2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer - Ep. 61 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Whitney Cummings & Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: December 21, 2020

Are you ready to party with the bears this New Years Eve? Head over to https://ymhstudios.com/livestream and get your tickets now! Become a paid channel member of YMH to experience an AD-FREE version of the show here : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYIgiXwJck_Pb5Nj-wIrsqg/join SPONSORS: - Buffalo Trace. This is damn good whiskey - Go to https://Talkspace.com or download the Talkspace app and use promo code BEARS for $100 off your first month. - New U.S. customers can redeem a Harry’s Trial Set at https://Harrys.com/BEARS for just $3! You’ll get a five-blade razor, a weighted ergonomic handle, foaming shave gel with aloe, and a travel cover. Go to https://JoinFightCamp.com/BEARS and get free shipping and a gift valued up to $109 with your purchase during this limited time holiday offer. - Go to https://Zendesk.com/bears and see for yourself why the best customer experiences are built with Zendesk. - Get your first visit absolutely free at https://ForHims.com/bears Whitney Cummings joins Bert Kreischer in Tom Segura's place for this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave. They discuss Tom Cruise's on-set rant, the cars they've owned throughout their life, Reese Witherspoon, whether or not they would join the SNL cast, Elliot Page's transition, getting in trouble for cultural appropriation, and much more!

I thought you were going to show your boobs on there we go. I had a mole removed. So I did have a mole removed here, so it's red. I have to get it just ignore that. But I was on FaceTime with Annie Letterman and Astropovitsky the other day, and I was showing them this like mole removal thing. And then Annie Letterman goes, do you get that bra from the Holocaust Museum? museum. How great is that Joe? 100%

Hey guys brand new two bears one cave I'm here with my guest host for the day my bestie. I absolutely love you you know I do and want to start it. I want to start today off on a I want I want everything to go in a great fun way and I want to start off today's episode With talking about dogs, okay, cuz I have the greatest fucking dog in the world Okay, I have the greatest dog in the world who every morning full-massive comes in bed Tom Cigarette told me he was like he was like do not get a fucking mixed breed Those are those should be put down as with Tom's that has Tom feels and I was like what he's like pure breeds pure breeds man Pay top dollar puppy mills. That's Tom. That's Tom. Anyway

We're gonna shit all over top today! Haha! Haha! Uh-huh. Let's talk about dogs for a second. Cause here's the thing, just so you know, I'm in your space. This is your show. Everyone listening to your show probably doesn't like me. Why do you think that?

Well, I just, I feel like, I don't know. I feel like they're coming to see Tom and Bert and so I just want to make sure I don't interrupt you. We call you. Oh, don't worry about interrupting. I do that all the time No, I got people I've never listen I know wild we call you all the time. Mm-hmm. We're you are one of our friends for real Why do you bang the table? You know that fucks up the sound. No, it doesn't. Do you hear that in the dog? No, it doesn't. You have fat knuckles. I? No, it doesn't. It's just you have fat knuckles. I don't. By the way, let's jump there then.

I am down 17 pounds. You are svelte. I look good. When I saw you, I was like, motherfucker looks svelte. Ah, but I like the hair. And got my blood work back from the doctor and Perfect mm-hmm liver perfect mm-hmm not no cirrhosis no cirrhosis

No stress more importantly no calcium in my heart No perfect EKG. I can see T scan where they scan the interior of your heart. Oh, is that what it is? What is an EKG explain to me, please? I'm just a stupid lady. What does Nick Kaji? I'm doing this character with my daughters, where it's a misogynist. I don't think it's a character anymore.

All right, let's hear it. Let's hear it. Isy, our young, our female bull mass diff is... Female. Female is such a wild word, isn't it? Yeah, why? These females. Yeah, oh. There are some females there tonight.

I heard you saying that you don't like the word, you used to not like the word vagina. Well, vagina is, it's so wild to me that it's a, I used to say it on stage when I was bombing at the comedy store when I was 22. I'd be like, am I vagina and go, ugh! You know? Vagina does sound like a word your mom would use.

It's a medical term. It's in my vagina. It's a medical term. Yeah. And then I did, when I did two of our girls, I had cat dending's character saying There was joke in the pilot was um, and you make my vagina dry up or something And then there were all these articles written about me saying that I like ruined television. I'm wrong. She I'm disgusting like I'm gross and

Yeah, a lot of these guys came for me and then I was thought of as like a raunchy person really It's was so then, do you, what would be your go-to word if it wasn't vagina? I don't like, I don't like pussy, I don't mind pussy with my friends. I like Axe wound, personally. Stick it in my Axe wound. Hey, just take that a hog ears.

Like a meat curtain is not my favorite. I do okay, I don't, here's a deal. I heard Dane cook once that time called meat curtains. He was using, maybe I didn't see this. Okay. Can someone sing? I did dream about that. Can we work on birds meds?

So no, but I don't like. Maybe this happened or maybe it didn't. Okay. You need less podcasts. Let's get into it. You need to talk less, live more. By the way, no shit. You need to live without documenting. In cancel culture, I start going.

So I've talked for 100,000 hours. Like, they've got to be. Oh yeah, no, I've been sent some videos that are sketchy as shit. I remember when I found out you couldn't send dick pics to people. I could cancel you, but whenever I want, I can literally ruin your I found out you couldn't send dick pics to people. I could cancel you, Bert, whenever I want. I can literally ruin your life whenever I want.

Literally. Do you remember how we ended our phone call the other day? No, I think I was probably- You go. Get this done. Or I'm gonna tell you when you raped me and you hung up. You hung up and I was laughing and responded. And you weren't there. And I called Tom. I could just, you know, if we never, because I raped her, I did it.

I know it's a joke. You can't rape me. I wouldn't say no. I could not. I know I don't think I can. I just think I can't. I just can't rape. I just can't rape.

I just think I can't rape. I just can't rape. I just can't rape. I just can't rape. I just can't rape. I just can't rape. I just can't rape. I just can't rape. I just can't rape. I just can't rape. I just can't just think I just think I just would just die laughing

Imagine you raping me You raping me would be um, I would just be like oh What are you doing? Oh my god imagine you trying to rape me? I feel like you couldn't I couldn't I've actually thought of it I don't think I can have sex with you. I don't think. What are you doing? Well, you know, I tried to suck Bobby Lee's dick one time and we die laughing. No.

No, I can't. Hold on, start this story at the beginning and if you think you're going too slow, you're not going slow enough. No, it's like we were just talking, I was like, let me try to suck your, like, let's see. Where was I?

Where was Tom and I are sitting in the back room too? You were in Pensacola, Florida. She is just Christ. You were on the travel channel Wait, let's see. Where was I? Where was Tom and I are sitting in the back room too? You were in Pensacola, Florida. My God. Jesus Christ. You were on the travel channel at the time. No, this was like in my, like when I was like a kid, I used to open for Bobby on the road.

Okay, so let's put this is a bell bottom Whitney Waren. Quarter Roy backpack Waren, new balance Waren. This is before broke girls. Yes, oh. Yes, yes, yes, yes, when I was a boy girl. By the way, this Whitney, pull up a picture of early Whitney. That's not my favorite Whitney. I gotta be honest with you, you like my wife.

I've gotten much more beautiful the older you've gotten. I concur. You have gotten this. I concur. I saw a picture. New money. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to hand, hands together Whitney.

Hands together Whitney. I'm curious. Oh, that's actually a pretty Whitney. No, that's, that's, no, I had, I had money by that, I think. What was that? Is that eating disorder Whitney? No, that's eating disorder Whitney next to Chris.

Is that, no, that you know what that is? That's Whitney working way too hard with you. That's vanity. That's Whitney, that's Whitney with no health insurance that's Whitney that's Whitney with no health insurance yet eating disorder Whitney Oh my god, I don't like you like that. I like you like that. I like you like that. I don't I don't need to I I'm ashamed of it I like you like this. I'm embarrassed. Let's roast let's Mickey glazer on the other day, and I was like can we please do an um a Fucking roast our old stamp specials

and a fucking Rostar Old Stamp Specials. I wanted to do that. Go through just Rostar Old Shit. So wait, wait, wait. What, you haven't told me about the misogynist character. Wait, were we talking about right before this? Misogynist. No, Bobby, you're talking Bobby, do you think, come on.

No, we were just laughing. I was just like, what if I said to your dick, how funny would that be? And he's like, I don't know, I have a good sense of humor. And we were just like, we so funny. Like, it would just be so hilarious. Like, what would happen? And he's like, we just would start laughing.

And I was like, let's try to do it. And it just wouldn't happen. And then we were just joking because it would be like, would I be able to get past your belly? Like, what am I, your belly be hitting me in the head? That's a real question. It's like a logistic, like,

I just get really stuck in the logistics of like, how could question. It's like a logistic, I just get really stuck in the logistics of like how could I suck your dick and like what I throw out my back? Like it was just like a- Could you catch him? Yeah, like could I? Give me a pound of cow chants on the wall. Like what do you have to be in like a reverse bridge

so that I could get to it? Like what? Have you ever given a blowjob when the guy came so fast you were caught off guard? That you were like, I just wanna hold my leg, you guys, it blowjob when the guy came so fast you you were called off guard? You were like I just want to Drop in a can that you pay opening a can you know I've done that I've had that with sex with your guys We're like oh, oh, yeah, okay. Well now. No, I have to go to Ikea and get new sheets I got I got so good at that that I had a I had a fucking

The first time I had sex with Leigh and I came within like seconds and I said, Dorsch, I think someone's breaking into my house. I gotta go check see what's going on. After you had sex with her? I had, I put it in like probably one, two, like maybe like four. What was in the 1944?

No, this was, this was, this was 1953. That was my address, Glenco,, 1953 Glencoe was my address. All right, maybe I should- Stop blasting whoever lives there! That's a great fucking house. It's accessible at B-Dommills Old House. And so, maybe it's 1958. Anyway. He still B-Dommills Old House? Yeah, yeah. We had a stage in the corner.

You said a stage where bands were played for parties. It was the fucking coolest goddamn house. Three stories. Awesome. Anyway, first time I had sex with Leanne, condom, well, I was a condom guy, I used to believe in AIDS. And, and, and, did we get all agree AIDS was made in a lab in Wuhan.

And so, well, now that we have the COVID, we know how they do it. But what condom, yeah, I wore a condom when I first saw my sex with Leana. It sounds so weird. Like I was like, I know. Was it for pregnancy or STDs? Oh, I was a big STD guy.

I thought any girl that wanted to have sex was a whore. I have really fucked up. Fear of. Fear of, fear of diseases, fear of, I wasn't, it's interesting. The second Leana and I stopped having protected sex. I wanted her to get pregnant. I didn't care. I was like, like, that how you knew having protected sex, I wanted her to get pregnant. I didn't care.

I was like, That's how you knew you loved her because you wanted her to get pregnant. Yep. I was like, I want. That's so weird, because I had a guy that I was dating and like all he would talk about is like,

I want to get you pregnant. Like it's so hot and then I like haven't heard from like two weeks. I love me. Wait, wait, so yeah, it's interesting. So let's go back to sex. So you've had sex with guys. I like that your segue is interesting. No, no, no, no.

