2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 43 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

SPONSORS: - Try ShipStation FREE for 60 days when you use offer code CAVE. Get started at ShipStation.com today! - Go to fitvinewine.com to order online for delivery straight to your door - Go to hellotushy.com/BEARS get 10% off your order - Get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free at ExpressVPN.com/CAVE - Get 20% off your order and free shipping in the US at NoDaysWasted.CO/BEARS and use promo code "BEARS” at checkout. - Get your first visit absolutely free at ForHims.com/bears - Go to EstablishedTitles.com to become a Lord today and enter "BEARS" at checkout to get 10% off. - Go to Whoop.com and enter “BEARS” at checkout to save 15% Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer start off this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave by discussing Bert's love of wine, and how he drinks it on the treadmill. This leads them into discussing which Olympic events Bert thinks he can beat Warren Sapp in. They discuss different brands of peanut butter, and experiment mixing two together. They then try to see how many U.S. presidents they can name, and call Kevin Christy for confirmation. Talking to a smart person leads them to discuss their favorite books, and Bert explains why dumb people shouldn't read. They also discuss Bert's sleep apnea, and give Dr. Drew a call to see if he can get Bert a sleep apnea mask.

You're a big catcher in the Rye fan, right? Oh, I read it because I thought it was a baseball book. I started reading it and I'm like, when do they go play baseball? And they never play baseball. And I was like, I don't remember anything about that movie. Or about that book. 100%

And action. Okay, I'll open the bottle of wine. I'll open it. Dude, I've been drinking this fit fine. I know we probably already did read for it, but I have legit drinking that been drinking. That's like crazy. I know you have.

Do you feel like there's a place in booze and or drugs where two little keeps you up at night? I don't know that two little of a drug or alcohol could keep you up. I mean, I'll tell you that one of my favorite jokes of yours though. What's that? I was thinking about the other day. Oh, please say that. I haven't put it on a special. No, no, no, it's been on a special. Oh.

My, one of my favorites is you talking about, I think you say it about Leanne, but you say it may be about people in general, who they're like, okay, it's time to go to bed now. Like, shut up, Leslie Ann, I will sleep now. Well, it's like I'm done thinking. Like a fucking Mormon. Hey, cheers. Cheers, man.

To Jennifer Anderson. It's good, isn't it? It is. Is there a Pino? I've been drinking a lot of this shit. Like I have cases at my house. On the treadmill? I hope to definitely drink. By the way, this was me. I know that they're gonna be really upset by this, but this was made to drink on a treadmill. There's a guy running with a fucking yeah. I'm branding wise. I'm sure they're like that's actually not what we're trying to put out at all, but I do. But I'm saying because it's like I don't know. Here's a deal. There's a guy running with a fucking yeah, I'm branding wise, I'm sure they're like, that's actually not what we're trying to put out at all, but I do think because it's like, I don't know. Here's a deal. If you get on the treadmill at a 3.5 with a bottle of wine and oddly enough, that's a walk,

right? Yeah, this is the same size as like a canter that you hold soda like water in. So these fit in there, put this on little flat part and just a brisk walk, throw on guys grocery games, diners driving And dives have some wine by the time you get a buzz you feel good. You're already broken a sweat You want a jog and now you're running and you're running like do you remember in college? Did you ever did you ever like being good shape in college and get done the bars? You're like I could do you other uh see if I can get a ride home or I could fucking run and you just ran home

No, I did all the time really get a ride home or I could fucking run and you just ran home. No, I did all the time. Really? It was downhill and it was a fucking sprint. And then you get home and everyone would be there and they're like, why are you sweating? And you can tell a story. You can tell a real story. There was a fucking wolf.

Hahaha. So you would run home hammered? I'd run home hammered. By the way, I used to love it. How long do you run with boozeze like with a bottle of wine? Power Like I'm but I mean I mean I probably I know this is all horrible branding for fit fine No, no, it's not I'm saying but you've been doing this before them I've been doing this way before I do it with a box of wine on the old trim. So wait fit better

I have the 3.5 is for how long three point so I get on the I get on the treadmill So what I'll do is normally this is how I'd normally work it. So I'm trying to think the last time I did this. I did this very recently. What I'll do is it'll be, I'll run a straight four miles first. Like run, first, but first I run a straight four miles, right? And this is over. This is over.

This only happens. So I like to work out the mornings. I already worked out this morning. And I like to work out the mornings. I already worked out this morning. Yeah. And I like to work out the mornings. If I don't work out the mornings, it's a wash. So if I have to work out late night, like last night I worked out at fucking 11 o'clock at night. Ugh.

I know. I hate it. I'd say I hate it. But I hate the morning workout. Oh, I love cup of coffee in it. Right into it. On the treadmill. Walk, read an article.

Do some work on your phone. And then you don't even realize you've walked like a mile, mile and a half. And then I go to the app dev, is this app I use? This guy a keem, shout out to a keem, don't stop, won't stop. Yeah, he's the fucking, he's the best. And these, these are keem workouts, dude. He's awesome. So the one I did today, it was seven sprints.

Seven, that's cool. Seven sprints. So it's super easy. He's like, you're training for run. You're trying to be run. Yeah, I'm trying to be. I'm definitely trying to be, I'm definitely need to be run with something.

He thinks he can beat me swimming. Can I say, and he's, but no, but he doesn't know, don't do it like that. He doesn't know that, he doesn't know that a speedo is faster than shorts. Oh yeah. He's like, I'm not gonna put on a speedo. Why would I put on a speedo?

And I'm like, I think I already got ya. Yeah. Like the fact that you go, cargo shorts. He wants to race just like swimming a lap. Swimming a lap, he thinks he can beat me in cargo shorts. No, I don't happen. Ever.

And I told him I said, Ron, I can't even have this car. This brings about something else that's interesting though. So we're talking to Warren Sap about doing a a podcast together and I'm hoping it can come together And all I mean by that is like you know, there's three different people now three schedules the logistics of it all I hope it can come together for people wondering we would not put it on the same feed It would have its own RSS feed its own channels Is that bad thing? No, what are you talking about?

Is it like putting it around? Because they wouldn't... Yeah, because it's a different show so So you don't want to clutter like what, like people who enjoy this show. Is this done on your mom's house feed? It is. My point is that it wouldn't be like the same RSS and the same feed, so people who don't want that dynamic aren't like force-fed it, you understand?

Yeah. So, so anyways, one of the things that came about, I was thinking about this, this is really interesting. I've been working on this peanut butter all fucking morning. For people that don't know, he's a dropping peanut butter from a fork onto a cup full of pretzels. And it looks like you've been really... This is healthy peanut butter.

It looks like you're doing an art project. This is healthy peanut butter. Well, hey, hold on, this is what I wanted to get to. You and Warren are actually, you're both born in 1972, so you're roughly the same age, okay? This is birthday. I don't know the exact birthday, I'm sure.

They'll pick that up by the end of the episode. Yeah. He'll, oh wow, I'm actually older than Warren's that. By a month. By a month. Okay. So, but here's the thing, yes, he's a hall of fame, or he's retired, right?

Like he hasn't he hasn't been playing a long time. Yeah, so it's not like he's at the top of his physical game My thing is like I wonder what you think whether you think you could beat him in anything now. Yeah, probably fencing Fencing yeah, what about I get no, but I'm no, do you understand what I'm saying? I Bet I bet I could pick up I because I do fencing one time. Yeah, and they actually said I was pretty amazing Really like you actually have a real eye you made me kiss a button and I was like really No, kiss a button means. Mm-hmm. It's when you fuck with someone so much they lose their shit and that's when you stab them That means kiss your button kiss the button. It's a very popular term online right now. So like, I didn't know that.

So like say if a troll comes at you, and he's like, what's up, fat boy? And you're like, easy. And they're like, no man, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're like, hey, fuck you. And you're like, no, bro, no, bro. And then all of a sudden you lose your mind. And you're like, whoa, whoa,

someone got feelings about it, and then you shoot your mind off. And then you look like the asshole, they made you kiss the butt. I got you. The same thing I did in fencing is I kept fucking with the dude's and then you look like the asshole, they made you kiss the butt. I guess. Same thing I did in fencing is I kept fucking with the dude's face. He's like, hey man. I was like, yeah, and the guy was like, like, going, this guy knows nothing about fencing.

Yeah. And we were in Colorado Springs and the guy was a legit fencer. Yeah. And he was coming at me and I just kept like, going, hey, I'm going to fucking do it. And the guy was like, and then he got so upset, he let his guard down and I was like, I was just stabbed you in the chest and he was like, what the fuck? And you, no, I can see you really upsetting somebody.

My whole goal is to be in something because the button, but I don't think, I think if, I think you could just out swim him. I don't think so. I'll tell you why because how many lobsters did he come back with? Oh, on that. Yeah, he's a he's a water dude. Like he's an ocean dude.

