2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 55 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: November 9, 2020

Become a paid channel member of YMH to experience an AD-FREE version of the show here : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYIgiXwJck_Pb5Nj-wIrsqg/join SPONSORS: - You can try ShipStation FREE for 60 days when you use offer code CAVE. - Get your first visit absolutely free at ForHims.com/bears - Get 20% Off and Free Shipping at Manscaped.com/BEARS - Go to Whoop.com and enter “BEARS” at checkout to save 15% Bert Kreischer is back in the cave with Tom Segura for this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave. Bert and Tom start off this episode by reflecting on the guest hosts they had while Bert was away: Bobby Lee, Tim Dillon, and Ryan Sickler. They also recap their live show and the unaired arm wrestling matches that took place at Studio Jeans after the show. They take a look at fan art that has been made for their film "Fat Astronauts," before calling journalist Michael Stahl to discuss cool new lanes of boy-girl films such as PLASTT, which is a big hit with the bears. This leads to a conversation about comedian and boy-girl expert Yoshi Obayashi. Todd and Bart move on to discuss their future athletic challenges. On the topic of basketball, they call Whitney Cummings who happens to be a great player. The bears wrap up by discussing who would be on their 5 on 5 teams and great red-headed players.

The store has moved. All the merch is now at store.lyamhstudios.com. Maybe I'll start, maybe you know what I'll do? I'll find the Alex Jones of fitness and have him on my... Maybe I am the Alex Jones of fitness. 100% 100% Yeah, I don't like McConaughey either. Hey guys, welcome to another episode of

Two bears one cave your back We had a couple episodes without you. I missed you dearly. I thought you were not well But now I'm glad to see you're back. I'm glad I'm still a part of the show Yes, I thought I was gonna lose it to sickler. No, no, no, who do you think who do you think did the best? Because I'll tell you I feel like I feel like closest to this show is Bobby League's I feel like me and Bobby have same kind of you both have the same personality disorder. Yeah, yeah, but sickler everyone I mean sickler so great I mean sickler I got comments of like, why the fuck is Bert even on this show?

And I was like, thanks guys. I was like, wow. Well, I guess you guys like your stepdad more? No, I mean, he is, no, you know, I think it's like you and I, he and I have great chemistry. He's an old friend. He's hilarious man, he's got so many.

I fucking love sickler. He's so funny man. I can't wait to shoot a movie and I get to do. He's an old friend. He's hilarious, man. He's got so many. He's so much like, I fucking love Seclar. He's so funny, man. I can't wait to shoot a movie and I get to do one with Seclar and everyone's like, well, it's during COVID, right? So there's all these precautions now. So the movie offer was arrive to shoot the movie out of state. And we need you to arrive your first day of shooting is November 28th, which is two days after Thanksgiving. Okay. And I go, oh, okay, I go, can I arrive like the 27th? Yeah.

So that I can have Thanksgiving with my family. And they were like, no. So they go, but you'll only, we only need you until December 20th. Okay. So that's just under a month. All right. And I talked it over and we're like, I think we should do it. So I was like, okay, I can do this. Another day goes by and they go, we need you to arrive actually November 21st, one week before you start shooting. So you can quarantine and everybody in the production is going to do that. And I go, okay, so then I talked to Christina. I was like, well, bring the family out. You guys will stay there for, I'm on my own guessing no family. No, no, they said, that's okay. I go, you guys stay with me

two weeks. Then you go home and I'll finish out the movie. Next day they go, we need you to 21st, but we also need to be able to keep you till January 8th. And I go, why? They said, well, it's a COVID precaution that if someone tests positive during production, and they need a halt production, they have to be able to keep you

to be able to finish the shoot. Oh, so I go, okay, so, but will I, they're like, you'll only be there that late if it goes over. I'm like, so through Christmas and through New Year's and they're like, possibly, but they're like, don't forget, nobody else wants to stay, and you know, either, everybody wants to go home. So I'm like, considering it and I'm like,

well, let me talk to the producers and the director about this. And then right, 15 minutes before that call, they go, hey, the studio just called us, and your arrival date now has to be November 16th. And I go, for what? And they go, they just want more of a buffer of quarantine. And I go, I'm out. You just turned like 12 days of shooting into a seven week commitment.

I go, there's no way I can do it. That's crazy. So I would have been here and it definitely would have been the Burton Sikler show. Jesus Christ. You know Sikler by episode two, we just be like, are you really tired from laughing at each other? And you'd be like, yeah, we need to start talking. Yeah, you guys just going back and forth through your laughs. Wait, so that is crazy. That is crazy.

I know, man. I've gotten to the quarantine thing as bullshit in my head. Yeah. Like I'm just like, I've taken a COVID test, but like, like, I've spent, I have spent a great deal in COVID tests. I bet. Like everyone last night got home, Nurse Meets us at the front door.

And you know, and we, and I, by quarantine, for the four days on the ride home. So like on the bus ride home from Chicago to here, we stopped somewhere in Sedona, we stopped places where we get our Airbnb and then we don't have, we have zero contact. So we're kind of quaranting on our way home, except for Ron has to go to the bathroom and what not. And, and then, and then we get tested. But yeah, I think it's ridiculous that I mean when we did the big show for go big show fucking go big show for TBS go big show That's the my game show coming out in January and so you've done more during quarantine than anybody in the pandemic I mean like you had a special come out you had an Netflix series come out

You've done more live dates and and you also came to come here. And you have like four podcasts. Yeah. I've been really hustling now. I mean, you really have been. The only thing I haven't done is I've been really good with not drinking during the pandemic. You have been or you've not?

I think if I lived my life. I did talk to you the other day, and you're like, I'm pretty drunk right now. I've been, oh, the run of this tour home, I was like, I'm pretty sure I'm stomach-cooked. I gotta ask you about this, because I've always said this, and I've known it to be true.

I'm hung out with you countless times drinking, and when you drink, I don't have any fucking clue that you've been drinking too much. Like you'll be like, I'm fucking hammered, and I'm like, you are, and you're like, yeah, but drink this is like, fucking eight o'clock this morning. Can't tell.

On the live show, you were sloshed. Like a mess. I do not know. So wait, why was it so apparent you were drunk? You thought I have no idea. Oh, I think I think, so I get anxiety other enough when people say I need to drink. Like on 21st birthday, initiation of attorney,

like weddings, like, 21st birthday, initiation of eternity, like weddings, like I get anxiety about it and I don't handle alcohol well in those moments because I feel like people are watching me so I drink more. Okay, but normally, I think normally when I do drink, I actually don't drink as much as people think, but I do drink, I can drink throughout the day and not be hammered.

He was so drunk. I was so drunk I woke up on the plane the next day and my arm hurt and I was like, why is my fucking arm hurt? And Andrew was like, you arm wrestled everyone at the studio's last night. Everyone. I was like, no I didn't.

And then all my only recollection, I know. To everyone. I lost to everyone. My only recollection of that was any saying to me very confidently, like in a weird kind of energy going, we got done and he just, I don't know if this is accurate, but I remember him walking and going, I want to arm wrestle you.

And I was like, what? And he was, I could beat you in arm wrestling. I could beat you right now. And I was like, okay. But like, I love that energy. So I was like, fine. And I remember him starting it. So I was like, fine. Yeah. And I remember him starting it and I couldn't figure out where his energy came from. Like was I talking shit about arm wrestling or something? I was by the way, so fucking stoned out of my mind. My greatest moment, my greatest moment

ever is when when he showed his, when Owen Gray showed his cock, the line you say directly after, well, can people never see that now? No, they can, they can go to a Reynolds page. It's a, if you go to my website, because it's off of the YMH virtual site, it's on TomSegra.com slash Rentals, and you can rent it. That was the greatest, that was the greatest. I don't know, we've, it's been a while since we've put it

with, since we've done it, maybe. Yeah. But that was one of the times I woke up in Hollywood. This sounds so fucking silly. I've got to hample the times, and it all happened this past week. Hample the times where I woke up and I said, I feel like I'm moving in the right direction.