That's your tether. That's your like it's interesting. What the fuck am I? That's the new. What else is happening? No, no, no, no, no. You said you said you've had sex with guys younger that have had quick. Yeah, well, this was when I was've had sex with guys younger that have had quick Yeah, well this was when I was like 24

I thought you were having sex with 19, but yeah, no now I'm having sex with like 30 and they that's not what do you talk to him about? He's like a brilliant. Oh, you're not 48. You're still like 30 something 38. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I forget I've been 66 for like 20 you. You have you have old woman energy. I've always had it. I have old man energy. No, you got sexual energy and you do and you do. You do. But I don't think I have sexual sexual energy at all. No, sorry, I'm on an antibiotic sites that are. No, you definitely do. I remember the first time I ever met you. I remember I was blown away at how close you were to I think I've done said this on the We hugged when we have no I said I was I was we were at the improv. I'm almost certain I've said this to you

We should dance you know we were you were talking whatever you're doing you were really close to me and you were Like really close but you touched me a couple times and I walked away and I was like this and Patrice was like oh Bitch touch your face. you got no power now. And I was like, what? And he goes, I saw what happened. She just owned your shit. Patrice is there. And whatever energy we're doing,

you're very natural to you, but it was Patrice was watching it, and he was calling it like prison energy. It's actually this, it's actually West Virginia energy. I'm like Appalachia, that's my ancestry. Appalachia, who? Liam, really amazing. Foot Hills, Appalachia.

Whoa, so I had to go to West Virginia last year because I made jokes about it on James Corden program about being from West Virginia in my aunt's history. And I have such a, like, we used to have to ward off bears with our personalities, like in the, like in the 1700s, like in Hollers, like a hollow. Yeah, hollow, hollow.

Is that is where Dolly Park and grew up? Yeah, exactly. And Laurence Lenn. Exactly, right. So like West Virginia, Appalachia people, like we don't fucking play, dude. Yeah, that is, so where is the poor girl now? Cause you're not poor and you're not,

but it's like I come with gifts for your family when I show up. You know what I'm saying? You don't show up without a gift. That's Leanne. Like you don't show up without food, like you protect your tribe. Did you get the gift bag Lian sent for the cabin?

I did. And she, that's Leanne is like, that was Leanne. Oh, I thought that was like a Netflix thing. No, that's Leanne. Leanne made a bad, uh, uh, is there no way to use any of the footage from the cabin shit that we shot? Uh-uh. I mean, I, I laughed so fucking hard during that. That was so funny and emotional and I do think that that should have a home at some point.

I wish. I wish. Maybe, uh, I don't know, it's not, I- I wasted so much time, and I'm- I know, I know, I know. I'm not getting paid to do this. Why don't podcasts guess, get paid? Shut the fuck up. Why don't, why don't I pay my guess? I started paying my guess.

You paid, Kesha? I did not pay Kesha. Oh, okay. I paid, but I did her podcast, and I- Kasha's got a podcast? Yes. Uh, Kasha, I would be a great fucking guest. It's called The Creepies, and I-

Nevermind. And I re-did my entire studio to shoot hers at mine. I put up a tiger blankets and for her background. We're moving too fast, because I want to talk about Kasha. I also want to talk about- I feel like this is going glacial-ly slow. No, we're only 13 minutes in. We've got all our time.

I mean, it's so soft. So, wait, let's go back to the poor girl. Me. Yeah, because I was watching the end day. Oh, wait, there were four. I know, Leand doesn't either, but- Working class. Okay, working class.

Most people, that's most people. What's more, what does four mean? Because it's something that I've watched Leanne battle with of getting money. And I know that I wonder how I wanted to know what cars you've owned. I want to know the progression of all the cars. Because there is a leap when you go.

You guys in your fucking cars. No, no, no, it's not. I listen to Burst podcast and I listen for the ads, truly. Burr, I not. I listen to Burr's podcast and I listen for the ads truly. I burr, I just lived to listen to him try to pronounce the products. So fucking funny and him trying to figure out how to plug in his computer. This is my impression of Burr doing an ad. And then host ad lips and you're, oh, I should I gonna ad live that.

Burr, burr, burr. And everything. So what are you saying about Burr? Burr, oh no, I just love listening to him read his ads, the like confrontational energy he has with his success. It's so funny, fucking funny to me. But no, I mean, Leanne, I, I come from West Virginia, a place called Harpers Ferry, Rhona, Virginia, DC, and I was back and forth, right? So I don't pay for clothes. I, this is free, as Bill Berber would say,

free or vintage, only. So there's a hustle in you. There's a hustle in, I will not pay for things. Like we grew up going to flea markets and teak fairs, swap meets. So if I, I'll go to like neemandmarkers.com, barneys.com, Netaporter.com, all the fancy websites, and then shop up,

I'll see all the things, and then I'll go to my Etsy app, and then I'll just Google, Vest, Rainbow Vest Vintage, and I'll get it for $30. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, so wait, here's what I, here's the, here's the juxtaposition. The news is, the secrets out that I've a speech impediment Everyone knows for my podcast now. So here's the juxtaposition is that you go all these fans all these fans hate me

Here's the thing you just said that you just said that earlier. Oh your fans. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah No, I know your fans But I don't think they do and. And I think the ones that do are have a different view of who you are because we know who you are. And I think sometimes you come off as as this Uber successful Hollywood producer, actress, comedian, kind of a showrunner.

Beautiful. And Adam, no. Beautiful is he, because a lot of, every time I've talked to really beautiful women, they say, you know what's crazy? Like guys don't hit on me. they're like really and I'm like yeah They're I know very beautiful women get guys get intimidated. I know I'm intimidated by hot chicks I literally was like I'm not there were chicks that were so hot

I'd be like I'm not even gonna fucking talk to them. I don't even want to get shot down I know I'm gonna get shot down. I'm gonna pass so but I think that's where it comes from and I know who you are is this like really Kind of grounded. I feel like we had this conversation on your broadcast. No, but let us have again again But that's my point is like is like and then I know that side of you So talk me through every car you've owned from the first car to the last car And I think it just shows a progression of I want to know the car That's a great great question. My first car, well, like from being a kid in my family. First car, mine's, I'll go back and forth.

Volkswagen Fox. $11,000 white tan interior. So we were fake rich. That was my whole thing. Okay. Oh, I love this. Keeping up with the Joneses. We were like, I'm fake rich right now.

We were like, had an infinity, but I'd come home with a permission slip or like a thing of safety pin to my shirt that was like your tuition isn't paid for your school. And we had, you know, and like, you guys have to give this car back now, all of a sudden the car would be taken away. And all of a sudden, like, you need to give that ring back. Like there was a lot of that.

Yeah. You know, my dad was like loan shark business, so I would just have random engagement rings for Christmas on. Shut the fuck up. Like who's R-H-G-H? Yeah, I know, literally. I was like, I would get like an engagement ring,

like a diamond ring, and like six years old, like, I don't know, so, but there was nothing in the refrigerator, you know, it was like I'm very wide. The heat didn't work, like I caught on fire because I stood on the stove to get warm. I told you this, I told you this when we shot, when we shot the cabin, my dad represented the church of Scientology

and they gave him a big. That's right. Yeah, they gave him a big signing bonus type thing and Yeah, they gave him a big, signing bonus type thing and said, we got all your work, my dad worked for them, and we had enough money to buy a new house, and then we moved into the new house, and Elron Humbert split, and we didn't get paid. And so we had a big house with no furniture.

Woo! I remember that. This big house. So fascinating. Big house. You were gonna think we'd dry out it. This was for my earrings that I got on Etsy with Dolphin back on subject with me I can't believe I'm the one driving this right now. Can you imagine if Tom was here? All right, so so first car

Tom would be like shitting um, oh, we're gonna talk about Tom. He has a bunch of questions He's like how much find out how much money she has. Oh my Tom fucking Jesus So okay first car that I remember, first car that I... 16 years old. Oh, 16. Oh no, this was, so all of our mothers were, quote, gold diggers. We have to stop trashing gold diggers.

It's enough. All of our moms did the best they could with the tools they had, which was their face and their, what did you call it? Pikachu? That's what you called it. Pusser. Pusser. Like, they had to hustle for us, right?

And that was, they had to card you B that shit, okay? She's wet-ass pussy. Don't make me think about my mom's wet-ass pussy. Not in your mom's house, your mom's wet-ass pussy house. Don't make me do this. Ooh, name change. Not in your mom's house, your mom's what I suppose you have. Still make me do this. Ooh, name change. So, yeah, brand steals. So I had an Acura CL,

was my first car, which was very nice, which we didn't have money. It was a lease, and I crashed it, listening to Lauren Hill. Whoa. Yeah, Acura CL, it was rose gold. Rose gold. That was cool. Yeah, I could see it. I was rose gold. Rose gold.

Rose gold, upper left, upper right. Oh, I like this. Yeah, and my, and my. And this is basketball Whitney. This is, yeah, but also easy. By the way, that picks your basketball Whitney. I want to grab her and hug her because it's the cutest Whitney there is.

She was not a game, but by basketball, Whitney was also working with an eating disorder and doing modeling in QVC, so I was like, like basketball, Whitney was like, Oh my God. So all for the dads out there, your daughters and the disorder eating? No, the eating disorders are gone now.

I'm sorry. No one gets them anymore, keep going. At least my daughters will have them. So I just figured they would have gotten them. Right. And they didn't get them. So I was like, I guess no one gets them anymore. Got.

Keep going, keep going. So basketball with me, adorable, a little plus size in her head. That's so fun. Not comfortable with the fact that she's good at basketball. Also, when's the time you hung out with your daughters, not on camera? And also...

Oh, good one. Then... You know, why would I do that? I was gonna use them! My daughter just gave you... Also, do you pay your daughters for their time on your show? No, my daughters just gave me a speech about jokes I wasn't, wasn't allowed to tell in this new world.

Georgia just sat me down and said, just give me a, I said something. I said something. I made a lighthearted joke in my house about some celebrity who had transitioned. Which one? Elliot. And I just made a joke. I made a, like a lighthearted joke.

And Georgia was like, hey man, not cool. And I went, what do you mean? I go out into my house. She goes, I'm just telling you, if you're working this out for the stage, don't do it. And I went, what do you mean? She goes, well,? She goes I'm just telling you if you're working this out of the stage Don't do it. I went what do you mean she goes well just so you know you tell that joke and then everyone knows my dad thinks that way and I went Oh, fuck yeah, I was like oh my god. We're gonna go here. Yeah, why don't I just say that? That's probably the joke oh yeah

All right back you're back in the rotation Elliott All right back you're back in the rotation Elliott Guess your joke is told that's genius. I'll just tell the fucking joke and then go my daughter's not cool God damn it all right keep going I have another joke on her and buy it I'm not just write your act right now. Yeah, I drive over here to make you richer I do not have. I'm being used. So, act your next car. You go to college.

Love this. On a scholarship. I didn't go to college on a scholarship. You walked on? The fastball team. Can I answer? I'm asking. Do you have Tourette?

No, I'm a really active interviewer. Wait a we get to Tom Cruise's blow up. All right, Keith. Yeah, no, I have questions. I have questions and I'm already telling you I'm on Tom's side. You're not. I don't even know what he said, but I'm on Tom's side.

You interrupt yourself. I know. By the way, this is going to be Tom's favorite episode. He's going to be like, Cruz and Sakura. Okay, so Accuracyl crashed it, was voted worst driver at my high school, San Andrews, college I didn't have a car when I was in Philly, I took the bus. Where'd you go school, you went to Penn?

I went to Penn, but I took night classes at Temple University. Shout out to Bill Cosby. Yep. Pfft. Keep going. Night classes, get it? The Cosby show is excellent. It was great.

It is great. It was. It is great. So you're gonna keep going, if those girls just kept their mouth shut I'm like Tom you can't say that keep going You can say that You can say it but when you say it you're an asshole. We should tell him that when he gets off oxies now go ahead um What did he use ketamine Cosby oh no, no, I think it was just old school

Quailudes you know if there was a not a not a divert this, but there was um There was I want to say in someone's book They were talking about how Hugh Haffner used to do slipgirls the Mickey all the time the Mickey what's that? That's what that's what a roof he was there was super commonplace. You know I'm obsessed with a little bit of history because you go back to history and you see how absolutely horrible. I'll say men, I'm just gonna say men. No, I know.

