2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 42 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: August 10, 2020

SPONSORS: - Get 20% Off + Free Shipping at Manscaped.com/BEARS. - Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/BEARS and use promo code "BEARS” at checkout to get 20% off your order and free shipping in the US.. Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer start off this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave by discussing Bert's want for a British hype man. Tom then plays a clip of LeeAnn finding out about Bert's barehanded wiping for him, before discussing that their friends, including Joe Rogan and Joey Diaz, are moving. The bears brainstorm where they would like to move. Bert also talks about his best parlor tricks and gambling with Daniel Tosh. They then look at an article on the best rappers over 40 which leads them into discussing the Cam'Ron and Faizon Love beef. They wrap the show up with a three-way call between the bears, Russell Peters, and Faizon Love to discuss the beef.

I live in Key West, I do a residency at like one of the local bars. Yeah. And it would pack out, like tourists around there all the time, pack it out, open air, sunlight kills corona, that's my thing. And then I just, how great would it be? You wake up around noon, right? Go out in the boat. Is your family with you? Did they come?

I did not bring them in this scenario. 100% I'm a that you're eloquent? Yeah, I am very eloquent. Yeah, I'm very eloquent. I don't say the word say the word VUN ERA BLE VUN it's when you're like this Vulnerable, oh you said it right. Okay, a vulnerable. I didn't say vulnerable. It's when you're like this. Vulnerable? Oh, you said it right, okay. Vulnerable. I didn't say Vulnerable.

It's Vulnerable. I didn't say Vulnerable. Vulnerable? It's Vulnerable. Pull up a British person saying, I just gonna be a really hard firm to find. There it is. Vulnerable.

Vulnerable. Oh, yeah, let's hang on up here. Let's hang on, let me hear it. Vulnerable. Oh, that's a fucking dude British guy saying it Okay, British British people say things better. Yeah It's always like I feel like I would love a British hype man. Yeah Vulnerable vulnerable vulnerable Vol- Hold on. I spelt it wrong. Yeah, you did. You said VUN.

Wait, hold on. The word I was trying to call you a pronouncing wrong, I spelt wrong. I picked that up. Now I don't know how to say this. Vulnerable, Vulnerable, Vulnerable, Vul. I sound like a Dracula. How do you say Vulnerable? How do you say PRI, VACY?

Privacy. Privacy. Privacy. Yeah. I don't. How great would it be? I would say it. Privacy. Vitamins.

Vitamins. Faggets. Faggets and gravy. What? It's a very, it's a well-known, yeah. Faggets and gravy. Yeah. Boom! Faggets and gravy. Yeah. Boom! Faggot's a gravy.

Classic British F words. What is a... That is... Do you really find it... That sounds like a... That does sound like a hate crime, but it's a recipe. Yeah. And there's like, there's the king of the F words out there.

Wait, there's a real thing. What's an F word? I thought it was a cigarette. It's food. It's a... it's a real thing, what's an f word? I thought it was a cigarette. It's food. It's a meatball. Is it pronounced differently? Nope. What's an odd?

That's an odd word. Yeah. It's an odd word because. Oh wait, there's other uses of the word? Wait, what's the other uses of the word? I remember hearing, it's when we were kids, then I learned that word. I remember learning that word. Yeah. That's the interesting thing kids, then I learned that word. I remember learning that word.

Yeah. That's the interesting thing is I didn't make that word up and I learned it from a group of boys that were all brothers and they had, Crescending Ages, a unit of measurement, a bundle of sticks, Yeah. An ancient symbol of an axe bound in a bundle of rods,

a bundle of bushwoods? Well, you just do this though. Will you pull up a video that we can just show him momentarily and just we can just jump cut it just so he sees it, it really is a real thing. Just take a look at this, you're gonna miss this if you're, there, oh, the third one down, with third one down. Yeah.

The Black Country, that's one. The Faggoton Peas are as though like your chip pudding is to your cheer. And we're very proud of the traditional Black Country food of Faggoton Peas. Right. Faggoton Peas, as created by King, are precisely that.

Are they making a joke about this? No, this is real. They're just being real about it. Yeah. But they never use that word as like a slur. It's not a pejorative word there. Oh, it's for real stuff? No.

Like they just go like that. So that's what that is. That's so interesting. That's so interesting. He balls in gravy. I need a British hype man at parties. At parties when I'm drinking, all I need them to do is just be like all my side. So when I need them to do is just be like, on my side.

So when I say fucked up shit, like, like, my misspelled vulnerable, and they're like, actually, he's pretty spot on. Wait, why would they say you were spot on from your cell? I don't know, just to help me out. Oh, I got you. Like, just to be like, like when people start attacking me and then I start going like,

no, they don't make straight to direct to DVD movies. Like, that I got into a big fight about. They were like, yeah, they make some movies for direct to DVD. And I went, that's not true. And they were like, it's 100% true. And I went, no, who makes a movie to fail? And then like, it's not a failure. It's a way they mark it.

Like, that's one of the things. And I got into a real fight. Who'd you get in the fight with? Oh, just about everyone in the room. Where? Including my wife where I told where I said. By the way, they're all right, you're wrong. No, I know, or I know that now,

but I wouldn't have minded one British guy to be on my side. I was like, actually, mate's got a point right here. All right. What? I'm a bit hungry. I went mind going for a few, you know, and bees, huh? Yeah, come on. They can just say it.

Come on, mate. Yeah. Like, you know what? He's out of view. He's out of view. They can just say it. Come on, mate. Ah. Like, eh, you know what? He's out of view. He's out of view. I lay off him. So he's got a good point. He's wrong.

He's wrong. I'm on your team, but he's got a good point. I like this character a lot, actually. So he's just like, Because then he's liled. LiLge is just there to kind of take the heat off. Just to, yeah, just to like, he's like a burner. Like, when you upset people. When you upset people.

When I upset people, Lyle jumps in. He's like, actually, mate is pretty fast, okay? I don't know about him being an aviation and a foot race, but the majority, I got you on that butt, and I'm like, that's what I'm talking about. I like it. He's like, actually, Googled it. They've never won a gold silver bronze melt ever

in any Olympics. That's true, Google it. In any Olympics? That's actually, that's actually, okay. There's a side ball to that. There was a ho-oh race. A ho-ohs, you got cause ho-ohs. You guys got a ho-ohs. Yeah.

And everyone tripped in a Korean-dead one. Well, that's real. Chinese dude, Chinese bloke, he won. That's real. Wait, was he Korean or Chinese? Chinese bloke. Asuka. Asuka.

By the way, now I'm turning into my real character. Jimmy O'Yang knows the Duba bloke. Champion hero. Hero. Yeah. That's really interesting. I sound like he's your face now, don't I? Nope.

You think we could get Ricky Jervase on the phone one day? I think it's possible. I like that. I like his giggle. He's got a great guy. He would be a great guy. I think it's possible. I like that. I like his giggle. He's got a great guy. He would be a great guy. I think he'd love you because you remind him of Carl Pilkington.

Oh, he does love me. He loves me. Yeah. Sign felled, hates me, he loves me. Wait, why does Sign fell? I think we were- Sign fell knows who you are. No, he doesn't.

Found out that he knows who you are. How do you know? Because I spoke to somebody who is really good friends with him and I don't wanna say on the air, but a really good friend. Is it? You don't know. You don't know. I promise you don't know.

Hold on. Let me guess. Okay. Cramer? Yeah, I was talking to a buddy. Was it Puddy? No. You never thinking about reboot and sign a film?

I've heard that that's a bad idea. He's an horrible idea. But you came up. Yeah. And, I didn't go, I didn't say like, do you think sign-fellent, the guy goes, yeah, I was talking to sign-feld. He goes, are you doing the The driving thing too and I go no and he goes oh, yeah, cuz I was talking to Seinfeld about how birds doing it And I was like really oh you gotta tell me this guy's name now. Yeah, I will give me a hint like what's like a feature on his body that I noticed first

Oh, by the way, I slaughtered your eyes. You know what? Oh, by the way, I slaughtered your eyes and you know what? You know, I don't think you know them. For real? I don't think you know them. Is he an agent? No. Is he a comedian? No.

No. That was an interesting pause. Well, I like this game. Now, I might have to put Lionel out. All right, tell me more about this. Blok, I got this, but all right, tell me more about this bloke. I got this, but all right. Well, this bloke was saying that that's how the driving thing came to Jerry's attention was you doing it.

Oh, we like that, don't we, but by the way, I just lost the accent. And he said any, and he referred to you as the, the shirtless guy. Yeah, yeah, of course. Or the guy that is an amazing fucking comedian. He said both. He better. Yeah, fucking I that's like that's my biggest fear is that guys like side.

You fucking said that about yourself. What in a interview that I read. What did I say? He said, but I'm a fucking fantastic. I'm a fucking fantastic comedian. I'm a fucking I am a legit awesome comedian. I'm not debating it. It's just I think that I said it. Oh, yeah, oh fuck it. Well'm not debating it. It's I think I said it

Oh, fuck it. Well, because you know what it is is I get it's the guy no, it's the fucking guy who was like I can call the coin toss I can call five in a row. I'm serious. Yeah, I can wait what happened is someone's either gonna agree with you or they're not By the way, you know what it is, is that I get written off because I take my shirt off. And then I go, I think people think I don't write jokes. Like I know that I wanna say that at one point, I think Rogan... You probably surprised a lot of people.

