2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 49 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: September 28, 2020

Grab tickets to the XXL event of the year: 2 Bears 1 Cave LIVE! October 15! Get tickets here: https://ymhvirtual.com/ SPONSORS: - If you’re a homeowner, head to Policygenius.com right now to get started and see what weirdly specific amount they could save you - Buffalo Trace. This is damn good whiskey - Get your first month free at ForHims.com/bears - Go to Whoop.com and enter “BEARS” at checkout to save 15%. - Go to Mugsy.com and use code "2BEARS" for $10 off! - Go to Feetures.com/CAVE to get $10 off your first pair! - Go to Talkspace.com or download the Talkspace app and use promo code BEARS for $100 off your first month. Bert Kreischer is back with Tom Segura for this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! They start off by discussing Bert's experience filming the upcoming game show "Go-Big Show." Bert shares stories about working with Snoop Dogg, Rosario Dawson, Cody Rhodes, and Jennifer Nettles, as well as his experience meeting Senator Cory Booker. Bert reacts to his wife LeeAnn's appearance on 2 Bears, and they discuss the hottest accents and the cheapest NFL teams. The Bears also review the black and British hype man submissions.

Thickboy season once again get the all new two bears thick boy hoodie merch method dot com slash Tom Segura Sure does ain't his bugs Yeah, I did that the other day I was like I gotta stop this and I spit it out here's the deal I I I'll eat all of them Like it's not one that I won't eat shut up I definitely like the ones where you do it and it unwraps from the inside of your nose like Wouldn't that be a crazy way to get coronavirus? I was eating boogers. Oh God 100% Is so representation on hold on the mission was to fuck every breed of dog in America.

Is the mission accomplished? Oh my God, you know what's crazy? What? Is our, we think, you know, we got a new puppy. Yeah. And we think it might have gotten isy pregnant. Our other dog was in heat, and now her nipples look weird. And I was like, and people are like, you know, you can't.

They got pup. That's where everyone's like a puppy can't get someone pregnant. If our dog gets pregnant and a puppy couldn't have done it, I'm in a lot of trouble. Yeah. Yeah. You know how much fun it was? Tap contestants on this show I'm doing.

Get up and go, they get up on stage and they be like, so fucking, da da da da, from it's gonna be a trick shot crossbow artist or whatever, and he'd come up on stage and we'd be like, so tell us, what about your act? And the first thing they'd say, we had so many fans of this show on this game show,

they'd go, well, Snoop, I'd be really careful around Bert. Or they'd get up and they'd go, well, you really do smell like shit. And by the way, Rosario Dawson, Cody Buttrow, Snoop, Jennifer Nettles were like, I don't get it. And I was like, I have a different life. I mean, it was so funny. I saw you post a video with Snoop and people were writing like, Wageley finds out what Bert does to dogs.

Thank God. That's the inside joke these days, right guys? How hot is Rosario Dawson? Rosario Dawson is disarmingly attractive, meaning like, I wonder when that's gonna be the next privilege they wanna take away, is like people that are beautiful. She is so striking. And she, by the way, she is the coolest person I've ever been around, very regular,

very like, I met Cory Booker, by the way. Oh, that's what she's dating. Yeah. Are they married? I was like, I met him and he was, no, they're just dating. We're, But they've been together for a while.

They've been together for a while. He, he was, Eric Andre, a Cory Booker. Like, right? Like the most absurdist wild in the- You did in the Eric Andre? Yeah, really? And then- That makes sense.

And then a presidential candidate, right? No, no, he was a president. He ran for president. Uh, I'm sitting next to him. I know anything about the dude. Uh huh. And I was like, he was already his guy. And he's like, yeah.

I said, what do you do for a living? He goes, I'm a politician. I go, you can make money doing that? And he's like, yeah. So what do you do for a living? He goes, I'm a politician. I go, you can make money doing that? And he's like, yeah, I go, no, like, what are you doing politics? And he's looking at me like, he's like, I'm a senator? I said for like a big state, and he goes,

Jersey? New Jersey? I said, cool. I said, would you want to be president one day? And he goes, I'm a president. I tried. And I went, you ran for president? And he was like, he was, was already a racist guy.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I go, did you want to be president? And he goes, I wouldn't have run for president if I didn't want to do it. And I went, all right. I was like, what's cool of me? And he was like, who the fuck? Like, but I just, I don't know any of all the things.

Now before Senator, wasn't he a governor also? Maybe he's a governor, I don't know what he does. No, he's a senator now, right? Or am I doing it back? He's a senator now. He is a very sweet dude. Like I would definitely not just, I probably should stay away from politics.

I met the guy for fucking five minutes. He was a mayor before, sorry. He was a mayor of Newark, and now he's the, now he's a senator. I tell you, from the little bit I met him, I would vote for him. I've met every politician would just love. You know what would be the worst?

It would be like, for like politicians to sit with you and try to convince you and you'd be like, I just like him all. I got a vote. I want the wall to be president. Yeah, Cory Booker is a nice guy. He's a vegan. He's a vegan.

I'm a vegan. I'm a vegan. I'm you and you'd be like, I just like a ball. I want the wall to be president. Yeah, Cory Booker is a nice guy. He's a vegan. He's a vegan. Yeah, things are vegan and like, like he was like pretty, I don't know if he meant, I don't know if he like hung out with Snoop at all, but he was, he was on set. He was cool. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I don't, it's funny because I told you you this is like I was obsessed with Snoop dog But when I was younger yeah, and all I mean snoops one of the most interesting people in in hip hop Because of his longevity and the fact it's crazy which coming up on what 30 30 almost 30 years 30 years

I was 18. I've still been like cool everybody thinks you make awesome I mean he's got a crazy catalog hits. I mean Don't man. Did you see the DMX versus versus yeah versus it was great. It was fucking amazing. Yeah, and they were like very You know you the love like that it was cool to see them together like they were cool with each other and it really really like Fun way of like help like helping out with songs. Oh, did you hear DMX? I'm not taking my shirt off and all, dawg. Yeah, he's like, we're like the number 10.

And he would get out of breath more and kind of stumble and like Snoop would help out and they would just compliment each other. It was just, it was great. And I got to hang out with him and talk about the verses but I do, it is, hopefully he'll never see this because I to hang out with them and talk about the verses, but it is, hopefully they'll never see this because I wanna hang out with them again. But have you ever been, have you ever found something online

and you're like, I'm gonna spend the rest of my night just researching this, whether it's like vintage cars and you're like, Gaping porn? Gaping porn. Yeah. He had all the information I wanted to know about the thing I'm passionate about in his head.

Like everything about hip hop. I mean, I like, I did, I was like, it was almost like being in a, like when you see like, Jafar or one of those in the movie, go into the cave filled with gold and they don't know how to get enough in their pockets. Right. Because like,

when you talk to him about Tupac, talk to him about Dre, talk to him about, what did he tell you about any of those? And he, he, like I remember, I said something about cash money and the rough riders went on tour. And he was like, oh yeah,

and he just, he knew everything about it. Like, it's his business. So it's like, imagine if you're obsessed with comedy and you get to fucking I couldn't get enough information out of him And like I would be overwhelmed and he knew I was really into it So he gave me like a pinky ring and it's and that's what this is where he's the most generous student in the world like like like like first day be show up And we have huge snoop dog boom boxes in our trailers like they're really fucking nice. They're like

It's like a brand, but I wish you would have been like, you're, uh, hey man, like, are you a rapper? Like, treated him like, Cory. I want to. You're a musician. I want to. I'm. My favorite is when you tell a joke and no one gets it.

And you're the only one, but one of the person gets it. No, like, that was fucking hilarious. So I go, so we're talking and this kid is from Long Beach and I go, you went to Long Beach? Are you from Long Beach and he goes, yeah, snoops like, I'm from Long Beach and we're like, yeah, we know. And he's like, and the kid goes,

I went to same high school you did. And snoops like, polytac and he goes, yeah. And I went, oh, shut up. I go, where did you go to college? And he goes, I didn't go to college, and I was like, no shit, we're all familiar with your story. I didn't say that, but everyone's like, you thought Snoop went to college,

and I'm like, I can't believe everyone doesn't get this joke. And then I hear in my headset, good one, where did Snoop go to college? He was so fucking generous that like, he gave two pinky rings gave me I know like he would say something and then he just give you And like yeah, and then like weed he would have these blunts and he would be like These are for you cousin and you'd be like thanks and then and then I didn't know and they're not for regular people to smoke They're a little stronger. It's not it's not marijuana. It's more like fentanyl. It's like, they don't even taste real.

Like it tastes like diabetes because they're in like, these are sweet. Oh, there's a big glass cock on the end of it. And so you can't even hit it like a joint. You know how you hit a joint? You get a pull from it. You gotta suck it like you're like, oh, how high did you get?

Because you were texting me some wild shit. I was like, what the fuck? And you're like, I just smoked one of the snooze splints. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. I get back to my room and I'm having, I had some wine. So I didn't drink for like 15, 17 days when we started this project.

So I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to like not look bloated. And I was, and coronavirus fucking scares me. And so, and then I'm on a great fucking trajectory. I'm doing perfect. I mean, I'm getting done. I don't have the want to drink. And I'm getting off set.

And everyone's like, all right, have a great night. And I'm like, I'm going to my room. I'm going to bed. And I'm sleeping good. Getting like great, all my, all my whoop, great scores on my whoop. And then one night we're not even done. We're just in the middle of things,

but it's like seven o'clock and snoop, yeah, it yells over, hey, Bert, come to my, come to my trailer and take a shower. And I'm like, huh? And I'm like, what's that? And he's like, come on over, take a shower. And I was like, okay. And I just walk in and I was like, you wanna take a shower?