I feel like I belong in this business. I feel like I'm doing big things in this business for the first time. So often you see people like Sebastian. It's very, very quantifiable when you sold out four shows at Madison Square Garden. Bill Burr, 18 shows at the Wilbur, those moments. And for me, I sound silly, but it was like waking up and going,

I didn't know numbers at the time. I mean, if you watch, now we do. And we can both say it was more than we expected and more very happy with that. But I woke up going, that was, and I know it's just us looking at a dude's dick at point times, but it was, I go, that was legit entertainment.

Like that was so fun. That was like, that was my movie premiere. Yeah. I woke up the next day going like, fuck yeah. And then coupled by the cabin was successful that week and it was like the number one show and I was like, I was like, I literally was like,

at the top of the thing going like, God man. Isn't that crazy too, and then there'll be like an article about you next month that goes like overnight since like, he just popped and you know what I've been doing this like 20 some years man. It's, we know it's interesting is,

there's, I hope it's interesting is, I hope I'm saying this right. There are two different types of success. Like one is me and you what we do for our fans, which is not, is not like commercially acceptable at times. Right. Yeah, no. And then the cabin,

which by the way also isn't commercially acceptable at times either, but then all of a sudden that next day after we did that, I started getting calls from like Maxim and GQ, like, did you want to do an article? And I was like, this is how people get in trouble. Yeah. Because I have two different faces in this business. I have this one which is like direct to like,

the people that want to come see us do live shows. It's what we do for a living. Right. And then you have this other side of Hollywood. It's us do live shows. That's what we do for a living. Right. And then you have this other side of Hollywood. It's a totally different thing. It's a totally different thing. And I think it's actually like the line is growing larger between them where you go like. And I think the funny thing is that those mainstream traditional successful people are all the

ones looking at us going like, how do you guys do this? Like, I want to do the, I want to not be bowing down to some corporate entity or some suit telling me that that joke doesn't work, you should say this and they're taking their orders from people whereas we get to do what we want to do. I started, we talked about fat astronauts and I started writing the outline on my phone

on the note section of just beating it out and I wrote it for the people watching this, right? I didn't write it for Hollywood. Because I was like, Hollywood wouldn't get it. You know, come all over a spaceship. Like they would just look at that. I love that fucking poster.

And I love that whoever first suggested Fats-Tronauts. Fats-Tronaut Ah, these are amazing. These make me wonder. So what does it say on the last one on the bottom? The one before it says, come on NASA, don't be stingy. Only these two text, okay. All right.

By the way, by the way, the one thing pointed out everyone that knows I have a part time mispronounce. Oh, okay. Is, by the way, by the way, the one thing pointed out everyone that everyone that knows I have a part time miss printout What is that oh Christine Max Christie Mac. Yeah, she is definitely gonna camera. Oh, and by the way, Christie Mac has an open offer What to oh, I heard that wrong To come on fat astronauts the movie. Yeah, and train us um, I Yeah, it was it was

It's hilarious man. It was funny to impress the next day was like because everyone as soon as Things that we're looking good with the cabin everyone was like hey, we want to get you on this one get you on this and then they're like so tell us about The cabin and I was like, well, hey, did you see me and Tom had our dicks tethered together and they're like, huh? On the cabin and I was like like, no, different projects, but same energy, same energy. It's it but I started writing this thing and I was writing it for like I was just coming up with ideas So I'll send you the outline and then we can and like the The opening scene. I'm sure that we won't use this but the opening scene was the premise of the movie

I was like, you you know they've sent these elite athletes up there into space and what they don't know is these elite athletes need to burn energy like a fucking golden retriever. It's just insane burnards up because that's who could really enjoy the space right. Like if you have a living apartment get a bull mastiff it doesn't want to go outside much. Yeah. So I had this I had this scene of an astronaut trying to hang himself in space. Cause he was so sad. And he was like, I can't do it. You see the note written in the news and it goes around his neck.

And he's like, Oh. That's great. I fucking, I say this so much, but I love this podcast. I really do. It's so fun, man. It's so much more my personality.

I remember doing morning radio. Do you remember when you do morning radio as a kid, as a younger comic and you'd get a cool one who let you do whatever you want? Like, Elliot in the morning, cow head, like Preston and Steve, where it was like, you'd be like, are you doing breaks? Well, they would be, they get how to have fun.

And they also, here's the thing, they're engaged. That's the biggest thing about radio. It's like, you go in to do radio a lot of times and it'll be like a guy who looks up, you're the comic. What's that? And he's like, all right, we're back in 30. And what was your name again? All right, I'll toss it to you when we come back

and you're like, hey man, are you just gonna ask me anything? I'm gonna say you're at the funny bone. So I'll just say that, you just do what you wanna do. And you're like, okay. Dude, it's funny to me because I remember, when you're older, I remember doing Revers Morning glory and they were like, and then you could just go

and you go, but I'm older, I appreciate that you're giving me that width, but when you're younger, and you don't deserve to be there, and then if you got, I remember one time realizing that like Elliot in the morning, Elliot had questions. I didn't ever realize that like, Elliot in the morning, Elliot had questions. I didn't never realize that he had questions before. But I was just was thinking,

this guy fucking knows me. And then you realized they did the interview. They did the process to have questions ready to ask when you started to go off the rails, they could bring you back and you were like, oh shit, and that's what this podcast is like for me except we don't, I mean mean it would be great if we had fucking their producers here.

Not saying the dog's not amazing, but like, have we like a content? You know there's one guy that I am all over the fucking map today. There's one guy who does a lot of, he's a writer, I fucking forget his name, but he's got these really great insights on porn. Like, he's written these amazing articles. He's losing his shit right now.

He's written a few articles on me and I'm thinking he's probably written an article on you. But his specialty is like these subgenres of porn that maybe you don't know about and then he writes about and then you're like, what? Well, he writes about them and what and. God damn it. What's this fucking guy like in like magazines and stuff? What is he right there? magazines.

Oh, this is really bothering me. He wrote an article. Hey, good luck. He wrote an article about spice, the spice channel. Do you remember the spice channel? Yeah, of course. See if you can find an article about spice channel. Oh, hang on, who wrote it?

What's his name? That's probably it. What's his name? It just says by dig editors. I would all- What if you click on that? Doesn't that hyperlink too? If you say his name, I'll know it.

And I feel fucking bad for not remembering it How the spice channel he has his website my guy Michael stall that's it Michael stall. Okay. I'm almost certain it's Michael. It sounds like you're not convinced it's Michael Stahl, they're not certain and let me check out S T a H L let me see if I can make that give you a madam It's Michael's all that's certain. Let me check out STA HL. Let me see if I can make that. Give you a madam. You know what it looks like? There's a photo on there.

I think that's him. I'm almost certain that's Michael's tall. Let me see if I can maybe he has my text. Look. STA HL. Okay. Yeah, it's Michael's tall. It is? It's Michael's tall. It is Michael's stall. Okay. This guy's fucking awesome. Okay, this guy's awesome. Hold on This guy is okay. He wrote this one about the spice channel. Let me just call him

Let me just call him. Let's do it. Let's call him this guy's awesome And I said to him. I was like man. I wish I had you for two bears one cave because the shit you're into is like kind of bizarre Yeah, I promised by the way, you're watching this going now. Michael, hey, what's up, man? It's per crescer. You're telling me. Hey, you're on two bears one cave live on podcasts. Is that okay?