Here's the what about on ground? No, no, no, I like where you're going with this. Yeah. I bet. I bet in an Olympic medley of my choice. Yeah. You're doing this to me and I know you're doing this to me my choice. Yeah? You're doing this to me, and I know you're doing this to me, and I know that I'm gonna fucking regret this.

No, you're not. Pull up Olympic competitions. I can't get them, I bet I impress them. And could I get some sort of like a handicap? could I get some sort of like a handicap? Oh, could I get handicap? But I think the handicap should be available only in certain types of events. So like I would really impress him with my shop put.

Well, that's the thing is the shop put, I would guess that he would smash you into another universe. I won. I won the Scottish Highland games, not the same, but the Scottish Highland games and Long Beach are the one they shot put. Well, how'd you remember how far?

It was like 50 feet or something, 60 feet. Sounds like some extra stuff is there. As soon as it came out of my mouth, I was like, well, this is something you'd probably Google and go, they've no one's ever done that. OK, three and three basketball, no. Archery, yes. Okay.

Right down the ones that he's bet, are the things he could win at. Autistic gymnastics, no. Autistic swimming. Artistic. Joking, I'm joking. Artistic swimming, artistic swimming, no, still, I don't think so. Okay, hold on, how about badminton?

Yes. 101 badminton I could take Warnsack. What about 101 basketball? No, uh-uh. I know, by the way, not even remotely. Boxing? No. Do you think this is not...

See, I'm looking for beach volleyball. Wait, what about this? This is not even out there. But again, he's retired, has it played in a while. What if you guys put pads on? You think, oh dude, here's a deal. Do you think you could block him? No.

Why, he's retired. You're fucking fast. No, no, no, no, I'm strong. You're strong, definitely. I definitely couldn't. See, the thing about War of Sapp is like, he is legit. So like, he's the guy Pro athlete like I play with guys that were good in sports. Yeah pro athletes are a different level your level

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, my thing is I Got to I got to make him kiss the button and other things. I see I see right like so I'd have to I I have to, like, can you, diving? Can you swallum? Swallum? Swallum? Can you swallum? Can you swallum? See, like,

fuck. Golf? Golf, yes. I got him and golf. Scroll down, scroll down. Couldn't get him in handball. Probably couldn't get him in hockey. Definitely couldn't get him in judo or karate.

Marathon swimming no, modern pentathlon. Click modern pentathlon. Modern pentathlon. The overview, okay, pointing at something. Shooting a gun. I bet I could, what is modern pentathlon? I don't know. Oh, it's, no, it's horseback riding, running, go faster, go faster. The essence of the sport. We're not going to, we'll just pick five different things. Keep going. Shooting, I think, I think I'd, I have a, I have a shot on shooting, like keep going. Shooting, I think I have a shot on shooting,

like target shooting. Wait, I was surprised with the swimming thing though. You don't think you could have swimming? Because he's diving. No, because the way he's like, diving rock, he's a water guy. Like he legit lives on the water, fishes, dives for lobster.

Like I floor the dudes, I've been away from the water so much that my confidence in the water is down. Like it really is down. What is it to that young lady died in that lake? I started going mad. Yeah, that was terrible. That's a fucking thing.

Tennis, yes. Tennis, yes. Yes, everyone I'll be in tennis. And everyone you'll be in tennis. I won't be to maintain a tennis. See, that's something Warren probably did every day at Miami at five o'clock. Yeah.

Yeah. What about weightlifting? No. What about wrestling? Definitely be to be to be triathlone. You definitely be to be triathlone. I'm the only one that's done triathlon. Definitely.

Definitely be to be to be triathlone. Give him a run for his money and wrestling. Do you realize how quickly it would kill you? Let's see the thing that you have like his hands, like this movement, like I bet it happened so fast, you don't see it. You wouldn't really experience the pain until after. It wouldn't be until later in the car.

It would be so fast, it feels like. That's my ear hurt. You'd be like, how come I don't hear anything over here anymore? I can't clear my ear. Do your jaws broken. What? My jaw broke?

You wouldn't know that. I don't know how to spell anymore. Yeah, the thing about that's interesting is that, know, I'd love to see we should put together that challenge like all the ones that Bert just we can we can read this off to Warren layer. Hey, Warren, I hope everything's well with you. Just so you know, Bert thinks he could beat you in archery, badminton, canoe, slalom, golf, tennis, a triathlon event, and give you a run for your money in wrestling. Is that hot?

It's very, very smooth. It is. We're both on the highest rate. Why didn't we get this? I don't know. I wonder if he, that would be cool to see. Get him a paper towel please. No, no, no, we're good.

I don't know what I'm doing this. It would be cool to see retired athletes go head to head. I think they've done that. Really? Yeah, there'd been like shows like that. I was really spicy. Really? That was really fucking spicy.

Do you like it or no? Too much. I actually like it a lot But you got like You think Warren has a sense of humor about that stuff like about or do you think like it just texted us? Did really yeah, here I'll show do not say hey, but things gonna be you a bunch of bad stuff. It's not the way to get this podcast started Yeah, you do let me know. Yeah. Yeah, we'll give him a shot. I won't tell him that yet, I think it'd be better.

He's got to get to know me before he can understand that my trash talk. I think he actually has a, we were trash talking in that group text today, remember? I don't read him. Okay. I don't read, I don't, like I read the last one,

and if it applies to me, I reply to that one. You ever read the ones from Joe, where you're like, where they're like, all you see is just white, white, white, white, white, and your blue ones all the way up here and you're like, I think that we've switched topics. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, big group. Yeah. Here's my question. This peanut butter is actually really fucking good, but the work it took to get this peanut

butter up and running is exhausting. Now, I would argue that Washington Carver, who created peanut butter, every time I thought about that, I thought he created this type of peanut butter. The peanut butter you could do this and nothing happens. He just created the moment fucking jizz all over the top of it. And he was like, well, that's probably, this is processed in your head. Yeah, but I had always envisioned processed peanut butter. Oh. He created peanut butter, one even that good. Like, think, no, think about it for a second.

Like, this peanut butter's good because it's fixed in the frog, fixed on the fog. Is this peanut butter? It's actually a really good peanut butter. But yeah. But no, but no, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, hold on.

Okay. These are hippies that are trying to get back to the roots and they put some smoke and fire in it, but like If you go to the store and just get peanut butter like just healthy peanut butter Which what is what George Washington Carver made? I'm not shit on George Washington Carver But I'm saying he made healthy peanut butter and then gave it out and everyone's like this is fucking good He didn't even put jelly with it. He just gave you peanut butter and they were like, okay He didn't even put jelly with it. He just gave you peanut butter and they were like,

okay. Did that make sense? No. It makes a 100% hold on, hear me out, hear me out. By the way, what fucking raccoon opened this peanut butter? I don't know. This makes me not wanna touch the peanut butter. This looks scary.

It looks like a talent went through the top. It looks horrific. Which one of you kn through the top like it's just it looks horrific Which one of you knuckleheads did that? Oh? Oh, I never mind. It makes sense But no, but when you think about like so I used to have a joke one of my first jokes was That I wrote was George Washington Carver created peanut butter But it is and he also can make a car Combustible engine run off the peanut oil as well. His big mistake was that he introduced peanut butter

in jelly's first, and he was like, all right guys, I'm gonna pass these sandwiches out, and then I'm gonna tell you all the cool stuff I can do with a peanut, and they're like, these are good, and he's like, hold on, that's just where we're starting. First, I can, they're like, would you give me milk?

And he's like, hold on guys, hold on, I have a lot of stuff I wanna talk about. I'm like, no, these are really, really good, man. Do you make these all the time? He's like it's just the sandwich guys They're just appetizers, okay, and they're like if you ever put these on celery. He's like stop guys I can make I can cure the world with a peanut. I was like a joke Yeah, I think someone ended up doing something like it but It just don't on me. He made shitty peanut butter. Wait a minute. Like he didn't make the peanut butter we grew up on that is in uncrustable.

But that's probably like a hundred years after his invention or whatever. My point is how unimpressed would you have been with that peanut butter if you're like, oh, that's good man. I don't think I need some water to wash it down. My mouth just has fucking paste all in it right now. There's no fucking flavor whatsoever.

And there's no jelly, there's no honey. It's just peanut butter, just. I think you would have been more impressed actually. I think you'd have been like, you made that peanut thing into a paste. This is crazy, man. It tastes just like the little peanuts, but it's like a cream. I think you would have been more into it.

Yeah, and it would be soaked in oil, but you wouldn't know about the processed jiff kind. Well think you would have been more into it. Yeah, and it would be soaked in oil, but you wouldn't know about the processed jiff kind. Well, you would have gotten the oil. You've gotten the oil and you'd be like, so what are you doing with this oil? And you sift it and you'd, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, you gotta take 30 minutes to blend it up.

