2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 29 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: May 11, 2020

On this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer discuss Adele's weight loss, Bert's sober days, and college pranks. Tom shares the infamous "1 Man, 1 Jar " video with Bert. They also call Dr. Drew to discuss the possibility of nicotine fighting Coronavirus. The two of them wrap up by eating the world hottest pork rind. What's the spiciest thing YOU'VE eaten? Let us know in the comment section below!

Start, start, start, start, start, start the show. This, this, this, this, this, it, it is. This, this, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it The pedal of the metal is going to go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up and go up man. I wish you really wish you could be. You said you wish you could be racist more. They were recording. So I do things, I'll do things as a joke to the girls. We're all, it's a character I do. I did it. Like, we say like ignorant things. Like, it's because she's a woman. Yeah, yeah. And, uh, we pointed out the other day. You know, you're, you are still saying those things. Like, you know, it's a character, but you're doing it and the girls are laughing

and you're just promoting like really ignorant thoughts to the girls and I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. But that's what's funny. God, man, you know what you're gonna love. Foe ignorance. You are going to love. Yeah.

Love. When you and the boys, when you can like, slide in some disinformation about push to the boys. Love. When you and the boys, when you can like, slide in some disinformation about push to the boys, and you guys team up, you get in the car, and they're like, wow, mom's acting like a bitch, huh? And you're like, and you guys commiserate about it. We do that to Leanne, so fucking much.

I can't wait. Oh, it is so much fun. I'll do it. The yesterday, one of I list teachers was like, you need to, I don't work with school edgy, it's like the online thing. Just email me, re-send all those things you've done,

and Liam was livid. She was like, that's not fucking cool. The kids turning all their work on time, just because you don't know how to use the fucking program. Doesn't mean the kid has to go through. And she was really worked up, and they're at the desk, the table, and Ila leans back, looks at me and she was really worked up. And they're at the table, and Eila leans back, looks at me,

and she goes, till Leanne, and I was like, and they do it to me now, that's what's horrible. Oh, they're like, dad is a, Is he, the big thing is to discount. Dad's having one of his not days in a row right now.

No, no, no. They're oblivious to booze. Like they've seen Leanne get drunk because Leanne acts different when she gets drunk. I never really act totally different so they don't understand it. So they're like, that makes drunk. Are you drunk right now?

Yeah, well I think they just assume. Yeah. And so all the Georgia's big joke is, I said one time I could go a year without drinking and Georgia goes, oh, someone can go a year. She says that nonstop. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha when she's drunk. You didn't see it? I'm trying to remember. Oh, she's sassy. Oh, it's almost like, you know when you get off of treadmill

and you wouldn't understand that, but like when you get off of treadmill and your legs are like, gat, like, I don't know. Your legs are like rubber bands. That's what Leanne's tongue's like. She's just like, she's like,

oh, forget about fuck. I'll fucking out this. Oh, shit, my bad. Like, just real crazy and the girls, the last time Leanne got drunk, I have it. I'll text it to you. Yeah, do you really not see it? No, no, send it.

Oh, it is so fucking funny. Send? It is so fucking funny. Yeah, Leanne gets loopy. Loopy, I'll send it right away. What are the kids, how do they get on you? When you said like, you know what I mean? That they point stuff out, what do they do?

It's very accurate. It's what I think I've been accused of by everyone in my entire life, which is stretching a story a tad bit. So everything I say, it's all shirt-ed. Like, I got bit by a bat one time and they're like telling the story and I'm telling the story and I see Leanne saying that the girls like Leanne's talking to George in the front seat she goes and

it's never happened and I was like hold on one second. Did you say it never happened and she didn't realize you said it that loud. She was like no I'm just saying like I'm saying like no I'm sure that loud? She was like no, I'm just saying like I'm saying like no, I'm sure you got bit by a bat honey and I'm like hold on was that can I definitely got bit by fucking bat And they're like and I was like where was it? I said it was in a bush and And then they start picking my story apart and they're like a lot of bats hang out and bushes dad I was like guys trust me. I got bit by a bat. This would be primo content to have I'm gonna I'll you know what I'll do. I'm gonna, you know what I'll do? I'm gonna tell the story.

I'll start telling the story and I'll film it and I'll show you them shitting on me. The other day we're in the new house and we're throwing the ball with Izzy and I'm talking on the phone with Nick Nusforo and all of a sudden, I was the most appalled and this cunt fucking dog of ours takes out my knee full clip.

Like hits me as hard as she can in the knee. Not on purpose, just, she's an idiot. And this cunt fucking dog of ours takes out my knee full clip like Hits me as hard as she can in the knee not on purpose just she's an idiot Yeah, and I go to the ground it hit my knee hard as shit. I thought I blew out my knee and Then I like just goes. I'm on the ground I'm on the ground on all fours and Lingan goes honey What are you doing the ground and I go is he took out my knee and I love she didn't even see she goes She grazed him And I go, Izzy took out my knee and Ila, she didn't even see she goes, she grazed him. And I go, hold on, I'm on the fucking ground and she goes, yeah dad, we get it. And I'm like, everything I do is bullshit.

They are perfect for you. They're exactly what you need in your life. It is so bad, Tommy. It's like, you know what they are, they're you. They're fucking you. They're, they go, you know what they are, they're you, they're fucking you. They're, they go, they're the big thing they have is right now about pool baths. They're like, that pool doesn't got much of a shower. And I'm like, yeah, that's not just me saying that.

A pool is not a shower. It's not Tom's crazy perspective. Do you know what I caught Liam? It's not Tom's crazy perspective. She know I caught Liam. I caught Liam watching us, me fall out of the chair and us laughing. I caught her just watching that just over and over and just watching it and goes, she goes, it makes me laugh so hard. She's like, what are you guys laughing about?

And I was like, I don't even fucking know. I'll get Liam drunk and you will, I'll text them to yeah air drop it I'll air drop it. I'll just text it to the dove. That's my heel Wait, what were we oh here we go here we go you ready? Air drop it look look look look look at the screen Okay, you're drop it there. Yeah By the way I'm almost yeah, these are them. Air drop to, okay now. Your mom's house. Yeah.

Steeady. You getting it? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, the girls fucking, like I won the Florida State Regatta. And when I was in college, and I bring that yeah, the girls fucking like I won the Florida State regatta Mm-hmm, and when I was in college and I bring that up every now and then you know how I like This is what I explained to the girls This really defines me. Okay, sometimes what I'm feeling I don't feel like you're gonna understand with just regular words and reality right right So I need to pump it up. I need to pump it up so that just that's not it. Obviously. Did you not get like seven of them? Yeah, I sent a bunch of different ones to you guys.

So that wait, is what you're saying right now related to what you're about to show us? No, yeah, I said you said, these are the ones, no, this is Leandrunk. Hold on that. These guys are fucking amazing. Hold on that. And obviously the one of me getting my ass back when I was 26 is not Leandrunk. Yeah, Jesus, what do you guys fucking stupid? Here's my point.

Sorry. Sometimes how I feel, I feel like I can't relate to you. So I will, or I'm afraid I won't get your attention. I don't know what it is about me with acceptance or whatever it is. So I will punch things up to make sure I grab you, or I will punch things up so you know how I feel. That makes sense.

I never heard you articulate that, but it makes more sense. It's exactly what I do. We figured it out because when I got hit by the dog, my first thing I said, and I said we may have to go to the hospital. Now I knew I didn't have to go to the hospital. I knew it.

I knew I didn't blow up. But you wanted them. But I wanted them to know this was really dramatic. So I need to take it here so that you guys know I'm here. And that explains your entire personality. It explains everything. We whittled it down. It made it so, so I-

Do you just discovered this? When I got hit by the dog, we were at dinner that night we were having dinner. It's like even the way you say hit by the dog, it sounds like truck. And you know what I mean? Yeah, I do it because I go, like when I was 22 years old, I got involved with the Russian mafia.

Yeah, I don't know what it is about my personality. It makes for a good storyteller, but when I go, why won the Florida State Regatta? Well, I don't tell you the truth of that was it was a sailing class. Ultimately, one out of eight kids was gonna win the regatta that year.

But it was just a sailing class. But you make it sound like a real-of-a-veg. And the girls have found out, have whittled down when I do that and they can pinpoint it. It's essentially like the girl's mantra is now, dad's full of shit. What they're basically saying is, whatever dad's saying, cut it in half.

Right. Cut it in half and then that's what you're getting. Right. And so like when I go, I was bit by a bat, they really don't, they gen, but they don't know. I was really genuinely bit by a bat. Where?

On the leg in Costa Rica. To film it filming? Yeah, filming I got. Did it maybe fly by? It was in a bush. It was a sickly bat in a bush. Could it have been a beetle? No. Maybe? By the way, I don't remember technically getting bit by that.