And he's like, what? He's like, he's like, he's like, and I was like, you want to take a shower? And he's like, what? I Think I'll just say if you want to take a shower, he goes, so let's take a shot. And I went, oh, and he goes, you came over here thinking we want, I want to do the shower. I'm like, I just heard shower. And I was like, fuck it. Yeah, of course you were. Of course you were. And he had told you getting the shower.

He'd be like, okay. I'm gonna have to shower. I wanna just got... Oh! Oh my god. What are you talking to? Yeah. He was like, turned around and be like,

the fuck are you taking your clothes off for? I'm getting mad at you. I thought you said, if I had brought it up, I'm just gonna take it. I'm gonna take it. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. If you had it, I think you said if I had brought up I would just cut me again. I was like, I'm going to get a shot. I'm going to fire and throw up. I'm going to get a shot.

He could have just stepped out and come in and be like, why are you in my shower? I think I'm a third. I think I'm a third. I think I'm a third. I think I'm a third. I think I'm a third. I think I'm a third. I think I'm a third. I think I'm a third. I think I'm just saying that you stand and get in the shower Why not showering This is just a what a fucking beta I am is that I was like oh and then and then he That dude Papa would have

He's pop a lot Kenny What the fuck you doing What the fuck are you doing? Like, you wanted a shower? I'm so sorry. Oh my god. Oh. Oh. Oh.

So we didn't shower. We did shots. How was that? It was interesting because he's not a big drinker at all. He said, by the way, it's like, and then I get to ask him, like, why don't you drink? And he tells me the story of this time that it was at a control drunk

and then he didn't want to be that guy. And he's the whole time he's smoking a blunt. This whole time he's smoking a blunt, he's offering it to me, but not offering it to me. I shouldn't say that. He did not offer it to me because at all, he's giving me blunts if I want them. And so I'm like, well, I can't really smoke right now

because I still have a lot of work to do. And I'm, and that was a good call. There's a good call. Yeah. But he gives me two blunts that are his, his, his brand. Oh, this story gets really good. I totally forgot. And by the way, it's gonna get a little gossipy

so I apologize. Ah, this gets really good. Okay. This gets really fucking good. Okay. Oh, okay. So we do a couple shots. He's not a big drinker.

So like, he pours a shot and he's like, God, this is gonna be a big one. And I'm like, And he goes to set, like faded everything, right? Yeah. I mean, I hope he's comfortable with this. But you can tell, it was interesting. I personally don't believe,

and I know he was smoking pot, but I don't believe he was super high the first, like, week. And then at one point, I was like, you can tell he's really high. Like he's just, you can see his butt. He's just, he's very high. Like you can just tell at some times. But then, but he does the work. He's there. He's doing the work, but you can definitely get the vibe. All right, snoops, bake today. And so he gives me the bunch. We do a couple shots. And then we go back to set, and we do the rest of the night,

and we get done, and then he's in party mode a little bit. And he's having a good time. He really enjoyed the show. He's a fun fucking guy. He enjoys life. Like he is, just like me and you, he is about having a good time. So, but he's also very pert, like, very reserved. Like he's not a big go to the bar hanging out with people.

I think because so many people take from him, you know, like they go, oh, it's stoop, stoop, stoop, stoop, and then he's like, I don't, he's very private like that. I think he's just, he's been famous for so long. So he had done, I was like, hey man, Cody Rhodes, who's like a fucking my favorite dude in the world. I got to, uh, well, I got to, um, FaceTime with all these guys. Yeah, yeah, oh, that's right. He FaceTime me with a, and I brought up, well, I got to FaceTime with all these guys. Yeah, yeah, oh, that's right. He FaceTime me with, and I brought up my wrestling, and he said came

with me the day after the air and he goes you know you're saying that wrong right and I was like I think you're saying it wrong so we get so we get done the night and then Cody's like hey you want to have a cigar and Cody's not a big drinker either but cigar maybe with a glass bottle of wine snoop's got his own wine so we're like snoop you got any wine he's like fuck yeah so we go into Cody's trailer and Cody and snoop's like snoop's like he's like, you got any wine? He's like, fuck yeah, so we go into Cody's trailer and it's Snoop's like, Snoop's like, he's like, man, you know I really love your boy Joe Rogan and I was like, I was like, let's fucking FaceTime him. You know Joe, Joe, Joe's someone you won't,

you don't necessarily FaceTime all the time. Like you text him and then you get back and forth if you wanna talk, you'll call him but FaceTime's an aggressive move with Joe sometimes. So I FaceTime Joe and I'm just, please pick up. I'm going like this, it's Snoop, he did it, that's so. Face time Joe, he doesn't answer, but then he face times us back and I miss it.

And then I'm like, fuck, and I get on my phone and I see I got a text from Donnell Rollins. And I'm like, Snoop, you know what you got to do? You got to go out to Chappelle's place. He's like, what? I was like, Chappelle's got a summer camp where they're all out there all summer. They're having a fucking blast or doing shows.

We talk about this guy. Um, Tobay and wig way. Is this rapper I really like? Uh huh. And I'd be like, and so then I'm not, I know I'm not saying it right. That's fine. And so I go, I was see if I can find the picture. So I go, let's call Donnell and see if we can get Donnell on the phone. I bet he's with Chappelle. So he's like, all right, so we call Donnell. And Donnell answers, and I'm like, yo, Donnell, he's like, what are you doing?

I said, take a look at this, and I flipped the phone over and it's Snoop and Donnell's like, oh shit. He's like, you're with Snoop and I go, yeah, and he goes, I gotta find the picture, the picture's great. He goes, oh shit, held on a fan hole, you know, there's, you know, Donnell just fucking. And he goes, yo, Chappelle and flips it around.

Chappelle's like, oh shit. And so then I get the phone back to me, Chappelle gets on the phone and he looks at me and he's like, who the I think I know what you want. Hold on, and I flipped the phone around a snoop and she pal loses this fucking mind. He's like, fucking snoop. Tom, I'm in the background.

If you go to Donnell's Instagram page, you'll see the picture. You'll see the picture. Donnell's Instagram page. Tom, I am such a fucking pussy. I'm in the background of this. You just put my, cause Donnell, and Donnell's doing the same thing. Yeah, yeah.

Donnell's the black version of white me. Is we are both keeps scrolling, keeps scrolling, keeps scrolling. You'll see a picture. It's a FaceTime screen save. Donnell uses his feed like a stories sometimes. So it's a lot of fucking. Jesus. Yeah, Donnell posts and aggressively aggressively there. We go see Snoop

Look at who the white guy the background is The one with snoop in it the one with snoop in it up up there you go that one Look at me in the background like I'm going and they're inviting Snoop to come out and all I'm doing the whole time is going And he can bring a friend right he can bring a friend in port of snoops Like I'll bring you sure, but yeah, that was they chatted up for a while chatted up on my phone and my battery is about to die Oh, so I'm panicking that my battery's gonna die and then but yeah It was it was fucking awesome and he was like he's the sweetest guy in the world. Dude, and I fucking... I've opened first of hell, like, I think three times. And when I saw him at the store, I was like,

Hey man, Grace, better say he goes, nice to meet you, man. I was like, I was like, I was like, I'm open for you like three times bro. He was like, yeah, yeah, I heard about you. I was like, yeah, on your shows. Yeah, yeah. That's where you heard about it.

He, uh, he didn't, he definitely did not know who I was. That's hilarious, because you've done him a long time. Who's spelled? Yeah. No, I met him once. I thought in New York, you got you. I met him a few times there, but I'm genuinely met him. I mean, yeah, I don't, I, I, I'm sure he just meets so many

fucking people. He just goes, another white dude, fat with a beard. He's like, we should just get one name so that people remember us. And so, so then Snoop's like, we should just get one name so that we can remember us. And so, so then Snoop gives me, so we get done that now we party until like two in the morning, gives me a couple joints and I'm like, oh cool, so the next night, now I've been drinking,

now I'm drinking. So I'm like, slow walking by his trailer, like, do you want a shower or something? And so, I go in, I go that night and I go back to my room and I'm like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna smoke a little bit of Snoop's joint. The one he gave me.

He'd smell so good, because there's the wrapped in candy blunt paper. And they smell amazing. And it's an Indy-Cut and I was like, and this will put me to sleep. So I light it and I hit the first hit and I inhale way more, because it's way it's made with a'm, and I inhale way more, cause it's the way it's made with the glass tip. I inhale way more than I plan on inhaling.

And I'm coughing like, I'm coughing like I'm at ground zero. Like just pulling debris out of my mouth. Like, yeah. And I, I'm like, oh my God, okay, I'll take one more hit. I take another hit and I cough just as much. And I'm like, okay, I'm pretty fucking high. I look at the joint, there is 98% of it left. I barely smoked.

Is this the time that I talked to you? I think so, I think so. And then I mean, I went into the bathroom and offered it to the guy in the mirror, like you finished it. I can't take it. He was like, you made a bad mistake. I got so fucking high, I took my blood pressure,

like I got started panicking, and then you, with coronavirus, you're like, shortness of breath. Luz, I think I don't think I can taste anything anymore. I knocked you out. Oh, I woke up the next day and I was, people could tell I wasn't there. Like they were like, are you okay?

And I was like, I smoked one of the snooze joint last night. I can't wake up, like I'm not waking up. And then I told Snoop and he was like, you smoked one by yourself. I was like, is that not what you were supposed to do? Cause I just smoked, I smoked the whole thing and I just kept, I kept puffing on it and letting it fill the room.