And he's like, what? And he's like, take a spoon and do this for 30 fucking minutes until you can turn it into a page. And like, this seems like a lot of work, George Washington Carver. He's like, wait, is he gonna make an engine run? So, by the way, what of work George Washington Carver is like what do you see? I make an engine run By the way, what else could George Washington Carver? I'm gonna get canceled for this fucking conversation. What else could he make a peanut do?

I'm breaking this plastic spoon this one is actually I got to give a shout out to fix in the fog This is actually a really good peanut butter. Is that what he looks like? He's a good looking man. Debenera, I might say. America's scientist, from his worst get to Skigi, to Skigi, Carver developed approximately 300 products made from peanuts. These include floor, flower, paste, insulation paper, wall board, wood stains, soap, shaving cream, skin, What's going on? George Walker, they've been carver made so many things out of peanut butter, but they're

all like lotions, shaving creams, skin lotion, soap. I bet when he came walking around the corner like Here comes George Yeah You shave with that stuff is like guy shave with it. Is that it? He's like, no, he's in a soap. I'll take a bath of it.

Yeah. He's covering his top and peep. Yeah, that's like pretty much. Did you grow up on a peanut bar? Peanut bar microphone. You're feeling sick. You should eat some peanuts. Feel better.

You're like, this is my impression of everyone invited with George Washington Carver hasn't come to the dinner party yet, right? Do not bring up peanuts. This guy's going crazy for peanuts. Whatever you do, stay away from the subject of peanuts. Oh, hey, George, how you doing? Nothing.

All right. My point is, I'm just gonna have to say, I'm just gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say,

I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say,

I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say, I'm gonna have to say only the process kind then? Yeah, well, I mean if you if I said hey Make me a peanut butter to fill in sandwich and you brought back natural peanut butter. Yeah, I'd be like oh You homeschooled What is your preference for the the big brand?

Processed ones Jeff Jeff Jeff. it's gotta be Jeff, right? I'm Skippy and then the T- I've always a Jeff guy. And Peter Pan, right? Skippy? No, no, Peter. I don't like cross promotion. I don't like that shit.

You're selling me on some stuff I believe as a kid. Just, just. Don't put that in there. I don't why? Cause I could see you're about to do it. No, it wasn't. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Why, why? It'll fuck that one all up, don't put that in there Because I could see you're about to do it. No, it wasn't gonna do it. No, no, don't don't don't why Fuck that one all up don't do it. Why hold on. Why do you think this would fuck this one up as opposed to make this one better? Just get a different for what if what if hold on?

Why do you marry these where we can take these home? What if I cut half of this with this and really made it something special? I think it's gonna be good. Okay, hey, do you have any bread? Do we have something to try it on? I guarantee you, if you put half jiff in here, it would blow your fucking mind. You guarantee that. I guarantee it, it's like putting coconut, it's like putting.

I'm gonna get more of a fork, get for it, a couple of plates. It's a bit bread. I've been put in coconut milk and curry It just makes it better. Yeah, if you put coconut milk in anything is fucking better I remember when they first started doing those when I first met Rogan and everyone's doing the almond milkshakes Yeah, and I remember saying the Duncan I was like these are fucking awesome He's like I know right and then I heard Joe go you guys are using unsweetened right and ducking and I weren't I was like was there a difference? He's like, I know right. And then I heard Joe go, you guys are using unsweetened, right? And ducking and I weren't.

And I was like, was there a difference? He's like, check calories. And it was like, 300 and 40 calories per cop. And you're like, oh no wonder I like him. They're filled with fucking sugar. But yeah, I guarantee you, if we cut, you'll see. You'll see. We'll do a taste test. What do you say about that, huh?

Yeah, let's do a taste test. Let's do a taste test. Do we have a plate and some pressables? I like it Okay, thank you, and I feel like now I'm getting phased out of the fit fine I'm like this here we go put you up here fit fine Okay, so here's what we're gonna do okay? I feel like I don't have enough product for this experiment Good call good call good call. We'll use the top of this experiment. Good call, good call. Good call, we'll use the top of this.

Oh, so funny on this. I think he's getting placed right now. Are you getting placed enough? Hey, did you see the text I sent him the other day and called him nasal? No. I was like, hey, nasal. And it was like spell check.

I was like, my spell check is fucking anti-somatic. Okay. Okay. By the way, there are people watching this going, I already know where this is gonna go, which is gonna be fucking amazing. Really? Alright, so here's just raw dog, okay? Mm-hmm.

Okay, here's raw dog. Okay. Here is, Jeff. Okay. Now, I want you to, I feel like I'm gonna knock something over. Here is...

GIF plus raw dog. I guess I should say the name of their product. Not fog. Fixing fog. Yeah. You're gonna stir those together. You think that's gonna be really good? This is gonna stir those together. You think that's gonna be really good? Oh, this is gonna be fucking phenomenal.

Because you know what? It's got all the health of Fix and Fog, but all the enjoyment of Jeff. This does look like I'm playing with shit, doesn't it? Okay, so, let's try a little taste test, okay? Okay. So, we're gonna start with Fix and Fog,

which is a really, you don't need to, you can just use one of these for fixing fog. All right, but we've already done it, so I'll eat this one. Fixing fog, little spicy, don't do too big of a bike, so we won't be talking. Okay. Little good, but is natural peanut butter.

So you're missing a lot of those natural, processed sugars, right? Nice, cause it's got a smoky hint. Yeah. But, no, That's good Jeff. Old school Jeff. See the thing about Jeff, right? Yeah.

Big hunk of it, because it's processed. Right. You're gonna really get a fucking dick load of it. Let's go, eh? Yeah, I mean, yeah. It's got sugars in it. It's Jeff. Yeah.

And by the way, this all leads into our FitBind sponsor. Let's sugar our own tenonins. All right, ready? Oh, come on, oh, peanut butter and wine are really good. Mm, yeah. It pairs nicely with the peanut and ore. Yeah, it does. Okay, so that Jeff was good.

All right, now. Now. Take a look at my eyes. Oh, shit, look at this. Look at the more I could put on because of the process. Yeah, I'll take a first bite and then you look at my eyes.

Okay. That's the way to go. I don't like where I got into. That is really fucking good. It's got the subtlety of the hint and the heat, but it's got like the processness and the sugars of the, you like it? You like it?

I don't, I don't, you! This is why you need me as a best friend! We just saw a mystery together. I bet we, I'm just really fucking good, right? Cause it's not overwhelmingly processed, but it's got the natural shit of this, but it's got the processness.

Yeah. Have you done this it before? No, I've never done this. I just came up with this today. I looked at this and I just looked good because it said smoke and heat. So you got the heat of this, like the bite on the back of the tongue,

but you can get a lot of it in your mouth because of the processness. Yeah. There's no problem with processness. I wish George Washington Carver had thought of this. By the way, the fuck was he thinking How if I go into a time machine right now if I get sucked into a time machine Mm-hmm and all of a sudden I'm in George Washington Carver's pitch meeting and I'm like hold on hold on

George give me that give me some of your soap I'm sure what I'm saying is sac religion today's culture even mocking George Washington Carver at all Yeah, but it's not but he's just a person. I'm not I'm fucking I'd religion today's culture even mocking George Washington Carver at all. Yeah, but it's not But he's just a person. I'm not I'm fucking I'd make fun of unless okay, let's do it to Einstein Maybe not a Jewish guy, but maybe Give me a give me let's play a game you ready to play a game okay guys in the back I want you to pull up a list of president's names.

And I want you to make up names of would be presidents versus real presidents. The ones we don't know. Who we not know? I would say half of them. You think we know that half, there's only been 45. I bet. All right, let's see who can name the most presidents.

Okay, let's go back and first, first, first one to tap out. Okay, you guys got a list of the presidents up. Guys, I want you to play along at home. Okay. Oh, this will be like a viral clip. Oh, guys, this is about to go viral. I want you to play at home. This is Bert, Chrysher, Tom's guru from two bears one cave listing

American presidents and then we'll do Korean North Korean presidents Yeah, I don't know that many presidents like a name all North Korean presidents. Well, now I'm saying yeah I don't know. Are you right? I don't know that many US president? Yeah, okay, let's start here. We go. I'm gonna start off. Okay, okay Barack Obama George Washington Abraham Lincoln George H.W. Bush his dad or his son the other one whichever one you said George W. Bush, okay, is that it George water yeah, yeah Harry Truman FDR Richard Nixon

Ronald Reagan. Gerald Ford. Richard N- H- H- Uh. H- Jimmy Carter. H- Who's a peanut farmer? Okay.

Uh, James Madison. Was he a president? Sounds like it. Ooh, Andrew Jackson. Well, yeah, was that bright, though? Yeah. uh James Madison. Was he a president? Sounds like it. Ooh Andrew Jackson. Well yeah was that bright though? Yeah James Madison was a president. Yes. Hans Madison was a constant. I'm guessing. That was a trump. God damn it. I was holding

on to that one. I was afraid you were going to not say it. Um, Grover Cleveland. um, Gberkleeveland. Oh, Lyndon Johnson. John F. Kennedy. Yeah. I don't think I'm pretty much done. Um... There's got, think less think, right? So George Washington was first, who's number two?

