2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 37 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: July 6, 2020

Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer start off this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave by eating Krispy Kreme donuts. They give Russell Peters a call to discuss Hinduism, which Bert is interested in possibly joining. They also discuss how often they brush their teeth, celebrities with fake teeth and fake hair, planking, Trinidad James, and Bert's daily caloric intake. Bert and Nadav also talk out their differences.

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Do you think just let's pause at one moment here? You just said, I feel like I haven't lost any weight. But you also have a half gallon of coolate here. Do you think it contributes? No. It doesn't contribute. Five calories. A half a gallon. Five calories. Do you think that goes with me everywhere? Do you think it contributes? No, it doesn't contribute Bob calories a Half a gallon Bob calories

It's so fucking good. Why would you choose to drink water when you're gonna cool it? I gotta understand why anyone would have just water. Like it's so stupid. Let me ask you this, because this is kind of interesting, calorically talking. How many donuts do you think you could smash if they're like the classic crispy cream donuts? Oh, easily 12.

A dozen? Easily a dozen. If you brought in a dozen crispy cream donuts, I'd almost bet I Did not just hear someone oh, shut the fuck up How long have you how long have you had these in there? Oh? Fuck yes Hold on One second one second don't push because there's coffee here

Sweet what what are the different oh these are just glazed? Yeah, yeah. Oh, bro. Bro. Doesn't? I almost certain, how many calories in a dozen? There's like, I want to just fuck up my calorie intake. There's five, there's five each.

How many calories in a dozen, crispy creams? Don't tell them the truth. Oh, there's only 190 calories per donut. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, calories, 1,200 calories. So this is a daily clerk intake. One day of food right here. If I eat this, I can eat again. OK. Should we start with one? Yeah. Ding.

How many bites do you think you take on it, on it? This is probably 4 or 5? No. One bite Hmm so fucking good. He's good. It's so fucking good Krispy Kreme does it right Okay, and cancel or something I don't know, are they? Oh, not.

I don't know what they're doing over there, but they make good donuts. Pretty damn good. Do we have a microwave here? Uh-huh. There's a hot crispy cream donut, is a one-biter. Wanna heat some up? Let's just heat two up, eight seconds.

If you heat it, by the way, this is how often you eat crispy creams. not crispy cream doughnut is a one-biter. He's him up. Let's just heat to about eight seconds. If you heat it, by the way, this is how often you eat crispy creams. Type in how long to heat up a crispy cream doughnut, it's eight seconds. Really? I've eaten a lot of crispy cream doughs lately. It's eight seconds, island I found

that eight seconds is the perfect time. You've been in a couple places? Yeah. Oh, there. Oh yeah. He's got doughnuts right there. They're so fucking good. Yeah, they're so good. They're so good Yeah, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it coffee dip this time. I like that, right? Let's see it. Oh my god.

Jesus. Mm. Oh my god. You're in? I feel so good. I mean, fuck, it fucks your head up. Like, my eyes start going in the back of my head and I start on yeah, I'm dead I almost hear sex talk. Yeah, like It's amazing people don't talk during eating the way they talk during fucking

Like how cool to restraffy if people talk like the food was that good that they talked like they were sick like having sex Mm-hmm. We heard people going yeah fucking right Oh come on bitch. What's on that microphone? I hope it's icing or I'm eating something oh It was chewed up icing oh We did a coffee tasting segment for travel channel one time. It sucks that I don't really talk about all those things I did for travel channel,

because it was such a cool life experience. What do you mean you talk about it? I don't talk about it enough. I should do like a one man show about it, because it was really interesting, but we did a coffee tasting segment in Paris across from the Notre Dame and and that's not as hot is that hot should I test to see if it burns my mouth.

How long did you put it in for? 30 seconds. Did you not hear me say eight seconds? No, I didn't hear you. Okay. Okay. He didn't hear you. What did you do again? Remember when I said eight seconds?

No, he didn't hear it's fine, it's fine. You realize this is fucking lava? Yeah, it is. Yeah, I don't put pizza in for 30. It's pretty hot. It's pretty hot It's already hearing no, no, he's just in here. He's like a man. Yeah It's really hot really fucking 30 seconds. Who the fuck yeah, I don't know He's still a little bit of parents. I don't maybe I don't know. I'm gonna put these in for eight. Yeah

Oh, that is so fucking hot. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna see if I can out. Hey, hey, hey, will you put others for both of us? Yeah. Okay. Go 10. One is eight. You have a. Okay. This podcast is brought to you by Krispy Kreme. Krispy Kreme, making donuts since 1952. Krispy Kreme was started by a, but I think Krispy Kreme will be a great nickname for a porn star, don't you? What's her name? Krispy Kreme, Krispy Kreme.

This is so hot, it's burnt on the bottom. God, icing is so good. Glazed, glazed, I'm sorry, glaze. Did I am I right? I'll go right to the fucking foche. Oh yeah. Good? Perfect. Fucking perfect. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. If you had the fucking meal, like, out of all the meals you have, where you go, I bet in the bet, I bet this one's perfect right now. the fuck did he do I mean I could put it in the box close it would warm up the other ones It is so fucking hot How the fuck did he do I'm gonna put it in the box close it it would warm up the other ones

I I Alright, crispy can those are so fucking good. Yeah, I Mean How many more you think you can handle? I'm just keeping it in Like this would get me out of bad when I was a kid I love the thing my fingers I love licking my fingers. There's no better, it's so weird people don't like you licking your fingers. But it's... Like, you're in tape, we're losing some listeners right now.

Yeah. This podcast is brought to you by licking your fingers. Oh my god. Why use a napkin? When God gave you one. Oh, hey, uh, you're not feeling sick. Are you? Cause I'm just started. Watch down low. Cool. started. Watch it down a little cool eight. This is brought to you by Diambeeties. You're not kidding. Oh, Russell Peters. Yeah. My hands are so sticky right now. Yeah, I feel like I was belesting a troll All right, let's call Russell Peters It feels so good. How many of you why have you eaten so many why have it to you not had two You know you haven't had to

Hey, Tom and I are eating crispy cream donuts donuts and we're recording this and we're recording this Yeah, we were just on a diet and then he brought in a dozen two dozen crispy cream donuts and now we are fucking them up How many think how many do you think you could eat in one sitting? I'm actually eating an entire box in one sitting before you have Yeah, there's no light delicious And but then my acid reflux checked in and then I think I shit oil for a month. Yeah That sounds right. We're gonna feel fucked up after this Hey, you had you had a Bernie Mac deal hugely and what Bernie Mac?

Hey Russell how's Bernie doing? You didn't see the look on Tom's face when I said Bernie Mac, you had Bernie Mac? Cedric, the entertainer, I met my bad. Yes. You had all those guys... You guys had them all over your house the other night, right? Yeah, last night I had Cedric and Jotori and Guy Tori and Angelo. She's a couple of weeks ago, we said, D.L. do a Martin and J Phillips.

Yeah, what are you guys doing? Just smoking cigars? I sit in the back yard, smoke cigars and drink some liquor. Why wouldn't you invite Tom and I? Tom doesn't answer his phone and you look like you're in bed by night. I go to bed pretty early these days. Tom and I would, Tom and I would really love. Next time you do something like that, we'd really love to go but you have to introduce us as very funny comedians.

Like, didn't not know who we are. I'm pretty sure they know who you are. We've gone through this. We checked with Neil Brennan. He says, nobody black knows who we are. Well, Neil is white and also not the authority on black. Well, check his Instagram. I think you might be wrong about that Yeah, oh I find that sign for nose who you are no you didn't yeah, I did He does Russell knows a lot of black people

a lot of famous black people. I know a lot of regular ones. That's what I grew up with. Oh, Russell, please invite me and Tom to the next party. Let's do it. It's not a party. It's just in prop. Do you want to get come over tonight? Tom was calling it a cookout. No, I did not. That's that Peruvian racism.'s that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's like Madonna Yeah, that's what they were doing back in the 30s Mahamma Gandhi's his last name Yes, god is a surname. Oh, interesting interesting. Gandhi. That's interesting. Okay, right it turns out go go ahead I love that guy's books keep going

Russell Russell Bert Bert wants to know Russell can is there are there any famous Hindu people that That you can give Bert their phone. He wants to talk to somebody. I want to I want to walk through what I like about this religion Oh Matter-of-fact you know, Raj, um, Sharma? No. Comic? No, but I'll get to know him.

I'll have him on my podcast. Yeah, you know, Raj Sharma, he's a good dude. Funny comic. Okay. I'm going to check this. He was out here. Oh, I know who you're talking about. I'm sorry. Yes. Yes. Yes. I do. Okay. I'll get him on my podcast.

Oh, I love you, Russell. All right. I'm going to text you later. I want to. Yes. Yes. Yes. I do. Okay. I'll get them on my podcast. Oh, I love you Russell All right, I'm gonna text you later. I want to come over to your house and have drinks in cigars Yeah, you can bring your ladies with you too. Mm-hmm hard pass. Okay, we'll take back All right, bye Russ. Bye Russell. I love him. He's great Sweet Give me break. Okay, we got a full fucking hour 15. Okay, all right My hands are so sticky right now. You know that's the reason I didn't like oranges when I was a kid It's because in Florida we'd ride into an orange grove pick oranges eat oranges and then my hands get sticking on the

Worse the fucking worst so many things about Florida I think that not everyone appreciates like how sticky the oranges are great fruits We got introduced to grapefruit set a very young age. That's true. Yeah, I remember we get hit with the grapefruit. What are you doing? Hands in it. Oh, hands He's doing a great job. I don't want him to hear the compliment. Yeah, he's doing a great job Well, do you think we're getting better along better because of his behavior or my behavior? I think it's a combination of. Oh, hands-handed Tater sideers. Thanks, man. Thanks, Adam.

