2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 33 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: June 8, 2020

Get tickets to Tom Segura's Charity Zoom Event here: https://givebutter.com/lls-tom-segura Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer start off this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave by to rebrand the infamous hashtag coined by Tom all those years ago. Tom suggests three new options to replace it. They also discuss Bert's most recent discovery: Nadav has red hair! Who knew? Tom shares a story of touring Dr. Dre's old house, which leads Bert to pitch a show in which they would tour celebrity houses and guess whose it is. They talk to Taran from Taran Tactical on the phone about gun laws in various states. The Bears also discuss Lance Armstrong, Bert's upcoming drive-in movie theater tour, and sign language interpreters.

Ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck, ruck go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, I love this new branding. I love this new branding if we could just attach and tell them myself did this fuck yes Always donating welcome to two bears one cave. He's bird. I'm Tom. Yep, man. You're always helping people so good to be with you So problematic for me It is really can I point out one thing? That is mostly you're doing. No, by the way, yeah, yeah. Hold on, no, it's you're doing. No, no. It's you're doing. No, it's you're doing.

You get yourself into morals. I get myself, but the problem is, is that I've set up a perfect comedic scenario where I, it's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. What's the nightmare's the nightmare? The nightmare is this joke. Burgundy's the most racist comic in America. It's okay. Listen Right now it's a very problematic time to have that be a joke No, it's terrible. We can eliminate it. Please we can eliminate it

I will do anything can I tell you how I think we should eliminate it and I'm being serious. Okay, okay If you take something away from somebody, what do you have to give them? Something I'm gonna turn. That's right. So these guys are like kids, okay? And you just took a toy away, you gotta give them something else.

I think they will all be on board with stopping the joke of Burr's raises, which is terrible, and it was always stupid, and it was, they could write it because they knew it wasn't true. They knew it wasn't true, that's the key. That's the whole thing. But to the thing is, it's flipped into this conversation. I just wanna say real quick, real quick.

And only to not to defend myself at all, I spent this weekend, which we're recording this Wednesday. Yeah. Okay, just so you know. So we don't know if, Right, like when you guys see this four days of pass, we don't know what's gonna happen in the next four days. So when everything went down this weekend. Last week, last, yeah, two weekends ago, whatever.

I, this is exactly how I found out about everything kind of is I watched killer mics Moving speed incredible and I you'll attest to this that 945 is when I watched it I texted it to you our group and I said this is fucking amazing I don't want to go posted on Instagram and I knew that I couldn't because if I did Then because I you know I tag killer mics. I always do I love killer mic. Yeah, and And then it would be be birdies racist, and people don't know the joke. This is why the joke was, was amusing to everyone,

is that people don't know the joke. That's why they like it. So then they'd say birdies are most, most racist comedian in America, and then someone would go for real. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, the fans of the show would be like,

oh shit, I got one on the line. Yeah, have you not heard this? yeah, the fans of the show would be like oh shit. I got one on the line Yeah, have you not heard is and then they'd send the earns crosses in yards is it was and so I didn't post it I didn't post anything about anyone of color throughout the entire weekend because I was like I'm staying away from this because I'm retro Act, we're not retroactive radio active. So the second I post anything so I don't post anything and I go you know what? I'm gonna take this time to do my part and raise my children and watch the videos online and watch what's going on in the streets and parent my two children. And then I fucking wake up and I party this weekend. I'm tapped out. I wake up and it is. Your silence is fucking deafening. You've how dare you you support violence against black

And then also and it's like this this this was started as a joke now. It's real and I was like oh my god I'm not texting you. I was like hey man I'm gonna need to take a break from two bears one cave like this is because Because it really hurts your feeling as a me because it's me and then I post the the black square and I disable comments immediately Because that was a fucking shit show. Oh, yeah, it was a shit show in mind It was a shit show for everyone. Yeah, every comic I read Theos I posted mine read Theos and was like, wow Man, I hope thank God. I don't have those fans and then I was like, oh wait, those are my fans What's a mind? I was like disabled disabled

Fuck though And I didn't do it out of cowardice as everyone said. I did it because I didn't want people to be confused about a stupid fucking joke. Yeah. And so I talked to Tom last night, we talked on the phone, and I was like, please, and by the way, shout out. You have no idea those people that are out there that listen to the show and know us,

and know that we're friends and know that we joke, and know that this is, by the way, just a comedy show. It's just comedy. We're not activists. Far, like, we also don't have the capacity to be it. What did I say to you? Told me last night, like, I said to Tom and anger, and anger after, I've been accused of not being an activist.

And I was like an activist. He goes, do you think that anybody would ask me to weigh in on something? If I wasn't, it could be any, do you think for a second? If I wasn't a colleague, they'd be like, hey, Bert, stop cleaning that boat for a second. Come over here. What do you think about these protests?

I spent seven years in college. I've never years in college. I've never fucking learned anything. I'm only here because Rollie Stone magazine discovered me. I'm people who are washing boats. I'm not the person to go to. You think anyone would be like, Hey Tom!

Someone get that guy over cleaning dumpsters. What's your opinion on professional wrestling? I understand there's a lot of comedians are activists and that's awesome. Yeah, but we're not those guys. We're just two comics. We're just two comics. Like that's it. Yeah.

Yeah. And but we're also humans so like regular people yeah, and so so and I also feel like you know personally You know I wanted to weigh in on a guy felt like it and people like because one of the real things I realized He was how cheap and hacky the people like if you express your opinion on something like this thing I think this matters and someone's like Your virtue segment and you're your opinion on something, like this thing, I think this matters. It's someone's like, your virtue signaling, you're like, hold on. You can't just, you can't just accuse somebody of virtue signaling on something just because maybe

it doesn't apply or affect you. Like, what if you go like, no, no, no, I really feel like this is something we should pay attention to. I personally care about that, your virtue signaling. It's like, you're just a fucking hack. If you're just gonna label anybody who cares about something to be like, oh, they're doing it just to indicate, so you know they're in the right place.

No, it's bothersome to me, and I want to say that. It was so apparent Saturday morning, Saturday morning, I took Twitter off my phone a while ago, so that by the way, I still use it. It was so apparent Saturday morning, Saturday morning, I took Twitter off my phone a while ago, so that by the way, I still use it. I still go, I just opened Twitter up in Safari browser. It's like, it's fine on the wide, I'll have it on my phone. It's just such a pain. That's a very burnt thing to do.

Oh, by the way, this is the joke I read today. I look at my comments in my Instagram, the same way I look at the scale. I go don't want to see that all right. Oh, that why we gonna let it perfectly good day be ruined by that But yeah, and so so it stinks and then yesterday I deleted I blocked a bunch of you guys Yeah, I blocked a bunch of people because I was just like it was you're sitting there in your head You're a regular person and you know that first of all I have my my tour bus drivers being harassed. He's black The people were raining the blood the bus runs a black owned company that and all this is like Yeah, it's it's just a fucking nightmare because I am a real person. I'm all about a fucking joke

I am all about a fucking joke and don't think I didn't don't When I put out secret time, and I got a lot of new fans that did not know about this fucking bird as much race as comic and American joke. Yeah. I genuinely found it worth losing fans for the joke. I, there were times where I giggled to myself

and it's just a very innocent, I would see them as like, as like, Amish people getting off their wagon going, oh, I like Birdcrieshark, tell me more about him. And then someone going, oh, he's the fattest most racist comic in America. Oh, I, now listen, everyone can make a joke about race, okay? And then, no, no, no, no, no, he actually started, yeah, he owned the nation family. Yeah, and they're like, oh, well that's enough of that. Get back on the wagon, Martha!