Because that's all that history is about. Sex started being consensual like 25 years ago. I would argue five. Like, like, like because- How about any day now? I think in a week it's gonna start being consensual. Last night I pounded some nightkill,

and I'm not sure what happened. So no car in Philly. Mm. No car, Philly. By the way, I'm just getting to the point when you buy an expensive car. That's all I wanna know. Okay, okay, okay.

And then get some. So my dad who was and it was an amazing resilient like Huckster Magic man, who would did he drink? No, his addictions work my mom that was that was there was a lot of alcoholism in my family But for alcoholism to be present alcohol doesn't have to be present So there's other kinds of addictions in my family my addiction the cunning and baffling disease of addiction in my family was very insidious because it manifested in other ways, like gifting and cooking and manipulating and money and sex and love and

love addiction stuff. Sneaky, sneaky. Hookers and, you know, affairs. Do I have it? Oh, yeah. Have you done, I mean, yeah. I have you done. I mean, I don't expect you to like green my book or watch my stand up read a book or listen to my podcast, but I do literally there's memes that are like, uh, that are so funny.

We're some will say like, uh, nobody parentheses, you know, and then Whitney Cummings. Oh, I'm identified as an addict. It's really funny when people gross me on that shit. But yeah, so the co-dependence of my family is super severe. So my dad would show up. I had a white grand jeep Cherokee. Oh my god. Oh my god.

Can I just tell you I think I can. 2007, I wanna say, 6-7? Whoa. Love a grand jeep. I, no, no, well, when I interned at E Entertainment and went to UCLA theater program over a summer, I came out here and I drove up. Yes.

You don't need to pull up the car. Love it. I know it. That's my faith. Oh, God, it's so good. There is a thing about it. There is, I got to tell you this. I love the Jeep Rubicon. I really want a tell you this. I love the Jeep Rubicon.

I really want a Rubicon truck. The Rubicon Jeep Rubicon truck. I'm in it with Tom on text with the Bronco. But I can't, I'm not gonna pay 100 pounds in dollars. Yeah, the Rubicon, the Jeep. I like this truck in black. Yeah. Ooh, gorgeous.

It's so interesting. Oh, sorry, I grew up riding in the back of trucks in Virginia. So did they encourage you? As Zuzu, Pee apostrophe U P, a Zuzu pup, Pee-o. I know that, I know that car. Google it. Yeah, a Zuzu pup. A Zuzu pup.

Yeah. That was my shit. I used to fucking, my uncle would drive me to that school and I was so fucking embarrassed about it Navy blue. Yep, yes, bitch Richie who's the kid Mike high school had one richie valence not to balance so I know no we weren't we didn't roll like that I'm gonna exhibit shit No mine was uh

Yeah, like a navy blue one. It was a little like more No, mine was a, yeah, like a navy blue one. It was a little like more. This is a pup. Richie, Gensok. Fulbus than that. Yeah, ish. And I would drive in the back of it and have a fucking stick and we drive up

and I was always so embarrassed and my aunt would have dogs in the back and they would jump out of the car in front of all the kids and I was so fucking embarrassed. An expensive, a good looking car takes a woman who's a six and turns her into a 10.

I will see women that I would never have been- Well, that's not, okay, so I'm gonna stop you right there. That's not science. Why no, I know, I know. It's the same thing happens with men. But like, I'll pull up and I'll see, Range Rover, you drive a Range Rover, maybe I shouldn't tell her what you're rolled around in.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. A nice car turns a six into a 10. Range Rover's to me you drive a range Rover. Maybe I shouldn't tell everyone what you're rolled around and A nice card turns a six into a ten. Yeah, same things happen with dudes Uh-oh It's my nanny From fucking ten years ago I accidentally called her thinking that was Mickey Glazer I think all my old nanny. You're trying to call Nikki. I called Nikki glazed. Oh, I have a question Would you be interested? Is it do people? Time on this podcast stop stop stop. I'm gonna lose my thoughts. I have like three thoughts going on So yes a car makes someone better looking but I will be the

I'm looking I'll see someone in a stoplight and if I see a Just a regular mom like a regular old mom not that hot But she's in a fucking ranger over. I'm like, god damn it, she's hot. And I actually did that for Leanne. In this crazy, when I got, I remember Leanne had a Honda Civic. No, no. One of those cars, right?

And I remember... I'm bored. Listen to me, and it gets better. Okay, we'll pivot that. I'm bored. Listen to me and it gets better. Okay, we'll pivot that. Is what people like to talk, is this what you do on the show? Talk about.

Yeah, usually you wouldn't be talking as much. It would just be me. If it's Tom, he just can't, I just talk over him. So wait, okay, so then, okay, let's go back to the subject. So then, Cherokee. Jeep Cherokee. Now pause and tell me about dreams we had in that Jeep Cherokee, because at this moment,

you just start stand up, you're in LA, you're interning for E. Tell me about dreams. No, that time I'm driving a Kia, KIA, a Kia that I rented to go. And then note, and then I was friends with Jennie, A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. friends from that. Jennifer love you. It seems like the kind of person you'd fall in love with and then go. She's the best. She's okay. What? What? You have some shit with women.

No, I don't. Yes you do. I definitely do. I definitely do. So what is it? What is it? No, what's your problem with Jennifer love you? She won't fuck you. So now you have to hate her? No, I by the way I can totally fuck Jennifer love you. No, you couldn't. I you could rape Jennifer love you. I know I would never. I don't think you, so now you have to hate her. No, no, I, by the way, I can totally fuck Jennifer Love. No, you couldn't. I, you could rape Jennifer Love human.

I know I would never rape her. I don't think you have the axe for it. I would definitely, I could definitely. I don't think you have, I don't think you have, give me a picture, Jennifer Love human. I don't think you have. Who's Jennifer Love human dating right now? She's married.

What a list of who she dated, and I'll tell you a guy's I'm better looking at. How are you yelling? Cause I, cause they need to hear me. Boyfriend history, boyfriend history, boyfriend history. Okay, yeah. Oh, Carson Daly. Oh, huh. I remember history. Boyfriend history. Okay. Oh, Carson Daily. I remember those days. My first, by the way, my first writing job last called

with Carson Daily. My first stand of appearance last called with Carson Daily. Google it. I trust you. Let's see Jennifer loves. I know she had a Jamie Kennedy. Who's that? This is what we do. Can someone say something about something. She dated Shaggy. I don't think so. Is that Shaggy? These are just photos of her and red carpets. Oh, okay. You're just where we just say. By the way, I just for the record I could definitely go up the channel for love you at in my prime not not now a Mary but like in my prime I disagree. Oh easy. Easy. Easy. This is great.

Look at this. She jumps around from guy to guy. Ross Macal, the guy from fucking, the intern from the tonight show. Ross? No. Oh, that's not him. Who's Ross Macal?

Is this just a guessing show? Ross Macal, I'm definitely better looking, never mind, never mind, no, no, no, not, no, I'm not, that was a bad picture. Okay, fine, you can pull it up with Jennifer Lovey. Okay, here we go, let's do it. Okay, fine. I like Jennifer Lovey, who had big fans.

She's actually not shallow and she's cool, so she probably would be like, he's nice and funny and safe. I guarantee you, Jennifer loves you, it's watching this right now, I'm going, I'm fucking. She doesn't know who you are. I mean, I haven't talked to her in years, but I'm sure she doesn't. If you saw her, was she recognized you? Yes, because we were friends. Okay, I'm friends with people that I would be like, hey, Burk Riser.

Do you see it ever? I run into people and I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, who is that guy? They say, what is he over there? Oh, we dated. Oh, I do that a lot. Do you know who I did that too? I saw a girl writing in her journal one time,

and I was like, I fucking know her. I went to I think what I schooled there. And I went up and I went, stuck my head over her shoulder. I said, what are we writing in our journal? Thinking she'd be like, bird. And she went, who the fuck are you? And it was, it was Reese Witherspoon.

What are you? Wait, I want to send that to her. Reese Witherspoon, she was that, she was that Jones on third. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. What are we writing in our channel that story? Yeah, I was, this was, I was 27 years old, and I saw a girl I recognized at a place

called Jones on third on Beverly, I think, and I said, oh, I'm gonna go sneak up behind her, I put my head over her shoulder, she was writing under journal, I go, what are we writing? And she looked at me, she goes, who the fuck are you? And it was Reese Witherspoon. She definitely wasn't writing in her journals.

She was definitely writing in her journals. She was definitely writing notes about taking over the world. Yeah, she was writing in something and I stuck my head over her shoulder and my buddy, Kory, goes, do you know Reese Witherspoon? No, I do not.

I do not. 2008? 2008, yeah, problem. Yeah, this is like, writing right when she was breaking up with Ryan Felipe. Okay, don't. Well, probably. Yeah, this is like, right. I think right when she was breaking up with Ryan Felipe. Okay, don't. Well, no, I'm just telling you that's why I thought you're right. I'm not just telling you. That's what it was. Okay, it's enough. Um, by the way, do we just do a side podcast on our podcast? Okay. No, I'm texting. So let's cut to the chase. First car where you dropped a little

coin, you got it, you dropped some coin, you were excited, you got in it and you felt like a million dollars. Give me the year, give me the car, and give me the paycheck that it came from. I did a talk show in a car talk show, literally with Lexus, the Lexus CL, hired me. I pulled up. At Lexus CL't I didn't have this car. I was hired to do a talk show in a car. It was called like Lexus. I would go to different cities

and do a car show. It was like almost like the before podcast. It was like a podcast, you know. And Lexus, nope, that's not it. It was 2005 Lexus CL. Nope, it was a coupe, coupe, like, the CL. Nope, it was a coupe, coupe, coupe. And I would go to different cities. No, no, no. I saw it. I know it's when you're talking about. Yeah, it was a little boxy or that's a little more,

like, trubic. It was a little, that one on the right looks kind of right. And then I would drive around with like, Cherubik. It was a little, that one on the right looks kind of right. And then I would drive around with like, people that were famous in their town, like kind of what Shob's doing with his taco food truck chip. It was like, you would go and I'd be like, Grant a Shah, who's like the greatest chef in Chicago

in the world, really. And the agape, who, I said her name, agape, my singer, right? A singer in San Francisco and I drive on to a talk show with them. And they gave me $25,000 in episode and it paid off my debt, my student debt. And then I got a, they did not give me a car, but I got the. I made $5,000 in episode. In episode, that was for me. No, that's, that's right now.

These days, I was making, I was making, I was writing for other comics at the time. That's the only way I was making money. Who? Writing jokes. Tell me those names under your breath. I, oh, oh. Talking what comics, not writing his own ass.

How about this? I know, I already know. I already know. By the way, the ones that in 2015, the ones that were funny, that you were like, oh, that was a good joke. Um, no, actually, uh, no, those were just stolen from me. Who are you writing for? I'm not telling you.

Those were just, well, no, that was like when I was opening for a comment. Women? No, I wrote for, uh, well, no, this is, I wrote for Katie Corrick on the Matt Lauer roast. That's fine, that's a different thing. But I was charging to, and I was doing selling clothes at Buffalo Exchange, especially got, like how I would sleep with a guy that had like a, I remember one time, oh my God. Is this a big podcast? Yeah.

How many people, isn't it? They're very few. Tell me, tell me the guy you're sleeping with. This is a big podcast. Tell me the guy you're sleeping with. Yeah, how many listen, very few. Tell me, tell me the guy you're sleeping with. We didn't sleep together actually.

We'd never had sex. Sean Lennon, who's John Lennon's son, was my friend that we met in acting class. We never had sex. We were just very good friends. I loved him. He was dating B.J. Phillips. And then none of this is.

B.J. Phillips is the girl that had the talk show. That's busy Phillips. God damn it. B.J. Phillips, who's that? Are they related? They're not at all. They're not at all related. Wait, hold on.