I just know I had a bat bite on my leg. And the waitress said, oh, I think you got bit by a bat. And I went, you said, I definitely got bit by that. And then I start spiraling and I do remember walking by a bush that day. I'm feeling a little prick on my leg. And I was like, I got bit by a bat.

It was a bat. It was a bug. It was a bat. It was a bug. It was a bug. It was a bug. It was a bat. And so the girl's just, it's like, and now what's happened is anything I tell them, they just fucking.

Because they know it's likely, likely. That it's, that it's, that whatever information they're getting has been pumped up so much that they're like, and if I show emotion. For instance, they know that a mosquito bit you on the leg. It was a bat, it was definitely a bat. If you go through my Instagram, you'll see a bat bite on my leg,

and you'll go, that's a fucking bat bite. Can I throw a can's on? Can I throw a can's on to see this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is, and this is why the girls don't see that when I drink, they don't see it. Now you may wanna go to the first video I sent you and watch it sequentially.

Okay, let's do that. This is Leanne, she did a podcast with her friends. And she was drinking. A happy hour podcast and she was drinking. Okay. Someone's drunk. She doesn't wanna be exposed to her children. Don't break something. Guys, come in here and help your mother.

Mom's buzzed and she needs love and hugs. She's a spielder water. This is a bear, this is a bear! What, she's spielder water? She's right there. I spilled my water. How much did she drink? A bottle of water. I love mom's wasted. She's already said I'm feeling long. She's not the alarm. Guys give your mom some love real quick some drunken love are you

fucking serious you're not throwing up you're not telling where are you guys going I'm trying to eat on 70 how much you're a what she's not a cook or she's a panther. Oh, she's not the panther, Lucy. She named her to help a panther that night. Oh man. Jesus Christ. Is he watching you sleep next to a panther? One more and then she's one she's... She is fucking...

She said soul panther? I am so panther. Oh, so panther. I thought she was a soul panther meeting like she's after those black eyes You I told you the black eyes you want to go up with Bernard Hopkins To tell you something he gives her back. It's not the same Just see you know People's up in his car. He goes all right, I'm at the front door.

And Mimi, take care of Leon. She goes wallowing up. Wow, that was a long weekend. Be hop, huh? Is this when she threw up in the bed? Uh-uh. No, she spit water all over me. She spit water all over me.

She spit water all over me. She spit water all over me. She spit water all over me. She spit water all over me. Okay, that's it. That's it. Do you hear that? That is it. She spit water all over me. I dropped. She's a spit water all over me. Okay, that's it. That's it. Do you hear that? Yeah.

That is it. She spit water all over me. And then Georgia goes, it's a drop. Right. Now, here's, this is what's going on in my family is. She did spit water all over me. But no matter what I say now, they cut it down to, it was a drop. Now go and look how much water she spit in the bed.

Tell me if this is a fucking drop, okay? Let's see. let's see. Babe, she did nothing. She did nothing, it's what you're doing. It's literally as much Jesus Christ. Okay, look, keep going. Look at the water. You spilled a drop?

It's your fault. It's your fault. I'm sorry. This is all, this is all on my side. You can't see it really, but that's all fucking water. And so that's what they do is like now whenever... But you're gonna have to deal with it. You're always gonna have to deal with this.

You realize that, right? Yeah. It'll always be cut in half. Everything I say will be cut in half. And it's... Because... It's your fault. Yeah. Yeah. Everything goes on me. And so... No, no, no, no. I don't mean that like it shouldn't be.

It's justifiably... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not my fault It's not my fault. It is your fault. It's not my fault Dude, it's because you're the great exaggerator that even when you do tell the truth it's gonna be negated So it is your fault. How many days in a row so where are you? right now Yeah, I'll tell you days in a row so where are you? Right now. Yeah. I'll tell you.

By the way, I thought I was going to get a lot of backlash from A-A people. None. I think we could find a few for you. Well, I didn't look really hard. I didn't read comments, guys. I saw a few. I didn't read comments. It's funny how like, especially talking about sobriety,

you dial into people's legit fucking brain. Like when you, obviously I was light heartedly joking around about sobriety, but you're dealing with like legit people's lives and people got fucking pissed. But not as much as I thought, I got a lot of people hit me up and they're like, it was really kind of crazy. I'm not gonna tell the stories, because they were like, they were like,

probably kind of upsetting a little bit, but some people were like, I mean, you definitely need a longer problem. I wish I could figure it out the way you did. I did, da, da, da, da, da, da, and you're like, holy fuck. Yeah. One month, 20 days, and 23 hours.

You're sober for that time? Technically. I got 50... How many days? 49. I... 49. 49 days? Sober. Out of how many? 51.

Okay. Not bad. Not bad at all. 49 out of 50. I got to figure a way to say it quicker. So that it's... Because every time I do it, it's a preamble. Yeah, yeah. You want less of an explanation. I want definitely less of an explanation.

And you want to be able to kind of get through it on a flight when you're sitting next to someone. You're like, I've been sober for most of the last couple of months. I want to double two those. Double two. Double two, so double two, so double two. The real challenge is yesterday, it's Cinco de Mayo, we're at the new house, we're at the backyard, and we got Drake and a cold one.

God, dude. How was that? I'm a kind of beer with it. It's a Stella. I'll tell you right now, there were three beers, right? And so I thought this is a good test. Have a beer. If I like it, I'll have another one.

But it most I can have three. And then we're going to go home. Yeah. And I'm good to drive. I'll tell you no, no, no, no, don't drove. And so I'll tell you, man, I don't mean to run this flag up into anyone stealing with their recovery, but there's no better feeling than a nice cold beer when you haven't had a beer and like, we have had a drink in two weeks, a nice cold beer, and there's no guilt or like, associated with you, just like, God dammit, this is fucking good.

I even had one of these in a while and I murdered that beer and it was ice cold and it was hot out the sun was setting. I was like tasting another one and then I was like and all I can think of and I got a shout out to Cheryl Crow. Every time I get a three beer buzz I think of fucking Cheryl Crow. I think of Cheryl Crow. So is that what you had yesterday? At a three beer buzz and it was awesome. Then the key becomes like an hour after that, you're like, I could definitely party into the evening. Yeah.

There's no question, but the girls took me on an adventure. And so I got home and then all of a sudden the beer buzz was gone. And I didn't feel hungover. I just was gone. And we sat watch me and girls looked at weights. You didn't drink anymore?

No. But is that kind of... Count? I don't think it counts. Is that what you're gonna say? It's I didn't want to count it but I counted it when I just told you I think it's good to count it It's a day three beers. I mean it's not a lot. I give you that so then you can say I can drink three beers every day for the rest of my life because I would love that You have to mention I would love three beers man an ice cold beer when you haven't had one. Not the morning beer at an airport where you're like, I just need to get on a plane. And you have a mint in your cheeks, so you don't throw up.

Not that beer. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah exaggerate, do you know how much I hide things? Where I don't tell you like real things? Oh, I know. Yeah, I'm aware. I am aware of the things you hide. Traveling you was an alarming experience. Yeah. When we got on a plane and you had like fucking seven drinks

at 8 in the morning and you're like anyways What do you want to do when we get there? I remember doing it in front of Steve burn and Steve burn was like Like just staring at me. We're in a car We're like an hour drive to the airport and I'd went through a six pack of beer and he was like He was like it's it's foreign the fucking morning and I was like well. Yeah technically we're still out. Yeah But man three I've like three beers. Now, aren't you like, don't you miss taking that three beer bus and just driving it all the way?

You know what I mean? No, right now I'm in such a weird space of a little bit of T-toddling of like, I get this thing where I get kind of in my head about feeling good and wanting to work out, wanting to lose weight and so not really. And by the way, when I did do that, I was never really... It was like I was chasing something that wasn't there sometimes. On the nights, on a flight where it was like get up early leave Boston flight at LA get home

Get back in the pool. It was like I was drinking But I wasn't even drinking to give a fuck I was just doing it and having a cigar because I was trying to like raise my enter it like raise my mood in a weird way like Like I've wanted a cigar so badly this whole fucking quarantine Yeah, but I I don't I won't do it because I don't want to fucking my lungs So I don't want I don't do it because I don't want to fuck with my lungs. I don't want anything with, you know, for the coronavirus. So, in a weird way, I become like a T-Tolder, like I don't want to touch this guard until this is over.