Oh, I think I surprised a lot of people because I think people are like, wait, he writes these in a book. He thinks of them before he goes up. I think I did an interview this morning on radio and they're like, they're like, so we wanna come to the, I keep forgetting to promote the fucking hot summer nights

tour. I'm on the road right fucking now. Yeah. I think the shows might have been over. Well, fuck, anyway. But the guy said, so do I go to the early show or the late show, the guy on radio? And I said, well, it doesn't matter. They're both the same

He's like well, which one are you gonna be more fucked up at and I was like neither like I've and he was like so no like tell Like what's the difference like do you like prepare material and I was like yeah like an hour of it And he was like no more than just a machine like all the stuff It's like off the top of your dome, right and I went no I don't go into a driving and just make everything up on the spot and he's like off the top of your dome, right? And I went, no, I don't go into a drive and just make everything up on the spot. And he was like, you write this stuff? And I was like, yeah, I think my show

of people go, oh wait, so you write it, like, like, sign fell, writes his, but you write yours? And I'm like, it's the same fucking job. Like, that's what, and so I found myself defending the fact that I also do comedy. Yeah. Like people are like, you're like, like anyone that knows us knows that I am a fucking

weird person, and I think I live in the fucking buzzardness of whatever I do, find acceptable. But I also do comedy also. Like this podcast is a weird, because I find things that I, like I would never have thought about talking on stage about in this podcast, and then I go, fuck, I should have saved that for a bit.

Really? Oh yeah. Like what? Like, um, I told a bit one time on here that was so quick, and I wanted to use it, but everyone had already heard it about shitting in front of a Japanese guy. You've done that, you didn't do that in the state?

No, I did it here about getting the baby's dick hard or getting the... Yeah, but you didn't say his name. No, but about, hey, I got some advice for you I wanna share with you. Dude, that was the funniest. Yeah, I've never done it on a stage. You can do it on a stage.

Yeah, but I do it now and everyone's like, I've that a more people have seen two bears one cave than come see me live So like a million people seen that and then and probably the majority of the people at my shows have seen two bears one cave And they're like, oh, this is the guy that they know I thought that the Japanese thing was a bit from the stage No, I think it was just here I had to change it to do it in the special because I was like, I said everyone already did it. That's why I said you didn't in the special. I know I changed it.

What did you change it to? I took, it was true. I was with Ari and I took a shit in gender neutral bathroom in Madison, Wisconsin. And it made the woman in the stall next to be questioned her politics. Like it was such an aggressive shit. She had never shit next to a man.

Like she was like all liberal walking in. And then she shit next to a man. Like she was like all liberal walking in and then she shit next to a man and was like, ah, fuck these people. They fuck his shit in their own bathroom. And so I told Ari when I walked out and I was like, I'm gonna change that Japanese joke to that. Yeah, you said that you shit in Japan? I said true story.

By the way, it's happened twice to me. It happened once in Denver, Colorado. I happen, I'm gonna call my friend. This is a 100% true story. And it happened first in Japan, and then I took a shit in Japan that was so bad the guy in the stall next to me threw up. And we were in Japan and I thought he was talking to me,

right, that was the joke. I was like, I have no toilet paper, I don't know what you're saying, I don't speak the language. That's a little aggressive. It was acceptable a few weeks ago. This one is 100% verifiable. Because it was just me and the Japanese guy in Japan.

I'm gonna call the woman that was producing the show that we were shooting, and we were in a pizza parlor, and I shit, and the guy in the stall next to me threw up, and my crew was in there, and they heard the guy throw up, and they had to go out into the bathroom. And she was like, you took a shit, and everyone threw up? Hey Hey, hey, hey, I'm doing a podcast with Tom Suga. Listen Do you remember when we were shooting? It's five o'clock somewhere Yes, do you remember when I took a shit in that pizza parlour and the guy in the stall next to me threw up?

I'll call you at three. Yeah, I think she liked that. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's my new producer. I take her with me everywhere. Can you just hang up on her? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I told her that we are working as more like an Ellen. Like, you're straight up, we're like, I'll call you later, Bob. Hang on. Man. Oh, can you pull up the, um, the, uh, Leanne clip? What's the Leanne clip?

This is so great. This is just... This is so funny. Look at your wife here. I think this is me on the phone, right? Yeah. A love of mouth. I don't know if you knew about how he began with a bearhead. This is so funny. Look at your wife here. I think this is me on the phone, right? Yeah.

A local mouth. I don't know if you knew about how he began with a bare-handed wifey a few weeks ago. That's what I was going to tell you about. What? No, I know. Yeah, it was on the road. He was in a public place and they did that paper and he said he gave it a shot and there

was nothing on his finger. So then he tried it again a few weeks later shot and there was nothing on his finger. So then he tried it again a few weeks later and there was a lot on his finger. Are you trying to get me to divorce my husband? She's not going anywhere. She's got nowhere to go. She's like an officer and a gentleman just doing push-ups in the mud. Yeah. She seemed a little horrified to find that out. Have you done it again since? I haven't done it since.

I haven't needed to because I've been home. Yeah. And then we got the... But you're about to hit the road or you're on the road now? Yeah, yeah. I'm on the road right now. I wouldn't be surprised if I was doing it in which of tall Kansas? Or Kansas City, Missouri.

Yeah. Or maybe one of the many cities I'm hitting on this white thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing.

White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing.

White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. White thing. First thing you do, do you wipe it off, or do you smell it? Not your sun shit, your shit. Oh no, I wipe it off. Oh for real? You don't smell it first?

Like a clump of shit is on your hand, you're like, hmm, that's what you do. That's what you said this one time to me. And I have a problem with this, and I always lie always here to defend me. Yeah. Because I, can we get, can we please get submissions from British people? Let them speak full second. Yeah, we need... I need a British person to give a soundbites

that defend me when I'm out of my fucking mind and then just get a really posh sounding British person to give me... I want like 10 ones, send them to Nadeauv. Hey, wait, so what's the two bears address here? Two bears, the number two, the word bears, the number one, the word cave at gmail.com, the subject line should say, British accents.

Yeah, and just, I want, you got, and by the way, you got to be really British. Yeah, how do we tell them? And put some personality into it. Yeah, I really just, you know, I want to sum like a little bit of like, like really sell it to defend when I'm saying. I hear him out, hear him out.

I hear him out, hear him out. Yeah, I wouldn't mind one of those acts. I hear him out, hear him out. I want a tough sound. I want a couple British guys. I want a really smart one. I want a really tough one, you know? Like, how are I, mate?

Talk to me one. Yeah, talk to me one. He says, outcome. I want to know those guys. He says, he says. Yeah. He, he, he, he, he, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, a real chimney sweeper. And so who would you want to be your hype man? Like someone that just when you were talking shit, like showing a, like, Oh, definitely a black guy. Like a black guy.

Oh, right. Like straight up hood who's like, hold up a second man. Like what? Like, he remount, he remount. Like one of those, yeah. Same kind of idea. One time, no, no, no.

Yeah, yeah, same idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so then we also need a black guy to submit some for Tom. Yeah, yeah. So that that a lot. Okay, so then we also need a black guy to submit some for Tom. Yeah, yeah. So that when we are having a disagreement, Nidav can gently, gingerly toss them in. Just give me like some, give my man a second.

Like, yeah, shit like that. And so that when we're losing an argument, yeah, he can, Nidav can pepper them in and then we have our hype men backing us up. Tom's our African-American. Okay, so for mine, again, the number two, the word bears, the number two, the word bears, the number one cave, two bears one cave, at gmail.com, subject line black accents. And you have to have

a picture of you being black. You can't just be a white guy doing black accents as racist. And let's word doing it. It's not racist when we're doing it, but if you're doing it, it's racist. And I need to prove that your British cup of tea are like a biscuit or something. I love it. Oh wait, let's figure out our friends who they would have as the, our friends, I say our friends. They're all moving.

All our friends are moving. So I really was, we talked about this a few weeks ago on your mom's house about how, what, are we about to take over this city? Oh, I like how different our brains work Are we about to become the biggest comedians in California? Don't know. I'm trying to get bird-a-moves Sebastian to move. Get the fuck out of here guys follow the lead man There's some better pastures. Burr, don't you want to go home to Boston? Yeah, it's fucking hot out here, man.

Boston's cool, the bats, huh? Hey, how the hell that map rules, you know? Go back, man. Yeah, I mean, there's so many who like, I don't know, it just, what it is, it feels like a real shift because it's what are like, I mean, everything's different because of COVID, but our social life has like this,

you know, this way about it that has been this way. And then this is like throwing a big wrench into it, right? Like, Rogan leaving, Diaz leaving. I know, I said that without people saying it, but I've confirmed to other people leaving, and I know three other people on top that are considering leaving. I know, I know, I know, Rogan and Joey,

I talked to Joey about it. I don't know where Joey's gonna go. He says he's going to, yeah. I don't know where he's going, but like, I did my time, dog. That's what he said. He goes, I did my time. I'm like, again.

And now here's the thing is that, like, you got to really consider, you know, I had a young comic, shout out John Turquell. I haven't talked to him on the phone yet, but I'm gonna talk to him later today. Young comic from Tampa, his dad and I went to high school together, he's a little older than me. But he was asking me about like what to do in comedy and it was such a hard question to think of how to answer it. Because I'm like, I would not move to New York. If you're a young comic, I definitely wouldn't move to New York. And I definitely wouldn't move to LA.

Like, I wouldn't, if you're getting spots in your hometown, fucking stay there. If they're opening clubs in your hometown, don't go anywhere. Like, do the reps. You're not getting spots in LA. When they open it half capacity, I mean, those, the lineups are gonna be, everyone's gonna be getting,

everyone's gonna be wanting spots everywhere. And then you look at like Rogan's move, right? If you're a young comic, why not go to where the, well, here's the thing you have to remember. He's going to try to duplicate the environment that he had. And by the way, he's not even gonna try to, he will. He will, he will. He created the environment out here.

Yeah. The standup environment out here is on the, on, this is a big statement, but I think, I wish Lionel was here to back me up. This, the standup scene out here is based on the fact that he stood up for standup and went ahead to head with Carlos Mincea and he got kicked out of the store. And when he came back to the store, everyone knew things had changed at the store for good, that it was never gonna be this toxic environment

where fevery was rewarded and heroism was punished. And standing up for the little guy was punished. And so everyone showed up there. Everyone would be a part of it. And he is the biggest podcaster in the world. And he's doing shows there every single night. He will recreate that in wherever he goes in Texas. Yeah.

Like he will recreate that. And if you are a young New York comic that is not have an hour special on big providers and you're not headlining big and you wanna do reps, go to where Rogan is. I've seen it's going to be insane. I can't argue against that, dude. If you are developing and you're like, what's going to be hot coming up out of this?