B.J. Phillips and B.J. Phillips are not related. No, but you know who is related? Snoop Dogg and Nate Dogg? Mm, that's just racism. No, I think they're not related. I'm pretty sure they're related. Jason Schwartzman and Nicholas Cage and Francis Ford Coppola. Oh, I knew that.

I did it. No, they're all in the same family. Hold on, pull up a picture of Beige Phillips and Beige Phillips. I want to give a shout out to Beige Phillips is the kind of like more like gettable one, right? Like the one where you're like, like I can, not be you be shoes off. That's be you Phillips Be shoes a fucking dime okay go to busy and then busy Phillips is very Successful actress very good friend of mine that I love busy busy

Phillips has got like bomb she should play it energy she should play your wife in something busy Phillips Looks like she could pack a bowl, take her shoes off to have to work, they kinda smell, but you like to smell of them. She doesn't smell weed, but okay, she's more of a mark to kill a girl. So, Busy Phillips will probably watch this because you're on it. Busy, can I tell you? Fuck talk shows just to a podcast.

She has a podcast. Of real? There you go. I liked her talk show, but it was too short. It was like, what, it never got to the point. And it never, like, it's the wrong with talk shows, is there's so fucking quick, but if busy films was left to talk

for like an hour with those people, I would fucking be into that. It's like, when we did Kelly Clarkson the other day, and the interesting, me and you, that's how we works. When you say we, it's a rule. I didn't do Kelly Clarkson with you. No, we both did it. Okay.

I did it Tuesday, you did it Wednesday. Yeah, they basically, they were like, we'll give you Whitney if you'll put burn on. Sure. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I Just want I wanted I wanted to hit up busy. I don't know busy But I wanted it to go just do a podcast cuz I watch what I want to do podcast. That's awesome. I'm glad she took my advice now So let's go back so You you hooked up with John Lennon son no you Barely I'm trying to fucking focus with me. I said

What I've got a pen for the first time tracking this down I wrote Fuck you Jesus No, so so no so What are you you were talking about the car you got 25 episodes? You're I did not hook up with Sean Lennon you make're making a 25 minute episode. He is, I have, I can have good guy friends that there's no sexual energy.

That's all I have is fucking women friends and I have no sexual energy with. Love it. And so he like left a t-shirt at my house that was like a vintage Durant Durant t-shirt. I was gonna joke and say you were stealing his clothes. I love that you actually stole them. And I sold it at Buffalo Exchange for like $70.

I love that you're like, hey man, you having a house party? And then he was like, do you, is that, I think I'd have to shirt at your house. I was like, I don't know. So funny, I just dropped up one of the things. I'm poor.

Like, so I would sell people's clothes. Like I would, I would, um, like go to like gifting sweets with like famous friends, like Jennifer of View and stuff and get like the gift bag and sell it on eBay and shit like that. Like that's how I made it. Or I've returned to the store, like you'd get like keel shampoos

and I've returned to the store for cash. But you can't do anymore. I love that. But then, so what was the first part was a Lexus hybrid. And I infamously, if you've seen my first standup special where I'm yelling at the audience, because I don't know how Mike's work, it was my first special, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

I was like screaming, like, ah! Like I was just like a psycho. I look like a, like a mere cat. Um, uh, I, uh, the first day I got it, I filled it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel.

I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel.

I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not going to fill it up with diesel fuel. I'm not use that and then it didn't fit in the thing and I was like, oh my car's so new, like they haven't caught up yet.

So I held it and let it drip in. Oh. And I filled up a diesel fuel and then I like couldn't drive it. And I was like, this hybrid, but it didn't it it. I was like, this is weird and then they towed it to Lexus and all the guy, but were like like like hurt their feelings

The mechanics at Lexus it cost me like $7,000 and did you have seven thousand? No, I had to go into debt to fix the damage I did it destroys the whole car So then how long did you drive that car for did you drive it into two broke girls? And let's get into which me. Yeah, I Girls is a I didn't I don't think I realized I Don't think I really Sounds weird. I didn't realize you're not we're not interviewing me. We've done this on your podcast before No, yeah, but okay, okay, all right perfect

Then I'll just the last thing Tom just wanted to know We don't need to drive viewers to two-bar girls. Tom wrote down notes for things he wanted me to ask you. Okay. And he was like, what's her net worth? So, what is it? I love that you say that because I, my first thing, and I used to do when I would like run around Hollywood and figure out how the fuck did get successful,

I would run around and ask famous people how much money they had. Oh, that's my biggest favorite thing to do. That's my favorite thing to do. That's my favorite thing to do. I love pulling up networks and going, like what's my word? Oh, I do that too.

I do that my word. I do that on my podcast, guys. Your Christ your network. I do it with state. It is, I, three millie. I don't know if that's accurate. I don't even know what my network is.

Well, it's your, it's what you own, like your, like liquid. It's like if everything were to be liquefied. I sold everything off. Cause I, in one time I asked, in one time I remember I asked Hank Azaria. It was a, so fucking funny. He does our poo's voice.

He goes, I was like, Hank Azaria. He, cause he's, you know, he was a, he has points on the Simpsons, I think. Yeah, he does our poo's voice. Yeah. Yeah. Well, not anymore. Oh. That was a, right, with a whole saga. Yeah he does our poo's voice. Yeah, well not anymore. Oh that was a whole saga. Harry can do the one.

There was a whole documentary about what's the deal with the poo or something. What's the deal with the poo and I don't think I understand. It's not called what's the deal, let's get it right. It's called like a poo documentary Simpsons. Yeah. I think it's called a. What's the story with a poo, the problem.

The problem with a poo. with a poo and then he Acquiasc didn't do anymore. You didn't impression me. I like doing an improw I you know what one of my favorite moments of us that we ever have when we were when we sounded out Rogan and everybody yeah, I loved that okay, so then do so just any you know what we're talking about in the dog what Comedians sound like as opposed to doing Direct so you're like a tellser Patrice was and then What's the fucking yeah, yeah, uh, what's the fucking- Yager, yeah. Yeah, Patrice was-

Ah! I'm ripped! I have a hot take on Patrice. Ooh, really? No, I mean, I obviously love Patrice, I respect him. He was just so mean to me. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

By the way, for all the people celebrating Patrice, they never knew him. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Yeah. When you knew Patrice, you was- It's fun. I don't- I don't- I- Brutal at times.

Nobody, yeah, nobody owes me anything. And like, I- I radically forgive it except, andrice. It's fun. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, Branding- I mean, by the way, also so many people were saying to me, so that doesn't, it's not like, doesn't narrow it down. Yeah, all right. Let's listen to Tom Cruise's audio, and let's take our hot take. This is how you go viral on podcast. Do you know that? No. You do a hot take question.

I have no idea how to podcast. What do you do? No, I've listened, I know. The, the, the, first of all, no, you haven't. Yes, I have listened to your podcast. I listened to Kesha. Why do you want to talk about the I have, listen to your podcast. I listen to Kesha. Why do you want to talk about the Kesha interview? I love Kesha.

I love Kesha. Okay. I love Kesha. And I hate it. I think she got fucked. I think she got fucked by the whole industry. I think the industry sucks. And I actually reached out to her a bunch of times.

I used to come on stage to, on Twitter and on Instagram, my friends. I used to come on stage to Dayoung. You used to come on stage to die young? Die young was one of my favorite songs. And by the way, huge catch fan. My daughters would be catchest fans. And yeah, I reached out to her,

so like on Twitter back in the day when I was like, I was like, big catch fan. I went over on my podcast, but never happened. But you had on her podcast, and I saw her necklace at teeth. I loved it. Okay. I love it. Why do you do that? You go, okay. I'm just celebrating. Celebrate me. That's awesome. Tom Cruise, let's pull it up. Ready? Put on your headsets so you can hear it.

Okay. And we'll wait for it. Oh, yeah, put headphones on, Whitney, so you can hear it. Oh, it's just audio? Oh, it's just audio. No video? In today's A&H, they don't have video. Now Tom Cruise also, This is a pocket recording.

Oh, what a fucking, okay. Let's. Sorry, I'm trying to FaceTime Cascha. Hold on, you ready? Let's do what you need to do. Yeah. First, if you're gonna Face Tom Keshe, I would love that. But then we're gonna say, are it takes before we listen to the audio and after we listen to the audio.

Okay, what are we doing? So what happened is, Tom Cruise got upset. We don't know that, you don't need to know anything right now. Tom Cruise got upset when, what year? This has just happened. Okay, great. It was on the set of the new mission and possible movie.

He got upset and someone... Oh, he berated his crew. He berated his crew, but he, someone pocket recorded him. Now, let's take our, because we did this with Ellen without knowing anything about Ellen. Tom and I gave our hot takes and it was like whatever. And then all this, it didn't come out as quick. We had a wait a few weeks then we were like I'm the fence and then we're like fuck it. We're still team Allen I'll give a fuck I like Ellen um and so let's do a hot take on this now

I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm Tom. I'm team Tom Cruise day in day out. I've always been team Tom Cruise You realize Scientology is a cult that destroys people's lives It I got that I was not putting that into my factor on whether or not I was team top groups. Yeah, do you realize Shelley Muskehavitch is still missing and they physically beat people and separate children from their mothers? You're turning Columbus Day into a thing.

Why can't we just have the day off, okay? Indigenous people's day. Okay, like I'm... Listen, it's now called rapist day. I'm looking at the glass half full and you're pointing out that there's poison in the glass. Let's just, okay. No, the glass is, first of all, it's plastic.

I'll take my hot take. My hot take. I'm Team Tom Cruise. I'm team B rate, okay. I think you're, it's okay to be right people. I think it's okay too. I think I, if you're, if you're there boss. Strongly disagree.

First of all, he's not the boss. The director is the boss. First of all, the director is the boss. Second first of all he's not the boss the director is the boss First of all the director is the boss second of all he's getting paid 20 million dollars and those people are getting paid $25 an hour at Best I and I are away from their families. Yeah. Oh, yeah And they should be in a bubble and they should be safe I don't know we haven't even watched the video yet and are probably get are probably getting COVID working for this motherfucker.

If they're not following rules and that's what you upset about, I'm still Team Tom Cruise because I've been in that bubble and people are fucking slackest fuck sometimes. And as talent you go, listen man, we are held to a higher standard, we're in a bubble and some people are like, ah, I can go to the grocery store though, right? You're like, no, that's the whole point of a fucking bubble.

How the fuck did you get these stakes here? Like, yeah, I definitely, I'm already team Tom Cruise. I did not bring you to it. And you know what else? My biggest thing about braiding your crew, it doesn't work. Uh, it does something. It doesn't really work. You're not gonna get the best out of here.

I've never berated my crew, but I'm okay with being berated. Have you ever worked retail or a bit of waiter? Yeah, yeah, I've been berated a bunch. I've been berated my crew, but I'm okay with being berated. Have you ever worked retail or been a waiter? Yeah, yeah, I've been berated a bunch. I've been berated my whole fucking life. And guess what, I learned a lot of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm pro adversity all the time,

but I've been in a lot of these situations before, and I think there's a way to do it with class and tax so that it's actually effective. Mm, I think sometimes- I haven't heard it, so I don't know. I haven't heard Tom's braiding either, but I- Also, Tom Cruise, I'm gonna get canceled.

There's certain things I just cannot say. This is what I got- No, say it. Can I pee? No. Why not? You edit later, right? You can't pee. Go pee, take your hands off.

I actually still got my period, believe it or not. Please keep that in. That was not a fart, that was not- Please keep that in. Please keep that in. That was not a fart. That was not a fart. Please keep that in. That was not a fart. That was this fucking chair. Go pee, go pee.

