2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 41 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

SPONSORS: - Head to Policygenius.com right now to get started on finding the best home insurance for you. - Go to forhims.com/bears for a free online visit. - Go to hellotushy.com/BEARS get 10% off your order Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer start off this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave by discussing how Bert's perfected day drinking. They discuss their current favorite reality shows, and Tom shares a cool video of an Ed Asner look-a-like with Bert. They give an update about their podcast with Warren Sapp, discuss the Ellen DeGeneres controversy, as well as their favorite Snoop Dogg hairstyles. They also play a game in which they decide which of the world's richest women they'd date.

Is it you had a TV contract and you know TV contracts and it was item morality clause Because I'd signed up to do a gay porn and they were like hmm. They were like I it's it's not that bad But like there was a bear magazine 100% Welcome to another episode of two bears one Cave. He's Bert. I'm Tom. Welcome back. You know, you took an impromptu vacation that completely threw off our recording schedule. How was everything? It was awesome. Good. It was really great. It was really really great. Took my daughters into the COVID hotspot. Yeah, Arizona. It's nice. It's a good good dad. There's a sonah. It's nice.

It's a good, good dad. I was such a bitch. I was such a pain in the fucking ass. About what? I perfected my day drinking though, like to a next level. Like literally, I mean hit it out of the fucking park. I was so proud of myself. I'm proud of you.

Tell me about it. How'd you do it? Is element a sponsor today? No. Well, I thought I'd like to drink a bunch. How about fitvine, is fitvine a sponsor today? No. Well, I thought, how about you, Dragon Bunch? How about fitvine, is fitvine a sponsor today? I don't think so. Man, I've viewed the fuck out of those.

That element actually, I started using that too. I use it every morning, I love it. I've always say, response, and then I can slide it in organically. What you get from it is the electrolytes without the sugar, which most sports drinks have, all of them have, minus these guys. So, what's in the half gallon? It's definitely cool.

It's cool. It's definitely cool. I had a rough morning. I had a really rough morning. Does it make you feel better when you had a rough morning? Yeah, but it's a treat. It's like, I can't.

Look, I've loaded myself up with treats. I got a candy bar. Oh, yeah. I've got a soda. I've got a, I'm. It's a lot of shit going on. So last night we watched, we watched, um, I wanna talk about hang on,

I wanna finish points so that I won't leave fucking meat on the bone. But, so remind me to tell you about the vacation. But, okay. Last night we watched the kissing booth. How is it? I was, I'm such an old man. You loved it?

No. I was being such an asshole. Oh. Like I was being, cause it's like, Why, cause of an asshole. Oh. Like I was being, cause it's like cool. Why, cause of their gaze are there or what? There are, but that's not what you're like.

God damn it. No, no. I actually, I actually, I actually didn't like the way they portrayed the two gay couple, the gay couple. Is it a scripted show? It's a scripted show. It's like the biggest hit. It's the biggest thing I've ever watched.

I watched two other shows on Netflix that are reality dating shows that I love. Actually three. I've watched dating around, and then I started watching dating around Brazil, Indian matchmaking and love on the spectrum. I love love on the spectrum. Love on the spectrum.

It's autistic people dating. It's fascinating. It's so endearing, it's fascinating. They're like every single, like sit down, they're like, why do you want a boyfriend, they're like, or a girlfriend, and the person will be like Just to experience love to have love in my heart and you're like geez everyone's so sincere and then they just

Basically the their conversation some of them need like help on how to date like socially date Yeah, but everything they say is everything you would say But minus the bullshit of dressing it up. So they'll be like, they'll sit down, they'll be like, what are you looking for? You know, partner, like, right away. And then the person's like, someone who's nice and likes to have fun, and then they'll be, they'll talk and they'll be like,

yeah, I don't really think it's you. I don't think I really want to, like, write it right away. It's fantastic. Love on the spectrum. It's fantastic. I'm texting my daughters right now. It's so good. Oh, my daughters are in the dating shows.

Like, that's, there was none. Oh my god. Did daughters are in the dating shows. Like that, there was a lot. Oh my God. Did you watch Indian matchmaking? No, these are like Netflix. Yeah, that's arranged marriages and it's fantastic. It's so good. It's so good. That's, this is blowing my mind.

This one you'll, I am so into Indian checks. And by the way, I would say I was into Indian checks when I was like, when I was a kid, there was this girl, Shaw. I forget her name, first name. I forget her name. But if she forgot her name entirely, I think no, her last name is Shaw.

Okay. And she used to play tennis with us. She was so pretty and I've always been into Indian chicks, but I never like got- There's some super hot ones on the show. Of real? So Indian matchmaker and autistic- No, no love on the spectrum Was that to on the nose the name yeah autistic dating that I'll do that

Wait, I was a tennis you brought tennis. Did you play tennis as a kid? Yeah, yeah me too. I start playing again I will destroy you really yeah? Yeah. You think so? Oh, yeah. By the way, I love, I love, I remember one time we were, I do it about to do a podcast and I told Rogan I could do a split. And he goes, he goes, no you can't. And I went, I definitely can. And he goes, let me see it.

And then he didn't do it. I didn't do it. And then he was confused. He goes, wait, have you ever done a split? And I said no. And he goes, what made you think you could do one? I go, I don't know. And he goes, wait, I actually thought you might be able to do one and I was like, no, not at all.

So is this, are you saying this because this is how you'll approach tennis? There will be like, I will destroy it. No, but I haven't really played tennis. No, it's Ron. It's Ron's way. It's the game, the head game. We were on a houseboat one time in Lake Powell

for travel channel. And we had taken a couple who were, we met on TripFlip, it was their first date when we met them. They'd never met each other, they just hooked up in a wedding. And then we saw them the next morning hanging out and we took them to Utah and we did a bunch of stuff. She ends up hooking up with the expert.

Like, we have an expert, like a rock climbing. She ends up bailing on the dude that she's shooting to show with hooks up with the expert, guys kind of off to his own. But the guy was like legit off his rocker. And at one point, we're drinking, we're drinking in the morning and he says, we're talking about special powers and he goes,

I can call a coin tosses and he says, we're talking about special powers and he goes, I can call a coin tosses and I said, what? And he goes, I can call it a coin tosses. Like, if you call it toss coin, I'll call it. And I said, no, you can't. And he goes, no, I'm actually, I'm really good. I get 100% of them right.

And I went, that's impossible. And he goes, bet me. And I went, what? And he goes, bet me. Bet me, flip the coin five times. I'll call it five times. And I went, what? And he goes, bet me. Bet me, flip the coin five times. I'll call it five times. And I went, okay, and he goes, how much do you want to bet? And I said, I'll bet you $100.

He goes, I'll take that bet. And then I went, hold on, you're willing to bet me $100? I can't do that. And he goes, I'm telling you I can. And he goes, anyone else want a piece of this? And everyone starts getting like, on his side, they start going, I bet he can call it. Tom, he called forth him in a row and I was sitting there on the last one going, can you

really do this? And he was like, yeah, I told you I did it. And on the last one, he missed it and he goes, God, I almost had it. I let them in. I go, wait, you can't do this. And he goes, of course I can't fucking do this. And then he goes, but you believed I could. Right, and then you adopted his personality.

Yeah. Hahaha. Is that like false sense of confidence? I remember sitting there at one point and literally going, do I have to change everything I know about coin tosses? I mean, it sounds like you need, that was the day you transitioned. Hahaha. You're like, fuck being myself. This guy's gotta figure it out.

It's such a great, competent thing to tell someone that you can do something with absolute confidence knowing if I hit the Cinderella story money shop from out of nowhere, they're gonna go, he's a fucking god. And then you live for this, because this is how you do everything. So how good would you say you are at tennis for real scale 110 seven

So fucking good. Oh, I am so I almost bought a house of the tennis court in the backyard Okay, I almost did I'm and I was like if I bought that, I might be on like the senior's for a year. I'm gonna be on the same. What was the last time you played tennis? Probably like 10 years ago. That I pick it up pretty quick. And destroy.