Like, I actually enjoy it, like the joke made sense to me. But in a time where legit, and this is what I might say, you guys who did reach out, like there was one guy that I can't read his post But it was like so he's like yeah, I can see how this burdens for racist comic is most racist comic America is a little Played out we should probably put the brakes on that and then he goes and by the way We all know that dot dot dot is the most racist Does he nail it oh yeah, and then another guy, another guy was like, uh, was like,

Hey man, uh, hey, just you know, like he's like, I did something like, it was really cool people out there that were like, I did the research. These people I think are activists just trying to get you to comment, like they're just bullying you into commenting. And it was really weird, like everything was so fucking weird about it that I just, I blocked, I've never blocked somebody on that, I blocked a couple dozen people yesterday. I was like, oh, no, I don't want this person around my page.

It's, you know, it's like... It's just sucks. It was a funny joke, please. Just stop. Can I tell you the replacement idea? Yeah guys, okay? Let's do it right out. Let's do it. Okay, so wait. I feel like I'm in prison going. I'll suck your dick Okay, if you just don't come in me. Okay, I can't tell you how much I'm so bothered by the fact that That like I really don't want anyone to come in me like I've thought about that so much

Like I've really thought about that. The just the disrespect. It's just like, it's super disrespectful. I can't believe women men is coming them. Like that blows my mind. It's sped up women's life. Do you know what the feeling when a woman says, hey, just so you know, you can come in me. Yeah.

There's a part of me the first time I heard it that I was like, what kind of fucking animal are you? Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you've never is a one-night stand. Oh yeah. And they're like, just so you know, you can come in me. You're like, I think I was in here right now.

How many dudes have done this? Oh, a lot. Oh, a lot. Yeah. I've only had like two one-night stands. Really? I have mostly one-night stands. That's what I had.

And it was with some fucking trash bags. You can come with me. You're on the pill, don't I know? I go, God. And then you're like, well, never see you again. Raise them right. I gotta go. I really don't want anyone coming at me.

I've been stuck in my head for so fucking long. And imagine if it was a bunch of guys coming in you at the same time. I have all in your ass hole, too, you know The what really shakes me to the course at one day in college my daughter will watch this video and she'll go Yeah, no one wants anyone coming in your dad like I forget that everything is gonna be online and one day George will be in college I like how you don't think she's capable of watching this video Tuesday She's fucking 16.

Oh, I I I I I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I Hold on, let's get to the point. But I'll tell you real, go ahead, go ahead. What's the trade off? Okay, so here's the trade. I feel like you gotta go, stop saying that. We all agree, the joke, so you give him a replacement line. It was like, you know, the first one is Bird is Fat,

people ran with that, blah, blah. So here's, I think it's silly and it's fun, and it plays into the fact that you take pool showers and outdoor showers. Okay. I love this already. All right. It's hashtag Bert smells bad Okay, and here's the thing Here's the thing Bert smells bad is it's silly enough where what's the worst thing is gonna happen? Hold on I'm sorry. Hold on one second. No, no, no, no, I'll tell you why I'm already upset with this coastline You how when did you guys work this out because he's got fucking branding for it already

And it's flipping and I know the dog. He's his little ginger ass wasn't in there knowing So wait a minute here's the worst thing that's gonna happen, okay? You're gonna start meeting people and they're be like hey, you don't smell that bad You're gonna be like what and they're gonna be like I thought you're gonna start meeting people and they'll be like, hey, you don't smell that bad. You're gonna be like, what? And they're gonna be like, I thought you're gonna smell like shit or something. I keep seeing you. You're gonna be like, no, I don't.

And they'll be like, I know, I thought you're gonna smell like shit. Hold on, hold on, I'm not, I have not accepted this. I'll tell you why. And I'll tell you why, hold on. Is it, once you get this fucking rap, you can't shake it. There's two celebrities that everyone says smells bad. And that's all you hear, Brad Pitt does not shower.

He smells bad. That is the number one rap on Brad Pitt. This is on brand with you, okay? Yeah, well you're part of you guys. It's not, I don't smell bad. I know, but here's the thing, if you give them that, they run with it and you don't actually smell that. Every time people meet you, they're gonna be like,

you don't smell bad. I thought you were gonna smell like diarrhea, and you smell fine. You know, you might smell good. I've never smelled you. I don't think you smell bad, man. I cannot wait to read the comments. I cannot wait to read the comments that are like,

and how creative people get will go. You know it's so funny. For years, I thought he was racist. He's not racist at all. But he smells like shit. I mean, don't you think, but don't you think fans could have fun with that one? And like anytime you post something,

they'll be like, oh, did you guys have soap there for, for God? Oh my God. It could be fun and it's not harmful. And it's not, no one's gonna be like, you know, do you hate a group of people? I did not, I took a pool shower today. You did?

And I did not wear the odorant and I thought I said to myself, make sure you put on the odorant. I hugged you, you didn't smell bad. Yeah, I'm cool. All right. You're cool with burst smells bad. Do you want another option?

Do you want another option? Yeah, oh yeah, give me another option. Yeah. Another option, I think you could take it up a level. So like you give me something a little harsher to say, but it's still ridiculous. It's ridiculous, okay? But the way I thought the racist one was ridiculous.

That is ridiculous, but this is also ridiculous, and that's Bert Fox dogs, right? Okay, hold on, and we can't do that one because I have a new joke about that. Oh, you do? Yeah, you ever cut it with your dog so hard your dick gets hard? You know, I am.

But also, that's so ridiculous, that people will see it and then, you know, like, what are people gonna say to you? Hey, are you gonna fuck my dog if I bring him to the shut? Like, it's harmless. It really is harmless because it's insane. I'm listening to, I'm hiking and fucking running and can. You're like, no, no, get over here, Boatty.

Come on, boobah boobah boobah. That guy, I'll fuck you up. Bird fucks dogs. Okay, well, what's the third one? I'm sure there's three because. There is a third one. Oh, of course there is. The third one is probably a little over the top,

but, but, so are you thinking of these all night last night after we got off the phone? Yeah. So you're laying in bed, 10 milligrams in going. He only smells bad. I know that he's got an inappropriate relationship

with his dog. Keep going. And then also like what's one that's not true, but extreme that people can latch onto and run with. And here's the thing, I'll tell you this. Once they throw it up, if you don't even want it suggested so people don't run with it, we'll just cut it. And the way that people will know is like from right here,

it'll just cut it. And the way that people will know is like, from right here, it'll just cut. Junk cut, junk cut, junk cut. Junk cut. Okay, so they never saw that. Never fucking saw that. That's the thing. No, it's totally different. It's just more directed at who it is.

Fucking it's just more directed at who it is So you think it's better than I smell bad my fuck dogs okay, don't do that one that one All right, make sure we get that jump cut in make the dog remember, I am a part of this job too, okay? You got it, buddy. Oh, fuck. Oh, man, that was fun. All right, Bert smells bad. Yeah, I'm smell bad.

I do smell bad. Fuck, I do. I do smell bad. But I actually do smell bad. So I get it. By the way, so many people are going to be like, you actually do smell bad. When the last time you press your teeth, I go, I do smell bad. But I actually do smell bad, so I get it. By the way, so many people are gonna be like, you actually do smell bad.

When the last time you brush your teeth, I go, I have a hard time with toothpaste. I use soap a lot and I like to use flossers, that's it. Oh my God. This is gonna be so much better. I'm already so much, I have so much light off of me. Yeah. Hey guys, please, Bert smells bad.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much everyone. I wish we were releasing this episode today, so I didn't have to work my way through the weekend. But you don't want that last one. I definitely do not want that last one. You made a really astute observation today that I wasn't expecting, and that you finally picked up on that Nadav has red hair. Yeah. Um, what did you? How did that I just I just saw it like I never really I don't I don't pay attention to a lot of people and I don't

I don't what I don't know what it is about me. I don't ask I don't like it's not narcissistic I don't know what it is about me, I don't ask. I don't like, it's not narcissistic. There is something broken in me. And I'll tell you, this is why I said, I watched the Lance Armstrong documentary. Do you remember when I said to you, when we were talking about that concert, and I said, I've been to a Nirvana concert,

and I said, I don't wanna check and find out, because I don't wanna lose that memory. When I, in fact, had been to the Nirvana concert. Right. My recollection of it was really accurate. Someone sent me the video and it was as I described. But I knew there was a chance that I, that it wasn't a Nirvana concert because I was on drugs.