Thank you. Thank you. I just sort of like, I'm bored in there. That's okay, that's okay. She takes her purse to pee. Oh, you're on your period right now. All right, two things. By the way, I want you to watch the video of Tom playing basketball

and I want you to critique his basketball. I want to say, okay, I want to listen to the Tom Cruise audio. I want to get your hot take on what you thought was going to get you canceled on talking about Tom Cruise, but you don't have to say it. But. No, it's just, yeah, it's, yeah, I'm very pro crew. I'm on the cruise side always. I'm on the cruise side too, However, you know that you hold on.

You know for a fact you've run cruise. And there are people who just simply don't give a fuck. Yeah, maybe because they get berated all the fucking time and they have no pride and no, they don't feel good. Hear him out, hear him out. They don't feel dignified. Who just said hear him out? It's Lyle. He's works. it's a British guy we have works here,

and he just always has my back. Well, I think Mr. Croixia is making a fine point. Who's this person? It's Lyle. Is he in there? No, we have these sound bites of a British guy backing me up because sometimes I make idiotic points, and it sounds better for British guys like.

All right. You should cut that bit. Um. Oh. Okay, well, hang on, you should cut that bit. Okay, well, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Can the audience see him? No, no, they hear him awful. We can't burst talking. Not working.

That's like, okay, let's let's put while allow on ice for a second. Not working. All right. So wait, let's go. I listen, I am not, I have to say that I am not working. All right, so wait, let's go. I, listen, I am not, I have to say this. It's distracting for no reason. I am not team B rate.

However, I'm cool with B rating. I'm more than, do you know how much his crew gets paid and how much he gets paid? The discrepancies. That is irrelevant. Here's my point. Just because Tom Cruise makes $20 million doesn't mean every grip should now make $100,000.

No, but they should be treated with respect and dignity. I agree. And they should, if your crew does not have pride when they go to work, that is your fault if you're the boss. All right. It's yours. By the way, I have not listened to the video. I may be on your team after this, but I don't have a problem.

And I know that you probably don't, as someone who've led, to sometimes lose your temper on a set. Obviously, I don't, losing your temper just makes people lose respect for you. So it doesn't work don't, losing your temper just makes people lose respect for you. So it doesn't work. You're losing your power when you do that. So, and it also isn't effective. So when I'd were eight people, I go,

hey, I had a situation yesterday where I got a clip in for the podcast and it wasn't centered properly. And I was like, hey guys, I pay five people to do this. How come no one has done it? What needs to happen? Like, do I need to change? Do you need, what do I need to do better? How can I make this better done, what needs to happen? Like, do I need to change?

What do I need to do better? How can I make this better? Does somebody to go? Because there is this thing where when there's so many people on a crew, everyone assumes someone else is doing the job. Okay, then how about, how about, you guys, some people's gonna do it. Well, I need you guys to communicate better.

Can you do that for me? So then how about, that happens five times in a row. Is it okay if you go, guys, what the fuck? I've said this five fucking times. Is that okay to do that? Or do you have to then go? I think you're just, you're gonna lose. You're playing yourself.

Let's listen to Tom Cruise. Because also you're an actor, bitch. Act like you're in control of yourself. If you're Tom Cruise and you know how to act, act like you can talk to a crew with respect. Tom Cruise also lost his shit when he was shooting Valkyrie and they were doing something for the Jews and then he someone fart Tom Cruise also lost his shit when he was shooting Valkyrie, and they were doing something for the Jews, and then he someone farted, and he lost his shit there.

He thought that was disrespectful. That's hilarious, but also in Scientology, don't you never lose your shit? Isn't there like an alien? It's so I'm an Oprah. You kinda lost his shit on Oprah. I was gonna say, like, it's like, how is he the paragon of emotional stability?

Let's listen to the clip, and then we can fairly assess whether this was a allowable berating or an unallowable berating. The word be rate is also very charged. It's like a pep talk of like, hey guys, we're not making our days. I want you to get home to your kids by eight o'clock. Let's see if this is a pep talk.

I'm guessing if it's going viral, it's not a pep talk. If we don't get this right, you don't get to go home to your families. I just want to get you home to your families. That's what I say. By the way, for the record, I have never, I take that back.

I'm sure there's people, I know that there's people that worked on travel channel that was like, oh no, no, you definitely be rated us. I definitely, I actually fired someone. Yeah, okay, I'm not perfect. But did you have the power to fire people? Yeah, I sent them home. Because you were a host.

Executive producer of the show? Okay. Yeah, what energy was that right there? Did you think that I just showed up to Hollywood? It's travel channel Hollywood. No, not really. It's Chevy Chase, Maryland. But it's... But no, but...

Chevy Chase, my mom did PR at the Neiman Marcus Chevy Chase. I was an executive producer on my new show, airing January 7th on TBS, go to the Go Big Show at 9 PM. TBS, where you find us. And I never once, and I never once, be rated anybody. I never be rated anybody.

You never should. I have it. You should never. Anyone on the, I just believe everyone should be treated exactly the fucking same. And if you have not worked crew, I mean. But treat me better. I understand, like I worked with an actor once who came in,

and I'm like this too. Like I went on a set the other day with on something that Parasultan is doing, and I saw something, and I was like, oh, we gotta turn the music off, you gotta, like I do, but it's all to benefit the show. I never wanna humiliate or embarrass anyone. You are, you are.

If you're sadistic, it's different. If you're trying to like, if it's the, for the greater good of everybody, I'm with you. Yeah, you are someone who will go in and change lighting, change camera angles, move things around. How wild. You'll take charge of a scene, which I'll say,

I know in Hollywood, sometimes when you're a woman doing that people give you a rap. They're like, oh, she's difficult. She's hard. I mean it's fine. Yeah, that's on you. That's your that's one of my business Yeah, but men sometimes don't get that rap and then if a woman was be raiding someone on their crew That would be Ellen. That's what Ellen is calling you or this dude. I Need to date no Sub of my girlfriend I girlfriend back in college. You need to change your number. I know, right?

You've got a couple sketchy calls in the last 40s. You have no 40s. 57 minutes. Pull up, you have no idea. I know, I get like bookings like, hey, want to do this gig at the pipeline cafe and why can't he? I'm like, what? I keep my phone just in case when Shikko South and then the guy from Tahoe's like,

hey man, seats to 10, it's good room. I'm like, actually, I'm back in business with you. I get like, hey, I want to send you this script and then two years later, my lawyer's like, this person's suing you for stealing the idea. I keep my phone just the same number just in case Elliot Gould needs to get in touch with me. That's Ellen Page. No, no, no, that's, no, that Elliot.

Fuck him. You think Elliot Gould's like, oh man, couldn't you pick the different name? I was the Elliot out here. I'm sorry, I thought, I was. No. I could just look at Georgia and go, I was talking about Elliot Gould, honey. God damn it. You know my therapist is named Georgia.

For real? With a J. My, I'm not gonna tell you my therapist name. We'll find that guy in a heartbeat. Alright, listen to, listen to Tom Cruise. I gave you, oh, did you get the present I gave you? Oh, no, you didn't give me a present. Oh, I have one.

But it's in a plastic bag. I didn't, it's in like a shitty plastic bag. Let's pull up Tom Cruise's audio. Here we go. Ready? Your back there in Hollywood making movies right now because they're us, because they believe in us and what we're doing is I'm on the phone

with every f**king studio at night. Insurance companies, producers, and they're looking at us and using us to make their movies. We are creating thousands of jobs. You f**king f*****g. And if everyone is seeing it again, ever, and if you don't do it, you're fired. And I see you doing it again, your f*****g going. And anyone on this crew does it. I said, and you too, and you too, and you you and you ever You do it again. Do what? Yeah, do you know what they were doing?

The dog, there's got to be backstory to this. Was, if they were raping people, then it's okay. A couple people were crowded around a computer and they weren't social distancing. All right, hold on, there's two more clips. Okay, please say you use these. That's it! No apologies.

If you tell us to the people that are losing their f**king home, because our industry is shut down, it's like we're putting food on their table! We're taking a call to dedication! That's why I speak with every night. The future is f**king industry! So I'm sorry, I'm beyond your politics. I have told you, and now I'm on it,

and if you don't do it, you're at it. We are not shutting this f**king movie down! Is that it? One more clip? One more clip, please. Is it understood? If I see it again, you f**king go on. It's showering you.

So you're gonna cross the end of this job. And I see it on the set, you're you're f**king going. It's showing you. So you're going to cross the end of this job. And I see it on the set, you're going. And you're going. That's it. And I clear, do you understand what I want? Do you understand the responsibility that you have? Because I will deal with your reason. And if you can't be reasoned, and I can't deal

with your logic, your finance. That's it. That is it. I trust you guys to be here. Okay, ready? Now, hold on, hold on. I might be a Scientologist. He makes some good points.

Can I tell you? Shit. I would rather be berated than fired. I don't know what they were doing. They were crowding around a computer, not social distancing. I'm assuming wearing masks. But they would have been...

But here's... Oh, allegedly, that's just the info that we have. Yeah, but they would have been quarantined in a hotel, as my guess. No, so some of these productions on... I don't know the answer to this, but I know that some of the productions on movies are not quite as safe as television. When we did the Go Big Show premiering January 7th at 9 p.m. on TVS, we were in a bubble. 9 p.m. as if people watch

shows at times. We were in a bubble. As if people go, birds on a nine, get around the couch. They watch it. We're hoping they do that. No, they don't. People watch it on their time when they want to watch it. Well, some of the states that you guys in Hollywood ignore, like to watch television, like, gentlemen and general ladies. Anyway, we were in an exact bubble and I know sometimes movies are not in a bubble.

I know for a fact, I have friends in our movies that are not in a bubble. I know for a fact, I have friends in our movies that are not in a bubble, so you have to trust that they are, they are not, one of my friends is a movie producer doing a very big movie, and they're all working, I'm not gonna tell you his name, he is not that guy, but he is getting tested every other day, and they have to trust that he is not breaking his bubble, and he's not breaking his bubble.

He's very strict about it, but some people aren't so strict. So when you go on set and you are making the movie, there are certain rules about social distancing because they can't trust that you've not been in a bubble. And so, and that's why. And people can't see their kids. And, and, and, and, imagine not being able to see your kids first.

And I'll tell you this, you did the drive-in shows. You know, for, I know I was very strict. I wasn't. Why does, why does Rogan only talk about you doing driving shows? I don't know. I think it's because it's like a male privilege. And so, kind of people. I'm like, we're out here.

Me and Taylor Tomlinson are out here in the freezing cold. Yeah, but you guys are only doing one shows at venues. Now, so, I was just kidding. Whitney, where can be? I'm joking. I'm joking. No, I think they're all canceled. Whitney, where can people be? I'm joking. I'm joking. No, I think they're all canceled. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but I, I'm not, I'm not, you're right. I never understood like, I've never lost my shit like that

on anyone. But that, but I don't, I don't know the context of it, but I am a big fan of, we're gonna keep working. I want all you to have jobs. And apparently no one's listening, and we've been very clear about this a number of times, and I'll say it one more time instead of sending you home and firing you. I'm actually, if I'm the guy that fucked up and was crowding around, I'm cool with a public

berating and keeping my job. I just think everyone's doing the best they can with the tools they have. And you know, but if you exacerbate a culture of fear, people are gonna fuck up more and more and more. And if you start to project that onto everybody, they're just gonna be nervous and keep up. How about this though, as a showrunner, someone who runs a show, you're gonna get people whose politics don't line up with yours.

Correct? Politics, okay. I hate to say this, but a lot of COVID is politics aligned. A lot of the way people are behaving is based on their politics. There are people I know who just, that guy that's just called will not wear a mask. He's like, it's not real.

The Democrats created this. They did it to take down Trump. And I'm not gonna wear a fucking mask. And that's real. And you will get people a lot of them. A lot of grips, a lot of camera men. Yeah, yeah. Are just regular dudes.