And I'm just sitting there, just listening to music, listening to fucking Marvin Gaye, smoking this blunt, like one of us is going to prison. And I'm just, and I fucking, and I was out of it for like a day, and then I got into it. And then I started liking Snoop's joint. And then I was like, yeah, because I just looked at it

like a cigar. I was like, I am going to enjoy it. I'm gonna, they're free. He gave me like two different times. One was kind of like is the Louis XI, Louis XIII. So really good joint. The Snoop ones are torpedoes. They are like this and they literally get like this big

at the end. And there and it's his face on the on the thing. Those ones are way too much. I gave one to Cody and Cody was like, yeah, oh, I probably shouldn't say that. But yeah. And he said it was pretty strong. No, he's like, I didn't inhale. He made the same mistake I did. But yeah, it was a fun trip. It was crazy because- How many episodes did you shoot? 10. And this is like a competition show.

Competition show. It's like America's Got Talent, but where people's lives are on the line. Yeah. It's really good. It turned out really great. I saw some amazing fucking acts. And- But what's crazy is-

Who is? Go ahead, no. Who is the other woman judge? Jennifer Nettles. Who is that? Sugarland she is fucking awesome, bro awesome awesome. I gotta be honest with you like She reminds me a little bit of Leanne cuz she's from coffee County, Georgia Mm-hmm. She's got she a singer actor. She's singer an amazing fucking voice. Okay, amazing voice Did you see the episode with Leanne and I oh?

Yeah, do you like it? Oh kinder? fucking fucking I Didn't know if I honestly thought to myself at one point and I wonder if this was on a snoop joint night But I'm listening in bed and I can't go to sleep. And I was like, was two bears one cave a mistake? Like, was I too honest? Like, have I, am I really, like, have I? It was really fun. I just pulled the fucking curtain back in, then Leanne's like,

oh yeah, like, and then sometimes I hear the way I talk about things and I go, who the fuck am I? Like, I'm like, oh, she got it. She can get it and she got it. And then I'm like, she got it, she can get it, and she got it. And then I'm like, I gave her Nurgh as one time, she's like, oh fuck! And then I hear her hear that, I'm like, oh my god! But she's also like, you realize that she was unfasible.

Everything will clip, she was like, is this the one where I can get it? And got me up, well, yeah. Let me guess, I'm old. Yeah, so, I mean, she just rolled with everything. Everything she- That we played, she was like, well, yeah. Let me guess, I'm old. Yeah, so I mean, she just rolled with everything. Everything she, that we played, she was just like, mm-hmm. I listened to that whole episode and I was like, the only thing she sure does ain't his bugs. I did that the other day and I was like,

I gotta stop this and I spit it out. I'm gonna fucking puke. But I know, here's the deal. I'll eat all of them. Shut up. It's not one that I won't eat. Shut up. But I definitely like the a deal. I I'll eat all of them. Like it's not one that I won't eat Shut up I definitely like the ones where you do it and it unwraps from the inside of your nose like

When that be a crazy way to get coronavirus I was eating boogers. Oh god But yeah, it was the only thing the thing I like is and then I was like because I was listening to it And I was like fuck I was like I think I've shared too much on this show I should. Now. And then Leankip going, you know, people really liked my episode. You know, they say Tom finally got to talk. And I was like, okay. She's like, people love when me and Tom are on, because he can finally talk.

And I'm like, okay, all right. She's like, you don't let him talk. I'm like, you don't listen to the fucking show. I was like, hold on, fuck off. I go, what do you think you should've been talking about if I hadn't had like an asshole for 27 episodes? Yeah, I got the funniest shit about that episode. I was like, oh, so that's what Tom's voice sounds like.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I definitely was like, I was like, I'd heard you more in that. We should tell them, what's up? There's gonna be a very special event. Two bears one, Cave. Live, October 15th. Yep. But here's the thing, there's gonna be some real extra goodies in this special event.

One of them is that we are going to fucking really party Snoop and Bert style. We're in a really, really party. And by the way, I asked Snoop if we could get cocaine and he said he could get us cocaine. That is great news. And I'm not certain he wanted that information, he's shared. So here's the thing, there's a bunch of goodies planned

for this show, one of which, or maybe most importantly, the party that we're going to have. And you could party with us, of course, but we're going to drink. Ten milligram tom is going to become 20 milligram tom and then 30 milligram tom and then maybe more, maybe more. Maybe more. I think we should, and by the way, we don't have everything worked out yet because we're still pitching ideas. One of them is we get our favorite porn star, right? To go under the table and suck one of our dicks.

And our wives never know who it is. We're gonna watch porn live. And, I'm sorry. By the way, shout out to, if any of our porn star favorites want to possibly, I don't know, I think that would be,

see, I pitched things like, sometimes, and I was like, like, we pitched the idea of directing porn and my agents were like, you're definitely not doing that. No. Like, you're not allowed to direct porn. I think that's a big mistake. By the way, I'm sure TBS is like,'s, you're not allowed to drag porn. I think that's a big mistake.

By the way, I'm sure TBS is like, oh, you're not allowed to be porn star suck you dick on camera. No, but what we could do is, I think we should have one of your favorites, because you've been really vocal about like, who you really get, you know, support in your fan. We should have, what would you do though?

Like just have a sit on your lap for the episode. No, no, no, no, no. No, cause I, I stripped for you. No, no, no, no. Bend over and, and no. I don't know what it is. We should have our wives here. We should invite our wives to this.

Not for the whole thing. They should come in like an hour, an hour in, and when we're fucking wasted. Yeah. Oh, so we haven't worked out all the kinks. Okay. But, because there's some ideas that we wanna do that we can't worked out all the kinks. Okay. But, but because there's some ideas that we want to do that we can't do. And so we're batting them back around, but it's going to be fucking amazing.

It's going to be a lot of fun. It's going to be different than the two bears one cave episode where I just talk over time the whole time. That's right. We have some, we do have a couple things worked out that are fun. You'll see it in the, some of the promos, but go to ymhvirtual.com. For tickets, the show is October 15th. That is a Thursday, and we will,

we, the link is in the description. We will, it will be multiple hours long, and I think we might pass out during the show. But it'll be fun. We'll have a lot of fun. We'll have a lot of fun. Yeah, I can't fucking wait. Okay, so do you wanna hear that,

you know you had the idea that you want a somebody to have your back when you fuck up? Yeah! So we have some missions. Oh my God! So I've been wanting to do this show for so long. There's so much shit. You know what I miss is we never got our detective.

Do we got a detective yet? Our PI? No, we have a couple that wrote in. One of them was like, I'm not a PI, but I think I can do it. Pass. Okay. We're looking to be a little bit better.

Oh, we have so much stuff to catch up on. Yeah, yeah. So as far as I know, native, this is people, they're like, I could be the voice, right? I could be the... Yeah, so we have like four or five options for each of you guys. Okay, why don't we start with Burt?

These are British guys who like, when Burt steps over the line and people are like, hey man, what the fuck? He kind of defends Burt, right? Is it Lyle? Liam, Liam or Lyle? Oh, Lyle. Lyle, okay. Right, so this first submission

is from Alex M. in Southeast. You a doctor? No, I didn't think so. Wine dineck in, bro. Listen to the machine. I love that! Yeah. Yeah, so like, that's Bert just made like a medical claim

and someone said like, I don't think that's correct, Bert. And then, a lot of joke did. Wine dineck in, bro. I love that. You a doctor. You a doctor. Okay. I like that a lot. That's a good one. He love that. You're a doctor. You're a doctor. Okay. I like that a lot.

That's a good one. He's got a couple of the reads. Do you guys want to do a couple of reads per person? Sure, sure, sure. All right, so this next one is also from Alicin. Wait, now do you know what the subject matter of the read is? Like is it, is there a theme to the read? As far as I could tell, I think it's just a couple different ones.

Okay. Let's just look up different options. Okay, let's just look up different options. Wait, can't, birds talking. Wait, can't, birds talking. Wait, can't, birds talking. I love it. That'd be great for like a real intensified at home. Yeah, oh, I'm gonna get these on my phone. Yeah, yeah.

We're gonna just have them on save. Like wait, can't birds talking. Yeah, it's good. Look, I know he stinks like shit and he fucks dogs, just do your amount, just give him a chance, he can be shined. By the way, you know what's so funny is that? This guy, so we do this unboxing on my PO box.

Like we, I do it, I did it yesterday. I do it once a week, but I, we were backed up. It's a great way of like, someone has something cool, you can help promote their product. Yes, we do a similar thing where it's like, the same thing's to our mailbox, and then you open, and you react genuinely. Yes, it's awesome.

My favorite thing to get actually is artwork. Like cool artwork. Like go ahead, go ahead. On a artwork, I love hats. That's where I get all my hats from. The world knows you're definitely a hat fan. Yeah, where's what kind of hat is that? I have no fucking clue.