Yeah. I'm not going to smoke a joint until this is over. And so, and then I haven't been drinking ultimately, just because I want my immune system to be better, ultimately, but I want to lose weight. I'm tired of being fucking where I'm at physically. I just would love to be a little better shape. Yeah, yeah, and so I and so last night It was really fun and and by the way not I didn't want to chase the last night what I wanted to do

Is I wanted to do it again tonight? I don't want to do it again tomorrow night Who but that's what I'm addicted to is like I want that last night was so perfect the sun was setting the beer was ice cold It tasted amazing. Leance it can I have a sip and I was like yeah she was like god damn that's a good beer and I was like fuck yes she's like kind of one and I was like get the fuck out of your sister. Yeah we got three. Yeah three. So no.

Well speaking of one of the look better and everything because we both picked up on this today it just was like the man, with that Adele shit? So like Adele, for people that don't know, the very celebrated accomplished singer, lost a hundred pounds. And she posted a photo saying, I don't know what the fuck it is. Is it a birthday picture? Is it a birthday or something?

But anyways, people haven't really seen her like this, she's her first time. And everybody was like, most people rightfully were like, holy shit, you look amazing. And then immediately, the next lane of like the flood of responses became, she doesn't look amazing guys. Oh, I love this woman. I almost, I almost, because of her tweet, shout out to Kate, me, Han. I almost, she writes, can we to Kate Meahan. I almost rights. Can we please not celebrate Adele for losing weight like it's the ultimate achievement. The news articles and tweets are disgusting.

What? I almost because of her tweeted, Adele, you look amazing. This is ultimate. It's the type of bullshit. Adele looks amazing. Adele looked amazing before the weight loss too. Adele just is amazing, okay. Oh, please read one that says queen or...

Adele was always gorgeous regardless. I said, yeah, okay, you can say that. But why is it bad to celebrate the achievement that it takes the discipline to lose 100 pounds? 100 pounds is intense. Why is it bad to celebrate the achievement that it takes the discipline to lose 100 pounds? 100 pounds is intense. Yeah, it's fucking, and it's also indicative that somebody needed to lose weight. You can't lose 100 pounds unless you have 100 pounds to lose.

Like, and also makes that a fucking shirt. If that is it. If that act like when you look at those pictures of her when she was big, like everyone's thought was, well, yeah, she that a fucking shirt. If that is it. Act like when you look at those pictures of her when she was big, like everyone's thought was, well, yeah, she's a pretty lady, she's loose and wait. And if you're like, that was never my thought, you're full of shit or you're fucking stupid.

Because she was obviously too, and I fucking too 50 to say, I don't know what the fuck she was, she was huge. So she lost 100 pounds, congratulations. You look great. Why are we fucking pretending this wasn't, great big fat person that needed to lose weight? And you did.

It's interesting that people can disassociate the health portion with it and go, when you're overweight, you are more unhealthy. I know, let me, I'll just speak for myself. My blood pressure is higher. My resting heart rate is higher. My HRV is higher. Like my sleep is worse.

So when I lose weight, I feel better. In all forms, mentally, physically, emotionally, it's always better, right? It's better. No one wants to be fat. No, like this whole thing, like pretending like, and you are beautiful. And you do look great pretending like, and you know, you are beautiful, and you do look great when you're overweight.

No, you don't. No, you don't. See me naked. By the way, take a look at Leanne naked. Leanne's down 18 pounds. Yeah. I have pictures of her before she lost weight. Yeah.

I honestly don't even, I mean, I thought she was, I thought Leanne was beautiful when she was overweight. I didn't really care much, but man, she is, it's notice will be different. Like to the point where you go, God, you look good. Like, of course, man, of course, like, she's beautiful, but of course, she looks better. Like, we all would, like, I'm the same way. I don't pretend like I look great. And if I lost fucking 40 pounds right now, you mean to tell me, I'm, that's not,

I'm not that's not, but I'm not better looking because of it. You look, when you're skinny, you look different. Like you look different, and I think, out of your way. Zoom in on a net's face, though. A net. A del's face. Zoom in on del's face.

Not, I don't want like full fucking mama cast, but like, like, oh yeah,. Yeah right there where she looks like Pete Davidson's girlfriend Bottom left, okay, that one yeah, I like I've got the way. I'm okay for the record I've always thought Adele was hot. She's I think that she's fucking hot in the picture. She's a beautiful person. She's a white one, right? Yeah, okay now When she was at her biggest you could still it's still a pretty face zoom in on this face I wonder if she looks like too skinny in her face. Hmm. Let's see Jesus Christ

zoom out is the opposite, but it's almost like it's almost like he has lobster claws for hands. I don't know where he's doing. Can we go the opposite way now? So he did zoom all the way out. Can we zoom in? There we go. That's the other picture.

I hope people can see this. Zoom in. Can you do it on my phone? You've done it a hundred times before. Zoom in. Do you want me to do it on my phone? You've done it a hundred times before. Zoom in, God damn it! Why is it still in the same framing? It won't zoom in. You zoomed out completely.

Yeah, go to that picture. Okay. Zoom in. It won't zoom. Shoot. Fucking show them how to do it. God damn it. You've done this before.

Okay. We're getting there. I'm going to a Dell right now. Alright, nevermind. I'm going to a Dell right now. Look, here's the only thing I really wanted to say. Okay. Is that- By the way, we're not done with this.

No, I know, but I just want to say that like, what I really was trying to say before, it's something to congratulate her on. She does look great. She look great before fine. She looks better now. She's got skinny legs, she got skinny woman legs too. Like she didn't keep, she looks legit awesome with the body like. And here's the deal is like don't I understand, trust me, every range of emotion that you could have on the spectrum of weight loss and feelings about weight loss and everything I fucking have felt. But one of the things, one of them being,

I do not celebrate weight loss in my head because I understand there's not much more to it than depriving yourself of what you want and working out. It's just not eating what you want to eat. Don't enjoy what you eat and then working out. I get it. It's very simple. Super fucking simple.

Right. I've said this in my head a million times. Any moron can do it. A moron can lose weight. And if you go to the gym, the people with the best bodies are often fucking morons. Like they just are. I never saw this. This is part of this killing-

It's killing me. Oh, it's killed me. I'm because you go, the morons are good at this. Look, go online. Pull up any Instagram influencer who wants to talk about their body. They are definitely a moron. The more interesting layered people are often fat. I mean, a Tom.

We struggle with it. We can lose weight, but like, and I can tell you right now, when I start losing weight, I get dumber. Like I can feel myself saying stuff like, like, uh, but I ain't really clean today. Like what, like fucking shit that would should never come out of a burnt mouth. I got a bit by a bat. I did get bit by a fucking bat. And I don't want you jumping into these fucking goddamn girls.

So, but this is, and so I go, I understand what that woman says when she goes, you shouldn't celebrate weight loss. I get to see ultimate achievement. I get that because I feel that way. However, there are two types of people in this world. People that talk about losing weight and people that lose fucking weight And I can say right now hats off to Adele. She fucking did it. It takes it takes it effort

It takes discipline it takes a you know as much of being a moron. Is that any more on can do it? It's still fucking Discipline and not it's an achievement. It's it is an achievement. Yeah, and that's not 10 pounds man. A hundred pound. A hundred fucking pounds. Now here's my question, right? Let's say we got, let's say we got like the say girls, I'm trying to figure out like I don't know anything about girl weight. So say girls like one 50, one 60, one, one 80, right? Perfect, it's so. Okay. You don't want her to get down to like 130 if she's weighing one,

because Adele's got great tits in this. My fear is that she might have gone too far east, if that makes sense. Lose too much weight. And now she doesn't have great tits. I'd rather a little plumber Adele. And the baby. Like say she weighs 130 right here.

Right. I'd like her maybe at 160, 180. You know? Just to maintain bigger tits. Bigger tits, bigger ass. Well Adele, you heard it here first. And fun, and fun, and fun. And fun.

Dude, let me tell you something. Adele, do you want Bert in your life? How old is Adele? I thought she shaved her head. I think you're thinking of someone else. Who shaved their head? I thought it was Adele. So funny, I thought she just shaved her head the other day.

I know you guys will never find this. But I think about it. This Adele's great. She's obviously a millionaire, right? She'd be fun to hang out with. But how much fun? Because everything's like, ooh, like any, that's not on my diet.

I don't want to glass wine. I got to get to bed early. My recovery hasn't been what I wanted to be. They typed in shaved head. Shaved head. Did a delshaper head? I don't know. That's just so great. You're like who shaved their head and he's like, shaved head. Oh, apparently a lot of people were saving the right there in the quarantine. Oh, fuck. All right, well, it looks like somebody shaved the head. There is a sliding scale of how much fun a person is, is that you don't want a skinny Adele.

One 30 Adele might be exhausting to be around. Somebody fun regardless of if they're skinny or not, they do try foods. And ultimately, like a fun person is gonna be like, take a bite of this. Not like, wait, don't eat any of this stuff. What time is it? Did you weigh that?