Oh, no, the line. Are regular dudes and Tom Cruise is not. He is, I'm sure he probably regular dudes, I'll follow the line. Are regular dudes, and Tom Cruise is not. He is, he is, I'm sure he probably puts money in the Democratic Party. He believes in COVID, he believes in safety. And so you may. I think he just, he's in my estimation, this isn't going to be in trouble.

But like, I think when you're Tom Cruise, you're so addicted to being Tom Cruise and fame, like he wants to put a movie out. I mean, all of us were like in this pandemic like how do I stay relevant and how do I stay? Top of mind to people and we're so like we cannot shut this movie down and but I'm also like I Relate to Tom Cruise in the sense that the fact that I fucking balloon pink hair like I want to employ people I'm the fact that I'm able to employ people. It's like being a doctor,

like I dated a pediatric anesthesiologist once, and like he would never come home from work. He would work, when you know you have the power to do something, like and you don't use it, you're gonna, you know what I'm saying? So I see that there's good in his heart that he was like, I wanna fucking employ you guys, and I wanna fucking make this happen.

Like he just wants to cross the finish line. How does someone become an apiatic, apiatic. A pediatric anesthesiologist? He's like, I wanna be an anesthesiologist but carrying around all that gear. I carry around just half of it. So I like, I like. I don't know, man, I'm gonna throw kids.

I like doing this, these dumb, but just like a tiny bit. It's like watching a baby like her eyes close. I love it, man. There's no better feeling. I'm, hashtag Bill Cosby. I want to put things to sleep, but that one tiny, tiny nap. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want to make tiny nap. Yeah. I don't know. Say babies. I have a pdf. I should, I fucked that up. What? That relationship. No, no one wants to, to anyone any dude who's into pediatrics

No, that's that's fucking Usually have parents that are doctors Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that is kind of like I don't know I'm not into dude pediatricians. That's if if you wanna see dude, little boys, dicks, get online like everybody else. Anyway. Be an adult and go in the dark web. Like what the fuck?

I, can you wrap? Pro up. I had a really good pediatric, male pediatrician growing up. I actually went to him in high school. I don't, I didn't have health insurance when I was a kid. I didn't go to a pediatrician. You didn't?

No. We just went down to the, to the, oh lady on the corner. No, they did. My mom would give me some robotesson. Ma-kin. What's this here? Give me and give me nickel-ock cords conjure off them, Warts. Whitney, come on, put it. Put that nickel in a jar. Bear in your backyard. Lord Michael, this is calling. By the way, that's a real story that happened to Leanne. What if Lord Michael said you want to be on SNL? Didn't, done.

Really? You think? Make it even harder. Make it a hard, make it hard. Give me a offer I can't refuse and I'll, put it on me. What? Okay, I'll do it to you. Whitney, I'm Lord and Michael's, I want you to be on SNL.

Will you take it? You are horrible at impressions. We're there. We're there. This is Lord and Michael. What? It of Lord Michael. Whitney, this is Lauren Michaels. What? Ah, it's Lauren Michaels, Whitney. I'm trying to get there.

I don't show up in, I arrive at an impression. So it takes me a little bit. Ha, Whitney, ha. Okay, Jimmy, Cagney. It's, here. Oh, Whitney. Oh, Whitney. Okay, just talking impressive. Well, I'll show you what I'm telling you. Whitney, would. Wait, okay, just talking

and present. Well, I'll show you what I'm telling you. Whitney, would you like to be? I'll show you what I'm telling you. I'll show you what I'm telling you. This is drivel. I'll. This is actual drivel.

No, it's not. You, you said would you take S and L and I said, yeah, make the offer something like, make it difficult. So like, all right, I was sorry, sorry, to be in the cast, not to guest to host. No, I'm obsessed with not knowing how famous people are, like what where are we? Like it's so in the pandemic, who knows? Like I went to Target the other day with Tim Dylan

and it was like people were mobbing us. It was, but I was like, but I blew hair. So I have of course, and then you go to there. It's like, I'm so confused about how many people know us. But also Tim looks like he could work at Target. What color is his shirt? Dude, the kid, Tim was legitimately like, people were like, oh, that's Tim Dylan.

I'll tell you if that's Tim Dylan. But we were in masks. So I was like, do you know who Tim Dylan is? Yeah, I love Tim Dylan. Okay, make it an offer that becomes more difficult than offer for me to. To host SNL, you mean? No, I would host it in a heartbeat.

I would be on the cast in a heartbeat. Keep going. Make it. Make it. Make it real job. Stop and be in the moment. Would I stop doing all my podcasts and do SNL? Make it.

To be a like a recurring character. Oh my God. Like a fucking player. No, I'm set watch. I will do it to you and I will show you. Okay. Whitney, I'm Lauren Michaels. Would you like to be on SNL?

As a cast member. I'm Bert. No, you're Whitney. Oh, thank God. I was gonna ask how you're still single and I got it. I got it. I'm not single. First of all, you're not single. Mm-hmm. You're are you serious? No woman's ever been single. That's not true. I have a theory that every woman's got something going on all the time. Whitney, would you like to be on SNL as a cast member?

Whitney, would you like to be on SNL as a cast member? Now today? Yeah. 2021? Right now, right now, today. No, I don't do, and what do you think? I'm gonna call my manager. Why not? Why wouldn't you do it?

Be a cast member? Yeah. Be fun. Be fun. No, I'd be like, why are you talking to people like this? Like, I couldn't handle them. There's the culture of it. The stress of it, yeah.

Oh, I would love it. I think it'll be funny shit. I would see, I'm someone who doesn't buy into the... I don't like the deadline shit. Like I did that. Oh, I love that. I did it for so long. I do it because I think that it makes you more productive

and productivity and cooperation makes dopamine in you need deadlines. But. Oh, I would produce so much content for those motherfuckers that they would be like, he's trying to be an ass- But what are the numbers? Like, you have a fuck.

You have your own ass- It's SNL, who gives a fuck it's SNL. And you get to be a part of that whole, that's a story franchise of like the great, some of the greatest comics in the world, not the greatest. I would like to host SNL. Yeah, sure, I'd host it.

Who, how did, like, it's an interesting process. Like, I'm confused why Dan Levy from Shits Creek is not hosting it. It's interesting you said Dan Levy from Shits Creek, I suppose that Dan Levy, the guy we know. I know, but they're both your friends of mine. I conflate them all the time and send boob Picks to Dan and Dan and I send screen grab. I can flate them all the time. Eugene son is Dan Levy, right? Levy okay, and so you said he wants to be a guest. No, I want him to host it

Cool Wait, I don't understand what I'm just I'm just interested in the way that snl I don't understand what I'm just I'm just interested in the way that SNL casts their hosts. Oh, oh, I think it I think it look Why I mean bill burrs genius. Yeah bill burrs. She pal make what why wouldn't they ask Rogan? I Don't think I think they probably have asked Rogan like Gary TV said no Rogan has a very interesting business model. Well, that is fuck everyone else. I'm doing my own thing. Yeah, he's I I'm slow I'm kind of I feel like I'm getting in that space. See, I think that's great for Joe Rogan. That's not great for everyone.

Yeah. I think if I did that for a while where I was like, why isn't Joe Joe C.W.A. posting SNL? Because adults watch SNL. And I don't think any adults know who she is. I know who she is. She was in the Winter Wonderland drive-through. She had her own little, well.

I wanted to target. She had like a... She was on like a... A... A... A... A... A... A... A...

A... A... A... A... A... A... A... A... A...

A... A... A... A... A... A... A... A... A... She's a dancer. Without makeup on. There's something interesting about this because there was a white woman that got canceled for dancing like an African-influenced way. I saw that. Adele.

Nope, that was the corn roast. Okay. But, Jojo, see what? No, Jojo, see what had it did an un-makeup picture recently and she looked like just like a very regular person. Yeah, she looked good. She looked good. Everyone's regular at the end of the day.

Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's it with that dude. What's that dude's name? That's James Charles. The makeup guy. But what is the, there was something before that.

You were asking the white woman who got canceled for doing a black woman's dance. I'm just Google my stuff. I think it's point. I don't trust no dog and Josh. Josh doesn't give a shit. Lyle is Lyle still with us? Yeah.

White woman. Every time I Google W8, it goes, it guesses Whitney Cummings. And then I Google myself. Have you ever Google trends yourself? Benton does it, who does the podcast with me? And he's always like, oh, you need to take that, to be down. I'm like, all right.

What? Just take it down, whatever. You know your biggest Google trends moment? Do you know what it is? Was it us and your balls? It was, it was, it wasn't us, it was you. It was you when they were trying to scam your naked pictures. And by the way, couldn't even see your boobs.

There was one like below the nipple kind of. Trust me, I looked as zoomed in. You couldn't see shit. My balls were aggressive. I showed them my balls. They did that. I was so doubt that you did that. And you know, you know, it's even more layers and we just talked about this.

You want to tell the story and people know the story. I think did we just talked about this. You wanna tell the story? People don't know the story. I think, did we just talk about this, Nadav? Yeah, when you did, I think when Christina was on two bears. I put in the hashtag, I stand with Whitney, and it was the same day Whitney Houston had died, like 10 years earlier, and everyone was using the hashtag, I stand with Whitney, and a lot of black women got that picture of my testicle

and thought they were celebrating Whitney Houston. I believe. And that they were like, not what I wanted to see today. I believe. But I, and all these black women were like, but I did the research of why he posted that. And I stand with Whitney also. Can I tell you the funniest should ever?

Please. So I, first of all, I had a little, I thought you were going to show your boobs on there we go. I had a mole removed. So I did have a mole removed here, so it's red. I have to get it, just ignore that. But I was on FaceTime with Annie Letterman and Astropovitsky the other day, and I was showing them this like mole removal thing.

And then Annie Letterman goes, did you get that bra from the Holocaust Museum? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? I was like, oh dude, and then I was like, why don't we do roasts on only fans? You know that we're doing horns on our live show, and that's based off the fact that I wanted you to do a porn with your robot.

Remember I wanted you to shoot a porn and have your robot be in the porn? That's right, yeah, yeah. Have like someone like a... That sounds like something I blacked out. Why wouldn't you, it's such a great idea. I would do it, yeah, yeah, I would be, yeah, I need to get another body.

What was the dance? It's very specific. I don't think it's caught away, but something in Nigerian, a specific Nigerian dance. I have Nigerian friends, so. I have Nigerian friends, so. I have Nigerian friends. Really? Yeah.

Tobey Ingrigway. I messed his last name up. He's not my friend, but we text on Instagram. You never listen to Tobey Ingrigway? Tobey. No Ingrigway. I'm fucking his last name up. Tobey Ingrigway.

Oh, yeah, you're fucking your career up. No, I'm not. No, you're not. You've never seen him. So you'll pull that up. Toby, you can go right. Yeah, you're fracking your career up. No, I'm not. No, you're not. You've never seen them. So you'll pull that up and then are we, did we close the loop on the time cruise thing? I think so. Do you feel good about it? I mean, I have a lot of thoughts.

I'm not going to be as funny as like Tom and you would be about it. I really do not like when people disrespect working class or servers, waiters, retail, like I don't think anyone does. I don't play that. Everyone's on the same page with you. Yeah, I don't play that shit. And when you're a boss, like being a leader is very specific. Okay, so this is, I don't.

Oh, I actually saw this woman do this dance. So play it. Yeah, so this is what JoJo Siwa, this girl got killed for dancing like this. Well, I will say that all the people of color are staring at her behind her. Like, what the fuck is she doing? What she like went to Africa and did it? And she's got the braids, she's got a track suit on.