I would go to Austin, too. Yeah, I'd even argue what, I mean, I'll say like Andrew Schultz's level. Andrew Schultz is doing theaters. Why wouldn't he go to Austin? Why wouldn't he go wherever Joe's going? I don't know exactly where he's going, but why wouldn't he go to Austin? He's wouldn't he go wherever Joe's going? I don't know exactly where he's going, but like why wouldn't he go to Austin? He's going Austin.

Why wouldn't he? I just I didn't know if we ever wanted that. Oh, yeah. I thought so. I thought so. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was awesome. I mean, I think he already bought the L so it's like, whatever, he's an Austin.

Yeah. But like why would you not, why would you pay high rents in New York for a scene that's not coming back for five years When will New York comedy be back to when it is maybe never Maybe never like if they're saying they got to be a whole because they have so many clubs there I wonder which they're gonna be most can't survive most in that I would say I would say half of them are already gone Yeah, they haven't paid rent. They're already gone. Yeah, I was reading an article about they haven't paid rent, they're already gone. Yeah, I was reading an article about how the whole,

very fabric of Manhattan, like you take it at your average, let's say high rise bustling building, the time, what used to be the time life building, they said on an average day, right in regular, like right now, last year, set between 7,500, 8,000 people that work in this building would go in. Right now, 500 people go in. But then they break down, because it's like a miniature ecosystem that

represents what's going on in the bigger picture. Just this one building has retail stores, coffee shops, food mart, a steakhouse, all these things that every day that those people that go in, you know, they spend money and keep this whole system going, right? The coffee shop, the steakhouse, the retail store, yeah, so all those stores are just stopped, they're just closed. Yeah. The 500 people don't create, it's not enough activity. Yeah. The hot dot guy said I used to sell on average 400 hot dogs a day, so it's 10 now.

So they said like, it's just one building and these are just these five stores, but that's happening at the building next to that and the building next to that and the building next to that. So the economic impact of this, you know, they said could take a decade to recover. A decade and that, when I'm just looking at it like audiences, right? When are you gonna get audiences back in New York?

Not for a long time. They're saying, I mean, I don't think they've ever come up with a vaccine for a flu that's never happened. They've come up with vaccines that can treat different strands but never to cure the flu. They got nothing. If this thing's around, why not live in Wyoming? I took a meeting the other day and the head. What? I looked at going to Wyoming yesterday. For real? Yeah. See, okay, listen, I'm tethered to you, motherfucker. So if you go to fucking Wyoming, I gotta go to Wyoming. You wanna go? Yeah, so bad

You wanna get like a ranch? dude We can start fishing, riding horses. Oh, I just rode horses in Arizona. No, stay income tax. No in the Wyoming None, too. We'll take over Wyoming. Dude, yes. I bet we could be mayor and governor. You think so? Which real world do you want? Mayor, come on. Yeah, I know. You got to bail me out of a lot of shit.

Yeah. And you're like, uh, who is, and then we'll have a hire, a hire like a legit British dude to hang out with me. He'll be like my assistant mayor. The liel guy. Liel guy, and he'll be like, All right, all right, everyone calm down, calm down. He's a little buzzed. He didn't mean what he said.

Women can adopt dogs. He was fucking around. Go ahead, but back in. All right, all right, all right. He said it's abortions, not motor. Remember that was his first words. Wait, would he also said it's not not motor? So now, okay, okay.

Where would you move? Where would you move? Is there anywhere that you would move to? I would, I honestly, like, you know, I really honestly, when Joe first talked about it, I was like, I was like, it does make sense to like, it does make sense, but I'm also a fucking grown-up with two kids in high school.

Like I'm not, like I'm not some guy who's just got disposal of income and is like, going like, fuck it, I have no tether to this city. Like, I talked to one of the dudes who I know is moving, I won't say his name, by knows moving. And he was like, what do you think? Am I gonna, is it look bad if I go to where Joe's going? I go, no, not at all, not at all.

Because when Joe shows up, he will create a fucking massive comedy scene that everyone will benefit from. Because people will know, guys' comedy's in town. Like this is, I mean, take Shepel. Shepel is basically runs Ohio. Like he knows the reason the date and funny bones big and still sells tickets is because Dave Shepel

is like an hour, like 30 minutes away and rises, motor's like over there. Cause there's a max of- Good Marri likes. Yeah, my pop in. So people show up all the time cause you never know if Dave Shepel is gonna show up. Right now he's in yellow Springs doing shows in a field

and he's flying John Stewart and Chris Rockin and private jets and they're doing face time shows with Jim Carey. It's like, it's a scene. That's a fucking, it's invitation only. When Joe shows up, it's a fucking scene. And if you're a young comic, it's not a bad move. It's not a bad move.

And don't think like, Well, let's go to, but entertain me with this. Where, if you, if I was like, you got to leave LA. Okay. Okay. What are the three places that you would consider legitimately moving to? Like, you would actually move there and live there.

If you had to leave in 60 days. In 60 days? Yeah. I'm not sure Texas is top five. Okay. Only because I like Austin, but I don't like the keyposs the weird shit. Like I don't, I never really understand hipsters

that don't live in New York or LA. Like always go like, Portland's always made me scratch my head. I'm like, yeah, like I don't understand like hipsters. Like it always blows me away when you go to Madison and you see like the girl with the bangs cut to here and the beddie. Just because she lives there? Yeah, yeah.

I go, why didn't you just move to New York? Like, what are you doing here? This is like for families and stuff. Like I get there's a cool scene maybe, but like these guys, like, I never really get that. How much of those guys hate you? Oh, a ton. I think so too. I hate me, but I think guys hate you? Oh, a ton. I think so too.

I hate me, but I think they hate you more. I am everything that aspires without meeting me. Without meeting you. Without meeting me, they, we did a bike race in Portland and it was with an anarchist. I saw all antifa kids, now I'm sure. And so we got on a hippie-dippy bus and it was interesting because I'm not to shit

on any of these kids, they were all very, very sweet, but like they were all against cameras, like the idea that we were sell outs because we were working for travel channel, but any time a camera showed up, they acted the weirdest they could. And I was like, well, you're definitely playing it up for the camera and then we did a little miniature bike race down the hill.

And it was funny shit. You got going really fast. They bombed this hill on like mini bikes, like really tiny like kids bikes. We were hauling fucking ass. And this one girl wiped out and took out this black dude and the black dude knocked his tooth out. And he was hurt and she was hurt.

And it happened right in front of me and I popped up and I helped. I went to help her up and I went, honey are you okay? And she went, did you just call me honey? And I went, oh my god, like she's got blood coming off her. And all I'm thinking is, are you hurt? Because I picked up my little kids and said, honey, are you okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm thinking of that.

And then another dude got in my face and goes, what fucking year is it, bro? Are you serious about that? I mean, dead serious. I'm being dead serious. What fucking year is it? Did you just call her honey? Yo, yo, dude, get woke. And I'm like, okay.

This is in Portland. This is in Portland, and I want cool. So Portland is not your top three. Oh, definitely not my, I'm definitely not going to Portland. So, I'll go perform a four days, but I just want to perform to like regular people. Like those people that like with the bangs up to here, and tattoo this as gaper on her show arm.

Yeah. Do you remember that girl I took a picture of her and her ascendant to where I go? I don't think she knows what that means. Wait, what's your top three outside of LA? You got to move there. You got to move there with your family. Key West.

That's one of your top three. One of my top three. How can you keep even working though? Oh. Are you being serious? You gotta move there. You gotta move there with your family. Key West. That's one of your top three. One of my top three. How can you keep even working though? Oh, are you being serious? Yeah. I started comedy scene. I started residency at the Hogsbreath.

Actually, you could so do that. You could be the mayor of Key West. Oh, F-Doo. Okay. How great is that? I got my little scooter, I scoot around town. What's up, Bart? The machine!

And I just, I'm like, and then I live on the water I go out for lobsters every day you and Warren would get real close. Oh yeah we what dude how much fun people down there no he lives in he lives middle of the country middle of the state I think okay where you grew up I think you grew up in a pop guy and so play myth is that we grew up yeah yeah I went to a pop yeah yeah and so I live in Key West. I do a residency at like one of the local bars. And it would pack out,

like tourists around there all the time, pack it out, open air, sunlight kills Corona. That's my thing. And then I just, how great would it be? You wake up around noon, right? Go out in the boat. Is your family with you? Did they come?

I did not bring them in this scenario. Cause it doesn't sound like they're there. Georgian either in college. Oh, they're okay. Liam is God bless, passed away. And so. So what's the new wife like? You have a girlfriend?

Oh, there's the wife, Tom. We are. This is a friend. So laying pussy. Okay. It is, I am hammering Perryman appausal bitches. Yeah. On the right. I bet you got a bunch of drunk bros down there

Oh, they see you the next day like do I know you and you're like can we fuck on that? Yeah Raw dog in 52 year olds Raw dog in it. I'm like herpes. I'll take it. I don't care. Yeah, I'm on my way out in your 50s You got to get no more cardiologist just taking the blood pressure medicine. I'm on right now right yeah Throw my hair out thinning hair pony tail Oh, that's the best. Yeah, yeah, I'm on right now, right? Yeah. Throw my hair out, thinning hair ponytail. Oh, that's the best. Yeah, yeah. I wear my, I always have a new signature summer look.

Yeah. And I always have a cool look, right? Flops, cruiser, bike cruiser. Flip flops, I got a flip flops store selling my free water flip flops. Yep. There, it's a whole store that's mine. I got like my merch store.

I do my podcast out of my store, so you can come in. It's like an old school radio station. And so you can see me doing the podcast. I got some celebrity guests in, Hulk Ogens shows up. He's like, hey, what's up, Michigan? I'm like, how you doing, Hulkster? Yeah.