What do you think I was doing? Nothing. Okay. Feels much better. I think we just spread around the icing. Yeah. Just thinned it out. Yeah, put something in your beard. Do you use beard solves? I need to. I don't. I would make my skin break out. Really? Beared oil and stuff?

Beared oil makes my skin break out. I'm starting out acid reflux now. This is when you gotta go in harder. Hey, we found that ukulele picture. Yes. This is the one we were looking for two episodes ago. Yeah, and this is when I found out I was fat. Yes.

This is so great. There it is. I didn't know I was fat. You're so happy in it, though. I was so happy. Look at my side tip. I know, but also the like your arm really fills out that sleeve. God, I didn't know I was fat.

You know, sometimes with being fat, it's the closure wearing. Yeah. Like it's like, I think that was a large tank top. And so when you put just a large on an XL body, an XL body, you spill out of it. Do the saddest I've ever been, that same day they were like, it's a little cold,

and you wanna cover up, do you wanna wear a wetsuit I went oh yeah yeah yeah so they had I wish I had a picture of this they had a spring suit that was just like a tank top yeah and I put it on and I thought I looked good and I walked out and everyone in the crew is like no and I went is it bad and they're like you haven't looked in a mirror I said no and they're like okay I would just take it off and not look at yourself but if, you haven't looked in a mirror? And I said, no, and they're like, okay, I would just take it off and not look at yourself. But if you wanna see it in a mirror, you'll take it off. And I looked, Tom, my tits were spilling out the sides.

And it just looked like it looked so fucking disgusting that I literally took it off immediately. I went surfing in a shirt. Swimming in a shirt is the most embarrassing thing you can do as a fat guy. Yeah, yeah. When you have to swim in a shirt. Swimming in a shirt is the most embarrassing thing you can do as a fat guy. Yeah, when you have to swim in a shirt, especially like, oh, I think it's more, it's worse when you're like young though, right? Like a young, like a kid swimming in a shirt. I'm gonna break, you see a kid in a shirt. Yeah. It's interesting. Leanne says, I only have empathy for people that experience the things I experienced.

She says, you have a, and I think it's true. I think a lot of people have a hard time empathizing for shit they didn't go through. Yeah, sure. It's like with the Me Too movement, I think it's part of listening. Because when they came out, a lot of guys were like, wait, what?

Like, you know, But that's, yeah, that's usually, I mean. And women are like, oh, that's the, should I go through? So I connect immediately with all women? No, of course and my me too movement would be kids, the fact kids and sweat swimming in shirts. Yeah, that should suck. Oh, yeah Give her like what do you burn easy? No, I know it all really you don't some burn. No, but I'm sure I'm getting skin cancer You sure you're getting it? Oh, I'm certain.

Why? I think it's I think it haven't in my lip. Why? Because my lip would burn so bad as a kid. Yeah. Just bubble. My mom never put anything on it. And then I just, and it's out there now.

Like when I, like, like, it's have a hard time. Like it not getting sun. Yeah. Like for when I don't have a beard, this is really light. Cause this cast a shadow. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,

and you're live hangs, hangs to the hangs. It hangs one of my, like, when I was in high school, when I noticed, this is like when pictures started happening, catch yourself in pictures. High school college is if I wasn't prepared for the picture, I looked like a loo- I looked like I'd be like. And so like I started being cognizant if there's a camera on to be like, oh pull it back.

Yeah, pull my lip back because it just hangs there. Yeah. You have a cousin who in pictures,, he's always, he always goes, I'm like, what are you doing, man? Like every picture I have, you're like, dude, you remember? He's like, he doesn't like his teeth or something. So he, I think people's behavior in front of the camera has gotten so much better because of cell phones.

Because I mean, I didn't know how to take a picture. Like when I'm remembering college people would take pictures and I'd be like, I, burping up donut right now. Chasing with cool aid wasn't the best. Call. But like I just didn't know what to do when I took a picture. And that's like when cell phones first started coming out, I always went like this.

Yes. Because I didn't know what to do when you took a picture. I felt weird smiling. You had a CD album cover like that. Yeah. Yeah. I did that all the time because I didn't know what to do because I didn't know how to smile.

I never took pictures as a kid. Well, it does feel weird. I don't know, maybe because we're so self-conscious as comedians, but you know, just the idea that, hey, there's a camera and just to always go over it. I noticed that my smile's lopsided. Like one of my sides is lower than the other side. And I try to correct it, but when I do it looks weird.

Does that look like a good smile? Yeah. Chase Leopard has the picture of me when I had long hair and I parted it down the middle and all of this. It made me laugh so hard! Yeah, that's a good one. I'm getting my teeth re-done. You are?

Yeah, I'm gonna get all new teeth. When? Real big, real bright. What are you getting your teeth re- I don't know, real soon. For real? Yeah! When I get done this tour.

I'm gonna get all fucking brand new teeth. And real big, real soon. For real? Yeah, when I get done this tour. I'm gonna get all fucking brand new teeth and real big, real bright, so that I look fucking weird. Because I think that's like, you've got real teeth, right? Right. There's nothing has happened to those. Nothing, nothing. Christina, is she real teeth? She has mostly real teeth.

She has a... Pull up Christina road rules. Honestly, with Christina road rules, look like. I can't tell you, I still have a hard time getting past the fact she was on road rules. Really? I fucking love that show so much. Is that her real teeth? Yeah. She had one, she had one tooth chip so that's what I'm saying. She basically has a, I think, a look at how fucking thick her hair is. Wait, go scroll.

Oh no. No, no, go back to the, not early stand up. I want road rules, Christina. God, I can't this isn't crazy. I knew so much about your wife and Susie. They were like best friends. Yeah. What is it?

You did Road rules, Christina? Okay. Do you ever go back and watch any watch any of the old episodes? Long time ago I watched like one episode. That's your wife. I know. Are you curious?

I mean, it's a reality show. Yeah, but it's so can you believe she became a successful comedian? Do you know if she is a laughing? That's from the challenge. Where? Right that photo right there. That's from back in the day. God, this is gonna make me shit right now. What, looking at pictures of your wife? No, they're sugar. God, this is gonna make me shit right now. What, look at the pictures of your wife? No, the sugar. The sugar. Oh my God. You're going to shit right now? Are you serious?

I wish I could do that. Okay. What if I put my dick all over these donuts on his side? Would you tell him? Why would you tell him? If I just painted his donuts with my cock And I was like, okay, one more. Come on. Tom. I don't want that to happen to my boss. You know what though? I can't hear you. I don't maybe put your headphones on

This is can I tell you this is why we have a disconnect? Yeah, cuz I don't talk to you like that right But if you want to me like that well because then people can't hear what I'm saying to you. So it just sounds like you're having a quiet conversation. No, no, not the level of what you're speaking. You're going to put your fucking headphones on. I don't say it like that. Bullshit. I say put your fucking headphones on. You just said it. Right. You said you couldn't hear me. So I said, how about you put fucking headphones on. You just said it. Right. You said you couldn't hear me, so I said how about you put your headphones on. You did not say how about you said put your fucking headphones on. I don't think so.

Hey, hang on Chris, are you in there? Yes. Did he say put your fucking headphones on? He said put your headphones on. He did not say put your fucking headphones on? He never said fucking. See, it's a disconnect. It's a disconnect.

I don't hear you. Here's the thing, Bert, is that you always think I'm way more aggressive to you than you realize. I, you're right. You're dead. You're definitely right. Yeah. You're definitely right.

No, I know it's not true. Cause I, I heard you say that and I, my, my skin crawls and I go, put your fucking headphones on. I go, why would you talk to me like that? Like, I feel like we're getting along and then also you say that, but you did not say that. Right. I didn't, I didn't say it aggressively at all.

You didn't say put your, we, at all. Right. And I think that's, I think that. Right, I didn't say it aggressively at all. You didn't say put your feet at all. Right, and I think that's where maybe some the pent up aggression might start building up is that we kind of misread each other sometimes because we don't listen to each other. I would agree with that. Because you know, Bert, I really like you, man. Do you really?

Yeah, I legit like working with you. I think every time you come in here, I have a great time. Except for, you know, when you think I'm being aggressive and then you react? Yeah, I legit like working with you. I think every time you come in here, I have a great time. Except for, you know, when you think I'm being aggressive and then you react to that, I'm grateful. It's so funny. It's so funny, it just happened, but it really didn't happen. Right.

Not yet. That was entirely coming from me. Right. I completely agree with you. That's happened a number of times, hasn't it? Yeah, and I mean, some might say that it's just like a complete nightmare. You know?

Yeah. For both of us. Well, I apologize. Bert, apology accepted, and you know what? Like, I feel like if my reactions might have been overly aggressive to you in the past, it was always just a reaction to you thinking I was aggressive to you. It happened right there, and I swear to God if Chris wasn't in there and telling me I was wrong, I would have sincerely believed that you said that happened right there and I swear to God if Chris wasn't in there and telling me I was wrong.