And destroy. You'll actually go, wow, I did not see this coming. Uh-huh. And then if you don't, you'll actually go wow I did not see this coming and then if you don't you'll be like well I haven't played in 10 years it's a good system it's a good system I like it a lot there's a prize by the wall alright do you want to play next week? Yeah, do you have a racket? I remember playing this girl in high school in college. I dated this girl and we went to play this This is where my brain works and we're just we're hitting around and she goes let's play a game And I was like wow, let's not play this. This is the way my brain works.

And we were just, we're hitting around and she goes, let's play a game. And I was like, wow, let's not play a game. Let's just head around. She goes, well, no, let's play a game. And I said, well, I'm just gonna win. And she goes, no, let's play. And I went, okay.

So I served an Aster. And she was like, hey, can you not hit it so hard? I go, we're playing a game. Right. And then I served an Aster again. She's like, you're not making this fun. I go, this is how you play a game. Like, what are you looking for? Do you want to hit around she goes, why I thought you'd let like let me win a few and I was like that's not playing a game that's saying. Oh great shot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not the same thing. Yeah, checks man. And then I played a check who was like I played a dated a girl once I dated I don really date her, but we hung out and she was a low level professional tennis player. Yeah, and I was like, such a difference when they, the ball, you're like, oh fuck. I remember her saying, is my pace okay for you? And I was like, what's pace? And she was like, Kong! I was like, oh, I didn't get my racket back in time. She was a smoke show. Yeah, still is a smoke show. Really? Yeah, she's beautiful.

Where do you find her? Sister, IG. Is one of the most beautiful women I've ever known in my life. Okay. Yeah. Where is she? They're in Naples, I think. They're living in Naples.

You want to give out their Instagram handles? We can check them out. Courtney Hansen, look her up. Courtney and Jordan Hansen, they're beautiful. And they're great. Both of them are amazing. Courtney and Jordan Hanson, they're beautiful and they're great. Both of them are a, I think Jordan's better than Courtney. That tennis? Yeah, but they were.

They went, you went to college with them? They went to college with them. I hung out with Jordan. I think we maybe kissed or something. That's just weird to say about. Don't look up the, no, no, no, no, no, that's not her. But don't look up Courtney Hanson, tennis. Just type in Courtney Hansen.

It's type in Courtney Hansen, uh, a car type in car. And then you'll see her. This is Courtney Hansen. Right. Yeah. And she, you know, she's good. Remember Joe's friend, the guy that does all the car stuff, does all the car shows. Joe's got one of his best friends, his big car guy. Yeah. She's the best friends with his wife and did all his car shows. What do you mean? Type in Courtney Hanson Instagram

and then you'll find Jordan and Courtney. God damn it, his name's on the tip of my tongue. Yeah, there's Courtney. This is Courtney's Instagram. Oh, yeah, put the challenge me. Hey, what is this challenge me thing about? Challenge accepted. It's a black and white photo. All women are, I don't know, they're, I don't know what that's supposed to mean. Challenge accepted. Yeah. Thank you for being a woman. I don't know. I'm sure she challenged your sister. Oh, she challenged, oh, she's best friends with the Sebastian's wife.

Oh, okay. Yeah, she grew up with Sebastian's wife. Okay. Yeah. And then I don't know if you can find her sister, but her sister is beautiful too. And then. So you went to FSU with them?

Well, that was you with them. And they were, she was the only person that moved out to LA with me. So she lives in LA now. No, now she lives in Naples. Oh, Naples, I think she does straight up car stuff. She or dad was like a, she's a lot of car pictures in there.

She's a legit car person, Tom. Like, she owns a bunch of different cars. Like she's in the car. Are you guys friends? You guys stay in touch? Yeah. I can't actually call her right now. It's okay.

See this, her right there in a car. Okay. And so, but there in a car. Okay. And so, but Jordan was a legit tennis player. On the team there? No, just like fuck it, I'm done. Like, I think she went to the, she might have gone to the academy this down there. Yeah, that academy.

Yeah, yeah. And so, and just gave up and was like, I'm fucking done with this shit. Oh my God. And so, but yeah, what were we talking about before this? Tennis? Me and you playing tennis. That's definitely happening.

Are we filming it? I mean, we can, if you want to. You want to? Yeah. You want to film your first time playing tennis in 10 years? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I think that's a brilliant idea.

Okay. First time playing tennis in 10 years versus you who's been playing tennis? I've been playing for two weeks. Oh. I'm saying I'm happy to be back doing it. I played it a lot as a kid. I did. I played a lot as a kid and I miss the running around.

Best shape I was ever in, I used to play tennis every morning with this guy Marty at Beverly Hills Country Club. And it's right after we had Ila, and I was, I think I was doing a fresh baked video games on Spike, and so I was home, and then when I started doing the road heavy, I stopped playing.

I used to play with them all the time, I remember. I used to play with them all the time, I remember. He told me we were at Beverly Hills Country Club, and I pulled my ass ass muscle and he goes Just this guy was awesome. I wish I could find this guy his name was Marty They used to call Marty the magician because there was a show called like hell upon the celebrity get me out of here And they've ruined all the footage and they gave it to him and he fixed all the footage He fixed all of this ruined footage that had gotten wet and

And so one day he goes He goes he's old school, right? Old school Jewish dude. And he, we get in the locker room and he's like, you hurt your leg? I said, yeah, and he goes, getting a sauna, getting a hot tub. I said, I don't have a bathing suit.

And he goes, this is an old school Jewish country club. You think anyone's wearing bathing suits in there? I went, I guess not. And he goes, look, you take off the clothes you have on now. You get in there naked like a regular person. And then get out, put on your dry clothes, and you go home. You don't need a bathing suit in a fucking men's locker room. He's like, this was wrong with you guys. You guys are so young, you need a bathing suit.

It's not gay, you just get in, and I go, okay, okay, so I get naked in front of the guy, I put my clothes in there, I get in the world pool, and I'm sitting in there for like 10 minutes, and then three old men coming and bathing suits. I'm just sitting there going, please let the bubbles turn off. Please let the bubbles turn off. I went one time, I was on a work trip.

I was like, 21 at this hotel thing thing and like there's people from work and it was just guys and I was like I don't have a switch the same thing and what the guys was like oh you don't need one here and then I took everything off and I was naked for the people. What the fuck? I was like oh my god and then I said there like so full of shame I was like I think the gang I really thought we were gonna fuck I really do Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Because I was like I should not have been naked in front of all these people and I cover and I just like walked down And I mean I could just see people looking at me. They're like this guy throwing his dick out Showering in front of people as a kid is so scary. I think when you're

Misses. Can't I school first dick? I saw that I was over not all the same size I remember going like we when you're first dick I saw that I was over not all the same size I Remember going like wait is mine gonna get that big You see the dark hair around it and you're like God really And then you see the dude with a really really small dick and everyone talks about him behind his back And then you're like hey guys that's not cool. It hurts my feelings. Like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha They're saying, they're like, here, put your headphones on. They're saying that somebody said that this is allegedly him. I don't know if it's actually him, but someone said that he's like 90 now

and that a few years ago. Oh, he's still alive? Yeah. Maritala Moore's dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they said that this was a feed from like, I don't know, somebody took of him in a chat with someone, but it could be like a, I don't know. I don't, I don't know, somebody took of him in a chat with someone, but it could be like a, I don't know.

I don't, I don't, I see it as there's somebody who doesn't have a sense of humor about himself. Well, this might change that, this might change. Like before you come, yeah, I'll swallow it for one. That's not, and it's probably not. It's not? Yeah. I'd stop for a minute and I'd put a big hiki on your

inner thigh there and just suck on that and make it nice and red and let you remember me after I'm gone, turn over and I would play with your cheeks, maybe even massage your little hole and make you feel just the only man in my life, you just did. Well, it's normal size, it's not that big. Well, the one the one thing the one thing that I'm going to tell you is that the first time it's is going to be quick with me because it's been a long time. Okay, you come you come. Let me see. Let me see how much you come. Let me see all that how much how big a load I'm gonna swallow and I need it. I need it. I need it right now.