Like, that's not a fun person. I think it's fun to hang out with Adele and she pulls out a scale of the restaurant. Oh my God. Actually, I can only have half that chicken breast. Yeah, four ounces. Yeah, I'm ex. I don't want that Adele.

I want a little sloppier, soulful, glass of wine. Let's go outside. Let's eat an edible, and we fucking find ourselves at a bottom of the bag of skittles at the end of the night. That's okay. That's cool. And that's finding the fine line with that. That's what I've been trying to do with drinking

is finding the fine line of like, what's fun and what's not fun. Right, you know. Well,'s not fun, you know? Well hey, look, you know what we found? That's pretty fucking fun. I do not wanna see this. This certain of it. No, this is pretty cool. Okay.

Some fraternity boys that are big fans of yours. Yeah. Did like a frat celebration about you. Did you know this? No. By the way, I'm so skeptically walking into this. This is for real. Oh, you get your headphones on. Yeah. All right, give it to us. Okay. So how are you liking hanging out with us so far? It's pretty awesome, right?

Great. Good answer, Dr. What do you like about it? Party's. Party's awesome women. Yeah. Lots of women. Women! What about you? Hang it out with us. It's awesome, right? What about you? Take it out of my pocket. That's a nice shit shot. Party's cool.

Party's real cool. Okay. So you ready for the machine? You ready? Are you ready for the machine, bro? I don't think so. I'm not this. Are you ready for the machine?

What machine? The machine. I can't wait. Come on! Are you ready? You ready? Fuck, any jay? No.

Seriously, what's the machine? Come on Well pretty good, right? Yeah, she knows she, there it goes. She's mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy. Are you fucking ready for the machine? Wait, pound it, pound it, pound it, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy. This is a real porn. Yeah. Oh, they're fucking them in the ass. Yeah, for real way, keep going. That's the end of our clip. Wait, they're not getting fucked in the ass. Yeah. No Guys, what site is this from? uh gay91.com? Yeah. Gay 91? Yeah. Do you want to see the Budfuckin Club again? Yeah, yeah, please. What's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up pound it, Machine, machine, machine, machine,

No, that hurts, buddy. He's not getting fucked in. He is. No. Yes. He's getting the machine from behind. No. Yes.

No, that's a fucking, that's an initiation. That's not, they're not getting fucked in the ass. Guys. By the way, I think that's fucking awesome. You like it? Yeah. Yeah. Did you ever do anything like that in your fret? Yeah, you fucked a guy. No, but

I tell you man, there was like there was that was back when you could hit legit haze. Yeah, I remember me in this guy brought this guy back into the woods one time. Okay. It was no nose right before before the woods one time. Black guy. It was no no. It was right before right before right before initiation. It was like your last chance and my body is hammered. Did you have black eyes in your fraternity? Yeah. And so, uh, yeah, we did. Well, I'm just asking. Yeah, one. So, uh, we had like one Asian guy. It was floored up. What the fuck? And so, um, so we brought this guy back into the woods it was like right before initiation more hammered and we're just fucking around we we were friends with him we ended up living with a guy and my friends was like

all right drop your pants and by the way no one ever did it like you'd go drop your pants and then be like what and that was the joke you'd be like just keep him come on and our the other guy dropped his pants so quick and then be like, what? And that was the joke. You'd be like, just keep him, come on. And the other guy dropped his pants so quick. And we were like, call off guard. We're like, bend over. And he like bent over. And we're like, now we're looking at his ass. So we're like, just get up.

Jesus Christ, what the fuck are you doing? And he was like, huh, he had a blindfold on. And we were like, Jesus. Oh, God, what did you think we were gonna fuck you? He was like, I don't know, you told me to drop my pants. We're like, God, damn it, that's a fucking backbone. Uh, you know, I told me to drop my pants. We're like, God damn it, that's a fucking backbone. You know, I never was in a frat, but there was this really abusive guy on my haul. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha roommate. So I hear this like crazy death metal. I'm like, what is that? And I go down like across

the hall and I'm like, what is that? And I see that this guy's like, he's like, oh, it's what I listen to. Meanwhile, his roommate is on the bed with a pillow over his head. I'm like, is he trying to sleep? He's like, I don't give a fuck. this is my... Oh my god, he did it. Dude, it's so loud. Like full volume and it was like, Swedish death, and I was like, No, no, no, no, no. Like you couldn't even make out the sound that was coming out of his, I was like, dude, I go, you just make him listen to this?

I go, he goes, yeah, till I'm ready to go to sleep, fuck him. And I was like, that's fucking it. You're crazy, he goes, you wanna see some shit? And I'm like, I'm like, I'm gonna see some shit. I go, what? And he pulls out a pair of brass knuckles. Puts them on, he goes, watch this. And while the guy's sleeping, he punches them in the ass.

Like in the soft meat of his ass. And you hear that guy, he just go, oh! Oh my God, I was like, what are you doing? And he was like, fuck him. He hands him to you. Go ahead, Tom, do it. It's fun. Like, no thanks.

Dude, I walked in. I walked in to, I want to say, there was one on, we all lived in Sally Hall. Me and my buddy Jeff lived on floor one, but our friends lived on floor five. And it was like, they were a bunch of KAs, we're Jeff and our ATOs. And it was like four of them.

And I walked in one night at like 11 o'clock at night. And I was, and they're all, they're all like, getting ready for something. Oh, what are you guys doing? They're like, we set our two, they had sweet mates. We go, we went in there and set their alarms to say that it was five in the morning. They have to be up at five.

So we're gonna pretend like we're sleeping so that they have to get up and get changed and we're just gonna let them get totally changed, ready for school and then go. And then that jokes on them. And I was like, okay, man, they fucking, so these two kids were ROTC and they had to be up at like five to go do what you call it.

Along goes off everyone pretends they're sleeping laying on couches, lights going on, whatever's like, God, dammit, man, fucking you. What time is it? It's like, fucking 11 o'clock at night. And these guys got all dressed in their fucking fatigues, walked out, went to fucking what you call it.

And I was like, these guys have access to guns. Like, you guys are already fucking mine. And they came back and they're like, you mother fuckers. And I was like, fuck that man. I'm not going with pranks. I, they make me uncomfortable. Yeah, I mean, this, I, you know, I, this one haul,

it was pretty, they were pretty abusive. Where did you go to school again? Eastern Kentucky or something? Yeah. Eastern South Carolina. Eastern South Carolina. Northern. Eastern Carolina. Where did you go to school again Eastern Kentucky or something? Yeah, Eastern South Carolina. Eastern South Carolina. Northern. Eastern Carolina.

Where did you go to school? LaNoa Rhine. Oh, that's not at all close. But it was in South Carolina, right? North Carolina. Same time. Same time. Carolina.

Yes. And so, and you went through a chuck? Yeah. I was there a chuck and, um, yeah, there's a, I don't know, this small school. And this, yeah, this one hall, it was our freshman hall was pretty nuts. There was just, I mean, I remember the same kid I shit into a bag and I put it in his pillow and then

there like, his roommate was like, oh, he's actually Coming back a allergic to shit So we took the back and we threw it outside and it just sat in the sun for like a week and then When the kid left again, I put it back in his pillowcase Jesus, what is this kid doing now? He sells He sells car parts. So this was the best part is that we decided to play cards

in his room to watch, we wanted to watch him discover it, you know, so the four of us are playing cards and he's like, what a good bed. He gets his gloves up his, his bunk and he lays down and he goes, I need to change my sheets and I was like oh He gets off the bad Like shit near start taking his sheets off and then he's like the fuck He looks in his pillowcase and he he turns it over and you see the bag of shit fall out and we were like

Oh, and then he picks it up and he throws it to his roommate who's sitting next to me. And I just, I see it fly in front of me. And he was so mad, but not at me. He was mad at the other kid because the other kid was always abusing him. Oh, so he thought it, he thought it couldn't have been you. Right, right.

But then, like, then people, like the rumor was that I did it Because the other kid was always abusing him. Oh, so he thought it he thought it couldn't have been you right right, but then Like then people like the rumor was that I did it and I was like I didn't do it, man Who shits on a bag? Yeah, I was like, why would I do that to you and then? I Remember one of the the football players got really Really hammered he was distorting left tackle. He was 6'7", like 3'30". And he got hammered. And we thought a fucking gorilla was on the loose. Okay, because you could hear him like hitting doors open. We're like, what the fuck is that? He comes

into the room and he takes up the whole door frame. Yeah. And he's like, he's just been drinking ever clear. And this kid that's that they're fucking with is in the top bunk. And because he was like trying to sleep, he was like, the fuck is that? And as soon as they did that, this giant just takes the mattress and he flattens it against the wall. You just don't see the kid anymore.