We're recording it. Sure. Okay. So I was just telling Tom about, remember we had the conversation. I was like, God, I wish we had you as a producer for two bears one cave because you're insights in porn are like you are so specific and bizarre. So can you pitch a couple of the articles you've written to Tom that are like, oh, you didn't know anything about that?

Well, I mean, the first one that comes to mind is the one that you said that you really loved, which was the article I did on the plastic phenomenon. Do you remember plastic phenomenon. Oh yeah, what is that? What is that? So, uh, plastic PLA ST, uh, it stands for, uh, what was it? Pussy legs, ass, uh, giving me some of the tips. PLA ST. I don't have a piece of paper for anybody I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't women pose nude, but the the gist is that they have to get at least four five or six of these body parts into the frame. So they come up with all different kinds of ways so that you can get

You know that that number in there like different poses and a lot of the women have kind of taken out upon themselves It's's like that, like, challenges these models who post-nudes, like all over Reddit, like for free. That's not what we're like. We're not, yeah. You know, if you're doing this wrong, you're so bad at this. Yeah, we just type in, type in Michael's stall,

Plast, and see what comes up. Yeah, it was for Mel Magazine, if that helps if you go to male magazine.com That's where that story was male magazine.com Yeah, oh fuck yeah, keep going. So there was there was that one and then um, I mean the contest about or the piece about how far guys Can reasonably shoot their loads. How far? See, this is content I'm talking about.

Michael. Hang on, I'm going to pass you the time. Hey, Michael, how you doing, man? It's Tom Segura. How are you? Nice to meet you, buddy. Nice to meet you, too, man. So you did an article about how far most men can reasonably shoot their loads? Yeah, so there's this internet legends

about this supposedly American man named Horst Schultz. And supposedly Horst Schultz shot his load 18 feet six inches. Come on. So, so I came up. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. It is not the executive chef from the Ritz Carlton, okay? And the dog is pulled up pictures of the executive chef at the Ritz Carlton.

We have this program where we bring in like this special needs kid every week to Google things. So he brought, yeah, and then he, yeah, you're good at this. Okay, so horse shults, and then wait, did you, is he still with us? Is he alive this guy? Oh, he does not exist. Oh, he does not exist. It's a total internet legend. Got you. But we kind of, I kind of discovered that story while researching for another piece. And my editor is at Mel Magazine,

which is kind of like, we should look into this. He gets out, so I was sort of like, all right. And it's completely unfounded. There's no like video or anything like that. But it just kind of raised the question of like, how far can we like actually shoot our loads. Yeah. And, you know, so I kind of interviewed a couple of people who are like, you know, they go

on the internet and they post like these videos of themselves like shooting their loads and there's different kinds of supplements that they try and take to like make their loads bigger, which could, you know, possibly make them shoot farther, all kinds of shit. And then basically I came to the conclusion that tops like five or six feet is the crazy. Like if you have collective, like the in shape, you have to be in like the physical condition. You have to be probably in like your age prime and train yourself to do this. And then even then, like if you can shoot at five feet, that's like a lot. I gotta tell you something, you might need to write a new article

because I do five feet pretty regularly. Really? What's the distance, you're gonna be in my dick in my mouth? Okay. Tom Sikor is defying all laws of physics. But I have noticed, I have noticed that that distance has gone down with age. It used to be an automatic distance thing and now sometimes it's very sad and it, and- I'm gonna definitely check this out now. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm gonna measure it for sure.

No, and you're, you're dick like, like literally like your penis muscles, they do like weakened from use, you know, over age. So that is like a legitimate reason why when you're older, you know, it's your muscles that help propel this stuff like, you know, how about this? Michael, legitimately when you get older, like you should not be like shooting as far as your muscles. Well, we need a judge, we need a judge for our contest. Would you measure when we stand next to each other and jerk off? Sure.

I'm passing back to Berger. Michael, I'm going to start a three-way chat thread with me, you and Tom. And let's just text each other stuff we find interesting. OK? Yeah, of course, absolutely. Do you, were you just texting me a whole bunch? Bert? No, I don't think I was.

OK. No, no don't think I was As you and I were talking about the photos getting much text No, no, oh, I no, no, no, you definitely weren't hey, have you written an article on quick sand porn yet? Quick sand porn. Oh, you don't know what it is. No, I feel like I'm stumpin the expert No, but it sounds to me like I probably should. Check out Quick Sam porn and then check out a subculture in that called Synkers. They're people that Google out, they have maps of where Great Quick Sam is.

What makes your dead hard, man? But it's just, can I tell you? And then I wanna know why. I'm gonna be back on with Tom for a second. All right, here we go. Hey, buddy. And then, and then, and then I want to know why what? All right, here we go. Hey, buddy. Yeah, so here's another one, or you can still hear me a little, right?

Yeah, yeah. So I also did a piece, I just thought you'd find this interesting. And maybe also relevant to you, I did a piece on a small penis porn. Mm-hmm. I remember that one, though. So basically, you know, it's like guys that, you know, and as it turns out, most of them are actually like average, you know, it's just the guys that

are in porn are just so massive relatively, although they're not as big as you might think. So wait, you're saying that most porn stars are actually average size? You're saying that most porn stars are actually average size. No, most porn stars are bigger than average, not as big as you think. I got you. Like there aren't guys with legitimate 12 inch sticks. I mean, like, they exist, I guess, in the world, but that is like insanely big.

Right. So actually, even as little as like seven, and they just use all kinds of like, you know, cavertrix and things like that to make it look even bigger. The girls are always very small. Hey, uh, why'd you want to tell me that? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. You know, it's pretty much like, but, but these,

but there's, there's this sub-calter, there's a sub-genre called small penis born in this guy's, a lot of them are like average size really, but even some of them are smaller. And a lot of it gets into like humiliation point. So a lot of these guys that are like really small two three. Is that the article right there? Jesus. Or is that doing just a little bit of work at some point.

You know, they were like maybe make fun of. Yes. You know, when they were like developing or something and they actually like that. Like that's the thing that they need to like get off. Yeah. So there's tons of like small penis remeberation. I gotta tell you, like, I'm cool. I like all types of jokes.

Humiliation, like sex stuff doesn't work for me. Yeah. It does not get me out. But I'm fascinated to read this article and to learn about this. Oh, I, I'll send you a link to just all the stuff that I've done because it's like one particular website and any other thing. Because that's where a lot of my fun.

This one place, Mel magazine, it's where a lot of my real fun stuff goes, but I've done some other stuff too that I'll send. Yeah, that'd be awesome. He's a great writer. Yeah, I know, that'd be great. I'd love to read. Thank you, Michael. I appreciate it.

I'm going to start a chat thread between you and Tom. Yeah, no, of course, and Bird, I actually, before I let you go. I just you know, you know, you're so busy and stuff like that But two things one just really been enjoying the cabin so far. I'm a couple episodes in really really enjoying it I tried to get some get to do some coverage for Of it, but it didn't work out where I didn't view you again So I just want to tell you congrats on that man. Oh, thank you brother. Thank you. Awesome man. Michael. Bye. He's an interesting fucking guy. Yeah, he is.

By the way, I will really want to see pictures of class. This is really cool. You know that by the way, I did press, I don't know, a week or so ago. And because I think this is our artwork for the show behind you, and the cabin's official artwork is you and a bear. So whoever I was doing press with was like, congratulations on everything. And I was like, cool. And they're like, let's talk about the cabin. And I go, okay.

And then I was like, yeah, I did this thing. And they're like, yeah, but let's talk about the rest of the episodes. And I was like, well, I'm not in them. And they were like, what do you mean? And I go, the cabin is Bert's show. They go, it's Bert, it's you and Bert. I go, no, no, no, I'm in one episode. Yeah.

