on YOUR poutine? Let us know in the comment section below!

Ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, these likes. Oh yeah, it's not a million people. Why do you think it's so high? I have no idea, I have no idea. I don't know, I wish I had a marketing brain about me where I could go, mention your Instagram. Wait a minute, you don't think you have a marketing brain? You're like Mr. Marko. Are we started the show? I didn't say anything racist.

Ha ha ha ha ha. You were reading a pretty racist book. Oh, is that how we started? Okay, I was out of it. No idea, I said to something the other day, I'm 96, 97% artist, 3% business man, and they were like, I don't think so. I think you mean alcoholic.

By the way, hard as fuck. On Friday. Hard as fuck. How much did you drink at a lot like I had four big cocktails And then and I murdered one I just pounded it and like it flooded me it felt so good I ended up listening to the grateful dead. I listened to post-melons whole new runner tribute It was awesome the girls were inside. They were in the room on like FaceTime. Leanne was gone. I was just

Wasted by myself. I got in the pool. I opened a bottle of wine. I watched a movie on on Michael Hutchins from NXS It was like the best and then Shut it down the next day. Shut it down. Didn't even fuck it. So you watched that movie drunk? Oh, yeah. Where did you see it on Netflix? On, I think on Amazon, maybe. I knew I'm a big fan of Michael Hutchins. You know he lost a sense of smell and it ended up driving him crazy? No.

Yeah, that's why when people were saying they're losing their sense of selfishness, when people say they're, let's take it from the top. When people say they're losing their sense of smell or their sense of taste, that's not Michael Hutchins. There we go, there we go. No, no, no, go back to the goalie. I wanna know what movie you thought I watched Nadav

on the Toronto Maple Leaf's goalie. Nah, I misspelled it. I misspelled it. It's Michael Hutchins, I can't say it. I auto corrected my misspelling to Hutchinson. Yeah, I hear you, I hear you. That was a great conversation. Anyway, Michael Hutchins is lost

to sense of smell and a sense of taste. Wait, when did he lose it though? He got into a fight in like Bangkok or and maybe not Bangkok But he got into a fight a cab driver pulled up on him and he was like I fuck you and the cab driver knocked him out And it he had a severe head injury this was later in his life Relater in his life and he was dating Elena Christiansen pull up Helena Christiansen Do you remember Helena Christiansen? Elena Christensen, do you remember Elena Christensen? Smoksh... Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh all the supermodels that are now aging. Yeah. And we love the attention. So like, oh, I don't have anymore.

You're saying you'd do them that favor? No. I was actually thinking of a movie. Writing a script about a guy who goes around and fucks supermodels. Aging supermodels. And he's like, well, I thought you liked that. Like 70, like 70 years old.

And they're like, you know, they could use like 45 year old dick. Yeah. So you're saying a 70 year old supermodel. Yeah, type in 70 year old supermodel. These girls are like 50 right now. No. Yeah. Helena Christian said, she said 49 right there.

She's only 49. That's what it said, I thought. Oh wow, that's way out of my league. You're saying like that late. Like, yeah, like, may musk. Like, oh wow. That lady is 83 Daphne selfie go to Daphne selfie just type in Daphne selfie

I'm sure itself Daphne self. I wonder what you looked like in the 50s Go back Daphne self young right young oh It's like it's so old that you can't even tell if it's pretty because it was just like, when you couldn't tell it was pretty back then. Yeah, I don't like it. You're like, oh yeah, it's hard to, wow, there's a certain time age where you can't see if it's pretty anymore. You're like, in the 40s, you're like, no, I get it.

No, someone has to tell you that this was pretty then. You don't understand. That was beautiful. This was a lot to us. She was a nurse. She worked under Florida's night in jail. Yeah. I'm so sorry. I wouldn't have took to be a fucking supermodel. He just had hair. I mean what is she she wearing? Wait, it's all this clothes, it's too much clothes. You know we're gonna get fucking murdered for trashing her. Yeah, I won't give a shit. This shows type in fucking type in a model, super, I guess I don't know to super models, but model 1918 1918 let's see

Do like do um models 1930s, you know, yeah swim suit models do that may were like yeah swimsuit models 1930. Yeah God can you imagine the racist shit that came out of there? Look at these dogs not nobody here Go straight to my wife could be a model back then You wipe a blow all these out of the water. I mean, look at this. Hold on, wait, go back to the fucking... The polka news. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Wait, enlarge that.

That is not, I mean, do they look at their faces? That is not, that is not attract, I mean. No, it's like they have fucking bus stop. Like, I don't know why they're, oh my god. So when do women get attractive? This is like right before they went into the mind. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, I'm a little bit more attractive. Yeah, I'm a little bit more attractive. All right, let's go get a decade. Let's go get a decade. Let's go get a decade.

All right. Okay. Zoom in on the... Can you zoom in on the color one? Can you make it bigger? Let's see. Okay. Uh... Not the best.

Not the greatest. I'm not. I'm not blown away. No. I mean, I wouldn't. I wouldn't turn my head if I walked past it, you know. I mean, the center one, I guess, is if she had attitude, but no women had attitude back then, they'd get beaten. Super dark circles.

I mean, anyone with any Whitney Cummins speaks her mind And there's no justice at all well, we find attractive in a woman's personality now I'm big! I'm big! I'm big! She's a real firecracker! I'll take care of that! No, and also you realize that when the police came to those situations, they yell at her. Well, this is what you fucking get for having a big mouth.

Okay, this girl's kind of attractive and like, I'm going to be working at the beach for the summer kind of way. 1940s swimwear, not my favorite. Look, man, it wasn't happening in the 40s, okay? Okay, let's go, let's go, let's go 50s. Let's go, 50s. Maybe they figured it out. Swim suit model 1950s.

Oh. Wait, can you zoom in on any, like, okay, okay. I mean, she's cute. That girl girls cute. Yeah, she's not bad Go to the one before kicking in the air, you know, oh, that's James Mansfield right there, right? I it's just that the fate she's making a face you can't yeah, she looked like a hot executive But not like a swimsuit model. Who's that that's James Mansfield? I think there. No, I don't know I don't know if she looks hot.

She looks like an island girl. Yeah, she looks pretty cute. Scroll down, go down, show us a few more. Okay. Okay, now, you know what this is? Television showed up around here. So this is where, what is that smile? Oh, I think I got, guys, I think I'm sitting on something.

Guys, I think I'm definitely sitting on a C or something. This is, see this girl's parents told her she was way prettier than she is. You know what I mean? They kept telling her, you're gorgeous and, oh that's pretty good. Okay, let's argue this. We're gonna probably need a woman's opinion in this.

Yeah, but okay. Okay, by the way, a little disclaimer here. Yeah. These are brand new thoughts, so they haven't been thought out. So I can't get in trouble for them. Those are all your thoughts. That's it. Women always shit, like progressive women shit

on the male standard that we've applied for beauty standards. Males apply to beauty standards that they shouldn't be held up to. Is it possible that this is simply before that male beauty standard? This is before notes. Well, this should be the decade that it happened in. This one, this one, this one, this one, this one's beautiful. Is that Monroe?

I can't even tell. Oh, is that what happened? So Marilyn Monroe might be the first attractive woman. Well, I don't know if she's like,, no, like, and like, what weed? Like... How about that? Hands on the hips there. Hands on the hips. Yeah.

Scroll in. She's pretty. She's pretty and little hippie. I like it. I'm gonna fucking count and stutter. All right, go to the, is there another one? You know, she's got dark sideburns. Like hair grows down her cheeks.

Yeah. Oh. her cheeks. Yeah. Oh. Yuck. Jesus. It looks like she's smelling our armpit. Like, no, I have to think. And then face too, man, go to the fucking track if you're going to look like that.