He's just flat against the wall. And this giant's like, ah, like just hitting them against the wall picks it up throws it on the ground We're like he's gonna kill him and then he just stands in the doorframe and projectile bomb It's like and you just see vomit shooting out of him. We're like everyone's like get out of his way man But yeah, we a very good time at home We rallied to save a girl one time. Yeah. What do you mean?

Some fucking creep was on our hall at the end of the hall. And he was like, he actually started to brag that he was bringing a girl up that was like 14. So like a group of us went down there. And we're like, That's a guy who does not know social. Yeah, he didn't know. I'm fucking her, she's 14.

Yeah, so we all went to his room and we were like, you can't do this man. And he was like, why not? We're like, what are you talking about, man? Like she's not even 18. She can't even be on campus without her parents. So we're like, we took the girl out and then we were like, for real.

Yeah, we're like, you're not welcome here. He left school. Oh, really? Yeah. He was a, we could, before that, we all were like, some are wrong with him, you know, we knew. Wow. I was always wondered about the kids that you grew up with

or went to school with that were like pathological. There was this kid. Just I for sure, I for sure is in prison. Yeah, like those guys that were like pathological. There was this kid. Just for sure, I for sure is in prison. Yeah, like those guys that were broken. And then, and then there was a kids that would tell tall tales like, there was this kid, I don't know, I'll just say his name's Robbie. But like every story he told was like about how rich they were

and how he was that had this whole mansion and everything. And everyone was like, it's the full of shit, it's the full of shit. And then you, and then I'm reading this book on Kim Jong Un and apparently like he got felt in a corner one week and told everyone, you know, just, you know, because he went to a school in Switzerland, like a boarding school and they didn't say this is Kim Jong Il's kid, this is, they just said this is a leap from a diplomat's kid. A diplomat's kid. And then one night I guess he was like, fuck you.

My dad runs North Korea. I'll kill all you motherfuckers. And you know, they were all like, well, sure, sure. The runs North Korea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

And he did. And the first thing he did when he took over was like, check out my kill my uncle real quick. Kill everyone. Yeah. He's because he had established power. And then they, he did, they do like that three generation rule there when they wipe when like if you If you fucked up. Yeah, and I was like running and I was in charge. I would kill

Three generations, so I'd kill you so I kill like your parents and your kids You know, I mean what they do there. So it's like makes that family lineage is gone You got to kill everyone. You don't want them coming after you. So he had he had a one of his uncles killed and he, um, he was like, I don't want there to be a hair left. So when they killed them, they also, by the way, I'm the one that read the fucking book and I'm going really. Yeah.

When they, when they killed them, they also use an anti aircraft gun. So, so that there wasn't even like, oh, dust. He blew their heads off, right? Mm-hmm. He blew their heads off. I heard about it. I'm listening to the book on tape and I fall asleep every now and then. Not the best. I'm fucking fascinated by the Kim Jong Un's.

Because part of me goes, why didn't he just like, why wouldn't you just, he grew up loving Michael Jordan loving basketball? Yeah loving American like society like culture When school in Switzerland had a bunch of white friends Why wouldn't you just go in and be progressive and go let's get everyone like if you were gonna run a country I would but then it turns out you can't be progressive No, not not and not you can't be for residents and maintain the control. You got you. Yeah, you've got to pick Okay, either I run the risk of them coming and murdering me and taking over their own. Yeah, you can't show them an ounce of

Fucking of like mercy. We also we cut a guy's finger off College your whole second. Let's check out the Hold on wait. Tell me about the cutting the guy's finger off. In college, yeah. It was, he was a prick. We were in, it was freshman year. Yeah. And this kid, But now there's a guy that's keyboard going,

God, this is me, they're talking about it. Yeah, I know, his pinky. Well, all right, so we were, we were fucking around doing shit with knives, you know? Oh my god. And one kid had like this crazy Rambo knife was doing this stuff. And we had been fucking like drinking and then smoking and everything. One kid, he, he tried to do it to somebody else.

Oh my god. What a fucking idiot was like, here do me. Yeah, he was pretty fucked up. Oh my God, what a fucking idiot was like, you're a do me. Yeah, he was pretty fucked up. So then when, Oh, cause when he stabbed him, the whole part of the game is that you take your time cause it's your own hand.

When it's not your own hand, you go, I get it this real quick. Well, when he stabbed him, it was such, there was so much blood. And the kid was screaming, but then he was like, oh, it's not that bad. So we were trying to figure out how do we salvage it and we were like, we're all fucked up.

So if we go to try to drive or try to go to the medical center, so then I told him, it'll probably hurt less if you just cut it off. Oh, why my God, oh my God. So we all helped. But no, you did not. No, that's fucking horrible. This fucking kid might be the dumbest human being

I've ever heard of he lost so much more blood after we cut it off Just make a clean man cut it off I'm holding my fingers together not to lose them. He didn't he didn't tell on any of us That's a good guy. Yeah, that's a really good guy. Yeah, it's hard man. I'd fold quick you oh Yeah, that's a really good guy. Yeah, it's hard, man. I'd fold quick. You? Oh, I don't have the backbone that like,

you see these movies where, you know, someone goes, I did five years for you. No, no, no, I'm gonna come on, it's me. Yeah, like I'm always shocked. That's when I believe in the Matrix. I testified at a trial when I was in, Jesus Christ, Tom. I want, well I, wait.

By the way, this is what happens when I listen everybody. We hear what a sociopath Tom is. You just gotta cut the rest of the finger off. Never listen to you ever. Well, I got into, so there was a fight. This is sophomore year. I haven't told you the story. No.

I saw one dude beat up seven people. Wait he starts to be a story from the beginning of the day. There's a small school. Yeah. There's a row of frat houses. So it's only like four frat houses. Right. So it's a very small school. So I'm it's but it's like Saturday night and I walk into the house on the furthest left. And as I'm, when I'm finally like, I don't know, a couple hours after that, you know, into the party, I'm like, I'm going back to my, to my dorm or whatever.

So I walk out front and as I walk out front, I just see like, bam, bam, like punch, punch. I was like, oh shit. Like on the front, like the lawn in front of this. And I was like, whoa. And I see these guys fighting and then I see another guy separate from the two people here fighting, punch somebody else and he walks onto the lawn

of the neighboring flat house. So I feel like I'm almost like a cameraman. Like I just kind of go, oh, I got watched this dude. So I kind of like jog behind them and like, and then I just see him go fucking Van Dam and do a front roll hit somebody else fucking elbow kick I mean and just like take a good dude's head and smash it on a fucking tree I was like holy shit oh my my God. I watched this dude do this thing and I was like, fuck man.

So the next day, everybody's talking about, at a small school, you have something like that happen. That is the lead story. Fuck yes. And then because I was like so excited about it, I was like, you know, talking that, because I was like, I got to see the whole thing. I got to watch him break that guy's arm.

It was fucking awesome, you know? So then, I don't know how the school just, oh, subpoenas me. And they're like, because you're telling everyone about it. And so they're like, Oh, Tom knows everything. They're like, Tom knows exactly what happened.

Everything. And so they call me to testify, but I got, I started a party before the court appearance. Isn't that mind you? This isn't like a city court. This is school court. Yeah. So I'm like, I don't care.

So I'm a little high. And maybe a little drunk. And they're like, you need to be at the school court at this time, I'm like, whatever. So I wait in the hallway, I remember they have all these, you know, thumbtack boards, we're like all the school, and I take them all down, I just throw them on the ground.

I don't want to be there. So this school police officer walks he goes the fuck are you doing? And I was like what? He goes why did you throw this all on the ground? I was like, because I don't want to be here. And he's like, okay, he's like, come on man. I go like, cause I don't wanna be here. And he's like, oh, okay. He's like, come on man. I go, I really don't wanna be here.

So, they bring me in and it's fucking everybody, like that was in the fight. And I recognize pretty much all of them, you know? You all getting, hey guy! I go. And I see,

I see, and I don't, like I'm not friends with all of them, but I kind of, at a small school you recognize faces, like the way you wouldn't, you know, like in high school you're like, oh, I know that is, you've seen that person. So then they start going, they have all these models, like depictions, you know.

Wow, not, I was like, this is good. No, just like this is this frat house like a full draw And then there's there's numbers and letters. Oh for where people are things. Yeah, we're thinking So they're like and you can tell how skeptical the the school prosecutor was he was like so you witnessed this and I was like And he's like and where did like This guy punched this guy and I was like at B3 and he was like, mm-hmm. And he's like, and where did like, this guy punch this guy? And I was like, at B3. And he was like, mm, that adds up.