And then, and that would be the best. I live in QI, that's one of the places. Okay. Um, number two, number two, I would like to live. I would love, I do it, how does it have to be in this country? I think it helps. Okay. Cause it's more believable, but by all means,

leave the country if you want. No, no, no, no, no. Mm, I'm gonna take, I think, I think, somewhere in Colorado. Yeah. Aspen, aspen. I want to see, I I wanna go small town. I wanna go small town, small big town.

You know? Like take a small big town and just look at that. Oh yeah, I just want everyone to know me. I wanna be like the local legend guy. And then I do stand up and celebrity standups come in, like Sebastian's like in there with his family, I go dude, come hit my mic and he's like, you got a mic here?

And I'm like, and I go, I go, dude, come hit my mic and he's like, you got a mic here? And I'm like, and I go, hey, come on Sebastian. And then he comes in and he's like, ah, this is a great thing you made for yourself. Yeah, hey, you got a good thing going in. And I'm like, yeah, I know. And then he's like, sign felt's coming in next week. And I'm like, hey, have him come by. And then next week he's like, hey, I like your place.

I feel like they were both here. I know, it's like, hey, I like your plays. I feel like they were both here. I know, it's like they were right in the room. And so, and then third, I got Aspen. You got Key West Aspen and I think, here we go. Okay. Norelands. Really? Yeah.

That's a good one. I would live, I could see you being a Norelands guy. Fuck, yes. By the way, these are all like when I say like riding into the sunset lifestyle. Like I'm done with health and fitness. I could use Lyle right now. Here I'm out, here I'm out.

Here I'm out. I'm done with trying to stay healthy. I'm just gonna balloon up, binyez in the morning, hand grenade, and a cigar. How long do you last? When you go I'm done being healthy. I'm just gonna balloon up, be yeas in the morning, hand grenade, and a cigar. How long do you last? How long do you last when you go, I'm done being healthy? Oh, not long.

Not long. I can go 12 days. You think you'll die in 12 days? I think I think 12 days is a real close run. 12 days. After you've thrown in the towel. After I throw it, if I, when I go on tour for more than 12 days,

it is dangerous. I wonder how fast I could get to 300. Like, I feel like I could do it. I wish we could do this as a contest and not die. Yeah. Because I could get to 300 so quickly. I ate nothing. Nothing. You want because of COVID? Do you want to just do it in October? Just see how badly we can end the month? I think for so, Brocktober, we all get COVID together. We have a COVID party where we spit each other's mouths. I just eat the whole fucking month and lay around. Oh, I could do that.

You think you can put on 40 pounds in a month? Yeah. I bet I could put on 40 pounds in a week. I bet I could. I bet I could. You want to try it? No, because I can't get rid of it ever. You can. I cannot get rid of it.

You can. Dude, do it. I got up. This is the smile. What do I get mad if you did this challenge? Yeah, she's already like, because she's lost all this weight. She's just says stuff really passive aggressively. Do you know the thing about losing weight, Bert?

I'm like, don't do this. You just wait once. No, she'll be like, you need to do, you need to do drop squad with us. And I'm like, do what? Drop squad, it's what she calls her workout team. Drop squad, because they drop weight. Drop squad.

Oh God. Yeah, that sounds like some real mom shit. No shit. And she's like, you know what you gotta do? I would even ignore the way it's just work with your body weight. I'm like shut the fuck up. Like I don't wanna hear a word you're saying. You know what he's called?

The problem with running is, oh watch this. Let's go, I'll go. I'm gonna let you talk to her about my weight loss. Now here's where you gotta guide it. Like what am I doing wrong that she's doing right? Yeah. Okay. I wonder if she's working out right now.

Can you believe she played with our dogs an hour every morning? Yeah. Hey, it's your other babe. How you doing, Lynn? I'm good. Hey, we're talking because we're recording right now. And because Bert's about to hit the road again, we're talking about health and maintaining or weight loss.

And one of your insight on what could Bert be doing that he's not doing to further, you know, his health from her experience with drop squad. Okay, from your experience with drop squad. Eliminate pizza. It's not a food group. He has a lot of pizza. Yeah, a lot of pizza. And the road and probably going to be some extra slices in there. Yes, and definitely some McDonald's. Um, could eliminate that for sure. He could eat more green leafy vegetables uh-huh. and drink more water.

And what about that doesn't have coolate in it? Exactly. What about his running? He said, I mean, he doesn't need run a substantial amount. He does run, but I mean, he runs and he's, he's actually a really great athlete. He's in really good shape and like this one lane, right? And that kind of running lane. So I think he did one day where he lifted weights

and he couldn't walk for like four days. Yeah. So that's a different lane, obviously. And we should get into that. Yes, he should get into some like, in stretching. The dude does not stretch and he complains constantly about pain and then he stretches and the pain goes away and then he forgets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this sounds, this sounds very much like the bird. I

ask her how quick she thinks I can put on 40. Oh, yeah. So we're, so one of the sponsors came up with this idea of like flipping sober October on its head. And what do you feel like, how fast do you think Burke could gain 40 pounds? I don't wanna be involved in that challenge at all. I will heart pass on that challenge because, yeah. I don't know how fast you think 40 pounds probably pretty fast, but I veto that challenge. They're giving us $250,000 each. Yeah, I don't know, I don Burke can do anything he puts his mind to. But that's the point.

You've got to put his mind to it. Like no, it's over every year. You should see his pictures from Halloween last year. He looks so amazing. Yeah, because for that month, yeah, he's going to be able to do that.

I think he could. I think Burke can do anything he puts his mind to. But that's the point. it. Like no, it's over every year. You should see his pictures from Halloween last year. He looks so amazing. Yeah. The dog. You pull it up. He decided to be disciplined. Yeah. So we can do it. He just doesn't want to do it all the time. Do you think he could put on 40 pounds in a week? In a week? No. I don't think he can do it in a week. Yeah. He said he could. Well, once again, if he put this mind to it maybe hey, do you think you can really do that? Yeah Really I think so I think I think would you or should you right should you do that? No, I should not do it I won't take it off. I was exactly and at a certain age it is harder than harder to take it off

so Yeah, I can't factor that in too. We are not, you know, spring chickens anymore, exactly. Good on the October. Keep going, that's me skinny. Yeah, yeah. That's what it looked like when I met Liam. So wait, are you gonna take any of her advice?

No. No. Don't say that out loud. I mean, yes. I'm saying it to you. Yeah. He never takes my advice, because he's always right about everything.

So, if I can't possibly be right about anything. Have you met Lyle? Asinine. Who's Lyle? Hello, I would almost secondly give him a chance. Eram out. It's his British hype man that, um, that defends him whenever he gets up somebody or, or quite. That's his, that's his, me on so rock top.

Holy shit. I'm seeing the photo now, Leanne. Okay. I'm seeing the photo now Leanne Okay, I'm seeing the photo that you talked about at the end of October last year. Yeah of him and Sandy and he's really Really lean you get on like a white shirt. Yeah, looks amazing. Yeah, the car wasn't happy Yeah, but Maintaining is the problem. Was he fun to be around though Leanne? Yes Oh, so you're now saying that I'm fun to be around, though, Liam? Yes. Oh, so you're now saying that I'm fun to be around in Sobra, October? No, no, I'll say you're fun to be around in Sobra, October, but I can tell you this.

The constant complaining that happens every single day about feeling like shit about your body is not fun either. Oh, it's a good counterpoint. It's a good counterpoint. The constant, like, I just feel like shoot. And then when I go, look at the I can I haven't fit in there 13 years And you go great. That makes me feel like shit. It's also not fun. Yeah, because I'm celebrating real successes And you're only reflecting on how Terrible you feel about yourself. I get a little so I get 20% celebration

80% self-deprecation Yeah, it's fucking true is he laughing because he knows it's true. Yes. Yes. Yeah, he knows that's true Because it's gonna cause this eight spiral that happens in his own head because he gets up in the middle of the 90s four pieces of pizza No, I had three eggs and two pieces of pizza. That was today. At what time, four in the morning? Yeah. Yeah.

Which is pretty normal. That's definitely on the drop squad diet. Well, I feel like you, I mean, this is a, she really broke through. I think I, I think if i just follow the and i did great like three days in a row and i lost a lot of weight uh... and i just i fall off the rails and then i go from like two thirty seven to like two forty two and a day yeah and i'm like how the problem is he doesn't know how to cope with his

emotions without extreme behavior like food or booze right he doesn't know how to cope with his emotions he has a legit anxiety problems and instead of coping with that what are they coming from hey ask I think he's blaming you though for his inability to cope oh he plans me for everything yeah for every single thing hey how do you feel about moving are you considering moving moving? Moving to the house we just bought? No, out of the city to maybe New Orleans or like Key West or something like that. No, we're not moving. Oh, okay.

No. Because he was he was floating that idea. If we had to move one place babe, where would you want to move? If we couldn't live in LA, where would you want to move? No idea. Like give me a place. Think of it real quick. No clue. Gun to your head.

No idea. Dropscott. No more dropscott. You can't do drops to your head. No idea. Drops caught. No more drops caught. You can't do drops caught if you get an answer. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter? No. OK.

Florida? Absolutely not. There's no way I would live in that state. Absolutely not. Yeah. It's too hot there. It's way too hot. OK.

Wyoming. Would you move to Wyoming? I don't know anything about it. Don't know anything about it. I'll speak to that. Okay, Tom and I are thinking about getting a ranch. Mm-hmm. Have fun guys.

I'll come visit. Ooh, okay. I'm not moving, sorry. Well, we got this whole fishing thing going. We'll talk, we'll see you in a later. All right. I'll be home in a little bit, babe, okay? Okay. Prepare the bathroom. Prepare the bedroom. Okay. this whole fishing thing going, we'll tell it we'll fill you in later. All right. I'll be home in a little bit, babe, okay?

Okay. Prepare the bed room. Prepare the bed room. Okay. All right, love you. Bye. All right. The, uh, that was great.