That's the best. And so, I get this letter yesterday from this guy. He makes poop, like it's, I don't really understand the thing. He makes it out of his kitchen, but it's stuff you sprinkle into the, into the toilet, and then when you shit, it covers the smell. Yeah, yeah. So, there's a couple of big brands to do that. So he goes, yeah, so he goes,

hey man, I'd love a little help. And Leanne's reading it out loud to me. You fucking piece of shit. Cock, sucker, fat fuck. And he's like, I know you take these horrendous shits because you smell like fucking garbage and every party. And it's just destroying me. And then he's like, and then at the end he goes,

and he goes, how about, yeah, he goes, help me out. I make this shit out of my fucking kitchen man. I could use some fucking help. You know what, fuck you, European's a shit, give it a tom. And then I'm, and Leanne's like, what the fuck? And I go, I think he's a fan. Yeah, I was like, no, I honestly,

I'll, I also get messages like that. And I'm like, like, when they insult, like they'll be like, hey, fuck head. Why don't you do this or that on your podcast? And you're like, Yeah, I don't really want to engage you, man. Yeah. It's an, it's an interesting approach is to be like, it's cool. Like when it's funny, yeah, some people do not get comments. They don't know how to do it. They just go, like, well, I'll just insult and that's the funny part. That's not the funny part.

It's the same guy as like, I watched that documentary on MetaWorld Peace. There's a documentary on him. I did not know that MetaWorld Peace is also, the guy is also, what's his real name? Ron Artese. I didn't know Ron Artese to MetaWorld Peace for the same person.

Yeah. I thought MetaWorld Peace was someone else that played for the Lakers. Okay. And Ron Artes was the guy that got into the fight when he was at the end of Troy. Yeah. But it was interest. And then I saw that there was same person. I was like, Oh, what's interesting is the way the guy that threw the beer that landed

on him. Yeah. The way he looked at it. Like the way he just was like, Yeah. You know, fuck it. Yeah. Like, fuck him. And you're just like, Hey, you know, fuck it. Like fuck him. And you're just like, hey man, like you can't throw beers. Like he just was like, he was like, you know,

I'm sitting there and I'm like, fuck it. I wonder if I can get my beer. Like it was really an understanding that they've made up. There's a doc about this. It's a doc right? Wait, so the guy who threw it is in the doc? Yeah. And he's like really arrogant about it.

And he was like, you know, I was with my friends. The guy rubbed me wrong because he was like, he was like, you know, some of my employees wanted to see what it was like to have my seats. So I switched with them. And then I went up where they were. And you know, and then I'm having a few beer. He's an alcoholic.

He's an aggressive alcoholic drug addict, I think. I think he's now synth-bind sober. But he's like, and I'm taking a sip of beer He's an alcoholic. He's an aggressive alcoholic drug addict, I think. I think he's now synth-beens-over, but he's like, I'm taking a sip of beer, and he likes, oh, fuck him. I'm in my friend, I go, I'm going to back and hit him, and I just fucking hit him. Can you believe it? And I was like,

Oh, wait, and that's how he talks about it now? Now, and now him and Ron are test have made up. Ron are test took him out the dinner. Ron are test has dealt with a lot of bipolar issues. Really interesting documentary that that, and I have to point this out, I'm almost certain RunaTest made. The way it is shaded is every athlete's gonna have their last dance.

Yeah. Where it's like, hey, I'm RunaTest. I have had massive anger issues my entire life. I am known to be a problem, but let me tell you my side of the story. Yeah. So, which is fire? Where is this doc? Where do you see it? I just want to be a problem, but let me tell you my side of the story. Yeah. So we just fire his to stock where you just want to show time. Show time.

Okay. And so, but the way that I said it and then I thought that is the guys we deal with in comedy where it's like if they, if they, if they, they're fan of yours, they don't know that there is a art to making fun of someone. Right. As opposed to like, hey, fuck you. You fat fuck and you're like, I kind of hurts man like yeah you can there's a way to do that that's not that they sometimes I remember meet and greets were like that where people would

be like hey fat fucking piece of shit how about a photo you're like how about you fucking get out of here yeah how about yeah come I love this one for me I always get all right let's do a photo bird I know you love it and I was like I don't I don't do at all. Yeah, and by the way, it's so weird now to like To do photos now because people get fucking this guy came up the other day I'm on a stage and he's like hey get down and sign my son's shirt. He's a fan and I was like Get down and sign my son's shirt. He's a fan. And I was like, first of all, I'm not allowed to touch you at all. Like I'm going to be socially distant.

But I go second of all, that's definitely not the way to go about it. Yeah. It's amazing that that- Get down here. Get down here and sign, and you're like, but I think this is what this all gets in my head when I'm laying in bed. I go, I've created this approachability where people feel like, like that, like not only did they grow up with me,

but they know so much about me that they're like, hey, pick a nose and eat it, why don't you, you're fat fucking, you're like, I wish I didn't share it, everything. But, do you like, you know what my favorite thing to do is when someone's like, hey Tom, Tom, and they're like a restaurant or something, or walking through an area, just keep ignoring.

And like, when they're like, Tom, hey, Segura, and they're like, right there, and I'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then I'll be like, just keep walking, okay? And then we'll just walk, and I hear them, like, keep going over, and I'm like, just pretend you don't hear it. And just, guess, hear them over and over,

and you're like, hey, man, then they'll come up, hey, you didn't hear me, I'm like, oh, no, I didn't hear you, what's up? And they're like, oh, I was calling you from hear me. I'm like, Oh, no, I didn't hear you. What's up? I'm like, I was calling you from over there. I'm like, Oh, like a dog. Okay. I did I did something that was shitty to a someone I worked with this recently is they wanted me to go do something But I had like nine different things. This is why I the Ellen thing. You know Ellen gave you see Ellen's speech today. No Was it like a Ellen's back baby? She's Oh, was it like Ellen's back, baby. She's back. She came on her show and was like, just so you know, I branded myself as the

kind, be kind person. And she goes, I wish I hadn't because yes, sometimes I'm not kind. Sometimes I'm just a regular person. Sometimes I'm in bad mood, sometimes I'm depressed, sometimes I'm upset. Sometimes I'm not. And she was Sometimes I'm in a bad mood, sometimes I'm depressed, sometimes I'm upset, sometimes I'm not. And she was like, it was a really interesting, I liked her statement, but again, I've liked Ellen, but when you're around someone like that, like Snoop, the amount of energy people take from that being, you realize they have to throw up walls

where they will be empty at the end of the day. I think you're right. Because I took any time Snoop offered anything I took. I was like, I was talking to him, I was interacting with him, and everyone wanted to talk to him. Everyone wanted their minute. And so you look at that and you're like,

I don't know how, like personally, I wouldn't be able to navigate that really well. If I was in their position, if I was level of a super Ellen, I would just walk me to this set and then somebody put up a wall, a physical wall that I couldn't do it. I think it's incredibly draining. I saw that with Wahlberg. I saw that with Walburk, you know, when we shot that movie. I mean, people would wait, we'd shoot in a park

and people found out. And then there'd be people just waiting to see him. And then anybody that had the chance to have an interaction, they start going, they start going like, you know, my favorite movie is that you've done, and then start telling them all, like as if he hasn't heard, and he has to be like, okay, awesome.

Yeah, thanks, I appreciate, yeah, I remember that. And then the next person's like, you know what my favorite movie was? And then this is what I loved about that. Also, I heard you, I know that you're a big sell-to-expect. Did you go to the, and they just, everybody wants to tell you this story. It makes sense when you hear about like reclusive stars.

Yeah. Who don't wanna be, don't wanna deal with anything, because it's not like, and Joe gets that a lot. Oh, I forget. I couldn't. Yeah, his podcast got so massive, it was so influential. And we actually saw it go into that,

like leave the stratosphere. But like I've been around him since it's been super popular and seen how people react. And they react like that. They're like, hey man, you had that physicist on. You know the one thing, and they start telling like their point, counterpoint and I also have some things I wrote. I'd love you to review and if I could ever come on, I'd love to talk to you about this topic and then the next person is like, how about this, who do you think is going to win the fight, man? And it's just one person after another.

And he has so much, you know, he's a real, I think especially now that he's moved to Texas and he's, you know, he's a real, I think, especially now that he's moved to Texas and he's, you know, where he is and how like everything is in the news. Like so weird. It's so weird because we've, like we've known him since he was a known person. Like he's famous for... He's been famous for probably 30 years. Right, but there are levels and tears to that fame. And now, like to open Twitter and regs or leacy Joe trending,

you're like, well, what did he do? What happened? And he's like, he gave an opinion on something. And you're like, what, that's trending news now? It's so funny too, because obviously people are massive fans of his. And I'm a fan of his. I love what he does.

I've always loved him, his comedy, his, hit the way he looks at media. Like when he did the Joe show with Red Band and obviously when Joe Rogan experiences a game changer and it affected how I decided to do my business. I mean, I take so much advice from him. But he also is just Joe. Like he's like,

that's what's crazy is that. Yeah. He's the one reminding people of that. Yeah, and by the way, more people should listen to that because he is the one reminding people of that. Yeah, and by the way, more people should listen to that because he is just a fucking dude. Yeah. And so like, people would say to me,

like all the time they'll be like, Hey man, when Rogan does this, Rogan, and I can't help but think of the guy that also likes to get high and go, Hey man, if you threw a fish 10 feet in the air and it started flying, do you think we definitely fish left? Like, the kind of guy that just thinks like a moron comic.

It's so bizarre to me. Um, you know, and the Spotify deal just made it, it's changed everything. I mean, media's changed. They want Biden and Trump to do that together. Which would be, do you know the least qualified person to do that would be me yeah But like can you imagine I should do that I should do that I know I'm throwing my hat in the ring. Let's see if this goes viral. Okay. I will host Let me take that back me and Tom will host a live debate between Donald J. Trump and Joseph J Biden

I to live debate between Donald J. Trump and Joseph J. Biden. I don't think it is a J. Middle initial for that. They're all J. They are? Yeah, for jumper. And so, we'll host a live debate, and then it'll be a warm up for the Rogan one. And we'll get in some good questions. Like, what questions should we ask in our presidential debate? How many first off, how many women have you had sex with? It's really important.

