2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 40 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: July 27, 2020

SPONSORS: - Get 15-percent off your order at BuyRaycon.com/bears! - Want wine that has less sugar but doesn't comprimise on ABV or flavor? Head over to FitVine.com and try it out Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer start off this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave by calling NFL Hall of Famer Warren Sapp. Warren suggests that the Bears and him start a podcast. Tom and Bert then discuss their excitement over the idea and what guests they would like to have on. Bert tells stories about Christian Okoye and Big Jay Oakerson, and then the two of them analyze Tracy Morgan ESPN video game commercials. They also discuss building home gyms, and Tom shares a story about Jennifer Aniston which leads to the hardest laughter ever on the show.

I'm doing this thing where I tape my mouth shut at night to sleep because I think it'll top me from snoring and last night I just started suffocating. So, so, she woke up to someone like, like, I was having a... Like that? And you're like, at least on that story! 100% What if... What if...

What if Cycics did a podcast podcast and then they predicted what was it? Oh, fuck an idiot. Oh, you know what I want to talk about today? What? We talked about it. I texted you the other day. Best football podcast with guys that talk trash beyond belief. Yes.

Beyond belief. That would belief that would be important I want Clinton port is his what's he doing man? He was so much fucking fun. Yeah sap to Who you still haven't called sap would be awesome you call them again? Can you call them? Oh, who did I want to call I can't we call him? Who did I call that I go? I got us another football player call him. Who did I call that I go I got us another football player. Shit. Warren's app would be awesome. Come on. That would be, I can't. I can't. Why? I'm psycho calling. I'm like, I can't. You haven't. You have, you have, what was the last time you, you tried last a

month ago. It's just, it's a bad idea. Why? It would, that would be a great podcast. Like, who would be a full of bad ideas? Just give them a call. be a great podcast. Who would be full of bad ideas? Just give him a call. Come on, please, please. Okay. This is a, we could produce his podcast. Let's pitch it to number. He's never answers. He never answers. Can't come on. What is that? Come on. What is that? Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. Turn up. No, no, no. He said, he said Brett. He said Brett. Yeah, what a Brett. But it's how you doing, brother. Hey, I'm sitting here with Tom Sagar, and we're doing our podcast, Two Bears One Cave. And we have, oh shit, here we go again. Let's go.

We've just saying, how come you don't have a football podcast that you do every Monday morning? It's got to happen. It's got, you know, no, no, listen, listen. I tried to got them podcasts with my dudes over there big ski and uh- das radio. Yeah. Das radio tells me oh listen we can't you don't give you this down or whatever until we see your number. I'm like oh I will file the numbers and let me go to work you know I'm gonna problem you know. I want to do the show we doing the show to show here for 10 weeks. They come back and tell me, oh, our analytics guy didn't anticipate the numbers being

now. I'm like, what? Numbers are infinite. Only thing you guys do is put the fucking click on it. Just click. I can, I can, I can, Tom and I will give you a guarantee ourselves and we will blow your fucking podcast up. Tom, Tom and I, two bears one cave's getting, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why don't, why because that's why he passed the phone. Okay, okay

Why don't you why don't two bears and I'm paid and then we put a little sap in it. I love we do a money Procass and I join y'all and we blow it up that way Then y'all just shoot me a little something on the side. We just roll it that way. I mean I There's always a reason for me to break my goddamn neck and y'all already doing this y'all just want me in the Door and look shit around. That's right. I'm gonna let shit around. We'll send, and we'll, we'll send you a little bit, a little fish bait, some fuel for the boat.

Yeah, we're in a couple fish trips every night. You know, I go fishing with the boat. That's all I want to do. Hey, I'm gonna go down some of this that just want to go fishing. Hey, hey, man, we're in. Listen, we are in, Warren. We're in, dude.

We're in. I think if you was in, that's why when I look down it's out right up like, really tell about. We're in, dude. We're in. I'm gonna tell him, Brett, every week to give you a shout, man. I'm like, you're out of fucking the old Twitter. That day, you got my number. Come on. Warren, let me, hey, I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. Warren. Let me, hey, I'm a crack one for me.

Hey, let me ask you this, because I've been, I've been having this argument with other people, and I know that I heard you say this. Did do we ever start at Miami? That's right. But then what happened when you showed up? No, no, no, no, never, never, never, never. That's what I mean. I got there. That's right. But then what happened when you showed up? Right. So I don't know. Maybe I don't know. Maybe on the highlands or some shit. No. I don't know. I don't think you play. I don't think he has a start.

I don't think so. No, I don't think so. He's no. You gotta be pretty damn good to start it, Miami, no G.S. Yeah. I was looking at a 90. Talk about the rock. No, no, no, no, no, I'm talking about doing. Do it. No, no, no, no, same guy. That's right, that's right. I was just translating for Brett. Okay, defense of towel

Love it. This is the kind of shit we want to do. This is what we're talking about Fucking starting Videos are all down back in the ball with his gloves on yeah, yeah That's what I'm talking about why don't you Steve large-ent that shit man All right, listen, I'm gonna What you got there, you said that pretty shit is over. We got to play football now Happening man, all right listen, I'm gonna have three-way text. I'm gonna do a three-way text. I will say to you. It's all right So Okay This is this could be a lot of fun. It's gonna be awesome. You're gonna get checks, bro. I promise you're gonna be excited It's happening

All right, man, we'll be talking soon. All right, all right big set. All right, Brett. All Alright, I love you. Oh, cheers! We got all the phones! Do you believe it? Yeah. That was amazing. It was the best. By the way, you were not gonna call unless I insisted. This is why we're a good team, Tom.

This is gonna be a lot of fun. We're gonna do a football match. And you're wearing a fucking box hat. That's why this one. Shout out to the box. I love this hat. I love this, this ragged ass or right there. Oh my god.

So, okay, so football season. Which might not happen. So we'll just call him every week. We'll be like, what'd you catch? Did you guys? So okay, so football season which might not happen So we'll just calm every week be like what you catch Did you guys you get a fucking Marlin on Saturday? Oh my god. We just started football back in us. We have no football season. I don't know.

We have a hall of fame who's like, we got nothing to talk about. We just started a football podcast with a little hiding in season. I'm sweating. Dude, how long do you think we could make it go? Or he doesn't know your name? Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah I'm gonna get him in. No, he's not gonna be in any trouble. That's the best part. We're gonna fucking, he's, what, he's, first of all, he's retired. Yeah, he, he, he's retired, he's got money,

he's got his life, all we gotta do is fucking flow his life. He's got his life, all we gotta do is fucking flow his life. He's got his life, all we gotta do is fucking flow his life. He's got his life, all we gotta do is fucking flow his life.

He's got his life, all we gotta do is fucking flow his life. He's got his life, all we gotta do is fucking flow his life. He's got his life, all we gotta, he's retired. Yeah. He's retired. He's got money. He's got his life. All we got to do is fucking float him. We're gonna, oh, this is gonna be so, we just need a football season. Oh my God.

And then here's the thing. Can you guys start wearing masks so we can have a football season, please? This is gonna be the best fucking podcast ever. Where are we gonna call it? Two bears, one cave with Warren. No, no, no, it's gotta be gonna call it? Two bears one cave with Warren? No, no, no, it's gotta be better now. Two bears one cave with, two bears one cave, one sap.

This is fucking, I don't know. I'm so excited. This is gonna be a fucking blast. I cannot believe that just came together. I can't believe that just happened. I know, it's gonna be amazing. How can you got my name on this one? Two bears on SAP?

Two bears on SAP? Yeah, two bears on SAP! Two bears on SAP! Yeah, holy shit. Oh, fuck. Then here's the thing. I'm shaking right now. He just, he'll be able to say, he'll be able to say,

he was always honest, he was great, like an analyst, but it's gonna be another level on podcasting, the shit you can do. We need this, we need you guys. Did you know that I was talking about Duane Johnson when I asked him that? No, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do we? That's what he calls him. Do we didn't do, he was like, he didn't start. Oh my god, all our football conversations are gonna be real, because he knows what the game is. Oh my god, yeah, and then you can float your ridiculous thoughts and then we can watch him just Eviscerate you every week and he'll be like hold up Brett you don't have to fuck your talk We get highest fuck you do still smokes weed. I don't know

Get high and just talk football. He fishes like crazy. I know that. I want to go fishing with him. Oh, that'd be the best, man. God damn it. I wish I wasn't wearing a see-through shirt for this moment. I cannot, like we could wrap up this pot. I'm so happy we could wrap up this pot gas right now. 10 minutes in.

Yeah. Okay, we got to jump on this. We need, okay, two bears one sap. Yeah, and it's a football podcast comes out How do we do this Tom was it? I think we need to I Am so excited to bear is one sap and by the way I fucking He is so much fun to be around too. I remember I told him the tracing Morgan story. Yeah.

And we were, I was drawing in the like me. Yeah. And so what we were sitting. Yeah. So we were sitting at, we were sitting at Magic Mountain and he was, and we're just bullshitin'. He's such an interesting guy. He just walked over and he's like,

he's, the place is just closed for the day for us And he goes over and he sees like an ice cream thing and he just opens it up and he goes you want an ice cream sandwich? Yeah You really speak Bert We're eating ice cream sandwiches, and you know me you know me where I'm trying to slide in to like some comedy So I'm like I had to raise more for a start to all of them and I get halfway through it And he goes let me guess he starts a bar fight so you can get out of pan check and I was like Have you heard this story and he goes no, but I've done that before

I was like I was like the stories a lot better when you don't know it. I'll say this I'd rather fight Tracey Morgan the war and oh My god, this is we need to have a pro combine with him, me versus you. Oh yeah. He could be coach. He needs to become our best friend. He could be coach.