I need it right now. Okay. Can you see this? No, I can't. Give it to me now. Give it to me now. Give it to me. Come on Mark, don't be stingy.

I'm gonna put this in your mouth and you're gonna have to suck a dry. You're gonna just suck a dry mark. You got that beautiful mouth. Give it to me, Mark. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I can feel it. Oh, that's gonna be good. Oh, that's gonna be good. Oh, oh, oh, damn. You better come in up in me. You better believe I'm coming up in me. You are terrific. I know you're gonna be good in bed, so I like and say. Yeah. Ed Asner's gotta be dead. There's no way that's that Asner. He's not dead. There's no way. That guy looks too good for Ed Asner. You think so? said, Azzner. He's not dead. There's no way that guy looks too good for a Azzner.

You think so? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Google a picture of Azzner. Let me see a picture of Azzner. Let's go. Let's see. Let's see who. By the way, can I tell you where my brain's at?

I was like, he is, no. That guy was too soft for a Azzner. That, no. Well, that's not, it says they said it was a few years ago. That's not him? The definitely, type in an interview with Ed Asner and then go recent.

And yeah, let's see, let's figure out if this is him or not, because I'm here in that at Tim. I could be wrong though. And then go to good videos. That guy's got too much sun, Ed Asner has too much sun damage. Yeah, go to 2016. Oh, there he is.

That's the same guy. Who's he with? Is that Adam Fara? I don't know. Stay. There you go. Hit the sound so we can hear it. Berver.

Yeah, tweet. How did you guys meet? Well, we were, loaded on this we had to take him that's him That's not him that is not him. There's not him. I'm fucking away That sounds like him. By the way, if I wanted to no that guy is so soft that guy's like northeast That's what I want to dry sucker dry mark don't be stingy with it And then listen to it asner just watch him beautiful my house He was added to the company after we began and Your dad's never be joking like this. Oh Mary. Oh

You don't think that's him. No, I do not think that's no, feel. No, that's not how I'm not. No, not, no. Really? Not even remotely. No. Where did you find that? Somebody sent it in and was like, I think this is Ed. I was like, come on. By the way, you ever see the video of it where it looks like I'm sucking a dude's dick and

and there's a bear watching? Yes. Is a picture? A lot of people send it to me. It looks like me so much that I go, is it me? Like, could I have ever done that? Do you think the last minute and a half

if Warren Saap watches, he would be like, you got him on a podcast with these guys? Oh, if he watched any of this, he would be like, if he watched any of our earlier work, it would be like, no, I think Warren's that.

Do you think we're gonna make it happen? I think it feels like he's excited. I mean, he was texting us and... I tell you, it's a look like he's got the greatest fucking life. He texts us one day and he's like, Tony, Brett. Yeah, Tony. Yeah, Brett early morning, he's got a he's got a Margarita no no yet a bloody Mary Bloody Mary

You can add of it. Yeah, and then he texted this morning. He's like going lobster fishing. Yep diving for lobsters Hit me a blade of fellas. Let's talk about this pocket. I'm gonna get them tails and you're like fuck like he just I bet it's gotta be good to know you're done. Like you're like done doing the thing that you got put here to do, which was dangerous as fuck, and sometimes scary and maybe you loved it. It's gotta be nice to know like, hey man, I'm good, I'm gonna fish every day,

I'm gonna hang out with my friends, I'm gonna do the stuff I wanna do. I got my inner circle. I think that like with pro sports, I mean, football's obviously so brutal, but if you can have like a great career and play out of contract and play for like 10 plus seasons in any of the major sports and then be like,

oh, I'm done now. You have money and hopefully your health, you know? And just enjoy your life. Here's what's amazing. Here's where quarterbacks and here's where quarterbacks are lucky, is that someone like Randall Cunningham gets to play his sees, play his contract, retire, come back, play well, and then gets another like five years of million dollar contracts

where he's just a backup and he's kind of like mentoring guys. Yeah. And then you, but you guys like Warren Savage. But this is something we talk about on two burs once that. He retires and there's no like, you can't mentor alignment. You know, like you can't like be like in pads getting with a contract,

being a lineman that sits on, a defensive lineman that sits on the, on the sideline. Oh, yeah, I see you mean like if you're an active player. Like backup quarterbacks can be journeyman. Yeah, yeah. Well, there's like, it's a different position though, right? Because like they really might need you at any time to survive the season and the game and everything. Dude, if you're a backer, you can be that there's

a there's a couple stats on some backup guys that have played out contracts as backups. I would never got hit. They like took like three snaps. But yeah, if you're a if you're a D lineman, you're not going to be like, I'll just ride the if you're a D-Lime and you're not gonna be like, I'll just ride the sidelines for a few years. I mean, I wonder how long you can sit out even at all. As a D-Lime man? It's like, you get to a point where they just go, Hey man, you're not second string, you just get cut.

Oh yeah, well, it depends how expensive you are. So once you're not even gonna put, you're not second string, you just get cut. Oh yeah, well, it depends how expensive you are, you know? So like, once you're not productive, if you're not like top to your productive and they can cut you, they're gonna cut you. So what do you think you need it? Well, okay, what do you think you need your net worth to be where you can be like, I said, I'm done. I'm gonna just ride this out and like.

It's all relative though, it's relative to lifestyle. I mean, let's say you retire at, let's say you get drafted when you're 23 and then you play what, 10, 11 season. That's a lot. Yeah. So you're like, you're like early to mid 30s. You have a lot of life ahead of you, hopefully.

Yeah. So you really, I mean, that's why lifestyle makes a big difference, you know, it really depends on where you live and what kind of life you, hopefully. Yeah. So you really, I mean, that's why lifestyle makes a big difference, you know? It really depends on where you live and what kind of life you're trying to maintain. Who's the first football player that was like, that they were like, oh fuck, that's a contract. Like we're like, we're like,

the same generation that changes. I mean, like we're like, I remember someone was saying that they were making like $150,000 a year playing a professional football. We were kids. Well, we were kids. There were guys that still had Offseason jobs. That was in the 80s. We were someone worked at the Bank of Bank Bank of Tampa, I think. Yeah, or North Bank Yeah, those guys would retire and go right to another job like they didn't pay a lot for years. I mean even guys that played in the 90s, which seems like not that long ago, that money, well, it's not like now where it's life altering generational wealth.

If you're a top player, people have nine figure kinds. Generational wealth. Yeah, yeah, people would have- Joe's got generational wealth. Yeah, yeah. That's gotta be, yeah, like your kids, your kids will have money to leave their kids. Do you realize how fucked up my kids would be with generational wealth?

They would never work for anything. They'd be done. They'd be the average player. Oh, I'm about it reading out loud in the 50s made 6000 per season. 50s made 6000 per season. Oh, wait, what is this? The world's highest paid athletes in 1995. Yeah. Jordan, this just for, is this not,

this isn't, Deon Sanders, what's his net worth? I bet it's pretty good, but it's not gonna be, his Instagram feed is fucking awesome. Yeah, he does a lot of like, you see when he got his hair. Yeah, he does a lot of like mentoring. Do you see when he got his hair? Yeah.

He was really emotional. Yeah, when he was eating that chair, was it in the chair when he was like showing it off the first time? He got his hair, he got, I think, transplants and he was just gonna translate, yeah. Deon was a game changer man. 40 million, 40 million, bro, give me 40 million. I got nothing near that.

I'm over, I'm over. I'm hanging out at the store. I won't even ask for spots. I just wanna hang out, get drinks. You can get there. Get a chauffeur to take me back and forth. I don't need to do anything. I won't get anyone's hair.

You can cancel me. Dude, they're canceling Ellen. Yeah, I saw that. Be look at that picture right there where he's holding the football in the baseball bat. Look at that. You see his hair there? Yeah, love that hair.