And they go, I thought it was you guys together. And I was like, I think you're just confusing the two artworks. I saw the post, the billboard on Hollywood, whatever. And I was like, I first thought it was the two bears, one cave, logo. And then I was like, oh, I was like, not bad cross promotion Netflix. I didn't know what the fuck they're doing. I wouldn't mind them just putting you on it and be getting a lot more views.

It was fun. It was fun though. But it's funny that they do. They're like, Oh, it's your show. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. Netflix is. Can you find Plast Pictures or no? I mean, I wish please show me. We are gonna get a new Googler. I hope you know that you can... Okay, so like that girl right there, the second photo. Yeah, that's clearly what he's talking about, right? No, that's plastic porn. But it looks like she's doing everything he said, everything in the frame.

It's PLAST is the go to Reddit, go to Reddit and find the pictures on Reddit. So I think it's like a Reddit's the next level. The thing I was going to say while we wait half an hour to get these pictures, is you forget, we forget how good the people in Netflix are because they're so like, kind of let you do what you want to do. Yeah, they're great. Totally forget how fucking talented they are. Like, I forget what, but all the things

you start thinking they're your ideas, then you're like, oh that was I think Netflix I remember I like I there's a million of those that happen with the cabin the our executive Ben Kaby fucking was like That's what it is. It's two teas. Yeah, yeah PLAS toenails it. Yes, that's what it is he was great for the cabin It was I mean he drove that show, but then you forget like Ben Kaby was our exec and But you forgot like Ben Kaby, which was exact. And, but you forget like, you gotta get toenails in too.

By the way, I hate that I'm talking about Netflix while we're looking at this. Okay, so. But yeah, I just wanna say thanks to everyone in Netflix. I just wanna say thanks to all the marketing teams. You guys murdered it, Ben Kaby murdered it. You guys murdered it. We're gonna pivot, we're gonna pivot to this.

Holy shit. Way to go Netflix. You guys murdered it. By the way, this is a great life. Pussy legs, ass, toenails, tits. That's what it is. Pussy ass legs, toenails, tits. Yeah. Okay. I'm in. Oh, this is brilliant. This is great. This is what the internet's made for. Yeah. Pussy ass legs, toenails, and tits.

My whole energy just changed. Look at, I lookenderen, but like it's like they're having fun. Oh, she's having a great time She's like toenails Ain't it on with white out. Yep, that girl didn't do it right. She didn't do it right. Keep going You got to bend your toenails. Yeah, you got to bend your toenails. There you go. Okay. There you go. Oh, I like her. I like her Santa Claus My first time revealing my smile on reddit. Hope you like this package Jesus It's so crazy to post your asshole like on anything Like here's my asshole

But by the way, I'm into it. I like it. I like that it's a new, I, a new search thing. I've never typed in a class. I think it's so awesome. I love that. I love that someone was like, I'm gonna shoot my giz 18 feet after this. I'm curious to see how this started. Can you find information on this at the beginning of this?

You know who you're fucking asking right now. Oh yeah. I believe in you. I can, I can I tell you that I love that that woman does not look stereotypically. asking right now. Yeah. I believe in you. I can I can I tell you that I love that that woman does not look stereotypically what you when you think of this genre you think this is a an internet sub culture like like almost like a forechan type of fun like weird thing. What is plastic porn?

This is definitely his article. Yeah. This is my Michael Stahl's article. Only fans account. We need to get it. He said it. I think he's saying that it started recently, right? Is that what it's saying? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Oh, oh, pussy legs. Smile. Tony. Oh, so you got to be smiling. See, smiling. That's why we like it. That's right, cause like usually they wanna be like, I gotta pay my rent. Oh, that's right.

When they smile, you get the illusion that they're enjoying themselves. Let's come up with a harder. That's harder. That's harder. For our fans? Yeah, so it's balls, no dick, like just balls, toenails.

No, you don't wanna see all these guys, toenails? What are you talking about? Like, oh, it's a fun thing. I am really into fucked up toenails. Like really into fucked up toenails. What do you mean? Like, like, like, by the way, this is a subgenre I'm into.

Ultramaric, type in Ultramarath, not disgusting toenails. By the way, I'm also into that. I'm also into that. I'm also into that. I could watch toenail removals all day long. Like, have you ever seen my feet are killing me? Yeah, I couldn't.

Type in ultra marathon. What are you doing? Yeah. Oh my God, dude. About to either come or sneeze. You're gonna be like, what would be our thing that you'd want to see, guys? Let's do something where they can be in speedos.

So we can share them on our show. So how about underwear? Okay. Underwear? Make it so they have a hard time getting everything into the picture. Right, exactly. Underhair, underwear, behind the ear.

Okay, behind the ear. Arm pits. Arm pits. It's gotta have a cool name. Oh, it already does. Oobieep. It's got to have a cool name. Oh, it already does. Oobiep.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What's the scared? Scared. Yeah, scared. So, no, scared would be first. So, subip. So, scared underwear behind ear armpits.

Yes. Scoobiep. Subip. Yeah, scooby-b. Sooby-b. Sooby-b. Yep. That's ours, guys. It's the Sooby-b challenge. So scared underwear behind the ear armpits.

Can you get behind the ear? I don't know. You just gotta get it like this. Let's not even tell them. Let's figure it out. Okay. Sooby-b. Ah.

I won't be jacking off to that, but thanks for this. And by the way, that's for guys and girls. Oh yeah. That's for guys and girls. If you want to do one, or you can just tell your lady to send the past pictures in. Yeah, that's, that's so interesting that that would be something.

Would be so. Would be one cave at gmail.com. Yeah, if you have, by the way, if you're, if you and your chick will do, um, blast, where you're in the mirror, taking the picture. Oh, um, blast. Um, blast.

Yeah, if you wanna ask your lady to send a picture of her, pussy, and her tits and her toenails, please send it in. There was a girl Yoshi, one time sent me a... He sends a wild shit. He goes, he was like, hey, I know you're into promotion for your special and your tour dates and so on.

Did he say it like that? Because it doesn't sound like his voice. I know, it's not. He was like, he was like, I don't know, I might. As good talk and tell ya. No, but he's a new special company. I bet I have it. I bet I have it. He's like, I'm out of the God damn it. He sent me a login from a major adult producer. Oh really? Yeah. Yoshi was like, this guy

sent us to you. Oh yeah, he does. He said, I know you have whatever he's I'm gonna say the words He was like he was like I know you this might help with your promotion of your special and I'm like, oh cool I think it was the machine. Mm-hmm. Just come out Or maybe it was secret time and he and it was this girl and you could tell like he hadn't like filmed it right like it was like He had recorded inside and go, you know, so she's like caught like she's like, Hey, yeah, yeah, she's totally naked. She's like, Hey, I'll tell you one thing. Ah, it starts finger stuff. She's like, I love.

And then she pulls a fucking piece of paper out of her pose. She goes, Oh, yes. That I remember. He was sending that he was having people do those for a minute. They were like, they were like pulling the matter, asses and they're, and it'll be like, the name of your spatula, just graceful. And you're like, I got it.

Where am I gonna post this? He pulls one out, she's like the new season of a rest of the development, the wrong one, and shoves it back up, pulls out another one. That's a nice, no, God. He told me one time he goes out of low jobs or like handshakes in the porn industry So like sometimes you can meet somebody and they'll just give you a blow job. I was like they'll just blow you

He's like it's like a hello. I'm like a hello He's like yeah, everybody does blow jobs. He we did we did Chicago Sean Berg one time and he shows up and I know him and I was and they were like you know she's like can I get a spot and I was like yeah sure so I'm selling my DVD at the end and he said you know I have a bunch of extra DVDs in my trunk do you want if you want to give them to him you can give him away with your with your DVD it was such a bad idea yeah it was the most aggressive fisting porn yeah yeah and so we were I like, hey guys, so here's the deal. If you buy one of my CDs, you get a bonus one.