It starts to, yeah. And I was like, yep. And then he's like, who hit who first? And I was like, that guy, hit that guy. And they were like, oh, that does that up. I was like, yeah, I saw it. I saw everything. It was fucking awesome.

And they were like, and then then did you see him fight? I'm like, yeah, he beat up seven people. How big was this guy? Like, probably 510 to 6 feet and 190 to 205 pounds. So good shape. Really good shape. Yeah, obviously he's not he was a starting uh uh no he wasn't a star he was a special teams guy and he was a backup uh free safety.

Oh wow. So he was like he was an athlete. So he's quick. Quick and and strong. Yeah. And uh older. He was one of those guys that like went to the military and then came back to play football. Yeah. Yeah. And uh I was like Chris Winky. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. So I got to I and then the great thing was they were like, oh, I had this like this BS answer so that nobody would essentially get in that much trouble. So when they asked they go like, who started this fight? And I was like, it's tough to tell, you know, I think I just saw it as the action started So I don't know who threw the first punch. Oh, that's an important part of the Yeah, then they then so then they were like because if you tell us that like

That guy through the first punch then we'll expel him and I was like I couldn't say you know I think I was just in them it was the middle of And they were like, oh. So this is for nothing. We know that. We know that he kicked the racist. Then he didn't get expelled. Really? Yeah. Shut up.

Yeah, he ended up doing other crimes later. But he, it's perfect. Yeah, I got to see him really fucking, fuck people up. There was a kid, our freshman year, me and Jeff Hartley got caught drinking beers by cops in our room. They came up to our room and they caught us drinking beers. And then they took our beers, they didn't get in trouble, they took the beers, and then they came back and they arrested us. And they put me, they put us in handcuffs and took us to the Tallahassee Police Department. And I thought of a state police

department, it was on campus right where the Fountain, and they brought us in and we were handcuffed and we were like, what the fuck? And they're like, this is for destroying our cop car. And we were like, what? And then there was this other kid that was on our floor, like this burnout kid that was also like, and we were all sitting handcuffed in the,

we might not have been handcuffed, but, I mean, as I say it, I go, Jeff's gonna go, but we weren sitting handcuffed in the we might not have been handcuffed, but I mean as I say it I go Jeff's gonna go but we weren't handcuffed but in my story We're handcuffed. Yeah, and so but we're all sitting in like the because now that I'm like We were all sitting in a waiting not in like in a in a in like a hallway and they were bringing us in one by one And we were like why are we getting getting so much trouble for just drinking beers? I mean, are we going to get expelled and we walked? I sit in, I go in and I say to the guy, I'm like, we gave you the beers. I thought we were cool. And he was like, no, you destroyed a cop car. We're like, I definitely didn't destroy a cop car. And he's like, yeah, you

carved pig in the side of it, you and your buddy, we got you with the beers, we took him down and then you carved pig and we were like, hold on, when we have gotten down there, we've never left the room. And he was like, bullshit, who else would have done it? We're like, we have no fucking idea. So then they bring me back into the hallway and they take heartly in, Jeff Hartley in, and they bring him and they're like,

do the same thing to him. And I'm sitting with his burnout kid and I was like, do you even know what's going on? And he was like, yeah, man. He's like, I fucking saw them steal your beers. So I went down and I carved pig in their door. And I was like, on? And he was like, yeah man. He's like, I fucking saw them steal your beer. So I went down to that carpe pig in their door. And I was like, really? And he was like, yeah. And the cop came out and they go, he did it.

And the cop was like, what? And the kid's like, what the fuck? I go, he's the one that, I don't know you man. I go, we're not going getting kicked out of school because you carpe pig and a cop car. And the cop was like, excuse me. I was like, yeah, you're asking who did it? He carpe pig.

I go, we didn't carve pig. And they were like, all right, and took the kid in, and they expelled him. They expelled him. He never came back, we never saw him in the hallway again. And I was like, fuck that kid, man. Like, the cop was being cool, he took the beard, he didn't get arrested. And then the kid's like, fucking pigs. I guarantee you that guy's got a blog and Brooklyn right now.

Fucking. Wait, let's look at, all right, let's look at our top YouTube comments. I was gonna blog in Brooklyn right now. Fuckin'. Wait, let's look at our top YouTube comments. No. Why? Why would we ever do that? I already know what they say. What do they say? Bird Stutters.

Birds of fuckin' asshole. Well, let's see what it is. I don't know what it is. I haven't seen any of you there. Okay. Bird Reading Beachbody ads is like Hitler doing a promo for the Jewish Defense League. That's pretty funny. Yeah, that's pretty okay.

Alright, what else you got? Anything? This show should be called Bert digs a hole while Tom watches. That's kind of funny. You know, like that one? No, okay. Is there another one? Bert wanting his daughter to try cocaine over mushrooms as peak Florida man. Oh, that's accurate. That's pretty good. That's good. That's good. Good job, Derek corner Good job Derek anything else That's it. Okay, those are fucking great

You didn't like those. No, I have a love hate relationship with our fans Like where I go like someone goes like I just finally got around to watching big hey big boy the other day fucking amazing You're the fattest for most race. I was like, no, I can't fucking retweet at you. You were so nice, and then I was like, fuck off. And I can't even, I don't even know what to do. Like, it's just such a fucking, like, you have to, I can't, I don't read any comment. I don't read any comment.

I read Twitter tweets, you know, like, yeah. I stopped, I stopped and totally. I was doing it a lot when this quarantine started, and I was, but it's just like, it's... Somebody tagged me yesterday in a tweet, and they were like, they were two of you, they go, Bert, I've seen Tom live, I don't know, three times five. By the way, I'm already not reading this tweet,

and I'm already angry at this person. Okay, they go. I know exactly what they're doing. I know exactly what they're fucking saying. They go, they go, they go, Bert, I've seen Tom live five times and I would trade them all to see you live once. I get, I want it to be like,

they, you don't have to. You trade. I mean, that is a bother to me. You can just go see them. That bothers me so much when, and by the way, I'm saying this out loud, if you can not like me and like Tom but you don't have to let us know. I'll give a fuck. Stop telling me. Yeah stop telling

us like. And by the way you saw me five times and you're like I would give those all up. Jesus you were friends. You know we're friends like we're legit friends like so when he breaks my balls I laugh but when you do it you're not my fucking friend okay and hey how about stop coming to my fucking house? How you like that? I'm fucking done with people showing up at my fucking house. What? It has gotten out of fucking control. It has gotten so out of control. How often are people going to your house? At least once a week and so it's gotten it's like we almost What do you mean they're knocking on the door leaving packages on my front door?

Hey man, sorry. I know what you live. Oh, I feel really bad about this, but check out this and I got you this. And here's some dick pics. And I mean, it's gotten really out of control. It's like one of the things I wanna go like, if you, this will go way differently if you show up in my house.

I'm telling you right now. Yeah, I've never, I've never seen, and you know what sucks is that it is good meaning people. Like you know they're meaning well and I think they think that I'm cool with it in some way. And you just go, I'm not cool with it man, it's where I live. Like it's my kids are scared. Like we almost we almost once a week. We almost had to because the economy is the way it is, you know, and no one's working. We almost had to get to a place where we had to sell everything and then get to a new place so that people didn't

fucking come to our house. It's, I mean, it's just, it's, yeah, once a week, and that fucking crazy. Yes. Yes, that's not cool. Not cool. Hey, Georgia, is your dad in there? Dude, I gotta be honest with you man, I'm, it's fucking, it bothers a little shit out of me. And there's certain things where I go, everything's funny. Like if I'm in my front yard and you're walking on the street and you see me and you say hi, I get it, I'm in my fucking front yard, I'm walking the street.

I understand that. Once a week people are showing up. Who, and Leann is livid. It's not why we bought a new house, but we were gonna, it's gotten very complicated. Yeah, once a week, once a week, once a week, and that by the way, that is non-exaggeration. I'm actually cutting it back.

It's people seeing the girls out front and saying, hey, is your dad inside? Can I go inside and meet him? That's fucking crazy. I know, by the way, if I got Leanne on the phone right now, Leanne would, like, I'll tell you the details after this, Leanne was livid. We had a conference call with our business manager, we were like, maybe we'll just sell everything

and just get out of every property that we own and just get a house away from everyone so that we're not like, and, you know, it's just gotten fucking, but we, you know, we live in the heart of the valley. So we don't live like in a secluded, gated area, like, you know, so our house is accessible. So Bill Burhad has said this statement one time he goes, who lives in Hancock Park? You got by a $10 million house, but people gonna walk to your front door. Yeah. Like it's fucking crazy. It's crazy. You're gonna

buy a $10 million house, get it on top of a mountain or something. But yeah, but my point is, you can like Tom and like me, and you can not like me and like Tom, and you can not like Tom and like me, but understand that I'm probably not gonna like you if you don't like Tom. I don't find it cool when you like,

he just, you know, Tom, duh, duh, duh, duh, I, I would want, yeah. It's da, da, I, I, yeah. It's the same thing. It's like, yeah. Don't tell me that shit. Yeah, it's, it's crazy. And that's why I don't read comments. Cause the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know.