Let's real quick. Let's get a palette cleanser. Let's get a palette cleanser and type in 1990s swimsuit model. Oh, it's going to be. Let's just get a palette cleanser. Oh, look at El McFear. Fucking shitting me. I might dick just got hard. Like, immediately, I go back to these pictures

and they would, my dad would get the swimsuit edition at his office and I showed up at his office getting ready for baseball and I'd see it and be like, oh, I wonder if I can rub one out real quick before we got a baseball. God see it and be like, ah, I wonder if I can rub one out real quick before we go to baseball. Yeah. God damn it. These girls are... So this is, is this effectively what women are complaining about?

Is this the male standard? Well, we're talking about the male standard right now. Are they complaining about the swimsuit model? The swimsuit issue? Yeah, like these are like unrealistic things is what they say. I mean, these, these, most of these ladies are genetic anomalies, you know. I mean, that was that tire, was that who was that last one? Yeah.

Was that Tyra? Yeah. Tyra Banks is, I met her in person one time. She came. Yeah, they don't even look real, right? Like you meet them. You're like, she didn't look real. Her and Heather Graham do not look like real human beings.

Like they're so beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, so in a fair sense, I would be a toilet person. By the way, the average just, and like I say this because they're in our business, but the average fucking female comedian is hotter than any woman in the 50s. Oh, yeah, I agree.

And I'm saying that because they're just comedians. They're 50s. Oh yeah, I agree. And I'm saying that his suggestion is 50. Halle Berry is perfect. Who's this 55 year old? Yeah, who is that? I don't know. By the way, I gray hair is sexy as fuck. I watched Goop last night. Goop. You watched that? Yeah, I watched it with what's her name? Gwen, yeah, Gwen, Paul, sure it's got gray roots. I find it hot. Really? Yeah, I watched it with what's your name? Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah. Gwyneth Paltrow's got gray roots. I find it hot. Really? Yeah, I like gray roots. So he's letting the gray go? No, I think she just was being a little sloppy. Really? Yeah, I think her stylist wasn't paying much attention.

Type in Gwyneth Paltrow gray roots. Yeah, two gray roots. Yeah. Two gray. Two gray roots. Can you see them? No, it was in Goop. It was about, dude, by the way. Wait, is that a Netflix tour? Netflix, by the way, shout out to Genneth Paltrow. If you're watching this,

Shout out to Genneth Paltrow. Genneth Paltrow. My mouth is sloppy this morning. This is, I got laid because I went with Paltrow. When? Last night. Why? Because they did a whole episode on orgasms. Hold on, don't let me forget to write men on there, okay?

Um. Um. Uh-huh. The, there was a whole interview on a whole segment on female orgasms. And it was talking about just about how, like like it was just a fucking 30 minutes on orgasms and then Leanne just hit the TV we were done watching she goes so what do you want to do? I was like I don't know what do you want to do is I say we go into the bedroom and I was like done son and I brought the fucking Thunder did you really? I sincerely did walk us through it. I kissed her first. That's nice.

Which I normally don't do. I just usually put in work. Yeah. Cause the kids are still asleep. We did lock the door. Lately, I was like coming in our room, just busting our room with fucking big ideas. Hey, I got an idea.

Tomorrow, this weekend, let's go to Hawaii. Yeah. And this weekend, we're going to Hawaii in our backyard. We're gonna turn our backyard into Hawaii and go to Hawaii. That's cool. Yeah, it's not that bad But I'm so good on South I put in work I Go down South I put in work. Yeah. Oh, yeah, like a carpet bagger. Yeah, I fucking go down South and I set up camp I'm gonna sell these fuck you always eat ass to no I never eat ass. Okay, Leanne's not

It's not Leanne's you know Leanne's gotten so fucking prudish. She has a statement. She says all the time, wrong girl, wrong girl. And it wasn't that way originally. So you suggest something or try it. She's like, what did I suggest here the other day? I just said something. I said something so not like let's go have sex

in the garage. She's like wrong girl. And I was like what it used to, you used to do that. She's like yeah that's who I was, but I'm not that person. Things have changed. Wrong girl. She says wrong girl all the fucking time. You look good by the way. Thank you. Thank you. When I got drunk the other night, I'm sitting on the couch watching Michael Hutchins. He's having crazy sex on the thing. They're talking about it. And I'm like, you have another pop, little,

another little sip right? Mm-hmm. And then I just go, I'm tired of this wrong girl shit, out of nowhere. Like, I forgot how alcohol will start a conversation with you. Alcohol, you'll be sitting on your recliner in alcohol to be like Maybe feel good, right? I'm like yeah, and he goes

Fucked up the way she talks to you though, huh, and you're like, huh? He's like, dude She just says like wrong girl like you like you never fuck that chick before you fuck that chick That's who you married and I'm like yeah, and he's like wrong girl my ass. She doesn't say that does and I go She doesn't he's like well you better tell her and I'm like fuck your will and then out of nowhere You just got I'm right here. What's up with this wrong girl? I'm tired of this wrong girl shit I wish she say she went excuse me And I was like I'm done with it like don't let's not do that anymore. I don't want it

I'm not old. I don't want to be old. Let's still fucking have fun I want to have sex in the pool wrong Wrong girl, wrong girl, wrong girl. I said we've done it before and she goes yeah, and I didn't like it, wrong girl. She says wrong girl so much to me, just to shut it down, wrong girl. Do you have a sex to me? No, are you gonna get one?

Didn't we say we were gonna get them together? Do you want to still? Sure. Wrong guy. Ha ha ha ha ha, that's what I'm gonna start saying. I wanna get one, like once you can do elective stuff again. You know, like this summer. Oh, oh yeah, oh you can't do it.

I am, by the way, I am an out of cardiologist appointment I missed and my tooth is starting to hurt again. Yeah, yeah. Let it go for a while, but then maybe we do it all the same week. I'm not even worried about my cardiologist. I'm in such fucking better shape than I was when I scheduled that appointment. Actually, I was gonna say, you look at because you've thinned out. I've thinned out, yeah, I don't know how much I've lost, but I'm not gonna weigh myself. Like, it just fucks up my head.

Yeah. I want to enjoy myself. So I'm running like crazy cheers. I'm running like crazy cheers. I'm running like crazy. I'm my drink. Here's my new theory. Don't let me forget men. I am tired of people making me. I'm tired of the bullshit that AA comes up with where you gotta count your Your sober days in a row. I think that's bullshit. I think that's that that's what their whole goal is. It's stupid though because it does it sets you up for failure. You can't have a good time if you do if you have to do all your sober days consecutively. I'm being like I'm being serious you know what I'm talking about. I mean they

yeah they mark like months and then years. You know what I mean? 45 days right now. 45 days what? I have been sober for 45 days. There is no sober. But I want to change that. Like I want to change it to, you drank three days ago.

Yeah, I know, but I wanna change it to, I wanna change it to, I want it to be different. It's like no one does a diet and goes, yeah, I just, I'm strict on my diet. And you go, well, you're fucking lunatics then. Well, some people do do that. And they're fucking lunatics. Right?

Like, when you meet someone, it's like, yeah, I've been vegan for 15 years. You're like, okay, you don't party at all, like no bacon. Like, you're like, I might not like you. Like, I don't think I'm gonna get along with you. You know what I mean? So what if you meet somebody and they're like, I've been sober for, you know, 10 years.

10 years and I go, wow, you must be out really out of control. That's what you hear. Yeah, in my head, I hear it. I go, you couldn't just have a drink and they go, they can't. And they go, no, no, no. Next you know I'm sucking dick behind a dumpster

and you're like, just one drink and you suck dick behind dumpsters? Well, and then, kind of, by the way, we're talking this through and I know, I posted something about sobriety the other day on my Instagram and dude, so, sober people got really upset, like really upset. What did you post?