You get a DVD from Yoshi for free. And I fucking sold. I remember I remember go sitting down and going, I just made a thousand. I sold out of all my CDs or DVDs or CD, whatever I was selling. I sold out of every single one of them. And Tony Baldino goes, well, fuck,

let's put one of Yoshi's DVDs in-D-D-D's in the bar television and see what you just gave everybody. And it opens with the girl fisting a girl's asshole. And Tony is crying and goes, you just gave that to everyone. They're gonna think of that in you together. And I was like, motherfucker. Yeah.

The funny thing is, he's such like this derelict on paper, but he's the sweetest guy. The hardest guy. The hardest I've ever laughed is him on your podcast. There's a long time ago, I was on a treadmill, at some fair amount in or someplace, and him on your podcast when he talked about getting dosed by Joey. Oh, his two, Yoshi's two super dosed stories are two. What's the other one?

Dude, so he, first he tells the banana bread story. Hang on, does everyone know Yoshi? Maybe we should explain who Yoshi is. Yoshi Obayashi, he's a comedian. He's a comedian. And he worked in the adult industry for a long time and is connected to everybody there and also has a lot of comedy friends. Very, very dark comedian. Like when you go like what's dark, like they talk about Brian Holtsman, Yoshi,

like those guys like really dark and and also Korean grew up in Japan. And didn't know he was ethnically Korean. Like grew up being like, if there's one thing I hate, it's Koreans. And then he's like, oh, I'm Korean. Because he, he's got a wild story. And he's got, if you can remember. He's got a list of wild stories. Oh my God.

And like his upbringing story and everything was, mom and his dad, he told them in detail like on early episodes of your mom's house, but he is legit, like he's hilarious. So his banana bread story is that he basically Joey Diaz used to go and get like 2,500 milligram loafs of banana bread. Like this is the shit that Joey, who you know, would have a piece up and he'd be like, slime fucked, right?

And that was just things like give it away to people and he'd be like, he would even warn people. Like, he need to break that shit up dog. Well, he's doing Braia improv. The banana bread is sliced in the green room. Yoshi goes in, he's like, oh, I like banana bread. And then... If I remember correctly, he said, oh, how pleasant.

I have not eaten dinner yet. Yeah. And then... I have not eaten dinner yet. He said that Diaz walks in, sees and he goes, dog. He's like, did you eat the banana? He goes, yeah. And he goes, how much did you eat?

He goes four slices. And he's like, oh you eat the banana? He goes, yeah, he goes, how much did you eat? He goes four slices. And he's like, oh, you're so fucked. You see the devil tonight. Yo, she goes, was there something in that? And then goes on stage and starts floating. He said, I couldn't feel my leg after a while. And then the best was you said, you go, well, what did you do after that?

And he said, I went to the parking garage and I just sat in my car and you said for how long he said eight hours he so he he took he went from he got his car and he said he started to drive back to LA from Braia so for people I don't know that's about a 60 mile drive and he said he was pulling over every two or three hundred yards. So he was driving down the freeway and then he would pull over and he'd be like, how far did I go? And like he just went, he got lost at a Jack in the box drive-in because he couldn't find the window. He kept circling it and couldn't find the window.

What's his other dose store? Well, also on that drive, so he drove around, he said to Jack in the box, he was like, what are you doing? He's like, trying to find where to to pay for the food. You're like, you're driving around the outside of it. You got to pull in the drive-through lane. And Joey, he was hungry like a shark just circling it. He said Diaz called him at six in the morning and was like, how you doing? He's like, I'm still on the side of the road. And he said Diaz just

laughed. And his other story was that he was visiting his friend. He's visiting his friend. And by the way, he says it, like straight face, no emotion. And he's not performing. He's just like, I'm visiting my friend and my eyes were irritated. So I went through my friend's things, took the vizene, poured in here, poured in here,

and then started to feel funny, and I called my friend, and he said, oh yeah, that's LSD in it. So he just poured LSD into his eyes. And he said, it fucked him up for days. Because you know, if you're doing LSD, you do a drop. You know when you're cleaning your eyes out, you're like three, four, five, six. I'm gonna do one more round.

I know it's not two. Both eyes, yeah. So he said he was completely out of his mind. I mean, freak the fuck out. He's got stories. He's an example of like when people talk about, and not, but like when people talk about what was podcasting, what it used to be like,

and people would just go on and say anything yeah he's got those stories I remember him telling stories like that on my podcast where I was like and then you just got on a plane and left you know what story that is right yeah and he I think you. I mean, no. That. He, um, he told me I want that story and I was like, do you have a warrant like out for you? And he's like, I don't think I can go back there. I don't like it. I, that was, those were the guests like, you got,

I think me and you were those guests too, is like when we were young, we just going on a podcast, just fucking wild gunning it. Just, you want, like, cause you knew what was successful in podcasting and we were just, I would, I remember leaving Rogan's and not knowing what I had said.

I, I, that happened up until, I hated getting too high on his show early days, cause I would just panic. Yeah. And then I'd be like, dude, I'm just like a nervous wreck on this thing. I need to like, I can drink on your show, I feel like, or smoke at the end.

I remember one time getting so high on his show that I couldn't tell if I was listening to his show or if I was on his show. Cause I listened to it so much, I was like, this is really fucking me up. I used to, I should also tell him like, hey man, like he would go, what do you gotta go? I go, well we've been talking for two hours.

Who do you talk to? I don't talk to anybody for two hours. So like, aren't we done? And you're like, we can go longer. I was like, but what are we gonna talk about? We're talking about everything. I feel like it's weird doing, like doing Rogan now because it's gotten to be such a like, like a cultural,

it's so different than it was, not bad or good. I'm not shitting on it, but it's just, like it's so different now where it's like, Kanye West, Matthew McConaughey, fucking Tim Dillon and Alex Jones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's funny because I told him, I go, what's weird is that like, hey, fucking Tim Dillon and Alan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's funny because I told him, I go, what's weird is that like you're,

you know, I've known him now for, you know, 14 years or something. And I'm like, you know, from the, from starting the podcast and I go, it's so weird that I opened my phone. And regularly, your name is trending. And it's because like you gave an opinion on something like something that you've said for years Yeah, but now it's trending and and I go it's just like it is really the strange study of

kind of fame and and media and culture But I'm like you've been saying this thing for 10 years I've heard you say it's and then now you said it this week and 50,000 people are discussing that you said this this week. It really is crazy. It really is bizarre, like when the fact... But isn't it kind of like, you see that, and you're like, I don't know how appealing that is,

that like everything... I would, it's so, what's also a little weird is it's so not Joe. Like Joe doesn't care about Fame or any of this stuff. He does a really good job of not engaging Disconnect yes, he's like that's the thing that people are saying and doing about me But I'm here doing this I'm and then he's like yeah hanging out with my family and I'm working out and I do my podcast and like all this commentary Is like a separate thing to push it off to the side,

I mean the Alex Jones episode on its own, like it was so, like I've never really listened Alex Jones on his podcast. Not only because I don't really know about any of that shit, I'm not afraid if I learn a little bit about it. You know, by the way, you don't need to. Yeah. Like, it's just, he's nonsense.

Like I'm not a big, I'm not a big, uh, you don't think that there's gay frogs that the CIA planted in the fucking water system? That's not something really that he says. Okay. Look it up. You mean serious? He says, I mean, I guess it just depends

if you want to look at him as like an entertainer or, you know. You know, he's younger than me. Really? How old is Alex Jones? I mean, he looks like he's younger than me. Really? How old is Alex Jones? I mean, he looks like he's like, yeah. He's younger than me. Yeah, that's weird.