I don't know. Is John? No. I'm forgetting. was first, who's number two? I don't know. Is that a son? No, I'm forgetting. Rimley? Okay, hold on. So we're at, how many did we list? Like 10? 10?

10 each? No. 10, 12. No, we did not list in more than 10. He's not been counting. Yeah, I've just been cross referencing it with this list. Oh. So do you have the names we did list?

Uh, yeah, I mean, I'm looking at the list there's a bunch of names you didn't say. Yeah. Are there any obvious ones? Um, you guys said Gerald Ford, right? Gerald Ford? Yeah. You guys say Ronald Reagan?

Yeah, we said Ronald Reagan. No. Hang on, hang on, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Uh, let's think, uh, after Truman was, did you remember what? No. Um, married. All right.

I think we're done with this guy. Zachary Taylor. Zachary Taylor. Zachary Taylor. Okay, okay. So now here's what I'd like you to do. Take a list of the names that we didn't name, okay? And I want you to come up with names that are similar, I'm fucking there are a bunch of wigs in there that I'm thinking of.

Yeah, there are a bunch of wigs. And I want you to take a look at the names that we didn't name. And then I want you to come up with names that are semi-similar, okay? Meaning take a look at the names that we didn't name. And then I want you to come up with names that are semi-similar, okay? Meaning take a look at their vice president, take a look at a name that we would might also recognize, and then I want you to give us both names,

and we've got to decide if that was an American president or not an American president. Meaning, meaning, so you name a name that was an American president or not, and then we're gonna go, that guy was never president or that guy was our president. Okay. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I can show you how to do it if you wanna, like a safe Zachary Taylor, what is it? No, he's a good one. He's one I just, All right, here's a good one. Is this guy a president or not a president? Franklin Pierce.

Who? Franklin. Franklin Pierce. No. No. Wrong. He is a president. He was a president and not a president? Franklin Pierce. Who? Franklin Pierce. No. No. Wrong. He is a president. He was a president. Whoa. Whoa, you have a 14th president.

Probably was a horrible dude. Cancel him. Keep going. Do you think that they're doing cancel cultures just because they don't want to learn history? Probably. Who else you got? Rutherford B. Smith. Yes. Rutherford B. Hayes. Ooh, Bert got? Rutherford B Smith. Yes.

Rutherford B Hayes. Ooh, Bert got it, yeah. Bam. I do well, I lose, I had fucking Boone teaching Island home lately. Keep going. James Harrison. I think he was an offensive back for the Steelers.

He was an outside linebacker and like defensive. James Harrison. This is, Nadav, you're doing really good on this. You're doing really, really good on this. Because the James is correct, right? The James is right. Yeah. Well, the Harrison sounds right, right?

Yeah, that's why it's a good one. Yeah, they got to. Oh, this is a fun game. Come up with, isn't it? It's not accurate. It's not. He's not a president. Correct.

All right. That was Benjamin Harrison. Benjamin Harrison? What about Benjamin Franklin? He's not a president. No, he never was a president. Wait, why is he on a $100? I thought that was the only thing.

Because he discovered lightning. Because he discovered lightning in a bottle. Right? He put a key on a kite and was like, Hey, he got it. And then like, here's a $100 bill. Yeah, that's fucking amazing. Do it again. He's like, do it again, but you got to put my money in a kite and was like, eh, he got it. And then like, here's a hundred dollar bill. They're like, eh, that's fucking amazing. Do it again. He's like, do it again,

but you gotta put no money and they're like, okay. He was like the first shell game. All right, give us another name. And by the way, how many do we have left that we didn't name? I mean, north of 30? Like, there's a lot you guys didn't say. Yeah, that makes sense. I thought we named all the 20th century.

Who's our smartest friend? Who's ourth century. Who's our smartest friend? Who's our smartest friend? Who's our smartest friend? Who's someone that would... You know who would definitely know? Who? Kevin Christie. You think?

I think he's a smart guy. Call Kevin Christie, tell him as quick as he can, lift off as many presidents as he can. Okay, let me see. If he gets one out of our group, then he wins. Let's see. This is a fun game. Let's do more smart guy stuff.

Yeah. Hey, Kevin, we're doing- Right away. Two bears won K right now. Okay. Bert said like who are like some of our smartest friends and I go I think Kevin's really smart. So well prove it. Well here's the criteria we're going with. Can you name are you good with history and that you can name a bunch of US presidents?

I could name a handful I think. How many okay how many do you think you could name a bunch of US presidents. Um, I could name a handful, I think. How many, okay. How many do you think you could name Kevin? Uh, over 10, 15, I think. I think, all right, we're, we're, we're pretty settled, obviously, on the 20th century. Let's go, let's go. Let's try to go. Let's just name them off. Name them off, Kevin. Okay, okay. Start naming them off. We got them. Ready, go.

Washington Jefferson Lincoln. Hold on, I'm putting a goal on my name. Okay, okay, start naming them off. We got him ready. Go Oh He said he said Washington Lincoln Jefferson taft. We didn't Yeah, yeah, of course you listen to this Oh my god, you listen to this grand was a president. Yeah, yeah Yeah, those bushes Clinton unfortunately, oh my god, we never name it and we never name Clinton How the fuck did we forget Clinton? Okay, go ahead over

Come on overville. Do you want to add her? Not j-adger Hoover I'm not J Edgar Hoover. There's the FBI here. I'm not J Edgar. What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's, kind of backfire. What else you got? Nixon Johnson. Yeah, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan. We said the Bush's foods before Nixon Kennedy. Yeah. Who is before Kennedy, Eisenhower? Oh, Jesus.

That's a nice Tom. I thought we had this point in the century now. You know what's crazy is that I was a history major, and one of my thesis was in the history of US Presidents. Are you serious? No. Yeah, that sounds do you sell that pretty well? That's just not a sexual basis. Well, we already did all their first ladies' names.

Yeah, it was. Tifty, bunny, zappy, Hillary, had ladybirds, Gucci McGee, Malfee. Anybody else? Can you think of anyone else? Who's before ice and hour? Well, we did right we had it was typical. We had true We had Truman. We had oh yeah, Truman. Yeah FDR FDR we did him Yeah, you had the Roosevelt's yeah, I can't think of anyone else try that was already so much better than us. Yeah, it was really good

Do you read books? Do you read books Kevin? I do read books. Yeah, see I told you what's a book you're reading right now You know that movie spotlight Sounds like there's a movie spotlight. That's about the sounds like there's a movie spotlight that's about the investigation of the archdiocese in Boston. Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, I didn't see that. I love that movie so I've never read in the book. Yeah, man. They keep trying to bring us down as Catholics, but I'm a... You have a checkered past. No, you have a checkered past. Oh, come on, man. We didn't do anything wrong.

We didn't do anything wrong. Sweet is the book hotter than the movie? Bert, what's the number? The movie is great. I've watched the movie like 20 times in court. Really? Yeah. That's a fucking weird pick me up, Kevin.

Oh, yeah. That is right. Yeah. I got a guy. Yeah, you got a man. I think I'm glad I made this call. Now we know who our smart friend on this show is. Yeah, whenever we want smart stuff You're our first call whenever we need a black guy. We call Russ repeaters whenever we need a smart guy. We're calling you David Taylor very smart too. Oh, no, he would crush me in the president. He would for sure have more than me. Yeah I'm smelling a segment What's the segment a nerd off a nerd off a nerd off? your segment. What's the segment?

A nerd off. A nerd off? A nerd off, scholastic bowl. Tom and I will be the meet head friends. Mm-hmm. And you have to communicate to, your answers to us via like, a cheat.

A cheat. Yeah. Oh, I love this idea. Okay. I love this. And then whoever wins, you just call us posies. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. We're like, come on, like this idea. Good job, posie. And then we throw a milkshake at your head, and then that's like my childhood. Yeah, the winner, it's two badger one, you loser, and then you just throw something at us. Yeah, I like this idea.

I like this idea. It's like a mafleet, but me and David Taylor versus you and Kevin. Yeah. And they have the answers, but they've got to figure out a way to communicate them to us in a non-traditional sense of communication. Okay.

It's like password. Yeah, it's like password, but we're blindfolded, and they've got to do it through our bodies. All right. There should be a way for guys like you to be able to be allowed to still ethically bully people like me, or like you pay us. We're like, you know, sex workers, but for you to be like Shoot up, put in coward and push us on the ground like we allow it so you can get that out of your system. Yeah, I like that idea a lot. See this is this is turning into something better. Jesus Kevin you got a ton of ideas. We're like you get to put on your letterman jacket like it's so fit at this point. I walk down like a fake hallway.