I said something about the effect that I had drank. I had only drank in 41 days, I had only drank once. So I said I drank 40, I haven't drank 40 of the last 41 days. And everyone's like, bro, you drank on Rogan. That's fucking bullshit. Just so you know, that upset us sober people. Don't talk like that.

And I was like, hey, go fuck yourself. Don't talk to me like, I'll talk anyway, I fucking want to, okay? So like, I understand that you have an issue with alcohol. I understand you also see that I do because everything that you see is gonna come out with those glasses on. Everything's fucking on nothing.

I just go, I wish that you could just find a new way to go like, yeah, I don't party for like a month, but I'll have a night off. Like, I wish there was a way to have that be an accomplishment. Does that make sense? Yeah, I mean, it can be to like, to yourself, you know? I guess my point is I'm like, most anyone in like the sober community. Yeah, it's not gonna see your Approach or style to this as like hey credit given because they don't Do it doesn't work for them like that. Yeah, it's the same people that get really upset I got a lot of people's talk shit to me about sober October Looking at your okay, okay spent 40 of the last 41 days

stone sober, right? So 41 days I have my first drink. And average under, and by the way, this is also crazy. My deep sleep is when I drank was like an hour 37. And when you're sober, it's barely fucking three minutes. All right, so people wrote to you, alcohol dependency, liver is fucked. Have you tried?

It's like, first of all, there's no gray area. No one, by the way, is the dumbest thing in the world, ever, this is where you really isolate those people with IQs from 70 to 75. Yeah. Like that, you really want to find those people are in this comment thread. Okay.

It's people that have never lived a life. Your body is used, your body is used to alcohol, give it more time to adjust. Okay, okay, Jason Robinson. Yeah. Jason Robinson, it's been 41 days, just so you know, you haven't read anything. Jason Robinson.

And that you're, after 21 days, your body is, it's out of your system. That's, all the research I've done, it doesn't take 41 days to get alcohol out of your system. Actually, after five days, it's out of your system. Right, yeah. By the way, I didn't research that. I just said that out loud.

But like you look at these and then. It says your body is going through withdrawal. That's why you're doing it. Read Hicks. Once again, I'm on. I'm on. I'm on. Nadov.

Nadov, type in how long it takes for alcohol to get out of your system. Yeah, we'll check back with you in 30 minutes, okay? But my point is like, it's amazing how load, like when we do so in October, I get a lot of people really upset that you do so in October, because they go, guys, this isn't a game.

This is a, you know, like, sobriety for a lot of people is very cherished. Like, it's like a, not one hour, Nadav. I'm typing in. So apparently it takes one hour to get alcohol out of your system. I don't know. Okay, look at the people also ask, does it say it in there maybe?

Don't worry about it, I think this is a pa. All right, how long does alcohol stay in your system? That the American Addiction Centers? Yeah, that one. Does it give us, um... It's not, it's... A lot up to six hours, 24 hair 90 days and your hair and your hair Yeah, well, yeah, I know I think that I

Think it's anyway my point is I You I read some of those comments and I was like all right this fucking ridiculous and then you go I don't like I've really enjoyed not drinking like I've enjoyed it a lot and I go cool man I like and I love building updates like it's cool to look at you go wow out of the last 40 what I say 45 I haven't drank 43 days or whatever and it's cool to do that I get that I get the accomplishment part but I also like fucking Cutting getting off the, having a fucking good time

and then showin' back up the next day, like at-and-hand, like, so we're gonna start this up again, huh? Like, I love that part. So you wanna go, you like to do off on, off on. Yeah, I think it shows more strength to be able to start back up for one night and then bring it back.

Like, like, is that in the guide book that? I don't know, but I wanna start my own AA, right? For me and my fucking people, where we set up rules, where we go, it does it like drinking days, don't count unless they're followed by another drinking day. If you go two day drinking days, then you gotta start all over.

You can't get a kid. This is gonna be really popular with the sober. It's funny, man. I think I'm like one of the older people that drinks too. Like you start looking at when people quit drinking, people quit drinking like in their 30s. Like that's when people go, oh, I'm done drinking.

No one does it to my age unless you are like a career drunk. Like anyone that's made it like a tell quit when he was like 35. Yeah. Like no, I'm starting looking around that like the canaries in the mind it's like me, stand up and run white. How are the guys who?

The only ones that really put back alcohol. And then you start going like, wow, that's just three of us. Like there's not a lot left. Toronto died. Like you start looking at everyone that, it's just three of us. Like there's not a lot left. Gerardo died. Like you start looking at everyone that's dead. You're like, holy shit. My point is I want to set up my own AA.

You should. You're familiar here with the release on real quick. Are you familiar? Have you been following the norm stuff at all? I wish I could express to you the excitement I have in my heart. Yeah. I don't know what you're about to talk to talk about. I love Norma McDonald more than anything.

And I think I'm about to be super excited. You're going to be very excited. So check this out. It's not playing. I think I think of you. Of course, it's not playing. Hello. Today we're gonna make French Canadian Poutine Fries. What are Poutine Fries?

Well, Poutine Fries are basically your fries. Norm's number two. Cheese and the exact opposite of what I wanted. Really? I thought you said Norm McDonald. I just said Norm. You gonna mad at me? Have you been a can?

You've been a canada. Yeah. Have you had poutine? Of course. However, there's gonna be a bit of a change to the recipe. Everybody likes to change the recipe up. These ones are gonna have fries, cheese, pig shit, and pig piss.

Ooh, it's gonna be a treat. Okay, so let's get... Is it a dog bowl? Yes, me. We'll pee on the fries first, eh? Yeah, see? What is on his dick? It's like a little chastity thing.

You know, like a punishment if it's... Don't lie, it gets hard. Water's pretty hot on the floor, no. So I just mix that around. And make sure all the fries are covered in paper. No. I love that he's misinterreduring this. Well, now it's time to...

Why does this make you laugh? I mean, ingredient, taste and taste. Oh, what? So, what's it in me? Wait, look, do you see it? I saw it, I saw it, I saw it come on. What did you know? I saw it. I saw it.

I saw it. Now we take the cheese and we scoop it out here. Why are you laughing at this? Thanks. Watch. You gotta take a look. This is a little bit I was fucking this no, I'm not no, I'm not I'm not I can't look at that. That's fucking disgusting That no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no He's eating it. He's fucking eating it. What is wrong with him? What is wrong with him? Like what happens to a guy like that?

Just doing what his dumb said to do his dumb. Yeah, this is dumb a woman really really hot woman Yeah, so you gotta be like the hottest woman in the what oh? He's also he'll give you a blowjob if you're in Calgary Who's in Calgary? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, awesome, man. Hey, do we have anything else that we can watch? That is the most disgusting thing for us.

He just laughed for a second. No, no, no, no, no. No, because he... I'm bothered that you're crying laughing. That you have tears coming out of your face. That you're that happy that that isn't it. You ain't even wipe. He just shits on it and then goes and sits back on a stool. Oh. How are you going to defend this to your children one day when you're

just when you're long gone and they're in college and they're going, what kind of this stuff made bad laughs? And they're gonna see this. Yeah. Hahaha. By the way, I just realized this is a catch rag I have in my pocket. A catch rag? Yeah. What's the catch rag? I don't know, he'll feel these little hard spots

all over it. That's it. Oh, no. That is just about getting gross. All right, we got it. That's really cool. Let's put change the channel. You don't want to hear the review. No, no, no, no, no, nope. right, we got it. That's really cool. Let's put change the channel. You don't wanna hear the review.

No, no, no, no, no, nope. Nope, nope, nope. I can't believe you liked that. I don't like it. How do you find that? I threw up when I saw it. How did you find it? What?

How did you find it? I didn't find it. How did you first? Someone emailed it to us. Yeah. You saw his tit cups. Yeah. So the same guy were almost like many stitca whole time. I might cap 100 if I could do that. You can do it. I thought it good. But it's give me a couple rubber bands. So after we played his tit cups we somebody sent that in. It's pretty funny though right? Because it's Poutine, Poutine. Hahaha.