Yeah, she, she kind of gets you. No, you know what she did, Tom? We, she cleans out her closet. Yeah. And she's lost all this weight. Yeah. So she puts on, like we just went skiing last year. She puts on this like expensive jacket I bought her

and she's like, can't believe this doesn't fit. I'm getting rid of this and I'm like, hold on, hold on. You've just been skinny for like a couple months. Like let's weigh it out. Like who the fuck cleans out their closet and gets rid of like, like here's the thing, is that she looks at my closet and goes, those pants don't fit anymore.

And I go, yeah, I don't live my life without hope, okay? Like I don't go through and go, well these, these don't fit, throw them away. I'm never gonna lose weight again. Oh, right. Like I don't just go, oh, get me a size 52 then, and then I can work into those. Like, she's like, get rid of that.

These jeans don't fit and I go, but they did in October. Right. And they can, if I get shelter control. So I'm not gonna throw away, like that's, what are you way there in this photo? 120. No, no, I mean, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, two,

two, 20, two, 20, probably, two, 22. Really? Oh yeah, I mean, look at me. Yeah, you look so skinny there. Yeah, but I don't even like the look of my face, to be honest with you. Yeah, you look a little sick. Like, it's, you know what it is, it's just not, it's not but I don't even like the look of my face, to be honest with you. Yeah, you look a little sick. Like, it's, you know what it is, it's just not,

it's not, I don't know. You know what I think? You had weight loss surgery. It does look like that, right? Yeah. You see the thing is, if my beard was too long, I should have trimmed it up. My cheeks look hot hollow.

My face doesn't look good. Yeah, I mean, it looks like your face is so thin now, but like your midsection looks good. Yeah, my midsection looked good, it bounced back, but I don't know. I think I'd like to be, I would like to get in shape shape. Like, I would like to be in shape. Like what?

Like steroids, cyclist steroids. Like, look good. Like, I want people to go, whoa, bro. Like, I wanna go, I'm gonna go be the next, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, He's like, hey man, you look sweet. He goes, who wants to know? He's like, that fast shortness guy. He goes, oh yeah, the guy that does drive it. Tell him I said, honk honk. Okay, motherfucker, that was funny. Oh, honk. What about Ohio? Would you move back to Ohio?

Fuck no. No. No. What about Maine? I mean, I don't, Maine's beautiful, but I don't want to live that far. Should we get a bachelor pad in Austin? A bachelor pad? Yeah.

Did we just go there to party with? Yeah, not bitches, I'm talking the shit we wanna do. Like, get a few whips, right? This is what we do. What, what we do? Whips, cars, cars. Oh, okay. Rise, dog. Why are we taking them to Texas? Because this is where our win win can't say anything. What what we doing whips cars cars. Oh, okay rise dog

Why are we taking them to Texas because this is where we're we're when we can't say anything. Oh, I got you Yeah, Jen Anderson hits us up. We go you think you'll hit us up. Hey guys. What are you guys doing this weekend? Matthew McConaughey, Montecona, hey Texas. He's like man guys rough weekend with the wife I need a place to ditch out. We're like yeah batch of bad keys ring We'll meet you there Please edit that out. That's where I keep the keys to my house Yeah, please pull up that that clip you got highlighted there because it's really funny to me This is something you said you don't lose speed. Yeah, yeah, we were talking about the race you had with Ron and then you said this and I've thought about it so much since then.

And you don't ever lose speed. Despite how fat you might get, you don't ever lose speed. I've never been fast. Even when I was skinny, I was never the fastest kid on a team. So even probably at my lightest, I may have a hard time beating Ron because fast is a different twitch. It's like a you do lose your like you definitely lose speed. No,

no. Yeah, you do. You're the quicker you're not quick. Okay, but you said you don't lose speed. No matter. No, no, no, I meant I made muscle twitch. Like you're either a fast guy and you can run. Yeah, yeah, or you're a not a fast guy. Like not a fast guy. We'll no, no, I made muscle twists. Like, you're either a fast guy and you can run, or you're not a fast guy. Like not a fast guy, we'll never, you can never learn to get fast. Right. You are born fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if you're fast, like if you're like, bam, like one of those dudes that can take off and you gain 80 pounds, you're not as fast. You're not as fast, but you are faster than the average Fast dude not fast dude that's 80 pounds your weight. Okay. Okay, so like so Ron was fast I was he said he was always the fastest kid in his school on his teams Okay, he was always the fastest kid. I wonder what I said. I'm gonna get a picture of Ron when he was skinny I was I bet he was fucking ripped. You think so? Yeah, let's see.

Hey, text me a picture of when you were young and skinny. So, yeah, you never rip, you never lose those fast switch muscles. I never have fast switch muscles. Yeah. Like it's like the ability to bench 225, although I don't have that anymore, but like I could always throw up 225 now I can't. You could always do that?

Oh my whole time, it was like a parlor trick. Like when you were what? Beginning of a way. All through college, all through, I just have a couple parlor tricks that I could do that people could never expect me to do. Like I could do 100 pushups in a row, people never expected it. Really?

Never expected it. You could do 100 pushups. I could do 100 pushups in a row. We went to a bar in New York, and I used to, when I didn't have money, I was always still very fun. Like I would always barter for, especially back back in through Europe,

I came up with ways to get things for free that I knew that I could entertain people to get them And one of the things I could do was a hundred push-ups and I would say I would start a push a contest a contestation with someone and I would do Bert shit where I go Hundred push-ups is easy and they'd be like actually it's not like anyone's the push-ups is like 20 is really difficult You're like 20 is nothing I can definitely do a devil into 20. And they're like, you can't do 20. You do push ups and I go, I mean, yeah, I've done them. And they're like, you think you could do 20. I go, I can definitely do 20.

I can do 100. I can do 100. And they'd be like impossible. And I go, you bang out 100 and a run. I bang out 100. I did it at a party. I did it at a party in front of all my friends in college and I looped them in.

We were in New York at a party. And they didn't know I could do 100, but I was doing 100 at the time. And they were like, there's no way you could do 100. And I was like, I'm pretty sure I could. Put your money where your mouth is. I'm broken, New York. How many can you bang it right now?

For easily 20. Yeah, I think you could do 20. Probably 40. You just doubled it like that? Yeah, I just did it. I thought that's where my brain works. I think the 40 would be a struggle. I don't know.

I mean, you never lose that muscle memory. Never lose it. You never lose strength. That's when the arrow is strength. I think never goes away. I probably could do 40. That's a good question. Now, when would you test out your 225 thing,

you just find out what you're doing. So I would always do, I was always doing pushups, and I would always found that if I got to a bench, if they had 225 on, I could throw it up every time. I would do it in college all the time. I go, is that a lot of weight? And I'm like, it's 225, don't even try it. And I would be like, but because I looked at weights in high school, so I knew what weights were college all the time. I go, is that a lot of weight? And I'm like, it's 225, don't even try it. And I'm like, but because I looked at weights in high school,

so I knew what weights were, I knew that. And so I was like, is that like, is that a lot? Is that like for a lot of people and at all these meatheads? That because if you, if you fain ignorance, people then take it 10 steps further. Yes. And so you could just bait people in.

I used to do this. It's good at this. Oh, I was, dude, I was people in. I used to do this. Oh, I was so good. I used to do this thing where first moved to New York. I bought a bag of weed and I would say to people, I'm sure I told you this. I would say to people at the bars, I didn't have a place to stay. I was staying with this dude from the Canary Islands, who was like 13 years older than me. And he had, it was a, he didn't speak English. His name was Diego, I think, and it was a one bedroom, like a studio. And the first night we drank rum and pointed to a map about places we've been, we couldn't speak.

And I was like, okay, I'm never staying here again. So I kept my bag there. I bought a bag of weed at Washington Square Park. And I went to a bar in the East Village, and it was an old, it's like an old trick. It's an old trick from college you could do anytime, is get a bag of weed and you go, you gotta hang out with a bunch of people,

meet a bunch of people and you go, you gotta smoke and they're like, yeah, hey, you guys want to, I went to Barclays, you guys want to go get high and they're like, fuck yeah. Like, why go, I go, my roommate's kind of a dick, he's from, by the way, he wasn't my roommate, he was like, dude, I was crashing on his floor. I go, he's from the Canary Islands, he doesn't speak English,

he's got a job in the early, in the morning, can we go to your place? And they're like, yeah, do we go to their place? Spoke a bowl, pass out, and they're like, hey bro, wake up, wake up. And I just did not move. Here are them, you just go, I'm not moving anywhere. And then they go, just let him pass out.

He's cool. And then I pass out. So you woke up. How you would crash there? Did it two nights in a row? Did it two nights in a row? Second night, right? I'm with this dude Dan.

Is his name? He's a record. I think he's a record producer now. Did it with this dude Dan? Who was obsessed with tool? And this is what we talked about. We smoked weed and all he talked about was tool and my so-called life. And he was obsessed with it. And he was like, he was like, and I passed out and I can hear him trying to wake me up. And he was like, come on bro, my roommate's kind of a dick. You can't spend the night here man. I can't just have you like, ah fuck, ah fuck it. And he just sat, smoked cigarettes, hoping I'd wake up

and then he passed out, right, goes into his- He's here awake? I'm awake hearing it. Yeah, you're just like, I never played the stay, it was either that or a fucking park bench. Yeah. So I wake up the next morning.

See, pretend to be passed out. Pretend to be passed out. I was pretty fucking high. And the next morning his roommate comes out and his roommate goes, Bert, Chrysler? And I look up, it's a dude I went to high school with. I go, jock, and he was like, dude,

what the fuck are you doing here? I go, I got high with your roommate. And he was like, shut the fuck up. And then I told him, I said I don't have a place to stay. And then he was like, stay on your couch. It's why I lived on their couch. For how long? Like a month, and then jock,

and he moved out. Wait, how did this, we get here from Benching 225? I have no idea. So wait, when did you not, when did you lose the ability to do that? When we were at Rogan's, I thought I could throw it up easy.

You did not. I did not. I think I hurt myself. When I get the new, when I get the new podcast studio, yeah, putting a weight room in, the parlor tricks will come up flowing. You know the one I used to do

where I'd hold beers out like this, but all I would do during my favorite things were forearm raises. Front row raises. I'll put it in for you here. What's that? What are you pushups I could do right now? I wonder how many you could do too.