I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. You could definitely still see me. When do you think about going on the road again? I don't know, man. I mean, I know that there's some soft opens. I had a dream about you last night

that you were like, I'm hosting in Brea this weekend. And you're like, I'm just working out material. I don't want to have to sell tickets. I'm gonna host, I'm gonna do longer. I'm gonna mess around. And then you're having, you would set it up so that a bunch of headliners, like Josh Potter and everyone was headlining.

I would do that. Yeah, I would do that. I actually, in the dream, I called you and said, can I drive out with you and do a spot? Yeah, that would be fun. Yeah. Old-school Braia days. Oh.

I would go do a, I would do a Braia weekend of like 20, 30 minute sets. I would do that in a heartbeat. I would love that. Yeah. Do you have any prospects of getting back on the road? Do you talk to anyone? Yeah, they were like, just push those prospects away.

Really? Yeah, I mean, so far. I know that there's a bunch of states right now doing these soft opens, slow rollouts. I think it's going to be, for us and what we do, we have to just monitor things for a couple of months. I mean, you got to see how things play out does the virus spike again, what happens?

And then like, okay, are these actually open running or things viable? Is it, you know, is it gonna stay open? I'm really got all my eggs in the nicotine basket, which is nicotine cures corona. It does not corona to attach to the cells. So they're giving the patch to first responders.

And apparently they're not getting the coronavirus. So start smoking, uh, dude, you're not. I'm not going to smoke. I'm chewing tobacco. The second they say you can wait, they, they, they did.

You can. No, they, right now it's France. And so like everyone's like, guys, it's free. Pick up some chewing tobacco today. I will buy chewing tobacco and I Did you can show it? No, right now it's France. And so like everyone's like, guys, it's France. Pick up some chewing tobacco today. Get started. We'll buy chewing tobacco and I will have it on hand.

How would love to start dipping? I would love to start dipping. I would, I fantasized about it all night last night. I almost bought, I almost brought dip in for us to start dipping together. What do you do? For some, I dipped was in Florida, in high school driving.

And I was like, oh, the first time you do it, you get such a buzz. I was like, is this what it's like to dip? I'm first time you did it while driving. Yeah, I was like, oh my God. Who did you dip your first dip? It was, what is it? Skull, skull. It was skull. That like winter green. It was, what is it? Skull? Skull?

It was Skull. Oh. Like winter green? Mine was Hawkins. But I love that burn. I want to. What is that burn? They're like, that's fiberglass. Cutting the inner lining of your lip.

I went, I went, I was Hawkin. And then I think I went to straight to Copenhagen. Yeah. And then Copenhagen. Yeah. And then Copenhagen all through high school and then got into college and then school was like the more, more of like a passable dip. And then school, back and forth, school Copenhagen, school Copenhagen,

and then quit for a while. And then when we started working together, when we started working together, I was chewing Red Man. Do you remember that? Yeah. I loved Red, I loved chewing Red Man. Do you remember that? Yeah, I loved red. I loved chewing red man. I liked dipping after, especially the other thing is, if you start being around people,

like when it was around red necks all the time, you know, in Florida and Carolina, you're like, oh, dipping is normal. Like 100%. You're like, oh, everybody dips. You know, then you just start getting used to it more and more and had it in the dorms. Oh, dude, I could use to it. I could. I got to be dead honest with you.

I would love to do an episode where we dipped tobacco. Let's do it. I would love that. Why don't we do it? I said to myself, because once I've stuck up, I haven't done it so long. I haven't done it forever. Once I said to myself, once I start, I won't be able to stop. Do it. I will be back 100%. Be back. You'll fight the virus.

Just do it. All I need is, I need the Americans to say that nicotine helps. Easy. I'll get my doctor to call you today. Hey, let's get Drew on the phone about nicotine. Good idea. Do you, by the way,

I would like to point out that this fucking witch doctor friend of ours, Dr. Drew, on the last episode, he said, Hey, you know what's great for your liver? They just had tests and this dot, dot, dot, it's great for your liver. I went and bought it on my phone. Then I texted Drew, a picture of it when he showed it to my house

and I said, Hey, it says to take these one drinking, is it okay to take them when I'm not drinking? And then he goes, what the fuck is that? And it was what he told me. And then he was like, oh yeah, I guess. Have you watched Science Felt's New Special? Uh, no. Hey Drew, how are you?

Good, good, good. I'm with Bert Kreischer. We're doing a podcast. So you had a quick question for you. All right. Is it true that it's encouraged to use nicotine to fight the virus? There has been some discussion about that. And I don't know that there's a consensus yet.

But some people are claiming that nicotine may help fight the virus. Yes. So is it probably a good idea for a bird to start dipping, like chewing tobacco? I'm buying it today. That's a yes. Why don't we just give him a gun or something and just let him just go, totally nuts? Yeah. I have a gun or something. I just let him just go totally nuts. Yeah. I have a gun

Drew. He wants to kill himself very badly. But why don't we just get him in I don't know. I mean, um, sure, but the problem is I don't know what the hell we're gonna do with you on the other side of your oral nicotine addiction. That will be bad. No, no. Yeah. That's my only concern. What if he starts smoking to balance it out like dip some days smokes the other days I have a feeling that he'd almost be a better smoker than dip. What about? Really hard to get people out there. It's really no. That's why I haven't gone back to it. So what about cigars? It's cigars enough nicotine Great question. Never been studied that might be okay So guys

You the Drew's the last guy you want to threesome. He's like this isn't rape right? You're like god damn it Drew Your consenting should we work on them? You're like stop with the fights of threesome. Yeah, I was bang this hookering it out of here. Yeah, it's true. It's true Okay, Drew Yeah, I know he you know he's been he's been sober for like 48 49 days 49 out of 50 one one days Well, how how many deals is he made for the future? How's that work out? Oh? Someone knows my brain apparently. Yeah He only had three he only had a three beer buzz yesterday, and it was awesome because he hadn't drank in so long

Right there. We go. That sounds right. That's right Everything came in a focus again. Yeah Doing he's doing well. Let me tell you Drew. And I'm drinking Friday, and I'm drinking Saturday. I'm already playing the game. I'm already playing Saturday and Saturday that's planned out, and then no more drinking for like a week or something after that.

No, probably. Are you drinking by yourself, or are you gonna do it with somebody? Yeah, it's a quarantine, Drew. I'm drinking by myself. He's by himself. No, I was thinking maybe I should come over there and supervise this. Ooh.

Yeah, I want to get drunk with you, Drew. Yeah. Well, I want to get home. I don't trust Uber or something like that right now. Yeah. So, hmm, I have to stay there. I'm just staying the night. Wow.

Breakfast in bed with Drew. Hey, I'll run you through the Mickey Mantle program. We stay up late. we listen to music, we write up a few ideas we wanna turn into books or movies, then we wake up at 8 a.m., getting the sauna, it's gonna be a little tight fit close, we're gonna work out, we're gonna take a pool shower, and we're gonna eat some egg whites.

And then we're gonna look at all the ideas we have from the night before and realize they'll suck. That's not true. They're brilliant ideas. Do you want to hear them? Do you have a time for one idea? Give us one. Sure. Let me see.

Monkey fist fork. Monkey fist fork. You ever notice how hard it is to eat salad on a regular fork? Well, I'm going to make little monkey fist forks where it's a monkey fist with a trigger on it and you can grab salad with the monkey fist, put it in your mouth, release it, and the salads release into your mouth. Sound like a dumb idea? I think not. Great idea. Look, Drew, really appreciate your time here. Wait, lot of people are going to go home. I'm thinking maybe a salad vacuum now. Okay And you release the vacuum seal period and jump it in your mouth and this is how you come up with million ideas million dollar ideas

Yeah, you just need friends to collaborate a vacuum fork would be awesome There you go. Yeah. Apparently I have no friends these days. I feel like I haven't talked to anyone, except for you and Tom, and every time I talk to you, you're about, don't do this. Yeah.