How much to let him spend the rest of the quarantine with you guys? He's a really nice guy. Do you know him? No, I mean, I've been DMing with him. Oh, really? Yeah. What does he say in the DM? He just,

He's like, I do like my videos. Yeah. Does someone like that want people to know that he knows what he does? Well, he doesn't want to be like, highly, he doesn't want to do interviews, but he's like, you know, I don't mind you playing my videos and I got a good laugh out of it and everything. Really? Yeah. He was really nice. So what do you think happened to him? He started BDSM stuff at 15. At 15? Yeah. He's 573 now.

And so wait, at 15 he started doing, and he just works for him. It's just been building and building and building, yeah. He loves it. Why, how can you love, I mean, I guess I go, the same way people look at me probably drinking in an airport at six in the morning going, how can you do that?

I look at him and I go, how does that, I guess it just fills something that's empty in him. Is that what it is? Could be. This is so bizarre. Like, it's, I, by the way,

reminder for Bert, men. I'm gonna pivot on that one. That's so fucking bizarre. You wouldn't do something like that? Nope. What's that say? Oh, this is an old bird tweet. Oh, yeah, that was a real brilliant idea playing that game.

It must be nice to be an Orthodox Jew. Same clothes every day, same friends since childhood. And what does this say? And all? And all the chicks look the same when they hit 40. When is that from? I don't know, that's from December 29th, 2009. So I don't know if it's on Christmas.

Okay. Okay. Let's go through my timeline and, is that when you live in, yeah. Yeah. We're going around a lot of acidic Jewish people. Yeah. We're going to do with people. Okay. Let's go through my timeline and talk about it. Is that when you live in, yeah. We're not a lot of listening to Jewish people. We're not doing Jewish people. Okay.

I guess we are. So I guess this is one side of it. I guess Tom's never said anything negative about anyone. No, I definitely have. Oh, it's another one. This ended up being like a bit, right? Did it? I did a bit like this.

Was it so nice? It used to go all the way to black people like black person, please tell me that carries over to Asians, Indians and the deaf. But this is my tweet. I know. I'm saying I did a bit about Sagal and how he would like pander to whoever he was. Oh, it was for me. I just, I don't remember that, but I remember it was big. I would do it when I talked to black people on television. You did that? Yeah. Yeah. I did it. A lot of code speak. No, is that what it's called?

I think so. I think it's called code speak. A lot of hosts will do that when they talk to a old black man. Leanne did it at one time in a fucking fucking I wish I could get the girls from her we were driving and we had this like Is do that was just like real like like man, we we're gonna begin to the airport kind of kind of late He was driving us and the end's like me and the girls in the car and then he goes when we be getting to the airport And the girls might look at me and like, what? She's like, I don't know. I got caught off guard. I used to do it a lot of host TV hosts will do it. When they talk to like an old black woman in the kitchen,

they'd be like, so you just be bringing the love. And you'll be like, by the way, I'm definitely guilty of it. You can see it, it's funny because you see it all over television. It's super common. And they, but they, but you don't do it all over television. It's super common. But you don't do it to Asian people. Like for whatever reasons, you don't find yourself going, oh, like, and nodding.

But that was the joke is you only do it to black people. You don't do it to Mexicans. You don't do it to anyone. But for some reason, as a host, and I'm only gonna out myself, but I will say that it is very common. You see it a lot. If you watch a lot of fucking...

So if we pull up travel channel clips of you, you definitely, yeah, definitely. So what would you do? You're at a theme park, you're talking to people, and then a black person walks up, you'd be like, what's up man? If I saw black people, I fucking light up because they give you a lot of energy on camera.

Right away, you get off into roller coaster. A lot of white people, you'd be like, so what was arrived like, and get off into roller coaster, a lot of white people you'd be like, so what was arrived like, and then they see the camera, and immediately they go into corporate mode. They'd be like, it was a lot of fun. And white people will rephrase things they've seen on television. If you ever, ever ask a white person

about a bite of a sandwich, they're like, it's great, I get all the different textures, I get the crispiness of the bacon. I get the fluffiness of the bun. The cheese kind of just is all over the place. It's really great. All the flavors kind of come into one. You're like, yeah, because you're chewing it.

That's how you get it all into one. You have fuck face. And so, trust me, it's fucking frustrating. And then if they're black. If a black person just is very real. To this day, one of my favorite things to do is watch any food, travel, DIY, anything, any of those irel does it with Asians. No, if you just watch a white horse with

black people every fucking time they go to every time you can't help it, man. And it's not, you know, I watch someone, I watch someone, I won't say who this is, but I think you can figure out who it is. Okay. He was shucking hoisters on an island with a black dude that might have been like 90? He sounded like the girl from Airplane. Shacka won't want no help, Shacka don't get no help, job turkey.

Like he got so bad that I was like, I'm watching him going, please say I've never been this bad. And I've been worse, I've been worse. Yeah. It's a way, you think you're connecting, you know? Yeah, yeah. I did something, you know, I did when I was, I was a kid, I just, because I so loved hip hop,

I would just think that like if somebody was black and older, like 30s, four, like an old, I was like, this is something that will relate. And I'm talking about as a kid, 11, 12. And my dad is like such a honky that I would just be like, let me talk to this person. Because like you're a cracker. You don't know anything about. So one time, my parents hired, I think these guys to paint, like, rooms in the house or something. And these two black guys come over,

and I was like, you know, trying to make them feel comfortable and I was like, sorry about my white parents, you know, like, they were like, okay. And then I go, sorry about the oppressors in the other room. Dude, you know, I took me, I never thought about this for years and it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it like, and I was like this, this kid. You guys are listening to music? I'm like, yeah! And I go, I got it.

So I got my boom box and I set it up and I was like, I got stuff you like, I set it up and I I was like I got stuff you like Imagine you're just painting by the way you're just you're at a wall and you're like well I'm gonna be doing this for hours and I was like here's some public enemy welcome to the teradome So they're like really nice casual. 1880. Get down. Yeah. I mean it was like, you know, and then Tom walked back in. Are you guys hungry? Yeah. I did. I did. We're good. We're good. We're good. Well, the thing is like I insisted on like you got to listen to this album front to back and then loud

So my parents were like I'll hear what they're listening to I was like, oh, that's mine I heard two baddies. I'm putting a fucking public in the middle of the music. Yeah, in their house, so loud, it's all like Malcolm X shit. And I'm like, you guys all agree? And then like, they left and I was like, I did that for you guys. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I know you guys enjoy painting like this. Oh my God, that's fucking great. Men?

Oh, I don't know. Hold on, I'm not done with this. That's fucking hilarious. I love when I, because you know, it's so funny. There's so many times where you miss step where you're trying to connect. Yeah. And it, and it's viewed as negative, but you're just trying to connect. You're just trying, yeah.

And it's like, one of these guys was like 50 something. I mean, he was like, you could tell that he probably wanted to listen to something a little more low key. And I was like, this is your music. Oh. I'm 12 and this is what I know. Oh my God, that is so, but what is it? Okay, in comedy, like that is, that's pure comedy

because it is your stone-faced. Like you're not trying to be funny. No, not at all. No, I was genuine and I'm unaware of... I'm just like, you're black, this is your national anthem. You don't want to hear it? Oh, yeah. God, that makes me fucking laugh. It's ridiculous.

This has been a giggly episode. And I'm gonna get a lot of fucking backlash. Oh, by the way, shout out to Dax Shepard, who sent me, yeah, Dax Shepard's, I'm sure it's his podcast, People. Sent me a shirt on, and so I gotta, did you see him pull the fucking pin out of his hand? No, but we now I'm a huge that separate fan all the sudden Zach shepard that is Zach sent me the shirt and I was like I was like I was like man. I didn't shit on him. Did I I was like?