Yeah, we're actually, we're actually doing really good on our diets. Yeah, we're really, yeah, we're not mixing peanut butter is to figure out the best combination. Hey, what do you know about George Washington Carver? Nothing. Ooh, well, looks like, looks like there's a new nerd in town. Yeah, I'm, here's the thing, I would never profess

to be a genuine smart person. Really? Not really. I think people walk away from talking to you feeling like you're pretty smart, man. Most of our friends are idiots. That's probably true too. I think that's it, you're right.

Yeah. It's not hard to look like a good swimmer in a pool full of drowning people. Yeah. I'm the tallest man in a village full of tiny people There you go. It's like the guy with the biggest head with an a room full of small-headed people That's not an analogy that people make it. It's like a guy with a ton of ears with everyone with no ears Okay, all right It's like a guy with a bottle opener when no one's got a bottle opener

It's like a guy who's got six hands and no one's got hands. There you have it. I got it. All right, Kevin, thank you for answering. I appreciate the the Intel. Thank you, Kevin. No problem. We'll talk to you later, man.

Like, we really screwed the fucking pooch on that. I can't believe how many like all the when he started to say it, I was like, yeah, of course to have a grand, of course. I didn't know you less. He's asked for a grant. I thought he was just a soul. I've been to his fucking house. Is this another Jennifer Aniston story? No, no, like, no, I mean, grants farm, you know, St. Louis. Of real? Yeah, from St. Louis.

Yeah, he's from Missouri. Yeah. I don't know about. Yeah. I've been to grants farm. I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with him? It's from Missouri, yeah. I don't know that. Yeah. I've been to Grand's Farm, I'm like, what the fuck is wrong? It's amazing, all the shit we don't know, you know? I mean, I think we should have known that. Yeah, but. I mean, Can I tell you what's wrong with intelligence?

Yes. Yes, this I'm right. I'm trying to work this out. Is that working it out now? I'm trying, because it is a real theory. It's my problem with, it's what happened with Nick Cannon now. I'm trying, because it is a real theory. It's my problem with, it's what happened with Nick Cannonite. We kind of picked on it.

Is that if you're an unintelligent person and you read a book, you are still going to process that information like a stupid person would. Oh, so like you're just getting more information to turn stupid. Does that make sense? No. Okay, I'll give you an example. I'll give you an example.

So say you're a dumb person, right? And you read the book Empire of the Rising Moon. I think that's the name of it. So book Rogan recommended. If you're a dumb person, you're gonna read that and you're gonna read it as a dumb person and process your information as a moron and then translate it as a moron.

Like you're not gonna, just because you read it doesn't make you smart. You're still stupid. Right? Does that make sense? I see what you're saying. Like I'm trying to say like, like, but I'm gonna use Dick Canis

as an example because he's already out there,, like, like, but I'm gonna use Dick Canis as an example because he's already out there, but like, he read a couple books about Muhammad and didn't read the love and good shit. He just read negative shit. Like he just saw, he processed it in a dumb person's way. Muhammad? Like, well, I don't know.

The prophet, by the way, this is why I shouldn't even be talking about this. I don't even know the fucking book he read. But like, if you read a book and you're a moron, yeah. The Bible, perfect example. How many people read the Bible and are morons and then go, oh, that means no butt fucking.

You're like, that's not the point. The books about. Right? Yes. And you're like, no, you should read the Bible and then go, oh, love one another and then process it as an adult and go, don't kill anyone, don't fucking try to fucking neighbor's wife, but like also, yeah, you gotta go

ahead and business. And look, you're not gonna get that way by fucking canceling gays and holding signs because they ain't got his eyes on you. I think I get what you're saying, which is like if you are just because you read doesn't make you smart, it just makes you more done with more information. You're more informed, but still stupid. Still stupid. So don't fucking read if you're stupid.

Well, don't read if you're stupid. If you're stupid, just stay away from books. How is this? How's this? Say you're stupid. Say you're stupid, but you're really good with your hands, right? And then you're sitting in your garage one day, and you're all and but you're really good with your hands, right? Yeah, and then you're sitting in your garage one day and you're all your buddies around your popping tops

Someone passes around a joint. They're like, hey man You read this book the Illuminati and you're like, I'll really read like but this is the book you should read Like all right, and next thing you know like god damn it. They killed two-pock And you're like no that he had a band called the Illuminati same same Yeah, it's like don't give intelligent don't give dumb people access to become intelligent. Well, I think, I mean. By the way, this is a, everything I do is skewed in a comedy sense,

so I'm trying to come up with an idea that is at one point funny, but there is truth behind every idea. Go for it, Tom. Well, I think a lot of what you're talking about is like taking in information in sound bites, like people watching a news segment or and then thinking they're fully informed. This is kind of like that stunning Kruger,

you know, is really what, almost what you're speaking about. I don't know what you just said. Dining Kruger is like the idea that someone's an expert when they know just like they've read a headline and article and all of a sudden they, you know, they're now an expert in that field. Like it's basically a phenomenon that's happening more so in the era of reading less. So it's people are consuming things like, you know, a blurb, a headline, a social media post and then they're like, I know everything about that topic now.

Got it. Whereas, I think you could make the argument that if somebody were to really consume books where you're actually having to devote yourself to consuming 300 plus pages of something, and that's one, and then you read your next book, your next book, you might, over a period of time, become an expert in the thing you're actually reading

if you're putting in that type of time to read it to actually fully grasp the topic. Well, the thing is, you're not really becoming an expert if you see a new segment or you read one article, I got that subject down now. I'll tell you where this comes from. We were talking about this before this started, right? Yeah.

And I'm reading that book, Flyboys, about the more in the Pacific. Mm-hmm. I'm so stupid. Which is crazy that you're reading a book. At all. Yeah. At all. By the way, at all, especially a book that isn't like, there's pictures in it, but like,

it's super thick and there are big pages. You did say, there's funny that when you started talking about you go to the Japan's. I didn't say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not. See, that's a perfect example. It's like, there was a point where I was like, I was explaining to Leanne what I'm reading. And she said, hey, you gotta be really careful

with this information because this was 200 years ago. And you feel like it's happening yesterday. And I was like, oh yeah, you're right. Like, I'm like, I like, I'm reading this stuff about how Japan behaved in the Russo-Japan War and in the rape of China. And I'm like, and I'm going like, all right, that's not Japanese people today.

Like, but you also go, I bet there are people that read that book, no, that's why I don't like them, you know? And you go, then Supervulshon read that book. Oh, I see. Oh, I see. Oh, I see. Like when I started reading the book, I'm the kind of person that when you open a book and it says, Preface, you go skip these eight pages, right?

Yeah. Sometimes those are important. Yeah. I don't know one person that goes, Oh, the Preface, right? Right. And so I started reading the Preface and I was like, Oh, this is actually a pretty interesting Preface.

And then I started reading the first chapter. The was like, oh, this is actually a pretty interesting preface. And then I started reading the first chapter, the first words of this book, Tom, is, in order to tell the start-story properly, we've got to go back 200 years. And my brain went, are you fucking kidding me? Start with the fucking story! Like, I got a little upset. Yeah, but you give it.

No, I start reading it and it's amazing. It is amazing because I didn't know anything about this. I didn't know anything about any of this. Yeah because I didn't know anything about any of this. Yeah. I didn't know anything about, so the book is about, what's the book called? It's called Flyboys. It's about, I don't even really know what it's about yet, because a bookstore sent it to me,

a bookstore sent it to me because I do these unboxings on my Instagram stories, stories where I if you send me stuff to my PO box 707 North Hollywood 906 91603 I think it is If you send it to me, I'll open it and if you have a business I try to promote it. Yeah, yeah Yeah, it's just unboxing. Yeah, it's fun. It's fun. You get some cool stuff sometimes It's where I get all my minor league. It's somebody this is So a bookstore goes, yeah, we're a local bookstore. We're open. People don't know that.

Would you put this on your thing? So I put it up on my thing and they sent me this book. Bill Bird read it and he was like, you should really read it. Bill recommended it. Man. He reads too? That's what I said. Well, I think it's because it's about planes.

Oh. And so it's such a great book that I have never in my life read a book where you like I didn't buy the audiobooks, I go I want to read it, I'm enjoying reading it because it's just filled with fucking information. I didn't know that Japan, I knew Japan was an island, but I didn't know that that meant that no one left and no one got on. So Japan is so in a weird way, like ethnically Japan, that there is a, and so like stuff like that.

Very homogenous society. Yeah, and they had a period of peace for 200 years. But like my brain processes that and I was like, yeah, because there's no fucking white people there. Like, but then I'm like, oh, don't say that, but just read, just read. Like in order to process information and not say horrible shit,

you know what they call a guy, Gaijin is what they call white people, I think. By the way, see, I don't even know the information I read and I'm repeating it, and it's not even correct. I don't, it's almost like the story. Gaijin, I, no, I think it's called Gaijin. It's called Gaijin. Gaijin. It almost a story. Guy Gin.