Oh, I got poor, poorly ass. Cool. Yeah. She really has it rough. Well, I'm gonna run some bits by Tom Drew. I'll talk to you later. I'm gonna go buy a can of scoping egg. Make sure you ask Bert later about when he cut a guy's finger off in college. I'll talk to you later. I'm gonna go buy a can of scoping egg. Make sure you ask Bert later about

when he cut a guy's finger off in college. I'll talk to you later, Drew. Bye. See you Friday, see you Friday. Okay. See you Friday. He's coming over to drink with you. Oh, cool, cool.

These are the new jokes I've written. Okay. This is just little premises after talking to you about last week code talking. Yeah. I'm going to do a bit on that because I do that a lot. Oh, yeah. I can't stop it.

Yeah. Code switching, right? Is that what it's called? I think it's called something like that. I did a podcast with Jay Farrow and I'm pretty sure I talked like a black guy through the whole thing. Really? I don't know if I did, but I caught myself at one point and I was like, have I been doing

this the whole time? Yo, hit you up, homeboy. I don't know. But I got to do a bit on was like, have I been doing this the whole time? Yo, hit you up, home boy. I don't know. But I gotta do a bit on that because I think, I love that, the idea that you knew of it makes me laugh because I go, yeah, okay. My sister was in an elevator one time with a guy. We were talking about times you say things to someone

that is the obvious thing. Like one time I was taking a hike down Friman, a Fr Freiman and a woman was coming down with a baby and a baby Bjorn thing and I went wow you took him all the way up and all the way down and she goes no I found him up there and I went oh yeah that was stupid thing for me to say my sister goes oh I got one more son my sister got in her elevator and a guy walked in with her and he was in a bathrobe with goggles And she goes going to the pool and he goes yeah These aren't great jokes, but I mean I like that you are

Feeling it, you know, I'm yeah, oh, you're in the zone. And then they were the correlation that is, I went to buy running shoes one time and I said to the guy, I was like, can I try these on in a 12 or a 13? And he goes, sure, what are you getting them for? And I was like, running. And he was like, okay.

And she was like, oh yeah, that was a stupid question. And I was like, no, I think he looked at me. He was like, you're so fat, why would you be buying these? He was like, these are for running. So what are you gonna use for? Yeah, he looked at me and she was like, oh yeah, that was a stupid question. And I was like, no, I think he looked at me. He was like, you're so fat, why would you be buying these? That's exact. He was like, these are for running. So what are you gonna use for? Yeah, he looked at me and he was like, so what are you getting these for? And I was like, running.

And he looked at me like, are you sure? Yeah. So, those are some new bits. Yeah, I like it. Can't wait till we do a bit down in Brea. Be fun. God. Let's look at the fan art.

What's this all about? Darth Bert. Darth Bert. Let's see it We have What up black Two bears one came mother fuckers. You're having a piss in your mouth. I love that feeling That's fucking livin dude. Look at the machine! The slainy girl is old enough to jack off to you. You're not getting a star. Don't afraid of her.

Oh, did anyone else smell it? I didn't know what you were talking about. You smell like dicks and balls and it's still fucker. Shut the fuck up. We're not at this. Everyone can go fuck themselves. I'm the king. I get the big dick on my fucking stuff. You need to, you need to get milk. That was great. Who made that? That was great. Uh, future nobody made it. Future nobody? It was awesome. That was really good. For those

listening, uh, thought that was all cut into Star Wars. So that was, uh, Bert was Darth Vader. Ooh, should we eat one of these double-rines? Go for it. Let's try a little bit, me and you. All right. What is it? I don't know. Shout out to LDKS, I fuck it up every time. Is it, we Google it?

It says where gloves. I know, but that's like, that's not real. Um, LDKS, LDSK kitchen-S-K kitchen. It comes with gloves. Yeah. L-K-S-D kitchen is fucking outrageous. They sent me some of these Tomahawk steaks and I cooked them up the other day. Fucking through the roof. And then there's a cool dude and he sent me these? These are what does it say well Inside one extremely hot pork rind devil rind challenge and then it says think you have what it takes good luck I think this is more your speed, you know, I hold on one second. I say what we do is we crush it Okay, and then just take a little corner each of us. You've done hot ones. Yes, true. Yeah, it's not gonna be I'm not

each of us. You've done hot ones? Yes, true. Yeah, it's not going to be, I'm not, I have a weird thing about gloves. You do? Very weird thing. Okay. You go ahead and don't use them. You think it's going to, what do I, what kind of, I could just do this like this? Yeah, that's yours. They sent you these? They sent me these, and they said to tag, uh, yeah. Devil R devil Ryan. So these are devil-rind Challenge. Do you have what it takes do you open it just smell it? Let me see whoo It's a lot of powder on that for real Did you have you ever seen Shaqillon meal eat spicy chip? That is so fucking hilarious So you're not gonna eat the whole thing right? No, no, no, but go ahead. Let me see what let me see it Well, I don't

waste it. We might be able to split one. Okay, okay. Okay. Oh, that's a lot on there. That is a lot on them. Oh my god. I just felt that in my throat. I'm putting love on it. I have a fucking I have sucked. Oh my God. What? It's just falling off the fucking spice powder. How about? Just put a little dab on your tongue to see if it's a little sampler. We'll just do a sampler. We don't even have any drink for when this is too low. Coffee, coffee.

Poison with poison, Tom. Okay, just a little tea-type taper on the tongue. Okay, I'll go first. No, we'll go the same time. Come on, first. Go ahead. One, two, three. No good.

Oh, that was a bad, the... Take a bite, take a bite. Uh-uh, uh-uh. Take a bite. No. Mm-mm-mm. You guys swallow it? I just did, and I think that was a big fucking mistake.

Ha. It's pretty hot. My nose is hurting. Just touch it on your tongue. Ha. Ha. Holy shit, man. Who?

All right, let's go for it. What are you talking about? What? That's over. No. That's horrible. Just take a little bite. No, no, I just felt? No, that's horrible. Just take a little bite. No, no, I just felt the kick.

It's just a little pop. Just a little pop. Just a little corner, just pop it in. What are you talking about? Cheers, top it in, pop it in. Dude, no. Pop it in, pop it in, little tea-tie tap. For what?

Just see what it's like. Here we go, pop it in, ready? One, two, three. Oh. Why are we doing this? Oh, no. Ah! It's amazing. Look at the amazing. It's amazing. It immediately I'm sweating inside the glove. It's amazing

that it fucking shuts your brain off. Put the video on. That's amazing that it just shuts your brain off immediately. What is this? No, no, no, I don't want to see this. Make it bigger. Make it bigger. Wait, wait, no, I don't wanna see this. Let me get bigger, make it bigger. Wait, wait, wait, you gotta see this part. No, there's one part. No, I've heard of this and I'm never gonna see this. No, you gotta look. I don't wanna see it. I never wanna see it.

I don't wanna even hear it. What are you doing? Look at it. Oh, no, that broken his asshole. Yeah. Oh No, that broken his asshole. Yeah Oh, that's blood yeah We got to pull the pieces of glass out

Who the fuck would eat this I don't know why don't get it oh My god, look at his ass. It's a mate. I can't I don't want to see't we get it. Oh my god. Look at his ass. It's a mate, I can't. I don't want to see his ass. Look how much blood it is. Uh-uh. He's like, wow, I fucking so much blood.

Oh, fuck. Why does a guy with a dick like that have to do that? He's got a nice dick. Why didn't he just fuck people? You think that's a nice dick? My tongue's on fucking fire. Whew. I need a drink.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we might be fine. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee.

I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee.

I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. I'm out of coffee. Josh Potter take his glasses off he won't see how much he's going in his mouth It was just a baby I was I don't want to see that, huh? I don't want it why would you put your fingers all over the top? Where is COVID? Wow

It makes you I shut your brain off it makes you not think of anything. You're forced to live in the moment when you have hot stuff in your mouth. It's almost like instant therapy. It's like being on a roller coaster or skydiving where you can't really think of the future or the past. You just end the present. Does that make sense? Yeah.

It's almost like, that was really horrible. I wonder if this is a good cure for depression Doing this like just micro dosing hot food all day What about that? Did he live I think so He didn't know That is so fucking hot. Oh Want to do it again. Can you pull that back up for a second? No, why would you?

No, no, no, no, I want to see what it said underneath it. Click that link. Do you find that on Etsy? One man, what's your name? What's it say right there? Remains one of the most hilariously shocking sights. hilariously shocking sights. Originally in California. Okay.

Oh yeah, fortunately that guy survives. This guy does not kill the man. Oh my god, can we be done? Are we getting in and out? How are we doing? I got it, I got it, be done. Okay? It's so fucking hot.

Yeah, this is terrible. It like kills the table. It's all right. Come on, Thanks for watching. Two bears one cave No scripts to be the booze amateur for topology Dirty jokes, ranchy humor, no apologies Here's what we call two bears one cave