And so I, I didn't want to, I didn't want to lose the memory, so I didn't want to find out for real. So that makes, and I know it doesn't make sense to anyone, but I didn't want to go too introspective, because I enjoyed the memory of having seen Nirvana. Right, but you weren't sure if it was a certain memory. Yeah, and I didn't need it to be real, because I had the memory.

So it's like, and then I was like, I don't want to do the research. And then when I found out that I had been to Nirvana concert, nothing changed. I saw the same memory. So we were, I didn't want do the research and then when I found out that I had been to an environment of concert, nothing changed. I saw the same memory. So when we read and what someone did in the gate, something I already believed to be true, I guess it's what you must feel like when you're religious.

You're like, I don't need you to get a proof of God. I believe it. So let me believe it. It's what's wrong with me is like, I watched the Lance Armstrong documentary and I Couldn't help but think I wish they had never Called him. So that's how crazy

Like I like believing in heroes right loved believing in Lance Armstrong because he was like an in an unimaginable Hero so clear that he was cheating. Do you remember Charlie's Rumei who was a chef in Nashville? Yeah, and he was Maybe we should I don't know what that's fine. He was Lance Armstrong's private chef Hmm, do you remember this? No, I don't remember that detail and he was I was like his Lance Armstrong on steroids and he goes 100% and I was like, wait, no way. And I remember him telling me that and me being mad at him that he was ruining the hero. Dude, I remember so somebody could find

this specific detail. I was on Rogan, one of my appearances, I don't know which one, but it was before it came out and that it was verified and I kind of talked about how I definitely think he's a cheater. Yeah, I got so much hate really Yeah, and I I even forget the details like what I went into I just remember that I said that that that I was like It's so obvious that he's cheating in some way and how he had like the perfect cover of like he distracts people with his I thought it was calculated charity work you know for cancer. Yeah and then everybody goes look how much

money this guy raises for cancer and you know and I was like yeah but it's he is definitely he would he would the way that he would attack people who accused him that were close to him was like the real tell you see that's narcissism. In like, in wanting to control the narrative so much, you try to destroy people. He would destroy people. We had a friend, we knew a guy that did that to people. And I remember watching it happen on the inside and going like, holy fuck man. And then all I could think was, that's going to happen to me one day.

Like that, and it did. And I remember going like, was, that's gonna happen to me one day. Like that, and it did, and I remember going like, motherfucker, like that behavior, I know I wouldn't like Lance Armstrong. Like I know I wouldn't be friends with him, because he's got that thing in his brain that the bad people have, where they go. But you know what?

Do you think Jordan would have used steroids if he was encycling? Mm, that's a good question. Because I saw a lot of parallels between Lance Jordan or Lance Armstrong and Michael Jordan like of like this I've got to create a narrative in my head and my truth is the truth and that's what it will be because everyone came out after Michael Jordan Thing was like that's a fucking lie. Horace Grance, like, I never told anyone,

he needed to do that to be mad at me, because I was over it. So like, you, part of you goes, there's so many parallels between those goats, like the Lance Armstrong's, and the difference is everyone in that sport was cheating. Everyone in that sport was cheating. We didn't know that so much until further a lot.

Yeah, and Lance Armstrong's saying, I was just doing what I had to do to keep up with everyone. Yeah. And so you can't guilt him into it, but it's that behavior of like, and maybe I don't know if that's narcissism or what, but like, it's different from what I got. I got like a lightweight narcissism

of like, I just want everything to be great. Because I'm watching Lance Armstrong, documentary going, I wish he never got, I liked having a hero. I liked believing it was possible. I liked believing you could be on your death bed and then go win 7. I can't believe that I didn't notice 7. Tour de France's in a row, like in a row,

after cancer, like how did no one see that? But I was sitting there going, I got to be there. No, because that part of it, you're right though. It's cool to see somebody achieve on that level. I mean, the kind of the thing about, you know, people who are fascinated with an idol worship Jordan, it's like, bless you, bless you, but it's, it's that he, you know,

it was like Superman, like he can't lose. He can't, like you liked having the person you're like, but there's that one guy who, you know, you admire because he pushes that hard and Refuses to lose. You know, you the guy at the lunch table growing up when someone was telling a great story. And then there would always be the one kid in the side who's usually shorter than everyone else. He was like, he didn't have cool looking hair and he's like, this is a lie. I'm not believing any of this.

I wasn't that guy. No, but I would hear that guy and I like, this is a lie. I'm not believing any of this. I wasn't that guy. No, but I would hear that guy and I go, shut up the guys in the middle of a fucking good story. Like, let's enjoy the story. I don't need it to be 100% true. I'm laughing right now. What the fuck?

That's me, that's me, that's me, that's me. That's me, that's me, that's me. And I was, I think I learned how to tell stories in high school. Probably, yeah. It always got to high school. But man, Cuban kids could always tell the fuck out of a story. Yeah, the way they would fucking They would paint the picture. Oh, yeah, and it was and I would I'd been there I remember I remember someone talked about a beer run like where you grab beer and run and jump in a car

And I remember just the way the story was being told it was told by I think I Want to say to dudes who ended up getting out of our school, but the way they were telling it to human kids, and it was just like larger than life, and you're just like, yeah, and there's just some fucking asshole just going, that's not true. This isn't true.

Yeah, that guy's not true. And you're like, what the fuck? That buzz kill. I feel like Dirk Navitsky, not Dirk Navitsky. Who's the guy that the golden snitch? The golden snitch? Yeah, what type of golden snitch? Kirk Navitsky, Chris Nova Selik.

What's the guy from the Usada that Joe had on his podcast? Oh. Is it golden snitch? What's the bald guy? That bald guy? Turknovinsky. No, no, it's not dark though. What's it? Jeff Novinsky. Okay. Jeff Novinsky. Like I go, I like I don't need you in my life. I don't need to know John Jones is juicing now if I'm fighting John Jones I need to know yeah, but like as a fam. I just want to believe in heroes Now how does this all tie to you? Just noticing that Nadeau's hair is red. I Because I think I live life with such blinders on yeah

I think I think a lot about me like a lot about me like it's amazing how much I think I think a lot about me, like a lot about me. Like, it's amazing how much I think about me. He- Hahaha. Hahaha. I remember, I remember Barry Catch one time said, Pompah, how many times a day do you think other people go, I wonder what Bert Kreisers doing? I said, a lot and he goes, never.

Hahaha. A lot of people aren't thinking about you right now, he goes, who are you thought you're thinking about? I said, me and he goes, they. A lot of people aren't thinking about you right now, he goes, who are you thought you're thinking about? I said, me and he goes, they're probably thinking about themselves. It was like a great realization, but like I just, I, I, I don't know what it is. It's like how many times, how many times did we drive? This podcast is a perfect fucking example. Like, how often do I listen?

Not that much, bro. I watch the episode the other day. I touch my nose and aggressive amount. People are passing out doing the drinking game. I mean, it's amazing how much I've lost. Someone was hospitalized, they said, trying to keep up with you. I touch my nose so much.

It's like, and by the way, I noticed I have already done it like a hundred times. But I don't know, I just, I don't know. I couldn't. Redhead came up this weekend. I was talking about it. We've literally, you've known, you've at least worked with him. I don't know a hundred days, you know, separately, and you're like, maybe more. And today you're like, your hair's red. I think I noticed on his weight, because his weight fluctuates. Yeah. He looks good now. Yeah, it looks good

How what are you how much you weighing? I'm about like 240 250 so I'll tell you five three Five nine five nine Hey, Bert, why don't you put your headphones on? No, I already don't want to do this game I don't know what you have planned Nidav, but I don't trust it. I don't know what I really don't know to do this game. I don't know what you have planned, Nidav, but I don't trust it. I don't know what it is. I really don't know what this is for real. Now, this was just like my favorite part from the last episode.