He could move out here with us. I don't think so. I'm gonna get him a apartment so we can just come out here for like long stretches of time. Yeah, I'm sure he probably has connections. I don't think it needs us. But this is too, I'm super stoked about this. This is so awesome.

I'm gonna spend the whole podcast talking about this. NFL, you gotta come back. We have a podcast to do. NFL, we will do anything we can. You need public service announcements, whatever. I'm gonna have to get press credentials, credentials now. Yeah, until they watch the first episode, they'll be like, revoke those credentials right away.

No! Like, we can start by the way, episode one, we gotta be like, weren't, what those credentials right away. Ah! Like, we can start by the way episode one, we gotta be like, what's the biggest dick you've ever seen in the locker room? Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Maybe like, all right guys, it was fun. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

We're like, all right, all drugging aside. How big is Michael Irving's dick? Ah! Ah! Oh my God! Oh! Ah! Ah! We're like all right all drugging aside how big is Michael Irvings Two bears one sap that's great this is fucking next level we got merch. We should start with merch Yeah, we first check comes first. Oh, we come up merch right now and then we'll send them a check before the podcast He's started and then he knows it and then he'll be like all right Right now and then we'll send them a check before the podcast even started and then he knows And then he'll be like all right All right, we got what's our two bears one like these two crazy webwebs call I answered I always said check what's up?

Oh my god, by the way, are you was are you the reason they're doing this what so Tito's which is your go to vodka? You've been a big Tito's advocate. Yeah. I wish I hadn't. It says vodka for dog people. Yeah. Which is you. I wonder if they know that I fucked dogs.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Way to burp can cause a bad dog. Woo. I've had Tito's in so little while. Why? That's your drink. Okay. I love this.

I love this. We need two bears one sap merch. Do we just, is it? Wow, God, I'm so excited Tom. I'm so fucking excited. It should be like, this is what the business should be like. We got into it. Towering over us and like holding us with,

like holding us down. Like his little, I love that he called me Brett. Multiple times. By the way, he called me Brett too. He's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, his insights on football are legit amazing. Like his, he was, he got fucked on that whole deal, getting kicked off NFL network or whatever. He had a lot of those guys. That's, he's, his insight, he was a great commentator. That's in this, that's how it started.

I texted you one night and I said, you know, with what we do is we, I mean, I don't know. I was trying to explain to the girls the other night, because they were talking about people talking politics on podcasts. They go, do you guys do that on two birds one cave? I go, now I'm talking about me wiping my finger or my ass, my finger and-

A lot of follow ups about that, a lot of people have questions. Yeah, I haven't done it since. I take that back. I haven't done it since. But I was like, I was like, we definitely talk reckless. Did you tell the aunt about it? I don't know. It's just she doesn't know.

I doubt it. I think it wouldn't shock her. That's the thing is, that's the bet I want to make. Would anything shock her? No. Anything that we say that Bert just did, nothing will shock her. Yesterday I got out of the pool.

Oh God, I'm working out. I get out of the pool. And I'm naked in the backyard. Girls are in their rooms. I'm naked in the backyard just with Leigh Ann. And I go, I'm bet when you're a kid, you never thought you'd get to see this much dick when you got older.

And she was like, aw, aw. She was like, yeah, this is my dream. Wait, can we ask her? What, what she thinks of you doing that? Of, yeah. Yeah. I want to know if she even knows about it. We're gonna share this.

Make sure you don't, I don't just share that with everybody. Are you calling him again? Hey, baby, was he talking about scuba diving? Hey baby, listen, we had to do two episodes today. We'll cut that out, but I'm not going to make it to Roe me. Yeah, I was okay. I just didn't know if you were like almost done. No, we just started and now we're doing a podcast with Warren. That's what you say? Nothing.

Hey, and then I'm going to need Georgia to drive the car back. Tom's making me drink on this fucking podcast. No, Georgia's 16 years old. What do you mean? All right. You mean when I'm going there at three. Okay, all right. Bring Georgia with you.

Are you staying there till three? I don't know baby. You're this is Can I I'll call you right back okay? Bye Do you see how fucking complicated so much easier talking to Warren sap? Yeah, yeah, just like in shed a mask on can you tell she had a mask on yeah, and you're like just Yeah Just, yeah. Wives. Fucking, I'm like, let's go back to Warren's app. Yeah.

There was so much more fun when we were talking to him. I know. It's like they live, she lives in the now. She can't just go like, oh, how cool. You know what I hate when you say something and then they go, they go, wait, what? And you're like, never mind. They go, well, no, if you want to go this way,

you go, well, you fucking heard me. You can't wait to do this with more than that. Yeah. This is gonna be, this is gonna be, should we dress alike and not tell them which one's Brett? Oh my God. And we both have beers. Well, we just have them both call Brett.

Yeah. Two breaths one, one's that. Merch, we just have them both calls Brett. Yeah, two breaths one tap. Merch, we sit, start Merch. When you first said Brett, like, you got, I think he said Brett, I thought you were saying that he was talking to Brett Farf. You know what I mean? Like when you lay out the Brett,

I thought you meant like that because he was having another conversation. By the way, do you really, who he could get in to call in? I just thought of that, Tom. Yeah. Okay, let's do our wish list Number one Charles Haley. Oh, yeah What if like we like he's like laughing and Joey oh, we go could you get Charles head? He's like guys

That's just not not safe. It's not possible. I don't fuck with him. No, no Brent Farber would be awesome. Yeah, well, first of all, all his old Miami teammates are like personality wise, on top of being just talent, like to get them, like Clinton Portis calling in. Jesus, who were his like, So you're gonna have to really, I'm gonna have to brush them.

I don't know football the way you know football. You legit know football. No, I mean, not like him. Um, definitely know it. I mean, no one knows it like him. But he I'm trying to think because Oh, did that say wait, scroll back down, scroll down more. Oh, Keeson Johnson. Keeson Johnson would be it said, Warren's that bully the bug. What? What? What? No, it's any. I just think it'd be funny to talk to him

about talking shit to other players. I bet he would, it would suck to be like a teammate and then he's like, you know you suck. You're like, you're like, yeah, I know. I just want to see like, you know, the thing about a guy like Warren Sapp is, Pat McAfee one time told me, explosivity.

Yeah. He was like, explosivity is the most important thing. I bet Warren Sapp could knock you out so fucking quick. For sure. I bet his hand movement from pocket to jaw. He's probably like, I'm a guess, six, two. And he probably played it around three, 10, 315 I think. And he, what if we have the number one NFL podcast in the world? probably played it around 3, 10, 3, 15 I think. And he, what if we have the number one NFL podcast in the world?

I mean, it's possible. It's very possible. 6,200 pounds, that's about me and you. You. What if we call this show 6,200, 300. Six, two, three hundred times three. That's the name of our show. Dude, they got it.

Derek Brooks, Mike Alstott. Yeah. You know why don't get John Lynch? That's a teammate of his. Yeah, I don't really get that guy. What do you mean? I don't get it. What do you not get?

The whole thing. What he's doing. Well, is it like a GM now or something? Yeah, like what was he like a GM now or something? Yeah, like was he like a like a safety? He's like was he was like a strong safety for the but no, but no, he was like a trust one kid, right? I don't know Google John Lynch trust one kid. I think his parents Were like were like fucking really really rich and then he bought the Broncos. No, no, no, no, no, he's a GM now.

Yeah, and he bought the Broncos. He did not buy the fucking Broncos. John Lynch, go to John Lynch Wikipedia. Just John Lynch bio, yeah, chief. Just John Lynch, what Wikipedia? And I guarantee you, it says he grew up very white privileged. Okay, let's see. He had a helicopter take him to practice.

Okay, isn't it a miracle football executive? Oh, go to early life. Scroll down to like his early years. There you can hit that. Was born in the 10 to 20 pines, Carmel Valley, San Diego, where you play football, baseball, basketball. How about personal life, baseball career?

Yeah, we did have, okay. We signed to a two year deer for five five hundred and twenty thousand. In ninety three. Yeah, Jesus. I guess it wasn't. Wait, is there a personal life

section for this Wikipedia or no? Yeah, yeah, personal life. He's married. I know he had his father, his father John is a retired radio executive in San Diego, a founder of the sports taxation, XEPR AM-1090. I mean, come on, this is not trust.

Is there a thing for John Lynch senior? Like is there a bio-efficient? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it doesn't go anywhere. It's purple. Oh, yeah, there we go. President and CEO of broadcast company, the Americas. That might be, I think he was like really, really rich. What happens if, that doesn't take away from John Lynch? No, he's a Hall of Famer.

Yeah, I'm just saying. Yo, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Scroll back, scroll back. He had $125 million. You sold the company for $152 million? Yeah, $152 million. John Lynch definitely was like, yeah, yeah, I'll sign for $523,000.

Hey, Dad. They're giving me your weekly salary to play football. I don't understand what you're doing this, Sean. I don't think his dad's sound like that. Let's talk about, let's talk about first season, first season of our show. No, we said with the other shit talkers, we were, oh yeah, I told you Cameron Jordan.

For the Saints, right? Isn't that Cameron Jordan? Isn't that their Clinton port is was the most reckless talker I've ever listened to him Jordan dude. He He is Amazing in interviews for real. Give me a cam Jordan interview. I'd love I'm big cam Jordan fan now Do he talk so much? He was like I didn't shit talking about like active QB he's in the NFL he's like he sucks. He's talking about other guys like saying that they suck. Ask do the isn't it Camdor am I getting the wrong guy? Get Camdor and trash talk. Cam Jordan trash talk.