Looked wet, but it was dry. That's right. Yeah, 40 million, man. I bet he has more than that. I bet he does, too. But he does have a divorce. That changes everybody's game. That's what you got.

Man, that's why you get like a, get like an old bitch like I got. She's been no divorce. She knows her place, 50. She does what she needs to do. She's turned 50 in August, and I just told her, I said, you know what? You just ride along. You got a good thing going on.

You got to get her like a special gift for a 50, right? I guess. I've ever, I told you about the time I told her I'd never buy another gift When I bought her the I don't like gold and I was like oh guess what you never get another present You're no this is your new punishment. You never get anything good luck. Give yourself something. I hope you enjoy it fucking Feels romantic Do it. Fucking.

Feels romantic. Are you gonna get or something special though? It's her 50th. That's why I think if we were gay, it would be so much easier. So I got you a present, you didn't like it. I'd be like, I like it, I'll wear it. You would buy things only for you though.

Yeah, I know. And then I go, and it'll look good in you and me. We can share it. We could share a lot of stuff. How great is it to be gay? You just buy stuff you like. and then you just go, hey, that's a pro of dating dudes that are your size. Yeah.

Hold it. Good call. Like, would you ever date a dude like really fucking fat and be like, he's a project? I don't think so. I mean, I enjoy that, like would you date the old guy that was drinking? What if he really took care of you though? Would you be his little oh that's a good question. All right. Let's see how ugly let's go back in a regular world Let's see how ugly of a woman you are willing to marry and wife up for the money because women do that for men what scale are we gonna judge it?

They got to go older okay, and you And you pull up richest women in the world. Oh, okay. And then we're gonna, like, I wanna see like some princesses that aged out. All right, now let's just. This is definitely gonna do, this is gonna be really good for us. To what? I mean, it's just a good idea. What? This is gonna get us good for us. What?

I mean, it's just a good idea. What? This is gonna get us in trouble, isn't it? I mean, all right. All right, Alice Walton. She owns Walmart? Yeah, she's one of Sam Walton's kids. All right, give me a bikini picture.

Give me like a something revealing. Right, or is that the widow or one of the kids? Type in Alice Walton pool side. Nothing comes up. there we go that's that's not gonna happen this is in the 1950s okay we're not gonna see a bikini pick up her okay or you date her she's much older than you man how old is she giving me a wikipedia she's got to be a widower. She's 70 years old.

Okay, let's give you everything in common, like if I can find something that... She's 70, man. I mean, that's too old for you. Yeah, but no, no, no, no, I'm thinking, I'm thinking you know she gets regular. Ooh, that's her arrested, okay? Oh, she got a drunken driving arrest?

Yeah, and she told the arresting officer, like, you know who I am, but she did one of those. Yeah. Private jets everywhere. Oh, yeah. How much time do you have to spend with her for real? Like, you know, she's got like flanthropies and stuff. Yeah, yeah, and she'd be like, oh, you know,

would you look into this one for me? And then you'd be like, sure, I'm never looking into it. Yeah, and then you're down in Hawaii, just railing, chicks your age, and then go and then she, like, everybody's scram, grandma's coming. You're terrible husband already, though. Okay, okay, so it's all gonna be committed to her?

I think so, yeah, man. That's not what these, the gold diggers do. All right, let's see what Francois Baton Court Myers looks like. I like her name already, she sounds hot. Oh. Oh, I could, yeah, I could be any of that. Yeah, yeah, those glasses. Yeah, I would much be of,

and that's not a good look for her. That's just a bad photo. That's just a bad photo. Okay. I could be into her. I could I could see myself falling in love. Who is who is she? She's a is she an ares If you go back to front like who is she? Go to Francois like the images you had but just go to the the search of her. Yeah, this all results

Like the images you had but just go to the search of her. Yeah, the all results. She is the billionaire Aris author of Bible Commentaries and works on the Jewish Christian relations. She's only daughter of, oh, the family owns Lori Al. Okay. Lori Al. Yeah. The makeup company?

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure. Looks like it worked out. Yeah, I was about to say. She's got, how about dip? $64 billion dollars. Okay. Let, yeah, looks like it worked out. Yeah, I was about. She's got about 64 billion dollars Okay, let's go. Okay, let's go to the next one. There we go. Is this all but no, no, no, no Yeah, these are those are billion so go to the list again So okay, that's gonna be McKenzie Bay's

Jacqueline Mars. Okay, that's candy bars. Let's go to in. You definitely are. Jacqueline Mars, I'm already in. Cause I could go in. Oh. God, she was so close. Wait, wait, they're back up one. Back up, back up to the search. Who's Lorraine Powell? Who's that?

Who's Lorraine Powell? She's Steve Jobs' wife? Oh, oh, wait, Steve Jobs is dead, right? Right, so that's his widow. Oh, I could definitely be in the Lorraine Powell. Yeah, I think she would like you to. Oh, give me her Wikipedia. Oh, she dated Benaflack.

Lorraine Powell is fucking hot. Yeah, she's super hot. 56 years old, that's, by the way, it's not even old. No, she's got 21 billion dollars. How many kids she's got? Eve jobs, read jobs, day jobs, night jobs, side jobs. Dad job, one, two, three, three. Click how old her oldest is, Eve jobs.

Let's see if I got a fucking deal with the, like, how old? But, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait like, the fuck you know about computers? My dad was a genius. I'm like, yeah, I know, I'm a comedian. You've seen my stuff, right? The machine, right? And she's like, uh. Well, wait, I really think you should try to pursue a jobs widow.

Lorraine Powell jobs. Yeah. It is beautiful. I guarantee you she's dating somebody. She is, but it could be you. Ooh, what about Yang Hu Huang? Yang Hu Wan. I bet she's dating somebody. She is, but it could be you. Ooh, what about Yang Hu Huang? Yang Hu Huang. I bet she's fucking hot.

Asian checks never age. Oh, I'm in, I'm in. I'm in, I'm in, I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. She's like the cute girl math class. I'm in. Yeah, I'm in.

What does she do? What does she own like fucking, what does she own? I don't know. By the way, I have like nine businesses in my head. None of them are appropriate to guess what she owns. Okay, Chinese billionaire business woman. She is property developer and the majority shareholder of a richest woman in Asia. Oh, she's 39 no wonder I'm in. Yeah. Oh, she's younger than me. She wouldn't have me. She's married. She's married Let's see what he looks like see if I'm better than he is 10 right there 10 Chong yeah 10 Chong real estate developer. Oh, I bet hey images hit images My god, he's gorgeous. He's going to go. Oh, she's gorgeous. Yeah, you're you're not gonna fuck this. I'm stuck with mine

Whatever Yeah, you're not gonna fuck this. I'm stuck with mine Whatever All right, go back to oh wait go back to your the the original document there Where's Ellen on this what Ellen's not worth not in the billions? Go go to the, our document. Oh, yeah, you're on vacation. You said, don't forget to get back. Yes. I have no idea what I was going to say. Yes, what I figured. What's going on with Ellen? I have no idea, but she's getting canceled. Can you pull the, okay, Ellen's show investigated covers all an apocalyptic ending to her career. And brand.

Wow, they're in number. But this is, you know, okay, I gotta tell ya, I've had a crush on Ellen before I knew, like when I was a kid, Mr. Wright was one of my fit, like I made me laugh so hard. And I, Mr. Wright, Mr. Wrong, Mr. Wrong. What's that? You ever see Mr. Wrong?

It's with one of the bill packs in or Bill Paulman, one of the two of them. And he falls in love with her and says he's gonna, she's gonna fall in love with him. He's gonna make it happen. And she's like, it's not happening. And he's like, it's gonna happen. And at one point they're in a,

they're in a convenience store and he goes, I love you. And she goes, I don't love you. And he goes, I'd break my finger for you. And she goes, please don't. And he just goes, snap. And I cried laughing, right? So I've always liked Ellen.

But here, I'm gonna come to Ellen's defense, but I don't know any of the things about her right now. So in the moment filming this, I'm sure stuff will come out. But like, this is a case I think of, of millennials running up against a woman who had to bust her ass to get where she is and isn't gonna give anything for free.