That's so odd. I would think, yeah. God, he did, I think of him as like 10 or 15 years older. Older than me. Like, I tell you what, his enthusiasm about stuff seems to be infectious. But he was doing, he's like, I've never gotten into any of the... He's a lot of people that really get excited about. I think, I have to imagine it's because they feel like, you know, it's fun that somebody is pushing buttons

this hard, pushing against the establishment. Yeah. I mean, making these outrageous claims, I mean. I remember, I remember, I think Stanhope sent me, and this just speaks to like my interests, is like he sent me, I think something maybe that Alex Jones, Eddie Bravo, Stanhope, Brog, and we're all interested in, that's like tower nine or something. Like the World Trade Center., Stanhope, Rogan were all interested in that's like tower nine or something. Like the World Trade Center.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they love this. And I just had no interest in that. I was, because I can't, I can't even, and I know that this is gonna offend people. They'll be like, because you're a fucking like Bill Luzer shit. I can't even entertain the idea that our government would blow up the twin towers

and ship plain fools of people to Cuba and then have them restart route. I just think that's so fucking ridiculous that I go, that's not real, the fact that they're a pizzeria, I just heard what pizzeria was. The fact that they push that pretty hard. A guy went in with a salt rifle. Yeah, the idea that there are people that can...

The sand-e hooked thing was cool. What did he do with Sandy Hook? Oh, he said that they were all actors and he basically harassed the parents of murdered children for a number of years, but, you know, he's a cool guy. I'm not, yeah, I'm not, I, I, I, I, let's just say that stuff isn't my interest. Like I know that Tim Dillon's into the,

like conspiracy stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm cool with you being into it. And I'm cool with hearing it and getting drunk and high on a tour bus and listening to someone talk about crazy ideas. And then just, and then me just writing them off and going, yeah, the world doesn't work like that.

Yeah. But yeah, I, I, uh, maybe I'll start, maybe you know what I'm, maybe I'll do? I'll start, I'll find the Alex Jones of fitness and have him on my, maybe'll find the Alex Jones of fitness and have him on my Maybe I am the Alex Jones of fitness Did you just have a breakthrough? I am the Alex Jones of fitness. I am the fucking, I just realized.

As frustrated as Joe gets with me about my fitness talk, I am the Alex. You tell it, because in a way, he almost talks to you like you would talk to Alex Jones. He's like, hold on a second, hold on a second, we need to check this out. You can't get on a treadmill with a box of wine and run the seven miles.

So you got your, we know that your serve is impressive. I saw your golf swing. Every now and then I'm right about Jeffrey Epstein, right? Like I've got a great serve. I got a great serve. I can win every now and then. Yes. You have.

Oh, fuck me. You have your Oh, fuck me. You have your, uh, yes, you have your, your serve, your golf swing. Golf swing is, by the way, above tour average. Did you see that video? Pull it up real quick. Pull it up real quick. Let's see it real quick. We can just see it real quick because because this started a buzz in our comedy community

where we are setting up a Ryder's Cup event. It is going down and I'm telling you, I've already got no, no, it go to my Instagram. It's on my Instagram. I'm sorry, Nidav, I should have given you better direction. I have videotaped my golf swing a lot. By the way, Andrew Santino, who claims he's a good golfer, has never videotaped his golf swing.

Oh, little Alex Jones there, huh? Oh, this means fucking hitting a perfect shot from here. Yeah, volume volume Let's oh you got speed you hear him. By the way, this is over it P. X. G Where's that this is in Scott in Arizona? And so they they have like They have like Listen You swing a bug tore average Really I mean I mean

Which is cute That's Oh That's fucking beautiful That was it. That was it. Ball speed 132. Show me 186. 186 with a seven iron. Come on. That was it. Oh, that's a shit.

That carried 186. You got what? You got clubs there? Yeah, I got fitted for clubs. It's really amazing. And so what did Andrew Santino say? Santino is like, you know, I couldn't, I couldn't tell, and he's so biting when he slams you. Oh yeah. I couldn't tell if he was like, he didn't know

that they were talking about me, because he was like, I fucking, all this trash talk about fucking fitted clubs or whatever, I would love, he, I think he plays PXG's too. And he was like, I'll show you what a real golfer looks like or something to that effect. And then I was like, oh, I have no problems spending a lot of money on a bet at all. And by the way, I am certain that anyone that,

I am not the type of person like Andrew, Andrew is not gonna talk shit unless he can back it up. He is not a fucking, the Alex Jones of fitness. And so I hate that I hate that I just realized that about myself. Yeah, I like it. I like it. By the way, I am. So we're gonna do one-on-one basketball soon. Oh, yeah, go ahead and take my shot. Yeah, I saw it. We're beautiful and beautiful form, right? Beautiful form? That's probably music. Except the top. Except the top. Yeah, don't play the sound though. Yeah, don't play the sound.

Just beautiful. We're at the now center in top. It's at the top. Yeah, don't play the sound though. Yeah, don't play the sound just beautiful. We're at the now center in Chicago. That's in Chicago? Yeah. Wait, was the show inside? Look at this. Oh, just how many times do you think I took this shot before we got it?

15, six. Okay. Was the show inside? No, it's all tours. Oh. But we got to use their, look at my leggings. So what's your, wait, I want to know your, because you're the Alex Jones of fitness. What's your basketball thoughts on yourself? I play really good on it. I actually have some pretty sincere insights on my basketball.

Okay. I think I don't like confrontation, so I don't like going hard in the paint. So I pretty much play everything from the outside. Okay. Try to get close to the can and. But you feel good about your handling, your shooting, your focus. No, no, I have a basketball that's traveling everywhere with me right now, and I'm working on my ball handling because I got a shout out from Tristan Jazz. Shout out to Tristan Jazz. From a ball. And how's your shot?

A shot. Pretty beautiful. I've been great for him. You've great for him, except for the fact that you usually wear a hat and kind of fucks up your neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why let's talk about your scene. You'll undersell your skills in basketball.

Well, I'll be honest, you I have not shot a basketball in so long that I can't remember and that's not a lie. So that's the truth. I used to play pretty fair amount of basketball recreationally, but it's been a long, long time. Snoop had, when we were shooting the game show, had a basketball court set up outside his trailer. I mean, he never used it.

I mean, I think he probably used it to play in the mornings when I was sleeping. And so I used to get out there in between and just shoot free throws. Because you know who can legit play basketball? Oh my god, we should do two on two and we got to pick a chick. Who's the good?

Whitney fucking coming. Come on. Who's good? Whitney fucking coming. Come on, did she play? Whitney Cummings is an actually amazing basketball player. She just messaged us, hey are you guys calling me on your show? Yeah. Because I don't get the call. It's color. I can't.