Clinton Portis was one of the funnest guys to listen to because roasts. Not roasts, you don't want that. You want a real... Is Cam Jordan the one? Oh, we're gonna do a Warren Zap birthday roast. What is it, oh, this is... That's one of the things we'll do. Yeah.

What is it? Oh, that's one of the things we'll do. Yeah Do cam Jordan did he talk about Ben Rothlesberger? Jesus Christ Yeah, it's it came up. Yeah cam Jordan's hot take on Ben Rothles He taught he I'm telling you he he he uh It came up. Yeah. Kim Jordan's hot take on Ben Roth is better. He's, I'm telling you, he, he, he, he, uh, see, I love this kind of talk. And there's not enough of this. He's right there.

Yeah, that's the interview. That's the one. That's the clip. Let me hear. What does this offense do? Well, we know they run it well. We know they got a couple thousand. The series, they've got a quarterback who might go into the hall of fame.

He's going to affect 20. Is that true? The Roth is virgin? Yeah. So really? What did the top get in there? In this era. You put them at like a top three of this era. I'm gonna put them at the top three, but I think I'm gonna put them at the top five of this

era. Top five of this era. You put them at top five of this era. Is that a yes or no? Yes. That's what you want to do. Yeah, that's what you want. Yep. You want to do. That's what you want.

You want to do, like, first of all, we forget too much sports or entertainment. It's entertainment. And having like, you can't have it be like a third-shringer. Having like a star player be like, oh yeah, talking shit like that. About another active player. That's, I mean, that gets me to buy a fucking Sunday ticket, man. I'm drunk right now, and so I take... Ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha. By the way, how's the T-do's in dog fuck? How's the soda? You mean the... Is that good? Yeah, it's good. Hey, here's, okay. I don't want to lose this thought, and it may be wrong.

So like, don't cancel me for this thought. Enjoy that it's a reckless thought. Corporations make people bend at the knee, right? Yeah. So that's what they did with football players that came in. They had a lot of personality. The corporations were like no more dancing in the end zone. Yeah. And so they know fun league. The know fun league and that's what corporations do. But the problem is you got all these guys who were fucking amazing to listen to, warrants that being top five. Easy.

And but like Deon Sanders, all these guys that were like, yeah, all these guys that were so much personality and I wonder sometimes if they got so, they're in such a bad relationship with these corporations. They were like, hey, we want your personality, we want it the way we want it. But with podcasting, we've taken the corporations out of it entirely. Yeah.

Now all we're saying is total freedom. Total freedom. It's, I think someone like Warren is gonna blossom or a guy like Cam Jordan, where you go. Van fucking test. Where you go, fan fucking test. Where you go, hey, the fucking reckless talk is what we're here for. That fucking shit where you come back on the podcast,

you're like, I was drunk. I don't know, I don't know why, I guess I said we were stopping doing the show. I don't remember saying that. Like, that kind of shit's gonna be a fucking blast. Yeah. Like, and I love, and it's one of the things I love,

you know, my dad is, my dad's just a weird fucking guy so like I remember I remember when when Deon Santa like I always try to predict what my dad's gonna say and then I try to get hit Because when I was younger I would try to figure out what he was gonna say Yeah, yeah, and so when Deon Sanders came out and he was on the cover of Sports Illustrated, it said prime time. Yeah. I remember seeing it and loving it, right?

Going like, oh fuck yeah. I need more of this. I need more. I remember it was there on the table. My dad said, solid. And I was like, we were at his office. And I was like, okay, I gotta, I don't, I'm gonna make sure I'm corporate aligned

with what my dad thinks. Yeah. So my dad goes and he goes, he's fucking Dea Sanders. And I said, you know, all that show boating, he goes, stop right there. Let me tell you why you're fucking wrong. And I went, okay.

By the way, I'm already like, I'm not, these aren't my thoughts. Yeah. I'm just thinking what I think you're like. I thought you'd like this. And he was like, you have no fucking idea. This is who this guy is. He needs to be, they'd allow him.

If he was white, he could do whatever the fuck you want. Look at Jim McMahon or whatever. And he's like, they let that, but because he's African American, these corporations try to put, he's just giving you who he is. This is who, my dad, I was like the most progressive fucking thing

you could have ever said. And I was like, yeah, I like it too. And then I do the dance and my dad fucking would be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah, if you're like, that can I? Well, no, I told you when I was in, when I played for the, my first football game, I caught it, but first baseball game,

I caught the fly ball, bass is loaded. I was in first grade, spiked it, ripped off my shirt, started dancing. And then all the bass is cleared and we lost the game. And my dad was like What the fuck is wrong with you? And I was like and so I'm looking at the ongoing. Why didn't you like it when was your son? Right, right. Yeah, if he was your son you wouldn't enjoy it Yeah, cuz he would all the your rah-rah stuff or he'd probably be like come on man But hasn't he accepted it now? He knows like that's who you he knows he does not accept it

I think he joins you on stage shirtless at that show. I think, yeah, I don't, yeah, I think he maybe accepts it. I think he doesn't understand a bunch of it. I think it just is like, it's almost like having a gay son. And my dad's just like, I love you, I don't get it, but I love you. Right. Did I just say that I'm like a gay son to my dad? Yes, and you also,

do you think Warren's gonna get our personalities? I think he'll like me more, but I think that... I think he's going to love you. I think you and him are gonna be couple of friends. I think that it's funny that you associate all your, like, you know, idiosyncrasies and habits and personality traits and everything with, you know, a gay person. Well, yeah, it's like I'm slam buoyant.

Right, right, right. It's not a lifestyle choice, this is who I am. I was born this way. No, it is. This is who you are. I should be. We didn't get to tell the end about the you wipe your ass. Oh, let's not deal with her.

Yeah. This is gonna be a rough day for the B-man. Really? Oh, yeah. Because deal with her. Yeah. This is gonna be a rough day for the B-man. Really? Oh, yeah. Because of the booze? Because, yeah, because I... And did you know you tied one on last night or no? Mm, I won't be, you know, but I'm doing this thing

where I taped my mouth shut at night to sleep because I think it'll top me from snoring and last night I just started suffocating. So... So... She woke up to someone like like And you're like at least on that story Who goes to tape their mouth shut?

This guy there's on Rogan's fucking ass. Rogan's fucking fault. Why don't you just get their mouth shut? Uh, this guy, there's on Rogan's butt. God, this Rogan's fucking fault. Why don't you just get a mouth guard? Because I, he said mouth tape works. Get a mouth guard. I just want to fucking dickload a mouth tape. How do you tape it? Like around the back here? No, no, no, you can do this.

This is what, the other thing I tried doing is you put this on like like this so it holds your guard. Yes, yeah, but that's listen, those things are doing a shitty version of what a mouth guard does. That's what the mouth guard does. I don't have this mouth guard talk. I don't understand. Get a mold. Okay, you go to a dentist. I know. Okay, let's stop right there. I don't want to go to the dentist. Oh, but they don't do anything but getting a mold of your teeth. And then they send that mold to a company that will ship

They'll ship you a mouthguard. You have a mouthguard. Yeah, you sleep with something in your mouth. I don't really take my mouth shot It's a mouthguard. It's super easy and it does what you're saying it keeps your lower jaw Forward and up slightly so it doesn't Follow up a mouth breather. That's why you want to use it. Oh I meant so yeah, so I't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. How are you alive? You know, like that? That's what you look like when you sleep?

No, that's actually not the one. Go to the far left one. That's what I got, somonex. Wear, wear, wear. That's it. You sleep with that on your mouth. It looks like a sad clown. And you're just, you're snoring through that though.

How strong is it? It's gotta be strong, right? Yeah, it's pretty strong, but I don't know. I don't know. I'm I'm in breathe trying to breathe through my nose Listen to this fucking goddamn Rogan podcast about breathing and you know, oh is that the breath thing you're reading to? What it's It's the book the guy wrote is fucking fascinating, but more importantly, it's like Joe is really when Joe's dialed into

and interested in something, he is such an engaging interviewer. Like, and so Joe's interest in this got me really, really interesting, so I was like, I only breathe through my mouth. I've never breathed through my nose. And what is the principle of this? The whole idea is that when you breathe through my mouth. I've never breathed through my nose. And what is the principle of this? The whole idea is that when you breathe through your mouth, you're not really getting full breaths.