I can't I fucked his name up. I fuck everyone's name up and So I and so I googled him and I started like looking up, stuff he's done and checking out his podcast. And then now I get him and Kristen Bell are in my news feed on my Google news because I Googled them once. Now that's in my news feed. And so I get everything on there.

What's going on in the news with them? I'll tell you, Dax gave a list of drugs that he hopes his daughter does and hopes his daughter doesn't do. Actually, pull it up. Let's see what drugs Dax thinks his daughter should do and his daughter shouldn't do. Kristen Bell just got critiqued by her daughter on whether or not she was a good stay-at-home mom teacher and then Kristen Bell fired back with a touche. Or maybe that was not it. Here's Sack-and-Elks drugs. Go up. Stayed home mom teacher and then Kristen Bell fired back with a touche Or maybe that was not it here suck it out drugs

Go up. Okay. I thought it was the first story. It's it. It is right there. Yeah I don't know if I'd be comfortable. I want my daughters never to do any drugs Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like I don't want them to do drugs. I don't want, I wonder if it's- I don't know mushrooms at some point he wants them. I don't think mushrooms. I mean, okay, if you could go back,

before you read what he says they should or shouldn't do, if you could go back and never have one drug experience and sit here today like Daniel Toscher, Dan Cook, never fucking with your brains, chemistry whatsoever. I would argue that Daniel Tasha's never had coffee. I would think he said coffee. I don't think he has.

I think I've had coffee with him. Okay, then, I'm wrong about that. Dane has never had coffee. He hasn't? No, he's a big hot chocolate guy. Hot chocolate. I'm joking, I don't know. But I'm sure they never had coffee. He hasn't? No, he's a big hot chocolate guy. Hot chocolate. No, I'm joking, I don't know. But I'm sure they've had coffee.

But it's so crazy to have a dude, just made my hot chocolate. And this is how I start my day, all right. Would you go back and never do a drug and be where you are today? Or are you comfortable with where your brain is now? I mean, I am actually a proponent. I like the psychedelic stuff.

True? I'm saying like I'm a fan of, you know, I am actually a proponent. I like the psychedelic stuff. True. I'm saying I'm a fan of going down that path. But I think all the other stuff, the stimulants and the... Okay, let's do that. I don't think that you need to do any of those. Okay. Listen, let's see the drugs that, uh, um, Dax said, yeah, just not cocaine or opiate.

Stem relincin opiates. I thought those are the ones I'd be like, you gotta try those once. Really? Who cocaine is fucking amazing? You would tell your daughters that? You, I mean, you're gonna have to say like, what are you, what are you, fucking child?

Like, yeah, step up your fucking game. You're gonna have to try coke once. You're gonna tell them to step up their game. Hold on for a second. Let's be real. Like obviously this is a make believe world. I wouldn't want my daughter to ever get addicted to cocaine, but you're like, it's, I don't know, right?

You've done cocaine. Never. Are you serious? I've never done it. And I've wanted to try it. It is awesome. It is awesome It is like it does you know it's like what you ever see a movie and you're like god damn it Tom Cruise is worth every fucking cent They pay him. Yeah, he is a great action star. That's him holding on inside of the plane. Yeah, that's cocaine

But for real you put you do cocaine and you feel I Remember being let's get some'm, I would love that. Do you know where to get some? Yeah, yeah, I actually can figure that out pretty easily. Let's do a couple of bumps. We should do cocaine on this. Did we talk about this once? Yeah.

Do cocaine on the show and just walk us through. By the way, I remember doing cocaine feeling, like we were in New Orleans at Marty Grau and I remember having a feeling during the day that I could rip this tree out of the earth And it was like a freshly planted tree that I was like I definitely could rip that out of the earth But I'm smart enough to know not to because I'll cause a stink everyone's gonna be like who's a fuck's ripping trees out of the ground Yeah, it is amazing Well the first time I did it, it went, it literally went, I just went,

I'm sure I did my left nose first and it was frozen from this side over. Like, I mean, I'm talking like, from this tooth over here, just frozen. And I remember going over to my bunny going, I think I need one more bump to, I this side of my face is kind of fucking, I'm feeling it too much.

I did the other nostril and then this side went numb and I went, I feel pretty fucking amazing. I mean, I went like a powerhouse, all night, a barely drank, but you could drink. How much coke did you do? Not that much, just, I've never been like, every time I've ever done it, it's just been a couple bumps. I did it on accident one time.

How you do coke on accident? So we were with my, one of my buddies and and he had like the, uh, the little bullet where you like load it. Uh-huh. And then you just flip the thing around and then, you did it. That's someone who's done coke. I guarantee it. Answer it.

Answer it. Alright, hold on. Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, from Honey Do, Ryan Sikler. Hey, sickle cell. Yes, sir. Hey, we're doing a podcast right now. Have you done coke before? Cocaine?

Well, technically yes, but not really. What does that mean? Yes sir. Hey, we're doing a podcast right now. Have you done Coke before cocaine? Well Technically, yes, but not really what does that mean? Oh, it's interesting. I used to date a black chick that with smoke parliaments and they have a recessed filter and she would scoop the Coke and then hit the bump out of the filter then smoke or cigarette and One time I took half a bump out of that fucking cigarette which of course it's not going to do anything and that's my extent of cocaine use. I don't like to go up. Okay.

How about like you were done like morphine or heroin? Yeah, yeah, you know I do heroin all the time. I've done more feed in hospital. I've done more feed in, man. That's it. You ever do like dust or math or anything like that? Yeah, I'm big on the Paul Chuck Paul bro. Paul Chuck Paul. I heard you can really fight some, like you fight like 10 people when you're on that Paul took Paul

I heard you can really fight some like you fight like 10 people when you're on that shit, man Yeah Paul took Paul All right Shit, oh, we're just going through some hardcore drug stuff right now I've done X to C. I've done That's the hardest I mean that's not even that hard. That's the hardest I've ever done is ecstasy shrooms and weed. That's my extent. I've never done acid. I told you my coke. I'm the Cal Ripkin of good teeth. I've had two cavities in almost 50 years. It's pretty wild. Yeah. Me too. And I have the worst teeth in the world. Yeah. Uh, no, Bert, you do not have two cavities. I have two cavities. I have them right now. I've never

never, my first cavity is this one. You got 27. What's that? My stepson and I go to Santa Monica College and we're kicking 40 orders on the wreck. 37 to 40 yard field goals on the wreck. If you want to come work out with us, come on down. Are you are you training him to be a kicker? I trained him to be a kicker. I told him if you want a college scholarship and you want to get into football and not be can cost and retarded when it's all said kick. You're going to advice coach. We got the I bought the real NFL place hold you know the little thing

that's used by themselves and kicking the net and we go out and we bang 35 to 40. Is he getting good? Is he going to get hit him from 40? He can. I mean look we're not putting him at the top third of the fucking upright but they're going straight through and over the bar that's good man you guys gotta just keep keep at it keep hold is he 16 he's like six two and eighty five pounds and he still hit

yeah he's a big kid tall kid all right all right let me holler at you as soon as we're done here okay yeah I was just sitting All right, all right. Let me holler at you as soon as we're done here, okay? Yeah, I was just sitting about lunch. Okay. All right, man. Do you think that uh, that we could do a show with Dr. Drew where he kind of like almost like getting drug with high, getting dug with high, but we do me and you and sickle cell. Do all the drugs, right? He's not gonna sign off on this. Drew? No. And Benobadru just administerism to us.

So like he finds us a healthy amount of cocaine. And then we do it and then we walk you through experience. It's a great show for YouTube. Yeah, no, it's a cool show. I feel like Dr. Drew might be like, I can't really be administering cocaine. A healthy amount of cocaine. Would you do a line of coke, like a very small?