The most like the thing you're trying to say is that you shouldn't read books. By the way, I don't know that it helps. Reading? No, but you're thinking about things, you're learning things, you're talking about things. I think I do, I read a, what's the guy that wrote the book with the camel cigarettes on the front with this, you know?

What? Camel cigarettes on the front. The guy that read the book? He wrote the book with the camel cigarettes on the front. Really popular writer. Everyone loves the guy. Camel cigarettes on it. Still packer, yeah. Still life in a woodpecker. The fuck? Still life in a way, you know, Tom Robbins? I'm a big, real Tom Robbins fan. You ever read this book? No.

You serious? Yeah. Oh. See, my brain read this book and then I can't tell you what this book's about. I couldn't tell you. Do me a favor. Give me two synopsis of two Tom Robbins books.

And I've read a couple. I'll tell you which one I couldn't tell you. I'll be honest. I'll tell you which one I think it is. Can I tell you whatis of two Tom Robbins books. And I've read a couple, I'll tell you which one, I couldn't tell you, I'll be honest, I'll tell you which one I think it is. Can I tell you what my takeaway from Tom Robbins books is? Yeah. That one book was that no one asked dolphins to grow up. No one asked dolphins to grow up?

No one asks dolphins to grow up. My whole time I read that book, all I thought was I'm a fucking dolphin. Everyone's asking me to grow up and be a moon mature, but I'm a fucking dolphin. I like to jump out of the water, I like to fucking run around, I's asking me to grow up and be a momertor. I'm a fucking dolphin. I like to jump out of the water. I like to fucking run around. I'll come up to your boat and be like,

ee-e-e-e-e-e. That's all, my only takeaway from that book. The whole time I read it, I was like, and here they are, I was gonna dolphin. Fucking pretty sure, don't I? Is that what the book is about? I have, I could not tell you what that book is. Does the book ever say the word dolphin?

I have, can you type in still life of the woodpecker? Leanne's read the book. Still life of the woodpecker, dolphin. And see if anything comes up. And sometimes I'll read a book and I'll just go, I'll grab one thing out of it. And the whole book I'll fixate on that one thing. You have so many tabs open, it's giving me anxiety. What does it say? Quote by cover of the two bins have evolved to there. You getting anything?

Oh yeah, yeah, because they sold them grow up. Dolphins right there. Where? Yeah, and so the whole time, that's the whole book. I don't know what that book's about, but that one quote is the only thing I remember that from that whole book. Yeah, but that's great then,

because it made you feel a certain way. It changed your perspective in a certain way. What's your favorite book you've ever read? Okay, that's about this, ready? Yeah. that gives you, like it made you feel a certain way, it changed your perspective in a certain way, you really- What's your favorite book you've ever read? Okay, how about this, ready? Yeah. Favorite book, favorite movie, favorite artist, like hip hop or music or whatever.

Okay. Go. Whatever comes to the head first. I know, I'm trying to think of a favorite book. I don't know that I have a book where I'm like, man. What's one that you read that was really good? Well, there's different ones for different reasons, right? I remember the first time I read the Four Agreements

where I was like, wow, I felt so inspired by the fact that he broke down these simple things. You know, same thing like the War of Art, not the Art of War, the War of Art, same thing. The War of Art is a silver book. I read that, that's a bad answer. So those are more like life motivating kind of stories. So how many people read the secret and fuck them up?

Do you remember what he did? No, yeah, because remember, we were together when the secret came out and we were talking about it and we're like, ridiculous. Yeah, I just I kept hearing people summarize it I was like I don't need to read that I don't know the other ones. I do that with a lot of books, but like I'm You're a big catcher in the rye fan, right? I read it because I thought it was a baseball book Being dead fucking serious. I was you don't read it when you're an adult, you read it when you're a child. And I was like, catch me with a rye.

I'm a catcher, I'll do it, let's do it. I started reading it and I'm like, when did I go play baseball? And they never play baseball. And I was like, I don't remember anything about that movie or about that book at all. I don't remember anything about that book. Holden Caughfield's name. Yeah. I remember reading it.

I think freshman year has- He's brother killed himself or something? I don't remember. I read it in a long time. Okay. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I was first and then I want you to go. Top 10 books I've ever read. Here we go. Top 10. I'm gonna do 10 books. Top 10 books. Let me just rephrase that. 10 books I've read. 10 books I've read that I can recall, okay? Okay. I'm gonna go from like closing the book where you're like, God, one more of those, okay? Fear and loathing in Los Angeles.

Definitely read that, do you read it? No. Aw, I think it was good. I can't tell you if it was good. It was just one of those books. I read Postman, Bukowski. I'd never read any of those. Post office, what's it called? Close some of those tabs or I'm gonna come in there

Some of those tabs. I mean come on All right, is it called post office or I read that Bukowski Yeah post office was not about uh... buccowski post office uh... he worked at the post office and he wrote he wrote like in the most crude direct

and uh... i don't know just very like uh... never read one of his book is a book oh yeah man you've never read any book house i've never read any yeah i'm a when i started dating Christina she was she fucking read like a nerd. Oh, she's got hundreds of books.

See, would you ever marry a woman that didn't read? It was like books are stupid. No. Yeah, right. But we're that guy and they married us like both fix them. Yeah. So she gave me this, she had like philosophy books, but she was like, oh, she was reading some book about like some philosopher was like,

I piss in an egg and eat the egg, I start laughing. I think you like Bukowski. And I was like, give me, yeah, I devoured three of his books. So post office is the best? That's his most well-known one if I remember. All right, going on a name or something, I'm buying it right now. That's his most well-known one if I remember. All right, going on a name or something, I'm buying it right now. All right. Because he was now called it, right?

Yes. Like a hardcore. Like worse, like I think I'd get along with him. All right, okay. That was then this is now. You know that one? No. I think it's by S.E. Hinton, the outsiders. These are all books I read when I was young that I was like, but I think it's by Essie Hinton, the outsiders.

But these are all books I read when I was young that I was like, I'm gonna get into reading. The firm. Everyone read the firm in college. Yeah, I think I was because I'm a little younger than you. I think the one that was more of the explosion was for me was right after college. I feel like is when the Dan Brown one. What was his book? Oh the the fucking Yeah, I know the one the venture code the venture code. I read the da Vinci code. Yeah, yes

I love when those books come out. I love a book like that comes out I feel like transcended every social, you know group and demographic that was like a worldwide phenomenon, you know? More like that, like, hey, writers, can you just do more shit like that? Like where you're like, hey, like this, everyone's gonna like this shit. Yeah, that was very much like I brought.

And like some people are, I know, super critical of his writing style. Yeah, stop, but with that, no more of that. Like, how about this? Since we're doing like a cultural cleansing in our country, let's clean up with these fucking authors. No more shit that no one can read. No more shit where you just gotta go like,

I have a loss, I gotta read that paragraph over again. Let's do light, easy stuff. Damn Brown. Damn Brown, home run. James Patterson, home run. Guy wrote the firm, Grissum, home run. He does those. Yeah, and if you wanna be an alcoholic and write the post officeson home run guy wrote the firm Grisham home run He does those yeah, and if you want to be an alcoholic or write the post office home run What was the fucking Jurassic Park guy home run?

Brighton Mike. Yeah, yeah, yeah home run. Let's what are we doing with thoughts? I'm reading this book about breathing and I've told this like number times. I'm still reading this book. It's really hard to read about breathing. Why? It's just a lot of breathing. You just end up breathing a lot and then you start having a panic attack. And you just fall asleep.

It's you end up, this is like reading a book about closing your sphincter. You'll end up closing your sphincter a lot. Yeah. But if you read a book about breathing, you just end up going, pfft. Am I doing it right?

Like it's a little too much. It's better. I don't even know that. But. I read the bottle. Recently I read. You're fucking 10 minutes to kill this bottle, Tommy. All right.

I read the subtle. Drink responsibly. I didn't mean it like that. I read the subtle art of not giving a fuck. And I also read the coddling of the. America mind. Yeah, I read that. See, I, no, do you count listening to a book

is reading it at a dinner party if you say it out loud? If I go, I read a book and you go, hmm, did you read it? And you're like, I listen to it. I mean, yeah, I guess. Right, because then how are you gonna, like I drive a lot. Here, these are the books I've listened to recently, okay?