I think we know the answer for one. I think Biden would be like five. No. How many chicks do you think Joe Biden hold on? Let's not get disrespectful. Let's think about this, okay? Yeah. He...

How many times have you married twice? He's married twice. First wife, he lost in the car accident with the kid. Yes, so. Which is... Horrific. Horrific, but think about it, that was me. I would have to have some rebound pussy.

Like, I would be going for a, okay, is this bad? Are we already doing bad stuff? No, this is good. Is this why we're not getting on presidential debates? He might not like it at this point. No, he probably won't. But we're being real. What I'm saying, I think.

Like, you're not going back into a relationship. He didn't just lose his white. He knew fucking way. Yeah, I think it is. You're dealing with shit and you got all these emotions. Yeah. You're gonna take it out on fucking strange. Left and right. I think it's a pretty low number.

Now, I mean, how many times have you been married, that of Joseph J. Biden? You can just type Joe Biden. Just type in Joe Biden. He's been married twice. Yeah. Father of four kids. Yeah.

Joe Biden. Okay. That's first question. How many women you've been with? All right. Let's talk about let's let's really pitch ourselves for a person. Here's the thing. We know that they're listening.

Trump's going to play it down. Oh my god. It's such a high number. Oh, it's so crazy. And you know, he's gonna be like He's gonna eat Trump's kind of guy that's like after that. He's like, you know, it's like double that right? Yeah Yeah, he's come on. I mean, you know, I fuck he's like oh, I'll say you some digital Just for the record. I don't count Asians. I mean, yeah

Ivana his fucking okay, we do okay, that's the first question. How many chicks have you had sex with, okay? Oh my God. Next question, we're gonna catch him off guard. Have you ever said the N word? Yeah. Right? You know Trump will be like, quick, yeah, oh, definitely.

I mean, well, there's a lot of words to begin with in. That's gonna be Biden, that'll be Biden. Biden will be like, you know. Do you mean never? Do you mean, ah, okay, we gotta flip him, trust me. So now, all right. And then we can't, Trump's flipping 17.

What? And by the two, goddamn it, talking, I mean, no. Okay, all right. What's another good question? Do, let's do it like a one that gonna like Mexicans for them or against them Pie the book for them and drumble go for them to then for them, but they got to do it the right way I'd be ever committed to hate crime

Yeah, they're both gonna be like wait, what's this? Like what kind of debate is this? I think it would both going to be like, wait, what's that? What kind of debate is this? I think it would be fun to be like, what's the most you ever spent on Pussy? He, I don't know, they would, they would, it would be fun to do that, like the type of cognitive test, you know? Like that thing be like, how far gone are you guys? Yeah. Like here's here's some like kind of remedial math question. Why don't we do it with a lie detector? Like a okay a train leaves Houston. Oh, give him a riddle.

Yeah, okay. You've got a bag of a bag of seed, a pig and a boat. Exactly. And a rattlesnake. And you got to get them across the river. a bag of seed, a pig, and a boat. Exactly. And a rattlesnake. And you gotta get them across the river, but you can only take two things at a time. Right.

How do you do it? How do you do it? And you have to do it under 30 minutes. You take the kayak. I'm gonna see if I can figure out how to get there. You take the pig over first. You drop him off the one side. You leave the rattlesnake in the bag.

You know, at a certain point, I think Trump would be like, I think these two guys are clowns. I'm outta here. He would just leave. Who do you think would like us more, Trump or Biden? Um, I think. I think Biden would in a closed-door circumstance where he could be the guy that he really is.

Yeah. I think the guy he's pretending to be is not, I think he has to, he'd have to be. Don't take this the wrong way, okay? I think Trump would love you. I think Trump would love you. I think. I think. I think Trump would love you. I think.

I think. I think Trump would love you. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think.

I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think.

I think. I think. I think. I night at the White House next week. I can't believe this. Yeah. He showed me naked pictures takes his shirt off. Fucking hilarious. I like this guy. I like them. I like them. He likes Seth Meyers and I'm like, I never met him. He's like, I started talking about. He'd be like, Bert, you know what I really miss? Black jokes. You got me?

You know what I'm saying? Can I tell you it's great? Tom, we get at the end of the wrap. We do like a wrap. We did this big picture. This is horrible already. And they have these black lives matter signs and they're walking around and they're getting pictures with like everyone holding up the black lives matter signs. Everything we're in Atlanta. I think I don't know what it would say is predominantly a African American shoot, but a lot of people color on the set. So they got this one where they're all set up Cody's there. I think Snoop's there. Can, like, Tio, all the, and Tio, no, it's his name, but he's just, he was just a, it's not the same one.

Okay. Cody's married to a black chick, and so they're all on stage and they're like, Bert, they got a big black class matter. Like, Bert get in the picture, I go, ah, I'm probably the wrong guy. And they're like, get in the picture, I go, guys, this is the picture they're gonna use

when I get fucking canceled. And they're like, what? And I was like, okay,'re like, get in the picture, I go, guys, this is the picture they're gonna use when I get fucking canceled. And they're like, what? And I was like, okay, so then I get in the picture. I got the picture, you can find it. It's on someone posted it, but we were all laughing, so I was like, I tell jokes for living, sometimes they're off color,

and this is the picture they will use when that joke comes up, and I get canceled. It'll be me holding a black lives matters and they're like, gee, you don't even take it seriously. It was crazy. It was crazy because I've had people do that before to me. It's interesting. I obviously support black lives matters, but so I don't mind being in front of that sign. But there is a weird like, I don't want to virtue signal and put that things out there for anything. And so I would never.

But I would argue that that's not virtue signal. You know that the majority of people see a celebrity wearing a black lives matter shirt or posting it up in the thing and think that is virtue signal. Right, but I'm saying, I'm making the point that like, if you really care about something, whatever it is, doesn't have to be that.

If you care about something or something's meaningful to you and you post it and somebody goes, you're virtually signaling, fuck them. I mean, you. But I do feel weird about like, I just, I don't really, I don't really, I don't know what you're saying. I don't have affiliation with any, but I've had people hold shit up in front of me a lot

and not known what it is. Right. And you're like, how many things have I been in front of that I'm like, fucking, I don't know what that is. Like, I have no clue. Or do people holding up sign, hey, can you say this to the camera? And for the longest time, I just said

whatever the fuck anyone wanted me to say. Yeah. I didn't give a fuck. And now it's been politicized, but I didn't realize it until, and cause a lot of people would come up with their Black Lives Matter sign at the end of our shoot And just be like, Burke can I get a picture with you?

And they'd hold up the sign in front of me and I had to look at it So I'm like, please say it's something good because I don't know what the fuck you you got us It's I you don't see it. They just put it in front of you and then you get you take the picture and then you walk around You're like, oh, thank fucking God. Yeah, it's not that or some something. I don't know like a don't try to on me snake And everyone's like, oh, he's a racist now and something I don't know like a don't try to on me snake and everyone's like Oh, he's a racist now and you're like oh fuck, but So yeah, there's a bunch of pictures of me with black lives matters. Yeah, that's fine That's fine. I'm sure there's probably ones blue live matters all I'm sure that everyone's taking those all over the fucking place

What is there another Lyle? Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I got off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got a bunch more. Okay, let's hear it. So this one is from Harry. Okay. Hi Tom, hi Bert. It's Harry here from England. And I'm happy to be Bert's English hype man.

I'll give you some lines that you can use here. Okay. Let's hear what they are. Bert doesn't smell. He just has a very innovative approach to hygiene. Uh, this guy's really got me with the way he says, innovative. Yeah, that's a really good one. I think that's, that's perfect when someone's like, you smell like shit and then boom.

A bird doesn't smell. Yeah. Look guys, I'm sorry, but bird is one of our finest minds and you really aren't going to have to shut up and hear him out. I like that and I'll tell you why he's right about that. The other guy was a little more lower class. This is a little more like upper class in a way of defending you.

I like it and it's a little like gaslighting people. Yeah. The way he does it. And I'll tell you what, I'm done with people regurgitating information they've heard on podcasts. That is all I fucking hear. I listen to podcasts the other day and it was two people talking about shit. I've heard a million times. Same talking points, regurgitated parodying shit that I fucking here. I listened to a podcast the other day and it was two people talking about shit.

I've heard a million times. Same talking points, regurgised parroting shit that I've heard. And I had a dream about it. It was a definitely a snoop dream. I got high and I had a dream that Brad Pitt was trying to cut my feet off. And he said to me,

he was as he was doing it and I was letting him do it because it's Brad Pitt. I was like, he said something and I said, yeah, man, I don't know what you're talking about. And he was like, I'm just a fucking moron. And he goes, no, you're not a moron. He goes, you have brilliant ideas and they are your own. I'm telling you ideas I've heard, these aren't my own ideas. And he goes, you want to be the guy who comes up with the idea?

And then I thought, how many people have really been open-minded enough to wipe the ass with just their bare hand? Yeah. That's innovative in the sense that like, innovative in that I am thinking out of the box. You are. As opposed, like I'm living out of the box. Yeah.

And arguing about my lifestyle out of the box as opposed to just being in the box, not the fucker. Like how many people are doing kale shakes because they heard about it somewhere. Why don't you just, like it's so many people, I wish I could tell you the podcast I listened to. It was driving me nuts because I was like, I was like, pro, you're not intelligent.