Yes. Yes. And just go and be like, this is what I feel like. Yeah. And talk through it. Yeah. I've been wanting to do that. Okay.

Let's do it. So if I get, but I heard he told me, because I was talking about this idea with Drew. I don't want to go to jail if I get cocaine for you. No, no, you'll find. But I asked Drew about that, and he was like, you probably be fine with Coke.

He said, you specifically might really lose yourself to meth if you even on one time. I'll already fuck around with speed, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Drew. Let's talk. Let's talk.

This is my problem. No, Drew's a fucking buzzkill. I don't even want to talk to him anymore. Every last time I talk to you he's like, well, I mean, good abstractions on his liver. It's like, dude, then why am I quitting drinking? Oh, fuck it. Yeah.

Last person I want to talk to 42 days sober. You're not. It's 42 days sober. At a 45, 43? Come on. Damn it. It's like 14 days. 47 minutes?

That's not. So... Yeah, I have 42 days sober. What? Out of 45, 40, or whatever. 45. 45 days? Yeah. Sober? No, that's how long I've been working on sobriety and 42 of them work 43 42 whatever. I don't know like there's some half days. I don't count I

Don't count certain things like what I don't count. I don't count Nike will Why because it you Nike will doesn't count why cuz it's just help me go to bed Look there's a lot of things. I don't count. I'm like getting the fucking specifics. How much do you how much Nike will do you drink two pills? Okay, yeah, I do two pills if I'm like you're a pound the bottle like the liquid no No, I would love to though Let me tell you something. The reason I do two pills is as I swear to God, if I get the cup and I go to the top where it's spilling over,

where I'm like holding it and she's like, and That's these more than the cup This when I take it if this is a little cup I go like this Yeah the No, what were we talking about before this though men mo I'm doing trying to do children Oh, here's a group Hey man

I'm doing a podcast with Bert and he is He's sober to a he's sober. 43 day 43 days sober. He's 43 days. Not in a row. Not in a row out of 45 days sober. And I was like, yeah, I don't think they actually, that's how they count sobriety is like, that's not how you count it. Why, but why not, Drew?

He wants to know why he can't start a program where you just try to not drink two days in a row and you count it as sobriety. Because those dots will start to get closer and closer together, I guarantee it. I guarantee it. Give many him try. Many have tried such deals. And he also said, if his liver has problems, then what?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Every time I talk to Drew, he makes me want to start drinking. Yeah. Drew, maybe. That's it? Yeah, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Drew, every time I talk to Drew, he makes me want to start drinking. Yeah. Drew, maybe. Yeah, no, no. By the way, hold on, give me a phone. Okay. Can I tell you something, Drew?

Okay, Tom wants to. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no. Tom and I were thinking we'd do a web series where we experiment with drugs, so we would try cocaine together. Not a lot, just a little bit, just enough to to feel it and then kind of report back to the camera The you could community you would administer the drugs like you cut a line for us. I can't I cannot do that

Told you super easy to cut a line Drew you take a credit card you crush it up I used to you don't know how to cut a line or you won't cut a line We want you to shot none weed normals had a cut a line or you won't cut a line. No, I will not. I will not administer illicit drugs. We want you to shot none weed, Normals. Not unless we can get like a human resource, a human research clearance from a committee, an IRB committee, and a due formal research on you guys. Ndav, light it up. Hey, a couple of things for you. There is a supplement called DHM that might help your liver a little bit. Finally, there is something that's looking a little bit

like it might be helpful. DHM, so get that. Yeah. All right, there's that. Number one. Number two, Tom. Yeah. You can Tom here, me.

Yeah. Did you judge Potter is a sex worker? Yeah, I know that he's doing videos for people with his shoulder hair and I think he does foot stuff too. I almost threw up, but he's also he's feathering it. He's feathering the body here. Yeah, he is. He's feathering it, and he's he said, you know, he started, he's starting to do a masturbation videos on camera too. Oh my god, oh my god. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god, you people have ruined me.

D-H. Oh wait, what's the liver supplement for a bird? Yeah, I'm for a friend. D-H-A. D-H-A. And it's, uh, it says, hang on once like a D-H-A-M. It's a hangover pill, right? Yeah, but it's also good for, for a D.H.M. It's a hangover pill, right?

Yeah, but it's also good for a little bit for your liver. Okay. Tell him I'm fucking doing great. He's doing great. You know, he, uh, he drank Friday a lot, a lot, a lot, like a lot, like a bunch of, uh, vodka, bottle of bottle. I will break every fucking. I'm going to tell you I'm going to start my own AA and it's gonna be, sober day is not consecutive and it's gonna change

the fucking world. There is a group that used to be called moderation management that had a very similar sort of approach. And they all shut down because it ended up spiraling out of control with all of it does. You can better approach this for me, your own religion. Why'd you just do that There you go. He actually likes that idea a lot. Okay. I figured I figured and he's so he's

Burgism he Really feels like there's something to you know Let's bouts of sobriety mixed in with nights off and having fun, you know, I'd rather see him do that Right better than not. And that's his management style all the way along. And here we are. So good time. Yeah.

Drew, I think it says more about my sobriety that I can go out of the reservation for a day. Party hardest fuck. Go right back on the next day. Right. And that's where, and now I'm not saying this is you. And we're going to speak in the abstract for a second The binge alcoholic convinces themselves that they can control their use because that's how they approach it

But as time goes on the binges get longer the durations between the binges get shorter and That's where it goes. I think he'd like to see a little data on that Well, he's about to collect some if I run if I run into one of them drew. I'll tell them. Yeah Hey, Eddie is Ernie. Is there any company that you support these DHM pills with? No, they're all for kind of the same thing. It's all the same thing. So should I go with the Amazon choice of ease ultra-high-springs? Yes. Yes. Yes, you're good. Yeah, yeah, I'm in the Chris. Now Drew, one last thing here, he did make the point that he thinks it shows, this is a birth quote here, weakness in those

who are served. I've been taking back this, like a long time in a row, like 10 years in a row, he's like, I think it shows more strength to be able to take sobriety, drink, and then be sober again, that that's actually the stronger sober person.

Yeah. That's the person who's engaged in what we call white knuckling. And yes, if you're considering hanging on for dear life, stronger than changing your life and getting involved in something that is sustainable, I guess that's stronger. There you go. We'll see. All right. There you go. We'll see. All right.

Thank you. Thank you for all this, Dr. Drew. Talk to you soon. All right, bye bye. By the way, I'm going to have Drew talk about funeral and have him just come up to the podium and go, told you so and just walk off. You're the opposite of Drew is?

Who's the opposite of Drew? Joey Dia you doing? You catching chickens on the street. Can you believe that everyone wrote? Hey, I'm doing a podcast with a BERT and I wanted to get your Thought on something. I'm going to be a BERT. I'm going to be a BERT. I'm going to be a BERT. I'm going to be a BERT.

I'm going to be a BERT. I'm doing a podcast with a Bert, and I wanted to get your thought on something real quick. Would you be able, would you want to do a video where we do little bits of drugs, like a little bit of cocaine, a little bit of dust, a little bit of, and we just report on what the feelings are? This is like an idea, Bert.

Huh? No. Why? up and down and get fucked in the end and he's fucked and had to be taken to the hospital and the therapy group. They had to call Joe Rowe, get him, Joe Rowe's the kind of hugger I'm so bad. Can you imagine that? Who would have kicked those a line of coke now? Don't give them no drugs. No drugs. Okay. We can't have some more drugs. We have some eating a little more. Yeah, that's all we have to hold them back. You know, tell them it was gonna be all right. Now he wants to drug drugs. Oh! I mean, it's like, people got a bar,

but you don't have to do cocaine as a joke. No, no. If you want to put it on someone, he's pussy and eat it. That's what you're doing. That's not what I'm talking about. Oh, I'm going to make out of here. For me, that's my pick.