From the last episode? Ooh, oh, let's do a two bears red one man came. Hold on. Hold on. Because that's another thing you do. Oh, yeah. That was like, you literally started six different sentences right there. Because that's another thing you do. Oh, yeah. I was like, you literally started six different sentences

right there. Let's hear it again. Oh, oh, let's do a two bears ride. One man came, hold on. You know what it is? Is that this podcast is super, super exciting for me? It's because I don't, I don't, for whatever, can't take them off now in the dobbin, we have more.

No, you're good. Okay. It doesn't feel like this really doesn't feel like work. It feels like we're driving to Brea. Yeah. And it's the same way you'd have a conversation with the friend I forget is, I definitely forget it's being fucking recorded sometimes. Ha ha setup doesn't lend itself to...

No, I didn't crazy though, but I just forget that it's being recorded. And I just, I just end up talking and saying things that I go, I get in the car and I'm like, hey, can we maybe edit that out? Can we try Warren's app again? No, I'm not. Come on, man. I think we have the wrong number. Let me see if I don't have Twitter on my phone, so I don't have, I can't direct me.

Log into Safari. Sorry, it's already logged in. Why was I going to cameo? You're on cameo? You are? You're, you're. No, no, no, I was looking to see how much people cost. What would you do it for if you were signing up for it? You are? Yeah. You're... No, no, no, I was looking to see how much people cost.

What would you do it for if you were signing up for it? We'll be your price point. What? I don't know, Doug Benson. I was on Doug Benson's. For the entire month of June, he gave, 25% of his proceeds to glad. That's a pride month, right? Yeah. That's good pride month, right? Yeah.

That's good. Good for him. Hold on. What? Let me tweet for you. No. Come on. I can reach, I've just got a text.

What? From, like, here's what's, I don't know. I'm trying to think of the right way to say this but like No one is the coronavirus over. Oh, it's great, right? Yeah, no one cares. We're getting in the tour bus in like a week and Shane Torres goes Hey, I'm going down to the marches. Do you guys want to go and I felt like going hey? You're gonna be in a tour bus with me. Can you not get coronavirus? He's gonna get it But maybe coronavirus is just over. No.

No. Because it's crazy to see news reporters who last week were like... at distance from everyone. Yeah. And now you're seeing like, it's really cool when these protests in LA is very emotional. Dude, worldwide, the number of people that were at protests this past week,

I mean, the grand total, definitely in the seven figures. You know, like, you look at the amount of people that were shoulder to shoulder marching in Hollywood, United States, Hollywood, Denmark, Paris, you know, people in Syria were marching. It's like, I think that this is gonna accelerate the, if it doesn't, then I'm gonna be fucking livid

that I stayed in my house for 79 days. Oh, I know, I know. If we don't see, it's gonna be a massive spike. It should. It's gonna be, it's gonna be, within two weeks, there should be theoretically, I'm guessing a million people dead from coronavirus. In what?

In two weeks. I think maybe my numbers are off. I think that's a lie. It's a lie? Yeah, that's a lie. Thousand. That can happen. Okay, no, but it's gotta be through the roof, because.

Well, that's the thing. I think we're either gonna, it's also probably gonna be higher spikes of asymptomatics People who test positive for having had it have the antibodies my friend's brother She he lives in New York and she said he just went had two tests like the the tests Where they test you for having like a They do like a...

They do like a temperature test and I don't know, it's related to testing positive in some way. He was negative, they tested positive for antibodies. So they... So just everyone, we're doing a drive in movie theater tour. Yeah. June 24th in Charlotte, North Carolina, then Indianapolis, we've had it a show in in Charlotte, North Carolina, then Indianapolis. We've added a show in Indianapolis, Tulsa, Oklahoma, and then Fort Collins, Colorado. We've added a show in Fort Collins as well.

It's the hot summer nights comedy tour. We're doing driving movie theaters. It is socially conscious, socially safe, socially, I'm saying socially, everything. Socially distant. You get in your car, you pull up, you don't have to touch anyone all the audio is gonna be shut Thread through your car through your FM radio and then it'll be a three camera shoot on the big screen And I will be performing in front of the big screen. I can't fucking wait I really honestly can't wait to get back on the road. What's up with that image on the screen? I've dude I had some I paid so many people to make art footage and everyone just it's amazing You can't once branding it gets out of the box, you can't put it back in.

They're like, ain't you a fat fuck? And you're like, I actually look good in that picture. And they're like, yeah, you're a fat fuck, you'll be a fat fuck then, right? I'm like, Well, yeah. I mean, here's the thing is I can tell that you smell and you fuck dogs just by looking at that picture.

I just can't wait for the artwork to come in of me like this, fucking a dog. By the way, I wish I could just get behind it and go, yeah, guys, a fuck dog. Let's make this happen. Dude, just do it. Just write a bit about fucking your dog. And then it all ties together.

I'm gonna make one bit about fucking my dog. Yeah. Just be like, I got these big dogs. By the way, but not even not even joking today I like to walk around the house naked in the mornings a girls room bed They don't get up until noon anyway. That's why I like to get in the pool shower In a pool. Yeah, all naked. Maybe a couple kettlebell swings getting a sauna. I like being on my backyard naked, right? One they're trimming trees at the house next to us and there's this Mexican guy in the tree, up in the tree just watching me, just walking around the

backyard naked and then I see him and he just goes, hey and I'm naked and I go, hey, immediately I'm like, and by the way my dick didn't not look good. Anyway, anyway. Did it make your dick hard? And then I fucked my dog. Yeah. And so, and so then I grab her right by the tail, lift the tail up, and I put it in my belt strap. If you lift a dog tail, anyway, I feel like I'm already making this worse.

What, let's get back to what we're talking about. Hot summer night store. Yeah, yeah. So we're doing in driving movie theaters, June 24th. I thought they were allowed to get out of their cars. They get out of the car, they come, no, but you can. Meaning you will have your own little space. Okay. So you'll be socially distanced from everyone around you. It's gonna be fucking awesome. I can't wait to get back on the road.

That's exciting. So yeah, it's gonna be a great time. But we're doing COVID tests right before we leave. Oh yeah. And then we set it up and I go, I was like, hold on. Why are we gonna do my before we leave? And they're like, what do you mean? I go, if anyone's got hold on, why are we gonna do it when we leave? And they're like, what do you mean? I go, if anyone's got fucking COVID, they can't get in the fucking bus. I go, what if Ron's got COVID? Like, what if we do the test? And we're like, ah, Ron pesit positive.

Tor is off and on the quarter-striper. And then I'm like, wait, we need to do it like 14 days before and then isolate. And they're like, well, that's not gonna work. Because it's already, we leave on the 17th of July, June. Oh. And so they're like, well, that's not gonna work. Why? It's already, we leave on the 17th of July, June. Oh. And so they're like, that's gonna be... But you should probably test today.

Yeah, and now Shane's going to the fucking marches. Where is the march today? In North Hollywood, Georgia wanted to go to the fucking march. And I was like, baby, I go, listen, I want you to be a part of all that. I've been in a march before. It's really fucking moving. It really is moving to be in a peaceful protest. It's fucking overwhelming to be with people

and have everyone on the same fucking page. But I said to her, I was like, you know, I don't know everything that's going on with the coronavirus and I just feel like in the middle of a pandemic, you're 15 years old, it's turning 16, I don't want you going down there, you won't get it, but you'll bring it back to us. I fucking high blood pressure,

they say there's a cardiovascular disease. I think you would feel horrible if you went down to protest and killed your dad or your mom or we gave it to Papa Jay or we gave it to, like, it's like so fucking complicated. And I wish, now I wish, where the fuck is everyone coming out and saying, just so you know, like no one's saying anything.

I watched, I was, I was just trying to say this earlier, this black dude hugging cops, like left and just hugging, going down the line and hugging them, they're all hugging. And this guy on the news was like, oh, don't you miss hugging people.