Let me do 10, and I'll tell you exactly how many I can do. Really? Yeah. Let me do 10 and I'll tell you exactly how many I can do. Really? Yeah, I do 10 and I'll tell you exactly how many I can do. The another one of the part of the tricks I could do, this is one I used to do all through Europe, was I would say that because I'm American, I know more about the world than anyone else because we've conquered everywhere. And it would incense Australians, it would incense British people, it would incense British people, it would incense,

you would say this to just get it. I would say this at a campfire, like we'd all be like at a hostel or whatever, and I'd be like, and I remember I was so much fun, because I would say it jokingly, and I'm American and they would understand as a joke, but ultimately people would get upset,

and I had memorized every world currency there was at the time. And I had simply meant the USA today on the back page would have a list of world currencies and what they traded at. And I had memorized every world currency. And I would say, she'd be like, oh, what was the currency? I go, guys, we run the world and we were in the economy. It's called American Express. Do you guys have that there? And they're like, what? I go, do you have Britney Express? And they're like, hold on, no, you're missing the point. And I was like, guys, it's called the USA Today. Like, do you have one of those?

Did they have a Britain today? And they were like, you're, and I go, I guarantee you, I go, what's the name of your currency? And they were like, you didn't even know our currency. I go, I don't where you from. And they go, Britain. And I go, I bet I guarantee you, I can come up with more currencies than you.

Now, the trick was, they'd come up with the first one. All right, they'd say one, and then I'd say one, and I would go through all the dollars first, right? They're Australian. I think it was like the Hong Kong dollar, the Australian dollar, like I would go through all the dollars, Canadian dollar, and they go, you're only no dollars, you only know dollars,

and then I go okay how about the the Rand the I forget them now, but I knew all of them I Would then I would go head-to-head with someone and then I would challenge the whole campfire knowing full Well, no one could beat me because I knew every single fucking one dude. It was so much fun I think I would have been a good gambler Yeah, I think you could also have like, like, hosed people as like a parlor trick person, right? Like, yeah, you could have done that.

You could have worked at the circus. Dude, they had a parlor trick. It could be a con man now. They had a parlor trick with that, oh, I, that I, to this day, there was a number of these. Do you ever see the one where they have the nail in the wood and they go, you got three hits to get it in the wood? I think so.

That eye lost so much money on that. What is the gimmick there? Like what's the... It's that, it's just hard to nail a nail flush within three hits. Okay. It's gonna take, for the average person, except for this one dude on a show that was with us,

he's like, oh, I clean up on that one, Mike. I was like, what? He goes, I want construction, watch this and just one hit. Kong with us. He's like, oh, I clean up on that one, Mike. I was like, what? He goes, I want construction. Watch this and just one hit. Kong! And you're like, oh, shit! Guy packs up walks away. Yeah.

Do I get taken for so many shell games when I first moved to New York? Oh, I bet. Outside tower records, I dropped all 100 bucks one day. Just go in. I'm not done. Don't go anywhere. 101, here we go, back in. Yeah, because you definitely like, I'm not losing this. I'm like, I'm like,, don't go anywhere. 101, here we go, back in.

Yeah, because you definitely like, I'm not losing this. I'm like, I'm like, I got this. We went to a bar in the Pogano's, me and my buddy Eddie. And we had a, we had a parlour trick, we seduced, we had a pool table in our house. I've shown you this before. We put two balls, butt to butt in every pocket, right?

Every pocket's got two, and then there's three butt to butt, like meaning all tapped up together in the dead center And it's ball in hand. It was five dollars to buy in 35 if you ran the table so you give me five dollars. All you got to do is run the table Don't miss one shot ball in hand open up. Don't miss one shot. Okay, if you run the table I'll give you 35 bucks. It's five bucks to play. We made so much money in the poke nose, so much money. People were like, fuck it, rack them again, because they'd mess up super early,

because they'd hit hard. As soon as you hit hard, everything's fucked. And so, finally, and by the way, I could never do this. This is the hardest thing to do. Yeah. And so finally, one of the guys gets really fucking pissed, and he's like, you've taken like 30 bucks from me. I got 100 bucks as you can't do it.

I swear to God all my children. I go rack them up and by the way this is the three quarter things where I'm going like five quarters where I'm like I don't think I can do this. I fucking ran the goddamn table like I had never done it in my life. I was like Tom Cruise and Color of Money just I was the fucking that was like probably those victories are better than the birth of a child, in my opinion. Like the actually being there, you're like,

it's a lot of leg work, it's a lot of, a lot of like hanging out, not doing shit, watching us like ever was crying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the actual coming out and you're like, uh-huh, that's still like you're on edge, it's not the greatest thing in the world, you're like, is it okay?

It looks purple, what's wrong with its legs? Is it a frog? And then they're like, let's take it in the room, you're like, fuck, is? It looks purple. What's wrong with its legs? Is it a frog? And then they're like, let's take it in the room. You're like, fuck, is there something wrong with it? The birth of a child kind of sucks. But cleaning the table on the pool run there with, yeah. We're putting 50 bucks on 11 and it hitting. Yeah. That's a real rush. My favorite, my, my, my, some of my, by the way, I always play 11. And I love going big on 11. I put 25 bucks on 11 one time.

And I said, I'm not gonna watch it. I'm gonna just look at your faces. And I hit it rolled and it hit. And I thought the whole table was fucking with me. Yeah. And it hit and ah-ha. I wanna go gambling. I miss casinos. You miss casinos?

Yeah. And when we started our podcast with Warren Sapp, we should start gambling on these games What we should do is put in our picks at the end and then whatever his picks are put a fucking hundred bucks I need to one of those games you think so yeah, you can't gamble right? Oh, we can't gamble Yeah, he's a retired player. He can do whatever wants. Yeah, we got to get back into gambling This has been a great podcast roll over the fucking map. What would you what's the most you're willing to wage on a game? On a game? 100 bucks.

100 bucks. Yeah, it's not, I know, because I'm not like a big, big gambler guy. Yeah. But a hundred bucks is fun. And a hundred bucks adds up if you play like a few games, you get up to like 500. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty fun. I miss, I miss, I used to put a hundred bucks on every floor.

You do the straight bet, you do the straight bet. Straight bet. Straight bet. Maybe a parlay. Well, that's exciting. I don't like over under because I don't like under because I don't I'm not rooting for the game to be good Yeah, so I'll bet I'll do like a Parlay with like the super wall. I do a parlay with the over in the team use the bet on every fs You game every fs you game up with a hundred bucks on fs you to win to win and if you if you

Google the fs youles from 91 to 97, I want a cult load of money. Yeah, that's a lot of money. It is every game. That was a good decade. Every game I want a hundred. I honestly don't think I lost. Who would you bet with?

Uh, Brian Martinez. So every game, he'd take the action? Every game, man, they had to take all the action. A lot of like Damien did it one year. Like we had a bunch of fraud- It's a lot of W's, man. Dude. Every game, it was just like, they always had like a 10-in-1 record

or a fucking 13-in-1 record. Yeah, 10-in-Seasons all the time. You're right. Yeah, I like the action on something. I love that. I bet, I think I told this, I don't know if I told you, I bet on them to win a game, some random game in the early 2000s.

And there was a spread of I think 33 points. And I took it. And then they were up by 34. Yeah. And then they were up by 34. Yeah. And then they were playing North Carolina and North Carolina kicked a meaningless field goal with like three seconds. I'm like, how does this fucking happen?

But the emotional ride was exciting. You know what I mean? So it's so much fun. Like I think people really, like bedding gets a bad rap. I got kicked out. I can't get some bad rap. It does because- So does heroin.

What the fuck's there for out? Yeah, but done it responsibly. Mm-hmm. It's just as much fun as video games. That's what I say about drugs. Drugs, if you do them right, if you take it a little easy, you don't go too hard.

If you don't really fun stuff. You don't have to take about them. It's great. Dude, I remember taking the girls on Fridays, Leanne would, Leanne would go out with her friends when the girls were young. Yeah. And I would take the girls on Fridays, Leanne would, Leanne would go out with her friends when the girls were young. Yeah.

And I would take the girls down to Hollywood Park. Okay, Hollywood Park, the racetrack. We bet on ponies. Really? Oh, it was so, they would do dollar hot dogs and dollar beers. And I would, and this is back when you could drink a drive. No kidding. I'm gonna ride.

Yeah. But I've never been a big drinker and driver, but man, we'd go down there. And by the time, I think my sisters would go down, we was back when I was friends with Lorenzo, he'd go down, we'd all take, go down to Hollywood Park and bet on horses. Betting on horses is so much fucking fun. Do you see that's open right now?

I don't know. I mean, I'm only fun if you're there. And I will say one of the funnest things is going to the turf clubs in the Northeast. Those turf clubs, you like? Have you ever gone to the Derby? No. Would you go?

A hundred percent. Yeah. Should we go? Yeah, we probably should. As dandies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like we've finished our own sentences. Yeah, we should. I would go as a dandies. Like a day like super dandies hardcore get our beards done up. Yeah

With top hats and shit. Oh, what's this are the ponies running today? Yeah, they're running all over the place. I mean you're talking to a degenerate gambler right now in the booth You know that oh for real. Oh, yeah, then top do you gamble? Yeah gambling is the best dude. What do you gamble on? with you know that. Oh, for real? Oh yeah. And then, Dov, do you gamble? Yeah, gambling's the best dude. What do you gamble on?

There's some blackjack, let's fun. Oh, you like cards. Any type of fight, I'm down with that. Stocks are pretty cool. Oh, say, okay, so let me tell you the, my problem with playing poker is I only want bad beats. Like, I don't care about winning the money. I only want to beat a guy who plays the game right.

Oh, right. And fuck his head up. Right. Like, I only want those. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not good at poker at all. And I got invited to some poker games when I got out here.