That's a part right there. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I wouldn't... I wouldn't try something like that. I want to try that That's oh is Lee there Really Bert's been sober for a while now he's been sober for 42 of 45 days. I know, so why don't you want to fuck around? I don't know. I think he just wants to, he's looking for a little tight. I need my strength. Yeah, he wants to prove he's strong. Don't fight.

Won't dose your wife. Won't dose your wife. That's what you want to make sense. There you go. Don't dose the wife. Stop 200 milligrams of my accurate. And pull a cause for you be even he's getting out. You know what I mean?

I'm going to set a fucking fucking block and let the old guy after the blind. So I'm sitting there as fucking putting heat and cut. What do you think about the black guy that really is I for what a five pack.

How do we say? What? See the video I sent you the black guy with really high ball up with money. What When did you send that I send it right now Please send that Send it right now. All right, man. I love you. What do you think it's like? You know, when you go to bed.

To have his brain. Yeah, when you go to bed and you're laying in bed, and you're like, you close your eyes. You're like, OK, I got a busy day tomorrow. I got to do a podcast. I got a Zoom. I got a conference call. Oh, shut the fuck.

Why would you do this? Why would you do this? My god. Wait, wait, make it big. Make it big. Why would you do this? This is not. Hold on, put your headphones on.

Why would you do this? All right, for those listening, this guy is squinting hard with one eye. Oh, why would he do this? And he's got a really thin firecracker. No, it's like a blackjack. Right, right, so I'm trying to explain it to a listener though. Like it's wedged into the squint.

You know, he's using either side of his eyelids to clasp this very thin firecracker. Okay. Volumes up. What is he doing? What is he doing? Why would he do that? Oh? My god, this is You can hear Joey. It's Joey about that. Joey wait. That's Joey laughing. Yeah, he's like Yeah, that's Joey. This is horrible man. Oh My god, this guy's like I heard my eye Tell him the doctor Jesus that is not a cure for coronavirus everybody

Wow, all right that what that oh, let's see if there's the one that he sent have Does it have the sound I like my new open-chested look? I think this is my new look. I think I'm gonna. What if I started with stand-up like this? By the way, it's big. Joey's lap. Yeah, it's good. I think it looks good. That looks really good. It's just gonna be like, you'll have to, if you ever wear clothes again on stage, there'll have to be a slow, you know, process. Yeah. So at first it would have to be like open shirts like this.

Yeah. That's how you, because you can't just go and put in clothes fully. You know, that's why I started getting healthy is I didn't want to have an open heart surgery and then not be able to do my shows without everyone going. That's the motivation.

It's one of them. I have a few motivations like that. I've been running like crazy lately. I know. It's just, I just, I don't know if I, like there's an emptiness to working out. Like, because I think to myself, like, what is the point?

I'm never gonna look like them, right? Yeah. Like, and I'm trying to work out pretty hard, but like, it makes you feel good, it makes you healthier, stronger. I guess. It's good for you. It's probably good stress relief at times, right?

I feel better after I work out. Like I feel good, but like, I don't know, it's just odd. It's an odd thing that you'd have to do that to feel better. So a lot of people don't, man, at all. How much percentage of this country you think doesn't work out at all? Oh my god.

The reason I'm working out, honestly, and not drinking is because of the coronavirus. I'm not smoking scars, not smoking weed and not drinking honestly 100% because of the coronavirus. Really? Yeah, because I've heard Joe's podcast. I mean, like I will, I'm all jokes aside right now. I heard Joe's podcast and I heard him say lower immune system, people who drink, people who smoke, people who don't sleep enough and I was like, and don't work out. And I was like, I'm all of those. What they're finding actually is what's killing

people a lot of times is your immune system going into overdrive. So like an overactive immune system is actually what ends up killing some people. Your immune system reacts in such a big way to this virus that it ends up killing yourself. So how do you lower your immune, like how do you, that's like something we don't really have figured out, you know? So that's what, could you actually say that everything starts attacking your body organs, your immune system.

Your immune system goes crazy. How crazy is it that like this country is really going, the majority of this country is like, we're done. Well, I do feel like, right, and like this week, you know, seems to be a better week. You know, newer cases are down. Like, that, that, that, All I get is bad news.

I've never gotten one good bit of good news. No, if you start looking at the data, it looks like, like, new cases are, I mean, it's all gonna, everything's gonna change when the testing goes up, but like like hospitalizations have been trending down. Yeah, LA had a really good, at least couple of days,

week, this past week's been good. So then here's the question, would you go and do a comedy club say in a month? But here's the thing, what does it look like in a month? So say zero cases in Omaha and Colleen's, like I'm gonna do half capacity. Where are you in? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. That's the part I'm like, I'm not sure of where I go. I don't know. Like I wanna get back on stage, but I think I think, I don't know. I really need, I really hope that within a month they do some type of, if it's safe

to do some type of shows at the store. Store? That'll be a fun show to go to. There's no way they're gonna be able to keep it in a half capacity. We'll see. Yeah, haven't we even having, isn't it still on a downward slope here in California?

Yeah, that's what it looks like. It is. It is on a downward slope. Yeah. So tell me though, because I think I'm confused on the rules of stay at home. Yeah. For me, it is work. It's like this.

Mm-hmm. And then that's it. This is by permission though, the city. Yeah. We're following guidelines. So like, so then, like, I feel like I'm at a loss for the guidelines, because I'll see people doing stuff online. And then I'll go, like, I don't know, like, it was really big. Everyone went and saw the, um, the headlines. Right. The poppy,

the poppy fields. Everyone, a lot of people drove up with the poppy fields. We got a text from a friend saying, hey, do you want to go see the Poppy Fields? I said, that's not stay at home. I think you're right. And he was like, no, you can do that. And I was like, I wouldn't let me and my girls in Lian go. But then I saw other people go, and I was like, oh, we should've just fucking gone. Because you're only in your car.

And then that becomes like, that becomes kind of like public, the public gets to decide. It's almost like your behaviors and actions then get put out if you decide to put it on social media and whatnot for the public to decide if you're doing something wrong, right? Yeah, I mean, publicizing it's a different.

Okay, what about, like, so I think I texted you about this because our friends were having wanted to have people over. They wanted to have us over. It would be eight of us total. And then I want you guys to come for dinner. And I was like, because I think that's not stay at home. I don't think you should have friends come over. Right?

No. And the girls were pissed. Liam wasn't pissed. She sees this. She'll be very angry. She was, Liam was like, whatever you think is right, we'll do. But the girls were like, come on, let's get out of the house.

Let's go to someone. They're like, they're like, they're like, they've been quarantined, we've been quarantined, we're all safe. And then by the way, friend text back, they're like, oh, we have not been technically quarantined. Like, we've definitely gone to other people's houses. And I was like, oh my God, I would have just gone to your house

and gotten the fucking COVID. I think you're probably best to keep doing what you've been doing until they lift more restrict. They're gonna lift. This is my brain, right? This is my brain. right? More restrictions. This is my brain. And this is how I operate is.

This right here, I believe, feed some sort of public service in that it's under the CDC guidelines. People are looking for entertainment. We are kind of doing, like this is a job, and we all kind of as made and packed, like do not go out. This is our one get out of jail free is like come and do this podcast.

Stay socially distant, follow CDC guidelines. But then I go, I gotta be in the house, like literally every day after I haven't even gone to fucking grocery stores. Yeah, you should just keep doing what you're doing. They're gonna, they're gonna, California has a plan to lift bunch of restrictions in mid-May, so just wait till then. What percentage of this city do you think has been following CDC guidelines?

Mmm. 20? Maybe. 20 percent. 20 to 30. Just, I mean, you look at the bus stops, they're fucking packed. In the freeways. Yeah.