I would have sincerely believed that you said that to me and that is the base of it is me misreading you. No, yeah. And like any time that you felt me being aggressive to you has always been just me reacting to you being aggressive. It's so funny. You know my mantra that fucks with my head. What? I've talked about it on Rogan. And it's old school shit. I'm sure it has to do with self-esteem.

And I think a lot of comics pretend like a lot of people think comics have super big self-esteem. But my thing, and this is what bothered me with the already thing getting drugged was my mantra that keeps me up at night is, so you think I'm weak. Like that's what I, it goes over and over. My head is like, oh, people think I'm weak.

When I'm, I know I'm not, I know I don't think people actually think that, but I may think that about myself. And so when I hear stuff like that, it clicks my mantra. I'm like, why are you talking to me like that? Like do you think, do you think I'm weak? Like do you, and it starts projecting. I start fucking, I shut down and I turn into a dick. I have a hard time with breaking balls with people

I'm better to have balls broken on me Does that make sense? No, yeah, I and I totally get it The second I try to break someone's balls it comes out very mean right yeah, I've definitely noticed that Over the last couple have I done that to you. Yeah, you've done it quite a few episodes in a row since quarantine. For real? Yeah. Yeah. That's why we probably had that bickering back and forth

last episode is because you were just probably reacting to something that you thought was me being aggressive. And then I just like, all right, I'm done. I definitely was reacting. I'm sure I was now in hindsight, I was probably definitely reacting. Yeah, and I mean, that's the thing is that,

like, I'm not holding on to any of this stuff, because I know, like, oh, well, Bert doesn't think he was being agressed, like he's not doing this stuff on purpose. I texted Tom about it and I was like, hey, do we have a problem in the dog? And he was like, no, he likes you. I think that you, by the way,

you really missed a fucking very interesting interaction. You wanna fill me in? I don't, it might take a while. So you know how I was gone for two minutes? Yeah, I know, but a lot happened in that two minutes in the dog. But it would take two minutes to exploit.

Just tell me. So I don't know how it started, but I said something I don't we were talking and I said And the dog said I'm gonna keep these on okay He goes put put your headphones on, but I heard put your fucking headphones on and I shut down again I went and I called him on I said why would you talk to me like that? And then he was like I didn't I was like bullshit. I just fucking heard it and he was like no you didn't and I was like Chris did he say put your fucking headphones on by the way They're still yelling in there. We can't hear you can't hear us put your fucking headphones on

So I put my headphones on and Chris goes he did not say that and I said he did not and he was like he did not and I was like I didn't. And that's what's been the problem, is you're reading, misreading me and getting defensive. And then you flare up. That's interesting. It is, well, I talked to you about this the other day, so I was like, I feel like the Davener

are having budding heads. And I like the Daven, I don't understand. But it cuts into this narrative of, you know, like I was saying would say, and I have it, an easier time letting people break my balls than busting people's balls. Every time I bust someone's balls, they misread it or I come off wrong

and I hurt their feelings or I see mean. So I don't, I just why I don't do roasts or anything, because my version of ball breaking comes off a little nasty. I don't know why. I don't know, is that true? I'm trying to think. Yeah, I mean, I just know every time

I've ever made a joke about someone to another comic, it comes off like they always pull me aside and they're like, hey man, did you mean that? And you're like, how come everyone can do it to me, but I can't do it to anyone else? And I think it's the way I do it. Maybe come, I don't know. I don't know.

I think, well, some reason I don't talk about politics on stages, because I, for some reason when I do it it sounds like I Like I'm I'm Disqualifying other people or I like it doesn't it's why I kind of just stay with having fun and just telling jokes as opposed to trying to get political or take like a Stance on such a shit. Yeah, that's true. It's a choice. I mean like I do basically the same thing. I don't do political humor Yeah, and and what's the same thing. I don't do political humor. Yeah, and it's the same thing is that maybe I'm not my breaking of Nidob's balls always comes post me misreading something he's doing.

That is the more astute observation. I think it's that you're commenting after you've read something that you didn't, is this fairly read correctly? Yeah, yeah. What do you thinkly read correctly? Yeah, yeah. What do you think, Nadav? No, yeah, I mean, I completely agree, because like, like, I mean, I might have gotten a little frustrated with Bert in the past,

but it's not because Bert is trying to be like that intentional, like he's not doing that on purpose, you know? He's not doing what? I don't know, calling me out on doing stuff wrong when I didn't really do it wrong. Yeah. But like that's what I think it is.

I think it's like misreading stuff and then that becomes like an echo chamber feedback loop and then just misreading a misread, a misread, a misread. Oh yeah. Like the, like you Googling celebrity news. Yeah. I was getting very frustrated because I couldn't explain to you what was happening but I saw what was news. Yeah. I was getting very frustrated because I couldn't explain to you

what was happening, but I saw what was happening. Yeah. I'm really bad at, that's why Leanne doesn't let me teach the kids. And that's why I'm having a hard time teaching George I had to drive because the things I, Do you want me to come over? I would love it. I'm really bad at teaching George I had to drive.

Like it turns into a fight every fucking time. Okay. And so I'm like, and I, because I'm for whatever reason, I pick out little tiny things to focus on. And I don't just tell them, I just don't give the thing and let people do it. Yeah. I kind of micromanage it. And I was in that celebrity news, which is fucking conical if you watch it in hindsight. Yeah. Because, and, But it's me brow beating. I'm just not really good at giving directions

or being like a, I'm not good at it. Yeah, because you think like this and you want people to respond. I want people to be ahead of me and be with me. Yeah. If I had a nickel for every time on Tripflipper or on Travel Channel, I said, fuck you, I'll just do it myself.

Yeah. And I would, I I mean I lost my shit so many times like on your crew. Oh Yeah, oh god. Yeah Are you done with the fucking indigestion? No, but yeah, by the way, Nidav wouldn't let me put my dick on your donuts That's how it started as I said hey if I put my dick on his nose Where you guys tell him and that dog goes, I'm definitely telling him. He's my boss. And then I went, why would you, why wouldn't you want to have fun? Then he goes, put, then I thought he said, put your fucking

headphones on. So then I was like, that's how this started. You left that out of the first summary. I had talked about Nadob with Liam. You did? Yeah. I shit so big in there. Harder soft. Soft.

Roller soft. Roller soft. After sugar it is. Really? Yeah. Makes me sad. Do you work out yet today? Yeah.

You already did? Yesterday? No today. Not today, you know. You're you work out yet today? Yeah. You already did? Yesterday? No, today. Not today, you know. You're gonna work out later? Yeah. What do you do, powerlifting? Yeah, but I'm boxing today.

Overreal? Yeah. I took yesterday off from running and I felt so good. Like I think I lose weight if I take a day off. And that's how crazy. Take multiple days off. Maybe I'll take a month off. I'll definitely take a three weeks off. Oh, yeah

You're gonna party. All right. We should do it before and after photo like the day you leave. I just ate fucking six donuts I know but the day like your bus trip with the booze and the all late nights three weeks that when you come back Do you remember episode one of this podcast you looked like 10 pounds of shit? Wait, let me see it, like a five pound bag. Hey, I've been really good at it, like by saying please and stuff, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I wonder if I'm just, I wonder if I'm just difficult to use this. Hold on, hold on. Cause I remember, yeah, you were like sweating and red and I don't know if there's like a close up on you. or specific, yeah, you were like sweating and red. And I don't know if there's like a close up on you. Oh my God, that's when everyone was calling me Chinese. You know, so funny is, like I didn't know,

you don't know you look like that. Yeah, you just think you look good. Me too, I'm the same. And then you see it and then you're like, God damn it. Why did did we change we used to be a straight? Yeah, we used to face out But I think it's better to face each other. I think it is too. Yeah, yeah You never know that's why I'm so glad we stopped with those other hashtags in the past because What was that what you know? I'm starting actually smelling like shit now like But I just go I'm I want can I tell you what I want to do?

Yeah. When we get back to meet and greet, I don't want a shower and I want to really smell like shit. Just to see the look on people's face and like, oh, you really smell like shit, man. Would you ever do a thing where you run, let's say, five days in a row? I do it already. But not shower after any one of those. You can't. Why?

Because I, by the way, I have done that. What happens is you've got to clean the shit off your balls and stuff. Okay, let's say you just do that. Just clean my balls? Yeah. I can do it in a heartbeat. Clean your asshole and your balls.

Asshole in balls. Oh, 100%. And then just let the funk grow. If you mean, I'll tell you what I could definitely do is I could definitely do five days running just pool showers, just no soap, just pool showers. Easy. And do you still stink after that?

Oh, aggressively. Yeah. Like today I just did a pool shower and I didn't put the odor on. And I was like, I was like, I don't even care. If I smell, it just makes it funnier. Yeah. I kind of like it.

You kind of like smelling? I love smelling. It's a fucking, it's a power move. I smell, it just makes it funnier. Yeah. I kind of like it. You kind of like smelling? I love smelling. It's a fucking, it's a power move. It is, it is. It smells like fun to someone? It's aggressive. I went, Liam was doing a podcast yesterday in the man cave on Zoom and I went in and I went to give her a kiss

and she winced. Really? My breath was so bad I just woken up and I went in to give a kiss, I went, maybe brush your teeth. I went maybe brush your teeth I was like really do you how quick do you brush your teeth when you wake up within a few minutes? Wait, when do you brush your teeth? Hey Who the fuck brushes it when they wake up that is insane are you saying that cuz you're on camera?