When you breathe in, you are? When you breathe through your nose, you get, I only breathe through my mouth. And so I get, and Leanne has said to me at times, are you breathing right now? And I'll go, no. And so you need to breathe, honey. Like. And it's cause of anxiety, obesity, and high blood pressure. All three things I deal with is mouth breathing. And so yeah, this is this fucking book is fascinating. So I started listening to the podcast and I'm like, I'm not breathing at all right now. And I went, I should try to read through my nose. So I started breathing through my nose and it said you should do six breaths per minute

is like, what is healthy? And then I'm sitting there, I'm like, I'm doing like 15, like going, you know, like, it said six a minute. Six a minute. I got it down to two minutes, two a minute. Two breaths per minute. By practicing, by just being relaxed,

calming down and breathing slowly. Just going. Out through your mouth. Out through my mouth. So I got it down to two a minute, and I was like, two a minute seems like really low. It's really low. But I got it to six a minute,

and I got to four a minute, then I got it down to two a minute, and I was like, wow man, I'm like really relaxed. And that's the way you're supposed to breathe all, or just when you're relaxing. When you're relaxing, what you're supposed to be breathing through your nose, so then I spent all yesterday with this fucking thing around my head,

trying to keep my mouth shut to remind me to breathe through my nose, and by the end of the day, I'm like fucking hyper aware, hyper pumped up, and I'm like, I think I'm getting too much oxygen. Like I think I'm breathing too. I don't breathe normally, breathe this much. I'm normally tired. And so I'm trying to sleep with my mouth closed

because they say that it'll stop snoring too. So, I mean, I wake up sometimes and my tongue is as dry as a finger. Like from breathing through my mouth. You gotta get the mouth guard, dude. I'm just telling you, it's not that crazy. How's it going to help? I'm just going to go, it's going to fall into my pillow. No, because it's it's it's it's it's it's a mold. It's custom for your mouth. So it's not if you bite over the counter kind of thing or online, yeah, but if you get an actual mold, it you pop it

in pop it's like you're putting a mouth guard into for sports, you know, but it's it's custom for your teeth. And then and then I can get like fangs on it Like a male fighter and you get a you get the strong band so that you're your lower jaw can't drop a strong band What the bands? There's like rubber bands that like have elasticity tight or loose the tighter it is The less you sleep with you sleep in and you snore? Well, I do snore if I especially if I don't have it But with it it can eliminate snoring completely. It's one of my favorite jokes You had that you just kind of threw away. I don't maybe you use an especially Maybe you didn't even say it in special we were in Irvine and you said

My wife says I snore, but I have no fucking proof of this. Oh, yeah. Was that it? Is that a bit? It was it joker used to say like Yeah, because I was like, because people would get mad at you for snoring you go, I think you're making this up. Yeah. I've never had me. I've never, and then it was like, yeah, but I'm not,

I mean, I'm not awake, so. Yeah, it's like, she's getting mad at you for doing something that you can't help. I can't help it, yeah. And she gets mad. You know why I ordered my first mouthguard? We were engaged.

And of course, I was so fat. And so. How far were you at your fattest? The fattest I've ever been actually wasn't then. Well, here's the thing. That was the number on the scale. Wasn't the worst that it got, but I was the most inactive.

So in other words, fat fat, but like not doing anything active. You know, I mean, no, not even going for walks. I was just living that national feature lifestyle of just flights. And I was telling someone the other day, I was like, you realize that like it's not just when you go to a comedy club and you go, I'm eating wings and and chissticks, but four days in a row. Like that was your meal every day. And I go and I was and on top of that, doing nothing physical.

So I think I was just like at my, not just, it wasn't my saddest, but it was like my sloppiest, like my most pathetic. And I was probably, right down, right down, Pro-style dumbbells keep going. Yeah And I was probably... Right down, right down, Pro-style dumbbells keep going. Yeah, I was probably,

I had to be at that time around two, between 245 and 252, something like in that range, but like... Wait, what do you know? 230, do 32 maybe? Try, damn it. But, so here's the thing, like a lot of times how I wake up,

and at that time, you know, no kids or anything, we go, I would go to bed at like two in the morning, almost every night, and I'll wake up at like 10, 30, 11, and sometimes if I woke up, let's say she'd be in the living room, sleeping on the cat, and I was like, what are you doing? She was like, you're snoring like so that. And then she would say, you're snoring through it. Like I can hear you through the wall, like with the door.

I'm like, nah, and of course, like you wake up and you're like, we're talking about. Yeah. And she's like, dude, it's crazy. So she had said it and I was trying to, I was like, I was like, wow, I feel badly, but you don't have a real appreciation for it until she recorded me one night. We do have that still? I don't think so. I mean, it was fucking 13 years ago, dude.

So she goes, I recorded you, and I was like, let me hear it. And my fucking, I was like, like, my jaw dropped. I was like, I go, you have to, like, I actually felt so badly. I was like, you're sleeping next to this. So that day, I ordered the one you can get on a, like, like I actually felt so badly. I was like, you're sleeping next to this. So that day I ordered the one you can get on a like 1-800 number. It was like, there was commercials for it and you put it in hot water and you mold it.

Like when you're a kid and you play basketball or football and they like get a math card. So that helped, like that was a huge improvement. And then eventually I was telling a dentist about it and he was like, you should get like a professional one. And that's a game changer, dude. I got to get one. I can't imagine how bad my snoring is. Oh my God. He only sleeps on the couch. She's, she's up to our bed in years. You got to do it.

Well, I were just going to, we're just building a new house and then we're building her a room. Her own room? Yeah. Really? Yeah. So sleeping? Well, we got our room that we'll live in. And her clothes will be in there, but then she is making a room for herself. That's just sleeping. Yeah.

Why would you sleep in the same bed? It's so silly. It's usually it's a good sign for a marriage. I love that bit more than anyone has ever loved her in her fucking life. The bed? No, the woman. Oh. It's a bitch, nothing.

Oh, all of a sudden it's a bed. No, I love that bitch. That woman is lucky that she's got, oh, let me tell you something. There's just what I'm talking about. No one's ever loved her like I love her. And this was what Warren would contribute so much to right now, because I feel like he probably, you know what I mean?

Can definitely identify with you. This might be one of my favorite podcasts we've ever done. it's so much to right now because I feel like he probably, you know, I mean, can definitely identify with you. This might be one of my favorite podcasts we've ever done. I know Kool-Aid was a big fun podcast. We laughed hard when we've ever laughed. Yes. I can't wait to warn Sapsits and finds out that I drink two gallons of Kool-Aid today. He's going to have a good time.

He's going to love this job we're getting him into. Yes. And he's going to love the money and we're going to merch. He's going to be fucking selling merch like crazy. We're going to get shots of him on his boat with Jimmy Johnson. Here's what I propose right now. Once the season starts, I propose that we do this Monday mornings. We recap the weekend.

I mean, we talk about our shit. We do all our like life stuff. What you do, fishing, whatever, how was the road? We talk about, I have some college NFL stuff, some notes, some things. We make a prediction about Monday night football, every Monday. We try to put out the episode as quickly as we can.

The following week when we do it, we not only recap all the same stuff, but we figure, like the, we not only recap all the same stuff, but we figure like the, we get to play how we did on our predictions for the Monday night game. So we're like, how do we do on the last predictions? So we have that element of like predicting a game, recapping a game, going over notes, news, and doing like silly fun stuff, too. All right. Here's my, here's where I, here's what I want. Go ahead. First episode, me and you have to fly where I, here's what I want. Go ahead.

First episode, me and you have to fly, and we gotta fly him here. Yeah. And we need to be, it needs to be like, in person. In person. Okay. Our christening episode.

Can I understand that it might be COVID restricted. He might not want to get on a plane. Flying private. What? We flying private. Okay. We split it, we flying private. Okay, we split it we fly in private All right, you know he's gonna be so much fucking fun if we flew about private

I think anyone would be yeah, and it's gonna be the greatest fuck and we and why don't we just gang shoot him and just have a memory? I just do a bunch of them and we just make up games where like had the oh man They won by 52. All right next game Now it'll be fun man. It'll be super fun. I am so excited about this and I know that your brain is so different than mine I'm thinking of like stupid stuff of telling you my Christian Perfect, but which by the way was a cliffhanger for the last one was Christian a koya thing It's not that good now that I've built it up, but I'll tell you. So...

Also, isn't it kind of silly that more people can use the moniker, Nigerian nightmare? Like, he was the original, I thought. Yeah. And then like... Are there other ones? Well, like, the fighter of the MMA guy, he went by Nigerian nightmare that fought a few weeks ago.

That was fun. Yeah, it was fun. That's not it. And he doesn't even have an accent. I don't know anything about that. No, he doesn't. Like, Christian Ac not. Yeah, it was been. That's not. He's not even having accident. I don't know how you about that. No, he doesn't like Christian Acquire hasn't is from Nigeria. Yeah. He, um, so we did, uh, we did a football show during like one of the set super bowls when I was on, um, when I was on, uh, FX. So I had to show on FX called, uh, the X show. It was like a late night talk show. It was like my first job in in LA. I remember this and we had Joe Montana on me. I Jerry Rice.

I'm gonna ask Joe Montana about Charles Haley jacking off in front of them. I think Charles Haley's to say something about Joe Montana's wife to him all the time. We can definitely get Joe Montana on now. Now there'll be our partners with Warren's app. definitely get to my channel now. Now that we are partners with Warren Zap. And so Christian Acquia comes on one day. And no one really knew who he was. I knew he was because that's of my time. It's that old thing you said, like all your heroes are when you watch the sport. And I just remember Iki Woods Christian Acquia, those were like my running backs. And so we're doing a picture of a big group picture, right? At the before we do the show. And everyone's like so excited when you take the picture

and then they everyone starts to walk away and I go, oh wait, wait, wait, one more, one more, one more. I go, Christian, will you take your shirt off so I can hold you and he's like, excuse me. And everyone is like awkward, and I'm just kidding, I'm a fucking comedian. And hold you and and he's like excuse me and everyone is like awkward and I'm just kidding I'm a fucking comedian and then everyone laughs and he goes oh okay okay okay so we do the episode we get done this the um we get we get done the episode and everyone's like let's do one more picture so we do one more picture and he goes and

we take the picture and everyone starts walking away and Chris and Cory grabs me by the shirt and he goes hey hey and I come back and it's now it's just me and him on set and he goes and we take the picture and everyone starts walking away. And Christian and Cory grabs me by the shirt and he goes, hey, hey, and I come back. And it's now it's just me and him on the set and he goes, hey, this dick are sure it's off. And I go, what? He goes, take our shirt off, right? And hold each other. And I go, oh man, I'm so sorry.