Okay. Empire, there's some of them in the, White Fragility, Brief, Breath, or Brief, I said Brief. The Bitcoin Standard, Splendid Vile, Guns, Chirms, and Steel. I read that book. Guns, Chirms, and Steel is phenomenal. That's diamond. Yeah, but that kind of that kind of like

Can be honest like what that's a book that I go you shouldn't read if you're not intelligent Right Hmm because it kind of throws up a little bit of like At some time to throw up like eugenics a little bit, right? They're like this is why Africa hadn't done anything. Well, you're like yeah, I called on it I don't know I don't know if Moron should be reading that. Well, the way that you summarized it is not a hundred. It kind of is, I mean, like, well. No, no, no, okay, you're a hundred percent right,

but that's a Moron telling you what he read. Okay. And that's why I say, and by the way, I'm smart enough to know, don't try to quote that book and like, like I'm empathetic, I don't know if I'm smart enough, but I'm empathetic enough to know that that's not what I read per se, but you could read that into that, right? Yeah, if you wanted to like really miss,

analyze and kind of skim over stuff, you could, I guess, summarize it that way. I thought, what am I saying though? Because you know what I'm talking about. I know what you're saying, essentially what comes guns germs and steel is telling you was like I Mean even I'm you know doing a poor summary of it, but it's like another example of why well It's like it's saying like you know why is the why does it work this way? Why is like why are the powers where they are?

Why are the places that didn't evolve the powers where they are, why are the places that didn't evolve into the modern times, and why are they still poor? Why is it have and have not? This guy's giving you a history lesson. I haven't read the book in a couple of years, but he's sort of saying, when these guys, when these crops start to grow in these regions, you could start growing this food and feeding people, and by not having to hunt for food, it's just one of the things I remember from the book,

by those people not having to spend their day trying to find something to kill and eat by just being able to grow, then your smarter people in this group can start developing other things, like industry, science, innovate. Because the whole group is not like, all we have to do is find food all day.

Like that's our only mission. So then you have like your most brilliant minds instead of innovating, developing. We're being worried about tigers. So like... That was part of it too, right? Is that they couldn't have cattle in Africa because of tigers.

How do you remember that? And like I said, it's been a long time. But then, you know, like, so when you have that, that group that was able to harvest and grow crops because just by the luck of their location, the location that it has the right amount of sun and rain and whatever, then that lets them them also progress at a much more rapid rate. That's one example.

And it talks about how weapons allow you to dominate another. It's a fascinating, fascinating book. And the flyboys they were saying, one of Japan's feelings was, how come only white people are conquering everybody? It's the Dutch, it's the British, it's the Americans, like America conquers all of Mexico, meaning California, all of Mexico, and then Japan's like, why can't we do it?

Because we're not white, watch this, and then they go through Asia and go, we will dominate here, and then white people show up and they're like, um, that's what we do. By the way, this isn't even really what I read, I think. I don't think it's what you read. Like, because I, I, I supplies it in a way where it adds to my, like me telling a story or whatever.

And that's why I don't think dumb people should read. It's a good argument. You should have to, you should have to get just like a gun. You should have to pass a test to get a book. Like you should have to go and they go, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's a, do you want a book? And they're like, yeah, and they're like,

well, we got pornography right there. And they're like, oh, wait, where? And you're like, never mind. You're good. You're good. Let's do it. Let's come up with a book test. You'd have to get it, dude, to get a book.

Okay. Okay. Like, well, be a good book test. Like, just like a gun where they're like, hey, we need you to answer this one. I'm reading a book test you'd have to do to get a book. Okay. Okay. Like, what would be a good book test? Like, just like a gun where they're like, hey, we need to answer for a book. I'm reading, I'm remembering other books I've read. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We never even finished this game. I know, because I'm going through this list now.

Can't hurt me by David Goggins. Read that. I didn't read that. I read tribes. What's that? That was by, like tribes, I think this is the book where He writes about how you basically If you can get I think I think the number was a thousand people you have a tribe and like you can what

But this is exactly what I'm talking about Yeah, no, but that information stays in your head. Yeah. And the way you morph it out, if you can get like 1000, I yeah, then you have a tribe. Like I said, like I said to Leanne, we were talking about, was I just doing it to you, Nadav?

I go, I go, I was talking to someone the other day and he said he could do 3000 squats and Nadav goes 3000. I go, pretty sure that's what he said. And he goes 3000, I went 300 and he goes, sounds more like it. Like if you don't have someone to call you on your bullshit and say you're the smartest moron, then you can start a fucking, you can start a cult.

Yeah, that is a movie, the smartest moron. The smartest moron. And he just gathers his morons. I had a development deal for, this is a few years ago about a doctor who graduated last in his class. So he did. I remember this and that,

do you remember how hard I laughed when you told me about it? They, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no about? You said, I play a doctor and I, oh yes, I do remember that. You left so wide. I was like, I didn't even finish. And you're like, I haven't even told you, I go, I don't need to hear it. I got it and you went, what? And I said, no, no, no, no. You know, a good doctor, you go, I'm the worst.

And I went, oh no, I got it, Tom. I could not stop laughing. I told everyone about how great that was gonna be. Man, I would tell it on stage. And we had to tell it on stage, Tom. I was like, you know, the hardest I laughed? Like the next weekend, I was on the road. And would tell it on stage. And we had to tell it on stage Tom. Funny. I'll go get you the hardest I laughed like the next weekend. I was on the road and I said,

you know I'm gonna hear the funniest thing. I go, Tom's doing a TV show and he plays a doctor and the place would fall out laughing. And they're like, he's a doctor and I was like, that's what I said. Yeah, yeah. BJ Porter. BJ Porter, who's that?

He wrote it with me. He was, it was so nice. He's the guy from the office? No, that's BJ Novak. I wrote, I see I read the psychopath inside. I read Confessions of Associate Path. I read, let's see, how to win. That was Mark Cuban. I read Confessions of an Economic Hitman. That's a really good between the world and me. Tana has he coats. I read that I read girl in the train

Oh, were you a fan? I bet you would love all the Malcolm Malcolm Gladwell ones, right? I was until I don't like his new stuff His new stuff he's doing no shit. I'm not a shit on Malcolm Gladwell Definitely everything he has done. I've been a huge fucking fan. him. Yeah, I had a joke. I say I'm not racist. I'm a I'm a economist Because I love numbers numbers don't lie about stuff and when he said stuff I connect with that I go Yeah, that does make sense like that makes sense like I like things to make sense to me Yeah, I go I need the numbers to work out. If the numbers don't work out, then I can't get along with you, you know?

Mm-hmm. It's, it's, I, I, There's like a, I've got the book I just remembered I read about habits, how to form habits. The seven-hody habits of a bunch. No, it's like, like how to make, if there's a yellow cover, I have it at home. Do you remember the joke I used to have

about reading memoirs of a Gaysha? Yeah, what was your joke? I said, I can't, this is another reason why I shouldn't read. Yeah, the power of habit. That's one of our... When I read a book, I cast it in my head. And when I read memoirs of Gaysha, I only knew like a couple Japanese actors.

And I was like, great. She'll be played by Mr. Miyagi. In your head? In my head. So the whole time I just saw Mr. Miyagi in a dress, and then, but that's not, that's less Hollywood's being racist. And so,

the, all right, how do we summarize this episode, murder this bottle of wine? Definitely, are you still taping your mouth shut? Uh, no. We had time. Your headphones on. What's this?

Just, here, let me give you a little tea tie taper. Okay. Whoa, okay. Sorry, are you all right? I need some too. Oh. Okay, I'm gonna get on the treadmill today, it's fine. Do you think fit fine is gonna be like,

hey, don't drink our wine anywhere. I like the way you do it. Maybe. Okay. So, because you, I, I've asked like, do you snore before and you'd be like, your answers are not very consistent. You'd be like, no, I don't.

And then you'll be like, Wait, I'm sorry, do my mouth again? No, I don't. Oh, garlic snore. You're like, I don't really snore. Or, yeah, I think I've been snoring. I don't know, she doesn't sleep in the room with me. So, this is a post from Eila. I think Ila posted this right?

I think it says L. Christchurch I Christchurch I can't tell Christchurch. I'm slian. Oh slian. Okay. All right cool I don't remember this. What was this? You were asleep. No. No, I was asleep. Oh, please. Imagine sleeping next to that. Oh, that's rough.

Yeah, so wait, you're done taping your mouth? of that. Oh, that's rough. Yeah, so wait, you're done taping your mouth. I couldn't even make that noise again. Yeah. Let me see if I can do it. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I was, my voice was higher than, my voice lowered in octaves. I think the older I've gotten. Yeah, yeah. Good steeper. Do you like this wine?

Yeah, I do. Actually, you can't tell the difference that it's like, healthy or for you, right? Yeah, I, no, it's good. By the way, you snore, I wanna hear a video of you snoring. Do you have one of you? Is that the fade? No, no, it's just that like, you, you would brought up

that you were taping your mouth shut. I used to have a joke about that, about going, my wife goes, oh, you have no idea how hard he is to live with. He snores, he doesn't flush the toilet, and when he drinks his semen tastes like shit. And I was like, maybe you have low standards. Maybe you need to step your game up. Sounds like you're sucking a whole hippo's cock

at the end of a day. So wait a minute. You only come semolay, you don't remember this? You only come semolay out there. I don't know, I the end of a day. So wait a minute. You only come semolay, you remember this? You only come semolay out there. I don't know, I've been around a lot, I never put it in my mouth, okay? And then complained about the days. Wait, so.