Have more than you would think. It's an interesting time in history to have lived through this to see, I would never have thought this could have happened. Of course, in a million fucking years. That's the most like surprising thing about this whole experience, is that, you know, we didn't ever imagine this would happen. Ever imagine. No, I mean, I didn't ever imagine this would happen. Ever imagine. No, I mean, you thought that a pandemic, you know, like everyone references a Spanish flu,

in your like, yeah dude, that was before they fucking had microwaves. Like they don't know anything. They're fucking dumb, dumb, walking, like, you know, they didn't have medicine. Like you just go, if anything comes, we're so advanced, someone will just press a button and then you look at where we're at,

it's fucking, really makes you realize that we're not. We're not as strong. It's like, you know what, this is all reminded me of, is I remember being in the, I big grope in the ocean in Florida, by remember getting in the ocean in California and being like, oh yeah, it's the fucking ocean, it's not a big deal. And my buddy's like, oh, the waves are a little stronger

out here. I was like, I got it, bro. I've surfed, I've know what I'm doing. And I went out and I got, and the waves were a lot bigger. And I went out. And the water's fucking cold. And the water's coldest shit. And I got pushed under and I felt like I got a bruise from a wave.

And I went, oh, this is, I don't know the strength. And it started to pull me out and I was like, I scared. That's what this whole experience is like, being pulled out in an undertow, where you're like, oh, this is, I don't know this strength, and it started to pull me out, and I was like, I'm scared. That's what this whole experience is like, being pulled out in an undertow where you're like, Oh, this, I don't know how to explain this. I had a similar experience coming out here. What do you mean? The first time I was just like, oh, the ocean. Yeah, I've gone on the ocean for years.

And then you go on your nose. The first way you're like, holy shit. Like, it's like, you jumped into an ice bath. And then it's, yeah, the undertow, the waves, it's way strong. It's a, it's a totally different thing. I mean, a lot of Florida beaches are like going into a bathtub. It's like 88-3 water and just like moving like a lake. It's like one of these.

Yeah, it's totally different, man. Well, it's the first thing, okay. Right now they're like, okay, let's just say, let's do fantasy. Right now they're like, hey, just so you know, we were wrong about the coronavirus. All you gotta do is turn your cell phones off and we're gonna be fine.

We're gonna come up with a new, it's 5G or whatever they're saying. And they're like, so you're good. Turn your cell phone off and you can do whatever you want. What's the first thing you do? What's the first thing you do if they pull the, stay at home? First thing I do, that's a good question.

Yeah, I mean, I actually realize that I kind of just want to be amongst as much as I always avoid crowds and everything. I want to just be around people. I want to just go to like, you know, like a shopping area and walk into a restaurant, walk into a coffee shop, walk into a bookstore, just like be like, walk around people coffee shop, walk into a bookstore, just like be like, walk around people.

I would, I would, I want to go out to dinner tonight. Yeah, that was good. First thing I want to go out to dinner. Like I really, my days are fine. I was, we were talking this earlier, but my nights were a little depressing. I don't know it's because I'm not boozing, so I like have nothing to look forward to. Like I just feel like you're like, oh great, turn on. Okay.

And then what time of the bed soon? Let's go to bed forward to. Like I just feel like you're like, oh great, turn on. Okay. And then what time is bed soon? Let's go to bed. Yeah. No, a restaurant, that's what I'm saying. Social environment is what I would wanna be around. You know? And then stop seeing people with their dumb fucking masks on too.

Maybe you just go hit somebody wearing a mask. Just go rip mask off people's faces. Yeah. Just spit in their face. Wow. Yeah. How great would that be? Great. Hey, do you have any extra tampons in their face. Wow. Yeah. I'll agree with that, B. Great.

Hey, do you have any extra tampons in your car? No. Oh, because Nadav needs one. His pussy's been bleeding. Really? Yeah. For real? Hey, real quick.

No. Just to be fair about this, let's real quick. Google, real quick, if you can, Nadav, when men became attractive, just so we give a full circle. Google, real quick, if you kind of dove, when men became attractive. Just so we go, go full circle. So like go to 1940s men, 1940s man. Oh, I got it. This is what you were getting at.

Yeah. Look at how sharp this guy, look at this guy. No, no, no, go back, not a zoot, zoot, fucking riot guy. Go to the fucking guy, go to the first guy look at this guy. No, no, no go back. That is zoot suit fucking riot guy Go to the fucking guy go to the first look at these guys. They all look at this guy on the right vintage man Oh, yeah, I mean he's got to go on a so that's the power dynamic must have been amazing back then right because like they had all the Jobs all the money then you had those fucking bassit hounds walking around in bathing suits. And then these guys had like this. Look at this guy. Yeah. Look at fucking even mediocre men were good looking.

Because you didn't have the, there were, I bet the average over the average weight of a man. I bet everyone, every man was like perfect bodyweight. I bet a lot more were. They're definitely. Give me, give me're definitely give me 19 give me 19 1900s man Okay, these fucking still hands in there Jesus Christ. Okay, I guess we can find the date when men got attractive. Oh Jesus They all look like fucking dandies I guess they'd be a track in Brooklyn. Real animals back then. Oh.

Okay. Okay, give me 19-20s, man. Oh, this is right around World War I. This one, they started getting attractive, I think. This is what you... Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, God.

Oh, the black socks are playing today Okay, you already have hats like that. I do have a hat like that. Yeah Okay, these outfits are fucking ridiculous. Yeah, so people roughly became attractive in the 40s and 50s I think so. I think it's a safe safe bed good analysis. No one was ever attractive before it that All right, we got a wrap up Do you want to watch the Poutine one more time before we go let's do it We've agreed to do okay. Thank you guys Oh, why cuz what do you mean why the fuck do you need one shut up? So Because what do you mean why the fuck do you need one shut up? So

What was I gonna tell you oh? Thanks for listening. Oh, we have the the update is this couple things first of all we learn Walker Jr We're both big fans. Yeah new album new greatest hits album called fuck you bitch Is out should be out right now? greatest hits album called Fuck You Bitch. Is out, should be out right now. A lot of people scooped up, we have new two bears, two vices shirts where we're bears and one has 10 milligrams and one has booze, that's the new two bears. I don't think I've seen that one.

That's the design. Is that the one that I sent out? Yeah. Oh, that's a great one. Yeah, go do them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. The tie tie one is limited edition. I like the tie- a great one. Yeah, go to them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I like that. The tie-dye one is limited edition.

Well, I like the tie-dye one. And then the update on the hats, I get asked about the hats every day. A lot, I get asked about that. I have a lot. I love that, fucking shirt. Yeah, those are pretty cool. Those are supposed to come in May,

which is this month, if you're watching this, as it comes out. So as soon as they're come out, you know what I think we should do? Because I've seriously never been asked about something like that hat, and it is limited edition. We should do an IG live together,

where we put them up, because they'll go right away. We should do it. Okay. I did one of those, I did that Zoom with 500 people. Yeah, how'd that go? I called you in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was fucking awesome. You know what, I'm not to say that there's any public service, but you know who it was really fun for? There were a lot of people that are single, that are just stuck in an apartment. And he's been like, I was like,

I was like, I haven't talked to anyone like a fuck a week. He was like, thank you so much. Oh, what the fuck? And he was like, oh, this isn't me. And so that's really cool, is when you see like, who organized it? I did. No, but like, who organized it?

Like, who put it together together like made it work? Oh me you totally I'm a zoom you just get an upgraded zoom account Yeah, and then I said to my people I was like I think we can do like you can do that 3000 people I want to do it for a fundraiser We done all right. I'll talk to you about it. All right. All right. Thank you guys for listening and watching Love you. I love you too. Bye guys No scripts to be the booze amateur, Fatology, dirty jokes, Rancho Huber, no apologies. Here's what we call two bears one cave.