And he goes, I got you funny guy. But he is Christian and Cory. He's fucking massive. He's like six, four, and he's like, dick are sure it's off. And I'm so fucking massive. He's like six forty's like I'm so fucking bad. I'm like, oh god, I'm gonna be that sex with the sky right now. I feel like funny guys. I thought you were doing your Russian accent. I'm bad at accents. No, you're not. By the way, you definitely code talked a little bit when you were talking to Warren Sapp. Just want to call you on it.

A Warren Sapp? You were like, or Ron on it. A Warren Sapp? Or Ron? You were like, your homeboy. I got- I did not say that. I got accused of code speak with Ron. Are you serious? Oh, yeah. So I was trying to be like extra white with Warren.

Ron? I was like, hello Warren, how are you? Ron is getting hit up to do podcasts now. Oh, he is? Because like Ron is a horrible idea. Why? I was like, you cannot tell anyone I'm racist. It's not a joke, Ron.

He's like, I know, I know. I was like, you'll, because when Ron, back when I used to be called racist, I fucked dogs, okay? And you smell like shit. I smell like shit, I get it, I'm cool with it. But Ron, when Ron tried to do the joke it never worked Oh, right. He be like this racist motherfucker, and then everyone's like oh my god for real

And he's like yeah really and just walk out of the room. I go wrong You gotta you gotta put some spin on it. You gotta put some spin on it Fucking so Ron's now doing podcast. He's like I work for him. He's super racist. I got to go Do you ever hear the big J story no? I work for him, he's super racist. I gotta go. And he's like, No fucking, no. No. Do you ever hear the Big J story? No. So I, this is gonna come out one of my vlogs because this comes full circle.

I was in San Antonio one weekend, right? And we're partying to a laugh out loud. And I go, who's coming next week? And they go, Big J? Now, one of the women that worked there was trying to take after her niece. Her niece was 16 and was working there also. And her niece was hanging out with us at the bar,

not drinking, but she, I think she'd gone through a rough patch in her life. And we're all bullshit and I'm hanging out with the aunt. And I go, oh, big J's coming next week. I fucking love big J. And they're like, we should do a practical joke on him. And I said to the 16 year old, I said, oh, big J's coming next week, I fucking love big J. And they're like, we should do a practical joke on him. And I said to the 16 year old, I said, hey, when big J's here, you should tell him, like pull him aside and go,

hey, do you have a burst number? And he'll be like, why? And go, he got me pregnant. And then, and then, look at this, look on J's face, and you're just fucking with you, you know? But I know J's funny. She's like, oh, yeah, it'd be funny, you shit. So, that's all I say about it. I don't really we don't talk about it more and I yeah

I'm I'm gonna fuck this story up because I'm sure in the vlog it's different But watch the vlog that's the accurate because we grow back which vlog in on my on my My book on my book christier YouTube channel I brought to you in vlogs for the wet out summer store Yeah, and we went to San Antonio and And I told the guys there, what happened? What happened was Big J showed up the next weekend. And the girl comes up to him and says, Hey, do you have births number to Big J?

And he's like, he's like, yeah, why, what's up? She's like, you friends of them? And he's like, yeah, good friends of them. He goes, yeah, well, he got me fucking pregnant and she just left. And never told him it was a joke. Okay. So Jay's like, fucking sweatin'.

Like two days later, he's like, Goddamn it, bro, God, 16 year old pregnant. Like that's not who I thought he was at all, at all. And like, he's sitting with it and he's like, Goddamn it. So on Sunday, he's going to leave the club and he's with the two openers who had been randomly, been at the bar when I made this joke on,

you should tell him, and Jay's like, overwhelm. And he's like, hey, when Bert was here, did he like, was he like, like he's kind of prying? And he's like, was he like with the, the fucking 16 year old, and he goes, they go, oh yeah, he was joking, the, she should tell him, he got a pregnant, pregnant. And Jay's like, we hold on, that's a joke. And they go, oh yeah, he was joking that he she should tell him you got it He got pregnant pregnant and Jay's like we hold on that's a joke and they go yeah Why did she do it and he goes yeah, she's just left

Yeah, you're like you're not a practical joke anymore Take hold me and he's like dude I'm thinking how am I gonna cover for you for fucking getting a 60 year old pregnant He's like, I gotta tell you man, I was gonna out you HAHAHAHA I can really guess you can't fuck 16 year olds I was like, Jay I'm not fucking a 16 year old Oh, fuck I love a good practical joke when it just, like when you find out years later Yeah Yeah I have a good practical joke when it just, like when you find out years later. Yeah. Yeah. I have a nice little buzz.

And that was a nice breath through your nose. I was going to give you a compliment. I'm using in hairlars, no, I know, to try to open it up. We're going to do a montage of all your, all those. I don't know why I do that. When I got a little, had a little drink. This is my daughter's make fun of me for skipper fingers. Yeah. I've seen that. I've seen it.

And that's how you go like this. That. Yeah. Or. Yeah, that's another one. Yeah. And then my thing is I go, what's up dog? Hey man.

Oh shit. Shit. You think Ron would. What up big sap. You think Ron would call us on code talking to him? I don't know. If I have to go around and go, yo, what up, what up, what up? That's my pricing up.

You can't do an impression of black dudes anymore? That's racist. You can't do an impression. Like if you're doing a story and then, like if, okay, so if I, this is, if I say, and then I was talking around, and I was like, oh shit, dog. That you can't do that.

You gotta be like, wait a minute, you can do it, you just did it. Why no, but you can't. But I mean, well, from this point on, can you tell that I'm buzzed? A little bit, not bad. Have a good time. But like in my specials, in this point on, you tell that I'm buzzed. A little bit, not bad. But like in my specials, in my specials,

if I ever do a black guy in a bit, I do a black guy voice. Right. You can't do that anymore. So now I just do British. So I was talking to Ron and he was like, Oh my, that was a fucking rumble. That was, that was, you need to read that breath chapter again.

Oh, cherry on, mate. So that's gonna be Ron. Now you're like, I have a black bus driver. Just, oh, you should do the thing where you go. Just the heads up, all right. He's black, so don't be weird about the impression. And then be like, he's like, Bertrand, we need to pull over for a stop.

Refuse. Oh, oh, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, Oh, oh, tip, tip, tip, topos. Do you think... What if you called him and you said, would you be offended if I did an impression of you? And he's like, what kind of impression? And then you go, I do it like this, so as to not offend. Or what if you said, what if you ask him if you can do an impression of him?

And he's like, all right. And then you just do like a real, like, amen, like you do it. By the way, that is Ron a little bit. He's like, all right. And then you just do like a real like, hey, man, like you do it. By the way, that is Ron a little bit. Like Ron's, well, Ron is not, Ron grew up in Compton. Like there's, if you're, what are you trying to say?

He grew up in Compton. So if you're looking for like an impression of Ron, it is, it is that, he is that guy. Like he is like, put your shoes on motherfucker. Like that's Ron Ron like that is him Can you do the impression of him to him? Would he be he would be offended? No, yeah Ron Ron is You know what man? It's super refreshing about Ron and I think part of the reason I love two things another the best commercial ever

Like because I it just hit me. It's one of my it's my It's one of my favorite commercials of all time. It's Warren Sap and Tracy Morgan. That commercial is- Pull this up right now. Have you seen it? No, I don't even know what you're talking about. It is the fucking best. What I was gonna tell you while he searches for it,

the thing I love about Ron is that in this cancel culture, all this people are hyper aware of everything. Yeah. Ron was super refreshing, because he just does not give a fuck. He just tells you what he's thinking. Yeah. And he doesn't give a fuck

of he hers your feelings or whatever. And that was was fun about him. Let me run away. You gotta put, let me put these on. Because I have watched this commercial, I'm not kidding you. Like a thousand times.

Hey, do we ever hear from Madera, the, do we ever hear from Madera, the, do we ever hear from the, uh, IUD place? The IUD place? Oh, the actress hit me up. Oh, yeah. She said that they've, that whole thing's filmed in South Africa. What? That commercial was filmed in South Africa.

Do you see the Vietnamese maybe they came out holding one? Oh, I saw the African. No. Oh, the Vietnamese maybe came out holding one. I saw that, African. No. Oh. The Vietnamese maybe came out holding an IUD. No. Yeah. A Vietnamese maybe got born holding the birth control that was tried to kill it.

Well, they're an amazing people. They have conviction and they. Vietnamese. Top. Okay. This is problematic. Go for it. If you're going to be Asian, what kind of Asian person would you want to be?

Go ahead and let's watch this commercial. Japanese Chinese Vietnamese Thai. Well, they're all fascinating people. I feel like the culture that I'm the most intrigued by is Japanese though. Oh, because of Samurai culture? No, just like all of it. I mean, it's just Samurai book right now. Okay.

Five rings. It's good? I don't know if that's the name of it. I think it's a martial arts book. Yeah, a martial arts book. I don't really understand it. It sounds right. I'm reading it because I'm writing a self-help book

and I'm just kind of building it off of Samurai culture. Okay. Don't you sap! Check it! Boom! I'm here straight out of your nightmares. Excuse me. I'll excuse you, nothing.

I'll excuse you so we play a little football. You understand me, sweet tooth? You don't play football. Every day I do, he has been NFL football. Look at the first person football feature. 101, wow. Because I don't play. You know something?