And I went, we're not supposed to do that. Yeah, like someone, but, no, I know, it's kind of crazy that, I mean, this obviously this huge movement's happening, you could feel it, it's undeniable. But to put the pandemic on the back burner, like every day, you're like, oh yeah, that's still going on, right?

It could backfire or it could be like, that's kind of what I'm hopeful for, is that herd immunity? herd immunity is accelerated, yeah. I I mean it makes sense that it would be Also, we we were gonna mention that gaffigan also doing yeah gaffigan's also doing a drive a movie theater tour shot up to Jim gaffigan Thank you for making me valid I'll probably be doing Interesting that he puts all new material under there. Yeah, well, I think to make a radio city music called July 23rd. Those are probably I'm guessing delayed. Radio city music

called July 24th. Those are all gonna be delayed. What are you think is gonna happen? But I'll tell you what. How great would it be if these protests do create herd immunity? Could be. And then all of a sudden black people save our country.'re like Do that I mean like they go in they protest they fucking heard immunize immunize and we always do is We isolate when you are at a health risk. Yeah, but they just it just accelerates it so that now all the sudden we can go back to Fucking life that would be amazing amazing. Yeah, I'm so ready to get back to regular life. Yeah, I'm still being very conscious And I and I feel stupid doing it because no one else is.

Yeah. You know? Did you ever think the world would be this way? No. 2020 really has kicked us in the balls. Like, this is, it was pretty unexpected, man. I mean, I never thought I would live through a pandemic. Obviously, I just thought we were too advanced,

technologically, to, I'm like, oh, I'm sure there's, because there was like those stories, movies, and even news things, they're like, oh, you know, the bio warfare is a possibility, and you know, people could, and you're like, test, that's not happening. I'm sure there's something in place, and what it revealed was just how,

you think that people in charge will just like got you. You know, like, well, you know, the powers, they'll just take care of this. And then what it revealed, you're like, oh, no, they're as unorganized as your neighbor. You know, it's like, I thought they would be at another level advanced taking care of things. And you're like, oh, this is a disaster the way it's handled.

And then, you know, the George Floyd thing, I think the fact that that happened during this exacerbated the reaction. Like the reaction would have been there regardless. I think, yeah. But it's like the pent up frustration, anger, that people feel separate from that is heightened when it happens, you know?

It's not, it's I can't excuse looting at all. Yeah, I just I just wasn't right, but you understand But I do understand like why I understand the feeling of I don't have fucking anything and this is my opportunity to get something Yeah, yeah, like I get that like I get that concept I'd explain it to the girls To explain looting and saying, no, that's so funny the way they fucking see the world. I was like, how do they find their sizes? I was like, what?

She's like, I'd be so panicked going like, I gotta get the right, she was watching them loop the van store. She was like, just trying to find my size. Dude, I thought about that too. That's hilarious. I saw a lady run out with like four shoe boxes like she got the She got her size forever size like you know, I have a hard time trying do you think there's people trying on those this is a good one?

The shoe one is though like it you're like dude these are too tight like We're gonna snag all these shoes. They don't fit What size did you get? You want what you got you got 10 haps? Like, I'm gonna snag all these shoes, I don't fit. What size did you get? I know, you want me, what you got? You got 10 haps? God, it's so funny, like, you just look at it. I say I couldn't loot. I'll tell you what I'm starting to do now in life is go,

but I have never been presented the opportunity and I don't know how I'd behave in that opportunity. This reminds me of the, I didn't realize, I mean, I've heard, but like this brought about the conversation more about shooting someone who comes into your home, state by state, how different the state laws are. I did not know this and I've been sleeping with a gun, so keep going. Well, there are states where even if it intruders in your home, if you shoot them, you can go to jail.

Okay, is that California? Pull up California shooting, I've just been like, fucking tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, fucking tarantactical. Yeah. I'm locked and loaded one in the chamber. Fucking, you know, it's crazy as how fucking neurotic I am, is you really feel like all of a sudden

they're gonna come to your house. You're like, there's millions of fucking hours. Where would it says actually in California? I don't know. I mean, I know we have restricted. It's called Terran and fine Terran would know, right? Definitely he would know. Do we still have his number

I don't know Have you you just shy have his number. Yeah, yeah, I'll call Taran, okay tell him I want a new gun Man, hey by the way second amendment Yeah, is the one about guns right yeah Not going anywhere for the rest of our lives. Okay, I'm gonna ask him, okay? I'm gonna call him right now. BEEP

Yeah, this is... Tell him you're with me, because I'm gonna talk to him, and I feel like he hates me. Hey, Terran, I'm recording a podcast right now with my friend, Bert Kreischer, and we wanted to ask your opinion on something, because I was talking about, Terran, I'm recording a podcast right now with my friend, Bert Kreischer, and we wanted to ask your opinion on something because I was talking about, you know, how we're talking about how everything going on brings about certain things that you realize.

And I was saying that like state by state, there's different laws about like, I know there's states where if somebody breaks in your home, certain states have laws about Even if you shoot an intruder you can get in trouble, you know like yeah So and we were and then burnt brought up because what about California? And I was like actually I know we have restrictive gun laws But do you know what the law is in this state for an intruder? I'm not totally sure that she's a lost free regular

I think if they bust in and your life is in danger of the right to shoot them. Okay, I would think so, but I know that there's certain states where they're like nope, you just gotta, you know, talk them down. No, I think we're good here unless they come and you scumbed changes that are something, but I think I think we're pretty good. Okay. Like some guy bushing your house to kill you and you shot him. Like even if the law was that, would you really be dead or could get prosecuted and get out and went, you know, too long?

Yeah, no, I know. It seems like a very silly, that one's always, you know, there's a lot of nuance and details that go back and forth about laws and everything, but the one about protecting your home always seem to be clear cut.

Like of course, someone's going to protect their home and their lives in their home, but I don't know. I just, I forgot what state, maybe it's Illinois where they're like, you cannot, doesn't matter what happens. I'm sure the audience can answer that in the heartbeat. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Oh, good call. We just wanted to. Hold on. I want to say I want to say something. I'm Burwisick. Talk to you. Hey, I got to I know I think I've said this to you, but I got to thank

you because I now with everything that's been going on, I feel so comfortable with a firearm in my house. And I would not have if I hadn't worked with you. So thank you. Well, you're welcome. I mean, literally everybody is coming to get something from me to get ready. I don't want to just having guns. Well, you know, they want them to have a good safe, make sure it's not near the children or they can get to it. The worst thing can happen is, you know, it's something bad. I'm sorry, but as long as they have it as a worst case scenario that they can get to it. And with that flashlight laser TL8 you're looking down a laser and a gun at your face you must be a complete lunatic you want to

you know keep going forward so yeah and that case guess what you shoot them you have no choice I mean you're defending the life so yeah like I'm like today literally I'm gonna do the names up but every producer director actor out of the woodwork is coming out I know I know I don't know if I I don't know if you I Know I know I know I don't know if I I don't know if you know this, but I sent one your way One guy that's produced a bunch of movies and worked with you and I mentioned your name he goes I know him I've worked with him I was like I call it Taren and he did and ended up I think getting a gun getting a gun or getting whatever I don't know what how it works Yeah, I'm getting them all squared away. I'm sure that they're in the safe locked in an inculorable

Killer bed analogy, but I get Lock box that they can get you know get to an in time, but not have it's later on the house, you know Yeah, I tell you I'll tell you man. It's so nice having worked with you because I just feel I just feel confident in Knowing that I'm safe with it. Is that make sense? Yeah, and you don't want to someone just, like I don't want to hand a Lamborghini stick ship in some of the driven car before and I'm wrecking down the street. Like, you have a little bit of training with it, you know, and you don't want to listen

to put that flash that laser on there because anybody just pointed at something and pulled a trigger or so. Yeah. Yeah, like you're training and knowing how to use it, not the lantern on the house loaded, you know, without, you know, the shoe weather alone. So I want to come shoot with you again. I had a great time. Yeah, yeah. Just pick a day, you guys, and we'll do it soon. Okay. Awesome. Cool. Awesome. Hey, Terran. Thank you, man. Stay. I don't need to say stay safe to you, but stay safe. You know

Oh I got times grabbing the phone out of my hand. Oh Wait a minute you said what's happening Saturday? There's an announcement Last Saturday was at a competition and I was left because seamy valley is doing down. Place for Rodney King got let go and not a die. Your bunch is stupid-ass whatever. So this Saturday they're coming. I don't know if it's going to be anything massive. I think it's dying down. I hope it's not what was going on up there but but they're coming to seamy on Saturday so I gotta get 10 ready for that. I mean mean, I've gotten ready to the other day

I've got to really told him I got so many guys that are dying to help me. Yeah I'm pretty set up so the cops from Parker from my Road the other day when this first happened the announced it and I walked up there at 2 in the morning All this is it and there's you guys are fucking us and one of the Thing we want to learn from train tomorrow. They're so cool. Oh, good. Well, I'm glad you're definitely safe and protected. And yeah, I hope it's a nice calm weekend, man.