There's no way you brush you there's no way you wake up You go brush your teeth. I'll tell you exactly what I do That's so obsessive compulsive. It's disgusting When I actually like first there's the wake up. I'm a slow riser So like I'm like a fucking polar bear. Yeah And I take a minute to get out of bed. Okay more than a minute. Okay, wait, wait walk me through this eyes wake up And then you know how off the house? Okay, more than a minute. Okay, wait, wait, walk me through this. Eyes wake up. And then you, now how often? Well, first of all, I sleep with a hostage mask around my face, around my ears, and everything, okay?

Why? Because I like it, black out, can't try not to hear things. Yeah, I wanna be scared, my sleep. So, I sleep deep. Oh. The fucking, you know, I have a monitor. I literally let's take this slower than faster. Okay.

Lots of covers? No. No. I have a cover, but not lots of covers. Like, I have a sheet, a cover, and a comforter on me. Just a comforter. Okay, how cold's it in this room? I'd like it to be colder, but I got the old fucking, you know, 68 degrees in my room. Oh, that it to be colder but I got the old fucking you know 68 degrees

in my room. Oh that'd be great. Yeah right. I'm blacked out windows like murdered out. Dark so dark. Yeah I like it dark. I love it. That's why I sleep with a mask on to make it extra dark. Is Christina still in bed or is she already out of bed? Uh by the time I get up she's out of bed. So is you by yourself in bed? Yeah, she gets murdered out mass. One comforter. Yep. What are you wearing? Just boxers.

Just boxers. I sleep in box, well box your briefs, that's all I wear. Really? That's all I sleep in. Sweat pants. You sleep in sweat pants? Well now, I used to sleep naked but the girls one time they saw my dick

and so I had to start wearing clothes. What did they say about it? Oh my God, it stands for Jaina. It was during an earthquake. I ran into the bedroom and there was an earthquake and I was freaked out and I was naked. And then as soon as that happened, I was like, you need to be wearing clothes when you go to bed.

So if anything happens, you're clothed. Yeah. So now I wear sweatpants. That's been probably nine years ago. Are they pretty light sweatpants? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wear really good sweatpants. Okay.

And then, so I get up and when I finally sit up. This could be a TV show. Yeah. Literally, I'm so curious about the small things in people's lives. Like, because that's a cool thing about dating someone. That's just slow rise there, dude. When you date someone for the first time,

you get to see their rituals. I dated a chick who put her pajamas, like we slept in the same bed and then she put her pajamas under the pillow. And I went, what are you doing? She goes, oh everyone does that. I was like, no one does that. She's like, are you sure?

And I was like, yeah. The pajamas under the pillow. Yeah. So they're ready for the next day. Yeah, that's, so she knows where to find them. They're under the pillow. But it was like, it's so cool. That's some like 1756 sound and shit, you know?

Right. Yeah, like does she throw her piss out the window too? Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, but I'll tell you, man, that's, that always fascinated me. And I've been waiting, I mean, I'm, now I'm just Leanne, but Leanne was an interesting person. When you first sleep with someone, like not just fuck them. Yeah. Sleep with them. Yeah. And you're like, I'm, I'm, I'm, now I'm just Leanne, but Leanne was an interesting person. When you first sleep with someone, like not just fuck them. Yeah. Sleep with them.

Yeah. And you're like, I'm gonna sleep at your house. Leanne would lose hair in the bed. Like there's hair all over her pillow. Yeah. And I was like, what the fuck? I go, I can't sleep with this. There's gonna be hair in my mouth.

Yeah. And then all of a sudden you start to like it. And you're like, oh, I missed, I like it. Now you rip when you sleep, right? You're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're Oh, y'all. And how does she deal with it? She moves through the couch. We're building another room for her on our new house. Really? Like a little... Have you ever slept with a snorkeard?

No. Why not? Because I'm a man. But you sleep better, though. I'm not gonna sleep with something in my mouth. Why don't I have stuff in my hands, too? Like, what? No, I sleep it.

But I'm out. It just keeps your... No. No? No. But you wouldn't want to have a deeper sleep. Yeah, I would love that That's what it can help you with that you have one. Yeah, you have a snore guard. Yes, where did you get it? The dentist? Bullshit. Yeah, you got used I used to buy the one that you buy online like on the commercials Like hey put this and I and then when I went to a dentist and we talked about it He was like you can get like a custom made one that is the shit and then when I went to a dentist and we talked about it, he was like, you can get like a custom made one

that is the shit. And then, not only they stop snoring, you sleep deeper because that snoring is like you are basically waking yourself up all the time in your sleep. So wait, tell me about the snorkeard. It's just a mouth guard that keeps your lower jaw. But you like having shit on you when you see like a face mask, ears, things, and mouth.

Like I go like frontier style, like just nothing. This is a big game changer. I feel like I just know more. Will you pull up a picture of a snorgar please, Nadov? That's pretty nice. You're so polite, Bert, I love this version. Just like that, just like that. This is what I should be like.

Just like these, Max, up you're getting a custom made one. Oh, like a grill. It's just a mouth guard. Can you get like gold fronts on it? You could probably ask. How fucking funny if you had gold T-3, you slept first in your snore guard, and you just looked like ball wall. Donut, come on, man.

No, no, no, let's go back to this. So no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, grab your phone? Yeah, a lot of mornings I'll grab the phone and start looking at texts and emails and sometimes news. But if I'm like aware of myself, I try not to do that first. You know, I try to. And then I get up, I sit up on the edge of the bed, I'm like, fuck. You sit up on the edge of the bed and like brace yourself. Yeah.

And then it's almost immediately always to take a leak. I gotta wake up and I go take a leak. I've already pissed. I usually piss around five in the morning. Sometimes I've done that, but I usually take that, I do that first piss and then I walk to the sink and I brush my teeth. You go right to the sink and brush your teeth.

From the pisser. Yeah. Now, here's what I'm asking you. Do you think that most people don't brush their teeth or use mouthwash or something when they get up? Yeah. And do you think most people brush for the first time midday? Yeah.

You don't think that everyone's mouth would be totally disgusting by midday? No, I think a lot of people probably get up, have who brushes their teeth before they have coffee? Everybody. Every. Why? You, coffee? Everybody. Every. Why? Then you have.

You have that funky morning mouth. And then you put coffee on it? This is impossible. I use it. What's impossible? What's impossible? Then you'd wake up, brush your teeth, and then go eat. Yeah.

No, you eat, and then you brush all that out of your mouth. No, you brush the night mouth out of your mouth. So then you brush again. Yeah, like 10 o'clock, sure. Right, wait, how many times are you brushing your teeth? Four times a day. Oh, that's not real. That's not real.

You're doing this a bit. No, it's not a bit. You brush your teeth four times a day. Sometimes. You brush it at night, too? Of course. If I brush it at night, I'm definitely not brushing in the morning.

I haven't put anything in my mouth. There's been nothing in my mouth all night, so it's still clean. But it smells like shit like when your wife winced. Hold on. Hold on. I can't, I'm calling her right now. I can't believe that I've never awake to see when Leanne brushes her teeth, so I don't know, but I can't imagine you'd wake up and then go like go brush your teeth like it's like you're calm and

alive. How are you alive? Hey babe how you're on the podcast with me and Tom how soon after wake up and then you go brush your teeth. No I wake up and I go to the bathroom and then I wait myself and then I put my clothes on and then I brush my teeth. If you had to ballpark at what point of a day do you think I brush my teeth? Every three days. Wait, Leanne. Yeah. Leanne, are you mortified by his dental hygiene? Yeah, completely.

I keep talking to him because he doesn't do it. He also said that nobody wakes up and brushes their teeth. I do. Yeah, I know. I think most people do. Tom said he brushes his teeth four times a day Yeah, okay, I said sometimes how many do you brush your teeth twice a day? Yeah, everybody does twice a day. No, sometimes I do more what percentage of this population you think brushes are teeth twice a day I'm gonna say 35%

I'm going online. I love you. Wait, wait, wait, Leanne. Hang on, hang on. Leanne. Yeah. Bert had six donuts. I love you, baby. Bye. Okay. We're taking this on Twitter. How many? Okay. What's the question? Okay, what's the question? Yes or no, do you brush your teeth twice a day? Okay. Please be honest. Dash, do you brush your teeth twice a day? Do, uh, do a poll.

It's a great idea, and a dog will do that. See, it happened to me again. I was like, what the fuck did you think I was doing? Did you think I was just texting this to somebody? Yeah, yeah, I'm, God damn it, I'm still fucking voice texting all that. I got a fucking stop with the way I hear things. Because that wasn't aggressive. No. But I was definitely doing a poll. There's a poll versus just the question, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay, I didn't know.

He didn't know if you're doing a Twitter poll or not. Yeah, I know. I got a work on me, man. I got a lot of problems. Your number one problem is you haven't eaten any fucking donuts. Please be. Yeah, now I'm starting to think it's a prank. It's not a prank. It's not a prank. Rufi's in them? No. Uh, pull. Yes. Twice. Twice. You want another eight second, don't it? Yeah. No, I'm normal.

How do you think it's normal? To not brush your teeth. Do you brush your teeth twice a day? Yes, twice a day. Are you going to have one, too? Sure. Okay, twice a day. No, I'm not a lunatic. I'm not a lunatic.