It's, I mean, it's honoring. It's not honoring. I mean, it is honoring, but it's like, Is it respectful? It's like watching a white guy rap in a commercial in the 80s In full and look girl just staring Look at look you can you can just tell by the way everyone's staring at it the people there aren't they're like I like to know the black man's take on it Which I don't know if we can play like Like so I'm not qualified to know, but remember

in former by snow, yeah, in former, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a

summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, summer, a summer, a summer, summer, summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, summer, a summer, summer, a summer, summer, a summer, summer, a summer, summer, a summer, summer, a summer, summer, a summer, a summer, a summer, summer, a summer, summer, summer, a summer, a summer, summer old songs because when you go, uh, the way that our, uh, brain works, if you listen to an old song, old memories will come up and you'll remember stories that you forgot. So I haven't even thought so I started. I know I'm not allowed to play music, but I've started listening to like old, um, this is my playlist of music from the 90s and 80s, and I'll listen to it and sit there and just take notes and remember things.

That might be the most brilliant thing I've ever heard you say in your life. That is fucking genius because there are albums that like I bought and I go, yeah, what song did I like on this? I know I had this album, but I don know what song I like and then I hear the fucking song and I go and I do that a lot with songs I already know that are in my play list and I go oh I remember like if I listen to Boschags Georgia I remember being on a podcast boss gag hooked up with his son. Are you sure? What's his son's name? I mean, I'm sure it's online somewhere Google it. I'm curious What is the guy named Bosnian the son Austin? What's his son's name? I mean, I'm sure it's online somewhere. Google it. I'm curious. What is the guy named Bosnian?

Austin? Austin Skags. What a good, I bet Austin Skags is a fucking looker. I was 21. One. I think Bosnian Skags lives in my neighborhood. Really? No.

No, that's not Austin's. By the way, did you sexually assault this minor? I don't fucking use his crates. Austin Skags looks like he's on a Disney cartoon. Darch just hits me in the neck. All right, pull up, that's real quick. I want you to watch. We can't show it, but I want you to watch Tristan Jass' video.

I don't know what that, what you just said. You don't do that all the time, do you? Because that's your, I'm dealing with Ila right now. I go, yeah, I know, I'm gonna tell you what it is. I'm gonna tell you what it is, Ila. Okay. Fucking, we're gonna watch Tristan and Jastas who we, Tom and I play basketball with.

So I want you to watch Tom's basketball skills. Do you have a speech impediment too? Yeah, I do. So do I. So do I. Yeah, I don't see yours. Say there were a, Jillian.

Jillian. Oh, I go, Jillian. Soian. Oh, I go Jillian. So it's so funny that in invented as well, all the people with speech impediments have talked for a living. No one knew I had a speech impediment because I do stand up and we practice and, yeah, practice practice and acting. And then podcasts now people are like,

are you drunk and I'm like, no, this is just how I talk. No, that's what I sound like when I talk. Yeah, so so Tristan Jass is Look, this is us here. So that you can listen to it. We can't play it But you can listen to it and you can see Tom's basketball skills And I want you to comment on it. I don't want to see him hurt himself. No, this is not him hurting himself Is there a video of him hurting? Oh, we're playing it on New Year's Eve. It is our big reveal And we have lots of plans on what to do with it.

This is us getting COVID tested. This is Tristan Jask. He's a legit great basketball player. Okay. And then this is me. Head looks like. I want you to take a look at my shot and just take a look at my shot

and tell me what I look like. Could you? Okay. Look at Tom. For the three. Look at Tom. Do you think it... I didn't see his follow through and I didn't... I can't really see his shot. Look at this. Look at this. Just take a look at this beautiful. Oh, yeah.

From the... Yeah. That's good. That's actually good, actually. Yeah, it actually looks pretty right. From the knees. good. Yeah, look at Tristan is legit. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I can't stop giggling. Where is this? This is at a private court that it will never be open to the public after Tom did what he did to himself. Yeah, it's like cursed. Okay. Who's the man button?

Which is me. That's me. That's me. That's me. That's you. Yeah, with that just got the rebound. That's you. Yeah. Oh Yeah, I look by the way this is a more wrestler. I know it's 17 pounds heavier But okay, yeah, we're not bad. We end up fucking why do you look like such pussy's? Okay, yeah, we're not bad. We end up fucking why do you look like such pussy's? Why does white men play basketball looks so look this is the first time By the way, it looks so like beep beep beep beep beep. I hope they play Tom landing on his knees. I think that's the beginning of the injury Look at this Yeah, you guys are good at basketball not bad, right? That's Tom's biggest concern is that people think he's bad, because when I doubled them up

and I crossed him over, I did. I did, yeah. Yeah, you guys are good. Wait, go back. Can you show my one shot where it just is beautiful? Scroll, and I'll tell you where you see it. Scroll. I think you guys would question this one.

And then you'll see me, okay, play there, play there, play there, let's see. I have, look at that, that's a fat man going from, oh, that, okay, that's, by the way way that's the first injury he had that's the first injury No, no this all this stuff added up to his injury so he and one time he lands on his knee And it's I don't want to see no no no no no it's not bad. I just want to see my one good shot Can you find my one good shot under the basketball? good shot. Can you see if you can find my one good shot? It's under the basketball. You see me take my shirt off and talk shit to the camera at some point.

Nothing, Nadav, nothing. Nope, you're sure it stays on for a fucking edit it out. God damn it. All right, I'll send it to you guys. All right, we should wrap this up. What, who are you texting now? Kesha? It's realx. It's not Kesha. Oh, let me see if she texts back. What did Kesha say? No, she's working. I thought she was not allowed to work. Those are Dr. Luke. Uh, I texted Reese's weather spoon. Do you know Bert, Chrysher? How would you say do you know Bert, Chrysher? No, um, any more info. What, that's, that's called throwing your friend under the bus.

Do you know Bert, Chrysher? No, shit, it doesn't know me. I looked over her shoulder when she was writing in her journal. She doesn't know you now. Oh, who gives a fucking brief weather that doesn't know you now? She's not buying tickets to my show.

You think that's my fan base? She's like a huge producer. Yeah, I'm not doing movies. I do my own movies I'm wait hold on wait fuck hold on can't text Reese with us. Do you know percrister? Because that makes it look like I was like I'm pretty good friends with her and then she's like um who the fuck is this asshole? You just do not text any of your celebrity female friends ever again on my behalf, okay? Do not text any of your celebrity female friends ever again on my behalf, okay? Goddamn, I'm gonna need a one of my movies one time and they're gonna be like, uh, sorry, wouldn't he kind of cockblock that for me? Sorry, I'm working. Now you just want sorry, I'm working to her. Just be like, he doesn't know you either. Well, wait, don't say that, I definitely know.

It is so funny that Reese Witherspoon has never heard of you. No, it's not. There's a lot of people that haven't heard of me Whitney. There's a lot Witherspoon has never heard of you. No, it's not. There's a lot of people that haven't heard of me Whitney. There's a lot of opinions that haven't heard of me Whitney. Now it's like, you're either. Jerry Seinfeld doesn't know who I am. Someone either has never heard of us or they know what we had for breakfast.

There's no one between anymore. Yeah. When someone recognizes me, when someone comes up to me, they're like Whitney, I love you. And I'm like, what do you know me from? I'm so curious how you know me. Because it's always- That's already inviting way more conversation

than I want. Aw, thanks. No, but I'm just dying to know how you know me. Like, I'm so confused. Because people will be like, you know, it's the same thing of when you do 10 shows in Houston and someone's like, you're running some of the airport and they're like, what are you doing here?

And you're like, how did you not know? You recognized me yet you didn't know I just did 10 shows. Yeah, I think there's a, I think there's a passerby. Like I know who reads whether Spoon is. If you said name like five of our movies, I'd have a rough time. Like I just, I mean, I know she is, but I'm not like. You're locked the line.

Don't know what that movie is. Legally blunt. Okay, Legally blunt, I shouldn not like. You rock the line. Don't know what that movie is. Legally blunt. Okay, Legally blunt, I shouldn't know. Pretty little liars. Mississippi, something to Mississippi. Something down and out in Mississippi. No, sweet home Alabama. You know, Alabama.

I mean, she's truly, it's like, Jen Aniston, Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon. Yeah, not to be disrespectful, but that doesn't fly on my radar in what I'm into. So I don't, I don't like, I mean, when there are movies, I'm like, oh, that's a good movie, but I'm not like, I couldn't tell you what if they're producing or anything like that. But Reese with the Spoon is a house. There are very few these days.

Follow her on Instagram. Her daughter looks like her. Yeah, yeah. I know who she is. She has like, the fact that she doesn't know me does not surprise me at all. There's a lot of people who don't know who she is. She has like, the fact that she doesn't know me does not surprise me at all. There's a lot of people who don't know who I am. And I'm kind of cool with that.

I think I'd rather fly under the radar. I think we're chilling at the perfect level of fame where we can like go out and live our lives. And like, people will come at me at the airport and stuff. Like, I mean, cameras and stuff, but because we're comics, we can deflect a lot of things. I don't have cameras come to me at the airports at all. Never. Never. It's like you know what you know what I'm feel Murray once said on Howard Stern. He said uh he said

something about fame and he said someone told me try getting rich and see if you still want to be famous. Huh? That interesting. Can your brain process that? No, I don't. I have no frame of reference between the separating where to famous. Like for me, money. I've been doing this and not rich. I was, when I was on TV, I didn't have any money. Wait, when you were on, Jim Jeffress has an amazing bit about this.

Well, yeah, well, that because I was paying for all, both my parents had strokes and they didn't have health insurance. So I was paying ICU bills, like $60,000, ICU bills. Oh my God. Like $6,000. It was like, can you make me angry to piss money away like that? With without health insurance, if you have a stroke and you go into the ICU.

No, I know. It's a racket. I just had a big overweight friend that go to ICU and go to ER and I had to spend the day with him. It was rough. I went broke on my parents not having had healthcare their whole lives once I started making money. So when did you make money? When did the money show up?

Resident Jules? Uh, yeah, a little bit. And then by 27, 28. Yeah, I, I, I, and I also, I didn't know how money worked. I also thought the amount of money you've got was the amount of money you kept. Oh, so you had one of those. I had one of those. I had one of those. I'd look of those. So I had one of those.

I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a...

I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a...

I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a... I'd run a these I'm done knows for taxes. Oh, I'd write a check for taxes that I didn't have and I called my dad And I was like I'm broke and he laughed and he went now you're a man Really goes now you know how? Ow yeah love it. What's your ancestry? German Irish mostly

Mostly German I think so yeah, I, it's crazy because when I went to, when I went to Germany for the first time, I actually felt, yeah. Always. Yes. What's your ancestry? My ancestry is super weird and complicated. It's gotta be some Native American, right?

Yes, how did you know that? Because everyone in, everyone in Appalachia has the Native American in them. Because they are in this race. Somehow, yeah, the rapes. Yeah, it's the rapes. My ancestors rapes. But this might be a highlight for a amount of times which I'd rate on a show.

Oh, sorry. There's a great book called Born Fighting about the Scotch Irish ancestry. What was that out loud? Are you Scotch Irish? Yeah. Oh, that's what Leanne is. Scotch Irish and Native American.

Don't fuck with us. Don't fuck with us. We don't play. If we're on your team, you're gonna win. And if you're not on our team, it's a problem. It has a problem. It has Hatfield in McCoy 101. Why?

So that is so Liam. For me. And do you pick, and you? Look at me, I mean, look at me. Look, my zippers unzipped. But is it, do you? We're feral fucking animals. And this is what annoys me about the like me too thing

and this portrayal that all women are so fragile and weak and like can't handle it and are, oh, it's just like, it's not like that in Appalachia. Women are more your bitches. Liam, Liam. Can you not open things while I'm speaking? No, yes, I can also not interrupt but not right now Leanne when when the whole me two thing lian is I almost certainly ends talk about this Well, I think lian was has talked about this on a podcast. I Will just say I'm not gonna say it,

it's not my word to say. I'm trying not to speak for other people these days and like share their story because I feel like it's important for other people to his voices to be heard. So I want them to say it. Does that make sense? It does, but I don't wanna speak about it.