I'll definitely be in touch with you soon, buddy. I'll give you a call. Thanks, Aaron. All right. So funny. He, first of all, I missliners. I thought when he said, he said, Saturday, they're coming to see me. I thought he Saturday they're coming to see me

I thought he meant they're coming to see me. He means see me. Val Yeah, I was like what? I heard him say they're coming to see me. I thought I got night vision. I was like oh shit Like oh my god. Did you catch his jab at the governor? Yeah, you're a newscom. Yeah Lot of people don't like that guy. I know a lot of people don't like him more Garcetti Chris. He's got such a villain's name. Got. Did you see imagine like just imagine regardless of your politics or anything That they march to his house yesterday Imagine it like if you open your door and 30,000 people outside. You're like, oh my god. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Dude, hey man, you know who's getting fucking big Propsies days is ALS translators.

Yeah. They're all over the place. I don't remember them being like this. Really? I don't ever remember. My favorite is- My favorite is- My favorite is- Every him being like this. Really? I don't ever remember. I don't remember when I was in and ever giving a speech. Every cycle, there's a fake interpreter who doops people.

And if we had one? Every year, every year, there's some event where there'll be like, I'm sure interpreter, and the people will be like, oh, I like how they just let some fucking Yahoo come in and go like, I would love that opportunity. If it didn't offend absolutely everyone, I would love that opportunity to just go like,

hey, Burke, did you ever see that was an SNL sketch? Did you ever see that where they were like, see if you can find SNL No, what do you speak sign language? Yeah, I know a little bit. Is this a new podcast you got coming out? Yeah, by the way all the little jokes I was making about you this weekend fucking so hilarious What do you mean nothing? I'll tell you off Eric's you wouldn't like them the Wait, do you really speak sign language? This is couch. Yeah, I know a little bit, but I mean what were your jokes? You're gonna tell them on the air? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no're like, guys, we have a really heavy speech. Uh, government, Gavin Newsom is gonna be up here. Normally, we have a sign language translator, but just trying to lighten it up. We just brought Bert Kreiser. He's

gonna improv sign language. I bet I could, I wonder if I could express my thoughts to someone who was deaf by just, just like, trying to, yeah, just trying it. For the first time, I wonder if I could wing sign language and they'd understand what I was saying. Hmm. I think it depends on how complicated the message is. How many deaf people do you think we have watches? Probably a few. Do you think we're not a lot of people?

Yeah, they put the most captioning on and watch it, yeah. Really? Sure. Why not? Okay, let's try it. Okay, what would you like to do? Say something, and I'm gonna see if I can improv sign language, you get the point across. Okay. So, if you're deaf uh how's this gonna work yeah if you're deaf don't look at the

close captioning okay you say it all improv sign language and then and then say it again so they know what you said okay okay go ahead it would be nice to get. Shit, can you just do like, it would be okay. Okay. I'd like to get a seat on a SpaceX flight to the moon and possibly in the future Mars. You know that. I know that. Yeah. But it's a lot harder than it thought I thought it was going to be.

How about last night I ran 10 miles After that's 20 after drinking a bunch of wine I Did I did do that I got on the treadmill with you On Amanda seals is leaving the real. I knew that was gonna happen. Why? I've been watching her livestream. She was saying, I think it just wasn't

giving her the place to be yourself. I think that it's hard for someone like her who's very opinionated, very open, very transparent with everything and just say shit and doesn't mind getting in trouble for what she says to be on a corporate television show like that where they're like, can you just stay within the box? It's a reason that Rogan is doing his podcast.

You want to reach out to someone like Amanda and those times and go and hit her up and go, just do your own podcast. Doesn't she already have one? I think she does. I think she does, but it's like just take it to the next level the way Rogan's doing it. She's she's I wanted to do that to be you Phillips and go just busy Phillips, busy Phillips. Yeah. And go, hey, just do a podcast. Like you had a great show. The thing that was fucking it up for busy Phillips is that she had to cram it in to a five minute segment and make her every five minutes. But I've been

imagine a man it would be a very big podcaster. If she's doing it like regularly, you know, like like the way Joe does it, yeah, she could have a huge followers. I listen to her do a live stream of Snoop Dog this morning. Fucking love Snoop Dogg. Yeah. I, the Snoop Dogg is like, it's crazy that he's gotten,

he's like a fine wine. The more like now when he talks, it's like almost like, you're like really listening. Like he's, when he was a kid, he spit game, it was fun to listen to him. Yeah. But now it's like, oh yeah, and it's weird that you grew up with him. I know.

Isn't it crazy that like, I feel like I really know Snoop Dogg. I think 92 or 93 would have been the album, right? Stupid album. It was 92, because I want to say it was 92 because I was living maybe it was 93 I remember my buddy Scott O'Brien who Obey who does not listen to hip-hop at all was like Do you listen to Snoop Dogg's album and I was like no because I was like I know hip-hop and it wasn't on my radar 93 93 I remember listening to the chronic the first time and being like, whole. We, me, Sal, came in, Sean Hooker, like we're all at, we're about to go water skiing on the Hillsboro River and they put the chronic in my car, my cars parking in the middle of a field.

And I remember and we lit a joint, and we were having beers, and I heard the chronic, and I went, oh, I'm going to buy this immediately. Yeah, it's like, it's amazing. God. Yeah, I went to his house. Dr. Dre's? Dre's house, yeah.

So look at it. To buy it? Yeah. Not the one he lives in now. But wait, wait, what? Shut up. It was weird, so I it? Yeah. Not the one he lives in now. But wait, wait, what? Shut up. It was weird. So I put it together.

I didn't know what I was. They didn't advertise that, obviously. They did. What are my favorite things to do when you were looking for houses trying to figure out what they did for a living? Oh, yeah. So I'm in this house. It's weird as shit.

OK. It's like a castle. That should be a fucking game show. If we could do a game show. Yeah. We should bring, get three contestants, put them in a house, and they have to profile the person, and see who's the most person,

and then we reveal the person. The person comes in, and you're like, you're wrong. He was a dentist, close enough. You thought a Hollywood writer. Keep going, keep going. So I tore the house. If that's a good idea, take that out of the show so we can sell that. you thought a Hollywood writer. Keep going, keep going. So I, I'm, I tore the house. If that's a good idea, take that out of the show so we can sell that, that's a good idea.

I love profiling people. I love it, I love going in and going into a house and going, you know what, the other thing is, you're good at profiling people. I'm fucking amazing, dude, I was so good. I'm, I told you, when we did the cabin, we were looking at houses, and I was looking at houses at that time.

What does that come out? I don't know. Soon it should be up to, yeah. But tell me the story about Dr. Drake. God damn it, I'm doing it again. Okay, so we go into this, it's a gated community, and we're going to look at this house, and it looks like a castle.

It looks kind of crazy. We go inside and there's a grand entrance and you're like, okay. And immediately there's something that stands out. You're like, this looks like over here, this dining area, this looks like new, super nice. Then you go to this, the office, like the man's office.