I know you're not intelligent. Well, we get this constantly with just, when you talk to comics are really fun to talk to, very funny, obviously, and imaginative people, but you'll just hear their shit like someone with a strong opinion. You do know anything actually about this? And it's like, no. I honestly take pride in the fact that I don't know

a lot of shit and I don't spout off opinions, but I am whatever fucking broken way my brain thinks, at least are original ideas sometimes. Yes. And I was like, and I may not have a million of them, but I got a couple. Got a couple. Yeah. Drink and Erie has your back.

I like this guy. In the end of the movie. You know what? Some of the smartest people ever live entirely off Kool-Aid. There you go. By the way, you know what else like Kool-Aid? Snoop Dogggy Talk. Love school late.

You guys talk about it? We talked about school late, but it's fine line on explaining who I am and just playing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that some of the crew had your shirt, the school late shirt. Some of the crew.

I would say the majority of the crew that worked in the show was fans of the show. The craft services lady Started stocking uncrustables for me And you know how hard it is say not around crossable Yeah, then I go back to my trailer one day and there's a box of uncrustables in your trailer And she laid out four on the table to cool to like get your room temp. I just murdered them I murdered them. I couldn't stop eating fucking uncrustables. Impositive.

Dude, every day I go, I need something more. Except my cousin, fucking Andrew, signed me up to be Pescatarian. And so all I got was fish meals. And then halfway through, I'm like, I feel healthy, but I am like scrolling hardy shit. And so I started ordering zacks, bees every day. Yeah.

Chicken tenders. How was that? It was amazing. Good for you. Very good for you. And then the last day, I walked by a snoop trailer and I said to a wall and a pop I go, hey, what's for lunch today and they looked at me and they go, we don't need this shit.

And I was like, wait, what do you eat? And they go, we're getting ox tails. And I went, you guys are getting ox tails. We get ox tails every day. And I went, you have it. And they can tell that I was genuinely hurt. They didn't once think about asking me guys are getting oxtails. We get our oxtails every day And I went you haven't and I you they could tell that I was genuinely hurt They didn't once think about asking me if I wanted oxtails. Yeah, and they're like do you want oxtails? And I was like very badly and then I showed up my trailer

There were oxtails in my trailer and I fucked them up. How good were they dude? Oxtails are amazing Yeah, but you could dox tail tastes like damn. I would have to say fucking dog You think I hear him out. No, no, no, no, no, no, hear him out. Here him out. Thank you That was perfect Tails are good I fucking deals when you pet a dog Never mind I gotta be careful what is. Alright, my fucking geezer, he's a fucking geezer. Let the man have a few words with you.

While you just back the fuck up and listen, you absolute bender. Alright, shut up, sit down, let the dog shagger over here, have a fucking word in your ear. Alright. See, this is really good. This is really good. I mean, these different lials are really enticing. I feel like that that lial is who I always imagined the lial to be. Yeah.

You know, I think the sophisticated lials and interesting ones, but this one makes it sound like that if the person doesn't let you finish, that this guy's gonna fuck them up. Yeah, I like, by the way, this was a brilliant idea to have liles. Yes. This was a burr out of the box. Out of the box, thinker. This podcast might be the best podcast in the world.

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. I enjoy it. Is it bad that I can listen to our own podcast on laugh? No. I listen to this podcast. I've listened to this to laugh. I can listen to our own podcasts on laugh? No. I listen to this podcast. I've listened to this to laugh.

I've listened to this podcast on the treadmill and been dying laughing and someone's like, what are you laughing so hard at? And I'm like me. They're like, you're listening to yourself. I go, and this guy listening to me, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there another one?

Yeah, so that one was James from Essex. James from Essex. He really hit it out of the park. He really, I mean, like if this was an audition kind of is, we, he'd be getting a call back. So yeah, we got a couple more from James then. Okay. Hang on, whoa, whoa, stop a second.

Let Bert talk, okay. Give him a minute and let the man talk. That's a really, he's really killing it. Yeah, he is, man. That's really, that's how I imagined the wild to be. He makes me want to have a pint, you know? Yeah. Like, I want to have a pint of beer after this. You're just like spewing shit that doesn't make sense. It's offending everyone. He's like, oh, don't, oh, don't.

Let him talk. No, listen to me, you absolute Toby. Stop interrupting him. He's got a good point, right? You might have had a skimful you might have had one too many to drink But the man makes a lot of sense. What's up? What's the top down? Keep your lips stumb and let Bert finish what you say This goes killing it keep your lips. I assume it's fantastic. Why is what's a Toby? I mean, it's got to be like a tool. I guess right? That's what he's saying. Oh, yeah, Google Toby. Yeah, you fucking Toby You've pretty slank Toby a

Drinking mug in the shape of a human head with a hat atop Wow, oh, wait no scroll down A Toby someone love will carry their very good friend hmm I tell you, someone loved will carry their very good friend. Hmm. Any oldest baby, and it was the partner for the buttocks. You apt to tell me. He's called, I mean, it's definitely like an insult. That's great.

That's great. Does he have any more? I'm from Jim. Can we get any for Tom? That's it from James. Yeah, we're about to get into that. We got one more for you from Marco. Okay.

Well, well, well, take it easy, Giza. It seems to be a bit of a misunderstanding yet, bro. See, when Mama Bursad, you look like the type of guy who bums fags, you misinterpreted that. As him said, you look like the type of guy who might be a homosexual or a potha or a bandeir, but what what he actually meant was you look like you might want to borrow a cigarette, right? Trust me, I'm fucking British. So take your cigarette and fucking do one you can.

That was very specific. Very specific. I'd have to be calling someone. Yeah. I'd have to be asking for a cigarette for that one to work. Yeah, like so give us the heads up on what the subject is, so Burke can actually start with it, you know? That's really, those are fucking awesome.

Yeah. All right, so this one is, he wasn't looking at your wife, is what the clip is. Okay, so you should be like, hey, look at that chick over there. Hey, hey, hey, look at that chick, huh Tom? What do you mean he was looking at your wife? Don't flatter yourself, you fucking bellend.

Marma'e Bertie, fucks dogs. And even he wouldn't go near your Mrs. with a 10-foot barge pole. There you go. Marma'e Bertie, fucks dogs. Yeah. This is a really good thing. Yeah, this is really...

You're gonna have to hire a lion. I need a lion to just walk around with me. By the way, I had one. My producer on the show was British. Yeah. Yeah, and he just taught me like he'd say, he called people a shower of cunts. I loved it. My friend Mike told me that there's 11,

he's Lebanese, I guess there's an Arab insult that said, may it rain a thousand dicks in your mother's cunt is like a Arab insult. That's awesome. That's so great. Yeah. Oh, That's awesome. That's so great. Yeah. Oh, that's great.

We need, we need, yeah, that's an awesome one. Yeah. All right, is it, is those all the ones, the British ones? Yep, those are all the British ones. So now do we have black ones for Tom? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Okay, so I just said something stupid, I guess, right?

Um, yeah. So you just said, you just said a point that maybe a lot of people might not agree with. Okay? And fucking deal with it, alright? Why don't you let my niggatown finish this, my fucking point? Oh god! Hold on! Hold on!

Hold on! Fucking black hype men are better than fucking hype men! That is... So I almost stopped him when I apologize Play that again play that again Why don't you let my nigga Tom finishes my fucking point. Oh, okay, okay, so so We have a name of this gentleman. Yeah, this is avery avery I have a name of this gentleman. I'm obsessed.

Yeah, this is Avery. Avery. Wow, that's a very common. Avery's got a bunch of options. Okay. So let's say for example, a little bird just says, hold on one second, one second, one second.

This is what I love. This is what I love about a, I'm just breaking down why a hype man's great. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that they're taking words that we know, changing them into their own and forcing you to listen to what they're saying,

this is brilliant right here. So when he says innovative, innovative, it forces you to listen because you go, did he just say that word wrong? Yeah, yeah. And then now you're listening. Now you're actually dialed into that. And that's what we need out of a hype man.

When Avery says, ma fucking, Moved. It's almost like he's taking you for a ride in a car and you can feel the tinted windows and the back of it laid down when he says, mother fucking. Play Avery, mother fucking one more time.

Why don't you let my nigga Tom finish his ma fucking point? It forces you to listen. Yeah, and now you go. I'm gonna let Tom Yeah, yeah, Avery is fucking awesome keep going. I can listen to this all day Aper why don't you shut the fuck up and tell that mom fuck over there to pull up the video We need to keep that one yeah, like ready really accessible, okay? Really accessible Can you send that to me so I have that as my ringtone for what he calls me? Every killed it man. Oh fuck is there a sicker this motherfucker Tom knocking me this motherfucking job Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Okay Hey hold on man y'all shut the fuck up let this nigga finish and we're here to say My bad time go

That this is so great. I want this at home. You know what I want this to play for my kids Play that one again They're like dad dad dad You shut the fuck up let this nigga finish and we're here to say Play that one again, man. Yeah, they're like, Dad, Dad, Dad. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, from Madness. Hey, Olim, I'm a man, you just fucking point out, dog. Oh, that's perfect, that's really perfect and simplistic. Yep, it's so funny, these are. That's a good, that's a good wife one. You know, when like you're the wife,

that keeps talking, you're like, hey, hey, hey, hey. You know what we need to do? We need to, I think this might be cancelable, but we need to do Make this a show no I wonder if they're I wonder if we would be fooled if a white guy did these accents. Oh, yeah Do you think a white guy could trick us and we would not know that he's white? Very few.

The answer is yes, but a very, very small percentage. That is, like white folks. White folks from Memphis could fool us. No. Yes, he could. White folks from Memphis. White folks 275, is that his handle? Oh, he's a person?