Yeah. And I just socially would show up and be like, I don't know what I'm doing to somebody. And they'd be like, oh, it's, you know, just jump in. And I was the person who, you know, the way I was playing and betting, you would see people be like, oh, just jump in. And I was the person who, you know, the way I was playing and betting, you would see people be like, is this guy, is he good or stupid? And I was like, stupid, but I'm not gonna tell you.

And then like, you know, they would see the cards you had and be like, the fuck are you doing? Yeah, I mean, I was not good at it. I went to, right after the first, right when I met Daniel Tosh, he was really into poker. Yeah. And we went and played, we went and played at the Miami improv in his hotel room, just me, him and his friend,

we played Holdum. And he beat me bad. Like, it was like a bab, he had three of a kind and I had two pair. And he was laughing so hard, he goes, you had two of a kind, like you got really into the win, right? Yeah. So the next, I get back to LA and he was laughing so hard. He goes, you had to look at it like you got really into the win. Right? So the next, I get back to LA and he hits me up like Monday and he goes, he goes,

hey, you know any poker tournaments? And I was like, actually, we have a weekly game on like Tuesday. If you want to come and he's like, fuck yeah, he goes, I'll pick you up. It was really one of the odd point in my life because we were so broke. We had just had Georgia and I and Toss came over to my house, we had just had Georgia. He was like, this is a different guy than maybe, I don't know who he is today, I haven't seen him forever,

but he was like, a child was depressing to him. So he was like, can we just get out of here? I don't wanna be around a child. Yeah. And I said to Leanne, I was like, can I need a hundred bucks? And she was like, I don't have it. And it's like, baby, just give it to me. She's like, honey, we don't have a hundred dollars.

I go, Leanne, I get it. It's tough, babe, just give it to me. She's like, honey, we don't have $100. Like, oh, Lian, I get it. It's tough, but just give me the card, and I'll get $100. And she goes, we don't have $100. And Daniel Tosh goes, I'll give you $100. We can just leave this conversation right now. And they go, cool, and we will have to give me $100. We pull up to a house, and then you get there,

and he goes, okay, we don't know each other. If I go in on something, don't go in on me, and if you go in on something, I won't go in on you. You ready? And I went, yes. And Daniel touched one everything. He won the whole fucking tournament. He loved gambling when I did. I opened for him. I don't know man. Five years ago or something. In Vegas. And he was like, you want to play some blackjack or something after the after. And I was like, yeah, but like,

they're gonna like bother you if we walk in the floor. He's like, I'm walking the floor. And so he is the best famous person. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And so he's like fun. He is fun with it because he does it right. He does and he made, he had them, they were like, oh, we have a table for you guys

and they had a private table that they just had a dealer for him. Yeah. And he gave me like a hundred bucks or 200 bucks. And he was like, this is, you're as a play with, if you win, like if you make money, you just give me my 200 back. If you lose, it's fine. And I was like, yeah, that seems totally reasonable.

I fucking lost. I'm fast. Which I thought, but I thought that was very nice. Oh, I do that to the guys when we go to casinos within our group I give everyone a hundred bucks, and you know, hey, just just enjoy it Like I'm fine. If you don't I remember doing that to a girl one time. I put I go here's a $25 chip We were playing roulette and she was like, oh, thank you, and she put it in her purse I went the fuck you doing it. She was like you just gave me $25. I was like no to roulette and she was like, oh thank you and she put it in her purse. I went, the fuck you're doing. She was like, you just gave me $25.

So I was like, no, to gamble with. And she was like, oh, oh, I don't want to play. And I was like, well, didn't give me my $25 back. She goes, why would you ask for it back? And I was like, I didn't just give you $25. She said, hey, let's have fun and play. And she was like, oh, and the joke we kept making me on my buddy Eddie was that she went,

she bid into it and went, oh that's a good one. Yeah. Real quick before we leave. I wanted to talk to you about this forever. Taping your mouth, should I blow your snore? No, that's the thing I do. But the 40 best rappers over 40.

Will you pull up that article? Because I find this fascinating. We both are in the hip hop. But there are people I have never listened to on this list. Now what's interesting about 40, the best 40 over 40 is that it's not telling you, here's the, this is not a list of the 40 best rappers alive over 40. They're talking about the order is based on the work they've done since turning 40. It's an important distinction. Oh, that's fucking fascinating. Yeah, yeah. So they're not just like because I was wondering why the sky was that is 40. Yeah, because he, we just don't have a

done anything in the last century. Well, it says like it, yeah, if you go, okay, stop. So how many projects he's released after 40? Three. The best project released after 40. So, you know, okay, stop. So how many projects he's released after 40, three, the best project released after 40? So you know, I mean, they're not just saying that this person has happens to be over 40 now. Oh, see, I sent you that article, and I thought you wouldn't read it. I was like, I didn't read it.

I definitely didn't read it. Okay, so too short. Yeah, that's your boy. Yeah, man. You have her friends. Well, I mean, we podcasted. He was super cool. It was fun I saw okay 54 all right keep going. Yeah, just scroll just scroll as we go our I was about to care us one buster rhymes. Yeah, buster rhymes is 48 buster rhymes are the same age roughly. I'm younger though

Still by a lot juicy J. Mm-hmm He's 45 by the way, these are guys my age. Yeah. GZ, okay, he's only 42, he's young. Keep going. He's young GZ, man. Oh, Cameron. Cameron, and do you know Cameron and what's the name of beef in right now?

Fies on? Fies on love. Yeah, yeah, we gotta get that thing as wild, man. I love, by the way, I know disrespect to Cameron, but his text or his Instagram did not come off quite as liberal as I think he meant it to. I don't know what it is. I don't know what he said yet.

It's basically like, hey, I have no problem with the LBGT community, but he's gay. What, how did it start? Do you know how it started? I don't know. By the way, this made me laugh. What is it? This is so, okay, this is what Cameron posted because, wait, I guess, let's set it up correctly.

These guys are, phase on, they're not friends. Right, right, right. Phase on love. Oh, it had said something saying that he didn't believe that Jay-Z was like a, it was a drug dealer. Yeah, legit drug dealer.

He was like, he's never a drug dealer, which, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. And the camera who has had his own beef with Jay Z came out and was like, yo, man, you got the wrong one. Yeah, this is not, yeah, you're basically, you're not right about this. By the way, if I'm not mistaken, camera was shot in the arm and went on and did a show, where is that Jim Jones?

I don't know. One of them got shot in the arm and then just went and did the show. Shot in the arm. So they're like legit. I ran into them, by the way, I ran into them at the fucking next game. They're sitting next to us at a table next to us and like the VIP section.

And Ron starts a loud talking, he starts going, yeah, I know those are my guys, those are my guys. And I'm like, Ron, easy, like you're with us. And he was like, no, man, that's what I want to drive for. I'll drive for them any day And I was like Ron I can't use sucks. Yeah, I go Ron

Just give your heads up. They're probably not taking their bus driver to a next game and sitting in the box seats Like just giving you a heads up. He's like our quart side and he goes no They are they would and I go ask him and he goes no I'm not gonna put them on the spot like that. I go they're not Ron. They're on dates. They brought each other I brought you okay like you're not Ron, they're on dates. They brought each other. I brought you, okay? Like you're not going into the next game. So then, so then I just went up.

I was like, Cameron, can I go to picture with you and my driver and he was like, yeah, of course. He was really cool. Yeah. He was actually, him and Jim Jones were really cool. So wait, so to further this, they get into that decision. Oh, wait, have Cameron's number. Come on, man.

Come on, number! Come on, man. He gave you his number? I got a camera on his number. Dude, come on, man. Camera on. Call, call. No, I can't. You have to.

No way he's gonna fucking remember me. So what? Let's see if he may be answers. Let's see if he answers. This is me. So what? Let's see if he may be answers. Let's see if he answers. This is up. But what happens? Nothing. What if I give you his number and you call it from your phone?

He'll be like, I definitely, for you, he has the story we met at the next game. Well, what do we say? We got him on the phone. Okay, okay, he's what you say. Hey, Cam, kill it. Say, kill a cam. Kill a cam.

Yeah, say, Cam. Hey, man, it's me, Bert, we met the next game. I invited you to my show at the watchable call. You get that real quick. Hey man, I want to be real quick. Did you perform after you got shot in the arm? I'm doing a podcast on my buddy's top. You gotta, you gotta fluff it.

You can't just go straight for the fucking, but we'll talk with you when things aren't. He called you gay. Okay, okay, okay. So you set up your thing. Hey man, you know, big, you know, big fan. You're a big fan of me. Then you gotta be like, hey man, what's up with this beef with?

Face on. I gotta, I gotta suffer with it. Okay, it's just go, fine. I gotta suffer with it. First like real man. Will you be me? Fine. Okay.

You be me. Okay. Okay. All right. Hold on, don't be like, don't be like yo yo, what's up. I'm not, I'm not. I'm gonna be me. I'm gonna be me.

If I need you, I'll go and you be me. All right Camera camera. What's up? Is Bert? Hey killer? Hey killer? Kill cam. Oh shit. Oh boy. Yeah real man We're pink go ahead. No, I'm not gonna say that. He does. Oh, he does all time. Yeah, I only saw him in next Jersey. Okay, go Hey camera. What's up? Is Bert? Hey, come on. Okay. I'm gonna say hey come on Hang on. Okay, I'm nervous. I always gin asked him was here. I brought him to Thailand, I'm Thailand. Kill a cam.

Cam, that's like you do that, can't do that. Turn on that. Cameron. Cam. Cam. Cam, Cam. Cam, just a cam. Cam, it's bird.

I met you with the next game. I invited you to my show with the beacon. You got. What's up? Hey, man? I have a bet I'm doing a podcast my buddy Tom. I was wondering Did you perform after you guys shot in the arm or was it Jim Jones? Like oh, that was me and there you go. There you go. That's the way bet And then I'll be like hey, what's up with phase on huh? He's coming at you hard. He'll be like He's not answering this. Should I leave him a message? Yeah, it's bringing so much. I feel like I'm waking him up now I'm kind of hang up. It's fucking Jesus Christ. Is he not about voicemail? Should we try to get phason on the phone? Yeah, call phason

Oh, if he calls back and phasons on the phone and we can get him beefing right now I call Faeson. Hold on. Oh, if he calls back and Faeson's on the phone and we can get him beefing right now. You know what you call Russell Peters? Who's friends with Faeson? And see if he can connect us. I'll call Jim Jones.