I was like, chop it up with this chick. By the way, I'm about to piss her off too, because I watched that next thing. She was very closely attached to, I guess, I don't know, did you see that, you didn't never saw the vow, did you? No. You know, it's hard for me to swallow because everyone that this documentary is about,

and I know that I'm fucking opening up a can of worms about not believing women or whatever, but Never mind. You know what? I'm not gonna say a fucking word I'm not gonna say a fucking word Because it was like human trafficking so there's like like I'm not saying by the way now I need to say something because we were like bird doesn't believe that they were they did I think what the guys at next game did was horrible, but I never mind. I'm fucking out of this I'm not saying a fucking word remember I didn't say anything about this

So if I get fucking canceled for it when he coming answer your fucking phone Are you guys calling me or just text me why oh yeah, yeah, why would you call me? Answer your fucking phone Whitney Why is you did not answering your phone? You know it I bet she has intimacy issues and this fucking buzzers are wrong See it's so annoyed I will I will Hey Whitney it's Bertontom. We want to call to you and call fucking goddamn it. This is why I hate hey

you and call fucking god damn it this is why I hate hey with Fuggy and Fuggy talk trying to call you for our podcast. I want to talk to you about your basketball skills and Nexium not the heartburn medicine, but the cult So she was involved with that She had one of the women on By the way the fucking head woman that started this kind of like come after the cult She had her own a podcast after they take tenets due to a hundred thirty six years this guy started I'll give you I'm gonna give you ready. This is the one minute give me a timer on the clock Nadav This is the one minute breakdown. Oh Whitney Cummings. Here we go. Oh hold on Whitney Cummins calling us back on the podcast Whitney

Oh, wait, oh my god, that was a pocketile shut up Hold on, Whitney Cummins calling us back on the podcast, Whitney. Oh, wait, oh my God, that was a pocketile. Shut up. You fucking asshole. You know what's amazing? So you were calling me and I sent you to voicemail and then I went, oh wait, he might be on two bears one cave and so I called you back. I'm only calling you back if this is live and I'm getting more famous.

We got you, Whitney. We got you. Still rolling? We're not calling more famous. We got you. We got you. Still rolling. We're rolling. We're rolling. We're rolling. We have two things. We want to this is this is on like your mom's house network. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. If the audio cuts out or any. I'm hanging up. Okay. So. So number one, we were talking me and time. We're talking about basketball. We're doing a 101 competition. And I said, by the way, you know who's fucking awesome at basketball? Guess what name I said, Whitney.

Is this your, what is this bit? It's not a bit. I was trying to compliment you. Yes, you said me. I know. Where are the leaves? Are you a really good basketball player? I It's weird to say because no one's gonna believe me no one believes me when I say this and it was it's so

Unbelievable that I actually did an episode about it on my critically acclaimed network sitcom Whitney. Mm-hmm Wait, I saw that. Who else was in that? Chris, Julia was in that American America sweet part, Chris, Julia. Okay, keep going. Keep going. I was right. Nothing. I was right. Nothing. Incredibly talented. Okay, keep going, keep going. What have done the same thing again, don't cut this out. Don't you dare. I'm coming out.

Don't you dare cut this out. And we did an episode about me telling my boyfriend character in the show, Kristalia, which is obviously fiction because I was, you know, 25 at the time I was way too old for him so it was obviously not a real life event. Jesus. But it was so unbelievable in real life that we made a show about him not believing in anything that I want. And then I almost passed out. I kicked his ass in the show, but also in real life. And this is before I had to tweet and then cut to 15 years later me tweeting about him. It's

We got it. Yes, I'm good at basketball. Wait, okay. So did you play high school or college ball? I played high school and then I played AAU or you guys from yeah, yeah, I'm definitely familiar with AAU Yes, I play AAU in Virginia, which is not a game. Virginia doesn't fuck around. No, they don't. It's a basketball. No. It's kind of like the over-ligen.

Yeah. And then I played in Europe. Europe? I really? Yeah, Germany, Austria, and Hungary. What? It's Hungary. I told you she was good.

Yeah, I'm not even joking. It's like a free Olympic team. But, though, here's the problem, guys. I am hungry. I told you she's good. I'm not even joking. It's like a free Olympic team. But here's the problem, guys. I am white. So we are limited at how good a basketball I am. So the better I got, the worse I got in the way, because I started getting more and more competitive teams. I was the only white girl.

So when I got to that level, I didn't really get to play much. I want to strap it up with you, Whitney. We got to go to the courts. By the time I went to Europe, I was the minority higher. It's all good. You ready for this? You ready for this, Tom? Yeah.

We have to get a white girl to team. So I would just sort of sit in the front and watch them play. Hey Whitney, we are, would like to film Tom and I playing one-on-one. And we need a commentator. And we were wondering maybe we could do it at your house and you be our commentator. Yeah, no, I would love that. And is this whole thing just for your wives to make sure that you never cheat on them?

Yeah, that's basically it. Yeah. Because everyone's vagina is going to dry up when you guys play basketball. Um... Well, that's gonna be our log line for the episode. Yep. Ladies, no need to wear panties today. It's like Leanne and Christina is this part of their master plan to make sure that no women ever want to fuck you.

Wait, wait, wait, how do you know that there's not gonna be slapping what posties when they see how good we are in basketball? I mean, if they have a fistula from a previous childbirth, maybe, but I don't think it's gonna be like pre-com, if that's your question. I think you're gonna eat your words when you see us chop it up out there. Uh, awesome.

It was great talking to Whitney. Thank you for answering Whitney. All right, I love you. I love you too, Whitney. Bye. Let's recap. Let's recap. Okay. Let's recap. By the way, have you been to that let's recap, let's recap.

By the way, have you been in that house? No, it is residual money. Did you go to one of the shows there? I haven't even been in our house twice three times and I have never seen all of it. Really? It is awesome. Like I remember, I remember we were looking at houses,

and the mood, we were looking at houses to buy houses, and obviously what we were looking at, it was cost money, but you know, you know, you always let down a little bit. I should get more for that. Yeah. I went to Whitney's house and I was like, oh, this is the house where you go,

oh, this is exactly what you'd think you'd pay for what I wanted, but it's always 10 times more. And then she was like, I think I'm gonna buy the house next door. I said, why is she goes, I don't like having neighbors. I'm like, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You forget she created two broke girls. That is a fucking hit sit. Co-created. Yeah, yeah, whatever. No, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it.

It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it, it's it. It's it, it, it's it, it's it, it the way, I almost passed out. Did you see that? Was that real? Yeah, I almost passed out. I did you walk by a horse before you got here? No, I but but uh That thing about that next thing. Yeah, that's what what did you think you said Kanye Jenson? What was that all about? Oh Kanye Jennifer Aniston lit up Kanye and was there on line? What? Pulled up. Yeah. Jennifer Aniston Kanye.

She was like, just so you know, it's not funny to vote for Kanye. And then Kanye wrote back, just so you know, friends was never funny. And that is, and so Jennifer, she's so beautiful. Yeah. I'd like to see a plaster picture. And so Jennifer, she's so beautiful. Yeah, I'd like to see a plaster picture. That's a long. Come on, Jen. You know where the reddit subreddit is. Come on, let's do it.

Okay, voted. Guys, just, oh my god, I dropped my ballot off. This is where we're gonna go harassing Jennifer Aniston. Well, I just want to see what she says here. I urge you to consider the whole thing. PS is not funny about for Kanye. I don't know how to say it. Please be responsible.

Okay. And then Kanye wrote... Did he comment it in there? No, he just said in his thing, friends was never funny. By the way, he's wrong. Friends was fucking hilarious. Let's see. Oh, he took the Twitter. Okay. And is that all he wrote?

Yeah. He scrolled down. I should listen. He's rolling. He can't see it. It's it's going to be a clear absurd. It's a screen grab of his Twitter. Okay. Well, anyway, by the way, there's a couple other challenge ideas that people have posted, send us, if you want to hear them, you and me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're going to do one-on-one basketball. We know that.

We're going to, okay, so this is what people threw at us, a spelling contest. This next one you're going to like hot a spelling contest. This next one you're gonna like. Hot dog eating contest. I can do that easy. Three gun competition. Three what? Three gun. What's that?

I don't know. Three gun competition. Type it in. It's gotta be a challenge. I'll just sneeze and wipe it all over. But I've had this nagging cough. And having a cough during COVID is like having a hard dick and a sauna going,

I've got AIDS! So rifles, shotguns, and pistols, I guess is what it is. Yeah. I like that. By the way, I'm a spurious shot. Hmm? I'm a spurious shot. You are?