That's what I think. And by the way, I don't know what is to come out. They're just calling out everybody right now. And she's saying it's a toxic work environment. Well yeah, this is a woman who had to hide her sexuality is a forerunner for gay and lesbian rights, right? Yeah. For the LBGT community, she came as a first person

to come out. Her uphill struggle in Hollywood was not just the Harvey Weinstein's and those types of people. It was also the predators that were like, I'm sure there had to be lesbian predators and people that were like talking shit about gay people in front of her and she had a stomach hit. And then she got to where she is, she's at her job

and she wants, this is my theory, she wants shit done right, and young kids are like, you can't raise your voice to me. That's what I feel like it is, although I don't know what it is. Yeah, I think it's, I don't know, she has such a super positive personality on camera that is probably a big part of it. I'm guessing is that that is

Way turned off like at work. You think sure Yeah, so when he was like hey guys and they dance to open the show Like she's not walking down the halls like that man, you know I see I think she would but you were right. I bet it is that she's like just like out of my way, or Just kicking babies down the stairs and they're like, that's what I did, a baby, fuck them. I wasn't implying any of that. Okay.

But, I don't know, man, I think, I think. Like, is there no, is there no? Steve Harvey got, remember like a year ago? Steve Harvey, like they circulated a memo from Steve Harvey that was like, don't look him in the eye. Do you remember that, the Steve Harvey memo? No, but you weren't supposed to look, well wait, what's this say?

Read it out loud, I can't read it out loud. Okay. Is dealing with a leaked memo which he reportedly told staff not to speak or to approach him. Yeah, okay, makes sense. But here's the thing why I defend that, okay? Is that, is that, that dude does like six shows a day. Um, what he's really saying there, like the translation

of that is engaging people is draining. Like if, like, like, to host a show, it takes energy, right? To be like, I will be right back. Like to keep that going, keep that, it takes like actual energy for you to do it. If you walk down the hall and everybody's like, hey, how's it going? You're like, how's the family doing? That takes a little bit out of you every time. And I think it's more about the wording of like,

people going, that guy said not to talk to him or is what he really is what he's really saying is like, I've got fucking a hundred things. I host morning radio show I host two television shows I host a game show I do this I do that like I I need to conserve the the energy that I have to do these things yeah but instead of wording it like that he's saying like don't speak to him people go like you're not allowed to talk to the guys like well no he's just saving his his energy to do the job. That's what I think.

I remember, I remember, I run into the... And I have the same policy here. None of these guys are allowed to talk to me. I wish I had that policy. Just kidding, the Dom and I are doing really well. Every time I do, I scare my think about it. But I feel like I have run into, I know I've definitely run into issues where I go off the handle.

If we called Reg, where I fly off the handle about shit not being done right and then I go, it was done right when I did everything myself and now that we've hired a ton of people, I get really angry because I go, do I need to do everything again myself? Because I did do it and I can do it. And I did it for a fucking long time, and I get upset. And that's what I wonder if like some of these stars like Ellen is like, hey, I got here myself in a world that was up against me and wanted me to fail.

I did shit for people that I didn't know when I didn't have to, but I did it for them. And I'm here, and all I'm saying is, get your fucking job done. Like don't look at me and expect me to dance down the hallways, get your fucking job done. Like don't look at me and expect me to dance down the hallways, get your fucking job done. Like I'm doing my job. If I did my job the way you're doing your job,

and by the way, I don't know what Ellen said. But this is what I speculate. What the, like what they're saying, and by the time this episode comes out, they'll probably be like. And then everyone's gonna be like, Jesus bird, hot take. Why are you defining this?

The dates of July 29th when we did this, okay. Yeah, they're just teasing that something's coming out. So I bet something bad's coming out, but it's not sexual assault she's married. No, it's it said the alleged toxic work environment. I mean, it's probably, you know what it is? How bad is it gotta be? It's probably be a lot of people scared of her.

That's what that's what that's implying. Yeah, people lost their balance. Remember how to boss? I've never been like ball busting with my bosses. No. Do you think I got a new boss right now? Do you think I don't answer the phone for when he calls? And I go, this is how the boss works.

I had a boss that brought me into our office and said, I don't like you. I had a boss. I had a boss. I wanted we should call her up. Yeah. I wonder if she's still. Do it.

That's a good idea. That's a horrible idea. No, it's not. She's not the kind of person. She's like a network president. Do it. No. Why?

Because she may want to do being a network president again and I'm putting it out in a bad light. But like this is old school. I won't say her name. But I had a boss who brought me in. And I've had a few female bosses who brought me in and said, I don't like you. And I went, okay.

And I was like, how do I fix this? She was like, I don't think you can. And I was like, okay. And I was like, so what am I doing here? And I remember, I'm sure I told you all about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, I don't like your digital footprint. I don't like anything about you.

You're like a fat boy. I don't think you don't represent the digital footprint, I don't like anything about you, you're like a frat boy. I don't think you don't represent the network right, I don't like you. And I can easily go, this is a toxic work environment. You're supposed to like me, because you have to like everyone, but man, they were rough on me. And I think it changed me.

And I molded to what the company needed. And I learned a lot. And I changed the way I did. And it wasn't good for me I think I would have been much better served to just walk away from the network that day and then just go back into stand-up and just Podcasting and throw myself into that world But I didn't I may used to like when we do Rogan I would have Brian turn the camera off me when I smoked weed Because I was like I can't be smoked cross-moking. Oh, right, right, right and and so

Is it you had a TV contract. Yeah, a TV contract. And it was at a morality clause, because I signed up to do a gay porn. And they were like, they were like, it's not that bad, but like, there was a bear magazine. And in San Francisco, and they were like,

hey, just so you know, they're like me and my partner are big fans of Perth Conqueror. And I was like, cool. And he's just so you know, they're like me and my partner are big fans of Perth Conqueror and I was like, cool. And he's like, you know, we run a bear magazine publication and if you ever want to be interviewed for it or do like photo shoots and I was like, oh, that'd be cool. My idiot brain thought, do you know how like

Aston Coacher would be on the cover of Out Magazine? And it would be like, he stands for gay rights, and then he would give him a lot of publicity. I was like, I'll be on the cover of this gay bear publication, and then Travotin will see it, and everyone's like, first stands for gay rights. I'll be so cool. So I told the guy, I lined it up, and he was like,

and it's the last minute, he was like, hey, you know. It's pretty hardcore, bro. I was gonna do a full photo shoot and everything, but not like totally make it, but definitely like in the outfits. And I thought it would be awesome. It is awesome and what happened? So we're having lunch on, I did a show in between the two birthday conquerors called Scream If You Know The Answer

and I'm with the network executives at Magic Mountain. This is Magic Mountain. And I get an email from the guy saying, hey, this weekend won't work out. And then I'm like, actually, I'm shooting for the next 13 weeks, so I can't do it. And he's like, maybe next time. And I was like, damn, and I told them, I said, man, I had the best surprise for you guys. I said, it was going gonna be a publicity diamond. And they're like, what was it?

And I said, well, you know how actors will be on the cover of Out Magazine? Or like, you know, and they're like, yeah. And I was like, well, I had lined one of those up for me, so it would be like a really positive thing. And they're like, what was it? I said, it was like a bear publication at a San Francisco.

They're like, well, wait, was it like, what do you mean? I was like, it's like a magazine publication out of San Francisco. They're like, well wait, was it like, what do you mean? I was like, it's like a magazine for like guys are into hairy guys, I was gonna do like a shoot. And they fucking froze and they're like, hey, you can't do like pornography. And I said, no, it's not pornography. And they go, it sounds like pornography.

And I go, no, it's not. And I showed them a picture. And I was like, ah, it looks a little rough on this one. And they're like, oh no, you definitely can't do gay pornography either. And I was like, is it gay pornography? And the idea that I didn't realize I was gonna go shoot gay pornography?