Should I call Russell or just text Russell? About Faeson. Call Russell. Okay, hold on. Camera on's calling me. Camera on's calling me. Camera on's calling me. Camera on's calling me.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Okay, let's go. Oh yeah. Yo, what's up? Alright, concerning your car. God damn it, it's a different fucking prank car. Fucking, it was, uh, it's not, it's not him. Okay. Fuck, I did you see how I fucked that, yo, what's up?

What the fuck is wrong with me? Yeah, you went, you really code switched on him. God damn it! Thank God it wasn't him if he was like yo, what's up? You I mean you did you did an active shift. I was like yo, it's up yo, what's up? Yo, it's god damn it. Wait, who do we know that knows phasor besides wait, I should call Russell. What about? Vince von knows him you know Vince one. No, I don't know what I don't know. I was just fucking panicking John wait, what's in this video? I didn't get to see this. It's actually pretty video. It's pretty funny. Okay. It's, so hang

on one second. So, Cam is calling out, if you read his caption, it's funny because I think he's trying to make sure that he's not, he's not being tone deaf, but it's fairly, uh, just saying. Uh, and so he posted this video that Faeson love posted a long time which I actually thought the video was funny and this is Faeson's audition for broke back mountain. Oh, okay, okay. Okay, so I got you.

I just just Faeson love and I like to submit my, I don't know what genre this is, but Empire slash broke back Mountain type movies. Listen, if Jeff finds out I've been messing around with Greg, listen, I think we should take it. No! scene. Yeah, that's funny. That's what phase on the legitimate.

He really did. I made me laugh out loud. Yeah, but then phase on it posted this picture of Cameron. And this is what I think upset him is Cameron took a picture with that dude. Yeah, I guess camp what did Faith on say about it? No, seriously Cam, what were you saying boy boy? Yeah, so by the way, yeah, Camron's post, can you read Camron's post? It made me giggle because it was I think it was very making sure it's not coming off tone

daft like he had run it by his publicist let's call Russell call Russell read camera on his post now before I post this I have no problem with anybody in the LGBT community I have people from this community and my family friends I'm Rassos Deweygra. Hey what's up dog we're recording right now I hope it's okay. Get out there you. Wait we got a question for you, man, because you're definitely keyed in on this. What's going on with the phase on camera on beef right now? Matter of fact, I was actually going to call phase on. Do it three way, three way. Okay, let's do it. Yeah, yes. I'm calling cam again. Okay. Do you're going to call cam on right now?

Bert, I have cameras. Dumbray. Try to get an answer. I won't get it. I won't cam again. Okay Bert I have camera on the number I tried to get a answer I won't get I won't call him I won't call him call phase on first Okay Me in this mess. He do you think face on those who I am hey Russell? You think phase on those who I if he knows who I am That's a real pregnant pause. He's brought hold right now. Okay. It's like, wow. I guess not at all.

I don't think Faeson knows who I am at all. Yeah. No, but we do same clover. How hard are we gonna be on Faeson's side when he's on the sky? I'm gonna be in a, like, fall 100%. Fuck camera. Fuck dips at

Hey, listen we're live I listen I didn't want to do this to you, but we're live on fucking Tom Sagar I So oh, thank you, man. He's funny. He's my friend. He's here. Oh, thanks man That's Tom. Oh, it's not time. He's funny. He's a mom. Oh, thanks man. That's Tom. Oh, thanks. Appreciate it, man. Thanks, man. I'm here with a birdcructure, too. You know, bird.

Oh, that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're asking me what? I'm calling Cam.

They're asking me about the camera. And I go, I don't know. I haven't talked to him yet. So I'm going to let y'all finish this. Yeah, man. We were super. We're into the story. And we just wanted to know like tell me watching the video.

We watched the video, which we thought was hilarious that he tried to call you out on. But like, are you guys is this gonna escalate? No, no channel out a bitch. She would never eat He's definitely His girlfriend He's a track star. You know, you know, yeah. Yeah, him and his girlfriend Jim Jones. I like Fucking pays on you are the real deal. It has never go that far because you know, you know, he's not that he ain't good like that right so as far as your concern. This is over Yeah, I just remember this morning and said that

He got his little Peek his peak crew He's on your last. I know that one Please, I'm your last one. I know that one. I was out here, but he's funny as me because he's such a clown and my whole point was I I never thought Jay Z so dope. I started creating that whole Persona that whole persona persona. And it's kind of fucked up because these kids think they got a cell dope to be dope. And I said, no, because one of my favorite,

it was the best rapper got there. To me is Drake. For a nice kid, and he's having fun, but it is not the most selling dope. You know, hey, we started from the bottom now, we hear that's the best citizen. Hell yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And all the time, he did start at the top. And he's still there. Did Rassy eyes. He started a little shitty, he didn't show. And then he started at the bottom. I mean, I think he said, he started this yellow middle class now he's there. Yeah.

But wait, but that's what I did for him. I get the, so okay. Jay-Z so that much okay. Like, why you stop? Right. Yeah. It's a wait. I can't, I'm gonna do it for you to be the simple. I'm so okay. It games. Now, do you do you think though that that is definitely made up on his part that's fabricated that that he really really he's on built like that. He built like that. He was at Jay Z Jay Z in a street with a real world. This like to sit at a real. He built like that.

Yeah. Yeah. So and let me let me present by saying this. He's a nice guy right Right right I have no Talk to him and he's been a nice guy, but I know for fat. I know people from that like

Yeah, you're saying that you're saying that in all your Yeah, you're saying that you're saying that in all your interactions and having observed Jay-Z that to you this dude did not come from the drug deal in world Yeah about buying champagne and bottles and buy cars and shit. Yeah. Maybe you get knocked to my, you got a fight. Yeah. It's not a life, but it's not like power. It's like power is the worst television show ever.

Like what is it? Hey, Faison. Hey, Faeson. Hey, Faeson, it's the white guy that takes his shirt off, Bert. Listen. I'm hilarious. I'm hilarious. Ah, that's the means of the world. Hey, I've been a big fan of yours for a long time

because when you get on interviews, wherever you do interviews, you're just real as fuck. And it's my favorite thing. I just watched you with DL talking about getting the COVID like oh like a Two months ago You're like I got through it Yeah, yeah, you're right. He did get the shit. You're exactly fucking right goddamn Dude, well, I've been a fan of yours since since made you were awesome

And made and I watched the outtakes of made you're amazing and keeping you man I love watching you on interviews. You're the fucking best and you're amazing on stage amazing wait say it again I would love to We'll set it up. I'm like, this is a thing. I'm like, that's it, but he'll trust me. I'll talk about you guys. You guys, you guys, you see the right. Yeah, yeah, Christina. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I gotta tell you this, I, the hardest I've ever laughed at just a look, like somebody delivering a look is you in

Elf it's one of my favorite moments when he goes Santa Claus is coming tomorrow and you just shoot him the look it's the fucking funniest thing ever man Dude it it is like it there it is right there. We're looking at it right now. That is the fucking funniest thing. You can't teach that, man. You're brilliant comedic actor, too. So, appreciate you jumping on the phone.

I appreciate it. Thank you, man. Let's podcast soon, man. Thanks for Russell, too, man. I appreciate it, brother. No problem, brother. Hey, good? I'm a color.

All right. What? What? I'm a guy. Yeah. What? I just awesome. Russell just called him. Yeah, that was awesome. I got to call him right back. We're going to wrap this up. Let's wrap it up.

Yeah. What should we wait for, Cam? We've already picked our side. I thought it rang. What would you do right now if it was him? Let's do role play, you ready? Yeah, okay. All right, he hits you, all right. Hey, hello.

Hey, Cam. Who's this? It's a bird christcher. I met you, I met you at the next game, and then I offer you to come to my beacon show. White guy, comedian. I think that Italian dude. Yeah, I'm the Italian dude.

Yep, hey listen, I wanna the Italian dude. Yep. Hey listen I want to ask what's going on with you and phase on love man Yeah, I already agree. I don't like him at all Love that he goes I love that he goes I'm here with Berk Rice already just goes whoo I'm here with Berk Rice here and he just goes, whoo! Hahaha! No idea why it was! That was great, dude.

The funny, the shirtless white guy, and he goes, ah, okay, I guess. That was funny as shit. Yeah, he's great. But he really is fucking funny as shit and made. Yeah. And I love the outfit, I'm an off-air, I'm gonna tell you what, I heard him on say on an interview.

Yeah. And it was, like, brutally honest. Like, like, he took swings from the fucking... Oh, he doesn't give a fuck to. He does not give a fuck. There's not that many people who really don't give a fuck, but I feel like I've seen him in interviews and stuff enough and be like, oh yeah, you don't care.

He's taking shots at... Even right now, I can't be like Jay-Z. I mean, he doesn't, he doesn't not care. By the way, he doesn't give a fuck because he doesn't care to be invited to Jay-Z's party. Right, he's like, he's a nice guy, but he doesn't. Yeah. I give so many fucks.

Yeah. I give so many fucks. Yeah, but you got Lyle to help you out if you get in the way of something. Fucking Lyle. Oh, don't second came. I, giving a fuck, get you a fuck, uh, alright. Alright, Governor, let's get out of here. Going in a cocktail. You've been up since fall in the morning. Little in and out, get you a fuck. All right. All right governor. Let's get out of here go get a cocktail You've been up since fall in the morning little in and out bug in a cocktail. All right on that perfect accent and impression

I think we should wrap this up great episode. Thank you episode. I love you. Let me too man The other wears a shirt Tom tells stories and birds the machine There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean Here's what we call, two bears one cave No scripts to bet a booze amateur for topology Dirty jokes, ranchie humor, no apologies Here's what we call, two bears one cave Two bears one cave