Oh, there you go. The little birdie's talking to me. He's saying, sat can't. Cause I don't play, you know something? Oh, there you go. The little birdie's so good to me. He's saying, Seth can't mess with you. That too, so that way. Wait, make it, man. Make it a big screen. We gotta go through this whole thing. Tracey Morgan is so fucking funny.

I hate that he hates me. Naturally funny. And I gotta say, especially for an athlete, you realize, so this is a, if you're going to prototypes, this is wacky guy, straight man. Yeah. Straight man takes, it's a skill. It's harder to do than... It's harder to do than wacky guy, I think. And he does it, look at it, alright, because... Don't you sap, check it!

Boom! Ha ha! I'm here, straight out of your nightmares. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a little football you understand me speak to you don't play football Every day I do he has been in a hell look at first person football feature First of all, I don't think that most of that is in the script. Oh, there's no script. There's just like, I don't wanna wanna wanna. Yeah, he's there like, so you come in Tracy, just you do your thing.

And then, do you think you could probably just like, act like he's crazy? He's like, yeah, yeah. Sure. I think I can figure that out. Did you see the moment that him and Ben Watson? No. That's the only one that's better.

Look at the Tracy Morgan, is it Ben Watson? Yeah, I think it's Ben Watson. I could do an entire episode about Tracy Morgan. Oh, this one is, yeah, that's it. This is the one that set it off. Ben Wallace? Oh, Ben Wallace, sorry. Sorry.

Make it big again. Ben Wallace, I said Watson. Big Ben Wallace. I think going in the wrong direction right? Listen, Darb, I'm big. Some other Terri. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I can clear the court the one side take this one Nobody is better than Reg I don't want you it's gonna look He said don't nobody is better than Reg and then he fell off the ball

The fucking back to the balls behind his head and he bounced it off the wall I'm sorry, that one word time. Right, Mr. 24-7 modes, and I've achieved the ISO motion. I can clear the court to one side and take this one on one. Though nobody is better than rage. Haha. Haha. I can watch those. I can't. Oh, I know.

Over and over. I'm hurt. Yeah, and that's like, I got it. I mean, I would do a whole episode just asking more about this day, the day that he filmed his. I could do, have you, you know, my favorite Tracy Morgan ever is the Doug Flutey's speech. The Doug Flutey's speech.

Type in Tracy Morgan Doug Flutey. This had me, this, so I'm gonna give it context. So, can they hear this? Okay so they're talking in Tracy Morgan about they're talking to Tracy Morgan about comedy and he is talking about characters I think he's talking about getting into character and when you get into character standing character and real quick he flips from if I'm not mistaken, I love, I really am bummed that me and Tracy Morgan

will never be friends, that he doesn't like the Tracy Morgan story, that he thinks it's- Right, because he actually ants somebody, I think I'm on Reddit. Someone was like, he was like, this, I don't know who that is. I never happened, don't know that guy,

I never smoked PCP, and you're like, okay, I know it probably wasn't PCP, I know it was a joint, you were fucking with me, but the story's true, I know it probably wasn't PCP. I know it was a joint, you were fucking with me. But the story's true. I could never make that story up. I mean, if I could, I would just have millions of those and I'd just put in people that were dead. Yeah.

But it's such a, and he's so fucking, wait, what? Put in the notes, the Jen Aniston. Jennifer Aniston. So, so, so, in this, in this clip, he's talking about getting into character. I would love to know more about that. That's why I would love to know what he's doing because he just all of a sudden cuts from telling about improv to becoming his high school football coach who is explaining to it.

And it's so beautiful that you're like, my God, you're good. Just what gets to hit play? I remember you came into the, you used to come into the uptown and catch used to be tense and you used to do some of the silliest shit and you used to tell cats, join in. Join in. Break up the tension.

No, you said that. No, you used to say, tennis street, like you used to want, to want blink if you see me doing this Go on in detail How to do the study do your homework? I always tell you on do your homework. Oh, did you get a foliage? Yeah, you remember this how you gonna know I'll be great if you don't study greatness. And then here goes the character. Go with it. Go with the game team.

Look at the game team. Hit somebody, you got them it? I don't give a fuck if it's your own team man. Lay some pants on somebody. I swear to God damn it, but now if you start that dumb fruity shit again and when I call 23,000 call it got damn flame. I didn't say I don't marry. the Jesus, okay. You know what, you know what? Who's obsessed with that? Here's good J-more. Oh yeah! He was obsessed with this. I remember that.

J would be like, look at the game tape. Oh, footage. That dog, flutty shit, you ain't dog, flutty. That's so funny. That is like, that is what's great about that guy. So he's just, he really is. Exhaust. Extreme of consciousness, eccentric.

Yeah, and he also has that gift, like this is just a gift, where you can just go, here's the line, and then the way that he says it is funny. You know what I mean? Like you could be like, you want another one, and then I want you to be like,

no I'm good, and the way that he's like, no I'm good. You laugh at the way he says, no I'm good. That night we hung out with him. His, I remember that I was obsessed with this line. I've for a long time on stage, you was saying,

I got a pretty dick, you can suck it with the lights on. And I remember going like, remember finger fucking in the handball courts? Who remembers finger fucking? It was such an honest, genuine, like, and I remember white people in the audience because I had sat the whole crowd, just like a white couple just going,

oh yeah, like they never finger fucked in the handball court. I got a pretty dick, you could suck it with the lights on. And I remember going like, I need a bitch with a C section score. I didn't even know what that was. Yeah, and then it was like when you finger fucking her and you get pussy poppin' that bitch. You pussy poppin' but you got your nose and your armpits.

It knows in your armpits, smelling your old stink. Yeah, you're like, he was just such an bizarrely unique like, ever get to see him do like the hour, but I'd heard different places be like, say that he either did 30, 40, or even 50 minutes just on eating ass. Yeah. And so when, every time I would play a club after Tracy,

and I was like, how was the Tracy weekend? They're like, well, you know, he sold out every show, but yeah, we had a number of walkouts, and I was like, was it for Assy? And they're like, yeah, yeah, it was like 40 minutes on Assy. But you know, that was, that was amazing.

Like Patrice used to do that. I hate to speak about Patrice because he's past, but like, and it just sounds like whatever my experience maybe was isolated, so maybe I'm making it bigger than it was, but I remember I'm doing a showtime special and talking about putting thumbs and girls' asses. And I was like, in my head I was like, that will not make the cut.

I was a young comic and he was like, I just liked how fucking, and you're just like, what, I'm not gonna make the cut. I was a young comic and he was like, I just like, the fucking, and you're just like, what, I remember Tony Woods doing that on a last comic standing. Uh, uh, uh, Thumb in the ass. He's talking about just straight up fingering chick's asses and I was like,

this is not making the cut. Yeah. But it's, it's a really interesting like, almost like, uh, I don't know, I don't know where I'm going with this. Yeah. But, but yeah, Tracey Morgan, it's interesting to me that like in sitcoms, that brilliance that you see in that, in those commercials or in that thing, it translated, but it never translated as well as it did in SNL and in those commercials. Like he always played a character of himself kind of.

Yeah. Like it was played a character of himself kind of. Yeah. Like it was a little more static. Don't nobody is better than the rich. Dude, when he did, there was an SNL thing that he did where he was, I was with Charlie Starron and they were talking about both the African-American. Who was him and her? That's funny.

He is so fucking talented. Yeah. He's so funny. God. What's pro style dumbbells about? Oh, it's stupid compared to Tracy Morgan. Well, it's, I'm obsessed with, um, I won't, so I'm putting a, a gym together in the new podcast studio. And I was like, oh, it's just get dumbbells. And I was like, oh, it's just get the rubber ended ones. It kind of say have it at Hilton's. And then I was like, wait, why would I want, like, I bet I could get cool dumbbells. I bet I could get like, what if I got like the rounded ones?

Like the round ones that are all just cast iron? Like, you know, like, they're molded. And then I was like, wait, you know what dumbbells I really want to, and now I wanted to talk to you and Joe about this, because I wonder if Joe has a memory of this. I want to get the dumbbells from high school. The ones that were, so they're called pro style dumbbells. The ones that had plates and were welded.

So you had a rack, but they all kind of look, type in pro style dumbbells. And when you, when you use them, they're like the ones to the right. Like that one, that Ivanko. Ivanko, see those? But do you remember the ones, the old school one, not the fucking rubber ones? The metal ones.

The metal ones, metal, pro style dumbbells. So they were the kinds that when you did chest and you brought them over, they clink. Clink, yeah, yeah, yeah. As opposed to like, and I was like, oh, I wanna get, and they were also, your hands smelled like pennies when you used them. And you were like, get them, but I cannot fucking find them. Well, I want all these ones.

All the stuff has been sold out because sales went through the roof. Yeah, it's hard finding dumbbells. Oh, anything plates, bars, like all those major manufacturers still had everything when quarantine took place. I wanted to find, so I was gonna, this is what I was gonna do. I was gonna reach out to local schools, like schools that don't have a lot of money in a city and go,

let me check out your dumbbells. I'll take your dumbbells and then I'll buy you a new set of dumbbells. They'll take that. Yeah, because I want the old school ones. Do it. Like, but do you, do you have such a romantic memory about those as I do? Well, when you say the clink, I guess,

here's what actually happened to me. I put some equipment in my house to lift, you know? And I got metal plates instead of rubber plates, and I don't like them. Why? I like the bumper plates more. It's just easier to have it home, especially grab them off, throw them on the ground

than the metal ones. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so I, that's, but those are plates, right? So what's Rogue? That's a company. A thing. Cause we talked about Smithbars. I loved Smith machines.