I'm like, oh, this is like super nice. Those are like a DJ's thing. No, no, just like a nice office setup. Then you go to like the out back patio area and again into the pool and you're like, this is dope, like, it looks like it was recently done. And then you turn this way and you're looking at the kitchen, you're like, this looks 35 years old.

Like the kitchen. The kitchen looks 35 years old. You're like, you look at the other room, you're like, that looks so new, this looks so dated. So you're like, okay, that's kind of interesting. And then I go, this kitchen, this looks pretty old. He's like, well, the owner, you know, didn't really use the kitchen much. I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, well, he had a staff that uses the kitchen. I was like, a staff?

He's like, yeah, like, people cook for him. I was like, okay. So, okay, sir, are you going like? Now, at first I just go like, is he married? I go, yeah, I go, okay. And then we walk to another room, so outdated. I was like, what the fuck man?

And then we go up the stairs, and there's a room that feels about 25 years old and the hallway, like 50 years old. And then there's a movie theater that's like new. And you're like, it's all the shit that he loves. Yeah, that he cared about. And then all the other stuff, incredibly outdated. So we keep walking through and I go,

who's room is this? And they're like, this was the daughter's room, but she's, oh, he mentioned before he goes, somebody in the music industry and I go, oh, okay, I'm not even thinking like that. Then he goes, the daughter was in here, but then she's going to school now. And I turn and I go, is it Dr. Dre?

And you guys, how did you do that? Because I remember news about his daughter, like it was just in my head, but his daughter going to USC. And when I said it, the guy was like, yeah, it started starting, Dre, and I go, yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, then the other people were like, how the fuck do you know that?

I go because I know that his daughter was just, I don't know, it was a random guy. We said music industry He said the daughter went to school and then oh and then we go in the garage and there's just three guys sitting in the garage, right? And I was like who were they come with the house guys. Yeah, just like hanging out He goes whenever we show the house he sends Security guy like his guys to the house. I was like oh so there's like Couple of paintings in a car in the garage and I was like

All right, man pretty cool And then they were asking I thought I was like they're asking they were asking Only crazy when you go you have to put so much into this house all the stuff. It's not updated right I get to redo the entire second floor to this is a new This is a spin-off. This is a segment for us We find a realtor, okay, okay who takes us each episode these are for YouTube Two but two bears one cave you have to agree to have video cameras. 100%.

Anyone who's trying to sell a house is gonna love the fucking like, like you get cool celebrities. Like there's people, celebrities put their house on the market, like Tommy Lee just put his house on the market in Malibu. It would have been cool to go through that house. Me and you.

We don't know who's house it is, right? We get there and the Reelator starts walk us through and we've got to figure out who's house it is, right? We get there and the Reelator starts walk us through and we've got to figure out who's house it is by going through their shit. That would be so much fucking fun. Can we do that? Do you know a Reelator that can get us like a high-end

celebrity Reelator that can find the celebrity is willing to let us do it? Yeah, probably. Let's do it. That would be so much fucking fun. Dude, I had so much fun looking at houses and figuring out what people did for a living, by looking at their shoes.

But it really is serial killer shit. Like what a profiler does. Like when the profiler's like, this killer loves to watch his victim. You know, like going through their house, I had so much fun. We went to one house where you could immediately go hang on. Is this like we went to one house and I picked out that guy was a dentist like this. And they're like, how did you know he was a dentist?

And I was like, you could smell the dentist office in his closet. Yeah, my wife's like, what? And I go, come on in. She's like, God damn it. He has an ass. The only thing that threw me is this guy had little tiny liquor bottles all lined up.

So I thought he traveled. So like he had little tiny liquor bottles all lined up, so I thought he traveled. So like he had little tiny liquor bottles in his closet. Old house, it was an old house. Like all old mahogany, like dark red wood, and like low ceilings. So it was like, dude, it's so amazing. You can tell so much about someone when you walk into their house. Yeah. And what do we don't even need to buy the house?

Let me show down. The house doesn't even need to buy the house? I don't even need to buy the house. Let me show down. The house doesn't even need to be for sale, Tom. We can just go into celebrity's houses and them not tell us, oh, I guess they probably, yeah, people feel. Do you know how bad, by the way, that I once I figured it out, first of all,

you could tell Rogan's house in a fucking heartbeat. Like, if you walked in Rogan's house, you're like, is this an deprivation take? Is this show Rogan? Yeah, you can't go, you can't go in. No, I just right away, the whole tour, I just kept the rest of that. Once I figured it out, every room I would be in,

I was like, fuck. Did 50 come over here and they worked on the stuff. Like I just was like, Oh, you can't, I would, I would, that tour would take forever. Is this where he first put on his beats by Dre? Have you ever... Is this where Snoop came in and he first saw snoop yeah, maybe

Snoop came to his house and started spitting rhymes when I saw me and I just saw the movie Yeah, no it was that I could not stop thinking about that shit and then like a part of me Because I didn't want the house like I would just put it no, but that's the thing I kept going like Yeah, but I should try to buy this house because it's Dreze house and then I'll live in draze all the creative energy Yes fucking came out of that house that's a posse in his greatness So the magnets have lined up so that that house creates great shit. I think that about my man came to that was accepting and offer way under Cuz I'm sure that first of all he was just like just sell this fucking house. It's not I Hope that I mean I hope I get that rich

that I don't give a fuck about things. Like, really rich. But I care so much about things that like, I can't, I don't wanna get rid of our house, like the one we live in. Yeah. Cause I go, all the good shit happened to me in this house. He moved to a house that is $40 million.

How do you afford that? Like how did it like that? You have a producing career like him and then you also have beats by Dre headphones. But like, that's so crazy. Do you remember when you were younger in this world? I say in this business, but in LA, do you remember when you're younger

and you'd go to someone's house and be like, how do you have a house? Yes, do you know one time I went to a house? I forgot the circumstances of how I ended up there. I think I was there with I don't know anyways When we're in this house I look around and it's in the it's in like you know North of sunset those hill homes, right? Like if you're driving on sunset

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and you go up in the those hills. Yeah, it's like really nice pleasure sunset Plaza Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you go up in those hills. Yeah. It's like really nice pleasure. Sunset, plaza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I end up in a house up there, and I'm like 23 or 4, I'm with somebody. Anyways, I end up going, I'm so young, and I'm so, I'm looking at this house, I go, what does this guy do? And they go, he's a producer.

And I just, I'm looking at his fridge. And he has a glass see-through fridge with different drinks lined up. And I'm like, I'm just like staring with my mouth open at his different Pellegrinos, like flavors. And I go, do I know any of the movies you produced? Like I, he was like, I mean, he named some movies

and I was like, this guy fucking does. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe, I was like, I go, this guy fucking does. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. I was like, I go, I've never heard of this guy and he has this house. I thought anybody with a house like this, you would just recognize them. Oh yeah, oh, I went to a music producer's house one time

and I just kept going like, I was like, how does he afford that? How much is it like saying stuff like that? I went to a party one time at someone's house and Julia Roberts was there. And I was like, dude, I wish I was cooler when I was younger. Cause I spent the whole party trying to pony upside by Julia Roberts and Danny Motor

so that they'd think I was cool, invite me into their circle, get me into a movie, and I could start a career. Of course. I was so blown away at the concept of Julia Rock. Like it was like, yeah. I remember so distinctly going to people's houses that were me and Leanne's age and they had a house. And I remember going getting in the car with Leanne going, how do they do that? Like how do you do that?

It seems so foreign, especially in LA. And yeah, I got a preface with that land. It might, maybe it's easier to get houses in like Florida or Texas or Oklahoma or wherever, but in LA, houses are so expensive. It's crazy. That you'd go, I'd go, the day down payment is 10%, every house you'd go to back,

then every house is like a million dollars, that I don't seem like. And I'm like, how did they get up? How do you save a hundred thousand dollars? Like to this day, I go, how do you save a hundred thousand dollars like to this day I go how do you how did someone do that like yeah, it seemed like now it's 20% you know, that's like the minimum Yeah, it blows me away. I Remember I still have this feeling like if there's a financial hiccup like say a neighbor call

I remember my buddy Chris Gillan had a house that and I remember being buddy, Chris Gillin had a house that, and I remember being like, he was like, you gotta buy a house. And I was like, I remember going like, I don't have any money. Like, where do you get money? And he was like, blue payments, blue payments. And I was like, really?