There we go. All right, we're gonna check to see how many people brush with teeth twice a day. I floss every day, that's my problem. problem is I'm where the fuck did he go? I'm talking to nobody right now. No, no, no, you're talking to me. He wants to go warm up some donuts So what do you think the number is gonna be right now? Like what's the what's the proportion? I really think 35% of the population brushers are teeth twice a day. I think it gonna be really surprised See I floss non-stop. That's good.

Flossing's good. I probably floss eight times a day. You floss eight times a day. At least, and I waterpick every day. Why do you think that people wouldn't brush in the morning though? It just seems like I would, I don't wanna like, my biggest problem is I don't like to taste a toothpaste.

Like I really don't like to taste. Why don't you try some different toothpaste, though? Try, so I broke this in a dove. Eh. Hey, been in a dove. Would you break? Yeah. Yeah, I broke the table.

Sorry, everything's still hanging on. We'll fix it after. Mm-hmm. Oh, so good. And now. Warm it up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I broke the table. Sorry, everything's still hanging on. We'll fix it after. Mm-hmm. So good. And now warmed up is like so fucking good. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what I think interesting? I've never seen someone, I've never had someone lick my dick like this, like you do your fingers. You could probably work that out. All right, here we go. I just posted the poll. Okay. Let's see, I mean, people have replied, and this is just a quick little. And tell me about your poll, how you worded it again?

50.50 right now, guys. And what's the question? Please be honest, do you brush your teeth twice a day? One of the answers was yes, twice a day. And the other was no, I'm not a lunatic. And right now, we have, it is 50.50, and we've had 580 people vote. Okay.

I just think twice a day is overdoing it. And I think, what do you think once a day is the way to go? Yeah. And it's always midday. Midday. Cut it in half. Get this what you do.

You start your day, get up, murder some coffee, write out the gate, right? Sit with it, go through the news. I get on the treadmill, start with plain attacks. No, do not brush your teeth because you don't want your brush teeth. I'm, I'm stuttering. I have so much fucking, my mouth's still watering.

Murder coffee, take like an outdoor shower. I haven't used, I've only been to shower by indoors 10 times this entire quarantine. I love showering outdoors. I'm putting an outdoor shower. I haven't used, I've only been to shower probably indoors 10 times this entire quarantine. I love showering outdoors. I'm putting an outdoor shower at the new house. I'm 100% I'm never gonna shower indoors again. Well, you have soap and stuff out there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have this one stop soap. It's a Fiji, old spice, Fiji. It's like a body wash, hair wash. I love it. I'll see you do use soap. Yeah, yeah, use soap. And then, and then soap and then and then And then go inside after you've done an outdoor shower get dressed and then brush your teeth and came come here

That's why I do it. Okay, and then and then I'm not gonna like overdo it before bed You don't know what if I'm gonna fuck yeah, but what if you had dinner and there's all kinds of shit Oh, I floss I floss aggressively. I probably I's, maybe that's where I'm not being clear. I floss nonstop, I always have a flosser on me. Yeah. And I have them in the car. I flossers everywhere. I buy, when I go to the store, I buy these ones,

these glide ones, and I buy like packs of them. I'll buy like seven packs, and I'll put the packs everywhere. So there's one by my recliner, a pack by my recliner. I have some in the bathroom, I have some in my bed. What are you gonna do with these new teeth? You're gonna do all new teeth? Veneers? Yeah, so it's just replay.

I'm probably a lot of bonding. So my teeth are all fucked up. Let's see. They don't look all fucked up. No, they're all fucked up inside. So I got to hit them out of the baseball bat, and then I knocked some out on my buddy, weecho's head, tubing one time.

And then I got some knocked out to fight. I've got teeth knocked out all the time. So you can go white, you're gonna go bright white. Think I'm gonna go like sitcom star white. Yeah, like aggressively. Here's my problem. And extra big. Larger than average.

So people are like, look at that guy's fucking teeth. I want them to be, if I'm gonna pay money, I want them to notice them. Yeah. You got regular teeth. You got guy's fucking teeth. I want them to be, if I'm gonna pay money, I want them to notice them. Yeah. You got regular teeth. You got like regular man teeth. I do. I saw that picture and I was like,

you wouldn't take these teeth? No, they're two average. Yeah. I want them to really stand up. Pull out, what's Tom's cruises teeth look like? He's got some big teeth. Yeah, does he? I think so.

He had one his center tooth was off center. Back in the day, did you ever see that? There you go. Those are aggressive teeth. Big mouth, big teeth. Who do you, what comic do you think has the best teeth? Who? Best teeth. Joe's got real teeth. Joe does have real teeth. Those are his teeth. Yeah. Ari has his teeth. Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey's got great teeth Joe does have those are his teeth. Yeah, Ari has his teeth Steve Harvey Steve Harvey's got great teeth. Oh, let me see Steve Harvey's teeth. Yeah Steve Harvey's got real Look oh

Wow, by the way, that's so funny. I can look at his teeth and I recognize that's him Yeah, like just when you look at his teeth I bet if you posted that online, you're like, who's mouth is this? You go Steve Harvey. Do you think if I brought in Steve Harvey's teeth and I was like, can you get me these teeth that then I could recreate Steve Harvey's mouth

in my mouth and people go, there's something about him. He looks like, I wonder if you can do that. Like if you could like signal to people, who's the most successful person in the world? Who's the most successful person in the world? Who's the most successful person in the world? And then I'll get identical teeth to him. Why don't you do like Bill Gates or pull up Bill Gates' teeth? Bill Gates.

I bet he has his own teeth. I bet he has his own teeth too. I bet they're nerd teeth. Yeah, those are just regular teeth. I don't have a leg right in bikes. Ah! Those are really regular teeth. I don't have like riding bikes. Ah! Oh, those are really regular teeth. I like to own plant microchips into all the Americans

and I'm going to do it with a coronavirus. Type in nerd teeth. Okay. I only go, hey, can I get some nerd teeth? And the... There you go. Ah! That'd be perfect.

What about Elon Musk teeth? Let's see what his teeth are like. There you go. Ah! Ah! That'd be perfect. I like it. What about Elon Musk teeth? Let's see what his teeth are. Oh, I guarantee you he says teeth on. He had a teeth on it. Do he has such a huge fan hours? Yeah, those are... No, go to Elon teeth now though.

I bet those are old teeth. Really? Yeah, but those are old teeth. Hmm. Okay. Oh, no, I guess I guess he's never had his teeth done. No way. Guys hair done. Oh, he was losing his hair. Yeah, look, I love when you find out people that were losing their hair. And then they got hair transplant.

I know. Who are the big ones? The best one out there is Joel McHale and Tosh. I've never seen Tosh. I've never seen. Let me go one out there is Joel McHale and Tosh I've never seen Todd I never seen I let me go Google Google Joel McHale By the way, I think Joel McHale looked good when he was losing his hair I actually liked I think his hair right now is awesome. I would love his hair But Joel McHale when he was losing his hair was great fucking hair loss like it was still cool Like I didn't have a problem with it like I was that I was drunk picture. Yeah, that's still fucking hair loss. Like it was still cool. Like I didn't have a problem with it. Like I was drunk picture.

Yeah. That's still good hair loss. He did, yeah, I think Tosh, if you look at season two, one or two of his show, Josh.0, you can see the thinning and then, yeah, he did like an excellent. You can just do a jail Tosh hair, you know, before and after hair. I don't remember. I remember him, I remember his hair, him losing his hair a little bit. Look.

Oh yeah. All thinned out and now he's got a full head and it looks good. It looks fucking awesome. Yeah. Hey, once again, we never did, we always wanted to talk about you doing hair, hair club for men. What? You got to straight up wig. Oh, you want to get wigs? Yeah. Yeah.

You want to get wigs? Wigs. Why not hair transplant? Yeah. What? I don't know. Where do they take it? Is it that good?

Yeah, look at those guys hair. Yeah, but I don't want to look different than I look now. I think people only see me with a hat on because I wear hats so much. I still have a fucking great head of hair Got in front of that bus What's that a wig you say you want to see me in a wig? So would you do long hair? Of course. What's the point of a fucking wig? Yeah You want to see me in a wig? Yeah, and you know they're donut. What's the point of a fucking wig? Yeah. Must you mean a wig? Yeah. And you know, they're donut. What are you doing? No.

You're done? I might be. You were gonna hit a dozen easy. I'm gonna try. You know, I have diarrhea and I pushed. You ready for this? You're fine. Tell me if you think I look good. See, hang on. Taste will notably hand. She sent you nudes. No, I take him when she's not looking. She caught me one time. She was like, is she taking a fucking picture of me? And I was like, no, I'm not talking about.

You ready? Yeah. I do that all the time. Yes. But you can, you know I do it for real? Yeah. Nobody clears their throat and chest like you. I can't. It's cause. Look at this guy. It's a good looking dude, huh? Yeah, how long goes that? Seven years ago. Really? Mm-hmm. You look good there. Yeah, I was my 40th birthday. I was a great fucking. What happened? Show me. What? Now to you., yeah, I can't. Come on. Try to find a picture of me with long hair. I got to love Veggie Mike. God, how can I find it? So wait, I wanted to tell you this story. You know, I'm a fear of balloons. Yeah.