Cause the Smith machine, it gives you a false sense of your strength. You know, so like if you bench, if you get on a bench and I put 225 on, it's, do you have just the, the actual power to push that, but you don't have to do any of the stabilization. So, but then if I go, now jump off of that Smith machine to the next bench, and it's just 225 on a free bar with plates, you'll notice that dramatically the difference dramatically, yes, totally different. Because I want a much harder, so much harder without it.

Okay. What's the bare minimum you need in a home gym? What do you mean? Like, you need to pull up bar? I mean, well, it depends what your goals are. That's what you minimum you need in a home gym. What do you mean? Like, you need to pull up bar? I mean, well, it depends what your goals are. That's what you have in your gym. I have one of those racks, so I have a squat rack and a bed. I wanted a rack, but then I think maybe I texted you guys

and Rogan was like, don't get a rack, get dumbbells, get a bench. I don't know. Maybe he said that, maybe he didn't, I don't know. That sounds right from you. Yeah, yeah. There's all kinds of things that someone might have said. But like, I was like, just a rack of free weights.

And it depends what your goals are. What are your goals? That's honestly just to not lose bone density. I mean, I just want to lift a little bit of weights every now and then when I feel it get excited. Some dumbbells would probably be better for you. But I do want to, I want to smith rack. A smith machine, just, I was like, you could do a thing.

The smith machine is more like, I think I don't even know why they exist other than they seem like a safer. Like if you're just like, just want safety. Yeah. So, you know, but like, you don't have to do any stability. So then, so that's where I got to post out dumbbells where I was like, so say you. A lot of working out is being inspired to do it. So if you have something cool, or maybe something that reminds you of when you're young, maybe you want to do it.

So I was like, I'll get these old school post-album bells. Like we used to have a Jesuit, and then I will look at those, and I'll be able to go like, let's fucking throw up some weight. As opposed to looking at the way weight at a Hilton garden then or like, I don't even wanna fight, those are so, I don't even wanna fight. I know, and they have, they'll go up to like 25 or 30 pounds,

and you're like, where do you go up to like 80 pounds? I'll never use them, but just for looks. And then type in, what I wish I could remember the name of this company, but the ones that are interesting are like the, I wish I could remember the name of this company, but the ones that are interesting are like the, the one that has a really, like a Coke can handle, like the big, big, big fucking weights.

I don't know. Inch, Smith Inch. I don't know. Why don't you do the squat rack? Get the rack. I've been doing, I've been doing, not Turkey's getups, Hindu squats, lately with kettlebell.

I've been doing a lot of kettlebell stuff lately. That's great. Yeah, but man, I realize, I realize, I don't have any muscle where my ass cheeks meet my legs, I have no muscle there. And I run all the time, like a hamstring thing. Yeah, I have no fucking strength in my legs. Deadly.

I want it all backside. That's hamstrings. Something I need to be put on a band. Yeah, I mean, you get the technique down, but yeah, it's a bar with weights like the big Olympic bar and then that's how you strengthen your hamstrings for sure. I give a strength. my hamstrings are for shit. Running is not, running is not cutting the fucking. I need something more than running. You need strength training. I've been running like fucking ridiculous. You want to hear about going to Jen Assetz house? A hundred percent. Okay. So I get a call a few weeks ago. Hold on. You're on tour. I need to be ready for this. Okay. to go hold on you're on tour I need to be ready for this okay this happened recently yeah like you're on tour before you start this story I need to know that

could I have gone to Jennifer Danisant house with you if I had been in town possibly with you if I had been in town? Possibly. Oh, dude. I can't hear the story. Okay, go ahead. Let me hear it. I get a call from my agent and we've been talking about a couple of things and he says, hey, would you be interested possibly in a movie

where you play a part with Jennifer Aniston. And I go, yeah, of course. Okay, and this role is, you are serving her Sundays. I'm like, what is it? You're selling her a used car. I go, what is it? And he goes, he goes, it's not, it's more like a comedy drama hybrid.

And I go, I no more about it. He goes, well, actually, she wants to tell you about it. And I think we're gonna do a, like a Zoom thing, right? Cause it's during quarantine. And he goes, well, she's just got a new house. Do you, are you comfortable going to our house? And I go, yeah, yeah, I go, of course. So he goes, all right.

So he puts me in touch with her assistant and they tell me all the information I better assistant's hot as fuck that's a guy so he's pretty hot so I go to this house I hit the buzzer and they open the gate and I walk and I think that the assistant will greet me at the door hold on a second you go to this house yeah you hit the buzzer so you're on the street right now. I'm on the street, and then I hit the buzzer. What car did you drive?

My sedan. I don't know. Okay, you're going to Jennifer's anus, we're gonna drive the fucking... I don't know, so... Orch? So I just, anyways, I walk up, she dated Brad Pitt, he was totally in the car, so I put the phone right.

So I, but I'm also, I'll tell you this, I have some anxiety, you know? Oh, you should have some fun. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know, did you eat before you went? Not a lot. Not a lot. I'm a little hungry.

Where is Sam's gonna love us? I'm a little hungry. So, but I'm also like, you know, how do I act? Right? So I'm like, I'm like, I'm being more jovial than I actually feel. You know, I'm like, so I walk,. So I walk up and the door opens and I go, Hi, I go, I'm Tom. And she goes, I'm Rachel.

And I go, what? And she goes, I'm Rachel from the from the hit television show Friends. So I think like we're doing a bit now, you know, and this is how she's greeting me. And I'm like, yeah, I go, okay, I go, I go, all right. I'm like, yeah, I go, I'm very familiar. I don't know what to say. So I'm like, I don't know, yeah, that's a good show. I'm like, yeah, I go out, I'm very familiar. I don't know what to say. So I'm like, I don't know, yeah, that's a good show. I'm like, yeah, we were on a break.

Yeah. So I'm like, is this, I go, I sometimes you feel like you're a comedian, someone's like, this is my joke. Yeah. And I go, I go, yeah. And we're in her doorway. So the door's not even closed yet. We're both standing at her door and I'm like,

okay, I didn't know if she's gonna make a joke now. And she's just looking at me and I was like, I go, yeah, and she goes, do you know Ross? And I go, he's your brother. She goes, not everybody knows that. And I'm like, I don't know what the hell is going on. So I'm like, yeah, I go, yeah, yeah, because I go, I'm familiar with Chandler, too.

And she goes, oh, you know him? And I go from the show. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, and then she starts to turn down the corridor, like the show. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, she, and then she starts to turn down the corridor, like the hallway and she goes, do you know Phoebe? And I go, yep. And she goes Phoebe.

And I go that, from the show, the hit television show, friends. Yeah. And she goes, that's actually played by actress named Lisa Kudro. And I go, what the fuck are you doing? I'm fucking well, I'm scared now. Yeah, I got that.

And like, we're about to turn a corner. So I'm, I stop because everything inside of me is like, you should get out of here. Like, this is not. Fuck. Yeah. And I go, what, I actually said, what the hell is going on? What are you doing? I said, what are you doing? Yeah. and she turns back to me and she goes it's called acting and she turns around and she walks down the hall

I just made that whole story up you're a fucking You said you're a fucking you're a cunt You're such're a fucking cunt. You're a cunt. You're such a eye fucking. You're such a cunt. I believe all of this. Do you know why? Because you told me you said the Tracy Morgan thing Like there's no way I could make that up. So I go I wonder if I can make up a story By the way, that's a good story. That's a that's a

Okay story, okay That's a, that's a, that's a okay story. Okay. God dammit. I really sitting here going like, you're like, this is that fucking, yeah. Let's make a vow that if we ever meet Jennifer Aniston, we bring each other. Okay.

And then do we tell her this story? No. Oh. I say we, let's meet Jennifer Aniston. I think Warren Sapka set it up. I wouldn't be sure. I bet we could get her on our show. Uh we're gonna have such a cash a when we got Warren. We're gonna have such big guests. Joe Montana definitely. Breath of definitely. We have to ask everybody from that era about Charles Haley. That's the only thing I

wanted out. Charles Haley. We got to get 49er or Cowboys teammates from that era and be like, what was Charles Haley? Like tell us the Charles Haley. It's a T.O. Sanders immediately. But you know something people are like, you know, it sucks. Good guy. I think he's gone through some hardships with, I'm assuming he is bipolar. Yeah. So I'm sure that that all sounds like bipolar behavior. We gotta run in a second, but what did you fucking, first of all, how are you erasing your text messages all the time?

I have no fucking idea. I was wondering if it's something on my phone. Like if I set up a thing to erase it, because I'm not even touching them. Oh, my daughter's texting me. You know it's bad when you're daughter's like, do you need me to come pick you up? The answer is yes by the way.

Yes. How about having the 16 year old? I'm bad. That's the best. I'm at the age now where I'm like, go get my socks. That's the big advantage. Oh, the other day we're at the fucking, we're having catch at the new house.

We're playing softball and it's hot. And I'm like, God damn it. So I go to the fridge, you gotta drink and all they, all we have is beer in the fridge, softened the door bus. So I go, I'm not fucking beer. And then I go, oh God damn it, I gotta drive. And then George is just, I can drive.

I went, oh yes. I was like, it's like when I got your mom pregnant, you are paying off twice, you know. Hahaha. How are you cutting off your own skin tags? That's where that kid dropped the fucking ball. The kid did? Yeah, I go, George, she's the only one I trust.

I don't trust Ila totally, because Ila, everything, if it's funny, it's, it shouldn't give a fuck. I go, George, I have a skin tag, I had a really bad skin tag on my neck legit bad and I said all I need you to do is get some what I wanted her first to do is take dental floss tie a knot around it and then just rip the dental floss off and rip it off Do you do this normally? No, I've never done that, but I knew it would work And so you ever think about like calling a dermatologist or anything?