He's a person, yeah. He could, if you close your eyes, actually you should close your eyes. Okay, I'm gonna close my eyes. Play a clip, do this, okay? Play a clip. Just go white. I'm a black guy, and then I'm,

and then I'm white folks, and I'll tell you which one's white folks. Okay, can you figure out how to do that? Yeah, it's like, oh, you can open your eyes. I'll look at it because having him search for it is like, you know, just makes me want to if I can kill somebody. Let's see here.

That is, I hate to say it't I can't tell which is better to have a high have a height man. Yeah Okay, here we go close your eyes Oh, hey, you draw some you draw some Your mouth That's a white guy that's a white guy. It's a white guy. Yeah Wait, so it's okay. So it's it's white folks on Instagram W. H. Y. T. E Wait, what it F O L K ZL-K-Z-375. He's a hustler, man. What does he do?

Spitz game. Get fucked up, makes music. Okay, go to like, close your eyes again. Okay. Second to last post there. Can you put, can you play that one? See, that's probably, is that music, too? It's time to all the air room.

It's all over. It's all over. I can show you guys what I mean. It's all on the road. It's all on the road. It's all on the road. I can show you guys what I mean. It's all on the road. It's all on the road.

It's all on the road. It's all on the road. It's all on the road. It's all on the road. It's all on the road. It's all on the road. It's all on the road. It's all on the road. It's all on the road. It's all on the road. It's all on. But I ever see you on my stuff. Sit down as you fall.

I'm gonna, uh, summon us up. Mm-hmm. Ha-ha-ha. How do you get a voice like that? You could, he, I don't know. I think he's been, you grew up in Memphis. I don't know.

He's, he's been, I don't know, hanging these streets for a long time. I mean, I see him drinking that way and I go, I don't know anything to worry about. What do you mean? Oh. How old is White folks? I have no idea.

It's got to be like 55 or something, right? Maybe. So wait, is he a rapper? I don't really know, man. I mean, I think he's a pent- How did you find him? Uh, I got tagged in a video that he posted. He hit me up, though.

Yeah. He was cool about it, yeah, because I'm, I don't think he'd seen a deep fake. Somebody put my face on it. I saw that. He was like, that's me. And I was like, yeah, I know. He's like, why do people think it's you?

Because they put my face on it. Wait, is there magic in the back? Yeah, I was like, no, man, it's just a trick. Yeah, I couldn't tell if that was a white dude or a black dude. That's what I'm saying though, but the percentage, like somebody that to do it like that, I mean, it is kind of like, you're talking about. You think Frank Kelliando could do a black dude's voice?

He could do, I think, respectfully, I think he could do probably what we would consider now. Somebody said this. I think Ian Edwards said that Eddie Murphy needs to update his black guy voice because like the way that he did stand up he'd be like, yeah, well you know what I mean? And then all of a sudden you go like, oh that's like a 20-year-old like quote, black guy voice. So you'd have to kind of like update it. I think that like Frank

will probably be doing that kind of like, like, yeah, brother. You know where you go, like, well, no, no, that doesn't actually sound. Be brilliant, frankly. I'll do a very authentic. Maybe he can. And I shouldn't be challenging. Well, it'd be crazy, because he's probably good at it. But... See if there's a...

I watched this video of this guy from Boston one time. Yeah. Just walk around the city for like 30 minutes. And he was just, they were just interviewing his accent in the way he said things. It's type in Boston man accent and see if it comes up in YouTube. No, go to, I gotta obsessed with this accent because it was so, no, keeps cross-screwed out, scrolled out. Yep, that's him, that's him, that's him.

I watch this. Real thick, three million views, three years ago, I watch this whole thing. Listen the way this guy talks, okay? Okay. Sunday. Sunday, Sunday. Sunday will be bartender.

Yeah, come this way, Sunday too. Come, just just just don't go and ask me at the door. I do. You know that, don't that, that's that clam right? He works. He goes to the shaman state. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I see him all the time at school. And I say, what's up? I don't get boo out of the kid.

Nothing. No, she's got some serious problems. I accept. Come on, Bob. We don't. Just ask me today. I'm like, Jimmy, take care. I actually... Come on, Bob.

Doesn't that sound to me like parts of it sound more like New Yorkie? Like, hey, how you doing? It does. It does. I'm accent's a really interesting because... I think, for me, because I didn't grow up with the Boston accent, it's a harder one to duplicate, you know? I can't do it. I can't do it at Boston.

I can do... I can't do it Boston. I can do I I think Boston if you if that is hard if you didn't like hear it a lot what what accent could you not have sex with? Could I not oh my god like that I think it's called the Middic Atlantic accent. It's the um Philly the Philly Baltimore Baltimore. Oh pull up Baltimore Baltimore accents are fucking horrific. I mean, my dick goes up inside of me and out of my ass hole when I hear it. I want hot Baltimore chick. Hot Baltimore chick.

I... We gotta hire somebody else to do this. Oh no, you're going to get is that Kim Clarkick. Give you a heard of she is. What are we doing right now? She's a Republican listening to the party. Because she's going viral. Yeah, hang on.

We're trying to listen to accent. We know anyone that has a Baltimore accent that is there anyone in comedy? Well, Ciclar can do it. Ciclar perfectly. Yeah, Baltimore. Baltimore can do it perfectly. Yeah, yeah, Baltimore Baltimore Bommor, yeah, he goes he goes The national anthem oh say can you see by the dawns are we white?

It's so fun type him just let me hear some Baltimore. Oh my god. I am gonna fucking run into the booth right now I see bottom X's say this freeze out loud Oh Why This is not what we're talking about. It's a Baltimore. No, dumb dumb. I want to hear Baltimore porn. I want to hear porn in Baltimore.

Okay. Type in girl from Baltimore. Accent. Okay, Tuesday, she's gonna say, right? Okay, let's see what that one is just click the fucking link I'm back here in Baltimore with the family on Christmas Day, and I want to teach everyone I'm sorry Baltimore and I'm gonna teach everyone how to speak Baltimore's with the help of my family here. Here's the word. All right, my Pronouns that word water

Water I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner.

I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner.

I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. Picture. Picture! P-I-X! Question mark. These are like authentic accents. But it'd be better if it's a woman. Yeah, just, you know, like that's the search. Like find the girl talking who's got scroll down, scroll.

No, let's see this little tart. Who's this one? I never thought I had an accent but everyone else told me I did two different parts of the country So that would be I've I've had Lee I like lands accent, but there's times when you're like Call get it. Yeah. Maryland. Maryland. Mm. Can you find it? I would, okay, I'm looking for it. My favorite accents is British is insane South African.

That's really South African chicks. That's really hot accent. Let's rank top five accents to fuck. I'll tell you one that is not Irish. It's not one you want to hear. Yeah, no. I think South African is super hot. South African might be the hottest.

I think like that's so hot. Oh my God. Oh yeah. And then like Argentine. You said the pancakes. What? I don't know what's with accent is that is a Do not I want I want that big pancakes Big chocolate chips in my pancake. Oh, you're doing okay, Pulp fiction girl Murder you're like he just wants to do get fucked in the ass. Yeah, who's?

Blue berries I want blue Barry's, it's a big blue bag. No, no, no, no, you didn't ask about my breakfast. I'm gonna crush your fucking skull. Yeah, which is what he wants to do. Yeah, he's like, you can go get it, that's why. A, I could never fall in love with that long island, I said accent.

Like I hooked up with a girl for Liverpool once. That's a fucked up accent. Where did you hook up with her? In New York, one of my only ones I stands. I told you this, she drank Kavacea and smoked cool cigarettes. And the whole time I was like, this is what it smells like the fuck-tupac. I could not get into it because it just had a very authentic like Kavacea and Paul like it was like such a weird

mixture to drink and yeah and I she called me one time and I talked her on the phone after when she got home. I called her and She had a car bombing right by her house. Yeah, and so I was like I hooked up with a chick from Ireland one time. That was a horrible accent. Because I thought it would be sexy as fuck, but it's not. Yeah, I'm gonna die an old maid.

Ooh. And I was like, what? No one ever loves me. No, Danny. No, no, no. Oh, Danny, boy. My dick's not hard. Yeah, that's not hard.

Italian accents super sexy, right? Somebody with an Italian. Oh, yeah. Italian accent, like if you think of one accent that was meant to get pregnant, that's Italian. Italian, yeah. Like that was, they were, it's such a... Which is like a language.

If they're speaking English, I can also never really distinguish who's Greek. Greek sounds very similar. It's exactly. Type in, type in, type in, who's the fucking okay? Top Guns part do that girls accent? Yeah, that girls accent. What's oh, she might be French. Could be French. Sexy.

How about how sexy's it when like Salma Hayek speaks? I mean she's Mexican obviously. Is she? Yeah. Yeah. What do you think she was from? South America. No, she's Mexican obviously. Is she? Yeah. I know that. Yeah. What do you think she was from? South America.

She's Mexican. Mexican Mexican Mexican. She's celebrity speaking. Some hot interview. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Her love French cheese. Yeah. Perfect.

So, one of the subject of this movie is a- His accent's pretty hot too. Yeah. Let me hear her. Yeah. Let's see. I do remember as a child, a very early age looking at an area in my little town where the houses were very, very tiny shops. Very, very tiny shops. Very, very tiny shots.

I don't know how to say anything. I don't know how to say in English, is the sexiest thing. Yeah, yeah. Because now I feel like I got a hell. Now she married a French guy. He's a billionaire. OK.