I don't wanna speak about it. Can you say it in a funnier way next time? Yeah. I'm trying not to speak for other people. No, but Nobody's just this this this did you see Chiro Netflix? Right. You should homework. Let me guess.

Reese Brothers has been produced. She would be great as the as Monica Aldama. Monica Aldama from cheer had our my podcast. She's the coach of the best cheerleading team in the world, Navarro in Texas. And they are beast. This is a documentary. A docu series.

It's fucking incredible. Cheerleading is like MMA for girls. Like our boxing for girls. I like cheerleading. Yeah, it's, no, but it's these, what, these are, they're athletes. They're flying through the air and they're gonna. Let's put a pin in athlete, but yeah.

Okay, okay. Okay, cool. Can you please, goooood? By the way, this is, hold on. This is the misogynistic character I do to my daughters. Rugal cheer, Google cheer. One of the 10 men in here. Pretty certain I could bang out

a pretty amazing cheerleading routine that would get me on the team or on the squad. I don't know if I'm living in this character or this character is who I am. I do this to my daughters all the time. I know. And I can't tell if it's real. It's say, no, it's facetious.

I can't tell because. No video, why are you googling images? What in what world? You want me to play something off in Netflix? Yeah, no, just a YouTube, just play the trailer. Okay. Off of YouTube. in Netflix? Yeah, no, just a YouTube, just play the trailer.

Okay. Off of YouTube. Ugh, this, this again. Wow, you guys love H3H3. So what they're doing is... Couldn't do any of this, could do any of it. They're fucking beasts, man. I could do that, I could do my arm out, like that.

And like the amount of trust that of trust that kind of reminds me of Syscomics because you have this team, we all depend on each other. And if there's one week link, we're all fucked, you know? Yeah. And he's amazing. Look at these. This is like the comedy story to me.

We all work together. And if one person is like having an off day, someone gets a concussion. The amount of trust that you have to build, I am so fucking pro cheerleading, it's ridiculous. I could wave like that. I think I could be a dude cheerleader. I could wave.

You're gonna be the one that walks my waves. You can't. You have communal arms. I don't know if I can throw up women like that. No, it's incredibly precise. And it's also, it's very, it's tantamount to stand up in a way that they prepare for an entire year to do a three minute performance. I love it.

I love that energy. In Florida, Daytona. You've got to watch this show. I love that energy. And they prepare all year for three minutes. And if one person fucks up and misses by a fucking Iota, it's over. It's like a stand-up special.

That's it, that's what I'm saying. Because we get to do it six times. You got one shot, it's live. The pressure is unbelievable. And how about this? When they perform Monica talks about it on the podcast. When you perform, they practice it in every way in the sunlight, because you never know

you don't know what time you're gonna go on. So in sunlight, out of sunlight, when it's raining, when it's not raining, when it's hot, when it's cold, when you have to pee, like they do it every iteration of the routine, of you being uncomfortable, hungry, tired, stressed out, wind blowing, like she'll put like, fans up to blow wind on so that they are used to every possible circumstance, and then you get there and it's a

different floor. There's different bounce. Shut the fuck up. So like, so it's like you're used to, and in one bounce, I mean, it's like you hit, you jump too hard and you fucking break your ankle and then the person that's flying through the air breaks their neck. I had not to parallel this. I remember the first time I did stand up. I was with my manager Barry Katz. Not first time I did stand up. It was the first time I did stand up on television. And I was backstage. Where was it? What show?

Premium Blend. Comedy set. That was your first appearance. First appearance on television. Whoa. And we were at UCLA and it was 1,300 people. And the guy said, do you want cord or love? Or cord or? Cord or love, wow.

Cord, mic. Love, I have. Cord this mic or love. And Barry Katz goes, love. And I went, hold on, I've never done stand up with love. And he goes, it's the best, trust me. And I go, I don't, I've only held a mic. I don't know what if I know what to do with my hands.

And he goes, he'll figure it out. And I was like, I don't want to figure out on television. And so I took a mic and then I watched everyone with lobs and they looked so much more cool. Yeah, it was like, but it also looks like a presentation where I felt like stand up, I love a mic. I love when I, you did, you did a headset, right? On the last one.

Huh? When did you do that? You did a headset, right? On the last one? Huh? When did you do that? You did a headset one. Do you know what I do for a living? Shut up. I watch all your specials. You know that. No, but you're making me think my first tonight show was with a lot.

The same thing happened. And I was like, I don't have my hands. And sometimes people use the mic, you know, sometimes the mic is a part of a thing. And it's... I have, it's so funny. I'm talking about good teams. but sometimes the mic is a part of a thing. I have, it's so funny, I, talking about good teams, I did all my shows

and I had about half to have a chord because I have a joke that needs a chord. And, no, it's a tornado. It's a tornado. No, no, it's a dick. That's the perfect way to end this episode. How else am I gonna fuck this stool? It's a big dick.

It's got a drop to the ground. But it might also be like a wand that trains. Oh, I used it as the mic cord on one of my specials as a high water mark. Oh, no. I love when you see someone that does it in a way that you did nicks. He's Carrot Top, folks. When you don't. Never even to Carrot in his life.

I will tell you this right now. I will never walk away from anyone's good idea. If it works for you, I would mind- Can I tell you something? Caretop, I feel like we all own a apology too. I think caretops, fucking amazing. I saw them live one time. Dude.

And I was like, it's a great show. The man's an animal. He is a, he is a- He's a fucking animal. And he could fuck me up nine ways from Sunday. Things are on fire. I bet he could be a great- He's like an, we can do fucking inch of what he does.

No, he's a, why do we make fun of him so much? I think it's just, it's in wrote. I think we all respect norm norm. You just try to use a big word. wrote? Yeah, is that not right? It's like an area that I word. Yeah, I don't know it. It's wrote. So it's like, it's just a habit. Yeah, it's like, yeah, I think it's a habit. I think norm did it and then we all respect norm and we love norm. And it was so funny when Norm did it on. It was like cool to beat up on him. It was just like a big came like a punching bag. Yeah.

And then I think I bet he got pissed off. I'd be curious. I wrote on the Bob Saga roast he was on and the jokes were so brutal about like his face. And I watched it. I was like 25 and I was writing and I watched those jokes that was like. Jeff Ross was like your plastic surgeon half right there was like, well I give up, like I mean the jokes were... Wait, Jeff really wrote this, also Jeff Ross,

where's Jeff Ross's joke about his haircut? Yeah, it was, Jeff Ross, we purchased that joke. The jokes I wrote about, fuck it. It's so brutal. I don't think he, it's like when you do the roasting, you show up and you think they're gonna make fun of one thing and then they come for your actual insecurity.

That's why I won't do a roast. I think we should do, I think we should do a roast for only fans. On only fans. That's not bad. That's not bad either. Yeah. I'm not roasting, Rogan. No, but it's like, or you or Tom or me, it's the, it's the, it's-

We should do a roast on Tom to raise money for his medical bills. He's, I think he's fine. It was $106. That's what it cost. $106. Where does he, he's got good insurance. He's got Bavmo insurance.

He's, it was like a hundred bucks. It was deductible, I think. I came and gave me the bill and I was like, maybe I'll pay for the surgery and be like, just, you know, you're on the leg. Have more surgeries. Yeah, he's got it, they've reconstructed it on his leg

because right now it's bending the opposite way. They put it in backwards. That's not true. I know. Would be hilarious if he could kick himself in the dick though. Like, ah, gaga. All right, let's wrap this episode up. Whitney, thank you so much for doing this episode

with me, I appreciate it. Is there anything Sarah Silverman? I just, I like Sarah Silverman and I just love. Yeah. And she got it out. I was watching on an on an Instagram live with her and Liz Winstead that they didn't pick up her show on HBO, but she's got to do a special and she hasn't written a special yet.

And I was like, oh, fuck, I've never been in that. I've always only gotten a special when I had a special locked and loaded. Interesting. Have you ever had one? That's why we talked about. So there's someone who makes out, I was like, have you ever had a special where they were like, they gave you an offer and you're like, oh, let me write one real quick. And then she said, she actually-

They don't do that for women. She actually said. They didn't, they've never done that. No, everyone underestimates me always. Oh, yeah, right. I have to prove myself over and over and over and over again. I, even like for Netflix, I'm like, I'll do a special in March and they're like,

we need to see it. Like, okay. Yeah. Oh, they had to see mine. They, yeah, but that's, like, I never get the benefit of it out. I think, but Sarah said in this interview, she goes, I'm not really known for specials.

And I was like, actually, Jesus is magic. Jesus is magic was one of the best specials was one of the best specials I've ever seen. Yeah. And my head And I was like, actually, Jesus is magic. Jesus is magic was impeccable. Was one of the best specials I've ever seen. Yeah. And my head, I was like, I actually- TV show was fucking great.

The Sarah Silverman show. So unfortunate that blackface picture, because it, so many people just grab that and it's such a, it's such a really aggressive photo. Did you apologize, I don't remember. I'm sure she did. She's been someone that's really embraced what culture,

which also kinda kinda like opened her up to critics because they were like, once you embrace woke culture, then they pull out anything bad you did, and they were like, well now explain this. Yeah. And then you're like, well, it's not. And then now you're on trial. Yeah, and it's kinda, I feel like she got a raw deal

because I love Sarah. Yeah, she's just got the face of her. She's someone that doesn't know who I am. And by the way, Sarah Silverman, yes, she does. Sarah Silverman, nice to me when I was a fucking, when no one else was. And then a company you guys are successful. Anyway, the, no, Sarah Silverman, if I see her,

I have to reintroduce myself. I always, every time, she would die. I also assume everyone's high all the time. Brian Pousain would recognize me Brian Pousain Zach Alphanakis I ran into and he reintroduced himself Zach Alphanakis and he Perth Stevens Memorial was made me cry so fucking hard. Yeah

Yeah, so my point is I'm not shocked Reese with her spend doesn't know who I am. By the way, Reese, get to know your comics. Ah! Who's that? Reese Witherspoon. Is that a picture of you? Read it. It's that. Never heard of him.

I'm certain she never heard of him. Reese Witherspoon just wrote, never heard of him. You are going to end up blackballing me with all female comedians. No, this time I'm actually introducing you to the person that runs Hollywood. Can I, can I, can I, can you please give me your phone and I'll text Reese what I want you to say to her?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, let me see her. No, before you send it, I want to see what you're going to say. I don't like this manic energy. What's, what are you going to send? You're going to say, well, I'm sending you this screen grab to put for in for post. No, how about reply and go he is an hilarious comedian. I'm gonna say he is racist.

No, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Everyone, there's a great episode. By the way, it's a great episode. Overrated. I almost took that as a compliment. I was like, yeah, thank you. Oh, look, I love for I love. Yeah.

We're gonna call our I love's hair. You're gonna give them the gifts and I'm gonna give you the gift that I brought you. Perfect. Whitney, thank you for doing this. How did this go? Uh, it went touching go. Pfft.

I think people are gonna love this episode because I've never seen Bert like this. Jesus, Bert's finally fucking listening. But it's, I don't, like, I'm not that funny, you know? Episode's over. Thank you so much. Bird time, time and bird. One goes top and swap the other. Where's the shirt? Tom tells stories and birds the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep the clean.

Here's what we call, two bears one cake. No scripts to beat a booze amateur, Fatology, dirty jokes, Ranchie humor, no apologies. Here's what we call, two bears one cake. There's one who cares No scripts to be the booze amateur for topology Dirty jokes, ronti humor, no apologies Here's what we call