I thought about it, it's just in the pandemic, it's not worth the time. Jennifer, I said, tell me actually about a good doctor. I fucking hate you. I hate you. I got so excited. I know you did, it was so fun.

Cause you know I'm all freely about celebrity. I know, it was so fun. I wish I could have dressed it up more for you, I'm sorry. I shouldn't know me, I drove this to sorry. I should have known you drove this sedan. You would have never driven this sedan. So I go, then I said, I got all these different skin tag removal, because it was a big skin out of nowhere. There's a removal kit.

I got one, it's called a tag band, I think it's called. So you slide a rubber band around it and then it kills it within 10 days. But I didn't wanna have something on my neck for 10 days that looks like it was dying and then I had one that it's called It's called tagger something where you you freeze it, but once again, it's like It's you got this thing on your neck for 10 days. It's dying So I was like I know that I've cut I've had them before where I just cut them off with nail clippers and so I was like George I go to a room. I said, listen baby,

I need you right now. I need you in a way that you don't understand that I need you to help me. Like when you need you to cut the skin tag, she went, no, and just shut her door. And I went, that can't be your answer, it's happening. So then I go to Isla who I do not trust. And I go, hey, I need you.

And she was like, I'll help you. And I was like, fuck, we're fucked. So we go into the bedroom and I get hey, I need you and she was like I'll help you And I was like fuck we're fucked so we go into the bedroom and I get these I get cuticle cutters You know those kind so they're a little more they're a little sharper a little a little more like raisers I heat them up cuticle cutters cuticle cuticle clippers to pull up cuticle clippers. I am buzz That was kind Yep, those I can't. Those are like those have like real sharpness to them. Yeah.

And so I just had her snip it off. Actually, Leanne was, I let tried and it did not work and then Leanne just came in and she went stink and it just hurt. No, not at all. Not at all. It hurt. It's a little pinch but not bad I like is that one right there in your neck as a matter of fact. I was let me see

Yeah, that's wow. I was thinking about having you do it. I would do it You would I knew you would I would do it You know there's so many fucking things my my family won't do for me That I think if we were in a gay relationship you would do I could even do it without the gay relationship I can still do it like next time you want me to do it, I'll do it. You know, I got some little baby ones right here that I think might be some clip in. Next episode?

Next episode, let's clip them off. Okay, let's clean me up. Okay, let's get some sanitizing things obviously. Yeah. Oh, next episode involves surgery. You know what, Nadav won't let me do. What? Give him a chiropractic adjustment.

Really? Yeah, he's like, oh, what if you hurt me? I'm like, what if I don't hurt you? What if I hurt you? Can you do it? I've been watching tons of videos. I wise a lot of chiropractic videos. I think really like, they're so relaxing.

Yeah, did you see the one of the, I'll send you a link to my favorite chiropractic adjustment ever. It's a gang banger or like a, a ghost in the adjustment and the guy just fucks him up. Is it who fucks him up? Do you remember the doctor? Redneck doctor.

Oh, I watch for primarily. Who? I watch Sipriano. I'm gonna pull it, I'm gonna pull it my feet because I know that I might. It's a woman in the Orlando area, Mont Mondrian or something like that. I watch her, I watch this other dude.

And then there's one guy who just, you know how the YouTube starts giving you the algorithm? Yeah. There's one guy who only does't you know how the YouTube starts giving you the algorithm? Yeah, there's one guy who like Only does checks in yoga pants. Well, be a high tower high tower. You know, I've seen the yeah that guy yoga pants ones Are you like I am tricking me? I'm just gonna watch for the Hold on I'm gonna find the guy I think The comments in this fucking video are the funniest comments I've ever read my life. I gotta find this guy

Let me see I'm gonna type in gang Gang banger No, it's like it's like a it's like a it's a guy's not a gang banger. He's like the chiropractor It's the funniest fucking one. not a gang banger, he's like the chiropractor. It's the funniest fucking one. I wish I could find it right now. Advanced chiropractic. Dude, chiropractic videos, if you knew that this was gonna be a thing,

isn't this crazy how much this business has changed? Is that like, I watch a lot of boat launch videos. Boat launch, what's that? It's just launching boats. I almost bought a jet ski the other day. Yeah, I watch a lot of boat launch videos. Boat launch. What's that? It's just launching boats. I almost bought a Jetsky the other day. Yeah, I saw you tweeted about it. I'm like, why wouldn't I get them?

You know, there's this guy Brody Moses, I think, his name. He lives in Australia and he just has a Jetsky and he goes out in the ocean and fishes. I thought you were gonna say Jets and my dick out hard. You know? Fuck, once our podcast gets picked up with Warnsapp to go viral will buy one we're buying a jet okay great we're me and

Warnsapp are buying jet together so that we can fly them out here and then he'll be like oh no I don't want to own a jet we'd be like oh we got it already we already bought it hey by the way we put your I wonder, okay, I'm gonna type in chiropractic homeboy. All right, why don't you put out, because I know you have a little buzz going, put out a message that we can send to Jen asking about meeting her for real. Okay.

Look into the camera. Go ahead. Hey Jen, it's Bert Kreyser See soon I Frozen I froze. That's all right. I froze I froze. I think she I'm good. I'm good. Yeah, she might have definitely click Hey Jen it's Bert Kreyser. I'm here with Tom Siger. Both of us have Netflix festivals. I already fucked it up All right, let me start again Hey, Jen, it's Bert Christ. I'm here with Tom Siger. Both of us have Netflix festivals. I already fucked it up. All right, let me start again.

Hey, Jen, comedian, God, damn it, I'm fucking this up. That's all right. Hey, I'm not Brad Pitt. Hey, okay, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go. Rachel, what's up? I had a great time, I had a great lunch, and I really wanna move forward with what we talked about. Let's go back and forth, ready?

You go to your camera, I'll go to my camera, and then we'll go back and forth, and then we'll cut a sizzle, and then what do we want out of this? Do we just want to do like brunch with our house? Yeah, yeah, brunch with you. I mean, it's kind of like, you know, presumptive to say we have to be at your house.

You know what I mean? Like we just wanna, how about we just wanna have lunch? We're not coming to my fucking house, we can't fit all of this. Well, I'm just saying, though, we can't, you know, to, to, is meeting someone is meeting someone is meeting and if you got one meet you at your house Well, everything's close gotta be at her house. What are your house? Okay, do we buy her to your house? Sure. No, we go to her house Okay, how about we we say we bring our wives? Oh She can she bring a dude for safety now. That's that's the wrong message

We're dangerous you should protect yourself I'm gonna have a couple of security people there. It's a good idea. I'm gonna piss on my pants. If you're around us, you might think you're gonna die. So bring... Why can't I let the wrong person... Ahhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhh!

I'm gonna save you! Ahhhhhhh! Can we go to your house? Oh my God, there's some people there. Oh my God! Oh my God, save me! Oh my God! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry But you should protect yourself. Oh. Oh. What if she's like about me like, I'll meet you guys. You gotta be safe. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I feel really sick again. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. This is... This is safety. Can I tell you what makes me so happy? Because I know I can walk. I can't walk.

I can't walk. I can't walk. I can't walk. I can't walk. I Can I tell you what makes me so happy? Because I know I can watch this now and I'm gonna laugh at this heart again. I know for safety Oh, fuck me I can actually I could feel my lungs oh struggling I felt you know the smell of throw up when it comes out your nose I just let the wrong message. All right, we gotta get out of here. Oh.

Hold on, let me kill this beer. Okay. I am never had this much fun with my family. I am. That is the hardest I've ever. I'm gonna need, I'm gonna need Nadal to clip that out for me to have all my phone just to fucking cheer me up. Yeah, yeah. Oh fuck, we're safety.

So Jen, we'd love to stop by. This is our plea. And uh, you should, we do understand if you have security But we were we would never hurt you You're safe, you're safe! I feel sick. I actually feel sick. Again. I survived a bit cool, mate.

Alright. First safety. Yeah, protect yourself. First safety, are you totally safe with us? I am fully safe. You might have a big eyes round, please give me Q. We'd love to meet you still. You're gonna miss some badly. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I wish I wasn't bringing a see through things! Oh my fucking god.

Oh, oh. Oh my god, this has been the best episode we've ever done. We still- We book more in this episode. We book more in this episode. This episode. He wanted me- I hate it.

We low- thread checks. Waaah! You wanna be a waaat? Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! You know what's gonna happen if she sees this? And she ever sees one of us.

Puh! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! Waaah! I don't want to sit up. You're sweating so much. Poor you sweat. I'm crying. Oh! What? I gotta cover you!

I gotta put you to the rest of the mouth. Who wraps her? We gotta find out who wraps her. We're not a threat. We're not a threat. We love you. We respect you. And we would never we never gonna We gotta wrap this up Let me just kill this beer all right hey to warrants having Jennifer, and yes, there's been a great fucking episode. There's a lot of fun. I love this show. Yeah, it's so fun. No one's looking. I'm gonna hear his in my eyes. Let's see it.

I'm gonna grab it up. I'm gonna go, all right. I'm gonna go binge watch friends. I gotta go. I love you. I love you. I love you. Thank you guys. I love you.

All right. Bye guys. Bird time. Tom and Bird. One goes top and swath the other. Where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and birds. The machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean Here's what we call, two bears one cave No scripts to bid a booze amateur for topology Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies Here's what we call, two bears one cave So you're bears one cave