And I was like, it'll be great. They were like, hey, you need to run all these things by us. You can't do you have a morality clause. And I go, I have a morality clause. They're like, a hundred percent percent in game points at the top. That's a good one. Oh shit. But I, I, I, I defend, Ellen.

I, I always defend Ellen, like her. She makes me laugh. Yeah. Yeah, I wanted to do Ellen. I never got that toxic work environment when they allow me in. Yeah, I tried to do Ellen. I tried to do Ellen.

Um, it was before quarantine. Yeah, I tried to do Ellen. I tried to do Ellen. It was before quarantine. Yeah, I tried to do it before quarantine too. I was like reached out and they were like, pass. Yeah. Oh well. I wanna love tubes on it. I think it's beautiful. Yeah, I think she's beautiful.

I've always been attracted to lesbians. I thought Liam was a lesbian when it first met her. That's really cool. Yeah, I actually ran it by a few friends. What is it? Give me a scoop. Is there any scoop about the toxic work environment? She got lit up at the beginning of quarantine

because she was like going crazy in my four, five acre Malibu mansion. I know people got mad. No, really. Back up, back up, back up. So what's that variety one? Under investigation. Does it give any details?

Unless the one we had or no? No, this is a different one. I'll scan it real quick. Hey, you know, do we know anyone that worked at Ellen? Graffit Simmons. He worked at Ellen? Right? No, I don't think so.

Almost 100%. I don't think so. Almost 100%. I don't think he did. And he's not going to, like if he did, he's not going to just trash her. No. Okay, BuzzFeed is going to expect him to accuse racist behavior. Okay, there we go. From microaggressions to jokes about mistaking two black female employees with the same hairstyle, as well as criticism of statements allegedly made to another staffer by executive producer Ed Glaven.

Glaven and fellow executive producer Annie Lasner and Mary Connelly addressed the allegations in a joint statement to Buzzfeed. We are truly heartbroken and sorry to learn that even one person in our production family has had a negative experience as not who we are, not who we strive to be, and not the mission Ellen has set for us. So it's not Ellen. For the record, the day-to-day responsibility that Ellen shows completely on us,

that is getting in front of it. We take all this very seriously we realize as many in the world are learning that we need to do better, we're committed to do better, we will do better. Oh, this is their guilty of something. Yeah, yeah, or she's guilty, and she's like, guess who's stepping in front of this fucking train.

Hey. Hey. You're gonna go ahead and say, everything's on you. Because Ellen does have an old school club comic sense of humor. And I guarantee you there's some very off-keller jokes that you can't say. This is the, when people are like, the microaggressions are a real problem. It's like, why do you work for a comedian? Why? Did you set yourself like, do you really understand that that's probably, if you're sensitive

to microaggressions that probably being with... Or you can't understand the way a comedian's brain works and that it's gonna say horrific stuff to try to figure it out. Yeah. I said horrific stuff before the show started. Yeah. But I'm not, but Nadav can admit, I'm not saying anything horrible to try to hurt someone, I'm trying to figure out a joke, and that's what a comedian does is they go,

I had this idea like, what do you think, and I've run, I mean, I've said, I mean, Nightmare Stuff on stage. Nightmare. Nightmare? Nightmare Stuff. Oh, 100% Nightmare. 100% Nightmare.

How do you say, how do you say? I've had a few too that have really bombed hard. Well, I'm like, I think this will work. Hard for a... It's so bad. I don't want to share them. I don't want to share them either. But if they got put up, if someone put it on social media,

you'd be like, well, there goes my career for a joke that I tried 10 years ago. It's like, I have homage makes this great shirt. It's called a It says something like toast to Columbus or celebrate Columbus and I put it on and Leanne goes hey Easy and I went what she goes. Let's not let's not wear that shirt like around because it's you know They're going after Columbus. Yeah, and I went it's a city She was I had a name I had this named after Columbus and I go, so what am I gonna,

are they gonna call Columbus the C word now? I'm going to the C word. Well, we did your R word thing. Yeah, by the way. Yeah. Did you like my tech? Oh, I just turned my audio up. All of a sudden, I thought I was on a stroke.

There it is. Well, that was an organic joke too a sudden I thought I was on the stroke. There it is. Well that was an organic joke too. I just thought that was, I didn't realize there was a double-entrondra. There you are. Got to look good. The Washington R.I., and feathers in the, like really owned it. Like really, and just was like, what? It's my look. I can make it.

If you kept the feathers in all the time, no one would say shit to you. Yeah. It's if you came and went with them, that it would be a, Dude, Reggie Watts had his hair and braids the other day, and I was like, I would love to have put my hair and braids. I never, you can still do it.

You can still do it. I can't. Why, just grow it out, and then you can put the braids in.. I never do it. You can still do it. Why, just grow it out and then you can put the braids in. You saw how long it was when it was long. Yeah. I would love to have, okay, what's the best Snoop Dogg hairstyle that he's ever had, okay? I mean, I'm gonna give you my vote.

Source Awards, 19, type in Snoop Dogg hairstyle, Source Awards. This is my favorite Snoop Dogg hairstyle ever. Right there. Oh, I see. Go to the bottom right, bottom right, blue shirt. That is my favorite Snoop Dogg hairstyle ever. I love that fucking hairstyle.

The perm, man. God, I would love, I wish I could start really start rocking wigs. That is my favorite Snoop Dogg hairstyle. Everything that you're saying that you wish you could do, you can do. Yeah, but it would look ridiculous. What's your favorite Snoop Dogg hairstyle?

Think about it. I mean, I feel like the way that we first were introduced to him was always cemented in my head. The cornrows. Cornrows, yeah. Let me see Snoop Dogg cornrows. He's lucky to have great hair, you know? Yeah, yeah, he's done a bunch, man, the long dreads,

he's done the afro, yeah, he's done it all, man. Okay, okay, ready? Hip hop star with the best hair. I know the answer. DJ Quick. No. What? Trinidad James.

Trinidad James. Go to Trinidad James's hair and just style styles. Dude, you see the braids he got in the other day? I'm really into his everything about him, like his independent artist. He seems like he really hustles, but in like every sense of the word, you know what I mean? He's a fun dude too, he's really funny. Yeah, he really is. I want to get him on my podcast, but I wanna do one in person.

I might do one when I'm down and making because he's out of Atlanta, right? He lives in Atlanta and Miami. Okay, I'm gonna see if I can get him to do one in person. Cause I like to talk to him. Oh right, you'll like him. Yeah, he's really nice. I did one, I did his podcast.

Oh you did? I did one with him and his podcast. Yeah, Trinidad James. Man, white guys get screwed with hairstyles. I guess it's a fair trade off with all the years of oppression. We get screwed with hairstyles. You can't really go, white guys don't have that many hairstyles they can do. How soon until they outlaw the Mohawk?

Outlaw? Cultural appropriation, that's not ours. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Mohawk's the only fun fun different thing you can do with white hair Yeah, Mohawk. Yeah, Mohawk. That's it. Mohawk's like you're the crazy look. Road out, shave it. Mohawk. Oh We really need to step up our beard game. What do you want to do? I don't know designs. Yeah, should we? What if we did what about the law?

What would you ever do the long? You know me the hair long and shaped from the chin out? So your beard goes like that, you know what I mean? Like these people? No, nothing like that. These are dandies. Yeah, that's definitely not what I'm talking about. I can't put product in my beard.

Why? It starts messing with my face. Really? Yeah, so I just raw dog it. You can't put a beard oil in there? Nothing. You put beard oil in yours? Yeah, when I remember, too.

I don't ever put it. It's always better when you go. Someone said, gave me a beard stuff that smells good, and I'll put just a little bit so I like to smell, and I'm going to end up wanting ice cream. All right. Yeah. Let's go. They came up.

What are you going to say? Go ahead. Yeah, leave that highlighted. Go ahead. Let's talk about that then. Oh, but you were about to say something. We can save it. Okay. No, what made me think of the, that there's like a viral clip of Rogan talking about video games. I saw that, but I didn't understand.