On my 40th birthday, they took the people in Australia filled my room with balloons. Not knowing. The whole thing with helium balloons. And I was like, I went downstairs, I was like, I have a fucking terrible fear of balloons. I can't sleep in that room. So they tried to switch rooms,

that they couldn't get me a different room. And there were so many balloons, I couldn't get rid of the balloons, they had nowhere to put them. So I had to sleep in a room full of fucking balloons. And I had to get pissed drunk in order to fucking sleep in this room, right? So in the middle of the night I'm laying there, I'm looking at these balloons and they had put them in so early that the helium dropped out of them and it was like New Year's Eve,

a thousand balloons went from the fucking roof onto my bed just like all the helium just dropped out and they all crashed all over my bed. That's one story. Here's the better story. I'm looking for this picture. I mean, my shirt off. I can't find it. Here's the better story. Did I ever tell you the story about the time I was at the, I was at the, uh, the, what's

the stress factory in New Jersey? Yeah. And the girl, there was an MMA guy there, Mickey Gull. Mm-hmm. And he was telling everyone how to do choke out holds. Yeah. Did I ever tell you this story? I don't think so. Oh, this is one of my favorite stories. a guy there, Mickey Gull. And he was telling everyone how to do choke out holds. Yeah. Do I ever tell you this story?

I don't think so. Oh, this is one of my favorite stories. So we're all in the thing. We're talking about choke holds. And this girl behind the bar is like, are these choke codes real? And they're like, yeah, it's real. She goes, oh, how do you do one?

And they're like, whoa, super easy. So this guy that works there is like, yeah, yeah, come here. Do it to me. She's like, okay, you just take one arm, put it under my chin, then take your other arm, put it behind my neck, and all you do is squeeze. And she goes, okay, so she puts her arm under his chin, puts her head like this, and squeeze as hard as fuck, and you see his eyes are like this. Any taps or, but no one to talk her

with the tap meant. So she just keeps squeezing on isn't working She goes ah cool and walks away No one in daughter what the tap was it was the best I couldn't stop laughing because I saw it happening, but I was drinking and I couldn't go, oh this means stop, this means stop. Ha ha. Oh. Hey, let's go to the Paraguard commercial. Another one?

No, we got a feedback, right? Oh yeah, one of the actresses from the commercial reached out. Yeah, she did. She did. What did she say? What did she say? Oh yeah, one of the actresses from the commercial reached out. Yeah, she did. She did. What did she say? What did she say? And did we get, did we get, did people give us some more feedback

from the paragraph? Natalya? It's kind of virtual, doesn't make me feel sick or anything. This is simply a commercial to let you know that you can blow loads in her. Like I've been letting dudes blow loads to me for a long time, but I was always concerned. Now I'm not. So you can blow loads in her. Like I've been letting dudes blow loads to me for a long time, but I was always concerned. Now I'm not.

So you can blow loads in me. Everyone comes in me. Hey, if you want people to come in you, this is how you can do it safe. Now I can let everyone come in me because I've got paragard. And so, and we've been talking about coming in each other so much. Is that what someone made? Yeah, that prolific memes made that. So she said casually listening to

two bears one cave you guys are talking about paragraph I am in that commercial. And I just wrote ha ha she goes I'm the yoga match. I never thought I'd have to hear that song again. Thanks for that. How did she hit you up? Instagram. Tell her to he reach out to receive she can call us. You want her to call us? Yeah, I want to talk to her about the commercial. I'm obsessed with this paragraph commercial. All right, Nadal, give me your phone. You want her to call us? Yeah, I want to talk to her about the commercial. I'm obsessed with this paragraph commercial. All right, Nadad, give me your phone.

Just give her your number. No. Just text her and be like, yo, send me your digits. That's how you do it. Which is not on right now. How do you know? Because it comes out like you have a dot when you say one thing. Yeah, but if you text them, it comes into there.

Some people get notifications. All right, all right. Let's say, hey, we're doing two bears one cave and we'd love to talk to you about Paragard. All right. I wonder if other people found that commercial as funny as I found it. I think I'm the only one that found it that funny.

I think you are. Yeah. Let's see. I'll tell you if she responds and then we'll do it Paragard come and play that I'm inside of me. I've been really thinking about how it's ways to spruce up their their branding really yeah you Want to pet your tone? I haven't I haven't really come up with I've been writing my own songs to their Paragraph commercial because I've learned how to play it on guitar. Mm-hmm. So we'll see. Maybe I'll just

razzle dazzle them, surprise them. Hmm. Let's see here. So far no response. We'll see. Maybe before we... If you could if you could get... Oh, go ahead. Go ahead, go ahead, you do that. No, I wanted to see, what do you think, not today, on a normal day, your caloric intake is? Gotta be drinking or not drinking. Yeah. Yes, cool aid, no alcohol. Oh.

I would say probably around 3,000 calories. Is your intake? 3500. That just went up some. Well, it's 500 calories. What's that? An extra burrito. Like, so yesterday, I had a rough day.

Tell me about your rough day. Well, I figured out how to make the perfect breakfast burrito. So what you do, I'm going to take these off. Is that OK, Nadov? Wait, no, but it sure is, Bert. Hold on. Go ahead. What? that okay, Nadov? Wait, no, man. It sure is, Bert. Hold on, go ahead. What? Because she's typing right now.

Oh, so, oh, perfect. Yeah. Um, so what I started doing with breakfast burritos, I love an egg runny, okay? Yeah. But, and I don't like a hard scrambled egg, I like a sauce scrambled egg. Mm-hmm. And what I had been doing inside, I've been trying to find a middle ground of like an over-easy egg inside a breakfast burrito.

Over-easy egg inside a bread, okay. And so, because I didn't like it scrambled in a breakfast burrito. So what I found out yesterday is what you do is you take the egg, okay? What does she say? Oh, well, she said, hmm, she said, I'm still under contract with Paraguard,

not sure if I would be in breach of that good call Tell her good call Tell her very very smart very smart Ask her if we can get the people who did the we want to be a dual commercial for Paraguard Where it's just us coming in girls all over the place and giving them paragards? I think I won't tap texture that. I have to wait. You said yes, sir, you had a rough day. I'm talking about it.

I've heard that. So I learned how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this.

So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this.

So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I've heard how to make this. So I usually is fast for 16 hours. Really? Yeah, that's why I don't press my teeth. So I press my teeth when I get it, I'm like, all right, here we go. Wake up, hung over and hungry, and no one's awake. Everyone's, Leanne's gone, no one's in the house. So now this is bad for me. Yeah, because you're like, this is a permission to go.

No, yeah, no one's gonna go, hey, what are you doing? Yeah. So I get these, we got these, uh, these homemade have it on it. Homemade tortilla. I'm done. I'm done. You're done. Yeah. We met, we had these homemade tortillas, like homemade so they're fucking really, really good. So I go, I get two pieces of bacon already cooked in the fridge. I get two eggs. I get a homemade tortilla, a little cheese and what I did is, um, you know,

El Yucateca, the hot sauce? No. El Yucateca has some really, really hot sauce, and it's like, it's hot, it's hot hot sauce. What I did is I've been putting ranch in my El Yucateca. So I like do a bottle and empty bottle. I pour half into one bottle, so it's half, half, and I fill it up with ranch. So it's really fucking good. You gotta eat it quick as it goes bad.

Yeah. You gotta be really in the mood for putting hot sauce and ranch on a lot of shit, like pizza, salads, chicken. I put a, oh you get tock in ranch on it just about everything. Okay. So I take two eggs and I'm gonna do them over easy.

And what happens is, one of the eggs the yolk breaks And then I'm like fuck that really fucks up over easy eggs for me So then I went to go scramble them and in scrambling them what I realized like to like do a quick scramble But what I realized what happened is all the yellows were staying on top And I was like, I got an idea. So what I did is I kind of did a quick scramble, then moved them to the side of the pan. So they're cooking from the bottom up, but there's still a lot of runny yellow. I know what you want, which I was what I want.

I take the bacon, I put it in the pan, so I start warming up the bacon. I put one of the tortillas in, I put cheese on it, so it's melting in the pan. Then I take this egg that still has a runny top and I flip it, runny top down ontony top and I flip it runny top down onto the cheese and I let it kind of warm in the tortilla. So it almost like firms up and not a lot.

Put the bacon on top, pull it off, you can take a ranch on the top and I fucked it up so quick that halfway through I was like this is it was like a house of cards falling apart my hands. I was like I'm gonna make another one of these. So I make another one. Let's put of these. So I make another one. Just put the times two. I make another one. This time I went with one egg,

because I thought that was a lot of egg. I wonder if I did one egg, if it would be better. One egg doesn't count. You need to do two eggs. So I bring in another egg, fucking stat, crack it, two eggs in. I fucking destroy those. So that was breakfast. That was breakfast. What time is this probably this has got to be? 11 that's when you get up. Yesterday. I woke up late. Yeah, 11

Where she say? No, yeah, she's very nice 11 o'clock and so then I have a cup of coffee. I go outside, I talk to Ari for like an hour and a half on the phone. I guess. Yeah, I know. We really got into it. Right.

You know when I, you know when this was? Remember when we sent the text? Yeah. First thing in the morning we sent the text about, I was right about the observation I had about the two things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then we got on the phone. I might have had the, I might have had coffee,

then come in and make the burritos. So I made the burritos, I then went back in bed and went on my phone and scrolled, Leanne came home and was like, what are you having for lunch? And I was like, I haven't eaten yet. So we had Chinese food for lunch. So I had a, I had Moushou pork burrito. And then, and then I think I didn't need again until dinner.