You're telling me come, days bad? Shut up. You're telling me this up that comes out of the head of my dick? Doesn't taste awesome. Get the fuck out. All these years I've been like, thank God I didn't put it in my mouth! So wait, what made you stop?

Uh, what made you stop trying to tape your mouth shut? Because I, if you choking episodes where I just stop breathing. Don't you think you should get a CPAP? No. I'm supposed to be able to. Do you have one? No. But I didn't, I'm not the one who said I'm having these episodes breathing. No, no, no, what's snoring, it's snoring is, I can't win it, blows wind up my nose.

It makes my allergies, it makes my nose close up. You tried it. I did a sleep test. And it was a fucking nightmare. At one point, I said to the woman, she comes in. So they give you, I think they give you three different masks. They give you one that's super simple, right, of the nose, right?

Then that doesn't work. Excited and fall asleep. And so then they come up with another one, and it's a little more like aggressive. And then she comes in another one, which is a oxygen, like, is you're going scuba diving? Mm-hmm. And as she's putting it on my head,

she has to put it on my head. I'm sitting in the bed, and I'm looking at her, and the look in my eyes says to her, this isn't happening. And she goes, you just wanna go home. And I was like, yeah. So I got a fucking Today diagnosed you at all that they say you have apnea or oh

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I play off sleep apnea. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I definitely do but you're I bet if I but I know if I lay on my side Is bat is bad as bad as fight if I sleep on my back sometimes like even to take a nap. I'll just stop breathing you go Making a case for like a definite need for a CPAP, you know that? No, I would love that. Here, okay. Hey, do you guys have, is there a four hymns for sleep apnea masks? Hey, shout out to Neen and David, if you can get me a sponsorship for sleep apnea masks, why don't I talk about your well-being? No, I know, but I'm not gonna do it. I'm, please tell me we have a four hymns fucking ad read in here. I don't like having these conversations with doctors.

It's easier for me to have online. Like, I don't wanna go to a doctor and then go, yeah, you have to leave out any in a weird fucking room in the middle of a fucking... You can't just get a CPAP? No, you have to take the test. And even taking the test, they don't know which one's right for you. What if you called a doctor and you said, hey, I have sleep apnea and I lost my CPAP. I'm doing it right now. I'm doing it right now. You ready? Yeah. Let's do it. Let's get...

I just want to get a new CPAP machine. Okay. Here we go. I'm calling my doctor right now. Okay, you got a new CPAP. I'm just gonna say I'm gonna just say I'm gonna know no, I know and I'm not gonna tell him I'm gonna say I need a CPAP. Can you get me a CPAP? Okay, and we'll see what he says. Okay. All right. It's not I gotta go do a big test He's gonna go. Oh, you got a digger dust. You're gonna spend the night Hey Drew, what's up? Hey, we're doing? Going on buddy. Hey, we're doing two bears one cave.

Can you prescribe me a CPAP? No. See? I told you. Why? Why, how come you got to take a test, right? A CPAP machine for you? If your insurance were to cover it,

we'd have to do the sleep test, yes. Okay, how much is it just cost for me to buy one? I don't know. Why do you want this so bad? Because Tom and I are talking about, we're on two bars, you're on the other podcast, so on two bars one, okay, hold on. Hold on, Drew, Drew.

Tom, talk some sense, I'll go. He definitely, definitely, I sleep apnea, okay. He's so weird, so what is Leantay? Is he like having big, big snoring? Oh, he has crazy snoring, and then he goes, you know, even when I take a nap sometimes, I gasp for air, like all the check mark ap goes, you know, even when I take a nap sometimes I gasp for air. Like all the check mark, apnea, you know, tells and I'm like, dude, you need to get a CPAP. And he's like, nah, I don't want to go do the sleep test. I'm like, well, can't you just buy a machine?

Okay, so here's the sort of what we can do. Okay. Um, uh, uh, uh, uh is, I will not take a sleep exam. Nope. Then, then, right. And then my position would be, well, dude, you need this thing. So I'm going to prescribe it. This is not best practice. Not what I like doing, but I will do it.

Okay. How about this, Drew? Prescribe me all three different CPAP machines. No, uh, insurance. No, no, no, no, no. No, we'recribe me all three different CPAP machines. No insurance. No, no, no, no, no. Now, we're gonna do like a nasal biped. Because then some of the people can tolerate.

And we're gonna get it and see what we can do. And then we'll see what the kid does. Wait, wait. Then we'll fight it. Hold on, hold on, hold on Drew. Wait, wait, why don't we? This is my point. No, no, no, I just want you to say that I was right.

And then you can't just get one. So like, that's why this is the whole thing. This is why all this stuff gives me anxiety, and then I go, I'll just go to sleep. Buy a machine. You can't. Burr, everything's good to you anxiety. Everything gives you anxiety.

I know, but why is this different? Because I'm afraid that, I don't know, it just seems like a lot of leg work. A lot of me driving somewhere. And if it's a sleep and wake up dead, then deal with this. Right now I seem like more on brand for me, yes. But let's do it, let's do it.

I get a position and I do, I hear what you're saying. I'd like to hear from Leanne that she can curse that can curse in the sleeping and the snoring and the gasping and all that stuff. Okay. And let's get this underway. Okay, I'll give you a call as soon as we get done here. Conquerors in the sleeping and the snowing and the gasping and all that okay and and and Let's get this underway. Okay. I'll give you a call as soon as we get done here All right See that is that is and I'm telling you I really hope you do this. I know no

I really hope we have a forehim's commercial in here because this is the truth is like I am right now an example of Every fucking dude. I don't wanna have this, I don't wanna go to an office. I don't wanna fucking deal with this shit. I just wanna go online and go, I got it, send me this shit. Give me a downgraded version of it. I don't need the fucking $10,000 one.

Give me like one when I can afford and pay it off in like $11 a month or whatever the fuck, whatever I'm just saying for like the average guy. And then go, and then let me try it out and if I like it and if it works. That's great Maybe I'll if it works a little bit then I'll go to a doctor and go hey, I really need this shit But I did the sleep test. It was a fucking nightmare. Who's that? I don't know it was a nightmare to do the sleep test and I was like let's wrap and okay Hold on I'm in the middle of a point. Okay, you kids cuz I'm right

No, it's definitely cuz I'm right. I did nothing. You're right. You I could call a doctor and they just give me one right? Yeah, and I told you no I got to go fucking but then he also ends up and he's like all right I'll give you one no he said you gotta come to my office will do a navel snazle swell up up You'll have a whatever you fucking said I am buzz Let's get some lunch you want to yeah, all right, hey murder these sure Just a glass of wine just a glass of wine.? Just want to sip it like a normal person. Let me, you want to say a normal person? Okay.

Okay. Yeah, go ahead. This is how normal person sip's wine. Okay. All right, I'll be like so, best of sloan. Okay. I hope you have a wonderful day and congrats on everything. Yeah, it's 12, 13 in the morning.

Cheers. In the afternoon. In the afternoon. Okay. Okay. Okay. Wow, so Vester. He. Really, for thirsty, huh? I love that fucking wine.

Good stuff. Kill it. Kill it. Yeah it, kill it, kill it. Yeah, murder it, there you go. I love murdering wine. Hey, let's do a sleep test together. Okay. Let's do a sleep test together where we both get in the same bed. God, if I don't fall asleep before you, I'll fucking punch you.

Oh, this is a freaking punch. I'm so freaking. Let's do sleep together. Yeah, no, they have to it will be sober, right? No, I was in sober when I did mine. You weren't? I brought a pile of wine there. They let you drink it. Let's build it on the the pillow. Let's take, let's take the, what's the sleeping I'm like, are you bleeding? I was like, now I was taking a whine. Let's show up. Let's take, let's take the, what's the sleeping aid? Ambient?

Let's take like one and a half ambient. Let's take one and a half and then just blood. Yeah, I think I'm ready to sleep. Errgh! Just like, and our arm is to more sleep, that's... Errgh! And they're like, you guys have severe happiness. Ben is covered in air

They're like I don't know man this you guys were like scream and racial slurs he takes on before this I'm like uh you guys tweeted about the secretary of state like We're doing him being a drinkin All right, they're gonna take a sleep test together. Probably not. We can find a place, Den-Dops. Even if you can find a place, I'm gonna let a take a sleep test together in the same bed with our wives.

All right. We gotta run. Oh. Thank you guys for watching. Thanks for listening. We'll see you guys on the next one. Love you. I love you too.

Bird and Tom. Tom and Bird. One goes top and swat the other. Where's the shirt? on the next one. Love you. I love you too. No scripts of beta booze amateur, fatology, dirty jokes, Rancho Hibber, no apologies, here's what we call Sue Bearsman Cave