Because I know his stance on video games. Well, here's the thing. The funny thing is like, why did this become news this time? He's been saying that for 10 years. What do you say? He essentially said that like video games are, he's like video games are awesome. Like they're actually like amazing and you could have a career in it. Like if you're really good and there's, you know, but also he essentially said, you know, you can waste your life, like if you're just playing video games all the time. What he's really, and then people were like, because he's like, you know, what are you going to do?

Like three years and three years later, you're still playing video games in the basement or whatever. As opposed to he said, like if you got in Jiu-Jitsu, you know, three years later, you might be a purple bell and you start connecting dots with like, you know, three years later, you might be a purple bell, and you start connecting dots with, like, you know, I'm good at this, now I can do this and do that. But I think the funny thing is the way that statements are, like, translated, like, what people deduce from them. Like, the way that I heard it, first of all, is, like, oh, he's been saying this forever.

Yeah. Like, why is it get traction now? Maybe just because he's, like, so popular in the show, so, so big now. Yeah. But the way I Digested that statement was like video games are detrimental to being productive to me Meaning to him. Yeah, I can see I guess he's the one who was like

You know, he always talks about how you had like an addiction to quake Like he said a million times. He paid like $20,000 a month to have a quake line putting his house. I read that somewhere. I know he did pay an expensive amount. I don't know if it's 20 grand, but like Dane Cook has a whole video game setup, like a room in his mansion for playing video game.

But here's the thing. I think that the statement is not that crazy. Like when you look at it through the lens, I'm like, of course it's for some people. It's stress relief. It's fun. It's just adventurous. It's a good time. It's the same as like watching a movie or watching a glass of wine. Same thing to them. But to some people, you they go, if I, I've done it and if I do it, I know my productivity will fall apart. You know, I will tell you this. This is the only perspective. I had a subtle addiction to video games when we had ILA.

Yeah. I got, I got, it was right after I did that, fresh bake video game show for Spike TV. Yeah. And they gave me the whole setup. They gave me like the Xbox and everything. I had like the PSP, the PS2, and I got addicted to the PSP.

I got addicted to the PS2 and the PSP. The biggest one, and this is where I knew I had a problem, like I had a problem where I would, Liam would take away the charger so I couldn't play them. I would not spend time with the girls, I would just play video games. And one day I'm walking through the Irvine Mall the Irvine mall with Leanne and Georgia and Ila Ila's and a stroller and I see I was Addicted to Tony Hawk's skateboard game, and it was all set around

Long Beach like it was all places that you could really go in Long Beach. Yeah, we were walking in Irvine and I saw a Handrail and I said I I should grind that handrail. And then I went, I can't skateboard. But my brain was looking at her handrail going, I should grind that. I was living in a fantasy world of like, I was looking at rails and going, I grind that and then I jump up on that one.

And then I was like, this isn't real. Like this is not real from, I don't know how to skate, I mean, I can skateboard, but I can't grind rails and jump from one rail to an x rail. But I was living in this fantasy world and I was like, I don't know how to skate, I mean, I can skateboard, but I can't grind rails and jump from one rail to the next rail, but I was living in this fantasy world and I was like, this isn't healthy man, like this, the idea that my brain just lived, this just split the difference and was like,

and forgot, hey man, you can't skateboard. It can be that, I mean, for me it was a time thing and then I started to get so mad Playing like I would come off of work. I was one I worked like the night shift overnight shift Come home and fire up Xbox. It's so much and it was a fun great way to like Wine down, but I never wind down. I just can't play that's the thing is I so if you work the the overnight, I would come home at 7am and then fire it up. And then, you know, pretty soon it's noon and I should have gone to bed.

So I can be, yeah, work at that night. I was, you know, it was splinter cell and then, uh, Oh, I never could do single shooter. Mine was a skateboard snowboard games. NCAA, NCAA football, EA sports. It had to be a singular thing, like where I was doing the thing, going down a thing and it was a track like I could do golf. I was obsessed with Tiger Woods golf.

Like I was golf obsessed with Tiger Woods golf. The thing about NCAA football is that first you're just playing games and super addictive and then you're like, you know, they would introduce the new verse would be like this year recruit players and build. So then you're playing the game and going and like trying to build a team. So of course, when you play the next game, you see the progression of your build.

Like, I mean, your brain just gets, you know, I'd be six hours playing this thing in a row. I made my tire work. So for me, that thing resonates true. Oh, well, I mean, I think I'm very lucky that I don't play video games right now. I'm very lucky that I, for whatever reason, I walked away from it and I haven't found it.

I know for a fact, I've wasted time playing stupid games on my goddamn phone. Of course. Where I go, when Candy Crush came out, I was addicted. And I remember this girl that I had taken on a trip to the post it on her thing. She goes, I just cleared all the boards of Candy Crush. And I was jealous and I went, oh my God, babe, she cleared all the boards and my She goes, I just cleared all the boards of Candy Crush. And I was jealous. I went,

oh my god, babe, she cleared all the boards. And my wife goes, she wasted her whole life. Like, that is a waste of her life. What's the one that was popped? You remember the, um, when Blackberry had the ball, you know, the center ball. And there was like a, like the old school, you know what I mean? Where it was like a pong. Yeah, like a pong game. But it was, it was for Blackberry in the, oh, you know, I'm talking about, see, it's break breaker. It's a, it was, maybe it was brick breaker. All I remember is that I went to visit my uncle and aunt. And I was so addicted to the game.

I think it made it been brick breaker that during, like we would talk, and I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would open my phone and play 30 seconds of the game. And my uncle was like, he's like, this kid, he didn't know what I was doing. He's like, he's got people hitting him up. I remember him saying it, left and right, like you're just like working on deals.

Like he thought I was doing work. And I was like, yeah, I'm super busy with work. And I was like, oh my god, because I was like every few minutes. I was like, da, da, da, da. And he was like, are you like texting someone back? And I was like, yep. So wait, someone back right now. So then what's like, it's okay, because there is like anyone who's legit

played video games. So the point where you go, I might have a problem with this. I remember Duncan saying, he's like, I have a problem with video games. So the point where you go, I might have a problem with this. I remember Duncan saying saying he he's like, I have a problem with video games. Duncan's because they're so good. They're so and but that feeling yeah of turning grabbing the remote and turning it on just the remote the way they put the remote in your hand Yeah, it's almost like that. They're gonna get a great. Yeah, ergonomic grip. We're just like both hands are locked, you're not going anywhere. And then, and then getting, and just getting on a pace, where you're like, oh, board one, let's go. I haven't, I haven't had a gaming system now in a few years, you know?

It's a number of years. Dude, and then we set up like Apple TVs, and your Apple remote is it also, will double as a remote for it like Apple video games. Yeah. Ended up opening a few of those earlier in the year. And I remember a few times where I just would,

you know, come upstairs and where you been. I was like, I had an answer, email. Two times. How great. Playing driving games for a fucking hour. How great would it be if you could get on a plane, just throw on headsets, and just go virtual and just... I think you can.

I think you can. I got a really great gaming system. I couldn't figure it out. What is it? I don't know. I got to give it to me as a present, and it was all VR, but I couldn't figure it out. It was like two of a complicated.

I might get back into video games. I hate that Rogan said it's a waste of time. I agreed with him and now I'm going I Used to make my tiger woods golf guy. I made him look like Patrice It looked just like Patrice and I used to play and feel like I was I have Patrice playing Yeah, and I just hear Patrice on my head going. Oh, sock this dick did Patrice play golf? No Dick! Did Patrice play golf? No. Okay. And that would play golf.

Boss and I played in Me Vos and Ben Bailey played in Scotland together. How long ago? Long time ago? 20 years ago. Oh, yeah. I bet Vos is that he plays golf all the time, right? Yeah, he's a legit good golfer. Yeah. But like he's like, he's like, he, he also does bow and arrows.

No. Like he does bows. Like he's like, he's like, he, you know, he also does bow and arrows. No. Like he does bows. Like he's an interesting fucking guy. I remember doing the road and I ran into him somewhere, like a radio station. And I was like, what are you gonna do now? He's like, I'm gonna go play golf. Like from radio. Yeah.