What was dinner? Pizza. The homemade pizza. And what kind of pizza is that? One was with onions and mushrooms, one was with pepperoni, one was with bacon, and one was with cheese. What do you mean, how many pizzas do you have? They had four pizzas and I ate one of everything.

And French fries. And French fries. Some beers. And beers. And beers, probably three beers for Sam Adams, beers, a glass of buffalo trace, a bottle of wine and another glass of buffalo trace. So three beers, two buffalo traces and a bottle of wine. Two buffalo traces and a bottle of wine.

And then what about coolade yesterday? You know what you coolade? Oh, okay. How much coolade did you have? Probably two of these. You know me cool eight. Oh, okay. How much cool eight did you have probably two of these a gallon of cool eight? Yeah in the in the sauna and I ran five miles I think I ran five miles That's called my traitor I'm just gonna see. Oh shit, I just wanna tell him.

I also had some General's House chicken. You might wanna put that in there. Oh, General's House chicken, okay. I don't know. That doesn't, by the way, that does not look good. When you look at it like that, you're like, that looks really bad, but throughout the day, it kinda makes sense.

Throughout the day, it does make sense. Four pizzas, French fries, three beers, two whiskey, one bottle of wine, count of cooling. That should be a shirt. Damn, all right. That does not look healthy. Wake up hungry. So four eggs, two servings of cheese,

four pieces of bacon, two tortillas, ranch with hot sauce, coffee, moosh, burrito, generals, chow's chicken, four pizzas, French fries, three beers, two whiskeys, one bottle of wine, and one gallon of coolade. Can you just do, can you just do, Nidav, can you flip, put the three beers on its own line? Yeah. Put the French fries on its own line. I just like, I think it looks beautiful when you say four pizzas, French fries, three whiskey's bottler wine gallon A good late. It's a new shirt for you. It's a new shirt Four pizzas french fries three beers two whiskey's bottler wine gallon of gula. I'm not I don't know but

Chlorically, I think you definitely above 3500 yesterday. I definitely probably am Yesterday was a bad day for me. Yeah, and did you sleep well? I don't know, let's check my wound. Oh yeah, check. My wound. Yeah. Oh my god. Oh, god damn it, man. Is it 7.42 a.m.? Oh, my wound, wound is catching up.

It'll give me my sleep in a second. Okay. It's still in yesterday's PM? No, it's in today's AM. So 7.42 and I woke up at I think eight. Because I ran, I ran, I ran great today. You did? Yeah, that's the crazy thing is that my core is fucking through the roof.

Like my core is strongly shit. I bet I can out plank you, I bet I can out plank you by at least a minute. By at least a minute? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. 100 yeah. Oh yeah. 100%. All right, we should do that. We should do that competition.

How long do you think you could hold a plank? I don't know. I bet I could hold a plank for three minutes. See what the average person can hold a plank for? Nidag, please. You know, this is so funny. This is something that's come up in my life a lot. Leanne was the first one to call me out on it.

I ran into problems with cow heads, the person that if you can't hold a plank for 120 seconds, you're either too fat, too weak, or doing something wrong in your workouts. A fit, healthy guy should be able to hold a two minute plank. I bet I can hold a three minute plank. Is a four minute plank good? How long do you think you do a two minute plank?

Yeah. For real? Let's put your mind on your mouth. Okay. Right now? You can do it right now after these donuts and everything? Oh yeah, that's a bad idea. Cool, I didn't know that.

So I had an issue with, so this happened to me with Calhade, the Carmen who answers the phone for Calhade. We were on a cruise and she was doing what happened with me and Adav. And then I looked at Calhade and I was like, what the fuck is this? Like, she'd be like, come, right?

And he was like, no, no, she's great. And I actually was like, it was so fucking similar to what's happening with me in Dober. I was like, why is she giving me fucking attitude? What happened? She said, I don't like you. I said, why is she cause you're rude? I go, I'm not fuck you, I'm not rude.

And she was like, yeah, you are. You treat me like I'm not an equal. And then I was like, you're not. Like, but it's really arrogant, but I go, hold on, like hold on a second, you're not like, what do you mean, like I'm in the loss? Cause in a weird way, at the time, I was thinking, it's not, you're not cow head, it's a show.

You're not as co-hosthost you're just part of the team Like like I'm also a comedian. I've really worked hard to get to where I am So but like don't think like we're not we're not gonna go back and forth like we're like we're both equals Like comedically like right and then cow head was like explaining me how important she was to him to hit the show Right, but she just wants to be treated equally just as a person, right? I didn't understand what was happening. And this is where I get lost sometimes. I mean, she said, when you call, you don't say hi to me.

I don't want to say. I would go, hey, it's Bert. It's Calvert. Can I get a .cal? Yeah. She was like, yeah, you don't say hi to me. And then Lehan called me on it and goes, that's true. You're an asshole to people on the phone.

I go, bullshit, she goes, no, if you think, it's, I think it turns into where I don't find value in certain things that I can't empathize with immediately. Like, I would never be an asshole to an open mic or cause I've been through that path, but maybe someone who answers phones or produces a podcast. And I'm not trying to be disrespectful to the job But like because I produced my own podcast by myself and for so long and I did all did by myself

I've done that job in my head once again. I'm not trying to be disrespectful But I've done that job So I don't put a lot of weight in that job in my head But I don't do what he does or what this seems a little bigger than what I did Yeah, but I just go like like I get I was like that with Halston for a while, because I was like, I would get angry. I do not get angry yesterday, because I was like, we hired another person for this tour.

And Leanne was like, I think we're not maximizing our money. I was like, no fuck, no fucking shit. We have a team of eight people of all things I used to fucking do. And this girl Carmen said, it would mean so much if you just had hiding me on the phone when I answered it. And I went, that's it. And she was like, yeah, that would make me feel like I'm a person.

And I was like, oh, I was like, wait, I'm not making you feel like a person. Because I didn't like Carmen. I really liked Carmen. And I thought we got along. Same way me in Nidav, I thought we got along. But then I found out that I was just treating them, I wasn't treating them right. And I don't know why I fucking do that. Because you treating them, I wasn't treating them right.

And I don't know why I fucking do that. Because you know me, I'm not that person at all. No, no, no. But in these scenarios with people that work for my friends, I don't treat them as well as I should. What do you think that is? Like, why do you think that is? I don't know.

I really don't know. I really don't know. I wish I had an inkling. I'm gonna guess. This is gonna be a very vulnerable guess, but I'm gonna guess. Okay. I would get upset when I was a kid if people said you got to meet Dave, he's the funniest guy in the world. I'd be like hold on, I'm right here. Why are we talking about Dave over there? And especially if one of my friends did it, if I had a friend who was like dude, you know who's fucking hilarious?

I would be like my name better come out of their fucking mouth. Because if it doesn't, we're we're gonna problems I think I become Catti with ownership of friends like I like I and I think that's what I thought it was by the way for real Yeah, oh, why don't you just tell me this because I wanted to hear you say it. Well, you tell me the rest then No, no, I I think that it's a very relatable thing that like you Get possessive of a friend. So like with like it's Carmen, right?

With me. And so like I think that's at the root of what you're talking about. Yeah, and I think there's like, I think that I go, this is gonna sound very fucking shitty, but I go, you know, I'm more important than you are. Yeah, I think that's what goes on in my head. Right. Yeah. You explicitly what goes on in my head. Right. Yeah.

You explicitly said that last time, I think. Yeah, and I'm saying it again, okay. I have you never been in a relationship with someone's being vulnerable, you'll just jump on them, gonna die of you. Go, that's very good for you to realize first. The thing is, you're not a bad guy, and you're not, no, I don't think, but it's good to have awareness

about like you're recognizing it in both cases and you know, you know just to, like you've been doing it today where you're like, you know what, you're saying, please, you're being polite. I would do it. I caught myself doing it. I called into my manager's assistant and I just went, hey, it's Judy there.

Yeah. And then Leanne's like, hey, how about take two seconds and say hi to that person? Yeah. And I'd be like, I do that there. Yeah. And then, Leanne's like, hey, how about take two seconds and say, hi to that person. Yeah. And I'd be like, I do that too. I get so shitty. I said to Leanne, I was like, fuck that person. They have a job to do.

Their job is to answer that fucking phone and put that person on the phone. I don't have time to go around saying hi to everybody. I like, like, why can't I just go? No, I think there's some, there's some like, truth to that. I mean, also, if you have a bunch of shit going on and somebody, because it makes me crazy too,

like let's say you were an agent and somebody goes, Bert Christchurch's office, and I'm calling, and they go, Bert Christchurch, I was like, hi, and they go, well, how can I help you? I'm calling Bert. Yeah, this is your job, you have to put that guy on the phone.

Yeah, I would like to talk to Bert. Yeah, you know who I am. I came up on your call ID, you know Bert, you know it's time to go. And I get that too. Yeah, and Leanne got really shitty with me and I said, I don't trust guys. Maybe I also, I'm also really quick.

The problem I've had with masks is the same reason I don't like clowns. Yeah, is I need to read you. I need to, and I don't need to play games and be I used to fucking hate When I'd hang out with Monica Barkette was a friend of mine. She was a assistant agent over at ICM and she's now an agent I think she lives in Florida now, but I would hang out I would hang out with her and I knew her and she would tell me The comics that I knew that would call in and they'd kind kinda like talk to her on the phone and make her laugh.