Oh, I'm an amazing shot. I'm an amazing shot. I told you, I'm amazing. I'm amazing. Like I'm amazing, and I think it throws people for a loop You know and you can call Joe Rogan and ask him about it I took Joe I took Joe ski shoot in one time. Yeah, and I just I just was and by the way I know Joe's gonna be like actually I don't remember any of this bird, but I was

Skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit skit Yeah, I was okay. Okay, chest only that be a fun challenge, but Test is not I don't even know how to play chest. Oh, I know you'd love this one holding breath underwater challenge I can yeah, by the way, I can hold my breath for a minute 45. Okay This next one I feel like you have an advantage in beer pong. Oh Wow, Tom that actually is a great idea because I don't have an advantage in beer pong, but I think I could. I think you can connect with the elements pretty well. Yeah, I think, yeah. Oh, and then Track Day at Laguna. Track Day at Laguna's be fucking great.

That'd be great. What should we do with that straight up decathlon? Or a... Track Day is driving a car, race track. Thought we were running. Yeah. Track day. Yeah. I'm pretty superior in motor sports.

No. And I'll tell you why. I think I have more experience than you do. Well, you're a few years older than me. No, no, no. Not driving just driving cars. I've driven on a lot of tracks, like drift tracks. I've done a lot of that for travel channel.

So I'm pretty confident. Okay. I'll take you up on that best. Let's do that. Let's definitely do track day. So the way we would do it, you gotta drive the same car, you know? Oh, why wouldn't I just drive a faster one?

So you drive the same car, how does it work? How would it track out? There's different ways we could do it. You could do a straight up race, right? But it's probably a little more dangerous. Oh, yeah. But we could do like lap times, you could do a straight up race, right? But it's probably a little more dangerous. Yeah. But we could do, we could do like lap times, you know.

I have pain in my side because my cameraman, John Mann's hit me with his car because I was destroying him. And we were doing those, you know, we could do, we just want to have to do real cars. We can do those go carts. We could do that because those go like 65 miles an hour. They do. The ones we were just at go shit.

We were just in Colorado. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did. I beat everyone. I beat everyone three times. But I didn't cheat, but I just paid attention to the track. I got a lead, by the way, on a indoor court for us for the basketball, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Interesting. The hot indoor courts are more fun to play basketball. So, wait, what do you think your strength is embassable? Just that I played it quite a bit, and I'm definitely better at basketball. Did you play in high school?

Yeah. Oh, you played on the team? See, I went to an old boys' Catholic high school. We had, like, a heart. It was harder to get on the team. I went to, yeah. Co-ed school. Yeah, Co-ed school. Yeah, so it was the guys' harder to get on the team. I went to, yeah, co-ed school. Yeah, co-ed school.

Yeah, so it was like, guys and girls. Class of the people were chicks. Yeah, so yeah, there's already be, you need half of the people on the team. The team was like mostly, you know, boys and girls. Yeah. Did you have black people at your school? Yeah. Oh, okay, never mind.

They were tall. We didn't have black people at our school. You didn't? We had one, curry, b***h. I remember. We had more than one, but in my grade, it was just curry. I remember going to the gym one time It's like transferred high schools when I was at this big high school this dude

Who is a junior in high school? Cup the ball and did a reverse windmill dunk and I was like oh my god Did you start on your high school team? Yeah, but I I I only played for the first couple of years So I played J.V. And then you played football. Yeah, but was in your high school, you're going to only play like one sport. No, you could play more. You could play more.

I just are in our high school. You could play more, but you had to be I played a lot of basketball after high school. Really? Yeah, you should play like like courts and stuff. Courts and then I go to play pickup games and like the wreck gym. And then when I moved to LA, that was the first thing that I did. Okay. Let's let's real quick If you had to just just based off of nothing, but okay, it's gut instinct. Yeah, who would be your starting five as comedians? What are you talking about just pick a pick a team?

We'll go back and forth for if we're doing a five on five Five on five five on five. Okay, five on five. Five on five. Okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, okay. Go. I guarantee you, Santino's fucking good at basketball. He's a good athlete. So, yeah, I think I read here though.

It's like, yeah, it's a sucks. You only get one of those Andy Dalton decade. Yeah, yeah. No, I think he's a good athlete. How many great red-headed athletes are there? Yeah. I think about Dalton. And then,

That's it. No, he's got to be a couple other ones. Name great red-headed athletes. There you go, Sean White, You got Bill Walton, Mark McGuire. Mark McGuire? Taylor and Hardt Jr. There's a lot of them.

Poor spec, backer. Okay, now this starts to fall. Blake Griffin. I mean, I guess he's got, you know, little bits of it. Okay, now it starts to fall off. So technically there's only three. Right. There's only, there's only, I gotta take a shit.

Let's, hold on, we're having fun right now. I still have to shit. Okay, but give me a sec, give me a sec. Okay. Part more, see? The comic. You're picking him? Yeah.

Okay, okay, you start with him. Yeah, he's a point guard for me. Oh Okay, hold on hold on you said you said your yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah God damn it Whose whose dad was the fucking coach Jason Lawhead? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jason Lawhead at your point guard Yeah, I'm taking law ahead. Okay, okay, you pick a, you're picking more, I'm picking Lawhead. Yeah, yeah. Okay, keep going, keep going. Then let's see here. Oh, I'm gonna take, I'll take Gary Goldman.

God dammit, that's why I was gonna fucking take. Yeah, all right, if you're taking Gary Goldman, I feel like a Lonzo boat and would be really damn it. I was gonna take a Lonzo boat and I'm taking a Lonzo boat. All right, yeah. Right now, Lonzo's like, be really damn it. I was gonna tell you a lot of the boat and I'm taking a Lonzo boat. All right, yeah. Right now, Lonzo's like, bird, I never play basketball. I'm just black, you're racist.

I'm into motorcycles. I've never played basketball my entire life. I got a, I mean, they could guard each other, but I think I'll go just for some extra length on the court and get Kirk Fox to. He's a tennis player, but I just know he's athletic. So at the worst, he's gonna be able to guard somebody. Can I tell you who I think,

and I'm just basing this off of his body? Yeah. Jeff Dye. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm gonna pick Jeff Dye. Okay. Who's the obvious one we're forgetting? Are we just doing LA comics right now?

It's just a comic so we can make it happen if we want to do it. Well, I mean Goldman's in New York. Okay. We'll keep going keep going Let's see here who else there's definitely people I'm not thinking I know me too, man Oh, oh and Smith I'll keep my brain keeps going cat Williams cat Williams Who and I god damn it I'm trying to think of My my brain is limited right now on who's yeah, yeah, like I can't think I can't even think of... My brain is limited right now on who's... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I can't even think of comics that we've been away from the store for so long. I know, it's rough.

Oh. Okay, it's your pick. Oh, fuck. I feel like my team's fallen apart on me. I don't know, just tell me the one you were gonna pick. Okay Whitney Cummings Oh God damn it you got Whitney I got it. I got it. There's got to be another She's my shooting guard. There's got to be who's who's I'll take Amy Schumer cuz she'll she hates Whitney

You know they just at some point the fucking female energies are each other out and of course tit to tit and the fucking pain I think I think Whitney's gonna win this battle though You got your one short though. I'm one short. I'll give you my next pick on next week's Okay, yeah, I take your time Thank you guys for listening. Thank you for watching by the way by the time this comes out We already have the elections been decided and we like Skated over how am I I'm not on that week next week's no no no no is the dog really trying to force me out of this show Let's talk next we'd hope those are Tim Gillen. Yeah, that's gonna be a big episode for us. Well, I mean is the he just was on yeah

All right, we got to run love Love you. Love you guys. Bye. Bye. No scripts to be the booze amateur, Pertology, dirty jokes, Rancho Huber, no apologies. Here's what we call two bears one cave.