And he was like, what about you? I was like, I'm going back to bed. No, he's, I wish I could be like that. This morning I was like, I was like, I might get into like, because I can't get into snooze or dipping or cigarettes. But I need something. I like, I didn't sleep last night, and I woke up and I was like, I might get into like, because I can't get into snooze or dipping or cigarettes. But I need something. I didn't sleep last night and I woke up and I was like,

I need something. What do you want to get? Well, instead I had three eggs and two pieces of pizza, which is not in the middle of the night. And at 5.30 in the morning. 5.30 in the morning. I was dude, I didn't eat all day yesterday. I had a legit under a bottle of wine.

Like I didn't drink a whole lot of wine last night. And it was just enough sugar to keep me awake. And I did not sleep. I had a dream that they took all air conditioning and refrigeration away. And I had a bunch of stuff I needed to keep cold. And that was my dream. And then I woke up at two in the morning.

And then I was like, try to go back to bed. Are you on meth right now? I am, by the way, I'm like tweaking. I had so much caffeine. I had so much caffeine. I had so much caffeine. But yeah, I, I, I love to get back into video games. I want, I want like a handheld, I want a handheld device. Yeah. Like, like the PSP was awesome.

Let's get some. Look at, look at, what's like a handheld video game system we can play? I bought one. Switch. I bought a switch. I have a switch. Wait, what is it, pull it up. It's big. It's stupid. I bought a switch. I have a switch. Wait, what is it? Pull it up. It's big. It's stupid.

Is something we can put in the backpack though? Yeah. Let's see. I got a switch. You have one? Yeah, but the Mario Kart was the only thing anyone did, and I was like, I don't want to play. I'm in my phone.

Oh, yeah, that right there. Mario Kart. You can't, we can't have those. No, I mean, you can. It's just really big and. It's really big. It's, well, it's like, it's like this big. So you put it in a backpack. Yeah, but what's a good Mario?

What's a good, what's a good game? What are some good games, yeah. Top games. We went from eras's we'd marry for money to video game consoles we want. This is the most all over the map podcast. I know. Twelve best switch games. Oh, we didn't even talk about, um, today we're putting out

a message to Jananistan on Instagram. Oh, are we really? Yeah, we're gonna hopefully lock this deal down. Yeah, if you see on my, you know, this is, I already have our, I already know what we're gonna do with her. What? Johnny Depp pitch. Oh, talked about the pitch. Yeah, we'll make a movie with her. I like it. We will're gonna do with her. What? Johnny Depp pitch. Oh, talked her about the pitch. Yeah, we'll make a movie with her. I like it. We will make a movie with her. And she can play that part.

Fuck yeah, right? So we're on a set with her. And then we're hiring a bunch of women. I know how we should pitch it. That she's. By the way, I love that I just said, we'll do a movie with Chenier and then, and then people will love us because we're hiring

a bunch of women. She's the only reason the movie's getting greenlit. Of course. But we'll take the credit. I got this scene setting that started off. What? She's like a Cleopatra type and we're like those guys holding her. Oh, I thought we'd fan her.

Or fan, whatever, feeding her great. She's so fucking beautiful. Here's what's bullshit about late night talk shows, right? By the way, we did not get nominated for an Emmy. Did you know that? For this? Yep. I don't think we're in a category.

I think I submitted us. Pretty sure I got this thing online submitted us. I thought it'd surprise you with it. And we did not get an Emmy. And so, but here's why you can tell that the late night talk shows are fucking ridiculous. Okay. How come someone doesn't like get like,

Kate up denon and go spend spend, if we had Kate up, we'd spend the whole time going, you are so fucking beautiful. Like, you're fucking gorgeous, or like Jennie and Sam would be like, you're fucking, how come no one's just real with them? They just pick up their friends.

Like, no? Yeah, well, they're looking lovely, instead of being like, you're still so fucking hot. You are so fucking hot. Everybody has tuned in on, thinking about how hot you are. Yeah, pull up a picture of Jen and I say, she is really fucking gorgeous. Like, she's 50 something?

No, how old is Jen and I say? Yeah. How old is Jen and I? Jen, don't look, don't look. I told you. She looks. Fucking 51. She's 51, dude.

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. I mean, no work done. No work done. That is no work done. That's a cool aid lifestyle. No, that is. That is.

It's Greeks. Yeah. She's Greek, right? Yeah. Yeah, fucking Greeks don't age. Yeah, she looks good, man. Courtney Cox was a smoke show back in the day. Still is kind of, but like,

like, I think Courtney Cox, Courtney Cox is like 60, I think. I think she was like much older than everyone. Really? I think everyone was in their 20s, but she was in her 30s. Like I think she was a lot older than everyone, because she was in a Bruce Springsteen video.

Oh, Courtney Cox with glasses on. No, 56, I was wrong. Yeah. Lisa Kudrow, go back down. God, hold on, look at Courtney Cox and fucking glasses. I mean, you know, like, I think if we're gonna talk about being woke, that's the next privilege is pretty people. We need to take them, we need to make everyone look the same.

So that there's no privilege. There's no privilege. How do we take their look away? I don't know, we cut their faces or something. That's the next privilege, is like, how can you look like that? Oh my God. Yeah.

I mean, she is beautiful. Yeah. All right, look, we gotta wrap this up, man. Why, I mean, I'm sitting here going like like Did you see did you see that we talked about the the This is gonna pivot in a weird way. Yeah, but the the kissing booth. Oh, we started talking about that dude in the kissing booth the lead Noah is Oh, we started talking about that dude in the kissing booth the lead Noah is

Fucking gorgeous. This guy is one of the best looking dudes typing kissing booth both booth Noah This guy is like gotta be a movie star if he's not ready look at this guy. He's six four He's ripped. He's got great hair Sounds like you really like him. I would just watch the whole movie last night. It just bothered me because it all celebrates partying. This is why I was gonna tell you, I'm so old that like. You're against partying? By him against high school's partying.

High school is partying. Like they're doing shots. Yeah. And so Leanne had to stop me because they're doing, the lead girl is like 15 or 16. Were you rubbing your palms together the whole time? No, no, I was freaking about the wine. And so she does a shot, right?

Yeah. And I just couldn't help it. I go, you're breaking your father's heart. And Lee end goes, hey, calm down. And I go, well, no, she shouldn't be doing shots. She's in high school. And then she does lots of shots and rips her clothes off and blacks out and wakes up in Noah's bed

with Noah's shirt on, no pants on. In her bra and panties, Noah's shirt on, and Noah's bed with Noah's shirt on, no pants on, in her bra panties, Noah's shirt on, and Noah's in a towel. And I'm like, and she's like, what happened? And he was like, you got pretty wasted the last night. She's like, did we? And he was like, no. And I said to my girls, I go, it's pause. I go, just, you know, that's not how this works out.

Like, don't think you can go to a party, get wasted, rip your clothes off, and the high school hunk takes care of you. Yeah. I was like, this isn't fair. Like, and the end of the stop it. She goes, you're taking the fun out of this movie. Like this movie is for them to be like,

the way we looked at 16 candles, or breakfast club, like the off-smoke weed and breakfast club, our parents were like, hey, turn this shit off. They're smoking dope. These dope smokers. and I was like, oh my god, I'm that parent. She was like, you're definitely being that parent right now.

And also, our dad is like the party guy. Yeah, and then they were like, and she's like, it's a tad bit hypocritical that you would have issues with them drinking, on thing, when your whole brand is drinking, I'm like, I fucking make money from it. Oh, fucking dare you! That mind-liver is paid for this house. I

Was so fucking I had a hard time. We done. I think we're done. Okay We'll see you guys next week. Thanks a lot. Watch it One goes top the swath the other wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance and hell that they'll keep the clean Here's what we call, two bears one cave No scripts to bid a booze amateur, patology Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies Here's what we call, two bears one cave

Two bears won't cave.