And I was like, yeah, that's this ingenious bullshit. That's them trying to like butter you up so that you go on there, like it's a game. Like if I was calling my agent, I wanna just call and I wanna talk to them, I'm not gonna fucking try to play a game and flirt with you and just so that it was such a crazy thing. And then I realized, well, all these people that are sentenced to become exact one day should should have buttered the muck

because then they would like to. And I was like, I'm sitting here trying to be honest and real and I'm fucking shooting myself in the foot. This has been a very insightful podcast, emotionally, for me. I need to go back into therapy, I think. Thank you, you should too. What if I can do that and Hinduism?

My nose is itchy, my crazy day. Why don't you, like, zoom therapy, like, you know? I was doing therapy, you're gonna fucking find this. Very burnt, but I was lying in it because I was afraid someone was gonna steal the feed and post it online and I was afraid that if they did that, because like it was like, like I was doing therapy over so rocked over and I was lying the entire time.

He's like, how you doing? And I was like, great, I'm doing awesome. Just because you didn't want it. I didn't want anyone to go, hey, a wonder of person therapy, shit, we can steal that camera, put it online. I get paranoid about the Zoom therapy too. Yeah, I can't do that.

There's certain things I won't even bring up, you know? Or if he brings up, I'm like, oh, let's talk about some else. Yeah, I was lying about everything. And so I was like, well, this can't be healthy. I wasn't lying about everything, but I just wasn't sharing things that were important that I knew were important violent impulses Fucking see you think weak like fucking all this shit

I think I did therapy when are you roofed me? Yeah, but it was like I couldn't I couldn't I could I told the therapist This is by the way. I'm glad we're talking about this now. Yeah. And I might have talked about this then, and I talked to you about this, and I talked to Whitney about this, but I couldn't explain to him that I don't live in the world he lives in, that I don't get those opportunities. Like he was like, this is outrageous, you need to call the police,

I go, I can't do that. He was like, no, you can. And I was like, you're telling the therapist, yeah. I'm like, can we just stop there because that's not gonna happen? So let's give it a go. Well, how are we gonna solve this? I go, there's not solving it.

And he's like, well, then what are we talking about? And I was like, okay, maybe we shouldn't be doing this. He's like, why can't you just go, I'm done with this guy. I hate him. I go, because that's not gonna happen. And I go, listen, I'm talking about, how am I gonna share this on a podcast with my friends

and have feelings about it, but represent those feelings, but not be a fucking pussy, but also be real. And he was like, that's impossible. No one would behave like that. And I was like, welcome to the world of podcasting. Yeah. And so, so I just was like, I fuck this. It's like you live in, we live in such a different world than when it comes to like,

I'm so hyper aware of shit, I'm so hyper aware of shit that no one pays attention to, but that I go, like what? Like hardcore secret time? Yeah. Okay, I'm fucking, I know no, because some stuff sometimes is like, like, I don't know know I pick up on nuances Like like a perfect example is

I try not to post Myself Drinking or having a good time during quarantine like anytime I did it. I tried not to share that. Because I know that people are struggling. And I know that that is representation. Like when the Black Lives Matters things came out and everyone was posting the Black Box, I knew everything was very volatile. I had someone coming to my house to give me a haircut and I canceled it.

And then it's like, why are you canceling your haircut? And I go, it doesn't feel right to get a haircut in the middle of this turmoil. She's like, kind of, it's a fucking haircut. And I was like, yeah, I know. I go, trust me, if to get a haircut in the middle of this turmoil. She's like, he's a fucking haircut. And I was like, yeah, I know I go, trust me. If you get a haircut and then the next day you're on social media, never was like, so everyone was dying in the streets and protesting. And you went and got a haircut.

I go, yeah, and like, I think the average person goes, that doesn't mean anything. I got a haircut and you go, yeah, but I'm hyper aware of certain shit where I go. This telegraphs weird. I never posted any of the cool shit I did on travel channel on social media. Like when I had like a private fucking, a private boat in Puerto Rico, I remember starting to videotape it and going,

it just seems like I'm rubbing it in. Like most people use social media to go, look how bad ass my life is. I hide a lot of that. Anytime something really great happens to me, that I go, oh, this would be what, say my friends in high school would share. I don't share it because I go, I don't want people to anytime something really great happens to me, that I go, oh, this would be what, say my friends in high school would share, I don't share it, because I go, I don't want people

to think that's what I think social media is, or think that that is where my ticket sales go, that I want you to know that I am appreciative, and that I care, and so I'm hyper aware of that shit, where a therapist or a wife may not see those, they have blind spots, I definitely don't. Like, I didn't post perfect example when you took me on the ride.

I recorded it, but I recorded it for us to share it with my parents. Never to put it on social media. Right. You know? Yeah, yeah. Like, that's kind of stuff. That makes sense. Yeah.

What were you gonna read? I was trying to get this, my buddy to jump on a call. About a diet? Yeah. I thought it'd be funny. Who? Sean. He's a trainer and stuff, so I just, I just texted him like he jumped on a quick call. About a diet? Yeah. I guess that would be funny. Who? Sean. These are trainers and stuff.

So I just, I just texted them like, you jump on a quick call. He hasn't written back. Yeah. Yeah. OK. I wanted to. What did you eat today?

What did you eat yesterday? Just had a curiosity. Yesterday. Let's see. What was yesterday? We came in here. So oh, yeah. So breakfast, two whole eggs, four egg whites, a piece of a zikiel bread.

Never mind. And that was... What did you have for yesterday? What did you eat? Fucking two egg whites, a zikiel bread. For breakfast, I had some coffee, and then I had a tuna melt, I had half a tuna melt for lunch, and then the other half for dinner. You had three tuna melts yesterday? I had half a tuna melt for lunch, then the other half for dinner. You had three tuna melts yesterday?

I had half a tuna melt for lunch and the rest of it for dinner. He's, but it happened between lunch and dinner. Oh, what did you have for breakfast? Just coffee? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I don't eat breakfast. So you only had maybe like 800 calories yesterday? Uh, it was from like a deli.

So I don't know, let's round it up to like over 1,000, maybe like 1,500. For like that now? Right. Did you work out? Nah. Do you smoke? I do. Do you drink?

Not often, not really a big drinker. I don't trust that. Why? I don't know. So if you have a drink, do you just go, I'll have one drink and then I'm gonna go to bed? No, I mean, I don't really have a drink by myself. Which is because of, like, it's a social thing for me.

Okay, do you smoke weed? A lot, yeah. Oh, there it is, never mind. Yeah. I just, people who can just go to the drink. Wait, do you drink? Social thing. If I wanna be social.

You had, by the way, most people cannot relate to your evening yesterday. A bottle of wine, two fucking bourbons, three beers and you're like, oh, the cool days. I'm partying it tonight. You are? Yeah, I'm going on the road. I'm gonna get my body ready for touring. So you can't just go raw dogging on the road. It should be like having headaches in the morning. You gotta get your fucking... Like build it up. Build it up. Get ready.

I'm partyin' tonight. Is tonight where you get on the bus? No, I'm partyin' tomorrow night, but I'm partyin' tonight. What does that mean? What will happen tonight? I already texted it. First thing I woke up, I texted a group of people and said who wants to party? I got my replies and I was like perfect

and lands in workouts. It's like, are we fucking partyin' tonight? I was like definitely partyinying tonight. Nice. Larb Larb. Larb. What's that? Google it. It's so good. Larb. So are people coming over tonight? We're going over to a friend's house. It's a party. Yeah, to party before I get on a thing They're Asian and so we're gonna eat larb. By the way, I was gonna be healthy today before I ate fucking donuts Larb can you do two more? No no the way I was gonna be healthy today for eight fucking doughnuts. Is that... LARB?

Can you do two more? No. No. If you can plank for... Ha ha. Ha ha. For what? Did we have anything else we wanted to talk about?

Yeah, that's it. We gotta wrap up. Why? We gotta go. Two minutes. We have one minute. Okay. Okay. Free style?

Go for it. Chp. I was listening to the new Run the Jewels on the treadmill today, and it was so good that I was done my run, and I was still dancing on the treadmill. Nice. Fuck.

I gotta listen. I wish I could really wrap. Ooh, I'm talking to a Trinidad James today. What do I talk to do? I say anything. For on behalf of you, you love the shoesies, aren't you? Yeah, yeah. Thanks so much.

Thanks for sending four pairs. Four pairs of those KDs, man, appreciate it. Oh. All right, yeah, you should tell him how you can naturally freestyle. Yeah. And then, I think me and him probably have a lot in common.

I think you'll like him a lot. And you'll like you too. I can't wait. I can't fucking wait. All right, let's, um, 20 seconds. We can just go now. Nope.

You wanna keep talking? 15 seconds, just give me one freestyle. Uh-uh. A name is Tom. I like to sit. Hey guys, thanks for watching Two Bears One Cave. Another great episode. Thank you. It was a lot of fun. I love you. I love you. Hey guys, thanks for watching Two Bears One Cave. Another great episode.

Thank you. It was a lot of fun. I love you. We love you. I love you. All right. Bye. Bird and Tom.

Tom and Bert. One goes to top of the swath the other. Where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean. Here's what we call. Two bears one cave. No scripts to bet a booze amateur, for top of the gene. I'll keep the clean, here's what we call, screwdriver's one cave.

No scripts, a bed of booze, amateur, fatology, dirty jokes, ranchie humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, screwdriver's one cave.