By the way, did she and she really love them? So much. Can you ever really love a billionaire? It's hard, right? Yeah. The question is, would she date a man who's poor? No. No, not at all. Not at all. That's hard, right? Yeah, the question is, which he didn't introduce poor? No. No, not at all.

Not at all. That's what, see that's- Pull up a picture of him. Oh, okay. I have a, he better look, he better be an extra race car. Images. There you go.

Here's the guy. No. I mean, you know, no disrespect. The first, no, she's a big, click that link. Click that link. Inside the lavish life of Selma Hayek and Notre Dame Savior, Husband. Who got her and Supermodel Linda

and Angelisa Pregnant in the same year. Okay. Who got her and Supermodel, Linda and I released a pregnant in the same year. Okay, he is a baller. He is a fucking baller. I'm wrong, whatever he's got, she wants, and she's getting it. He's the man who pledged 86 million euros to rebuild the Notre Dame in Paris when it comes on. He kind of looks like James Craig a little bit.

A little bit, Daniel Craig. Daniel Craig. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Hey, I Craig. Daniel Craig. Yeah, a little bit. Hey, I'm gonna go ahead and toss you. That's roughly a hundred million dollars to fix that thing that you were bummed out about. I bet he puts it down. I bet he does.

He got them both pregnant the same year. Two of the most famous, it's women on our island. And you know what, you know what, I bet he didn't say sorry. No. He doesn't, he's a little bit. Click his, click his, his you know you know I bet he didn't say sorry. No he doesn't he's a click is click is His you know wiki his wickipedia, you know he just was like He was like yeah, I'm also a billionaire

Yeah, I will get people pregnant from time to time. That is what billionaires do Yeah, I apologize. My name's fresh wall pinnalt Yeah, I apologize. My name's Frasual Pinult. Let's see, businessman, yeah. CEO of Carring, president of the group, Artemis. Married to Selma Hayek since 2009. Look at that net worth, bro. Where, where, where?

Oh, no. 33 billion. What did he do? Yeah, yeah, spouses. I bet he does shit like he's like, of course I've had a fetus, I've eaten a fetus. Oh, it's shit that you, like shit that you can't get. You'd be like, huh? Let's see here.

Oh my God. I wouldn't mind one billion. When you hang on, hang on, we just had a curiosity. He's worth 33.2 billion. How much is that point two? $200 million. Just the point two. The point two, yeah.

It's more than, more than I have. It is more than you have. How do I, okay, let's workshop this. Let's reverse engineer this, okay? How do I get there? Good, this is good. Let's put this out there. How do I guys there? Good, this is good. Let's put this out there. How do I guys, I need help.

I need, I'm looking to raise a billion dollars. Okay. What if we can do a Kickstarter? And what's the billion for? I haven't figured it out yet, but it's for good. I wonder how much I could raise from a Kickstarter of let's make part a billionaire. Yeah. And here's the goal. If I don't get a billion,, let's make Burt a billionaire. Yeah.

And here's the goal. If I don't get a billion, it all goes back to everyone. I think that's what would happen. So I get to $300 million. Oh no. I don't think that would be an issue. People would throw money at it, going, let's get him to just under a billion dollars

and then take it away Can you imagine if this was like if it was like a nine hundred million people are like oh my god He's gonna make it you're gonna get your I get the ninety eight million I'm like all I got to do is get past a billion and I keep it and there's just There's a team of scientists watching the internet going no No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Tom and I would like to be billionaires. Yes. We are starting a Kickstarter campaign. To be billionaires. To be billionaires. Now, right now, we're going to tell you what we're going to do with this money, okay? And we want you to know that your throwing in your little $10, $20 here and there,

is going to a not necessarily a good cause. Yep, a fun cause. Fun. What do we buy? No, no, no, no, no. Hear him out, hear him out. Thank you. Tom.

Yes. What are we spending a billion dollars on? Type in Penalt and type in Ship Penalt owns. Penalt's that guy's name, right? I don't remember. Penalt. I remember. Summahirec.

Okay. Yep. And then type in Stuff He Owns. Penal. I remember. Summer Hyak. Okay. Yep. And then type in stuff he owns. We definitely need to buy a sports team. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. He's luxury-faction conglomerate, owns brands like Gucci.

You've started Lorenz, Balakana, McQueen. Okay. He's got to own more. So just pull up more, okay? Like, he actually, I'm sure. Oh, he's got family money. He didn't to own more. So just pull up more, okay? Like he actually, I'm sure. Oh, he's got family money. He didn't even make it. He got it from his dad.

Jesus Christ. Okay. Okay, so we need to, first of all, we need to be chairman of something. Okay, we gotta be chairman of this. How about, okay, this is what we're gonna buy. Yeah. We're gonna buy Planned Parenthood.

We're gonna buy Planned Parenthood. What are we gonna do with them? We're just gonna make sure everyone get abortions. Yeah. So we'll be chairman on the board of Planned Parenthood. We're gonna buy Planned Parenthood? What are we gonna do with them? We're just gonna make sure everyone can get abortions. Yeah. So we'll be chairman on the board of Planned Parenthood. He owns the auction house Christie's and a 3,000 piece art collection with works by a particular... We're not gonna do an art collection.

Okay, no. We're not doing it on... No fun. No fun. We are going to get... We're gonna... He's 84? He's 84? He looks great for that. He's a're gonna. He's 84.

He's 84. He looks great for that. He's a dropout. He's a high school dropout. Okay. All right. He, um, Tom, he owns a French soccer club. You're right. Yeah. So we're going to buy a sport.

I'm talking about. Go to his wiki and find out what else he owns. Scroll down. We're going to own a sports team. Number one, right? Yeah. Okay. We need to stand.

We need to be on the right? Yeah. Okay. We need to stand up. We need to be on the board of something. Okay. We need to start a charity. These are the things that we're going to do with this money. And then we can play with it. We can like get yachts and stuff like that. Okay.

But we need to set up why people want to give us a maybe we don't even need a billion dollars. Wow. That's a good concession to start with. Okay. How much do we need if we need to buy? How, type in how much the Tampa Bay bucks cost? I think it's gonna be pretty expensive. Okay, let's start, how about this? I got a better idea.

What else is the owned? Does it say what else the owns? Did you find anything else? Main rolls, main rolls, scroll, scroll, scroll. Okay. Soft computing football. Okay. Awards, football. Okay. Awards, fuck awards.

All right, what if we start? Mm-hmm. Are, are, this is our road to billions, okay? Okay. We start a holding company where if people pay in, they get a portion of our earnings. And me and you are gonna be in charge of this money. The number one thing we're doing with it is buying a sports team.

And then these people who donate money will then be member, there'll be part owners of this sports team as well. We'll give them shares to our company. Me and you get 50, we're going to be major owners. We'll sell 50% of our stakes in our share. Okay. So then we buy a sports team for one. I think that's the quickest way to make money. Okay. Is that bit we can find one for cheap right after

coronavirus? So wait, so we buy the cheapest NFL team. Yep. Cheapest NFL team. What's the, yeah, what is the least valuable NFL team? It's got to be like the fucking panthers or something. I don't know, man. It's got gotta be in the market and they can't The bangles and there were two billion dollars. It's a lot of money. We need our billion back Fuck it, but two billion that's a billion dollars In perspective as well, and this is a this is a really recent article. I mean look at it the actual link there. Let's see what the How the fuck am I supposed to team does it give you the list? Do you realize Joe couldn't buy a sports team? I'm sure there's a list there 4.4 billion dollars. Yeah, so it looks like the least valuable teams are are Titans. And the bills, the line Tampa Bay, 2.28.

We could buy Tampa Bay. Yeah, we still need 2.28 billion dollars though. How much do you think honestly we could raise from a Kickstarter? Not close to that. No, by mean like in like a fun like a fun thing. People are going like fuck, I'll give him a dollar. There's how many how many people are in the United States? 328 million about.

How many people are in Asia? We're gonna have to learn how to speak Mandarin. Yeah, a couple billion. Yeah. This is how the fuck do you make 200? There you go. All right, all right. Now we just need to focus on Asia.

Okay, okay. We put all our focus on Asia. This is why I fuck how you get money from people in Asia We like this is a fun board meeting. Yeah, this is by the way this is they'll be getting a lot of these We'll hold our board meetings live at on our show Mm-hmm and and as a watcher of you were you then can Know that you can hear. I like this man.

This is a brilliant idea. Look, let this marinate. Okay. I got it. Starting today, Tom and I are starting two bears, one cave holding corp. Okay. Your investment makes you a part owner of two bears one cave holding

corp. Now we're gonna start small. Right, but we will end up owning the bucks probably. And if you buy in, you will then be a part owner of the bucks. There's a lawsuit fucking. And the title is. It's making a fine point. Do you see how that just worked out? Uh-huh. That was one of my ideas that no one thought was gonna work. And all of a sudden it's fucking working. It's working.

And that's where you should invest in two bears one cave holding court. Holding court. Excellent point. Look, we're gonna wrap this up. We have another thing to do. But I just want to make this point real clear and we're very excited about the holding corp. Two bears live is October 15th.

And two bears one came alive. Two bears one came holding corp.com. Get it before it goes. Oh yeah, make sure you get that. Because this is our company. Okay. And it's first we're getting pictures with a bus in suits and sending back to back with a luxury yacht.

And Tom, we are going to do this. We're going to do this and and we're gonna make fucking billions. And we will all own the fucking years one day. This is the new, dumbest thing I've ever. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, merch method dot com slash Tom Segura and we will see you soon. No scripts to beat a booze amateur, Fatology, dirty jokes, Rancho Huber, no apologies. Here's what we call Two Bears One Case.