And he was like, hey, payin' nothin'. One day you gotta figure it out. You figured out by then. But I remember a lot of guys did that. Yeah. Yeah. I remember him saying, God damn it, my neighbor's called in because they had redone their garage

and some neighbor had called in and said that was an illegal redo. Oh my God. And I was like, what are you gonna do? I remember thinking I'd be destroyed, financially destroyed. It's so crazy. I remember going to Joe's house for the first time.

Mm-hmm. I remember being... This is... What, I... Can you see the first time I went on Rogan, what year that was? I'll... I'll... I'll... Did I...

I bet you was 2010. Do you remember going to Joe's house for the first time? Yeah. Like, what was the things that you remember? Because Joe was the first genuinely rich person I ever met. Like, where I was like... Yeah. Good, never mind never mind never mind Holston or on the dove

um I might keep saying Holston uh I remember going to his office and being like I wish I could get to a place where I had shit I didn't want alright like remember he just had like flashlights to the ceiling and like, and he'd be like, take a flashlight, grab some vitamins, like, I remember being like, if I could get to a place where I had stuff that I didn't want, like, I would have made it.

Yeah. I remember being so floored, like I remember his, like, he was like, you want a coffee? And I was like, he would take me like a half an hour to make someone a coffee, like at the time. Yeah. I couldn't just make you a coffee. We make coffee in the morning.

You make a pot of it, me and Leanne. I couldn't make you a coffee. There was like the little things like that. We're so impressive back in the day, where you lose sight of it maybe? Yeah, I mean I remember going to his house and yeah just being like just I don't know you just know when you're in like a nice house you know I mean where you're like this isn't like most people's house is a nice fucking house and that it's like it's broken out you know where you're like I'm in it will be

over here and other will be over here, and other people will be over there, and you won't even know that they're like, you know, there's like the size of the house, things like that. And you know what's crazy is that his wife was so regular. Like she wasn't like, like she just came in and regular clothes.

You're in a really nice house. And she came in a regular clothes, and I was like, like you'd expect everyone to be in like, gown outfits. It sounds crazy because you know, I'm sure Joe would be like, it was a great fucking house. I remember going in and I'd be in like,

being like, hey, because I was legit fan of his before I met him and being like, can I see, I gotta see a couple things. I was like, I gotta see your deprivation tank. Once you're pooled table, I wanna meet your dog. I wanna get high and then we can do a podcast. And he was like, oh, we're right in for Red Band anyway. And then seeing the depri a podcast and he was like oh, we're written for Red Band anyway and

Then seeing the deprivation tank and being like how did they get this in here? I've never seen the garage and having a hard on because he had lifts for his cars Yeah, and then he had a whole fucking fight fight Matt fight Matt with televisions And he's like yeah, I watch fights and I act amount was great. I've never seen that being like, this is the shit. Yeah. You know what's mean what people say when they see my house? It's so small.

I go, what? And like, it's so much smaller. Like I see, I've seen it on an Instagram. It looks big. It's not that big. And I go, yeah, I get that a lot. And you go, it makes me feel good. Yeah, thanks.

Can you not say that again ever? So many people is that, that's immune. They go, it's really good. Yeah, thanks. Can you not say that again ever? So many people is that too. They go it's really small. I just walked in your front door morning in the backyard. How do you actually survive here? I know. And then there's no way to say like I'm trying to be responsible with my money because people just in LA do not get that.

They're like, yeah, but you make money, right? I'm like, I make money and they're like, but why aren't you spending it? I'm like, I've been broke my whole life and I'm terrified of losing it. Yeah, it's good. Yeah. God, I'm in a great mood. You are in a good mood. I was in a shit mood yesterday. You ran with your wine and that made you do better. I

Got it was it was a throwback night last night. And you look good. Thank you. You look great, man. You looked in weights. It's like four days a week. I got on the phone with it was great because I was in a bad mood all day yesterday. Just deal. I think everything's been so heavy this weekend and I have I've been online kind of trying to process information and watching a lot of stuff and trying I don't know, just trying to listen and it can be heavy and and parent to kids with the pandemic and the protests and everything and please for all the shit and then I got on and I was super heavy I sat with Lee in the front yard, she bought me a coffee, she bought me a sweetened iced coffee and I was like I'm already angry at her

She fucking posted, she posted the black tile on her Instagram. And then, and I love my wife. I love her so much. She posted black tile and then uses hashtag black lives matters. And then I go, hey, you gotta change your hashtag. And she's like, no, I don't have to do anything. And I go, no, hold on. You do because that, now that that's clogging up the feed of black lives. No, no, I'm doing the right, I go, no, I don't have to do anything. And I go, no, hold on, you do because that now that that's clogging up the feed of black lives. No, I'm doing the right, and I go, hey, can you just take it from me? And then I said, and then I look at her comments,

and it's all like, I noticed your husband hasn't liked this, is that because he's most right? And then I'm like, hey, babe, can you, I was like, never mind. And then she goes, no, I'm gonna write to these people saying that shit, that if you've got nothing nice to say Don't say nothing at all and I go do not write that please don't write that and then I was and then I fucking melting down And she's like I got you a nice coffee and I was like oh great

I took a sip and I was like oh and she was like really I got you a nice coffee and then she does my joke Do you want cream with your coffee and I was like not now Leanne not now And then she goes you need a glass of wine or something. And then I fucking called you. And I was like, I'm opening up all the wine, I'm getting on the treadmill. And then I just got on the treadmill, I ran 10 miles, and I fucking fell in. And it's amazing.

It's exciting to let the audience know there's a whole new lane that they can explore. Yes. Bert smells bad. It's so excited for this. Bert, fuck stop. Can I tell you, can I tell you this is why, this is why I'm excited for this.

Tell me. Because it's the slow joke. It's the slow joke where I will be sitting at Georgia's softball game in the near future when they open this up. One of these parents will be talking to another parent and they'll be staring at me and then I'll hear them go

And I'll go God's death But then you'll laugh and then I'll fucking laugh and then or someone will be like Hey, man, do you have a dog and I'll be like I got a couple it happens so much where they go with like people go Georgia's dad's a comedian. Oh, let's oh we've got a million followers. Let's take a look and you're like, oh, fuck. This guy doesn't shower. I can't wait for the slow reveal of it of like being on a plane next to somebody and then recognizing you, but not saying it

and Googling you and then going like, what I, man, can I get a coffee filter please? What I love about the most is somebody, I'm like you in six months meeting someone and they'll be like, you don't smell that bad, you'll be like, no I don't. I'll be like, I feel like I smell like a fucking bag of vomit. But everybody keeps saying how much you stink. I can't wait for the small, there's the best delivery of these jokes has always been the small petite white girl

who's comes to the show by herself. And I can't wait till the one time she's doing the meet and greet, she comes back. She goes, can we get a picture? And I go, yeah. And they go to take the picture and she goes, ah, in the middle of the picture and the picture is her gagging next to me.

Yeah, of course, it's gonna happen. I can't wait for all the fucking, I'm really excited about the fact that I smell like shit But you love all people. I love everyone. I got love in my heart for everyone. There we go. All right That's a perfect that's a perfect way than this see you guys next week. I love you guys I love every single one of you guys and I love you Tom. I love you too Bert Tom I love every single one of you guys and I love you, Tom. I love you too. Bird. Tom. Tom and Bird.

One goes top and swat the other. Where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and birds the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean. Here's what we call, two bears one cave. No scripts to be the booze amateur, pathology, dirty jokes, ranchy humor, no apologies. Here's what we call,

Two Bears One Cave.